159. Eggs and Legacy

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, raw dog your iPhone.

MaxHello. Hello. Hello. Merlin and I watched Watchmen. I'm all caught up and oh my God, it's so fucking good.

AlexOh my God. No, no, no, no, no.

MaxIt's fine. It's fine. Why are you tormenting me? You're all the way up, huh? I don't want to spoil anything. It's definitely the kind of show that you don't want to know anything about. Don't you agree that it's Alex's shit, though?

AlexNo, I 100% agree. But it is one of the shows that I've been barred from watching without Maddie. Ah, okay. Which is why it took so long for us to finish The Leftovers. And by that, I mean one week.

MerlinNo, no, I'm not. I didn't mean it as like, oh, you've got to go watch this. But more like I do feel confident recommending it to you. God, it's so good. It's all of our shit. It's so good.

MaxIt really is. I can't believe how much I like it. I'm trying to be done with superhero stuff, and I can't believe how much I like it.

MerlinIt's not superhero stuff. It's eggs and legacy.

AlexYeah. Title.

MaxI love it. Eggs.

AlexI can't believe that I'm comparing to what Max calls a superhero show to The Wire. but I'm watching this and like this feels like something I'm going to be thinking about and re-watching five years from now.

MaxWell, also like The Wire, they do just kind of dump you into it and they're kind of like, you know, you figure this shit out. I had really forgotten a lot of the characters and details of Watchmen, the comic. And I do think it and I've been on the like Watchmen, you know, wiki or whatever, like reading, reading up on stuff.

AlexI don't think you need to.

MerlinHas it occurred to you that, are you aware that there are many Easter eggs in Watchmen? I mean, obviously callbacks.

AlexOh, episode one. Woof.

MerlinCallbacks, Easter eggs. Well, all I'm trying to say is ask yourself for a second about eggs.

MaxYou're going to have to give me.

MerlinDid I just blow your mind?

MaxYou're going to have to give me a reminder about that.

MerlinSo if you go to YouTube, there are like many, many, many videos covering all the callbacks, references. because you know what one thing that was um i mean there's a lot that was influential about the comic but i feel like one of the things that a lot of my favorite comics of the last 30 years picked up from watchmen was and and again stuff like children of men is that you can tell a lot of story um you can get a lot of exposition without an exposition dump by doing stuff like what signs newspaper headlines things people are reading right and in the comic that's just

I mean, you go back and reread Watchmen, you're going to discover something different every time. So, I mean, I would not call those necessarily Easter eggs, but if you go and read something like Transmetropolitan, it's a very similar kind of way over the top, really highly recommended comic. You know, all kinds of stuff like that. But I don't know. It's just obviously Eggs and Legacy, like I said. The themes of who we are, how we got... Well, what's Eggs? Huh? Tell me about Eggs. first episode

she's doing the in class demonstration

Maxyeah what am I supposed to make she's like if even a little bit of the yolk gets in it ruins the walls

Merlinbut what did that what did that make in the bowl it made the it made the Watchmen logo and there's a little bit of red it did the blood splatter would be yeah

Alexand then at the final shot of the first episode there's another one right that I got

Merlinthere's lots of them yeah

AlexI got owls everywhere. I got

MerlinLooking Glass eating the can of beans. Yep, yep, yep. Also, but I mean, it's funny to me. I was talking to Syracuse about this when we recorded last night. About, you know, it's like, think about in the episode you just saw, that people sell eggs. They're protecting the eggs. Right? Eggs, eggs, eggs. Yeah, there is a lot of eggs, isn't there? There's a lot of eggs. The whole episode is basically about eggs. And everything an egg can mean. Huh. Eggs turn into little people. Eggs turn

Maxinto little people.

MerlinYeah, that you might put in a centrifuge. Okay. My wife walked in right as that scene was happening.

MaxOh, the 10 out of 10 rare pupper? No, the scene

Merlinwhere a certain character... That was a good doggo. Did you like the doggo? I love doggos. He had gone and picked out his lobster traps and then put them into the rotisserie machine. Anyway, but then you got Easter eggs. Oh, right.

MaxOh, man, is that plot? Oh, boy. Oh, man. Was that not what I thought it was? But now I think I know who that is.

MerlinWatchmen is really good. You are here to serve. Watchmen is really good. Eggs.

Speaker AYay!

MerlinDo my Friday, everybody. Challenge your people.

AlexHow was your phase one physical going?

MerlinYou know, the thing is I had some time on Saturday. What was this? Did you see the footage?

AlexNo.

MerlinOh, you got to see the footage. So the big wet boy was rushed into an SUV on Saturday afternoon. rushed to Walter Reed because, you know, just because, don't be a dick about it. He's just decided to, he's so busy making deals, so many deals, also 2020, right? So much happening. He's decided to start doing his physical in quote unquote portions as time is available. So he didn't go in Marine One where you have to, I understand from inside sources,

you have to log extensively what happens with Marine One. He was rushed into an SUV and taken to Walter Reed for absolutely no reason. Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? He just had some time on Saturday and decided to start doing his physical.

AlexThat's what I like to do. You know. Yeah.

MerlinYou love to do it.

AlexLove to do it. Love that spectrum.

MerlinBut the footage is pretty crazy. It looks pretty frantic. Yeah, there's a lot going on. I mean, do I really need to be watching these hearings? Like, I feel like.

Speaker AI think last week. This morning has been insane.

AlexCan you actually fill me in? Max, do you know what happened this morning?

MaxI saw a Google News story about it. But, you know, I do want to hear Merlin explain this. And I think we might even have a source who might join us, if the rumors are correct.

MerlinThere's a rumor that we have a deep state source that we could turn to if we do need any kind of insight.

MaxOh, I would love that. But, you know, there's a click hole, Merlin. Yeah, big fan. There was a great ClickHole article. The article is actually missing now, so I hope no one got mad at them or something.

AlexFriend of the show, Matt Enlow, is looking for the archive right now.

MaxOf what?

AlexThat ClickHole article that you were talking about.

MaxHow does he know?

AlexAre you talking about Bleemer and Gortman? Yep, yep, yep.

MaxWhere is it?

AlexOh, here we go. Got it on the archive, putting it in the super secret channel.

MaxSo here's the headline. I just have the headline, which is like someone tweeted it. But it's like it's a click halt headline. Legal bombshell. Mueller flipped Trump's confidence lawyer's friend's associate Gorpman in parentheses. Who could testify against Bleemer? And it's not even lunchtime.

It's a bombshell day.

MerlinBombshell.

AlexOh, boy.

