181. Non-Neurotypical Bones

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, design and MLM.

MerlinHello. Hello. Oh, no. Are we doing this again? Oh, God. I'm on Skype. I'm on Skype. All right. Fuck. All right.

AlexHang on. Oh, are we doing this?

MerlinI don't know. I'm on Skype. How do I make my camera go on? Oh, it's turned off. I clicked. Hello, Kevin. How are you? Max is up to his shenanigans again. Oh, I'm not ready for this.

AlexYes. Hold on. Hold on. There we go. There we go.

MerlinHey, look at that guy. Oh, I should be prettier.

MaxHello. Hello. Hey, what are you guys doing on November? November 3rd. My schedule is wide open. I got nothing to do. Oh, there's down ballot. So you guys read the news this morning. Come on. Everybody check Twitter. You guys want to go to Six Flags? I got nothing going on on November 3rd. My calendar.

MerlinWe don't use that word anymore, Max. Is that something I should know what that means?

MaxLet's go to Medieval Times dinner and tournament. I got nothing to do.

Speaker BOh, boy. Can Large Process Bailey come?

AlexOh, big dog fail. Big structural Bailey. Too soon. Too soon.

MaxToo soon. Let's all shake it out. Let's all shake it out. Here we go.

AlexOh, look at a nice chair.

Speaker BWhoa! Make way for the big dogs. Oh, he's got a dog. It's a very special episode.

Speaker AWow. Woo!

AlexWait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Hold on. Hold on.

Speaker BSkype Jam. Skype jam Let me go get my recorder

AlexLet's see how out of tune this thing is Isn't that a great G This is the greatest chord in the world What's the greatest chord in the world?

MerlinWhat do you got there? That's a D with an added F sharp. Also, the C is very good. This is the John Roderick C. You know, I like an E.

AlexAll right, I'm done here. E is good.

MerlinE is the ultimate open chord. Well, G is technically the ultimate. But I also add an extra D over here.

Speaker BWant to do a G?

MaxI like to get an acoustic guitar, and you just give it a big E. Big E. It sounds awesome. That's why you do your bow diddly.

AlexI'm more of a fan of the big D. But, you know, what can I say? Whoa, hang on. Drop D.

Speaker BThe E is a very cool chord.

AlexWhat?

MerlinSay more sexy things. Alex, say more sexy things.

AlexI love in the drop D. Want to drop that D. I'm a fan of the D. Well, what have you got this morning?

Speaker BGot a name brand dildo on.

AlexWhat's a name brand dildo? an early early debate I don't know

Maxstore bought

Alexyeah what

Maxcan you do a Merlin can you do a blues song about how the new the smart keyboard with the mouse in it isn't come out for two months until after the iPad itself and I was I was led to believe that it would be here

Speaker Byeah what what key what key

Maxooh I don't

Speaker Bwhat's a good blues key

Maxoh E like an E yeah

Speaker Blet's see so let's see

MaxI was led to believe it would be out you know when the iPad came out yeah I got it here Well

Speaker BThere's been a delay There's been a delay It's affecting me Cause I can't get my keys And you know what I get it It won't work anyway

MaxOh boy what the fuck oh we got to do it in november what are you doing november what's going on no nothing i got a wide open my calendars my calendar my calendar is wide open i think we're still gonna be inside

Speaker AI'll probably be punching an old lady in the face For the last can of beans at the Mariano's Punch, punch, punch, punch

MerlinThis morning I put on my mask

Speaker BAnd I put on my AirPods Do you have an N95 mask? Are you hoarding? No, I just have the one It's mainly for theater I'm not sick

MerlinIt's a placebo I don't have any symptoms I can't be

MaxCan I show you some new mask technology?

MerlinSo I started singing I started singing along With the Fountains of Wayne song Mexican wine and as I rode my Segway and I sang the Atom harmony

Speaker Bhave another glass of Mexican wine

Merlinthat part tears streamed down my face as I sang into an N95 mask that felt good

Alexthat's not even something I would do

Speaker Aon your Segway

Speaker BMerlin how's the air quality

Speaker Athough. Air quality is outstanding. It's outstanding, right? It could be anything.

MaxWho knows the reason? I had a fun night last night. I went out and finished my Winston Churchill book and listened to John Prine album and just had a nice miserable night. That was cool. Very cool.

MerlinKevin, how are you staying miserable?

Speaker AJust playing a lot of Animal Crossing,

Maxreally. Can I show you my new mask technology? I have to take my headphones off so I won't be able to hear you. Do it.

AlexMax is just going to show us The thing that I literally talked about In our text chain He stole my tech Antifa

Speaker BBoom It is called Antifa

MaxSurvivor Season 40 Winners at War Commemorated CBS official buff

Speaker AYou have to cover your nose Or else it won't work

MaxIt makes my glasses all steamy My glasses My glasses are steamy. They got the round.

Speaker AYou can't walk into a bank like that.

AlexOh, God.

Speaker AFire represents life.

AlexDoes anyone know how to search in new Slack? Ah, there it is. I'm sorry, new Slack.

Speaker BAnybody remember laughter?

MerlinThat's fine. Slack, Slack, Slack.

Speaker BDid I turn everything off? Is everything okay? Is this running okay? Can we start the show? What's going on here? What are we doing?

MaxI think we're starting. Yeah, this is new. I've been working on a card trick that I could do for you guys but also for our listeners. Is that fun?

Speaker BYeah. Because we're going to post the video. God, look, Kevin, you're so cute. Kevin, you have such a look. You're so cute.

MerlinYou're really cute. Thank you. Thank you. I got that balding guy thing. Even though I'm not balding, apparently I've got the balding guy thing.

MaxIt's going good, though.

MerlinLook at that. I think I got Eddie Munster.

MaxI have a long-running jealousy of Kevin's little cartoon avatar of himself. It's so perfect. It's so perfect. And it's partially, it's 50% of it is that Kevin, the guy, Kevin, has a look.

And so there's something to make the person look. Like, where does the cartoon start and the person end, right?

Speaker AYeah, it's very Doug funny.

MaxThat's part of it.

AlexThat's part of it. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, you're right.

Speaker AIt's sort of a, I open my closet and I have the same outfit four times.

AlexOh, here's a problem that I didn't anticipate.

MaxWelcome to the fucking club, Kevin.

AlexLook at me in the house.

Speaker AYeah, that's true. We kind of all have a thing going, don't we? Yeah.

AlexBut if you don't see me every single day, you wouldn't know that I wear the same shirt every day. So I just realized that all the meetings I've been having over Zoom, people just think I'm not changing my clothing. So great.

Speaker AOh, Alex, no one's paying that close attention. We're all mostly just worried how we look.

AlexFair enough. Fair enough. And don't you have a rep?

MerlinAre you actually, hang on. Oh, my God. Alex, are you wearing the same t-shirt you were wearing last week?

AlexYeah. Well, last week I was wearing the sweater or jumper version, as they call it in the UK. It's called the loo. Yeah. Okay.

MaxTook a lift. Did you guys see the video of the Zoom meeting where it was maybe like a class or something, and the woman took the laptop and went to the bathroom?

Speaker BYes.

MaxOh, no. Very embarrassing. Very embarrassing.

MerlinShe put it kind of on the floor and like, oh, it was bad. Yeah. I envy that too. So really, Max, if I understand what you're saying to Kevin, and I am really not with it yet, what you're saying to Kevin is you admire that it's a double thing, and they're both interlocked. You love that he has a look, and you love that that look translates into his work. And we don't have that as much. Maybe Alex. I think Alex has that a little bit.

MaxIt's that when I look at Kevin's comics, I go the little cartoon representation of Kevin is very cute, and it's very distinctive. It's a really good cartoon avatar. It's like a singularly good little representation. I like seeing him. He makes me happy. But if I think about, well, why is that guy so good? There's a lot going into it.

MerlinYeah.

AlexThat's very true.

MerlinWe might have talked about this when we did the Journal Comics episode, but what was it we said at the time? I don't know. I always feel like I really admire people who can do a lot with a minimum of lines to evoke, in the same way that you might enjoy a poem or verse because it's so economical with language with an off-size amount of emotion. And I'm not just into minimal things, but I always am like, that's so amazing that you just drew three lines, and how many lines are a butt?

