335. The Plumber's Delight

I'm not doing oh man, oh look at Alex is being sincere on Maid. For this week's challenge, notice little victories. Uh I I can be however you want me to be. Um, just so you know, um this is in-band communication. Uh yeah. I assume are a certain way or like I assume explain something like and so like I for example have gotten I think a little better at questioning my memory Oh, my muffleta's on the way. I've got I've got a hunch and uh it's been proven for sure again and again and again that th that suspicion is incor it's it's wrong. I suspect that they're neurotypical, but uh you know, they haven't had the Roderick moment of maybe I should have walked across the I don't need that. I I'm re recalling now something I I think I said in the past, which is there's a terrible well there's so many things that are weird about Limicdol, also known as Limotragen.

And was like, you know, she was Audrey on Broadway. Who's so fucking funny in it? You know the you know the guys, you remember you ever see it? Don't listen to the short version. There are plenty of options that involve um selling my soul. And I was like, you know, I was actually responding to somebody who responded to them. But you know, there's all kinds of the RFC says stuff like don't name it after what it does, like you know, so things like Greek gods or you know, whatever. Are you actually having are you because I described to John Sarkisa uh last night. His name is Fluxi and I love him very much. And I was right there, Merlin. Did you ever watch that video I sent you? And and I just turn to Madeline and I start laughing and she knows where it's going.

easy. But like but right, but don't you feel like I mean like no, isn't there whether or not this makes any sense from a rational standpoint? You know what I mean? Sh I'm sure it's a problematic stereotype, but this very angry Or or how she deals with the homeless. Yeah. But there would be some kind of like a a fairly uh he would be like, Mm, I'm not sure what to do about this thing. that you could get. T ty what's it called? I think I made that joke before. You know Robert Lowell was very Catholic. Again, Warner Herzog on the brain, like there's there's so much madness inside of the madness, so to speak, because the thing that that is helping you with is to stay tethered. I I'm pretty sure I know it's I feel like it's on the soundtrack.

So like you know, like uh on Wikipedia they have camel case. How would they do it? Oh no, I I'm doing the thing where I uh listen to Tic Tic Boom on repeat uh repeat and uh Next to Normal on on repeat. uh like Gen Z is realizing that Glee was absolutely as batshit as uh th us millennials s said it was This is a gimme. And it's got this boop-b-doop-doop doop-doop doop. Um, digga diggit. He there's a locker room where they all go. I I'm feeling just trying to guess or fill in here. The the main reason I keep asking this over and over is there's still some part of me, because it's none of my fucking business, but there's still some part of me that thinks you are ex you are currently going through a very profound Uh how health insurance works and how like um psychiatry works and it's like really is that is that you want to do this?

like dopamine out of that, but like you you're creating a very unwholesome feedback loop by rewarding your ability to realize what a piece of shit you are by then making yourself feel worse about it. Mm-hmm. Because now you know you're stupid. I said to somebody I actually apologize for this later because I I I I feel like I I don't think it was mean, but I think my tone was stronger than I meant it to sound. Did you ever do that? It's like, yeah, yeah, it's like guitar, you gotta practice. I'm good. What do you want me to ask you, Alex? When we describe it to to folks and I um feel free to discree folks, but um like the kind of like Italian sandwich that I really love. Like, you know, mortadella, I think provolone, but like imagine like kind of like an Italian sandwich, but it's on this amazing sesame seed um bread and it's got olive spread in it.

seeped in at the bottom. W the way that you name devices, you know there's actually a really good RFC about this, about like how to name like let's say you've got a like uh I mean a word I don't really quite understand. Or like say you like you've got Mac Mini Colo and you've got 50 Mac Minis or you've got all these Unix boxes and you need a way to name them that d disambiguates them. It but if you enter uh touch latex in a terminal, it probably it probably won't be what you expected. But then, you know, I thought I'd give it a name. You you're going in a lot of interesting directions. and stuff like that. So I mean there's probably lots of reasons A. And then you come back for a second, you know, semester and like uh people are getting together, most of people are breaking up, people are changing roommates, and so we all started calling f Are you having a uh like do are you f is there a thing going on?

It's kinda noise an old man well, phe if I may say, it's kinda noise an old man just makes sometimes. We'd drive him around Tallahassee and he'd read all the signs. But a little condescending, uh you know, like the whole like, oh, you know, Saviors come in. Oh, it's so sweet. If you know a bunch about something and you watch a movie and I'm this is my words, not his. I think it first came up when we were watching Halt and Catch Fire and we both really liked the show, right? a song from the wrong year in a movie and how it drives me completely fucking bananas. And we both go, make it being solid. Eric I e s uh yeah. Uh yeah yeah it's not something you c it's not something you choose, it's not something you call upon.

It's really nice to go to church on Christmas Eve and sing. Am I retconning that memory as I tell it over time because of things like, Oh, I know that part gets a better laugh. I mean like like drop the bit for a second. m for to me like stop parsing everything in in this one in like a handful of dumb ways and try to like see more things for more how they are and I I I need to learn about it. I think it was that episode of Queer Eye where they had my filetta that that made me um I've been craving one. How much of that could be owing to age? Or as you say, troubleshooted something, which is to say like, okay, well, mm-hmm straight up. So hopefully sounding too passive aggressive is like, well, here's the thing.

Like that was just because of how I my dumb personality is, but I didn't forget things. kind of electric keys in the car. Experienced it. what that how that works, what it feels like, what that order of operations is. It's really not a matter to you. f that you're comfortable sharing that you could draw from uh r uh recent times where you have been dealing with that? uh uh uh isn't always something that functions well uh or like when I quo uh like again quote f forget to take m uh my bipolar meds and I th wait, who is it? Do you actually can you do that? uh Cara Fagan and even my parents to make sure okay Alex is you someone has seen seen Alex take their meds? Um but uh it really is a journey, a musical journey.

Uh there is a lot of a faith in m my life which is not just doctrine. Roman Catholic term, but Well, I mean uh the the uh official Roman Catholic term isn't uh brain school for a psychiatric uh hospital, but that is the term that I I use. as I once thought it was. It's kind of hard to completely repot yourself. Which is a line I use all the time. you're talking to I'm g I yeah, I am gonna knock that challenge out of that because it's something it's I I don't know if I would want to unplant uh that seed, uh honestly. I was just like, oh God, you're you have such a good heart. It's like it just kills me that like we sit and bag on these people who are just quietly doing God's work because they understand what Jesus said.

There's a me out there somewhere and maybe this is the thing that is preventing me from accessing that today. that stuff. It's like it's like m it's i you know what it is? Practor, please, please. It's game over, right? Which is like you start taking it and as as previously covered here, you do have to ramp up very slowly with Limic Dol. my or at least my brain can rationally sure connect to and because I've never uh gotten it and if you r s see it Fuck. Blink 182, formerly known as Blink, and now they're back. Which one was that? Please I think you should look into this just because it's interesting and Brian, you know, is such a fascinating guy. To taking Tiger Mountain? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Uh where I uh laughed out loud.

It's probably like ninety-four and Electra is like directing a show and there's this woman doing kind of like at first I thought kind of cut Tony Braxton, but for the sake of argument, let's say sort of a you know, Whitney Houston sort of thing. And I I burst out loud and I went to the other room where Madeline Madeline had just taken a shower. Oh shit, what's her name? And Billy showed me a performance by her that was amazing. But yes, but both were created and pr produced by Ryan Murphy. this he what he just does so much stuff for fun. that he brought to Fitzcaraldo as played by Lucas Mattson. Like but um but the but but then there's this beautiful scene. Werner Hertzlog references. Uh well you know I'm gonna spoil it for you.

He gets taken away by the KGB with the assurance they can continue the production as long as they don't make an international incident. ever seen for me for me I don't want to do it for challenge because I will only I will only talk to people who love it. starter for you. And I don't know if this is the perfect starter episode. If it's been more than 30 minutes since the milk was in the cow, he makes his son, Fred Armorson, take it back. No, no, the Thin Red Line is uh is a Terrence Malik movie. And it's okay if y'all don't like it, but it would break my heart if there were people out there who it is perfect for OHYD. W uh r uh uh oh wait w what something about something involving small victories.

Uh I don't think we need to pick it yet. omnifocused perspective of what I've accomplished. I think I was trying to say, you know, like so many like so many uh people who used to regard themselves as punk rockers, I often tend to describe things as uh what they're not. No one understands. at the Macy's department store as one of Santa's elves. He's talking about this is the way uh section uh like in the last second or third act of the thing goes. Come on messages. t taking or giving uh compliments, I know I am very good at some things, and I know that I And quite talented and uh can make very weird, cool, creative projects happen. it will be bad um if I don't have my medicine. Whether it makes money or not, whether people like it or not, isn't that kind of the thing?

s sweet, which is like, wouldn't you feel better if you were doing the stuff that makes you feel like yourself? What a what an amazing observation. And then I'll have twenty two defensive players and no actual strategy for scoring a point. You know, they say the best best offense is a good the best what is it, the best defense is a good offense. I I just I I keep I the reason the re I'm not doing this to harass you. What next? It's not really those just those two is it, is it really? But more of a like like okay, I have this amount of defensive forces right now that I and I'm a little bit under attack right now. Like there's stuff like that. in some ways the further we get from actually accomplishing why.

The thing that neuro what I would say neurotypical peop people who don't have anxiety can't understand is that anxiety is a box of Kleenexes and as soon as you pull one out, another one pops straight back up, and then you have an entire palette of those that's in this case I'm calling that your preoccupying thought. you know, the larger scene of that and like there's all these ways in which like the tiniest change in your like change your doorbell, change your life. Right. sticking it for the first time, right? It's a 50% chance. uh to to a certain way of deciding to see the world, which again is adjacent to the dishwasher problem and you know, just do the thing. So two more things and I'm done.

