121. Mayor Man

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, watch episode one of Survivor season 38.

Hello.

MerlinHello.

AlexHi Merlin. Max isn't here yet But we've got Official Dubai Friday artist Kevin Budnick here He's just in the studio There's people just in my studio

MerlinYou guys run a pretty tight operation there

AlexI know I know I had eyes on Max And then he just Went away Max where are you That channel is not recording Will you tell Kevin something for me Sure yes

MerlinMy family loves the savvy print.

AlexMerlin's family loves the savvy print.

MerlinMy wife has put it up on her desk at work.

AlexOh, you got to turn up the amplifier. Why is everybody taking photographs of me?

MerlinWhat is happening, Alex? Are we doing a show? What's happening?

AlexI don't know. I wish I knew. I wish I knew.

MerlinThis is the way you guys live. This is not the way I live. What is happening?

AlexI don't know.

MerlinIs this the show?

AlexI don't know.

MerlinHere's what happens. I pick up the microphone and I listen very quietly. I'm here 20 minutes early. And here's what I hear. And then I hear Max screaming about coffee in the background or something or fans or whatever the fuck you people are.

What is happening?

AlexKevin, do you want to get on mic three? That's where Max usually sits.

MerlinKevin, I'm so sorry you've been drawn into this.

AlexI meant mic four. I meant mic three. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Oh.

Speaker AMax is going to be so mad. I know.

MerlinReally, Max, man?

Speaker AOh, boy.

MerlinI don't speak truth to power. I'm scared of my landlord.

AlexOh, no. I am not afraid of my landlord.

MerlinHe's just stupid. No, he's just stupid.

AlexRight. Exactly. It's kind of like. How stupid is he?

MerlinDoes he affect like a stupid guy way of talking? Does he say things like dur? you can't put those kind of blinds on allowed on there because they have to use nails nails are the only way for a wall

Alexto give people a baseline this man tells stories and has affectations way more annoying and way less coherent than me

Merlindoes your landlord give you war stories about bad tenants

Alexno because we're his first oh wow

Merlinyou popped his landlord cherry

AlexExactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. However, he says that we are his best tenants because we always pay rent on time. Well, that's not how that works. I feel like that's not how it should work.

Speaker AYou're his first and you're his best.

AlexYeah.

Speaker AThere's no... You're the best I've ever had.

MerlinHey, you're my favorite daughter. Kevin's not loud enough in the talking.

Speaker AI'm not loud enough. Turn me up. Yeah, Kevin... I don't know podcasts.

MerlinYou're fine, Kevin. I don't know how you got drawn into this. I'm so sorry.

AlexWell, that's because he's not talking into the microphone. Yeah, no, that's my problem.

Speaker AThat was problem number one.

AlexDo I have to eat it?

MerlinYou ever heard of punching up, Alex?

Speaker AI heard that I have to eat the mic. Is that true?

AlexYes. I wouldn't call it that.

MerlinIt's called self-care. Yes. Hi, Kevin. How are you? It's nice to chat with you.

Speaker AHi, Merlin. It's nice to finally chat with you.

MerlinI love your, I enjoy your work so much.

Speaker AIt's so neat.

MerlinAnd my family is so enjoying your work. Anyway, I just, I don't know. I've never really had the exact opportunity, I don't think. Have we talked before?

Speaker AI feel like we haven't. No, I don't think we ever have.

MerlinGood. Okay. I mean, good in the sense that I'm glad my memory still has so much dignity.

Speaker AI like to think of myself as sort of the silent fourth beetle of the Dubocratic podcast. Sort of the Ringo.

MerlinI think you're our Billy Preston. You know, you can get on the keys. I don't know. You feel free. Absolutely. Absolutely. So do you work? Do you toil in that office, Kevin? I do.

Speaker AI've been subject to many a magic drake In the middle of work day When I'm just trying to you know Do my job or whatever

MerlinKevin why does he hurt you? Why does he do that? Does he let you know? Do you get like a memo? Do you know to these companies? He just shows up and you hear cards? You do

Speaker AHe gets that look in his eye Yeah When he approaches your desk You can totally see it coming It's the sort of like looking around To see if anybody's paying attention And feeling his pockets and then all of a sudden out comes a deck of cards. And then it's like, hey, draw one.

MerlinI think he's supposed to ask consent first.

AlexThat's not right. He does. No, he does. Yeah, can I show you a magic trick? Yeah, it's always can I show you a magic trick.

MerlinSee, for me it would be like, first of all, I would never do a magic trick. That's just wrong. Yeah, it's for children. Well, it's for children and pickup artists. You should at least say, hey.

Speaker BOh, hey.

MerlinKevin, is this a good time for me to show you a magic trick?

Speaker AWelcome to your podcast, Max. Oh, hey, Max. Max, can you bring me my coffee? Can I bring my coffee?

MerlinCan you bring me my coffee? It's on my desk. The worm has turned. Thank you.

Speaker BGrace. Grace.

MerlinI'm the dad now. You are. You're the jazz dad. You're the daddy. You're the daddy. You're the one making the sauce, Kevin. Yes, daddy. Daddy. Daddy, bring me daddy's brown sauce It's on my desk

Speaker ADaddy, may I have more sauce Daddy, I put almond milk in my sauce This morning I made the sauce saucier in a fresh way

MerlinI'm a good boy I'm gonna clean my plate Does daddy love the artist?

The artist loves the daddy Sound of squeaking chaps walking away Oh no

AlexThis is a fun show we've got going on here

MerlinWhat are you working on right now? What are you excited about right now Kevin? Oh god Do your comic, I see your comic in the Patreon showing up What are you excited about?

Speaker AWhat am I excited about? I don't know I'm just plugging away at Patreon Really I've been painting a lot lately actually

MerlinPainting, wow, really Do you draw, one thing I love in your stuff I love that you can kind of see the pencil lines Before you like ink over it, I love that Do you do, when you paint, do you like draw something Sketch something on a canvas or you just get all Fucking Bob Ross from day one

Speaker AI've been trying to get way more Bob Ross with it Seriously, it's like

MerlinIt's a different thing, it's such a different thing

Speaker AIt's totally a different thing, yeah It's a new way to play with it It's like just splotting the paint On the palette is very therapeutic To me actually

AlexI made a very upsetting hand motion.

Speaker AWhat's upsetting about this hand motion?

AlexI don't know. Slotting? That's upsetting. I don't know.

Speaker AWhat's upsetting about this?

AlexMax is doing something. Is the microphone loose?

Speaker AI sort of cucked Max.

MerlinKevin, you're the daddy bird. You're just spitting that soot right in the baby's mouth. You're a good daddy, Kevin. Kevin's a good daddy now. He used to be a good boy. Now he's a good daddy. He takes care of his little birds.

Speaker AThe little boy has become the daddy.

MerlinHi, Merlin. Hi, buddy. How's it going? The student has become the master.

AlexYou know what, Merlin? I found out something. I found out about a new feeling. I had because yesterday I was driving up to the office and with matchy and I was like, Oh, Max is back. And, but Max was not back. There was just a car in his spot. And I was apparently really excited for Max to be back. Yeah. Wasn't that sweet? Thank you.

