105. The Saw Spa

MaxHello, Powder Nation. It is breakout character Max from the hit podcast Do By Friday. Right now I am on an airplane and I'm not able to record this week with Merlin and Alex, but I did want to pop in here right at the top and tell you about our first annual Do By Friday non-denominational gift exchange, which we're calling Secret Krampus in honor of Austrian Christmas monster Krampus. Here's how it works.

It is not that complicated. If you want to connect with other friendly and smart listeners of the Dubai Friday program, just go to www.giveusyourfuckingkrampus.com That's Krampus with a K K-R-A-M-P-U-S We'll ask you a few questions. We'll match you up with a gift giver and a gift recipient. And that sign-up form is going to close on Friday, November 23rd. So once again, if you want to participate in the first annual Dubai Friday gift exchange. You go to giveusyourfuckingkrampus.com to learn more and join in on the fun.

And oh yeah, you're also going to have to become a member of our Discord server, which is kind of like Slack for gamers, but I promise that ours is really friendly and pleasant and not lame. And that's about it. Enjoy the show.

Alexthis is do by friday a weekly challenge podcast with merlin mann alex cox and max temkin this week's challenge find a guest host oh god it's 10 55 a.m everybody's here or uh it's 10 okay wait it is listen you're all centrist

over there it's not you're central time centrist oh god that's the worst thing i've ever oh boy okay so it's nine talk about privilege talk about privilege this identity politics is killing us

MerlinWhen will everyone just agree it's always Eastern time?

AlexOh, God. Oh, God.

MerlinIt's identity politics about time.

AlexOh, God. Okay. So it's 855, 1055, and 1155. Thank you.

Speaker AThank you for recognizing all everyone else.

AlexOh, man.

Speaker ASpeak my truth. It's lunchtime. That's what I was. Speak my truth. It's lunchtime right now.

MerlinI'm hypnotized by this Pusheen image that keeps looping in the messages.

Alexthat is a mike's instagram is public yeah yeah uh mike hurley put an image on instagram of the beloved tumblr character pusheen i have mine right here i'm squishing it oh god here it's air oh that's some good air right there that's right we're filling the air right now and immediately i was like i need to make a gif of that because that's what i do at 11 p.m

Speaker ANo, I called it Pushing with Benjamin Button disease because he starts off really small and wrinkly and then he grows up to be, you know, all nice and smooth.

MerlinHe has to post on his blog.

Speaker AYeah. This is the noise.

MerlinWe love Pushing.

AlexCan y'all hear this? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's my squishy. The little squishies? The little HomePod squishies.

Speaker AOh.

AlexI know, now they're HomePod squishies, right? Man, follow up. What podcast is this?

MerlinI get admonished. Well, first of all, I just want to say, as I said in our super secret text channel, tactile is big, especially for kids my age. It's funny, our teacher, her fifth grade teacher, handed out this thing at the beginning of the year that was really cool because I don't really follow child things anymore. He's like, at different ages, kids are into these different things. And at my kid's age, she's supposed to be into like doing stuff with her hands, with fine motor controls and like interacting with stuff. But I don't know.

I mean, the whole squishy thing came out of nowhere for me. And then on top of the original squishy thing, now there's another kind I get wrong. And I'm constantly being admonished for calling something a squishy that's not a squishy. Because there's the squishies that are like the foam spongy boys. And then there's these other ones that are more like slimy little guys that you like put on your iPhone.

Speaker AYeah, it's all about the slimy little guys. I've got a slimy little guy

MerlinWhat are those called?

Speaker ASquishies But they're stress balls Which are like old school squishies Stress balls

MerlinSo we got a bunch of food shaped Squishies in the style of Pusheen And then we've got a lot of like Again I'm told I pronounced this wrong Gudetama We've got lots of Gudetama things A little egg boy But they're big These are big These are a thing These are like the new Pogs

Speaker AYeah Since we're trying to be the coolest house on the block, I handed these suckers out for Halloween, and we had a whole bunch left over.

AlexOh, my gosh.

Speaker AGreatest house handing out tiny little squishies. So we got a whole bunch left over, and so I put one on my HomePod, and now that's how we interact with the HomePod is by squishing the squishy. And Alex saw, and she wanted one, so she bought a whole pack. So you need to get on this train, Merlin.

MerlinOh, we're on it. my daughter originally with her iPod and now with her iPhone 6S. She likes to sew the little slimy boys. She sews them onto the back in a way that I find completely upsetting.

Speaker AWait, I don't think we're talking about the same slimy boys. Okay, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think we all might have different slimy boys.

MerlinWell, there's, okay, I should find out what they're called. There's squishies, and then there's these ones that are more like an old school Apple.

Speaker ASend them all in my affiliate link because we need to see some payout from this squishy situation.

