405. Reverse Bird's Nest

Hello, hello, I've missed you this week I've missed you too, Merlin Man. For it's been one of those weeks, you know, and I haven't had one of these for a while where it just Get a bunch of things happen, you know, out of your control. It's just like bummer, you know, things break around the apartment, typically for me, Wi-Fi. And then uh ever since we weren't able to record, everything's just you know, everything's coming up, Alex. It's been a delightful delightful couple of days. Can I can I put you at these Yes. If I may. Oh sorry. May I may I try to put you at ease? Sure. Do I have consent to touch you wherever I feel like? For the next fifteen minutes, yes. Can I ask you to not say no to no Yeah, yeah.

Like doctors don't do that. Give me a fucking break. I wanna put you at ease. It's fine to talk about it. It's I'm I'm I'm um I'm not gonna I'm not I'm dropping the bit for this week. It's okay. I there are still other things I would like to talk about, but but the the there's the thing that it feels Almost irresponsible not to give you two hours to talk about. But you know, there's other stuff too. I wrote down some stuff about data connectors. And uh that vulture article with the Pee-Wee um director. But you know, um so so uh are there other so what ha what had happened was Anyway, I'll pause here. I'm gonna put you at ease. Does that make you feel better? You're not in trouble. I I know I'm not in trouble.

You don't know that because ordinarily I go shut the fuck up and talk about something that's not a headline. I Except. Except. Except. Except. Except. Unless. Unless. So so what it happened was on Wednesday Yeah, I guess it was on Wednesday of the day. In the morning you give me a heads up that um your em apartment was swelling with water and there was no internet anymore and you know the usual things. To which I am, you know. Wildly sympathetic. I there's a phrase um that my uh used to started saying to my wife from very, very early on. when we moved in together in nineteen uh two or two thousand, uh we moved into this uh, you know, almost hundred year old flat together and s things would happen, like some something would fall off the wall or just something would happen.

And I would just mutter trick house. Trick house. You know what I mean? Well, you know, but no, but like, you know, the way you go like, oh, you know, uh that's a magic trick. Like you just showed me. But like this this meant like, oh no, it's a trick house. There's there's a trick to doing the house. To using the house. There's tricks. Oh I see. Okay. Okay, no, and like okay, so an old example of this that I've mentioned before I remember this so specifically. It's when Madeline and I were fixing to go to Vancouver. It was in 2001, November of 2001, and we're fixing to go to Vancouver to see Sloan. And our friend Christine was going to house it for us. And we just gotten our TiVo, our Direct Ti-Vo.

We had our console stereo system. Everything's all worked out. And because I was, you know, uh, amongst my many tasks, a pay technical writer, I wrote a five-page manual in Microsoft Word, beautifully formatted, to explain how to use our house. Focusing mainly on the stereo and the importance of of tape one and tape two and like how you gotta change the inputs and you know, it's like with me trying to explain to my grandfather Forty and slip. Me trying to explain to my stepfather in nineteen eighty-one that you just leave the TV on channel three and then turn the the cable box. He could never understand that. It seems so simple to me. You just stop using that as the channel changer and use it.

But to bring new people into your trick house, there's no amount of documentation that can fully prepare them for everything that they will encounter in your house. So I say that I'm sympathetic because there's it's not as simple as like, oh you gotta jiggle the key. It's more like if there is a moon in the west upon the night in the dampness and thy feel thy towels have checked. That you haven't blown thine fuse in spare bedroom. No other spare bedroom. It really feels like I need a Maester I think Mr. Eamon just hangs. Huh? Well, you were being a good friend by providing this what we'll find out to be uh not in a self-documenting house. ourselves, the world around us, and where we live. And you know, we should really capitalize on this more.

You could get back into the racket, but be like that. And then I can then I could have productivity tips. Exactly. Be like, hey, here's the hack for the you never touch the channel changer, which is I've never heard of the channel. Side sidebar, sidebar. Merlin, you said channel changer, which makes me so happy because there there are gonna be people who are like Like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I don't mean remote. You could have said remote. No, no. Exactly. Exactly. This is why there needs to be documentation. This is before we had the phrase set top box. That was not a meaningful phrase at the time. But yeah, you get your cable box And and there's a trick, at least um where I lived, that if you got the right size piece of cardboard and made a quarter inch fold at the end, had to be pretty thin.

You could slide it into the top of the cable box, pull it out a little bit, and that fold you made would disconnect a circuit that would then let you get all the uh all the smoker channels. I didn't understand most of those words, but they all sound very cool. Channel changer. Trick house, self-documenting house. Um so what had happened was you did that and you said uh It's been kinda crazy. Um so yeah, we did some rescheduling. But t tell tell me wh how's everything coming up Millhouse? Oh before we get to the big topic that I imagine is why we're not Why we're double late, but yeah. You know, I I you know what, I already have a a very sad diagnosis for you. I I don't want to spoil it for you, but I have a sad diagnosis for you.

Oh, you will never you will never again in your life Like most of us. Like most of us, you will never again in your life feel the dopamine that you felt, that we felt. that we all felt. On Thursday afternoon my time less when I discovered it. But when if you were there when it first started and were riding along, I mean that's gotta be some escaped llama type shit. It it was it was every time something like that. But I I I wasn't paying a ton of attention and uh Yeah. And and mm-h oh actually, you know what? I can say this now because they're back. My family um went out to do some camping uh for one night last night. They went up to this really cool area. couple point rays up north of here and where you like pack in, pack out, like you backpack into your site and stuff like that.

And or it's a little bit rugged and um so I got wind of the incidents of of the I got wind of the series of events happening not long after they went into an absolute zero contact phone area. From which they didn't really emerge until like seven this morning. And I didn't say anything, because of course, what's the dumbest thing you could say? Well Merlin one point oh would have said something like, Oh shit, there's some crazy fucking news when you get back. Have fun. You don't do that. You know, like, oh my I had a butt prolapse. Go enjoy the deer. Like you don't tell people shit like that, right? Correct, correct. My mom had a friend who got a prolapse. Oh, oh I'm sorry. She strained at her stool.

So mom needed you to push it back in, she said. Oh like that picture remember the picture of the weightlifter? No, no, I'm gonna lie and say I don't. I'm gonna lie and say I don't. Oh god. You um you don't wanna Don't struggle at your stools. No. Let it happen. Let it happen. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. But anyway. And then, I mean I Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna do that thing that makes me just really just uniquely annoying. I imagine people like me and Marco who do this willfully to annoy people, but it's also true. I bet people hate us. Like Marco loves the fact that he's never seen any movies. He thinks that's hilarious. We all think it's weird. I think I'm the only person I know who is actually not.

on m a lot of social media sites. I agree. Absolutely. I'm I'm on depending on how you count it, I mean I w I would consider Blue Sky and um what I call Ivory, uh Mastodon. I think Mastodon You letterboxed? Sure. I mean I don't think of that as like really so But the only place that I go to like look at stuff is like Google News, New York Times. I have a New York magazine subscription, a New York Times subscription. I look at Apple News, you know, to find out what's happening at Cannes and in fashion. That's where I get all my fashion news. But I don't, I'm not. So I remember what it was like to have these lips around those titties. I remember what that was like very clearly. And I'm reminded of it often thanks to you and a friend of ours.

Who is at this point, let's be honest, he is almost completely off of Twitter at this point. So is he except for the dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens of Twitter links that he sends me every day. Every time Syracuse sends me a link to something, and I appreciate it. I, you know, but he doesn't think about it. I don't think. He sends me a lot of stuff from like Instagram or TikTok. That are are actually and cause 'cause he's Syracusa, they're they're actually a perfect thing that he knows I would love to see. He's very he's a very he's very editorially conservative about sharing stuff unless he thinks it really like makes his point or shows as a demonstration of something. Unless he needs to win more.