MerlinHe's just returning from his sojourn to California.

MaxYeah. Where were you, Max? Yeah. Doing a little, doing a little cards retreat in California. One time we had an intern here and everyone was like going out to lunch or something. and the intern just yelled out, looking at me, like asked Jen or something. They were like, is dad coming? Meaning me. Oh, no.

MerlinI remember that. Oh, no. God, how is that worse than daddy? And yet it is.

MaxIs dad coming?

MerlinI'll be ordering for the table.

MaxThat's my favorite son, intern Corey.

Speaker AThe lady will have the diet plate. Max, when you go out to dinner, do you ask the server their name?

MaxI don't want to know. You know what? No. We've talked about this a little bit on the show, but I think it's a little bit of a boomer thing. It's a dad move. It's a big dad move. In fact, my dad does. Sorry, dad. I know he listens, but it's my dad does this. And his thing.

MerlinWell, I'm Professor Demkin, and I'll be your customer.

MaxHe really likes, he'll like make jokes. And his thing is, his thought process, because I've been like, why do you do this? And his thought process is like, well, the server, they have this like monotonous job and they all they're doing is dealing with people. And they probably just appreciate being recognized as a person and like someone just like making jokes. But, you know, I've had those monotonous jobs before. And like really what you want is to kind of get into a flow and just assembly line it and like get through your fucking day so you can go home and watch Survivor. Right. Yeah.

MerlinI feel like it's a similar thing where like, you know, that phrase that I like read the room, just that sense of like when you walk into a situation, like try to be sensitive to what happened before you arrived there and what's normal there. And I think like a good waitron will be able to read the room and a good waitron will know, don't interrupt us while we're talking. Don't ask if I want more water. Of course I want more water. But by the transitive property, I think a customer should do the same. And they, you know what? They don't need to be entertained.

Speaker AYeah. Body posture. No. You super have to read body posture. That's true. That's true.

MaxKevin, can I share a Whole Foods thing that you posted on one time?

Speaker AOh, yeah, absolutely.

MaxKevin. I used to work at Whole Foods. Kevin, I fairly recently had a job at Whole Foods. Well, first of all, I want to get into cart return etiquette. That's a big topic. Okay. How long do you have? Another thing is that it was part of your training at Whole Foods. I know this because it was in one of your moments. Oh, yes. When you're walking through the store, like restocking something or whatever, As an employee You're supposed to recognize the path of the customer And never obstruct their path

AlexKeep moving or get out of the way

Speaker AYou do not want to impede the shopper You do not want to impede the shopper

MerlinSo you're like a British servant or a prisoner You just stand with your back against the wall When the warden comes through

Speaker BYou put your hands up

Speaker ASo they can see that you're not about to do anything With them

Merlinyou put your palms against the wall you lean forward hood of the car to out to out turn your

Speaker Apockets okay ma'am i'm gonna reach for the chili paste i'm restocking the salsas oh yeah you know

Maxanother story we should talk about we all went out for bagels last week and i got pulled over oh my god so we're gonna talk about this oh i'll just tell this but i do want to get back to the shopping cart. So put that, we'll go on up on the stack here. It's not that great of a story, but we just went out for bagels. I mean, we were looking for a parking spot and it was admittedly a very confusing intersection with like a train station and lots of shit going down. But I guess I just blew through a stop sign with a cop car directly behind me and I just didn't, I just didn't, it wasn't, I wasn't actually trying to flaunt the rules or anything. I just legitimately did not notice this stop sign and there was no other traffic. So I had no reason

AlexI can confirm that I have seen Max fall on the rails, and you were genuinely driving like a safe, good person on the road.

MaxYeah. Well, I mean, I was tweeting and looking for a parking spot. Other than that, I was driving quite safely. And so, of course, the cop pulls me over. And, you know, I don't love dealing with the – I don't really have any reason for this, but I just don't love dealing with the police. And so I, like, you know, I, like, put my hands on the wheel, and I rolled on the window, and I turned the music off. And the guy's like, do you know why I pulled you over? And I was like, no. and he was like, he was pretty exasperated, right? He's like, he was furious. He was like, you can't just roll through a stop sign with a police officer behind you. And then he like, he was really mad at me.

And I was like, I'm sorry.

MerlinIt was about him though. It was about you not noticing him and being deferential.

MaxThat's the number one thing he was mad about. And then, and he was really upset. I agree. And then he asked to see my license, but he only wanted me to hold it up. He was like, hold your license up. And I was like, and I was like.

MerlinMaybe he's a germaphobe.

MaxAnd I was like, do you want it? And he was like, just hold it up. And he sort of squinted at it in a perfunctory way. And then he was like, don't do it again. And he drove away. And I was stunned. That's it? He didn't give me a warning or yell at me or any. He was just exasperated.

AlexI have a theory about the license. Me too. He wanted to double make sure that you were white and that you had a very white name.

Speaker AAnd that you had a license, period.

AlexOkay. You're right.

MaxThat could be it.

AlexYeah. It was like, you know what? He looks white, but I just want to make sure.

MaxNo, you're right. Alex, I think that's very observant.

Speaker AI think he just wanted to, like, he wasn't trying to screw you over unless you didn't have a license on you, right?

MaxOh, yeah. He was like, what's the least I can do here? But, yeah, I get it. How can I nail this guy? Yeah, I understand why he was mad at me. But I also, like, sometimes you just make a mistake when you're driving. I feel like no one talks about this.

Speaker AIt's not always like. Sometimes you just make a mistake and you drive through the window of a grocery store.

MerlinThere's a difference between losing something and misplacing something or mislaying something. It's like costly and expensive. In your case, you weren't flaunting the laws. You just didn't observe them. Right. I think we have to be honest. Sometimes, sometimes we just make an oopsie-dipsie.

MaxYou know, Merlin, I did not get a copy of these comments 24 hours before the podcast, and I would move to table this conversation.

MerlinI'm going to move to table the gentleman.

Speaker AWe watched it this morning as a family.

MerlinI woke up at 5.30. I was like, I need to watch the pre-coverage.

MaxAll right, Kevin, shopping carts. We'll come back a week tomorrow. We got to come back. This is a whole segment. It's a whole segment. Kevin, can you talk about the grocery? So you have some experience as the cart wrangler in the-

Speaker AYeah, it was my chosen. During your shift, there's any given number of duties that you might have to perform. And my chosen-

MerlinDo they have names, Kevin? Do they have names for the different jobs?

Speaker AOh, absolutely they do. Tell me the names of the jobs. I mean, there's just cashier and... Cashier. Stocker? Well, so that's a different department. That's grocery. I was on the customer service team.

MaxI have a quick cashier question. What's the procedure around asking people to donate to the fake charities?

Speaker AOh, you're supposed to do it. You have to ask the customer? Yeah. I mean, if they catch you not doing it or if they notice that you're not doing it, they'll be like, hey, can you do this?

MerlinOkay, point of information. what is the policy on complimenting people's decisions?

Speaker AOh, that's part of it. Yeah, that's totally part of it. Yeah, you learned that.

MerlinYou chose the good ones.

Speaker AYeah, it's like, oh, wow, I see you've got some salmon and some lemons.

