265. The Council of Old Men
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Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesAlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Alex Cox and Merlin Mann. This week's challenge, clean up your toys.
Speaker ARabbit, rabbit.
AlexRabbit, rabbit indeed. Oh my. It is on. I just ran around my block, and I'm feeling great. How are you doing, Merlin Man? I haven't talked to you in a while.
Who's the manic one now?
MerlinWhat's happening? What's happening, Alex?
AlexAre you low energy today?
MerlinNo. No?
AlexNo?
MerlinNo, I'm just here, and my heart is open. Why'd you have a cop drop? Are you sick?
AlexOh, no. I was just talking for a long time.
MerlinI'm not trying to be ableist. I mean, you can enjoy a cough drop anytime you want. I just want to, you know, make sure that you're hale and hearty and well and, you know, enjoying the miracles of the season.
AlexOh, yes. Oh, I'm actually wearing a Pokemon sweater, Christmas sweater right now.
MerlinWell, that's wholesome. Very normal. It's extremely normal. It's December 1st. Yes, it is. You know what? I don't want to talk about our health. I don't want to talk about our tech. But I do feel like we should at least do a check-in. We haven't talked in a long time.
AlexWe haven't.
MerlinAre you having a wild day? It feels like you're having a wild day.
AlexWell, I'm donning my gay apparel, and I do feel very judged for that.
MerlinAren't you an ex-gay? I'm so confused. Aren't you a retired gay?
AlexEx-gay.
MerlinIt's like a Marine. you never really retired oh you're in trouble don't worry about that you ran around the block because because the cough drop I get a really
pointillistic view of what your life is like. I should all just mention in passing, I'm having a lot of struggles with people and communications, and I think I'm frankly losing the ability to talk to people in any form, but you ran around the block. Are you having a crazy day? You don't have to say if you don't want.
AlexOh, I have just had a very long day. It's, oh gosh, it's 3.40. We're starting at 4 p.m. here.
MerlinYeah, it's 1.44 Pacific time in the PM here because we had to, you know, it's like Kendall Roy says, you know, I can accommodate anything.
AlexYou are very gracious in accommodating. Oh, no, no.
MerlinI'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I just I just meant holy shit. What an episode that was.
AlexGod damn it. I wanted to say thank you, especially because afternoons are not. I find at least afternoons are typically not a good time to record podcasts.
MerlinI agree with everything in that sentence except for the word typically. The word typically can safely, very safely. Yes. It's the second worst time after every other time. But this is not. Per the Wisdom Project, I think it's important to discover the times of day that you have the energy or enthusiasm to do different sorts of things. And this would not be any of that for this. But I'm very excited to talk to you. Should we start the show?
AlexI think we should start the show. You mentioned health and your technology. I would not ever wish one a happy birthday. I've been told not to on many occasions. So I'm not going to do that. That's okay. I'll take it. But happy birthday! Happy birthday!
MerlinDid you see that I'm grateful for you? Do you read your email? Did you see I'm grateful for you?
AlexDid you email me?
MerlinI publicly said I'm grateful for you.
AlexOh, why? I mean, thank you. Thank you very much.
MerlinWell, knowing that, now I kind of want to just lord it over you. I had a great birthday. And, you know, we're working on a thing in the Slack channel. We're working on a thing where Reconcilable Differences comes out sooner than 10 days after we record because it's becoming. very, very silly. As a multi-podcast person, it's becoming very silly. Because I end up moving my mental bowels in some of the most interesting ways on that show. Poor Syracuse.
It's all out there before the show's ever come out. But I took off last week, which I think you know. Yes. That will be featured in the Reconcilable Differences that comes out in April. In April, that episode will be out. No, I willfully, mindfully, purposefully took off last week. Now, it doesn't matter if people know me or not. I am terrible at vacations in general, and I'm terrible at just taking time off. I took last week off, and it was fucking great.
AlexReally? I'm so glad to hear that.
MerlinBecause I'm terrible at it, even if I have weeks to prepare, even if we go somewhere nominally fun. Go listen to Rek Diff, so we talked about it a lot. But I took what I consider, And my friend John and I like to give each other some jazz because we differ on our definition of what a quote unquote vacation is. If I have to do things, I don't consider that a vacation.
AlexThat's an event.
MerlinIt's an obligation.
AlexYes. Yes.
MerlinIt's just, it's a yes. But it's a costly obligation title. And I don't prefer it. So what I did was I contacted you and my other co-hosts as needed a week before last, I guess, whenever. and I said, you know what? I need some time off. I'm not losing it or something, but I just need to not see anything on my calendar. I need to not have to be anywhere, and I need almost total agency to cut myself off from feeling obligated to do anything. It's also nice to have just time
off to rest and stuff, but it's hard for me to rest. I think I just had a breakthrough, Alex. One reason it's hard for me to rest or vacation or take time off or do any of that stuff is that before I ever get to the, oh boy, fun, we're going to see pandas in Washington or, you know, have Oriental Night in the Dominican Republic or whatever. Before I can get to any of that, I have to first person, like unhook, which is so difficult for me because of how I am, because of all of my various handy capabilities and just how I am. But I did a great job, Alex.
I talked to my shrink on Monday. I put out Rectus Friday. And in between, I just had fun and didn't have shit to do. And my birthday was included in that time.
AlexYes, indeed. And was anything – well, you said that you were just like, I need to unhook. But what – I don't know. I can't imagine what – okay. I don't know how to phrase this.
MerlinNo, please. Please interrogate me.
AlexI'm wondering, one, what you did in order to unhook and what you did during your time. Well, you had nothing to do. So what do you do? Because you enjoy a lot of television. And I mean this in the best way possible. Yeah, me too. But you have – I'm just wondering what –
Speaker AYou're so behind on things I have assigned you.
AlexI just want to know what full recreation –
Speaker ADid you watch it? Did you watch it?
AlexI am loyal to my spouse and will not watch ahead in what we do in the shadows as much as I love Colin
Merlinwhat are you up to now
AlexI'm only on the 5th episode I have not watched an episode since we talked
Merlinthe 5th episode of the first motherfucking you're all in like animal control
Alexyes yes but human form
Merlinhuman form have you met Gregor sorry Jesk
Alexno I don't think so
MerlinDo you remember Nadja's lover through the ages, Gregor?
AlexOh, you mean, yes. Jask. Jeff? Jeff?
MerlinYeah, yeah. Jask. Yeah, Laszlo keeps beheading time and again. Boy, you're in for such a treat. I just want you to not get spoiled on the last episode of that season because it's so special.
AlexI see. No, just saying there's a spoiler. Oh, God, I'm embodying Syracuse.
MerlinI know, I know. No, but there's like, well, no, I'm not going to say anymore. That's a good question. I sound like I'm probably being something. Oh, sorry. Bok, bok. Oh, by the way, we need to get a chicken noise.
AlexOh, we do.
MerlinHey, look. So if I play this from my stream deck, do you hear this? Do you hear that?
AlexI am assuming you pushed your applause button, and no, I did not.
MerlinOh, you didn't hear it. Okay, I need to figure that out. So what's the thing? What's the paw thing? Loopback? What do I use?
