118. WDBF

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Tepkin. This week's challenge, watch Paddington 2.

MerlinGood morning, Merlin. Good morning. How are you guys?

MaxGood. There's no guys. It's just me. This is the Before Alex Arrives show. It's an unprecedented situation.

MerlinHmm. Is she in the bathroom?

MaxI don't think so. I didn't see her. I hope she's not seriously sick or got hit by a car or something.

MerlinOr had a nut situation.

MaxWell, I guess we're just calling one minute late right on time now. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Alex, I was so excited. I was very, very excited.

AlexI really, I was like.

MaxWe got so much to talk about this week. Alex and I went, we went and saw a concert together. Oh, boy. I did a sausage night. We got our challenge. Oh, I think I might have some news items, some topical news items.

MerlinWow, this is great. Drive that car. Jesus, take the wheel.

MaxBeep, beep, broom, broom. We had an alderman. Well, there's a lot of corruption scandals happening in Chicago.

MerlinLuckily, Virginia is still safe.

MaxOh, Virginia politics is amazing. It's popping off. It's amazing.

MerlinI heard Fairfax did blackface.

MaxIt's amazing.

MerlinIt'll be funny when you Google that. Oh, my goodness. So you're having Chicago. Wait a minute. What? Chicago having corruption. What the what? Fairfax is in trouble, though. Oh, he's in there.

Speaker AIt's yes. Yeah, they're all. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Yeah.

MerlinBut see, would that be a funny twist? Would that be a funny twist?

Speaker AYeah.

MerlinWell, it'd be a fun twist if he did a Michael Jackson moonwalk at a contest. Can you blackface a blackface? Has that been done? I think Richard Pryor might have done.

MaxThere's a lot that I like about this scandal. Let's talk about Virginia for a minute. There's a lot that I like about this scandal. Is there? is there first of all i think it's very funny that everyone's trying to figure out first of all i enjoy the debate of like is it better for him if he's in blackface or if he's the guy in the

Merlinclan well can i i'm sorry i don't i don't want to cast a paul here alex are you caught up on the

Alexnews as of the last half hour oh of the last half hour no no no that would be committing time for

Speaker Athat i don't know i don't know what happened in the last half hour may i intervene please um apparently,

Merlinposposably, Governor Northam did a blackface. And then they said that, is that you in blackface or is that you in the Klan robe in your photo? And they said, I'm going to use photo recognition to see if that's me in the Klan robe because I'm pretty sure it's not. We'll use a face recognition.

MaxCan we pause there for one second?

Speaker AYeah.

MaxI'm not, you know, I don't want to go all Sherlock Holmes on this. But I strongly suggest, based on that, he almost immediately came out and said, I'm going to employ the use of facial recognition technology to prove whether it's me or not in the photo.

MerlinAnd it's important to stipulate that before that, he said that was totes me. It was a bad idea.

MaxRight. So first he was like, yeah, first he owned up to it.

MerlinI'm sorry. I regret that. I regret the pain it's caused. I blackfaced in a photo.

MaxRight. And then he said, I thought about it more and it wasn't me. And furthermore, I'm going to employ the use of facial recognition software to prove that it's not me in the photo.

MerlinYou can do that on anyone in a hood. Yes.

MaxI feel that that means that he's, the fact that he jumped to that as his defense means that almost certainly he's the guy in the hood.

AlexOh, yeah, of course.

MaxIt's like lie detectors, right?

Speaker AYeah. Anyway, please proceed, Governor. Thank you, my distinguished.

MerlinThis is also depressing. It's not funny. So there was that. And then he had...

AlexWait, wait, wait, wait. A white man losing power and embarrassing himself publicly isn't funny? That's a little funny. Governor, I may disagree.

MerlinIn a state, in a huge stakes electoral state? with 2020 coming?

MaxI need something. We do need a Democrat.

MerlinI got lots more. Don't worry.

MaxNow, I'm not a big, I don't really care. I don't, I'm not a big Northam fan. I think he's, I don't know that he's like a great, you know, I don't have that. I don't care. I'm not invested in him at all. We do need a Democrat as the governor in Virginia and as many of these battleground states as possible because like otherwise, there will not, fair elections will not be administered. Like just look at what, look at what happened in Georgia if you want to know the damage that can happen with Republicans in these statewide seats.

AlexSerious question. Would it be, has the discourse been that a Republican would replace him? Like if they hold a-

MerlinYou're not, we're not getting to the good part yet.

AlexOkay, I'm sorry.

MerlinWe're not getting to the mental part yet.

AlexOkay, okay.

MerlinAll right, so, and then he did, I watched it here on my Echo Show too. I watched his press conference and it was like a train wreck with five train wrecks inside the train. It was so bad because then he goes, he goes, okay, here's the thing. I don't want to mischaracterize what he said, but essentially he got up there with his wife, Pam. And he said, here's the thing. I changed my mind. That was totes not me in the black face or the Klan robe. But I probably should mention that I did do a little black face

for a dance contest where I wanted to be Michael Jackson and I won because I'm good at the moonwalk. At some point a little later on, one of the reporters said, can you still do the moonwalk? He looks from side to side as if to determine, Is there space for me to do the moonwalk? Pam steps forward and says, not really the appropriate time. Okay, so that comes along. And then everybody's like, oh, gosh, the lieutenant governor's not saying anything. What's up with that? He's an African-American fellow who had recently gotten a little bit famous for sitting out a commemorative, hey, we love, I think, Robert E. Lee thing.

It was an iconic photo of him sitting on a bench refusing to participate in that. But he got alligated on a sex thing. And then that became the thing. We were talking about that. And that's where we've been for the last while is many of the 2020 Democratic candidates. And lots and lots of people said, hey, Northam, dude, you got to go. He's been clinging to power. I thought he'd be out by Sunday. It is now Wednesday.

Max, do you want to go to political Twitter and tell me what happened today?

MaxWell, slight complication with that. I don't have political.

MerlinThere's a little twist because now there's a third man.

MaxOh, there is.

Speaker AThird man, like the classic film. we got another blackface max oh i don't see i don't have political twitter anymore so i don't

Merlinknow that this happened uh so i don't have a tv well um well first of all then um uh the lieutenant governor has a statement apparently he reportedly said fuck that bitch uh recently in internal discussions uh he said fuck that bitch as he tried to discredit his accuser okay that you know that kind of thing happens uh scrolling scrolling scrolling scrolling political twitter is lit uh Virginia, digga, digga, digga, Bloomberg. Bloomberg. Virginia Attorney General says he wore blackface at a college party.

So we're down to the third Democrat. You got the first Democrat, the second Democrat, and now you got the third guy. And he says that he did an impression of Curtis Blow at a party in 1980. He wore what is called brown makeup and a wig in 1980 to look like a rapper. He was 19. He's deeply, deeply sorry for the pain that it's caused. So that's what we're up to now with Virginia, which is definitely not a southern state.

It's really more metro D.C.

Speaker AHere's my take on this.

MaxThe entire, my, so what I'm learning this week, now, let me stipulate, I've never done blackface. I found it very easy to go my whole life without ever doing blackface.

Speaker AYou never put just a little bit of shoe polish on your cheeks.