MerlinAre you encouraged to draw implications? Oh, for sure. You've got an eating disorder. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker AYou seem like a cutter. You're buying a lot of insurer.

Merlindo you have problems do you have problems fully evacuating that's a lot of brand for someone in college yeah I saw on your keychain I saw the guy

Speaker Aoh boy

Merlinit's not creepy right

Speaker Ayeah

Merlinokay alright so so and I bet one nice thing I always personally I always chose jobs where I didn't have to deal with people and it seems to me that being the Cartier would be nice because you could go outside and mostly just have a break outdoors not around your boss

Speaker Ayes and you can be on your phone oh

MerlinOh, nice.

Speaker AYep.

MerlinYou had phones then?

Speaker AYeah, we had phones.

AlexAs long as six months ago there were phones in existence.

Speaker AThey were also hooked up to this thing called the internet.

AlexMm-hmm. Oh, please.

Speaker AI could perform Twitter on my phone while I was doing my – I was actively serving the Whole Foods market. No, you wear a little reflective vest. I love the vests. Which is, I think, a thing. It's a tremendous look And you also When it's really cold out like it is in Chicago frequently You get to wear a big puffy reflective jacket Oh

MerlinIt's like a store jacket Do you share it between Is that shared between associates

Speaker AYes yes yes There's only one And so if there's more than one person Going on cart duty in the winter One person gets the jacket and the other one has to wear the vest Which is sleeveless and made of mesh Is it laundered Oh no it's not laundered why would it be laundered

MerlinOh, come on. That's like wearing a goofy head without washing it. That's no good.

Speaker AYeah, you get all the body stinks.

MerlinOkay, sorry. We're taking you off your story. Cart return.

Speaker ACart return. Cart return. So you, I mean, what do you want to know about it? It's awful. And the customers are miserable and can't, there's no spatial recognition on their part.

MerlinYou could tell everything. You know, people say you can tell what you need to know about somebody from how they treat the Waitron. For sure. I feel like I judge people so harshly based on what they do with their cart. Oh, I completely agree. There's like four ways you can deal with a cart, and there's one of them that's right, and there's three that are wrong.

MaxSo let's start here. What you should do with the cart is wheel it into one of the corrals. Return it to the corral.

Speaker ANow, does it matter how you put it in the corral? Yes, it super matters. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Go on.

MerlinPoundstine woke. Whoa.

Speaker ASo, I don't know. This is like an organizational thing, and I feel like people, like when they're learning, like, motor skills and spatial recognition and, like, round shape in round hole, they learn like these are the carts and they slot together in a very obvious way. If you've been to the grocery store once, you recognize that they're designed specifically to slot together, right?

AlexAbsolutely.

Speaker ASo when someone just kind of like bowls their cart into it and it like jumps up into an angle or whatever and it disrupts the...

MaxIf you just sort of glide your cart and just toss it in and let it roll in at a 45 degree angle, yours is not stacked, but all the ones behind it aren't stacked.

MerlinNo, no, you're screwed. If you ghost ride your cart into the assembly, you're not helping.

Speaker AAnd that's a whole other can of worms, too, because there's the people who like will walk their cart up. Right. And they'll just leave it in there and they'll slot it in or they'll they'll like fully take it, walk it to the corral. And then there's the people who get maybe 10 feet from the corral. And like I said, they bowl it at the corral, just like this is a game for them or that they can't go all like. Oh, my God, I really got to get back to my car. You know, my groceries are in there. Don't worry, the window's rolled down and his favorite music's on and the air condition's blaring.

MerlinSomebody once told me. You know it's a guy in an SUV. I bet there's a strict correlation between people in SUVs and just leaving their cart on a grassy island.

MaxNow, I've been in situations where I haven't returned my cart. What? Where'd you leave it? Come on. I have been to huge megalopolis grocery store factories. Not in the city. This is more of a suburbs thing. And occasionally the parking lot is so poorly designed that they're like, is not a place for me to put my cart. Not enough corrals. No, no, no.

MerlinYou didn't put it back because it's a design problem?

Speaker AIt is. No.

MaxIt is a poor worksman who blames his tools. And listen, if it's so far away that I have to like, if it's like an unbelievable inconvenience for me to bring the cart to the assigned place. What are you doing with that time that wouldn't be?

AlexIs there a pregnant woman in your car?

Speaker AHe's tweeting. He's tweeting. I have tweets to make.

MaxI have content. I don't know. What else do I probably come? I'm probably running late to come back to the office and give you guys a raise.

MerlinI have big balls full of content. I'm a designer and I need to post.

MaxI need to post. No, I don't know what I'm doing with that. I feel very attacked right now. I don't know. It's the whole grocery store is a horrible experience. Yes, it is. And then returning the car. And then when you get there and you're now you're you've had to walk all the way across this fucking Pacific Ocean of cars to get to your vehicle and you got lost and you found it. And then you're looking around and there's no place for the car. It's the final slap in the face. So I'll just sort of leave. Usually what happens is in those scenarios, the parking lot is so poorly designed that other people have started a little a little trash island of carts.

Yes. The island of lost toys. Yeah.

MerlinLike ant trails. Yeah. Like you get like this accidental cart.

MaxAnd then I, you know, the comforting fiction I tell myself is like, well, maybe someone knew what they were doing. Maybe those are supposed to be there because there's already 12 carts there.

AlexOh my God. Oh, interesting. Okay. Interesting. Yeah.

MerlinLike you see where people walk before you make the sidewalk. Right.

MaxYeah. I know if I think about it, I know that those carts aren't supposed to be there. No.

AlexIn what world did you think you'd come out of this story?

Speaker ASo, so that's,

Merlinhe's very busy.

Speaker AThis is the whole process of like, like the cart wrangler is the most Sisyphean task out of all of the Whole Foods jobs.

AlexIs that the official name?

Speaker ACart wrangler.

AlexI don't.

MerlinThe Sisyphus.

Speaker AThe Sisyphus.

MerlinHe's the vested Sisyphus. It's kind of hard to say.

Speaker AYeah. The.

AlexNope. Nope. Okay. We're done with this, Kevin.

Speaker ASomeone's ASMR. No, it's the. Right. it's game of you can gamify it in your head right and if you're a person who really likes having a task and and completing the task and putting it everything back where it goes it's really appealing right because it's like I can get all these carts to back in the the main corral in like 20 minutes and then I have 10 minutes to just kind of like walk around and like let all the carts pile up and like this is my reset me time right the the the pleasure of

Maxtaking the carts from chaos to order yes exactly I really could I really really could get into that. The part that would drive me, and I actually. Absolutely. I mean, it's like

Merlintagging MP3s. It's like a reverse mise en place to put everything back in order. I love that in my house when there's a big mess. This putter is power puttering. It's a fantastic feeling. It's a

Maxbig, it's a big power putter. But one of my favorite feelings in the house is when you know something needs to get organized. And then you, you know, this is something I think is very smart about Marie Kondo, which is she takes it all out. It's like, you know, the arrows got to go all the way through before it can come out. You got to, you can't just organize in the drawers, right? The whole drawer has got to get emptied out, and you're going to go through and put stuff back. I love the feeling of going from the big pile to then you discover the system, and then it all goes back. The thing that would drive me to the point of insanity is that it's never done.

