143. General Convention

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox, and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, swap your face.

MerlinI ordered a new office chair.

AlexOh, this is a big deal, isn't it?

MerlinIt's really a big deal. Have I ever shown you a picture of this one?

AlexI think I've seen it, but it could just be wishful thinking.

MerlinWell, let me make sure you know what I'm working with here. Got it, got it. Oh, let me just get this one. Oh, look at that. Oh, that is handsome. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's where the butt goes.

AlexOh, do you have a good indent going on?

MerlinOh, I wish it was just that. It's, I've, I guess, well, you'll see what it is. You'll see what it is. I think, by my estimation, I should look it up. I got, I think this is 15 years old.

AlexOh.

MerlinI think I've earned it. I think I've earned it. So should I add Max? I don't see him. You guys have all these different handles.

AlexI have one handle. The rest. Okay, sure.

Merlinyou got compromised i was compromised didn't they tell you in church not to do that i know

Alexi was supposed to be saving myself for my first skype name but you should save yourself for my chair look at that did you get the picture oh see that i see when i look at that chair i see an active man because clearly you're you're getting up thinking and then sitting like to really get in there yeah yeah because that's where the friction is it's not that you're sinking down You're sitting atop, like, ready to go.

MerlinI totally agree. I'm always ready. That's my secret. Oh, wait. Max calling. No, no. No, Max.

AlexNo.

MerlinDon't do that, Max.

AlexNo, don't do that.

Speaker AWhy has he always got to be such a problem?

MerlinNo, no. Add to call. Add to call. Max. But it's like shoes. You know, it's like shoes or jeans. If you turn your shoes upside down, they look different. You know what I mean? Because wear patterns.

AlexOh, I see. So these are like a story of your thighs, really.

MerlinThis is the story of your thighs. There's nothing rich folks lack more than rubbing their thighs and bumming with the pores.

Take Philip Schuyler. The man is loaded. He's got a chair.

AlexThere's a new...

MerlinDid you see that picture of John Hodgman?

AlexI did not. What picture of Mr. Hodgman?

MerlinOh, it's a mirror project he sent in in 2001. Look at him. Look at that little guy. I'm recording everything.

AlexAs am I. Yes.

MaxAll right. Here we go. I'm fucking. I have this. The Marco box. I'm talking into it. I hit record. I see a timer counting up. It says I've been recording now for 10 seconds.

AlexAll right. Yeah.

MaxThat probably means it's recording, right?

MerlinOh, my God.

MaxThis is the first time I've used this to record.

MerlinThe recording. the recording of your terrible connection will be flawless. Now, you'll have a good local recording, so the fact that you sound like you're talking through some wax paper on a comb won't be a problem. Microphone. Hang on now. Microphone. I'm going to make it this. Let's see.

MaxDoes this make any difference? Is this better or worse? Better or worse?

AlexBlow into the cartridge.

Merlinyou know what's funny alexandra is that he's like he's like our personal free solo guy like he has the most ambitious ideas and then now we're the ones back in the van in the beans what um look at john hodgman he's so little and skinny and look at it look at his face

Alexoh my goodness no that's john hodgman 2001 wait yeah what oh i'm looking at something else i'm looking at um i sent you my mirror projects and i sent you a mirror project with john hudgman you know what maybe i should try lts oh my goodness all right the mirror schedule later

Merlinoh my god he's a baby he's a baby man that's back when he was a professional literary agent i think

Alexoh my goodness is that a flip oh no it's not i got excited for a second it's probably like

Merlinyeah it's back when we all had those little like cannons and might be a power shot i loved my flip cam so much the flip video camera yep yep oh god i had three i loved it so so much i had one i had one um and then i replaced that one when it broke and then i had the slightly upgraded one and i feel like i said this a million times but we it was so great that that was concomitant the popularity of that in my world was concomitant with our kid being born because like it was so easy to take these videos and like the existence of a sub perfect wow this really gets

into our topic um uh the existence of a sub perfect video is a gajillion times more important than the non-existence of a flawless video you know i'm saying just like just having something you can literally like keep in your pocket that is a video camera it's crazy and it's it was it's faster than an iPhone. I mean, in some ways. You know, anyways. Yeah, I love mine. Now, did you keep the movies?

AlexOh, yes. Yes, I do. Or, I mean, no. Nope. Nope. Definitely not. They're gone forever. No, they're actually on my Vimeo. What's happening? Like, I uploaded them all. They're all on Vimeo. Oh, yeah. I privatized

Merlinall mine on Vimeo, too. I put a ton of stuff up there. But now I have this big box full of hard drives that I'm finding ways to utilize.

Speaker AMmm. Oh, hey,

Merlinbuddy. Are you in? Am I?

MaxHello? Hello? Can you guys hear me now? Yes. Is it tolerable? Yes. It's better. This is great. Now I'm mobile. Now I can pace around the hotel room too. I just have to carry around my USB Mix Pre 6.

MerlinYou should duct tape it to yourself like a Jason Snell. You can duct tape it and then you can walk around. Or you can lay on the ground like a milch. You can lay on the way like a milch.

MaxA tactical, a tactical. What if I had a tactical belt and I clipped the USB Pre Mix 6?

MerlinYou would get more pussy than Sinatra. you you walking around at gen bane con with like a fanny pack you go you go to gen you go to gen

Maxcon you've got the fucking mix pre hanging off your belt you've got the microphone you have people come up and they go excuse me are you a podcaster yeah you got a leather man you got a roll of tape so we just said alex when we were leaving the when we were leaving so merlin we

Alexhave a show we're doing oh i saw oh you saw please please go on did you go running that was a good call if you ran away from that dude yep i saw it and i had already ordered i i literally just walked away in order to lift please please tell merlin that's why you were and that's why you

Maxwere on time for the podcast and i wasn't so no you're fine you're you're absolved and so uh so we're doing a show at gen con which i think i've mentioned on the podcast and that's what the fans call jennifer con i'm almost well that's for the true heads out there um you know okay let me let

Speaker ALet me put something on the stack for a second.

MaxI travel with a little rig in my backpack where when I go to conventions or events, I can make my own t-shirts in my hotel room that reference little funny ideas or inside jokes that come up during the event. You're kidding. Which I think most normal people do.

AlexA normal thing that, yep.

MaxYou're a just-in-time meme seamstress, a memestress. Yeah, so I have a little t-shirt rig in my suitcase that I travel with. And last year, I had a funny idea for a t-shirt, and I thought that I should make a t-shirt that said General Convention 2018. which I thought was a very funny joke. Uh-huh. And I wore it to Gen Con and about 200, like I could not go down the hallway without someone stopping me and going, excuse me, but it's short for Geneva Convention.

Speaker AOh, man.

MaxThat's on you, man.