AlexLoopback.
MerlinA looper or a caddy?
AlexI get looped back to work about once a month. Someone, a kind friend, guides me through it, and then it's a wonderful recording, and I overuse sound effects, and then it never works again.
MerlinIt's like the week that Justin got the soundboard with the Paul Stanley sound, and I put my head inside the toilet. I think that's actually the week of Torsey the Torso Horrors. I'm pretty sure. Put my head inside the toilet.
But the chicken thing is becoming very important to me, Alex. I did a lot of work on the challenge doc today, and I think we really need to focus on the chicken problem.
AlexI agree.
MerlinSo we do need a sound effect that we can deploy. I just chickened myself, okay? Because I was about to do an unuseful. So you'll see in the challenge document, I also added a thing that lets us go to the last empty row, or first empty row. Yeah, I followed a tutorial. It wasn't very well written. But this is difficult to disambiguate because it sounds all kinds of ways, insert chicken noise. I mean, and again, this is covered in that rec diff, so I'll send you a pre-copy of you
Speaker Abecause I'm sure you need more media from me to check out.
MerlinNo, but it's just that, you know, really, I mean, short version is that for a very long time, I've been a not very good traveler, perhaps an anxious traveler, but the nut of it is that by the time I was doing my website in public, I did feel a lot of pressure to, like, you know, stay very connected and be posting things and make sure the server's up and like all that stuff. And like, I just, I just want to say like, you know, include once here, whatever your hang up is listener. Like it may not be my hang up, you know, it's, it's the hang up creed. There are
many like it, but this one is mine, but you've got your hang ups too. Right. And so one of mine was, I just find it so difficult until basically the first or second to the last day before we return from any trip. I have so much trouble getting into it. And I inspired myself. I'm going to go blind if I keep doing that. I inspired myself because one thing I added to the wisdom document was the notion of practicing vacation in a low stakes environment before you're on vacation. Low stakes is becoming a theme too. So like if you want to like get good at vacation, like maybe don't have to do it on the day that you're leaving for the airport at 5am.
Start unhooking earlier, start putting all this stuff in place. And if you need to, in my case, identify the stuff that causes you all this, or like if you can pop the stack, cut the Gordian not, like just stop fretting. I know that's easier said than done. But so that's what I did. And I said, like, you know, there's nothing I needed to do. And I'm not trying to be cute about this. But my main thing, in some ways was, I had achieved the goal. Syracuse is urging here, I'm going to not say vacation, I'm going to say time off, because I think that's more salient to the point.
Following my own advice, I realized that I had succeeded at the time off project before it even began because that's what needed to happen. For me to feel okay and not keyed up and like, not like my shoulders are around my ears all the time, you know, easy stuff, like contact you guys and, you know, figure everything out, but then say, you know, and I have some funny anecdotes about things that did happen, but one of the things was, did I create an auto response? No, but I felt absolutely
no compunction about responding to texts and dms and emails and all of those things and i fucking nailed it and to a point as i'll tell you in a minute there were some funny anecdotes including a friend of ours who we'll talk about later on actually having a post on the internet about me because i had tried to contact that person and then that person was having no luck getting back in contact with me and the only way the person felt they could communicate me was with the blog post oh i know poor gabe poor gabe because he didn't know he had no way of no i
was returning null and he had no way of knowing and so i just i think he might have been cc but i wrote back and said hey you know i'm on vacation i'll hit you up next week and i and i don't check
Alexmy email until this morning and i was like oh oh oh my hello hello and oh sorry yeah sorry gabe um
MerlinBut anyway, it was really, for me, the vacation part or time off part of the vacation part is like it's not the travel. Quite the opposite. The traveling sucks. I don't like going places. I don't need to see any of the world. I have everything I need here. I have my label maker and my iced tea and my flownase and my off-grid knife. I have everything I need. Oh, thanks, Matt.
Everything that I need right here. Anyway, no, but seriously, that was, and I'm kind of proud of myself to know that I have it in me. You know, and the personal stuff, like I had some really fun times with Emma because she was off for the week. So we got to go do stuff and just hang out, you know. And I, that is such a, she opened her, today's the first day of Advent. So she got her mom Advent calendar and she got from me, she's got the, an office, the office Funko Pops Advent calendar.
And she got on Michael Scott today and she gave me a kiss on the neck. And that's going to last me for a year. That made me so happy. I got a kiss on the neck. I don't know. I wasn't even expecting I was unprepared. I probably would have photographed it.
AlexDid you cry? I bet you cried. Not in the moment, but maybe later.
MerlinI will later probably after I've had some drugs. But it was great. So anyway, we went to Thanksgiving on Thursday and then Friday. But it's just the island time idea of just like unhooking. Anyway, I didn't mean to go on about it. But just because my my birth, the day of birth, my my year day, whatever it's called, like that's it fell in that week.
Speaker BSo it was pretty fucking great.
MerlinI missed you, though. I haven't talked to you in a couple of weeks. I mean, I talk to you on the Internet constantly, but, you know, it doesn't.
AlexIt doesn't. It's not real life until it is. But I'm curious about how I you haven't really talked about the the hook part other than, you know, not setting up away messages and whatnot, because I it feels gross to say, well, I haven't taken a vacation since 2019 because I don't know. It just feels gross or like I haven't taken time off since 2019 because technically I'm off work right now.
but I'm...
MerlinMost of the world hasn't taken time off since 2019. This is our... It didn't occur to me until we were at my sister-in-law's house and was reminded of it that we haven't been to her and my brother-in-law's and her husband's house for two years.
Speaker AI was like, are you fucking kidding me?
MerlinYou know? Because, and again, I feel like I've mostly shaken off a lot of the more dire impact of whatever we call the COVID time problem.
Speaker AThe like,
Merlinshort things seem long, long things seem short, and there's absolutely no order. How is it that one can feel both like, oh my God, somebody says, oh, you haven't been to our house. And it was last Thanksgiving, two Thanksgivings ago. It was the last time we were there. But how can it all at once, to understand my madness, you have to understand it feels like yesterday, it feels like 20 years ago, and it feels like a year ago, and it feels like two years ago. I'm utterly unstuck in time. And that was the first time in a while that I've gone like, oh shit, that is really hard to believe.
But, you know, just go look at a picture of my kid and like she's looks entirely different now. It's really weird.
AlexI think a lot of people are were Billy Pilgriming over Thanksgiving because it, you know, it seemed like it was safe, huh?
MerlinMaybe, you know what, Alex, maybe I'm just being, you know what? It's island time, man. Island boy. Like, I just need to like, you know, I'm going to stop making McElroy jokes now. But like, oh, maybe I maybe I'm too uptight. And I'm too much of a nervous Nelly about all of this and all my finger scraping at people for not getting vaccines. And, oh, come on, everything's fine now. No, no, no, no, no, not so much, not so much. But as far as the stuff that I did, I mean, I feel like I don't want this to become like the thing that's in the first paragraph of my obituary, my no-bituary.
