Bonus: Stop Bothering Hamlet

After show After show I almost didn't start recording after show after After I'm uh sorry for my tardiness um mis watching. I uh you know, I don't I don't think it's a sign of character personally. I uh yeah, it's it's a good idea. I know it's for babies! But I need it! I watched it three times in one day. I d I d yeah that is I What we're describing here what we're describing here is the closing bit from uh Chris Fleming stand-up thing on his YouTube called Show Pig that I will put in notes. Oh, that's what uh tardy. Oh, his body is so funny. What he does, his little prancing and nude in the hallway, the way that little like dance he does. Oh my god. You need to put some clothes on! The way it keeps returning to it.

I have um a question. Yes. Um Yeah of course everybody uh in our kind audience has now watched this bit, hopefully. Why is there a night watchman? Did I I wonder a lot about how comedians work. And I wonder a lot of people. But even in the the like let's say in theory that comedians made things up. But but I think there's a kind of I can't and this is why I say I'm trying to lay some groundwork here for this observation. The groundwork is that, you know, you look at somebody like John Mullaney or Jerry Seinfeld or like, you know, stand-ups who have like tuned like every cubic inch of what they do in a way where it doesn't seem tuned. You know, with Chris Fleming, I I've seen him live once and I've watched everything he's ever done, I think, including his recent appearance on After Midnight, which is not a very funny show.

Um, but but he's he's just funny, um and smart to me. And I can I can't I don't know this is even a dumb thing to ask. It's like they said on on It's like they said on that episode of Search Engine, when you look at these memes and GigaChat stuff, like is it a bit or is it not a bit? And the guy goes, Well, you're you you're kinda asking the wrong question. Like if you have to ask whether it's a bit. And I think that about comedy, because it's all made up. But I think sometimes he misspeaks or sometimes he and I think Night Watchmen he that might have been a very specific word choice that he made, but it it was it is weird. I think he meant security guard. Oh. Maybe this is a New England thing that we don't even know about.

That uh the the watchman there always called the night The night man. When you're driving your father around in a golf cart while listening to the Tarzan soundtrack? Okay, Chris, buddy. Gotta slow it down. My god, he's funny to me. Here's the people I think are funny. Actually, I started a list. I've started a list of people I think are funny. If I can find it. My system is getting very, very convoluted. um system of uh where I put stuff. Um but I was thinking like I think Chris Fleming, Stuart Lee, and John Mulaney. off the dome are three of I think both both the funniest and smartest comedians that I'm spending a lot of time with. Stuart Lee is isn't spent that much time ever with Stuart Lee.

In fact, one of his comedy specials is is called, I think it's called If You Prefer a Milder comedian Please Ask for One or something like that. But he's um he's meta comic he's meta doing meta comedy anti-comedy in like the smartest and funniest way possible. Where it's almost like a one man herald, except it's all written. Where he like brings stuff around and um I'll recommend to you what I recommended to Syracuse and I will send this to you, which is his TV show. um is called uh st uh uh uh s uh wait, I'm having a brain for it. Stuart Lee's comedy vehicle. Ran for four seasons on the BBC two, I think. And um I'll send you an episode of that that involves uh a racist cab driver that that I quote a lot.

Oh, these days these days you get arrested and thrown in jail just for saying you're English. That'll be funny later. Uh uh I can't find that was my list. Who do you like? Who makes you laugh? Do you like to laugh? No, no. Stuart laugh. Uh who makes me laugh lately? Uh Jay, uh H. John Benjamin lately, both In cartoon. In everything. And yeah, yeah. Cartoon and real Benjamin has a van. And the oh god, so good. I'd never uh baby Nathan Fielder. The wait, did you do you know this? Yeah, Nathan Fielder was uh was on John Benjamin has a van. And he's very Nathan Fieldery. God. Oh, th I like to think of domino effects and there's kind of a, you know, f somewhat famous anecdote now about how Elon Musk really wants to be funny, obviously, but he tried to get Nathan Fielder to laugh and kept trying to get him to laugh and wouldn't fight him at two his factories.

What? And I just yeah. Yeah, it was in the most rec it it was in the first official biography from years and years ago, but also in the New York uh New York Times article about his ketamine use and all of The that Sid how he's a a socialite, as they say, and he just w he just wants to make him laugh and I'm like okay The Yeah. What are the dire, dire consequences made Trump mad? I know. Oh, I see what you're saying, like Barack Obama's, you know, thing. I I I uh my angle into this Like, I I get to imagine people are laughing at what I say because I record podcasts regularly that I hope are funny to somebody. But you know where it's r really shows? And it's why people hate me online. Well, one of the eleven reasons people hate me online.

But um is that a a a phenomenon that I'm gonna call playing DJ? I think Donald Trump, I think Elon Musk, and I think me, I, one, all like to play DJ. And And by that I mean, yeah, like gimme the ox. You're gonna listen to what I think we should listen to now. We're gonna flip the it drives Billy crazy how quickly I go through YouTube videos. Like, but I I want people to sit there and appreciate my taste or my sense of humor. And I think the same is true for those two fellas. They really want a captive audience who has to sit there and tell them that they're smart or funny or good looking or whatever. But I don't know if you're not going to be able to do that. He doesn't want to do the work. Elon Musk doesn't understand how to do the work of becoming funny because he lacks he he appears from a distance anyway.

Uh I was at a party party with him once once, but I I if I met him I was too drunk to remember. You don't know this? No. Me? Roderick and John Hodgman were at uh a party w uh a a a Twitter adjacent party that he was at. And I was so drunk I I just left and went home. 'Cause I accidentally I don't usually get drunk, like Too drunk and I was like whoop I know enough to know, time for me to get in a cab Whoop But but no, but I mean like it's to It's he's in I don't know. I haven't I I I really I'm not trying to be cute about this. I honestly don't want to think about this too much. I don't like thinking about the guy, but also it's it's ridiculous to try and explain or understand, you know, aspects of strangers.

But but what I do recognize is he wants to play DJ. I want you to listen to like Like I've been cu re curating this list of power pop songs over the last couple days that I started it a couple of years ago and Like I I sweat like what order they're in. I do and I want people to sit and listen to the music I like and go, that's really good music. Not to make me cool, but just because I love the connection of somebody going like holy fuck I forgot how good Super Drag is. Why don't I listen to Super Drag all the time? Which I say to myself sometimes. But if from a distance. he's I don't know what the thing is that he lacks and I'm really not trying to make this a jokey bit but like to be to be funny even to a limited group of people, you kind of have to exist on a couple different levels, even if it's they're unconscious levels.

