139. Remember the Painting Goblin is Not a Person

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox, and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, install the betas.

Hello. You all right there? Is it because you installed the beta? I'm sorry.

MerlinAh, you're a beta.

AlexI know. It's true. You're the beta. It's true.

MerlinJesus.

AlexI agree.

MerlinSo Max is going to come in a little bit?

AlexYes. I don't know. He's on a super secret call.

MerlinCan I get something off my chest?

AlexYes, please.

MerlinI'm really, really sorry to have to bring... I feel like you know me. I don't like to bring politics into the show.

AlexOf course not.

MerlinDateline. Sheborgen, Wisconsin.

AlexWhat's funny? Nothing. What's funny? I'm laughing at...

MerlinYou're laughing at the word Sheboygan? That's funny to you?

AlexI'm sorry. Because it's got a boy in it? I'm sorry. She-boygan? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Go on. I'm sorry.

Speaker BWas that ablest of me? She-boygan?

AlexI... Hmm. I don't know. Sheboygan. You should circle back.

Speaker BShepoopy. Shepoopy.

MerlinA 35-year-old Sheboygan man was sentenced Monday to three years of probation for clogging women's toilets in Deland Park and at his place of work. Patrick D. Beeman was originally charged with 12 misdemeanors of criminal damage to the property but 7 of the charges were dismissed in early June he's going to have 150 days in jail Jesus Christ restitution Jesus fuck not allowed to possess or consume alcohol

Speaker Bor control substances oh no can I finish

AlexI'm sorry

MerlinI'm sorry I'm sorry. I promised myself I could control this.

Speaker BAccording to a criminal complaint, officers found a toilet in the women's bathroom at Deland Community Center clogged with a plastic bottle.

MerlinWater was overflowing from the toilet. Officers had checked the restrooms the previous evening and the toilets were not damaged. They reviewed similar incidents beginning in April 2017 where toilets were clogged. City determined, it was like fucking nothing. The city determined each incident caused $200 in damage. That's it. That's it.

AlexOh. Huh.

MerlinOkay. They were able to identify him after speaking with the manager at a temp agent, Diddly D. Okay, here's the nut graph. According to the complaint, Beeman told police he gets urges to do odd things, like look for bottles in the garbage to plug toilets. Oh. Yeah, he stopped. He fucking stopped when he heard the police were invested. Are you as mad about this story as I am?

AlexI am mixed. I didn't have all the details.

Speaker BWhat the fuck ever happened to the discourse, Alex? I'm sorry. It's $200 per incident. Such a high price to pay for protecting one man's free speech. Why can't women just make toilet at home or a filling station?

AlexWhat happened to civility?

Speaker BWhat happened to the discourse in the civility? I'm just, I'm so fucking angry and I'm sorry. I just feel like this is just it's another fucking way that women and the people who pretend to like them for political reasons are ruining everything

Alexwait I'm not seeing where is this

Speaker BSheboygan here's the thing this has been such a journey

Merlinfor me because I used to hate it when people would deliberately clog a public toilet but you know what I've grown I realized that was privilege and I'm sorry I owe them an amends all he wants to do is clog a lady's toilet

Alexit's not too much to ask It's not. It's really, really not.

MerlinIt's really not. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't like to bring this onto the show, but the discourse, Alex, the discourse.

AlexHe didn't spit in anyone's face.

MerlinHe just wants to find bottles and put them in a toilet. I'll resend you the link. It's in the, you look at the doc. It's in the doc.

AlexOh, yeah. No, I'm looking at it now and I see that, man, what a website.

MerlinOh, yeah. It's a hell of a thing.

Alex$3 for three months.

MerlinThey've got that usatoday.com aesthetic going on Oh it is, there it is, it's part of the USA Today network I didn't realize that, Sheboygan Press

AlexPeriod

MerlinOh period, typical I'm sorry, how are you doing? I'm sorry, see now you're probably not as fired up about this Because you probably make toilet wherever you feel like When you need to make toilet, do you like go to your boyfriend's house? Like where do you go to make toilet?

AlexOh, anywhere, anywhere I mean, actually, it was an issue for some folks in the office that we do have basically soundproof, not even stalls.

Speaker BThey're just bathroom rooms. You can groan undisturbed. It's okay. Really let it go. This last little bit's a fighter.

AlexYou don't want any mud pies. You've got to take care of the mud pies.

Speaker BToo small a slice. boy it's got it's got a little bit of a clogger at the end there doesn't want to come out it's like some kind of a dumbbell isn't that sad and so you soundproof the bathrooms which i think is

Alexsmart i think it's more soundproof than the studio really you got unisexers there right yeah that well that's not what we call them um You say they?

Speaker BAre your bathrooms flipped? You have flipped bathrooms?

AlexOh, I mean, I have to say, though, we have been more aggressively taking them over with more like it started out with with just pads and tampons. you know, to make a statement.

Speaker BHave they introduced new technologies? You get your cup, that cup you want to pour on Eric Trump.

AlexNo, no, that is more of a personal object. But we do have individual mason jars with different, like the different scales of tampons, if you will. Like there's light, regular and heavy, as well as organic.

MerlinNo, no, no, I get you. You get like an If You Care brand tampon. Yes, yes. It doesn't do shit. If it's a coffee filter, it'd fall apart just saying, If You Care.

AlexI call them the Save the Whales tampons. Thank you. Thank you. Pull your messes from my blowhole. I don't know. I wish you shot the Trader Joe's. Oh, man.

MerlinShit dog. So who's, without naming names, what's the title of a person who refills the mason jars?

AlexOh.

MerlinWho notices and then re-levels the resources?

AlexThey are interns. I believe they're called hospitality interns.

Speaker BThat sounds like such a euphemism. We refer to them as the joy division. These are women who are very happy to be here and serve us. Trixie Ann, where's your kimono?

Intern. Intern, plug my blowhole.

AlexOh, boy. I'm sorry, I'm in a silly mood today It's the worst thought I've ever had The other day, you know, I opened our bespoke fridge That holds our LaCroix kombucha And what is it, Topo Chico? Topo Chico? The fancy, yeah, yeah

Speaker BTopo Chico? Topo Chico?

AlexYeah, yeah, yeah Topo de Bucco? But I noticed, at first I noticed The diet cokes, the cans had been replaced with bottles And I'm like, okay, this is probably a one-off thing. Like, Mariano's didn't have Diet Coke. And then yesterday, I noticed there was Diet Pepsi in there.

MerlinOh, no.

AlexAnd I thought about it.

MerlinIt's literally worse than a child sleeping on a table.

AlexI was like, all right, let's take a second and think about it. We're not going to say anything. Nope, nope, nope.

MerlinDid you just pause for a minute and go like, okay, am I ready to make this the big deal it should be?

AlexI'm not brave or bold enough.

MerlinThat sounds like a fuck you from an intern in a kimono.

AlexOh, I would not be surprised.

MerlinThat's such a fuck you.

AlexOh, I am the person who I come. Sometimes I'm here either very, very late or very, very early in the office. I'm kind of like a ghost. And that's usually when I go up to them like, I'm so sorry. What's I can't remember your name. And I can tell now it's at this point.

MerlinI'm going to call you Brad.

Speaker BMy name is Taffy Lee. I'm going to call you Brad.

AlexIntern. Intern. Intern. Intern. Like at this point, though, they've been here.

Speaker BThey have to spell it with a lowercase i because they signed a contract.

AlexOh, boy. I wonder what sort of, oh, man. I've actually prepared a, my intern actually helped me with this. I prepared a keynote presentation about all the different dongles that the people in the office might need.

Speaker BYou've been training for this your whole life. Holy shit. All the preparation, all the montage sequences of you strapping USB-C cables to your boot. It's all coming true.

AlexOh, boy.

Speaker BA keynote presentation about USB dongles?

AlexI mean, because... Holy shit. let's say there's folks in the office that are a little bit older or they just aren't familiar with

Merlinthe new usbc dongle lifestyle it's so confusing alex for us olds it genuinely is like is it a thunderbolt is it not it's sometimes a thunderbolt you can charge you can't even i'm still catching

Alexup on usb uh minis yeah the the and like yes cable thickness does indeed matter thickness matters

MerlinDo you have a graphic for that slide or is it just pure text?

AlexYeah, it's just two. There's that thin, a picture of that thin USB-C cable because it's not a Thunderbolt. Thunderbolt. The Thunderbolt cable that comes with the new iPad Pros. And then there's one that is indeed Thunderbolts that comes with the 80 watt or 85 watt MacBook Pro.

MerlinIt's for throughput for more power to get through it?

AlexYes, there's more power. And it's, yes, and it is Thunderbolt. But the USB-C and the, like, you know the little skinny boy in the iMac? Or not the iMac, the iPad Pros? Those are not, those are just USB-C. They are not Thunderbolt.

MerlinSee, this is, okay, but, okay, so, this is so boring. I'm sorry. Hopefully, Max will save us. Okay, so when I'm looking at a USB-C, I have some kind of Thunderbolt on this iMac from 2015. of some kind of thunderbolt but i don't it doesn't have quote-unquote usbc as far as i know even my dock that i got at the time for docking was uh i don't think it has a usbc but like in the like uh like not venn diagram but kind of like the venn diagram like what is so the little the little

metal part that i would call the port of a usbc you could like without breaking anything stick that into a thunderbolt?

AlexYes. Really? That's so confusing. Are we talking about the, we're talking about the little, like the skinny little circle, not circles. What are those called?

Speaker BWhat are they called? Oh, look at an ellipse. Not an ellipse, but a elliptoid. Ask an intern.

AlexIntern. Intern, intern. What is oval? Intern, is this technically a polygon? That's what, the little, little skinny ovals, Those are either USB-C or Thunderbolts 3.

MerlinIs that mutually exclusive?

AlexNo, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. See, that's what I was afraid of. No, they are not. They are not. Is one the daddy?