Three lines? You can do three lines and make a general butt? That's like you, Kevin, except you're cute.

AlexI would say one line, but...

Speaker AYou could do a butt with one line if you...

AlexYeah, I prefer a one-lined butt, yeah. Okay. Is this loss?

MerlinIs this one line butt?

Speaker AYou got my little Tegan and Sarah shirt.

MerlinAw.

AlexOh, gay.

MerlinIs this one of those tricks where you just can't lift the pencil?

Speaker AYeah, you just don't pick up the pencil. Yeah, did it.

MerlinGot it one. Yeah, it's a contour butt.

Speaker ASee, that's all you need. You just have one line to suggest a butt.

MerlinThis is a really good notebook, by the way, for the desk. This is the... The pano book? This quattro. Oh, no. It's small. Here's a bell for size context.

AlexOh, you're disloyal. Okay.

MerlinAnd it's got all the grids you like, all the great grids, and it's got a center. But also, I've experimented because my daughter cares. This is one where you can use a Pentel sign marker and it won't soak all the way through.

AlexOh.

MerlinBut it's also not sketch thickness, really.

Speaker AI've got the docket gold.

MerlinOh, look at you.

Speaker AStandard, basic ass. Oh, look at this little. Kevin, this is a good one, right? Yeah, probably a good one. How much did it cost?

MaxI don't know. It was the cheapest one at Dick Blick.

Speaker AThat's right. That's got to be a lie. I go to Famous Anus. I have so many field notes in here that I'll never, ever use.

MerlinIt's a slant run. Oh, Jesus. I wish I could take you over to give you a tour of my stationery shelf.

Speaker ALook at it. Look at it.

MaxHey. Oh, look at that. You have a field notes ammo crate?

AlexLook at it. Oh, my God.

MaxYeah, that's a...

AlexThis is the official field notes box that is still giving me splinters after like three years.

Speaker AYou can eat that in November. When the food runs out.

AlexI'm excited. I have, I found out literally, oh, oh. Where did everyone go? Oh my gosh. Everybody's got notebooks. All the, oh no. What were you saying, Alex? Oh, Captain Janeway's here. Captain Janeway. Captain on deck.

MerlinCaptain on deck.

AlexFrankie.

Speaker AI'm the captain now.

MerlinThese are not all field notes, but these are all my small. I have three of these of small form factor notebooks. This is just the office collection. This is not the home collection. You got your rodeos. Can you see this?

MaxYou got your rodeos. Do you want to say anything to the podcast?

MerlinOh, precious. Then you get into some field notes. I think this is an XOXO. Field notes, field notes. The White Lines family of notebooks can be really nice. Then you get into the serious stuff. Then you get into these boys. Oh, shit. And my Apollos. Got all my Apollos. You've got your official U.S. government notebook and official U.S. government pens. You got those. Then you get into the Dickersons.

AlexUh-huh.

MerlinAnd that's also... Huh. That's weird.

AlexOh, my God. That's my bedside notebook. We have a very special relationship.

MerlinOh, I dropped my Marvel Girl. Okay. I'm going to put that away.

AlexYou know when I knew that, well, not just me. I would say a number of us have a problem is when work in progress, minor spoiler for work in progress, we see how many journals Abby has. Oh, yes. And I'm like, that's not that bad. What are you talking about? It's uniform. They're organized. What's wrong with that?

MerlinYou know, it's nice that it's been discontinued, and so I hoard the three of these in different sizes I have. Do you remember the, I don't know how to pronounce this, McQuerris?

Speaker AMcBong.

MerlinThey put out this series based on famous grids, the Jan Sichold grid. This is the Dinoid typography, the Jan Sichold grid. All the famous grids. You know about this? You guys, can you read the new typography?

Speaker BMm-mm. Oh, it's really good. No. It's so good. Got it on the shelf right there, baby.

MerlinThat is up there with that Elements of Typography book. is like highly recommended even for non-nerds. Highly recommended, slightly recommended. All right. But Jan Sitchold is the guy, I think he's the guy who standardized a lot of like the European sizes of paper and the grids and the design components. Okay, let's start the show. This sucks.

AlexHey Merlin, you want to talk about your favorite thing you've ever done?

MaxOh God, check this out. What, the Dubai Friday podcast?

Speaker BDubai Friday podcast. Okay, listen, seriously. Your favorite thing? Okay, listen.

MerlinEverything we've done, I need a fresh start. Everything we've done up till now will be released with video and audio for the Patreon. I need to get my shit together, calm the fuck down, and start the show.

MaxYou guys, who's got a deck of cards? I do, I do.

Speaker AI've made a point to not keep those in my house. I've max-proofed my apartment.

MerlinIt's like hiding your abusive husband's alcohol. That schnapps is not for you.

MaxYou think you're better than me? Merlin, get your deck. Okay. Get your X-Men. Alex is What am I looking at in the background of your video Is that a body pillow Is it an anime body pillow

Speaker ACan I guess

AlexThat's a no no no That is the pregnancy pillow That Machi had to use after he had surgery And we don't We don't know what to do with it

MerlinIt's a fuck pillow look at it No no no it's worse than that Look at you Alex you're so cute Look at it oh no That looks like a thing in another thing.

AlexOh, no.

MerlinBut big. Like if you're into gigantism.

AlexOh, no. Oh, no.

MaxYeah, that's a.

MerlinOkay, I have my X-Men cards. X-Men cards that you despoiled.

MaxTake the cards out of the box. This is a trick that our listeners can do at home.

MerlinWhy? This is a brand new Kevin Budnick. Can you see the seal? Brand new Kevin Budnick designed. M.I.B.

MaxGet your deck and give it a little mix. Give it a little mix.

MerlinShall I open it?

MaxWell, you could use your X-Men card. It doesn't matter.

MerlinNo, you despoiled those. This is my Gerber utility knife.

MaxI have eight of these. Wow, someone did not watch the instructional video that came with the cards that teaches you how to open them.

Speaker AWhat?

AlexIt was a very specific way.

Speaker BIt was like this? Is it heat? Like an album cover? Remember album covers? Does anybody remember laughter? No, I don't know what you do. It used to be album covers you'd open with heat. I've never heard that. Mom, I'm opening my cards.

MerlinThat didn't work.

MaxOh, no.

Speaker BYou guys want to call in Syracuse? Should we just bring in everybody?

MerlinYou can just spend an hour beating up on the old guy.

MaxAll right, open them. Open them. Open them. No, that's all right. Open them. Open them however you want.

MerlinYou made pasta sauce wrong. He sent me a four-page email this morning on how to make pasta sauce.

MaxOh, I want that.

AlexHow do you determine how many pages an email is?

MerlinOh, like every time I sigh, that's a page.

AlexOh, okay.

MaxWhile you're getting your cards, do you want me to read you a good Trump transcript? I found a really good Trump transcript this week. Yes, please. Yes. Okay, so this is from, it's a little old. It's from February 2019.

And this was a little story. He told this at a rally. And he's talking about, it's his dog story. Did you guys hear this? He said it. He's actually repeated some variation of this a few times.

MerlinDogs might be up there with handshakes in his pantheon of weird obsessions. He doesn't know how dogs work.

MaxI love reading transcripts of Trump There's something about when it's not in his sort of hypnotic voice That you can see how insane the sentence structure is

MerlinEspecially if they transcribe it exactly

Speaker BAnd they don't take out any of the weird derails This is the greatest of all time

MaxThis is the Daniel Dale transcript He's so good I love that guy What a job that guy does He's taking mental damage every time he does one of these But anyway His psionics are fucked right now.

MerlinOnce again, Trump is repeating the misstatement that he has done more than Obama. Let me die. Let me die.

MaxAll right, here we go. So this is from Trump from 2019. We have equipment now that can spot drugs. It's incredible stuff. It's expensive. It's incredible. By the way, there is nothing better than a good old-fashioned German shepherd. It's hard to believe, right? It's true, you know. I was with people and they're showing me this incredible computerized stuff and where it goes. I said, could I? Because Secret Service took me out to the place and they were showing me these German shepherds. They're unbelievable. They'll run it past all these empty boxes and one of the boxes has drugs in it deep down in a box.