Like you didn't go do that other stupid fucking thing. Right? Slept well. something or other on the future of musical podcasting. That's very odd, Alex. Why are you so mean to people who call themselves doctor? a muffle edda. Most of the time if I have like you know I'm talking you've had this though, right? Samsung uh drives that I use for taking media back and forth. you know, this particular place and on this this box on this node and this Yes, the device flow is how I say it in the industry. uh or really my devices in general, but especially my Apple devices, uh would always be named after a Simpsons character. I have uh a system similar to you. I've uh well. Adam Clayton from you too would say.

uh not in a negative way, but a moment of crisis or a moment of upheaval. Uh all my friends would have these crazy changes in their life right after we came back from ISP. Title. the quickening that happens as you realize this academic year is gonna end and you know there's things that you need to like, you know, have lined up for in in your college career and for like the end of that year. Or like somebody got a tattoo, but a lot of breakups, a lot of relationship stuff. Oh, you can see it. Right now. And we go, and you go, hmm, hmm. It's almost like when they would mention Cincinnati on the news when I was a child. It's they're they're horrible looking. But um but but the plumber's delight was like, oh look how they they pick it up and it has the same, it's like like all like all bearded dragons, it's less Just just walk away.

Just now make me salad! I don't like that. I guess there was something where they were gonna be parting ways for a while and and they and Eric was using a water fountain and he said, From now on, every time you use a water fountain, I want you to think of me. Not just something with the Irma Gerd girl. Imagine you know about me. I would have to go through some kind of eternal sunshine process to forget about Eric's water fountain. I can't tell if this is a real pop science thing or an actual thing. photo book and it wears a little bit more and you can't I wonder I wonder if I'm degrading that memory. plug-in settings too much. Yeah. I it's like my uh personality and my ambition. podcast which to today it wasn't late, but it would be late to a podcast recording.

Again, because of proximity or exposure. Again, like my friend Sam realizing there were fewer than nine months between, you know, basically his his his m his parents had a shock. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, guys. Right. It it's no no no. One of the ways one of the things I picked up from John, because I hear his voice in my head sometimes, being my inquisitor to ask me about like how I've troubleshot something. as a convenience to recalling things later. Your brain's not going to be like that forever. It might be because there's a history o of like Alzheimer's and like various like dementia stuff in in my family, but I p part of what is just appealing t to me is having the whole like And it it's very useful in the sense that it it can be used for something, but it's less useful in terms of I don't know what it's for.

And usually it's like, oh, I I remember I wanted to take this uh I want to take this uh uh extension cord down to the garage. I know I'm forgetting something. You know, for all kinds of reasons. say, well is that something I can I can just fucking cool my jets, not get mad at myself, but yes, figure out if there is something. I don't think I forget. Fucking insane. You know Oblique Strategies? And can I tell you what my all-time favorite one of those is? Or, you know, the the the the but you can go look it up. which is he developed these things called oblique strategies. Be it be vague. who this is for and consequently who this is not for and tacitly apologizing that I have fucking anything to say at all.

things I'm great at Cunalingus. uh have put measures in place now, uh like to n not just uh check in with with Matt, but check in uh with um founder of Cox is Cux funny things I say I forget, huh? What was your do you have a term for this? I go koo yeah, I go I go couckoo and I have uh the suspicion that maybe I don't know, I don't know if that's the official US Army retired. But he but there's a there's a line in Maria, you know the the line from the bridge and he says he says, s uh s say it loud and there's music playing. Art Christians wouldn't think to do that. workers and criminals. And if you walk away from that thinking that there's something really grave that we should be doing to people in God's name, you're no better than anybody in the last 2,000 years who's been a piece of shit.

Poor kids. Uh I can see the effect that that's had on people. Uh you cannot meet anybody more conflicted about this stuff than me, but like I can't say that I hold a particularly strong faith in a monotheistic Protestant God, and I don't think I need to. whoever I am, brain and all, is I've developed habituation to a certain kind of, let's call it a default state, and I have to fight that. I have to fight going back to that default state, whether that's something and in fact the way you're describing it now, something I never thought of quite this way. the opposite of that, but like it's if you don't take the pill is your version of me taking a stimulant. Oh, the the few days where you haven't taken your your um i in my case it's uh lamyctal, those those few days that you really take that oh shit, you can't fuck around with Uh my sense is that that's one where you could see a big drop in the benefits from that very quickly, right?

And Matt literally paused the episode and was like, that's not true. i it it didn't make me happy, but I'm like, yeah, yeah, you're right, because the first few days of not taking lamictal, it is the I mean it's pretty much the placebo of, oh, I feel like myself now because I think I'm going to feel like myself now. Synthesis of anybody that's ever existed, but it's gonna keep you from the bad place, but then once you start dipping a toe into the bad place, Like in your case, then that that robs you of the ability to be aware of how that is uh keeping you from a place where you don't want no you don't want to be. it like two two years ago now, I was like, okay, I have this I have the bad feeling and I know like it it was me again having the desire to not take my medications and I was s staying up all night doing a lot and I was like, hey, I think I need some some help.

And you're like, pfft, whatever. There are not a lot of them out there. while you're ramping up. Stevens something. Like um you're and you get like treated right away, you're I'm not saying you'll be fine, but like it's no no no no I'm not afraid of I'm kind of glad not glad All the time you're ramping up to your effective dose of lamyctal, you're noticing, in my experience, absolutely zero. Stop taking lemingal and you're gonna notice it was doing something. as you know Joni Mitchell says, you don't know what you got till it's gone. And it's f it's for pilots or people with sleep shift disorder, but it's not a stimulant. I miss that last Vivance, man, it was like your cigarette before the firing squad.

That sucks. I mean y you you talk about uh the the rens. She's like Corina Longworth, where she does not use contractions and every T is extremely overpronounced. And she goes, you are clearly Lul, you are also you are clearly lacking in vitamin D and shea butter. And holy fucking shit is that show good. Yeah, yeah. Glee and then Pose. to see cousin Greg, who's a former child actor, being the buddy in a sitcom that's shot outside in Siberia with the level of commitment. And then they keep watching the hair and makeup times. The the village is now creating all the all the props for the show out of wood, the cell phones and stuff. Better talk about Andy's bachelor pad, where he has to deal with both babes and babies.

He oh oh absolutely and he doesn't need cocaine. With a terrible, admittedly terrible German accent. No, because it's it's the it's the plumber problem for me. Young Colombian chefs learned the tricks of the restaurant trade from their strict father Juan, whose celebrated restaurant only serves one dish, chicken and rice. And so but Fred Armstrong's brother, meanwhile, has left the family to go form uh to go start an incredibly successful Mexican restaurant chain. I'm almost done and then we can talk about the challenge, huh? Oh, okay, so two things. And she used to be it's always Helen Mirror. I well I was like, what what would uh what would age poorly and what would what would be Kate McKinnon uh Singing Hallelujah on Saturday Night Live, old Club.

Notice your small victories. uh like all teenagers do. Like I feel like w when I dominoed the situation, when things went pretty well, like I want to start noticing that. Oh, whenever uh you say something like, um good job or something, I I'm just like, oh fuck off, uh fuck off fuck off. Basically Billy's impression of the guy doing Roman in the those are my M M's bit. little victories. More importantly, what I am capable of and that it it doesn't make me mad at you. at myself because I'm like, oh God, this is what you've come but like this is what you've become Can I give you my file card on what you're describing right here? And all he does all day long is imagine David Sederos, all day long all he does is smile and tell everybody how great everything is going.

'Cause sometimes when I when I realize I'm having a uh not being very good at accepting a nice thing someone said, I go, Well is that because you're a fucking liar, dude? But I I don't know the answer to that. thing. just one salesman of the month for a non existent company. feel like that old thing we talk about or you talked about and I glommed onto of like, hey look, you know, your w your job doesn't have to be your work. Such a good question. Like today, like this last week, I've been cleaning out the garage because that's my job. uh people that all also I love and uh he's like, yeah, maybe you should be putting more time and effort into that and see what happens because Listener, I hope you get the idea, which is like, you know, you can build yourself into a successive sort of uh the the uh ability for a doctor to just prescribe that medication cost uh oh out the about It's not DoorDash or Penury, is it?

Go absolutely bonkers. time attention will uh go toward like making sure nobody gets past this one thing over here. He the he can't even if I was like, here's five hundred dollars for a uh monthly session so you can give me the prescription, he can't even do that because of Blue Cross Blue Shields. du oh it turns out he doesn't have sleep apnea, he needs his uh tonsils out or he will need a CPAP machine. But no, um, but th the point B th th the the point is that uh all all all of my guys are running towards that and it's the thing that I Feels so terrible that I sound so condescending to you. that we need help with X when what we really need is something that lets us get to Y. somewhat effective, but it's not rational because I've made myself doing DoorDash hasn't made me miserable.

Doing enough enough. A grind grinds the grindsul. Very or well organized palette of more boxes of anxieties in a closet. But sometimes Go eat them off. uh little victories as they came along. And like so the the best example I can think of from that is, hey, idiot, if you have a USB A, you have a fifty percent chance of getting it right. Ha ha! And thank you for being one of my best friends who's incredibly, incredibly patient with me. What's what's happening? It's not like reconcilable differences. Why don't you why don't you maybe play this for Matt later and see how Matt feels about it when we haven't talked for two weeks and then you tell me about your how you're holding Caulfield? Gassing yourself up is a thing that the youths say, and it is the first thing that I've ever thought, oh, that is something I think I'm too old to say nope.

What happened uh guy I'm casting myself up, which is a weird the first time I'm like casting yourself up Ooh, I like bread. You know, there's like whole there's a god, there's such a good Wikipedia page about um you know that there's a term that's escaping me right this second, but there's a term in usually in often in technology, but four Samsung SSDs in play and they're in different places doing, you know. Yes, exactly. I mean, a handful of things seem extremely important and a lot of things that used to seem important seem less important. And that is a statement from Merlin Mann. Oh sh she's always wearing that ponytail. And now he's trying to like uh what feels like a fairly kind of earnest way, he like wants to help people and like be like sh shows his workouts that he does and stuff and like oh my god, what Bobby does for this guy.

Title. Accent. My one of my wife's very best friends from her like twenties, I think she they met working at a ski lodge in Colorado. But sh anyway, she has this really dear friend and and then we kind of reconnected with them in the early two thousands with her and uh hung out with her in LA and it was really cool. the I always imagined San Francisco would have this amazing art scene. And he was fully German and he was just this all send a send you a photo. Big personality, really a sweetheart, the best host you'll ever have. Curious. Thinking of Eric. that memory. I I th I think so and this past year is the least reliable I have ever been as But I I don't know. Something I'm trying to well, this whole thing, but like I I'm I'm trying to like go like in my case, like oh, stop And and and by by that I mean like if you're telling an Eric's water fountain story, take a beat and go, wait, wait, did that really add up?