It's that you finish the carts, and then there's even more carts than when you started.

Speaker AThat's the lesson. Yeah. So that's the very zen-like lesson that you have to learn when you're doing this job. And like being a very high stress person, I used to get so freaked out by the concept of like, no matter how many carts I push, they're never, never going to be back. There's no way that I'm ever going to fix this problem. And then you just kind of have to learn that like you go at your own pace and someone's going to come to relieve you and it's going to be there. Like the carts are never going to all fully be back until 10 p.m. when the store closes.

Right. Like they're just kind of going to be in like their place to be is out and about and in dumb shit cart islands. Like that that is the role of the cart.

MerlinAnd you're fighting you're fighting chaos and right like no matter what you do. And even then you get like a six hour break before we start it all over.

Speaker AYeah. And you come right back the next day and you walk up to the building and there's a cart just like out in front on the sidewalk.

MerlinWhen I worked in a restaurant, I used to have, I think a lot of people who've worked in front of house and restaurants have had this nightmare or this dream. Two parts to mine was, first of all, that the restaurant I worked at was in my house.

It was inescapable. But the big part, the servers, and at the time I was a busboy, it was my first job, was that there's endless, endless tables to be cleaned. And it just goes on and on. And everyone you clean, it's like a hydro. Like two more open up. And you need to get a whole different state of mind or different paradigm to look at that work. I mean, again, the worst job ever, TSA. Imagine being the person who has to say only this much liquid, and three out of ten people are going to come with a water cannon onto the plane,

and that's the rest of your life now, is saying that knowing that almost everybody you encounter every couple minutes will have water. I think it was probably good for you, Kevin. You've learned not to have hope. It was a life experience, for sure.

AlexOther than the 10 years you've lost on your life from anxiety.

MerlinWas it a nice place? Was it a nice place to work in general?

Speaker AYeah, it was complicated. It's like any service job. Like you get customers and it depends on the neighborhood you're in.

MerlinIt's only as good as the people you have to work with.

Speaker AFor sure. Yeah, like I was very lucky that I had good co-workers who were. I mean, like it's funny because like the Whole Foods, I think, like workforce is made up of like 80% artists who Whole Foods is their side gig or whatever, and they're in a band.

AlexIt's very Starbucks in that way, I'm told.

Speaker AIt's also very Starbucks-y, and it has corporate culture. I mean, it paints a very, we're the cool one, right? Do you have to wear a white person hat?

No. You do have to wear a hat if you're going in any prep areas, and if you don't have your own hat, you have to wear one that is provided for you.

MerlinNo.

Speaker AAnd there were three hats that were the community hats.

MaxOh, no. Was one of them a dunce cap? They were all, they might as well have been. They had a dunce cap, they had a propeller hat.

Speaker AAnd they had a goofy hat. A goofy hat. Do, do, do, do. I like crazy.

MaxSo there was some other cart stuff that kind of blew my mind. Oh my God. Occasionally. This is a whole podcast.

MerlinGet a sandwich. It's going to be one of those.

MaxPeople. We haven't even talked about Survivor yet. Listen, I'm telling you this is.

MerlinOh wow. Kevin, how much did you have to wash your hands?

MaxTell me how you washed your hands. Did you have to wash your hands a lot? Oh my God. Yes.

Speaker ADo you know about the danger zone? You know about the danger zone. Hot hands. Go on. The temperature danger zone for food safety. Oh yes. Yes. Yeah, we had to learn all that shit. All the food safety.

MaxIt's really serious. I learned recently that...

MerlinCarts are filthy.

Speaker AOh, God.

MerlinCarts are the filthiest. There's a reason they started putting those disinfecting wipes that don't do anything next to the door. What?

AlexThey don't do anything?

MerlinThey don't do anything. A baby with a poopy diaper has been in every cart recently.

Speaker AWhere do those wipes go after you're done wiping down your cart?

MerlinThat's what Michael Stipe says. When you throw something away, where's the way?

Speaker AIt's like a wet mass in the bottom of the cart. Yeah, it goes in the cup holder that's in the cart for your beer while you're shopping.

MaxNow, listen, you know, Dr. Don, if he was on, I think Dr. Don would say that those disinfectant wipes, that they do do something. But what do we know about Dr. Don? He's in the pocket of Big Purell. Okay. He's trying to move product here. I think that the jury is still out. I think there's no way to know about those pocket wipes.

MerlinAll the times that he lied about disinfectants, was that to help Mr. Trump? I don't know. In addition, they may cause autism. Just a little theory I'm working on. Oh, man. Wow. Don't wipe your kids.

AlexOh, God.

Maxanti-wipers. Max, can you talk about... So, Kevin, sometimes people will... I have more cart questions. Sometimes the guy has the big line of the big centipede of carts, right? Oh, yeah. What's that called? Carts. You don't call it the centipede? No, you don't call it the... So they have the big centipede of carts and someone will come up to them and be like, oh, here, one more, one more. Is that helpful?

MerlinNo, it's not helpful at all. Oh, I always feel like I'm helping.

Speaker AThis is probably a common misconception. And like, I mean, in my head, it's not helpful because also there's that there's there's so much like passive aggressive like, can I give you my cart? Like, is this are you the cart? Are you are you the one?

Are you the one? Is it you?

MerlinBut yeah, because it kind of hangs on this presumption that you're excited about new carts. It kind of like, here's another one for you, buddy.

Speaker AYeah, like I love what I'm doing right now. I love carts. Garçon, garçon, cart boy. I'm out here to catch them all. Cartier, cartier. Carting is my passion.

MaxYou know, I play in a band just because, you know, you got to make income somehow, but I'm really in it for the carts, you know?

Speaker AThey're paying me to do this, but you know what? I would do it if they weren't.

MerlinI play bass for fun, but I'm a Cartier Pokemon for joy. Cartboy Cartboy I can always say my name Cartboy Cartboy

MaxCartboy Any more other cart questions At Disneyland I learned about this thing when I was there where they there's a lot of stuff that's painted green I don't have my phone or anything

MerlinIt's called, yeah, No See It Green or something like that?

MaxNo See It Green, I think is what it's called. Oh.

MerlinSomething like that. Yeah, I learned from YouTube videos there's a name for it.

MaxYeah, you can look this up, but basically—

MerlinIt's like the least noticeable color to an American's eye.

MaxYeah, so basically it kind of fits in. It kind of almost looks like part of the tree line or something, but once you see it, you can't unsee it. So one example I saw that I'll give is in—

MerlinI'm sorry, Go Away Green.

MaxGo Away Green, okay. Oh, interesting. So one example I saw was on Main Street in Magic Kingdom in California. They have these old-timey 1950s streetlights, right, that are like part of the setting of Main Street. Sure. Then, and those are painted and they look just like streetlights. Then above the streetlight, the pole keeps going up like 20 feet, and it has theatrical lighting on it to like light the street for the parades and stuff at night. But you don't see that because they switch and the pole is now painted no-see-um green going all the way up.