MerlinI mean, is USB-C like the more powerful one that's reversed?

AlexNo, Thunderbolt is the more powerful one. That's why with those shitty displays, you need Thunderbolt and not USB-C.

MerlinOkay.

AlexYeah. Okay.

MerlinNo, no, I'm actually...

AlexI can't believe this is actually my job. It's so sad.

Speaker BSomebody's got to be captain of the Thunder Boat. Vess, there's a whale. Oh, boy. Environmental tampon troubles. So anyway, you got unisexers is what I'm saying.

AlexUh-huh, uh-huh.

Speaker BAnd I feel like I remember you...

AlexOh, our saviors here. Oh, thank God. Oh, I don't need to talk about girth anymore.

MerlinWas it you or Jen or Trin? Somebody talking about a peeing on the seat problem? Wasn't that a problem? And there were signs? Oh. What was it that led to all the signs going up?

AlexThe signs? I don't remember. Oh, like the passive aggressive. Wasn't Trin?

MerlinWasn't Trin when she was there? Wasn't Trin on some kind of a journey or a mission that involved signage? Am I remembering that right?

AlexIt was basically the like, please, please put the seat down brigade. But then nobody realized that the cleaning folks were the ones keeping them up.

MaxJacuzzi.

AlexSo really, we were just being the dicks.

MaxHello, it's Max.

Speaker AHey, Max.

MaxIt's Jeff. Breakout star of the hit podcast, Dubai Friday, Max. Someone on Twitter was like, oh, last week was a good episode because Max talked the most and no one interrupted him. And I was like, I agree. Oh, finally. Thank you. I've always said that you can really grade these episodes based on how many words. It's like the debates, right? It's like if I... If I may comment on this. Yes, please.

Speaker AI'm sorry, I've got to jump in. I'm sorry, Merlin, I've got to jump in. Sorry, please. You've been invoked. You have 30 seconds. I like when Rachel Maddow points at someone and she's like, quickly, 20 seconds, go. Uh-huh.

MerlinMy time is up. Yeah, no shit. It's like I'm always saying, each of us is pregnant with a better version of ourselves.

Speaker AMr. Trump, I will meet you on that field

Speaker BPeacock feathers are created by peacocks eating thorns Every thorn you have eaten can become a peacock feather too

AlexMax, toilet seats

MaxThe thing with the toilet was I thought that the deal was that people were pissing all over the seats like animals and they were leaving the seats up and so for a while people would make these signs and they would say put the seats down exclamation point and they'd draw like an angry emoji and they'd put it over the toilet and I have always you know there's a great I've we've talked about this before but there's that great blog post by Marco about the tumblr office it's yeah with the paper towels it's old but it's one of those things that I read it online and it really lodged itself into my brain and I think

about it all the time and it's with the paper towels and they said do not throw your paper towels on the floor but the one thing they could have done to prevent it which is put a garbage can where people were throwing the towels they refused to do instead they just added more signs so I've really let this idea into my heart and I've sort of made a decree in the office that there will be no signs telling people what they can't do and maybe the signs were if you do a sign maybe you know we have other ones over the sink that says do your dishes don't leave the dishes in the sink and you know it's like

no one believes more as the person who has often done all of the dishes like before i go home at night no one believes more strongly than me that everyone should do their dishes like that's not the point but but having a sign that says do

Speaker Ayour dishes you gotta live now you gotta live with that till somebody takes it down it obviously

Maxdoesn't work that's now become that's now become part of the office yeah but also like maybe maybe best case scenario maybe it works for one day because people come to the sink and they like oh what's this and they read the sign and they go i really should do my dishes but then guess what on day two they don't even fucking notice it it's not it's it's never gonna work it's like it's like

Merlinthose um the dog shit signs i told you about near my house where it's like which i still think about all the time and i always wonder if they're gonna come back what was it it was like 62 poops all these piles in the last month and they laminated it and shit you know that's never gonna affect the people who don't read signs and follow rules they're just gonna think it's hilarious and everybody else is gonna be like why is a fucking sign yelling at me like it's it's it's comical but also could it be a branding exercise would you be happier if they did it i

Speaker Abet they did it in like the wrong font right so so i actually think that there is a good way to do

Maxthis which is i think i think most people i mean especially who like work at our office they're essentially good people and nobody wants to make anyone feel no one makes me wants to make anyone feel unwelcome or inconvenience them or ruin their day or anything of that sort so So I think I always assume that if people are breaking the rules, if they're leaving the seat up, they probably don't know what that means. Right. That they're not. It's not that they hate women and they're choosing to leave the seat up as a sign to disrespect women. It's that they probably don't know what it means to people when they leave the seat up.

So to me, a good sign is something that's like educational where it's like once you read it. Hold on. No, I'm serious. Okay. A good sign is something that when you read it, it teaches you why it matters. so um okay so basically the sign that we did put up above the toilets that i think was pretty effective at at cutting the uh toilet seat leaving up was we said hey you probably don't know this but when you leave the seat up it makes the women in the office feel really uncomfortable and unwelcome because they have to touch your dirty toilet seat that's covered in piss that's concise if it's not a size doesn't succeed like a dependent clause and so and no it's length

doesn't matter in a sign it's not a road sign it's not a road sign you're you're sitting there You're sitting there peeing. You're going to read it.

MerlinOh, you're facing that direction. That's a good point.

MaxAnd so if you want, and since I know you're not the kind of person who wants the women in our office to feel like they're not welcome, it's important that you put the seat down for those reasons. I think those signs are very effective. Similarly, Veronica and I went to the Chicago Botanic Gardens last weekend and we were walking around and there's a little spot that we like called the Council Circle and it's this little hidden area off in one of the gardens and you can go and sit under this big tree. and the tree there because it's kind of like around this little secret area where everyone goes to sit it's just covered in like

you know those like initials where people carve their initials into the tree oh and that's a similar problem to leaving the seat up right everyone wants to do it and they're like well how bad is it really this time and maybe the Botanic Gardens even had a sign there at one point that said do not carve your initials into the tree and everyone thought well I'm smarter than this sign everyone else already did it I'll just do it so we went there this weekend and there was a sign in front of the tree and it was handwritten in chalk and it says, there's no easy way to say this. Carving is killing this tree. Every cut into this sugar maple's very thin bark

slices directly into the cambium, the inner bark that carries water and nutrients up from the roots and down from the leaves. Letter by letter, the maple's vascular system is lost and the tree's life expectancy shortened. Oh my God. Oh no, my xylem. Please do not carve, cut, or put graffiti on trees. And I took a picture of that because I thought that's a hell of a sign. I bet no one's ever going to carve into that tree again. well the people who read signs won't

AlexI think the biggest mistake though when one is making a sign is to try to make it jokey because they're gonna like take a picture of the sign put it on Instagram and never think about it again

Speaker Bwe don't swim in your toilet

Alexplease don't pee in our pool yep yep yep yep

Maxyou know what else I don't like is those funny bathroom signs that people do where it's like a picture of like a half mermaid and a half bear and it's like we don't care what the fuck you are

Alexoh my god You don't like the chimera signs? It's a unicorn and a...

Speaker BI don't care if you're a half llama and one third squid.

Speaker AYou can shit wherever you want. The first thing is I object to like... It's just like... Gender, who understands this? I assume you're an octopus in your bathing suit area.

MaxTrans people are not...

Speaker BThey're not a kraken. Are you a kraken? You're welcome here.

MaxThey're not mythological creatures. Like it's not that fantastic. Chupacabra, welcome here. but also like you're kind of making too big of a deal out of it yes could everyone could we take

Speaker Ait down just fucking calm down you're at a nine and a half you're at a nine and a half i know you're right now you're up here and i need you down yeah you need to come down to like a three

Alexoh man

MerlinI used to, I mean, back when I used to go to offices for my nominal career at the time, I used to always be fascinated by ad hoc signage. And I participated in ad hoc signage. I've made a lot of ad hoc signage. I mean, I was somebody who had a copy of PageMaker. I did all kinds of shit. But it is always amazing to me. Think about that. What's that phrase? Desire paths, you know, where you can see where the people actually walk versus like where you thought the sidewalks would go. And it's so interesting, even in the best design places, even at a Pixar, you know, or an Apple, you'll still occasionally see this. I don't know if they last for very long, but you can see where the intent of the designers and architects runs up against the reality of people using it every day.

And they're not always mean. Sometimes they're just trying to be helpful. Like there will be like, oh, you know, I just put in a show notes, that excellent Vox video on bad doors. Do you remember that? Have you seen that one?

AlexOh, yeah.

MerlinIt's not just you. Bad doors are everywhere. How it's a very – I think Don Norman might even be in it. Yeah, but like it's a – I think it's a Don Norman – I think Don Norman's in it. But talking about what kind of handle is on it should be a cue for how to use it. But no, you get a door that's basically reversible, and then you put one sticker that says pull on one side, another sticker that says push on the other. You can put seven or eight more stickers that say pull, pull, pull, pull, pull, and people are still going to do the wrong thing because it's not intuitive. I think that's where ad hoc signage comes from a lot of the time is like, no, I just want to really help you.

Like the bathroom is down here. It's confusing.

Speaker AThe really good way to do the push-pull is to put the correct kind of handles on the door. That's what he's saying. Yeah, exactly.

MerlinYeah. But I mean, you know, it's, I don't know. That kind of stuff is so interesting to me. Do we know anybody who's been to the Apple spaceship?

AlexI have not, but I got confirmation that the, are you talking about the anecdote where someone ran into one of the glass walls because-

MerlinOh, I hadn't thought of that, but yes, tell me more about that.

AlexYes, there was an employee who, because the glass walls throughout the building are just so clean and so clear. They just ran into one of them. And then- Oh, I've heard it's like,

MaxI don't know if this is true or not, but the story that I've heard is that it's like endemic,

Speaker Athat it happens like all the time.

