266. The Alex of Theseus
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Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesAlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Alex Cox and Merlin Mann. This week's challenge. Watch Kurt Vonnegut unstuck in time.
MerlinIt's Do By Friday.
AlexIt's Do By Friday, even though it's a Wednesday. Wednesday. Wednesday. Yeah.
MerlinDo-buy Friday clothes.
AlexDo-buy. Do-buy. Do-buy. Do-buy. My grandma would yell at me if I said that. That's a naughty word. Wait. Do you say do-buy Friday dress? Do-buy Friday clothing? What's happening?
MerlinOh, I was doing an improvised ad hoc theme for our show.
AlexOh.
MerlinI think it's probably a children's show in the 70s in the version that I'm doing. You know what I mean? Like, did you ever have picture pages?
AlexIs that what they used to call books? No? What?
MerlinPicture pages. No, no. It's a thing Bill Cosby used to do on Captain Kangaroo. Picture pages, picture pages. Time to get your picture pages. Time to get your crayons or your pencil.
AlexSee.
MerlinAnd that kind of song, I think, is something we could probably really use here. Put on your Dubai Friday clothes. Reload the UPS page.
AlexI can't help but picture Bill Cosby as like Patrick Bateman dancing around.
MerlinThis isn't funny. A lot of people don't understand the magic of Huey Lewis. I don't like their older stuff.
AlexThis is so great. Yummy.
MerlinDrink this.
AlexI found it very funny when Sirius XM was a thing that there were a lot of parents who were like, oh, no, there's comedy and swear words on the radio.
MerlinOh, yeah, because it's not governed by the same FCC rules as terrestrial radio, right?
AlexRight, right. Terrestrial radio is such a fun word. I love that phrase. That's really good. Oh, so good. But then you would turn to another channel and it was all about like smoking cigarettes.
MerlinI've only ever had Sirius XM in rental cars. And I'm usually aware of like, oh, here's the indie rock one. Here's the blah, blah, blah. If I understand correctly, you're telling me. And mainly the thing I noticed mainly is that the sound quality is terrible. But that might just be me. Maybe we get cheap cars. Do I understand correctly that you're saying there's a SiriusXM station, a channel that's about cigarettes? Is that right?
AlexYeah. It's called like 1950s Howdy Ho Comedy Channel. I do genuinely think this is still a thing. I'm not sure. I don't know your velocity today, Merlin. So I'm.
MerlinWhy do you need to think about me? Why don't you just take care of yourself?
AlexI've been trying.
MerlinYour partner is the one, you know, I get a lot of support and help from about how I'm feeling. Why are you micromanaging my emotions?
AlexI am not micromanaging emotions. Oh, I love my calm down.
MerlinDid you see I quoted you in the wisdom document? Did you see?
AlexI did not. I'm not off the internet.
MerlinYou should be looking at the wisdom document every day. It's my jam.
AlexDo you? I wish there was a way. Oh, I guess you can get updates from GIST.
MerlinNo, don't do it that way.
AlexNo, you got to read the whole thing all the way through every time you visit. Every time? Well, maybe.
MerlinOr you could go to the bottom. Also, I can't figure out how to make comments not be available at all. I'm used to that jazz with Dropbox where every time I share something publicly, I try to always remember to also go in and disable comments every time because it's so odd. Alexandra, I want to get back to my emotions in a minute. But it's so odd to me that comments would be on by default for almost anything. And that probably shows you on 55.
AlexYou don't want engagement? You don't want metrics? That's silly.
MerlinYou're having fun. But it's really, really weird. I mean, not to be all black mirror here. But like if that were happening in the physical world, I would be very upset.
AlexI do not think this is an age thing, though. This has been a – I mean YouTube, I don't – as soon as there were comments, all old videos had comments. It's just –
MerlinAnd you can – that must be up there with the bell and the thing and like it's really going to chime in in comments, all that. Because like that gets you – it makes you more popular on YouTube, right? You get like recommended more if you have higher levels of engagement. Is that correct?
AlexOh, yeah. Yeah. And there will be a very talented –
MerlinThat's like wanting to be executed so you can get a free meal.
AlexYeah. Yeah.
There was a good article interview. I don't know. Unstuck in time.
MerlinAlex, I believe in you.
AlexShould we do a mask off? do did i put that in i i think i did that was another youtube reference mask off mask off um i just it made me so are you hearing different questions that i'm asking i'm starting to get a
Merlinlittle concerned i'm not worried about you i want you to know i believe in you it was a statement
Alexthat was i believe in you as a statement not a question or isn't it i believe in you i don't
MerlinI believe in you.
AlexYeah, I believe in you.
MerlinYou know, that's a good way to make people wonder how you really feel about stuff. That's pretty good.
AlexOh, yeah. That's awesome. Same here.
MerlinA little bit of up talk could disrupt a lot of relationships. Oh, I want to have a baby. What's the mask that we're taking off?
AlexThat should be in the wisdom document. Never say a sentence. Oh, I'm sure that the word man, as in the Merlin man, would be able to say this better. But no, never say a sentence.
MerlinSort of like doing a podcast with a pinball machine.
AlexWait, never make a statement that should be a question or never ask a question that should be a statement. Something like that. I don't know.
MerlinOh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I could. I could. Wordsmith. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry I'm obsessed with this project, except it's making me extremely happy.
AlexOh, yeah. Obsession that makes you happy and brings other people joy. What an unhealthy thing.
MerlinI actually would like the opportunity to talk about that more because I'm not sick of this and it makes me happy. And it is more effort than I put. You know that old thing that's attributed to Mark Twain? Sorry this letter is so long. you know if i had more time i would have written a shorter letter something like that i mean like for me the the the conceit of like try to squeeze something out of my brain that's sensible have an open heart about what this could include but then also like you would not believe it's
like doing fives all over again or it's like doing twitter in 2008 all over again we're like i it probably is not reflected in the product but if you were to go in and look at diffs you would see like oh my god you would not believe how much i nobody cares but i i care you know john syracuse a book all over again nobody cares about this but i do um which is probably wrong and he'll tell me that which is fine um but but uh i i i sweat everything right you know what i mean like
with fives like oh my god it's five so these are five items it has to be funny like the the word choice the order of these like you would not believe how much time i spend and i'm just being real here like the the more terse the format is the more effort i put into it like if i had to you know shit out a book about email like that's hard qed it's difficult um but again don't say hard if you mean difficult because it's a clearer word but like you would not believe and diffs would show
this, like how much I go, I like go back and I'm like, okay, the order of these could be better or you know what I mean? And it's like, what's interesting about that is it's, I don't do, I've seen something called high intensity workout, like HIIT workouts. I don't know what that means. I think it means you do exercise fast or something, but I'm a high intensity writer, which, which is that like, I, I disappear into what I'm doing minutes or hours go by. and like I know when I'm done. I know when I'm done for this session
when I'm writing actively and it is it doesn't make me tired exactly but it does take a shocking amount of very directed effort to get something exactly the way I want. You know what I mean?
AlexYes, I think that means you're doing it right.
MerlinAnd to quote David Letterman, you know, at the end of the day you're tired but it's a good kind of tired, you know? writing what amounts to on the page I think I'm brushing up against all told over 4,000 close to 5,000 words my initial goal is get 5,000 words I like on this thing and don't fuss about any part of it over much beyond just getting it down and then tweaking it but like you would not believe the amount of effort well a classic the amount of effort I would put into
140 characters would curl your hair like I fact check almost everything I've ever tweeted on Twitter I no longer check to see if somebody else made the joke because you know it's the it's the Joker's Creed title um you know there are many like this one is mine like it's you know what I mean that stuff but like I try and like double check that this is factually mostly accurate not just because I don't want to be you know henpecked by strangers but also just like it's it's funnier if somebody who knows
Alexit is realizes that's accurate like how yum and mcdonald's give to the same charity as chick i'm i'm kicking jokes out of the room yeah what's going on well you know can you put a pin not not
Merlina pin in that i don't mean that in the sense of please shut up but i do mean it in the sense of i want to know what's happening with you and because sometimes i get the effluvium the out gassing of whatever is fucking you up in a day and i it's i sometimes think i get it but then i can't tell you're like you're like kendall roy we're like i can't tell if even you know if you're
Alexbeing serious i don't know what you're being serious about oh no no i'm i'm people are worried about kendall right now yeah i'm i have not watched the last season of successions or wow sorry the last episode of succession so we shall not talk about this i haven't read the interview with um what's his name i'm very excited to yeah jerry strong it's really it's quite a piece yeah oh i'm told it's even better than the robert pattinson piece where he talks about microwaving pasta and i'm very excited that's cool as i kick jokes out of the room you said
two things that i don't do not think contradict each other but are something that i think a lot of people struggle well you you talk about i i think everybody listening to this show unless this is their first episode god forbid i'm so sorry hi um there's no good first episode the it's every day so there's only less object we'll turn off a podcast less objectionable first episodes the idea of yes you
putting so much time into a tweet which is very clear and the other idea of okay i am going to get these 5,000 words down and not going to stress it.