Oh, that's a good word. But being how I am and being aware of how I am, and also I've moved from Dickerson's book to the trauma book as my go-to-sleep book at night.
Speaker AWhat?
MerlinHoly shit. The audible version. And it's not the Dutch guy. It's like an American-ish guy. But I just keep meditating on that one extremely good chapter about how the body keeps the score.
Alexscore. I mean, it's a good chapter, but... Chapter three or four? No, no, but it's become
Merlinvery important to me, Alex. This way of understanding all of this hand-waving about feelings might seem very inconsequential to someone who doesn't have those feelings, but it could not seem any more fucking real to me. I don't know. Again, classically, somebody would say, well, what are you anxious about? And I'm like, I'm anxious about nothing and everything. It's difficult to describe that. And now I'm starting to go. to go like no i think i that's not a joke i think i actually am i think the grooves the conestoga
wagon wheels have carved grooves in my head and that's just how i am now so for me like the triumph
Alexof this i'm going to cut you off i decided apparently jazz girl yeah do you think that's how you are now or do you think it is now you know how you are because or like did it happen or I don't know.
MerlinNo, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's probably a little both. It's definitely how I am now. But, you know, when he starts talking, and this gets a little bit above my pay grade from a science standpoint and ability for me to fully understand, and I'm constantly mistranslating this man's work, you know, using my own stupid words for it, but he gets to the nut of it, which, you know, and again, this is from a few challenges back, but this is that book, The Body Keeps the Score, that I apparently didn't realize existed for seven years. But it's really...
AlexNo one did until Ezra Klein was like, excuse me, Alex Cox, here's a book that'll change slash ruin you.
MerlinBut it's really, it's landed quite heavily upon my psyche in terms of like influence. Like I just, I cannot tell you how much shit I see different in the world after kind of reading this book and listening to this book. And especially, you know, if you listen to the podcast about the book, it's pretty much the same as reading the book. But when he gets to the part about the wow shit now I lost my train of thought you were asking me whether I'm like this oh but just that you hear a flavor of this in so much self help whether it's CBT
or you know there's just all kinds of ways in which we go hey you know snap the rubber band have mindfulness and guess what you have this very short window of opportunity I mean in the classic CBT-ish model that was like Aaron, I think his name was, the guy who came up with a lot of what became CBT, is this idea that there's an A and a B and a C. A is a thing that happens in the world. C is you have a response to it. And then B is how you respond to that.
And like you have this incredibly tiny window in the idea in CBT is become more aware of those connections, maybe journal about it. Am I getting this mostly right, do you feel like?
AlexYes. I spent a lot of time talking about it today.
MerlinBut you have this very narrow window in which to go, oh, I do have some agency here in how I look at this. And I've always – I have believed in that and I have snapped the rubber band. But the way this fellow puts it and the body keeps the score that really got me was like that old brain in the middle is reacting before your new brain in the front has an upper – it's not fast enough. It's not mature enough. It's like that part of your brain is like a toddler compared to the Council of Old Men in the Middle of Your Head title.
And those are the ones who are going to try so hard to keep you safe. But like it doesn't stand a chance. In the same way that willpower – why does willpower not work? Willpower doesn't work because you're using the toddler part of your brain to try and beat up on the Council of Old Men. And it's, you know, when you get into a Daniel Kahneman moment and go like, oh, I can do this. I'll just not eat chips at night. And then you wake up the next morning, the chips are gone. And you're like, I wonder where those went. Well, that's because you thought your toddler willpower could beat this other part of your brain.
But that really got me, Alex, that idea that like my poor brain parts are trying to do, each trying to do the best they can. But they're not only working at crossed purposes, but I have come to over exercise and over prioritize the counsel of old men. And that's now that I'm aware of that, though, I guess I'm trying to say now that I'm aware of that, like anything, like half of the hack is realizing it exists.
AlexI mean, it's shocking the amount of, you know, the big grit boys who only have a four hour work week talk about getting past. I mean, like you said, the old men taming that toddler, but it's the toddler that, oh, this is going to sound really dumb. But for a long time, sure, facts weren't feelings, but it was a feeling of that tiger. There's probably a tiger that's going to eat me that let us survive.
So just, I don't know.
MerlinWhen I go here, I find nutritious food and don't die. Make a note of it, please, Council of Old Men.
AlexYes. Oh, gosh. I don't know. I'm so happy that you enjoy this book. I enjoy it, too. I read it twice. No, I read it once, and then I listened to it once. It's the same thing.
MerlinI listened to the podcast twice, so it's essentially the same thing.
AlexIt's basically the same thing.
MerlinIt's a joke, but it's not a joke.
AlexIt's a good outline of it. I do like the physical stuff at the end, like the yoga. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. I think the reason this book hits differently is because to go back to what we – God, I'm talking like a podcaster. To go back to what we've spoken of earlier, he's an MD and is a doctor doctor and not a doctor PhD chiropractic.
MerlinWould you be bummed if you found out he had a PhD in medieval studies?
AlexOh, no.
MerlinHe's a prominent medievalist.
AlexI mean, I know that you like Daniel Kahneman, but even him and what's his boyfriend's name? Tversky. Yeah, yeah. Like, they were great, but...
MerlinYou choose these words very carefully, Alexandra. It's the season of light, but I will punch you in the dick. You talk shit about my Israelis, bitch? Fuck.
I would, I'm tempted to, I'm tempted, I need to actually read the entire book all the way through, more than once probably, but I'm tempted to put this in the Pantheon as the third slot in my personal Pantheon.
Getting things done, I don't even really consider that a self-help book. I mean, yeah, it is, but it so fundamentally changed the way that I think about so many parts of my life and work. even if I don't practice it right ditto I'm gonna say Peter Walsh and it's all too much that one chapter on disassembling all of our excuses for why we have an unhealthy emotional relationship with shit and garbage and this one maybe I think it might it might be in the pantheon
for like thought technologies that were not simply satisfying in how they help the pieces fit together, but a little disruptive in terms of understanding myself and very importantly, understanding other people.
AlexI think for me, it's just sort of the Malcolm Gladwell problem of stating a lot of things as objective facts when it's some not it's a very good book. I like it a lot, but I it just rubs me the wrong way.
MerlinWhen you're talking about the trauma book, the no, no, no.
Alexthinking that just thinking oh thinking fast and slow okay sorry just the uh when so much like the quote like experiments or studies and it's like well what does that even mean when you're talking about something like this and that's the thing with like thinking fast and slow like the all these ideas are very good and and kind of like blow your mind but then you think it's a little
Merlintoo neat like those two types of thinking is a little too neat maybe yeah yeah i've wondered that i've wondered that i mean is it really that much of a modal shift in the same way as like x-axis versus y-axis i mean is it you know i and maybe again this is probably just my own who knows how much he's trying to make it something a lay audience can understand that's what i were well
Alexbut is is he the lay person like how does how do you know what how what the brain does if yeah Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying.
MerlinYeah.
AlexI mean, like, okay, so you know that, you know that Raths ran around a maze and then the Omicron aliens are coming. So let's close the borders. It just feels like there are a lot of jumps made. And that's what I appreciate about the trauma book is it's like, yeah, some of these are jumps and we don't know what the fuck. We don't know really why this happens. I think this is why. Maybe it's because.