MerlinBig bombshell. Yeah. No, it's just that. I mean, God, I was trying to trace the source of this. I remember what I eventually would learn is called recursion. One of the first examples of that was probably, you know, like when your mind is very blowable, like at a certain age. And somebody was like, well, imagine you're standing like a little more than one step away from a wall, right? And you take half a step toward the wall. Like you've just moved like, you know, two and a half, three feet.

Halfway, you've walked halfway to the wall. Okay. Now you take another step that's halfway to the wall. Right? And you're way closer now. You're practically at the wall. Or you never get there. Maybe it's a Zeno's paradox. No, that's recursion. That's what recursion is. Right. Is that if you only take half of the previous step toward the wall, you will never reach the wall. Even as you are infinitesimally close to the wall, you will never reach the wall because that's how recursion do.

And that's, I think, if I had to have like an umbrella statement of like the way we all sort of feel about this state of affairs, it really feels like we're always taking a half step toward the wall. And we're like, you're kidding. We're there. We're there. Like, so what happened today? Sondland shows up and he's real chill. He's garrulous and bibulous and a happy, happy man. Hey, hey, woo, yeah, great. And he just, he has a lot to say today. somebody on Twitter yesterday said that basically after the testimony yesterday of the four witnesses

that Sondland basically has two choices to 100% lie or 100% tell the truth. And I don't know which one he's doing today, but it feels like he's way closer to telling the truth. And he is not holding a lot back. And anyway, I'll let you explore that when you have an opportunity to catch up on the news. But as we see here today, 914 a.m. Pacific time on Wednesday, November 20th, what Sondland has expressly said is that Trump never specifically asked him to, he was never told that they had to

withhold the aid. He was told to demand the investigation be announced, but he was never specifically told. And last time I checked in, poor, sweaty, moist Devin Nunez and his lawyer man were really pressing this whole thing of like, so he never specifically told you to do the crime. So the entire, you know, in my world, everybody's looking at this and going, oh, my God, we just took another half step toward the wall. We're so close, but we're still half a step away from the wall, you know, because because everybody's going to say all of his ding-a-lings and all of his Jordans are going to say, yeah, well, he didn't he didn't say go do a crime.

But not a great day for Giuliani. He is mega fucked. Pence has been implicated in this as knowing what's going on. Pompeo, et cetera. that according to Sondland anyway, he brought emails, he brought texts. And anyway, it's going to be a very interesting and dramatic day.

MaxThe day is just getting started and the Trump House of Cards is already crumbling. This morning, Special Counsel Robert Mueller dropped a legal bombshell on the administration by filing court documents announcing a plea bargain with Trump's confidence lawyer's friends associate Gortman. And Gortman's testimony could spell major trouble for Bleemer, which must be terrifying for Trump. To avoid jail time, Gortman is ready to spill his secrets about Bleemer's secrets, which is a huge breakthrough in the Russia investigation. The best part is that it's not even noon, so we can spill more shocking twists from Mueller today.

MerlinDo you feel me on the walking toward the wall thing, though? I mean, isn't that kind of what it feels like? Oh, yeah. It's like I'm so goddamn close to this fucking wall, but I still have so many half steps.

MaxI mean, wait until he gets impeached and then reelected.

MerlinYeah, you'd love to see it.

MaxJust think of what would happen if Gortman gives up Bleemer among Trump's business partners, co-conspirators, dinner circle perhaps nobody was closer to bleamer than gortman not even roscoe calderino called gortman quote the king of the keys and remember calderino was called quote the key master by roscoe gortman praised as quote trump's personal key ring so if calderino knows what he's talking about if muller can use gortman to get bleamer than calderino's next which is bad news for roscoe and roscoe leads right back to people who lead right back to trump oh my god feldmeyer must be

Speaker Aquaking in his boots right now. I love quaking.

MerlinI want nothing. I want nothing. I want no quid pro quo. Tell Zelensky to do the right thing.

MaxAlex, do you know what this ding-a-ling is?

AlexWhat is?

MaxThis little ding-dong?

Alexit looks like something that goes into a USB-C port. I don't know.

MaxIt goes into the Nintendo Switch.

AlexOh, no, Bluetooth dingus.

MaxIt's a Nintendo Switch Bluetooth dingus, third-party Bluetooth dingus. So you plug this into the USB-C,

Alexand it's able to use your Chappies. Yeah, yeah. Well, now that I have figured out that I can just shove the AirPod Pros deep enough into my ears, and they'll stay there for about an hour before I need to readjust them. I'm a big fan, gotta say.

MaxI find them quite comfortable.

AlexYeah, yeah. It was never actually that they were uncomfortable for me. They just fall out, because I guess I have...

MaxDid you do a seal test?

AlexI did. Always my right ear fails the seal test.

MerlinI've heard this from a lot of people. A lot of people have said they have different sized ear holes.

AlexIt sounds like I'm fighting with a marine animal. Yeah, a couple of my coworkers, too.

Merlintechnically that's a sea lion i'm sorry i'm sorry okay i think they are miraculous

Alexthey man the transparent uh transparency yeah that's what's called right well somebody i think

Merlingruber said this quoting someone else but it's basically like ar for sound in your life yes

Alextotally totally when i read that it was like galaxy brain i i love it also made me it's made

Merlinme even more sensitive to how like when I get in a lift I take a lot of lifts these days to get my kid at school and it's made me much more it's more sensitive than ever to like what a dick move it is to leave AirPods in all the time because now it's so easy to just leave them in but they don't know that you've got transparency mode on and are paused you just seem like an asshole you know

Maxwhat I mean oh when you get up to that when you get up to the counter with your avocados yeah You got to take one out. Minimum one's coming out.

MerlinOh, that's almost worse. Is it? I don't know.

AlexI think it is, honestly. I feel like such a bitch every time I do it.

MaxNow you're fumbling around with two of them, and they have to go back in the case, and you have to, you know, yeah. I suppose I could just not wear them in public.

AlexI just keep them on.

MerlinIf you have both in, you could be forgiven for forgetting you have them in. Exactly. Somebody could look at you and go, oh, they're just dumb and don't realize. realize they still have headphones in. But if you take one out, it's like, you know what? Fuck you. You get half. You get half of whatever this is right now. Eggs. I, you know, I, I, this is

Alexshocking, I'm sure, but I can easily pass as a dumb person. So that's an easy thing for me to do at the grocery store. Um, not with avocados, obviously. You think you pass, you think you, you, uh, you pass as a dumb person? I, I, I do. I do. Um, and yet you lack dumb guy confidence. I it's it's it's a shame isn't it isn't it yeah I mean it really is I it's very sad to me that

Merlinlike you are a smart person you did you did do your homework you know for for years and years you gave yourself an ulcer when you were how old were you when you got an ulcer fucking regret

Alexuh oh oh uh that was actually in grade school that was third grade my daughter still asks about

Merlinthat a lot she's she worried enough about homework that she gave herself an ulcer I'm like yeah I'm

Alexpretty sure that's what happened. You know what? Third grade, our teacher Oh, God. It was terrible. Did you Max, after last week, I'm going to assume that you never made yourself sick. Well, actually, in college, did you ever make yourself sick over school work and stuff? When you were working your internship at a campaign, was there ever anything academic related?

