284. Flashbulb Diamond Moment
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Transcript
Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesAlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Alex Cox and Merlin Mann. This week's challenge, say thank you.
MerlinIf you ever call me Papa again, the show is over.
AlexYou don't like it?
MerlinI like it, Mommy.
AlexI call you that?
MerlinHi, mommy. Don't make me send you a clown. I will send you a clown.
AlexYeah, no. I didn't realize how much I hated clowns until we started doing this show in 2016. I didn't. I hate them. I hate them so much.
MerlinWell, I mean, there's the generalized situational clown dislike. I once learned that the name for this is calorophobia, a fear of clowns, which, you know, I mean, And it's one of those things like saying, I'm celiac. First of all, stop saying you are something. I'm ADD. No, you're not ADD. I'm ADD. I'm so OCD.
AlexHey, I have a paper that says it now. I have a bipolar and an ADHD paper. That's what I use my Kratom for. I'm sorry.
MerlinDo you show that to law enforcement officials or something?
AlexOh, gosh.
MerlinYou have to be nice to me. I'm ADD.
AlexI think that I have to show it on TikTok, and that's what will give me.
MerlinOh, God. You've got to get off the internet. For somebody who doesn't like the internet, all you talk about is the internet.
AlexWhat? No. What? Hold on. Hold on.
MerlinYou know what? You're ADD, so in fairness.
AlexThat's how I get away with being a cunt. I'm bipolar, so it's fine. I have not spent a lot of time on the internet. In fact, I missed the whole...
MerlinAre we going to talk about clowns or are we going to talk about the internet?
AlexDid you notice how I was trying to not talk about the clowns?
MerlinNow, here's the thing. What I'm trying to say to you, Alexandra, is it's one thing to have a generalized ha-ha, Uh, lo, ruffle, uh, clowns, creepy. La mao. La mao. My ass has literally been laughed off. I'm so assless. And because of all my laughing that I do, I keep rolling on the floor.
AlexThat would be.
MerlinRuffle, ruffle. But, but, but, but I agree with you. My, my specific, God, I want to get the right word for this. It's not that I hate clowns. It's that I'm repulsed by clowns.
AlexThat's, well, I guess, I mean, I guess in general, I hate repulsion. So that I, well, do I literally? Wait, is that a movie?
MerlinYeah, it's a creepy, it's Catherine Deneuve. It's really creepy. It's so creepy. It's kind of like, it reminds me a little bit of Safe, the wonderful movie with that lady from Boogie Nights. It's one of those, like, I'm scared in my house, what is going on kind of movies.
AlexAh, yes.
MerlinI think. What about La Weekend? You ever seen La Weekend?
AlexThe Weekend?
MerlinThe Weekend. What's the most boring foreign film you've ever seen?
AlexOh, Battleship Potem. Listen, listen.
MerlinHave you seen Weekend? It's people in a car. What about Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie? What did you think of that?
AlexI fell asleep.
MerlinI know. I don't even know if it was boring because I was... But anyway, clowns. And I sent you some clowns. And they were special needs clowns. And that's the thing I send you. You know what I haven't sent you for a while? I've been watching Mindhunter again. And I was telling my child about Richard Speck. We were watching. Oh, no. My kid walked in as I was watching the Richard Speck episode. And I said, this is a joke I always make. Anytime we see Jonathan Groff, I say, did you know he was in Hamilton? And my kid says, really? But anyway, I love Mindhunter.
And I appreciate the other guy with the flat top more every time. He's so goddamn good. Now, he's the guy who invented, as you know, he's the guy who invented Serial Killer. That was his term. And he's also the guy who wrote the Manhunter book. It wasn't Jonathan Groff. That wasn't the king.
AlexOh, no. I did not know that.
MerlinSo they say, they go from Serial Killer to Serial Killer, and they say, you'll be back.
AlexHe only wanted to be known for one thing.
MerlinJust one thing. And I said, here's the thing. Richard Speck, that fellow there, see this video emerged in. I want to say the 90s. And whenever it emerged, there was a video. And Mr. Speck, he was incarcerated. He didn't have a shirt on. And he had big old fucking titties and was smoking a doobie.
AlexMm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
MerlinI like to send you a screenshot of that sometimes.
AlexYeah, because the show art, oh, God, it's so bad. Oh, God, no. Oh, God, it's so bad.
MerlinBut the haircut is almost as bad.
AlexOh, God, it's so bad. And we have, I think, been internet scolded before for being like, oh, it is transphobic. What? No, I think it's okay to be repulsed by a serial killer who decided to, oh, God, he was like the OG trans valor stealer. Because he's like, I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to give myself some titties so I can be diddled and not buttfucked.
MerlinOh, oh, bad queer, bad queer.
AlexWhat? Yeah. No, no.
MerlinWe need a sound for that. Maybe it's just a voice going, mmm. That's a bad queer tone.
Now, why are you canceling Richard Speck? Is it because of the nurse killings? is because of the appropriated titties.
AlexYeah, exactly. I don't know. What could be worse? I don't know.
MerlinThis is just another example of spec cancellation.
AlexYeah, yeah. Rampant, rampant titty cancellation. Free spec nipples is what I say.
MerlinYou sound like you're a Google free spec nipple. A Saudi Falcon. Google's a Google Saudi Falcon airplane. Anyway, here we are back in Spain. How are you?
AlexI don't know that reference. I am doing great.
MerlinThere's a bit that's a bit about a bit. What's the number one bit people say about doing improv comedy? What's the number one bit? Don't overthink it. What do people say?
AlexAlways say yes.
MerlinAlways say yes and. Always say yes and. Yes and. Yes and. Yeah, yeah. But then one of the canonical examples of this is not the right thing to do is you open and you're seeing, you open a scene, you say to your partner, you do like, you know, TJ and Dave, Dave and TJ, I never remember which is which. And you go, so here we are in Spain.
AlexIt's like you and TikTok. I try to know as little about improv as possible.
MerlinI'm going to start writing down every time you bring up the internet for no reason. And that's the third one.
AlexWe're, oh my God. My job, listen, listen, I'm a victim of capitalism because my job tends to be on the internet. Oh, that's another one. That's good. We got the C word. We got the I word. All right.
MerlinAll right. All right. But it's like, well, actually, it's not like file systems because file systems you can ding once, according to Professor Syracuse. But in this instance, I'm going to ding you. I'm going to give you the bad queer noise for every one of those. I don't like clowns. But, you know, I told you that was my introduction to intersectional pornography. And ever since then, I, oh, man, I'm soft as a MyPillow.
AlexOh.
MerlinKeep going. Anyway, the Internet canceled. Hi, how are you?
AlexOh, I'd like to sincerely say I'm great. But I can't stop thinking about Madison Cawthorn. I just, I can't. Everybody is bombarding. No, you two.
MerlinNo, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
AlexSorry, sorry.
MerlinSorry, different, different noise. Yas.
AlexYas.
MerlinIs that better?