And it's weird. It has this effect of when you look at it, you can see half of the pole but not other ones. They also have like –

MerlinIt could be. It's a lot of stuff. It's like maintenance things, service doorways, under construction, like fences when they put up the fence as a screen for you to not notice it. But Max is absolutely right. You will not notice it until you notice it and then you will never not notice it. You'll never realize how much stuff in the park is painted this color that you won't notice.

Speaker ALike the door of Club 33. Is this a Disney exclusive thing?

MaxSo I feel like the, I return null. I feel like the no-see-um-green. Yeah. No, no, I think it's used everywhere. Okay. I mean, I think it's a known sort of. It's a 99% invisible thing. It's a 99% invisible thing. Yeah, I think it's a thing that's used in places by people who know about stuff. Ooh, I got a good one. But I have a feeling that in the grocery store, once you put on that orange vest, the reflective vest, it's a kind of human no-see-um-green. Interesting. The person disappears. I'm not thinking about, is this guy making benefits, and what's his life like, and does he play bass?

It's a kind of like, you become...

MerlinIt's like putting a hood on a sexual apartment. Right. Except in an employment context.

MaxYeah. In a loving way. Like, I would be happier if it was one of those weird robots.

Speaker ALike, oh, the cart robot?

MerlinOh, the one they talked about on ATP. Right. Like, the robot that goes around the store looking for spills.

MaxOh. It's a spill. It doesn't clean them up. It just bellows. It's like my cat when she catches a bug. She can't kill it, but she'll cry.

Speaker AAh! Spill!

MaxSpill! Help me! I subdued him off!

Speaker BSpill!

Speaker ASpill!

MerlinIt's like a Frankenstein monster for noticing things but not doing anything.

Speaker ASpill! Come! Spill! Mop!

MerlinBring! That's horrifying.

Speaker AOh, God.

MerlinI have not been to a Whole Foods in forever, my wife. I am part of supporting the gig economy. I'm the worst. My wife does go to Whole Foods, and she says it's real different than it was before Amazon.

MaxIt's all Amazon now.

Speaker AIt's wild.

MerlinIs it really? Is that true? Tell me more about that.

Speaker AI worked there through the change. So when I was there. The change. In the before time and then after time.

MerlinBefore Whole Foods had its menopause moment.

Speaker AYeah. No, the day that they announced the buyout, people came to work like, what's going to happen? like there would all of a sudden be some sort of like Jeff Bezos himself was going to walk through the door.

MerlinThe entire store is replaced with HDMI cables.

Speaker ABippity boppity boo. He's just like looking at shit and turning it into like kiosks.

MaxHe comes through in a trench coat like no more apples.

MerlinAnd then laughs maniacally for 25 minutes.

MaxNo, it's so they're definitely pushing Prime memberships. Like I see like a lot of signage around the store where it's like saving with Prime. The new checkout procedure is that you open the Amazon app, and then you go into a submenu of a submenu to find this QR code. And then you hold the QR code up, and they scan it, and it gives you 12 cents off your- That's your prime person? Your waxy produce.

Speaker AYour waxy produce. It is. It's waxy. I love my waxy produce. I love my waxy produce.

MaxYeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? You scan your Amazon app?

Speaker AI haven't been to a Whole Foods in a while for obvious reasons.

MaxI'll also confess that my setup for groceries right now is pretty sweet. I do the Amazon grocery delivery, which is free for me, for like big –

MerlinLike Prime Now for Whole Foods?

MaxAnything that's – yeah, Prime Now. Yeah, it's like Prime Now for Whole Foods. I don't know.

MerlinSo basically if you don't know, if you're a Prime member and it's in your area, you have this thing called Prime Now that will usually deliver in a two-hour window. And it's a ton of like the stuff you would want from Amazon. and of course it's algorithmically picked brilliantly but then there's a separate section just for restaurants and there's a separate section for Whole Foods.

MaxIt's called like Fresh. Isn't it like Prime Fresh or something? They have a... Oh, I'm sorry.

MerlinYou're talking about a different thing. Yes, yes, yes. There's a separate subscription service that I think is called, yes, Amazon Fresh.

MaxAmazon Fresh. So I get my groceries from Amazon Fresh and they come from Whole Foods and anything that's a packaged good, anything from the center of the store, I just order there because it's, you know, what do I need to go to the store to get like a King Arthur flower? Oh, for sure. Or a thing of LaCroix. I don't need to pick that.

Speaker ALike the shop the perimeter thing is the interior.

MaxRight. And then I have a little bodega in my neighborhood. And so I go there for my – they have great produce and stuff. So I go there for my produce.

Speaker AI used to live right behind a Juul and Edgewater produce. So I could go get good produce and good food and then go get cereal or whatever.

MaxIf you can swing that so that you go pick your produce out of a little market that's basically like – What you want is just the outside of the grocery store in one building and then have the internet deliver the inside of the grocery store.

MerlinThat's so true.

AlexYeah.

MerlinSometimes, I mean, like with Instacart or with some of these things, sometimes the replacements that they come up with are hilarious. There should be a Tumblr about this. We asked for avocado sushi for my kids' lunch. We asked for avocado sushi and they gave us sweet potato and kale salad as a replacement.

Speaker ANot even in the ballpark.

MerlinNot really. Not what I would have picked. Or my favorite also when you say, like, I need number four coffee filters, they get you two number two coffee filters. Math adds up.

Speaker APlus two equals four.

MerlinThis is just a box full of nails.

Speaker AThat's full of bees.

MerlinSo, Max, that's a pretty good setup, and that works for you. I love your middle of the store thing, though. I never thought of it quite that way, but it's really true. So if it's something that you don't need to thump or pluck or listen to or pick the best avocado, it doesn't matter. It's just a box.

MaxYeah, it's Pomplamoose LaCroix no matter who buys it. I heard a motorcycle.

AlexIs that Motorcycle Boy?

MerlinNo, they have different motorcycles. Sorry, no. Motorcycle Boy leaves around 840.

MaxOh, wow. He's really revving up this morning. I love Motorcycle Boy. Wow, they're fucking tearing it up.

Speaker AIs it Bike Week?

MaxYou got Bike Week down there? Is he doing this thing where he pops up on just the back wheel? Yeah.

MerlinIt's called a San Francisco wheelie.

MaxSan Francisco wheelie. I've had those. You know, when I was in San Francisco and I saw a man doing a San Francisco wheelie on a light pole.

MerlinIn New Orleans, that'll cost you a hundred bucks. Looks like nothing to me. Yeah, it's a complicated time to do anything.

AlexI go to the Jewel Osco. I walk to the Jewel Osco like normal adults. I go to my old Jewel Osco.

MaxCan we talk about Survivor? Oh, well, should we get to our challenge? I watched it.

Speaker ACan I talk about Survivor too? You did?

MaxYeah, I did. It's time.

Speaker ACan we talk about the challenge? You're now part of my goddamn job.

MerlinWhatever Max likes this week is your job now.