MaxThat I was anxious about?

AlexYeah, but real, real anxious.

MaxYeah, I would wait until the last minute to do like papers. Like I'd have a paper to write.

AlexIt's different.

MaxDo you mean, well, it's anxiety on both ends, right? So it's anxiety that makes it so that I can't start it because I'm too scared to start it. Yep, exactly.

AlexOkay, yep.

MaxBecause it's, and then it's closing in and closing in and closing in and now it's worse, right? Now you're like, oh my God, I've had two weeks to have worked on this and I didn't do it because I was worried to start it. And now somehow I thought it would be easier if I waited two weeks to start it. It feels like it for a while, doesn't it? In point of fact. In point of fact, it's much harder to start. It's harder because you waited and now there's less time.

MerlinYeah. I should have gotten that. I tested well and got A's. But no, I never realized that. And I always turn things in late. For me in college, it was that it was a, I mean, it was a silly liberal arts school. But it was very demanding in a lot of ways. And one of those was just the raw tonnage of stuff you're expected to read. I mean, just, you know, over a thousand pages a week of reading. and there would be times though where I could get away with it for a while and I could kind of keep up for a while, but then you get a crunch. Maybe you get sick.

Maybe you're hungover. Or maybe it's just that, you know, your teachers aren't talking to your professors. They're not talking to each other. They are not comparing notes to make sure that you have balance in your life.

AlexPause, pause. Teacher, like TAs and professors or what now? You said teachers aren't talking to professors.

MerlinNo, I corrected myself to say professor instead of teacher.

Speaker Abecause I think it, no, we have, oh, okay.

AlexJust to say that. I only pass as a dumb person.

MerlinNo, I'm not super bright either, obviously. Sorry, go on. No, it's just a matter of like getting to a point where I feel like there's certainly a point where everybody gets to where you have to decide what you're not going to do or what you're not going to do well, you know, what you're not going to do at all. And like in my short story class, a lot of times I would just blow it off. Like I'm not going to read in the penal colony this week. because I have all this Vonnegut stuff over here to read or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Nothing against Kafka. I forget who. But, you know, but like, but it was a lot of reading.

That's what I was there for. I was there to read. Very John Mulaney situation, you know, paying the $100,000 to study a language I already know. But like you do get in that situation where like it becomes like similar to triage where you're like, well, what will I just not do? And that is extremely stressful because I did feel like a fraud that I probably should not have been in this college at all. I was a like a five percenter, like we're going to take a flyer on this kid, let him in, even though he does not have the record that shows he could succeed here.

And I always felt like a fraud. I mean, everybody around me was way smarter, better exposed, better traveled, more cosmopolitan, more woke, more everything than I was. And I was a kid from central Florida who was a dipshit. And, like, so, I don't know. That was personally painful to me is that, like, I could feel my inadequacy so acutely. And then I just knew that, like, to stay alive this week, I'm just going to have to fake it. And it just sucks. It's extremely stressful.

AlexDo you think, though, that a lot – I know that you were a flyer in terms of – you've told the story, like, in terms of the grades you got in high school. but don't you think half the people were basically faking it because i don't know you're you're a bunch of kids and i if you're smart you think everybody else you you have the like wherewithal to expect the opposite of dunning kruger like you're like everyone's smarter than me fuck fuck

Merlinfuck well like i mean like but like i had friends and i was a year older than most of the kids in my entering in my class and because i had a year in between my my terrible terrible year and uh but no but like my friend dave uh had gone to whatever that fancy math and science school in the bronx is and like he had a def jam shirt in 1986 and it was like i was like holy shit you got a skateboard too and it's like all i have is this this black flag cassette that my friend made me it's like i have nothing i'm i'm so callow and silly to even be here no you're right i think i

think people do feel that but the other thing the other axis at least one axis is the whole like you know some of the stories were true that there were kids who absolutely i say kids but you know 17 18 year old kids who had had straight a's their whole life but they came to this very unstructured liberal arts school in florida with 520 students and they either like went straight into a bottle or they just, the lack of structure made their processor just melt down. There was,

there was no person who was there congratulating them on their A's. The professors were like, you know what? I, I, I don't have time to like deal with your stuff. If you turn it in and it's good, that's fine. But like, you don't, you don't get a sticker with a star. Like you're going to have to just manage your life now. And there were kids who legit melted down because there just wasn't enough structure. And they ended up going to UF and doing really well, you know.

AlexThat really surprises me, actually. Maybe because you did go to an artsy-fartsy school, and I would expect that people would be like, ah, yes, great, great insight.

MerlinWell, we had, it was, I mean, not to go on about this, but it was a very interesting time at a very interesting place, to be certain. Like, on the one hand, it had become part of the USF school system, which is fine. It had become part of USF some years earlier, but still was wildly independent and outside the system. And we're always like, you know, and then years later, it would get much bigger and better funded and become highly, highly, highly selective. But the shameful paradox of New College in 1986 was, the whole time I was there, was that it was,

we'd just been featured as the best public liberal arts school in America. I didn't take diction. And it was highly selective. It was a Harvard level. Like we let in a very, very, because there's only 500 kids there, it's a very small number of people who get in. Oh, shit. But it was considered highly, highly selective. But it also had, of the highly selective colleges and universities, it had the highest attrition rate in the United States.

So I think it was over half of the people who matriculate don't graduate. It was really bad. Because generally highly selective schools have really low attrition rates. Do you follow? And it was just this, it was like constantly the problem to solve for was, okay, we've got this school that like out the door is $5,000 a year. Like how do we get better at selecting people who will do well here? Are the SATs enough? Do we look at your essay? You know, just because they did not have a secret sauce for figuring out who could succeed and it was making the school look bad.

MaxDid you see the thing about colleges doing Facebook ads for kids that they know can't get in? No. Oh, no. That's so dark.

AlexWhat now?

MaxYeah, this came out last week. So basically, a bunch of top schools got caught sort of targeting kids who they know from like SAT scores and stuff cannot get into the school to encourage them to apply. and the reason is they want a higher, they want a lower acceptance rate. Oh, my God. It looks better. Because it increases your ranking on the U.S. News and World Report college rankings if your acceptance rate is low. Oh, my God. Yeah, exactly. Because now you're more, so you are de facto,

now more selective. Correct. So they're sort of like juicing the numbers by trying to get these kids who can't get in to apply. It's a lot of fucking work to apply to a college. You have to pay and stuff, don't you? Yeah, absolutely.