AlexWhat is up with that? Just what's your deal, dude?
MerlinOh, my God.
AlexI don't know what's wrong with him.
MerlinAnd I'm not allowed, I'm not allowed to not like him. I have to have valid policy reasons for thinking he's a piece of shit. No, no, no. Because, because I mean, like, and again, again, listen, listen. Here's the thing. I say this to all my kids. I say this to my lady friend all the time. I say, you know, my lady friend works a lot. I'm like, I hope you have, well, they have Microsoft Teams, but because, you know, because business. But, like, I hope you have someplace that you can go to say the things that can't be said anywhere else.
I say it's just, okay, okay, okay, on the good slack this morning.
AlexOh, like how I mocked Madison Cawthorn for being in a wheelchair.
MerlinWell, I'm getting there, I'm getting there. I'm getting there. Baby steps, baby steps. Did you see the good Slack just a few minutes ago? Probably not. No, it's okay. It's okay.
AlexYou love Slack. You just love talking about Slack.
MerlinIt's the messaging app for teens. There, I swear to God, if you out me on this, I'm going to be so goddamn angry. I'm going to – Internet, I don't need your help. Please stop snitch tagging. I know how to do that. Here's the thing. Oh, shit. That's one for me.
Here's the thing. I was standing in – I went to pick up my repaired computer at the Apple store. And so I went into Target to get some old man supplies title.
AlexOh, boy.
MerlinYeah, I had to get a different ankle brace and some KT tape because I had – I injured myself sleeping a few weeks ago. Again? It's the same injury. My ankle still is like, ow, ow, ow. I've got like a 50% gate at this point. But I was there getting some old man supplies. And I was going to see if I could go find an iPhone mount to put on my imminent bike. And I was standing there when a podcast that we both listened to started talking about a very popular, fuck, internet, Twitter account of somebody who just shares lots of joy and fun and brightening your day.
And both of the hosts on that show said they not only don't like that account, that it is an account that basically just yoinks other people's stuff and then creates this puffy, stupid bullshit that's total fucking catnip for normie celebrities. And they said they didn't like any of it, any part of it. And I actually, I actually in the, in the, they didn't have a amount that would work with my bike. But I went, yes, because I'm, and I said, I just said a minute ago on the good slack that I am so relieved when I find out that I am not the only person in the world that actively hates something that is unimpeachably popular.
And let me just be clear here. I do not like the, fuck, internet. I don't like the internet pylons where we all go, I never thought he was funny. but I'm so grateful to have channels where I can go and say the things that I can't say anywhere else including in public on the iWord and I'm so glad that you and I have a place a safe space to talk about Madison Cawthorn because I'm bringing this on the internet I'm bringing this here because I think he's a piece of shit
Speaker Aand I think he's gross
Merlinand you know what it is I think with all these big time sex guys you start to get like a feel for like when somebody's like maybe not so stable. And like I said in our super secret private text channel I think at this point he may be giving Matt Gaetz
Alexa run for his money. Oh, oh, absolutely.
MerlinShould we go through the litany of what a week he's having and what a month he's having? Oh my god. We can even skip the one so you don't get trans canceled. But we get
Alexall the other ones. I'm trying to find the problematic
MerlinHe's been pulled over in the last week he got pulled over again. He had an invalid license and had to swap seats with the passenger so the passenger could drive. I'm leaving out the cruise photo. He yet again got caught at a flight check-in with a 9mm pistol trying to take that on a plane.
AlexEmphasis on again.
MerlinYes. He's so gunny. And then there is another one. Oh, oh, oh, there's just been, God, we keep talking about this. I've got to look on the channel. But there's been several of these. And it's just like, but you're not, you know, you're not allowed to say anything about it.
AlexWait, why? What corners?
MerlinWell, because I'm either going to turn into a pussy hat or I'm going to turn into somebody, you know, because you're not allowed. You're not allowed to make fun of somebody for any reason, even privately. Don't make fun. Don't make fun of people because, you know, that's actually, you know, when you make fun of his cruise photo. Not Ted Cruz.
AlexOh, that's right. Oh, are people mad?
MerlinTed Cruz's photo is the one where he's looking at the ladies looking around the corner.
AlexHold on. Hold on. Are people angry that Madison Cawthorn is being mocked for wearing very unattractive ladies' lingerie?
MerlinWell, yes, yes. And here we are in Spain. I don't disagree with that. I don't think it's a good idea to send a mob after people for their apparent thing. Like, you know, don't make fun of the way people look. I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying. And don't shame people for their deal. And the thing is, I think it blew up in everybody's face because, of course, everybody, you've got to get out there and put your sign up. This is extremely anti-queer rhetoric and blah, blah, blah.
And the thing is, I do agree with that.
Speaker ABut that doesn't...
MerlinOkay, but this is why we have the text channel. And I think we all need to admit that we either have a secret place where we can talk to our friends or we need one. Because I'll never say that publicly. now two things can be true at once john keats look it up here's the thing i do agree i don't think you should shame people for something that amounts to anti-queer rhetoric especially publicly but privately i could go what's up with that fucking guy okay because i think he might i think he might be maybe not as much as matt gates i think he might be a sex man oh he is 100 a sex
Alexman it is but that's the thing he is not being you're talking about like sometimes you see somebody like oh man you're a sex man aren't you oh he is he is a big big sex no no i actually i immediately take that back he wishes he was a big sex guy because no one like a donald like a donald trump jr type situation oh absolutely like he has divorced dad energy but he's only been divorced for like 15 minutes he's so handsome dad he is oh i mean i would never make fun of how someone looks but it's not it's not the fact that he was wearing very unattractive laundry
and just looked like a total fucking idiot it's the fact that this man once again just keeps going in front of just keeps saying in public you know what a woman is definition of a woman is two x chromosomes and no tally whacker and he is so proud of saying that and thinks it's so funny.
MerlinHe's so fucking masculine. He's getting like Tucker Carlson levels of like shit. What's the name of Kelvin's group, the Strong Men for Jesus? Like, oh my goodness. Did you see that Tucker Carlson video? Did you see it?
AlexWas it the ball tanning?
MerlinOh, we're not supposed to make fun of that either.
AlexWait, why?
MerlinThe one that looks like boot camp with all the guys being masculine together. Have you seen that video?
AlexNo, I haven't.
MerlinOh, Alexandra, giveusyourfuckingmoney.com. We will be doing a...
AlexWe are going to watch this.
MerlinOh, man. But you know what? Now, it's a different reason you can't make fun of that. In addition to that being a tassily anti-queer to talk about how gay bones he is, the aesthetic. The aesthetic is extremely like Lenny Raffenshtal meets like Tom of Finland. And you don't want to mix up Tom of Finland and Tom of Maine because you want to be careful of what you put in your mouth is what I'm saying.
AlexI mean, well...
MerlinSailors in your mouth.