MerlinI mean, I have a whole separate meta document, just for what it's worth. I do have a separate meta document, and that's where that stuff goes. Like, okay, each one of these needs something like a serial number or what we in the Zeldman world would call an ID. But they also need to maintain their order because like a related and a relatedly related have to keep their order. You know, sort of like we struggle with in the – I struggle with anyway in the challenge document, which is like I don't know a way to serialize these. I mean, I know I can, but like there's all that stuff. But like I said, the dream here is that this be a document that's never finished, but that then people can also massage any way they want.
To quote Adam Lissagor, for example, to quote Adam Lissagor, one section is going to be very important business person. That's going to be a tag, like stuff that's actual like douchebag stuff about how to do calendar events and emails. That would be under very important businessman. But like so you could print out an EPUB or a MOBI of just very important businessman, but you could also get just ones that have the F word or that have, you know, you know, stuff about whatever. You could make a book that you want out of this raw material, but I'm not even going to begin to worry about serializing and IDs and all that stuff until I have more stuff to work with.
So, you know, actually, I just wrote something down about 15 minutes ago. and it's the word wisdom underscore and then it says first colon make a hole. Now I don't know what that means yet but it kind of has to do with the 16 tile puzzle. Like you need to like, it's the same reason that having a garbage bag nearby is a good idea. You know, you have to make a hole and like that, so if I find myself thinking I should open Scrivener and figure out how to do what amounts to implementation details before I've even decided what state I'm building my house in
because believe it or not, that's undone me a little bit before. No, it's just shitty first draft. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's Annie Lamont's all the way down. But the whole I created there is like having a place where I could put all the stuff I eventually want to do later frees me up to then feel like, oh, I can just go, you know, do the sort of actual thing. What do I need? I need good emoji for hashtags, serial number, and IDs per wisdom. Maintain an order so that related works. Wait to manually reorder.
What do I call an individual wisdom? because that's a terrible name, et cetera. Right. So not contradictory. It's weird. It does seem weird, though. Like, I had to really start governing myself because I knew that Twitter had become an attractive nuisance to me. Like, it ends with, yay, I got a heart or a star, which makes a ton more sense.
But, yeah. I mean, and some Syracusists said when they first made that change that it's really proved to be truer and truer, which is like on fucking pussy hat Twitter. It's all like, oh, somebody loved a tweet by Marjorie Taylor Greene. You're like, well, they only love that tweet because they can't just – Well, no, no, no. But the point being, I like a lot of people. The heart means a lot of different things. A heart can mean I see you. A heart can mean thank you.
A heart can just mean I want to send this dog to my family later once school is out. But like to just say like, oh, this person loved this tweet about murder. Well, what if they're a reporter and they just need a way to like a bookmark without creating an actual Twitter bookmark? You know what I mean? Like that's a downside of that. But it might end with a star. But like it starts with just like – and of course like a lot of people, I would like try and sweat it down to exactly 140 characters or whatever. And I had to really pump the brakes on that because I was – Alex, I was seriously at one point spending hours every day writing for Twitter.
Not just posting for Twitter, but like when I should have been writing a book in some cases, I was writing a tweet about Fleet Week and libraries.
And it's good, you know?
AlexThat's a good tweet. I bet it was a good tweet.
MerlinThat was a great tweet. Oh, look. Oh, look. It's 7.30 a.m. and a $20 million jet is buzzing my house. I hope it's a transformer that turns into healthcare and libraries.
AlexThat's really funny.
MerlinI feel like you're about to compliment me and I don't want to cut that off.
AlexNo, okay. Oh, Transformers. They're robots not skinwilled. It's more than meets the eye, Alex. They're robots in disguise. They're not in a good disguise, though. No one's going to see it. It's a terrible disguise. It's such a shitty disguise.
MerlinBut it's kind of cool in Bumblebee when you've got these scrappy ones that are fighting against the big Pacific Rim guys. That's kind of cool. And then it turns into like a little – not a Fremen, but like one of those guys from Clone Wars that spins around like a cyclone. You know what I'm talking about? But anyways, you were going to compliment me, I think?
AlexNo, no. I was going to critique slash – I guess I'll be a bitch about this. So, well, I don't want to step on back to work, but what you talk about.
MerlinThat's going to cost you 50 bucks if you want to be stomped on.
AlexI know my stamps. Great masseuse. The idea of an active working area, how does that go when it you talk about like how you open up Scrivener and it's like, oh, too much or I'm going to get lost in Keyboard Meister.
MerlinThat was about half a day, but it was just enough to go like, oh, no, I know this feeling and I'm getting the squirts of dopamine from the wrong thing. And that needs to stop. You know what I mean?
AlexYeah. So how do you distinguish between that? Because, I mean, you do the text documents. You've got your task paper and your NV alts. But how do you get away from the very lovely user interface of Scrivener? Does it ever get – I almost said this again. Does it get better? What if this is as good as it gets?
MerlinWell, I mean think about like in a lot of ways – I'm not a technologist. But like in a lot of ways a spreadsheet is – when we think about a spreadsheet is it's – a spreadsheet is a lot like a database, right? It's like a non – normally. I mean, if you do a pivot table, that's, I don't want to get into technology here, but like, what, I mean, don't make a database if you can get by with a spreadsheet and don't make a spreadsheet unless you can get by with a UL markdown list.
Right. So like you escalate to your needs of like what needs to happen. But like, if I haven't. Okay. So like, why do we have a database? We have a database, you know, and like a relational database gives you so much power, you know, but if why make a relational database if you haven't tried a pivot table yet? You may not even need a pivot table yet. If you haven't written or captured or done anything, if you don't have any, as you youth say, if you don't have any content.
AlexOh, no, we don't say that. I'm sorry. Go on.
MerlinDon't begin. It's the same kind of anti-pattern as getting a new task manager and then spending all your time creating contexts and projects and all of those things. And I'm glad you mentioned task paper because the whole reason I like task paper is because there is – I'll probably get this wrong. Depending on how you count it, there's only and ever three or possibly four kinds of things in task paper. If you type a string, I know you know this, but if you type a string and then a colon, that becomes a project.
Either in a project or not in a project, if you type a dash, a space, and a string, that becomes a task. If you add anything after the string that's the task starting with the at symbol, that becomes a tag or if you like a context. And then if you type something, if you option return and don't have a dash, that becomes a note that's like considered part of the task. And that's it. And the beauty part is for me, like anytime I feel like doing anything more or I go like, ooh, I wish I had this.
Like, ooh, I wish I could do that. or I wish I had start dates and end dates and deadlines. And, you know, pretty soon you're like, you're like one lap around the track away from nested tags and levels of priority and all the kind of stuff that your brain should be telling you is the reason you're not successful in life. Not financially, but like as a person. It's because you're now spending, it's all wrapping in no presence. So worry about the presence and the wrapping will take care of itself.
And the same is true here. So in this, you know, these little text files, there's ULs. That's it. That's all this entire thing is. It's just almost one big UL on an ordered list, right? And that's what keeps me honest is like, you know, like, for example, TaskPaper, you know, if things are getting a little hairy and I got a lot to do, I don't like to use this over much. But if you use the Task Paper app by Jesse Grisjean and Hog Bay Software, you get a really cool functionality.
I don't know if you know this, but it's got its own search language, and you can save searches. So, for example, I can click in the left rail on –
AlexOh, shit. I actually didn't know that. Sorry. I got excited. Oh, shit, dude. I got to show you this.
MerlinWell, no, this is bananas because – okay, so imagine you're in Task Paper. I'm clicking.
AlexSorry. I was just trying to get you to be Merlin Mann, and now I'm like, oh, wait, there's a search – okay, sorry.