AlexThe majority, especially with those more selective schools, it's like, well, it costs time and money to go through all these. And that is indeed true. But God, what a fucking racket. I mean, the majority of – people are going to be mad. I feel like the majority of not state schools that aren't Ivy League schools are kind of a racket at this point. Oh, totally.

Merlinjust to there's some that are like well on the one hand of the boy are we gonna get in trouble yeah you've got on the one hand you've got this whole like online university stuff that you see and like they're selling this dream of like you know and you get in here and like you're gonna learn to code or whatever and you know there's that there's that stuff but then there's like the how does one say there's the schools the private schools and in fact a lot of the public schools that, and I'm not totally up to date on this, but there are names that we all know of universities, say in Arizona,

Speaker Abut we know that there are schools

Merlinthat they get a wrap as a party school. They get a wrap as like, you can get in here, you get your ticket punched. And then you lay that alongside the Lori Loughlin stuff and it's like dark timeline shit. It's like, but then also then, you know, you do find yourself looking at privilege, the privilege of all this stuff and going like, I go back and I look at myself. My story used to be, hey, look at me. I failed two classes as a senior in high school and got into a highly selective college.

Well, the truth is, as I sit here today, I feel like to a near certainty that my best friend's dad, who was an alumnus. So basically my best friend in high school was the first child of an alumnus to go to New College. and I feel to a near certainty that that's why I got in that basically he made a call to admissions and said hey let this thing laying in but they say to me oh yes well your essay was very impressive

sorry about your music theory class but like I got in because of connections I think as I say here today I'm not proud of that obviously but I think that's true and I think there's so much shit like that that goes on that you could know about, let alone the stuff you don't know about. Like, why can we walk in certain neighborhoods at certain times a day and not be questioned? And other people can't. Well, America, baby.

MaxYeah. Sorry.

MerlinSorry.

MaxCollege is such a fucking racket. I had a good one this morning. I hope it's okay for me to tell this story. And if not, we'll just have Quinn edit this whole segment out. But Jen had a great story that she came in this morning and she was like, I just had the craziest Lyft driver. and he said, he said, women aren't good cooks because, he goes, men are better cooks because when women cook, they always try to replace ingredients. And she was just sitting there like, excuse me, what? Yeah, exactly. I was like, were you talking about cooking or something?

And she was like, no.

Speaker AOh boy.

MaxBut I was thinking about that like, men are better because they replace ingredients? No, no. Because when women are cook in the kitchen, and they try to replace ingredients. They don't follow the recipe. They replace ingredients. They're sloppy. Yeah.

MerlinI don't even understand what bothers me about that, except that it bothers me. That makes no sense.

MaxWell, it's a very specific thing to be sexist about.

AlexIt's like a weird... It really is.

MaxIt's like a weird inventive stereotype. But then I was kind of chatting with Jen about it, and I was like, you know what's crazy is probably more than 50% of the time that I get into a lift, the driver winds up making some sort of sexist or racist comment to me in the form of often like a black guy will cross the crosswalk ahead of the car and he'll be like, he'll go, you want to hear a joke? And then, and I think, I don't know how people-

AlexAnd they always ask too, want to hear something funny?

MaxWell, it's a way, I think it's that I'm a white dude and he's trying to bond with me and he's trying to be like, look, I'm the same as you, you know, whatever. I had this experience two days ago, Matt. And it's just a weird, it's just a very strange phenomenon. Like it's not, I hope it's not something that I'm signaling that I'm interested in. And then there's like always the question of what do you do about it? Because I think what some people do is you go, hey man, it's not okay to make those kind of jokes. But like, you know, I'm not, I'm a coward. I'm not going to say that. Your life is in their hands for a little while. Yeah. Yeah.

I definitely am not, I do not have the sort of fortitude to say to the guy that like that. The best I can summon is I'll go, is it cool if I listen to my headphones? I need to listen to this from my work is what I say.

AlexYeah. I have a meeting that I'm always listening in on when I'm taking a Lyft.

MerlinI have this experience too. Oh, my gosh. That's so weird that you would say that. Because what I was about to say was something similar, which is that I can't believe how often a Lyft driver says something to me that is very odd and unprovoked but also seems like something they say a lot. And I'm like, do I do that? I mean, do I, when I meet strangers, say things like, wow, Chinese people shouldn't be allowed to use crosswalks.

MaxWhat does that mean? What does that even mean? The level of racism I'm getting, it's not like open white supremacy. They're not going like stop miscegenation and all hail the master race of 3399 or whatever the number they say is. It's 14 words. Yeah, it's not that. It's not that. They're not like, boy, I sure miss Jeff Sessions as attorney general.

MerlinIt's casual racism Friday.

MaxIt's more of like, I would say it's more of like a 1960s level of racism where it's like, do you want to hear a joke? And it's like, no, I don't want to hear a joke. The women's liver says to the Jew.

AlexWhenever I get into a car and the Lyft driver says, you're Alexandra? I know that I'm in for a treat. Then they're usually.

MerlinLike the magician?

AlexYes.

Merlinplease don't kill me please don't leave me in a ravine might have to get my daughter like the magician because of my name that's really good holy shit I'm 53 I never heard that that's so fucking good

Speaker Ado you ever go like what magician more like minimum Tempkin

Merlinwhat

AlexI've become like a Sarah Sanders fan in a car, and there's also the opposite, like the guy who's trying to be super woke, who's like, man, I'm just so, the world has really progressed today. That Nancy Pelosi, I'm so glad she's around to combat Trump. I'm like, yeah, all right, all right.

MaxYou're so sweaty, you're so sweaty. just look at the road. That stuff that leftists love to sit around and talk about which is how cool Nancy Pelosi is. So cool. Did you see those sunglasses in that coat she has? It's really cool. Yes, queen. Yes, yes. I'm here for this. I made a comment about the, oh, you guys saw the Mayor Pete dance, right?

Speaker AOh, my God.

MaxI heard that they made fun of it on Chop already but I haven't listened and.

MerlinOh, it was so, Max, it's a very. It's so funny. I skipped the interview part because I don't like when people are on bad connections. But by the time you get to the mere peep part, it's very, very funny.

MaxWell, anyway, I saw that video and I lost my mind. I mean, it's – have you seen it?

Speaker AOh, yeah.

