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Bonus episode · April 21, 2022 · 00:36:10

Bonus: 🔓 These Thousand Tiny Cuts of 10% Emotional Engagement

This weekThis week's after show was really good, so we wanted to make sure you filthy animals could get it for freebies.
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🔓 Unlocked! This week's after show was really good, so we wanted to make sure you filthy animals could get it for freebies. Just be sure to listen to the main episode first.

And, if you enjoy what you hear, please consider supporting Do By Friday on Patreon.

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Transcript

Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakes

MerlinAfter show. After show. Hello. Hello. How are you? Fine. I aired out a little bit. You know, just did some little things.

AlexA little power puttering. I take these breaks for a big power putter. It's very nice. It's very, very nice.

MerlinI did do some power pottering. I adjusted a mount.

AlexIs that code for something? Sure.

MerlinYeah, everything I do is code. Well, here we are. I've also uploaded my many, many files for the main episode.

AlexSo many files. Well, now I just always record. Just never, ever stop recording. And it seems fine. It's a good long reference. In what, an audio high check? Yeah, just a big long reference.

MerlinI've also set myself at last to actually learning the new audio hijack and trying to make things good and try to figure out why everybody's so much louder than me in recordings. I'll get it right eventually. It's not like it's my job or anything.

AlexWell, that makes me. See, I'm doing all the things where I'm like, well, so and that. God, it is. It's like me being in 2016 and doing this for the first time, which makes me terrified because listen to your rec diffs episode yesterday. Well, it's Syracuse's show. And just hearing him be so, hmm, not blasé, but chill about his independence is very frightening to me.

like oh yeah god man you think you should be stressed out no i think that i should be less either less stressed out or doing more you know it's the monster of like okay uh these demon

Merlindogs which ones should i hold back it's the kleenex box full of anxieties oh that's such a good

Alexgood thing uh who can who did you come up with that that was good it was very good i don't even know anymore it's like what do you which is the part that you should get better at i don't know ever and i've watched and listened to many of my friends quit their jobs over the years and become very successful at the things they do and there's many things that i'm passionate and excited about

MerlinOh, that's exciting.

AlexI'm told it is. But yeah, I will stop burdening you with this emotional labor. You're not a burden. People keep saying, when people keep saying you're not a burden.

MerlinWell, you're the one who keeps bringing it up. And what am I supposed to say? You're creating a burden for me by telling me that you're a burden. I can't afford your loyalty. Not your servant.

AlexThat's what you think.

MerlinI don't even know. Oh, gosh. Okay. Oh, God. Everything makes me tired.

AlexDon't you record late on Tuesday nights?

MerlinNo, not by any normal person's standards. It's just that we record at 5 p.m. my time now. And for like last night, we recorded for two hours for our non-bonus content episode. But anyway, no, it's just that I sometimes I'm a little keyed up after night podcasting.

And I don't always sleep so great, but the energy project is not going well, but I'm still working on it. One thing is I'm trying to I really like one beta blocker helps. Two beta blockers is awesome, but it does make me feel a little lowgy the next day. so I'm trying to move everything to earlier taking sleeping pills earlier taking beta blocker I may like start taking one in the like mid afternoon

that kind of thing but I mean ideally I wouldn't want to need any of this at all and I'm very reluctant to same way that I don't think buying plastic at the container store gets you organized I think adding more medications and medicinals doesn't always make you better but you know you you go to go to war with the army you've got you know

Alexwhat spurred the energy project or the renaissance of it really i mean the short version something

Merlini think i don't know who i said this to recently probably roderick but you know it's a it's a real balance because okay fort do you care what yes do you care okay this week this weekend i really struggled with energy. And sometimes I take days off from my ADHD medicine just because I think, oh, I don't have a particularly demanding day. And there might be days that are extra demanding where I'd prefer to have two of these or whatever. But I didn't take ADHD medicine on either

Saturday or Sunday. And the other part of this project is I'm trying, I've got to cut my caffeine off earlier in the day, I think. Because, you know, my heart's, I mean, I see it in my numbers in the sleep app. With all the shit that I put in my body every day, it's crazy that my pulse is still like 80 to 90 when I'm theoretically sleeping. That's not good. And it makes me anxious. And so like I end up having crazy dreams and, you know, the kind of like menacing dreams where it's not that anything terrible is happening.