Okay. No, but like, you know, but the or for for example, if people say, Oh my God And I I'm still this is still trickling in, admittedly, slowly. But the people who are at the trickling in reports of fuck, I didn't hear the important Pronunciation. I didn't hear the thinking pronoun I did not hear those pronunciations, not only until you mentioned it, but for months after, and now I've started noticing them. And I was like, so you can hear it, right? It's not you you can you can hear when when David Sims says, uh look who's talking and it almost it almost sounds like he's talking a loogie on the mic. Or every young woman on CNN who says and Paul eh Um so so that trickle he'll send me those. I know.

Do you see it now? You didn't see it before, right? Well I've I've never seen it. I hear it. Oh so yeah. Anyways, but he'll send me stuff from Instagram all the time and and you you send me the anyways. Oh I send screenshots. That's something I think. Usually people know that if they want to send you things, they have to send you a You have a whole system with all of your the small council. Yeah. Cur correct. My uh which I genuinely didn't realize. Kind of when you realized that when I was oh Working with Max like before we started recording together, we had never like had actual interac or interactions as friends because why you seem to have a lot more information about his life than he did about yourself.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's what happens when we're an employee. Which I mean haha. Like that's not like that's not like file a lawsuit stuff. That's like welcome to having a few. No, that's a normal thing Yeah, that's oh my boy. Well I know more about my boss than he does about me. Yeah. I'm thirty-one and confused. But I d genuinely in today realize oh you don't have a council that's Constantly sending you links to social media sites that you don't visit. I mean I I'm not sure why I mean I I I think also I don't know. I mean like I say I'm I'm I'm accepting said this recently on a podcast I'm keeping my heart open to the idea that if I can find a way to become less relevant to other people but still maintain a so sense of self, that that's a wholesome way for a person my age to proceed.

I uh if that's like a funny old guy thing, okay, well I hope you do well with it too. But that's that's part of it. It's just I'd lose my fucking mind if I looked at this stuff. It's so stupid. It's it's all so stupid. And I I get I get enough of it honestly, I get enough of it from Apple News. And sometimes you will see, one might see, if one is on the internet that I'm on, you'll see me sometimes say I'm oh I'm catching up on my news, and I'll show you how insane my insane is. Which is a lot of like, you know, Andy Cohen style celebrity gossip stuff that I don't really care about. But I like that. And uh it's one thing to go through the trash looking for your for your retainer and another thing to think you're gonna find a chicken dinner.

No, I okay, no, I I'm I'm being low-key about it, Alex, but that was really, really good. No, it wasn't. It really was. No, when you said it, when you said it I knew you would think it was good and be one it's one of those few times where no, no, it's not good. Do you ever have a retainer? Oh I in fact the one that's a very good thing. You ever been Chris White in fifth grade and you you your retainer went into the giant, giant rubber made husky garbage can with all the food garbage? Oh Chris. And you had to stand there. in the lunchroom because this because oh I should mention this is the second retainer that Chris has lost. You can guess how happy his family was about the first one being lost.

This is the second retainer Chris lost. And he had to stand there like a 12-year-old boy, like sobbing, as he dug his, I mean with the janitor's help, dug through the trash to try and find a $200 piece of plastic. Oh my god, Chris. Chris! You know what he didn't find? I hope he's doing okay. Uh what, Merlin? What didn't he find? You know what he didn't find? What what's that? Did you listen to the line? I think you know, find a chicken dinner. No buck box for him. When he was in elementary school, people thought potato peels uh they gave have baked potatoes at lunch and he ate the peel and and he got in trouble because you're not supposed to be a little bit more than a little bit. Yeah, that's the vitamins and cups keeps away the vampires.

I'm I'm so I'm sorry. Uh oh. Uh but but no no we've we've all got that. And you know, but I I just I have this this really restless I don't know. The way I'm always chasing the dragon is like, you know, I'm always so thrilled to read something that I felt something long and absorbing. And that's the dragon I'm chasing mostly, is like it I I hate to sound like one of those I love books people because I'm not. But hey, it's me. Well, but I mean like my my thing is more like uh I mean just to state some obvious ones, some classics from the show, something like uh something You know, uh I'm I'm you know what it is? Let's let's keep this simple. I uh the the the dragon that I'm chasing is uh land of the large adult sons.

I'm always wait waiting for the next GL level epic changing article like that. Or, you know, uh I've got this wonderful book of uh Esquire essays from the 60s called Dancing Through the Apocalypse. And it's got some of the best Jeek uh Esquire things ever, including Frank Sinatra Has a Cold by Gay Talise. Like those kinds of that kind of writing is what just it just thrills me. I I love it in good documentation. I love it in good blah blah text. And I certainly is I certainly love it in a really good essay I think the problem I'm gonna give you two problems right now. Problem number one, you are never gonna feel dopamine like you felt yesterday. I haven't e I don't even know what your response to the incident is.

But I can tell you, just based on my own, mm-hmm. Oh, suddenly I'm looking at the news. It's like they shot a blimp out of the sky, you know, full of cheerleaders or something. Like this is a really big story and whatever. And then, but like Here's the problem. And you're I this is why you're already sad this morning. You know you'll never have that hit again, and I bet it doesn't get worse. Which is the bummer. I was hoping it would at three o'clock, four o'clock yesterday afternoon. I kept thinking, let's be honest, why am I watching this? Because I want to see people freak out, but I also want to see this In the same way as the here's the big bomb tweet s or scoot or chit or gash or whatever they're called on his website.

When the new post when the post about the big bomb dropping That changed the tenor of the conversation a little bit, but also kind of drew out why Trump's threat to shut down SpaceX stuff was such a big deal. Right? And wasn't there a point yesterday afternoon where you're like, there's a chance that this could actually get a hundred times worse in the next hour? And you're like, bring it, put it in my mouth. I was. I was I was waiting for something completely fucking insane to happen. Steve Bannon said something And I'm kind of surprised, or as the New York Times calls him, Stephen K. Bannon, Johnny Tupin, he um he he uh he said that he said on his program that uh he thought the president should instantly cancel everything that Elon Musk's companies do contract wise, like tonight.

He's like, tonight. Shut them all down and also that he should immediately deport Elon Musk. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. When I saw that one, I got so excited. I got so excited. You know, because you know, you know, God, I really I did I accidentally took this over and I'm so sorry. You know, Stephen Miller's wife works for Elon now. Yes, yes, I do. I don't like that I know that. Whose provocation is gonna provoke whom? Mm-hmm. And what if he is truly getting cucked by Elon? What if he's put a what if he has already put a baby in Steven Miller's wife? I mean he it is not just a non-zero. But I'm just asking the question. It could be. It could be You're saying do you know we don't have you ever noticed this in the New York Times and other places?

You know what they always say about Elon Musk? They they talk about they always say the phrase his known Children. Known at children. Because you know better than to say that. If you said if you said to let's say you call up uh you call up uh not Roto Rooter, you call up the a pest pest person. What do they call those? You call up Dale Gribble. Yes. I don't we don't say that anymore. You call up Dale Gribble, but happy D-Day. Um he uh he call you call up Dale Gribble and you say, I have four cockroaches in my house. And I want them removed and I'll pay five dollars per cockroach, or I'll pay one dollar per cockroach. And Dale Gribble goes I'm looking through the voice. Dale Gribble says, Well you know, if you if you see three or four cockroaches, there's a pretty good chance there's more cockroaches there.

Maybe we oughtn't Price this job by the roach because he knows he's got unless Rusty Shackleford Yeah, it's the it's a dead thirteen year old boy stole his identity. Anyways, um but I on no seriously there was a point yesterday You know, I I I whatever you don't want to say things, but like the thing about 9-11, continue, continue the thing about the thing about 9-11 is like Um there's a lot about it that was pretty upsetting. I was shaken awake by my girlfriend. I was shaken awake and was like Charles just called, your boss just called. come look at the TV at the directivo that we just got in. And okay, well this is really bad. And y you know how this goes. Plane hits building. Oh my God. Fire, smoke, fire.