MaxCourage. I've never done, I don't think I've ever done blackface. It seems to me like there's an entire generation of baby boomers in the South and like the Southeast in Virginia, and they all did blackface.

MerlinBlackface is the one we can see what no one can see. And the reason people like me are talking about it is we were all horrible. We were horrible. Generation X was horrible. We don't talk about it, but we were all terrible. I said the foulest things to people that I considered a lower status character than me in order to gain power for myself. Everyone who had the opportunity did it. It was the style at the time. It was ugly. I don't think I did a blackface. I hope not. But you're getting to something important, which like it's starting to seem like it was just okay to wear dark makeup.

MaxWell, it was a thing that everyone did. And it seems like the sort of party, like it seems like culturally, at least in my circles, it seems like kind of where we're landing on this is that you shouldn't hold elected office if you did blackface. and so probably we need to skip almost that whole generation of men.

MerlinWhat do you think about that, Alex?

Speaker AShould we skip a generation of men? Do you have to vote on that?

AlexWhich I'm not saying is a bad, and by the way, I'm not against that. Yep, going to come out hard on the no men.

MaxAlso, maybe people think I'm saying that like I'm trying to make a point that, oh, that would be crazy. I think this is a good solution of like let's just elect women, people of color, and young people.

AlexThe thing is, though, we haven't skipped them. They're there. They exist. Like, I think it's kind of a dumb, it's an excuse for people to say, oh, well, they're going to die off eventually. Like, no, they're going to teach their kids to be racist.

MaxSo not only did he do blackface, but the other thing that's just fucking hog wild about it to me is that he did it. And then it was like, everyone thought it was so funny and normal that they took a picture, A, took a picture of it, which, by the way, back in the day, you had to take a picture It was a thing. In a camera.

Speaker AGet it developed. Go to the Walgreens and get it developed.

MaxGo back to get it because you're like, oh, those pictures, I want them. And then they're like.

Speaker AYoung lady, are my good-natured photos of my recent party available in double prints?

MaxAnd then you're going through the photos and you're like, which of these cherished memories should I publish in the yearbook such that I remember it forever as an essential part of my character and my person moving forward? How do I want to remember myself at this time in my life? He's becoming a doctor.

Merlindr blackface um but now now i am in no way keep me out of this but what is as as we liberals like to say what is interesting about this is that this um how see i don't even want to say this but the thing is this is a brilliant coordinated attack uh from the right not to say that they're not saying anything that's untrue, but like basically they're setting up to like decimate,

not that it's hard, but they're setting up to decimate this entire like Democrat phalanx to get them into, get Democrats into a position where they either say, we want Virginia in 2020 or blackface is okay. They're putting liberals in a very awkward spot.

MaxRight. And they're saying, and then as they're doing it, they're going, they're on Fox News and social media and stuff going, they're saying the Democrats aren't speaking out against this.

MerlinAnd it's all part of that same pseudo-Kremlin playbook of saying, like, look, everybody's terrible. You think we're terrible because we do these things, but look at your guys. All your people are covered with valor and blackface. They're just as bad as we are, so none of us are bad. Isn't that a kind of a classic kind of Putin-style approach to, like, the both sides-ism?

MaxYeah, what do they call that? What about? It's whataboutism?

MerlinYeah, right, right, right.

MaxYeah, yeah. So we're in the Chicago is in the midst of a big corruption scandal. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's a very powerful alderman, Ed Burke. Yeah. Street smarts. Shocking. There's a very powerful alderman, Ed Burke. He's, I believe, the longest-serving alderman, and he was the right-hand guy of Rahm Emanuel and city council. And one day, everyone showed up to work, and there was just brown butcher paper over the windows of his office and his district office. And the feds came in, and they were in and out all day, and the news media was outside looking at these guys in suits and sunglasses coming out of Ed Burke's office.

and they confiscated like all these computers and documents as well as like 30 guns they got yes apparently chicago aldermen are like they're like sworn in as like peace officers so all of the gun control laws don't apply to them so it's possible that those guns were legal but also they were seized by the fbi and it wasn't just handguns alderman burke also had all these long guns like like rifles and rifles in his office so god knows what was going on with those but uh this other alderman wore a wire this other alderman got in his own trouble with the fbi and then wore a wire

that's now implicated a bunch of other aldermen including ed burke and the thing that they got this other alderman alderman solis who's the head of the zoning committee on was emailing uh i hope i have all the details of this right uh but uh he was emailing a donor of his who's a real estate developer asking the guy to get him a hand job in a massage parlor shahun the what now what he was

Speaker Atrying to get a handy at a massage parlor. He was proffering. He was shopping a handy? From a real estate developer who's like a contributor to him. Okay. And maybe a

Alexfixer. A mutual friend.

Speaker AThat's very common in the industry.

MaxAnd here's the best part. And five Viagra.

Speaker AHuh? He was like, yeah, man. He's like, I need five of those blue pills. So he wanted a long gun and a magazine. Wow.

MerlinIf you know what I'm saying. Bless my soul. I hit my forehead. Isn't that crazy

Maxto like lose your elected office because you were trying to get illegal Viagra? Oh, God. That's so sad. How hard is it to get Viagra? It's illegal drugs.

Speaker AThat's so sad.

MaxWell, thank you, son, Lee.

MerlinI believe I've hit the headboard.

MaxJust go to your doctor and be like, I need Viagra. And once your doctor's gonna go, what do you need it for? And you go, I can't get it up.

MerlinI have a prospective hand job schedule and I'd like to perform.

MaxYeah, this real estate developer friend of mine has set up a real nice hand job for me.

MerlinYou know, it's the XY problem. Again, like what problem are you solving? What you really want is a compliment. You really want the handjob EA to say to you that was fantastic. Have you been waiting a long time? How did you do that? Just really staying hydrated.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. I'd like to ensure the rigidity of my erection in my upcoming visit to the, let's call it a spa. If you want to perform, that's game time. Yeah, sure. Sure, you leave it all in the field.

MaxYou've emailed all your political cronies. You've lined up the handjob. You leave it all in the tarp. Yeah. You're at home, you're excited, you're gonna get dressed You head over What are you gonna You've been training your whole life for this

Speaker AYou're on the free throw line, you're gonna miss That's right, you get that fork in the road And you say, am I gonna spend a penny or am I gonna keep it up

MerlinYou know what I'm saying? Do I wanna hold it in, I'm gonna do something about Mary Or am I gonna go in there fully loaded with a full magazine You know what I'm saying? Full metal jacket

So that was in an email, huh?

MaxThat was in the emails that the FBI got. And now it looks like there was a bunch of other aldermen who were caught up in this FBI business. And there was another story that I just saw last night, but it was a video, but I haven't watched it yet. But apparently there's another thing where Alderman Moreno in the first ward, he reported his car as stolen. But it turns out he had lent the car to a single mother who he was helping. But she's now mad at him. It's some sort of other.

And that may be wrapped up in this, too. I don't know what's going on with that. But there is it is fucking bedlam in the city right now. It's amazing.

AlexDo you ever have the thought of I would be so much better at crime? Like, well, there's a saying.