MaxYeah, it's really bad. And then I made a – I had to Google it to figure out what the hell everyone was talking about. And I posted that. And then someone replied back to me and they were like, actually, the dance was designed so that handicapped people could do it in their wheelchair. And so it's actually your anti-accessibility. And if you don't, if you make fun of the dance. And I was like, well, I was like, among other things, like there's no one in a wheelchair in the video. Like if that's the whole design, if that's the whole point.

MerlinOh, well, so people in wheelchairs don't exist if you don't see photos of them.

Speaker AOh, my God.

MerlinThis is a phenomenon that I generally call bring your own joke. And here's the thing. I don't like to make an on-the-nose joke unless it's a really good on-the-nose joke. I like to make an arch joke where you got, I'm sorry to have to fucking explain this, but I will say a thing that five people might understand, but it's five people who are thinking the same thing that I'm thinking, and then they will like that. But it drives me fucking bananas when people show up and they're like, they're missing. So like, okay, I did a funny joke yesterday because I've been obsessed with this picture of America's mayor for a couple of weeks now.

So you've seen the photo of America's mayor banging on his phone with his weird gnarled fingers. I know the post you're talking about. Very funny. Okay, so I've been doing this post in my head for two weeks, and I finally sat down and did it, and it turned out a thousand times better than I expected. So click through, and you'll see three. This is a tweet from yesterday with three photos in it.

MaxLook at that. Oh, and now I can't unsee it on the main picture either. I know. Because he basically, the two sides of his face. His fingers are so upsetting. They're like little kosher pickles.

MerlinOh, so upset. Can you imagine getting banged by that guy? The finger banging of that guy is hazardous.

AlexNo, no.

MerlinThey're like those little hard kosher pickles.

AlexOh, God. And I tweet the dirty things. Oh, God.

MerlinBut just think about the abrasions you'd get from that ring.

AlexOh, so much.

MerlinThe Yankees.

AlexThat makes you bleed.

MerlinYou get a Yankees on your cooter. but like it's okay so like i don't want to single anybody out but it just tries you know whatever fuck i should just not not be on the internet but like there's a thing here where like if you really take a minute and look at what i'm trying to accomplish here and i you know maybe it doesn't matter to you because you just go and you leave a comment on everything beepa doop boop boop you know ellen degeneres beep whatever uh but like take a minute read the fucking room figure it out like go look at the thing don't bring your own joke until you figure it out what the joke is

because then people are like, and it's just the stupidest fucking normie dad commentary about you didn't get the joke and you brought your own. And it makes my dick hurt. I hate it.

AlexOh, I'm looking at these replies.

MerlinWell, no, some people, you know, that's fine. Some people get it, some people don't. But like, you know, you know, like today. Okay, never mind. I'm sorry. I'm not going to review all of my tweets.

AlexNo, let's do an academic study. Well, I mean, like, okay.

MerlinSo, like, two hours ago, at what time? At 7.01 a.m., I said maybe after lunch they can bring in Brett Kavanaugh to cry. Okay? Now, I think a lot of people out there are going to understand that joke. Do you understand the joke? The joke is, do you remember Christine Blasey Ford's testimony? Could there have been a more moving, upsetting, personally, like, gut-wrenching testimony that anybody could do? When they left for lunch that day of her testimony, you know, again, I've learned to abandon Hope.

But like you're like, oh, shit, this guy's done. He is donezo. And do you remember what happened? He came back. He seemed a little bit drunk and he started screaming and crying.

AlexI love I still love just the diary entries and say, do you? Oh, from his planner? We all remember the diary.

MerlinFrom his planner.

AlexRight. Yeah. Yeah, his dad read his planner every night. You know, they'd gather around the Christmas tree.

MerlinOh, they'd gather around or read the planner. Oh, my God, I forgot about that.

Alex100% thought he was dead. Oh, no, the guy's right behind him. I'm like, well, not that it's like normal, but sure. OK, he's remembering his dead dad. No, no, no. Right there. And that's the point where I'm like, yeah, no way is this man sober right now.

MerlinBut it changed everything because he showed up. He showed up and then Lindsey Graham had a hissy fit and he started screaming and crying and it changed the velocity of the day because of the perception of what happened. Cut all of this out. I'm so fucking angry.

AlexNo, no. I'm so angry.

MerlinDon't bring your own joke. Don't bring your own joke. See if there's a joke there. Go sort around. Go look through Lost and Found and see if there might already be a joke there that you can participate in before you bring your own joke.

AlexGod damn it. I don't get the Star Trek Merry Christmas joke. I just don't get it.

MerlinI'm trying. It's a very funny thing to have on a Christmas ornament.

AlexI mean, yeah. Have you seen the, do you know the scene? No. That's referencing? This is original Star Trek, though, right?

MerlinIt's an extremely sad, extremely moving scene. It's maybe the greatest scene in all of Star Trek.

AlexI should really watch the show.

MerlinOkay, insert, Quinn, insert a long beep noise here. Spock sacrifices himself And he dies

AlexOh I mean I knew that

MerlinBut I don't remember why does he have an oven mitt Max I think isn't that the

MaxChristmas ornament It's a Christmas mitt Like he's making cookies Was that part of the film

MerlinThat was part of the film

MaxI remember in the remake In the J.J. Abrams remake In the Bumbadick Cumberbund one They fucking flipped it. It was Kirk who sacrificed himself.

MerlinI was so goddamn confused because my kid is just utterly obsessed with Star Trek right now. So we're watching all the Star Trek things, mostly TOS, as you know. But I was so confused about Captain Pike because I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Okay, so one thing everybody knows about Captain Pike is he's going to end up in that little chair with the buttons, right? Right. Yeah, he's got like the most enduring Star Trek image of my youth next to Spock doing the nanu-nanu thing with his hands. The most enduring image was my wife and I were both heavily scarred by the image of Captain Pike in the beep beep chair.

Yeah.

AlexYou know what I'm talking about, Alex? I think that I know this because I just know the reference from Futurama. But it's one of those things where how a lot of people have their knowledge of The Godfather comes from The Simpsons. Oh, totally. That's how I am with Star Trek, really.

MerlinI didn't realize the movies were, what would you call it, Max? They're not, it's kind of the same continuity, but not really. Because Captain Pike totally lives in the. Yeah. You mean the original series movies? Yeah. Yeah. Like the ones with Chris Pine Tree and.

MaxOh, no. Those are like a complete. So, you know, those are a complete reimagining of Star Trek. I think they're. I actually think the first one in particular. Oh, no. I like them. Yeah. They're pretty good movies, right? I think the third one's actually, the third one's really good. The third one. Ooh, I didn't care for that. I liked the opening scene of the third movie. It was an unbelievable sequence. But I thought the movie had a lot of problems. But I like those films. But I just, my only wish was that, I think those movies, what I would like, if those movies hadn't been Star Trek, but if they had just been like, you know, Space Force

or something. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they had just made it a new IP, but it was basically the same movie, I would have said this is one of the greatest sci-fi movies made in the last 50 years. But because they made it Star Trek and they called the characters Spock and Kirk, and I don't think they really wanted to make a Star Trek movie. I think they wanted to make a space action movie. It felt like it had all this checklist filmmaking of we got to have beam it up, Scotty. What else do people know? We got to have, I'm a doctor, not a blank.