But You know, John Cleese said something once. He said a bunch of things that are really smart, but one of the things he said was talking about Basil Faulty on Faulty Towers. And I think it was talking about that, but but just something something he was doing they were all doing in the pythons, but he especially has done great at, which is like it's one thing to watch somebody doing something funny or to watch somebody doing something absurd. But like if if he's trying to put up a moose head on the wall and it falls on his head and then he has to go to the hospital, that's funny. But it's even funnier if somebody's watching him do it. like in the room is watching Basil fail. Like, would the Office UK be funny?

You know, it is funny when David Brent, you know, the opening talking about type up your C V See on Sunday for my sins. But it's way funnier when he tries to do a really cool dance at a party and he's failing so hard. Like watching an idiot fail and think they're pulling it off is unintentionally one of the funniest things in the world. And the reason I say that beyond two levels is like I don't know how other people's brains work. I don't really know how my brain works, but I know that I make connections between things. And in some nanosecond before my mouth opens, I try to form that I think my brain tries to form that into some kind of a coded connection that will have maximum poetic impact by being as economical as possible.

Which I think is annoying to some people, because I don't like to explain jokes. I don't like to point out things. So like that post on Blue Sky, right? First image, they found this guy's notebook. Second image, something only a hundred people will know, which is I very famously wrote Jeff Goldblum in a notebook once and circled it and I don't know why. I thought that was funny Because I could so like to me comedy in that instance is cutting out everything you can, like the impulse to say, wow, I hope they don't find my notebooks. Wink! No, you got let them make the connection. It's like solving a puzzle. Like puzzles exist because we like to challenge ourselves uh with things that that go from chaos to order and that we have agency in creating order out of that chaos.

Puzzles aren't fun if you always cheat, unless that's what you like. And I think there's something about Elon Musk, I don't wanna I I'm tempted to say, and I know he's supposedly or maybe medically diagnosed as being somewhere on the spectrum, and I don't even want to get into that. Cause boy, if that was a bar, nobody'd be on the internet. But he but uh but but he But he seems it's sort of like if I I almost feel like if I go into you think about the first episode of Freaks and Geeks, there's a really funny bit where the three boys are like doing Bill Murray impersonations. Like like quoting Caddyshack, which is so real to somebody like me. Like, for me it was like Steve Martin. Like I knew every word that Steve Martin had ever said.

But like As a 58-year-old man, for me to walk into a party and go, well, excuse me, like it can be funny on one level, but it lacks that basic contextual part of like, how does that fit into what we're doing here? And like, and then for me to walk into the room, for example, the only thing worse than that might be for me to walk into the room, say, Well, excuse me, and then announce that that is something Steve Martin said that's funny. And I think that's r I mean I'm not trying to be unkind. I think that's roughly at the level of sophistication Elon Musk is is at. But I don't I don't I think he enjoys humor, but I don't think he's a funny person. And I think a lot of us feel like if if we uh and I'm not Tootin' anybody's horn, but I mean I think it's just true.

I mean, all comedians are are depressed assholes. Like they're not happy people. It's not fun to hang out with most comics. Full stop. I don't at least in my experience. Like the backstage, it's just it's mostly more about like Shakespearean levels of backstabbing among people in the comedy industry, in my opinion. But that's why I Only took one show in particular with You Look Nice today for me to go like, you know what, maybe I don't want to do this for a job because this is not who I want to spend my day with. But anyway, it was a particular uh There's a particular show we did, I think, in Portland. I s think it was at the Bridgetown comedy thing. I remember Reggie Watts was there. Um but there's this one guy who everybody was touting as this like, oh my God.

I this is going to be an old reference, but along the lines of I mean like a very super dry But like a guy who was very, very funny on stage, cause he had come up with this, I guess, persona and this bit that it was very funny. But backstage He wasn't even unpleasant. He was practically non-existent. It he was like a a shell that was uh occasionally filled with comedy, like like some kind of a French pastry. But he certainly didn't seem very happy and he wasn't very fun to hang out with. Yeah, it was one particular show. 'Cause we talked about it. I was like, hey Scott, you think you should quit the paper company? Maybe we'll do this for a living. Oh. Oh my! I didn't know. Uh uh l like a three-ring binder?

That was no before that. Before that. Oh. Well Adam didn't used to be rich and famous. He used to just be Adam. He didn't used to be so high status. Part of the fun was Adam used to be kind of play low status. You ever read Impro? You ever read uh Impro by Keith Johnstone? I have not. Well, you know all books about theater and improv and everything, they're all annoying. But he really pioneered a s I mean, he's the one I think who put a name to like high status and low status in comedy. And how like Jeeves and Worcester are funny in part, but those two actors are brilliant, but they're also funny because Jeeves is theoretically the high status or excuse me, um uh Bert Bertie is this is seemingly the high status person But he kind of comes off as the look.

Again, David Brent. Yeah, I always come back to David Brent because it's such a good example. He thinks he's doing great. You know, uh but you know, but you can play low status in a way that's extremely funny. Or you look at something like Black Adder and the way that Rowan uh Atkinson plays high status and it becomes very funny and absurd. But I don't know. Elon Musk just he doesn't seem I don't know. He seems really burdened to me. He really seems like I guess another phrase from my mother's generation, he seems like he's got a chip on his shoulder. And like I don't think he does that much stuff that actually makes him happy for more than a little while. And you know, I mean he is like a comedian in the sense that he's obviously very unhappy and emotionally unstable.

I didn't not introduce it. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. First and foremost, I'm a fan. That's the always the thing to remember about me. I feel no. Dishonor in the fact that I jump off from the point of being a fan, and somebody who's theoretically doing this job for theoretical Well, theoretical living. I'm not afraid to go quote as the Chris Fleming thing and then say it's Chris Fleming. If I were on stage, if I were in the proscenium I would adopt a different tone and material for that because you you have to be sensitive to how people see what you're doing right now to understand what can be funny. And if you lack that and just think everybody's stupid because they didn't like your your GigaChad meme or whatever.