Another plane hits another building. Well, you know, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde. You know, uh, what's the line? Losing one parent is a tragedy, but losing two feels like carelessness. Expect a great line. I didn't expect you. Plane building boom. Plane building boom. Ah ah ah Okay, this is already the the most unlikely thing that I that that's to now no to to quote uh you know Peter Benchley, that's no boat accident. You know what I'm saying? Like oh okay, that's kinda weird And at first they thought they were like Piper Cubs or whatever, but then like, no, they're seven something sevens. Like it's a it's a big old plane. What are the chances? What are the chances that a plane flew in a building and another plane flew in?

You're like, oh my God. This is absolutely the most insane thing that can ever happen. And then you know what happened? One of the buildings fell down. Like straight down. I don't know if you remember this. This was the part that was really freaky. I mean it was scary in the time after the plane hit the building, but the thing that was really f I don't know if you remember this. One of the planes hit a building and then that building, it fell straight down. And you're like, okay, this, this is okay. This does not seem like an accident. And boy, is that ever crazy, but at least we still got the other one. Albeit smoking. And then you know what happened. Like right in the middle of a sentence. BOOM!

The whole building now they both fell down. Where the buildings go? They're gone. At that moment, when that second building went down, honestly after the first building went down, but especially after the second building went down, I've never had, I've never felt more Um I don't want uh I don't know quite how to phrase this. Um uh quite so like uh epistemologically adrift, like I did not know what was happening. And at for the and then you find out about the Pentagon. And then you find out about you know, y I know you know the story, but instead of just we constantly say 9-11 and that means this million things, and that's part of the joke. You know, is is uh the the the joke of people who dine out on nine eleven or use it as the starving African child.

You just go nine eleven and you're like, okay, well like what part of nine eleven? The part where we invaded Iraq? Or anyway, so I honestly, Madeline and I both, and I'll bet your family, you were 11. Yes. But you know, that that was a moment where a grown person goes What could possibly happen now? There have been four, at least four, extremely improbable things. And you know, I'm gonna say weird, sad, schmalzy, but true sad things about like you ever if you watch a documentary or like every year or so I'll watch the the entire thing on the CNN recording of it. Um big deal. And um, but everybody says the same thing. It was the most beautiful day you could possibly imagine. A gorgeous Tuesday morning.

Jay-Z's album, The Blueprint, will come out that day. It's a beautiful clear sky over the Empire City And um you know, people were always talking about that and like you never in a million years could have guessed. And then you you see that the famous footage of the guys The d I think it's like a French documentary, right? They were shooting about people who were testing gas levels coming out of the sewers or something, and you see the famous shot. And it's like Do you remember but the I did okay, so 9-11, different level. But I have to say. When we got to the big bomb yesterday. Okay. Oh c oh oh sorry. So at this point at least we're at least at the point of a plane flew into a tall building.

Uh and silly. But he was fully committed. He lived there for a while. I know this has all been covered, but just for context for that, in the same way that we thought Or perhaps the way that Putin was surprised that a truck full of six hundred dollar drones could take up billions of dollars in fighter jets or uh bomber jets. Um Didn't you feel that a little bit though? Like what the fuck? Okay, bar or like uh well you know to to do the anchor man thing that escalated quickly. We're now at He's so Elon is so fucking mad, especially about Trump threatening his businesses, I think. That that he reveals himself to have probably actually a fairly weak hand, which is that he went directly to the nuclear option.

I mean, what's the worst thing that I could say about Donald Trump right now? And I think deal with her challenge in a great, great way. Except, except I think that's a very good point. Yeah. In several ways. I couldn't that's the first thing I started Well, there were so many We experienced this Well at least at in even on the even on the most like superficial level, the fact that something we've all been dealing with for better or for worse for a long time, which is In a lot of situations, an accusation uh can be just as bad as a as proof or a conviction. It doesn't an accusation can be plenty. Because it well especially if you're asking somebody to like prove a negative. Yes. Yeah. But I I was I don't know and so like w what would that look like?

And that's why this see Stephen Stephen K. Bannon saying, you know, I've always had a strong feeling that he's here illegally. And like I it would just be so goddamn weird given that it's been less than a week. And we're already t to this point. And so anyway, my my bummer part of this is I think I think we've seen I hope I'm wrong. Because I'm becoming a Chapo accelerationist black pillar or something. Like there I don't know. Just there's times where you're like, oh, I missed having feelings And I what if it got way worse and they got sillier? Or, you know, what if we found out that Steven Miller was getting cocked by Elon Musk? Or what if we found found out that Scott Besson had uh had actually punched Elon in the eye?

Just for the nature of the w the world, honestly, if Steven Miller is being cucked, I think uh that's a net win for everybody. Like the amount of humility shows you don't even need hair to have your wife dislike you. Ex thing You're no different. Thank you. You're no different. You're no you know, in Santa Monica he was raised to have certain expectations. Mm-hmm. Yes. They were they're people are they're paid to pick up after us. Do you know what's happening now? You know what's happening now? He's getting his fucking tray bust. Remember there's the serious footage of him. Isn't that footage of him complaining about this? No, no. Now he's tired of having to pick up his own trash. Yelling about it.

He is yelling about how the janitors aren't picking up after him. And it's I'm like, what it take to have in college? There's a lot of college takes that most people I think aren't proud of but that is one that but I I I wonder if Okay, so I don't before we jump into uh implications, now that I've monopolized twenty-nine minutes and seventeen seconds of this podcast, I need at least just five minutes. No, no, no. A I went into this going like hey, you know what? I'm just gonna hit mute and let Alex go as long as they want to. because I want to hear all of it. I had, I want to be very clear with you and I apologize. I had absolutely no intention of coming in here and monopolizing this, but as it turns out Forgive me.

I didn't realize I had things to say about this, and now I've said it. I'm sorry for monopolizing. But what was your day like yesterday? I don't accept this apology. I'm so glad that I know about your experience and need to contrast it with mine. Because You accept apologies in the most you accept or refuse apologies in a surprisingly hostile way. Mm-hmm. I mean that's i agree. Blame the church. Oh, you think you're sorry? Oh, you weren't the king of sorry when you were banging on your mean bone? Oh, ta-ta-ta-ta. Hail Mary's and And super Josephs and oh you're gonna have to go and do sit-ups. Ecclesiastes apostle? Is it c That's your priest? Oh, is your priest more like a De Bears guy? And also with you.

And your peace, or whatever, what is it now? And with your spirit. It's very weird. There's a joke John Mullaney makes that I make a lot on here, and I make it often I think you remember what this joke is, but I don't know anything about Andy Cohen apart from the fact that he hosts the um New Year's Eve thing with Anderson Cooper. And I'm aware of the fact that he's like a I think on E, he's like a big celebrity and he hosts uh things related to like the Real Housewives shows. And you remember the line. And it was j John Mulaney, what was he referring to? John Mulany was referring to something where he's like stuck between two people who were arguing about something and he goes, he's and remember what he says?

He says, I feel like Andy Cohen at one of those real housewives reunions. Okay, okay, okay. That's what I was thinking. Imagine Andy Cohen. Okay. He likes being in the White House very strongly. That's Also that key. That key? That key he gave him in the White House? Oh, I love the key. Oh, I also have something to say about his black eye. My wife and I have a theory. Um Alex, tell me about your Thursday. And thank you for being here, Alex. Our guest today is uh Alex Cox. Alex Cox is uh is uh is a retired uh technologist uh living in a hovel. Thank you, Merlin Man Client to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Who started that? Like I I assumed that my body. It's rustic. It sounds like Portland. But it Uh uh.