We got to have, you know, whatever, the nanu nanu. Right. Right. As long as we find a way to remember him, nanu nanu.

MerlinAnd you got to have, yeah, all that stuff. Anyway, that was confusing to me. You know, but it's got Carl Urban, whom I enjoy. He plays Bones. Is that how he got his name? Because his wife divorced him and all he has left is his bones? I thought it was Sawbones. Oh.

Speaker AYeah.

MerlinCarl Urban, he's very good. You know, I think he's Australian. Is that it? Yeah. What are you guys watching on Disney Plus? Mandalorian. Oh, really? Fuck.

MaxHow do you have time?

MerlinI don't do any. I don't have a job. But Mandalorian's really good. And I watch all the Watchmen episodes at least twice. Have you seen it?

AlexNo. I've been deep in the Disney Channel original movies.

MerlinHow's your game going? Your Can I Find the Most Obscure Thing game? How's that going?

AlexYou know what? There isn't Toothless, the Christy Alley movie. but other than that I have not been able you haven't stumped it yet the well that was the one that was stumped but also that that one was pretty recent like a 1993 uh recent 1993 uh but no like it feels pretty goddamn recent to me if uh if if if listeners I'm gonna talk to you know I know they don't like when I do this but if you watched DuckTales there is now for the first time

since the 90s, DuckTales the movie is available on Disney Plus, and it is one of the best cartoon films I've ever seen in my entire life. So go watch it. All right, I'm back. DuckTales. What about the Goofy movie? Oh, that actually is a very – oh, now I'm going to cry. You don't like the Goofy movie?

MaxI love the Goofy movie.

AlexI love the Goofy movie. That's the fun family night movie, Merlin. Okay. Oh, it's so good.

Speaker AAll right, Goofy.

AlexI feel like you guys aren't a big Disney family.

MerlinYou know, I mean, yeah, kind of. But, I mean, I really liked the, I know we canceled John Lasseter, but I liked the John Lasseter contributed Disney movies a ton, a ton, a ton. A lot of the older Disney movies are, where did we talk about this? I forget where I talked about this. But, you know, a lot of the older, especially live action movies, but also some of the animations, the animations are terrifying. And the live action movies are incredibly slowly paced.

So, like, I mean, Pinocchio, I've never shown my kid Pinocchio because I loved it, but I did find it very scary when I was a kid.

AlexIt's upsetting.

MerlinWhereas Mary Poppins, literally nothing happens in the movie. It's the most boring, conceivable movie. Now, like Frozen, she loved Frozen when she was little. But, like, a lot of kids her age now, there's obviously there's backlash. That's a thing for little kids. That's not for 12-year-olds.

AlexI love Frozen.

MerlinNo, I don't know. I think Wreck-It Ralph is an achievement. I loved Wreck-It Ralph. I loved Tangled. I think all of those are great. Tangled Man, that's a good movie. Good music, too.

At the beginning, by then, it's like 7.15,

Speaker Aand so I read a book, maybe two or three.

MerlinWhy are you making a noise, Alexandra?

AlexThat's fine. That's fine.

MerlinI don't know. All the songs sound the same. You're watching it wrong. You're enjoying it wrong.

AlexOh, my God.

MerlinWe got some more colored rocks, and now they're in a pile. Some have two eyes or three people inside. We are confused of things. You know what? Just that you had the melody. Greg the sunburned man.

Speaker BAnd by then it's like 7.15. So I read a book.

MerlinIt's a song about recursion, really. Think about it. Oh, I love the little lizard. Isn't he cute? He's so cute. I love the lizard.

AlexWell, actually, it's a chameleon. But all right.

MerlinOur boy's still sleeping. He's still sleeping.

AlexHe is? Yeah. I'm very tired this morning. Maybe it's a bando effect. Oh. You know, like a when people, oh, what's it called when just an idea infects people's minds and then it's like, oh, yep, I definitely have this. I think maybe I'm ruminating. Are you bruminating? Oh, my gosh. I think so.

MerlinWell, I do something that I recommend for everyone. You know I'm a calendar guy, and I love me some calendars. This is our tip of the week is that I use various calendars. I've got my primary Google Calendar, which everybody knows is special. There are special things that you can only do with your primary calendar. But I've got other ones. I've got one called Environment into which I feed just things that are background things. Somebody's in town. Someone's out of town. It's also where I feed all my deliveries from the deliveries app. But I have one called Journal. And journal is just for when a thing started or ended or happened.

And it's not like personal stuff.

Speaker ASee where this is going.

MerlinBut like I say, brumation started, brumation ended, things like that. And it's just handy to be able to go back and know that like if it's something where you're going to know when it started or ended, you just put that on your journal calendar. And so I know that he's going to be two weeks as of Saturday.

AlexOh, wow.

MerlinIt could go for two weeks, could go for two months.

AlexWhat a, you know, what a trooper.

MerlinHe's a good boy. Oh, he's such a sweet boy.

AlexGod, this really isn't helping. The Cox family shouldn't get a dragon. Are you going to get one? I don't think so.

MaxWhat if you both got salmonella?

AlexThat'd be so sweet. Listen, we've already eaten so much cat shit in the air, I'm sure. That's a different thing, though. That's not salmonella.

MerlinYou need a lizard if you really want. You need a reptile if you want salmonella.

AlexWell, exactly. I feel like we're kind of being diseasest if we're only getting... Fuck, what's it called? See, I can't even think because I've just inhaled so much cat shit this morning.

MerlinTrichinosis? That's pork, right? What's the one that makes you want more cats, right? What's it called? Oh, the cat poop brain worms. Yeah.

AlexCat poop brain worms.

MerlinWould you have to get approval from your landlord?

AlexHe is turning around. Really? Landlord who doesn't, he still won't let us hang anything on the walls. But the other day, out of nowhere, he's like, you know, you could have a dog if you wanted. What? What does that, just completely unprompted. Wow. We just happened to see him. He was, like, cleaning or doing something for winter. And he's like, hey, you know you guys can have a dog, right? And I'm like, okay, okay. I think he's, you know, Merlin, you know how I sometimes say things?

And you're just like, all right, save the turtles. He just says words. and I'm like, is this how...

MerlinBecause you oop.

AlexYeah, and I oop and I oop.