I'm I'm just taken aback by um the amount that w you you've said about Elon Musk because uh did not expect that and y you were quite empathetic, but uh to two, you know. He's not a happy person, Alex. I mean, he's not no, well the obviously that is a man who might have a tragic end. And I'm not doing like a bit like I'm not sure. No, no, no. No, that guy that guy all that guy seems like he's about eighteen hours away from the edge at all time. Oh, for sure. Uh but you y I w I was like, oh man, uh if Elon Musk uh l listen to the I this is where I very much disagree. All of the things you just said about comedy, I don't think Elon Musk would understand, let alone. Well he would claim to understand and he would learn the facts of it, but he he's not funny in his bones.

He doesn't he doesn't get like w what the thing is that makes a funny thing funny, I I think Oh, absolutely not. And I don't think he cares about actually being funny. I think it's It's the perception of the thing. On that I disagree. Yeah, but he doesn't that's why he steals, I mean, well quote steals uh m memes. He just wants to people to be like, aha, isn't this good? Yeah, I'm good. It's uh I'm a poster. I'm like you guys. Yeah. But the fucking company. And uh C command V Yeah, but he c it's because he doesn't care about comedy. He cares about people liking him and thinking that he's a very good thing. He wants those people to go like, wow, that kid we bullied, he's the richest man in the world, and he's really fucking funny.

You don't get to pick what scars you in life. I ho I I you know, I uh hope that m i it is that deep and there's like a s like just some semblance of a hole a hole uh there. It's not Hannibal Lecter. I don't think he's I don't think he's that much of an operator. Uh well oh d I don't think there's anything up there an anymore. The late to gr I do believe that uh you are uh uh uh uh just uh uh totally on point in terms of Trump. He puts thought into those playlists the way you do. I guess so, but I mean supposedly at Mar-a Lago, just the whole situation at Mar-a-Lago sounds so fucking funny to me. We talked about this where he walks into a room and gets a standing ovation no matter what he does.

And apparently at night sometimes he likes to shuffle down to his little ballroom and grab the ox. And and I guess just play Nessendorma for two hours. Well he while he while he while he jiggles slowly. Oh There was the a little clip of, you know, uh Trump and Elon Musk and Thanksgiving and YMCA is playing and he's like uh Trump is like banging on the no he's like banging it on the table like like and then like shaking Elon Musk he's so excited he's just so into it and and Musk was like uh Ah yeah. And I'm like that is a man who is just having the fucking time of his life and does I I think he has a way to put off the scene. Have you seen I don't know if they're just finding more h D photos of him But I'm not I'm not supposed to talk about this stuff anymore.

Um tell me about your spawn because it's unkind to talk about people's appearance and I know that and yet I still do it. Um what um what was your spa experience? Oh I had uh th a friend uh well two two friends got married uh a few weeks ago and their wedding took Yeah, I'm I'm saying I knew both of the people, so it wasn't one of those weddings where you're like, oh no. I figured it's one of those modern weddings where you can't tell if it's a workspace or a thropple or Well it did take place at uh uh no uh are they still running Wii OS over there? They should probably give it a service update. We OS. Okay, two friends got married. Uh two I didn't say gay, actually. One of the I didn't say gay either.

Don't say gay. That's the bill. That's what Mr. DeSantis told us to not say. Don't say you didn't say it, because I'll know. Anyway, your black friends are getting married. Oh my god. No. Uh the uh the They decided to get married at the all- Oh, I hate websites like this so much. Yes. Yes. And God, seraphs do not make you fancy, friend. No. And yeah, l let's let let's say Um I wouldn't be the kind of person to enjoy spas or chill, relaxing music and uh uh a place where there is a uh both a steam room and a salt water bath that makes you a bit more. Before you even get into the fact that you're also surrounded by rich people who are used to this But yes. That is part of it. Well people who are very happy to accept intimate personal care from strangers, which I find I hate it.

I fucking hate it. I want to love it, but I hate it. I I I do not receive I do not receive obeisance and uh supplication. I do not accept that In a wholesome and gracious way. It kind of grinds my gears. Oh, which is why I would normally dread not normally, often, uh Like yeah, yeah, when you're a lady, sometimes you just get pulled into spawn makeup and it just happens. Yeah, yeah. But this, uh, my friends got married and they bought out this whole or like rented the whole place for the day. So there was no one There there were no uh well they're rich, but no other rich people around you cryptids and rejects hanging around in ideals. Honestly It was it was literally uh they're not gay, but the antipr I think pretty much the rest of the touchy about it.

Wait, you went to a wedding for breeders? Wow, must be nice. I know, right. We bought the spa. Have you ever been to the ancient baths, Alex? Have you ever gone to the ancient baths? Don't want you to have to believe it. No. Um, but I I Oh w this is the first time um also that Matt had been around uh uh a lot of our f friends who had moved to New York during the pandemic because All the radio people, all the game people, you know, and uh m m Matt literally came home from top surgery the day Chicago shut down. Oh so it's kinda Matt's coming out party, so to speak. Well it it it it ended up being this thing. He's like, Oh Uh it and uh you have a friend a friend of the show, Kevin, like like, oh, we're going to uh the men's dressing room.

And he's like, oh, oh yeah. And I and it was Well, it was funny because uh there were enough people like me and Emmet like w who are queer that were like, What? W what sort of uh locker room situation should we we do? Yeah, what can what can what can I anticipate and help make less stressful? The And and our friends had absolutely anticipated this and literally told everyone before the uh He gave you a filthy little tent outside. See, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cryptids only. No. No fat chips. And that was that was the thing. It was like it was this this ended up being a bunch of uh weird art f freaks. who are incredibly self-conscious about not uh my friend's getting married, but most of us incredibly self-conscious about our bodies, h hate ourselves and like would never ever have an experience like the not not just like ha spa experience, but an experience where you are just like What's the song he's what's the song he sings?

Uh it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. It doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. You need to put some clothes on. Not It wasn't a naked spa thing. I don't I don't think I could I would I no I don't think I know I would be like ho ho no but uh I I it was Br interesting to have all of the uh uh website knit, like if you look at mm, like all of the seraphs Stripped away and just be like you wanna sit in some warm water with candles w which c I'm like, no, no, no, no, until uh unt until I was in a a steam room and just Com like, you know how you want to be professionally uh stretched? I didn't know that I wanted um c to re professionally relax, although it was a wedding. Apart apart from the okay, the drops coming off of the ceiling come completely freak me out because it makes me think about all the humanity that's in that air and now dripping on me.