A lot of people like to pretend like they're living in frontier land. I don't understand it. Um Thir Thursday afternoon, um mor mid mid morning, um, you know, I suddenly get a series of uh screenshots of tweets from the small council compared to when yes, no, but here's when I know something big has happened. Okay. My s small council of people who know that they are they can send me TikToks and tweets and what a and Instagram as long as It's a screenshot or a video they've downloaded because I don't l while I will happily consume all of this trash, I don't want to log into the video. for them and then that raises the bar on the quality. Yes, exactly. It needs to be worth it. If you're gonna send me an article that I would have to sign into, you have to go to archive.

is and get me the link that's been mirrored. You you just, you know, I'm very under I am grateful when people do that, but I'm sp even more grateful especially if it's, you know, it's good fit, right? Like for like somebody if it's something where like that that's about something people know I'm interested in or potentially have been obsessed about for years or whatever. But I'm grateful when somebody sends me that, but I'm grateful especially when they could take a minute to do more than This is up your alley, or I think you'd be interested in this because you're sending it to me as somebody who's read the whole article or watched the whole video. So you have a very clear idea in mind about something in a philosophy tube video at minute 70.

And like I probably won't get to that. So it I think it is helpful to send the timestamp. That's what I'm saying. You can but it's even better to say like you think you've seen an apparatus, look what these guys had to deal with in Bali last summer or whatever. And you're like, oh, okay, now I I know what I'm looking for. And in and Oh this is a good note. This is a good note because you can provide context without spoiling things, but if you don't give any c not you, but if one doesn't give any context to somebody about why they're sending it, what it's for or what they should be looking for Um I uh I'm very unlikely to look at it. Which I think sho uh y when you text somebody something without context I think the expectation should be they're not going to look at it, which is why I typically send links.

Not wh I listen, I I I don't want to make expectations of like Christmas cards in the trash. It's or recycling. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, you know our family always buys each other inappropriate cards. We always buy each we buy each other cards for the wrong holiday. Yes. On Mother's Day I I I thank my beautiful black wife for everything she's done for our family. I like what I'm saying. Billy's parts to me tend to skew Jewish. Or skewish. Skew jai. Not title. I just want to know I just want to do that. Happy D-Day, everybody. Jewish. Uh I know that a big event has happened when multiple people text me outside of my usual usual n like news uh sphere and my usual degenerate weird Twitter sphere.

I'll look at this later. I'm guessing you looked at it. I did because it was No, nothing wrong with that. I I would do the same thing probably, depending on the day. It's like if I'm just walking around the house puttering or doing something, you know, I'm You know, sometimes I deliberately kind of shut things off because for that reason. Is I like whatever it's for. I don't need a reason. You all should be doing this more often. Do not disturb us there. It's okay to use it. Um it doesn't say anything about it if you if you if you're doing it because you have terrible friends, that's that's as Nick J. Nicholson says, that's a skills issue. But but i if you're doing it just because you'd like to have a moment of uh a moment to yourself.

Hmm. It would be a shame if we had to start giving a reason for wanting that. She is the least wholesome. The amount. Well, I will. The uh I was uh because I am all often on do not disturb mode, trying to d do a thing with focus. That's why it was ADHD. A lot of people don't know that. Beethoven's fifth fifth symphony was actually about uh attention deficit disorder. A DHD It was the perfect place in the at the perfect time. I was in the library. I had all of the filters turned off. I was ready for everyone. Oh, you had all the shield all the shields down. Every I I had let, you know, the the turrets were off, the gate was down, and uh I was eating a little power bar, nom nom nom in the library start Oh like a uh like a break not a breakout room, what do they call it?

My wife has a name for this is really well they're called study rooms, but they're It yeah, it does look and I have can I reserve a privacy booth? I'm gonna put aluminum foil over that little skinny window. Don't ask why. Yeah. It's it's the kind of room where you you go when you want to look at Twitter for eight hours or eat your little little power bar. Oh, I was crazy. Oh, so so so good. Um 'cause almost it's like the you know, like I say quiet car, but then that's something where everybody's gonna be, well the problem with the quiet car is no one's quiet, but but in my library anyway It's just the locals, just like wanted to read the paper or like look at the computer or whatever. It is really quiet and it's nice.

Oh, so it has an outside area, which is nice. Oh this tiny little terrace. We have an outside area too, but it's just called Chicago and the outside. Anyway, I and was just looking I mean I'm not asking you to like look it up and quote it, but uh I I'm I'm interested in finding out when your brain first went Mm-hmm. As in like, is this dopamine? Dun da, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Like, when did it first hit you that like, oh shit? Cause this has been You know, happening a little bit since especially after Friday, kind of started Monday, Tuesday. There was that big thing, and then there's just this thing hanging in the air. Which is that Elon had said this thing about his uh the budget bill I'm not gonna say the name.

Being um You told me what the name was. On this is the different piles of trash that we go and you on this program said the big beautiful bill and I'm like, what the fuck is that? I had no idea. He's been saying it for months. For months he's been saying I'd like to fix this with one big beautiful bill. In his usual dumb way. So wow w this was a w so Kara Kara Kara hits you up, you're in your little uh snack carol. Mm-hmm. Snack Carol. Um you're saying I'm just in my uh little little cave and I it I don't even think it was the tweet where Was it the press cut was it when he was first when he was w because it started in the office with the German fella and that's when he said two things that ended up being important The uh he's disappointed in Elon and then h the the I think he misses being in the Oval Office when people leave my administration.

Trump Trump derangement syndrome. That was I think what, at least in the story I understand, kind of kicked things off. 'Cause it was twenty minutes after that that the birthday boy hopped in. False. It ended up b being the the video where I it was it was that video, but it was just a clip of li of something Like he you know, like uh he had the chance to s to see it. Yeah, you know, he yeah, he misses the the He's just mad that he's just mad we took out this The pork. Yeah, his little E his E V treats. Um but it wasn't like it it was it wasn't that. It was the dopamine of all of the memes and the response From shit, you poor thing. No. No. Oh, so you're already like you're all well. Speaking of the Second World War, you're like that little boy.

Just just trying to get a place in the honey pot honey. You know what I mean? The kid who wants to hide in the in the shitter with the other kids and they're like there's no room in here. You've seen Schindler's list. Right? You you got you got d dropped into the deep end, meme first. That's what I w That's but that that's what that's what I wanted. Uh since uh the the whole tr Trump healed. You never got resolution from your breakup with him, I uh Yeah. Alright, we will recognize and drop the bit that since twenty fourteen uh uh and I read the Ashley Vance uh biography. Good fucking luck pulling yourself out of this horseshit, Alex. You are I do I deliberately do not make fun of you about this except When it is appropriate.

Yours don't make yourself come off to be full of shit and act like you suddenly got very wise and made an announcement two years ago about this. You were in the bag for this idiot for so long. Sin again, since 2014, there is podcast evidence of me being like, this guy, he seems to have great ideas, but But he keeps he he keeps saying that they're gonna have to really change the tenor of the conversation that you're able to mention a year. Because certainly there will be people who scrub through all the bullshit you've done in 11 years to find that point and then go, you know Alex was right. You could wear that on a hat like Elon did. Uh he's right about everything. I think so too. I think yes, because I'm not sure.

He w it was like a reverse bird's nest. It was like the eggs were keeping the nest comfortable. A reverse bird bird nest. First Murritz Nest. Uh well the uh I wanted to be dropping into the memes. I was just uh being uh you know like Fully my my eyes were open without goggles like underwater, like it stung a little bit, but I wanted to just. But you want to see that turtle. Oh God, it was great. Here's the problem. I began to r quickly realize that um um All my friends, I am the Elon Musk expert. I know the history of this man in a way that isn't wholesome. I've read You've read more than one book about him. Okay, anyway, but you're but you're familiar with uh not just the the the part of the the legend that people know from the last few years, you're even like pre-Iron Man, right?

Like you go back with this guy. Oh, yes, yeah, that's one again, that's like when he he became a thing. But when Steve Bannon tweeted out he should be you know he should be deported. Yeah. I I was like, yeah, we still don't know the the answer to that because that is a question that even comes up in the most recent biography That Walter Isaac Isaacson wrote. You know, what's one more? Well I I was surprised that people didn't know that like he came to from South Africa to Canada and just kinda like slid into PayPal and I think a lot a lot of people would be surprised to know that he's younger than than me. And you should see what his hair looked like in 2001 is what I think you should do. Oh, it's so upsetting.