MaxWait, we have to come back. No comments. So there's a ton. The political news is insane today, but I almost feel like we shouldn't talk about it because it's happening right now. Like by the time people hear this It's already going to be

MerlinI recorded Reconcilable Differences last night And came home just as Cohen's Opening statement was released

MaxOh I'll probably get some questions about this But I am very excited about the Chicago elections Couldn't be happier

MerlinOh good there's like 14 people running is that right

MaxThe election was yesterday There's a runoff so basically the top two Vote getters moved to a runoff And all around the board I couldn't be happier There were a bunch of Democratic Socialists got elected and unseated incumbents. My guy, Carlos Rosa, got elected, I think, without a runoff. And then the two mayoral candidates who advanced for a runoff are Lori Lightfoot and Tony Preckwinkle. And honestly, couldn't be happier. I mean, it will be the first non-white guy mayor of Chicago in my lifetime, which is cool.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Speaker AAnd they're both very progressive.

MerlinNo dailies, no dailies at all.

MaxHe conceded. He was the jeb of this race. Yes. He spent like, did you see the cost? See, I don't have anything with me, but Alex, pull up that tweet that I made.

Speaker AHe spent like millions of dollars to say, my name's Daley.

MaxThe cost per vote of Daley, he spent like $150 per vote. And Lori Lightfoot spent like $12 per vote. Like the disparity of what they spent per vote was shocking. Like I couldn't believe it. And yeah, he didn't even get into the runoff. So I just couldn't be more thrilled.

Speaker AYeah, that's wild.

MaxI mean, if the election was today, I'd probably vote for Lori Lightfoot. I think she's like slightly more progressive on a bunch of issues that I care about. But like it really is a down. I really doesn't matter. Like there's I mean, it doesn't. OK, how do it does matter? We can't lose. We can't lose. Like there's a like it's amazing for the city no matter who wins.

AlexDaly spent $121.77 per voter.

MerlinI could get you four avocados at the Whole Foods.

AlexThat's quite a customer acquisition cost. San Francisco Wheelie.

MerlinMore like whole paycheck.

AlexOh, man.

MaxThat sounds like that's exciting. Yeah, it was a big night.

AlexAnd then how much was, what was Lori Lightfoot? Probably like 30. Oh, wow. $18.20.

MerlinIs everyone in this race a character from a Marvel comic? Right.

Speaker ALori Lightfoot sounds like my halfling thief or whatever.

MerlinThat's my fursona. I'm a little rabbit.

Maxand then who was the guy who was the guy who just went around handing out wads of cash to

MerlinWillie Wilson oh oh Willie Wilson yeah Jesus Christ did Stan Lee did Stan Lee name all of

Speaker Athese characters Willie Wilson got bit by a radioactive mayor

Merlinand now he has the proportionate strength and skills I'm mayor man. Mayor man. Mayor man. Mayor man. Wherever an alderman.

Willie Wilson takes a bribe any size. Puts it right between his thighs. Look out. Here comes the mayor man.

MaxHis campaign strategy was literally that he went around handing out cash to people. Mr. Mayor. And he got photographed doing it, and he was just like, yeah, this is what everyone wants is cash. And he did quite well.

MerlinShow me the rule. Show me the rule. Show me the rule that I can't do this.

MaxThat was his campaign. He went around giving wads of cash out to people, and it was very successful for him. I think he probably spent less than daily.

AlexHe did. His, wow, $32.38.

MaxAll in cash.

AlexGood for you, buddy, I guess.

MaxWell, anyhow, unless anyone has any other, I think we're going to have to talk about all the politics news next week just because we don't know what the fuck is happening right now. Yeah. Does anyone have anything else before we advance to the challenge? No, we're good.

AlexWe're good. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

MaxOkay. Challenge. Challenge. Challenge. D-d-d-d-d-d-d.

AlexMax's challenge this week.

MaxMax's challenge this week, it was watch the new season of Survivor at your close personal friend Jeff Probst's house. Where did that go? What does it smell like? You know what? Maybe in the after show I'll get into a slightly more detail. I'm not going to super brag on Jeff Probst, but I have to say it's the second time I've hung out with him. Wow.

Weird flex. Weird flex.

MerlinThat comma's doing a lot of work there.

MaxIt's the second time I've hung out with him. I'm not going to super brag about Jeff Probst. No, no. Obama. All right, get it out. Get it out.

MerlinI was looking forward to the third time I spent some time with Jeff Probst on TV.

MaxI've met in my work, I've met lots of- You guys ever heard of Matt Lucas? In my work, I've met lots of like celebs and politicians or whatever. And a sign of like someone- Like a lot of people like kind of don't give a shit about you if you can't do anything for them. And they don't remember- You're just so transparently not a full human being to them. And I really have nothing to offer Jeff Probst. I think he's cool. I enjoy talking about Survivor with him. But he doesn't – I mean, I just have nothing for him, right?

Like I'm not – he doesn't think it's cool that I make a novelty card game. Yeah, and he was so kind. I mean, he was so generous. He remembered our conversations at the conference we were at together and had follow-up questions. Like, he was just the sweetest, nicest guy. He was so happy to have everyone over. Like, such a generous host. He has one of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen in my entire life. Like, it was a great experience, and I didn't steal anything. Yeah.

AlexNow, what we really care about, though, Mark Burnett.

MaxWas he there? So, Mark Burnett was, I did get a text from my friend who kind of invited me to go to this thing. and at the time when we had made the plans it was going to be like a few of us hanging out with Jeff and watching the thing and it and then it turned into quite a gathering of people in Jeff's sort of like theater theater slash living room like all sitting around watching this thing and I got the text like a couple hours before I went there like hey don't freak out but Mark Burnett is coming I'm like don't do anything like they knew me well enough to be like don't do anything weird right

like this is my friend so like don't embarrass me at at Probe's house and don't wear a t-shirt with

Merlinthe message um boy what did i i know i produce the videos you coward why'd you get that on a shirt

Maxyou'll see um go to jeff probes house i did meet mark burnett and i would say he i thought what can i say about he first of all he's british did you know that yes oh well okay i didn't know that and uh i don't know he has one of those big personalities like it almost reminded me of of I was at the Democratic Convention one time and I didn't meet him really, but I was like in the room with Bill Clinton. And this feeling I got when Bill Clinton came into the room was like the lights got brighter and I can't describe it.

It's like the hair stands up on the back of your neck and it's just – and it's not me. It's like everybody feels it. It's like something – like the pressure dropped in the room or something. Like I don't know how to say it. It's like a million years of monkey brain trying to figure out the hierarchy of the tribe of monkeys is responding to something about this guy, his aura or his pheromones. Something is happening. And he comes into the room and you're just like, I just sense a great disturbance in the forest.

AlexIs this a very long way of saying you're gay for Mark Burnett?

MaxBecause I really don't know where this is going. Yeah, no, Mark Burnett has that. He has that. He came in the room and everyone got quiet. I don't know. It's like he's got that energy. I don't know what to say. It's hard for me to put my finger on it, except I think if you've had an experience of – I felt this once when we were in a bar. Alex, do you remember when we were in the basement of Drink waiting to get in a drink and Charlize Theron came in and blew in? Were you there with us?

AlexI was not there.

MerlinAnd she had the iPad with her child.