And they come to a screeching halt barking at it every time. So I asked the people that sell the machinery at a lot of money. So I said, let me ask you a question. This stuff is incredible. I'm really impressed. How does it compare to a German shepherd? The guy looks at me and goes, sir, honestly, it's not as good. Can you believe it? A German Shepherd. Certain types of dogs. You do love your dogs, don't you? I wouldn't mind having one, honestly, but I don't have the time. I don't know. I don't have... I smell burning toast.

MerlinOh, my God.

MaxHow would I... I don't have... How would I look walking a dog on the White House lawn? Would that be right? Sort of not for... I don't know. It doesn't... I don't feel... I don't feel good. It feels a little phony. Phony to me. A lot of people say, oh, you should get a dog. Why? It's good politically, I said. Look, that's not the relationship I have with my people. We want... Audience member yells something about Obama. Yeah, Obama had a dog. You're right. Both parties should come together to finally create a safe and lawful system of immigration. The American people have waited long enough.

Yeah. Twist. Twist ending? Twists and turns there, right?

MerlinThat's so good. I'm trying to find one of the ones where he talked about bringing steam back for catapults.

MaxOh, yeah.

MerlinNo, the ships, right? Yeah, the ships. He was going to, well, hang on. I need to do the accordion. He's going to be bringing back big steam for the catapults on ships. What's better than steam? Well, you know what? Let's go through a list of the things that Donald Trump loves. I've got it. You want to read it? Yes, he loves German shepherds. He loves steam.

Folks, walls and wheels. You know, you can't make it any better. A wall, a gorgeous, beautiful wall. Read the steam, please.

MaxHere's the Trump on the steam. This is from quite a while ago. This was from, I believe, right after he got elected. It's a transcript of an interview with Time Magazine. You know, the catapult is quite important. So I said, what is this? Sir, this is our digital catapult system. He said, well, we're going to this because we wanted to keep up with modern. I said, you don't use steam anymore for catapult? No, sir, I said. Ah, how is it working? Sir, not good, not good. Doesn't have the power. You know, the steam is just brutal. You see that sucker going and steam's going all over the place.

There's planes thrown in the air. It sounded bad to me. Digital. They have digital. What is digital? And it's very complicated. You have to be Albert Einstein to figure it out. And I said, and now they want to buy more aircraft carriers. I said, what system are you going to be? Sir, we're staying with digital. I said, no, you're not. You're going to goddamn steam. The digital costs hundreds of millions of dollars more money, and it's no good.

MerlinYou're right, though. When you hear the unvarnished, like, and you hear the extent to which he, and I do the same thing, of course, but he has these little, what's the word I'm looking for? Little branches that he goes down. A diphthong? It's a diphthong. It's called the debt ceiling. And he never, he never finds his way, as John Cercuse used to say of me, I never close my parentheses. He doesn't close his parentheses. He just keeps, he just keeps going, and then the dog's in the steam, this goddamn steam. And it just, and then pretty soon you're like, yeah.

MaxThat man's never closed a tag. He's just nothing but open tags. And then the rally. Why is everything italic?

Speaker BEverything is italic, folks. Didn't used to be this way. Folks, I talked to the general.

MaxHe said, sir, we're going all bold now. And I said, it's no good. The italics, they're too good.

Speaker BThey're bold. It costs millions of dollars, and it's no good.

MaxFolks, we hate the italics.

Speaker BThat in New York Times, folks, one of the worst papers, but it's not all italic. What's happening? Folks, I talked to the general. No, he said, sir, we're building the entire website in an open div tag. It's no good, folks.

The cascade won't work if there's no close to the tag, folks. You can't have a daughter or any other descendant.

MaxFolks, I hate to tell you. I hate to tell you. We've got an open P tag.

Speaker BWe hate it, folks. We hate to see it, folks.

MerlinYou remember Hillary with the coal, right? Sitting with the miners at the table. Remember? That wasn't so good for her. So the people of West Virginia and all over, you look at Wyoming. You look at so many different places where they just Pennsylvania, where they loved what we did, and it's clean coal, and we have the most modern procedures. But it's a tremendous form of energy in the sense that, in a military way, think of it. Coal is indestructible. You can blow up a pipeline. You can blow up the windmills. You know the windmills.

Boom, boom, boom. Windmill sound. Bing. Mine is shooting a large gun. That's the end of that one. If the birds don't kill it first. The birds could kill it first. They kill so many birds. Okay, this sounds like something from a Laurie Anderson song, and I want to read it again. You know the windmills. Boom, boom, boom. Bing. That's the end of that one. If the birds don't kill it first. The birds could kill it first. They kill so many birds. You may find yourself. You look underneath some of these windmills. It's like a killing field, the birds.

MaxThis would be kind of hack, but I do think that you should make a song with that out of those lyrics. It's a little resistance Twitter.

MerlinNo, no, no. But the one thing I do know is it will be featuring a major seventh.

Speaker BYou remember Hillary with the coal right. Sitting with the miners at the table. Remember

MerlinThat wasn't such a good look for her West Virginia, Pennsylvania You can't blow up a pipeline You can blow up the windmills You know the windmills They go boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom

Speaker BDing The birds could kill it first They kill so many birds The windmills kill the birds The birds kill the windmills in my mind. What can it mean? Can't the birds and the windmills get along? Birds and the windmills

Merlinget along. Oh honey, do you want to watch shows tonight? We can't the windmills out.

Speaker BDarling, darling, darling, would you like to watch TV? Darling, the windmill,

Maxdarling, we can't watch TV. It's got a real 2007 indie rock kind of a vibe.

MerlinWell, if I had, you know, if I had time, time enough at last. Let's start the show.

MaxI think there would have been some, like, some claps and some bleep bloops. All right, get your cards. Is it open?

MerlinOpen in what sense?

MaxOh, you got to get the cards out of the box. Oh.

Speaker AIs it looking for a third? third

Speaker Bhe was killed by a cellulophon explod- Alex, you got some cards?

MerlinWait, are you going to do a polyamorous card trick? multi-person card trick?

MaxYeah, we're all doing it together. We're all going to get into one big card trick couple, or what is it? No, a cuddle puddle. A cuddle puddle.

Speaker AA cuddle pile. We're glomping.

MaxOur whole audience, we're all going to get in the cuddle puddle together. Get your cards, folks. Get your cards. We're glomping.

Speaker AShould I get cards, too?

MaxYeah, if you have them.

AlexThis is a deck. Max gave me.

Speaker BOoh, that's a great deck.

AlexIsn't it pretty? Yeah.

Speaker BThis is a bonus to have hearts. It's not part of the canonical deck, right? That is correct.

MaxSo I go from ace of hearts to yeah, mix it given a mix like it's called shuffling Max read a book

MerlinDo a bridge bridge skiffle shuffle

MaxGrab We're gonna spell some stuff so take like we need a good number get like 10 get like 10 cards So one two three four five six. Thank you to everyone for contributing to this podcast

Merlinat giveusyourfuckingmoney.com where you can listen to someone do a card trick. These are stiff.

AlexAlright. Yeah, the new deck feel.

MaxSo do we need exactly 10? Yeah, yeah, get 10. Mine are sticky.

Merlin10 off the top.

MaxDoesn't matter.

Speaker AAlright. I can't guarantee that this is a 52 card deck. Doesn't matter. I never checked.

MaxWhat's good about this is that you just need to, we'll just all have the same 10. All right. So has everyone got their 10?

MerlinYes.

MaxI would like everyone, does anyone want to change, like swap a card out or anything?

MerlinNo, just finish it.

MaxAll right.

MerlinLet it end. No, I don't want to change anything about it. I don't want to check anything. I don't want to touch your sleeves.

Speaker BOff camera, off camera,

Maxlook at your top card and remember it. That's going to be your card. So you're going to look at the top card. You're going to look at your top card and remember it. Off camera. Okay. Okay, got it.

AlexAll right.

MaxAll right. And now look at how I'm doing. I know this is not so helpful to people at home, but what we're going to do is take a card from the middle and just put it on top. So that way it's not the top card.

MerlinFrom the middle of the remaining nine?

