172. Berry Command Post

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge. Make a new political Twitter list.

Merlin.

MerlinDon't eat.

Alexuh i'm in a i'm grumpy merlin i was a bitch this morning when alex is alex is grumpy i don't like when people go over as as you know there's this studio this five million dollar studio i get grumpy when people go over their time and i i'm just we this is we have literally ended dubai

MerlinFriday. Do you unleash Martha on them?

AlexI just did a... Well, I've written a Martha email that I'm going to be sending this afternoon because I will have to interact with this person during the office hour, so...

Speaker AGood afternoon. If you are receiving this email,

Alexplease be apprised. As per our conversation, earlier today. Oh, God. May I speak with your manager? Max, we're switching out the headphones. This is... Don't worry. Nothing's broken. It is by design. Okay, it's designed to be broken. It is not. I've had such a... I need another $2 million. Cafe talk. Cafe talk. Cafe.

MaxWe did our friends and family. Everything was good. We got some nice comments from friends. Food's coming out. Everything's good, but it's a horrible thing to do with your... Merlin, you've worked in restaurants, right? Yes. A horrible thing to do with your life. Oh, yeah. Oh, you made a terrible decision. No, and it's going to cost you money, too. I had a couple of restaurant owners and chefs and buddies in the industry who came in for our friends and family. And I got nice things to say, nice notes. No, Nick Kokonas has been on our program.

AlexHe's been at the cafe? Yeah, he was there.

MaxI came with his family. They had a wonderful time. He went in the kitchen and high-fived all the chefs and everything. That's not sanitary. He had an awesome meal. They all washed their hands afterwards. And that was great. He had a wonderful time. But I asked Nick when he was in. He was like, man, this is great. He's like, you guys did it. It's open. It's real. The food's great. And I was like, why didn't you tell me? This is what a horrible thing this is to do with your life.

AlexHe has told you multiple times.

MaxSo I just want to send a message. I have a couple of messages to send out into the ether. But to the receptionist at the HVAC Engineering Company in Sarasota, Florida, I'm sorry that I ruined your day. I yelled it at the kid who works at the receptionist for our HVAC engineer I said I had a thing where I called I was like I need the engineer right away dude didn't call me back so I called so I waited 5-10 minutes and he's like I'll give him your message you know it's one of those things where there's only one number and it just goes to his voice he's like okay I'll connect you and it goes

to his voicemail I find that so infuriating because it's so I'm like I know that you could do something but you're just dumping me into his voicemail And so I called back and then I was like, hey, Siri, remind me in 10 minutes. Call the HVAC guy again. Just called and called and called and called and nothing. And can't get back to the guy. And I was finally like, I'm tired of leaving messages. Find me the guy. I was like, I know you're not allowed to hang up on me and I'm not getting off this phone until you connect me with the guy. So I was like, go walk over and find him and tell him that I'm on the phone and I'm very upset.

And the guy's like, well, he's in a meeting. And I said, write it on a sticky note and give it to him in the meeting. And he was like, I'm going to do it and call you back. And I was like, you absolutely will not call me back. You're going to leave me on the phone so I can hear you go and do it. And he goes into the room and he's like, okay, I told him. And so I go, okay. And I go, I'm expecting him to call me right away because I was out of ammo at that point. And so I hang up and then I go, Siri, set a reminder for 10 minutes, call the HVAC guy. I call back, go, where's the dude? He goes, oh, they all went out to lunch just now.

And I fucking flipped out. I was so mean to this guy. So I eventually got the dude's personal cell phone number and the boss's personal cell phone number to start harassing them. And then I got on their case. But anyway, I... Did you get it resolved? I sort of got it resolved.

MerlinI sort of got it resolved. Why did you hire HVAC people from Sarasota?

MaxWell, the dude is in Chicago, but his firm is based. They have like a Chicago office, but I guess they're based in Sarasota. I didn't know that when I hired him or it would have factored into my decision. But maybe that's why he's bad at math and makes a lot of mistakes.

AlexSo is the youth bad or is the guy bad?

MaxThey're all bad. They're all canceled. All bad. I really, well, maybe Alex has a different story to tell. But I normally do not think that I'm that mean to people. But I got very emotional. And part of it, you're very firm.

MerlinAnd you seem very aware of what you need or want. And you have a focus on that that I think people respect.

Speaker BHmm. Hmm.

MerlinYou know? That's like in that movie Uncut Gems about the Sarasota HVAC industry. You know, all the ins and outs and gambling debts. I'm going to go fucking Klobuchar mode. I'll tell you what it is.

MaxJust chucking staples. There is something about the restaurant where, you know, at Cards, we have a certain... You're pretty hungry this morning. Yeah. I thought I had more time to shove the egg of cheese into my mouth. But it's 20 after 9. Well, can I tell you what I'm doing, though? So I'm getting the egg of cheese, and you ask at the McDonald's, you go, give me a grape jam. You go, give me a grape jam with that. That's a good idea. You should mention that on the show.

AlexWe should talk about this.

MaxYou put the grape jam on the egg of cheese.

AlexHave we said this?

MerlinWas Nick Akonis able to come to the cafe opening? Did Nick Akonis come to the cafe opening? What about Nick Akonis? Someone's born every day who doesn't know that I left Twitter. Nick Kakonas? You're almost completely off at this point.

AlexYeah. Well, we're not going to dig dug into our challenge quite yet, I think. All right.

MaxHere's the deal. Here's the thing. The Cards staff, I think at this workplace, we have a fairly lackadaisical approach to our work and responsibilities and people kind of meander and whatever. Or sometimes I go over to someone's desk and I'm like, hey, where is this person? And the person's like, oh, it's Thursday. They're at the vet. And I'm like, what?

Speaker BWe literally are doing that right now.

MaxNo, I know. We're trying something new right now where we all work. As opposed to before. How's that going?

Speaker AIt's going.

MaxAlex is here. Yeah. We almost started on time today. but anyway but at the you know in the restaurant industry in general and at the cafe like very different working situation like our our general manager our executive chef like our floor managers like they're fucking in there you know they're there until 1.30 in the morning 2 a.m. in the morning counting the pennies from the registers last ones out sweeping up washing shit getting ready for service putting the fucking folding up the napkins

for the next day like trying to get ahead for the next day And then they're back in like 8 a.m., you know, go home, sleep for four hours, shower, come back, open up the next day. That's living. It's fucking, it's, I mean, right now we're like in it because we have to do everything for the first time. And it's not always going to be this intense.