He's younger than I am. Why is he so why is he so why is he so why is he so greasy and moist and can't grow a beard? I don't hate I I don't like the comp I don't like the testosterone. Testosterone is the reason. It all goes into babies. Because you know, normally people who lose their hair and are able to grow a big beard, usually have more testosterone. I'm not sure testosterone has a huge role in inseminating women, but I don't know. I think the testosterone makes you horny, probably. Or not. I don't really know. I'm the only person in our house not on testosterone. I was going to say there's a there's so a lot of some like trans guys will lose their hair fairly quickly if their body decides like, oh yeah, I uh want this.

I feel like I've seen that. I feel like I've seen that. Yes, with people who are in the first act or second act, maybe second act of that You'll see people who are like, oh, you kind of went straight into Giamatti. That's well yeah, the y uh there are a lot of people who start testosterone like start taking synapses from it right away. for. You didn't say which man you wanted to be. Oh boy. Now you look like Jaws from the James Bond movies. To uh uh so so at this point I'm like oh yeah no, I I don't know if it like it's it is really unclear whether Elon Musk Musk is a citizen and then I became the the answerer of like, so wait Epstein? And that's when I also realized not only everybody can watch that thing in the MSMC.

They showed that they showed that that that video that I th Alex, this tells you how deranged You uh you, me and Max are because we've been on this shit for so long, so deep, so hard, is but with Max's guidance, we really made it through a lot of very good Jeffrey Epstein content on this program. And uh much to my chagrin, unfortunately. A lot of it was very, very terrible. But uh but when they kept showing that video of him at the party with Epstein And the little MSNBC bug in the window and MSNBC's like, oh, people been pulling up our video and everybody's in Jake Tapper who loves making fun of MSNBC was But wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So is this the first time you're hearing this? Had you not known that he really admired Jeffrey Epstein for a long time.

I and I'm gonna I'm gonna put uh I'm gonna put I'm gonna push back push back on that Merlin. It it was uh k again, Kara Kara Fagan who introduced me to the Jeffree Epstein beat because she had a disgusting and weird fixation with the depravity of the royal family and when The Prince Andrew stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when he said he can't sweat? Yes. Jeffrey Epstein has been a strange part of my life pre truanon pre chapo. You said been aware of this pedophile for years. He he b well the places he lived to be. Uh no no no no uh I listen, just because you ride a plane. Accept your apology. Uh that's what he said. No comment. Moving past it. Moving no Oh no. Okay. Moving past it. Um the star stuff.

Here's the thing. Did he just like being pushed around in the chair or did it go deeper? Do you like people uh clapping his erasers if you know what I mean? What? When he was are you talking about the Eddie Eddie Redmane character or the or the or the later one? Um people sit on his face or something? Like what did he do? No, ah no You know what you could do, those wheelchairs have handles, so you can move it from side to side. And you can you know what you could do? You could get onto you could lean the chair way back. So I'm imagining I think this is a kind of wait, what was it before? Reverse we're gonna call this the reverse bird's nest is the name of this move. It's similar to reverse cowgirl, except it's when you make Stephen Hawking eat you out.

by climbing on top of him, r rolling the chair back to 45 degrees, and then you hold the handles with with with your uh with your feet on the floor. And then you could shake it from side to side. You don't think so? Turn everything Hmm. I have it ever turned Well that's done. Sorry. That's that's the sound that the machine would produce while he was uh kind of linking. It would go, hm, hm. Oh you could do that you could do that lame thing where he spells the alphabet. No mean no, why are we being mean to Stephen Hawking? 'Cause you said he's that you said he was on the Lilita Express. Yes, but I didn't have stuff. No, I just said he was on the Lilina Lilina Express. In fact the first picture I think I saw of the Lilia Express was Did they did they move him into a seat or did they just strap his chair to the to the fuselage?

Fuck, I disagree with all of that. I think Steven Hawking was fucking amazing, but I think it is hilarious that just to imagine uh how you accommodate uh the th th that man and his desires on the Jeffrey Epstein plane. Because here's the thing, Jeffrey Epstein, what we know from Kara, you know, and from from our scholarship is he liked to associate himself. with Harvard MIT. Like he would wear Harvard shirts all the time. He wanted to be cool. That's why he was always on the Simpsons. He uh uh Stephen Hawking? What why? What Oh well he's English. That's a different thing. No, no, I'm saying that uh I'm saying that the financier Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. The financier Jeffrey Epstein?

Yeah, that's his his teeth did look a little they they looked a little brid maybe. Well that's why he always had that smirky smile. He'd do a smirky smile. Uh J Giselle or whatever her name is. She'd always be smiling real big in her little cowgirl outfit or whatever, like, you know, her her fringy pimp style drip. But um no, but Jeffrey, he'd be there in his little Harvard shirt, him in the Dirge. Who was the commencement speaker at New College this year? What? Oh I'm sorry, did I not mention to you that Alan Dershowitz was the commencement speaker at New College? Oh, oh, oh my god, is there a video uh d uh oh uh The problem is if you don't get the Lolita Express, you have to take the the the regular line, which makes a lot more stops.

No, no. And if you say something's the Lolita Express, that implies that there must be like a regular Lolita. line for for non rush hour uh trips. Shake my handles. That's You're just stealing bits. Just steal them from from mediocre comedians who put their Who do I steal that from From I'll I'll find it. Oh well then fuck it. I don't know. Lolita Express m uh the oh I think I'm gonna be able to do it. I could see like a family guy having a Stephen Hawking motorboating thing. Also, you know, I know I'm not saying that it was a child. It might have been an air host. And I said host. Oh, and and uh top off your drink if you know what I mean. Listen, it well if Elon remember when Elon Musk uh decided said, I will uh buy you a horse if you touch my penis on an airplane?

Why is it always Airplane whatever. No, no, no. It's like the thing where you cry. It's like those articles about w whether you cry and cause is it the oxygen? Is it the drinks? No, no, no, no. No, no. I I'm fascinated by it too. Like I I think everybody does has a weird thing on planes. But maybe it makes some people horny. It seems to make a lot of people hostile. They're just fine commercial. But now that we know that the problem is that the problem is that the problem is that the problem is that the problem is that the problem is that the problem is that we've got a lot of people who are not going to be able to do that. Self up. Uh did you watch it? Did she no, no, I will. But the the idea now is.

Kara has alerted you to this. You're aware of it. As they like to see on cable news, in real time, you're following along. But whereas I got all that information an hour after it happened, you don't you're still having a 9-11, like where you don't know what's next, right? But oh boy, this is weird. That seems like as soon as Elon does his false this is an obvious di you're already like, Oh man Oh, this is gonna get weird because neither of them can let these stand and Trump's already tried so hard to not lash out at him. And you could see it in the in the White House thing where he said, well, he was he wasn't attacking me personally. I wish he had attacked me personally because the big beautiful bill is gonna save a trillion dollars.

You know, all the all the usual stuff of like, you know, saying the quiet part loud. Oh yeah, if you were on Truth Social, which of course I am and felt I I felt uh Imagine getting in a fight. You both own a social media network. That's part of the beauty of the the richest person in the world and the theoretically most powerful, but whatever. Two like like f famous idiots. Like and they each own their own platform. It's so we it's like something out of Mad Max. It's like it's like if the guy from Bullet Town and the guy from Gasoline Town started fighting, but on social media. It's a Quag Wag I love her horn. W when there was uh the the like the article that came out from the New York Times that said, okay, yep, everyone's worried because Elon Musk has taken a lot of ketamine and then uh there was the the little ceremony where uh Trump and Musk were like we still love each other but we can't even stay together for the kids and here's a little key.

And the box had his signature on the box. I I thought and I think a lot of people thought, alright, uh this we thought it would end super funny, it would be great, but uh I I guess it's gonna you know, I'm gonna be able to do that. You know, and like what I'm not gonna I'm gonna avoid the somewhat uh obvious jokes, although I imagine I'm making them in my head, but I'm you did the obvious Stephen Hawking jokes, so just lean into it How is that an obvious joke? About Stephen Hawking. About Stephen Hawking eating pussy on a plane? How is that an obvious joke? Because We run in different circles, clearly. Oh. It's really funny to think of uh listen, I think. If you follow me on the internet you'd see something I read the other day, which is I said that I said that there are times like do the New York Times puzzle m often, not every day.