AlexSailors in your mouth. Yep. latex is good it's not a navy boat it's a gravy boat gravy boat uh sometimes i can't make fun of
Merlinthat because that's exactly what they want you they you've walked into the trap now that now
Alexthe net has fallen down on you lib low yeah i mean who who is like i i don't know i think i've started to get a very different internet because okay sorry we're tied for four Bro, of course. Whenever I see people in a digital realm talking, if someone's like, don't do that because you're making fun of queer people. It's never anyone who is queer. It's like how most people I know who are fat activists aren't actually fat.
And it just seems super weird. I don't know. No, it feels weird. Stop talking about trans kids. It's weird.
MerlinI'm into season five of Veep rewatch number N. And oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, of course, I just got to the one Max reminded me of when she discovers that the president is resigning. And she's going to slide in there. And she's in the bathroom. And Gary comes in. And his nose starts bleeding. And then she pulls out the magnifying glass. What is this for? It's the funniest scene.
Speaker AAnd it's not a blooper.
MerlinBut I just got to the one where, and of course, season five is my jam. That's a big Richard Splett season. He gives his email address, and it's richardsplett2 at splett.net. I hate it when my dad dies, but it's going to be nice to get that handle. But anyway, great season five. And at the end of S5E1, she's going to have our conference on race. And every person there, even the ones from HBCUs, are like, it's all white people at this race conference.
AlexOh, God.
MerlinThat's kind of what you're talking about.
AlexWell, no, exactly. Because I still am evolving my feeling about the term punching up, I think. But I realize that the thing I find funniest is just ridiculousness and whatever that may mean. And I think a man supposedly dressing up in a lady's lingerie on a cruise boat while constantly preaching this just unhinged gospel of two X chromosomes and no Tallywhacker is just ludicrous and very fucking funny to me.
MerlinYeah, yeah. Not a lot of exposure to, yes, something that – yeah, but like I realize how much I've internalized this and that I really want to talk about something else. Because I heard something in passing this morning about somebody – somebody on – I forget if it was a podcast or somewhere. Somebody said, you know, it's important to be comfortable in your own skin. And my very first thought was, wow, you're lucky to have skin. You know, some people don't have skin. You really shouldn't say that. It really makes you think.
I once said something that anybody who has a heartbeat and is bipedal should be able to do this. And I got raked for using the word bipedal.
Because, you know, some of us are veterans. I have a lot I'm on my listening tour right now I'm learning a lot maybe we should watch some cochlear implant videos
Alexthe cochlear implant videos
Merlinoh well that's very much the kind of thing the man I was talking about earlier would post but if you ever need a lift it's little kids or really anybody adults too but they get their cochlear implant and like a baby hearing the mom's voice for the first time
Alexit's amazing it's so fucking cute
MerlinI'm not against cute videos and I'm so gay for dogs right now. I mean, I'm crazy with the dogs right now. I say hello to every dog and everybody looks at me.
AlexOh, you truly... You're the kind of person that I think Matthew, while walking one of his many, many client dogs, dog clients, I don't know, would hate because people just... You know what, Merlin? Hashtag respect dog consent.
MerlinI don't know. Oh, will they just touch the dog? I never just touch a dog. I always ask. I don't even really ask. I put out my fist like a dog likes, and then I know where the dog's into it. All you got to do is put out a fist separate from your body, like not making full frontal. It's true for anybody, especially for my kid and dogs.
AlexWait, do you do that in a fast way towards the dog?
MerlinDon't make sudden movements. You don't know that dog. And I bet it slows Matthew down. Everybody wants to touch the dogs. It probably slows things down.
AlexYeah, but the dogs are cute.
MerlinIt's like me trying to have an answer questions about my scooter. I appreciate it. And of course, if it's a kid, I'll stop and we'll hang out. Good tip for a kid when you're talking to a kid, unless the parent hates it, stoop down. Get to the kid's level. It's a nice way to talk to a kid. I'll get off my scooter. I'll stoop. I'll talk about the scooter. I'll compliment them on their bike, even if it's not that good of a bike. So, I mean, I think, you know, the thing is, and this is the San Francisco problem, where you've got to have two dogs and one kid or two kids and one dog. If you've got two Weimaraners, if you've got two Afghan hounds, if you've got two, like, what's another, like, very interesting dog?
Great Danes. If you're walking around in public with two Great Danes, you better be ready for people to have remarks and questions. Otherwise, you should not.
AlexAnd opinions. Many opinions.
MerlinWell, but, like, you shouldn't have got, like, it's so weird. Yes, that's right. I have face tattoos. Take a picture. like why'd you get a shirt with the F word on it if you didn't want questions one of my kids new shirts is a picture of Garfield eating something and then a really long quote from Dune on it it's about fear being the mind killer and it's such a strange shirt now my kid wears that shirt and like understands people are going to have questions oh you like Garfield? I don't know I've never seen Garfield you've seen Dune? No my dad tries to make me watch Dune
all the time I just think it's a funny shirt
Alexhold on hold on your offspring has your lady friend seen Dune? You haven't had forced Dune on your household? Oh I've tried What is wrong with you? Oh my god
MerlinOkay here's the problem. Talk about a pussy hat You'll appreciate this A person my kid does not like not only has a huge crush on Timothee Chalamet but is that particular person about Timothee Chalamet going on and on and on about Timothee Chalamet all the time. And so, and so, you understand? I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. But I'm like, on the other hand, O-T-O-H, it's got Oscar Isaac,
who we all love.
AlexYes. Oh my gosh.
MerlinAnd it's got my TV, my movie girlfriend, Rebecca Ferguson.
AlexThe, oh, oh yeah. Oh my God. I need to watch it again.
MerlinI'd moisten her planet. I'd be her still suit. Any updates on what I got here? We got to watch a lot of bullshit. It sounds like you've got like lots of, if you want to talk about it, you don't have to. If it's not interesting, just say so. We'll cut this out. It sounds like you're having continuing locational issues.
Last week you had to deal with the various doggies and apprentices who came to fix your turlet and yell at your turlet. And I thought I saw in the good slack or I mean, no, it must be on the internet that you're looking for a place because there's loud construction. You guys do you have your own bang bang machine situation going on now?
AlexOh, no, I wish it was my own.
MerlinDo you have loud construction? Did I misread that?
AlexNo. Yeah, we do. But it's not consistent. Like if it was a single bang bang machine and could isolate that bangy bang noise, then it would be much better. But, you know, I live in a diverse neighborhood, Merlin, and there are various types of banging. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Yes, this is this. I value all bangs. But sometimes it's coming from like one side of the apartment and sometimes it's another.
And also, I just want to work outside my house sometimes because maybe I am a fancy duchess because of that. But I don't know. I bought expensive software that I don't know how to use to get rid of the bad mouth noises.
MerlinI think Jason Snell makes it sound like it's so easy.
AlexYeah.
MerlinMaybe it is easy. I don't know. I know that one of the uses, especially if you're CNN Plus and that particular person is, for example, interviewing Ted Lasso and then it has a sound all through it. You can remove like a frequency. Do you know how to do stuff like that? I know how to do sampling. You're talking about iZotope, yes?