MerlinBut like they're just working so hard.

MaxAnd I don't.

MerlinThere's never, there's never not work. Any new business is always going to have endless amounts of mostly unknowable new work. I mean, it's not strictly true, but it's true enough. Any new business. there's going to be stuff that you could not have accounted for that goes for google it's not just cafes it goes for everybody um there's that part but there's there also is something special about a restaurant it is there's so much needle threading that needs to happen with a restaurant and when you take that you know the needle threading of well we want the freshest ingredients but then that limits the size of our menu unless we want to have old stuff around and there's just

a million different trade-offs in getting the quality and level of service that you're looking for. If it were easy to do, there would be many more successful restaurants. There's always new stuff to do. I was there

Maxclosing down with everyone. It was 1.45 in the morning and someone comes out with a big envelope of pennies and it's like, we're going to count all these. Pennies seem like a big issue. I was sort of giving the general manager, I was sort of giving her, I was sort of like, does this really need to be done at 1.45 in the morning? And she was like, she was like, buddy, you don't even want to know what happens if this doesn't get done right now. Like, you know, it's like you don't even want to know when you get behind what happens.

MerlinOh, that's an interesting way to look. I think about that same thing just in my home life, in my role as operations officer, where I'm always trying to stay, if not one step ahead, at least, like, keep up with the things. And there's always more things. Plate spinning is the best analogy I can think of. like on the old Ed Sullivan show where people were literally spinning a plate on the end of a pointy stick. And that's really what it feels like. And with a restaurant,

it's so nightmarish. So my working restaurant-

MaxI will say- Oh, sorry. I thought you cut out for a second.

MerlinNo, not at all. Go ahead.

MaxYou probably don't know this, but we have latency. I called someone the other day on the phone and they picked up the phone and they go, uh-huh. Oh, that's inappropriate.

AlexAre they Chad from SNL? What the fuck?

MaxI was a contractor, one of the dudes who works in the building. I call them, picks up the phone. A business professional picks up the phone and goes, uh-huh. He picked up the phone. He goes, uh-huh. I also like, sometimes I call people. This is a more high-powered, this is a more high-powered. You know where I would hear this is like in the advertising world. Someone would pick up their phone and they would go, and they'll pick it up and they go, Max, go.

MerlinWell, that's the thing. Oh, like you're somebody in a Hollywood movie.

MaxYes, and they pick it. So they'll be like, you know. Max, go. I'm going to do that. That's good. I like that. You pick up the phone. You go, Merlin, go. It's just like, it's.

MerlinYeah.

MaxYeah, I kind of like that.

MerlinThere's a lot of cute stuff like that. You could also say, go for Max.

AlexYes, that is what I have gotten. Not from Max.

MerlinI like go for Max. Go for Max. I like that a lot.

AlexGo for Max.

MerlinOne of my dad's, my late father's best friends, was this really interesting guy named Jerry Berry. And Jerry Berry works at the Cincinnati Police Department. He was a really interesting guy.

MaxDid he steal jam from a campsite?

Speaker BReally into jams today. Big jam today.

Speaker APut some jelly on it.

MerlinSo Jerry Berry was a very interesting guy. He loved honey. He's always getting a beehive stuck on his head.

You have to get off this flight, sir. Go for Jerry Berry. So anyway, my late father had this friend by the name of Jerry Berry. Jerry Berry worked for the Cincinnati Police Department. He was a really cool guy. And whenever you call Jerry Berry at his house, he'd pick up the phone and go, he'd say, you pick up the phone and go, Berry Command Post, come on.

Speaker AAnd it was so fucking baller. Go for Jerry Berry. I got jelly on my belly. There's a bear in the air. Hammer down. Wow. Double up is on the dime.

MaxWhat if someone calls me?

Speaker AMercy, mercy.

MerlinJerry Berry.

Speaker AGo for Jerry Berry. He's a little bit hairy and not too scary.

MerlinGo for Jerry.

MaxYou are through too, Keith. What if I pick up the phone? My phone rings. I pick it up and I go, fuck, what was it? Temkin Command Post, go.

MerlinTemkin Command Post, come on. It might be Gary Barry Command Post, go on

Speaker BYou should just pick up the phone and say

MerlinGo off, King Now I don't know if you should recognize that voice

MaxAlex, what do you say when you answer the phone?

AlexI say, hello. That's it. This is it. It's this. I go, why? Why are you calling? Actually, usually when you call me, I say, what's up? What's wrong?

What did I do? And when Maddie calls, I just go into whatever. I'm like, have you seen this tweet? I think it's different for every person. Like you're having an ongoing conversation.

MaxYou know what I do that's annoying? that I know is annoying is, so I occasionally, during work hours only, during work hours only, if I have like a more, basically something that needs to be talked through, like an issue of like medium complexity, I will just pick up the phone and call people and I know that, I know that's like, people do not care for that, but I just do it because it's,

Merlinit's a bummer though because sometimes that will save you a week of work. Let's just have this one two minute phone call. Right. Like you're not allowed to go do, you're dissembling an evasive email mojo where you ignore it for a while and then incompletely respond and now it's a week later one phone call solve it boom done right so i do that all if i'm

Maxlike you know this is this could be done in a two-minute phone call i'll just pick up the phone call people so occasionally i'll do that i'll call alex during the work week and i'll be like alex uh you know i'll be like uh hey siri call alex cox mobile and it'll start ringing and alex will pick up and Alex will go, what's wrong? And I'll go, and then I feel bad because I know that I startled Alex. And I'll go, nothing. I go, nothing. What's going on? And Alex will start

Alexdancing. I'm like, hey, what's going on? And I start listing my OmniFocus tasks that I've

Maxcompleted. No, no. And Alex is like, oh, not much. I'm feeling a little sick and Maddie's got this dog. And I'm like, let me stop you right there. What HDMI cable should I put in this thing?

AlexI have never made conversation during work in my life. I'm like, what's... I always give people a window. I'm like, hey, what's up? And then I... You always say what's up, and I'm like, just go in. Just go in. That's why I always say, when you ask people what up.