AlexYes, yes.

Speaker AEven after like a few weeks of it, people are still doing it?

AlexWell, it happened at least twice and then they just put post-it notes on there. And because the teams are kind of siloed- Oh my God, Johnny would hate that. Yes, well, he doesn't matter anymore. That was the story,

Maxwas that he was mad about the post-it notes and he wrote a memo, but he yelled at people, the post-it notes should be clear.

AlexSomeone invite us to the spaceship. That part wasn't, I want to go to the spaceship. Alex and I want to go to the spaceship. So bad. I know it's going to be really, I know that people say that it's going to be really boring and these are just offices, but that's a lie. You know that's a lie. We've seen pictures of a fucking, like, rock climbing wall that has water cascading down it. Like, I just want to see that. I don't know. Like, our desk truly, or our office truly is a bunch of white desks and some people are standing and some people are sitting. That's about it.

MerlinYou should hire more black desks. I saw a picture, Lin-Manuel Miranda took a picture of himself at Pixar, and I can verify that they do have cute character silhouettes. I think it actually says men or women's or whatever, but it also then will have like Woody will be there for the men's room, and he's with his Moana character. Well, he's not the Moana character. I think that's Chris Jackson, but still it's really not a good anecdote.

The unisexers are really the future.

AlexWait, I'm confused. Start from the beginning.

MerlinSorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, I saw a white Tesla. Also, my daughter made a painting goblin.

AlexI have a question about this new hobby you have.

MerlinOh, the painting thing? I was talking about the painting goblin in Sims. She made so much fucking bank off her painting goblin.

AlexOh, good for her.

MerlinAnyway, I just want to say thank you for that, Max. It delighted her. Unfortunately, as I said in our private text channel, she did eventually become attached to the painting goblin and she released him from his artistic dungeon.

MaxDid you try putting up some signs?

Speaker BRemember, you are introverted.

MaxDo not become attached to the painting goblin. He toils for your pleasure. Don't let people be addicted to paintings. Remember, the painting goblin is not a person. Don't let people be addicted to friendship.

Speaker AOnly work will set him free. Arbeit mocked painting. Well, it's more offensive to call him a goblin than it is for him for you to make the goblin.

MerlinWell, we don't say goblin anymore. We say introvert artist. No, I want him to be horrific. You can't make him super big. And I think they took out one of the qualities that was in that. So here we're talking about something from the after show last week where you were reading a very funny something Chan probably post about making a painting goblin.

MaxMaybe Quinn should do one of those edits where, do we do this on this show? Oh, like on Car Talk? This is previously on? Previously on Dubai. Oh, you know who I always liked was, we should get Adama.

Edward James. Edward James almost. I like when he goes, he sounds so upset to be doing it previously on Battlestar Galactica. He always sounded so cranky. Do you think we could get him to go previously on Dubai Friday?

AlexI mean, let's see if he's on Cameo. How's he doing? Oh, shit. Yeah.

MerlinI showed my daughter that Portlandia and I had to explain so fucking much about why it's funny.

Speaker BOkay. Are you getting that? Are you getting that? He's not Ronald Moore. That's Ronald Moore.

Speaker AAnd then that's the guy that was in Stand and Deliver. Wait. Hang on. This is the best idea

Maxthat we've ever had. We need to go on Cameo. I agree. And Geyer Adama. And Geyer Adama. Well, I don't know if he's there, but we need to get someone to do previously on Dubai Friday so that when we...

Speaker AI think Jerry from The Office is on there. Pretty sure. Oh my God.

MaxBrowse for talent.

MerlinEggs, bacon, and toast. Pretty sure. What's his name?

Speaker AGary Jerry Larry is played by. Oh, well, I mean, we can get fucking Gilbert Gottfried. We could do Andy Dick. Is it cameo? Was it just cameo?

AlexPerez Hilton. I do. Are these people like hurting for money? Who's Chumlee?

Speaker AIs that someone I should know who that is? Chumlee. Merlin, we can get Riff Raff. Riff Raff is available. From that musical thing?

AlexWhat? No. Yeah. Riff Raff? Who's Riff Raff?

Speaker BThe Red House Painter song? No, you're talking about the movie people like, right?

AlexNo, no, no. Not Rocky Horror? No. It is not that riffraff.

MaxOh, the Chocolate Rain guy. Kate Flannery from The Office. Meredith is on here. Oh, no shit. I love her. I believe she hangs out at the Magic Castle. I think I might have seen her. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say that, but I think I've seen her at the Magic Castle, and I played it cool. I didn't say hi. Michael Rappaport.

AlexLance Bass. Oh, hello. He's got a picture of his puppy.

MerlinI think we should pick a budget for this.

AlexA fun budget.

MerlinSo Meredith is $145 I don't know if we're allowed to say that

AlexI mean it is a public application I mean in order for it to be funny

MaxFor Dubai Friday I think we're going to have to dig

Speaker ACharlie Sheen Charlie Sheen is too rich for my blood They should definitely introduce themselves Oh my god Ruth Buzzi from Laughing Oh my god What if we get Gary Busey to do previously On Dubai Friday I wish Jonathan Groff was on here

MerlinIf Jonathan Groff was on here I'd give him all of my money just to talk to me

AlexOh, right? Doesn't he seem nice? Yes. He seems very, very kind.

MerlinOkay, I'm still browsing.

Speaker AGod, nobody... I mean, there's some good pro wrestlers on here. Oh, this one is very sad. You can have Dr. Drew.

AlexOh, man.

MaxThat one is very sad to me. Norm MacDonald. Well, that's fucking funny.

Speaker AYou can have animals talk to you. Some of these are really a bummer.

MerlinWell, that they're here and then it's so low.

Speaker AYeah. It's kind of a bummer. Yeah.

AlexIt's a very depressing app It's not

Speaker BOh no Chris Kattan from SNL is $70

AlexOh Vladimir Ferdinand

MaxIt probably costs more if we have him do that monkey Oh sure You love that Okay I've got it $150 John Lovitz Previously on Dubai Friday

MerlinYes I totally agree I need to get off the visuals

Speaker ABecause now I'm looking at Billy Baldwin Hi this is John Lovitz Previously on Dubai Friday John Lovitz, previously on Dubai Friday.

MaxActing. Oh, boy. Okay, I'm going to make an account and do this. Oh, my God. And then so that'll be open up the episode. He'll go, hi, I'm John Lovitz. And then when we get to the Goblin story. A weekly challenge podcast.

We've got to find room in the budget for that. Yes. Okay. Let's find the least expensive. Don't ever say that you're not getting your, if you're a Patreon backer, do not ever say that you're not getting your money out of this. We do this for you. do you understand that okay here's a soccer player that'll do it for seven dollars

Alexoh go go go go go

Speaker Acan i ask you why haven't you done a cameo i should i should i love jerry getting jerry to

Maxsay happy birthday would make me don't you think there's some people out there who are like oh you mean me do one yes yeah that's what i'm saying there's some people out there who would really

Speaker Alike Merlin to you know wish happy birthday to their friends and sing a little song to their

Merlinkids some some you're so not if you know who these people are you're so not allowed to say their names please but um we have some friends who are doing a visit together right now and one of the people said uh send me a picture of your hair I want to see what your hair looks like and I sent it to them and then I sent more pictures I made a top knot for them I made a shaka bra with my hand and And then they all sent me back photos of them doing the same thing.

AlexOh, no. It's fun.

MerlinI enjoy this. I like that. I could do that with people. Oh, Carson from the original Queer Eye. Oh, Chumlee. There's Chumlee. Chumlee from Pawn Star. $65. Chumlee. Okay. Anyway, this bit's dead.

Speaker ANow I'm engrossed in making an account on this thing.

AlexAnd now I'm just looking at what Survivor contestants are on here. What? Shut up.

MerlinShut up. Who's on here?

AlexSay it. Say who's on here. No, no, no. Okay. So I know that Nick from David and Goliath is here. Reem is on.

Speaker BDevins is on here.

AlexYep. Yep. Reem is on here. Oh, hello, Reem. Oh, look at Reem. Let me put in Survivor.

Speaker BOh, the Warthog.

AlexOh, boy.

Speaker BWarthog's on here. This is, I think this is. Bring me Parvati. Where's my Parvati? Oh, there's your boy. There's your boy, Davey. The one who was going to win? No, is that right?

AlexThat's not him, is it? No, that's not.

Speaker ANo, Davey did win, didn't he? No, who's the guy? I don't remember. David, the guy who can't swim.

AlexNo, didn't Davey win? That's Keith. I truly don't know who won because Devins was robbed.

MerlinThis is how the whole show started, Alex. Remember you used to tell us what we couldn't remember from reality shows and then you were part of the show?

AlexOh, memory. No, I can't. Now we need to bring someone else in to remind me. Gamers. Who won.

MerlinGamers.

AlexHow much is Rick Devins? I just want to...

MerlinCould we get like... Who's that horrible man? Milo Yagitorium? What's his name? Could we get... What's that? John Yiannopoulos? What's his name? Who's that horrible man? What's his name? Not Jordan Peterson.

AlexJohnny Fairplay?

MerlinNo, no, not from Survivor. Who's the horrible man?

AlexI don't... There are so many. I don't know.

MerlinMilo Yiannopoulos. Do you think... Would Milo Yiannopoulos do this? Do you think? No, he would... Because then we'd have to be giving him money. Fuck that. Okay, never mind.

AlexOh, I highly encourage you to pirate his book, though. Great read.

MaxOkay, so you're saying book a cameo video from John Lovitz, and now it says this video is for someone else or myself. Should I say someone else or should I say myself? No, it's to myself. Yes. And my instructions for John Lovitz are, and then the example is, hey, I'm having a tough week with classes and I could use some cheering up. Who would spend $150 to hear John Lovitz? Wait, they want him to riff?

