134. Jizz Wailers

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox, and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, make a diary comic.

MaxIn 2018, iRobot brought robot memory and automatic bin emptying to the robot Roomba vacuum, ushering in a new level of hands-free cleaning automation not previously realized in consumer robots, iRobot CEO Colin Engel said in a statement. When they make the blowjob robots, the press releases are going to be really funny. We have brought hands-free cleaning automation that is not previously realized in consumer blowjob robots, said CEO Elon Musk.

Speaker AWe've already defeated walking. Now it's time to destroy sleeping. Hi. We're Pokemon.

MaxWoo. I mean, people have to be – people are going to call it Pokemon Let's Go to Sleep, right?

Speaker AIt's already a thing. Okay. There's Let's Go. Pokemon Go to Sleep. There's Pokemon Let's Go. There's Pokemon Home, which is like the Pokebank. And then there's Sleep. So there's Pokemon Let's Go Home and Go to Sleep.

MaxDid you see that picture I sent of Frasier Joins the Fantastic Four? I did see that. Did you know that artist, Brandon Bird?

Speaker ANo.

MaxHe's so funny. I just bought a bunch of art from him.

Speaker AWhat did Frasier join the Fantastic Four?

MaxHe has a lot of Frasier art. Dude, you got to see this guy.

MerlinLook at this.

MaxI also got Ray Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. I bought a bunch of these.

AlexHey, Merlin, we're talking about Frasier.

MaxIt's right in my wheelhouse. It's on velvet. Do you not like Frasier?

MerlinGood morning. Hi, how are you guys?

Speaker AGood morning, Merlin.

MerlinI really would love for you guys to be on the receiving end of this at some point, where you get to hear a sentence fragment and then get a question about it. Yeah, no, Fraser sounds great. What'd you buy a bunch of? What? What's happening? It's 10 minutes after 9. Why are we talking about what's happening? What'd you buy a bunch of? Eddie the dog?

Speaker BEddie the dog? Armchair? Guys don't say anything? What's happening? Oh, boy.

MerlinWhat are we riffing on? What are we riffing? Riff, riff, riff. What the fuck? Why are you talking about Fraser when you call me? What's happening?

Speaker Boh my god

Merlinyou have no idea how disorienting it is to come in on the middle of yeah and by the time we got there they were all out of violins I don't fucking know what you're talking about what's happening

Alexhi Kevin

Merlinwhat's going on with Frasier you guys what's happening in your neck of the woods

MaxI was showing Kevin a picture of a piece of art that I bought and I didn't intend for that to be part of the Dubai Friday you know hour of entertainment I was just showing him a little picture I bought What kind of picture did you get? What did you get? Oh, I bought, well, I got from this artist, Brandon Bird. He made a painting of, here, I'll just show it to you. Oh, my God. I feel like I know that name. Brandon the Builder. He's not Brandon Bird from Pixar.

AlexOh, that's not the right name.

MerlinNo, you're thinking of, you know, no, you're thinking of.

AlexAre you a reply pod guy, Kevin?

MerlinBrandon Brad.

MaxI bought this print of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Speaker BYou can't see her feet.

MaxOh, this is weird. He also made the What If Frasier joined the Fantastic Four cover that I put in the chat yesterday.

Speaker BOkay.

MaxHe's just a pop artist and I just discovered him. Stunning.

AlexDoes no one else find this weird?

MaxNo, it's definitely weird. I have a lot of weird art. It's very weird. I have a lot of weird art. I think it's a joke.

Speaker AHas anybody seen the Tumblr Just Two Things? I've just linked it in the...

AlexNo.

Speaker Ajust oh no oh no it's a tumblr dedicated to stuff like this where it's just it's like mashup t-shirt culture yes this is very good this is very very good what i like about alexandria castillo cortez

Maxray is that it doesn't it's not trying like i don't like when it's a pun you know what i mean like the threadless shirts right exactly this isn't even a pun there's like no through line

Merlinit's just too it's just why like i don't know it's weird rick and rick and morty with uh thanos and Groot. That's funny. It's very good. This is a good Tumblr. Have you

Alexwatched Rick and Morty yet? Have you watched Steven Universe? Have you watched Killing Eve? I hate it.

MerlinYeah, it's bad. Oh my god, Pickle Rick. Oh, I watched all of them. You know my favorite part of Killing Eve is when I get the ad for Killing Eve that I'm watching? Uh-huh. I like when I'm watching Killing Eve and I get the ad for Killing Eve and it shows me something that'll happen in a future episode, I assume on Killing Eve. I love that. Oh, I should watch this Killing Eve show that I'm watching. God damn it! Why is she a sexy pig lady why are you showing me an ad for that that hasn't happened yet oh i don't like that i don't like that at all i well i don't know we don't know yet we just know there's a sexy pig lady scene and they're getting an ad you know uh hbo you should get hbo they tell us in the hbo

ads oh that's rough things just two things i will add this i don't know why i'm in such a i don't know why i'm in such a mood this morning i'm full of beans i ordered my fa i pre-ordered my It's full of beans.

Speaker BFull of beans.

MerlinFull of beans. Full of beans. He's a bean boy.

MaxI had some follow-up for us. Well, first of all, you know what I'm going to remember to do during the main show this time? Please welcome back, returning champion, to the Dubai Friday podcast, Kevin Budnick. Yeah, that's Kevin Budnick's music.

Speaker BKevin Budnick.

MaxKevin is an artist, a comic artist, a teacher, a podcaster. and the official illustrator and the keeper of the print shop at Cards Against Humanity.

Speaker AThank you for joining us. Thank you for your service.

MaxFriend of the pod, Kevin Budnick. Thank you for joining us, Kevin. Can I call him the brand manager? Is that allowed? The brand manager.

MerlinWhat does that mean?

Speaker AAssistant to the brand manager. Yeah, that would be more accurate.

MerlinWelcome back, Kevin. Thank you. You're a perfect delight.

MaxKevin also made all the show Art Purdue by Friday and the very cute I forgot about that. Little pictures of Max, Merlin, and Alex that we sent out to everyone. Kevin is the artist of all of our podcasts that we do. All right. Well, I had a little follow-up. So this is from Ad Age. And I just saw this. Let's see. Yeah, it was just yesterday. So this is a story about a new ad campaign from the North Face. Do you know that? Yeah. Jacket. They make the North Shore ladies jackets.

Okay. This is from Ad Age. When you start planning a big trip, step one will likely happen at the Google search bar. Step two might be clicking on images of your target destination. The North Face, in a campaign with agency Leo Burnett TaylorMade, took advantage of this consumer behavior to keep its name top of mind with travelers considering an adventure sports excursion. The brand and agency took pictures of athletes wearing the brand while trekking to famous locations around the world, including Brazil's Guarida State Park and a bunch of other ones, Machu Picchu and whatever.

And then they updated the Wikipedia images in the articles for those locations so that now the brand would appear in the top of the Google image search results when consumers researched any of those locations, all done for a budget of zero dollars. Quote, our mission is to expand the frontiers so that when our consumers can overcome their limits, so that our consumers can overcome their limits. With the top of images project, we achieved our positioning and placed our products in a fully contextualized manner as items that go hand in hand with these destinations, explained Fabrizio Luzzi, CEO of the North Face brand Brazil in a statement.

According to the agency, the biggest obstacle of the campaign was updating the photos without attracting the attention of Wikipedia moderators to sustain the brand's presence for as long as possible as site editors could change them at any time. The quote unquote hack worked At least for a while I've been in a quick Google search For some of the places mentioned In the campaign's case studies video So are you guys following this? So basically North Face realized that Oh we can just go on Wikipedia And change all of the pictures For like famous landmarks To a picture of a guy wearing A North Face jacket at that location

MerlinOh my god And no one's gonna do anything

MaxI know it'll notice that Soon after the North It's funny you should mention that Soon after the North Face campaign Was featured on Ad Age Wikipedia's volunteer editors were quick to remove North Face's photos noting that the effort breached the site's user terms for paid advocacy.

MerlinEvery webpage on Wikipedia has 16 Dale Gribbles. They're all just sitting there day and night watching the page.