MaxI don't want to pick up the phone and be like, Temkin Command Post, what HDMI cable do I put?

AlexNo, you just say, hey, yeah, hey, okay, great example. The other, like, I agree with you. Calling somebody, especially, like, at your level when you're managing so many people, it's usually best to just call somebody, and then that puts the train in motion and it gets going on time. You know, I shouldn't even have to call people.

MaxI should have people to call people for me.

AlexExactly. Well, that's the thing.

MaxAlex, call Maddie and ask if you guys are coming over for Survivor tonight.

AlexOh, yeah. Opsec, but probably. Wait a minute.

MerlinIs it tonight?

AlexIt's tonight.

MerlinWinners of war, baby. Do you guys want to hear who I drafted? In a minute, let's finish this thread.

AlexLet's after show that. If you're into Survivor,

MerlinHey.

AlexDon't cancel your Patreon, please. Unless you want to talk about it during the show.

MerlinEvery phone call should begin after the person who's been called picks up the phone and greets the other person. The person who's made the call should say, first thing out of your mouth, you are not in trouble. Hey, Cox Command Post.

AlexThat's what I do. Cox Command Post. I say everything is fine. Stand by. Cox Command Post.

MaxHow would people find our survivor pics on the after show if they were so fine?

AlexWell, well, well. Good question, Max. you would go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and that's where you can get our exclusive after show where I say mean things and make very homophobic and transphobic jokes.

MaxOn this week's after show, I will reveal the long-awaited secret recipe I use at McDonald's to maximize my deliciousness on the egg and cheese sandwich. I know our fans have been waiting to hear what the secret ingredient is. Oh. Does it involve a condom? You can ask me. Oh, you bet. A bear? A bear? And here's the best part. It's free. It's 100% free. The condiment, not the after show. The after show is $5 a month. They have to give it to you if you ask.

AlexThey have to give it to you.

MaxYes.

AlexAnd here's the good thing. If you don't just want the after show, you don't need to pay those $5. You can pay the $10, and occasionally you'll get a special treat in the mail.

MaxLet's all go around and say, because we all make, we split the money evenly that comes in from the Patreon. Let's all go around and say what we bought with it this week.

AlexOkay.

MaxAll right.

AlexWell, let me start.

MerlinI'll be fast. All right. I bought some shelf liners for my wire shelves so I can put up my dolls. I'll send you a photo of my dolls that I'm setting up.

Because the dolls kept falling over because their little feet, their little feet would go through the grates of the wire. Cause I've got that, that name brand wire shelving, the toilet, tharp and kitchens like, and so I have that. And then I, I use my Patreon money to buy liners so I could put up my dolls.

AlexI'm over. Oh,

Merlingo on.

AlexAll right. Copy that. you can listen to my other program at two headed girl, FM.com. And you'll find out what you're constantly spending that money on. Max, how about you?

MaxI bought an $11,000 Mac Pro computer that's going to be delivered in two weeks. Did you get the stand for the monitor? Well, I know that the most common... Let me just put it this way. Question, did I buy the $999 monitor stand? Answer, yes, I did.

Speaker BOh, my God.

MaxNow, did I get the special nano-texture version of the screen that you can only clean with the little gay rag that Apple gives you? Edit that out.

Speaker ANope.

MaxAnswer. Nope. Answer, no, I did not. No, I did not. Oh. No, I did not. Interesting. So you economized. So I did, here's what I did. All middle sliders. So I got, so here's what I bumped up.

Speaker AInteresting.

MaxHere's what I did. I got, the first thing I got was four terabytes of memory just because I, so why am I getting.

MerlinFour terabytes of RAM?

MaxNo, no, no, no. Of hard drive, hard drive. Oh, of disk space. Disk space, yes.

AlexYeah. I was confused by the memory.

MaxSo here's my thinking. The main thing I'm getting this computer for is that I do the bulk of the video. Alex and I split the bulk of the video editing for Cards Against Humanity. And as we do more and more high-production video things to announce our shit, we have more and more 8 and 4K footage.

Oh, so you need this for your work. I sort of need it for my work. But not enough that my partners would let me expense it to the company. They said that it was, quote-unquote, ridiculous and unnecessary. That it would, quote, be cheaper to hire someone else to do that work. Are you reading from an email right now? Maybe. Not that I'm bitter about it. Not that you're bitter. Oh, man. It's because you run the company and stuff. And I told them, I tried to explain to them how nice I thought it would look on my desk, and they did not.

MerlinThat would help morale for the entire group to know that you're the good computer boy would just make everybody happy. You know, I hadn't thought of that angle, but that is true. Putting out salty treats. It's just you're improving morale. Yep.

AlexBut I will say, again, iMac Pro, perfect, beautiful, love it so much.

MerlinI still have not talked about it on the show.

MaxNow, Stephen told me to bump up the graphics card, so I got one nicer option of graphics card than the default. And that's what I did for everything, one nicer than the default on everything.

MerlinOh, you did middle slider plus one.

MaxNo, no. Waiter, bring us a bottle of your second cheapest champagne. Yeah. Ah, the tacos stuffed inside of the lobster. Excellent, sir. Very good.

Merlin, how do you answer the phone?

MerlinVery curious. Bring, bring, bring. Hoi hoi. No, I just say, usually I see the name of the person, and then I try to make some kind of contextually appropriate remark.

Speaker ALike, hey, fuck your mother, Wayne, or whatever.

AlexI also go with...

MerlinThat's just with Wayne. Wayne's a dick. I don't know who Wayne is.

AlexWayne, he's Waldo's... Oh, Wayne Waldo. Yeah, he's Waldo's bottom bitch.

MerlinNick Kakonis. Nick Kakonis. Nick Kakonis.

AlexRed leather, yellow leather.

MerlinNick Kakonis.

AlexNick Kakonis.

MerlinKakonis. Crispy Crumb. So, oh, so anyway, you bought, now you, you, you, you'd quoted us a different number in the text channel. Was that a typo or are you trying to not seem like the fancy computer boy?