It's just one of those dreams that feel kind of relentless and they keep repeating. And, you know, you know me and my loops, you know, my hexagon of things on a carousel that turn around and get a song in my head for a minute. I think about Las Vegas for a minute. I get a different song in my head. And that just goes around and around for what feels like hours. And it's utterly unrestful. So, you know, the, the, the sleep there, the energy project I brought to you here is more encompassing because it's also about getting better at not just capturing time off and

like planning time off, but of like allowing the classic of like allowing clear runway more of the time where I don't feel obligated to be checking every slack and doing everything and like having all that stuff happening every time. If that feels, if you feel overwhelmed by that stuff and that started to seem normal, I think it's not. And that's a little bit chicken problem here. But like, I just can't be in Slack all day long. There's times where like Syracuse has to like remind me to check Slack because I just can't have that open all day long.

I, you know, I got a minute, I'm minimizing my notifications. I'm trying to like, I don't know, just be more of myself, whatever that is. And it's less difficult to be more of myself if I'm not constantly checking the Western front to see who I might be disappointing.

AlexDo you mean more of yourself in your demeanor or behavior? And I know that's kind of like a vent.

MerlinVery similar things. But like, you know, I think it's pretty natural, verging on obvious, to say that as we get older, we tend to lose some of our lightness of bearing and being and seeing. And like everything starts to feel like, ugh, and heavy and like things aren't fun. And you miss all these opportunities, you know, just to be light, you know, to like have chill time with people and like do whatever. And it's like, I think one of the problem, one of the challenges posed by our always on lifestyle and careers is that we've, at least I feel like I'm always like a little bit tensed up making sure that, you know, like I say that I'm not disappointing somebody.

I don't mean to be ridiculous about it, but it's the fear of disappointing other people or the anxiety about them thinking less of me that has me like doing all this stuff. And then I get mad. Like somebody sends me a needy fucking email. And then I'm like, I don't even want to respond to this. I don't want to like, I just don't want to deal with all of these, hey, notice me things that go on in the world.

AlexYou know?

MerlinAnd it's like to be myself or what I'd like to think of as myself, I'm like a fun guy. And I have historically had kind of a lightness of carriage. It doesn't mean I'm necessarily always an unserious person. But if I'm always a too serious person, that's not who I am or at least not who I want to be. And that means me having to be more mindful about where my attention and emotions are allowed to go and then stay until I make them go somewhere else. That's really general, but yeah.

AlexWell, is there an outcome? I'm not complaining, just so we're clear. No, I—

MerlinI am complaining about people who send me needy emails.

AlexYes. This is not me saying, how's your day going? even though I really don't like asking that question unless I actually mean it. So I don't think I've ever asked that, at least in a really long time.

MerlinI am different in this way from a lot of people in that I'm really all about the easy, casual exchanges and small talk that we have. With somebody like, you know, like a joke, not joke, on Twitter the other day, I always need the Apple genius to like me. You know, I'm always like trying to suck up to anybody that I'm talking to and seem delightful to them, which is a burden. But, you know, I mean, like, I can't say this without sounding like such a dick, but, like, let's say, like, an example of, like, the e-bike stuff

from people like Andre and, like, oh, God, who's the nice person that DM'd me? Like, that's all so welcome, and I love that, and I'm, like, very into that. But there's a class of base touching that I find excruciating. And I know other people don't, but I do. I'm trying to abstract this in the widest way possible. Let's say somebody who you almost never talk to who's thirsty and maybe a little bit of a social climber says, hey, actually, I have a new – let's make it nonsensical.

Hey, actually, I heard what you said about blah, blah. just so you know, I have a podcast about e-bikes. Do you want to be on it? Or I have a new newsletter about e-bikes. Do you want me to sign you up for it for free?

And it's like, okay, you know my email address. Like, on the one hand, no, I don't want people just signing me up for newsletters. But like, okay, here's a free PDF. Do you want me to sign you up for that? Well, just send me the PDF. Like, you don't, you're not really asking. you're asking me to pay attention to you and then like acknowledge you and like that doesn't scale i i just i i have so much actual gratitude that just comes out of my pores in every direction if you actually know me like i really do i really do love my friends and i really do

uh remind me to talk about my practice of saying thank you i'll write that down because this is a new practice i'm doing that i think i think is good to know about i i hate to sound defensive about it, but like what I can't do at any kind of scale is go get into an exchange with somebody. This really was typified by when I pushed that poor woman and everybody was being so nice reaching out to me at a time when I could not afford the time to sit in an airport in Michigan and maintain relationships with even eight different people about what's, I don't know, I can't do that right

now. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you. I appreciate that. Like, but this is in the document this is why i say like is there anything i can do is not as helpful as hey here's the thing i did no response necessary like if you want to help somebody help them and like but like i just i the whole the whole kind of i'm sorry i'm being very holden caulfield and i don't want to sound like an asshole well it's just it's it's like i don't think it's like again like email and pebbles like all the things that you do that are it's basically a flex to show what a nice and

considerate person you are. That is kind of irrespective of whether it's actually helping somebody. Like that kind of stuff is exhausting to me where we're supposed to have this courtly back and forth. And I say, oh, a new newsletter. Wow. Would you like me to tweet about that? That's so exciting. Wow. Finally, a newsletter. That kind of stuff. I just, I can only take so much of that. And sometimes my only way of stepping out of that, there's times where I just don't respond. I've gotten to a point now where there's times when I just don't respond

to certain kinds of things. And I don't like that about myself, but nothing makes me feel more like I'm having to keep multiple plates spinning than checking in on whether people are satisfied that my response to something I didn't ask for has shown them that we're both wonderful friends

Alexto each other. I'm going to push back on this. Good. Why would you respond to those emails?

MerlinAlex, if I saw you having a meltdown on Twitter and I DM'd you and said, oh, stay safe. I hope you're good. Is there anything I can do? You might appreciate that because you're how you are and you're a millennium and you like that kind of stuff. I find that overwhelming. And I find these thousand tiny cuts of 10% emotional engagement are like, are so vapid and so time consuming. And I'll, I'll do what I'm, I think I'm nice to pretty much everybody that I deal with. I hope,

I hope I'm kind to everybody that I deal with, but I also am enough of a jerk that I bristle when I can feel somebody trying to drain off some energy and make themselves feel better about who they are. And it's like, I can't, I can't be your den mother. I can't be your constant source of consolation. I can't, you know, that's just, I only have so much of that that I can deploy and I want it to be meaningful. And it seems weird to even have to say this, but I just think it's,

I think it's really emotionally, um, overwhelming and really time consuming, attention consuming, Because even when I'm not getting those emails or not getting those DMs or whatever, I'm not saying don't contact me.

But like it's not a gift if somebody sends you an email to say, is it OK if I send you a gift? Now it's a burden. It's like – now do you want five of those that you do? Well, you're so lucky. You have all these people who want to give you their newsletter. It's like – but no, no, I'm sorry. I just – I'm being honest with you because this is a place where I feel like I can be honest with you, which is like I'm far from a perfect person. But the kind of person I'm trying to become is not the kind of person who spends an inordinate amount of time acting like I'm fucking Dale Carnegie.

AlexBut the people and messages that you're talking about just – I would imagine that the majority of them are just kind of star fuckers and maybe it's the –

MerlinI did not mean to imply that.

AlexI'm saying something even worse, which is they do that with everybody. Yeah. Well, and I think I have the benefit.

MerlinThey want you to feel special because you're deigning to like maybe they're the star in this case. And this is why I, in some ways, have so much respect for Seth Godin. Seth Godin, who I'd always kind of lumped in with that, and he is how he is. But the time he said, hey, you seem to like my stuff. I like your stuff. Do you want to interview me for your show? It would really help me promote my stuff. I was like, I would love that. You just asked me for something and did not try to frame it as like you're doing me a favor.

AlexCat, those people are gross, though. Maybe I just have.

MerlinBut they don't seem gross. They seem really nice. They're just trying to keep in touch. I haven't talked to you in a while on my newsletter.

AlexYou are genuinely too nice. And I am just too awkward in public to be the kind of person that people think they can send me those types of messages and expect a response. I don't get nearly as many.

MerlinNo, no. If I get one of those a day, I'm mad. It's like I can handle it. I used to handle that. And people like my wife, like what my wife does in her job in one hour is harder than what I do all week. But does that mean I oughtn't strive for more? I oughtn't strive to be the person I'd like to be. The person I'd like to be wouldn't even complain about this, but I'm not perfect. I'm very constrained in a lot of ways in terms of what I can pay a lot of attention to, and I do need more downtime probably than some people do.

And part of that project, the Energy Project and the Chicken Project, is to stop apologizing for asking for what you need.

AlexYeah, I have started. I think I've started being more honest with myself about limitations and the idea that changing is never linear the same way.