But I like a steam room more than almost anything. I had never been in a steam room before. I mean I I like saunas, I like whirlpools, I like all that kind of stuff. But like there have been times when we go and stay at a hotel and like we just we're all gonna do our thing for the day and like I'll just have a water day or I'll just go and I'll I'll swim a tiny bit, but mostly I just move between different degrees of temperature and water. And I I fucking love that. I had n never experienced any anything uh l like that. Um the cold just face to face W with your sister's boyfriend? Git Mother style? But I did it. I did it. I did it. I know it's for babies. Don't you love how he picks the strong men out of the audience to carry him?

You guys, you guys, fuck you guys. You should get really into Chris Fleming, you guys. And how did you handle it? Were you, well can I ask? Were you anticipating okay, the event in general and the steamer in particular. Were you anticipating this with anxiety? Oh, well, uh it Immediately when our our friends were like we knew that they were gonna do something fucking weird for their wedding because they're amazing and you've you've met the sort of people that I hang aro around. Yeah, it sounds a lot like my like I told you I went to my you know my niece's wedding in in New York and I think I told you about that. Oh my god I met this couple at a party. I so uh this party I told you about this right there's Lila who's from her family's from Persia.

The Persian, you know, Iran fr came out over in the seventies. And then you got Molly's family, which is, you know, Madeline's family. And oh my god, and they're all people so like both of them, Molly and uh Layla both worked in s New York City government. Usually in like outreach stuff and helping people with housing and I had a 45 minute conversation about the power broker with a couple there. And I was in love with both of them. No, I know what you mean though, but like, yeah, and there were like some pretty high like I said, I met W Les Win Liz Winstead there, uh Molly's boss, the Daily Show co-creator. Um, it's like a little bit of uh my stars in your eyes kind of thing with big New York comedy and government people all together.

I bet it's similar to that. N I mean uh i well, I suppose so, but but give me the short description of this crowd. Is it artsy crowd? Is it academic? Musical. On the Titanic, they would be in steerage I have a podcast. I'm gonna die in 30 minutes here on the deck. Let me sing an Italian song for a gym. Oh god. We I mean we all knew each other from either uh cards or doing like game and and podcast stuff. That's a real community, right? And all the conferences and like you just run into the same characters probably, right? Right. And we we had most of us had not seen each other in like l literally four years, because everyone moves to New York And I not moved to New York. But the um uh I it was also the first time in forever that I had been around uh other people who uh like Like folks who had had top surgery who who weren't Matt and were also like our flavor of queer and not like uh not on like the binary spectrum as what and like our friends had anticipated that and known like these people are m gonna be more comfortable in uh uh by the people.

Uh like the people are going to want to be a little bit more than a lot of people. Yeah, yeah. Some of my best friends are you people. Not best friends. But I've met you people. I used to work with one of you people. I'm pretty sure. Either that or that was a really short security guard. Okay. I don't know. Oh God. I'm gonna have side surgery, I think. The Is that a thing? Elon kind of buy a fuckable foot. Maybe maybe I'll maybe I'll I'll get uh get a keyhole keyhole in my rib cage somebody. Maybe maybe Elon could fuck that on. I don't know if you made a really good joke. You've never told me what a key No I don't. You talk about it and I don't want to talk about it. I don't know what it is. I'm merely making the reference.

I'm I'm musking. I'm musking. You ever get a side key? Oh shit man. Oh you're gonna be you're gonna be the rage of the village with your new side hole. Oh this new top? Did you buy that new top because of your tattoo? No, no, this one is because of my key side. Slide key. It supports blue teeth. Before I had key, this is the kind of button. Someday I'll find out, but I like not knowing. I still haven't seen the video of the the Hoktua girl. I was thinking today how I still haven't seen that video. And I know somebody's gonna spring in on me at some point where I'll have to see it. But as of December 11th, 2024, I still I still don't really know what Hoktua is. Uh you explained it to me. There's a girl in a video who says you should sp I spit on something.

And now that's yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh I and then I knew now. Yes, mm-hmm. The man. She's a little bit more than a little bit. I I mean honestly, in terms of uh national discourse, she g got pretty lucky at the t with the milkshake duck course and she sp Speedrunned it. How do you say it? Speed run? Speed run? Speed speed run it. That's how Shakespeare would say it. Learned. Learned. Instruments Learn Son. Oh Papa Holmes. And he said, and okay, so um I want you to pick up the buttons at Um, no, no, I'm not editing here. The um you're gonna I wanna where I want to come back is where you said blah, blah, blah. Our friends would be more comfortable. My question to you, um, what you said kind of fast, when you talked about uh on the gender spectrum?

Like we're we're it's like it's n it's not like uh so if you were like non-binary ace like this is more like a straight up we're changing the letter on the driver's license You know me. Is that the idea? Yeah. Uh well tell me what you meant by that. By uh I would say in terms of gender spectrum, there would be more it you know, male on left, female on right, most pe uh gender spectrum? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What is what's the what's the what's the ten second pitch on what that means? Um how closely you align with your assigned at birth Yeah, how closely you are aligned with the typical typically societally binary genders of male individuals. So like non-gender conforming is somewhere on that spectrum?

Okay. Mm-hmm. Yes, and people, you know, choose whatever they they want. So like mm-hmm. Well they share, they share what is true is what they do. You got sorted wrong I didn't even realize you were in Slytherin. You know what I mean. Do you know what a keyhole is? It's a surgery that you have, medically. Yes. Yes. That's why I killed that guy in New York is because I couldn't get my side fucker. It wasn't covered. Wasn't covered. They said you need uh prior approval. Is that what it's called? Oh my god. And so and then we're coming back to um people would be happier more comfortable. Oh, it was just fascinating to Be in a spa situation. Cause again for the for the lady folks you're pulled into what did you call the hen hen parties?