Speaker BDeny! Deny!

MaxBut the funniest... I have to say, it's not in this article but it's... The funniest part of it is a lot of the Wikipedia editors they went in and took the North Face's like photos and they just edited out the North Face products and logos. So the same photos are up, but they just photo, they don't really super high quality photoshops.

MerlinContent aware.

MaxNo, there's good people on both sides. Yeah, I think that's so funny. Anyway, fuck the North Face for doing that. It's really, I don't know why that bothered me so much.

Speaker ADid the North Face itself do that or did?

MaxYeah, no, it was, what was the ad? It was Leo Burnett did it for the North Face.

Speaker AThat's so interesting.

MaxBut, you know, here's the way you have to understand this stuff is like, because Cards does this too. It's like the right way to understand that stunt is like it's not, it's not, okay, how do I? Malicious? No, no, it's hard to put this into words. So the thing that North Face did, it's not that they like, people are going to see the picture of North Face on Wikipedia because that will really not do anything. It's that they announced that they did it. Like the actual publicity campaign.

MerlinAt Age is, I mean, isn't that, that's a trade publication where you would, I mean, that was an investigative piece, right?

MaxSo, yeah, well, I think so. So yeah, basically, yeah, right, right. So basically, it's like when Cards Against Humanity does pay $5 more for the game. We're not making money on that. We're making money on that people talk about that. It's a thing to be talked about, right? That's what's so annoying about it. They want people to get mad about it. They want us to talk about it on the podcast. They're even monetizing. Success on their end. No, I know, but they're even monetizing.

MerlinWe stepped on their ex, didn't we?

MaxYeah, we stepped right into the net.

MerlinYou've fallen into my trap.

MaxBut I just really, I don't know why. I just really hate that. Like something about the Wikipedia is this like cool free resource. It really offends me that they did this.

AlexWell, do you think this is similar to the Patagonia situation?

Speaker AWhat's the Patagonia situation?

AlexOh, Wall Street Journal.

MerlinLike discontinuing the vests or something?

AlexPatagonia triggers a market panic over new rules on its power vests. The sports... Power vest?

Speaker BPower vest.

MerlinThat sounds like a Nintendo accessory. Don't let Thanos get all five Categorias vests.

Are those the vests that make you look like... It's a mom vest. It's a mom vest.

Speaker ALike a packet of hot dogs?

AlexYes. Well, no. Oh, no. So this is the Midtown Manhattan fleece vest. You're talking about the puffier... The hot dog vest. The hot dog vest. Yeah, yeah.

MerlinYeah, the hand grenade. You look kind of like a wine mom hand grenade.

AlexYes, very. Yes, the grenade hot dogs.

MerlinIt's the Jared, right? From Silicon Valley?

AlexYes. Oh, yeah, right.

Speaker BOkay.

MerlinSo what happened, Alice? Was it a bold, brave stance they were taking?

AlexYes. the sportswear company announced restrictions on its custom branded vests to firms that quote prioritize the planet leave end quote leaving aspiring tycoons out in the cold and that's all i can read because it's the wall street journal and i don't have here comes the net yep yep i had

Merlina fun i had a funny angle on the wiki verse did i cut somebody off just now nope no that was just a

AlexClassic Alex Stammer. There was nowhere to go.

MerlinI had a, this is heavily related to what we're discussing. For reasons that involve the challenge this week, I had occasion to do some Googling. And I ended up on, I think it's called Wiki Commons. But it's like, here is like content that I'm giving over to be used for Wikipedia and other things. If it's used within these particular, you know, the rules of how you're allowed to use this stuff. Anyway, I don't find myself too often needing to or choosing to click on the name of a user.

But when you click on the name of a user, you can get to their activity and what they do. So I'm going to put into our channel. This is some of the handiwork of a person called Handcuffed.

Speaker AUh-oh.

MerlinSo. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who wants to read them? Who wants to read them?

Speaker ABig old uh-oh. Sissy made footworship.jpg. Not it. Femdom plus category foot fetishes.

MerlinI need more context. What am I looking at here? What am I looking at here? Sissy. Well, hang on. 855 on May 5th. Sissy in school uniform gets anally fisted.jpg.

MaxIs this like Congress edits?

MerlinThis is Mitch McConnell's. No. That's one of these exists for everybody. Male flaccid penis.jpg. Deletion request.

Speaker AAm I right? These are seconds apart, some of these. Yeah, well, I think he's using Hot Cat for lots of big uploads.

MaxWhat am I looking – what is this? I'm actually very confused.

Speaker ASissy with Speculum and anus.jpg. .jpg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MerlinThis is – it's a live photo, so be careful. So this is the contributions by Handcuffed. So if you go and find – if you go to Wikipedia, you go to Wikicommons. So if you were to go to – so I'm clicking on the homepage of Wikicommons. What did you find, Kevin? If I'm good?

Speaker Acommons deletion request slash file colon testicles parentheses you can measure close parentheses dot jp no i didn't sorry that's a shame that's a shame i want the testicles but i

Maxwant the ones you can measure okay on behalf of myself and all of our listeners could someone i need to please give me the the like vox explainer okay so if you go to if you go to

Merlingive team pigs and bunnies you go to any image on here i'm looking at i went to the home page and I'm looking at this beautiful image of like a...

Speaker BNo, give me the bluff, would you? I'll give you the bluff?

MerlinI'll give you the bluff. I'll give you the high level. I'll give you the 20,000 foot view.

MaxOpen that kimono for me, would you?

MerlinAnd then so you go to any given piece of media on here and you scroll down here to summary and I'm going to author. And when I click on author, oh my God, this is so tricked out. There's so much stealing valor on this page.

MaxOkay, what I'm looking at is a white page and it just has a list of texts and it all says like femalechastitydevices.jpg.

MerlinOkay, that stuff, Handcuffed is a user who has posted a lot of images of things into the Wikimedia Commons for usage. And that is a log of Handcuffed's activity.

MaxSo if I need, if I'm doing my presentation for, you know, they're like, oh, Max, would you do a TED Talk? You got a big pitch, right? Yeah, I got to pitch the regional manager on some new initiatives.

MerlinYeah, or you want to tell people how to succeed with Kickstarter in the first 24 hours. You might want Athena Fatale Spanking Booth.

MaxI might need anti-masturbation devices.jpg.

MerlinOr, yeah, exactly.

MaxYeah, carrot butt plug.

MerlinAre you okay? Carrot butt plug dot...

Speaker BCarrot butt... Sorry. Carrot butt... Shut up.

MerlinIt's carrot butt plug dot ping.

Speaker BCarrot butt plug dot ping. Carrot butt plug dot ping.

MerlinOh, wait, wait, wait. Oh, Handcuffed has a talk page. Let's see what's going on in their user talk page. Come on in, guys.

Speaker BHere we go. User talk page for Handcuffed.

MaxMerlin, let's say that I was preparing for the all-staff meeting, and I'm looking for some slides, and I needed...

MerlinMaybe you have a new way you want the forms to be filed or something?

MaxYeah, and I need Miss Tyrants Bondage School 20.jpg.

MerlinRight, right, right. Well, you don't want to resort to stock art, and you would choose something like, I'm going to say adult demonstrating diaper fetishism by wearing an adult diaper.

Speaker BBut I mean, no, it's your company.

MerlinBut let's say Alex goes somewhere and wants to talk about how to develop a better home screen. You might want to pull out penis in lock chesty belt.

MaxOr like if someone was doing a talk at WWDC about some new exciting SDKs and the offering.

MerlinOh, you leverage the SDK.

MaxYeah, you might want Bondageboy.jpg You're probably wondering how do you find Bondageboy.jpg? Well, it's filed under category Cock and Ball Torture. Okay.

Taxonomy is important.

AlexOh, boy. Are we done with this? Are we done with the Cock and Ball Torture?

Speaker AI don't know if we could ever be done with this, Alex.

MerlinThere's a lot of these. Yeah, you can keep clicking older 50.

Speaker BOh, I know.

Speaker AI'm looking for the one that is like fun puppy or the one that doesn't fit. You know what I mean?