MaxNo, so I bought the, so I can, my first, so I went on just without no adult supervision and I configured a $14,000 computer. and then I asked in our super secret channel and the Chad John Syracuse linked me to a two hour podcast episode where he configurated his Mac and he gave me some advice and Steven gave me some advice and Casey and then I dialed it in closer to 11,000 but the other thing is I realized upon talking John Syracuse is less of a friend

Merlinand more of an obscure microfiche service he doesn't say jokes he communicates jokes he doesn't give advice He shares links to places where he talked about something once. And then, I don't know. It's just like.

AlexThat was a helpful link. It was helpful. Yeah. They break it down by chapters.

MerlinFlying monkeys, flying monkeys. Two more. Put them on the list.

MaxSo John also very. John also. I hope I'm not blowing anyone's spot up. But he also did link me to some YouTube videos where they show how you can put aftermarket RAM and hard drives into your Mac Pro. Because it's a real computer for adults. and that made me feel better about not spending a ton of money on RAM and hard drive space right now.

AlexYeah, Quinn, oh, I forgot. Not Editor Quinn, YouTuber Quinn. I'll put him in the show notes, but he is an amazing.

MerlinIs that new Quinn? New Quinn.

AlexNew Quinn, Quinn number two. He does a great. Okay, that's confusing.

MerlinThere shouldn't be two Quinns.

AlexThere really shouldn't. But, man, just breaking down the Mac Pro and all of the, It is a computer for grownups, but the things that they put in there that are proprietary don't hinder it. They just make it even better. There's just a shelf. Have you not watched this video? It's a little not safe for work for me.

Speaker AI don't watch computer videos.

AlexYou know what? You spend more time on YouTube than I do.

Speaker AI watch lesbians in vans and why songs are good.

MerlinWhy would I watch a video about computers? It's so fucking weird. Oh, this one's a good computer. Is this a good computer? This one is a pretty good computer.

AlexI love computers so much. Hi, guys, and welcome back. Oh, shit. Max, did you get wheels?

MerlinLet's do a time for our Tuesday two-fers where I take two of the good computers and compare them.

AlexThey're nice boys. Please remember to like and subscribe. Hey, guys. Oh, boy. Can we talk about this world where I- I did not get the wheels. Oh, man. I want someone to run me over with wheels.

MaxI really, I just- Step on me with the wheels. Yep. Alex, by the way, you're making fun of me for my computer, but I spent, I only spent, I only spent, I'm making fun of both of you. I spent $2,000 more on mine than you spent on yours.

AlexOh, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute.

MaxYou didn't spend it on yours. I spent it on yours.

AlexYes, you, for one.

MaxSomebody still owes me a computer.

AlexI think so. But we have, I guess we haven't talked about really our fancy boy computers. And like Merlin said, I think we should. And then half of the audience can get really mad about it. and the other half can say it's the best episode ever.

MaxI don't like to... Veronica loves the ones where we talk about Apple computing.

AlexI don't know if you're big, Sir.

MaxI like any time where people talk about

Merlinwhich one's the good computer.

AlexShe's science. She's a big computer and a little computer.

MerlinAre you a big computer boy or a little computer boy?

AlexOh, man. I have to say, though, when I was showing Kevin how fast, like, we didn't need to use proxy media. we could just render it in real time. And he's like, oh, so all of that stuff, like we did a lot of test runs for our Dubai Friday. Oh, wow, our Black Friday stunt this year. And it took like multiple laptops to just, you know, render all that test footage. And it went real fast on the CIMAC Pro.

So, you know, a couple months earlier, it would have made everyone's lives earlier, but that is on me. Should have gotten everyone drunk earlier.

MerlinWe left a thread open somewhere here about computers.

MaxHow we answer the phone?

AlexYes. Oh, yeah. Go on.

MerlinGo on.

AlexI answer again.

MerlinYou know, he was Jerry Berry worked for the Cincinnati Police Department.

AlexOh, yes. Go on.

MerlinAnd he was a police guy. And one of the things that he would do is do instructional things to people on safety things. And one day he was doing a safety demonstration on dynamite and it blew up in his hand. and it blew off three of his fingers. What? He was left with a hang loose hand.

AlexThis isn't a bit?

MaxYou know what? He could probably get that whole hand into a jar of honey, though. Oh.

Speaker BOh, boy.

MerlinThe computer that... Okay, so I don't like to over-assume that people... I love an inside joke. I love a bit because it's always two things with me. But at the same time, I also don't want to over assume. What people may have missed if they did not or could not tolerate our epic holiday party was that there was a long holiday party episode. And then right after that, another probably equally long after show with our same group of friends. And the cliffhanger that you might have been left with was that Alex, thanks to the provocation of the devil on Max's shoulder named Marco Armit.

Speaker AThanks, Barco.

MerlinI cajoled Max into, Alex, they configured a computer, and then Max, right after the break, we came back, and a computer was purchased. And so Alex is now, today, two months later, a month and a half later, in receipt of an iMac Pro.

AlexI am dead serious.

MerlinIs it a good computer? Are you a good computer girl?

AlexIt is amazing. I forgot how terrible laptops are, and it genuinely, like I still need to use, like I have a MacBook Pro that we use at events all the time still because it's always good to have a backup and I've basically configured mine to be as much like Max's laptop as possible so that he can use it during live shows without messing stuff up.

But it's so fast. It's so like the few times I have to open Chrome, it actually like I'm not even Chrome just shouldn't be on laptops. It is the absolute fucking worst. But wow, Logic and Final Cut, they are like speed demons on this thing.

MerlinOh, man.

AlexAnd it's yeah, it's wild. It's interesting too that the way I feel when using an iMac Pro is how I feel using an iPad Pro because it just works.

Part of this is I've only been using this computer for three months or so. but like not, you know, I even upgraded to Catalina a few weeks when everything was, I was told like, yep, everything's squared away and also a bunch of people in our office upgraded to Catalina so I needed to know what the bugs were so I could fix, figure out what was going wrong with theirs. But yeah, people should download Catalina, it's not, it's mostly fixed. Um, I am just like aghast at how powerful this thing is.

Like, I know you don't people a lot of people here don't do video stuff, but not having to use proxy media and being able to edit right off the hard drive.

MerlinSo tell me tell me what that means. I think I have a guess on what that means. I'm guessing that's along the lines of back in the day when a Premiere would have this folder where it would be rendering things. And so it has enough memory and power to just slam everything into RAM. Is that what's happening?