MerlinThat's really on you.

MaxI know that this isn't official merchandise because it's incorrect. It's Geneva Convention.

MerlinI'm sorry. I've been milling around for the next last 6.35 minutes and I just have to say something. I tried to stop myself.

AlexWould you have had to make the joke more obnoxious and more like genocide convention? Like how does someone not get that joke? Well, that's this year's shirt. Oh.

Please tell the story of Mr. Mason.

Maxokay so we are doing a show uh at gen con friday and saturday night it's probably almost certainly sold out by the time you hear this but it's that uh you know we've done these shows at gen con for a long time we was doing with these big crazy theaters and they're like live nation venues and they just they sucks they just suck my balls so much they take all the money live nation like we were always like just take a huge bath on these shows because all the money goes to live nation for their goddamn fees and it's these huge union crews that like don't know how to run the theater and that they miss our sound and lighting cues.

Like, it really grates on me. And so we haven't done them for the last few years. And this year, the partners were like, oh, we should do one of those Gen Con shows again. And I was like, the only way we could do it is if we find, like, a new venue. And I was like, it's got to be somewhere weird. Like, there must be, like, some sort of, like, Masonic Lodge in Indianapolis that we can rent. And sure enough, there is. And this place is a... It's called the Scottish Rite Cathedral, and you just have to Google it and look at pictures. I can't even describe... Alex, can you even put it into words?

Alexwhat it's like uh it's like if you saw the outside of a catholic church but then went inside and you were like oh this is definitely either a place where people have weddings or secret meetings are held surprise oh it looks like it looks like the the stone cutters on um yes exactly um and there's yeah uh i don't know much about the masons other than i shouldn't know much about them and they don't want women there. Yes. So that's about right.

MerlinNo, this is exquisite from the outside. It's very cathedral-like.

AlexThat's why we try not to hire any.

MaxI know. Just in case we ever need to go into a Masonic Lodge. Okay. All right. So I see, so as we're leaving, Tom is showing me, like, this thing just keeps going and going and going. And we have a huge, a huge, like, cathedral that we're doing our show in. And there's a huge ballroom that we're doing this party in.

MerlinIs this the thing with the, you've got the gothic ceiling and like chandeliers? That's the room?

MaxYes. That's where our show is.

MerlinIt's gorgeous.

MaxAnd there's another room, a completely different room that's also gorgeous that's like a formal ballroom for like 400 people and we're doing a party in there like the next one. Like it's all crazy. And as we're leaving, there's a fucking, a whole other floor with like a cafe and a, and like another ballroom that's also gorgeous. It was blowing my mind. And we're walking away and I go, and I said to Tom, I go, this must be the nicest Masonic Lodge in the United States of America. Like, I can't imagine that there's another one that's nicer. And as I said that, there happened to be a dude in a Mason's polo shirt rolling a hard case of what I assume are board games down.

And he goes, excuse me, but do you mind if I tell you about Masons? And I was like, oh boy. I got a little scared to say no. oh and that is when i turned around and then he goes and then he goes are you max temkin from cards against humanity and secret hitler and i was like this is about to go real good or real bad

Merlinlike yeah you're you're either about to get a really good secret tour or he's gonna wear your

Maxskin yes and you know it turns out it was neither he gave it we we got a short talk about um about the history of the temple and it is a really cool masonic temple and and then he said and then he was telling us about the membership i don't remember why he i the whole thing was not strung together in a sort of causal or narrative structure with all the information he was giving i would have probably he was telling me there's 33 levels of masons and he says the 33rd level is reserved it's just honorary it's just honorary you have to be invited and i thought

well here's a dude who's clearly really into mason's stuff and i've booked out his whole house for for our show and he's telling me that there's an honorary membership and i and i thought and he knew me he recognized me by sight as a famous board game designer and i thought he probably wants me to become an honorary member and i said and i said and i said what's the deal with i said give me an honorary membership we rented out the whole thing and he goes oh he says i could never possibly do that he goes i can't he goes maybe in another life i couldn't possibly do it there's no

way whoa and he just left it at that he left it at that yeah he's like he's like maybe in another life if I was a philanthropist or something. I don't know if you buy someone's honorary membership. I have no idea how it works. I don't actually want to be a Mason that bad, but I just thought it was funny.

MerlinBut it's nice to be asked.

MaxIt's nice. Yes, I would love to be asked and then be like, I don't need it, but I want to be

Merlinasked. My grandfather was a Mason and he was in Scottish Rite.

MaxWhat? Scottish Rite, is that the good one? I don't really know. Yeah, I think

Merlinthat's the good one. I think folks from your tribe will never in a million years be allowed in.

MaxThat's why he was like, that's why he said maybe in another life. Yes, exactly.

AlexOh, I didn't know they, oh.

MaxWell, that's all right. We still control the media.

MerlinWe do.

MaxThat's funny. I'm going to make that joke when I open up the show. I'm going to go, this is the most Jews that have ever been in this building in the history of us since it was built in the 1920s. Nobody tell them. I should make a custom t-shirt that says not Jewish just in case it comes off

Merlinno no no you should do get a traditional like I don't want to be untasteful but like you know let's just say like two yellow triangles composing a star and you put a buster through that and that's your way of letting people know no Jew no Jew Jerry

Maxthat's actually quite that's very funny I'm going to make a t-shirt thank you

Merlinthat was quite humorous Merlin just in case I need this

MaxI'm going to make a t-shirt that says not not Jewish It's got a little pig on it

Speaker AOh we're never gonna be able to come back here

MaxAnd then on the back it says Do not control the media I do not control the media

MerlinI am not your banker That's that James Baldwin movie

MaxNot only do I not put the Gentile baby blood In the matzah I don't even like matzah It makes it hurt as shit

MerlinI can't have matzo so you're at Gen Con I'm at the general convention at the general convention it's got to be a very hectic time for you guys

Alexoh yeah I mean would you like me to elaborate I mean people always ask what's going to happen

MerlinSure. Well, mostly I was just going to ask, did you get me and my daughter any treats yet?

AlexOh, no. We are on day negative one of Gen Con.

MaxThe convention hasn't started yet. But here's what I'm going to do is when I do go on the show floor, I'm probably going to... Is there a time when I could FaceTime both of you and show you the little selection of little models? And then you could sort of pick?

MerlinOh, I mean, possibly, sure. Just give us a heads up. I mean, I'm Bachelor Dad Thursday and most of Friday, yeah.

MaxSo maybe sometime on...

MerlinWe're going to be watching a lot of not mom approved TV in the next two days.

MaxIs it what Thursday would like what Thursday, Thursday during the day? She's got activities, right?

MerlinNo, no. She's I got her. I got her on Thursday and Friday. Oh, yeah.