AlexYes. And I know how to watch like an hour of videos and then dick around until I finally get it to do what I want. Usually, sometimes, hopefully, but I have yet to find a consistent workflow. Oh, and God, Jason sells too good at things. I broke, somehow I broke my notes, the shortcut that allows me to take, yeah, to do like quick little.
MerlinPodcast markers.
AlexYeah, yeah. Thank you. See, oh, I'm so good at my jobs. But I mean, I don't, I don't know. Yeah, it is boring, I guess. I don't need a place to be.
MerlinNo, no, no, no. I know how to do that upper right hand repair assistant thing. I find a place where there's talking or that has the problem that I want. It's important to find a good spot to click before you hit that. Otherwise, I just hear the silence at the beginning of a recording. And then it gives me three options, right? It says, here's the original. And I listen to it and it sounds like whatever it sounds like. And then it says, you can try number two. mouse over and says this one has noise reduction and deep spitting and like all the different things
sounds exactly the same to me ditto for the second, ditto for the third but I know how to do that but whenever I try to do anything on my own it always ends up sounding like somebody's mumbling through a couch cushion
Alexoh and then somehow I always compress it more and I just don't and I've been using Descript which is a magical app that i adore but i i have a very costly microphone or or maybe it is expensive i still don't always know the difference but it's i i love this microphone especially live but i don't know if it's better why are we talking about isotope why are we talking about that sorry no i'm not mad i'm just lost um you're just disappointed we were talking about how i'm
Merlinin a spot where there's lots of banging and I see what you're saying so if you're if you're getting like I mean and this is probably not a good example but if you've got something like line noise or something like you know like I'll forget I'll make some changes and I'll discover that my mic cable is not only coiled but it's like next to a power brick or something like sometimes so I've got this little pedal down here for muting this little rat pedal and like if I move that sometimes an inch or two, it causes or removes noise.
So if you had the same XYZ hertz noise, you could just zap that out. But if it's something that's going, wee-oh, wee-oh, on a regular basis, or bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, maybe you could set the BPM, and that would help with the bang, bang.
AlexThere was a, at RIP, some office studio, but there were a bunch of issues with that like recording room just because there was a really, really high ceiling. Yeah. I mean, there are many,
Merlinfrom the darkness, Max yells, maybe we should spend more money on it.
AlexYes. Oh, sorry. I came in under budget. But like there was a frequency of the, the rain and then if there was a live show,
MerlinOh, maybe it was a vibe shift.
AlexNo, but that's the thing we, there, there were, there were vibes, But we had little templates for each vibe and you would go in and be like, oh, this is when there was noise from the outside. Oh, that was rain. Oh, here's when some raccoons were scuffling on the roof. I don't think they were raccoons.
MerlinWell, the same way that you would pick the right size and type of screwdriver. Like you need these. But I know that like if it's this kind of screw, I just get that and I take you in that same way. But what you've got here sounds far too chaotic to do with software.
Alexmaybe not but i just have a phillips screw that i'm just sort of like banging on the microphone and please please work please and and my pop filter's gone today it just fell off i'm a mess maybe the cat did it jobs um uh is that a euphemism hmm oh sure um well i'm glad you can record how's your toilet my my toilet's fine it is really
MerlinHave you seen me the deuce in it yet?
AlexOh, I certainly hope so. Oh, that would have been a long time. I don't recall.
MerlinI don't know if you're still going to McDonald's. You're a creature of habit.
AlexOh, yeah.
MerlinYou love those Cokes.
AlexOh, no, no. I love the Diet Cokes. I had a regular Coke the other day. In Georgia, maybe.
MerlinOh, I see. You're saying, oh, you're saying the way we use words. Okay. But that's a good point. That's a really good point. I got some iced tea right here.
AlexI've got a canned Diet Coke and a lime LaCroix here. Oh, unsatisfying noise. Oh, that wasn't satisfying. But I'm still not convinced that fizzy water is good for you. There's no way.
MerlinI think mineral water is not good for you. Doesn't that rot your teeth?
AlexI have no idea.
MerlinOr something that makes your bones brittle?
AlexHolla bones. Well, I do fall a lot. I'm just making noises. You have so many things in this doc.
MerlinWell, no, but see, you see the question marks. It's because I just, I'm, none of these are things we need to, there's nothing about the man in here, right? Good. Okay. Just checking, make sure you didn't add anything about, you know, who. So I've got boring stuff, not the boring company. God damn it. That's one right there.
AlexElon gets one hash.
MerlinOkay.
AlexI didn't do it. I didn't do it. You did it.
MerlinWell, and also I'm ahead on internet right now, five to four.
Alexuh oh oh oh that counts there that counts that that counts no it doesn't that was metatalk
Merlinyou think metatalk counts uh fine fine i don't know i'm gonna close my ipad closing this sometimes do you are using um are you using um universal control like a lot a lot yes i love is this sometimes just like not see stuff for you like sometimes it doesn't see the thing that it saw
Alexbefore even though nothing's changed you ever get that no actually uh well i mean i guess maybe if
Merlini had one complaint that's my only real complaint is that and i know it's in beta but like it's not a complaint because holy god i'm telling you so i got the main mac in the middle i got uh the ipad hanging over here that i use a lot like right now it's up with just one way to avoid sending things to the wrong text thread is I have just you in a new window on that card.
It's like Apollo 13, like, you know, don't press this button. And then over here, I've got my laptop I can zoom over to, and it's the best. But sometimes, okay, maybe it's just me. Never mind. I have a lot of paper cuts.
AlexI think it's, I think I may have experienced that when it was like my laptop was asleep. But now that I have a monitor that works, it just, oh God, like if something were to not be working, I probably wouldn't notice because I'm just so used to the quote, fineness of everything, even though I didn't have the ultra fine because that monitor just sucked. But I have yet to have any paper cuts because I still have calluses from anything.
So I'm sure eventually, yeah.
MerlinYou were in the shit, you know.
AlexI was. I was. Yeah. Uh-huh. Unstuck in time.
MerlinWe have other things. My bike is being assembled right now. I'm very excited about that.
AlexOh, fuck yeah.
MerlinI talked to him. Oh, sorry. Digga digga. Last week, I guess two weeks ago, I asked for advice about e-bikes. And some people were very – and it was Brooke. That's the person whose name I was spacing on, right? Anyway, Andre, lots of people, not lots, but a nice handful of people sent me some very specific bike advices. And I ordered one last week. And it arrived at – and I'm not going to assemble myself.
So Rad Power is the brand that I got. And on each page for each bike type, they have this cool little, like, horizontal meter of, like, do you want to put this together yourself? And, of course, I don't want to put anything together. I mean, I couldn't get my chain back on my bike when I was a child. I'm certainly not going to try and install a Shimano derailleur. Hey, that's no good, boss. Shimano derailleur. That's kind of dirty. I'll totally give this chicken a Shimano derailleur. Seven gears clicking.