MaxYeah, yeah. Just take any other card and put it on top.

MerlinOkay.

MaxWe're going to start mixing this a little bit. Okay, so now let's all spell. So you're holding the cards in your hand, and you're going to deal on the table, and we're all going to spell our name. So for me, it's M-A-X, but you spell your own name.

MerlinWith the remaining eight. No, with the ten. But the two on top, back in the pile on top.

MaxThe windmills.

MerlinThe birds in the windmills. No, you had me pick one and memorize it. Then you had me take out another one and put that on top of the one that I had remembered.

MaxYeah, so you're holding ten cards in your hand, right?

MerlinOh, okay, but with the top ones on top. Okay, got it.

MaxYeah. Okay, have everyone spelled their name? Yes. So now you're going to take the other, however many cards are left, and just, bing, drop it on top.

Speaker ADrop it on top.

MaxAnd now pick up your whole pile of 10 again. And the reason we have to come up with some more words to spell, but let's do COVID COVID-19.

MerlinSo part of this is it's okay that these are mixed up.

MaxYeah. COVID-19. And then drop whatever remaining cards on top of that. Got it. And now pick yours. So now we're all holding our 10 again, right? Yes. and now think i just think of any word don't say it just think of it and spell that got it and then drop on top bing boom boom boom the remainder that aren't the word on top yeah yeah yeah okay all right and now we're all holding a just we all have our 10 our little

packet of 10 right yes yes yes kevin you got it alex you got it got it all right got it everyone remembers what their card is yes all right and our audience presumably maybe some of them have follow it along as well um kevin on the camera don't show me but just pick the pick the top card up like this okay put it down that's not it that's not your card okay alex let me see your pile and did you everyone put one down everyone put one down yeah alex pick up your card all right

picked up my card and let me see the next one that's not it put put put one more down Merlin let me see yours What'd you have for breakfast Merlin? Oh Oh Vyvanse Okay that's not it You'll put that down Kevin Kevin let me see

Merlin20 milligrams Does that help?

MaxThat's not it Put that one down Alex let me see your next one Okay That's not it Put that down Merlin let me see yours Again What's your next one? What are you gonna have for dinner tonight? 30 milligrams Oh shit I don't know Delivery Italian, probably. Okay, that's not it. Put it down. Kevin, what do you got here? That's not it. Put it down. Alex, let me see.

That's not it. Put it down. Merlin, hold one. What's your next card?

MerlinThis one. Should I look at it?

Speaker BDid you have coffee this morning? I'm having it right now. How'd you make it?

MerlinOne hitter. The number four filter.

Speaker BPour over.

MaxThat's it. AeroPress, the sandwich. You're holding your card.

Speaker BI don't think it is. Let's see. Kevin, is that your card? Wait, should I show you what I got?

Speaker AMarilyn's got to show it. Kevin, are you holding your card? Oh, am I holding my card? No.

MaxAlex, are you holding your card? No. Kevin, let me see how many cards are in your hand.

Speaker ARight now, including the one that is not my card. I got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

MaxOh, I see. You guys weren't all discard. We lost count here. I was trying to get you all to a certain point. No, we didn't. Okay, that's all right. That's okay. Kevin, Kevin, discard. Hold up your card. Let me see your card.

Speaker AThe card that is not my card?

MaxYeah, throw it away. That's not yours. Put it down. Okay. Next one. Let me see the next one.

Speaker AIt had a drawing on it.

MaxHold the deck up. Just show me the backs. That's not it. Get rid of it.

Speaker AThe top one?

MaxYeah. Let me see again. That's not it. Get rid of it. One more. How many do you have now?

Speaker Athree.

MaxGet rid of the top one. That's not it, and that's your card.

Speaker AThis one?

MaxYeah.

Speaker AThat is my card.

MaxAlex, I want you to hold your pile up in your hand. So make a little deck like this.

Speaker ABastard.

MaxI want you to take the top card and burn it. Put it in the middle just in case I saw it. And I want you to take the bottom card and burn that. Put it in the middle just in case I saw it. Now I want you to hold it against your heart like this so that I can't see. and just peek down and look at your card. Nope. All right, Alex didn't follow the instructions. Anyway, hopefully it worked for some people at home. Merlin, you look so worried.

Speaker BI have an idea. Are we done with the effect?

MerlinWhat I would like, I don't know how much.

MaxWhat have we got, some better podcast content to do than this?

MerlinNo, we don't. No, this is actually perfect. No, while you were doing that, I'm reminded of some of the children in my family, especially I have a nephew who's gifted. Anyway, he's got a thing going on and he loves to do magic shows, but he doesn't know how to do magic. So I would like you to be exposed to a lot of my nephew or someone like him where he just comes out and says he just comes out and does things like Many of you enjoy fried chicken but how will you get your Cajun sparkle

when it disappears? I'm pouring water on this rabbit.

MaxI've seen worse.

MerlinOh, no. But like little kid magic tricks are so excruciating because either it's like a baby Ricky Jay thing where you know the trick with the cans and the mirrors and all that kind of stuff or it's just, it's just, it's the most da-da experience. They just have them up there like, and they're like, is it this card? Is it that card? Is it that card? Is it that card? Maybe it's that card. Try shuffling again. Putting four down. Is it that card? Ta-da.

I like these cards you made, Kevin. These are nice.

AlexThank you. very good oh boy yep all right time for another die coke rubber band trick well that was the

Merlinbefore show that was the before show and now there's a pre-show there's a show show and there's

Speaker Bafter show what do you want to talk about merlin were you a big john prine fan um i mean not i he's

Merlinone of those people that i really admired but i wasn't super familiar with his work you know i kind of ran between the raindrops on certain artists and uh certain pieces of media in general not video games because everyone can enjoy video games anytime they're art they're art and everyone likes them um but no he's one of those ones where like he was always on my radar screen but like i was not like a super fan but i was something where like watching somebody like john dickerson enjoy him you know you could just feel how how much people loved him i i well he was from illinois

Maxso i always just i don't know like i was just like grew up around his i don't know like he was just a part of my childhood and you i don't know do you guys feel that alex and kevin you feel the

Alexsame way no i mean he wasn't no he wasn't really a part of my childhood because he kind of came up

Merlinin the 80s it was like when he's i mean he's been around a pretty good while by today's standards

Speaker Ai've heard his name but i'm really not familiar with any of his music he's really he's really

Merlingood but it's not probably your kind of thing when you say it's like a folky country uh but real smart a smart folky country but not also not highfalutin like he's just he's a very gifted very gifted songwriter so so so so talk about him talk about him max talk about what he means to you

Maxoh uh i don't know it's like um um his music to me is very i would almost compare it to me of he's in the same bin in my head as pete seager of almost like it's like an elemental it's like like almost like exists out of time kind of thing yeah it's like oh well that's always been there like that's the that's the category or that you know i don't know it's like very distinctive voice very distinctive songwriter, very distinctive lyrics, and not fancy. I don't know. He's kind of a cool, like, Illinois.

I've always associated him with Chicago and Illinois, and he used to be a mailman, you know, salt-of-the-earth guy, and wrote these really beautiful but unpretentious folk songs. Yeah. I don't have a lot to say. It's weird. No, no.

MerlinBut, I mean, like, what can you say? It just sucks. It sucks so much.

MaxOr, like, I feel a little similar of Wilco. I feel like Wilco, because I'm from Chicago, Wilco plays like an outsized role in my life relative maybe to how big of a band they are. It's hard for me to tell. But like, I don't know, like Wilco's always around, right? Like you go to, I go to like a fundraiser and you know, there's Wilco and like,

Speaker AI'll always be the thing.