MerlinWell, if you can do – I mean like I can – because I listen to it when I'm falling asleep. I've had a couple of times to re-listen to the part about putting somebody in a functional MRI and being able to see sort of what's happening. And I realize that as a layperson and a liberal arts major, like I realize I'm on – I try to always be aware of the thin ice that I'm on in at the very least sort of anthropomorphizing ideas. you know it's like the way you see a disney cartoon that tries to explore like you know
even inside out for example but like inside out is very similar in some ways to like film strips i saw as a kid that's like oh you know the eyes go into here and command central sends it to here and you're like wait there's not actually little people in your brain it's just like a bunch of dumb fucking mashed potatoes talking to itself like it's it's not it's not anything and i i do worry a little bit you know maybe a little bit like jerry seinfeld where his penis is uh playing chest with his brain. Like you don't want to get too cute about this stuff. But yeah, yeah. I mean,
I'm not I don't disagree with what you're saying. It's just to hear like, I don't know, it's something something everything seems related. You know, you're insane. But like, I swear to Christ, the way that I think about Trump supporters has changed in the same way that the Lakoff book had such an impact on how I thought about people who wanted to go to war. I feel like this book is having an impact on how I think about, I don't know. I just keep coming back to that idea that everybody, something that the author, whose name I must learn, because I'm always worried I'll
pronounce it wrong, the Dutch guy, you know, something he introduces at the very beginning is like, what could be worse than being physically traumatized by the person who's almost single handedly responsible for making sure you don't get traumatized? Like, whether that's your priest or your parent or whatever, and that's a reason he keeps bringing it up and making me sad, It's like if the person you most rely on in the world to take care of you allows something to happen to you or, God forbid, causes something serially to happen to you, is it any wonder you're a little bit screwed up in your conception of the world?
Like you were supposed to be there to protect me and you weren't. And I really – this is totally armchair therapist stuff. But now when I see the chuds and the thumbs and the hogs with their fucking Oakleys on backwards, all I see is somebody who wishes their dad had protected them.
AlexOh, absolutely.
MerlinI don't want to be reductive, but I see them as – there's a reason they're puffing up so big like a big puffer fish man, which is that like they feel very vulnerable. The whole like you will not replace us. Jews will not replace us. like go look at fucking dope sick. Look what happens in that. Like people very legitimately, people who lost their automotive jobs in Detroit, like there's all these people who like feel like, and I'm not saying I agree, but I, but in order it helps me to understand even when I don't agree or maybe especially when I don't agree. And I,
maybe I'm, I would never say this to the face of the thumb, but like, I think that's why a lot of people are the way they are right now because they're champion. And we, we misuse that word a lot because we love queen, But a champion is not the person who won something. A champion is the person who fights for you. It's like how Peter Dinklage is always finding somebody to fight for him in trial by combat. The champion is the person who's going to fight on your behalf. And I do really feel like the previous resident of the White House really fit the bill for a lot of people.
And people continue. And again, go right back to the Lake Off, the don't think of Van Elevin stuff. Like you can't talk about my dad like that. You know, and I feel like he protected me where my actual dad didn't.
AlexI think this goes right along with needing different words for homophobia and transphobia. It's like, do you fear that? Or, oh, see, I'm doing the gender thing again.
MerlinYou just hate them.
AlexWell, when you and your best friend, John Syracuse, were talking about gender, um the the the one thing that you didn't really touch on is how so much of the pervasiveness in terms of like transphobia and like the the the dad hitting his kid because you know he doesn't want him to be a faggot like that's also because he not also but could just be
because he doesn't want his kid to have a terrible terrible life because just which i think is at
Merlinleast part of the guy from Deadwood on Dope Sick, at least part of, you know, who knows how much of that is quote unquote true, but same deal there. Like, I don't want you to have a difficult life. I think in the mom's case in Dope Sick, that's very much it, which is like, yeah, I do find this anathema to everything I believe in, but, you know, I'm not going to say this to you. I'm going to act like I didn't hear you, but like you, you're setting yourself up and I need to let you know that you are setting yourself up for a life of utter pain and rejection everywhere you go. and it kind of starts with your dad and me
and I would really love to try and have that not be a thing you have to live with.
Speaker AMm-hmm, yeah.
MerlinThe trans thing is though, it's almost the trans thing, the trans thing, the way that we treat trans people or talk about trans people, it's a little bit of a MacGuffin to me though because that's just the most extreme example. I talked about you getting yelled out in the bathroom or whatever, but like it goes, the thing is it's both more complicated and more simple than any of that, which is just that like, this is such a fundamental disruption of our mental model, right? Like I said, I missed that great line, yin and yang and Steve. Like you get a yin and you get a yang, there's no Steve involved.
There's only two sides, right? And it's so disruptive to this really, all this load-bearing shit, starting with your relationship with God, that is it surprising at all that people have all these shitty things to say about people they've never met?
AlexYeah, yeah.
MerlinBut go ahead. But more about the trans stuff you were saying.
AlexOh, no. I mean, you said it. Like, I'm just thinking about the things that my parents said to me that weren't, you know, people wouldn't consider them monsters. But just it was like you're going to have a hard life. And also, you don't have to be this way. Like, this is. Right.
MerlinHow many musicals – I mean how many musicals or like plays or movies or whatever, like just the fictions that are so important to us involve the whole like I don't want you to become – obviously I don't want you to become a magician. But I don't want you to become a singer or a dancer or a performer or a comedian, right? I don't want you to do any of those things. I don't want you to become jokerified because like if you go into that field – and again, I mean actors used to be like the Irish. i i've had to tell my kid that like it's only really almost in my lifetime that italian people
and irish people were considered white that's that's a fairly recent idea uh jewish people being white is like definitely like a fairly recent idea your ethnicity anyway so you know it's it's hard that seems like you're like wait a minute so wait you're telling me there used to be signs outside businesses that said no blacks or Irish need to apply. It's true. It's absolutely true. Because they were seen as less than.
AlexYeah. My fucking great-grandparents changed their last name because they didn't want to be Polish. Oh, they changed it to
MerlinO'Connorowits.
AlexYeah. I I mean, it's almost you talk You do that. You talk a lot about looking both ways before you cross the street. It goes down to that pretty much. It's like, all right, look both ways across the street and make sure you're sticking your dick in a vagina, not a butt. Because otherwise bad things will happen.
MerlinDouble check. Really, really get in there. Yeah. Well, I was so pleased. Well, I loved the episode of Succession and Bok Bok Chicken Noise. It bums me out that there are people who think this season's not very good because I think it's really good. And I like the way that this most recent episode, if you're listening in the future, hello, I'm speaking to you from the past. It's the episode called Too Much Birthday, I think it's called, which is apparently based on a Berenstain Bears book title.
No, no, actual title. Sorry. Ignore that. Oh, cut that, cut that, cut that.
AlexThe sunny podcast is so good. She's a woman. She's a woman. She's a woman.