MerlinOh, no, no, but see, this is also, there's no reason that can't be a set it and forget it. So one instance is you can do what are called, you know, basically save searches. You can also have templates that remember what tags you or, you know, you always want to be available. But let's go look for one here. Here's one called All Not Done, which is like show me anything, a project, and then I'm kind of, I'm not going to read the letters, but it's a very kind of slightly regex-y. look for any projects that have tasks with not done and that don't include,
that basically don't include the tag done. So that just gives you every, here's everything that's a live task. Here's a really easy one. Type equals task and tag equals house and status equals not done. Okay. So show me everything I need to do at my house that's not done, but you can right click on that over in the sidebar and open it in a new window. So now this one text document, it's nothing but a bunch of lines. It can have all of that. Just show me errands. Just show me house things, office things, any of that stuff.
But I don't ever have to think about it. And I'm not going to spend two days trying to supercharge that. And that keeps me honest because I know that, per the document, organizing your emails, like alphabetizing your recycling. These tasks are like, this is a lot of 43-folder shit. But like, you know, task lists should be wallets, not attics. It's for active, lively things that you're using. Even more, like your task list should be like your front right pocket in my case. Like that should be for stuff that like either super belongs there or is just going to be there for a little bit until it goes where it needs to be.
But I'm not here to warehouse tasks. Therein lies madness. And with this document, and I'm so sorry we're talking this much about it, but I really love doing it. But, yeah, it feels really good to know that, like, I've made it so that it's – I should be able to catch myself before I do anything too stupid that's not just making the things.
AlexOh, man. You got so many people to finish right there. Damn.
MerlinWhich part? How did I – oh.
AlexOh. Well, I know that you don't like having intercourse with yourself, but –
MerlinAm I a cam girl? Am I a cam girl? Nothing that's bad. Am I –
AlexOh, yes. You're a prod girl.
MerlinI'm not really a sex worker. I'm more of a sex volunteer.
AlexThat's pretty good, Alex.
MerlinI'm not a doctor. I'm more like a penis candy striper. Just here to give out mints and fluff your pillow. and do hand stuff.
AlexFluffer. Fluffer.
MerlinThat was good. It's really fun to do and it's making me happy. And I have an omnibus project I'm working on. I did mention this to Dan, but like, I don't really understand what heart rate variability is. It's really, it seems like my heart's version of Dewpoint where it really seems made up to me. I don't understand what Dewpoint is and I kind of refuse to learn. But, you know, if I understand temperature and I understand humidity. Well, the dew point is like, it's some conjecture about, it's like advanced physics to me.
Heart rate variability, all as I know is that according to the trauma guy and others, if we can bring up our heart variability, that's a sign that we are, one thing happens when you get old is your HRV goes down. When you get, or yeah, you're, you know, and your stress, when your stress goes up, your HRV goes down. So my bottom up approach to this is like, I want to bring down my pulse. I want to bring down my HRV like I want to be like a border collie who you've made run in the park before bedtime just fucking
I want to wear myself out and not because Twitter's made me sad I want to do it because like I was able to finally today I finally added a thing about time constraint versus busyness it didn't even occur to me till last night I haven't yet mentioned my bit and I did and I like it and then once I wrote that I said oh okay well that also reminds me of this other thing And then that reminds me of this other thing. And always take a shit and eat before you get on a flight. Like all that stuff. And it feels so good to do, Alex. I forgot that I really actually like writing.
Didn't forget it. I guess I – it's a recovered Oprah memory for me that I actually really do love writing.
AlexAnd you can tell whenever something is added to the wisdom document. How so? I do a lot. each time you add something, it's not that it's better. You can tell there is an evolution to it the same way. Oh, really? That's so neat to hear. Yeah. I mean, it's sort of the same way, I guess, almost a script. I used to read all the time,
like when I was copyediting script. Yeah. And, um, and, and, you know, all the abandoned plays I've done, the, just like the more, it's not that you're rewriting, but it's, you're figuring out more and more what it is that you're doing. And, uh, well, while I continue to, to jack you off, I suppose, the, I really, I really appreciate it. I mean, I, I, I, I,
Merlinhearing compliments that sound authentic from somebody that I love makes me happy. If I acted otherwise, I think I'd be a pretty broken individual.
AlexOh, my God.
MerlinI love you, Alex. I love you. Again. Say it again. Again. I was visiting with a friend of mine on texts, and this is a really, really good friend. I don't like a bunch of names, but my pal had said, oh, by the way, that thing you mentioned of how you hate when you click a movie on iTunes and it's at the beginning of the end credits
and you're like, ugh, I'm going to scrub back. And I did the, because I'm a hacker and a whacker and a midnight toker, I had said, hey, my trick is to say to Dingus, hey, Dingus, go back 93 minutes or whatever. And my friend, it's Jamie Phelps, Jamie said, well, you know, JXPX1138, you can also say play this from the beginning. And I was like, oh, I never even thought to try that. And you know what? It totally works. And then we were talking about screwdrivers because Jamie gave me some screwdrivers for my birthday. And I said, I feel like one viewport of success in life with regard to the things that you
own or have is try to maximize the number of things that you have that you look forward to using and minimize the number of things you feel neutral or bad about using. I like using Descript. it makes me really happy you know fax machines do not make me happy so like if there's stuff in my house and this is a little bit condo a little bit walsh a little bit country a little bit rock and roll but like if you got a bunch of shit in your house you don't look forward to using why do you have it and i was like you know but that's that that that again is part of this larger omnibus
feeling of like success in life is becoming more like yourself the i think you have provided the
Alexanswer to why do you have something am i dying your house it's mediocre no no but the same reason that like if you're can if you're wondering why someone's thinking something it's it's probably because of money and money the same at least to me applies to everything i think i own that i'm just i feel neutral about because um because as we talked about last week how fucked up is it that
Merlinyou and I both didn't feel guilty about getting rid of stuff we never wanted. And like, who's happy because of that?
AlexOh, I mean, chicken filet.
MerlinI thought it was in high school. I thought it was Chick-fil-a. Oh, even before there was an internet for me, there were words I'd never like said out loud.
AlexI didn't know that Hermione wasn't Hermione until the movies came out. Yeah.
MerlinLike harmion maybe?
AlexYeah, I was like, I'm sure I still have many words in my vocabulary that are fancy, that if someone were to say it out loud, I'd be like, what the fuck does that mean? And that's fine.
That's just my fear of looking dumb. But that's all right.
MerlinWell, if brains were easy to understand, they wouldn't be brains.
AlexYou know what I'm saying? Yeah. The Seinfeld guy that we talked about would always win. Oh, the little helmet. I've been watching Seinfeld.
MerlinI was talking about the penis. Learn the difference between being busy versus being time constrained. Time constraint is an immutable fact of adult life. While it can and should be managed, time constraint can never be eradicated. Being busy, and this is where I really get the people in the cheap seats, being busy should be better understood as a time-limited result of an earlier management error. If you find that your busyness has become permanent, you must learn to manage earlier, differently, and much, much better. Related, start acting like your life matters.
AlexOh, God, the fucking last let—no, no, no, God. Yes, that's all practical advice that I can feel neutral and positive about. Oh, wait.
MerlinI'm going to need your help on this one because this one needs some, as you say, wordsmithing because it's still not quite where I want it to be because it sounds like it's about something more specific than it's meant to be. Start noticing how often you explain away stasis, trauma, codependence, abuse, or generally unwholesome situations because of something you claim that you, quote, have to do. Related, consider accepting that you do not actually have to do anything except die.
AlexYou're all so much more fucked than you realize. i've chosen you i've chosen to be fucked in a much more limited way oh you know i i want to be known for one thing and that's for uh making you well not making you strongly encouraging you to read the trauma oh my god the trauma book you guys are all real real broken listen to this dutch accent i know you're starting to fight with me in target and it's
Merlinjust because your dad didn't protect you.
AlexOh, God.
MerlinYou got loved by a father, but it was the wrong kind.
AlexOh, you're having a good one today. Do you think it's because of the season?
MerlinI'm in great show. What the fuck are you talking about? I recorded podcasts for four and one half hours yesterday, which sounds, you know, whatever. It's easy work.
AlexOh, fuck you. Oh, bockety. No, that's not easy.
MerlinWell, but I have some pseudo traumas about it. I'm going to make Alex explode for Christmas.
AlexI pseudo broke my femur. Pseudo.