Regenerative brakes.
AlexI hate it. No, no.
MerlinYou don't like that? You don't like that? You don't like those at maximum 750 watts of power delivery?
Speaker AThat's not as good.
MerlinOkay, so – and I called the man yesterday because I got – finally, I got the FedEx site. I fought the FedEx site to where I saw it had been delivered. And I called the bike man and he says it might be ready Friday or maybe even tomorrow, Thursday.
AlexOh, so you –
MerlinHe's a – oh, sorry. So the thermometer, this horizontal thermometer on each skew of the bike is like all the way over here. Like, yeah, you could totally do this all the way over there. You seriously don't want to do it. And of all the bikes I was looking at, this is the one that was like 60%. You really don't want to do this. And I thought, like, I'll pay a little bit extra to have somebody who understands how to do this take care of it. But I'm so excited.
AlexI cannot wait. Have you tried any at all yet? Or is this going to your... Oh, you have. Just a little bit. We talked about this. Yeah, just a little bit.
MerlinBut I... Well, you know, it's interesting, though. I mean, I know on the one hand, it seems nuts to like not ride an actual e-bike hardly at all ever, do two weeks of research and buy one site unseen. But I do – this is going to sound really weird. But as a personal transportation veteran, I have a pretty good idea about some kinds of things about personal transport. Like I don't understand a lot about how a battery-powered vehicle works.
But, you know, it was – based on my research, this is definitely the right one. And I got the kind of – see, when I was a kid, if you're a boy, you would never ride what we called a girl's bike.
AlexThis is called step through.
MerlinYou don't have to throw your leg over it. It's basically a girl's bike is what we call it. And I'm so excited because I don't want to be swinging my leg. Who am I trying to impress?
AlexI just think it's funny that, you know, the girl bikes have those. And I get it. It's like, oh, yes, because – Because you're wearing a dress. Yeah, but like there's no tally whacker typically. Like, you know, not to be normative, but most.
MerlinA lesbian needs an e-bike like a fish needs a step through. What? What was that t-shirt? You remember that t-shirt?
AlexNo.
MerlinA lesbian needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, something like that. Now, if you wear that shirt, people are going to ask you questions, especially if you're walking to Great Danes on e-bikes. this model's not very good for people over six feet tall i'm good um i'm a little guy
Alexlittle guy little bike you you are i think you you are you keep you keep saying well i wish i was taller but you know that's that's a joke alex i know it's no i i know it's it's it's a good
Merlinthis relates to our challenge which by the way is the best challenge we have ever done and it relates to that because it involves things over which I have no control. So when people say things to me like, well, I'd like to blah, blah, blah, and then I say, well, I'd like to be tall, I don't actually care about my height. I like explaining my jokes. And in this case, what I'm explaining to you is it's my way of saying, it's sort of like another one of my quotes, why didn't I do something or why am I not a potted fur? In each instance, I'm trying to show you that something is an impossibility.
I thought you liked OmniFot this.
AlexWell, I'm doing the thing that you love where I'm clarifying an unimportant part of what you, of the story you're saying.
MerlinIt's just like being at home.
AlexActually, it was Melissa.
Oh, deadnaming problematic.
MerlinWho would I dead name? What?
AlexOh, Melissa? You mean the cow from Bob's Burgers? Oh, Melissa. I love Melissa.
MerlinPaul F. Tompkins is so goddamn funny. It's not Rudy. Rudy's the kid. But remember, he brings Melissa. Melissa the cow. Yeah. But then he's also the guy with the painted van who's going to shoot the Sandy Can Can Fry video.
AlexAnd he, well, yeah. And isn't he, wait, is that the same character? Because he also has the food truck. Randy. Randy. Yes.
MerlinRandy!
AlexGosh, I...
MerlinAKA Mr. Peanut Butter.
AlexOh, man. I've never heard a bad thing about Paul F. Tompkins, and I refuse to listen, if anybody... Oh, good.
MerlinRoderick's got some things to say on the program. Oh, God. Madison Cawthorn, good for you. What is... And then we should talk about the challenge. This doesn't need to be two hours long. You sent me a photo. Sometimes you go on a jag a little bit. Oh, by the way, your texts have gotten shorter again, which is nice. You seem to be stabilized. But you sent me a photograph of a, not a terrine, not a drum, the largest can I've ever seen of drink.
AlexAnd it said on it, Cratom Seltzer. Cratom. Cratom. Yeah. Is this your new beverage of choice? No, no. because it is a little bit, okay, it is a beverage of choice for a certain time, but it's a nice drink that I found was like relieved anxiety, but it didn't get me drunk. Like I'm not a big.
MerlinIt doesn't come in a smaller size, huh?
AlexI don't know, actually. It's really.
MerlinOkay, I'm going to click on the actual photo. This is what this can says, and the can is a very hipster type. Oh, small hands, big heart. corthol's collection number 539 i love the number character number 539 kratom seltzer lemon tea full spectrum 75 milligram my trigonine my trigonine alkaloids best for focus energy mood 16
Alexounce oh it's not that big no no i just have weird ass hands they're they're like fat but short like Like they, I need a tall, not a tall, like the, what is it? The tall and wide.
MerlinOh, big and big and big and tall?
AlexYes, yes. I want that for like short and squat for hands. Like that's, I want a phone for that. Well, this is me.
MerlinThis is me and my rise all over again. I mean, people, you know, people say to me, don't talk about people who have skin or are bipedal. But I say, what about my rise? You realize what I struggle with. The area from where the legs come together on the pant to my taint is never the right length. And I'm not going to pull them up. I'm not going to be chafed because of this.
AlexNo, no, no.
MerlinI should get a parking tag.
AlexI could park my bike anywhere. Like, I've chafed.
MerlinNo, no. I have a foreshortened taint. Is this stuff yummy? Is it yummy? It gives you energy?
AlexYeah, it's not. No, it's not yummy, but I don't think anything's yummy. It does not taste.
MerlinDo you like the taste of Red Bull and Rocket Man and all those? Do you like those?
AlexNo, I hate it, but I love how it makes me feel because, you know, stimulants.
MerlinYeah, I got into those when I was doing that, working with that place downtown for a while. I would get, what's the one I'm thinking of? You got Rockstar, that's the one, right?
AlexThat's my mom's favorite beverage.
MerlinI for a while was drinking.
AlexShe's 60 years old, good God.
MerlinGood for her. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Must be nice.
AlexWell, no, I am saying it is interesting that a 60-year-old consumes about three gamer drinks a day. And I'm like, listen, Mom.
MerlinDoes it make them better at the game?
AlexHuh. You know what? I don't know. I don't know.
MerlinI mean, obviously, if you get the right chair, if you've done a full on Brian David Gilbert like environment for playing your game, you got your suit to get your nutrients. That's such a funny video. We'll find it for notes. Brian David Gilbert.
AlexI like him.