MerlinIt's also like the thing this morning that really landed hard on me was, I was thinking about, because again, I mean, like I'm not the hugest Fountains of Wayne fan in the world, but I'm probably an above average Fountains of Wayne fan. I've got three of their records. I love that thing you do and I sing along with the songs like I can't help but sing along to every song I love them but then a similar thing happened with John Prine and Adam Schlesinger which is like you heard they got sick and you're like oh fuck

and then you didn't hear anything for a little while and you're like then with John Prine they were saying okay well you know he was stable and they didn't hear anything for a while and then they were dead and I hate that a word I'm overusing right now, but I hate that liminal space between like, this is a thing that's right on my radar screen to something that like fell off my radar screen a little bit to like, you know, it's already over. Like what happened in those like three or four days and like, must've been miserable. Um, and like every person, it's just all the stories are just, are,

are such a, they're such a bummer. And like, who knows how many of them? I'm sorry. It just, it just, it just, it just fucks me up to just think about somebody, uh, my age, like going from like fine because i don't the fountains wing is pretty close to my age like going from um you know hail and hardy to like gone that's it that's the wild thing i think that i'm starting to

Speaker Anotice as well as like that people people are like people are dying like not not just numbers right like not just yeah the quotes in the news like actual it's also it's all still still in

Merlinthat it's still well within that range of like it's in that weird up whatever the opposite of a sweet spot is where it's like it's enough that there you will start knowing more people who got sick and died and also you're gonna more people who you recognize if you celebrities if you like or somebody you admire from a distance could be somebody who used to have a blog that you like and they're just gonna die because they're 45 and it's like that that's a that number has now gotten to a point where it is absolutely not to paraphrase what you're saying it's not abstract anymore at all no it's very it's becoming very real it's big it's big and it's unabstract yeah this is super

Alexdark but i keep thinking like which is the first podcaster who's got that we all know who's going

Speaker Bto challenge yeah challenge challenge die of coronavirus that's a challenge kill a podcaster

Speaker Ago out on top.

AlexWell, that would be a fun one.

MerlinWho would it be? I don't know. That sucks.

AlexI mean, well, that's a thing. Okay, I'm sorry. Maybe it's because the numbers in my own... Nobody has died in my family, but it's kind of getting to the point where I'm like, oh yeah, people are definitely going to die in my family, which is very large that I talked about last week. You have a big family. Yeah, so really it's kind of like, you're like, oh, statistically, that's it's gonna be like the leftovers like it's this is i keep thinking about the leftovers and i was re-watching it i'm like oh yeah that's it's kind of it kind of has the same eerie feeling of

of the there's uh oh fuck what are they called the um the people in white uh yeah the the guilty remnant yeah the guilty remnant who are like it's pointless let's and like those are people who are like outside and i don't know i i oscillate between very happy and relaxed and just miserable

Merlinit's funny because it's true it's also just it's it's i feel the same way we talked about this on back to work uh yesterday where i have this sort of there's that article going around i think y'all saw about how people with anxiety and depression like are feeling on the one hand super anxious and depressed but on the other hand like weirdly different kind of symptoms than normal and i i'm very much experiencing that um and i described it on that show as being like about compartmentalization of compartmentalization of like there's all this horror and pain in the world that i can't do anything about and then on the other hand over here people are bugging me less and i get less

email and i get to think about what the side dish for dinner will be tonight in a way i don't usually engage as heavily and like i can't reconcile those and that's just a for now thing but it's um it's I mean, I don't know. It's also fucked up that we don't even get to be, we don't even get any schadenfreude out of this. Like having been good doobies and stayed inside and mostly flattened the curve like where I am mostly.

MaxOoh, I don't know. When Boris Johnson, when that story came out that Boris Johnson was hospitalized with coronavirus, I don't know if this makes me, if I should like admit this or if this makes me a horrible person, but I, a little part of my heart was like, sorry, sorry dude, serves you right. That was a fucking stupid.

MerlinWe're going to call it COVID-COVID-Freuda.

MaxA stupid fucking plan.

MerlinHe died as he lived, not as smart as he thinks.

MaxA stupid fucking plan to have everyone get that thing.

MerlinYeah, it absolutely is. But I mean, when you look at shit like this, the problem, though, where you go like, of course, like any of us. And we're not going to say it here unless we've said it here and I don't remember. But the obvious fucking thing for two months has been, you goddamn idiot. You're going to kill all the fat white pork chop men with thumb heads who love you. Because they're all going to the fucking Target and licking the railings.

Maxoh mr trump sir one i mean one thing in particular i know that we're all thinking about i don't want to be the one to say it parody satire parody in the game in the game in the game but but what but uh i don't know how's the fuck do we live in the universe where john prine trump is out there every day licking just touching everyone with his moist hands and they're all coughing into each other's mouths and he's like he's like me no i'm not gonna wear a mask he's just taking no precautions he's hanging out with fucking bolsonero he said three different times that it's it's it's

Merlinthe word he was voluntary three different times he said it's voluntary i don't think i'll be doing

Maxhow are we living in the world how is he alive john prine is dead where fountains of wayne died and trump is still alive i'm sorry i'm not a big fan i don't know his no no no i i totally know

Merlinwhat you mean though every single time you're like all the times those farcical times he stood up on the dais and mike pence talked about his great leadership and the president's 15 days and all the genuflecting and then every time somebody came up to the dais he touched the mic he touched

Speaker Atheir back he touched how is he not dead is he just a carrier i think he's got the mr burns thing i think he's got too many diseases all trying to get through the door

Speaker Bi love you all right let's start the show

Maxyou guys know what do you guys know anyone who's gotten this thing uh and it's been it's been really serious i know i mean i have i have a lot of friends specifically in new york who all have a who are all like yeah i probably get it like i couldn't or like i probably got it like i couldn't get tested right no one's getting tested but i know plenty of people like yeah i probably got this thing but uh oh yeah like that is that is a thing a lot of people have said including us

MerlinThat's so weird. There's lots of people who are like, was it Miss Hoover gets Lyme disease? You know, it's like hysterical Lyme disease. Because sometimes, children, when something's in the media, you think that you have the disease. There are a lot of people who have been walking around going, I think I had it.

Speaker BI think I had it, and then it went away. I think I just had a mild case. Yeah.

MerlinI've already written on this particular bathroom wall of history.

MaxBy the way, Lyme disease is one of the best condiments for the coronavirus.

AlexOh, God.

MerlinYou just squeeze that on fresh, a little bit of rind?

AlexI didn't know I had so many friends who had Lyme disease until they couldn't get their medication. Jesus Christ.

MerlinOh, really? Oh, no. I don't like that.

AlexYeah, I know, because it's totally manageable. Like, I don't want to diminish.

MerlinSo, wait, is it chronic? Once you got the Lyme disease?

Speaker ADo you just have it?

AlexDo you just have it? Some people, yes. I don't know that much about it, except that it's not Lyme disease if you're watching House. but it's not I mean not lupus oh it's not like this fake house like and thorpe fake house fangirl sorry fake house girl okay do we so let me a pop quiz

Merlinhotshot how many people do you know right now who have Lyme disease three

Maxreally yeah okay probably okay max wins that one okay well let me clarify I know

Merlina lot of people who have a bunch more we're just starting the game we're just We're literally just getting started.

MaxYeah, no, I know a lot of people in my life who have a sort of constellation of unexplainable maladies, and it could be chronic fatigue syndrome or Lyme disease or a million other things.

MerlinSocial justice.

MaxYeah, it's... Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker BHepatitis C.

AlexOh, zero. Zero, as far as I know. Really? As far as I know, yeah.

MerlinI had a lady friend whose mom had it, and it was miserable. Max, do you know anybody with hepatitis C? How would I know?

Speaker BI don't know. Here's your sign. I don't know anyone who talks about like, oh, I have hep C. I don't know. Doctor patient confidentiality.

MerlinOh, it's a HIPAA thing. Genital herpes. How many people do you personally know with genital herpes?

AlexI literally can't count the number only because well, I mean, do you mean personally know? Because the herpes is so

Maxfar in that you've lost math abilities? It's probably everyone we know in our generation. Oh, I see.

AlexAll I know is that I don't have it But I'm constantly Matt has gotten a few cold sores In his life I get cold sores, I'm a cold sore person

Speaker ACold sores are not genital herpes

AlexI know but I'm so scared That every time I get acne On my lip I'm like oh it's happened It's happened but no

Speaker AI live in fear of cold sore break

MerlinJust to clarify, I made a little dick here So we'll know this is the genital kind

AlexGenital normative Then again I do have a giant clit in the background. How many lines did it take you to?

MerlinI'm sorry, you want me to draw a woo-woo? I'll draw a woo-woo for you. Let's see if I can remember what a woo-woo looks like.