MaxI don't know if people say this everywhere, but I've always heard it in the context of Illinois politics that if if you're an elected official, if you're in politics, you can either have money or power. But if you try to have both, you'll wind up in jail. Oh, wow. And I always thought that was very I always thought that was really, really interesting.

Speaker BHmm.

MaxYou know, it's sort of like you can keep a low profile and grift or you can become like insanely powerful and high visibility.

Speaker AJust look at look at look at 2016.

MerlinI mean, my daughter often hears me sighing. I go, and she'll just say reflexively what did Donald Trump do now. And then I'll explain what has recently happened. And so this morning we were getting ready for school. It's one of my days to drop her off. And she's like, why did Donald Trump want to be president? And I was like, that's a really interesting question. And then we talked about that. And, you know, I mean, this has become, and I think it will further become apparent, I suspect, that pretty much everybody involved, we've covered this around a little bit before, but it's becoming more relevant all the time,

is that almost everybody that was involved in campaign not only thought he wouldn't win, that he couldn't win. And so people like, obviously our poster boy, Paul Manafort, comes along. There's all kinds of people who are glomming onto this campaign because of what it could do for their crime career. And in fact, you know, I suspect it's going to become clearer that, I don't know, see, I don't want to be all, you know, pot save America about this. But like, I think it's going to become clearer and clearer that Trump never thought he was going to win. And he just wanted the attention, the adulation, the chance for a new TV show and the chance for his big boy tower in Moscow.

Speaker AAnd then and then he won. Now everybody's fucked.

MaxThere's so much news that it's impossible to remember all this stuff. But I feel like I'm in like I feel like I'm like the protagonist of like a Borges story where I'm like cursed to remember all the Trump scandals that everyone's forgotten. I can't let them go. This is my friend Cassandra Borges Do you remember when it came out Towards the end of the election That Trump was in talks to develop A conservative news TV network It was right as Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly

MerlinIt was going to be Trump TV right

MaxYes they all got me too'd and they left Fox News And there was a lot of speculation that Fox News Was going to be Was going to be The end of Fox News or they were going to have a huge blow and that Trump was going to pivot his sort of campaign and his fandom into Trump TV. And there was all this insane stuff that leaked that he was going to, even if he won, he was going to still do it and he would have a talk show from the Oval Office and all of this. But it seemed pretty clear to me that, yeah, like exactly what you're saying, Merlin, they had never anticipated that they would win.

They went through every scenario in their minds except that they might win. And he had a plan, which was that he was going to pivot this into a TV network where he could sell his MLMs and his powders and stuff.

MerlinBasically looking for not just a project, but a platform, the kind of thing a shark would really want to invest in. This is a whole business.

MaxIsn't that maybe in the Michael Lewis book or something where they have, there's basically the story of the scene in the room when they realized that Trump won and everyone was just very quiet and stunned? Yeah, Melania cried. Melania cried. And then Kushner was the only one who was able to come to his senses and be like, holy shit, we have to have a transition team and write an acceptance speech.

MerlinRight. And again, this is where we're back to Occam's razor in some way. Doing any of those things, having that amount of forethought to think what would happen if we won would require the kind of professional attention and literal money that they were not prepared to spend. Even if he knew he was going to win, he would still want to do it on the cheap. But the fact it takes a ridiculous amount of like, Can you imagine trying to, I'm sure you've been through this with campaigns, but going from the revolution to the governing, like the amount of like project management and planning and integration that's involved in making a big boy White House.

I mean, that's a huge amount of work. I could totally see them blowing that off and then going, why would we blow money on that? Or why would we blow attention on that? Because that's just not the kind of thing that they enjoy doing.

MaxMaybe this is interesting for people, but I've never been through that. And the reason is like I work on campaigns and elections. And I think sometimes what you see is like you have a really high profile advisor, you know, the campaign manager, the chief strategist or something who sort of stays with the candidate and goes to the Senate office or the White House or whatever. But that's like three people. Like you have your entire staff changes and you don't just like bring a bunch of your friends from your district to come work for you. There's like sort of a class of professional people in Washington who you hire to work on your committee staff and your office staff and your, you know, your, your, maybe, maybe people from the campaign get jobs in like a district office or something like that.

But I think it's a little bit of a misnomer that people think that you, you have, that it's like you have your guys and they, they, they move to Washington and run your office with you. They don't. There's like, there's sort of a professional class of people who do that. And that's, I think, why sometimes you see this big change between the energy of the campaign and who the candidate is and what they believe in. And then when they get in there, there's these big changes. It's a tough, tough transition.

MerlinIt would be like what? Like electing Frank Sinatra or Elvis Presley president. People who famously were surrounded by this rat king of suck-ups who just were in their galaxy, their little atmosphere. And to think that, okay, we'll just go have a treehouse and do our thing and we'll all get cool titles and have passwords and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Basically a fourth grade idea of how this works.

MaxWell, that's one of the crazy things about the Trump administration is nobody wanted to work for the guy. He couldn't attract top talent. So he the same circle of sort of grifters and morons and nitwits who worked on the campaign is like absolute, you know, bad news bears of like and like hacks and traitors who worked on his campaign. They all went to the White House with him. And a lot of them now are in jail or, you know, under FBI investigation or something like that. But, you know, Flynn and Manafort and all these guys.

Oh, God, you're so right. And the other thing that's amazing that you have to remember, one thing we know about Donald Trump is he never pays anyone. He doesn't pay anyone. When he did construction projects, he stiffed everyone. He doesn't pay his vendors. He never pays anyone. So none of these guys have ever been paid by Trump. They're all grifters. And the way I always think of it is like, do you know those like Blue Planet documentaries where they talk about like once every 10 years a whale dies and it falls to the bottom of the sea and then a whole ecosystem sprouts up where there's these like special worms that eat the bones of the whale.

and there's the eels that eat the worms and the fish that eat the eels. And it's this whole thriving ecosystem around this one rotting whale carcass. Okay, that's Donald Trump.

MerlinThat's the presidency.

MaxRight, the whale died. And now it's like the whale's not paying the worms, but they're able to sort of grift. There's the little crumbs coming off of it, off of the big grift, and they can sort of feed on that.

MerlinThat's a terrific analogy, but there's also an example of this that hides in plain sight, which is the Trump Foundation, which I think is another thing we're going to be hearing a lot more about. But one of the hilarious things about the Trump Foundation is he started this foundation to like give to charities, to which he has personally given very, very little money. But he's totally fine to like accept a check from somebody else to the foundation, which may or may not get a payout to anybody who's deserving of it. There's this whole, there seems to be this whole culture around Trump of just moving money around from one person to another.

It's just it's very rarely his money that's getting moved around.

MaxI'm a little out of my depth here, but there's a very good Adam Davidson article. I think maybe in the New Yorker describing The sort of whole anatomy of the Trump financial operation and and as he described it It's essentially a money laundering operation. So what Trump does is

Trump likes he doesn't build anything or make anything or do anything he licenses his name to projects. And what happens is there's all of these shady and unsavory characters all around the world who have money that is illegal or quasi legal or tainted in some way that no one wants to be associated with that money. And they need to clean that money so that it can sort of enter into somewhere in a cleansed... Into like the straight system. Right. Exactly. You can like actually spend it on stuff. And so the licensing of the Trump name

was like a money laundering operation where people would give their dirty money to Trump, and then Trump would have his name on this building, and the money was able to cleanly flow into real estate and things like that. And again, I'm kind of talking on my... I'm doing some real podcast explaining here, but I'm pretty sure that the... Podcast explaining. Yeah. I know. I'm like one... I'm like three sentences ahead in the textbook here of what I'm saying. But Like, check out that Adam Davidson article in The New Yorker.