MaxOkay. So at some point tomorrow morning, I will text you. Great. And I will and we'll find out we'll pick an hour and I'll and I'll we can do a little FaceTime and I'll show you some you guys will just enjoy seeing the like insane D&D like model train sets, but because they're amazing. but then you can pick out some like monsters.

MerlinI would love that. The other thing is- You can get some Dungeons and Dragons. Get some Dungeons and or Dragons. If you see it, I believe they just announced there's going to be a tabletop game of the Balance Arc from Taz.

AlexYeah, our friends are working on it.

MerlinOh, okay.

AlexWhat a weird name drop I just did.

MerlinYeah. Wow, your friends.

MaxOur buddy Keith Baker is making that game. He lives in Canada, yeah. will be able to do...

MerlinHere I am at the party. All my friends are here. You just can't see. That's really cool. Yeah.

MaxListen, I've always thought it would be very fun to play a role-playing game on Dubai Friday as a challenge. And maybe that's the one. I love, love, love that.

MerlinAnd I'm so excited. See, now when I pitched her the games you recommended and describing the mechanics, she's like, she just wanted to play Minecraft and watch TV. But then I played her the segment where you described it, and her ears really perked up. Mmm.

Speaker ALike a dachshund.

MerlinWhen you described, you know, the way you described a few games, I haven't explored them yet, but, like, the one where you can do, say, stop and then, like, have a flashback, like, what an amazing idea for a mechanic. Isn't that cool? Yeah, it's really cool. But so far, so good. So at this point, I've only ever worked at, so I've been to stuff like Macworld, but I've only ever worked at two trade shows.

One... Were you doing magic tricks for people? What were you doing? Everything I do is a magic trick by definition. I did one for, it doesn't really matter, but it was a database trade show. It was the first time I had to come to San Francisco in 97. Database trade show. DBExpo. Welcome to DBExpo.

I'd done the website for DBExpo, and now I had to do things with photos.

AlexDubai Expo.

MaxDBExpo is a show where you're going to get a lot of guys, with a USB mix pre-6 hanging off their belt. Oh, boy.

MerlinDB Expo 1997. Oh, my God. You had to scrape the ladies off. You don't have a T-shirt. You don't have a T-shirt for that, do you? I would wear that T-shirt every day. Oh, my God. You know what you would like? You would like another trade show. So I did mostly PC Expo, which is a huge deal. PC Expo, DB Expo. The one you would enjoy was one called Equitano. I also did the website. It was a Equitana.

MaxThat's for men and the horses they love.

MerlinThe horses they love. It's a lot like Hedwig. It's like one man, one horse. Each of you is half a centaur.

That's a makeup. Anyway, that would be funny. He should do that. He should do that. Because really, it's about the two pieces coming together. Coming together.

AlexComing together.

MerlinThey're coming together. And then the other one was for therealestate.com. I was going to mention once, I know we've talked about this before, but the impression that I walked away with from all of my experiences as a visitor to things like this and as somebody, a participant, is what a goddamn floor-to-ceiling racket the entire affair is. You mentioned some of this, but we were there and there was stuff like, union guys, you're not allowed, if it costs extra for a trash can, and then it costs extra to have the trash can emptied, and you're not allowed to empty the trash can.

You're not allowed to unplug a USB. There's all this stuff. But it's also like they're like, hey, yeah, you probably want to hire a security guard for your booth because everybody's like a Simpsons character. You probably want to hire a security guard for your booth. And we're like, sure, okay. All right, but now sign this waiver that if anything gets stolen, it's not our fault. It's like, yeah, you've got to be kidding me. For like a $100,000 booth? So do you encounter that as the person who participates? Is it the racket that it seems like?

MaxOh, you're just getting ripped off left and right at these things.

MerlinBut you pay for everything. You pay for the pipe. You pay for the drape. This kind of carpeting is extra. Isn't it just a ridiculous racket?

MaxI mean, God forbid you need a power outlet or internet.

AlexThat's literally $2,000. And it's worse, too, because if you don't want the stock drape and table, Like you have to pay double to bring in your own because reasons, I guess. And it's, but then you also need to, but no, no. And then it's a separate strange fee as well. So it doesn't, I don't, I don't know.

MerlinCan you imagine trying to do that with horses? How complicated that would be? I don't think horses actually came to the show. They came with their companion.

Speaker AThey came together.

MerlinBut it's going okay? Yeah, they came together. That's how you make a centaur. I'm putting my horse back on the shelf.

MaxThe problem I have with these trade shows is that just by doing them, they make you very normal. They're almost designed for you to be an interchangeable puzzle piece.

MerlinOh, it's like getting involved with the wedding industry or the funeral industry. Don't try to do anything different or you'll be ground up in the gears.

MaxIf we were to, let me just put it this way. I mean, I can't talk about something as cool as Database Expo, but at Gen Con, which is like a show floor with booths for game companies, the prescribed correct thing for us to do is we should pay for a booth, and we have pipe and drape, and we decorate it, and we give away freebies, and we sell Cards Against Humanity for cash at the booth, and we'll sign stuff for you, and there's shifts. And we've done that. Like, we've done that. That was the first year we ever came to Gen Con. That's what we did. And the feeling I had was when we did that, we stopped being Cards Against Humanity and that we were just in that moment, we were just like a game purveyor.

Generic, just cranking out some shit. And here's our box and there's their box. And it's all the same. And you walk over here and you're like.

AlexIt's the generic convention.

MaxGeneric convention.

AlexExactly.

MaxIt was like very like I felt like we weren't Cards Against Humanity. We were like a nice brand.

MerlinNo. Yes. No, like exactly. you're not exactly generic but you're like like generic with a yellow logo yeah that's what that's that's why i say the the wedding um industry the funeral industry like weddings are really bad or you know any of those things where like there's such a mature industry of gouging people like if you want to get creative get as creative as you want as long as it's something we've got on the

Maxmenu or you're just going to be a real outlier well that's what it's like every time we come to these conventions we're like can we make our table blue and there has to be like like we have to have an all-hands meeting about this. They want to make the table blue, Jerry. It's crazy. Everyone around, every system is designed to say no to doing anything that would make you stand out or be creative. It's really death to me and I really don't like doing these conventions. So that's why we rent a Masonic Lodge and doing a comedy show because at least it's not

technically part of Gen Come, but at least it's our own thing. At least it'll be us, right?

MerlinI hope the show's fun. It looks like your tickets, I saw on the Twitter. It looks like your tickets are, you know, come along real well.

MaxYeah, I think we're going to sell out. I'm feeling good about it. I was very nervous. I thought maybe no one would come. There's over the stage, there's a sword hanging over the stage and it's the sword of Damocles.