AlexI guess.

MerlinI thought this would be like a Jumbotron where you say my words. I assumed. Shouldn't it be a Jumbotron?

AlexI mean, I guess we'll find out.

MerlinYeah.

AlexI'm good with, you know, putting everything on black.

MerlinSee, this is how they get you. I bet this is how they get you.

Speaker AI'm going to need a second take.

MaxLove it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to say, hey, John, could you do an intro for our pod? See, is that asking? Are we asking him to do a commercial? Am I betraying that it's a commercial service?

MerlinHe's like a cam girl. He's going to come back at you saying you got to beef the jizz a little harder and sweeten the offer. Send me some panties and iPods. Typical Lovitz.

AlexWhat if you say it's for someone else and it's for your favorite podcast?

MerlinWhy don't you just say I'm on a podcast called Dubai Friday. Could you read this sentence? Yeah. Let's just see what happens. These three words. I'm on a podcast. And tell him to do it as, you know, you could ask him to do it as the acting guy or Tommy Flanagan or whatever.

AlexOh, acting guy. Acting guy.

MerlinActing. Called Dubai Friday. Actually, could you ask him specifically not to do that that's the ticket guy?

Speaker ABecause I think that's a little played. Hey, John, I'm on a podcast called Dubai Friday.

MaxCould you say previously on Dubai Friday for us? Maybe as the critic.

AlexOh, interesting. Interesting. I didn't know what that was until I saw Simpsons.

Speaker BDo your bits or...

AlexThere was one time I just kind of went on a rabbit hole and watched a bunch of these because I was like, how sad would this be to...

MerlinAre they all public when they go up?

AlexA lot. Well, you put them up kind of as like a, I guess like a, what are they called? Profile casting shot? What are those? A lot of them are public.

Speaker BOh, here they are. No, here they actually are. Oh, my God. Oh, the soccer player's in his car.

AlexMm-hmm.

Speaker BOkay.

AlexMost of them are from a couch or from a car or, like, from a laundry room.

MerlinSo down to earth.

AlexIt makes me sad.

MaxOh, I can check don't make this video public on Cameo, which I'm going to do. Yeah. Okay. Okay. And I'm going to Apple Pay.

MerlinWow, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I love that guy.

Speaker AHe fought Bruce Lee in a movie. My request is booked. to John and says, John Lovitz has four days to complete it. Now the real game begins. Oh my God. You've solved my

Maxfinal puzzle. Maybe we should edit this out because it'll be a better surprise when it happens, but Mike did accept my ad, but in an interesting twist of fate, he accepted the ad and he said it was very clever, but he hasn't invoiced me yet.

Speaker AKeep it in. Keep it in.

Speaker BKeep it in. Keep that in.

Speaker AHe hasn't charged me yet. I'm getting real.

Speaker BHoly shit. Holy shit. You're the cock now. He double cocked you.

Speaker AI'm getting real worried that he's not going to send me a bill.

MaxYou're going to end up owing him so much money. Okay. Listen, I had a situation where my – Your ad was so good. I can't wait to hear it. My classes at Northwestern, I had a situation where my bank account got disconnected from my student thing and I missed a payment to Northwestern. and after a couple and I probably muted all the emails from them so I didn't hear about it and then after a while I got a letter in the mail saying you owe Northwestern $700

and if you don't give us the money we will have a collection agency

Speaker Adestroy your credit and come after you oh they're gonna flash the men in black thing and you'll forget

Maxall your philosophy

Speaker Athat actually is

Maxpretty scary and they sent me a threatening letter and so I paid them but now is it possible for me to have that down to Mike. Oh. If you don't pay me. I owe you $700.

MerlinOh, it's like a reverse collection agency. Does that exist? I don't know. It's a reverse collection agency. You hire some thugs to go in and make someone accept your money.

Speaker ARight.

AlexOh.

Speaker AYeah.

MerlinIt's like serving him, but with an envelope of cash.

MaxI think we could hire a fiber guy to do this. I think. You're saying hire a guy for $5. Yes. Give him $1,300 in cash. No, no, no. It's starting out so simple. No, no, no.

AlexAnd be like, give this to Mike Hurley for an ad. No, no, no. Give him like a check for the original amount of the helmet, and then you're good.

Speaker ABut do you see where my thinking is? No, no, no, but if he runs the ad, you're fucked again. You thought you were going to cuck him.

Speaker BI thought, yeah. Oh, no, this is getting so much worse. No, Mike is the alpha here. Oh, God. I've been busy. I didn't have time to send you an invoice. Also, I am Michael Caine.

Speaker AWhat did I have? I had some...

MaxWhat did I...

Speaker BI didn't have time to send you an invoice.

Speaker AAfter you've seen me run your ad, I'll allow you to die.

MaxAlex did you and Merlin already talk about your new podcast I really enjoyed it oh yeah talk about that

AlexAlex has a new podcast

Maxit's called Two Headed Girl

Alexyou can find it on Stitcher you can find it on wherever you listen to podcasts anywhere podcasts are found

Speaker Ait actually really helps people discover the show and I really enjoyed it we're kidding but it's good good work

MerlinI was saying to Max one of my takeaways is it's so interesting to me that you're certainly not as confused as I am but like this thing is still confusing for you too like I got I got from that right oh yeah yes I like when Maddie owned

Alexyou yeah we're just like oh yeah so hard you just curled up into a ball and you're like I'm sorry one one very upsetting thing is the number one piece of feedback we've gotten is wow you guys talk a lot and I'm like

Merlinyou guys do talk a lot. Yes

Alexyes what I don't know what how to respond other than

Merlinyes. My wife I talked about what color to paint our daughter's bedroom and I want to say 2009.

AlexI mean we talk about

Speaker Athe cat and what the cat's thinking about sometimes. Oh god the cat yes

Speaker BMerlin is your cat still alive?

MerlinI know a couple I know a celebrity couple celebrityish couple and And they are very, very fucking communicative. But they also have an annual summit where they go over all the things. And they have an off-site. And the kids aren't there. And there's no cats. There's no kids. There's no TV. They just talk about shit. Instead of just sending each other pictures of the cat sitting on things. Oh, I see. They talk.

AlexLike their own couples therapy type thing?

MerlinKind of. But I think they're both super into it. is like, here's the stuff I wanted to get done that I could have used more support from you on. That's like literally my nightmare.

AlexWell, no, every...

Speaker BIt's like a deliberate intervention you call on yourself.

AlexEvery six months...

Speaker BIn what other ways have I harmed you with my asshole issues?

AlexNo, no, no, no. But you don't ever... Like every six months, Matchy and I go to like a fancy dinner and we bring out our checklist of not like our grievances, but like, okay, what should we get done with the house? Like, what can we improve with the apartment? this next quarter? How should we divvy up grocery shopping? What could you possibly approve in the apartment?

Speaker AYou're not even allowed to hang a picture.

AlexThat's very true.

Speaker AAre you allowed to have walls?

AlexWe were like, okay.

Speaker ADo you guys own a bed yet? Do you guys own a bed yet? Yes, we own a bed. For fire reasons, I'd rather you didn't have walls. Do you still sleep in a nest? A nest of clothes and blankets. These doors are a firehouse.

AlexOh, man. Well, we do think, we do make a checklist and a calendar of like what things we can ask the landlord and when because we don't want to bombard. Oh no, you got to time that shit out for sure. Yeah, exactly. Like, all right, let's talk

Merlinabout the broken door in November. Start with the second most important thing because you don't want

Alexto queer the deal on all the other ones. Exactly, exactly. It can't be too trivial because then he gets to feel like a hero. Oh my God. Exactly. Yeah. First, because we're going to do the broken closet door first and then we are going to do the broken locks. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a broken closet before holy shit oh man did max i was expecting follow-up from the debates

Maxno nothing follow-up from the debate so we watched them at the office i had a pretty weird fun time um i don't know i for me i i don't think that anything changed in in my view based on debates i mean my all the things i thought i still think it's like saying well this person's the best at roller skating like it's not gonna fucking matter yeah i mean like you're good at roller skates i mean i think the one the in in the in sort of in terms of like political out you

know fallout or whatever i mean obviously biden took a big hit in polling and this is inevitable like the more biden has a bit of a hillary clinton problem in the more he talks yeah the more people

Merlinsee of him the less they like him and and uh it's always it's always been like that you just you just sit around and wait for his own goals on just saying something so stupid and then being really arrogant about like not admitting that it was a stupid thing i thought that exchange with camilla

Maxharris um was a was a really extraordinary i mean i watch a lot of debates and i have to say like that's gonna go down in those like clip reels as one of the all-time great moments in american

Merlinpolitical debate because you could tell he'd been trained to like sit it out and be a gentleman about it, but then he couldn't keep it in.

MaxI don't know. I have to say I was impressed by Kamala Harris. I thought she clearly came off as the leader of that debate in her sort of conduct.

I sort of thought that I would really not like her the more I saw her speak and stuff. It's quite the opposite. The more I see her speak, the more I do like her. But that being said, policy-wise on both nights, to me it was obvious that everybody, like, everybody was just,

Speaker Ait was the Bernie Sanders debate. We had two nights of the Bernie Sanders debate. Well, the Bernie Sanders over two years ago debate.

MerlinRight. I mean, it's kind of the Elizabeth Warren debate now, isn't it?

MaxNo, I don't think so. I think everyone is talking about, everyone is saying, well, I agree with Senator Sanders' plan, or I don't agree with Senator Sanders' plan. Everyone is, I mean, look at how much the party and the national discourse have changed as a result of this one old dude running for president.

MerlinNo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound... I was just reading that Harry Antin article yesterday about his polling and stuff on this.

MaxThat Harry Antin article, I read it.

MerlinIt had a weird mojo to it.