MerlinI'm a fan and a supporter. But so she'll do that. Yeah, but I would get like a rock star. And then I tried to get a sugar-free rock star, and it's like, ugh. I don't know.
AlexOh, it's truly disgusting.
MerlinIt's like getting an eye exam while you're getting a prostate exam. It's like, ugh, too much bad taste. But it would make me insane, Alex. It would make me crazy.
AlexWell, yeah. I mean, I will say that when you get those longer texts, I mean, I've probably had a longer drink, let's say. Interesting. Of the energy variety. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And this this kratom drink, you know, you know, Merlin, we don't get enough credit for not shilling things on this show.
MerlinWe leave so much money on the table, by which I mean powder money.
AlexYes. Yes. I. Oh, God. I didn't realize because I am a fancy duchess and support a lot of podcasts that don't have ads and or to rather get shows that don't have ads. But every once in a while, someone will send me an episode of something like and I start listening and then I'm like, wait, what? You're selling me kratom? Wait, you're you're selling me like a noom is now a thing. Also vitamins. I listen to a scam, a podcast about scams that I actually enjoy. And it's not it's not gross.
And they sell vitamins in the middle. And it drives me a little bonkers. But I yeah, go to give us. No, wait, what's it? Go to Patreon dot com slash Dubai Friday. and I won't talk about Kratom ever for money. Don't do that.
MerlinOh, I see what you're saying. You're saying, no time to argue, throw me the head, I throw you the whip. You're like saying, here's a bargain. We're not so different, you and I. I will not shill food-based vitamins, liquid cocaine, laxative hats, anything like that, even though that's where the money is.
Alexthere's there uh listen i there's there's been no we've never advertised blue chew there's so many boner what's blue sorry what's blue chew oh oh merlin merlin merlin oh my god Oh my god, hold on, hold on.
It is I am at bluechew.com Is sex with chewable tablets right for you? Did you say sex? Yes, discuss slidinfil Oh, it's for your boner.
MerlinComes with a free Apple Watch. pills yeah sex retrieval tablets right for you oh look at this blue chew made in usa uh-huh
Alexexactly exactly uh and up to 40 percent of americans agree up to 40 40 percent and this
Merlingives you this gives you is for yeah they call it ed now but these are boner boner chews yeah yeah
Alexyeah and and you uh much like add vitamins you don't you don't need i am so ed I am so ED.
MerlinBut if you want to keep us pure and you don't want us to ruin pop with weird taste, as Finn Merton says, ruin that pop with weird taste. You ever see Card Wars? You ever seen that episode? No. Remember, whoever loses, you find out who's the cool guy, you know? And then you drink the ham water.
AlexOh, yeah.
MerlinYou ruin that pop with weird taste.
AlexI don't like meat-based drinks.
MerlinBut keep us pure. You go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com. But you like drinks. You're not above trying to drink. What makes you try a new drink?
AlexPromises that it will make me feel better.
MerlinSo it's not like an impulse buy at the Shell station or something? You do your research?
AlexI've definitely done that. Well, podcasts have told me over and over again to not buy CBD oil from a gas station. But I've never been to a gas station that has CBD oil. So I don't. But, you know.
MerlinOh, so you're giving me a Syracuse of criticism here. You're saying I don't understand the bit well enough to make fun of it. Is that what you're saying? That they don't actually sell CBD? I thought they sold CBD in gas stations.
AlexNo, I truly, I believe it. But I just, who goes into a gas station? I don't.
MerlinTired people.
AlexTired. Well, I was going to say. The first time I tried Five Hour Energy, it was on an impulse at a gas station. And I was 16 because my parents expressly forbid it. And I wanted to stay up all night and listen to music. And I did. Yeah. LimeWire. It was a hell of a thing. LimeWire and Five Hour Energy.
MerlinI'm not okay.
AlexYeah. Trust me.
MerlinTrust me.
AlexBut I...
MerlinI like when he kisses him. I like that part.
AlexOh, gosh. Oh, I love them so much. They're coming back. That's a really good song. But the Kratom drink was actually because I was picking up CBD treats for a dog.
MerlinAnd is that for one of the broken dogs?
AlexYeah. No, it's for my dog-in-law.
MerlinThat's so weird because in college, one of the cliches about being a ding-a-ling in college is let's give the dog high. In this case, you're saying the nice thing about the CBD, you can get the flight, try them out on your dog, see how it goes.
AlexNo, I mean, I'm sure that's a thing. But it works. We've created them in Chicago. Oh, yeah.
MerlinBut you have good results with cat relaxer, too. Didn't you have good cat relaxer, what's called fentanyl? That stuff you put in a little incense burner in your wall? No, we do not give our cat fentanyl. Well, you don't know it's fentanyl. That's the problem right now is a lot of times they call it a mix-in. It's like a stone-cold creamery for cat disease.
AlexOccasionally. I mean, we've done separation anxiety training, so not as much. But, yes, with our cat. Oh, okay. That's nice. Oh, no, it's me.
MerlinI am so borderline personality disorder.
This week the challenge is mine and it's the best challenge we've ever had.
AlexGo on.
MerlinIt makes me really happy. The challenge, as discussed on the After Show last week, you can listen to the After Show. If you're one of our beloved patrons, patreon.com slash do it by Friday. We really could use the money. But the challenge is mine. May I just do this real quick to give background?
AlexPlease do.
MerlinI say it's quick, but it's the speaking that will be quick. It won't be useful.
AlexWell, I mean, if you have Bluetooth, you can go on.
MerlinBluetooth! Yeah. I mean, well, you know, I don't have an orthopedic desk. I'd probably have to sit in some kind of sex sling to record. Hi. Hi. I'm Bobby Blue Chew. You ever been sitting in a sex swing doing your podcast about ableism clowns? Hi. Blue Chew.
AlexBeep, beep. Dig Dug Merlin. This week's challenge is yours. Tell us about it.
MerlinThat's kind of weird. Are you trying to save me?
AlexNo, I'm trying. Oh, boy.
MerlinSo challenge this week, blue chew. And I'm playing with a knife. Challenge this week was to say thank you to no one in particular. The genesis of this was, as I mentioned last week, a thing I discovered myself doing that at first saying it to somebody feels strange. You know, sort of like one of those secret weird things people do kind of things. We're like, I feel like you're the first person I ever mentioned this to ever. And so it seems weird. But what I discovered was, I wrote six lines on this somewhere.
I found myself from time to time, something happens in the world. And I find myself, not constantly, but like one to five times a day, I find myself saying thank you to no one in particular. And what I realized was that like, it's like, okay, how about this? Here's another version of that is, yes. Say you got your bingo card filled, like you got your bingo, or you win the lottery.
When something turns out well, the way I wrote it down here is, whenever things over which I have little or no control turned out better than I could have hoped or expected, those are in the big superclass of this, the kinds of things that make me say, thank you. I keep mentioning this, no one in particular part. I'm not thanking myself. I'm not thanking God. I'm just expressing heartfelt happiness and gratitude. Generally, most often, when something went better than I expected.