Speaker AAnd if you're not,

Maxif you're not funny, if you do a pun and it doesn't land, wow, that sword, that sword fucking falls on you. Actually, it falls into our ADA accessible seating area. Swords are ableist. I didn't put the sword there. the Masons did. No, it's the Masons sword, not my sword. They don't like the Jews or the disabled.

MerlinEvery time a Shriner stoops to help a crippled child. Are Shriners

Alexdifferent than Masons?

MerlinIt's related. But yeah, my grandfather was deep in all this stuff. I don't know if he was in the 30s, but you might want to pick yourself up a copy of Duncan's Ritual of Freemasonry.

Speaker AJust saying.

Merlinthat's uh that's where they first revealed some of the arcane secrets of uh of the stone cutters stuff like they they make you stand on a platform blindfold and then they push you off and you only fall a couple inches but haha you know and then i think they they spank you and give you a hand oh gotcha there yeah there you go yeah what's the smell what's the smell situation like i've been thinking a lot about smells actually i was just listening to them a bim bam where they had come back from, believe it or not, PAX East. And we're talking about the odors of

a crowd. What's the smell situation like so far? I'm not making a nerd joke unless that's what you choose to infer. But is there a smell situation going on? You're just asking questions, Merlin.

MaxI'm just asking the question. So here's the deal. So in some gaming conventions, part of the design of the convention is that they have a gaming area and there's people there. It's sort of meant for you to hang out there like all weekend and just game gen con is that pax east is that other conventions aren't so much that and i will say by day two pax east really smells quite bad and it smells like um sour milk and um

body odor like definitely men definitely boys locker room it's got that wet very wet bo smell

MerlinYeah. I mean, I noticed this the other day when I took a Lyft. And I mentioned this on Twitter, but my Lyft driver really super smelled like a Philadelphia hoagie. And then I arrived to pick my daughter up at camp. And somebody at the camp smelled like the same hoagie. And so I looked at myself and I said, ha, I wonder if that's me. So I went around the corner so my daughter wouldn't be embarrassed. And I held up my left arm and I stuck my face real deep in there. And I went, and I was like pretty assured that it's not me. But at a certain point, it's hard to tell.

And you get into a Seinfeld situation where you're not sure if it's you that stinks now. But there is a mass group sandwich type smell that just seems to happen when a lot of dudes get together.

MaxI know that it did not go over so well when we made comments about the Jonathan Colton cruise when we talked about that last time. But I'm just going to say this, that at the top of the cruise, Paul and Storm now say you have to shower during your time on the cruise and that going in the swimming pool does not replace baby.

MerlinWhat if the shower doesn't accommodate you? Jazzbreak, for the love of God, Jazzbreak.

Speaker ADig the belt in the box. Aboard, aboard.

AlexMerlin, have you ever been to Indianapolis?

MerlinYes. I was there the day of a bomb scare at the Capitol. I came to do a talk there, and I bought a Breaking Away off-brand Cutters t-shirt.

Yeah, I thought it was a really neat little town. Yeah, I didn't spend a ton of time, but yeah. I kind of like Indianapolis.

AlexWhat is wrong with you people? Oh, my God.

MerlinWhat didn't you like? Well, it is Indiana.

AlexIt is Indiana. the city it's a small city and yet it smells like three times worse than Chicago there's very interesting oh yeah I how do there's no place to like hang out or eat food there's lovely art everywhere but then there's litter all around it and there's just like when Gen Con happens There's the Indianapolis smell and then the Gen Con nerd smell.

It forms together and it's unique to anywhere else in the world, I think. Not even New York Comic Con has this weird, I don't know, it's like a fog. And then you go from hotel to hotel and it just doesn't ever leave. At least at PAX, it's contained to one place.

MaxLast year I was walking back from some party or another and the streets of Indianapolis smelled so bad. I mean, it's one of the worst smells I've ever smelled in my entire life. So I would say that it was a little bit like the aftertaste of Malort. But if it was like aerosolized and put into the air. I mean, it tasted like, I mean, it was thick. I mean, I would say like the first note was like burning rubber. Like that was very forward. But it had like an awful like organic component.

MerlinI mean, it was a really bad. It was not. I'm sorry to say that I did this, but I just went to the Google website and entered in two words. indianapolis smell and there's a lot of people talking about the smell of indianapolis why does indianapolis stink asks trip advisor where is this smell coming from asked the indianapolis reddit this is what we know about the gas smell in indianapolis this morning

Maxoh it was gas it was very good it had a it had a sulfurous gassy smell but i'm really i'm telling you the first thing was burning rubber these were all different for different years do you ever have a little electrical fire like like like like like like we had oh yeah in our in our office a couple of weeks ago there was like a little bit of in the kitchen there was a little bit of a burning smell and i yeah i realized someone had left our beverage cooler open all weekend and so the the refrigerator was running it did not smell that is not a good smell you do not want to smell that

Merlinno not at all not at all but i mean it sounds like it's something that's not lost on people the other thing is you know when you're around to smell for a while you stop noticing it as much

Maxuntil you go away and come back so i tweeted i said i am smelling the word like i'm sure that i have cancer now from smelling I'm 100% sure that I have bone cancer now just from taking one whiff of this I can feel my I can feel my my my bones turning into like pocket sticks every breath I take and I tweeted it and I was like what in God's name is this smell and everyone was like oh yeah it's just like that yeah well okay thanks buddy oh yeah all right

Thanks. Cool.

Speaker AWas that the whole story? What is...

MaxYeah. All right. Now I have bruises all over my body, and I might have grown gills. There's no calcium in my bones anymore. It's all gone.

MerlinYou can tell just from the smell, but you can feel it. You're so in touch with your bones that you know when the cancer has gotten there because of the smell. Yeah. I can feel it coming in. Yeah. It's weird. College towns can be like the Gainesville's kind of like that in Florida. There are these towns that are like this weird hybrid of, oh, how does one say? Like, you know, not metropolitan, but a college town combined with somewhere rural or combined with somewhere provincial. And that can sometimes be a very strange combination.

I mean, it's real weird. Like when you get like it doesn't take long concentric circles around the University of Florida. And like it gets really super weird. Like people throwing stuff from pickup trucks pretty fast. but the smell I don't I don't know about the smell I bought a futon there once I think it's

Maxlike a pharmaceutical company makes that smell oh you think so like in New Jersey like one of

Merlinthose they make your ice cream taste but they also make the Indianapolis smell there's some

Maxsort of pharmaceutical company in downtown Indianapolis and I think that's what I was

Merlinsmelling Indiana oh they got fireworks and racism it's do they do yeah you just crossed in Cincinnati Hey, boy, you just hop in the Pontiac and go to Indiana. I'm stuck up on all the fireworks and racism.