MerlinBut I don't know. See, this is the problem. I don't even know what words. It's like when I used to try and get a haircut in 1980. I didn't even know what to ask for. Make me look like Leaf Garrett. And they're like, that's not a thing. You can't do that. I don't know the name. Now, are you in with Gutama? Are you a Gutama family?

Speaker AIs that the Egg Boy?

MerlinEgg Boy.

Speaker AEgg Boy from Sanrio? No, no.

MerlinHave you watched the videos?

Speaker ANo, we're not. I have no idea what that egg's about.

MerlinI don't like the egg. Tiff, it's very important. You watch the collection.

Speaker Aof... I can't be in on another franchise. I'm all in on Pusheen. That's where it's all at.

MerlinOh, I remember thinking that. I remember thinking we're a Lego family. Lego is our only... Marvel and Lego

Speaker Aare our only franchises. You gotta pick one, maybe two things. Stay in your lane. Mm-hmm.

MerlinBecause then, you know, it's just... Oh, I don't know. Okay, I'm gonna find that video because it's very important that you watch it. Guttetama is an egg and then there's a man

Alexthere's a man who talks to guttama have you seen these alex did has merlin become max okay before tiff arment how hey how are you hang on just one more thing one more thing i want to read i want to read this thing about politics tiff arment did you have a childhood franchise i had a childhood yes uh it's from childhood everybody's turned into max oh god what's happening what is

Merlinhappening oh there's a little max in all of us uh max is out this week and so uh we we fulfilled our own challenge by finding a guest and that's tiff farman hi tiff yay i need my bell right or

Alexsomething no oh i had a squish just squish your your pushing no last time i insisted i would have

Speaker Aa different instrument i wanted to get a like a vibra slap or something but the recorder is missing I used to have one. Fiberslap.

AlexCan we just, man, Fiberslap, what a word. Oh, boy.

Speaker AIs there a way to get a pushy, a pushy?

MerlinA squishy.

Speaker AA squishy fashioned into, like, Max, like, looks like Max, but it's this little squishy stuff. Oh. I think we all need tiny Max squishies. Where's that one that you were making do sit-ups, Alex? That one. Oh. I've never met Max, but I don't know, in my mind.

AlexThat's the tubs. the it looks okay oh boy oh i'm never gonna be invited back uh well the also when when people

Speaker Aare upset with max this is max's fault i haven't met him so he's become a caricature in my mind so that's where like that's it like that i don't know him and that's his fault so

Alexwere you he's withholding with the travel i did you i think you met me before dubai friday but Did you have an image of what I was? I met you on a plane and you were toaster girl. Oh, no.

Speaker ARemember?

AlexYeah, I do. We tell the story all the time. Our origin story. Yeah, my sexist plane interaction. Oh, boy. What a time. I love what your husband makes. It was a different time, Alex. It was okay. It was a different time.

Speaker AShe just called me all kinds of racial slurs. It was fine. Oh, my gosh.

AlexHashtag me, too. Oh, boy. I am not in I'm gonna play some of this video and both of you guys can probably hear it oh no oh no it's two places

Speaker Ait's two places

Alexstop does it make it better that it's in stereo oh oh what okay

Merlintell us what's happening

Alexthere is a fork going into a piece of bacon and then an egg that is twitching oh no no no there's an egg saying it's cold

Merlinand then he'll be He's admonished by a man. He's always admonished by a man.

AlexOh, God. This is... Oh.

MerlinI see. Now, here's the beauty part. I don't want to spoil this video for you. Oh, yeah. No, I got to stop this. Oh, it's 16 minutes. But there's a man. Yeah, it's a compilation. There's a man who I perceive as like a father figure admonishing Gudetame in the Japanese style.

Speaker AIs he kind of like a John Arbuckle situation?

MerlinKind of a John Arbuckle, but there's a little twist at the end. Let me see if I can find the timestamp for you. because Alex I think this is going to change a lot of things for you

Alexit's never a lot of our buckles got the our buckle vibe oh this is is so the egg is definitely sentient right it does anyone ever consume the egg

Merlinum he's put into positions of consumption

Speaker Atime's up don't sign time's up it was a little too sexy time oh boy i like to be put in positions

Merlinof consumption at the end the person we set so mostly we've seen guttama and other things that are food and refrigerators and peril and then toward the end it becomes apparent that the thing that's been the voice of the guy starts dressing up as Giditama in the Japanese style and it's really really upsetting

Alexhe's a precious little egg well

MerlinI guess we should start

Alexoh follow up I bought some pants they don't have pockets that's it that's all people were mad at me because I didn't do the challenge and I followed up motherfuckers I did the, I bought the pants and a nice sweater to the point where I came in on Saturday. I forget why I was here on Saturday, but.