Merlinthe way the way the change usually works the way that in my experience anyway for all kinds of things the way that change usually happens is nothing happens forever and then a lot happens fast oh yeah it's sometimes it takes a critical mass i don't know if i'm using that exactly right but it takes a critical mass of input for you to go oh well now it seems obvious Like I'm really stressed.

I'm doing a terrible, if I've agreed to too many meetings or calls or however you want to think about it, if I've agreed to too much scheduling of stuff with other people, I won't realize it until it's too late. And that has made me over the years pretty stingy about my time. You know, it's easier now that I'm less in demand than I used to be, gratefully. But when I was more in demand, it was really exhausting. Because first of all, it's hard to know who your friends are. Like it's because everybody's your friend when you're in

demand. But also that like, I, I'm barely a one person operation. Like every time I'm doing something with you, I'm not doing anything else. And if you think about it that way, I know that sounds mean, but when you think about it that way, you realize how unsustainable it is to agree to almost everything. And then I do a shitty job of prepping. I do a shitty job of participating because the entire time I'm consumed with this critical mass of frustration with myself about

not managing my attention better. And that's not, I don't want to live like that.

AlexThere are a lot of people right now screaming in their cars or at their phones. Yes. No, They are saying yes, yes, that is exactly because there's this guy who talked about has been talking about this for a really long time, which is why I say no to almost everything.

MerlinBecause for a long time, I think that the conventional wisdom, though, is unless you have a good reason not to, you're being a little bit you're being a little bit of a fancy duchess. If you can, you know, or you're being lazy.

AlexYeah, you're being lazy or you are not being grateful. But that's not...

MerlinOr gracious, yeah.

AlexYeah. I don't... Are any of these people, like...

MerlinNone of these are bad people, Alex.

AlexThey're just living in a different way.

MerlinI mean, if I was incredibly thirsty to bootstrap 11 different weird projects I want people to subscribe to, I might have to be the same way. I understand the need for that hustle. I understand the need to lubricate all of those relationships and to increase your status with people. You know, because really what somebody, I never really, I never liked that word networking. But then I came to realize when I really started disliking the idea of networking is when I finally realized that network, networking is in some ways about trying to get as many people as possible to owe you a favor.

Alexand I don't like

MerlinI don't like people who enjoy being owed favors

AlexI mean it's basically holding someone emotionally hostage I don't think anybody owes me a favor but if there is someone oh god I release you I release you that sounds horrifying I don't know maybe it is because I worked for a company that is was once very very very popular and super in demand and just assumed

that everybody who wanted something did not like me and did not want to be my friend and maybe that is because of just being bullied or because of what did you feel some i mean i'm just trying to

Merlinyou tell me but you you become like a channel for getting access to something oh yeah yeah yeah You become a way in. Hey, does anybody know anybody at that company?

AlexI always assume that I am a ladder or a stepstool. And that might not be healthy, but I...

MerlinAnd now we want to break the wheel.

AlexNo, but it ended up sort of being a thing of... There were people who did not want to go up the steps and were cool hanging out on the floor with me. That's a terrible analogy or a metaphor that I'm just...

MerlinThe people that I want to do favors for rarely ask for them, and that's probably not a mistake.

AlexYeah. No, exactly.

MerlinI'm just – I mean, like, honestly, if you ever asked me to do anything, there's a pretty good chance I would do it regardless of what it is. I mean, I think about, like, friends on that Slack that I don't have time to look at all day. To a person, every single person.

AlexI don't look at it half the time.

MerlinI know, but we're different people. But what I'm trying to say is pretty much I can honestly say I hope the composition of that Slack doesn't change because every single person in that group is somebody I like, somebody I enjoy hearing from, and somebody who I would do a favor for in a heartbeat. Not favor. Like if they asked me to do something nice for them, I'd be more than happy to. um but like it's i think and again this sounds defensive and it probably is but i think i think one one problem we we most of us suffer from is that you know okay we're all busy we got all the

stuff we got to do and that's just a condition of life that we're always stressed out and if you're not busy you're not successful and there's all of that kind of like incredibly toxic pseudo corporate nonsense that we even bring to our fucking personal brand like if you're an instagram influencer and you're overworked and like stressed out, like, wow, like who do you blame, you know, for that? But I guess the part that's the part that makes this difficult is that I'm taking this to a real extreme, which is that I feel like it's like I said a little bit earlier.