I'll try and find it and we'll put it in the show notes. But he did a really good, like, you know, 20,000 feet. Like, here is the model of corruption of all the Trump organization and everything.

MerlinYeah. So I put this on Twitter a while back. But Adam Davidson, in the second most recent New Yorker radio hour, did this, like, eight or ten minute explanation of what we know so far about Trump, Russia, and the Mueller investigation. And it's a really, I mean, it's very, very summarized. But when it's told as a story of what we know so far, it just, it makes so much sense. It's just all, it's all a grift. The entire thing is a grift. It keeps coming back to these very, very simple, like, just the dumbest, like you said, like you said, Max, like, just this is such a grifty, low stakes, cheapskate group of losers.

The stuff where, you know, Trump will cash a check for 17 cents or whatever. There's just all this stuff where like, you know, he does not want to leave a single bit of money on the table and look for any any chance to add value to anything that comes his way. So I would recommend to people I'll put this in show notes.

MaxBut do you remember during the campaign where Trump was always doing that shit where he's like, fuck, I can't. What was the thing where he's like, if this thing happens, I'll give a million dollars to the troops. You remember that? I do not. And then it wasn't his money. It was like it was like the wrestling guy's money. and gave to the Trump Foundation.

Speaker ALike, didn't Farenthold, Farenthold had that, right? That sounds familiar, yeah.

AlexOh, God.

MaxAll right, I have some, I had a couple of news items here. Did you guys see the, this amazing Howard Schultz video? Putting in the channel. Alex is going to play it for us so we can all hear it. Okay. Very funny Howard Schultz interview.

Speaker BThe author of Winner Takes All sent in a question. It said, do you agree that billionaires have too much power in American public life? And it gets at the issue that AOC has been talking about. It gets at the issue that Elizabeth Warren has been talking about. You know, the moniker billionaire now has become the catchphrase. I would rephrase that and I would say that people of means have been able to leverage their wealth and their interest in ways that are unfair.

And I think that speaks to the inequality. But it also directly speaks to the special interests that are paid for by people of wealth and corporations who are looking for influence.

MerlinPOWs we call them.

MaxPOWs, yeah.

MerlinPersons of wealth.

Speaker Aon the politics.

MaxThat's the funny part. Oh, my God. I just like that he doesn't, that Howard Schultz is like, he's like, he doesn't, he's like the PC police. He's like, oh, he's like, I don't prefer, like, we don't say billionaire anymore. We say people of means

Alexor people of wealth. Oh, my God. And this, oh, my God.

Speaker AIt's very hurtful to call someone wealthy.

AlexThis interviewer, they've got a little table, two little tables. One contains two Starbucks drinks.

MaxBetween two ferns.

AlexOh, my God. And then four of his newest books stacked next to it. Oh, wow.

MaxYeah, Howard Schultz is a, he's like a non-billionaire who's trapped in a billionaire's body. He just doesn't identify as a billionaire.

MerlinIt's like big except for money.

MaxI want to be rich. He wants us to respect his identity as a person of means. Oh, yeah.

MerlinMy culture is not your costume

MaxYou know there is a you know I think I think listen Howard First of all if you don't want to be a billionaire Yeah give me a call buddy I will relieve you of this

Speaker AI will relieve you of this of this troublesome problem So cynical Max saddling somebody with the title of billionaire is basically un-American

MaxIt's the easy if he doesn't want to be a billionaire and he doesn't want to be called a billionaire It's the easiest thing in the world. There's a little procedure that I like to call a money ectomy and you just

You know you just undergo the money I'll perform it. Don't call me up

Speaker AEctomy retire bitch

MaxCoward I can't remember who tweeted this But there was a tweet where they're like Howard Schultz is like He's like I think that coffee should taste like cigarettes And cost $12 And because of that I deserve to have more money Than every public school teacher in America combined Right, right

Hey, what if we get, how about this, guys? What if we get all the presidential candidates on Dubai Friday as part of the, because, you know, someone pointed out that like the Iowa caucus, it was like this week is like someone posted. One year. Yeah, it's going to be one year from today is the Iowa caucus is like, holy shit, we're in for a fucking year of this. What if we invite them all to come on Dubai Friday and we're like, so thank you for joining us. Mr. Booker, tell us about your views on health care.

MerlinI love you. I love you. My platform is I love you. Amy Klobuchar, baby. I would have her on the show. You could tell she'd be fun. She'd be a fun hang. You can tell.

MaxYou know who I like is Mayor Pete, Pete Buttigieg.

MerlinOh, I like that guy.

MaxI think I'm calling.

MerlinWe talked about this. We talked about this in our house, like how monkey balls it is. You look at the photos. We went to it. My kid and I went to Wikipedia and looked at the current, like, you know, the people who have announced that they are running for president. And it's crazy. It's crazy to look at. It's like, look, there's a black lady. There's another lady. There's another lady. Here's a guy who's gay and married. And he's running for president. And he hasn't been strung up yet. Things have gotten so much less terrible.

MaxListen to this. Mark the fucking time. What time is it? 11.31 a.m. Max is calling it. Mayor Pete, he is my dark horse pick for, I don't know if he's going to get the nomination. You think he's going to beat Kamala? I think he's going to. No, no, no. I don't think he's going to get the nomination. I think it would be kind of crazy to say he's going to get the nomination, but I'm calling it he's the dark horse, like, breakout character of this election. Like, I think everyone's going to fall in love with Mayor Pete.

MerlinDo you think he's ever done a blackface?

MaxWell, I think we're about to find out. But no, but I know, you know what I know about Mayor Pete? He loves skeeball.

MerlinOh, skeeball's a game of skill.

MaxHe loves skeeball. But I think you're going to be hearing a lot about Mayor Pete, and everyone's probably listening to this going, who's Mayor Pete? Get ready. He's the breakout character of this season of election

MerlinWhat are you calling Alex? Let me know Let's hear it Put it on the big board What are you calling?

AlexNo, no, no I'm asking you at 11.32am Do you have someone? Who are you calling?

MerlinNo No, no It's really It's Boy, it's wild There are so many Well, let's go to Wikipedia Wiki

AlexI literally can't keep track anymore

MerlinMedia Democratic Candidate 2020 uh okay here we go let's see well so this could almost be like a little quiz segment let's see what we got here well right now there's one currently there's one declared candidate for the republican party uh so here we've got this is people who have declared cory booker mayor pete uh julian castro uh john delaney who's not john

Mullaney, Tulsi Gabbard, Kristen Gillibrand, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, so far. And I know that my gal Amy has an announcement on Sunday, I believe. She announced last night. That's where we are right now.

AlexWait, wait, wait. Amy who?