AlexThere's a gigantic sign we pass every year, and it's a lovely tradition that just says hell is real. And I'm sure people have seen this in memes, and folks are like, that's not real. No, no, no, it's real. Someone just owns a plot of land and put up the sign and has paid for this piece of land.

MerlinOh, there it is, like a black sign with white letters.

AlexYep, yep, that's the one. Look at that. Yeah. I took a selfie with it one time.

MerlinOh, nice.

AlexI thought it was very cool. I don't know why we thought it was cool.

MerlinSt. Peter's going to love that.

AlexMm-hmm. Merlin, what do you think Max is eating? I'm wondering if... It's Tic Tacs. Oh, are they orange? Hmm.

MaxI had to stop and charge my car outside of a Walmart on the way here. and I went into the Walmart and there was a huge yellow thing that looked like a minion and it says Tic Tac Fruit Adventure. And I was like, I have to know. I have to know.

MerlinCharging the car. What were you saying, Alex? Tic Tac Fruit Adventure.

AlexHe's going on his fruit adventure.

MerlinI thought at first you were shuffling cards and then I assumed you were eating cards as part of an effect and we would know by the end. No, it's Tic Tac's Fruit Adventure, over 200 mints. Are we supposed to, while I'm thinking of it,

Maxare we supposed to credit Marco for nuts? I thought we said Marco. I'll say this. Marco got very wounded that we didn't say that he invented nuts.com back in 2004 or whatever. But Veronica found this website independently because she was searching for nut flowers, and they had them, and they delivered them quickly. I can guarantee you that Veronica's never listened of five minutes of a Marco Armit podcast. I have never been more certain of anything in my life than that Veronica did not hear about this remark. Whenever I listen, I'm not allowed to listen

to any of Marco's podcasts in the car. Veronica finds them intolerable.

MerlinAnd rightfully so,

Maxbecause what do they talk about? Different gauges of USB cables.

MerlinIt was butterfly keys, yeah. I've been using it since it was legumes.edu slash tilde nuts. I've been using it since it was just Mr. Peanut with a private Unix account.

MaxOkay, well, that was after they got bought by Pocashews.org.

MerlinA little CGI bin, a little form. Anyway, apologies to Marco. Sorry we didn't credit you for nuts. It's nuts.

AlexI discovered them in a nut.

Speaker AOh, boy.

MaxThey should give Marco a banner on this. They should say, thank you, Marco. Marco's nuts.

AlexI mean, did you see that? They sent him a T-shirt.

MerlinWow. Oh, they did?

AlexYeah, yeah. There's a blog post. He has an entire blog post about nuts.com.

MerlinDo you have a post about the hand feel of the shirt?

AlexActually, no, wait. I got to find it. Fuck, I got to find it. I got to find it. It's very good.

MerlinDid you buy the Sony something something something thousand three? Did anybody else buy those because everybody else was buying them?

AlexNo, no. Those are real expensive. They're like the bajillionaire's phones. I mean, no.

MerlinThey're good, but they're terrible. They're good, but terrible.

AlexWhy are they terrible?

MerlinThey sound amazing, but they are dog shit for trying to pair with multiple devices. It's crazy making. It seems like you've got to shut it all the way off and turn it all the way back on. To turn it on, Alex, you have to hold the button for six seconds.

AlexOh, no.

MerlinIt's nuts. Cut this out. That's boring.

AlexReally, though, how does the top feel? I don't know. It doesn't look comfortable to me. The headband part? Yeah, yeah.

MerlinOh, I thought it was pretty comfortable. I mean, they're portable. The thing is, I know some people, I think Mike in particular, said he doesn't like noise cancellation. Oh, I do not either. That seems like you.

AlexIt's not that I don't like it. It makes me dizzy and feel weird. I don't know. It's, I don't know.

MerlinI have to agree with Mike, though. The most CGP gray thing that's ever CGP grayed is CGP gray with these costly Sony headphones on a plane listening to plane noise. on them. I mean, it's the most CGP gray thing ever because he just doesn't want to hear people. He plays plane noise over noise canceling headphones when he's on a plane.

AlexThat makes sense. If you I agree with you, Merlin makes sense to me. It makes sense. It makes absolute sense, especially because you don't want to think about what's happening on the plane. If you are on like my bus in Chicago always makes the same noise. If that bus is making a different noise, then your head just will crumble into anxiety. But if the plane is always making the same noise, it's great. So why not just, why not? You know?

MerlinI like a dryer. I like a dryer sound.

AlexI have become a fan of whatever the noises my dishwasher makes. Sure. I only knew that because we had to get it replaced, and it doesn't make that noise. It makes me very sad.

MerlinDid you talk to your landlord before you did it?

AlexNo, he did it. He didn't talk to us before he did it. So we just came home to a new dishwasher, which is great because we told him two years ago that the other one seemed to be breaking. So we have a new dishwasher.

MaxAlex, you really need to move.

AlexThe dishwasher, all right, let me paint a word picture. The dishwasher is next to the sink, as in most places. Yes. And underneath the sink is a cabinet. But now the cabinet cannot be fully closed because the dishwasher juts out too much. Oh, no.

MerlinThat would drive me crazy.

AlexI really felt one with you in Syracusa in that moment. Oh, no.

MerlinYou could never stop noticing that.

AlexWell, and normally it'd be fine, but that used to be the chemical place, right? Like where we have the detergent or whatever that stuff is and the, I don't, the stuff you drink to not get autism, that stuff. And so now.

MerlinOh, sure, sure, sure.

AlexThe solution. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just don't want the cats getting, I don't have a problem with my cats being autistic, so I really don't want them drinking the bleach that lives there. So, yeah, it's a new. And then he's like, oh.

MerlinI think that a clean sword is going to fall on you.

AlexWhat?

MerlinWould you have a problem? No, you're being supportive. You're saying I love my autistic sons. I love my large autistic cats. Oh, my God.

Speaker AWhat is...

MaxI've made an incredible discovery.

MerlinStar Trek TNG ambient engine noise?

MaxOh, no, that's from 10 minutes ago.

AlexOkay. Yeah. I've been hearing little bleeps coming in.

Speaker AThis is a very Trumpy sort of conservative festival.

MaxOkay. So it's called AMP Fest, American Priorities Fest. And they have Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Charlie Kirk, Dinesh D'Souza. Look at this lineup.

MerlinOh, my God. Look who's there. Oh, my God.

MaxLook at number six. I know. That's your main man. Look at number six. It's my main man, David Avocado Wolf.

Speaker AWow. Oh, wow.

MaxThere's so many thumbs. So many human thumbs. There's a lot of thumb men. Look at this guy, Darren Prince.

MerlinYeah, he's very thumb-y. Oh, look at Wayne Allen Root. Wayne Allen Root's making a fist at you. Joshua, Joshua Fuerstein.