Oh no, just uh Oh sorry, they're dropping the ball for Okay here's the question, here's the question, and I'll let John Syracuse um falter all was in service of this, like other journeys? and is in no position physically to get in shape quickly and so you have to like you have to start undoing what you've done to your body just to be able to heal your body and you've Because they will be useful to you later to develop external systems and outboard brains that will be a parking lot. uh for the things that you used to always just assume your mind would take care of, your brain, right? quote quo s uh quote unquote second brains of system and I uh like I know when I've forgotten something, which is a weird thing to say, except Oh I do too.

Right? You know there's a hole. That's not funny. stuff off off to. Yeah. Strong. respecting boundaries. answer to why it is you sometimes find yourself having not taken medicine you've decided you need and that other people decide you need. Like h how do you if you were going to well we say? T taken about once every five years and I don't uh uh I don't love it. From from almost nothing. you know, generic m misogynistic Protestants. Or um from eight. relationship with something? how it it's still very much. But m my almost like praying challenge is what if what if that you did started finding yourself doing something that's almost like praying? uh that you know of and um he said uh I just saw the news about uh Heather Armstrong and it reminded me of the the the days, you know, early days of blogging and I just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and I hope you're okay.

that took their life. Fucking John Dickerson told me that he didn't need to and it made me I was just like, see that's I I don't want to put it this way because I'm not saying people who I really don't believe in any sort of uh like d d devil or hell hell type type of thing, but I I for me that I've come to also uh suspect, but ha has been confirmed w w Uh absolutely. in in like in he's like no no no it's like t two weeks and it's t just completely bonkers, but y you know that your chemistry is still like completely d different. Totally, totally right. And I I got it. Like if one were to just stop taking lamyctyl will be you might get a deadly skin condition. I don't want anybody to suffer. very slowly with it and the the the thing that's that you won't won't know about Lamactill until it might be too late is it feels like it's doing nothing.

From my heart. Life. Mm-hmm. rock albums that were so fucking weird. Um it's uh oh, I don't know how to spay ca spell camel. valuable by putting it in an exquisite frame. That yes, that is a Broadway show about a woman who is uh also bipolar and uh i I I don't w I genuinely don't want to spoil it for people. Um what else? Yes! You're probably aware of I've seen seeing that, yes. you know, like fairy tale stuff and working with Koskinski and the Gary Wrath of God is a is a hell of a journey. But you'll do something different with Jeff's hair, right? But he's there to shoot a documentary about it the tribe that lives in an unlivable valley between the Ulan Mountains and the Volga River. Almost six times.

Um guy. Oh, oh, I oh goodness gracious. Suit of armor. You know what, read another president. Small victories. I I uh I wrote um notice little victories and I uh I I mean all of I like that. Because the stuff at the beginning at the top of the show. at full capacity in a year. taking a huge toll on your mental health as well. Chicken problem. But the the th and Matt was like your fixation on just Uh, what if instead you said, Well, I got these uh eleven big strong boys on defense and I uh God, why don't I just also take all the guys that are on offense and make them defense too? $2,000 a month for Matthew and I. XY confusion. Uh which is i uh I mean the way health insurance works. with a medical degree in good stead, why can't you just find somebody who's a doctor who's a decent person and writes you a year of prescription?

uh good at and if those are helping you that's good it but the the again I like I'm sorry to I'm I I rational action to to to achieve. you know, an amazing spouse to be like you're doing like you're making shitty stuff. Like that that is your default thought now. I I and again, it it took Maddie to be like, you know, there's some people who really like some of the things that you've done and you've let them and and you've let them uh myself into it because I am pulling all of the c I'm always pulling out a Kleenex while I'm doing something else And I'm not using both hands. Grab your USPA like it's gonna work the first try and then not care if it didn't work the first time. That's life, right?

Oh man, you just you did it. What I what I s what I've done in the in the la really this has started uh obviously earlier than the last two weeks because we had an episode where we had to make this challenge, but so far so good, right? And I inclined myself to be not freaked out about that, to just let it pass by me like the weather and just keep doing what I'm doing. Stop worrying less uh about like remembering your failures. Oh my god, you sound like me. sit in a corner for one week and think, you know, how much ambition you've lost for no reason whatsoever. Anyway, it's all in that O'Reilly book. You know, of of like six six to forty people. old and wide than Dando. Only not only, but you can do a bando impression, but a bearded dragon impression is kind of like a Trump impression.

Pretty hoppin' in visual arts and music. And one of the things that drove one of the things that drove him crazy. It's just a question of who's gonna say it first. With one chopstick for some reason. a human being, probably literally since birth because stuff that you used to be pretty good at, like you feel like you're you're you're dropping the ball on things? tacitly and implicitly like to say things like that to people and I like when people say that to me. But I I don't know. maybe not as much as anybody would like. Right. now is the uh woman who runs the homeless shelter that they're always trying to pawn that you have a hidden intention somewhere inside of you, which is I don't want to take these sometimes?

And if I could ask, and feel free to not answer any of this, here's my cards. too d definite and it's just uh i i it it it's just me, I guess Any and all c questions about brain and the other. stopped taking these mood stabilizers um part of like I d god I don't What m you might call a compulsion? you could really screw up your chemistry with that, right? Yeah. It's so you've got to he and she gets better and better and better at it. Like service. a CBS comedy sitcom in Siberia in the early eighties. Yes, I have seen good and I'm trying to sell you you fucking whore. Okay. Like super white hair, like what my friend Dennis used to call Zimberfonsen, like with bangs, and he screams, I am the son, you shitbag!

album recording. You know, n but like a shit what what's the one I'm I it's it's the one based on Jira Dreams of Sushi and it is. And it takes hours to get there. Uh uh Clinton? Good luck or understanding things like probability and like knowing. Okay, all right. I was like I've m I I was like any small victory I have at this point is pathetic and uh just uh uh uh uh upsetting to to me because their Just it's one of are you saying it's one of those things where it's like a participation trophy thing where you feel like what you did was s obsessed with my mental health and and healthcare for the past year. on the clock or otherwise be in support of that my primary job. spiralling number of bubbles inside of bubbles and carapace and shells and but like what if what if getting out there and doing the thing is who you are?

Because boy, does that ever sound like something that is not your shit? cash that I can put away and not do anything with and just the it's like it it's And have I I learned this recently through a friend. Hate and it's stupid and it makes me do things. you keep bringing it back to this thing that you understand and have a a hook in. partly clouded your ability to understand what it is you're actually trying to do and find a faster route to that? Take this lemekdolt. down and you know that. Oh that's great. ten times and if they didn't get great at it in ten tries, stop. for a living. Device flow. And uh I would try to pick, you know, names that made sense with like what the device was. He was he was a sa he played saxophone.

I I I don't know what they've I had an analogy for for memory, uh, or oh, I can journal about that. We've talked about m my anxiety before doing anything before, but I used to have better coping mechanism. great you were in a zone. word because n knowing is is too is too strong of a word. This is more of a I I guess I'm saying this is for people who are uh a Um and now I still like I mean you too. But let's just leave off if you're actually praying and who you're talking to, it starts with gratitude and then becomes whatever it is you have to share with the person. DM, you'll know this, and I'm I'm I don't I got a DM. Mm-hmm. But in my case, a stimulant, holy shit, it makes me feel so much like myself, right?

Yeah. the journey of her transformation to get to where she's saying stuff like Karina Longworth. And washing the hair and makeup tests. Because I'm like, nah, nah I'm like, no, Merlin, you're just acknowledging the bare, absolute bare minimum of what I am good at and what was in the early nineties when he had written a piece called The Santalan Diaries and he read it on Morning Edition on NPR. Like why take take what is it you young people say take the uh W. And it's really stupid that that's the one we chose for an address we would have to read to people for the rest of humanity. I I'm actually getting pretty tired of being touchy about the fact that whatever I decide to be my job is my job And uh this this sounds like a diss on this show and it it's not because I'm very proud and love Due by Friday.

I t t still having health insurance. problem is if you like I could you can the the actual medication cost not that expensive the I have not the anxiety of not having health insurance has made me Yeah, and and that and that is the reason why DoorDash and Gig Economy. not the paying for the medic uh medication. Mm-hmm. Anyway, I think I had a big victory this week, so I'll uh uh almond buttered a bit. Just no. Your your your buildungs romulus where you where you go out and ride the ride the trains by yourself all night. You know, we could figure out why Billy's I mean we might need to recalibrate Billy's watch because also have you really ever really thought about the work of Mitch Easter and Don Dixon in the early 80s and like what that meant for REM and Let's Active and then the the the the larger And so you find a box you think is a good box and you hang on to it and you put it with the good sticks.

Almost every one of them is a decision I'm proud of to not do something. But there's all kinds of sh shit where I'm like, oh, I caught myself doing the thing. I still see a uh what's I can't even I i I it's in my head, but I can't oh water fountain, thank you. like the the lowest possible stakes in the world kind of stuff that's really more like out of convenience. The the the angry uh uh black lady who comes in and who runs the shelf and is like what the fuck? Because you do remember something. But uh and by worse, I mean my brain b breaks and uh you know it's hard because the neurotypical people d probably are like, what the fuck? I will do better. It's it's at least two weeks. Just the it's just the fucking thing.

Discover the recipes you are using and abandon them. The the only reason I was um i putting my m head in my hands and upset about the other ones is i is because those are the exact like almost exact uh Uh Shiro Dreams of Sushi? Oh my gosh. That's when I was 101. I was out there, you know. Which is a a like it is what a perfect way to introduce David Sederis to the world, where he worked at Macy's as doing the things that you love at the capacity you used to do them is to be able to work with and uh collaborate with so many interesting I well and uh I'm I've gotten in until the end of June now, so hooray. Yep. being so sweaty for everything to be a win, but when there is a win, almost like praying.

This is why we cross the street this way. I genuinely don't know what that means, but I'm going to I'm happy that you could ask. Does the lizard make noise? uh either m medication or or manic episode of like my my brain's my br brain knows that something is ha bad is happening Oh, please don't leave your muff out to drop. And I'm trying to explain it. constant suspicion that uh has of m I would be uh smarter, funnier, faster if I It I would have had to be persuaded if it was a doctor I didn't trust. And in my case, for the few first few days, it is um amazing. I wish I could have any ADD medicine that worked right now. I know. And you you could go, uh it doesn't make any fucking sense. Is Glee the one where Billy makes fun of the guy who's the teacher because we don't like him for some reason?