MerlinOh, that's good. I like that. You know, that's the biggest bone in your body. You know what the biggest muscle in your body is? Your butt.
AlexWait, is that true?
MerlinYeah, gluteus maximus. You know what the biggest organ in your body is? You know what the biggest organ is?
AlexSkin.
MerlinSkin.
AlexI just – see, I say that, but it feels very much like a Snapple fact, you know?
MerlinA Snapple fact. One of those things where you're having your peach cruiser or whatever, and then you go like, ha! That's interesting.
AlexIs that the new kind of prostitute? No!
MerlinIt's called – what am I, a sex volunteer?
AlexYeah, I believe so.
MerlinIt's not a whore house. It's a whore office.
Alexoh man that would be so
Merlina horror office would be adorable
AlexI was gonna say practical but alright
Merlinwhat are you saying you mean like for tax reasons
Alexor what yeah I don't know like there's a time and a place to like clock in and out and then you know that's why slowly kicking jokes
Merlinout of the room you think you could have a time card you think and a locker do you get a locker
Alexyeah yeah like you take out your
MerlinFredericks of Hollywood outfit and put it on.
AlexHave you ever seen a stripper locker room? Oh, you have. You have. Stripper locker room. Because in Magic Mike, you know, they've got the little dressing room. It's just, it would be easier, I think. I don't know. I am not a sex volunteer as you are. But you don't want to mix work and play.
MerlinI'm practically, I'm basically like a humanist, non-secular eunuch.
Alexthere were so many words in that say as much as possible i know well think how i feel about it
Merlini got i got i got these guys swinging down below and it's like let's turn it into a coin purse i don't even like coins anyway you know what i like i like a loony i like a i like a canadian
Alexthose ducks on them i like the canadian money they don't have i i thought they had moose in Do they have text?
MerlinNo, no. Meese? Meese? Meese? Ah, bo- Ah, bo- Ah, bo- Boxing? Brian, you're an idiot.
AlexBrian Regan has had a glow up. My, my. Like, the gray foxiness of him is off the charts. What a- He- I mean, talk about knowing when just to use a text file, and his, like, ah, I'm just not going to do blue humor stuff. I'm just not going to say the funny butt words.
MerlinBut, you know, it's sort of like Candle Nights where it's like you can still have challenging ideas, but you try not to curse. And, you know, it's in that same way that like so much great, you know, comedy humor, whatever you want to call it, of the like – I mean, you know, it wasn't until maybe kind of Lenny Bruce or like, you know, African-American party records, Chitlin Circuit stuff. Like, you know, blue humor, dirty humor, like, didn't become super okay until people like, you know, George Carlin sort of made it okay.
Or, like, Lenny Bruce was seen almost more as, like, a, you know, like a martyr for the cause. But, like, so much great humor is based on, like, what they didn't say. The classic bit from Johnny Carson where there's – did you ever see the Johnny Carson bit where he's got a guy on the show? It's back when the show was still black and white. I want to say probably early 60s. And he had a guy on who throws axes. Or like hatchets. Oh, there's a pretty funny bit where, and this brings together a lot of what made Carson special,
that people aren't like, that you're wrong about. People just didn't understand.
AlexIt was, well, actually it was. I heard he wasn't very nice. Neither am I.
MerlinHe was a comedian from a previous era. But there's this guy who throws hatchets. And, you know, and so basically there's this like big, like sort of, you know, like you'd see like, oh, go stand inside of this like white outline. I'm going to throw these hatchets. And I think what happened was, like, was it Johnny that threw it? And you can't make this up. Like, the hatchet flies, and it does stick in the wood, but it lands, like, from, like, 15 feet away. It lands and goes into the wood exactly where a person's genitals would be.
Okay? Yes. And the audience fucking loses it. And so what does Johnny Carson say? Does he say, oh, wow, that's smart. Waka waka. No, he just stands there looking at the audience with his bright sparkling eyes and a big smile. And he waits because it's a classic of great timing. He waits and then he says something like, I didn't realize he was Jewish.
And then the crowd double loses it. He doesn't have to say, is that guy circumcised?
AlexI cannot get far enough from the mic to laugh at it. It's a land side.
Oh, my God. I guess the joke's on me. You want to start? No, no. I want to get my computer.
MerlinThank you for being nice and for being supportive about this thing. I get excited about projects. At least this one, I'm kind of sort of making something, you know?
AlexNo, no. you are not kind of or sort of you you're pseudo making i'm pseudo making something no no no no no that's they're fresh it's all just freshly squozing thoughts you know just squozing squozing see i i i don't know if it's a real let it go let it go i'm not squozing
Merlinanymore you know i like the demi lovato version of that oh oh you don't you don't like it i do i
Alexlove it and I'm oh I'm ashamed I'm so ashamed but I
Merlinhad one of those I had one of those Berenstain Bears like you know Shazam moments where like for the longest time whenever Frozen because you know used to be Frozen was fairly ubiquitous especially if you've got a kid like her she and her classmates would just burst into singing let it go when she was in like whatever first or second grade it's a really you know it's a fun movie and the songs are great but you know but then I remember I feel like and then we get to the one part where I feel like shit isn't doesn't isn't there a part that's missing isn't there a part where they go stranded frozen and like
because i remember like oh my god the best line of the song stranded frozen like did i make that up and then at some point years later i was like no no no that's that's the thing they do at the end when they do the reprise of a song but it's a pop star and it's like oh my god yes that was so you
Alexlike that version too i'm not alone i i mean that was her last great work before she believed in aliens and hated frozen yogurt shops.
MerlinShe does that good emo version of the one I like. What's it called? I Love Me?
AlexOh, I don't know.
MerlinShe has a ballad. I want to say, I think it's called I Love Me. Oh, shit, dude. We're going to have to watch this together in the after show. Alex, where would people find the after show for your Dubai Friday program?
AlexOkay. I understand if people don't want to pay $5 to listen to Demi Lovato, but normally... Bok, bok, bok, bok. No, me. I would not... You do that. I would unsubscribe. Oh, Demi Lovato. Do you not know what's up with Demi Lovato?
MerlinDemi Lovato had some substance problems and put on some weight and everybody was mean. That's what I know.
AlexNo, no. She, no. She's so mean. I have never been invested in like what a celebrity may or may actually be like outside of their performances. But God, she just makes.
Not that I'm invested in how bipolar endings are portrayed. Alex, what's the point here?
MerlinYou so far have made a lot of groaning noises about Demi Lovato without telling. You think she's into aliens? What are we talking about?
AlexShe's into aliens. Is that a problem? She's, no, she's enbying bipolar and she is mean on the internet. Okay. And I don't like people who are mean on the internet.
MerlinWell, sometimes I love me is not enough. You know, she wonders when I love me is enough.
AlexOh, gosh. Hi, everybody. If you go to.
MerlinDipping through all of these magazines. So you don't know that song, huh?
AlexNo, I actually really don't.
MerlinOh, you're going to. Oh, God, you're going to lose your goddamn mind.
AlexYou know what? I think we should all be seeing Vanessa. Maybe we should do it now. Should we do it now?
MerlinShould we do it now or should we do it in the after show? All right.
AlexLet's do it. Do it now. Let's do it live. Come on, do it now. What's the length?
MerlinAnd you want to cut this out or do we want to do this? Are we doing this?
AlexNo, let's do it. Let's do it.
MerlinOkay. So first of all, I think it's important that you hear the version of her song that was, you know, I love me, Demi. Oh, yeah. So, okay. Is it cool if I send you something?
AlexYes, please.
MerlinAll right. All right. So start. Is this going to be really annoying?
AlexWell, we'll find out.
MerlinYou know, I'm going to stop thinking about it. I'm going to do me. I wonder what I love me is enough.
AlexAnd you know what?
MerlinI will personally take care of slicing out eyeballs. I will take care of getting these for Quinn. Okay, so first, you please go click on that. I'd listen a little bit in the fancy room.
AlexNot you, Guillermo. Really cool guy. It's funny every time.
MerlinThis fucking guy. And then...
AlexOh, my God.
MerlinWhen she says it, this fucking guy.
AlexNo, no, not.
MerlinOh, shit.
AlexNever mind. Are you not there yet? Wait, are you there? I'm there. I am there. But bleep that name. Bleep that name.
MerlinI accidentally said Paul Rubens yesterday. I'm fucked up. Okay. Go check that out, please.