MerlinCut that, cut that, cut that. She's a woman. God, the gun fever episode I started listening to today. Oh my God, they're out of their goddamn mind. But what was my point, Alex? What was I saying?
Birthday, Kendall. Birthday, Kendall. Oh, but like, oh my God, first of all, just this whole season, it's just a constant race between Tom and Greg to have so many iconic lines. I think Greg might be winning a little bit. And when he tried to pull the desk back over, it really made my whole week. But there's that scene where he's talking to Greg, you know, coming down the escalator. And then he goes into that whole, like, sort of, you know, Kendall, who already reminds me and a lot of other people, a lot of Don Jr.
He goes into that, basically his version of, are you triggered? I'm just messing with you. Or am I? Or am I not? Or am I? It's because he doesn't know. He's a wreck. He's a mess. He doesn't even know what to be insincere about anymore. Right? Kendall is so, he's so wrecked. And I mean, there's a lot of people who are like that right now. They're just walking around saying, are you triggered? It's like, no, I'm not triggered. I'm just confused. Are you okay? Could you drink more water or take a nap? Like you really seem like, you know, like you've kind of lost your footing.
You know what I mean?
AlexYes. I would say crazy.
MerlinThe people who are yelling at trans people in bathrooms, the people who are doing all that stuff. I mean, it's like, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. But anyway, I had a good week. 55. I got some iced tea. Feeling pretty good. Michael Scott Funko Pop.
AlexI have two Pokemon advent calendars, and I haven't opened either yet, but I'm very excited. One is a Pokemon Funko advent calendar. My God. I'm 31 years old.
MerlinYeah.
Speaker AYeah.
MerlinYeah, I'm sitting here playing with a pocket knife that costs as much as the rent on my first apartment. That's a nice one.
AlexWell, now that we've bummed everybody out, was I going to ask you about tech? I don't know. I don't have iced tea. I have a monster energy drink.
MerlinThe host of Relay.fm, I did my monthly check-in on the Slacks, said they'd like to tell people, in the audience what they're grateful for around Thanksgiving every year. And I responded in three paragraphs. I said, I'm grateful for all the stuff that really works. Because, you know, it's supposed to be about tech, right? Because everybody loves tech. I said, I'm grateful for all the stuff that really works, but also brings me joy to use. Descript, Fission, Plex, Autosleep, Twitterific, Overcast, and Touch ID
each come to mind. I said, also, wasabi and soy sauce almonds, off-grid knives, off good nose Tom Bin bags all things what we do in the shadows Melissa McCarthy Za'atar seasoning my friend Alex and the films of Edgar Wright final paragraph I'm a really fortunate fellow
Alexyou really just slipped that in there
Merlinsure did didn't have a chance to hang up did you
Come to the king, you best not bring Zatar seasoning. She taps on the mirror. I think that's when they switch bodies.
AlexWhat? I haven't seen it. What the fuck?
MerlinWhy did you talk to me about it if you haven't watched it yet?
AlexI asked it because I... Beep, beep. We're talking about Soho, right?
MerlinYeah, I got it on my Plex if you want it.
AlexYeah. No, I want to see it in the theater. like i want to see i went to see dude in the theater and holy shit but yeah chicago has lost not not all of its good theaters like we thank god um music box and um hey chicago people if you don't go to the music box you should it's great like um our can i just say also hey chicago
Merlinpeople i don't have any recommendations i just want to say hi go ahead uh in the in the logan
AlexPizza sucks. It's, the cheese is, I don't even like deep dish pizza and I don't understand why.
MerlinIt's more like, hi, can I please have a tangy cholesterol cake?
AlexOh, gosh, we ordered Domino's pizza for tonight. I'm so fucking excited. Oh, it's because of our anniversary. Yeah, of course people. Oh, congratulations.
MerlinIs there anything in the crust or is there anything weird or like,
Alexyou know,
Merlinis the box made out of pretzels or like one of their clever little pivots that they do there?
AlexNo, that's, you're thinking of the hut. You're, you're thinking of, the other sand dance.
MerlinOh, or Papa John, perhaps.
AlexIs that the... Isn't he back?
MerlinThat's the one we get that oily sauce on the side. You get like a little cup of jizz, a tang jizz. No. Papa John made this for you. I'm the Papa.
Actually, we're good for now, John. No, let me fill some more.
AlexNo, no. He's going to go blind too. I fuck what was I you're talking about going to see a movie at the theater
Merlinin Chicago Music Box hello Chicago friends
Alexyes hi Chicago friends no I haven't seen Last Night in Soho yet because there have been so few theaters showing movies that aren't whatever the Disney one is not that there's anything wrong with that
MerlinEncanto
Alexsee I might have to watch it
Merlinwell I only know because we were trying to get the McDonald's figure of we haven't seen the Eternals movie either but I did we were trying to get like the cool Kamal Nanjiani figure where he has the Winnie the Pooh honey hands yeah so it's like three different McDonald's couldn't get it I want to get the one with the honey hands have you seen this figure that guy works for two years to get ripped and now they gave him honey hands
Alexoh god the only thing I really remember about the getting ripped is that he had an Instagram post that was all chickening like listen i i have i realize this is a privilege i i would only look like this if a multi-million dollar company paid for it like it's okay you're good about your body buddy like the rock should
Merlinhave should apologize to all that cod his name should be uh you know dwayne the cod johnson am all right i like red notice i won't hear a word against it but anyway here we are uh it's uh the
Alexholidays you know i'm so happy oh my god i'm so should i be scared to listen to that jay miller podcast is it gonna make me sad jay miller podcast did i didn't didn't you do was it wasn't it jay you did a podcast with where i mentioned it oh jay miller yeah don't listen to that no no uh is gonna make me sad is he mean no no oh no no no he's not mean no he's not okay then i'll listen Jane Miller. So many.
MerlinOh, wow. Did you just miss gender? Mr. Miller? M.X. Miller? I did. I got a heads up warning about it from him. And I was like, oh, sure. I'd love to listen to it. I'm sure. But it sounded like he was. I was worried it was mean.
I love compliments, but I don't want to get singled up by somebody being mean. I can't take it, Alex. I'm very fragile.
AlexOh, gosh. I, you know, this is, there's the meme of like, this is why bullying, or why we should bully people. And I realized that most people saying that meme weren't bullied as kids. And it never occurred to me, there are children who just go through life not being bullied.
MerlinThat doesn't seem right.
AlexWhat must that be like?
MerlinHow will they ever learn to be crippled with self-doubt?
AlexI'm like, wait a second. Wait.
MerlinI mean, with fewer kids joining scouts, Catholic church, what's going to happen? Who's going to make your kid a mess?
AlexWho's going to assault you when you're wearing a dress?
MerlinYou know what? You know, police. I got to police their food. Did you mean to take that much? What? You sure are hungry.
AlexYeah. Oh, it tastes real good.
MerlinYour hair is supposed to look like that. No. What? I'm not being an idiot.
AlexOh, you're so brave.
MerlinI don't sweat much for a fat girl. Oh, you're so brave. So brave. Wait, what was that in? What was that in? You're so brave. Oh, that's it. Never mind. It's in Last Night in Soho.