I think it's fairly conventional wisdom or even just a more a that like if somebody asks you to do something at 3 p.m. on Tuesday and you don't already have something scheduled at 3 p.m. on Tuesday, why wouldn't you say yes to that? And that's understandable, especially if it's somebody you work with, one of your colleagues. Sure, I mean, I get why that is the way it is. We don't have somebody who's project managing our life apart from us. But I'm bringing to this a much more extreme point of view,

which is like if you wanted to put it in the ugliest way, it would be I want to be obligated to do almost nothing almost all the time unless I feel like I have a really good reason for doing it. And not always a good reason does not always mean it will benefit me. It just means that that would be valuable for me to do because that's who I want to be. Maybe that's helping somebody out, right? We're doing like guest on a podcast or whatever. Like I do that relatively often. It's just that like I, the part that's extreme about my point of view is that I, instead

of the rule being we mostly say yes, except when we can't, mine is I almost always say no, even if I could, because I want that runway. I want that openness. I want clear runway in every direction because believe it or not, I have lots of stuff I'd love to be doing that doesn't involve having a meeting with somebody. And I will find plenty of ways to fill up that time, even if it's just watching tv which sounds selfish but that's how i feel and when i'm being called upon now i'm

Alexjust bitching no i as your friend find it worrying that you think that being that you talking about how you are selling an asshole alex no no no no you don't you sound like a person who is just talking about the kind of human they are and you feel if you have to feel like that is somehow a like a problematic way to present yourself i mean you don't it doesn't need to be gender related to feel like you're not getting to be yourself like i and i just want to like equate that but when you

are trying to live up to the expectations of this culture that maybe at one time you enjoyed and liked being a part of like i there for i i just needed to take a break from video game stuff for for a while. I'm like, nope, this is too much. Gamergate, just pummeled me.

MerlinAnd there are, as I said to Roderick the other day, and I said at Syracuse last night, I'm very into this new idea of that when things don't go perfectly, that's actually an opportunity.

But here's one kind of example. I feel very put off when people try to jam in extra attention stuff that's out of scope for the thing that we're doing right now. And like an example that would be like, you know, an extreme example would be back in the day when I would be so presumptuous to say to people, well, you want to have a meeting with me about what? Like, what's the agenda? Send me the bullet items. Like, how will we know this meeting has gone well? And people would often, especially in the early days,

be very put off by that. Like I was, I had the temerity to sort of ask them, well, you know, Not just what is your need for my time, but like, what are we trying to accomplish here? Because that is also an opportunity. It's an opportunity to say, well, let's look at what we're trying to accomplish and look at the best way to do that, rather than starting with the tool that we have in front of us, which is nonstop meetings and phone calls. Like, was there a way that I can help you with this? Can I negotiate? They negotiated yes, right? How can I give you what you need here? But in the same way that Washington believed the Senate should function as a cooling, like

basically like a saucer to, you know, I forget who originally said, I think it might've been Washington or Madison, but somebody said, you know, the Senate is going to, is a cooling dish. It's where we pump the brakes. Things have to slow down. And it's at least in its original conception, the Senate was supposed to be the one that goes, okay, everybody, let's slow down here. And like, this has roots very much for me in the whole, you know, when we scheduled this, let's do this like grownups kind of thing. But like, in the case of somebody like you or Syracuse or my wife, if you said to me, let's have a phone call right now, I could a thousand percent do a phone call right now.

There's not a lot of people I can say that for. To me, it's valuable to both of us to be like the Senate was supposed to be and to let things cool a little bit. Well, okay. If you want to have a call with me, we will schedule that. And we will have the agenda. and like unless I've got a reason, usually out of extreme affection or respect for that person or, you know, obviously emergencies happen, but that I need to have a saucer. We need to like schedule this and not today and not tomorrow.

It might be next Thursday because that's when I can do it, when I can feel prepared to do what we're going to do here and encourages both of us to think about outcomes rather than just this nonstop, out of breath running is dashing from one obligation to the next because it makes you crazy

Alexi just think that you were like literally ahead of your time because no i this is i really i i literally once a week go on tiktok and spend about two hours on there just to be like okay what is going on in the world i don't i don't like it i really really don't enjoy it you look at tiktok

Merlinas as often as any two-hour period that my kid is awake

Alexno it's well and i there is if people like tiktok go at it uh but it's uh very much like you you talked about it's like if i'm uncomfortable with something like why does it make me uncomfortable and why do I find it icky? Oh, I find it icky because of the algorithm, not necessarily because of the people on here. So, okay, let's see what this new thing is.