MerlinOh, right. Oh, exactly right. The exception that proves the rule. Like, sir, if you want to see sassafras birches or buttocks after caning or horsebait gag.jpg, those are all in here. But like, more sweet little puppy. I bet sweet little puppy doesn't mean what you think.

Speaker AIt can't all be penis inflatable gag and nude showers. Guys, I've been looking

Maxfor Lois Lane is bdsmwhipped.jpg. Uh-huh. she's a journalist does anyone know where that where would i find that uh nope nope nope nope

Alexsuspended by chance oh here's the okay max rebo band

Maxwhat from the movie do you know the do you know what george we might have said this on the podcast before but do you know what the genre of music they're playing in that cantina is or no Max Rebo is in Jabba's Palace right? That's in Jet

MerlinOh Which one is it?

MaxMax Rebo is in Is Max Rebo the Semitic guy? He's in Jabba's Palace I believe

Speaker AOh I know what it is But the Star Wars Cantina music

MaxYeah I know what this is That famous song Do you know what George Lucas called that genre of music canonically in the Star Wars verse? What? Please come

Speaker AI believe the answer is space jizz It's jizz It's jizz Jizz.

AlexWhat?

Speaker AJizz.

AlexWhat?

Speaker AYeah.

AlexOkay.

Speaker AThey're playing Jizz.

AlexStar Wars Jizz.

Speaker ADon't, Alex. No. It's not human big band music.

AlexStar Wars Jizz. Jizz. Wikipedia. No, no, no. Kevin, I know. Alex's computer has caught fire. I know what you were thinking, and I thought the same thing would happen. First results. First results.

MaxJizz was a genre of music. Jizz wailers come on.

AlexJizz wailers do come on. They do come on.

MaxJizz Wailers were musicians who specialized in the genre. Max Rebo and his band were popular Jizz Wailers. Jizz Wailers. Jizz Wailers. Jizz Wailers. Oh, God.

AlexI did not know that. I'm so happy.

MaxJizz was first mentioned in the Star Wars Return of the Jedi Junior novelization. Oh, that's where you wanted. Appropriate?

AlexAppropriate?

MaxSure. Sure, sure. It's organic. Organic growth.

AlexOkay.

MaxIn an interview with the Big Event Podcast, Aldrin, that dude guy, talked about his research for the role as Han Solo and mentioned that he read articles on Wikipedia taking note of jizz, among others. Oh. A continuity is so important.

AlexAll right. Moving, moving, moving on. I have a new segment to introduce. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, I know. I want to munch. Forgotten memes. Want to munch. Do any of you know what happened three years from yesterday? I don't think so.

Speaker AThree years from yesterday?

AlexMm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Speaker AI don't know.

AlexWhat is a big, big, big old meme that you've forgotten about?

MaxHarambe?

AlexYeah. There we go. I did hear about this. Yeah, you did. You got into one. Holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that bit died real quickly. Max wins. I'm sorry. I apologize.

MaxNo, I am genuinely impressed. No, being a genius is, I think people don't think about how hard it is for yourself and others.

Speaker BYou know, it's a real hindrance in your life.

MerlinIt's also the 12th anniversary of mydickin2007.jpg.

Speaker BOh!

Speaker AOh, boy. What happened to handcuffed?

MerlinDo you want to hear the reasons why they requested the deletion?

Speaker ASure, sure. I do.

MerlinThis is from user jbarda Similar to and no better than The large number of penis pictures that have already been uploaded

MaxHe's probably got that as a taxiclander shortcut At this point

Speaker AHow are we remembering Harambe?

AlexOh yeah I don't know. It was a Twitter moment. Oh, the American Military News. What? Go on. Go on.

Speaker AThe American Military News dot com. How is the internet remembering Harambe the gorilla three years later?

Speaker BOh.

AlexHow are they, Kevin?

Speaker AThis is just a collection of tweets. Complex, three years ago, Harambe, a critically endangered gorilla was shot and killed at the Cincinnati Zoo. Rest in peace, broken heart emoji. Oh, man.

Speaker BI'm proud to be an American, or at least I'm. Yeah.

Speaker AOh. The memes are still alive.

AlexDo any of you have a list of shameful songs? Proud to be an American. Let's call them problematic songs that have been canceled.

MerlinThe chorus of that song is very, very good. It's a really good chorus. The arrangement is amazing. Christmas shoes.

AlexOh, Christmas shoes. Well, is that problematic? I mean, someone dies, but oh, dear. I enjoy the, oh gosh, the Toby Keith song where it's like the American way.

You know, my daddy served in the army and lost his right at eight. Oh my, no, no. I'm so sorry to hear that. Yep, Blurred Lines. It's a very upsetting. Yep, yep, yep. Very upsetting playlist.

MerlinWait, hang on. Blurred Lines is on your list?

AlexBlurred Lines is not okay. Hashtag Alex's shit list.

MerlinNot okay. Oh no, no. I was there. I was on a cruise when people informed That song couldn't be played at parties anymore. We have a list. I'll bet you do. Roll it over here. So that was a vote for delete. The vote for keep was educational value, unique due to display of anatomy and creative black and white photography with good contrast.

MaxThese are so. What are you going to get? Put a dick pic up on Wikipedia without good contrast? The blacks are so black. it's an HDR dick you know maybe we were joking about you know like whatever like Eddie Q like puts puts you know dick and ball bondage dot jpeg in his keynote presentation but maybe he does where it's like and the new iPhone 11 you are not gonna believe how

many nits of brightness and how black that screen gets let me show you a few tasteful photos submitted by our user base

Merlinare you getting this It's a phone and an internet communicator and a big black cock.

MaxWe cannot wait to see what you're going to do with this. This is all.

Speaker BThat's one device.

MaxAlex, you're going to go to Dub Dub, right?

AlexDub Dub. Yes, I will be at Dub Dub. Dub Dub Dub. And that's, isn't that soon? That is next week.

MaxSo what's the deal? Are we going to do the show?

AlexYes, we're going to do the show. Of course we're going to do the show.

MaxYou're going to Skype in?

AlexYeah, I'm going to Skype in. You're going to be all alone.

MaxHmm.

AlexHmm. Hmm. Hmm.

MaxHmm. I don't like that.

MerlinMerlin, are you going to go to, are you going to the thing? Oh God, I wouldn't miss it. Are you kidding me? The computer show.

Speaker BStill got to go to the computer show.

MerlinWell, there's so many nits of brightness, but here's the problem. If you're watching it on your fucked up home TV that doesn't have good nits, you can't really appreciate the darkness of the dick.

MaxI bet you haven't even run the Dolby Optimizer app on your television yet. You've got to really get in there.

MerlinYou want to make sure that green line is the same on all the sides and there's not any distortion in the lens. They should do that. Kevin, are you going to go to Dob Dob?

Speaker ANo, I have no.

AlexWhy in the world would Kevin... Merlin, I realize that you wouldn't know this, but Kevin, is there a universe in which someone could make you go to dub-dub.

MaxMerlin, you fucking dunce. Why would you?

AlexNo, no, no, no.

MaxWhy? Merlin, why would you say such a joke?

MerlinI don't know. You know, I'm covered with shame. I didn't know that the joke bit I was doing would be so problematic. No, Kevin's got a table somewhere. Kevin, don't you have a table somewhere at a different dub-dub?

Speaker AI got a table at dub-dub.

MerlinHe's going to a computer show.

Speaker AI'm selling my zines at dub-dub. Dub-dub.

Speaker BCheck me out. Check me out of my booth. I got the nits. Buy my dick.

AlexThe thing is, if you showed up and were like, here's the paper zines, you would sell out like 30 seconds. If you just wrote marzipan on a piece of paper. Paper?

What is this? Just write the word.

MaxYou don't even have to update your code.

AlexYeah.

MaxI remember this. What about if Kevin, okay, let me throw this out. Let me put this out, throw this out on the stoop and see if the cat looks it up. What do you guys think about this? What if Kevin kind of does a little rebrand as iKevin? Oh. Yes. Okay. Yes. Yes. Okay.

MerlinAnd now you're going to write about. Kevin OS.

MaxKevin OS. Yes. And he's going to write about just like using a computer every day.