MaxYeah, it had a weird... I agree. Should that guy really be that confident about calling the polling? Can't we learn anything from history? But that aside, there was a new ABC poll out today that showed that Sanders gained huge ground after the debate that he's only a couple points behind Biden now.

MerlinI mean, it's like this is, I mean, I know he's not at 538 anymore. I think he's at the New York Times or CNN. No, he's at CNN. But like, you know, part of what I love about 538 shit, and, you know, I understand why people don't like what they do. But part of the reason I like what they do is I think they're smart about segmenting things and segmenting all the things, weighting all of the things. And it's like, I want to know what the people who don't vote think. Like, I'm not really interested in the wine mom perspective at this point. I am not interested in the person who dreams of becoming a minor kind of perspective.

I want to know about the people that are that are difficult to reach and didn't vote last time, didn't vote in 16 or 18, because that's that's going to be it's all going to. I think I don't know. Fuck all about politics. But my gut is that that's going to be the story is like, can the Democrats bring out the people who don't vote? Right.

MaxYeah, that's that. You're you're absolutely right. It's like there's also Joe Biden.

MerlinJoe Biden, he's going to slowly erode support until he melts into a gelatinous ball. Like, it's all going to be, it's going to be a lot of up and down. Like, you know, Kamala Harris, now that she's back in big, we're going to hear tons about the shit she pulled around here when she was a prosecutor. There's going to be a lot of that up and down, back and forth. But, you know, but like, isn't that, I mean, isn't that the thing? Max, it's like you always say, that I think is really smart. Like, stop trying to get David Brooks to vote for you. It's like, stop worrying. Don't spend time and money on that. Spend time and money on turnout for the people who are affected by the policies that can cause a huge difference, but for whatever reason, aren't registered or don't vote.

MaxThere was the Chapo this week. It came out just yesterday. It was I'm fucking I mean, it was such a good episode. Man, I'm so I'm so great. I know we talk. I know I say this. John Russell syrup, man. I'm so grateful for that show. John Russell syrup farmer. There are days when listening to Chapo Trap House is the only thing that makes me feel like I'm not going insane.

MerlinIsn't it? It's weird that their bleakness can bring me so much joy.

AlexIt just brings me like sanity.

MerlinIs this the one where Felix had the total meltdown? This is the one where Felix had the meltdown. Yes, yes. It was so fucking good.

MaxSo they were reading these two different op-eds. It was David Brooks and one of the other. Brett Stevens, right? And they both wrote the same op-ed, which is Democrats better move to the right to get my vote. And it's like, what's your vote? What are you? What? Like we already. First of all, like we just ran an election where we I'm just saying what Chapo said, but we just ran an election where we tried to get moderate Republicans to vote for us. Yeah. And guess what? It didn't fucking work. And Donald Trump is president. And the problem is, if we move to the right to get the three op ed columnists who write about this kind of shit, the vast majority of Americans who are non voters will literally

never get out of bed. They will not care because you're not offering them anything that will help their lives. Like the most like.

MerlinCentrism and moderate stuff is not going to be a huge catalyst for bringing out the votes that are going to make this a meaningful election.

Speaker AWe just have to remember, most Americans didn't vote for Trump.

MaxMost Americans didn't even vote for Hillary. Most Americans didn't vote because they weren't offered anything that was worth voting for.

Speaker AThey slept in. If you want to win the election— They need more good wallpapers.

MaxIf you want to win the election, figure out how to get those people excited. We don't need a single Republican We don't need to become a little bit pro-camp To get the Republicans to maybe consider voting for us That's not the way Anyway, what were we talking about? The debates?

AlexYeah, I'm glad I brought this out The final thing with the debate is

MaxI think, you know, just remember the lesson from history here Is like in this stage of primary In all stages of these primaries You get real flavor of the week syndrome And flavor of the week syndrome is It's a big field And there becomes this sort of media obsession and fans of people that changes, you know, month to month, week to week. I think we had a Mayor Pete season. Remember when everyone was talking about Mayor Pete? Listen, I blew the whistle on Mayor Pete very early and I said, this guy's going to be a big player in the election. You don't like him, Alex?

AlexOh, I mean, oh no, I do not like Mayor Pete. No, he's fine. He's boring as fuck.

MaxI'm glad to have him in the field. Woo, he's gay. I'm glad to have him in the field. Wow. But yeah, we had Mayor Pete. I'm going to clog your toilet. We had Mayor Pete season, and now I think we're definitely in Elizabeth Warren season.

AlexOh, are we not in Harris season?

MaxWell, I think post-debates where it's probably Kamala Harris season now.

AlexOkay.

MaxIt's probably Kamala Harris season. I think we might have even had a Joe Biden, sort of a Joe Biden moment around when he got in the race where I saw a lot of Joe Biden memes.

Speaker AWe had a Joe Biden generation, an almost generation of fucking Joe Biden.

MerlinMore than a generation, a generation and a half of Joe Biden. Pass the torch.

AlexI mean, Max, you know more about the leadership and the politics of the politics, but haven't we learned that electing or having a vice president as a candidate doesn't usually work out too well?

MaxWhat's up with that? I have to say, I think there's a lot of, this is sort of a real cable news necktie sort of type of prognostication where they're like, did you know the taller candidate always wins? and uh or like or they're like a sitting vice president or on all of his own party has never

Speaker Abeen elected or this or that at this point white men who don't like milkshakes have only been pulled at nine percent have a very small chance of winning i i don't i have to say like a spreadsheet

Maxi don't think any of that is it matters so much it's more of a nate silvery msn i think it's an interesting pattern i mean i keep it's like a thing that i'm i'm aware i know it is out there but it's like you know it is true that in the history of american politics the taller or no i'm sorry since televised since television the taller candidate has always won every election does that mean that wait yeah so since television the taller candidate has won every election i feel

like i knew that and i was and i was really and as a short american i was saying i'm really i'm really happy that hillary's gonna win hillary's gonna wipe the floor with trump because it will break this pattern that glass seal of of heightism in presidential politics oh i mean it's not gonna be breaking the glass ceiling it's more of like getting a stepladder so that you can get the step ladder to get the glass plate off of the high shelf

Speaker Amore like cleaning the glass

Maxdoes that mean so we know that it's true including the trump election the tall since television the taller candidates won every election does it follow from that that we should always nominate the tallest candidate right yes you know what i mean like like because there is a certain logic to that right of like well maybe we should be getting nba stars to run because they'll be taller than Trump and then we'll win. Max, would you click on the link that I just sent, please? Well, would I? Wow. Let's see if this iPad

is capable of clicking on a link.

AlexTurns out. Oh, my God. Oh, I love this.

MaxOh, yes.

Speaker AYeah, tell us what we're looking at, Merlin.

MerlinI love this. It's the first return that showed up for what I accidentally typed my search terms in. Correlation isn't causation. It showed in graphs. And it's just this idea. Well, everybody knows correlation is not causation. And even there's turns outs to that where it's like, yeah, but sometimes it does. But this is just a bunch of uncannily strange graphs about things that seem to correlate. Number of people who drown by falling into a pool correlates with films that Nicolas Cage appeared in.

MaxOh, my God. It's a staggeringly –

MerlinOh, my God. This one is very upsetting. This should be really – if you've got the singing painter, when they're done with that, bring this one out. Per capita cheese consumption correlates with number of people who died by becoming tangled in their bedsheets.

MaxWow.

MerlinLook at. Wow.

MaxThe age of Miss America. Stats don't lie. The age of Miss America correlates almost one to one with the number of murders by steam, hot vapors and hot objects.

There she is. Dead by curling iron. I really feel like this is a fucking like Thomas Friedman column generator.

AlexI love this so much. This is incredible.

MaxOh my God, this is so good. The letters in winning word of Scripps National Spelling Bee correlates with the number of people killed by venomous spiders.

Speaker BOh my God.

MaxAnyway, I just, it's all by way of saying like, I don't, I know the whole curse of the vice president thing and if listen if biden was the best candidate with the best policies i don't think the curse of the vice president thing would apply to him but i think there's some why does but then i think you could ask well what's the underlying reason of why why do you have that curse and it's like well maybe that the previous incumbent vice president is an inherently defensive position where they can never you know they always have to defend the past and stand up for every mistake that was made in the past and they can never come out and wipe the slate clean and say you know what

I was wrong. Bussing was wrong.

MerlinBut history can be important because if there's anything we should learn from the last three years, it's that nothing unprecedented happens.

MaxAnyway, I say

Merlinmake a painting goblin. Don't blame me. I voted for

MaxDerbis. This is my personal feeling after watching the debates. For me, it's got to be Sanders. It's got to be Sanders. You're just sucking up the chap, Poe. I'm sorry. I think it's the way forward.

MerlinIt's your second choice, Marianne.

Speaker AWhy did they love her so much? Let's talk in the after show about this. So for reasons, let's talk in the after show about this.

AlexHey, how did you meet Carrie Elwes?

Speaker AWhat's going on with that, Alex?

AlexWait, what?

Speaker AWait, I thought that was Merlin.

AlexWhat?

Speaker AWhat?

AlexHold on, what's happening?

Speaker ASorry. Did I see a photo of you with Carrie Elwes? Is that something that was sent? Did he say as you wish?

AlexYeah, no, no. But he did talk much more than expected. And he smelled good? Actually are, oh, he smelled so good. Not as good as Matt Smith, but like real close. Yeah, I'm actually- He looks nice. He was a little too nice. Like I actually- Is he handsy?

No, he's got like the Johnny Depp thing going on where like there were many people taking selfies with him and like he was like above the waist, above the waist, above the boob, let's do the shoulder.

Speaker Bum but his so he was it's a very odd coloration on the anecdote he didn't want to touch boobs

Speaker Aor no i'm saying i johnny depp was there and he touched a boob you were saying all right so i like so i like burning merlin likes carrie always alex who are you excited about from the debate

Alexyeah he's excited about for the debates i mean it was really fun to rachel i bet you like rachel She has great hair. She has fantastic hair. No, she's incredibly attractive.