AlexYes.
MerlinAnd I'll click with you when you're ready.
AlexI am ready.
MerlinYeah. Let me pull it up real quick. I got to go back. Play from beginning. Okay. Three, two, one, go.
Speaker APretty catchy, right?
MerlinOh, I like stuff like this. Just stay for a little bit of chorus. These lyrics are so good.
AlexAll right, now I like it. I don't like that I like it.
MerlinPretty good, right?
AlexIt's really good. Fuck this.
MerlinIsn't it a good song? Okay, you ready? Three, two, one, go.
AlexOh. Oh, yes! No.
Speaker AOh my god Oh my god
AlexUh huh right
MerlinOkay what do you think Is it kind of good
AlexIt's really good It's really good it's really good and I think she's a very talented person who's very mean on the internet
MerlinTravis Barker's in let me guess is it Blink 182?
Alexyes! hey!
MerlinI knew it was one of those now what about Trey Cool? what's he in? oh no I know that was a Green Day! Trey Cool? yes yes yes
Alexboth drummers
MerlinI like Trey Cool because he likes Ringo Starr
Alexwho doesn't? oh the internet Wait, really? Is this because of the documentary?
MerlinNo, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's been a bit for a long time. I don't want to get into it. But people are mean to Ringo. Anyway, so you say she's mean. Is she mean to fans?
AlexShe's mean to everybody. Do you think that's because of her situation? Oh, yeah. I mean, we're... I see... Sometimes when you see someone acting a lot like yourself and they are famous and you know that they are influencing like a million people in a way that probably isn't great.
MerlinYeah, I know.
AlexSort of hurts.
MerlinYou wrote a really nice thing last night where you sort of, I apologize, I guess, but you like said to somebody, oh, I shouldn't have been mean like that.
AlexI was like, what the fuck was that? I was such a bitch there.
MerlinI know, but I thought, I didn't even want to say anything because I didn't want to do a bit, but I thought that was cool of you to do that. But I would also like to suggest that there's so many ways I want to keep Darth alive in my life when Darth is not on Twitter. because I've realized that Darth, for whatever reasons, Darth used to seem like a cute bit to me but Darth has become important in my life and have you ever seen what Darth does? Darth got something wrong.
AlexI don't know. Darth always posts
Merlinthe same gif of this incredibly awkward looking owl taking weird steps like, oh no. I'm like, that's the best way to say I fucked that up ever.
Speaker AOkay. I didn't know we did that every time.
AlexThat's really good. See, that's the thing. Oh, God. We want to get all the merchandise of it. But I feel like it sounds like we're being vague about this on purpose, but we're not. I was like, ah, yay, Apple VR something, something.
MerlinOh, no, I didn't mean to do it on purpose. I just didn't want to dredge up your thing you feel bad about. I just thought the way you handled it was nice. And I thought that was a really grown up thing to do.
Alexit's it's not it's not good to feel bad about things it's good to recognize when you're not being yourself and you're affecting people who are nice to you and i i just like retweeted some guy who did who did not disagree with me i was uh it was very nice listener and i'm like uh-huh yeah what what yeah sure what do i know the gears did like just you know one of those pseudo not funny like donks that is just shitty and i was like oh man i'm i'm sorry that's not who i want And thank you for all the claps.
I'm very brave and bold. But I never see that. And it makes me really sad. And I feel as if they used to be way more common. Am I just living in a fantasy world? And I'm not talking about like.
MerlinI don't even remember what it was about. So I got to go back. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. So a person said, everyone wanted a smartphone when it came out. Oh, this is. Oh, because you're a little. You're a little. God, I'm really treating you like a woman. I'm sorry.
AlexOffensive on so many levels. I love Yoko.
MerlinYoko organizes some papers. But AR and VR, you're really excited about AR and VR. And it feels like you've got not a hard-on about it, but the sense of like—
AlexI do. I'm just full mass 24-7.
MerlinHang on. The rest of the sentence. is that like you have had it with the FUD about, yeah, we tried this in the 90s. It's not going to happen. Or like, you know what I mean? Isn't that part of your deal though? Is like, okay, yeah, you're right. Like in my case, like I've seen enough profiles of Jaron Lanier over the last 60 years to think like, yeah, I guess it'll come someday. But like it definitely was not happening any of the times before. But, you know.
AlexAll right. In Jaron Lanier's defense, he was like, oh, we're nowhere near.
MerlinHe's not even on the internet anymore. He just lives in the metaverse now.
AlexNo, it works for Microsoft. He seems very nice. I really want to interview him. Okay, sorry.
MerlinMicrosoft hires a lot of good people. It's where a lot of good ideas go to die. Everyone wanted a smartphone when the iPhone came out, but the demand is nowhere near what it was for the phone. Apple will mostly treat the headset like the Apple TV, but sure as hell won't make the same error. Okay.
According to the shovel blogs today, whatever Min Chi Kuo is says there's something coming, and I don't mean West Side Story.
AlexI really like the Apple TV. I love the Apple TV. The Apple TV. What?
MerlinWhat are you talking about? I was talking about the AR VR quo stuff. Quo's quoted. Quotable. Quotable quos. Minchee Quo.
AlexI was just thinking about. Okay. Okay. All right. I went into my mind palace there for a second thinking about Jaron Lanier, who I just. He just seems like just so chubby and pleasant. I love him. Yeah.
MerlinHe should maybe be played by Haley Joel Osment. not not not not not you know six cents but like like him from silicon valley and uh what's it mythic quest is that the one oh no the boys he's on the boys oh boy oh shit dog have you watched the boys all the way through not yet no no fucking a it's good i you know what i should
Alexi should assign you some media to check out the just just a little bit just a little bit um Okay.
MerlinHe's funny. He's funny.
AlexWell, so is Jaron Lanier. He's just...
MerlinYou're being so touchy about this, like a woman. I know.
AlexI don't know why.
MerlinThis poor woman.
AlexOh, look. My vagina's still there. Hey. Hey, you know what? Baby steps. Ew. Oh, God.
MerlinOh, oh.
AlexBaby steps for the baby maker. Part one. Oh, okay. But no, I think it's funny that the idea of something that needs to change the world in order to exist is really cynical and sad and like the playstation obviously to me to me obviously
Merlinobviously based on the one tweet i've ever seen from this person this human being this this this
Alexsounds like this is a bit of a oh i mean in general like well but but like i'm trying what
Merlini'm trying to get at is this particular character i think this person is kind of a like a pundit e like business e like will this be sticky will you know what i mean it feels like one of those like apple prognosticator kind of people maybe a little bit.
AlexNo? Like Oliver Fret. No, no, I know what you mean. Like one of the pundits. Just as God made me, sir. Yeah. No, no, for sure.
MerlinIt's twisted old fruit.
AlexI just...
MerlinDid you ever see Spinal Tap?
AlexWhy am I... Did you ever see Spinal Tap? Yes.
MerlinIt's called a mockumentary. I know you're a fan of mockumentaries. You should check that out. Also, by the way, Shirley Jackson's lottery has been canceled. I don't know if you've ever read that. We should probably get a little bit focused here. Yeah, you know, I run into this, and I've really tried to get my head right about it, but I still sometimes – so yesterday I recorded a podcast with a friend of mine who has a really pretty popular podcast, and it's one of those times where when I do a pretty popular podcast, I see how – well, if I'm being honest, how fortunate I am to not have a really popular podcast because, you know, I think I'm beyond an acquired taste in what I do.
And I'm really grateful that I don't have to deal with, you know, randos with, like, animated – I'm going to be mean. No. Okay, fine. Whatever.
AlexDo it. Do it. Do it. Are we talking about anime? Don't have an emoji icon.