But I'll especially um I do strands, I do connections, and I do spelling B in my own special way. And what I said on the internet the other day is there are times where I just close close that puzzle for the day, especially with connections. and with strands. And I think what I said was, because I can tell, I could figure out that solving this puzzle will require knowledge that I find undignified. And and so like if if I've got to use undignified information to to solve a puzzle, I won't solve the puzzle That tells you so. Very healthy and normal. And the example I gave was, I don't know if you did this one the other day, the strands from a couple days ago, but I um But there, you know, there's times where I just glance at and get the whole thing, but 90% of the time I've got to really grind and trying to not use clues, right?

Um Like that's that's our house rule is you don't use clues. And sometimes I I lucked out and then I got the very clues? Yeah, or to not get the purple one first in connections. Like fuck you, you've never gotten the purple one first. I uh Like you've gotten it twice by accident. Yeah, like three yeah m okay. Well, because A you didn't fall into the trap of like oh three things about golf. First thing you do when you guess by accident. First time you when you open connections, the first thing you do before you even look at the words, hit refresh three times. You need to scramble those so it's out of the order that they're trying to fuck your head with, where you go, these are three things about golf.

First And then you can fixate and go like, no, no, no, they're using that as a verb, not as a noun, and dah da, but uh undignified. And so uh um You gotta be careful about that stuff. Now you have no dignity. No, none whatsoever. All information be a very different person. Did you go from whatever mode you're in over here doing this thing? Did you if in retrospect, if you can say, what do you remember where in the uh a series of events you went straight into like refresh, refresh, refresh mode. It was when uh I oh, I guess I don't know exactly, but it was when a right wing. Had they gotten into the like he wouldn't have won if it wasn't for me? It was before that, but it wasn't about uh Trump and Musk tweeting at each other.

It was the uh but isn't losing money fast enough, so then you get super into proposition bets. That's that's the thing. Like your entire world is this twisted meta experience that amounts to less than nothing. Okay. It's it's kind of uh like uh it's a bit no no no. No no no the reason I have the all the safeguards of I don't want to s log in. I don't want to see any of this because I know I will just lose all my dignity and roll around in the slap. But if you get a little bit Dirty. It's like at that point it's like, oh, why why is that? Well, that's why I think it I think you're trying to be a little bit high-handed this episode, and I don't know why. I gave you real easy lines about Stephen Hawking eating pussy on a plane and a really easy line also about planes about 9-11 and how when 9-11 was happening, what we now call 9-11, hey guess what It it's like it's like that wonderful scene in Severance where they're they're asking um Mark Mark S uh why well you know why that why you know why they didn't call it World War One.

And he's like, well, because there hadn't World War One what we call what 'cause basically it was still going on and there hadn't been a second one. It you know, it would be like calling somebody John Smith Sr. you know, b when he hasn't had any children, it's not necessary to do. And that's why I say for you nine eleven Didn't you have a feeling though at that point? Even at that point where you're like at least going like, oh, it's on. Did you have that feeling? The weird well no. Because the meme, what did the memes tell you in the influencers? No. It w it's similar though, because my main experience of 9-11 oh. Oh and this is the kind of shit that Max but this is the kind of shit you and Ma you and Max look at.

It's like it's shift from from from like very short treat tweets from people like um um, you know, uh black pill, an his face, Rick and Morty, like and go like, well, at least I burp, burp burp, burp, that kind of stuff. That kind of like, all right. Like that kinda like those kind of jokes. The no uh it's those aren't the good You start to reali there there starts to be a good thing. But to get to like one of those that's funny, and this is why uh Max as a Service, M-A-A-S, is is uh so good, is that he he I I know from my experience, like, and one thing you're suffering from right now, you suffered from yesterday, you're gonna continue to suffer from this, is like you're gonna be chasing the dragon.

Because the big dopamine blasts don't come. No, no. That's why we keep going slipper slippers slipper and refreshing. It's because the little dopamine blasts aren't doing it for us. Right? We gotta we gotta like we're waiting like where's the big one? Where's the big one? That's what makes me an accelerationist is like I need more dopamine. Even if this is terrible, I need to feel harder. You don't get that. I get that. But you gotta go through a thousand dumb remarks from like uh Jen Palmieri before you get to like a a a good black pill Twitter. No, I uh I understand that feeling, but there have been so many points of that since twenty sixteen of just like a A great example not not in 9-11, but when on the sun is not.

Yeah, but I like the phrase we still got him this time Yeah, still gunning this time. This is absolutely it's once once Musk owned Twitter, it was kind of uh you you felt like the you had the dragon. Like there was no other there was there wasn't any anything you can do. The first time you have a strong opiate, most people will never have that experience again just because your brain can't be a good thing. As far as I know, that's where the phrase comes from. Yeah. When you say chasing the dragon, it is especially with opiates that and I you know I've heard people talk about this with stuff like crack. What was the who is who's the comedian where some somebody goes, well well no, but crack I mean for people my age, crack is I mean before that it was just regular cocaine where it's like, oh you don't want to get started with cocaine, it's really addictive.

But like the people I know who've had crack were like, yeah. Or like it was the John Mullaney who made the joke. No, no, no, no. It was it's in that great Mr. Show bit where Bob Odenkirk is getting a lie detector and he everything he says is true so they keep asking him more and more outlandish things and like have you ever smoked crack? He goes, Yeah, smoke crack. And like what? Was it good? And he goes, Yeah, it was great. It's crack. It's crack. Yeah, correct. But um that's that that's that's the thing. Or you know, let's without being gross about it. I mean I I would imagine that it some of one's early orgasms in the long run are probably more intense than a lot of one's final orgasms. Like that is the kind of dragon people chase too, I think.

Or maybe it's like or maybe it's like Bruce dipping his Madeline into uh into Stephen Hawking. I do Nine volt battery, haha. R S-T-U. Oh, that would be another W W W Z baby. Uh it's it was JD Vance. It's like when when is he gonna do it? When's he gonna do it? When when when's he gonna do it? That that uh that I think is my with what with yesterday? He's talking tweeted. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I think he has been thrust into a fairly awkward position. Yeah, because Jill's his daddy. I call it the same thing. Yeah, but I I don't think he wants to be in this situation. Stephen Hogging absolutely wanted to to be in that situation. And this morning, uh it w Theo Vaughn, the comedian, who i uh has a very popular podcast that both JD Vance and uh isn't that a democratic like uh is that where you go to make a petition?

But move on. Theo Vaughn. Theo of the Theophon. Is that Irish? Yeah, someone of the Theo. You know what? Huh. Theo Theo Vaughn here. Theo, hey, uh Theo Vaughn, I've heard of him. He's an influencer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, he's huge. I'm wrong. I'm wrong yesterday, 7 PM, June 5th, 2025. 68. 8 million views, uh JD Vance, Slow News Day. What are we even going to talk about? And has a picture of Theo Vaughn. So there we go. It's gonna it's gonna happen. That's my the then I've caught my dragon. Look at that. And does it is it relevant to the story who Theoban is? Yes, yes, Theo Vaughn is a comedian who has a very popular podcast that apparently JD Vance was on yesterday. Oh, okay. Is he like a political interviewer guy?

No, he's one of the comedians who's l like in the Joe Rogan school of I'm just asking the questions. You've probably seen the clip of uh when Trump is talking about his brother. No. I just no. Anyway, keep going. Sorry, is it does it is it important to the story? I don't want to say that. No, uh yeah, but he wasn't. It was like where's where's JD? What's happening? But Uh then. Exactly, it's very s very sad. Very sad. Uh anyway, I've just been looking and w waiting and just realizing, okay, this is exactly as funny as we'd hoped. And this is a lovely little treat. But so stupid and so consequential. I mean in some ways. But now has I'm sorry. Oh, um pause. Um uh can should we save the wonderful Pee-wee Herman show for the next episode, perhaps?