AlexOh, God. Oh, it just looks so good. Edgar Wright is just, oh, man.
MerlinDon't dally too long.
AlexDon't dally. Oh, all right. There we go. Now I know because I did the same.
MerlinSee, if you dally, I don't want you to dally. Don't, as they say, sleep on it. I'd like you to see the film. And I would also, like you, I'm not encouraging you to cheat on your spouse, okay? I just need to really be clear about that. But it's very important that you do get to the last episode of season one in the shadows.
AlexAll right. All right. All right.
MerlinColin Robinson.
AlexI find myself literally missing Laszlo, which seems like a – I don't know. It's not often that I miss fictional characters, but I think that's how I know the show is good. How do you mean? Oh, no. It's just like I want to see them again.
MerlinOh, no. Believe me. Somebody will walk in the room and somebody else is just watching an episode of that show. We have inhaled all of the show. And then sometimes we'll just watch the first act of the movie.
AlexOh, it's so good.
MerlinI made a shortcut. I made a shortcut. I can't quite. My shortcut stopped working on HomePod again.
AlexEveryone stopped working.
MerlinOh, it's not just me?
AlexYeah.
MerlinOh, fuck. Okay, well, that explains it because I can do it manually, but that's not the fun part. But, like, let me see if I can find it for you. I'm going to simulate it for you, which is not nearly as fun.
Give me just a quick second here.
AlexCan you simulate an automation?
Merlinyes yes that is absolutely correct let's see here uh
Speaker BI'm glad to hear that I'm cool I'm glad to hear that I'm You're You're a cool guy but you're not pulling your weight In the face
Speaker AYeah
MerlinOh my god I got to know I'm a cool guy
AlexMost of the automations in my life, and I can't even name any right now, but most shortcuts involve either creating small video games or pranks of some sort.
MerlinWell, I mean, I have a lot of – I really drove myself crazy because I guess I got a little big for my britches, as my family used to say. Because I finally – I got the – so there's the one I told you about, which is like when I walk in the room and I can say – and I'm still discovering shit that I'm amazed HomePod knows to do with Apple TV. Like, and I'll just say stuff to see if it worked and it works. Or I'll just be like, turn it up, turn subtitles on.
But, you know, the classic, I have these three that I made I told you about, which is like, hey, dingus, watch live TV. Hey, dingus, you know, play Spotify. Hey, dingus. You know, so basically, and those have worked fine. They'd stopped working for a while. I took out some of I basically recreated it it seemed to work, everything seemed fine and then I got big for my britches which is I made some Amazon tube lady routine style ones so one is, like I said
my incantation for leaving the office is, hey Amazon lady, here I go and sometimes it plays the song by Mystical but it which I now am very familiar with and has totally polluted my, because Here I Go is a song by something called Mystical, as we know, with a Y for double dose of his pimping. But I'll walk into the room, I get home, and I go, hey, dingus, well, I've tried different ones. At first I tried, well, so the one I finally landed on
is Mambo Dog Face Banana Patch. So I walk in and I say Mambo Dog Face Banana Patch. And if that worked correctly, it should turn on the lights in the western part of the house it should turn on the apple tv and it should go to plex i can do it if i talk into my phone like a fucking monster but it doesn't work on homepod also can i just say in in a in a perfect bit of parody when i pair p-a-r-i-t-y when i leave the house i made one for siri where i say hey hey dingus here i go and guess what
now playing Here I Go by Mystical. Really, Siri? Really? At 2, Siri?
AlexYou're just loyal.
MerlinIt's supposed to be my lab partner. Okay, no, no, but seriously, jokes have left the room. Are other people having a problem with shortcuts not working on HomePod?
AlexYeah, and well, shortcuts have always been a little bit up now on HomePod, but especially on the main one now.
MerlinAnd it's usually because of something having to do, So it's an abundance of caution. I feel like being safe that it is you, that your phone is nearby. I think that may be what causes it.
AlexWell, and do you also have multiple in the same area? Because it'll like the pinging back and forth. Because it's, oh, it's.
MerlinBut other things work. But other things work. Right. So the aforementioned yelling into the air about go back 30 seconds, go back, go forward. Because sometimes just like, I don't know what. I thought the remotes being a dick or I'm being stupid. And it's just so much easier. Like, you know, like I really, really, I wish the one saving grace of the HBO Max terrible app. It has a single button that every single app should have, which is don't play this from where I left off. Do the jumpy backy and play this from the beginning.
I hate when I bring something up on screen and it's the end of the fucking movie. It drives me bananas. And the fastest way to do that is to say, hey, dingus, go back 93 minutes.
AlexOh, shit.
MerlinIt's faster than scrubbing. And then everybody sees the movie backwards. Again, I'm fucking Billy Pilgrim. Oh, God. Did you watch the documentary?
AlexNo, no. I bought it, though. Oh, shit, dog.
MerlinDid you like Slotter House 5?
AlexOf course.
MerlinDo you like, listen, keep it in your man pants. Do you like Slaughterhouse-Five?
AlexYes.
MerlinDid you like Cat's Cradle and Breakfast of Champions?
AlexYes.
MerlinIt's very important to watch this movie. I can't get my fucking family to watch it because they're not as invested in it. And listen, something's going to happen in this movie that's a thing we both hate, which is the filmmaker being involved. But trust me.
AlexBut he's like super involved. Well, I'm okay with it.
MerlinHe is super involved, but it perfectly illustrates the title.
AlexThat's why I'm okay with it.
MerlinHe's now older than Vonnegut was when he first started working with him.
AlexYep.
MerlinThat's an unstuck in time moment.
AlexYeah. Exactly. See, and that's something that I know that I am going to watch without my spouse because, like you said, he's not invested.
MerlinYeah, no, this is for fans. Well, anybody could enjoy it, but to really appreciate, especially if you're somebody who grew up loving Slaughterhouse-Five. And I mean, that's the book I've read more than any other book the most times, which is probably twice. No. But I've read that book. I'd read that book three times before college. And like it was a very big deal in my life. And like so, you know, it's not just people who sit around and go, when something sad happens, you go, so it goes. Well, it doesn't mean something sad happens.
It means something died.
AlexIt means something, yeah.
MerlinYeah, the bubbles in the champagne, you piece of shit. Writing this down. Watch Unstuck in Time. You might need to cheat. You might need to start cheating on your spouse. Maybe you can get a, oh, speaking of indulgences, maybe you can get a holiday season indulgence to cheat on your spouse TV-wise. It would help me a lot.
AlexThat is such a, that's such a good idea. It's a gift. It's such a good idea. Like, because we, like, I'm going to keep mentioning our anniversary. because I think being married for five years and being queer is pretty cool. Whatever. Because it's that star.
MerlinI don't have a feeling about it, but whatever.
AlexWell, and I was like, what do you want? What do you want? I'm like, I don't, I just, nothing. I want to watch all of what we do in this show. It's not that I hate stuff. Well, because of this challenge, I hate stuff even more.
MerlinOh, God, stuff is killing me, Alex. Oh, shit, we got to talk about the challenge.