MerlinCan we not do that? Could you guys get something else? Because it really – it's like an anime icon. Even if that's not who you mean to portray yourself as, people are going to think a lot. if you look like Dragon Balls, people are going to go like, oh, you're probably one of those anime guys who's really mean and a shut-in and stuff. Anyway. I see it. There's a really, really funny bit. I love when a bit manages to be at the level of the radar, kind of under the radar. A lot of us
were having fun the other day with the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah, and I found a way to fucking kill it with a Hallelujah tweet the other day, which made me really happy. But, in this case it was amy jane uh wanting to so anyway my friends my friends and wife wanted to be on a podcast where we talk about the beatles and that and that amy jane is very funny and like oh is
Alexshe gonna be on that one oh check the slack i put a sample up oh super oh yay yeah um but but and
Merlinbut the very very very funny tweak is you know if i can fucking read the room amy jane goes oh my god you know merlin and john have been recording for almost two hours and they still haven't talked about the Beatles. I'm going to die. And it was really funny. It's a very Amy Jane
Alexkind of thing. Right. And then one of the people, it was just like, well, you know,
Merlinknowing John, he won't edit anything out. And I was like, oh God, here's any click. And it's like, you know, 13 followers that are like local yogurt places. And you're like, oh fuck this person, And like you came in here and like every voice is equal. And that's important. Like it doesn't matter if one person shits on the coffee table, the party becomes less fun. And your contribution to that was like you came in and you didn't even make a very interesting shit on the coffee table.
And, you know, and it's like when you get that, you're like, OK, like I you're not reading the room. Again, the classic tweet, the greatest tweet of all time, which is in my bookmarks alongside every drill tweet somewhere, is the person who said, you know, something along the lines. I've got to find this. You know what? Notes. Find this. Notes. Merlin. Notes. Notes. I've got to find this fucking tweet because it was from probably last year or so. And the person said, here's the thing about Twitter. Everything you post as a joke will be taken seriously. And everything that you post seriously will be taken as a joke.
And I was like, that's pretty much, I cannot think of a much better way to explain what's horrible about Twitter.
AlexYeah.
MerlinAnd to see how some bean dad, you know?
AlexOh, God. I think about that far too much. Well, and couch guy, too. I used to think TikTok was.
MerlinI don't know what this is. I saw it yesterday. I don't know what it means. It's somebody who's on a couch on TikTok. Or like somebody who does stuff with couches. Like, fuck some.
AlexNo. There was a TikTok that went viral of a young man on the couch with some friends, and then his girlfriend comes in to surprise him. And they're all in college, and he's like, oh, my God. And she's like, oh, my God. Yay. And then people started being like, oh, this guy is sus. Oh, he didn't jump up fast enough to say hi to her.
MerlinWait, no. Does sus mean gay? My daughter's mid-led me to believe that means gay. well is it about among us as it has to do with among us this is i'm not i'm not sure because this was a few months ago it changed i'm so adrift my entire life i'm so adrift alex i have no idea
Alexwhat's happening anymore well that's so okay this guy is couch guy is suspicious because he's hanging out with a bunch of other women when his girlfriend walks in oh man and so of course he and his girlfriend are doxxed and like oh fuck me gently really yeah no that's yeah and that's um true crime on tiktok i mean wow it sounds like everything's working out great um yeah i don't know i mean i loved vine so so deeply and just the constraints on it was oh oh i i i
Merlindidn't realize what i was missing until it was practically gone it was well that but that's the
AlexI think, though, I feel like it would have become, I don't know, maybe it would have become the monster that TikTok has become.
MerlinWell, I mean, it's like what something I think it was Michael Lopp that Rand said a long time ago that's really true is that like the beauty of Twitter is like there's really is almost nothing on Twitter that is back in the day. Right. There's nothing on Twitter that you have to see that you don't want to see. Like you've chosen to follow every single person on Twitter. And this is back in the day when it was straightforward, you know, chronological timeline of people you followed and stuff like that. Before ads, before brands, before, you know.
AlexRemember the dick bar?
MerlinOh, I do remember the dick bar. And like for a long time that really was true. But even as that's become less true today, I think that's still a good governing principle is like it's your shitty taste that brings this stuff into your life. Like you can choose to like, you know, walk past almost anything. If you choose to go, like the classic joke about a person, we don't make these sorts of jokes anymore, but the classic joke that I still think about a lot is a person from your ancestral homeland.
AlexThe Jews, the Bohemians, the Poles, where are we going?
MerlinSomebody from Bohemian walks into a room holding a wet dog turd and says, hey, everybody, look what I almost stepped in. i haven't heard that before now now take out the part about being from la bohème and instead let's make that about twitter where you're like you know you know that's people do that a lot
Alexlike what i almost stepped in does it ever mess you up if someone's like title title title notes notes notes what if what if we did a notes challenge oh that would be a disaster for oh
Merlinman man no i mean there's namespace pollution this is a hack it's not you know like an official thing but it's so helpful like working on the links i needed to find for that three hours of recording i did with my friend yesterday like it's so helpful to go into descript and find those
Alexthings or the three hours of the two by friday episode i don't remember that you that's on top
Merlinof an hour and a half with my friend Dan yesterday. So it was a good day. It's a good kind of tired.
AlexOh, that was a good... Oh, wait. Whoa. Whoa. You had the Beatles and Keyboard Maestro the same day? That is... Oh, yeah, sure. That's not exhausting.
MerlinAnd I mentioned Robocop, the Robocop episode of Blank Check twice. Hey, did you try out... Did you see... Do you know what I'm talking about with those Keyboard Maestros? Again, all credit to Syracuse for saying this would fix my problem because it totally did. Do you understand what I was talking about?
AlexYeah, but I get, I downloaded your, or not download, whatever, saved your macros and it's, I decided that I'm not playing with any more productivity software until my Macintosh professional book comes. Oh, update. Which it should be here.
MerlinOkay, go check. Sorry, this is a quick, quick break. Not a break.
AlexNo, no, no. I'll check on our break. Ah! It's still. Ah, hey Google, stop!
MerlinOh, good.
AlexI actually got quite excited because I don't know, well, I don't know if it was.
MerlinAren't you going to go check? Do you want to see where you're – I'll check my phone.
AlexI checked. Oh, is your phone – I'm looking. It's now.
MerlinIt's basically the truck appears to be – ironically enough, the truck is one and a half blocks from where my MacBook Pro was for a week.
AlexRemember the bit? It could still be there.
MerlinIt could still be there. If I go and look, it's going to be so goddamn funny. There's going to be a 2000, you know, what, 20? Whatever it was. There's going to be a MacBook Pro just covered with like moss and graffiti.
AlexI'm going to send you a picture of a great, great doggo that I saw outside my apartment because I thought that. So this man right here pulled up in a large SUV and I got really excited because I thought it was the FedEx truck. And then he let out a dog.
MerlinIs that like a water dog, like a poodle?
AlexI don't know. He pooped on the lawn and then he didn't pick it up.
MerlinLook what I almost pooped in.
AlexAnd he didn't pick it up, but that's okay because it was a real cute dog. And when you have pulled your very large SUV on the side of the road to let your adorable poodle out to poop, I feel like a lot of things have gone wrong and you deserve some lenience and grace in your life.
MerlinYou know, life is complicated. I think people forget that from time to time. Mine is Wednesday, December 8th by 9 p.m. Which is cool. I don't need it. I don't need this thing at all. But luckily, because of the cast system in our house, that does mean that my wife gets a new phone.
AlexOoh. Which is nice.
MerlinBecause the camera on the 12 is really quite good. The camera on the 13 is better. Also, on your advice, the advice of counsel, I said to you, am I going to be okay if I don't do the really big one? On the one hand, because I still – my little hands are too little for my giant 12 phone. And I think you had said – I remember exactly what you said. But I remember walking away feeling confident that I'd be okay with just the regular size one and I wouldn't be giving up a lot in terms of features.
AlexLiterally nothing except the size.
MerlinOkay. But as long as it's pro and a 13, I still get the macro and all that kind of stuff, right?
AlexYeah, yeah. We're finally separate but equal.
MerlinShe likes a big phone. I mean, she's no Dee Reynolds, but she might have three similar-sized hands to me. A normal-sized woman could just pull her hand out, just let go of the trap.
AlexDee, you bitch!
MerlinYou bitch, I'll slap you in the tooth. um uh flowers for charlie um one of the great episodes and but it's got levels you know the
Alexepisode i'm talking about oh i one of the best that's that's one of the great when it says spider
Merlinon the box s-p-y-d-e-r he's reading war and peace he learns he teaches himself mandarin but like okay so first of all you got to appreciate that um what's his name jimmy is it Jimmy Jimmy Choo Jimmy Choo makes shoes the guy from Silicon Valley
Alexyeah yeah fuck I think it is it's something Jimmy
MerlinI was thinking Jimmy is something
Alexso good
Merlinoh shoot what's his character what's his character's name on Silicon Valley
Alexum Jin Yang
MerlinJin Yang yeah exactly
AlexEric Buckman
Merlinum
AlexShawnee
MerlinShawnee oh that has become the name for that that that that we yell shawnee all the time now but also anything vaguely close to that cadence gets put yoko um but anyhow so you get you get that guy but here's the beauty part and i realize i'm probably over explaining and i might be getting something wrong but there's some nice tacit easter eggs to that episode and i haven't looked this up if you want to look this up don't tell me about it but first thing is that what's the guy's name burn shit the guy who plays um
his foil and scientific partner in the wonderful movie Pacific Rim.