MerlinAmy Klobuchar.

AlexOh, okay. Minnesota, right? Oh, I thought she already did. Got it.

MerlinNo, she announced, she told Rachel last night she'll be making an important announcement on Sunday.

MaxI do like her quite a bit. I like her more than Kamala Harris.

MerlinThe way she handled herself with that Judge man, oof. I don't know how she kept her cool. Remember that? You guys remember, what was his name? Was it Brett Kavanaugh? Was that his name? You remember that? Ten years ago?

AlexUh-huh.

MerlinI'd like to know what you drink. Remember the Covington Teens? Oh, the Covington Teens. Now, they black-faced at basketball. Yep, they

Alexdid. So, I have done a very, very scientific experiment in which I just scrolled up and down on my iPad and put my finger down and it landed on Joseph Sandberg from California. So I'm not going to go with that and go with one up and go with Amy Klobuchar for the 2020 Democratic candidate, calling it at 1134 or AM.

MerlinOkay.

AlexYep.

MerlinYep. I think, I think unless she gets called out for black, black facing, I think Kamala Harris is going to do very well. I'm, I'm, I'm stating, I'm stating what I believe to be a fact, not what I hold as an opinion. I don't love what she did here in California personally, but she's,

Speaker Ashe could, she could do it. No, no. I mean, I'm,

MaxI completely agree with you. She is the front runner right now. Like, like, I don't know in the polls, she's probably not like, I think in the polls, like people, it's like Joe Biden is the front runner, but like,

Merlinbut she's gonna, She's going to draw from a lot. I mean, yeah.

AlexLike, actually, Joe Biden is the front runner that pulls.

MaxThat's how it works at this point. He has name recognition.

MerlinUntil he talks.

MaxYeah. Right. No, that's how it works. We're a year out from the first voting. I know. I know. It's just name recognition.

MerlinBut, I mean, let's say the thing nobody wants to say, which is that it's not racist. I promise. I hope. But Kamala Harris, I mean, she's going to draw from a lot of progressives and centrists, and she's going to pull a ton of Hillary people. Let's be honest.

MaxShe is the Hillary Clinton sort of surrogate candidate.

Speaker AI feel like I heard that on a podcast somewhere, but I don't remember where. But I do think that's true. I do think that's true.

AlexIs it not cool to not like Cory Booker?

Speaker AYes, it's very cool to not like Cory Booker.

AlexOh, is it? I didn't like Cory Booker since Brick City. Come on. What a documentary.

Speaker ABrick City. Was that for PlayStation? What is that? I like Street Fight. Street Fight. Sure. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. Yeah, Comptown, you got Street Fight.

MaxIt's a documentary about Cory. It's Cory Booker runs for mayor of Newark. It's a great, it's a very, very good documentary.

AlexBrick City is a better one. Also, I've worked on it. What's that about? It's about Cory Booker and just, yeah, yeah. What is it though?

MaxWhat transpires in the documentary?

AlexI don't remember. It's just things that happen. So Cory Booker's in it and he does, does he sing? No, hold on. Brick Town. There's two seasons, and it's just following him.

MerlinIt's a movie with two seasons.

MaxWait, how many movies have been made about Cory Booker running for office?

MerlinThere's that one called Bricktown.

AlexIt was technically a TV series. Yeah, this one's Brick City.

MerlinBrick City, Brick City, Brick Boy.

AlexYep, yep.

MerlinI'm going to use a phrase I don't like. I think Cory Booker's a little bit of a tryhard.

AlexI don't, he skis me out.

MerlinHe's a total Hermione.

AlexOh! He's a fucking Hermione.

Speaker AAre we going to get to hear it? Are you saving sausage night for the after show? No, I want to talk about sausage night. I just said sausage night. Well, dig dug challenge. Challenge, challenge, challenge. Who made a sausage night? No. Challenge. Challenge number one. I've never done a sausage night in my life. Alex peanut butter.

MaxOh my gosh.

Speaker AMove the question.

MaxNo, we had three challenges this week.

MerlinOh, my God. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Please explain. Please explain for those. Hey, first of all, Max, where would people find out what the challenge was that we didn't do?

MaxWhere would they do that every week? That's such a good question. We should really think about making that available somewhere. No, of course, if you're enjoying this episode of Dubai Freddy, you've probably noticed that we don't read ads for newspapers or meal delivery or any sort of toothbrush subscription. and you're probably wondering how do we afford to do this high quality content where we read other people's tweets and can't remember where they came from. Well, the answer is we're members, we're listener supported. We're supported by listeners like you as well as the Catherine T.

and John D. MacArthur Foundation.

MerlinYeah, and the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation because he has two dick names.

Speaker ASupporting a more just, peaceful, and verdant world. And where do you do that? Archer Daniels Midland.

MerlinB-A-S-F. It's what moves railroads.

MaxAnd where do all these people give us money? Well, the thing is they have money and we want their money. And you can go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com. You can become a member of the Dubai Friday Patreon. And what do you get? Do you just get the good feeling from supporting the important work that we're doing here at W Dubai Friday? WDBF? No. You don't just get the good feeling. You also get an extra bonus episode. You get more content crammed right into your face every week. We do an after show where we talk about the next week's challenge.

MerlinIt's like a content gavage. You're the goose. We're the content. Eat this.

MaxYeah. Eat me. Until you're just engorged with content and we harvest your liver.

Speaker BThey didn't even do the challenge they said they were going to do.

MaxOh, God. Yeah. And what else? What else do you get? If you're a Patreon member, we have the Dubai Friday Discord, which is free for everyone, but then you get a secret channel just for the good money boys, just the children with money, kids with money only. And you get in there and you can talk about, I don't know, what kind of Lamborghini you're buying or something. And what else do you get? If you become a $10 member of our Patreon, about every quarter or so, we send out little

presents and gifts to you and treats a little treats and i'm working on a fucking doozy of a treat it's going to be a really good one it's gonna be very different than this we've sent a bunch of sort of artwork and these mini prints and stuff i've got a very very very cool project that we're sending out uh you're going to get something in the mail there's an online video component we're all going to learn some stuff together it's going to be amazing i don't know

Merlinabout this okay i'm going to catch you up all right well also i never received the prints not that it's a problem yeah see now the blame so that's a thing you were going to do last year but that's okay.

AlexThe blame has, has switched from, uh, from Max to me because he, he gave me the signed prints and, uh, then, and then he's like, let's sign some more prints. And then I can't, I can't, they're on the way,

Maxbut kids with money only. Oh yeah. Anyway, uh, thank you for, thank you for to all of our, uh, Patreons for your support. Uh,

Alexand,

Maxuh,

Alexminus the 52 people who listened to last week's or two weeks of episodes and then it's dropped off. Fuck you guys. Fuck you. Whoa.

MerlinAre you going to ban them, Alex? Ban them. You are fucking banned. Ban them. Ban them.

AlexYeah. Maybe they listened and they didn't like what they heard. Oh, well, if you're, then they shouldn't be listening to the main show.

MaxYou're banned. You're banned. Anyway, you can go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and support the Dubai Friday Patreon. Thank you for listening. Okay.

MerlinSo we had an abortive challenge.