MerlinYeah, I know, I know. Get a bracelet, okay.

Speaker AAre you a disco girl now? No, don't do that, Alex.

MerlinDon't even joke. It's like doing the Eddie Vedder voice. Just don't even, never start, not even once.

MaxYeah, you're gonna do it as a bit and then you're gonna start doing it all the time.

AlexOh, well, I love the current discourse of, oh, don't bully and make memes about high school girls. Let them live. And I'm like, it is all VSCO girls who are making these very, very funny memes. And good for them. Like, just let people have fun on TikTok. It's the last place.

MerlinI'm so unclear on what your point is. What are we supposed to do? Wheelchairs? What's happening? You're pro VSCO ooping, but don't. Yes. Okay. Okay. Why can't all dances be done in a chair of wheels? See I kept thinking they were talking about the Frank Sinatra song That Kennedy used He's got high hopes But it's not It's the Disco Panic Boys

Speaker ABig Boomer

MerlinBig Boomer energy to the dance I'm doing something with my arms

AlexYou know what

MaxMerlin does the man household have a Nintendo Switch Yes And is the new Pokemon been acquired No It hasn't

MerlinNo, what does she play on the Switch? I forget.

AlexLet me ask. In terms of weapons, does she like swords or shields more?

MerlinFor what? It's day to day?

AlexYeah, yeah.

MerlinOh, well, I mean, a sword and a shield are contrasting. One's an offensive weapon and one's a defensive weapon normally. That's your opinion. If you had to pick one. Oh, sorry. Was that wheelchair-ist of me?

AlexYou can throw a shield.

MerlinOh, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I like defensive things. I like the X-Men that have defensive powers.

AlexI'm not asking you. I'm asking what your family prefers. Oh, okay.

MerlinMy wife, I don't know if she has a feeling on it. Sword versus shield. I'm not sure what I'm getting myself into by even responding to this.

AlexIt's an easy question.

MerlinIs this like flight or invisibility?

AlexSave the turtles. Does your daughter prefer swords or shields?

MerlinI don't know she likes Star Trek oh my god she kind of wanted to be a VSCO person

Alexit's a shield that's a shield answer I think that's a shield answer you're right you're right alright thank you you've been very helpful in this matter

Merlinokay um what has it to do with this oh because of the okay yeah there's a Pokemon sword thing right yes okay haha okay um and I

Alexyou okay

Merlinmean

AlexI'm saying it wrong

Speaker Awe're gonna turn your daughter into a

MaxVSCO girl there's nothing you can do about it Alex is already buying her scrunchies it's over

Merlinthe water bottle okay

Maxsoon you're gonna have to go to the wonder museum and make tiktoks of yourself in front of like balloons

Speaker AMy dick hurts again

MerlinOh, okay I took a challenge

MaxI was very confused about the challenge this week But it was to not use a case on your phone

AlexYeah, well because you were busy And we were like We were initially trying to get Jen and Trim

MerlinBut that didn't work out apparently So we fell back to use your phone without a case. Got it.

AlexYep.

MaxWell, I always do that, but I'm curious what your experiences were.

AlexWell, first of all, I know why you always do this, because the aesthetics of the phone are very nice, and it's a very pretty object. But literally, how do you hold it? These are soap phones.

AlexYeah, but unless you have like a sweaty hand, how do you...

MaxI have it in a vice grip. So I have it in like a reverse mechanics grip, like a deck of cards.

AlexBut that's the problem. I tried that, and it, like soap, has gone shooting out of my hands across the room and shattered.

MaxI mean, I will say I dropped this phone quite a bit. this this form factor this and the last what one or two i've dropped quite a bit

Alexit's not as bad the i was hopeful with the seven with the jet black because it's all grippy and nice but these things oh johnny i've my previous my previous the piano black one or

Merlinwhatever it was called the previous one of these that i had was i had no problem at all uh using without a case.

AlexYeah, same.

MerlinAs I'll get to in a sec, I ended up preferring the battery case. But that was fine. So for the challenge, I mean, first of all, I rushed. I needed to get a phone quickly. I didn't. What am I saying? I wanted the phone fast. I was too late for the green one. So I've got the space whatever one, right? Did you upgrade as part of this challenge? No, no, no, no. I just buy the phones the second they're available because I'm a cuck. But I wanted the green one, but I would have had to wait. And because, you know, I'm a white guy,

I didn't want to wait. So I got this black one or whatever. So aesthetically, it looks like every phone I've ever owned, mostly. I took off my case for a grand total of about 18 seconds for this challenge. It was ridiculous. I was like, who holds the, this is ridiculous. It was, because like I say, the XS in the shiny black had a little bit of grippiness to it. this one has zero grimminess. It's really bad.

AlexIt's a matte finish.

MerlinI mean, it's pretty and it feels good, like satiny, but like, oh my gosh, I would be dropping this all the time. Even if I had a reverse mechanics grip like a magician.

AlexOh, look at it. Oh, that does.

MerlinI listen.

AlexThis is very nice.

MerlinOkay, so here's my conundrum. So Alex, I'm going to throw it to you in a minute to do your rant about the battery case. But since you guys, I'm sure, are in the doc, you'll see that I put a picture of a croc in here.

Is there anything in the world more easy to trip on than a croc? A croc, no matter where you put a croc in your house, I'm talking here about the shoes, you will trip on a croc.

AlexOh, hold on, hold on. There's no doc link in our super secret text channel.

MerlinThe document has already been shared with you. It's available in your Google Docs. It's always available to you.

AlexI'm sorry. I'm sorry.

MerlinThis is like an iPhone doc. So now you're John Roderick and I have to send you a link every week to where Google Docs is. Oh, this is personally painful to me.

AlexAll right.

MerlinJesus Christ. Sorry. Let me click. I'm clicking on share. Okay. Okay. Got that. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at that. This is right here. Share it with Alex Cox and Mike Kempst.

I see.

MerlinGrubb. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me click the link. I'll put it in the channel so you can get it.

AlexHere we go. Oh, motherfucker. Breaking news. thank you Stephen Hackett who's just texted me Apple releases new smart battery case for iPhone 11 and iPhone 11 Pro after show yes no not yet are they available for sale Max do not deface the document

MerlinI see your cursor

MaxI'm sorry should I have it in the cursor zone

Alexoh god Oh, no. My texts are being flooded. Okay, so when you said a crock, you literally meant the shoe, a crock, that it's the easiest thing to trip on. Why?