AlexLet's do an outward woo-woo.

MerlinOkay. I think I got it.

Speaker AAn outward woo-woo? Is that a yoga position?

AlexYep, yep, yep.

MerlinI think I got it, mostly. Let's see. Is that close? It's pretty close, right?

AlexIt's pretty close. Sure.

MerlinOh, wait, sorry. I forgot the face.

AlexThat is where the face goes, and it's usually sad.

MerlinOh, I think I might have done one of those old lady in the duck things we're depending on how you look at it is it a vase or

Speaker Bis it two people kissing it's both and a face clitoris no that's not where that would be

Merlinthat'd be a little hat up here let's do a little fun oh there we go there's the clitoris they're

Alexgonna do some farming oh boy oh do you have oh oh that's that i see that's a big hole okay i should

Merlinwork you know whenever america comes back and there's all that pent-up demand i'm gonna be out there let's say in new jersey and i i will be a guy who draws you and then i'll put that on a shirt or a poster oh you like you like to roller skate now that's at the 50 level at the 75 level

Alexyou like roller skating merlin will sign every single deck of cards hey you like roller skates

Merlinthere you go oh soccer you big soccer player all right oh yeah what does a soccer ball look like is that right i think it's a soccer ball right okay all right everybody let's start the show any other chronic diseases I do have some autoimmune things

Speaker Ajust depression

AlexI know a lot of IBS people I don't know

MaxI know a lot of celiac celiac people not on I'm not eating gluten but like

Speaker Blegitimately celiac

Speaker Awhat's the one that Griffin had after he went to Bonnaroo

MerlinOh, when he got the prostatitis from the portal?

Speaker AYeah, I had that.

MerlinHe wanted to time off. See, the thing was, he wanted to get time off from Tommy Smurl when he was working at TriData. And, of course, that's now Justin's father-in-law. So he went to go to Bonnaroo, and he got prostatitis from... He has IBS, and he went to use the portal. So I know that about a man.

Speaker AYep, a whole man. I had prostatitis in college.

MerlinReally?

Speaker AI thought I had cancer. I thought I was dying.

MerlinOkay, so that's your prostate. It's a prostate from the Latin prostate. And itis would be an infection or inflammation?

AlexMm-hmm.

MerlinOh, that sucks.

AlexLearning something new every day.

Speaker AIt's just, you have to pee a lot. You just have just a ball pain. I just called it ball pain.

MerlinBall pain. Ball pain hammer.

Speaker AMy parents didn't believe me at all. And they thought, this is like at the height of my...

Speaker BIt's probably Lyme disease, Kevin.

Speaker Alike hypochondria where I thought I was dying all the time oh no yeah and uh well I was also this was like I was completely undiagnosed as like someone with depression and anxiety and my parents were unwilling to sort of like because you know they're of the generation where it's like we don't talk about our emotions and problems like like they were always very like good with with like teaching me to feel my feelings and stuff but then when I became an adult and I was like I have I don't know how to talk about this and they were like I don't know what to do about this they're like it's fine you're fine and then uh like also the thing of like having a kid who goes

to therapy is like a stigmatized thing for for someone of that generation uh and you know my mom's great about it now like they they got used to it but um at the time i was like yeah i really something's wrong and they were like i think it's all in your head and i was like no something's wrong and then it turns out it was 50 50 because i mean i think you're i'm just restating really

Merlinwhat you said but i in a similar way even for my generation is like each so let's say you're the the parents the guardians the whatever the older generation of a given kid like there's all kinds of ideas you have about what is normal obviously and i'm sure we've all suffered through elements of that in one way or another in different ways but the other one was like yeah you know uh we do

Speaker Bhave a very distant relative i had to go to the hospital for a little while because they got a

Merlinlittle silly and it's this totally coded thing you never talk about because it is it's like that joke i made the other day about um about avid and costello and you know um costello thinking he's got covid but he can't have covid because he hasn't been tested so he couldn't get tested because he's not positive it's that same thing where by the time you know um um uncle frank mother shaboopy anytime when uncle frank had to go to his special time at the clinic like it was too late and like if you if you have to get what am i trying to say if you have a cold and you go to the doctor you have the flu you go to the doctor whatever get penicillin

um that's that's the thing and it goes away if you have mental emotional um pipes and wires problems and you go to a doctor holy shit it's already too late like you're already a lost cause if you seek treatment for that kind of thing uh it's very different from seeking treatment for an acute illness you know what i mean like it's it's so heavily weighted that like it's like a scarlet letter for the rest of your life now you're now you're you know mother shaboopy or whatever

AlexI'm sorry Kevin that sucks

Speaker Aoh it's fine it's fine now I've made my bones on talking about all of my tube problems

Merlinoh you like tubes here let me get tubes oh you gotta give me a little chin tube that goes down there it's more like a heart plug really it's kind of a Baron Harkonnen type situation yeah this is great I think we should put this on a shirt

Speaker BCould a depressed person do this?

MaxThat's my all-time favorite bit from Parks and Rec.

Speaker BStand in the...

MaxYeah, it's really good.

Speaker BThat took three weeks. That's a really good bit. That whole season is great.

MerlinThat episode in particular is amazing. Now, wait, is that, is that, yeah, that's Comeback Kid. That's, that's the greatest episode of Parks and Rec. That's the one where they have to build the platform and everything.

MaxOoh, flu, the flu, I think is my, for me, is the greatest episode. Stop pooping. Apparently an ad lib. The microchip is compromised.

Speaker BThat was an ad lib?

MaxApparently, apparently Stop Pooping was a Rob Lowe ad lib. Really? That checks out. That's, he said, he said that in the Vanity Fair, you know, thing of like looking back at his career thing that I mentioned that YouTube series I've been enjoying.

MerlinThe Vanity Fair goes over your roles.

MaxYeah. He said that was Mandelub. What was the challenge this week? I genuinely forgot. Oh.

MerlinIt's to design an MLM. Kevin, do you have a favorite Parks and Rec?

Speaker ADo you have a favorite Parks and Rec? My favorite Parks and Rec is Snake Juice.

MerlinOh, Snake...

Speaker ASnake... Snake...

MerlinYeah, yeah. It's Juice, right?

Speaker AIs it Juice?

MerlinOh, shit. What's it called? God, the one with everybody's dancing, where the dancing and Jerry's, everybody's drunk?

Speaker AYeah, when it's, they have the nightclub and they have the release party for the snake. It's not snake oil. What's it called? I think it's juice.

MerlinSnake juice. Snake juice.

Speaker AIt doesn't sound right.

MerlinOh my God, it's so good. That's such a good one.

Speaker ANo, it's snake juice. It is, yeah. But that's the one where you see everybody, what every character is like when they're drunk, and that's a really great piece of world building for a comedy show, I think.

MerlinAnd also just like the way that Rashida Jones, she's one of the best comic drunks I've ever seen in my life. Like there's a bunch of people who are really good. She's so good. She really nails that drunk like sorority girl kind of like slurring. Oh, my God. And Ron's going around endorsing Snake Wild, everybody. Snake Juice, Snake Boy.

Challenge this week is to design an MLM. And if you haven't, don't worry, because one of my ideas was if everybody peanut buttered on this, and I want to hear if you did or did not, it's also an opportunity for us to collaborate on a new MLM that we could make together.

MaxThat's what I think we're probably just speculating here. I think that's probably what we're all going to have to do.

AlexWell, here's the thing. I started to design one, and the idea was turning pop sockets into, well, off-brand pop sockets into collectibles. And so basically, I... Interesting.

MaxWhat if Merlin draws the little man in the boat?

AlexYeah.

MaxOn a pop socket.

AlexPop, pop, pop, pop socket. Pop socket. But then I'm like, oh, this is how a drug deal, this is just a downstream for...

Speaker BWould it be kind of like Beanie Babies?

AlexHow people sell drugs. It's basically Beanie Babies. Okay. And then I started researching how crazy bones were distributed, which is basically another.

MaxI fucking, I fucked with crazy bones. I love this one. I had a big old shoebox of crazy bones.