I don't know. Oh no, like that was that's an English phrase for like bachelorette parties Yeah. But that's what I always think of when you think about m in the same way that I have way too often, you know, you love the person who's getting married, maybe you're in the wedding party, but it's like I had I had to be I had an interaction I don't even know what we what we say anymore, but a woman had been hired to dance at this party. And um I have an experience with her th that I still think about and feel extremely bad about. And the the first reason I feel bad about it is like, oh, I can't believe I did that. But then the other thing was the bigger one really was like, God damn it, Merlin. You've got a barometer for these things.

And as much as it makes you come off as a prude, if you can be a gentleman about being a prude, it'll help you avoid situations you never should have been in. And that's where you get dragged into uh the the limo with the with the black lights in it and go stick your head out the top and I remember it was Genie in the Bottle by Christina Aguilera was playing, I'll never forget it. Oh yeah. Oh that I think I accidentally tipped her too much and then she did more than I was really anticipating. Oh my god, that sucks. I am sorry. I should have eaten first. So how did what happened at the uh at the spa? Oh, uh I d uh when I I I almost said nothing and but in in in a way that that's good. Uh yeah, and uh never in my life and n never in uh a lot of my friends' lives were like, oh, we are going into a pl uh a place involving bathing suits where no one is afraid of us.

We are openly like uncomfortable with one another. It'd be a talk about HR most of us have worked out at some point like jokingly be like guys I am going to s uh uh someone was like I'm going to go change in the stall because this is weird. Like absolutely it was like oh God But you can feel that we are national discourse. But you can feel that the the vibe. I'm really this is absolutely not meant as being condescending or anything even approaching it, but I'm avoiding saying I'm proud of you, but it sounds like you handled that really well, where like I don't know if I would have handled that well at all, and maybe that's the point, but you know, just because I'm so I mean I don't care about being naked, but I sure don't want to see other people.

It's like, you know, it's like farts orgasms in poetry. Like mine are awesome and everybody else's is excorable. Like I just I don't want to be in the Korean spa, even if it's with Stephen Yoon. Right. But you sound like you hail like and you but you got a vibe that put you at ease. I w I'm not sure. This is really impressive, Alex. I gotta say. It what made me ha uh really happy and I suppose yes a little bit proud of myself the more so that I'm like, wow, I really lucked out and have a really great community of people that I don't interact with enough just like Yeah. And being able to also acknowledge that we're we're in this very weird p and like because some of our friend like our friends are very rich and have done this very weird and beautiful thing, just uh like all being very self aware about our own discomf many of us being queer and trans, like discomfort around our own genders and being like, Yeah, oh yep, uh are we are you doing the bathing suit thing?

Are we like types of uh Like for for me, wearing a a bathing suit is is weird, but we uh being able to wear a I love to wear a bathing suit. I uh I I look good, I feel good, I know I'm gonna be out in the sun. Oh, I love it. I I mean I literally st I have to do that. Oh no, I am looking forward to like about when I would like post top surgery will be able to just not like that's oh well I'm going to l what one uh no uh no or at least very little dysphoria too. I get to make um friend of the show, uh founder of Cox's Cux, Kara Fagan, so uncomfortable. Because when you send me that photo, you're going to be able to do that. I think you guys were at the beach. And she's like, oh whatever, we're just hanging out at the beach.

And I was like, fucking A. I don't know if this is appropriate to say. Well first of all, Matt looks fucking awesome. But also I'm like, man, that kid, that's gotta feel so good. Not just the like I can take my shirt off, but the like I can just be out here, I don't have a shirt on, and I'm just playing it off legit. And like I can't even imagine, this is inappropriate to say, but I just I can't even imagine what it takes to get to that point. The uh that that was I mean I'm assigned male. You understand what I mean, right? No, of course yeah, of course. This is I I I'm gonna make the bull brave bold statement and say that being uncomfortable in uh uh bathing attire isn't just a trans issue. I I've heard I've heard that you nor means well some some of you may remember a little cartoon called Kathy.

In the nineteen seventies. About a young woman who had a heck of a time because she had to get a bathing suit, uh swimsuit season, and she needs to go somewhere in a bathing suit with Irving, and she's in the room trying on the bathing suit. And you know what she said? She says, ACK. That's what she said. Poor Kathy. Oh it has said Kathy. Ack. Oh the Now I need to look at the uh show art. Um the it uh God, what was my point? Oh, just uh being around other humans that e uh everyone was chill. And then um uh experiencing a a place where you are uh expected to relax normally definitely not my thing like you you know don't uh don't want to go to a place where everyone has to meditate. Don't want to, you know, do any of that.

But having um I don't want to be anywhere where I can't just look at my phone. Yes. That's that's I no one wants to say it, but that's part of it is like if I could just go sit on a balcony and look at my phone, I'd be fine to not have a shirt on. Even though I actually do prefer to have a shirt on. I'm just broken like that. But sorry, you're you're saying. And well i yeah, s uh spa can't have phones, that really sucks. Oh, but what if there was a specific spot where you could take a little phone break and some people miss. Well a and uh it it made a couple of us r realize a f a couple of our friends at the wedding and uh when I say a couple of us, I mean mostly just just me and another friend being like, Oh man Maybe a lot of our discomfort in life right now is like just dysphoria and we're just not talking about it.

And also we're not uh not it's not just like going to spa things. We really aren't, you know being normal and out in the world often with people. Narely. How comfortable we are with you being around. I don't know if you've ever had that experience. There's There's uh oh I didn't mean to make that Trump uh story depressing. It was that they had the worst music and the f the the weird flags, like okay No, I was just just the uh the like Trump flags that aren't the official Make America Great again flags. Wow, there are some choice designs that I'm not a fan of. Uh but the It's so weird to me when I go anywhere that's not where I live. And I'll inevitably see I'm I'm sorry, this shows you how sheltered I am.

How it is that I'm able to conduct myself with such confidence about the things that I believe in might be useful to other people. But uh no, I'm I'm often really struck when I'll see like a fence with a bunch of Trump signs on it. And I'm like, it's like Captain Von Trapp coming home and finding the flag over his door. It's like what the fuck? You guys just have that like on your car? Like fuck. And apparently that's America. Did you know? I I think I think uh something I heard yesterday on cable news that um Over fifty percent of Americans are very satisfied with how um Mr. Trump is conducting his uh transition. Yes. Yeah. Gonna be killing it in Greece. The um that that was the the end of uh my my story was not uh or or rather like I think that there uh will be more places soon where not not just for like queer people, but imagine getting a massage where it is not expected that you need to listen to special music and uh here.