MaxCan we tell people why? We were going to use this online, this software that tries to hide ads in your friends' feeds to commit to new things.

MerlinMax introduced, you're bad at this.

MaxI think it's a scam.

MerlinMax introduced us to a website that claims to be, it's very poorly written, it claims to be a website where you can go and quote unquote brainwash another person by pushing certain kinds of content into their, I don't know, web browser? It never really is clear, but for $29, you get articles pushed at a person. Max got super excited about this. I think Alex and I were a little bit equivocal, but the challenge as it stood when we published last week was try to influence somebody online using this terrible website. that we won't name.

MaxWell, anyway, then we realized what a bad idea that was.

MerlinBut just to be clear, you tried it? You logged in and it was a scam?

MaxOh, I emailed them to ask about doing a custom campaign. Oh, God. I was like, can I micro-target my podcast co-hosts to make them do a sausage night? And they never got back to me. And I thought that was very suspicious that I contacted them about purchasing their services. I just got a bad vibe from the whole thing. Really? Huh, bad vibe.

AlexOh, could it also be all of the articles that came out about how there are just a bunch of husbands and ex-boyfriends targeting their women and their girlfriends and wives, whoo, suggesting sex.

MerlinHave you never seen a romantic comedy, Alex? Do you not understand how you land a lady?

AlexYeah, I apologize. Yeah, and you know, it's fine. It's fine. What a normal thing to do.

MerlinI don't know, Carl. I just feel like I've been getting a lot of online content that made me want to touch base with you. is that what the kids are calling it comb the sweet tarts out of your beard you got a deal

Maxuh so anyway yeah so then then i proposed that we make the challenge do a sausage night and i don't think that went over so well so then we um we did an emergency abort and we made the challenge watch the film paddington 2 which i am going to go well we'll talk about it but i'm gonna go ahead and name that my favorite movie of 2018 and say that in in the max temkin oscars that does win Best Picture and it deserves

Merlinto win Best Picture. But if you didn't hear about Paddington 2, it's because it was not we were not very online about that. It was on our private text channel. So you didn't miss anything. You're not missing anything as a patron. So first

MaxI want to talk about the Sausage Night. Merlin, I sent you some pictures of my Sausage Night progress as well as... Yeah, I got your sausage photos. Sausage Night 2, the morning so the sausage rides again this morning.

MerlinYeah. Too sausage, too furious.

Speaker ADid it look good? Did I follow the procedure correctly? Did it look appealing? I mean, I couldn't eat it. Photo. I'm not Alex.

MaxIt didn't look right. You know, I don't want to be like, I don't want to be like, I didn't want to be.

Speaker AThere's too much vinegar in this photo. I didn't want to be like I made a queso and then it looks like that fucking mummy that got unearthed. Oh, what a dumb meme. You look fine.

MerlinYou look fine. Yeah. A couple of people did Sausage Night. So last week, and you can find it in show notes for last week, but I posted my just rough, very quickly dashed out quote unquote recipe or method for Sausage Night, which is essential. So Sausage Night is basically a bunch of kielbasa sliced up with cabbage, and then you add stuff to it. I think we talked about it in the after show. So it's a recipe my friend Tony introduced me to in college, and I still make it pretty often. And I find it a satisfying meal. A couple people did it and took photos. And Max, you created yet another private text channel, this time including the doctor.

And you sent the doctor out to go and buy you kielbasa sausage.

MaxYes.

MerlinIs that correct? Yes. Oh, boy. You're there. Buy our sausage for me. So you made it. I thought it looked good. I'm curious to hear how it went, what you did differently, what you thought of it. If it's something you'd try again, spill it. What did you think of sausage?

AlexAnd I need to know about the second time you rode the sausage this morning.

MaxOkay. Well, so I made it last night. I did make a couple of modifications to the recipe. I didn't change the ingredients, just the cooking procedure slightly. And it was fucking delicious.

MerlinOh, you're kidding. I'm so glad. Oh, it was so good. Isn't it like one of the, it's one of those combinations. I don't know like putting like like dipping a donut in coffee or whatever like whatever your thing is we're like holy shit I can't believe I never did that before sausage plus cabbage

Speaker Atimes soy sauce plus vinegar it's it's makes it all so good together it's also like the sticky

Maxsauce gets into the rice it is it's fucking great so I did a nice big thing of jasmine rice with my with my fancy Japanese rice cooker that sings a song when it's done cooking the rice it's

Merlina twinkle twinkle little star the mo you have the Mozart one you have the one that sings Mozart to Do you?

MaxYes.

MerlinYes. And I use the Instant Pot, but yes, that works too.

MaxSo what did I do? So the only thing I really did is I was sort of worried about the crispiness of the sausage. So the first thing I did was I sauteed the onions. Now, also Merlin, I don't think you're caramelized. If you're really throwing the onions and the sausage in at the same time, I don't think you're caramelizing those onions enough. I'm probably not. Those onions want like a half hour to caramelize.

MerlinI did not mean to stipulate that they were caramelized. I was just throwing onions. it's in. Also, it's a recipe. This is like when somebody says, which Doctor Who episode should I watch? And you're like, well, watch them all in order. It's like, this is like, I wanted to do a quick and dirty that somebody who didn't care that much could do. But I just, I would just do the onions till they're soft. I don't think I even know how to caramelize an onion. Well, there's,

Maxmuch has been written about this and you can go check it out. But a caramelized onion, I'm not joking about this. A caramelized onion is one of the most delicious, delectable treats. I've had

Merlinthem. I've had them on burgers. I've just never made

Maxthem. Oh, I mean, fuck. I've had it on like a patty melt. It's like one of the best it is one of the best things and it's so easy and the only thing that's sort of challenging is it takes time. But in this case, you know, I had the rice cooker takes, you know, whatever, half hour.

MerlinYou caramelized them and then set them aside? Yeah.

MaxAnd then I just took them out and added them back in. So let me, I'll quickly go over how to caramelize onions in case people don't know.

AlexNo, go on.

MerlinAlex, Alex, get a pencil. Get a pencil.

AlexYep, yep, yep. Taking notes, taking notes.

MaxIt's a really good thing to know. So you're going to take your onions. I slice it up pretty thinly. And one thing that's important for the caramelized onions. Slice thinly. You want them to be a uniform size when you cut them up. You do not want huge pieces and small pieces. Uniform size. Because they won't cook evenly. You're going to get some parts that are burnt and some parts that are raw. You're getting this, Alex? You're getting all this?

MerlinDid you get the part about cutting them to even sizes?

MaxYes, yes. Generous amount of butter.

AlexAll caps.

MaxGenerous amount of butter. Got to have butter. Basically, I will put my stove to the lowest possible heat before the fire goes out. Just like just a just a kiss. It's like a kiss. A kiss of heat. You're going to melt the butter and then just put throw the onions in, pinch of salt and just let them just leave it for a half hour. And you're going to go mix it occasionally, give it some flips and stuff. And what you here's you want a couple of things. You want the onions to be like soft and brown, but not not burnt.

They should be like onion candy, basically. And then if you want to really speed it up, you can throw in some Coca-Cola.

AlexWait. Wait. Hold up. Okay.