Speaker AOh.

AlexOh, my God.

MaxAnd he'll do a journal comic like, check this out, guys. I'm trying a new calendar app. Yes. It has smart syntax highlighting.

MerlinOkay. So he uses the computer, but then he could also talk about things that might he could use in the future on the computer if it's announced.

AlexOh.

MerlinHe could talk about things and why he's not using it. And also probably backpacks.

Speaker BYou could do that.

AlexYou would be huge.

Speaker AYeah.

AlexLeave me and my Kirby backpacks alone.

MerlinWoman massages labia minora and clitoris with a vibrator.jpg.

Alexyou know you go on amazon and you search for massager and it's genuinely hard to figure out what is a massager and what's not a vibrator or what's our oh wow words is a massager and what

Speaker Bis a massager and what is a vibrator how to simulate vibration oh my gosh buttocks vegetables buttocksvegetables.jpg nude woman

Merlinleaning right these women look so happy oh here's a relax

MaxMerlin are you looking at the pictures I can't see the pictures

Speaker AI actually did find the pictures if you do

Merlinoh no I moved to Amazon for massagers I see okay which one am I this one's called This one's called Relaxed Massager for Women.

That's called Relaxed Massager for Women.

AlexI think I cracked the code. When it says for women, I think I know it.

MerlinI think a lot of people could enjoy that one.

AlexPut it in the text channel.

MaxFollow-up. Due by Friday, Fox KTVU, Washington, Fox 32. A man who shot himself in the testicles was also found to be hiding marijuana in his buttocks, according to the report.

He done goofed. Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, 27, was carrying a gun in his front pocket on April 5th in Washington State when the firearm accidentally discharged. The bullet pierced Wilson's testicles and then went into his thigh. Upon arriving at the hospital, a doctor was operating on the gunshot wound when a balloon of marijuana slipped out of Wilson's anus, court records show, according to the report. Police arrived at the hospital and searched Wilson's car while they also found a bag of meth, the report said. The man's troubles did not end there, though. As Wilson, who is a convicted felon, was being processed into the Sherriland County Jail, he was strip searched and another balloon of marijuana came out of his anus.

Speaker BAnd And And And And And And And And And And And For my next trick. Yeah, exactly.

MerlinWhere'd the lighter fluid come from? Oh, my gosh. And so, OK, but it's marijuana. I mean, it seems like marijuana is not that hard to get.

AlexMaybe he just likes balloons. I have a feeling there's something else going on here. Because I'd have to think that you'd put the meth up your butt, right?

MerlinOh, I see.

AlexYeah. Like, weed isn't worth putting up your butt, right? Right? Well, there was no pushback on that. So, all right.

Speaker AI'm thinking about it. I'm trying to, not enough blood brain barrier.

MerlinNobody begins their day imagining the two balloons of drugs are going to fall out of their butt.

AlexI mean, I often wonder. There's not a lot of stories about vaginas and drugs falling out of them. But alcohol tampons are a big problem.

MerlinWhat's the street name for that?

AlexNope. Can't come up with a bit.

MerlinAlcohol tampon. Alcohol tampon.

AlexPussy party. Oh, that's pretty good. Pussy punch.

MerlinBuy any drink for Aunt Flo?

AlexThere we go.

Speaker ALet's see what the Urban Dictionary has.

AlexOh. Okay. I am still fascinated by the story. Why?

MerlinOh.

Speaker ALiquor tampon.

MerlinSo it went through. It fully went through. Liquor tampon. Poker in the back. The bullet went fully through. Oh, butt chugging? Butt chugging.

AlexThat's good. Oh, yep, yep. There's that too. Oh, wait.

MaxNo, that was butt chugging, wasn't it?

Speaker AIt is. It is hashtag butt chugging, hashtag tampon, hashtag enema, hashtag alcohol.

MaxRainbow party. Yes. That's not real. I heard about that from Oprah, and I was like, I'm pretty confident that never happened. Group fellatio.

AlexIt's the same with those, like, jelly bracelets. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.

MaxI don't think that ever happened.

AlexYeah, no. I mean, it would be a wonderful story if it did. Good for those folks, but no.

MaxThe kids are calling it butt chugging.

AlexiPad. Is this the show now? This is the show. Did we become Howard Stern overnight?

MerlinYeah, we got really raucous. Oh, boy. Oh, look at me. I went to a therapist, and now I'm interesting.

AlexGive me a fucking break. So, Merlin, you won't be reading his book?

Speaker ADid anyone ever listen to Howard Stern here? I'm proud to be on the last episode of Dubai Friday.

MerlinI'm proud to be in America. Let's talk about keys. Let's talk about something important. Get your key chain. Who listens?

MaxMerlin, were you ever a Howard Stern guy?

MerlinNo, fuck no.

MaxI always had When I was In like elementary school You know I was in this carpool With a bunch of parents And one of the moms That would drive the carpool On one of the days Would always have Howard Stern On in the car like loud How old were you? How old were you? What should you do? Oh like second grade Oh my god And yes And I Doesn't he talk about boobies? Oh it was I remember being like I remember being like This is dangerous Like I shouldn't be hearing this I was like I don't This does not feel In control to me

AlexOh no it's not okay

MaxI didn't like it so I've never been a Howard Stern I've never listened to Howard Stern because of that

Merlinbut lots of people people I admire and really like are like oh no I mean Rob Corddew is like no you just don't get Howard Stern I'm not sure that's true but he's like no you have to listen it's one of those classic like you've got to listen to a lot of these kind of things where it's like there is an uber pattern to him where like when I listen in I just hear a very very fragile man using his platform to just be terrible and to just model terribleness for other people.

I mean, honestly, I'm in an age where I can say stuff like that, but other people listen and they're like, no, no. Oh, you got to appreciate how it's changed over time. Da, da, da, da. But I don't know. I don't discount the fact that I could be missing something, but I would definitely at the very, the nicest thing I can say is it definitely falls under not for me.

AlexYou just listen, Merlin, you just need to hear the first 10 years of misogyny and then it'll get good because he talks about OCD.

MerlinOh, it's like Buffy. It gets better. Okay.

AlexYeah.

Speaker AIt's all about the woman he's not objectifying. Thank you.

MerlinOh, there's the Betty Page. Okay, there we go. All right, that's how I arrived at this. Request for rights. Forced orgasm on stage.

AlexWhat? What's happening?

MerlinSorry, I should close. I'm still following the work of Handcuffed. I'm back to 2012.

Speaker AI've had it open this whole time because I thought, what if we talk about it again? Oh, my God. What if I need to reference file colon spidergag.jpg?

MerlinSpidergag, yeah, that's pretty obscure. But if you did get arrested and get on a gurney, what would fall out of your butt? Be honest.

AlexOh, interesting.

MerlinPokemon Go++. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Is that the one where you can only play random people, Kevin?

Speaker AThat's the one where you put it by your pillow at night. No, see, that's the thing. I would put my... Is that what he says? Let me sleep with Pikachu.

AlexOh, man. I am so excited to share my bedroom with a Pikachu. Can you explain what this is? I'm a little out of the loop here.

MerlinOh, I am so... Yeah, what am I looking at here?

MaxSorry, I'm not on Twitter. I'm not on Twitter anymore. I'm a brave hero who's left Twitter.

Speaker AYes, yes. Thank you for your service.

AlexThank you, thank you. Kevin, would you like to take the reins for this one?

Speaker AWe can share the reins.

AlexPlease, please.

Speaker ALast night, the Pokemon Corporation held a press conference.

AlexIt's actually the Pokemon Company.

Speaker AYes, the Pokemon Company. This is my dub dub. We are coming up on video game nerd season. I said this in the Super Secret Text channel last night, that this is the time of year when I take to the internet to yell about people on the stage telling me when I can expect my new toys to come.

AlexI want my bedroom toy.

Speaker AI want my bedroom Pikachu. The Pokemon company announced a new app called Pokemon Sleep, which is they've already made walking fun. Why not make sleeping fun?

MerlinOh, my goodness.

Speaker AYou know those basic human functions, walking and sleeping?

MaxI don't enjoy either of them. To be fair, I don't like either of them.