And he decided he's gonna do a documentary about that group while he's there to shoot the pilot for a CBS sitcom called Bachelor Nanny. Do you do you like Fred Armiston? Uh I I Or what how what was your what was your sense of the challenge? meta victory that I had. Um d I d I I I guess uh jump started from this challenge Everything that we pr previously uh talked about was kind of All I do is lie, and that has made me immune to compliments. Well there's a lot of things. Yeah, you know, the problem is you can't, I'm gonna say something sports, okay? doing the things you like and when you're doing the things y you like, you're not doing them very well. You can't really say whether or not you're good at it if you haven't practiced.

I made my peace with the idea that I'm just gonna try and get better, habituate myself to noticing when something went well, caring less. We all started calling February Flux Month because it always it felt like the month where everything changed for all in our friends group of like, you know. Like there's that kind of stuff. Oh, oh what are those? Oh, absolutely. You get a little box and there's cards in them and when you're you know you can tr treat it almost like the like a Dao Dijing or a uh or no no sorry not I need to look this up and read all about it because no, I I understand why a lot of people convert from Catholicism. You didn't need to do that. to tether to reality and to like keep you maybe you're still not gonna have the best judgment, memory, recollection.

this time and like you could s uh say that i it's because I uh don't have a full-time job, but I don't think that's And by the end, it's like 715. Uh the the Is that Billy Ray Cyrus? What that was like one of his early ambient ones. Alex, nobody will ever love this as much as I do. Really makes you think. But but for Tomas, the the big salad was was like somet was like a bulwark against American imperialism. And so John mentioned that, right? And and I mean hmm. I was listening to Eno literally last night. Oh and the girl, the girl who's kind of the lead, uh whose name I always forget the the pretty girl runs her own house. And um only the principal he was only able to get the principal castaway and the rest had to like fend for themselves, which is very Fitz Caraldo.

Oh God. You ever do that? Hmm. I mean just don't murder anybody and you're you're good, I think. I I've learned to trust that some part of me is telling me you forgot something. Instead of selling the whole muffins, they just sell the tops and then discard the bottoms of the muffins to the homeless shelter. No, it it's the the memory is there. Uh absolutely. Yep. Oh fuck. Please please watch the please watch Soldier of Illusion on documentary now. So there's all of that, but now imagine s at least six extremely funny They're pulling a billiards table up the villagers are pulling it up a hill. This is m uh my the thing. Oh, well, well, well. What? Oh my god. making sure you're okay as may have s started to make you be beyond not okay.

Uh I can't because uh uh Lamicdal, alright, but then there is the cocktail of the other stuff. You know, the thing is I think people would be less mad about this whole priest thing if if they if they helped more, you know, women orgasm. I have uh developed qu I developed quite an affinity for that uh I guess it's a gal. But it's important how you say it because he's not saying hmm he's not like sipping Kermit tea. I mentioned it here because there is an episode that features a bearded dragon. That's in a different chat. I know or sometimes I just don't want to take the medicine today or like is there like w like how would you phrase it in terms of like the sort of like Charlie Day if I'm being honest?

I um I I guess like uh I've always sort of been aware of temptation and my own And that's I mean I've got to be a little bit more than a little bit. No, no. Three. Oh my good lord. And sometimes that could be my, you know, uh I've mentioned that I I love the superhero domino. Are your only two options don't pay bills or do DoorDash? It's a thing I say to my should we cover Trump this way or should we cover Trump that way? Which is not going to be a good thing in the long term, Alex. I love that. And I know because I'm the same way. It was the actor who played Scar or voiced Scar in the line. Yeah, and because I'm not for I don't think I'm forgetting a anymore. And the and Rainier Rainer Rainier goes, uh I'll destroy the footage.

But Daddy, Daddy likes to talk. Like I I don't know if that's uh is it something uh unique to l'amictal? has it has it that's what brings the oh maybe if I just didn't Oh, that's very yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I do my normal stop, please? I want to apologize. I don't I don't want to say bastardized, but I don't I don't I'm not gonna I'm not opposed to that at all. No, and I I appreciate that because it I don't want to say it took a lot, but you know, just There's that phenomenon that I've struggled to describe of like uh I'm I'm walk I'm about to walk out of the house and I have the m one of the mm one of the less useful hunches. Oh Lakeisha, did you enjoy your muffin bottoms? But um I know but you know what I mean?

Because representation matters. Just I I I'm that person who says Werner Herzog and I shouldn't I shouldn't be the person. You never seen so many phonies in your whole life. Oh. He's like I don't understand people people always have to go out to dinner, they have to always go out. Well and then there's the Italian and then there's the f it was then you said uh New Orleans. The the Kubrick movie? Uh you know what I mean? I mean accountability buddy is the only one I can I'm sure I I was making fun of it and said uh the all the f And that's that's the problem inside of the problem. Yes. No. You just need to let me how much love this. If only priests were raped more of the altar girls. There's a guy we knew one of my wife's best friends.

But anyway, Peter Schmidt, maybe. Because I think an argument could be made that you have built up your entire life to be highly tuned to never forget something that you've decided you oughtn't forget. And um and I said to Madeline, you know, that guy is like, he's so Catholic. I could fight you on that, but A, it's extremely funny, and B, it explains a lot, and it's true. And then he saw a physical therapist and was like, Yep, good choice. See the thing is when I play barrel of monkeys, I'm not trying to get the most dependable connections, I'm just trying to get the most connections. Needle and the camel. What was she in? Almost six times. Have you ever seen that video of Sondheim in the studio with them when they're recording company?

So if but like you might even one might and and I know this sounds a little absurd, but hey, you're here. I'm like, is this a little bit more than that? Uh I I'm tired. Why don't you go ahead and kill the mountain now? You will be inside my spoon. Um Are you less wet? Sure, sure, sure. No, touch, touch, I mean the units command, touch. Yeah, of course. And and it's just in there and you would think But like all I know is as I'm walking down the steps toward the front door to leave the house, all I know is I have a eighty to ninety percent certainty or at least probability that And I don't like people talking to me, but it meant a lot to me. It's the opposite of what the Sacklers got. Travis. Yeah, yeah.

Uh not Oh no, I know her name. It's where I saw so many movies. And then we're done. If you're gonna listen to it in his voice, find the full version because it's it's way deeper. I believe in you on Oh my god oh daddy oh god Pedro Pascal's the big spoon title. Um like you uh uh uh everyone keeps asking like why um you know, I I do door jazz instead of um a real job to it's because it is asking that 'cause it's Because you're like, I tried it the one way and it didn't work. I have a hard drive sanctuary. And the plumber's delight is when you know about something and you can watch it and go, aww. And it's like, well, I feel like every time the it I know that's probably doesn't make sense, email Alex, but like, does that memory degrade?

And I think I don't know if people know that that's a line from the great Stephen Sondheim song and Leonard Bernstein. That's that's the job guys. Ramping up, ramping up. But like in some ways it's good that that is an external real world thing that your brain can turn around to turn over to go like, oh I really should. And you know, he's played by the Nazi who figures out what's going on in Inglorious Bastards. The most interesting thing to me is if I were to sit down, I'm not gonna do it, but if I were gonna make a list of say five good little victories I've had in the last two weeks. You ever go down town? What what's been going on with you? What what what am I supposed to say to you right now?

Oh no. I think I think the rituals that form organically in our life can be so rich. That that's a thing in the Catholic ch church, I think actually part of the like a doctrine of your sister, right? Um Muffoletta. Like how how can you disambiguate what your fucking problem is? You know the cards? It's oh it's not. There's a name for it. No. You know what I'm talking about? You just kind of do that. What what does that mean, gassing yourself up? And and I've I've now I've learned to listen to that voice and say, okay, take a minute, take a beat. D were you aware of that? You didn't need to hear it. But those it it it does say is. And it's like, oh, but I know that like, and I've finally taken my last viance.

I was out there hitchhacking and whatnot. And that's why when people like me say, Why are you doing DoorDash delivery? Because and and that's the thing. And is it fair to say that the same is true for you now too? Well, I think with cognition, memory, all those kinds of things, I think it's not a terrible idea to start picking those habits up, even or especially when you don't need them yet. Father. Who should be doing this? I was like, what? Is it is it him? Do you enjoy him? You've seen this, right? Because um that's a way to pay for uh um that's a way to pay for uh to quote David Fulkenflick to his children, are those my only two options The whole thing that we've been talking about. What's the name of this hard drive?

They're terrifying looking. Ow! Are you sure? I always think of you as like Roman Catholic, comma retired. I don't know. I was gonna say people are going to die. What if it's what if what if that? You can tell the week I've had by the things that are in my drafts. Ooh. Can you learn to like it a little bit? Whoa whoa so slow down, I wanna hear that. And she like stops the show and she pulls the woman aside. And when I say enough, I don't I don't mean like I'm not I'm not the grind set hustle blah I mean not doing It's almost like a praying It's almost like a praying It's so most like a praying Did you s did you get the image that I just sent you? Mm. I can't change history. It's like it it it's not a sin of the heart or something like that.

It was great. Putting it in Apple. It was a it was a show we all know. Glee. Do you want to challenge off? Uh and what this is not is, you know, like when you um oh like I'm gonna go write down all the things I did today, like I gotta maintain a But by by not doing more of them or but you're by doing them not well? And there's very low stakes if you got it wrong. I think I just got a little hold in Caulfield last week. Ooh, I like the sound of that. Well now I'm going, hmm You sound like my lizard. What what the hell was that thing at the top? It's just you didn't at the right it wasn't at the time it would have been useful. Like I know I shouldn't do this, but that's the default state. This might as well be vitamin C.

Did you ever see a Gire Wrath of God? I just want to give you off the dome is the in the middle of uh doing hair and makeup tests, the town is attack attacked by bears. Notice I did not say log your small victories. This is why we wash our dick this way. That looks nice. I was wearing the same things. New season of Queer Eye. Yep, every time. So when Elaine is like, Oh, I l I love the muffin tops. The the the the the Taoist uh kind of fortune telling thing? Um, and he does a perfect Steven Sondheim. The thin red line one. Mm. It should be so much more than that. Go eat them. You just made the right choice. Is it that you don't like having control over it? I have gotten better at questioning myself uh about things that I assume I know or things that I No, no, no, not not not an actual shotgun.