AlexHere's the thing, though. They would be called Pog Sockets because the trademark for that is gone. And the idea, I'm going to bring Pogs. back pogs is trade has a trademark pog so what about okay what about a new hang on what about a reboot of pogs where it's pawgs oh shit 2020 the 2020 reboot pogs and with a z needs a z

Merlinokay yep that's really funny i can already feel the money rolling in tmtm now i also don't i mean

MaxAnd I don't know that crazy bones would fly today. Oh, because it's ableist.

Speaker ACan't say crazy.

Speaker BYeah, what if they're just out of spoons? Oh, because of the spoons. Yes. They're out of spoons. I'm not crazy bones. I'm introverted bones. I mean, that's kind of normal.

MaxOh. I don't want to be normative. I didn't know what the joke was. Mental health normative bones.

Speaker ANon-neurotypical. Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

MaxYeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker AYeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

AlexYeah. Yeah.

MaxI had a concept for an MLM that I wasn't able to really flush out the MLM piece of it. Maybe you guys can help me with that. So I discovered this week, discovered is a strong word, several people linked me to this this week that on Cameo, the Marlo Stanfield character who bought the Joe Exotic Zoo

the really evil guy

Alexthe second wave evil guy the one guy who should be in jail

Maxthe one who the villain of the piece

Merlinhe's the guy with the beard and the bandana

Maxthe reason I call him Marlo Stanfield I think I might have said this on the show last week you develop almost like an affinity for this cast of thugs and idiots and then you're like yeah they're kind of lovable even though they're doing something bad

Speaker BYeah, like Stringer Bell's trying really hard, and he wants to improve the business, and he's kind of a good guy.

MaxYeah, in there, you believe there might be a good guy in there, right? Yes. And then they're like, no, we're going to introduce an even more ruthless sociopath, and you're like, no, that's a real bad guy. Yeah. So it's that guy, the Jeff Lowe character.

MerlinI got questions about that guy. And there's going to be one more episode, right? So we'll get to learn a little bit.

AlexIs that true?

MerlinYeah, Jeff Lowe, Praxis. Jeff Lowe announced, actually, that there would be another episode. Oh, ho, ho. After his Praxis video.

AlexI think that's going to be... Damn.

MaxI don't believe it. So Jeff Lowe is available, as you know, on Cameo. Yes. You can get him to say things on Cameo to you. And I thought that was very funny. And I thought that's an... We could probably build an MLM around having Jeff Lowe say things to you.

Oh, how? Okay. For an MLM, you need a way to viralize it. Yeah. Well, I think... Okay, so I think we need to make a currency that you redeem for Jeff Lowe cameos. So it'd be like low coin.

Speaker BOh, I see. Like flues or beans. That sort of thing. Correct. Low beans. Low beans. Low jack.

MaxLow coin. Low therium. And I think what you would need is a $2,000 low therium. I think you need a $2,000 low therium starter kit that opens up a bunch of... Well, I mean, maybe fuck Jeff Lowe. Maybe we just do it ourselves. Maybe we have like Friday Ethereum and you get a certain number of quotes, motivational quotes and jokes from the hosts of Dubai Friday. So you start out with a white T-shirt is what you're saying.

AlexYes. Okay, okay, okay. Did we all read the Carole Baskin retort of I... The reply. The Hillary reply. I did. I am more convinced that her husband is dead. that she knows it. Like him visiting where? Like Costa Rica?

MerlinBased solely on the way that she talks, just solely on the way that she talks and her body language, I find it difficult to put it entirely out of my mind that she didn't have something to do with that. There's just something about the way she talks.

Speaker AHe's definitely dead.

AlexYeah, I think she's been unjustly maligned, but also he's definitely, definitely dead.

Speaker AHe's definitely dead.

MerlinYeah, I don't know. Did you guys see the two farmers that painted their cow to look like a tiger?

Speaker AOh, no.

MerlinOh, my God. You've got to see this. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Kevin.

Speaker ATiger cow. Just like in Tiger King itself, the moral of the story is that no one is a hero here. So she's maligned, yes, but also she's responsible for his death.

AlexI think his first wife could be responsible. Like he was what they all like. Yep. Even his children were like, oh, yeah, he was a sex addict. And like, OK. Yeah.

Speaker AAll right. Did you hear the in that blog, though, she describes like things that he was doing, like that are like late stage Alzheimer's that are just like the wildest shit. It made me sad. I didn't touch any of that in the documentary. It was really sad. Yeah.

MerlinThis is I'm sorry. This is the decedent. This is the guy who disappeared the van, the plane. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker AThis is what's his name?

MerlinYeah. Yeah, I know who you mean. The pilot. The one with the kids and the Linda Belcher-looking daughter.

Speaker AYes, yes. Okay. He would forget where he was all the time. She alleged that she found him dumpster diving. Wow. And bringing home strange people.

MerlinCan you put that in notes, somebody? I want to see that. Oh, yeah.

Speaker AIt's somewhere.

AlexI have already put it in notes. It's in one of the threads. Oh, man. Poor. Anyway. How's that? everybody doing i'm i'm looking there's a bunch of people from uh tiger king on cameo there's jeph lowe there's jame garrison which is the speedo guy kelsey safari who's the guy who got his arm bit off joshua dial who watched yeah uh i john finley who i don't remember oh john finley

john finley's the toothless husband yeah toothless husband yeah it's just upsetting because in this picture. He has all his teeth. And he's mad.

Speaker BHe's mad about that, I heard.

MaxYou didn't recognize him because he's wearing a shirt.

AlexYeah, that too. That too. But I really want a Doc Antle cameo. Oh, man. Oh, man. What would I even have him say? What's his name?

MaxShawarma? Shawarma Doc? Well, Alex, that's available. I can sell you a $500 Antle coin starter pack. A shawarma

Speaker AEthereum. Your Antlepogs. Antlepogs.

Speaker BHe looks so much like the magician on Bob's Burgers. I can't unsee it. I don't know what it is about him. It looks like Miles Sazerac in my head. Sazerac.

MerlinYeah. I'm trying to find this goddamn tiger. I can't find it.

Speaker ARob Blagojevich is on here.

AlexOh.

Speaker AOh.

AlexThat's.

Speaker AOh.

MerlinThe blog. What do they call him? What's his nickname? The Goy? The blog. What do they call him?

Speaker ABlago.

MerlinBlago.

Speaker BBlagojevich Theorem. That's a terrible name

AlexOh $75 Oh That's the worst part is the price

MerlinI mean

Speaker AI could just go over to that motherfucker's house right now Just go He lives in my neighborhood

MerlinBlagojevich Innocent Could you folks click on the link I sent in the channel It'll go to a Wayback machine Starbuster 2000 Now, a couple things to say here. First of all, I made this in probably 1996 or 7. And the thing to know, this is deliberately ugly. I was deliberately making a Netscape-style page. But this was my first MLM idea. Maybe, how about this?

Max, could I get a reading from you?

MaxYou are visitor number 000023 since June 3rd, 1978. Starbuster 2000, your opportunities begin here. Let me ask you a very simple question. Why aren't you already making a $2,000 leak? The way you wrote $2,000 is very funny in that sentence. It's the details.

Speaker A$2,000.00.

MaxI had a lot of fun with font sizes. It's very funny. Before you deluge me with all of the reasons why you can't succeed, let me tell you a story. When I arrived in this country, I had seven cents in my pocket and a large goiter on my neck. I had a club foot, a hook for a left hand, and a contract on my life from an angry Vietnamese mob boss. Still, I know these were not problems, but opportunities. Now, my friend, that hook holds a specially designed fork that digs into a stake thick as a fist on my good hand every single night.

How does that sound to you? This is not a miracle, and it is not a get-rich-quick scheme. The Starbuster 2000 is a proven success formula based on a very simple principle, distributive marketing reflexivity.

MerlinDMR relies on a concept so simple That it escapes the notice of many pointed Headed briefcase carrying doofuses You are a dynamic and profitable product That you sell to yourself If you're like most people You probably aren't buying or selling yourself You think yourself into poverty with negative thinking What I call NT And it's oldest son negative production attitude or MPA We'll find out if you fail If you fail to succeed because of NT or MPA And there's a quiz you can take here So you guys can take the quiz I just took it. Before you go any further, let us analyze the reasons for your past failure.