Speaker AWhat if you could have Pikachu with you?

MerlinWhat does he make a little, he says Poke Poke while you're sleeping? Like, what does he do while you're sleeping?

Speaker AI think so. No, no, no. They have yet to announce, but it's some sort of sleep tracking app. Oh. Which is very exciting.

AlexIt is both a sleep tracking app and a sleep tracking device. So it's a small disc called the Pokemon Plus Plus. Not to be confused with the Pokemon Plus, which you use for Pokemon Go. Now the top, top. For Pokemon sleep, you'll be using a Pokemon Plus Plus, and I believe you put it under your pillow, and they're going to gamify sleep. Tooth Fairy comes. Exactly, but it brings you Stardust.

No one knows what Stardust is because it's in this show.

Speaker AI am honestly really stoked. I can't wait to feel bad about my sleep habits. Finally!

AlexDo you not track your sleep, Kevin? Why would I need to do that? You have an Apple Watch now.

MerlinNo, I don't. No? I don't have an Apple Watch. You should get him one. Get him one, Alex. Take it out of the kitty.

AlexYeah, sure. Sure, why not? Here, I'll just pass you $500. Please, thank you. Didn't you get one from the Apple thing?

Speaker ANo, I got an iPad.

AlexOh, that's right. That's right. That seems much more relevant to your life and interests. Yeah, well, maybe. Well, we'll see. We'll find out.

MerlinAre you a good sleeper, Kevin? Are you a pretty good sleep boy?

Speaker AI'm a pretty okay sleep boy. I usually by the time my head hits the pillow, I'm out. Like it does not take me a long time to get to sleep. I do not wake up very easily. I'm bad at waking up.

AlexMother of Christ. This is like a millennial superhero.

Speaker AYeah, I fall asleep really fast. I, yeah, but I'm one of those people who has like seven alarms in a row though, where it's like six o'clock, 6.15, 6.30, et cetera, et cetera, on until like 9.30 when I actually get out of bed. So I don't think that that's healthy.

MerlinThat's impressive. Are you envious a little bit, Alex? Oh my, are you?

AlexI just.

Speaker AAlex, from what I can tell, your shit's all fucked.

AlexWell, I'll put this guy in the chat. Oh, there's a dildo. She's going to get her Europeans.

MerlinThe European stimulants are going to fix all of this.

AlexUh-huh. Okay. All right. All right.

MerlinThey call it lust speed.

AlexSo here's the thing. Here's the thing.

MaxDo I? Am I having a stroke? I don't understand anything anyone was talking about.

AlexYou check your sleep bags?

MaxIt's all about Frasier. I bought some Frasiers.

MerlinYeah. I think I'm having a feud state. Welcome to the jungle. You're all going to die. He's my rare Frasier.

Speaker BWe're tracking our sleep with Pokemon. Okay, wait a minute. A game? It's a super rare. He always says it's Frasier Frasier. Oh my God, I got a shiny Frasier.

MaxFrasier Frasier. Check out the IVs on the smiles. That's not the game. Okay, hang on. We can bang this out. That's not the game. That's not the game. Hang on. No, no. What's the bit? Find the bit. So you're Frasier.

Speaker BI'm Frasier.

MaxSo this is Frasier Go. Okay. I'm listening. Okay. Hang on. So here's how it works. You're Frasier. Because you can't collect Frasiers because there's only one Frasier, right? Right. So you're Frasier. What are you collecting? You're probably collecting cappuccinos. You're trying to get like a super rare Daphne? Yeah. Yeah. You're getting a rare Daphne. You're collecting Daphne.

Speaker AYou're collecting Ross.

MerlinBut is she in her different evolutions?

Maxis like you need no ross is like your nemesis oh you're gary wait gary ash and gary aka blue since i got pokemon red i always named them max and my brother my brother ross my rival is always

Speaker Aross so he's ross oh boy you guys not rename your guys uh depends it depends on the game depends on my state in life i have recently started renaming all of my i have an i have a name that I use for all my NPCs or my PCs in games now and it's Crevice. Crevice?

MerlinCrevice is a good name. Crevice. Crevice is actually a very good name. That's a Blorpus level name.

MaxIt's very good. I had a lot of friends in college who would play Pokemon or other games like that and they would put their name in as like Butthole. And then it would be like funny dialogues where it's like, you know, Butthole produced a fishing rod. I love those screen caps. I love that twisted sound. I feel like you're being mean to the game. Don't be mean to the game.

AlexWell, the nice thing about Pokemon Go is you don't need to bully the Pokemon, but sometimes you need to call something. Sometimes you can rename them. Yeah, like Mr. Nips. Can you just catch

Merlinsome of them, or do you really literally have to get

Alexthem all? I mean, I would like to get them all. Well, the win condition clearly

Speaker Astates you do have to catch them all. I feel like they've really made that clear. You must catch

Maxthem all. What about the final four? Isn't that the ending? The problem is that that game has a lot of like treadmill. Like it's like first you're just trying to get all the gym badges.

AlexDid you call video game?

MerlinYou've now officially entered my stroke zone. I have no idea what the fuck you guys are talking about.

AlexOh my God. Well, I believe Max is talking about grinding, but he called it treadmill.

MerlinHe's talking about March Madness

Alexwhere you get a bracket for your Frasier.

MerlinAnd if he acquires enough Daphne's, he gets to level up for Sleep Track.

AlexOnly if he gets a shiny though with perfect 100 IV. That's very important in the new Pokemon world.

MerlinDo you think Niles ever gave him a shiny? Let's be honest.

MaxI think they're going to add Niles in the sequel. You've got to take your tech fest. You can't give everyone everything they want in the original because then they won't buy the sequel. So I think Niles is coming in the sequel.

Speaker AYou get two versions. You get Pokemon Frasier and Pokemon Niles. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. You've got to buy them both. Then you get your brother to buy Niles, and you have Frasier. Exactly. You can trade the Daphne and the Roz. And then you unlock Eddie when you do the trade. He's an exclusive. Nobody wants Martin.

MerlinAll I can say is Eddie, Eddie.

Speaker BEddie, Eddie.

AlexDiggity Dug Dug. Let's do our challenge. It was Kevin Budnick's guest challenge this week. Would you like to share with us what you picked out?

Speaker AYeah, this was sort of a challenge that I think Max and I devised. The challenge was to do a diary comic every day for a week.

Speaker BGood job. Wow. Good morning.

MerlinAll I can say is Max Max.

Speaker AI'm here.

MaxKevin, what is diary comics?

Speaker AWhat is? You could say.

MerlinWhat even is diary comics?

Speaker AThe kids are calling them diary comics. What is that? It's a form of comics.

MaxIt's a form of that's a very NPR host. I like when there's like an NPR podcast It's always like a middle-aged woman who does she literally does not know the first fucking thing about her guest is in and she's like now What is food?

MerlinI've been following I've been following your writing in the Yorker for years, but let's open with the most obvious Question what is felching? Yeah, now cover the president

MaxYou call her the president Donald Trump. But before we get into it, what is the president? What do they do?

Speaker BWhat does a president do? I'm seven.

MerlinBefore you were a political reporter for the New York Times, you were at the New York Post for years. What is radio?

AlexOh, boy.

MaxKevin, what is journal comics?

Speaker AJournal comics are an art form where you take one character from a popular intellectual property and mash it up with another character from another popular intellectual property. And you put that on a t-shirt and you sell it for 20 bucks. So that's like my Barack Obama Sonic the Hedgehog mashup pin that I bought. No, diary comics are a form of autobiographical comics where you sort of just take an entry from your day

that you would put in maybe a diary or a journal or whatever, and you draw it out. There's a lot of different ways to approach it. I'm very interested in hearing what everybody else's journey was like this week because this is a thing that I do every day.

Maxyeah so we did talk about this quite a bit in the after show last week so if people want to learn more I definitely recommend giving us $5 at giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and you can hear our exclusive interview with famous artist Kevin Budnick aka marker talk

Speaker Awhat kind of marker should I buy I really want to know how much money Max spent this week I do too

Maxit was hundreds of dollars it was over $100 I'm not expensing that I bought that out of pocket That is your money.