You know, there's the classic story of like the the guy who like, you know, smokes all the cigarettes and has all the the drinks and the scratchy lotteries and then is about to have a heart attack. This sounds like Alan Rickman, but in Lolita. Like a justice. Uh yeah. And uh I mean part of my uh It's got it's got um what's your name from Hamilton? Oh my god. And all he has is chicken, rice, bananas, and coffee. I just realized no, I just just r realizing that I'm have been making myself Oh I see. But here's the thing. Madeline goes, oh, you know, I'm making that macaroni and cheese you guys like with the um like tonight. Like an actual meme, like what, you know, whoever that was, uh Richard Scionist uh said when he when he coined that term.

I don't want my personality to degrade. If you got pregnant from somebody to whom you were engaged or had a f plan for, that's one thing. I'm yeah yeah. I I mean this is from memory. Yeah. Can we just say it's kind of like when Madeline said, You think everything's weird because you never leave the house? W which is why when like I I uh checked myself in into Brain School. And Fred Armerson goes, uh, we're talking about CBS head of comedy alanyafa. The one another one by Mulaney is they do a an a a a a perfect no-for-no parody of the company cast. Oh yeah. Let's do this quick. Like this is the most degrading job. I'm and I mean um I and then I was thinking like when is the last uh I was like what is the last thing I made that I'm proud of?

Yeah, or you're grabbing or perhaps to really mangle it, you're grabbing the Kleenex you're most comfortable holding and stuffing it into the top of the box and making all the other ones disappear. Now again, QED. Mm-hmm. Hmm, I don't know about that. John Syracuse could tell me why February feels fluxy, but um yeah, no I'm feeling are you are you having a fluxy fluxy. Go look up oblique strategies. And it's not about the death, it's just about the like, this is what you do when somebody's hurting. Oh man. Oh yeah, I just Well you really learn what the back of a pinto looks like when you watch that. Was we who did was was that a Tim Berners-Lee thing? Hold up. Like w you did something that everybody Oh God, here we go with the neurotypicals.

You ever do that? Nothing is happening. He's beautiful. It's one of the great things. My uh one of my favorite bits in Seinfeld Uh anyway, uh it's only a a way of trying to find a way in to say that he has this he had this some you know, around the time of like what was it called before and after? No, I went BAH There's a line that was so fucking funny. And he's he's extremely committed to both. I don't know. And it shows like a famous documentaries in history. Well no, because I think the wording I think the wording, at least I think shh is important and we always reserved if memory serves, we reserve the right to change the wording to whatever we think works best. And I was admitting to you that sometimes I do something similar to that, not just for therapeutic reasons, but because or for logging reasons.

Well, I'm sorry. Capturing us capturing the whole time. You get plug in a USB A. But I was like, look at the bearded dragon on TV. It's going into the terminal. It it's it's funny. Ask around. And then your doctor just goes, okay, you know how you don't feel that that different now? But the the first thing is though, I I know uh w that that's like the w one thing that you can She's so good. Who's Pose? And then he's like, oh, oh my God. And he goes, Oh yeah, of course. Oh I got I love course. Oh, yeah. But right. You sound like you got a lot going on. I don't want to be a priest. But like, and I'm not saying that to like shine the skirt, but like, my God, what a lovely man. Uh just certain songs from the side.

Was that his name? These are four cards I have randomly pulled from my pack of oblique strategies. Um I would m what I would prefer, but is admittedly a little bit of a cheat is notice But what'd you do? It's just that like I don't have all the facts and I don't need the facts. I'm having a journey. All I can tell you is you know you're forgetting something. I uh for sure. It's like how Matt says he's an atheist and you you still you you still there's still there's still some f a little faith in your life, isn't there? I don't want to unplant that seed either. Temptation there's there's a there's a mental model that I in my mind of temptation that is very similar to Yeah, no, the Well, I mean like I'm not saying you're gonna die, but I am saying like it's because of the nature of is black box warning stuff, but also just like Fuck me.

Sounds like a pretty generic French sounding name. Is it is it is it Werner? We've been out of the car for two minutes, Dad. You're not in trouble. He just doesn't understand. No. And it started out as a s a small number of items, but I it might have been on a piece of paper. Where it's like I'm fighting this thing that where my brain something has like I guess one dumb way to put it is my brain, whether I like it or not, my well I He pulls they're pulling it up the hill. I'm exhausted. Yeah. And that's just so we doctor. It's uh wait what? Sometimes it's somewhat difficult to follow something that you think makes a lot of sense. Okay. Like there's always this like, wow, everybody's kind of going through a thing right now.

No no plan survives exposure to John Syracuse, as we all know. Right. Um and I just kept thinking, what's different? And I said, you know, I've always I do have come to believe that naps are something like that require practice. You like everything on it except what's on it. Maybe it's cause I'm uh apparently going through some stuff. Do you think that one year ago, Alex Cox would have been late to a Yeah, that that one's gonna that one is going to continue I'm not gonna talk about it because it's none of my fucking business. Okay. I'm still pretty, I think, sor very much like a Judeo Christian, like in terms of belief systems. Um but the Klaskinski character after after the initial star uh has been arrested by the KGB for breaking and drope off the is about participating in ancient rituals.

Sarasota had a a indie film series. I want to leave. And that's why I'm interrogating you in that really mean, unfriendly way, is like I just everything you said so far, it's always sounds like there's something where you're like, well that's Why are you like that? I'm going to send you a photo also, which is apropos of nothing, but you made me think of it. Let's say you've got you you've you've certainly had this at your old job, right? Like you can still do stuff there. Anyway, Brian Nino and this guy, they developed this thing that that kinda came out of a uh uh an unusual process that Brian Nino would use when he was in the studio. And um and and he's like, it's it's not, you know, you're not like They're back together.

Blanca Broadway. Yeah. Yes, yes. So like you can't can't help but have that be your default thing. And I said this thing and I was like, God, that's really funny, that's hard. No, but it's but but you know how it is where like uh I mean like John Circusa talks about the plumber problem. I'm sorry. Yes. No. You would know a song of his. That's a super good monologue. You killed my sister. My own? We don't have a normal open to the I try not to say I try not to say this too often to you. Do you feel like? And um I th uh three times a week, band's out and walking around going, hm it Muffolet. I'm so tired of dragging these people along. Like that's what a fucking bad rap everybody puts on that. But like before that, like he was you know, he was in Roxy Music, left Roxy Music, and then started doing these just like amazing.

What a good show. It I keep on pushing off watching uh uh dem d uh you've seen on the screen. Oh, yeah. I still haven't sent this to Billy because I want to be in the room when he gets it. This Yeah. To me, um the stammering, the Tina voice Not ages and you're old, but as ages and you're not as young anymore. Hipster PDA, ha ha ha, right? The yes. What does better m mean? There's a challenge I think I will put into the sheet right now that I've been thinking about since actually right before I got super sick. I love you so much, John. I know her name 'cause it's hilarious. Um fuck. This is it's called No, it's called the Thin Blue Line. Yeah, yeah. Yep. Uh well it has moving to a state that uh you Oh wearing the shorts like the boy the little boyos do.

Every fucking time. By the way my muffalo had arrived, it's outside all as well. Oh love it. Oh. I assume I'm great at it. And actually Matt uh listened to the episode from two weeks ago where I w where I was like, oh no, I'm I'm fine and like after like a a few a few days But then by the way, can I also just mention, oh by the way, um uh Fred Armison is the head of comedy at CBS who has his own yurt that he sleeps in and he brought his Emmy. Oh no, that's all I'm talking about. What's happening? It could not not I'm not trying to do a Tim Ferris thing here. So I did the other. Uh what? What does that mean? I'm like, did you ever imagine we'd just have something like this walking around our house?

I forgot they were holding up my Google Home. It's like I'm not in a position in the same way that a drunk person shouldn't be deciding whether they're okay to drive. And his daughter is a little bit of a few. Oh e HC's like what an amazing character. I'm worried that it won't be funny enough or the references won't be good enough and I'll be like, um uh uh Smoking some marijuana. I I mean I'm doing it to harass you because that's the point is that like this should from time to time be funny and reflect the disparities in how we see the world. The grindset hustle. This is this is this is something that I understand. You just did you just did the thing, right? Okay. I mean it's uh it's a famous kind of sandwich, uh, in New Orleans.

Hmm. China super buffet. Oh, yeah. What's going on? I don't have that button right here. That's what the that's what the Bible said. Instead of a creative excuse, you get you get a way to say, guess what, guys, be real careful with this and listen to your doctor, or you could actually die. No, I'm just driving. You wanna do this in Llama case, which is an LLM uh based mang language that you do in discount. W who should be doing the who should be doing this job What? The um musicals are good. Who is Glee? And I need to find people who I know will love it. Let's see. That's why. It's uh You're trying to pick up the tweezers with the tweezers. I w I was an alter well, I was an alter girl. What does that mean?

Did you ever see Grizzly Man? Alex, have you never seen the cop lives lives matter flag? Okay. Nobody would ever, nobody with any sense would pick up a guitar. They're they're free range. Mm, Device Flow. I can tell I'm on a journey right now. I mean I'm I'm not trying to like make fun of you. So if I say big salad to you, like to you and the listeners, you'll probably think of George and Elaine on Seinfeld. It's d d degraded. But it's important that I perform acting like I respect you. Um but uh so far the the the challenge would just be called Almost Like Praying. You uh you know, you think you hate this apartment. What's wrong with you, Brian? It's not just for boners and hair medicine. I'm just your friend.

I don't really have anything to say. I d I d I don't I don't think I'm not. That's where they come instead of being slaughtered, they're free to roam. Yes, of course. No, I mean it's a it's not funny, but it's enjoyable. So a lot of them are like, yeah, it's all stuff, it's stuff like um more but slower. My all-time favorite one of those that I think about a lot. And uh I think he converted deeply to Catholicism in the s fifties, sixties. They played at Coachella. Of course. Oh my god. Well you can take rational action that's not just DoorDash. No, it's been a bad thing in the short term. Final point and then I want a forty five minute break. This is all these different things. No, I well I wanted to do it.

This hard drive is named Holden. And um it's I have kind of mixed feelings about it because I I in some ways I absolutely adore several of these episodes. People people always have to spend money on things. But make any promises. But I didn't need a calendar. Start asking around. Yay! No, actually. If you like Bill Hader, the thin red line one or thin blue line one is uh is it called the thin red line? What's happening? And it's it's absolutely unbelievable. But like there's also there's also just this I don't know, there's just this momentum. What's happening? I love that, Al Alex. Well like by the time I came here like we drove all those folks out. Listen, please, please, let's not let's not just skate past this with lols.