AlexWhat is happening in the background of this web page? Yeah, I don't like that. Of course.

MaxYou know what? Oh, it's beer? We have to be living in a simulation. You're telling me that there's this crazy festival and David Avocado Wolf is speaking there? Look at this dude, Robert Davy.

MerlinOh, wait. Wait. The actor?

MaxI guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MerlinHe's the, yeah, Robert Davi. He's a character actor. Is he at this?

MaxHe's performing right before David Avocado Wolf.

MerlinYour main man. Oh, Jack Probsyak. He's going to be there. The Pizzagate guy is going to be there.

MaxOh. Oh, Jack Probsyak. Probsyak.

MerlinProbsyak. Probsyak. Jack Probsyak. Matt Gaetz. Matt Gaetz, who is not Matt Gertz.

MaxCan I expense If I go to this can I expense it Yes

AlexI mean you're giving money To the Trump National I care

MaxYeah but that's not going to help them It's in Harrisonburg Virginia

AlexFun place I wonder if that smells

MaxTheir mission is to develop and execute educational events That support the First Amendment Highlight American culture and values As well as solutions to issues we face as a nation

MerlinWell Dinesh Philip Sousa will be there That's cool Charlie Kerr A lot of big names here

MaxMaybe Dubai Friday should sponsor this You're telling me I could go to this I could see all these people speak And I could do yoga with David Avocado Wolf That's your main man My main man David Avocado Wolf You should totally do this Alex you want to go with me You should go Alex You love yoga

AlexIt's the American Priority Festival 70 days

Merlin18 hours wow I really want to go to this I'm constantly fascinated by um the things that turn up on Spotify I sent you a link you don't need to go look at this but uh uh so um you know there's all the different noises you got white noise you got pink noise I'm a fan of brown noise um that's a real thing am I gonna play this and it's just a fart sound am I just going to shit if I hear this oh you're talking about the brown sound yeah no that's different that's that's ammunition they use that on targeted individuals oh no this is an entire so brown noise it's a pretty straight you can go read it but basically there's just a fall off and what the frequencies

are these different things like white noise is the classic but white noise is more like yeah not a white and pink pink noise is more like but brown noise is like brown noise is great for covering up covering up like male voices which are the voices i must want covered up and but what's cool is this is a 15 track oh that's my shit there's a 15 track album called Brown Noise Therapy with 15 different tracks on it.

MaxYou're one called Ocean of Pure Brown Noise.

MerlinWhat about number 11, Max? What's number 11? They're not numbered for me. What's the name? Well, I got Low Brown Noise Therapy, soothing brown noise, brown noise relaxation, brown noise ambience, ocean of pure brown noise, high and bright brown noise, brown noise baby sleep, brown noise for office, brown noise sleep therapy, outer space brownian noise.

MaxLet's try outer space brownian noise. Yeah. Oh!

Speaker AOh my god!

MerlinWhat about clean brown noise? Here is clean brown noise. Oh, that is so fucking clean. That's the pure uncut shit.

MaxThere's not a fucking speck of dust on that brown noise.

AlexNo, no.

MaxThat is spick and span.

AlexDid we hear yet the best brown noise ever? Track 11. It's track 11.

MaxHere's the best brown noise ever. Okay, here we go. Oh.

AlexWow. Wow. That one is very good. Wow. Wow. Now that's some fucking brown noise. There is a, that noise is brown. My, my.

MerlinThere is a 90-minute brown noise that I prefer. Now, you don't get the granularity and cleanliness of these tracks. That's very good.

MaxI want to hear, let's hear the Starship, the next generation Enterprise D. Yeah. Idling for 10 hours.

AlexOh, my God. Oh, it's real. It's not a bit.

MerlinI need to pick up my kid after a while, but I'll definitely come back.

AlexYeah. Yeah.

MerlinIt's idling, huh?

MaxI mean, this is a brown noise if there ever was one. Yeah. Oh. What if we just put that under the whole show? Do you think people would have noticed by now?

AlexI will have gotten at least a dozen tweets by now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

MerlinBecause it sounds so crazy. Yeah. So you sound drunk when I play it at 1X. the brown noise is sped up and now it's not clean anymore canceling my account um yeah yeah i like a noise but yeah spotify is a hell of a thing they've got a bunch of like books on tape and stuff they've got all these like kurt vonnegut reading his books there's so much crazy stuff on spotify okay i should close this political page we've definitely

Alextalked about the fake spotify artists um and i have no problem with them because they're pretty I enjoy some of that peaceful piano.

MerlinThey did. This was on Reply All. They talked about this phenomenon and that one artist they found. Did you listen to that episode?

AlexI think so.

MerlinThis is the latest episode.

AlexOh, this one. The one with Moana and they'd found.

MerlinYes, yes, yes, yes. It's a summer hotline episode. Yeah.

Alexthere's there are other people though that apparently spot spotify has just uh like oh we

Merlinuh created or people put out like like minutes of like of just like silence and encourage their fans to just play it stuff like that yeah yeah that's wild yeah that's bullshit just make a song

Alexyou know yeah why not yeah just make a song man i did it there we go that's the second best brown

Merlinnoise ever. We should do that. You know, that could be a bonus for our listeners, is we'll make brown noise for you. Loop it.

AlexOh! Interesting.

MerlinI sound like a Korean water ghost. I'm not sure that's good for sleeping.

AlexDick Dug Merlin, it was your challenge.

MerlinYeah, this is a philosophical challenge, as it turns out. Over the last three years, my family, my daughter and I in particular, have had lots of fun doing face swapping with the app called Masquerade. There are other apps that do that. Snapchat FaceApp Mistred

Speaker AMistred

MerlinBut I thought it'd be fun To do some face swapping And to just Can you have some Tic Tacs Max? I'm going on a fruit adventure Oh alright Alright Everybody has phases in college

Speaker AThey

MerlinThank you Alex So yeah yeah I just thought it'd be fun So the challenge is Do some Do some face swaps And And that was the challenge Did anybody have an opportunity Alex You sent me a very upsetting face swap.

AlexI mean, that was my my winner, really. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I guess we're am I talking about this now? Yeah. Face swapping has been around for a while. I don't know why we did it as a challenge. It just started making me very upset and paranoid about everything because it's gotten a little too good. They're just somewhere like that worked out a little too well. That's not like interesting. There are some that are just a little too deep fakey.

MerlinYeah. I don't know. It is. I actually have a fair amount to say about this. Max, did you have a chance to do any face swapping at all? I have to say I couldn't really get it to work very well. That's what I was going to say. It's weird what it will and won't swap. It's really, it's really. It's along the lines of my Nest Cam, which does face recognition, face identification. it thinks that a bucket with three balls in it at the foot of our steps is a face and it wasn't only it's only fairly recently that they added the option to say that's not a face but like it is it's

really weird because you know obviously humans are very highly attuned to recognizing what they call it pareidolia like our ability to like see faces and almost everything but it's interesting like i guess there's some element of depth mapping to it i don't know like i kept trying to do a swap you, well, I sent you a link. I don't know if that link will work. Can you get to my pictures?