We should. Yes. And there's a lot to talk about. Not a lot more to talk about here too. Yes. Let alone data connect. And all the jokes I've apparently stolen from from comedians about Stephen Hawking eating pussy. No, you think I would ever do that joke? You think I would ever do the thing? No, I'm saying that it is on that level of uh mediocre, and because you are an extremely funny extremely original person to the point where most of your jokes I think are unique. I think you're not imagining him like leaning backwards. I think to see the picture you've got to understand it's got it's got two big wheels and two little wheels And the big wheels are normally on the back. Now he's probably in a motorized one, so this may not be factually accurate, but if it's the kind they just give you at the airport that folds up.

I think an aggressive woman could very much lean that backwards and hold onto the handles and pull the handles side to side to simulate you know, uh uh unmasking the singer, if you know what I mean. I'm gonna do the thing where I just pull in one of my random uh friends who is in a wheelchair to talk about how when you are on an a a regular commercial airplane and you have to switch from the normal cool wheelchair you have and then you get the like rickety gross airport one. That's why they call it the Cunningham. Yes, well but you can't you can't fuck in one of those wheelchairs and it's i it's not the able the typical ableism of oh you're on the regular express. So is this a p someone you're bringing on the show?

Yes. Or is this a bit you're doing about what they say? Well this is their bit about airplane sex. You can't have regular That's a shame. Oh well, I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't have airplane sex. I think yeah, exactly. That's a shame. You know what that is? That's the that is a that's a microaggression. Why don't they make planes that people can fuck on? Why can't everybody fuck on a plane? That's why the Li Lolita Express needed to happen. Well what if it's off in off hours? You know what I'm saying? Um, okay, well, uh but then, you know, that I gotta say, uh Do you think it's consequential? I still don't know. Well still don't know. That's good. I still know if January sixth was consequential or if it was a very good thing.

Okay, here's there's a couple ways to address. I mean one is like it was really fucking funny and stupid and silly and like all the stuff of your like on on top of I mean the thing I'm always just saying to Madeline's like the the the the worst part is what's happening. And the second worst part is how dumb it is. How er how dumb everything is, and how dumb on top of dumb on top of dumb It is. And like it has there ever been more of a pock a pox on both your houses type thing to watch two idiots fight like this and then oh I got my popcorn. But you know, it's not without consequence. There's and none of this is without consequence. And I'm not trying to like spoil it or like say, oh, politics is a big deal or what but like if if people can be weird enough to get us to where we are now.

And if the if people could be weird enough to like get to like this not being objectionable to them as an entire way to deal with the world. It j it's all so stupid and getting so much stupider and I do not s see the slightest sign of this getting less it's stupid. There's the there's the hints. There's the MSNBC style. Watch this watch this space cut type shit. Oh, I almost texted you guys last night because I went to lay down. I was like, oh, I gotta go watching TV and I went and I laid down, took a nap Didn't make it, but as I I was thinking, I was gonna write to you two and say, like, can you imagine because Rachel has the night off, you know, she's only there on Mondays now. Can you imagine Rachel Madass Cats last night?

Oh god, their necks must hurt, huh? Just once. The um but no but but you know, the thing like Sorry, I don't I don't want to get real, but like, yeah, there's this is this is gonna have consequences. Now here's the sucky part. Let's talk about the fun part that's sucky. The fun part that's sucky, the sucky part that's fun, the sucky part that suc Is that And I I I I maybe I'm being a little bit dark gray pill here, but I kind of wish this would go on for a few more days. I kind of would wish this would escalate in stupider ways. that would shake five people out of their stupor about what's happening, including me, maybe. But my gut is this is not based on much of anything. But my gut is it's not gonna get worse.

What do you think? I uh will be rule uh oh wow. Will be uh real along with me being late i i uh for today's getting distracted was n I I have had zero caffeine. Oh boy. Do you w okay, let's say it does uh sh shake certain people awake, as you said, who are those people and what would that do? Would there be I mean there's like the I I the one of the one of the most uh this sounds like a very call not callow. Sounds like a very cynical thing for me to say. Where like it's either gonna sound like I'm being very cynical or I'm being very naive, which is fine. But there are people who have power and aren't using it. Um and sometimes that's really smart. Like, you know, for example, it was only in the last few months that I learned the phrase strategic retreat And that's not a euphemism.

Like in the ballot of in the Battle of Stalingrad in particular, the Russians, the Soviets, got really good at doing something that's called a strategic retreat. Which does not mean running away scared and flailing your arms around. Like you retreat in such a way that it improves your chances for the next battle. You can have a strategic re retreat when you're winning, probably. Like but there's something too like we're not just is it it's not just a matter of winning this battle at all costs today, but to like keep the effort going and that really paid off for the Soviets because bef it took too long for the Germans to realize how fucked they were. They were too far east in Russia to realize how fucked they were.

And it had been so easy, they got a little bit over their skis about it. And had not taken into account a ton of things, including the mud, including the weather, including the fact that uh Gehring was not really actually helping with Luftwaffe bringing the supplies, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So you just play it low-key and you could think of that as a trap or whatever, like however you think about that kind of stuff. But like a strategic retreat like means that you Aren't leaving out of like fear of losing or fear of injury. You're leaving because that's part of your strategy to get you to the next thing. And like I I wonder sometimes, like I'm no chess player, but like I think sometimes people don't really think in those kinds of terms.

We get so obsessed with obsessed with who won today. But like I remember yesterday last night thinking, um, you know, well, if it was gonna get a lot worse, it kinda already would have gotten a lot worse. And so then in the absence of the dopamine that makes us excited about this, then people rush in and say things like, Oh well, you could tell that really hurt Trump because now he's not saying anything. That's so he doesn't want to he's You think that's how it works? Do you really think that's how it works? But though as far as the people to reach, um it's this is the cynical thing. The cynical thing is to say that it's starting to feel like At every level, including obviously the highest levels of society and government, finance, technology, even at the highest levels, the need or desire to pretend like you're a good guy doing a good thing for the right reasons is falling away.

And we really saw that yesterday. Where you're you're like, wait a minute, so as of five days ago, you wanted us to believe that you guys were the best pals in the world and you were working hard for America and like All this the the back and forth of that being so personal, that that's the president of the United States doing that. You know, it would it would be like what? It would be like um, I don't know, like Woodrow Wilson getting into a fight with Randolph Hearst or something where it's like which you which happened, but they fought like gentlemen. They didn't do it on the internet, you know? Um pneumatic tubes maybe. But I c I was thinking yesterday that if it was gonna cause cause you know a lot of it is you know heat and passion stuff.

Now today I saw a headline that said the birthday boy is saying he's not gonna decommission. the spaceship that takes the astronauts up and down? Is that correct? I I've seen both uh and speculation on whether or not just the threat is part Oh I'm sorry, just finished that on one dumb fucking thing. There isn't people What could uh what has anyone said that's smart, but every one of these dumb fucking things that we see w if you look at it from a distance and try to score it like Quidditch You you you watch this stuff going on and go like, oh well, uh this judge decided that they're putting a pause on this Trump thing. That means our side won that one a little bit. And like, oh now it's being decided that uh the Supreme Court says this part of that can and it's all being fought out in court as I guess we could expect at this point.

It's all but like Is that really a win for us? Because like not only have we not won the battle, but we really didn't win the war. And also every single one of these changes has tremendous costs. and tremendous um risks associated with it. An obvious one is like if you lay off arbitrarily whatever, you lay off five thousand people. Well, you've really just fucked up those people's lives really hard. But then so you've gone through all the stuff, all the sunk costs of again, young employees, all the sunk costs of recruiting, which from podcast ads most of you know, is pretty costly. Hiring is costly. And retaining people in a good company, retaining good people becomes a really big part of what you do, not just with money, but with culture and like all those kinds of things.