MaxThis is a real honest-to-goodness kitchen hack.

AlexAll right. That's something I'm actually going to write down. Yeah.

MaxLike throw in like a tablespoon of Coca-Cola and the sugar. Diet Coke. No. No. It has to be real Coca-Cola. Pass. Sugar Cola. And yeah. It's like they're a miracle. They will add so much, an unbelievable amount of flavor and umami to anything that you're doing. You also have the benefit of you get some brown butter with the caramelized onions. They're so fucking good. They just take a long-ass time. But, oh, my God, they're so good. So, yeah, that's all I did was I made caramelized onions, and then I sort of fried it up with the – then I crisped up the sausage and fried everything up together with the garlic and the cabbage and everything,

the soy sauce, the balsamic, put it over the rice. Damn. That was so good.

MerlinI feel like, thank you. I'm glad you tried this. I feel like even after almost 30 years of doing this, I feel like the part that's still trickiest, it's a little bit like making pancakes where you end up making some bad ones before you remember how to make a pancake, is the how you like the cabbage. Because I feel like it's super easy to accidentally overcook the cabbage. I mean, I guess it's similarly very simple to, or easy to undercook the cabbage. But I like it to still have some toothiness to it. I don't like it to be too – because I think one problem with cabbage, there's a couple problems with cabbage, like Brussels sprouts, is people have been cooking it wrong your whole life.

That's why you hate it. Like what is it about UK cooking where we like turn this thing into this way overcooked flavorless thing? The cabbage is the activator in this. The cabbage is like the vehicle. It really adds a lot to the texture of this. It's really – to me it's a very pleasurable disc.

MaxIt should have a snap when you bite into it still.

MerlinA little bit of snap. If you get one that's got the little vein on it, like it should pop a little bit. Oh, okay. Well, you know what I mean? Like a cabbage vein, like on the outside?

AlexYep. Yeah. Just the word vein. I don't know. Yeah, that vein should pop right in your mouth.

MerlinYeah. So like when the urethra is sliced, it should definitely have some glands to it. In a testicular sense.

MaxYou know what? You know what? I would tell people with this, with vegetables, with vegetables, with eggs, with anything where the cooking time is down to like, it could be like one minute makes a big difference of over or under. take it off the heat before you think it's done. Nobody believes you.

MerlinYou tell people this, nobody believes you.

Speaker AI know. Food keeps cooking. You got to take the eggs off before they look done. If you cook the eggs... If you want a medium rare steak, you got to take it off before it's medium rare. Right.

AlexMm. Mm. No, I love hearing you guys talk about cooking. I know it's like a bit, but it's genuinely interesting to me. It's my own little top chef.

MaxAw. I made a half sausage night last night, and I'm going to make the other sausage night this week.

MerlinYou saw in the photograph that I sent, my problem is we all really like this dish and eat the shit out of some sausage. The original recipe that I was taught was A. Hillshire Farms sausage, which is I think like 14 ounces, probably something like that. But the thing is, if you do like I do and you make a shit ton of sausage and then you want a similar amount of cabbage, that's hard to do in one pan without the cabbage getting weird. So sometimes if I'm making it for the three of us, like you saw in my very ugly photo I sent you, I'll do it in two separate pans just so it has room to move.

MaxSo your other option, this might be getting too much for you, but your other option is you could have like a cast iron pan or something to really crisp up that sausage, caramelize your onions. You get all your mise en place ready. Now here's what you're going to do. You're going to get a wok, and you're going to fucking go to town on that cabbage in a big-ass wok. Yes. The cabbage will stay very crisp in the wok. Yes. If you got the BTUs, you pull the BTUs, that's a hell of a thing. Yeah, the wok will keep the cabbage nice and crisp, and then you're going to toss everything with the sauce,

so you get the sticky juice in with it all. So good. So what I did was I had about a quarter of the sausage night last night, so I had like half a sausage, half the kielbasa, and then I saved the other quarter. I just mixed it all with the rice.

MerlinOh, you did like a little experiment.

MaxCorrect. I put it in Tupperware. This morning I woke up, microwaved the sausage tonight with the rice, loosely covered to rehydrate it. Fucking fried, crispy egg. Oh, yeah. Put the egg on top. Sausage breakfast. Sausage night two starring Vin Diesel and Benicio Del Toro. Too sausage, too serious.

AlexIt's not funny. Why am I laughing at it?

MerlinPutting an egg on leftovers is almost always good. Now it's breakfast. I mean, you wouldn't want to put it on a chicken thigh maybe. That's a little bit dark. But like, now you shall meet your mother. I believe you'll recognize This particular hen, she's been candidly a spatchcock for you to get your nap today, egg boy.

Speaker AIt was so good, and it was no work, and it was easy to clean up. Everything was good about this.

MerlinHow I cooked your mother. Yes, yes, yes. I do lots of things involving rice. My dumb fad diet that I've mostly fallen off of is telling me to not have many carbohydrates. But I do similar things where I'll make like a fake jambalaya or something like that. And boy, that the next morning with a little bit of added, like your hot sauce of choice, like with an egg on it.

Speaker AShit, dog. So good. Oh, fuck me. I should have put some Frank's Red Hot on there. We'll have to make it again.

MerlinFrank's Red Hot is a very good hot sauce.

Speaker AEven if it comes with your fast food, it's still a pretty good hot sauce.

MaxFrank's Red Hot is very good. It's very vinegary. It's very sweet. It has a lot of flavor, but the heat, you know, it's not just blow your face off with heat.

MerlinWell, here's, you know, as long as we're at it, here's a super wild one that may be in all three of our cultural wheels house. You ever had hot slaw? Hot slaw.

AlexI've been in the presence of it.

MaxOh, I did eat it.

MerlinI think it's a Polish dish.

MaxIs that like when you eat too much sausage night and the next morning you have hot slaw?

MerlinThey're like snakes. Hot snakes, yeah. But basically, this is huge in Cincinnati. I think it's a German and Polish kind of thing. But yeah, you take barely, kind of barely. The main thing is like it's this vinegar-ish, bacon-ish sauce that you pour onto cabbage. And it's insanely good. And probably sugar as well. But, boys, if you want that flavor profile that you get with the salty and the tangy, woo, shit dog, you're going to be developing a lot of big, bold flavors.

MaxOh, boy.

MerlinHot slaw.

MaxI give the sausage tonight two big thumbs up. I will be making this again. uh i uh thank you for sharing this this is a this was a real treat and uh i'm so i'm kind of

Speaker Asurprised you liked it it's so quotidian it's very uh rustic no no this is i this is a kind of food this is very much how i like to cook which is it's good winter food it's a good winter dish

Maxno but it's just it's very it's it's like simple it's very pleasing i also i really like texture and this is a lot of good the goddamn the crispy sausage and the the crisp cabbage like it's very With the rice.

MerlinIt's got a lot of nice mouthfeel.

MaxIt hits all my textural notes. So if people want to make the sausage night, Merlin has prepared a-

MerlinI made a Google Doc. You can learn about sausage night.

MaxYes. And Merlin, you have all your affiliate links to the frying pan you use and the various cooking implements in there.

MerlinWell, actually, you know, next thing.