And what I discovered, I mean, I don't know if you can really call it a benefit. I would. But if you haven't tried this, a classic example, like I said last week, again, this does not have to be up in the cloud stuff. you confidently grab your USB plug and you plug it into the port and you got it right on the first try right and I go thank you that's not gonna change the world but that went better than I expected like my my odds on anything are generally way less than 50 percent um so something like that
happens or like I also said like you throw a paper towel and it lands in the garbage can on the first try but basically when like it could be like something you were really hoping for happens or it could be when something you really hope doesn't happen doesn't happen um but it's just this little private moment of gratitude um that that in terms of benefit like i i instantly feel kind of good when I do it. And then the pitch that I made last week, and if you need a reason to do
this, I mean, it's like meditation. If you get into it for Satori, like, it's probably the wrong idea. Learning to live with what a piece of shit you are is what meditation really is. And like, if you think you're going to get something else out of it and develop a halo, there's probably easier ways. Go to the costume store or whatever. But what I feel like I've discovered after however long that I've been unconsciously mostly doing this is that it's become a habit. You know, there's so many things become a bad habit because you start doing
something that's maybe not so great and then you realize you've been doing it more than you
Alexrealized and it's not so great. So was it already a habit before this challenge, you mean?
MerlinI think so. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. No, I know so. But what that does is if you need a reason to find this interesting is that I find when things go better than I expected or hope, I find myself saying thank you. I instantly feel like a little lightness and like, hey, I just got one. But once it develops into a habit, if it does, now guess what? You start realizing how often things went a little better than you expected.
So I don't need optimism. I have gratitude.
AlexOh, fuck, that's good. That's very good.
MerlinI didn't write that down, but it's very good. It's really fucking good.
AlexThat's a good book.
MerlinYeah. And so that was the challenge. Was this something you tried?
AlexAbsolutely. I did it multiple times a day and bits gone. I do think this is one of the best challenges we've had. And it was reminiscent, but not as similar as I expected, to the look at the chimneys challenge. Totally. Which is something that genuinely... Merlin, what does looking at the chimneys do?
MerlinWell, I've never done the scholarship or the – I haven't looked at PubMed to see if there's studies about this. But I forget who. If you know who it is, tell me. But somebody – I heard it said that when you're out and you're walking around, in my case I'm walking down the sidewalk, that you should look for the chimneys. Now, what does that mean? Well, the literal meaning of it is as you're walking down the street, you hold your head at an angle to look up as if looking to the sky.
Well, guess what? First time you do that, you're going to realize how seldom you do that. Because my first thought is, wow, there's way more wires up there than I expected. Like I didn't realize how not that often I look up. And now at night, I'm virtually obsessed with this. I go out and I always try to find Orion. It's my favorite constellation.
But the looking up, so you look up and you start looking for chimneys. Well, they're not that hard to find. There's either chimneys or there's not. You know what a chimney looks like. You probably drew them sideways until the age of six, if you're like me. But the nominal theoretical physiological part of that, there's all these little hacks that go somewhere from magical thinking and homeopathy all the way there. What's the one? Acupressure. There's all that kind of stuff. All the way down to
the Valsalva maneuver, which is a thing.
AlexI have no idea what that is.
MerlinA maneuver is a physical thing you do on a body. No, no, no. I was just going to say my father, my late father's surgeon, was a guy named Henry Heimlich, and he invented a maneuver.
AlexOh, that's very cool.
MerlinMy father's doctor was the guy who invented the Heimlich maneuver. Holy fuck.
AlexWow. Yep.
MerlinBrady's bits. Valsalva's maneuver, I might be getting that wrong. You ever do this? You ever, like, you're feeling congested or you're, like, you've been on a plane. You hold your nose and then you push, like, not through your mouth, but through your nose. You, like, push air down through your nose and then, like, don't do it too hard or it can, like, kind of hurt.
AlexYep, it really hurts. But Valsalva's maneuver,
Merlinlike, but, like, it's, you So it feels like you're popping a bubble sometimes. Like if you've got that ear pressure after a flight, that can help. But, you know, there's this whole continuum of like, like I said, magical thinking all the way down to like, you know, through life hacks all the way into literal ways to save somebody's life by getting food out of their esophagus.
But like I think the idea behind this is when you're looking for the chimneys, first of all, you are looking up. And if you're like me, I hope you're not, you will realize how often you don't look up full stop. Like I guess I tend, maybe because sometimes I'm on a scooter, sometimes whatever, but I'm looking down a lot of the time. You know, trying to find a good piece of metal to add to my street metal collection. You know, stuff like that. But you look up, but then what else happens? The sun, there's sun out.
Like the sun with the eyes and looking up. I can't prove that there's a physiological benefit to looking at the chimneys. but I feel like, and now I'm getting into woo-woo here, I've driven over the Red Bridge, the International Orange Bridge, and I'm now officially in Marin County with this observation, is that I think if you go kind of, take a breath and look up and look for the chimneys, it makes it, not hugely, it's not going to make chronic problems go away,
but I kind of instantly feel a little bit better personally. To put it another way, it elevates my mood just a little bit.
AlexWhen you first brought this challenge years and years ago, I thought I would be like, yay, I'm not looking at my phone, which does happen.
MerlinSure. It's related, but that's secondary or tertiary to the focusing of attention on something. I mean, I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say is I'm not trying to say, don't look at your phone, boo. I'm saying that making a decision, not a decision, I'm not going to look at my phone. Fuck that. Who cares? But what I am saying is that being mindful about choosing to focus your attention on something. Here's one. It's not going to work for anybody who's listening. But if you have friends, tell them about it. Because you have real problems, everybody who's listening. But you ever have just a little quick moment of repose?
It's kind of along the lines of I'm just a guy in a room. Like right now you go like, you know what? I'm not on fire. No one is eating me. I've made it. What's Elaine Stritch say? I've made it through all last year and I'm here. Like I'm, I'm here. I'm alive just in this moment. It sounds so corny, but like, I hope at least once a year you get a moment where you go, Oh my God, I'm not dying right now. You know, the other, the other night, the other night during this challenge period, you know, it was, I can tell you it was yesterday. It was Tuesday morning where of course I wake up and because I'm the dad,
I walk around and I announce it's Tuesday. Today is the optimistic day. And everyone's like, robble, robble. You know what's wild though? I had a good night's sleep. My wife had a good night's sleep. My kid had a good night's sleep. And just for reasons, we let our kid take a personal day. And everybody was in a pretty good mood. Everybody had food. And I said, thank you. Because not every day everybody sleeps well. Not every day everybody is in an okay, good mood.