MerlinThis is just coming in right now.

Speaker BI had to throw out the entire script tonight. I had to throw out the entire script. It's one of those nights.

AlexOh, boy. Who do you like from the debates?

Speaker BAnswer the question or I'll clog your toilet

AlexOh my god We're going to give you 30 seconds more to answer the question

Speaker APlease address the question 30 seconds go

AlexOh I've always been

Speaker AJust a reminder you have 25 seconds left

AlexHarris was really fun to watch Still like if I could choose It would be Warren but I think Bernie Sanders is the only thing That'll get people out of Out of bed

Maxout of hell world. Let me say, I have a couple, I want to give a couple of quick thank yous. I twice in the last couple weeks have had some sort of technical problem that was right in Merlin's wheelhouse.

MerlinI had such a nice time with you and our visit the other day. It helped me so much. Did it really? Oh, I had no idea you could do that shit.

MaxOh, good.

MerlinYou can say what it is, right?

MaxYeah, yeah. So I had two, well, I'm going to give the first one, which is, so I had two sort of small like little technical things and I thought if I didn't know Merlin and I wasn't his friend, I was just a listener of Merlin's podcasts, I'd be sitting there at home with this problem going, boy, I wish I knew Merlin because he's probably the only living person who's thought, who's so obsessive about this exact specific topic that he has the right answer. So the first one was I wanted to get a dehumidifier for my basement.

And I thought Merlin's the humidity guy.

MerlinI have one man for this job.

MaxAnd I thought, who would know? And I thought, how do I get a dehumidifier? And is it even the thing that I want? and I texted Merlin and within 10 seconds he sent me the exact product I should buy and told me how to plumb it in and the whole thing. So thank you for that.

MerlinYeah, and it's got the hose attachment which is nice.

MaxI have to say it's sitting in my Amazon cart. I haven't pulled the trigger on it. It's a little costly and I'm thinking about it and maybe I'll get it this week. And then on the other thing I had, well I don't know how much detail you want to get into but I had a little file. I was trying to organize my magic videos and get them complex and I wasn't sure what the right sort of Yeah, we figured out how to make a smart playlist. Yeah, it's very cool. And I set up a hazel rule for myself. It was very productive. I really solved the shit out of it.

MerlinI talked about it. I mentioned on Back to Work, what a fun time that was. Well, you're very, very welcome. You know, the whole world of the consumer humidity and air market.

MaxFile system hierarchies.

MerlinAnd file systems. It's all very complicated.

MaxYou know, Merlin, I wish you could just be remembered for this one thing, which is just thinking about file systems and humidity.

Speaker AI feel like I really do ask.

MerlinI ask for so little, you know. It's really depressing.

AlexOh, boy. Dig dug. Should we do the challenge? Let's do the challenge. Challenge. Challenge.

MaxOh, and thank you also. I also had a problem. So I was dealing with my magic DVDs all weekend. And I was ripping a lot of DVDs. And thank you also to Casey Liss, who I asked. I knew Casey has this crazy workflow of.

MerlinYeah, he does a Synology thing.

MaxWell, I don't want to say copying. I don't want to say Casey takes his Blu-rays and then puts them. He archives them. On his computer so he can watch them on Plex because that, I'm not sure if that's legal. But he doesn't do that, but he knows a lot about it. And so I asked Casey, he's like, is this the right thing? Am I doing the right thing? And he sent me, he vomited out such. He sent me 50,000 words on DVD best practices for DVD codecs and stuff. And I am implementing a system, but also I was like, Casey, you have to publish this. You know so much about this, and it's so good, the system you figured out.

So hopefully, I hope Casey – I think he said he's going to try and do a blog post or something about this and put it up. But if anyone has that problem, definitely consider the list method once it's posted because it's fucking cool.

MerlinYeah, that's one of those things where it does really help to have a Sherpa or a rabbi or whatever because there's so many ways where you don't want to go. I mean, I've noticed stuff where archive media that I have on my Plex, one thing will play fine in the LG Plex app that doesn't want to play hardly at all on the Apple TV app. It could be a beta thing. But in any case, you do really want somebody to – and in my case, I learned a lot too.

MaxSo, yes. Did you know that MKV is named after Russian nesting dolls?

AlexI know it's called Matryoshka Matryoshka format is the full name right That is really cool

MerlinSo cool

AlexOh man That's so I don't know why I'm so excited about that But I am I just never thought about what

MaxYou know Casey he's on this podcast about Apple

AlexOh well he didn't install the beta So really who's the cuck now Challenge

Speaker AChallenge. Boom.

AlexMerlin, it was your challenge this week? My challenge this week?

MerlinOh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, we don't have to talk about it. But what? Yeah, I think it was my challenge. And it was to get a – listen, I have to admonish everybody not to do this. Because we had to do this because it was for our work. Yeah, I had to do it. You had to do it. But was to put an iOS 13 beta onto one of your devices that you wouldn't mind having it on. And then to, I had, I mean, for me, the genesis of this was, well, of course, I've done that because I'm an idiot. But also, in talking to Alex and texting with Alex, I have had so many questions about stuff.

And I saw this as a time to learn from Alex's wisdoms.

AlexBut did everybody, was everybody able to do the challenge? So wise. So wise.

MaxI am using the iOS public beta on my main production number one Apple iPad. Dang.

AlexOh, yeah. Oh, boy.

MaxThat's exciting.

AlexIt's right here. Max has a big iPad now. I fucking got it.

MaxOh, look at that. I dropped my iPad in the street and I smashed it and I didn't get AppleCare. Oh, dear. Because when I bought it, they were like, do you want AppleCare? And I was like, no. What do I look like an idiot who's going to smash my iPad? And I was at the marijuana signing bill, and I was trying to look cool in front of some politician, and my bag just spilled open. Oh, no. iPad comes crashing down into the pavement, smashes. So I replaced it, and I got a big screen iPad.

AlexHow do you like the big boy?

MaxYou know, every so often I'm like, maybe I should try the big iPad. And then I'm like, I don't love it. The normal iPad is the correct size. Totally agree. Totally agree.

AlexNormative iPad.

MaxBut every so often I get it and I'm like, maybe this is the thing.

MerlinWell, yeah, and also not to jump too far ahead, but, you know, I mean, the thing is if you want a big iPad, the older, bigger, bigger, bigger iPad is actually kind of better. Like if you really want to use a keyboard that's part of the cover, that one is better. I mean, I got the bridge for the big one, the now current big iPad Pro, and I hate it. It's no fun to type on. Whereas, now not to jump ahead, but iOS 13 makes the small, what is it, Alex? What size are we talking about? I don't want to say the wrong thing.

Alex11 inch.

MerlinNo, what's the little boy called? It's 9 point something?

AlexNo, no. Are we talking about the regular iPad? That's 9.7. Yeah.

MerlinIt feels like you get, I mean, the compression of how the real estate is used is so much better now. It feels bigger than it used to, even though it's the same size in your hand. You know what I mean? like having all the icons tighter together and um at least in my experience it feels real good to

Alexuse on that size huh am i making sense you know i'm saying you get more icons and stuff and yeah

Merlinand it's easier to move stuff around with your fingers i think this is what size are you using

Alexit on 11 okay the big that's not the big one uh it's also my main and also only ipad i know it's the smallest iPad Pro. Okay. Yeah. Because, you know, I went there and used my main, main device. I actually am surprised. You put it on a baby?

Speaker BI have it on all the things.

AlexOkay. Yeah. All right.

Speaker BAs mentioned by friend of the show, John Stavacusa. Yes.

AlexYou've been called out, I think, on multiple shows for having... I have it on everything, too. I have the dev beta on my iPad because...

Speaker ANobody else, our listeners aren't allowed to do this, but it's fine. I don't think they need it for their work. No, no, no. It's just for fun.

MaxCan I tell you my main reason? I did do it only for the challenge, but I've stopped doing the betas, and the reason is, this is my personal reason. Apple releases new hardware every year-ish, and I usually get at least a new phone when it comes out. And to me, what I've realized over the years is a big part of getting the new phone is the new iOS. You want it to feel fun and fresh Yeah, exactly The hardware in the phone doesn't really change that much year over year But to me, what's cool is getting the phone gets faster And it can run the new iOS really quick Yeah, it's fun and funky

It's a fun and funky beat And I want it to feel fun and fresh And if you put the iOS beta And you get this big slow clunky beta on your old thing And then you get the new thing

MerlinAnd then by the time I see what you're saying though Because then by the time it does come out You're like, well, I don't even remember what's different about this

MaxYeah, you're like, this isn't so great What do I have a new phone now? And it does all the same things as my old phone Like it's like saving a little gift. You know, it's like unwrapping. Listen, I'm a grown ass adult, right? And people give me gift Christmas presents and I can open them anytime I want. But I save them for Christmas. Yeah.

Speaker AI feel you. Why? Because it's more fun to do it on Christmas morning. More fun. I agree. I agree.

MerlinWhy did I do this? Oh, my God. My story is so contorted. But like it's as I – oh, God. Here we go. Silly season. This will be on the next Reconcilable Differences, which comes out next week. And we did talk about betas and running them. But I accidentally went down a path where I'd ask for Alex's help about what I need to put this on. I was just going to put it on my very, very old junky iPad Pro that's old, old, old. And not the cool new one.

But no, that's how I ended up getting Catalina on my computer, which I do regret. Then I thought, oh, so when I was waking up this morning, I was thinking about this challenge. And I realized, like, I am so bad at this. I'm so bad at this because I do the most rash things with something like a beta. I have it in me to do rash things like this. But then I become incredibly timid. So, like, for example, I haven't converted all my notes and reminders over because I'm like, oh, it won't work with my family and all that stuff. So I don't even get all the fun out of the risk that I took.