AlexYep. How is it so powerful? So both. There's 32 gigs of RAM and four terabytes of storage, meaning that instead of having to edit off of an external hard drive, well, now mostly.

MerlinOh, I see what you're saying. Owing to the fact that you were on a laptop. Yes. Okay.

AlexBut also a laptop, other than the 15 inch, now 16 inch, like you can't really edit reliably on one of those without using proxy media, which means basically like a down res diversion of your footage. And then you sync it all back up afterwards so that it, and Final Cut does a great job of doing this automatically. I actually think proxy media works best on Final Cut. speak to Avid. Wow, this is getting

into a whole different podcast. Sorry.

MerlinBecause, at least partly, as we've talked about before, this is the show, because it is especially optimized by Apple for Apple stuff. Did I hear a bleep

Alexbloop? What's up? Beep boop. Boop. Boop. Boop. Who's contributing?

MaxBloop bloop. Oh, beep boop.

AlexBeep boop. Go on.

Speaker AMerry command post. Merry command post. Come on now.

MerlinIt's Jerry Barry. I lost my fingers. I'm making a Chaka bra with my hand. Hey, Chaka bra.

MaxTemkin Command Post. Come on. Come on now.

MerlinIt's not lost on me. Jerry Berry. Jerry Berry has not lost. Has not lost the irony of the fact that he was conducting a safety seminar when his fingers were blown off. Oh, my goodness. Jerry Berry's aware. Jerry Berry aware.

Jerry Berry aware. Because the thing is, I mean, I don't know if that, I mean, I don't think he was a Gerald. I think the Berry family had a little baby boy named Jerry. Jerry Berry. What a sweet name.

MaxHe does sound like a woodland creature. Oh, fuck. Bernie Sanders won New Hampshire.

Speaker AThat's exciting. Hang on. Hang on. Pause.

MerlinPause. Hang on. You can save this for the after show, but I selfishly also have things. I have computer things to talk about, selfishly.

Speaker AOh, good.

MerlinBecause the tease on this will just be, if we don't have time, that's fine, because I have a kind of hard to shout. But for the first time since 2015, I'm at a point where I'm like a little bit, hmm. Like, I don't needy-mcneed-need-need a new computer today, but the clock's ticking. And I'm in, just the setup for this is that I have a beloved 2015 5K Retina iMac. Love it, love it, love it. And, you know, I'm pretty comfortable with everything here.

But I, this is a word problem. This is one of those, you know, Phyllis is a train, and she walks away from the watermelon at 6 p.m. You know, how many parsecs did it take to find her jerryberry? I, so I'm on that 2015, still very capable iMac on whatever the old system is. Because I always wait. So my system, is that Mojave? Probably. Mojave.

AlexYou might be on High Sierra, actually. High Sierra. Hi, Sierra.

MerlinI'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on, I'm on. I'm on Mac OS Mojave 1014.6.

AlexOkay, okay.

MerlinBut I'm on the horns of a dilemma because here's the thing. Yeah, I don't want all my stuff to break. I think my stuff is mostly fine. The problem is the one podcast that I edit such as I do is in the old GarageBand. Right? And so that's not going to work on Catalina.

Speaker BWhy not partition?

MaxWhy not partition? I don't know. Are you, Merlin, you're concerned about being able to open the old episodes if you upgrade? It is that.

MerlinAll other things being equal and everything here currently working. I'm 53 years old and I like things that just work. I'm not really a maverick about stuff anymore. So I wish everything could just keep running the way it's running. My problem is, okay, I now have to figure out how many ways I want to upgrade how I do podcasts. One idea is to learn to do it in Fairright, which I'm playing with. and I like, but I don't think that's really the best use of my time. The other one is to learn logic, which is not impossible, but I do need to learn that.

Anyway, I'm just trying to tease this. I would like to get advice on what time frame I should think about for getting an iMac Plus.

MaxYou should get the Mac Pro. I would go higher sliders than I got for your needs. For the Mac Pro? The Mac Pro. You're going to want the nanotexture screen. Absolutely, you're going to need that.

MerlinSo I'm going to do medium sliders plus plus for the Mac Pro Plus?

MaxMac Pro Plus. I would definitely start with medium plus plus. Some of them you're going to go all the way up. Should I get sliders for the Enterprise? You know what? John Roderick said something. I do not remember if he said this in person or on the show to me. But he said, there are some things in your life. We were talking about buying a car. And he said, there are some things in your life that you buy because you make the most pragmatic decision for what you need. and there are some things you buy with money, not as an afterthought, but it's like not the top consideration

and you're buying it because it makes you feel good and it makes you happy and you only get so much time on this planet and sometimes you just buy the one that makes you happy. And I think that given how much time, for me like a mattress goes in that category just based on how much of my life I spend interacting with the mattress and I use it every day and I spend so much time on it.

AlexThat I think doesn't count because you use it, it doesn't just bring you joy, it brings you physical benefits. Sure, well a lot of people

Maxdon't, I mean I agree with you, it seems like common sense to me, a lot of people don't want to spend a lot of money.

MerlinAnother example might be a certain kind of like a kitchen dingus where there's a whole class of kitchen dingai that people buy every year when they break and there's other ones like a John Syracuse that has like a cheese grater or a spatula that you get like an attachment to. We have a plastic spoon I think I told you this, we stole from my kids preschool years ago and it's just a Cuisinart plastic spoon but I use it every single day.

MaxThere you go. Right? So something like that. The Macintosh computer, for me, I think, moved into the second category of, which is an amazing thing that Apple's managed to do to my brain. Instead of buying, like, what's the most efficient tool for my use and what's the least I can spend on it, to be the one that's like, well, I'm going to be on this for eight hours a day, so what's the one that's going to make me happy to use?

MerlinOh, I totally take your meaning. I mean, if you drive a cab or a Lyft, Remember when everybody started getting those, what are those called? Those seat covers. Is it Shanghai seat covers or Hong Kong seat covers? But you know those beaded seat covers that suddenly everybody had.

AlexA little thing there. All right. There, keep going. I have too much day, Chloe, me. Woo! Okay.

MerlinSo what I was going to say was, okay. So now we just leave all the racism on the table and throw the meat away. Okay.