MerlinYeah, I bought a lot of Copic markers. But you really tried, Max.

MaxI mean, you really did it with trying. Well, okay. So Kevin...

MerlinYou didn't just trace a bunch of shit on your iPad like some people.

MaxSo I've been following Kevin's art for a really long time. And I'm a collector of Kevin's stuff as well. I think I have almost everything Kevin's sold. Most of the books. I have a lot of zines and books and stuff. A lot of the books.

Speaker BI'm a collector of Kevin's things. Hey, hey, hey, girl.

MaxAnd then through Kevin, I've also, you know, I've started collecting other journal comics people. And I think it's a really cool medium. I think it's, I don't know, it feels, it's very new. But it's, like, I think something that I love about an art or a scene is when there's something really new and exciting happening. But there's nothing about it that's sort of, like, technology enabled. So, like, I love board games because board games are so lively right now. But there's, like, no new tech in board games. Like, it's the same bullshit that everyone's had for hundreds of years. And then suddenly now, like, I don't know why. it's just all of a sudden it's like there's like huge advances in board games same with journal

comics i mean like comics technology is old old old some might say it's the oldest language uh yes uh but it is i mean it goes it goes like there's nothing in journal comics that's like a new

Speaker Atech it's just i don't know why it's just like sharing i guess the excitement of of finding uh a new diary comic or like that's why it's so uh approachable for anybody is that the the challenge is in uh sort of reinventing the medium because it's so easy to just be like okay here i had breakfast and i went for a walk and etc etc but like how do you make that interesting for an

Maxaudience so okay so the challenge this week was to do a week of of daily journal comics um i'm not gonna say i peanut buttered on this because i work i actually worked incredibly hard on it

Speaker AYou did put in a lot of effort.

MaxYou put in a lot of dollars. I worked as hard on this challenge in terms of time and effort as I've ever worked on any challenge to do by Friday, and I really wanted to do it, but I didn't produce a comic every day. I did two comics.

MerlinOh, shit, no. I did two comics over the course of the week. Did anybody do that? Did anybody besides Kevin do one every day?

Speaker AAlex has six here.

AlexI have six. Holy shit. I didn't have time to draw my – it was last night.

MaxMax, did you upload yours to the thing? I don't see yours. I only did the ones I put in the chat. Okay, okay, cool. Yeah, you've seen them all. Two here, yeah. Okay, so for me, I can really quickly talk about the challenges of it. So the first thing is, another thing about diary comics is like, well, I don't know, I've been reading them forever, and I think part of the aesthetic of them is most people have a sketchbook kind of quality to it. Like, you look at it, and you're like, how hard could this be? And you're like writing about a thing in your life. And I have to confess, like going into it, that was my thought. I was like, I don't know, I'll just write one of these every day. And like, I have to say, like, it is so fucking hard.

It's so hard. Now, I will say, like, I was... It's hard on so many levels.

MerlinI mean, if you do the legit challenge, as stated, which I did not in any way, but if you were doing the legit challenge, there's so many levels of... The kind of person... I'll be quick about this. But the sort of person that would find this project interesting could also be exactly the kind of person that could never in a million years get it accomplished. Because you have to think what you're doing is worth putting on a page. And you have to, like, curate stuff that's happened in your life. That's very interesting. Yeah, you have to curate your shit. in a way that takes a kind of, I don't know, resolve or confidence that most people

that would find this interesting. I mean, you know, Jack Donaghy is not going to do a diary comic. Like, he already knows his shit is tight. Whereas, like, me, I'm like, ugh. I don't have anything nearly as good as, like, Pigeons and Pizza. Like, what am I going to say? But then it's also the implementation's hard. The actual drawing's hard. It's really hard. It's hard. It's really hard.

MaxSo the challenge for me was, like, well, very similar. So very similar to what you talked. So first of all, I want to say like the thing I decided to do personally was just a Kevin Budnick cover band. Like I like Kevin's. No, I like Kevin's work. So I was like, I'm just going to do that basically. And I think that's a valid way to get into something is you basically start copying someone that you like and you'll be like, I'll make it like that until I figure out what my own thing is. And I think that's valid. But yeah, so, you know, in Kevin's, it's a four panel comic and it's usually narrative.

like something happens like pretty much sequentially. And Kevin's is very autobiographical. Like he's usually writing about himself and his feelings and things in his life. So that was kind of where I started. And like I would sit down every day. And so like first of all, the hardest thing about it is writing, right? So you open up like I would open up Bear app and I would make a new note and I'd sit there with the cursor pointing and I'd go, okay, what happened today? That's like a story that I could tell. And it's really hard. And then I'd go, well, nothing happened today. and then I would look at Kevin's comics

and I'd be like but nothing happens in Kevin's comics I mean Kevin did one that I really loved this week where basically I think you were like walking home from work or something and you just like sat on a bench and read your phone and there wasn't I don't even think there was any text on it

Speaker Ayeah no text on that one

MaxI just I loved it like it was it was like all mood I really liked it I found it very relatable I thought the art was great and I looked at that and I was like well nothing happened in that comic but Kevin found noticed this moment and then made it very human and had something to say about it and it made me think and I was like okay well I guess like what didn't happen then that I could make it's so hard to just notice little beats in your life that could become a comic and then on top of that for me then I have to filter any idea I have through

number one can I visually depict it because I don't know how to I had lots of ideas where I would start thinking about it

Merlinyou almost want to start with stuff you're able like there's this backwards thing where I almost wanted to start with stuff I could kind of fucking draw and figure out if I have any ideas like how about a boxy car

MaxI have to say the Apple Store comic I did was heavily engineered around pencil sketches. I liked that. It was really good, though. I was pretty proud of that. I thought it was a good comic. I liked the writing on it. The writing was too small. I wish I could redraw it and make the lettering bigger. Yeah, I felt like that was a successful comic, but also it took me three or four hours to make. Yeah. And I did it over and over, and it was really hard.

Speaker AIt was really hard. So it's also interesting because this was your guys' first experience doing Diary Comics, right? Theoretically, the drawing would become better, and the time that it takes to execute them would become shorter the more you do it, right? Keyword there, theoretically. Well, because you're tuning your brain to do this very specific thing, right? Like, it's like we said yesterday, or last show on the after show, I think, like playing guitar or whatever.

Like, it's a learned skill that you get better at the more you do it. And, like, sort of, like, capturing those little moments and things, it's very much, like, about what you ascribe to that moment, right? like that one that one of me sitting in the little plaza there or whatever which was like by that apple store uh i was like oh this is a really pleasant experience and i it's also like out of

necessity like i had to do a comic for that day so it's like what am i gonna write about well this is kind of the only time where i felt like fully in my body or whatever so um i you know that's why there's no text there and like what was i doing on my phone probably like playing pokemon go or whatever but like you don't include that because yeah it could be anything on that phone like that that is another aspect of of the diary comics is that people read them and they read into them because they use you as their avatar for their life or or shared memories that they might have

Alexthat that your life is reminding them of i realized that i absolutely assumed that this was Pokemon Go, but because your face isn't, it looks like you're concentrating, but you're not sad. And I'm very used to, like, I know the Kevin sad face in comic form. So I think that's really interesting. So I projected, like, ah, yeah, the same thing. Like, yep, you're at peace and just dicking around.

Speaker AAnd also it's about the lighting, the color, the mood, Like all of that stuff comes with just repetition, doing it over and over and over again.

MerlinI really like seeing the whole process, all of it. But like, yeah, I love the way you use colors.

Speaker AWell, thank you.

MerlinI mean, like I have historically enjoyed looking at comic books. And sometimes I'll be really, this is a little obscure, but sometimes I'll find myself really frustrated with a certain look. Like I don't love, don't email me. I don't love the work of like Jim Lee. I don't love that kind of 90s style. But then I'll go and I'll look at Jim Lee's pencils for something.

I mean, I'll look at his Batman stuff from a few years ago. And especially when I see pencils of it, I'm like, wait a minute. I fucking love the pencils of this. This is insane. This is fucking, if you look at his X-Men shit in pencils, it's glorious. I hate the style of coloring at the time. The style that colorists were doing at that time and inking to some extent. I mean, there's a really funny, not a meme, but there's a thing that went around a few years ago that, like, you should not miss if you can find it. And it's basically the Hulk penciled Hulk inked by all these different people.