AlexTrying, trying. Here we go. It's weird what it

Merlinwill and won't do. So these are just over the years and some recent ones. I cannot top the one of me and the doll. That's obviously the best one I can't top it.

Speaker AOh, no. Oh, that's

Merlinso good, Matt. Wait, is that you?

MaxGood job, buddy.

AlexWow. Did you, you just, oh, let's see if I can. That's our commander.

MaxThat's our commander in chief. That's really, whoa.

MerlinIs that in Muscurd? Yeah, that's Muscurd. Muscurd. Damn. Max swapped with the president. Look at that.

MaxI'm a first responder now.

MerlinHe was down there at 9-11.

Speaker AYou know, if the stage falls, you won't fall very far.

MerlinSorry. Okay, so can you see mine? You can see. I thought it'd be fun to throw in some good ones, but I also threw in some deliberately terrible ones just to talk about the medium. And here's the thing. We don't have to talk about face swaps a ton, But this morning I found myself really thinking a lot about, what was I, I kept coming down to this idea of like, do you want to be Barbra Streisand or do you want to be Amy Sedaris? Like when you get into the world of filters, I know there's common ground, but there are like, there's the kind of filter that really oversimplifies and pretties up your face.

Am I supposed to know what it means to be Amy Sedaris? I sent a funny link. Amy Sedaris is, I mean, let me get it out of the way. She's a very funny comedian, but she's also she's a pretty lady and she loves fucking herself up. Like she loves making herself really grotesque. And a great example of that is Jerry Blank, which is a character that was created with the rest of the team of Strangers with Candy. But like she really likes the idea of making herself like a grotesquerie.

Right. And it's really fun. And maybe that's a privilege thing because she is actually a beautiful woman. but like it's interesting how like with all these things there are the things that like sort of simplify your features and make you you know conventionally pretty or interesting or anime and then there's the ones that really fuck you up and make you look like a warcraft guy or like you know those weird videos that like really distort your face and it just got me thinking about i sound like a sex in the city lady but it just got me thinking about like over the years how our idea presentation has changed you know from the age of the selfie onward where like how we choose to

represent ourselves what things we have in the background of a photo and stuff like that has changed over time which brought me to uh i finally said you know why don't i just get the pure uncut shit i will download snapchat i had an account years ago that i never used that app is no less baffling to me in 2019 than it was whenever that was but uh yeah no i don't know we'll talk about anything you want i just that's by design it's for teens and uh you're supposed it's supposed

Maxto be confusing. Something that signals that it's for kids is that there's arcane knowledge. Yeah. It's supposed to be like, it's the same thing as Minecraft. Like, have you ever played Minecraft? Just a tiny bit, yeah. If you go into Minecraft, there's no tutorial, there's no help, there's no, you just have to learn from other kids what to do. Right, right, right. Like, you don't even know how to make all the fucking recipes and tools.

MerlinYou don't know to go make a table that makes a thing.

AlexRight. Oh, I don't like that.

MerlinSo, anyways, some of the ones with my kid are pretty funny there's one of me and Stephen Hackett that was pretty good because we're both wearing glasses and it's really fucked up

Maxoh no! wait you were hanging out with Stephen Hackett?

Merlinso these are some of mine just over the years that I thought were fun there's me swapping with Joy a doll of Joy from where? where is this? click the Dropbox link and hopefully you can log in and see oh I see I see okay I think Dropbox is evil right?

MaxI don't know boy I had a bad week last week i fucking use zoom and the asshole email app yeah oh yeah i i canceled my subscription the evil i didn't i didn't know that the email app had that functionality and i canceled my subscription i don't use it anymore really i'm really surprised to hear that why they were they

Merlinsuck and well i mean they i mean like it's what what sucks is the ongoing like oh boo boo you caught us facebook kind of thing that's not very fun but i thought you really like treasured the functionality of that app no not that much oh okay well it seemed like it huh is that you and kara um alex yes yes it is that's actually considering that's actually pretty good oh no that's upset oh i because you got that you get that kind of skinhead thing where you get that

Alexlittle little shock of hair oh no yeah i got the like unibrow situation out like i don't even know

Merlinhow to oh oh max can you see mine on the dropbox hey merlin yes and see in that picture of alex and Kara. Yes. If you were to lean way over that balcony

Maxand hawk a loogie all the way across the street so that it described a beautiful arc across the street. Yeah. You could have spit on Eric Trump from exactly that spot. Yeah. No kidding. Was he in town? No, but that's where he got spit on. Oh my goodness. Oh wow. This is important. Across the street. Across the street.

MerlinThe worst thing about this one with you and Kara is that you're looking at different angles. Yeah, that's a good point. Who are you looking at?

AlexI honestly have no idea.

MerlinIt's just that you're both looking toward the central point for us, the viewer, which makes your faces look like they're screwed on wrong. Look at you in a dress.

AlexI know, it's very upsetting. There was an... I just have such an upsetting picture of Max and it keeps crashing. This beta is really, really bad. What picture?

It's actually from... The first DBF con.

And it was like the first round of Snapchat folks being like, oh, look it. It's the gender swapping and the aging type filters. Oh, yeah.

MaxRight, right, right. Yeah, I've always wanted to know what I would look like as an Asian teenager.

AlexYeah.

MaxSmiling Asian boy. Not great. Smiling Asian boy.

AlexIt's really bad.

MerlinMaybe this is the right link. Oh, there you go. Click that. That doesn't require a login. That should work.

AlexI'm surprised that you've been doing this for so long.

MerlinWell, we first got one. I've got a kid. And we did funny, silly stuff. There's one of me and my wife. I always end up looking like Geddy Lee in a lot of these.

MaxBut the stuffed animals are very upsetting.

Speaker AI love that.

MaxOh, no. I don't like your little. Why do you have all these little dolls, Merlin? Well, I have a daughter. She has dolls. That's not. That is not your daughter's dolls. That I'm sure of. one's Kit and the other one is Rebecca.

AlexMm-hmm.

MaxOkay.

AlexI love Kit.

MaxThis one with the goggles on, there's no way you let your daughter play with that.

MerlinGoggles, goggles, goggles.

MaxThat's the doll of an adult man.

MerlinWhat are you talking about?

Speaker AWhat? No.

MerlinOh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, so if you go up, those are two magnificent failures. Me face swapping with Michonne from The Walking Dead, not a great look.

AlexI don't think that's...