For it to be more the phrase I would use is more functional. Like I don't want this to be an aesthetic experience. I would like a functional experience. Yeah. I don't need you to do any like black magic and I don't know. I don't want to hurt anybody's sensibilities, but like I I I'm sure cupping is useful. I don't want any of that. I just want I want to go somewhere. I want you to help me feel it's I feel the same way about sex work. Uh we're like like uh I I've personally never patronized a sex worker that I'm aware of. But like I would be so much more open to that if it weren't so fraught with all of like what I think about in terms of like is but it's not just that. It's it's true for almost anything.

It's true for going out to dinner. There's so many things where I'm like all the Falderall that's involved with this and all the cultural baggage of this thing, like a spa or whatever, is just is so much more overwhelmingly not fun for me than the part that's nominally fun for other people. Other people are always having more fun than me at these things. I I think that The communication part is a lot bigger than I ever thought because I you can't really say, hey guys, I don't want to go to this dinner place because it it will feel awkward and like what what do we spit split the bill blah blah blah. Right. Oh my god. Uh one time we went out to dinner with my sister in law and Madeline I did not have a lot of money and she ordered wine and we just looked at each other like, Oh, this is gonna change the next two weeks of our life.

Like I I and now I still because I'm a poor kid, I will always just live in constant fear of those situ or I will also constantly on someone else's behalf without being asked, I would be worried for them. I would be fretful for them. Oh There's not that many I mean there's just there's so many situations that again, so fraught, so much baggage, but now you've seen a glimmer of hope. In the world and in yourself, it strikes me. You did it. You survived it. Whatever th whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. A little longer. But you you have an uh uh just repeatedly uh really g right about how the stereotype of uh, you know, we people, um, uh com like um I won't even say overcommunicating, just being very open as uh I was not kidding earlier.

I got I won't say the person's name, but I got the nicest fucking email uh a little bit after the election from a friend on the internet and I I practically, you know, I got practically got weepy about it. Just like it's a hard time, especially for people like me and people like your kid. And like, I really hope he's doing okay. And it was just it was so it meant so much to me. And when I wrote back to the person, I also said, you know, like, this is This community has been so unnecessarily kind to me and on top of that has been so unnecessarily supportive of me. So I I'm I'm being funny to be funny, I hope, but like I I I'm very impressed. I'm very impressed with the level of are you okay? I actually really am.

And I think it means a lot. The uh I mean I think um uh oh Ma Max I think Max sent you the picture of a um uh pr presentation I gave during like this kind of joke. Yes, your post-election post-mortem where you explained how trans people ruin the election. Uh yes. I d uh I don't think I'm Yeah, tell me something I don't know. The well uh there were there were some like great established woke mine virus, man. Yeah, yeah, it was uh I did not think that that was going to be a controversial opinion that I would have during the fun like bit that I was doing. Well, with my three three laptops, none of that were actually working. Look, you can be queer, you can be queer or you can be ironic, but you cannot be both.

The uh yeah, yeah. That would make you bicultural, and then that's a whole different thing. The um oh no, it didn't make any queer people mad. It Yeah. Oh discomfited the afflicted and afflicted the discomfited No what is the phrase? To comfort to comfort the comfort is I think the correct word. There's one that's like to Uh comfort the wait, to comfort the afflicted and then uh fuck it, I don't care. Uh but anyway it was a straight thing. Speak truth to power. Yes, thank you. Stand in my power. Yes, queen. Oh man. What a girl boss. It's okay if I appropriate queer culture if it's gay queer culture. Also, why do they talk like that? Why do they say yas? Why don't they learn the language? Um the this tied into the main epi Oh, oh I also have a I also have an important remark.

I also have an important remark about this. Oh please. Well, I'm gonna say something basic that I I just think about. Like especially as somebody who had to take a baby into public bathrooms, you know, when the kid was a baby. You do a lot of diaper changing, you do a lot of like trying to get to the potty in time. There's a lot of like You know, and my my kid and I have spent a lot my little kid then and I spent a lot of time out together in the world and like I don't know man, we just had some pretty weird experiences. in bathrooms in San Francisco, which I guess maybe is somewhat unsurprising, but this is not a brilliant uh realization, but it is a a good level setter, like all the stuff that people worry about with queer people, trans people, what you know, wha all the things that people worry about in these public places, it's like You they're worried about stuff that nobody should be doing.

Like it would be like saying like, okay, well like uh we need to like close the bathrooms on BART because there's this one guy who cu keeps coming in there. um singing the mar la marce la Marcia and and taking a shit in a sink. And we're like we've got to have that guy not be here anymore. And then somebody could say, well for example, well I don't want trans people using the bathroom because they might shit in the sink. And you're like, dude You know, it's like it's like gun laws or like any of those things where like, dude, we already have rules about this. You're already like this is a very Trumpian thing in some ways, is like Like we are you're already not allowed to vote if you're not a citizen.

Do you do you know that? Do you know you're not allowed to to do that's already a law. Like uh you know we you're already not allowed to like twirl a gun around on your finger and say yee haw and shoot in the sky. We don't need new laws. Well we may need new laws, but we really need to enforce the ones that we've got. Same's true for cultural mores What the fuck do you think do you think that there's some assigned male at birth woman who's just l laying in wait in the bathroom like some some kind of tremendous gargantuan gargoyle waiting to do whatever to your kid? It's like nobody's allowed to do that. And to like make that easy pivot to demonize the people as that you see as other, but like I guess I just it's so frustrating to me because it's like we're looking for a standard of behavior and s civil behavior in public and public discourse.

Like we're asking everybody to not be a dick. Like how about no predators in the bathroom? Can we just do that? Whoa, hot take. I don't know, and I'm not trying to be, I'm not trying to like, you know, I'm very inflicted with the woke mind virus, but like And then the other thing is, uh, long story short, very fucking funny. Monday Billy texts me texts me and is like, Well, I guess it's finally gonna happen. I gotta watch Hamlet. I'm like, Oh no, that's cool. So what's up? He's like, Well, I I so I had to pick something to analyze. And he's re he's read the the the the play. Because I had to pick something to analyze for AP Lit which oddly enough is called uh don't ask, but it's a AP literature.