AlexI know, you killed this challenge.
MerlinOh, boy. Oh, boy. Yeah. challenge boy oh boy cereal bowl mombo dog face banana patch god this week's challenge was to
Alexclean up your toys or as you put it to uh do something properly or or clean oh no this isn't proper is it i i don't know i don't know i had a you said you came up with you always come up
Merlinwith these wacky titles and then you you say something different in the first part and you you fucking you're all over the map you're not even looking at the non-existent style guide
Alexand it makes life very difficult for me we have two different i see now in the always too different with you there's there's a challenge in the in the sheet that's like do a style guide and and now there's a define DBF's brand messaging, which is like the same thing.
MerlinWe need to get on. We need to figure out our brand messaging. And if we could put that all in a shared database, I think everything would go a lot better. The sample databases in Airtable are like all I went in there. This is actually related to the challenge. Whenever I very first started this terrible journey of organizing, I did go in and look at all. I re-signed up for it because I thought maybe this will be easier to print labels with. well you know it is what it is but um yeah i ended up going into all their samples and examples and like there's a pretty rich community but it's a community of douchebags it's all shit like you
know social media schedules and i'm like wait a minute all i want and this is why i might have texted you about this briefly but i didn't want to bug you about it was like look all i want to do is have all of my shit in a spreadsheet or database and yeah i would like to be able to do stuff like say oh uh when i scan this barcode it tells me what's in this box i would love that that would actually be really helpful to me so where do i do all of that well i'll try out my old pal air table which i resubscribe to just for this and get so air table is um you know it's part
of that great legacy of like online database kind of things it's it's really easy to use it's very user-friendly but like and they have tons and tons of very useful stuff i'm being a little bit silly But here's what, Alex, all I wanted was something that I tried every conceivable way I could think of to phrase this.
Supplies, inventory, administration. I just want a way to track, like, the closest I found was, like, computers for people who are working remotely. You can manage it. I'm like, okay, I just want to know what all the tech that I have is and where it is. It's like, why is there not a database for that? And then there's, like, 60 databases for who's going to post on Tumblr this week. It's like, ugh. But we can also manage our brand messaging. Is that something you think you'd want to do?
AlexWell, in terms of messaging, Merlin, where could people go if they wanted to listen to the after show?
MerlinOh, yeah. Oh, you can go to patreon.com slash do by Friday. You can also get to it the fun way through giveusyourfuckingmoney.com. And if you give us a little money, you get stuff and you feel good about yourself. Keeping your product message consistent is a challenge, especially when you manage a team where different people with distinct voices are writing external. Oh, Jesus. I can't believe. Okay, I'm going to read you a sentence, Alex. That's from people. This is under pound sign PR and communications. Keeping your product message consistent is a challenge,
especially when you manage a team where different people with distinct voices are writing external facing copy.
AlexMy brain. External facing. I just did like a... Okay.
MerlinThis template is perfect for the leader of a marketing department looking to keep all of their content true to one brand identity.
AlexI think I know what that sentence means in theory.
MerlinBy serving as a single source of truth for your whole marketing team, this template helps your team figure out how to work together to get the right messaging to your target customers for each new product without ever compromising your brand identity. So I think we should do that. And that would start with you getting your fucking head right about what we say in the name of the challenge and the son and the holy ghost.
AlexOh, well, and also with you. No, it's with your spirit.
MerlinNo, it's and his wisdom's blessing. What? Did you see the challenge in there that showed the way down?
AlexDo you know about it? No. Wait, that sounds so familiar.
MerlinYeah, it's a cult-ish Christian group that's all about improving your relationship with God and losing weight.
AlexOh, nothing problematic there.
MerlinNope, and it's got some amazing hair in it. Good hair.
AlexOh, oh.
MerlinThat one lady, that lady, that lady who died in the plane crash.
AlexI totally, totally, I have heard about, yes, yes, this is, oh, gosh.
MerlinYes, that's Madeline's like, oh, she's the lady with the hair? I'm like, yeah, the lady with the hair who died in the plane crash. That's totally her. she's she she married this uh this jabroni who's who's like a uh you know like a bodega version of fabio and like he came in and he fucked everything up and spoiler alert was flying the plane um so yeah yeah you know what you know what peter principal baby like we should quit
Alexpromoting people who are handsome no no oh god uh this week's challenge let us i'll go as win for once yeah i i gotta finish my oh that's such a pleasant listen to that no it's not pleasant at all oh oh there's a there's a snapchat code on oh snapchat respawn entertainment electronic arts oh it's a fun app um berlin what was the challenge this week you crushed it i peanut buttered oh
Merlinlet's go we can keep it we can keep it kind of brief um because we still got to do the after show and we're starting this now very late. The challenge this week was to clean up your toys and that can mean whatever you want because once again Alex comes up with this bullshit that doesn't make any sense which is fine.
And I can mean whatever you want it to be. For me that has meant an entire Omnibus project that I would be happy to get into. I actually had an itch to do some organizing but I also had a holiday related need to do some organizing and I was successful in avoiding some of my go-to bad patterns.
I used my quote unquote time off to do some really fun bullshit with labels. And that's how I took it. How did you take it? And you sound like you're mad at stuff. You're fighting stuff. It sounds like.
AlexI don't want any things, but also I don't want to get rid of any of the things I have. And I think it's this sort of like middle class problem of like, well, if I get rid of it, am I going to need it? But what if I need it? And I'm not even talking about cables and that crap. I got rid of so much of that crap a long time ago. But I, oh, God, I have so many fucking books from, you know, these 31 years or just these past 10 years.
But I have started.
MerlinWhen you learn to read at 21.
AlexI,
Merlinand by the way, good for you.
AlexI have a, I have a small library at my parents' house, but, but I, I, I have a lot of crap that matchy. My wonderful spouse has been, we, we've, we've talked about this a lot, how we're just getting rid of a bunch of stuff in the hopes that when a the other chicago apartment opens up that works we can just slide right oh that's a really that's a very good idea alex it's a basically i'm dressing for the house you want yes yes it's
yeah i totally get it and there's just so much stuff not not even i'm literally looking around my bedroom right now because it's still in shambles because it pulled everything out um The there are so many things that I am holding on to that.
What's his name? Peter Walsh would yell at me for that's like, OK, this I have this because of the person I used to be. And I guess I part of your like existential scrapbook. Yeah, it's like I am not this person, but I still have it. And I should get I don't know.
MerlinI think you're very wise and insightful to understand that's a very Peter Walsh-y thing.
AlexYeah, I mean, it's great to be insightful.
MerlinHis examples are like the pants you've never been able to fit into, that kind of thing. And I think that's a – whether or not we're talking about actual pants, human pants, that is a great example of like, well – You know what? That might be up there with prescription.
Huh, human pants. Prescription pants. prescription gravy, human gravy. Yep. Yep. Yep. Totally works. Prescription human meat move.
AlexI did like this, this summer we got, like, I got rid of a whole bunch of clothes because, but there's the whole, like, you know, talk about maintenance phase, the show, the podcast we enjoy. Like I got rid of all your,
Merlinall of your rubber vibrators from the 17th century. Oh, my God.