MaxWith the African child. Yeah, no, no, no. I felt it then too, and I didn't know who the fuck it was because I'm not going to recognize Charlize Theron, but the feeling I got was like – It was like, are the lights flickering in here? I was like, what is going on? You just felt it. The whole energy of the room changed. And I was like, a powerful wizard just came in here. Like, what is this? It's crazy. It's like when Dumbledore comes into the room and all the doors slam shut behind him or something.

Speaker AI want to know what it was like to watch Mark Burnett watch Survivor.

MaxWell, it was fun. I mean, we were all sitting in sort of couches. I think it was Jeff arranged his living room facing this huge projector screen. So we were all sitting in rows of couches and there wasn't a ton of interaction. Like people did get really, it was fun. It was fun as fuck. Like everyone was cheering. Nice. Like we watched it on some sort of TiVo or something. So Jeff had to fast forward through the commercials, which was funny. Like I thought maybe he'd have some sort of like.

AlexSpecial like screening.

MaxSome sort of laser disc and a butler with white gloves would like put it into the player. But no, it was like, we just watched it on his TiVo and it was great. And he has, you know, it was like, oh, it was an amazing AV system. So it was like nice to really like see the edit. and thought it was like a super, we'll talk about the episode in a second too, but it was a super high production episode of Survivor. And then afterwards, Mark Burnett sort of, he did sort of hold forth and he sort of talked about the show and the season and everyone sort of sat there and listened to him pontificate. Interesting. That was interesting. I mean, it was spellbinding.

Like I couldn't almost tell you what he said. It was like listening to Trump speak. Like I can't tell you what he said, but I just got the feeling of like, what is that? What is that when you hear Trump speak and you're like, something's happening here. I don't know what he's saying.

AlexDid either of you or any of you, there's so many people. Hi, Kevin. Read the article. I think it was Entertainment Weekly. That was basically an expose of the first day of shooting.

MaxThat was fucking incredible. It was wild. Merlin, did you know what we're talking about?

MerlinNo.

AlexThis is really up your alley.

MerlinYou should read it. It's EW Survivor first day.

MaxIt's remarkable. It's an hour. It's a TikTok, like minute by minute.

MerlinOh, wow. That sounds great. Behind the scenes of the marooning.

MaxYes, that's exactly it. And it goes minute by minute. What does the production crew do to get ready for that first thing where they all jump off the boat? And that is the level of detail I want when I'm like, how does a show get made? It actually goes into it. It's so good.

AlexYeah, it's everything we want. And now I'm searching for Reddit threads and stuff for basically the rest of the season. It's amazing. You should just watch the show. No, but they don't explain the rules for the challenge. It's on every week. Challenge.

I've now watched, I think, 12 seasons of Survivor, and I still have so many questions every single episode. But I have a question for you, Merlin. How many people do you think work on location on Survivor?

Merlin35.

AlexIs that a serious answer?

MerlinHow the fuck would I have any idea how many people work on? I have a child. I have a child and a Twitter account.

MaxMerlin, you should be ashamed of yourself.

MerlinI do up to four podcasts. I have a child and a Twitter account. How in the fuck would I have any idea?

MaxMerlin, you should be...

MerlinIt's a 20, 20 people, 21 people, 22.

MaxYou should be ashamed of yourself.

Merlin26, no, I'm going to say five people.

MaxYou're digging, you're making it worse.

Merlin73, 73 people. Oh, this is so shameful.

AlexOver 650 people. That's crazy. Isn't that remarkable?

MerlinNo.

AlexYes. No. Yes. No, I'm lying.

MerlinWould Entertainment Weekly lie to you? No. I think they were owned by Warner.

AlexAnd what's more adorable, spoilers for this article, every time a season starts, Jeff Bokes.

MerlinNo, don't spoil the article for me.

AlexHe took some video. Oh, boy. Man, I love having Kevin here.

Speaker ABreakout character from the hit podcast, 2x Freddy.

MerlinWatch it, buddy. You know what? Let's give Kevin a few hundred dollars to draw himself, please. Alright.

MaxWatch it. Be careful. I don't know what it costs. You only wake me for the important meetings. Kevin had to go back to his home planet.

Speaker ADon't poochie me.

MaxYou're going to space, buddy. You're getting poochied real hard.

AlexOh, my God. Challenge, challenge.

MerlinSo Max went to Jeff Probst's house. There's an article on a magazine. Are you saying there's 600 people?

MaxThat's like crew craft services. I went to House of Pies in Los Feliz, and I got a beautiful glazed berry pie.

Merlinbig pie in a nice box to bring to to your friend jeff's house and did you take any imodium

Maxdid i oh i was loaded up yeah i was loaded up i had a whole pharmacy i had a whole pharmacy and i was also like i thought maybe you know i jeff and i talked about magic and he came to this magic session i did at this conference and so i thought maybe people would want to see magic tricks because because we had had that interaction before sure and so i was fucking strapped to the gills with magic stuff like i had just like wires coming off my body and just like shit in my socks and like i just came in like like three layers of trench coats deep with like magnets and pendulums

and not all just yeah just shaking when i walked coins falling out of me and i was like ready i was like strapped to the gills like ready to go and nobody it was like it would have been so fucking weird to do any magic tricks at that party like just not not right i'm glad i'm glad you waited

Merlinand read the room. I'm imagining you like pulling away your tear away trousers and doves come flying out of your shirt. Blimey governor, says Mark Burnett.

MaxAll right. So I brought this pie.

MerlinWe're going to talk about the season 38, episode one of Survival.

MaxAnd it was one of those situations where like I brought this pie and then it sort of got taken out but nobody like, everyone was like scared to touch it and then I think, I don't know if anyone ate the pie or not.

AlexDid anybody else bring food? Yeah, people brought stuff.

MaxThere were like flowers and whiskeys and things like that. Wait, wait.

AlexPeople brought flowers.

MaxIt's the premiere of a TV season. Oh, I guess.

AlexOh, sure. Yeah. I've never premiered a TV season. Yeah. I think that's a really nice gesture. No, no, you're right. You're right.

MaxListen, you hope if you're doing something for 20 years that people still give a shit enough to give you flowers when you do a new one. Or eight million bucks a year. It's not like. It's not like it's much easier.

MerlinOkay, I'll take it.

MaxOh, I guess so.

MerlinFine. I need new couches for my home theater. Want to see what you're playing for?

AlexSo did we like the first episode? Anything else about carts? Oh, God. Did we like the first episode? Kevin.

Speaker AKevin, have you seen Survivor before? Yeah, no. I watched Survivor throughout most of my middle school, high school experience. Yeah, my parents and I watched it every Thursday night. Do you have a favorite season? I have favorite characters. My memory is very... Rupert. Oh, Pirate. Yeah, I have some very spotty memories of it.

MerlinWait, is Rupert the guy with the crazy beard?

Speaker AHe's the big tie-dye shirt guy.

MerlinOh, he's the guy who hurt his dang toe. Yeah, Rupert. I love him. Oh, I suffer my dang toe.

AlexOh, Kevin, opinion on Ozzy.

Speaker AOh, is Ozzy on the new one? See, I'm also really bad with names.

AlexHe's the one who...

Speaker AHe's the one who's got the top knot and the mustache?

MerlinNo, that's true. No. No, that's true. Ozzy's the one who always wins and is awesome.