But like Fire 5,000 people. Holy shit. How am I going to pay for my kids' braces? Uh we want now actually uh some of them are the only ones that know the password, so we need to hire some of them back. Every single one of those things has a cost. And you can amplify that across every one of these piece of shit dumb things that's happening that we see as a headline. that we read and go like, oh did our side win or lose that particular one today? If you're even choosing to keep up with it, which is extremely difficult and frustrating. But there we don't get the dopamine hit of some kind of sanity is coming back to people's apprehension of the world. Like and I don't know who it would be, but I have to say there are some things like there's a part of me that thinks Not Warren Buffett exactly, but somebody who is regarded as a big business guy with a lot of influence.

I'm not saying that they go on social media and say calm down, but like start working some angles. Like supposedly, at least according to like Caitlyn Collins. People were just freaking out at the White House yesterday and in Musk's camp, like trying to figure out a way to what'd they say, turn down the temperature, right? Because, you know, if you work for Elon, if you work for if if you're Steven Miller's wife, you work for Elon Musk. Can't you imagine that yesterday was a a pretty strange day? Yeah, but I don't know I continue to not know if there are uh unlike what has happened uh since January of this year, if there are any consequences to this in i i like uh how you know but i mean just because it's not like nineteen ninety two doesn't mean that things don't I but this specific thing th this I'm saying like this is what i is I I'm trying to like articulate that the reason this feels really good to a lot of people is it It is almost at this point transant transcending quote sci.

It's because even fucking Charlie Cox. It's fun. It is. And the the r the I mean I whatever. I'm just gonna leave it at that for now. Um I don't know if that sounds to me like in a lot of ways Elon Musk has not always been a grifter, but in some ways he's always been a grifter. Really. Really. He's a smart guy. He's a smart fellow and he knows lots of stuff. as we're discovering that nearly as much as we might have imagined or he would like us to infer, but no, you're watching t two corrupt people bicker on a personal level, at the highest level, and that is weird as fuck to watch. It's not just weird. It is an affirmation of, alright, it is like there is insanity and Sure, we aren't like quote go going back or as someone we fucking know said, Oh, this isn't what America believed in till January uh yeah, like this isn't uh that's kind of when No joke, man.

I'm kidding. It fucking broke my fucking brain when I saw people who were like uh uh friends who I was like you know like what uh uh your life is not uh representative of most people, right? Your bul uh beliefs aren't representative of the rest of the country and not to get all like political, but like just I you know, mmm, there there aren't four hundred dollars in most people's b bank accounts. No, you are not this is not a belief that everybody it shares. And th that is why like something as stupid as this. it's I still think the consequences not I and I think a lot of people are still like there s don't seem to be many consequences unlike bills being passed, unlike when people are being fired and lives are being uprooted and sh it's it's just an insane thing.

That is happening. It is a dragon that you can chase without uh like stepping uh into like like r instead uh that It almost feels harmless. It feels harmless to watch two people just strangle each other. Yeah, especially because they both well while they both hold grudges in different ways, like they also both get distracted. pretty easily. It's just, you know, and this these are two people well, they're both well here's fuck. Never mind. Because they're both two guys who just love to be a dog with a bone. And that that part. But like, I don't know. I if it is gonna continue, I hope it gets way worse. Um and is fun and not just merely uh uh you know undignified. To the country. As opposed to all of the dignity that America has had since Since before January twentieth, twenty twenty five.

That's insane. Do you know anything about D Day? Do you know how it worked? Do you know how long it took to plan? Do you know uh do you even care about Umperation Mince Maids? Um, I watched that movie with Matthew McFadden and liked it. Uh I also I also watched the thing about another yet another thing about Enigma yesterday, which Enigma still breaks my brain. What a fucking incredible machine. Right. Oh my god. When they added the letter switchers on top of it all, oh my god, completely bananas. No, now I wanna watch uh the Enigma Rush again. I know. The Oh the Imitation Game. Is that the one where we see his dick? Yes. Nothing that's spoiled. Uh not that I remember. Spoilers. I wish. I mean what?

Never mind. Are you talking about the Benedict? Yeah I'm not proud of that. Now see that was undignified. I don't know. Yeah, that was that wasn't I I haven't heard that one before though. So I found myself looking at this and saying, like, obviously this strands uh the the I found started by finding uh uh It was cryptids was the was the spangram. Cryptids, like you know, cryptozoological things. Do you follow? I uh I do remember the thing. Like Jackalope and things like that. I got jackalope as one of my first ones. And um the thing that moved me to post that on the internet was the moment where I said to myself, huh, does Slender Man count as a cryptid? And I've I said to myself the Slender Man count is encrypted.

And um then I realized I don't I mean I think I know the answer to that, but I ultimately not only don't want to know the answer to that, but I wish I hadn't been able to ask the question. Thereby identifying some undignified knowledge of my life. Someone came up with the same thing. What's the best thing to use for a tampon if the machines are tampons? Hey Alex, what's the best thing to use for a tampon if the machine's out of tampons? Well, it depends. I will not But you know, right? You know. You you well without telling me you you're aware of that fact. That's a kind of slightly undignified knowledge. I I I mean like I I could figure out how to jack off where people wouldn't know. That's undignified knowledge.

I know how to get on a plane and and and strap in safely in the full upright position. If you know what I mean. There's there's knowledge in our lives that like at the moment where I'm finding myself burning cycles, wondering, in any way, wondering if Slender Man is a cryptid, see, I am a fancy duchess, and I say to myself I don't like the fact that I was even able to ask myself that question and sorry so I closed the app. Thank you. Did you ask? Do you ask the dingus whether or not? No. No, no. I used to you know, I used to do spell check or spell check, what's it called? Spelling thing. I used to do that like a cuck And like really do it all the way through until I got at least the highest, you know, into the hundreds.

And and I would use the app for that, because they have a cool app that'll help you with clues. And if I was really stuck, I would use that. But you know, wait, I thought we agreed the clues were undignified. In um in um in what which game? All of them in the New York Times suite of games. Well no, I was saying specifically in no, I don't think so. I mean m some of my answers are not like for the spelling B Some of my answers are are really, really quite silly and reveal or reflect very undignified information. Because sometimes I just want to see the word that I know I could make out of all the letters, and it makes me laugh when I take a screenshot. Then I don't always close the app. Bad on me.

Actually, that makes sense. Fair, fair. I've gotten some good ones lately. You know, because my the way I do spelling B is you just gotta get a You gotta get the uh what's it called? What's it called? The thing that uses all the letters. What's that called? An acrostic? Uh what's it called? Uh oh fuck, you're right. Um the uh the super word. Okay, what is Yeah no I gotta pull it up. What's it called? I do it every day. What's it called? You get the uh not the spangram, you get the uh what's it called What's called Alex? Oh god. Um let's see, did I do today's I haven't yet done today's I don't have it on my phone. Um I gotta you don't have it on your phone. That's weird. Why? I don't play it anymore.

It makes me I'm not burning cycles thinking, oh man, I wonder what sort of weird transphobic thing to do. Well they'll show you yesterday's answers. Whoa, I didn't know I could do that. That's crazy. Yes, yeah, I don't want to wait. I don't want to waste cycles on that. I do want to uh w waste cycles on trying to argue with ChatGPT because I think Slender Man is a cryptid Because again, yes, technically it's a fictional created uh character created in two thousand nine on something awful forums as part of a Photoshop contest. Yeah, but but unless unless Unless So he is more accurately described as a modern myth or internet horror icon, not a cryptid. But but again, what is a cryptid? Cryptid.

Cryptids are typically are typically creatures rooted in folklore or legend. But what is folklore or legend is a good idea. What is folklore or legend? What is creepypasta? Yeah. You've tapped into some extremely dignified knowledge at this point. Kierkegaard would entertain this question. I think he would be like a No, I mean you know, not all Danes. Taylor Dane, you got Taylor Dane, she's fine. You got Dane Cook, uh he's a comedian that people enjoy. He's a dig n dignified person. I said kind of a reaction machine. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Me the line. Oh baby. Oh baby. Oh baby. No. raw transcript