MerlinIt's just if there's a crock anywhere that's not like in a closet, someone will trip on it because of the readiness of it. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't move. it's very like you can't like if you like any normal pair of shoes if you want to like swipe them out of the way with your foot right you just slide them you can't do that with a crock so here's my conundrum on the one hand like if you get a case that's grippy enough to be grippy like like uh like i think you said i'm sorry this is i'm not making much of a point this is easily

Alexthe worst episode we've ever done i don't i don't care i get to talk about my case you've talked in

Merlinthe past about how you feel like the silicone cases are getting less like human skin and more fun to hold. Is that right? Haven't you stipulated that? Because I used to feel like they're too grippy and like a crock, I might end up actually dropping it more because like it's unexpectedly grippy. It's crock-like. So I want something in between.

AlexSee, that's how I feel about the silicone or rubber, I don't know what the fuck it is, on the battery cases. It is different than the regular. Apple cases. I have not got confirmation. I love the battery case. I love the battery case. Yeah, it feel, I swear it feels different. And you get used to it. You get used to the size and the weight and you come to crave it. I mean, at this point, the phones have been so big for so long that I am always like, all right, I got to get this monster into and out of my pocket somehow.

MaxSo it doesn't make any difference. I don't like that it like grabs onto the inner material of

Merlinthe pocket. That was my problem. That was my croc problem with the old one. It was just too hard to get out of a pocket. Yeah.

MaxIt takes the whole pocket with it.

MerlinWell, especially with these commuter jeans where the pockets want to come out. Do you get that with the old, the classic commuter jeans? With the shiny pockets?

MaxI fully don't have any more commuter jeans. They all had problems. So now I'm on to my black 511s.

AlexIs this available to order, Alex? It is. I'm doing that right now.

MaxAre we going to have it delivered to the office?

AlexYep. Like today?

MaxYou go to the website?

AlexNo, it is on the website. Standard delivery delivers Monday, November 25th. What?

MerlinFuck that. Fuck you. Fuck that. Come on.

Speaker ACome on now. Let's go, let's go, let's go.

MerlinGive it to me now. Oh, all right. Where is the Smart Battery Case 11? Okay. No, I don't want to pick it up.

Speaker ANo, come on. God damn it.

MerlinVery upsetting. I think 9to5Mac might just be an AI at this point. Is it really? Okay. So where do I go to buy it, Alex?

AlexI'm confused. Is it on the Apple site? Hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MerlinAll right. And where do you go? You're clicking. I go to?

AlexAccessories. Accessories. And there it is.

MerlinWhere's accessories?

AlexI would send you the link, but it is frozen now in the process of checking out.

MerlinStranded. Frozen. Oh. Oh, that's the Demi Lovato version.

AlexI am a fan of the Demi Lovato, Let It Go.

MerlinI love that. And I love the part when she says Stranded Frozen. For a long time, I was confused about, did I misremember that being in the song at all? But it's just in that one. And I think it's a great use of that song in a different version at the end of the movie.

AlexMm-hmm. I agree. I agree. It's really good. I've gotten a lot of shit for this.

MerlinWho would give you shit about that, Alex? Just name a name. Name a single person. Oh, okay. All right, fine.

AlexMaddie and my entire family has shamed me, including some.

MerlinYou're surrounded by so many unsupportive people.

AlexI know, right? It's really weird. Ah, more. Sorry.

MerlinI don't see it. I see XR.

AlexOkay, I've literally gotten a dozen texts. Here, let me get the exact link for you. I have now purchased this.

MerliniPhone 11 Pro, silicone clear, Meyer lemon.

AlexDo you cone or con? Huh?

MerlinSilicon.

AlexWhen you say...

MerlinSilicon, silicon. I know that one of them is wrong. One is sand and one's rubber. Wait, what? What? No, like Silicon Valley.

Speaker AAlexa, stop!

MerlinIt's chips and stuff made out of sand.

AlexMm-hmm. Oh, yep, yep, yep. Okay.

MerlinSo here it is. iPhone 11 Pro, smart battery case with wireless charging black. Woo-hoo! $130.

AlexThis kind of makes me want to throw up, but... What? What? What? Yep. Yep. Well, well, here's a Christmas present for myself.

MerlinOkay. That's a long time to wait.

AlexI know.

MerlinPick up Monday 25th. Okay. All right. You got to do what you got to do.

AlexWho wants me to set up Apple Pay? God, let me... Here, insert fry throw money gif here. Oh, you know what? It's been a bad day.

MerlinJesus Christ. How's Fortman doing?

MaxMerlin, are you telling me you're not watching in a little window on your computer?

MerlinNo, I'm not. How's Fortman? Is he in trouble? We got him this time? You're looking.

Speaker AOh, boy.

MerlinDon't lie. You've got it on. No, I don't. No, no. It would hurt my bandwidth. I can't do that.

MaxI'm a bandwidth queen. I turn everything off. You don't have one of those little 90s TVs like the guy in the bathtub watches the Truman show on? Of course I do. You know, it has the antennas.

MerlinI've got my Amazon show, Echo show right here. But it's just a picture of my kid right now.

Speaker AOh, stupid baby. Oh, no.

MerlinSo we don't even need to release the episode now. Right? Well, now everything's solved. I am getting a... So, Alex, you're just going to use the battery case from now on.

MaxYep. Oh, yeah, no question. And put this ridiculous cinder block into your pocket, this vulcanized cinder block into your pocket every day.

Alex100%.

MerlinYou laugh, you laugh, but once you start using it, it's going to seem crazy that you had a time when you didn't. It's great. It is really great.

MaxAre you guys having problems with the battery lasting all day on your phone?

AlexYeah, but I mean, I always have. I think it's a little, I think people are exaggerating how much battery life they're getting.

MerlinWell, okay, okay. I want to address this because this is similar to a conversation that Dan and I are having about Synology. And where I talked Dan out of getting a two bay Synology and said, no, you're insane. Go get a six bay Synology. Because the whole point of having a NAS is you never have to think about storage space, right? So like I'm at one third capacity. I've got 10 terabytes available even after mirroring because that's how I want it. I don't want to have to think about that for a long time. If I had my druthers, I would never have to think about turning on the cheapy battery mode.

And I would run my goddamn screen at full brightness all the time.

AlexOkay there, Adam Lysagor. Woof. Why?

MerlinI like it to be bright. It's nicer. It looks better when it's very bright. and like so with a battery case with a battery case I never have to worry about that

Maxdon't you ever wake up in the middle of the night having a panic attack and then you like go on your phone I take a lot of drugs so I sleep and you leave the brightness all the way up and it's just like staring oh no that's upsetting but no I don't look at my phone at night

AlexI keep dark mode on all the time it's like when

Maxit's like when sister knight goes to the place when she gets the call and the light's in her face let's say guns be say guns turn that light off and it's an egg eggs

Alexit's an egg

Show notes

Transcript

159. Eggs and Legacy

Show notes

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