Are you all in on stuff like reminders and notes and all that? Wait, what?

MaxThere's new reminders?

AlexYeah.

MaxWelcome to Reminders, all new. So a completely rebuilt app that makes it easier to create creation. What does it do now?

AlexYou can have, like, nested subtasks, and it looks more like a— Oh, they made things. Yeah. They made, like, baby OmniFocus, I guess. I'm kind of disappointed by it. No, I know, Merlin. I know, I know.

MerlinNo, no, no, no. I'm just—I'm listening. You're disappointed by the updates to Reminders?

AlexYeah. I thought it would have a little bit more depth, but there's too much poking to get into what you want in terms of subtasks, and you don't really have an inbox. I want an inbox. I'm an inbox person, because then I put it all in the right spaces, and yeah, it's fine, I guess. We'll have to see when everything is not. I'm waiting until the public beta 3 to put it on Matchy's phone, because right now it's totally broken. What's the deal with notes?

Uh, notes, you can have nested folder. You can create them on iOS as well. Like before you couldn't do it on iOS. Um, because reasons, I guess. I don't know. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and I, I don't know. Not a huge fan of notes, but that's, I don't dislike it.

MaxI'm ride or die for bear.

AlexYeah. I'm living that bear lifestyle.

MerlinSo the thing with some of these things is, I don't know. I mean, this is not particularly exactly germane to the challenge, but it is a funny balance to say like, OK, I need this level of power and I need this level of simplicity. On the other hand, I need to balance that in a way that's sensible to me. Like I will give up this amount of utter simplicity to get this kind of power and vice versa in some cases. And so like I'm not trying to be that guy, but like that's why for me, I still love Task Paper. I wish Task Paper was better supported on iOS. um like the i get weird syncing problems with dropbox these days where it's for some reason

stuff is maybe it's because of catalina it's not always i'm getting duplicates and stuff like i hadn't normally but like in my case like you know reminders is good for reminders it's good to remind me to take something out of the cv at a certain time that's really good for that as far as task management yikes uh for me personally like that's going to be task paper or that's going to be like an index card or a notebook. It's just, it's like, it's not smart enough to,

it's not smart enough and powerful enough to be that fiddly.

AlexYeah.

MerlinBut it works with Siri, which is nice.

AlexIt does. And that's the thing. Until, like, there's no beta for the HomePod, which bums me out, because how can you, like, break a HomePod, you know? And that, maybe when that is a thing, I'll use it more. I don't know. it's great for our shared shopping list, which is now broken.

MerlinAnd that's part of this is that one thing that's so funny, what we used to ding Windows about is now one of the things we find most valuable about with Apple stuff is the integration. It used to be so creepy to us Mac users that Microsoft and Windows in particular had so many conduits into all these different places, and it seemed so creepy that they weren't sort of firewalled off. And now today, that's really one of the primary values of using Apple stuff in some ways. Like iCloud has come so far.

And I mean, like, if you are doing this iOS 13 beta, you're going to see so many different things that are like, okay, this family thing has been enhanced. The sharing thing is easier now. DLD, all those kinds of things, which I think is really smart. They want to see their growth in services or they realize that's the best opportunity for growth is in services. And so it makes sense to have the hardware and the software, like, make that better and easier. And if you're not fully committed, if you're being timid about the stuff that would, in my case, screw that up with sharing with family, you're not seeing the benefit until it's really done.

AlexI'm curious. You seem very bothered by people telling, like publicly saying, don't install the betas. And why does it seem like there is a bee in your bonnet, as you'd say.

MerlinI think it's actually extremely good advice. and again, I'm always ruining my other podcast, but there was a very, very, I don't think I said this here. I'm pretty sure it was with Syracuse, but there's a very funny tweet that is emblematic of why almost everybody should not be running betas, which was a guy who was like,

Speaker Banybody else getting a 404 trying to install the profile? Come on, Apple.

MerlinWhat a terrible rollout, bleep bloop. And it's like, if you just really, really sit with that for a minute, really fucking sit with that for a minute if he had done what I had done you would go to Twitter

Speaker Awhere's my treat?

Merlinhow'd you fuck up the thing that's not out yet? but you go to Twitter and you do a search and I really do see at least two sides to this for sure you go to Twitter, do a search and say iOS beta profile 404 and you'd see, that's how I found his tweet because everybody's complaining about it

Speaker Bso he has the incuriosity to sit and stew about the quality of Apple software as he's mad that he can't install the beta. It's like, guess what, dude? Like, you're a pretty good candidate for maybe this is not right for you.

MerlinNow, on the other hand, you get somebody like Alex, I'm not even sure I know how to follow radar, but you're out there giving direct feedback, which is why they put this out there. I'm having fun with our dear friends, whom I love very much, because I don't even want to say, because I don't want to sound like a dick, but it is, everybody has their reasons for saying that. And I'll say that. Honestly, I can say for sure, like, legit, like, yeah, if you're going to be traveling, if you're going to be doing stuff, there's never a good time for your shit to stop working. If you are thinking about running a beta, I would say consider doing, first of all,

do the public beta, which is still no guarantee, but do the public beta on a device that you could afford to go terribly wrong. And even with all that said, Syracuse would advise you not to because what if it screws up your iCloud data and you don't even know it for weeks? So anyway, I'm having fun with our friends because it's sometimes funny that when you get to say it's for my work, it has this two-sided thing to it. When you say, oh boy, don't anybody else run this? I'm a developer or I'm a person who writes and does media. And there is something kind of funny about being a person, especially amongst our media friends, whose job they've

given themselves is to do reviews of betas that they're going to talk about and then tell people they shouldn't do the beta because it's not for their work. And it's just kind of funny to me. It's good advice. It is good advice. And you're like, oh, but it also, it just adds that element of danger of like, oh, I can handle this, but you can't. I have to handle this because I have the tough job of writing about betas. I just think it's kind of funny and a little bit privileged to do that. To say you're not allowed to get in on this fun because you're not ready for it. And you're not playing at the level that I'm playing at where you

can handle this kind of risk. It's how it feels sometimes. It feels like a brag. It feels like a brag.

MaxI like when you make the iPad go the long way and then your widgets come. That's my favorite new iPad thing. It's cool. It's very cool. Quite a while. But I don't like that it goes away on this mode. Let me have it on this mode. I'm a grown

Alexass adult. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a grown

Maxass man. Let me have my widgets on the long line. Bad job

AlexApple. I can see. I'm a

Speaker Bgrown man. I know that

Alexthey're going to say

Speaker AI know how to clog a toilet

Speaker Band I know how to deal with widgets.

MaxI know that they're sitting in their glass circle and they go well if we let the user put the widgets on when the iPad is the long way, it'll make their icons too skinny. And you know what? I'm a grown-ass adult. Let me have skinny icons. I know it's going to make the icons skinny. I know that that will happen. It's okay. But now the icons

Alexstay where they should be, and I love it so much. He's a grown-ass man, Alex. I know, I know.

MaxThat is a better solution than the icon. I'm so happy. It was always a little bit of bamboo under the fingernails that I could never learn where the fucking icons were on the iPad because you had to learn it two different ways. and yeah, it was a little disorienting. But yeah, man, I'm a grown adult.

I know that it will make the icons go into a little column.

Speaker BI know when I want something

Speaker Ato be somewhere and not move. I'm a grown man. Let me have this.

MaxLet me ruin my own iPad. That's all I'm asking. Maybe don't have it on by default. That's what I'm saying.

AlexOh, boy.

MaxWhich, by the way, the other thing is an on by default.

AlexA lot of things aren't on by default.

MaxWhat else can you do with this other than put the widgets on? Also, these widgets are straight up broken. Are we talking just about widgets or about other things? The widgets are broken. When you go in the long way and the widgets load, they just load incorrectly.

MerlinWe're still on widgets. Okay. Anyway, Max is a grown man is the point of this podcast.

MaxHey, let me ask you this. What widgets do you have on your iPad or your iPhone that you enjoy? I'll say it. Can I do a few? Yes, yes. Fantastic Kyle is the king of calendar widgets. Very good. And you have to do the full calendar view. I really enjoy the deliveries app. This is straight out of the Merlin Mann playbook, but I have some Gmail filters that send all my nonsense to deliveries. It all gets automatically ingested by June Cloud. June Cloud. By June Cloud, and then it puts it in deliveries, and I can see where my Amazon, my kitty litter is.

I have the Nest brand thermostat at the office and at my house, and I use an app called Thermo Watch. Thermo Watch gives you Nest controls on your watch, but it also gives you a really cool, look at this widget, Alex. These are all, this is all the thermostats in the office and I can change the temperature right for my iPad if I want.

MerlinOh, you can do a Mr. Robot.

Speaker AYou can heat everybody out of there.

MaxAbsolutely. And I have, I use Carrot Weather. I think they have a good weather widget. What are the widgets? Oh, there's a Just Press Record. I don't have this on my iPad, but on my iPhone I use that almost every day. What other widgets are you guys using?

AlexOn my phone, I have shortcuts, water, what's it called? Water Minder, Zero, which is like- What's Zero? It's this keto thing.

And then, what else? Oh, Fantastical, Clock, which, or I'm sorry, not Clock, Calzones, which is by underscore David Smith that tells me if my friends are awake in different countries. and then uh talking to in other countries the mike you i mean okay a lot of people in other countries no no you did like the friends who are traveling abroad like if you're scheduling a guest

Merlinfor a show like you and you you poor bastards are in such a weird time zone like i feel like no no no we're in the correct one no no no no i'm about to be sympathetic i'm about to be sympathetic

MaxNo, Central Time is the main zone. It's the central. It has central right in the name. It's the main one. You're fucking too early. No, wait. Yes, you're too early. New York is too late. Way too early. We're the fucking Goldilocks, okay? All the TV is on. Guess what? It's on exactly the right time for us.