Speaker AOkay. Never mind. Okay, never mind. No, I want to hear about the beads.

MerlinMy thing is, God, you people are, you have such disordered minds, the two of you. I do. My concern is I don't want to hear about your MSG sensitivities.

AlexPlease. I want to hear about the beads.

MaxListen, they're so good at math. Could you describe the beaded cover in the voice of the driver?

MerlinThe irony is you want to drive again an hour later. So the thought I had is I just don't want to get cucked by, because I do not need this right now. I can just keep rolling on Mojave for a while My main thing is I don't know why I'm turning to you two Ferrets for this But I do want to know

MaxBecause you want permission Because you've already made your mind up And you know what you want And you want permission And Merlin I'm telling you

MerlinIt's not a question of whether I'm going to spend too much money on this It's how soon will I spend too much money on this Merlin Merlin

MaxMerlin Merlin this is Max Listen to me Buy the computer Crank that shit all the way up Buy the computer you need for your work This is your buddy Max I'm giving you permission And don't wait, you want it right now Get it right now Get that Mac Pro, get it with the wheels Get the nano texture Have you seen the nits on that baby?

MerlinThe nits are so netty

MaxGet it man, it's going to make you happy

MerlinGet fucking covered in nits Get the computer Get the computer Get the computer

MaxIf you buy it on your credit card you're going to get the points If you buy it on the Apple business site, you're going to get 10% off. You can't afford not to get it. Get it right now.

MerlinI don't have any of those things. I live in a refrigerator box. What can I say? Alex will help you out.

AlexYeah. All right. I think that's allowed. Yeah.

MerlinYou know what I think I'm going to do? What I may do is hire a plumber to hook up the hot water to my bidet.

AlexOh.

MerlinThere is no try, as Yoda says, when it comes to this bidet. It's either off or blasting the fucking shit out of your little dinkle. Woof. and that's just cold water. And it goes from... It tears me apart. So I've been practicing with the bidet. Cold water bidet. Cold water bidet. I've been practicing. So I've been practicing just turning it on a little bit and it's like a 12-year-old boy hitting the headboard, buddy. It just flies across the room. It just hits my bathroom door

on the opposite wall. It's like you've been feeding it almonds.

MaxExactly. Rejoice. Do you feel like I should get the good computer? You should get it right away. Make it get it. You work so hard. You work so hard, Merlin. I do. I work so hard and I need it from the iMac Plus. No, get the Mac Pro, man. I don't need the Mac Pro. That's too many money. Well, how about this, though? How about, let me give you this argument. What about this? Yeah. You can put more shit in it. It'll last longer. Oh, you're so

Merlinthe fucking. It's expandable. Don't I, don't then, um, in for diamond for a dollar pound? Like, don't I then have to go buy the bracket and the monitor with the knit, knit, uh, knit cloth? No, no. You do not have

MaxYou can use your fucking crusty If I like my doctor I can keep him? You can use your Let me just say this If you like your crusty Dell monitor you can keep it Let me be clear Let me be clear If you like your disgusting peripherals And you want to plug them into the Mac Pro You can keep them

Speaker AOh that's pretty good

MaxDo it, man. You work hard. You deserve it. You know what's happening to me is I've successfully for the last year, I've really deadened myself to this sort of like bad political news cycle, like watching the Trump administration, the impeachment, all the illegality. It's either very funny to me, like I think Trump is sort of a farcical, funny character, and even occasionally sympathetic in a very, because he's just like all.

MerlinHe's so nakedly broken. Right. It's like... But he's like a David Brent sort of classic, David Brent or John Cleese kind of character where we just... It's us getting to watch him think he's pulling it off when he's not that makes it so tragic. He is a tragic figure. I don't like him much, really. But it is difficult to watch him be so... He's the fucking, as he likes to remind us, he's the president, the 45th president of the United States.

Hillary was supposed to win. He doesn't know why he's there. You know, he's the dog who caught the fucking car. And now, and he's just so, his Twitter, I don't follow him on Twitter, but sometimes I'll just go, I'll see all the dust up and the, you know, rhubarb, rhubarb, and I'll go look at his, and it's like, holy shit, the last couple of days have been fucking mental.

MaxHe is seriously melting down. Well, everyone has said this probably every week since he became president, so I get it. But anyway, all I was going to say is like I've really over the last year, I've like really like kind of dead myself to it. I just I don't know. I just don't I feel like I enjoy not I don't take the bait. Like I mostly think it's kind of funny. And I've gotten to a pretty good place with it of like I'm not reading the news all the time. And I've mostly been able to get off of Twitter and all that. However, I have now. Mostly, mostly. In the in the.

MerlinYeah. Except for the time. But he's got mechanisms.

MaxI have mechanisms. I'm following everybody. here's the deal I've now opened my heart to the Bernie Sanders campaign and I've allowed myself to care I've allowed myself to care

Merlinoh you've let him into your heart

MaxI've allowed myself to care just a little bit I was sort of watching it and I was like yes intellectually I support Bernie I hope he's the nominee I watch it like data I'm like and I'd be like I should get a cat yeah right this candidate I agree with his positions and I like what he's about and now I have started oh so it's like they say about the chicken and the pig

Merlinright they say the chicken is involved but the pig is committed so you're involved but you're not committed

Maxright well I've fucking hogged out for Bernie I've just started caring I'm very invested I'm rooting for him I'm starting to get a little bit involved in the campaign maybe but I just love that dude. I love the campaign. I love the movement and it's so funny because now... Let's go to Nevada. Well, we don't say it like that. But I... But I... Man, the weirdest thing is... What does this have to do with spending too much on a nice computer?

Now that I've started caring about Bernie a little bit, I get so fucking mad at the political... Like I just saw Trump fired the prosecutor or the prosecutors quit because Trump interfered with all the prosecutors on the

Merlinright all four of the prosecutors resigned from the case I know and I and

MaxI saw that this morning and I got so mad and I was like boy I haven't gotten that emotional about a Trump thing and all in a long time firing Vindman and

Merlinhis brother and then he loves to do this thing where it's like he said about Maria Yovanovitch of like bad things are gonna happen to her where he's just he's basically intimating that yeah he's okay with the military basically somehow I I guess through some dark star chamber prosecuting Vindman and it's like holy shit dude it's just and now you're mad but anyway now that you're the pig instead of the chicken you're really feeling it in your haunches. Yep. Now I care again.