AlexOh.
MerlinPoor Michael. Oh, my God.
AlexOh, that.
MerlinMichael does not like talking about lots of intimate things. He gets a little squicked out by stuff. Not just lady stuff.
AlexNo. It's, well, I would.
MerlinBut I think the egg beater vibrator almost undid him.
AlexOh, I mean, oh, oh, gross.
MerlinNext time you're in town, come to Good Vibrations. They have a, they call it a vibrator museum, but it's really more like a shelf.
AlexOh, God. Yeah. I just don't like anyway. I don't either. But OK, so I had all these clothes that are too big. And it's like, well, there's nothing wrong with being fat. And what if I get super fat again? Like what? Like I don't want to have to buy clothes again. Like buying clothes sucks. It's terrible. I don't want to try it on in the store. But well, we don't try things on in the store anymore. But I got past that and got rid of a shit ton of clothes. But I mean, I don't know.
like uh oh stuff stuff like like challenges in the past oh right like i have an old um lots of
Merlinthings that shock you stimulate your brain okay i've been repurposing stuff i i got it i got this really cool anchor 10 port uh usb thing that i'm mounted on the very like the back of my desk and i can never see what's happening there so for some reason you remember the the the head the brain shocker. Remember the brain thing? Not the Pavlov. The other one. The one that makes you smart. It came with a mirror for some reason. I grabbed some FunTac
and stuck it to the wall and I could see what goes in my slots. Reuse is better than recycling as we say.
AlexI've got this we don't use any more Amazon products in our household but I'm like I don't want to throw this away. Like it feels gross to throw an object that costs a hundred dollars in the trash. Like it shouldn't.
MerlinBut the irony of that is like, I totally understand what you're saying. And I'm not even acknowledging that weird thing you just said about Amazon, which is fine. It's the holiday season. Hakuna Matata.
AlexBut here's the problem. Amazon talking. I didn't know. I just like Siri more. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. No, no, no. Calm down. Oh,
MerlinI'm very, I'm very mad at my, all of my echoes show right now. I'm so goddamn mad. I just cannot keep up with the bullshit. All I want is this one picture that I'm looking at right now of my kid looking at her phone. If I walk into the room, even though I have the camera covered, it detects that there's somebody there and goes, where do people argue at? Where do couples argue at the mall?
For example. Or it says, which eight-inch baking dish is right for you or whatever. I'm like, well, you are really – you're on my last fucking nerve right now, lady.
AlexYeah, that's the thing. It knows exactly what I want to buy and what. It's not even a privacy thing. I just don't want to see any more recipes.
MerlinLike I don't – I mean, but then I go in and, of course, you have to go in and there's always new radio buttons that are pre-populated to be on. And you're like, whatever made you think that I want recipes? Because it kind of feels like you're doing some jazz here where you want to sneak in stuff that gets to live there until I notice that it's there. And the thing is, the Google Hub, it understands that it is above all a – at my office, it's a clock. And at my house, it is a picture frame.
And it's a very good picture frame. And I never see shit on there that's not picture frame shit. My clock is never suddenly replaced by, you know, oh, you know, get these calipers to find out if you're Jewish or whatever. Like, you know, there's all this shit. I'm like, never, ever, ever do that. Give me the big button that says never put anything on there that I didn't ask for. But that's not how they work. Now I see what you're saying.
AlexYeah.
MerlinBut the problem is that the if you and this is I'm going to paraphrase or guess at what Peter Walsh would say to you, I'm guessing. But if we have an unhealthy emotional relationship, again, the book, It's All Too Much, very good. If we have an unwholesome emotional relationship with the objects in our life, we will always come up with these excuses for why we do things the way that we do. I would say that reluctance, and again, I'm just going to skip the chicken noise here. I would say, because we're supposed to say,
donate it and recycle it and compost your genes or whatever the fuck bullshit we say in public. Yeah, you know what? If you want it out of your house, call 1-800-JUNK. Pay them a lot. Get a yellow sack. You have to stop acting like you're helping Goodwill that much by giving them socks. You're really not. They really do not want your socks. They've got so much. Because of fucking Marie Kondo, they eventually had to be like, we just can't even take anything anymore. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, of course, we were just like them. They're like, yeah, you should read that book.
We're like, yeah, here's our stuff. Want some cassettes? and they're like, you know, there's not actually that would be a lot of cassettes for us to try and move just from you. What I'm trying to say is I suspect a slightly Peter Walshian approach would be like, hey, unhealthy is unhealthy. If you, you know, it's unhealthy to buy a bunch of shit and then like keep it around. But it's also kind of a little bit unhealthy if you continue to hang on to it because you feel bad about having it. It's kind of double sick. It's not kind of. No, but like I'm not trying to be accusatory or unkind, but you know what I mean?
Like it's just a different flavor. It's a more woke flavor of the same bullshit.
AlexOh, for sure. And there are a number – it's worse than that though too.
MerlinLike you bought it. It's like me in Rhode Island where it's like my opportunity to deal with that occurred before an airplane ticket was bought. Once the airplane tickets were bought, in for a penny, in for a pound, I'm going to have my mask off around a bunch of drunk people. and I, because what else am I going to do? Go and be an asshole? And in our case, like, yeah, you know what? Should have butted in now. And like I say again in the wisdom document, if you could have done better yesterday, you would have. There's never a day in your life that you didn't do your best and that's the pity.
You have no fucking idea how well you're trying to do every day and just because you suck at it doesn't mean you didn't try and if you could have done better, you would have, but you didn't. Your only opportunity is to do better tomorrow. You've already kind of fucked most of today. your only opportunity is to do better tomorrow to be the person that you'd like to be but you can't retcon physical objects in your house things need to leave your house
Alexthat's so good
Merlinit's really good
Alexanyway I threw away an entire bookshelf though so only half peanut butter
Merlina contents of a bookshelf or the extant bookshelf like a billy bookshelf
Alexboth but like separately Love it. Yeah, I know, right?
MerlinShe donated it or composted it.
AlexNo. Well, see, that was easy. It's easy when the bookshelf is $20.
MerlinDon't you know there's children starving in Africa because they can't get enough Billy Bookcases to eat?
AlexHe could.
MerlinPlease, sir. Do you have any regular American food? Shut up, Squanto. Eat bookcase. Eat bookcase.
AlexI'm out. I'm out.
MerlinI'm out.
AlexKia's got great food all around.
MerlinMm-hmm.
AlexOh, boy. And then I rewarded myself by buying a TV. But now I don't know what to do with the other TV.
MerlinSend it to Africa. You could just write movie on it. Just write the word movie on the screen and send it to Africa. Or if you want to go real far, you could cut out stuff from magazines and just hodgepodge it on there.
AlexLike, oh, surprise, even poor people don't want your TV from 2012.
MerlinIt comes with a note. It comes with a note. It says, this is TV with poster for Gone with the Wind. It says, Gone with the Wind is a document of its time, but it is presented as is. Is this movie? No, this is TV. Is TV movie? Is poster TV?
Can I have more bookshelf, please?