And it's along those lines of those things that when you get old, and I look back now and I think about certain Christmas mornings where I thought, man, I didn't do a very good job of Christmas morning there. And now I treasure every single one of those as this little diamond moment, flashbulb diamond moment. And I get a wonderful combination of happy and sad and warm and hopeful and human. And I'm glad to be old enough or dad enough to have that. And as somebody who is ADHD,
and somebody who has all kinds of stuff going on with anxiety, I'm so grateful for every moment where I'm not picking corn out of my own shit. And I just go, ah, thank you. I was going to say, can you think of any times that you can share that you find yourself doing this?
AlexI realize that I almost always do this when I'm doing your least favorite activity, which is playing games and just being like, oh, thank you. Thank you. Like my daily Pokemon Go battles. I'm like, oh.
MerlinNo, Alex, it's okay for this to be the most mundane thing in the world. Right. And just to be clear, I don't think this – if you, the listener, want to try this, you'll find your own way to do this. You're a grandass person nominally. One thing I am saying is like if you find this being something where you go, whew, thank you. That's okay. For me personally, this is not a tip. This is an observation. For me, it's more like, you hear the way I'm saying it? Thank you.
It's not the thank you of I'm glad you agree with my political view or like you let me speak to your manager. It's a much more, it's a gentle, affirmative, affirmative thank you of like I'm moving through life and it's going okay and I want to take a minute, And, you know, maybe not constantly. I don't want to become mental about it. But to be comfortable with my skin. I find it has a nice subtle effect throughout the day.
Maybe like a Kratom drink. But it also has a cumulative effect of making me realize how goddamn lucky I am.
AlexI think also at the end of the day affected me in a really positive way. that I even even if I was not looking forward to something at night like just having to fold laundry or just you know the mundane crap like when I was I got a book delivered and it's a hardback book hardcover whatever and it's really easy to hold it open and I am I normally like
e-books and i was like oh oh thank you because it's nice to sit and read i totally i totally
Merlinagree my friend my friend tony who uh well let's see i guess technically he's he's like the reverse john the baptist of sausage night it's his mother's recipe for sausage night that became such and my friend tony that i used to live with um tony would sometimes and he would talk about this he would sometimes make this noise he would just go ah you know which i think is his version of, to paraphrase Kurt Vonnegut, if this isn't nice, I don't know what is. You know, in his famous, in one of his
very famous, wonderful talks for Kurt Vonnegut, I think it's the one, well, he did it lots of times, but a time that became famous is he started doing this series of lectures where he would explain stories. And he would explain how stories work by drawing a graph on a board. They're very, very amusing talks. And really do make you think. But then he ends it by talking about the moments in life that go by. I think it was some member of his family who used to say, if this isn't nice, I don't know what is. And he's basically encouraging
the audience. From time to time, say to yourself, if this isn't nice, I don't know what is. There's that. There's thank you. There's Tony Belante's. Those kinds of things are... I mean, I think it's a nice thing to do as a human being, you know, how lucky we are to be alive right now to quit the Schuyler sisters. Just take that minute. And it's it sounds corny. But like the more corny it sounds, the more you probably need it.
AlexYeah. Like the more you get cringe. I like if you're cringing, I just would question why you're cringing.
MerlinI totally. And no, no, I totally understand. I near the top of this podcast. I was going hammer and tongs on this really annoying Twitter account that posts all this positive bullshit that they have stolen from other people without attribution. It's nice to feel nice. Again, to quote Bob's Burgers for the third. Oh, that's three for me. BB. I got three Bob's Burgers. I was in a lot of commercials. I was in a lot of commercials today.
We say that all the time at our house. um he went over because you know because jimmy pesto has those appetizers he likes um but those little those little moments um i don't know i'm not even sure what i'm saying i'm saying melissa
Alexgive her a break you're you're saying that you have found that little moments of gratitude are sometimes more fulfilling when it is maybe not a solitary moment but a private moment where versus Twitter. Yeah, I was listening to, I was cleaning up and fixing to go home. Oh,
Merlinby the way, the, the bin situation here is wild. I'm using three different kinds of racks at this point. I got freestanding racks and mounted screwed in. But anyway, I was fixing to go home, putting stuff away and doing, dealing with my racks and doing my dishes and vacuuming the floor and all the little, because, because I am OCD. I like to really do that before I go home. But, And I was listening to Joe Walsh, like I do sometimes. And the Joe Walsh Spotify, really good top songs. You know, you get Rocky Mountain Way. You get, you know, of course, you get In the City.
You get Life's Been Good, all those. But there's a song of his I'd never heard that's got to be fairly recent. And, I mean, I don't have, like, a story in front of me about this. But, you know, he's famously done a lot of drugs and especially a lot of drinking over the years. And he had this song that was obviously about recovery called One Day at a Time and about his gratitude for finding something bigger than him. And it's funny.
It's like, you know, it's a funny song because it's Joe Walsh. She's fucking great. Joe Walsh. Look it up. He's amazing. And but, you know, his whole career, he's had these kind of like really sort of dark songs. It's like Life's Been Good is a song about, you know, being, you know, my Maserati does 185. I lost my license and now I can't drive. You know, I got me a mansion, gold records on the wall. It was the one where like he's got the mansion he's never been to, all that kind of stuff. He has accountants pay for it all. Pretty dark.
And like it was just this like completely sounded like when I say an old guy, I don't mean in stuff because he still sounds great, still plays guitar great. But it's a certain kind of like, hey, I'm done, you know, fucking around with whatever image you've got of me. Like, I am unbelievably – so many of my friends have died. I'm glad to be alive. I'm, you know, I'm taking life one day at a time. And I was just thinking, like, if I had heard that song around, you know, 1981, 82, I would have been like, you know.
Because that would have felt like practically Randy Newman level of distance from the singer. You know, Randy Newman used to get a lot of jazz for stuff like Short People or in America, you know, this kind of song about the slave ships and stuff. And it's like, yeah, but that's Randy Newman's deal is he has so much distance from these terrible, terrible characters. That's not actually he's not singing that as Randy Newman, FYI. But Joe Walsh always sings his songs as Joe Walsh.
I think mostly. I mean, even Life's Been Good certainly has some elements of his life. He played on fucking Hotel California. Probably had some dough and blew it and did dumb stuff. But I was listening to that. I was like, good for you, Joe Walsh. Good for you, man. Take a life one day at a time to get to that age, be able to put all that behind you right at the age. And we'll talk about this someday. But I'm very interested in the mechanism that causes us to become so hardened as we get older. My pet theory is it's the fear that you're losing your independence and security.
And so you kind of varnish over a lot of your shortcomings with like strong insistence. And like, you know, I'm going to prove to you that you can't put me in a home because I'm so strong willed, which of course just looks pathetic most of the time. And instead he's a guy in his, what, probably 70s going like I'm taking life one day at a time. And it's like if Joe Walsh can do it, guys, you can too. Not that I'm saying you should drink all you want, but whatever. Do your thing. You be you. But taking that moment to be a vulnerable version of yourself, there's worse things you can do to sort of moisturize your calloused, aging soul than to just stop for a fucking minute and go, if this isn't nice, I don't know what it is.
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