But you've opened your heart and now you're vulnerable you're alive again.

Speaker ABeing alive someone to

Merlinsit on my stamps. How are you

Maxfeeling about your champion, your gladiatorial champion in the arena of politics, Elizabeth Warren.

AlexOh, let's not be... Okay, we don't need to bully... I'm not bullying. I'm asking how he's feeling.

MerlinNo, he's just asking the question.

AlexI'm just asking. All right.

MerlinI just want people to be happy, Max.

AlexChapo got pretty mean. I'm not Chapo. I'm asking Merlin.

MerlinWe should watch that Key and Peele video together.

MaxEveryone I know in my life, For the most part, I think now everyone I know probably supports either Bernie or Elizabeth. And I'm curious. Still? I think so. And I mean, I don't think I know anyone. I mean, maybe I know some like Mayor Pete fans. I did know some Andrew Yang fans. They're all like, they're all sad today. But I'm just. It's like they turned off Bitcoin or something. I don't know. I don't know any Klobuchar. He's the Bitcoin of candidates. I don't know any Klobuchar fans.

You don't feel the momentum? I do not feel the clob-mentum. Club-bubble. Oh, that was my joke I was going to make an hour ago of that fucking guy in that office in Sarasota. If I was there, I would have gone full Klobuchar. I would have thrown a stapler at him.

No, but okay. So I'm curious for the Warren people. Are you like ride or die for Warren? Do you think she's going to come back in some way?

MerlinWell, to be honest, we should just watch this Key and Peele insult comic video because it's really good. Good challenge. So what's the deal? You're sticking with her? You very first introduced the political Twitter list to us a very long time ago. We love because we love to have you. The water's great. Come on in. We love to see it. We love to have you. Let's see. I found a document for this just the other day. The original political... Do you want Mayor Pete? Because this is how you get Mayor Pete.

AlexThis is how you get ants. You know what? Jazz Girl has an opinion. I like that in 2020.

MaxMerlin, if you leave treats out, you're going to get rats.

Speaker ASnakes.

MaxSnakes, snake, snake. If you take my meaning.

AlexI am disappointed. I am disappointed that...

MaxBecause Pete Buttigieg is a rat.

AlexThat's how you get snesbians. Yep, yep. Well, that's the thing. In 2020, Alex Cox fucking hates the gay candidate. Well, not gay.

MaxWow. Is that something you should recognize? We can't prove that.

MerlinAllegedly.

AlexChaston, if you're listening. Allegedly. I think it's Chaston.

MerlinI think it's Chaston.

AlexChaston? chat. Listen, even he doesn't know how to pronounce his last name.

MerlinWow. That's the hill you're going to die on? He's allegedly

Alexgay. Allegedly.

MerlinOh, what about their sweet doggos? What about their puppers?

AlexAre they gay? Oh, interesting. Well, you know what? Big structural bailey. I hate you.

MerlinI'm not. No, I really like you. It's nice to be friends with you, but I don't like being friends with you, and I hate you. You're my second worst friend.

Alexoh come on over come on over man who's the worst who do we who do we think all our friends support

Speaker Alet's guess oh no it's thier baby styer he's got a lot of good ideas oh i have a funny tie

Alexyou ever seen his plaid tie he has a plaid tie so that's the thing i i want what i want

Speaker BWhat I want

AlexIs for Mayor Pete to get kicked in the nuts And go just fuck that guy Fuck that guy so hard And I'm really upset I do think people have been too hard on Warren Chapo was really mean And I'm like oh you boys Calm down because clearly Everybody's People That's a phrase we used to use in Ohio Man everybody's corny for Amber now and so am I. What are you talking about?

Amber from Chapo. I love her. I love her writing. She's great. Anyway.

MerlinThey are feeling their oats right now and it's nice to see them having fun

Alexwith them. Yes. They deserve a treat. Well,

Merlinthey do alright. August 17th, 2016. Wow. Are you ready for this? August 17th, 2016. And here's some of my notes.

AlexOh no.

Merlinhow did Max pick the people on his political Twitter list how does he use it what changes this brought about for Max God this is depressing I don't know who most of these people are it's weird not knowing who's who they are while I talk about the Olympics really feels like I'm watching a virtual pillow fight what are the types some just retweet some ponder some lob water balloons and everyone sounds like they think they're just uncommonly insightful So that, my friends Is from DBF

Dubai Friday political Twitter E01 2016-8-17 That's the first episode we ever released

Speaker AI think it's the first lost episode

MaxAnd that was the beginning of destroying Merlin's brain Oh boy To the point where now he supports Elizabeth Warren

AlexOh no Oh my gosh

MaxI'm not being mean to Warren I'm curious when people are going to come over to Bernie

MerlinYou are, you're very, very cute You're genuinely curious. If there's anything I'd say about Max, he's curious.

MaxI want to know when...

MerlinOh, my God.

MaxEmail me. Let me know what it's going to take for the Warren people to come over. We'd love to have you. It's very fun on our side. What makes you think that I'm any kind of a person right now?

MerlinThat's true. I'm a person who's simply... I'm returning null. There's nothing to be gleaned about what I'm saying and not saying. And that's why I'm not saying it and saying it.

MaxNo, I... Because there's no gleaning. No gleaning. No gleaning, Jerry.

MerlinOkay, let me put it this way, Merlin.

Speaker AWhat is it you want me to say, Max?

MaxWhat do you want me to say? Let's say this. If you supported Warren, if you had a preference for Warren. If I did it.

MerlinIf I did it.

MaxHow did you? Exactly. If you did it, how did you do it? Like OJ. If you did support Warren, how many of these things did you have to come in fourth before we say, well, we don't want to get a Mayor Pete in there?

MerlinSo anyway, ever since then, I've been looking at political Twitter. And at one point...

MaxYang gang, I know there's some of you the Yang gang cucks who listen to this show. Come on over. We would love to have you. This is the most fun... Bring your Ethereum and your broadsword. It's the most fun... I will concede that the Yang campaign was probably the most fun campaign to support, but now he's out, and the Bernie campaign is... That's the most fun you're going to have now. Come on over. We'd love to have you.