And Matt, the other like I've been a Is it the right way? How are you? It's just funny that's a good thing. I just wanna I want to go through this slowly to really understand to understand how an actual meme works. Brian Eno and Peter, not Peter Baker. Yes. Glee. Um oh I d I don't care. There's different kinds of elves. He'd go, hmm. Can you learn to think it's fun? It's like you you get something right and then you you think, oh, I just want to look at my work again. Muffoletta. And I really read read another book, Merlin. Um go would you please write down um I think it's called Needle Needles in a Camel's Needle in a Camel's Eye. Oh my god. Um or well we'll see during his next special. Oh. Just just just to explain myself, just to sort of defend why I keep going.

Because the part that I'm not understanding is Oh no, it's uh I mean it's like why can't you just find somebody who's a doctor? What what what what are you what was that? But like there's other kinds of rituals you can have too, like talking about a big salad. I I don't like having control over it and I worry about the degradation of that memory. It was a Florida shotgun. Because fucking anything. Did you ever see the movie Transpotting? God, Ryan Murphy has just so many It's funny. Alex, the balls are already racked on the table while they're pulling it up a hill in Siberia. People keep saying, Are you sure you want to say that? I prefer Gal Gadot singing uh Imagine. I'm tired and I got a muffled of sitting here.

Just giving yeah just kind of like pumping your yourself up like Oh I see. Have you actually had a weird have you had a strange week? And of course, because it's the second semester, the usual amount of uh Oh no. He always corrects me, but you know, if you know a lot about a thing, like You was that your way of like uh because you're my friend and we love each other that you were saying, Oh I missed I missed our visits? I wrote I learned to write things down in a way I couldn't have anticipated would be so useful to me in the future. If if you replace i extension cord or with Well how how would you put that? You did not know it until you stopped, and boy do you notice the difference. Billy Joe Armstrong, who's very good.

Billy Porter. Oh, just. But like, you know, m he made his bones doing stuff like Voitzeck, like he doing these like pretty wild like Oh wow. And I uh shall we talk about Like that agency of like this is the thing that I'm doing. Don't you understand? And that really didn't work. Oh dear, oh no, goodness gracious. Oh, that one's interesting. Uh no. But at the same time, and I realize that's a very I'm uh it's an overly simple analogy, but I think you get Um and after that I'll uh need to get a real job probably. Are you trying to make this bananas? Mm, let me see. Oh boy. And I'm not sure. Way more is uh Um she has been in Into the Woods, she's been in Rent, she is in the movie of Tick Tick Boom.

Every episode, ever the episode begins, and it's obviously supposed to be some like PBS show called Documentary Now. Um uh I think what did I uh say to you a few a few weeks ago? And he David Fuckelflick goes like thing I say to my kids all the time, are those my only two options? You just haven't gotten my full attention and time and ambition in the past year. Oh. He was very devoutly Catholic. Like, whatever. I love him so much. There will always be an anxiety. You don't even need to even really remember your successes. Every photo I have of him has red eye and it's weirdly perfect from how he looks. Oh, well no, no, the other one. If it helps me be more like John, that's valuable. I was like, do you want to hear what Electra just said?

Sorry everybody. Oh God, she's so good. Yes. To uh yeah. Maybe you could finish your monologue after you have killed him. And it that had literally never and and and that must be a wake-up moment because how much does that Absolutely don't understand this at all. There's the earlier version of this. Can the rest of the episode just be figuring out what it was you were talking about at the top? But he had an extremely, extremely strong opinion about almost everything. Because that's how our brain works. It's something your mind knows. Music for airports like every No, that's lovely. Is this uh and I cause I stopped playing uh excuse me, I started using um keyboard maestro instead of text expander and I'm realizing how many things I just want to do.

I had to point this out to my Espanol speaking son last night. Does Werner make an appearance? He's he's just like that one guy and he's such a charismatic. What'd you do? There's it's it's a in very interesting kind of Marvel character So of all the hills that you could choose to defend, or you know what I mean? But he's like, Mm, yeah, but there's a lot of And it led it was part of this like one hour rant of mine about using I mean there's some things that we do like uh and I I as I I Not not just doctrine, but like isn't there still some element of a Or that, you know, n not default state, but I'm sorry I'm mangling this entire dumb analogy. You know? A vibe that I had to create that was described as batshit insane.

Please please please please please on big. Oh my god. Guess who is in this guess who's in this 2016 episode of Documentary Now? And I will find ways to to integrate that into different parts, but I don't have a boss who demands that everything I do What? Uh but the I haven't tried Two minutes. You if you care about playing guitar, you play it until you suck less. I I remember um in college, it was in my second or third year It's like, hey, hey, that's our city. He's he's a German Holden! Yeah, but no, you had a funny term for this, like a it was a very Matt Cox inflected term. Anyways, uh documentary now. Is that a great design? I don't know all the flags and attributes, but you know Uh I think I'm having a journey right now, a musical journey, as uh That I got comusto.

That sounds super dirty. You have such a good heart to like think of me in the midst of like your whole life to say, I hope you're doing okay with this news that somebody you know who you are friends with Uh I uh listen to uh I need I need to be J Jimmy Eat World. Oh my god. We're talking like uh Jonathan Groff? Because they're shooting. Okay, okay. And then Helen Mirin walks out and goes, Welcome to Documentary Now, season 53. But uh Mount was like, don't you think not Boy, if COVID taught us one thing, aren't you really sick of listening to somebody who's able to tell you that your job is all Oh no, this is the thing. I've I've got a ton of others that are dedicated for like, oh, this is Time Machine on this Mac or this is you know what I mean?

And um and he's singing he's like you that's your version of of the of the plumber problem, right? And do you think at this point, how many so what we're talking about is a time that uh John Roderick's friend Eric said But there was a time when like as long as you got married before the baby was born, like the gray zone could be forgiven and you could still have a life and a future without being the unwed mother. Can I get my muffoletta? It's the trusting uh m my brain that isn't Hmm. Um thousand percent. Coachella sure is. But surprise, surprise, uh as as things get stranger for for the sitcom Okay. I was very ill, Alex, just saying now. Well it needs to record the intro. And the more time we spend, like getting very flustered about how to make X happening But in the end, is it the box that's organizing you?

Okay. Don't laugh at me. I ordered a muffoletta and it'll arrive at a point. What do they do? Discover wonderful music. What did I do here? And and you know that you know the way that Electra talks. What would you do? But there's very high stakes to your life if you're constantly worried if you'll get it right. Uh unlike a server farm, I feel like Now for a long time, d f back when I didn't need to have a bunch of devices and I really enjoy popular culture, I would always name my new Apple devices I'm actually asking like is there like you know, cause you sound like there's a thing. Why am I fucking telling you this? Mm-hmm. It's it's one thing to react very strongly and negatively to that background, but like But anyways, there's this one she's talking to when she says, I can see from looking at you that you're on the pipe.

What did you do and the how would you describe what you did or what you started to do? We do this because this is who we are. No, no, no. You wanna hear what it sounds like when he says that? Did you enjoy those? I suspect if I uh avoid these uh psychiatric medications Well that's if I did I I suspect if I did not take those meds, I would know what better is. Like I was like, I'm gonna miss just even knowing I had four of these in the pantry for the last two months. Okay, well I the thing is though everything you said until then was a bit, but also real. Two, which elements can be grouped. I get why people talk a lot about Billy Porter now. I think um uh the so the the actress is um MJ Rodriguez.

Oh, like poverty, you know, like not not having You cannot see a doctor out of network. Don't you understand? So I went back the first way and did it properly and it went in. I was about to be distracted to go do this other thing. Yeah. I mean, I've never assumed that and I think Jeremy Irons, yeah. Also good at driving. Get a better wig. I don't know. The people who he's doing a documentary about are there's so many fucking levels to this, Alex. Oh oh Daddy Daddy. Does it feel like that right now? Um I did not uh I did not write anything down, but I did start making a practice of noticing. Which is just like let's just do this. Well, that was a time when I realized that I benefited from writing things down.

I don't know what this bit is. Well I I you may have no if you've noticed, but I have uh Needles in the camel's eye. Fred Fred Armorson has to bury bags of coffee and then dig them back up for some reason. That is both a way to cover my ass and also a way to get get out the point I would like to make rather than like trying to be right about the challenge. There's line elves. Just not doing m not not putting my Because here's my brain. Or can you be curious about it? Isn't there like for me, like there's a reason I only listen to the Meadowlands by the Wrens maybe once a year because I want it to stay special. Yeah, I am I know. Oh, dit oh, ditto ditto one ditto one thousand percent. Can I read you four literally random chosen chosen cards from Oblique Strategies?

Oh my god. I'd I r argue like at first, like reasonably, because uh I'm I should probably it it it Well, and if I may say not least because your your attention is a little bit shredded by what I a minute ago called your preoccupying thought. You you still got it. And the person who's mad about that is whom? Representation matters, Father. Um go go get it near my. Are you actually great at remembering things? He needs somebody to save it. So he has to dress up in a green velvet outfit. Unfortunately the way to say taking the W. The hook is in t with your anxiety about this. I know that I will sometimes have a preoccupying thought. Yep, yep. You know. But there's one with this guy named Speedy, who's in a he's in a wheelchair, he's twenty, he's oh, he's such a sweet kid.

It was an old photograph that was eventually crumpled up and thrown into the corner because I didn't even want to look at it anymore. It must be really hard sometimes. I knew when I was doing everything. Um, let's try an oblique strategy. All right, pretend pretend you respect me. Uh I d just think I came up with a good And I uh They do all the small things. Oh Little Shop of Horror. Okay, okay. It's got Paula Pell, it's got Richard Kind. That that's just a lot of things. What'd you think? Yeah. I'm not making fun of you for needing a job. It's not my facts to know. Or you just bought, just X. And I would try to pick a name. I don't think this is talking out of school. And over time, I eventually learned it take it's worth it for me to take a beat and at least Okay, I'm I will say this now.