And it's like, oh and I I I I panicked and picked whatever it was, uh Act three scene four or whatever of Hamlet and whatever it was, I instantly was like, No, you didn't. You didn't pick that, did you? So fucking basic. And look you picked the The famous soliloquy is that the uh yeah, whether it's nobler, you know, the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Go back and listen to that almost every single line of that speech. is something that is now like a phrase that people use. It's bananas. Long story short. So I'm like, I'm trying to, you know, because Merlin 4. 0, I gotta play it off legit. I gotta be cool. Oh yeah, cool, cool. Whatever. Whatever. Just let me know what you want to do. And and he's like, Oh yeah, so I gotta watch Hamlet tonight.

I said he said, you know, w do should we watch the one that you like? I said, Yeah, I think the 1996 Cannon Movie is good, but I have to tell you, I said I think it's just about four hours. And he's like, well, just I'll get home as soon as I can. And he just sat there the entire time, like with the book open, with a lap desk, making notes in the margins, writing up all this stuff. And it was really fun. I think he enjoyed it, you know. I hope he enjoyed it. But We get I don't know how much you remember about Hamlet, but like you remember um who's f Polonius? No yeah, Polonius, right? That's the father of Laertes and um and um the girl in the in the lake. Uh anyway, the fat you know, neither a borrower nor a lender be, that guy.

He's such a fucking piece of shit. And like the entire time, first of all, you know, early on in the in the play, Billy's going like, man, does this guy just have nothing else to do? Except sit around and gaslight and fuck with people. Also, this is finally the viewing of Hamlet where I realized that it's a it's an incredible play about gaslighting. And how gaslighting makes you crazy. Um, but but it's like we're like, yeah, yeah, well what the fuck? Like don't you have no, you're in the court, like don't you have a job? And finally by halfway through we're screaming, get a blog! Like, why do you spend your whole day just interfering with other people and undermining them? And that's honestly I feel that's how I feel sometimes in a way that might need to be leavened with more exposure to people I don't know.

But my slot frequently is like, why do you make everything into a fucking problem? Like why do you why do you who why do you care where someone urinates? I mean, I know why you claim to care, but like there are a lot of people who actually think this is a problem now. And, you know, and so you know, what's her name? Uh Nancy Mace, the one who like went ham on the on the woman in Congress. And it's like I get why you guys do that for the performance and for your career and all that stuff, but like Taking it away from the easy monkeys in a barrel of these fucking shithels, just regular people. It's like I say in the document, right? Sometimes it's easier not to be terrible. And I honestly feel like there's sometimes people that don't realize you don't have to have an opinion about everything, let alone a strong opinion about everything.

And you also you don't have to be a piece of shit all the time. It's not actually making you better. It's not actually making you stronger. It's protecting you from nothing. It's just it's a it's just a set of demon dogs that you've loosed on yourself and consequently on the rest of the world. Why don't you fucking calm down? Like get a blog and stop bothering Hamlet. Do you understand how upset he is? Boy, you know a great you know a great phrase in there, uh the phrase incestuous sheets. Oh my god. Let me let me find the soliloquy. Um, I'm gonna find the soliloquy. Want to see what else I had on my list. Oh, I wanted to ask you about how you manage passwords. I had a recommendation for a challenge.

I'm gonna send you Stuart Lee. Passwords? Passwords. I'm gonna go through here and try to find it's I think it's Act 3, scene three, probably Um boy that Kenneth Branner movie is good. Kate Winslett, she's so little in it. Oh, she's in. Yeah, she's um it's two years, two or three years before Titanic. She was the first thing I ever saw her in was that was an Australian movie. Remember? Uh uh uh uh Beast, uh Insufferable Beast Bad Girls. What was that movie called? No idea. Doesn't matter. Um let's see well see how can I find this Folger Shakespeare? I almost bought a $125 Shakespeare book on Monday, and then I thought better of it. A book about Shakespeare? Yeah, it's the collected Shakespeare.

It's not the Folger Library, but it's the other one. Um and it and it's really big. I'm gonna find this. So what's uh whether it's no blur to let's see, N-O-B-L-E-R. Like so, okay, so everybody knows the first line, of course, right? And like, you know, it's just it's a shame that this this play, it's like the Mona Lisa. It's been so diluted, you know, over time in the hall of the castle. Hamlet tells Horatio D scene three. Where's oh here we go. Take Hamlet to England. Oh that's after. Do you like it when I talk about Hamlet and try to look things up on the internet? I'm curious uh as why it's so difficult for you to find. I'm just trying to find okay, so it's Hamlet 3164 Hamlet 3, scene 1. Is that right?

That can't be right. But uh but I just I just wanted to read you some of the the phrases. You talk for a minute. Mm. I mean I am looking at this and trying to s I you know what I am not looking close enough, I suppose, because I don't know what we say. Oh no, I guess yeah. What are you talking about Alice? Yeah. Oh yeah yeah. Oh you're already there? Yeah Um you know what I could do? I could send you David Tennant's version. Oh, I I have uh I love yes. Isn't he so good in that? Yeah, Patrick Patrick Stewart is so great in that too. Yeah, I have six I have six versions of Hamlet if anybody ever needs it on my plex. Um Folgers three Four Hamlet Fultures scene of three. See, this is being such a piece of shit.

What are you at? Hey, tell me what acting scene you're in Oh, I don't know. It's just the poetry foundation from Hamlet spoken by Hamlet. That's fine. That's fine. Um Hamlet's little S O L I L O. And I'll say what I always say, which is, you know, this stuff is so much better if you get to hear it as we used to say in poetry, in the air, you know. It's okay, so here we go. So you know this one, blah, blah, blah. To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that's already the we've we've used that one arms arms opposing them to die. And it by opposing them and them to die to sleep no more, um to sleep Perchance to dream.

Aye, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause. There's the respect that makes calamity of so long a life for who would bear the whips and scorns of time, the oppressor's wrong, the proud man's um contumely, I don't know that word, the pangs of disprised love, the law's delay. This is so fucking gorgeous The insolence of office and the spurns, the patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he uh himself might m might his quietest make with a bare bodkin, who would fanfartles bear to grunt and sweat Uh undisc uh undiscovered country from whose born no traveler returns, puzzles the will, makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to the others that we know not of.