And they're vastly, vastly different comics. Like, the pencils are just, like, the bones of it. But then, like, the way it gets inked and the way it gets colored is a huge matter of, I mean, when you say, Kevin, isn't that kind of like a fashion and taste thing over the years, how that stuff changes?

Speaker AIt's definitely in, I mean, it's very, very obvious in mainstream comics, like just sort of the like 90s style. And, you know, now we're moving into way more of a like flat color representational thing. And a lot of that is just influenced by like trends in media, right? Like the hyper-masculine, hyper-color, extreme sort of like 90s comics was like very much like the 90s aesthetic of what just like what the pop culture was like at that point.

And now we're moving into more of a sort of like accessible, you know, globally minded things that like are for everyone and are more muted or like relaxing or like colorists now I think are more interested in creating mood rather than like being up in your face with just like blah color.

Merlinthat that was one of the reasons i mean there's so hot the um matt fraction and david aha um hawkeye was such a hit for me in so many ways because it to me it nailed it i mean again this boring marvel shit but like i love this stuff no but in that case it was like every quadrant was exquisite like i actually love that book well and but like think about what a huge part of it the coloring is and in the back you'd see oh it's not not frankavilla what's the colorist name is escaping me but like if you get the trades um or the hard covers there's stuff in the back showing

the process and like basically showing what this would look like if you saw just colors and it really is like an impressionist painting there's not an attempt to like do a child's coloring book version of that but anyway long thread just uh i really i like the way yours look i sent you that thing of the hulk inked uh inked different four different ways crazy it is it's all the same pencils what oh my gosh that's the role of just inking before we even

Maxgets a color that's inking here's one thing that i 92 here's one takeaway i had from doing this too so i used to think kevin's uh drawing in your comic was was like good i thought it was like good art right like i was like kevin's a fine drawer and now i think kevin is a genius he can draw feet in all in all seriousness like having because i i did look i literally did the same size panels that kevin does and then i was trying to figure out how do you like make everything

scale and show the best stuff in the background to show where you are and stuff and like oh my god like the thoughtfulness of like every little like the because i went back and looked at a lot of

Merlinyour comments like the composition and the placement of objects and the like foreshortening

Maxand all this shit where like if i did this it would just look like a bunch of broken boxes but but it's like but it's how knowing how to put enough detail in the frame so that you know where you are and then when to leave that detail out like insane crazy totally crazy i have so much

Speaker Arespect for it it's literally a language like like i'm i am so fascinated by i think if there's like one thing maybe to take away from like the execution of this challenge as like mechanical like as a mechanical lesson is that like comics are a language and it's about economy and about composition and it's less about um recreating something uh exactly the way it happened and more about representation so like one of the coolest things I like to think about is um

and also like I did go to I took comics courses in school too like I I have a degree in fine arts and like we looked at a lot of examples of cartooning and like like one of one of the things that really sticks in my head is like peanuts and the way that like Charles Schultz made the most representational versions of like if you think about I know that I've talked about this before in you know in other podcasts and things but like there's there's like if you think

about mailbox like what do you picture it's it's the like the gray thing with the red flag on a wooden pole like that is what mailbox is so like even if i didn't see a mailbox like that i could draw that mailbox and you would know what i was trying to show you right like there's a way to boil down everything into like the most rudimentary and efficient way of drawing it that like you know your brain fills in the gaps or whatever but it's not the most rudimentary i mean

MaxAnd it is, how do I put it? So you're doing, you know, there's like an axis of like abstraction versus representational. And then there's like high fidelity and low fidelity and things like that. But like your stuff is like super, has a lot of character to it too. Like it has tone. Like there's a way you draw your cat that's very funny. Right. Like I don't know why. It's just funny to me. He's so lively. He has so much character.

Like, the way you feel about your cat comes across in the way that you draw him.

Speaker AYeah.

MaxLike, in a way that I, I can't even draw a cat. Like, I can't even make it look like a cat. And you make it look like a cat. And I know how you're feeling about the cat in that moment. And how the cat is reacting. Because how you feel. Yeah, how the cat feels about you, too.

Speaker AWell, a lot of that is, like, cats are hard to draw. And so, like, you figure out the way that is best for, to draw, like, the er cat. Like, how do you draw a cat? And then it's just, like, it's got two pointy ears and a big, screamy mouth, and, like, that's my cat. Like, it's also, I mean, like, I feel like I draw cats very sort of, like, adventure timey, like, very, like, noodley, and, like, they don't have, like, you know, bones like how a real cat might.

And that's just, like, you know, you pick and choose your aesthetic. Like, you amalgamate all of these things that you see, and like it you become like it influences your style like the more it you you sort of osmos this

Alexstuff I mean all I can say is it would be just like parroting what Max and Merlin said but you know the the depth of field especially in the cubby that that uh we have at work do you know which one I'm talking about. And how you can make one of our little private work cubbies look interesting and also understand like the scale of the space that you're in is just, because I know exactly what it looks like and you didn't draw it exactly as it is.

Speaker ABut it has literally the most, sorry, I jumped on your sentence. No, no, no, go ahead, go ahead. Well, you just put, like, you just hint, right? Like just the little, the littlest bit of information.

AlexYeah. It's going through this. It just kind of felt like the whole thing was like trying to like rub your, rub your tummy and pat your head at the same time. Like it's just, and I'm, I'm curious. Do you write like, what's your writing process like?

Speaker Ait's like we were talking Max and I we were talking about this yesterday it's sort of like you just kind of scribble down like a thought or like one little idea or a thing that happened to you or whatever and then kind of expound upon it or reduce it's a lot about economy it's about it's actually like doing diary comics is a really interesting exercise in brevity and like and like taking taking a like a maybe a lengthy thought and turning it into sort of like like the most economic way of of of conveying what you're what you're trying to get across.

So, yeah, it's almost like composing a poem or or or like a tweet or whatever. Like it's just how many I can only fit so many words into this space. Right. So what is the bare minimum that I need to include to make my point? and I don't know you just get it just you just get better at it the more you do it and also this is uh you know making me very uncomfortable that you guys are being very kind about my work thank you can't relate I'm over here looking at the uh well to be honest I didn't appreciate it

Maxas much until I tried to do it so if that's any consolation I was like I guess this is just some I guess this is just some little project Kevin has going every day what do you spend a few minutes to bang one of these things out.

Speaker ACategory, French maid outfits. Category, fetish clothing using hot cat. Hot cat. Sissy with speculum and anus.jpg.

MerlinThere's a comic. Put that in the hot cat.

MaxWhat else? So let's quickly, so basically.

Speaker AWe gotta put these up somewhere for.

AlexYeah, so the comics. Let's go put them on our Patreon.

MaxOh.

Speaker AOh, put them behind the paywall.

MaxYeah, well, yours are behind the paywall. You know what? I think people should see them. Put them in the Discord.

MerlinThey'll be in the show notes. Yeah, well, this is the rare example of something where we actually should probably show people.

MaxYeah. As much as I hate to give anyone anything for free.

MerlinIt's not a video of my ass, but it'll do for now.

MaxYeah. If you do want to see Merlin's ass on the subway, you can go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com.

MerlinOh, no. Get on the Discord.

MaxAll right, listen. I think it might be fun to just quickly describe our comics. Like I said, I did a Kevin Budnick. I very consciously, I just tried to do a Kevin Budnick sort of cover band, and obviously mine looks pretty shitty. I thought the Apple Store I don't think so

MerlinI thought it was real good He tried harder than I did I like it

MaxI thought the first panel Of the Apple Store comic Was the Artistically the best thing Because it worked Kind of zoomed out like that Yeah Although Whatever Anyway

Speaker AWell no It's got the You have the The video wall And there's actually a crowd Which is a thing That is very hard to include

MaxI felt like it got It So on one hand It succeeded in like Setting the scene Of like it's kind of what it looked like from the Apple store, but on the other hand, it wasn't how I wanted it in my head. This is in the,

Merlinoh, this is in the channel, you put it. It's in our channel, yeah. Oh, this is the Google Honey Bucket one? Yeah, they got real mad about my stickers when we went to Apple.