AlexOh, fuck. I don't know. Yes.
MerlinThat really stern-looking English guy.
AlexYes. I don't know his name.
MerlinSo, first of all, you're like, oh. And we know stuff. Like, for example, Guillermo del Toro has been in the show a couple times as the patriarch of the family, Pappy McBoyle, who has Royal McPoyle under his leprechaun. Charlie Kelly background in bird law I think I'm going somewhere with this bird law anyway sorry I love the show too much
Alexwe like shows that are on FX Guillermo del Toro has been
Merlinon there and Guillermo del Toro directed them in Pacific Rim right and they're so goddamn funny in that movie together and his character in that movie, the, what is the man's name? Why can I never remember his name? He's actually really good looking. They just choose to give him terrible haircuts in everything he's in that make him look like a deranged Nazi. Not even like a nice Nazi. And he walks with a cane and like a really stiff walk. Remember he's got the blackboards that he's riding on with all his theories about the next time that the monsters will come.
AlexIt's killing me because he's
MerlinGottlieb, Gottlieb, something
AlexGottlieb, is that the character? He looks a little bit like Prince Charles in his young days
MerlinGoing nowhere, fucking nowhere with this. But here's the funny part. It culminates in this unbelievable, to me, like if you love Sonny, the scene where they're about to show off their work. So Charlie has been given pills that will supposedly make him seven times smarter than he is now. And he seems to be becoming, I won't spoil this, but he seems to be becoming like super intelligent. Like he learns Mandarin. Like I said, he reads War and Peace. He's being really mean to the waitress because he thinks she's stupid. He's got this wanging headache going on. It's all so funny.
But then at the end, in the classroom, for the big presentation, the big reveal, he gestures to this little accessibility elevator. And Charlie comes down in an old-timey Franklin Delano Roosevelt wheelchair and has developed an English accent and is walking with a cane. And the drugs are clearly undoing him. I have to tell you, Alex, it wasn't until the third time I watched it and Emma pointed it out to me.
She goes, Charlie's impersonating him.
Speaker AWhat?
MerlinAnd I was like, what? Like, think about it. The English accent. Holy shit. The cane. Holy shit. He's totally impersonating that guy's character in Pacific Rim.
AlexOh, my God. Oh, my God.
MerlinAnd I mean, consequently, his character in Sunny.
AlexOh, my God. Oh, my God. oh my god this show is so smart it's too smart
Merlinthe gruesome twosome police academy it didn't even make my friend more smarter but then also there's some stuff and no spoilers but you know it isn't quite what you think but I think isn't there also some speaking of Mandarin in Pacific Rim
AlexI don't know I don't know.
MerlinAnyways, all I'm saying is the Sunny Podcast is so fucking good, and I'm so glad you recommended it to me. I love it so, so much. Cut that, cut that, cut that.
AlexShe's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman. Oh, it's good. Challenge?
MerlinYeah, challenge. And as they used to say on my favorite English sketch comedy show, now for something completely different.
challenge this week is to um oh you know what i really i could probably find this i'll thank you to whomever pointed this out to me on twitter i don't know if it's fallen off my timeline of deletions yet but somebody very kindly pointed out to me oh you should check this out there's a new documentary out about curve on a get called curve on a get colon unstuck in time and uh i was kind of doing something at the time but uh i clicked through and uh instantly
bought it and watched it and the challenge this week is to watch uh the documentary kurt vonnegut
Alexcolon unstuck in time i mean i don't have much to say about it because i cried it cried and i loved
Merlinit i also think it's actually really good she emma made me turn it off i've watched it three times I was watching it last night and we were up through and I can't, I can't get her into, I shouldn't care. But like, she's like, oh, I can't read that. I was like, Slaughterhouse-Five is like one of the easiest to read novels of all time. It's improbably easy to read. And yet it's sort of like Griffin Newman says about Robocop. It works for the smartest person in the room and the dumbest person in the room. Like if you just want like fight club style slogans and like callbacks and stuff, it's
good. but like it really, and owing, I mean, let's just say the obvious, owing to the way Slaughterhouse-Five, what it covers, what it's about, and the layers about human experience being really distorted by how we experience time on every level, that, this documentary, let's get it out, fucking guts me over and over when he's at his childhood home and he points to his sister's handprint.
And I'm like, oh my God. Talk about unstuck in time. Her hand is still here even though she's gone. The person he loved most in the world is gone. But he can point to her little handprint and you're like, ugh.
AlexAnd all he says is he's not a monk but living. Oh God.
MerlinBut it's his parents' initials. The initials are still on the door in that art deco. you know and like just him going the scene when he goes back to his high school and like is like running his fingers over the names
Alexof people who died. And then cracks up and I'm like yep.
MerlinHe cracks up and yeah whatever the firefight in Dresden not a big deal in my life.
AlexI prefer laughter to crying. It's easier to clean up. Yeah because it's easier to stop.
MerlinYeah either clean up. Yeah yeah and cut to his daughter's going he said what? How did you learn about his experience in the firebombing of Dresden? Slaughterhouse-Five. How about you? Slaughterhouse-Five. Dad never talked about this. But you also get that from, I think, in my opinion, again, I'm so in the bag for Slaughterhouse-Five. It's not even useful. If you haven't read Slaughterhouse-Five or not into Vonnegut, I really would not recommend this movie.
AlexI disagree. I think this is a great starter for Vonnegut.
MerlinDon't you think it's so much richer if you've read especially Slaughterhouse-Five? Oh, I agree.
AlexI absolutely agree.
MerlinI mean, there's so much going on in this movie if you loved Slaughterhouse-Five.
AlexRight. But it does give a lot of context to just like how – what Slaughterhouse-Five was to the nation.
It's like two generations of people. And then there's – I don't want to call them – I mean, they're like Easter eggs for real life, I guess.
MerlinOh, a thousand percent. I mean, and like I said, I don't want to over-spoil this, but I'm especially a fan of things that almost never work. I think this might actually be what people mean, the phrase that I never understand, the exception that proves the rule. I still have no fucking idea what that means. It makes no sense to me when people say that. But I don't like modern documentaries that from the get-go you can just feel are eventually going to become about the documentarian. Mm-hmm.
You know, like I said, you know, Sherman's March. Ross McElwee did this in the early 80s. You know, if your idea of a great documentary is supersized me, well, you know.
AlexOh, it's different. That's different.
MerlinThe Paul Williams documentary, super frustrating. But this guy comes by it, honestly. And when you get – at first I cringed because I was like, oh, shit, this is going to be about the guy. But then when he says that he first started – he met and started working with Vonnegut on this when Vonnegut was 60. and then he says, and now I'm older than 60. I think the phrase, I think he said, how fucked up is that?
And this is everything that makes me cry. It's Syneclico New York. It's Toy Story. It's all the things about having to re-experience and re-litigate the events of your life based on who you've become versus who you used to be and how at least, certainly bittersweet, nostalgia, how confusing life becomes when you have to re-experience times in your life in different ways on different levels such that we are all unstuck in time. And the older you get, the more you realize it. And so I'm experiencing this movie as somebody who read Slaughterhouse
Five when I was 16. I'm experiencing this movie as somebody who met Kurt Vonnegut when I was 20, 19, 20. I'm experiencing this, and that changed my life. I'm experiencing it on all these levels. And so like when he's talking, when they show the footage of Le Arden, like talking about the Battle of the Bulge and burying all those children. And you're like, oh, God. Now I'm experiencing it as somebody who's frequently very ashamed of what my country does. But all running through it all is just this like unvarnished, raw humanity of this guy.
And help me, what was the phrase he said? I've always written stories about people in situations trying to do the best they can.
AlexMm-hmm.
MerlinI don't know how that doesn't gut you.
AlexI mean, I don't know anyone who it doesn't gut. I've never met anyone who doesn't like Kurt. I don't know.