Thus conscious doth conscience doth make cowards of us all and thus the native hue of resolution is sickly over With the pale cast of thought and enterprises of great pith and moment with disregard their currents turn awry and lose the name of action. But it's really about gaslighting. W It is about so like he's not really crazy, right? Because at least not crazy in the usual way because we know the other people see the ghost too. I think this is about and I asked Chatty G about this and it gave me three very good examples of gaslighting in Hamlet. So I think it's a play about gaslighting And I blame that piece of shit Polonius for doing a lot of it. He lit that gas. I really took us off the rails, didn't I?

It's all it's really late there now for you. Sorry. No, it's not. It's four forty. The uh it barely it has barely started to get dark. Alright, I oh shit, fuck, I gotta edit this though, so we should do wanna oh wait, do you have you anything else to say? I manage my passwords in the passwords Mac app. And so you don't have you use just the passwords app on all your devices. And you don't have, regardless of whether you have it on a device, you don't have one password or other as like a a default filly inning. No, I just use passwords. And Of the passwords app. And I'm fluttering back and forth about it. Ri ri Ricky Ricky would be very mad at me probably. I just don't need like it it one password became a little bit too fussy and uh the No, I know it became I mean like on some level, gosh, I'm so sorry, I'm not trying to Talk down, but almost like Evernote, right?

Or like you're like, um, or like for that matter, Zoom. Like Zoom, like why is it so difficult for me to just Can I just have a thing where I just record calls and it always works? Like why do I have to keep making so many changes to settings? Or like for example, Patreon. Anytime you upload something in Patreon, I feel like I'm running a gauntlet every Monday afternoon in Patreon. There's so many things I've got to dismiss. And do you want to make this part of this uh this quick drop? And Do you what percent do you want to do? Yeah, unintentionally, I've I've gotten so because you know I'm in a f frenzy trying to like get it up and be done. And it's like where I've missed something I I thought it was posted and it wasn't because I missed one of the myriad boxes where the interface had changed.

Drives me crazy. Just do the app. All right, let's pick a challenge. Oh, we we didn't sorry, I mean I've my my entire month has been finding new ways to use LLMs So if we wanted to not revisit, but keep doing that, I'm especially interested in what's interesting. It's interesting to me. I am so wonderfully overwhelmed with riches right now. Like I'm just I'm loving so many different things in my world right now. I'd be happy to talk about any of it, especially Notebook LM. I think that needs more attention. I uh I am kind of falling out of love with it for uh I I it it I want to say well, challenge, I want to hear you say more about it because I think it's more of a novelty. Coding luck with Claude.

Claude is almost my ex I almost exclusively use Claude, except for what would be, I suppose, my old Google searches where ChatGPT is just faster. with the citations. But Claud is like some that I wrote down. So I think we did watch Chimp Crazy. Um watch something together. I still want to do that. But let's wait until you have a good internet connection. TK Notebook LM Challenge. I also have watched a video on YouTube twice. that I think you might like. Do do you ever look at um channel called Beekind Rewind? Yes. Not in a wild, but yeah. She has a two-parter on the movie Valley of the Dolls. Based on the Jack One Susanna book. Uh uh. And I made Madeline watch it after I had watched it. Not only did I thought it was she's she's so good at what she does.

And I thought it was very well done. And I learned so much stuff that I didn't know. But also, I don't want to spoil it, but like It's just, it's pretty interesting. I thought that might be fun because that's something we could do that isn't too long to to to undertake that we could talk about. I'm just putting it on the list. Yes. But I could also do I do I'll bit I'll be straight up with you. I the brain um some sorry some voice in my brain keeps telling me we talk too much about uh artificial intelligence on here. And I d uh I'm just stating that as a thing. I don't have a strong feeling about it, but I just don't want to drive people away. by always talking about unless we want to. Because some of these people don't deserve to be here anyway.

Uh uh yes, get uh get them the fuck out. Uh But I uh I also want to uh r uh read Valley of the Dolls. It is on my c uh cue. Can you send me a link to I'm not finding the key 1046. Oh, 1046 line. Also I'll just send you the link. Here you go. Do do do do do copy and I'm paste. I'm clicking. I think Hydra. We could also watch one of my ocean liner videos that I like. You could watch the sinking of Lusitania, sinking of the Britannic. Um the Germans were such fucking assholes. Uh yeah, they they they've done some bad stuff. I'm talking about I'm talking about World War One. Oh, I mean Those guys were stinkers, real stinkers. You know how nice the Lusitania was? It was such a nice ship. Oh uh I uh Titanic was a hospital ship.

Got sunk by a mine. Oh I don't want Yeah, I've been watching it. What are some other I've been watching some sad videos lately? Those are all really sad And I didn't uh let's see, I've been listening to oh yes I sent you that video of uh Robert Carro and Robert Gottlieb. Um Junior Taskmaster is very amusing. Um how to use Oh yeah, look at that Chilakothi boiler explosion. This is for our kids in the hall. Okay, scrolling down No, I don't have anything better. I don't think you see that photo Angela just posted? No, on blue sky? I've just wanna say uh hi Angela. I see you hi Angela! I see you, I see you! But I need it! I need it. Those shirts are for babies. Oh, that's the other thing. Madeline, of course, I could feel it coming.

I could feel like I already knew exactly what she was gonna say. Because it's again, it's Chris Fleming. I don't She goes, like why why would they have shirts for babies at an adult naked spa? And I said, I I don't know But I'm gonna follow him on this because I think in comedy sometimes you take one idea that's funny and you link it with another idea it's funny. So like like the idea of being funny uh being naked at a spa or like the self-consciousness about your body that people have, like me. Um you combine that then with my the only solution is I have to put on a shirt that's for a baby. But you need it. I need it. I need it. Welcome back. I love you. You fuck. Alright, I'm gonna fucking I just I just cock blocked you.

No wait, no I don't know what that word means Can you see my keyhole from where you are? You did? It's on my right side. And doubting Thomas always wants to put his hand in it. Thomas, stop fisting daddy. Tom up No. Actually technically I'm not daddy. Technically that would be son. You are mother, no crumbs left. Alright, you piece of shit raw transcript