MaxIt's so good, though. That was so funny. So I did that one, and then I did the first one about how I couldn't think of any comics, and then I was working on that, and Kevin said to me, you know you're not allowed to do a comic about how you can think of comics, right? That's a rule.

MerlinYou're allowed to do, oh, come on, shame on you, Kevin Budnick.

Speaker AWhoa, whoa, whoa. No, that's the rule. Okay, there's one rule. If you make a comic about how you couldn't think of anything to draw that day, you're cheating. That's the only rule.

MerlinWell, try having a productivity blog, buddy. Oh, I'm doing this because I'm great at it.

MaxThe first day I was working on it, I couldn't think of a comic. So I was like, I don't know, maybe I'll go to the art store and buy some more marker colors, and then that'll help me think of the comic.

MerlinWell, I love that we all had this same one. My initial conceit, when I mentioned last week that I knew what my angle was, I immediately knew what my angle was because it's not an angle about what I can't think of for a comic. It's an angle about the protean efforts, the bullshit that I have to get through to be able to do anything. Right. So for me, it was going to be the whole like, as I hinted at with you guys, was going to be like having to draw a mind map about like which app I would use to capture things I wanted to do. And like and now, you know, I mean, all the classic like yak shaving.

But in my case, I felt like that should have been fair play just because that is me. I showed some of mine.

Speaker AWell, that's interesting, though, Merlin, because yours have a very specific voice and a theme.

MerlinWell, there is a theme. I showed them to Syracuse while we were recording a future episode last night, and I got lectured for about 20 minutes on how I did not do the challenge to the letter of what you said. What? He said these are illustrated tweets. I said, that's not true. I said, this is my life. This is my diary comic. He should put up or shut up. Where's his comic? Oh, John Siracusa?

Speaker AAt me, John Siracusa.

MerlinNo, he's probably right. But no, no, no. I just wanted to say that I'm with you, Kevin. There's such a, I guess we've already covered all this adequately at this point. But it is difficult because you do need this word I keep using. You do need to make yourself somewhat vulnerable. Like, you don't want a backdoor brag in your stuff. But there has to be an angle on what it is that you want to say. You've got to get past that. And given that this is, okay, here's an easy 43 Folders-esque takeaway from some of this,

which is, as I like to say sometimes, it's hard to know what handle to grab on this suitcase. I don't know how to even begin this project because I don't know how to do any of it. I know how to write, sort of, right? I know those kinds of things. But the ridiculous combination of skills that I now appreciate in other people, I don't have that in a week. So you've got to just pick an angle and go was my thought.

Speaker ASo going over your work, though, they're –

MerlinDon't you want to do Alex? Let's do Alex. No, no. Mine suck. Mine suck. No, they don't. Alexes are better.

AlexThey're so good. No, no. We'll get to Alex. No, no. I just, I also like how you titled yours. Yeah. And I just, I don't know. It's a strip. Yeah, yeah. This is something that would be in a Sunday newspaper for sad adults.

Speaker ASad, sad Sunday paper.

AlexYeah, yeah.

Speaker AWell, you, like, that's also, it's, I mean, so many diary comics are automatically about the fears and the personal failings that we all have. And, like, yours have a very specific targeted voice. And it's sort of this, like, especially this one that's about the Hugh lights. It's such a, like, no, I don't think anybody else could have written that other than you, right? It's kind of in my wheelhouse. Yeah, exactly. It's this sort of like at odds with the technological world and like what all of these modern communiances are doing to our fragile human minds.

MerlinRight, right. But it's not so different from the feeling that I get. And the readers, the listeners aren't seeing this, but it's basically these I do four comics about, well, and I have many Bring Out Your Dead captions that didn't make it. The B-sides. I got a lot of B-sides. No, but this is I basically want to write about my anxieties. And some of it, it's slightly jazzed up. It's slightly, you know, rounded off. But, like, just basically about the constant din of incredibly stupid shit that I worry about. Maybe along the lines, a little bit of deep, dark, fierce. But more like these are my, some of these are my invasive thoughts.

And so this one says, so it's basically just a bunch of scribbling, black, and then kind of these scribbly kind of eyes on it. It says, sometimes when the hue lights go off, I think my electric service has been canceled forever.

Speaker AThe eyes are so emotive.

MerlinI've never used an ATM card that I haven't literally worried that it won't work because there's not any money in there.

Speaker BSame.

MerlinEver. Every time I use any payment method, I unconsciously hold my breath and I will for the rest of my life. Same thing here. As soon as my lights go off, I'm like, well, that's it. They got me. That's it. That's it. I don't get electric anymore. I'm not allowed to have electric anymore.

MaxAre you ever walking home and in the horizon as you're approaching the area of your house, you see some police sirens? Oh. And I'm like, that's it. They got me.

Speaker BThey got me.

MaxThey're in the net. Every time. Every time. I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah. Yeah. Shred. Shred. Shred.

Shred.

MaxYou know, Merlin, one thing I was going to ask everyone was, so I also got really, I'd never really thought about this very much before but i got very interested in how everyone depicted themselves i couldn't do it so i just made a flesh colored circle i can't draw people i didn't even put flesh colors i really like how you draw yourself i really really like it like it's immediately recognizable i was like oh that's alex like i don't know why it's just so it's very it's

Merlinperfect part of it's that it's the it's the glasses and the hair you've got like a like a roundish

Maxhead but the hair for some reason is very out it's perfect and obviously kevin i think is like the master of drawing yourself. Right, we already did me. But do you have any advice on this, Kevin? Or like, is there any theory about, I don't know, it's hard. Well. Very challenging to figure out how to make yourself look.

Speaker AIt is hard. I think it doesn't have to look exactly like you as long as it's like an identifiable character. Like that's, you know, I mean like the cartoon of me doesn't really look like me and going further and further back in my own work, like when I first started, that looked nothing like me. And the drawing gets... I mean, it's like when you go back and look at the first drawing of Bart Simpson to where he is now. Oh my God, yeah. That's exactly how to describe it. It's like it just... It gets more refined and...

MaxYou ever see Bart facing the camera?

Speaker AIt sucks, yeah. It's not good. Front-facing Simpsons.

MerlinWell, there's a reason they only ever usually have Mo look at the camera because they learned how disturbing it is. How disturbing it is for a character to look straight. Front-facing Simpsons. It just makes no sense.

AlexThere's a, yeah, there's a Tumblr, like Simpsons from the front or something. It's just so bad.

Speaker AIt just, it looks so strange. They had to figure out how to make the chin go. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, like that's the other thing too, is once you get sort of an identifiable character or like this thing is that you can play around with it and it still becomes something that you recognize. It's like it's still Bart, even though he's looking forward.

Speaker BMm-hmm.

Speaker AJust like Bart.

AlexOh, God. Oh, no.

Speaker AAnyway, scoot, scoot. I'm looking at Alex's comics now.

MaxWe have an intern who is famous on Vine? Yeah.

AlexOh, well, this can be cut out if Jordan wishes. On Friday, it was just learned that one of our interns is famous on Vine. And then we, yeah. And I was like, wait, I've seen these. Wait, I've seen these. And I just found it very funny.

Speaker AI'm bad. I'm a bad keyboard vine. Is that it?

AlexNo. What do I Google? No, no, no. That's the, oh, no. That is the keyboard talking. What do I Google? Obviously.

Speaker AWhat am I looking at here?

AlexWhat? What? We'll put it in. What am I, what am I.

MerlinHow do I find Jordan's vines? Alex, Alex, you work with someone who's famous on vine. Give me words I can search to find a vine they're in.

AlexI'm hot. I need to type. Oh, he is actually probably out doing his job. Am I playing Frasier right now? Am I playing Frasier? Girl's getting angry.

I'm going to start from the beginning. No words. No words. Ah. Ah.

Speaker BAh. Ah.

Thank you.

Show notes

Transcript

134. Jizz Wailers

Show notes

Transcript

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