MerlinMerlin is canceled. I am so canceled. And then the other one you're looking at is me and, what's her name? The Spider-Man villain. Yeah, that didn't turn out very well either.

AlexYeah, no, no.

MaxIt looks like you got shot with Homer's makeup gun.

Speaker AOh, God.

MerlinSo that creepy painting is, I tried to send this to you before, but it's like, you know, oh, my God, look at Max. That's a painting that's been in my wife's family. There's a girl and a boy, a brother and a sister that were painted in the 19th century. And she insists on having this goddamn thing in the house. And I think it is so terrifying. And now we're stuck with it. But I do like the face swap with her because she's a beautiful girl.

It's interesting, though. Face Swap Live, another garbage app. Oh, these free-to-play apps are terrible.

Speaker AFace Swap Live?

MerlinWell, I went and I found a listicle of the best Face Swap apps for iOS. And so I tried this one. This is one of those apps. I guess I buy more apps than I realize. Like anytime you do anything in this app, a full page ad pops up. It's mental.

So the last time I was on a plane a few weeks ago, there was this guy in like pseudo, we're in pseudo business class. And the guy in front of me, he's got, he's super VC, old VC guy looking like he's reading books about, he's another guy in probably his late seventies. And he's reading these books. He's got a stainless steel Apple Watch with the nice band, you know, the link bracelet. And like he and his wife, you know, they're like a cute older couple.

And they obviously got some dough. And I watched this man for an hour and a half probably play a video game that required him to close an ad approximately every minute. It's just weird what people put up with for this stuff.

AlexI yeah I mean I I guess I get it there's actually a new free-to-play game uh what's it flappy flappy royale and it's flappy bird but you're playing with a hundred other flappies at the same time and there's just always a banner ad at the bottom and you don't need it and so something will pop up like hey you got an egg watch an ad to unopened open the egg and then you get like an extra character or something so you never need to be taken out of the app to watch something if you

don't want to but it just is very strange this is zach gage actually helped make this one too and i like there's no way to give money to this app to get rid of them like i oh really yeah that wants to be an ad app yes and that's a lot of those i've we've talked about them before the rip off like ketchup apps all of them have ads and you can't buy them for 99 cents or a dollar

Merlinbecause the ads make way more money that's so that's so intriguing to me because it just seems like ads and i don't know but it feels like the role of ads has become to serve as an annoyance historically to like get you to you know buy the full version or whatever yeah oh no oh oh like Is that girl pretty? Max, you look great.

AlexI put down my phone. What am I going to do? No! No, no, no!

MaxNo! Merlin, what happens if you put one of those age filters on?

MerlinI can do it. Let's see. I can do it right now. I think I can do that. You know what? I might still have. I took FaceApp off all my things. But I might still have it on here. No, shit, I do. I still have FaceApp on here. I sent them the note to please delete all my data. And someone named Natasha wrote me back and was like, your data is very important to us.

Oh, you were doing age, right?

MaxYeah, I'm curious what happens. Did you do cool old? Yeah, I did. Well, at first, the cool old. If you do one of the old ones, does it just turn you into a skeleton?

MerlinBecause I got bone cancer from this house. uh let's do a uh what's the one where it does like four up is that fun or layouts yeah i'll do that okay here we go there's me original oh good good if you go to if you're in the the the face app we're not supposed to use you go to layouts and then you can do four photos so i'll do that i'll do me as a pretty pretty lady i'll do me old oh cool old is cool oh i'm a very interesting man

MaxI bet you Oh shit dog You look like an old sea captain

AlexOh my god that's amazing

MaxYou look like you're one of those crabbers I could be a crabber How about young You look like a grizzled old crab man I bet you've got some stories

MerlinOh I got some stories Want to know how I lost this finger?

MaxThen one time We were out crabbing and the ballast fell Clean off the boat You ever heard of the USS Indianapolis?

MerlinLet's see. Classic smile. Ugh. Oh, they're compoundatory. You can use them on top of each other.

Speaker AOh, no.

MerlinOh, my goodness. I can put makeup on with smiling.

Speaker AOh, no.

MaxOh, no.

Speaker ANo, no.

MaxAlex, these are real funny.

Speaker AThey're real creepy.

MaxAlex, the one of you. Oh, Alex, look at you. You look an iOS developer.

AlexI know, right?

MaxYou look like you look like one of those. Like, you look like you're like a Twitter soft boy who's like creeps into women's DMs. And you're like, you shouldn't. You're like, you shouldn't be alone right now. Oh, wait.

MerlinYou know what? We'll make it easy. You're just now you're Alexis. Alexis, stop. No, but you're a Russian developer. You're a Russian emigre who's an iOS developer. And that's your name.

MaxAlex, with you with the beard, you definitely wait for women to post stories of being street harassed. And then you slide into the DMs and you're like, are you OK?

Alexon behalf of all men i want to apologize the worst part is i i specifically look like somebody we both know and i'm not going to say it but as soon as i've oh god i look so much like him that it's just i feel like i've harassed myself right now type it to me type it to me you don't know them you don't know them but i'll i'll get a get a picture of him but oh boy yeah no i'm not

a fan i'm not a fan of this well the reason this challenge was so oh my god you wait you look like

Maxa couple people that i know alex yeah but it's one of our definitely one of our favorite people

Speaker Adon't do it no you know what i'm talking about yes i of course that's who i was talking about

MaxOh, I think you also look a little bit like Tommy.

AlexOh, a little. Oh, no. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Merlin, you are a handsome young man. Look at that. That's me.

MerlinOh, that's me if I were young. Yeah.

MaxMerlin can get it. Merlin can get it. I can get it with me. You look like you would be, like I would hang out with you, but then you drive us somewhere and I'd be very scared of how you drive.

MerlinOh, absolutely. I've had a lot of Red Bull maybe.

MaxAnd there'd be a bunch of loose beer cans rattling around in the car. I mean, this is very... Are you having fun or are you going to be a dick about it? Yeah, you look like a fucking hooligan.

MerlinLet's see. Should I gender swap me? I should be a lady. Let's see. Female HD. That's me.

MaxAlex, I can't get over the picture of you, the beard picture. It's so funny.

Speaker AI can't put it on the internet.

MerlinHope y'all are enjoying the program while we look at these photos of ourselves.

AlexI still like swapping with stuffed animals.

MerlinOh, my God. I almost sent this. Oh, my God. I almost sent this to my landlord. Holy shit. I almost sent the gender swap picture to my landlord. His name is so close to our group. Oh, no. I need to really, really be careful. Now, imagine. Imagine. Imagine you're a 60-year-old Irish guy and you get this from your tenant.

Speaker AI mean, maybe he learned something about himself. You never know.

MerlinOh, he's after me, Lucky Charms.

Show notes

Transcript

143. General Convention

Show notes

Transcript

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