There's so much shit I've realized this is this is my own modern version of the chicken problem is me constantly having to explain Yeah. I'm having a journey right now, Alex. And I'm like, what and it wasn't it wasn't a a lie on my part. Well guess what? What'd I do? It's like if I remember correctly, check me on this for favor, but I'm pretty sure that means white. But you're aware of it. Oh my god. Uh wait, I want to get the exact title. And it's like, well, to to score a point, you gotta move the ball. Right, right. Like what does that mean? It has an overriding power over me. Alex, this might this might be alarming for me to say very abruptly, right before I beg you to end this episode so I can have a fucking break and eat my sandwich.

This is Doom By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Alex Cox and Merlin Mann. Um w what? It's like why can't you just stay home and make a big salad? And I don't know if that's our Alex. I don't Can can I ask a question about that? I don't know, but you will. It's a good idea. But the thing is I'm getting the fish food, as David Woodsiegel the the fish food is it's really fucking funny And I want to sit in a room with them while they watch it for the first time. Maybe not. Don't laugh at me. So like a little like an iPod nano would be named Maggie, or this hard drive would be Homer. Sherwin Williams paints. Yeah. Is there anything about a for like becoming less sharp about something? Is it is there is there possible more like probable And I I mean I wasn't actually all that torn.

No no no no Maclass can see so so the the uh Werner Herzog analog is named Rainer Rainier and is played by Alexander Skarsgaard. Um, I'm gonna recommend documentary now This is an episode called So okay. It it makes me mad at my uh It'd be funny if Werner Hertzog made a documentary about this hike, wouldn't that be funny? Like, oh my God, he cut off his super long hair he's had since high school, or like, you know what I mean? Everybody comes. I buy a a camera from a camera. Was his name even Eric? US Army general, John can't tone his turn his phone off. The one I'm taking out, it's okay, but it's not for ADHD. There was a line last night where I I uh God, we've we've diminished every way of describing joy.

And when they're pulling it, this is such a small detail, Alex. What happened? We talked about this a long time ago when I was talking about my domino superhero I approached to dealing with ADHD. How can you tell you are on a journey? No, but like real talk, are you um It it becomes a uh venial sin and not a mortal sin if if you fucked before marriage. Really? Yes. I'm the future of musical podcasting. I was saying to Billy last night. Which was like a Broadway person. And I'm gonna say it again. This is one of those things that's gonna be this is my new the Smiths You do. He loved everything about uh uh It was it just who's some domains probably existed before then. I'm gonna move all my dudes over here.

I don't think so. Yeah, I think about eating my stale pretzels on the floor of packs. I try to make a habit of like ganging tasks when I can. I I think I'm I'm doing the reverse millennial. Mm-hmm. I'm like, well yeah, I know I was like, okay, that's fine. But if you were to just stop Is that a meme? I have no right to uh say Very. Oh see I took it in a much more depressing place. Start noticing and I know this is not effective, especially if you're a piece of shit, but What what do you mean what was that? And of course the whole time they're like everyone, of course, as a bit, everybody's freaking out about this bearded dragon. I just just do the tops, just do the tops, which now i is a thing because she's right, muffin tops are the best.

Like when I went to Brainerd. I mean I'm I'm not reading it in Greek. And uh CBS head of comedy alanyafa goes, is that a bear? Oh you you managed to do something that everybody else does without even realizing they're doing it and it's not a thing and you're acting like you Like why would it why would it be so cost? It's just a question of what the top anxiety is right now. Yep. Where you have to deal with all these different kinds of things and you need a way to say with without ambiguity Again, my my my my ex-wife's uh grandfather, uh whom I love, he uh he would just say things like I told you about how he would read signs. Like generic like Hogan's Heroes German voice, but something's happened.

But don't you revisit Jeremy Irons. Here comes the sacrament. Uh uh the one Hey Dad. I love, you know, I love any Marvel superhero who's able to capitalize on a superpower that involves It's a total like weird jam-up. Yes. Let me sit down. I have. Hmm. It's it's fiddling in uh lo the logic I'm like, wait, is it French? You but you just pull out a card and read it and see how you feel about that. But like what I'm remembering is I want to say Calvinist. I would have had to be persuaded if it wasn't Uh well let's let's not keep increasing the dose, but you need to keep taking that dose and that's where we are. Almost every apartment is so mu much worse and you have no context for it. Hire people who can sing to sing.

Except for the Hertzog is played by Lucas Mattson. And instead of dragging a boat up a mountain, they drag up a billiards table that's gonna be in Bachelor and Nanny. Oh my god. Every Saturday they this this cool theater would show. W, W, W. Uh Pedro Almondovar is gonna do a western called Strange Way of Life starring Ethan Hawk and Pedro Pell. Someone was saying, I understand these people who can take naps and not feel like a fucking monster The best part I didn't write any of it down. Um pretty good. I I'm looking at everything here and I'm like, oh except that bread. Um but we were talking about you and me and Dupree and what were we talking about? It's it's uh unfortunately it's a journey though.

That it's it's it's but it's it's weird though because that in your case it's the My viance, which is already fairly useless compared to most good ADHD stimulants, but And then like you just move on to the next thing. Who? Um have you ever seen you're aware of Fitzcaraldo. I don't know if I mentioned this, Alex. Well the the Terrence Malik movie is red. Oh I saw it in the theaters. You do you do. What do you say? You murdered her children. I'm just saying like like whatever it is that fuck it. And he's like, I I think you're not feeling like yourself because you are again ch I guess I This sh this show pays b uh b bills um everything except uh uh insurance I j I don't have a lot going on. Why why were the altar days ignored?

I I didn't realize that was like a r a r a running bit in Seinfeld is the amazing uh the like she Leonard Bernstein did some of his best work when he was suppressing his bisexuality. He's so he's extremely Catholic, but he's Catholic in such the the great way that most Christians are so many Christians are Christian. And what it is Oh s uh those are just well no. Um if you spend all your time only ever working on defense, you can't win games. Yeah, it's it's rational to be anxious uh about it and it's rational to take uh action, but I'm not taking No, no, that's what I'm saying. But I guess it's, you know, unequivocal. I mean, which sounds weird, right? It'll say no, actually late latex is a program and when you touch it, we're well I'm not gonna change the modification date or create that, but You want to be my LaTeX salesman?

Uh you know, the little one that has the ulcer. I'm covered. Because that that's the time that Eric was actually in Europe. Yes, please, please. That's what you're talking about, right? Um it's i it Mm-hmm. I got a really sweet DM last week uh from somebody I admire a lot. No, please, please see a physical therapist, not a chiro It's all the you know everything's related. Who? But he's incredibly picky about every single one. And then you can of course just read it, but there's this line. Don't uh don't don't don't laugh at my m midlife existential n That's so good. Um you can hear how I say it, which is like this. But like I I have as a result of doing that show with him and and being friends with him, I have Honor thy error as a hidden intention.

Oh no. Okay, so there's a song. So it needs to record record It then makes you freak out. Not doing not No, I think that's a really It's better that way. And um it's a friend of mine whose name you know and um Yeah. Is there a meme where he was the Grinch or something? Alex have you ever seen a Werner Huntsog movie? Yes. The well, God willing. Yeah, yeah, but like but like I know it is for me. You have to ramp down. It doesn't it and like the thing is though, I can't have a stimulant because it would be really bad Oh, you poor kid. Oh really good. There's photo elves. Pretty, pretty good. Hmm. Well actually if you watch that video Representation matters. The the one that was m even more upsetting.

Is that them? They're into the nineties now. Yeah. And and this just then there's like a beat and he's like, no one can ever see this. And then there's a beat. So part one ends with the arrival of this guy in What do you know? Well uh And then it and then a map being like, maybe you're just not yourself because you're not I got I got a I got I got a drafts document running here. I said this And I had a r once I started noticing I was noticing that, I had a remarkable number of times where I went, good on you, man. You know, an osteopath is they go to school for a really long time The omnibus project is that I have well usually at a given time f Because this is why we have a podcast. You're quite welcome.

Is that Trey Cool? And I can see that you are lacking in vitamin D and shea butter, which I think might be entering my vernacular now. Uh no, no, no, no. And so I'm gonna have a lot of my efforts in this case And it takes You don't even fucking know like what's gonna happen. Right? Because now you know you know. I don't know. Mm-hmm. I think he might have converted at one point. No. What about a chiropractor that you really trusted? I I know. Because uh fast Like yeah y you know, the other all the other uh bullshit And uh honest Are you actually having a middle-aged crisis uh crisis? Like he's it's more like it can mean a lot of things. She's making this macaronian cheese we like with uh fancy cheese in it and stuff and saying you know we'll have a salad.

Like it's nice to go to church and sing on s on Christmas Eve. What's happening? When when you say when you say, uh, well, like yeah, I think it's not even a hidden intention. Except it's called Co-op. And just the sole description of every every aspect of it's so funny. But like the XY problem is real. So stop fussing over all the times you quote unquote failed, but also stop. Oh. Well, as soon as you said muff, I mean Yeah Is there an example that you could draw And I understand, believe me, I understand, guys. I would l I mean, it's you know, her the actress's history is her own, but like it'd be so interesting to see how she's Just not doing the things that I know that I'm very good at I'm cu Oh.

Yeah, the way that like every time you tell a story, the story changes I think you're I think you're onto something. Let's say I'm gonna cheat and tell you that's the answer to this. com. Like if you've if you're trying to stop let's say you're trying not to drink, or maybe better put, you're trying to get off stimulants. And d d but you feel like you does that is that is that fair to say. And and just like uh and this is so we're like It easily contends for the funniest thing I've ever heard. Yes. This was challenges to notice little victories. I'll I'll play I'll play in this space. That's one. So in January you do independent study. How do we know his name was Eric? And I go, forgot what? Oh right.

That's lovely. That's it, that's it, because she was on. The guy who notices they're he's counting on his hand wrong. Oh, interesting. And there's a phrase, and there's a phrase, there's something he says, he says Okay, sorry, thank you. And she's married to this guy who was so fucking funny. All I know is I am forgetting something right now and I don't know what it is yet. See, that's boo. It's a journey. That was terrible. We were uh Oh we were just talking about how few um Keep doing the thing because you do the thing. Oh. Yeah, they're they're free range, they're uncaged. I'm realizing that So why would I I don't I'm not trying to I'm mainly complicating it because we're doing this like for a job and I didn't understand what you're And you know you know what the French the French do But he had these like ideas of like these fairly wackadoo.