I don't have any money. I'm a dullard. I smell like Link's sausage. People say I walk funny. I look like Larry Storch. I watch too much TV and I think bad thoughts. Let me see what my results are. Hey, wow, check it out. I got good results. You may not believe it, but incident analysis shows that you have many of the problems and challenges that are shared by the most successful people.

So I just want to be clear here now. Starbuster, Starbuster 2000, and it's so important that you read that disclaimer at the bottom of the page. Maybe Max can give us a reading of that in just a little while. And I have a whole this is a whole series of ways that you're going to get just super fucking rich really fast. There's my check right program, pyramid of value, motive one, hello central, objection junction. Conjoined triangles of success. And these are, and so this was my first try. I think it was motive one was the one that we might want to talk about today. This is so funny. It's closest to the really pure

idea of where I want to go with this.

Speaker AHuge American money from your phone.

MerlinYeah. Motivational speech opportunities. Many of the folks I've met in this business have taken seminars. How would you feel about making money from motivational speech? So basically you become a motivational speech instruction expert, and then you teach other people how to become motivational speech instructors. What I'm saying here is could we work together to come up with an MLM that's based on creating new MLMs?

AlexOh.

MerlinBecause right now we're constrained by that single line, what I call a revenue line. or downline, bottom line. If you're a power bottom line.

MaxMerlin, why did you make,

Speaker Bthis is unbelievable.

MerlinThis is what I used to do is things like this. I also have a website that's about meeting the celebrities I've met. You can read about when I met Tom Hulse and I said, I enjoy your work and he said, thanks.

MaxDid you somehow make money on this?

MerlinLike a doorknob in a wet sweater. Are you ready to make $2,000 a week? So I don't know. I thought maybe that was something that we could think on.

MaxThis is so funny We've got to put this in the show This is in the show notes

MerlinStarbuster 2000 is not intended for losers Who aren't ready to get rich Or deputized members of federal, state, or local governances If you're not fully engaged with Starbuster You may not experience the results of our most successful clients Starbuster is not responsible for personal ruination Failed marriages, lost jobs, or the inability to procreate Starbuster is not licensed or insured So any risks taken thereunto Are fully the responsibility of said party ready to get rich This offer may be void in states, counties, and municipalities In which the man wants you to stay poor Void where prohibited by so-called law Your results may vary, but probably won't if you're ready. I mean really, really ready to get rich. By visiting this site, you forfeit all rights to a religious nature and declare yourself truly and legally ready to get rich.

Before undertaking any plan to get rich, you should consult other rich people to determine if it's something that you really want. By downloading, viewing, slash reading, slash absorbing the materials here on 2, you tacitly express at least minimal interest in being rich. By telling others about this site, you legally agree that they are ready to get rich and don't cotton any so-called moralistic idea of what's appropriate as regards richness, wealth, big cash dollars, and all other subricets there on 2. No motorcycles after three pounds.

oh boy so yeah some of the sections aren't done and i still got little mail to links in here to my old this is so fun oh mail to merlin at nettally.com oh this is quite a fun man you

Alexthis is really sort of your old school merlin month it's it's great oh you're right it's i'm ready to die you can take me now maybe maybe the dead weep for us really

Merlini love bill mitchell so much oh god what what bill mitchell the the guy from the internet uh

AlexOh, yeah. Did you not see his series of tweets that are just like...

MerlinAbout diarrhea?

AlexHis diarrhea tweets? No, no.

MerlinIsn't he the guy who keeps talking about how everybody dies of diarrhea?

AlexWell, yes, yes. But then he was basically like, let's just embrace death, pretty much.

MerlinOh, that. His death cult won. Yes, that was so good. It was so emo.

AlexI was like, yeah, I think a Hot Topic shirt says that. Man, now I can't find the look.

MerlinAnyway, MLMs are funny. You know, we've had a lot of fun here today, but you know what's really good is actually learning about real MLMs, and that's where you should go and listen to our sponsor today, The Dream. Is that what it's called, The Dream?

MaxYes.

Speaker BYeah, I'm working my way through. I'm finally working my way through. I would say start at that first season, wouldn't you?

MaxOh, season one, episode one. It's not a long podcast. There's only like a total 20 episodes, and they're all. Did you listen to this, Kevin? Mm-mm. Oh, it's a treat. I think you would love it.

Speaker AIs this about the Cyrano's or whatever? Theranos

Maxno no no

Alexno

Maxno yeah Theranos to Bergerac yeah it's no it's a podcast about MOMs and it's

Merlinreally about the relationships people have with each other and how much in a place like where she grew up outside Flint it's this very family thing that's very personal in a way you wouldn't get just looking at from the outside like what are these dummies doing it's a way of a lot of women trying to make money and supporting each other it's really I thought it was very touching and sad and good

Alexyeah man And I it's a good thing to listen to if you want to be depressed about something else, which is kind of where I'm at today.

MaxSo, well, it's it's a you know, I said a little bit about this. What is this? The after show? No, no, I said this. So I don't know. No, I don't know. I said this should be funnier.

MerlinWe should have more funny. There wasn't enough fun.

MaxOh, I agree. Yeah, I thought that, you know, I said a little bit about this last week, but I think there's like something going on in our country right now. among that i i don't know it's like has to do with like we're having this moment of like scams and schemes and mlms and corruption i mean tiger king is in that constellation the dream is in that constellation obviously the entire trump administration in that constellation but you've got like i don't know what is it this moment in history where it's just like the people are very they're they're i think it could be that the that the way that people consume media is so much more

advanced than people's media literacy so it's like very easy to lie to people and manipulate them and get them to to believe things i mean look like how much people listen to our podcast and like who the fuck are we right why should they listen to anything that we say i i've always been as long

Merlinas i can remember anyway i've always been obsessed with um i don't know there's all i'm gonna say the wrong words for this but starting with like an appreciation of the drawings of mc escher when i was a kid and then later on reading like Gertl-Escher Bach in college and then like doing drugs and thinking a lot about you know fractals and recursion and self-replication and all those kinds of things and it might have been one night when I was tripping one of the many nights I was tripping but like the idea of MLMs like really you're too cool for us not I would take it all

back if I could it was a bad idea but I got really into this idea like that you know I'm talking about like where you look at you know um uh you look uh you look at a fractal in the way that it breaks down there's a self-reference and self-replication that kind of stuff and there's just something so elegant about an mlm that like like almost all scams it doesn't matter what's being sold what matters is the process of selling it and it's i mean like i don't want to be coarse but my mom got into mary k when she could scarcely afford to get into mary k because she liked the cosmetics but she loved the idea of this independence where she puts down this 300

She gets two plastic pink cases. And pretty soon, like, she's on her way to a pink Buick. And, like, there's something really beautiful, not beautiful, horrible, but beautiful about that. Whatever you're selling, whether that's, you know, neutral life or whatever, it doesn't really matter. It's like what you're selling is the MLM process. That's what you're, because that's the way, the only way to make money is by bringing in more people. You can sell all the cream in the fucking world. You're not going to get a Buick. You've got to bring in more people to build that, your downline, as they call it. and there's just something about that that i find so endlessly fascinating it my brain will just turn

on it sometimes anyway um other mlm things that are good i feel like there's a bunch i just i love the patter i love i love the way that people talk the people who do it there's something about it that so you can see in the style of what i was trying to write here like there's just something about that guy who wants to know if you're ready to get rich it's just so enticing like yes i am i

Speaker BI'm ready to get rich. It's also that you got the amount of disclaimers on there of like,

Maxare you sure you're ready for this?

Speaker AAre you sure you're ready?

MaxA lot of people say they're ready.

Speaker AAre you afraid to be rich?

MerlinListen, make sure you want it. I have so many friends that wanted to be rich like me. And then when they actually became rich, they weren't as happy as me. They weren't ready for it. They did not have the bioavailable wealth space. around the heart, around the heart. You cannot give this to someone, right? It cannot be taught, but it can be shown, okay? Are you understanding? If you're not understanding, it's because you're not ready to get rich.

I'm crushing your head. I'm crushing your head.

181. Non-Neurotypical Bones

Show notes

Transcript

181. Non-Neurotypical Bones

Show notes

Transcript

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