MerlinTo quit the lady in the Gilded Age, it's not you I hate, it's my life.

AlexYeah. But I mean, even on both sort of like the, I will say, batshit, crazy, terrible human beings, the right wing as well as dirty, gross Sammy Sally socialists over here. This is a fascinating

Merlindependent cause already.

AlexThere's just a different tone of how people present, younger people present themselves to the world.

MerlinAnd a lot of it is just what we're used to. Maybe we never asked for that. But for whatever reason, we end up having a certain response to things that becomes viral. In that same way, it's like, well, can I just put you in this meeting real quick? No, you can't. That's insane. Oh, can we have a call right now? Can I control your screen as a customer service person? You must get a lot of people saying, of course you can control my screen.

My answer is no, you absolutely. My answer is, well, can we find another way to do that? Like I don't want – you're used to asking people, can I control your screen? And people say yes. You know, cops ask you if you want to have a cup of coffee and talk and you say yes. And like there's just all this stuff where like I have to risk being a little bit of a pill sometimes because of what I think is right.

AlexCan I tell you my thank you thing? Please do.

MerlinI was trying to find a way to wedge this into the document, but it's so weird. I can only just say it out loud with words. So you're the first person I'm going to say this out loud with words too. You know, I think we are all at this point at least aware of the idea that gratitude is good for us. You know, one way to put it, I don't know who said this, but I think somebody once said something like, it's difficult, it's more difficult to be angry or upset or anything when you're helping someone else.

When you're being helpful, it's hard to be mad. So that's good for everybody. And we know about things like meta meditation, you know, about loving kindness or just this idea of gratitude. Some people, well, actually, they talked about this on the Sunny podcast, right? Having a gratitude journal. I've started, I didn't realize I'd started doing this thing. But now that I've realized I do this thing, I am finding opportunities to do this thing, which is this. Sometimes I'm doing something.

Yeah, how about this? Okay, here's a good example. So, USB-A, all of the things being equal, let's say you got a USB-A, you know, male dongus, and you need to plug it into a USB-A female dongus, and you can't see either one of them, like it's under your desk, behind your desk. And the law of averages or something would tell us that you should be able to get a USB-A into the port on the first or second try. if it took three tries it's probably because you obviously you missed it the first time but

it seems like about 50 of the time it should work right this is a joke but it's true that's it's just an example right but like whether it's the usb mini or usba sometimes and i'm gonna broaden this i'm starting with this dumb one i just grab it i plug it in and it worked the first time. And you know what I do? Out loud, but to myself, I say, thank you. Because anytime something goes better than I hoped, anytime something goes better than I expected from the mundane to the

existentially all-encompassing, I'm trying to make a point of saying to no one in particular, thank you. You could think of it as a prayer without a God, maybe. Maybe I'm thanking God. I don't know, but I'm thanking somebody. The thing is, for me, it doesn't really matter who I'm thanking. I just need someone in the universe to know that I'm grateful. Not just for the USBA, but anytime something happens. And again, this works for so many great mundane things. Oh my God, I forgot. We actually, we're not out of coffee.

I forgot that we have one more bag of coffee in this box that was obscured underneath this thing. And you know what I say? I say, thank you. And it feels so good. Anytime something goes better than you expected, to no one in particular, but out loud, you say thank you.

AlexI love that. Challenge. I do the same thing specifically with inanimate things.

MerlinI mean, if you threw the paper towel and it landed improbably in the waste paper basket on the first try, thank you. If you're worried about like the email response that you're going to get from somebody and it arrives and it's not as bad as you thought, you say thank you. And, you know, I think that no one in particular, maybe it's important to one, to you, to the listener, to somebody to have a specific person that you're thanking. In some ways, I'm just thanking the universe that this went that particular way. And the MacGuffin here is the thank you is a MacGuffin. But what it does is if you encourage yourself to say thank you to no one in particular more often, guess what?

You're going to start noticing how much more stuff went better than you expected.

AlexI want this to be a challenge with the—

MerlinIf it didn't work out, you can say, fuck you.

AlexI do that sometimes.

MerlinFuck you, coffee.

Thank you.

Bonus: 🔓 These Thousand Tiny Cuts of 10% Emotional Engagement 0:00 / 00:36:10