AlexYep, yep, it is. Okay, so. I couldn't stay awake for Game of Thrones. And I also use, right now it's broken, but I'm on the dev, or I'm sorry, I'm on the public beta on my phone, And normally I have Timery live there, which is a time tracking app.

All right. But with my iPad, what do I have? Most of them are broken. Merlin, you got any good widgets? Pretty much the same on my iPad. Oh, Drafts too. Yeah, there we go.

MerlinYeah. Drafts has neat stuff for that. I mean, I don't think about it as much as I should. I have, I think I've got. You're not living the widget lifestyle? I mean, I might eventually. it's kind of cumbersome to spend a lot of time because I think it's kind of cumbersome to go through the process of deciding what should be here um and there's stuff I really wish were there that can't isn't there or currently isn't there that drives me nuts but um I've got uh I got some weather got weather underground I got deliveries uh I got a calendar there what I wish was there

was ring I wish um I wish it was easier to because like you currently anyway doesn't matter that's what i wish was there well then you could see who was at your door eight or nine minutes ago you can't do ring with you can't do ring with amazon routines yet and it's frustrating oh you're still

Alexdoing that i know i'm teens rule what are you talking about i no i don't know i set master to relax the message relax i i morning lights we're we're pretty much a home kid household oh god

MerlinYou're going to look down on my Alexa with that nonsense?

AlexYeah.

MaxWe're all fucking home kitted out. Our whole house. Everything works on home kit. I can't have home kit fucking turn the lights on and water the plants.

MerlinThere's so much it'll theoretically eventually be able to do.

MaxNo. I make that thing fucking sing and dance. And it works great. And it hears me from clear across the house. And it works every time. Oh, no. That part's fine.

MerlinNo, no, no. It's like a, I don't know. It's like having a golden retriever with excellent hearing. I will say I was... It's like it'll hear everything and do practically nothing.

MaxI will say I was practicing a... I was in my basement and I was practicing a card trick the other day where I needed to produce a card. I have about... In the trick, I have about two to three seconds to produce any named card for the trick to work and I have to kind of do it while I'm like talking and it's very... You just have to...

MerlinYou got to like split your attention.

MaxYeah, it's like a 10,000 times thing to kind of make it real smooth and make it work and so I was trying to figure out how do I practice this without having a person there who names a card. And all of a sudden I got a little idea and I was like, hey Siri, name a card. And Siri was like, I don't see any artist called card. Shut up. Hey Siri, stop. Siri, stop.

MerlinWait, is that real?

MaxHey Siri, stop. Yes, it's okay. And then I went, so then it was like, oh, I'm sorry. I don't see an artist called card in Apple Music or whatever. And I was like, fine, it's not going to do it. But then I was like, Alexa, name a card. and Alexa just fucking did it. Alexa can roll dice. Alexa, stop!

AlexHold on, hold on.

MaxAlexa, name a card.

AlexIt can't hear you.

Speaker AOh, it can't hear you. Merlin, have it go. No.

MerlinCome on, come on. I will definitely get more excited about widgets and spend more time with it. There is a lot of stuff going on here. As with TVOS, it's going to be interesting to see what... Merlin, can you just make...

MaxCan you just make Alexa do a card?

Speaker BFuck.

MerlinOkay, hang on. This is great. This is really good.

AlexGreat audio. Great audio.

MerlinTurning up, turning up. Alexa, name a card.

AlexShush, shush, shush. Your card is the queen of spades.

Speaker BThank you.

MaxMerlin.

Speaker AMerlin. What? Look under your mouse pad.

MerlinOh, my God. Oh, my God. I didn't even realize I had a mouse pad. What's going to be interesting, I noticed this with TVOS. where right now you can do picture-in-picture inside of the TV app, but it's not in other places. And I don't know the answer to the question, who will choose? I can see a lot of places not wanting to adopt that. God, there's so many reasons to not want to make that terrible TV app better for people or make TV OS better for people. I could see Netflix saying, well, fuck you. No way are we going to do that.

We do not want you watching our video in a little postage stamp while you watch something else. And I think that extends to all, so much of this, the power of what could be coming forward. There's a lot of stuff that's just really, really just improved, really good, well-crafted stuff. And then there is stuff about, like, who will adopt this in what way. There's so many things in the ecosystem. I'm sorry, I'm not putting this well. Is this making any sense? Like, a lot of stuff in iOS 13, like so much stuff in the Apple universe, is an excellent idea that not everybody will implement in the same way. Right? All the Apple stuff you can count on doing that way.

But, like, if you want to continue to use any kind of other stuff If it's not an Apple thing, how will that work? And I had a recent example of this that's failing me at this point. But anyways, I like it. Using the mouse is a nutty thing. It's crazy.

AlexI love it.

MerlinI love using a mouse.

Speaker AThat's wild.

AlexI love it.

Speaker AWait, you use a mouse? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What else does this thing? What else should I do? Shortcuts.

MaxShortcuts.

AlexOkay. Actually, no. you should not touch shortcuts until it comes out because it is very broken in a way that isn't shortcuts already out yeah yeah it's it's just this there's some syncing issues that are uh like there's some syncing issues and then if there's a bug what's the most used shortcut that you have on your ipad um to text maddie to that i am home and that what what hold on all those

Speaker Bmouth sounds are in the text. Maddie burp.

AlexOkay. Okay. Okay. Hold on.

Speaker AThat you're coming home,

Alexthat kind of thing?

MaxHow much more work is it? Can't you just open up your thing and be like, I'm home?

AlexWell, I'd say that, but I just say it to the thing and then it triggers a bunch of stuff and then it does the lights.

Speaker BThis is why I like my Amazon routines.

AlexYeah, but you got it. But what happens if you can't talk to it? What happens if, what happens if you, if the Wi-Fi is out.

MerlinThe Wi-Fi going out is something I deal with eight or nine times a day. I want an answer to my question.

AlexI said that's the number one. No, you didn't answer it. What does it do? Okay. What does it do? It sets the lights to exactly the way I want them, which is my cue lights.

MaxSo Maddie's home.

AlexMaddie's home. No, there's two instances. I'm coming home and I am home.

MaxOkay, so Maddie's home, right? Yes. They're watching TV. Yes. Waiting for Alex to come home. Yes. You come in the door and you're like, hey, dingus, tell Maddie I'm home. No, no, no, no, no. It texts Maddie's phone and then it turns all the lights off.

AlexNo, no. Okay. Does it play like a trumpet, like a heraldry? Actually, well, sometimes I will change it. And Shortcuts is really my prank machine. But the. Sounds like a great hobby. Yeah.

It's fun. And then also, like you can do this with, you can do this just with HomeKit or you could do this with with the echo and just say I'm going to bed but it turns like everything off it turns on my like little soothing playlist onto my home pod and then it sets a timer for when it's going to go off um or like when the um home pod turns off does that make sense sort of yeah and that's

Merlinthat's the key is like finding the the itch that you particularly want to scratch even if it's not

Alexinteresting to other people yeah and there's a there's a whole bunch of routines i'm making now that are like with uh timery like there's a specific thing so it's because that would i

Merlincould see that becoming a real pain in the ass to like remember you know what i want you know what

Maxi want is what i what i want is every week alex sends out the edit of dubai friday and it's a it's a a text message and in the text message is a is a url that's on dropbox oh oh okay hold on hold

AlexAnd I would like some sort of shortcut

Maxwhere I can do that link and make it go into Overcast.

AlexOh, no, that's not possible. I've tried. I've gotten, nah, that's not possible.

MaxI can't listen to the episode in Overcast?

AlexThere's no shortcut to put it in there.

MerlinWould it be like AppleScript? Messages is not very friendly to that kind of stuff. We wanted the thing of like, go pull out all of the links that have been mentioned here in the last eight days or whatever. And I don't have an easy way to do that.

Alexyeah there's there's also no easy way to upload anything to over i mean i'm sure you can do something with like keyboard maestro or apple script castro would be better for that the oh yeah because there's the side load oh you're you're you're fucking you're fucking wallace

Speaker Aand grommet house with this alexa thing do i yes you've built a wallace and grommet house where you're like the wrong trousers you're like cracking cheese grommet alexa good morning and The fucking thing starts playing the radio and cooking. And this is bad how? It starts cooking your bacon. And I don't know. It's weird. I like to wake up to the smell of bacon.

Speaker BI just stepped on it.

MerlinNo, these are all totally. Now, what I want for the lower one, the going home one, is to also say arm my alarm. And it doesn't currently support that.

AlexI mean, if I had an alarm.

MerlinYou can say it. But I don't want to say two things. I'm not a monster.

AlexI see. Well, no, no, no.

MerlinYou see no use in what I've done here, Max.

AlexNo. Oh, yeah.

MerlinTurns on my lights, sets my lights to the setting that I want. It turns on KQED at the volume I would like. And all I have to say is morning lights.

MaxYou know what would be good is if I could do one that would play over the most recent podcast in Overcast. But I don't think I can do that.

AlexYes, you can.

MaxWhat?

AlexWait. What? With HomePod? Hold on. Yes, if you have created a shortcut. Hold on. Let me go.

MaxI would do that if I had one that was like, good morning and it turned on the lights yes good morning good morning max yeah i want the my british i want my jarvis to say good morning okay i want it to turn the lights on in my bedroom and then i want it to start playing the top podcast and overcast on my siri ball all right hold on i can't and if i don't know if we have this technology but if it could rub my balls that would be great that's a good idea if it could tickle the balls a little bit not too hard not

too hard i gotta work today i think the japanese have this technology but i don't know if it's

Speaker Ayou would get literal cereals i think if you try to send me the ball tickler from japan it gets destroyed by customs now you owe me money

139. Remember the Painting Goblin is Not a Person

Show notes

Transcript

139. Remember the Painting Goblin is Not a Person

Show notes

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