AlexOzzy is the one who's like, you could have played with honor, but you chose not to. Oh! Yeah. He's not coach.

MerlinJudge me by my challenges, not by my final counsels. He's not coach.

AlexHe has very curly hair.

MerlinYeah. You're so full of shit, Alex.

Speaker AHe looks like the guy from Workaholics. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

MaxHe's a good fucking fisherman. too.

Speaker AYes.

MaxHe provides for that tribe.

Speaker AHe was a fisher. Yes.

MerlinHe climbs trees like a monkey.

Speaker AYes. Yes. I remember him. He was a good, he was, I think, the first sort of like, when you start to recognize the archetypes of Survivor, he was the first one where he was like, this is the young sort of dude who's like very buff and very tan and like really good around camp.

AlexAnd it's really fun to watch later seasons as he slowly ages and recognizes his own mortality and doesn't win challenges anymore. Wow. I hate him so much.

MaxI didn't get that at all. Do we think Joe is hot? Because that's like a frequent theme. Is Joe the mustache top knot? Yeah, yeah. He's the returning guy from the new season. And it's like frequently.

MerlinHe looks like he recently got promoted to head barista.

MaxAnd it really is feeling his oats. But he's at one of those Starbucks reserve stores where they have to wear like a trilby. Right.

AlexHe has owned a fedora.

MerlinOn top. A tiny trilby on his top knot.

MaxThey constantly talk about how hot he is. In the live finales and stuff, they're constantly talking about how hot Joe is. and how everyone wants to fuck him. Do we feel like that? No.

Speaker AHe's not my type. He's interchangeable with Ozzy to me in my head. And Malcolm.

MaxMalcolm's another one in that.

AlexIf Malcolm shaved, he is an interesting looking person, I will say. All right, Alex has some feelings.

MaxJoe has a better... He's like, I want to hang out with Joe more than I want to hang out with Malcolm. He's got a nice smile.

AlexHe does. I like that he knows how to build shit.

MerlinOh, Malcolm. I love Malcolm. Yeah, he was great.

AlexHere's something I've noticed from later seasons. A lot of them have started to wear Jeff Probst-y type tribal necklaces. There's seashells and stuff on them. Why is that? Because that seems like it's very easy to make a fake idol out of that right away. Yeah, I want to know the rules. I've read the rule book. Maybe that's a thing they're making on the island.

MaxWhat are you going to do? You sit there all day and you're bored.

AlexNo, no, no. But it's like the first episode. And they're all like, oh, I've got this seashell necklace. And I don't know.

Speaker AMaybe it's just like the show culture thing. It's like they're like, oh, I'm going on Survivor. I got to sort of dress the part, right? I got a necklace up.

MaxListen, I'll take anything I can bring. If you can get a piece of string on the island that way, I'll do it. I'll bring anything I can. That's a really good point. Yeah.

Speaker BOK, did we like the first episode?

MaxIf I went on Survivor, all I would do is find some flat rocks, and all I would do is just sit in the shelter and practice coin tricks. And by the time I got voted out in week 32, I'd be unbelievably good at coin tricks.

Speaker AWould you carve a little face on one side and a little heads and tails of a coin?

MaxYeah. I don't know that that's that important for any tricks that I do where you need to know the heads and the tails. But if it was, I would do that. That's a good idea.

AlexOkay. Did we like this episode? Merlin.

Speaker Byeah i mean survivor they're all the same no they're not they're not all the same no no no

Merlini want to care about this one tenth as much as you guys do it's an entertaining tv show that's

Alexterrible oh my god it's a terrible tv show it is the best reality show perhaps one of the best

Merlingames that's ever been designed i agree the bar is so low i can barely see it i would say it's the greatest social experiment oh my god easily easily no it's good it was good it was good i

Maxlike wendy i love all right a couple of who's wendy the colored hair girl yeah yeah oh my yeah

Speaker Bdon't do that she's so cute she does and then i do this with my hands oh my god i love her so much

Merlinshe's uh not uh not long for this world i fear yeah but uh no she's gonna go she i give her three

Speaker Aweeks yeah i give her tonight yeah give me two when i was making my dossier i was like boy this

Maxperson's gonna be really obnoxious to watch on the island and then when she like she got i actually thought she was so likable. I hope she gets more stories. I thought that the production values on this episode were just out of control. I thought this was probably visually the best looking Survivor episode that's ever been made.

The opening package of this season where they had all the slow-mo shots of the contestants and everything was just fucking stunning. The music was great. They had a new camera. They have a... Did you notice that? They have a wire cam like the NFL uses. And so there were some shots where it went like shooting through the obstacle course. And at the time I was like, is that a fucking ballsy drone pilot?

AlexWho's doing that? Right, and at first I was like, is this B-roll? Which I wouldn't have a problem with.

MaxBut then it's like,

Alexoh, clearly these are the contestants.

MaxOh, so the shot I'm referring to is B-roll where it goes flying through the obstacle course. No, but I think there's two

Alexbecause I don't know.

MaxYou're right, yes. They did have some in the challenge. It's very kinetic. It looks really cool. It looks very, It's a great shot, and it's a new addition to the visual vocabulary of Survivor. I thought it was really exciting. I think they're getting more funny and postmodern with their edits in general in Survivor. So last season, there was a thing where everyone was out looking for the idol, and then it cuts to Davey, and he's like, well, I know that none of them have found the idol because I have it. They've literally never done it. That show's been on the air for 20 years, and they have never done an edit like that.

You're always contemporaneous with the action. And just the whole notion of like the show knows something that you don't and they're being a little coy and they're making it. What is that? It's like more editorial in their edits. That's brand new. And I thought it was exhilarating. And there's clearly more of that this season. It feels very fresh. And then I don't want to ruin it for anyone who might watch. But there is, as per like the theme of the season, there's kind of a crazy thing that happens at the end of the episode. And I thought visually that's very different than anything they've done on Survivor before, the way that it was lit.

Oh, the reveal? Well, they've never had that kind of lighting on Survivor before.

MerlinRight, right. It was very Blair Witch. Right?

AlexIt was scary. At first, I thought it was cheesy. Yeah. And then I was genuinely put on edge. And I was like, good job. I'm really curious to see what that is going to be like.

MaxI mean, I was watching in a pretty primo environment for being affected by it. But I was real affected by it. Yeah. I was really like, I was like, the hair was standing up. I had chills. I thought it was great. I thought it was one of the best moments of Survivor. Probably from all that Imodium. Yeah.

Alexthe music was good like wow and the way they did the lighting of the torches

Maxyou know how they always have a shot with Jeff where he's like 20 or what is it for 39 days 20 contestants won it used to be like a helicopter shot yeah that shot was crazy it like zoomed all the way out into space

Speaker AI love that one the pull back and he's like what

Alexsurvivor there are times when I'm concerned for his safety like he's perched on a rock

MaxI swear there was one season where he's like standing on top of a windmill that's in the ocean.

Speaker AHe's riding an orca whale. He jumps out of the ocean. What?

Speaker BSurvivor. Floosh.

MerlinHe's flying through space in a human skull. Survivor.

Thank you.

Show notes

Transcript

121. Mayor Man

Show notes

Transcript

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