MerlinHe's almost like, this is a dumb example, but almost like he's somewhere between the doctor and Tom Hanks. We're like, why does Doctor Who, why does the TV show Doctor Who make me cry all the time? For the very same reason. When they realize, you know, different hardware, same software. Like you have three people who are the same person solving a problem together in a way that nobody else in the entire universe could because between them, they're probably 2,000 years old or whatever. And each one of their sonic screwdrivers has been – dumb kids show, right?
Has been solving this problem the entire time. But of course it didn't matter because the door wasn't locked. But still. But that kind of thing. Be a doctor. Like, ugh. Like I can't remember. The warrior, the one who forgets or whatever. It's just like that's all the same person because guess what, fucko? That's every single one of us. Every single one of us is you're the same person you were in your baby photos, only you're really not.
Only you are. And that's not debatable. All your cells have changed. You're different. You're the Alex of Theseus. but like it's still you're I'm sorry this is going to be one of those this one's a gimme like I I'm not going to all I can really say to you is well first be 50 and have read every Kurt Vonnegut novel through the early 90s but
Alexat the very least
MerlinI would say read you can read Slaughterhouse-Five on a on a domestic connector flight it's very quick very readable but like this the documentary about this very special human being, like really, I don't know, it just really gets me. And I think about Tralfamadorians like a lot, a lot. Like last night, I'm sorry, Alex.
AlexNo, carry on.
MerlinLast night we were watching Arcane, which is a show, it's a really, really good show. My daughter found on Netflix. It's based on, apparently on a video game, but Arcane's super, super good. But it's, you know, I just had this moment where I was, I think, looking at a baby photo of her on the refrigerator and thinking like, I was like, God, when, oh, shit, you know what it was?
AlexFuck.
MerlinYes. Okay. I showed, it was that. We were watching Arcane. Have you seen it yet?
AlexNo, I plan to.
MerlinOh, boy, is it good. Oh, I love Jinx. I love VI. Oh, my God. Oh, Vi. But her tattoo says six. Anyway, I was saying, oh, you know what I did? I showed them the trailer. We're looking for Christmas movies on Plex. Just looking for the word Christmas. I was thinking like, I had this idea of creating a collection, as we call it, or a playlist of my favorite Christmas episodes of TV shows. And so I was just looking for the word Christmas. And I came across, oh God, what's the name of it?
I think it's called Skinflint. and Skin Flint is a 1979 NBC TV movie that's basically, if you like, a country Christmas carol. And it's all like famous country singers. But it's also, I mean, I hope he's my friend. I know he's at least my acquaintance, a guy who we all love on The Incomparable named Steve Lutz. So like Steve Lutz is the guy who picks Skeletor as his favorite moment every year. I have a Skeletor shirt. I love Steve. His cat takes huge shits in the room
while he's recording. and Steve is one of the funniest people I've ever met. Steve is a child actor. So Steve is in this NBC TV movie from like 1979. And I made them just sit through the credits so they could see adorable little tiny Steve. And I said to Emma, I said, look, I know you know this, but like when my mom and I were kids, we were, I mean, you could watch ABC, CBS, or NBC at a given time, or UHF, right? There were three things. Everybody watched the same thing.
Of course she watched The Bionic Woman last night. Everybody watched The Bionic Woman last night. Because I was asking, like, how many of your friends are into Arcane? And she says, well, you know, this person and that person. And I was just thinking about how child famidorian media is for my daughter.
Like, the first time you take a young child to a hotel room where they can't just pick whatever they want from the infinite supply of everything that's ever been released. And you're like, well, no. We have to watch what's on. Like we can watch this shark tank, you know, or we can watch, you know, roll the dice, spin that wheel. Or we can watch Colin Robinson's favorite show, which is the in-house. You follow them? That's very Tralf Amadorian. My daughter is a Tralf Amadorian. I'm a human being. I'm the one who is, if memory serves, strapped to a rail car, like looking through a tube at the sky because I can only experience time that way.
But like, why do I think that way? Because Kurt Vonnegut got me to think that way. that Billy Pilgrim is unstuck in time. It means that he doesn't have an in control about where he shows up. And I experienced time in this very linear way. But then once I learned about the idea of the Trough Amadorians through Hervonigut,
I don't know, it had an impact on me. And now my heart is open to the idea that I'm a whole bunch of different fucked up people in different fucked up ways and that the ways that my heart has been broken and mended over decades has made me who I am. And I'm not even done yet. I hope. I don't have to do anything but die. Hey, play this at my memorial. This is good.
AlexYeah.
MerlinYou must get this. Think about all the times when you were growing up where everybody would go, oh, Alex, you're so big. Oh, Alex, I can't believe I remember when you were a baby. And you're like, okay, fucking old people. Just chill. I get it. I used to be a baby. It's really insightful. Thank you. And now you have little nieces and nephew types. And now you have to go like, holy shit, I remember when you were a baby.
I mean, isn't that weird?
AlexI mean.
MerlinIt just fucks with your head. Every mom started as a baby. Every dad started as a baby.
AlexI've watched this twice and it broke me a little bit. She made me turn it off.
MerlinI was losing it so hard on so many levels when they got to burying the kids.
AlexOh, my God.
MerlinAnd him, like, denying, you know, the impact of Dresden. She's like, let's watch what we have in the shadows. I'm like, that's a good idea.
AlexI mean, Matt texted you last week and was like.
MerlinMy best friend. I need to borrow your credit card. You can't ask me why.
AlexI mean, I don't know if you've ever had the actual experience of being, not actual experience. Matt texted you last week and was like, I don't know what he said to you.
Speaker AHe was like, can you just take care of your friend? Alex, this is in a weird way.
AlexAnd I was like, this has only happened a couple times in my life.
MerlinDid he tell you that he was doing that?
AlexLater, he did. I was gone. Because you were sort of out of it? Oh, yeah. No, I was meeting my cat for the first time. I was being hospitalized for the first time. It was like derealization episodes are something people are much more familiar with now. And it's not more common. People are more familiar with it.
MerlinWhat was the word you used?
AlexDerealization or disassociation.
MerlinOh, and is that different from disassociation?
AlexIt's all kind of under the same umbrella.
MerlinBut you sort of disappear from yourself.
AlexYeah. Well, you don't. You can disappear from yourself, but the derealization is more of like you are a player in your video game. And, you know, like the.
It's I don't know. I do not like feeling like Billy Pilgrim. I did not. God, this documentary fucking triggered me, man.
Merlinbut the the um i mean it's so funny how little it takes sometimes to pop the lid off of something you didn't even realize was a bowl let alone something with a lid i have read this book like 10 times and yet it becomes very it becomes a very the one of the what must feel like one of the ultimate like no holds barred human feelings it's the ultimate kind of vulnerability you just feel i don't know if that's even making any sense but and he and he covers that so well in the book And when they talk about So It Goes, which is, you know, sort of like quoting Fight Club, unless you really understand what he's saying.
When they say, like, well, the point of the So It Goes is the one fellow they interview says, you know, well, yeah, champagne bubbles die. People die. Children die. Everybody dies. And, like, if we get totally wrecked every time it comes along, we'll never make it. But then you put that. That's the side dish for, yeah, dad does not talk about Dresden. And you're like, oh, shit. Yeah. like this is how he copes because he doesn't want to have to clean up the mess so sometimes uh you
Alexbreak so much that you think that you are in catholic school again and you need to get the uh prayer sheets to to um you know morning mass on time and sure it's no dresden but i've got a lot of pseudo trauma i have i have nothing smart to say about this documentary other than people should see it
MerlinThe opening, I'm the sort of person, like I get frustrated sometimes when I get a Kindle sample of something that I may want to buy. I'm the sort of person that gets frustrated when it's all like front matter and prologue and updated introduction. You know what I mean? Like where you don't really get to much of the book such as it is. And if I'm being honest, I frequently skip almost all that stuff, including the introduction. but I think the introduction of Slaughterhouse
Five is, I think it's the introduction
Alexwhatever, you know the part I mean. It's no, no no, it is not, sorry. It's
Merlinreally, it's really good and it's really important. I mean he's
Alexhe's spent like a. It's like this book
Merlinbegins with listen and ends with putti wheat and like I'm going to tell you everything that happens in this book. I'm going to spoil it on page one and then he talks about, you know, it was meant to be forgotten because it was written by a pillar of salt and she shouldn't look back.
AlexI think it is a perfect book.
MerlinOkay, puti-wee.