Like how when you find yourself having realized that And I was like, you know what, that's a good point. Are you aware of Grizzly Man? There's a scene where he sits down with Fred Armiston as the head of comedy for CBS to show him the hair and makeup tests. I have I've seen it I think about it all the time. Um, but Everyone needs a job. You go eat your muff. Trying? There's no space in which to play right now. I'm probably the first person who's ever done that. Yeah. Like when you feel like I'm getting okay, like I'm getting slack. Like I would not forget things. Uh I I'd like to hear if you want to talk about it, I would love to hear No, I I do that and it's an affliction and I've got to stop doing it.

Do you actually know how to take that nine volt battery downtown? If you n if people have noticed I've started responding to emails again without having a a panic attack. Um it's not like Pro Zac or Lexapro or something where there's still a little bit hanging around, like Right? Oh, yeah. What do you what are you enjoying right now? It's a good idea. Like Oh she'd look good in my well That way I only get one chopstick dirty. Don't keep a muff dry. And eventually these came out as a series of cards. It's just advice. I don't understand why you deliver it. All twenty-two of my football players are now defending uh, you know, Spotsylvania or whatever. The way that John Syracuse and I have talked about this is And I didn't write them down, and I'll come to that in a minute, but Or I was about to ruminate and get hung up on this thing.

Uh me. I I uh I'm torn up about the fact that my friend did that. And it's another flavor of uh He has that famous uh singer daughter, the g the girl from Tangled. I'm sorry. You could go to hims and say, uh hey, I have anxiety, and in two days they'll write your prescription. I am doing irrational like that's that's not a ration like it's You're like Mac. I mean just because you don't the absence of something may be a hole, but you know, that that doesn't mean there's not a hole. Dad sin for Limotragene. He was in Kinky Boots, which I now know. I 'cause I I would love to share my file card on this. Yeah, and it but it but it makes me do things I am not proud of, but And I was It does. Please ask And it's basically a bender.

But I mean his rock stuff. Sorry, no, I like it. Or you won't. I mean I guess Oh you're talking about the So now every time we make salad, of course That is why it is called a black box warning. Just just And uh or very Burden of Dreams, if you like. Have you ever seen There's Santa elves. Nevermind. Like not hills. Oh, and the the other thing I f forgot is Matt uh Because I think you And that's kind of I think the way Banda does it. Because it's really weird when you think about it. You know, why why don't And is there a chance that s some of that like exterior to your It was something where you're like, oh I didn't want to say you you sent me a photo of yourself and moist. Or you could not care about it, realize that there's a 50% chance and always Oh, and the final part about that napping part.

Uh I would say one would Um but but in LA, LA like Okay, so uh uh sacristy of your creating for a girl. But you know, who should be doing this job? I said, What's her name? This is S2E2. You get a you get a blast of something I'm getting that from you. I used to be good at box breathing and all that. I have eaten the tops or thrown them away. Yes. I think it's a good idea. Like basically like Chevy's. No, forget it, forget it. 'Cause like it sounds it doesn't sound affirmative or muscular. Well, hopefully. Yes. Wanna know who plays the Coskin character? But like I've tried to start noticing when things worked out okay. Um Why didn't he go after you? Like are you are you feeling like a hmm And like Tomas was a big personality.

But you know, but then there's the things where you're like, oh man, it really is more almost like brain worms. Yeah, like why we don't want the bottom. So what's you're gonna you're gonna get that repo checked out and then you're gonna wanna commit the poll, if you know what I mean. Everything's related, but everything feels a little related to the challenge this week, I feel like There's a beat. Hey guys. There's exactly one letter that has more than one syllable. Sometimes. The biggest victory of all is I did not feel the need to create an infrastructure for capturing small victory. And y you know, phonies. I think a lot of times a journey, um, when you're having a journey, it can mean like you feel there's a moment of Because the problem is like an hour later I get to the office and oh, I forgot the thing.

It's a musical journey. I want to do that every night possibly for the rest of it. And I haven't done that Uh did you know that you could go to him's or hers? And how do you become a good you? But like you get it in. So something like that. You're they're not. I feel like I feel like we make fun of him. Because, you know, I I bet there's actually more options out there than just X or the complete opposite of X. And that's what I can always come back to if I'm feeling ambivalent about the world and myself. No. This this drive in front of you, it started out as just zero three. That one is going to continue to drive me. Boo. They're pulling it up the hill, just like in Fitzcaraldo. And that uh is probably rational in some ways, but in other ways it sounds like it might have So I will need a a brief seizure in service of collecting my muffoletta.

And so then John mentioned that. Was that am I making basically am I corrupting or re Like he's from a very like a well to do family in Massachusetts. I don't speak Aramaic, but I sure got the gist. But you know what I mean, right? By the way, it's in the middle of a jungle. The Arrow Morris one is blue. Oh I love him. Now that now that it is a a meme. Yes, please. I don't need that. Uh no, that is Green Day. That one's interesting. She was on the city. That's way that's way more fun. And it could be something where you keep a log about it. Your work can be like, I I love what I do and So it wouldn't have been that month. And uh I was like, Matt, I am so proud. Oh you're talking about chiropractors like stuff like chiropractor My body feels weird.

It's fine, okay. I'm not gonna be defensive about it. It but So is medication costs are the biggest thing? I'm taking off your point. I mean there the again, David Fuckflix, you probably heard him on that episode of I'm not even really making fun of you. You eat your muff, you do that. But the priest waits in in until later to touch it. Somebody will be Oh maybe I can make it a little bit better. Well they're they're reframes. Oh my God. Fuck wait, there's a beat. There's elves that like and but it's it If you can't wait. Like when you're when you go on one of your uh buildings, Ramans. Hello Alexandra, how are you? Who doesn't love a good muff? Don't be a holden about uh uh about And Next to Normal is something next to normal is that a is that a show?

Boy, did you see did you see Sonny's episode? It's not a hill to die on, bit. Notice it and enjoy that. Now you sound like Sirkisa And it goes, that's not my job, buddy. You ever listen? Boy, ain't that ironical? Yeah. It was just my perception is like, no, like I'm back to myself. That's where I saw in not intolerance. You you can't even give uh like my psychiatrist I would not I mean if I was late, which I always was, for everything I just have a visceral response to that movie in a good way, I hope. And he goes, yeah. We spend so much time telling people Making it, yes. I'm I'm just I I'm it's like I'm in an operating theater, like just watching you give give yourself gas. What about the chiropractor from South Florida?

I've watched it And it's the Klaskinski. U Yeah, yeah. Yes, good, cool, cool. It was something like a an accountability partner or something. Say it soft and it's almost like praying, which is one of my all time favorite lyrics of all time. Oh shit, I've got it in the document, I think. He goes like this. Hmm. I mean I think up and up to a certain point there was you were in a you were in a very Like where you're like, oh god. I was But there's one thing about that that um I think is so is so weird and pernicious. Wh How would they do it? And he goes, Blanca. Notice little victories. But you know, the great the the the greatest defeat in life is when you have to do it three times. I'm sorry, this was the important part and I skipped it.

You had to order the big salad. And then it just gets a little bit, I don't know. Juan likes rice and chicken. Like just start noticing like the little victories. He's this is my son. Is that what was that kind of in service of that? And then at a certain point I did start actually trying to say on, you know, sort of on the on the D L like, hey guys Hmm. John Mullaney is a genius. We actually talked about this last night. Now the opposite of the plumber problem is the plumber's delight. I'm late for things. This will be Tiroxov. Can we just walk? It does. I mean Let me see, I've got my deck here somewhere. I don't forget If the milk It's Well, like, okay, so I think Alan Rickman. Well, perfect as an impression But I what I've tried to do is start noticing She really wants uh she really wants approval, don't she?

If you can't do it well He was just his name was Tomas. You know, those kinds of stories or But you And what Jesus said was give away all of your stuff and spend all your time helping sex. But here's the thing. They're reframes, right? And now every time I see a water fountain, I think of John Oh, j just He's buried in the licard. He's one of those. Let's say you've got a server farm. Look how cute you are. Also, also he played jazz, jazz saxophone. Will you look for that? You're probably aware of the documentary about Fitzcaraldo, Burden of Dreams. And then Fred Armstrong says Oh Um You should hear Billy's impression of Roman. Isn't that part of it though? Mm-hmm. Okay, so so Bando's there and he goes like this.

It's wrong. When you stop taking the lamyctal, you get fucking crazy. Like it is Jesus Christ that guy. Oh No, they do it in Latin. Um Uh no, but he's and he's People die. Does he It's it's Shut up Like Oh My first introduction, like most of America, my introduction to David Sederis. Holy shit. Uh Jim Number four, make a blank. If there even is a you and goodness. It does. I forget about things. I Yeah. I'm just more saying like, Are you sure the that's the X that's gonna get you to the Y you need? I've I gotta I mean I'm sad about what happened, of course, but God Don't change anything. This challenge is mine and uh it stems out of an idea that um All I do is lie. And I'm making this point really slowly and I'm sorry.

It's more than that. I've got those all like rubber banded together and blah blah. Oh, I don't like it that that's how a brain works. It's it's it's it doesn't happen. You point out phonies. Mm-hmm. That problem where like Is it a is it possible? Oh god, yeah. all just Like she and her husband were part of Look at that guy. I can Uh Kathy Campbell and I talk about that a lot actually, of That is uh Fucking reframes. I said, what's kind of interesting about that name? Like I think Matt is saying something really salient and sw No, I don't you ever just I absolutely did not do that and it actually leads into my I've really lost the thread on doing a j a German. No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But then you know I've really started trying to notice is like And that really sucks.

My job is just to remind I don't have access to that part. Hang on. And you know what? Well the re the reason that comes straight to mind for me without Um Oh my god. Uh well you have to the Wear my sheets hard. I think they were, you know, some kind of But Which one are you? Because I appreciate that, but is that what it was? Do you have a term for this? Oh there we go. Uh the the one about uh the surreal one with How do you do that without having to go off limit Um We're watching pose a lot. Log line. Listen, don't hang up on me. But you know I think I'd like some of that little oil. Billy loves that movie. Because he just Hey, Leo. Oh man, I need to learn about venal sins. Like I mean, for example, like Um here is How would you phrase it?

He goes, hmm. And And then Glee. It was Jeremy It it just makes every everything worse. He used to play basketball. I absolutely you fix And I am the outside spoon. Your new name is Ribsy and I love you. But Hey, hey. But But there are like four loose Like I I Yes. I just sent it to you. Yes. That's I Um raw transcript