MaxWhat?

AlexOh, boy.

MerlinPortion goes to charity.

AlexShould we-

MerlinI took your thing. I took your thing. Fuck you. Now it's mean about me because it's the internet.

AlexDik Dik Dik, should we save some Paddington for the after show?

Speaker AIt's our challenge, so we got to talk about it. I think it's going to be fairly quick because I think I smell some peanut butter.

MaxAlex, did you watch Paddington?

AlexOh, absolutely. I watched Paddington 1 and 2.

MerlinMerlin, did you watch Paddington 2? I have a suit of peanut butter. I watched it when it came out, and then last night I watched the first third and the last third. All right. We can talk about it. I'm definitely ready to hop on what I perceive to be your bandwagon, so don't worry about that.

MaxSo I just picked this movie. You know, when Paddington 1 came out, it got a lot of buzz. And, you know, Veronica is very nostalgic for Paddington. She watched the Paddington cartoons when she was young. and so we acquired it and we watched it and I sort of went into it and I was like why am I watching this like cartoon movie about a bear and I just thought it was going to be really lame and like

Merlina CGI bear, a CGI bear it's important to mention like this has there's all kinds of fucking red flags on this series of like this is absolutely, this even from the trailer you would go, like the trailer for the first one my kid refused to watch it because he sticks a toothbrush in his ear and all this brown gunk comes out and she's like well we're not seeing that

Alexoh so bad

MerlinIt was really gross. I still think about it. It's very troubling. It's like when Parvati cut off the end of her finger. I just, I can't stop thinking about it. Did you see it? No. Did you see when her finger got sliced off with the nail at like a 45 degree angle? No. And then they just kept showing it?

AlexNo.

MerlinThere's so many broken toes in that season. Fuck, stop showing me feet. But the, but it has all kinds, Max, it has all kinds of red flags to say like, this is a movie for dumb children. Like this looks terrible. Avoid this.

MaxYes.

Speaker AYeah. I mean, there's like, they have everything in the trailer, but like, oh, CGI bears. Yay. I'll move my calendar around.

MaxThey have everything in the trailer but a nut shot to indicate that it's going to be a bad movie. Y'all ready for this? It's like, but it's like, you know, it's like the Lego movie. Like when the Lego movie was announced, I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. But then how good was that movie? It was so...

MerlinBut like, yeah, like this is such a stupid brand reach like for DC slash Warner to take is to like, oh great, it's going to be a crossover about a toy and all of our properties. Oh, it's got Gandalf. Fuck you. It sounded so bad, but then it was so good. You know, it's true because it rhymes.

MaxPaddington just charmed the shit out of me. I fucking loved it.

MerlinYou don't need to see Paddington 1 to see Paddington 2 at all.

MaxSo my one critique of Paddington 1, we may have even talked about this in the podcast, but it is an utterly delightful movie. I love everything about it. The only problem is it's got this third act that's like a big kind of elevated. You know, movies have to like raise the stakes in the third act and there's a big action sequence. and I really was checked out and I was like, just show me the bear doing dumb stuff. And I really did not- He's so sweet. I did not care about it. And Paddington 2 came out and everyone got very excited about it. And I just watched, I finally got around to it. I just watched Paddington 2.

They solved the sort of structural problem of the movie, of the third act did not suck in this movie. They set the film up, they set everything up so that you do not need to see Paddington 1.

MerlinAll the pieces are in place for like an almost, not Avengers, but like for like, oh my God, everything that makes these people special and different will have an impact on how this turns out.

MaxYes. The writing, just everything about it. So what can I say? I fucking love this movie.

MerlinThe animation, like when he's walking around in the Imagine, on the boat with his grandmother and aunt and like just the way you feel like he's a bear walking around paper figures. It's so gorgeous.

MaxEverything in this movie is very beautiful. It's so, it is so well done. It's so lovingly made. Every choice in the film, every aesthetic. It's very careful and thoughtful. I love everything about it. I genuinely think it's my favorite movie of 2018 and I wish that it would win. I wish it should be, in my opinion, in my serious, non-ironic opinion, it should be up for Best Picture. It was one of the best movies that came out last year. Highly recommend it.

Speaker AYou don't have to have seen Paddington 1. Just go in. It's this movie about a CGI bear. I feel like Alex is making a

Alexnoise. Yeah, I'm making a noise. But Hugh Grant. How good was Hugh Grant? He was fine. How good was Nicole Kidman? I liked Paddington.

MerlinExplain the noise.

AlexI thought it was everything Max said, but I thought Paddington 1 had all of that, but up to 11. I loved the third act of Paddington 2. Spoiler horn. Oh, I'm sorry.

You can keep that in, Quinn. Some noises are better than others. Spoilers for Paddington 1's third act. There's this, there's just this adorable sequence involving vacuum cleaners. And it is, it's like these ridiculous things that Paddington does to get out of his weird little situations. And I like the villain of Paddington one more. And I don't know, both made me cry. Both were extremely.

MerlinThe ending to Paddington 2 is pretty darn, it's like, like marmalade itself, it's pretty sweet.

AlexOh my, I was not prepared for this.

MerlinI know.

AlexOne thing I will say is if you enjoyed Paddington and you are an adult, but do not take your children to see this movie, Christopher Robin will be totally in your wheelhouse. But it's kind of like emo Paddington.

MaxWait, why don't take your kids to see Paddington 2?

AlexNo, no, no. It's delightful. Christopher Robin. Don't take your kids to see Christopher Robin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

MerlinThat's a dad movie.

AlexThat's going to fuck you up in an interesting way.

MerlinSomething that is probably taken as read that I really super appreciated on the rewatching, though, is that, you know how one of the million neat things about Spider-Verse was how each character, so many of the different characters have their own, like, visual vocabulary, way that they move, way that they're lit, but they're all in the same universe together. And it's so cleverly done that they each, like, some of them are animated differently. I love the fact that Paddington is, I'm thinking of the barbershop scene where like Paddington is in the world of humans in this picaresque little like fairy tale village,

but he also lives by the rules of like a Warner Brothers cartoon. So when a ceiling fan flies him around and makes him hit the window, he pauses as he hits the window and then goes squeak.

AlexIt is so good.

MerlinLike all the little stuff is like, it's all like a cartoon inside of this real world and they really pull it off.

Speaker AAnd how do they get so many good expressions out of a bear? He has so many sweet expressions The voice actor for the bear is just such a good choice Ben Whishaw

MerlinHe's that guy, he's the guy from James Bond He's the kid

AlexAnd there's a lot of Doctor Who and Harry Potter actors As Merla said, there's like eight British actors

MerlinOh, there's so many Potters Jim Broadbent, I love everything Jim Broadbent is in so much

MaxMy name's not J-Dog, it's Jonathan Brown And I like steam trains Great line, great moment

AlexShe visits London

MaxI've gone back I've gone back on Plex and cued the movie up to that moment about 30 times

Speaker Ait's such a good moment

Maxit's so good yeah

Speaker Ahighly recommended

Merlincan highly recommend Paddington 2 and yeah even if you think it's not for you I still recommend to you Paddington 2

Show notes

Transcript

118. WDBF

Show notes

Transcript

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