AlexWe'd love to have you. And it was true in 2016, too.

MerlinYou don't have to wear anything special. Just show up.

AlexYeah. Ride or die. I will say this, so this is not, I'm done, done with the warn. But I've been doing way more phone banking.

MaxIt's okay to admit what you want.

AlexWe want what we want. No, that's not what, yes, okay. We can want healthcare. Yes, yes, I want all of these things. We can want to not destroy the world with global warming. You know what I want? What I want is to talk about political Twitter.

MerlinWhat I want is a poster of Barack Obama that says hope.

AlexYes, I want to.

MaxWe can want for billionaires to not have sex with children with impunity.

AlexI agree. I agree with all of these. I agree. It's okay. Political Twitter. Everything's okay. So political Twitter. Please, please. We can win. Political Twitter. Come on over. We are. We're going to win. Merlin. This might be the after show. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

MaxAll right. Let me just start here. I fully peanut buttered on this. Didn't do it at all. Oh, wait. Are we doing the challenge?

MerlinYes.

MaxI've been trying.

MerlinI've been trying.

MaxMerlin. It's your challenge. What was the challenge this year? I'm hearing some sort of noise on the headphones. Cameron, am I? It's very high-pitched.

AlexHave I been trying to?

MaxHave I been trying to? I'm hearing some sort of wailing.

MerlinEverybody sucks. Burn down the castles. Everyone's bad. Hey, look at me. I'm Shane Guevara. Dick duck political Twitter.

Speaker ASo fucking tired.

MerlinI got ground down for two hours by Syracuse. He was sick and he still ground me down.

AlexOh, no. Oh, that's right. you record right before this yeah oh that's why we're always cocked by him oh that's yeah that's

Merlinpart of it but then but then we sit on the episode for like a week and a half it's super frustrating yes um a long time ago max introduced us as we uh i don't know how much of anything we'll make it into this show but you got to keep that gay cloth um the um thing is that uh max got us started on this thing max has always been the most political of all of us let's be honest and uh and he talks about that so um he in the cocoonis and so we got onto max's political twitter list and we followed people on twitter and on twitter you have the ability to go and make lists and some people

make great use of them i'm currently making use of moments i like moments i'm making moments oh i just i have my moments for uh rudolph giuliani going to arby's and i have now have moments for every week i'm going to caption the new yorker comic of the week and that's now a moment for me very excited about that but max got us onto this political twitter thing and And I think we've recorded at least two, possibly three episodes about the Twitter list. This came about because I may need to hit escape on this because this could get really ugly.

Not about you guys. But so basically, how did this happen? Oh, yeah. Max did one of his usual freak outs. Is that when you first deleted your list or you changed it? You always delete your shit because you're such a fucking cuck. But anyway, at one point, I decided to branch off and do my own. If you're not deleting your tweets, I think you're cucked. Okay. Right or die. And so the thing is, and I made my own list, and I was constantly taking people off even my own list. But I would still look at Max's as often as I looked at mine,

and your list seemed shittier and shittier all the time because I was so good and ruthless about taking off anybody who was not entertaining. So we can do how they handle this however we want. The challenge is just to talk about this. The original challenge was to do something like a Jason Snell-style draft combined with some mock executions. My idea was to force other people in a round of robin to unfollow people or take them off their political list.

And I just want to talk about that.

Speaker ATake it anywhere you want.

MerlinWait, did no one do this challenge?

AlexI peanut buttered, but I want to talk about why. I did too.

MerlinThe purpose of this challenge is not to create more media. Correct. It's not to create new things. The purpose of this challenge for me is to tell you that you've got to take David Korn off all the things. Okay? I got others.

MaxI got all you want. I got others. How about let's do it. Should we start adding people? How do you want to do it? You're going to send him to the Korn, as they say.

AlexTo the children. All right. Here's my number one pick. Hey, new mute.

MaxNumber one draft.

AlexOh, that's very upsetting, bro. No, no. God, no. you know what that's fair we've been obnoxious this ride or die yep all right um all right here

Maxwe go all right here we go king of the castle number one number one pick number one pick for

Merlinmax i like i like so here's here's the distinction i think and at this point might be a good opportunity for you to remind people of the genesis of your 2016 american politics list i believe it was called because because just if you could share I think what you'd said was you wanted to have a fire hose of a lot of different POVs so you if you wanted to dip in you could quickly see like what's about to become a story this afternoon or next week right correct so so the one thing

Maxabout yeah yeah so the one thing about Twitter is journalists and people who work in media media professionals spend their entire day just on Twitter just talking to each other into the void and it's this insane echo chamber. And they make a lot of editorial decisions in a lot of newsrooms. And they can sort of do like,

Merlinnot trial balloons, but they can sort of float ideas. If there's a huge response to something that they're developing, that can change the direction or length or like valence of what they're doing in good ways.

MaxYeah, there's like a tone. Whatever tone can sort of sometimes develop on Twitter about a story because there's so many media professionals who just spend their whole fucking day on Twitter all day. that tone then colors the coverage. That sort of tells you a little bit about how it's going to be. You become the kind of person who begins a tweet with news.

Speaker BYeah. News. Breaking. Scooplet.

MerlinScooplet. Your periodic reminder that you get periods. Yeah.

Speaker AThat's a good. Your regular reminder that this is covering a Mueller report. Scooplet.

MerlinGod, I hate all these people.

Speaker AThat was pretty funny.

MaxSo I created this list of like...

Speaker AHey, this is what kind of socks he's wearing today. Gerald the time guy talks about periods. Hey, Barry.

MaxIt's me, Gerald the politics guy. Try using an app to track your period. Gerald.

Speaker AIf you want to submit your results to the Democratic Party, try this iOS app, Gerald.

AlexClue is actually a really good app.

Speaker AGerald. Wow. A lot of people really misunderstand.

MaxRobbie Mook developed an election stealing app for the Mayor Pete campaign.

Speaker AKershaw, Kershaw County. Hey, I love you. I'm Gerald. Folks, he's running.

I'm a happy smurf. I'm masturbating in the upper chamber. Teedly dee. Boop, boop. Good. oh I'm at a sweet high quality doggo big bailey big bailey hey yeah butter email zabop zabop zabop

Show notes

Transcript

172. Berry Command Post

Show notes

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