Speaker AWhat pants did you buy with no pockets?

AlexThey're, I don't know. They're old. I'll send it. Are you doing this to yourself? Wait, so you bought old pants? I thought you were fighting the power. Well, there weren't any khaki pants. You know, they sell new pants these days. There weren't any pants, or rather, there weren't any khakis that were appropriate for a family picture. Okay, stop. Yes.

Speaker AStop right there. yes stop it with the khakis oh just stop i don't i don't know there's no excuse for khakis think

Merlinabout alex's lifestyle i think in alex's lifestyle no no tailored khaki is a sharp look unless you

Speaker Awork at best buy there's no reason for khakis what if she's well respect her truth what if

Merlinshe's cosplaying steve kornacki only during a cosplay situation but no maybe she's a steve

Speaker Acornecki furry what you do in the privacy of your own home is fine but do not wear those

Merlinshe's not out as she's not out as a cornecki she has a she has a tumbler where she dresses up and interacts with a malfunctioning ipad it's not gonna come down to turnout back to you rachel

Alexblink blink blink stop it with the khakis

Merlinwhat no hang on no no no why no because it looks like you're nude from the waist down what if they have pleats is that a good look no then your nudie pleats your pleat nudes no what if she what if she does like a uh like a like a gene kelly thing where she has a little cuff you know alex does a hard cuff i do then with like a white sock and a dark shoe would that be a good look no what if she dressed as a tap dancer would you consider that Alex what if you wore tap shoes all the time oh I would accept it with tap shoes

Alexinteresting oh Alex we know I need to help you I know he's on a photo I need a lot of help uh

Merlinoh you're wearing khaki pants and holding a doggy yeah you got a doggo that's my puppy

Speaker AIt looks like the dog is also wearing khakis.

MerlinWhy won't they let me die?

What kind of dog is Hops, if I can ask, if you can say?

Speaker AHe's a shit poo.

MerlinA shit poo? A shit poo and a poodle?

Speaker Ayep so he's very wise uh yeah wise he's very still he seems very still he is he's basically a rug and uh that's what he was bred to be i mean right shih tzus were bred to like guard temples and like lay there wow no that's totally the good rug the same with same with pekinese it's an inscrutable dog yeah but then but then you throw a ball and then his poodle side kicks in and he'll chase the ball like a good boy.

Speaker BBecause poodles are smart.

MerlinYes, they are.

Speaker APoodles are very smart.

MerlinPoodles are maybe a little bit too smart. Poodles and Rottweilers, you've got to watch out.

Speaker AWe have a very dumb dog with a very smart dog, so it's actually really good. We have a stupid, playful dog.

MerlinExactly. They can't sleep each other out.

Speaker AThose dogs are perfect.

AlexOh, God. And also, they don't have any terrible diseases because there's not inbreeding and all that nonsense.

Speaker AWe can block a doorway with an empty box, and he'll just be like, that's it. I can't go there anymore.

AlexThat room's done for me.

Speaker AEven if there's a gap, like a gap, but if the gap isn't big enough for him to walk through without touching anything, it's over. Impassable.

MerlinOh, what a nutshell. No, our cat is like that. Our cat is very unambitious. She'll meow and meow meow at a door that's ajar because it's not wide enough for her to walk through without effort.

AlexNot going to lie, thought the cat was dead, was afraid to ask, so I'm glad to hear it.

MerlinOh, no. Well, guess what? Last night, big, big doings. My wife, who gets ambitious sometimes, decided to do something last night. I'm sharing a photo with you.

Speaker AOh, you washed a cat.

MerlinSomebody got a bath.

Speaker AOh. That poor cat.

AlexWow. Oh, wet cats are the worst. Oh, that cat's going to murder somebody.

MerlinShe went and got in her kennel real deep. She got real deep in the kennel. Wouldn't even let us dry her. She was so mad.

Speaker AGot that kitty saw going. Oof.

MerlinI like Madeline's glasses. She got some Warby Parkers. I think those are good glasses.

AlexYeah, those are good glasses. They are. Man, I wish I could rock a turtle shell. I've got like a half turtle shell going on. Tiff, do you wear glasses? Yeah, I do. Oh. Yeah.

Speaker AI have terrible vision.

AlexWhat's an acceptable glass for someone like me to wear? Glasses, you could do anything. You got to get the try-on pack. Are they a sponsor? Because I could real do this. I could do this. I could throw this.

Speaker AI could throw this ad read down like no one's business.

AlexOh, my latex glasses.

Speaker BOh, no.

Speaker ALatex, yeah. What's happening?

MerlinMemory foam glasses. It's called Betterment.

Speaker AThese are my investment glasses.

MerlinInvestment glasses and my dog pants. Hi. I'm Robert Podcaster.

Speaker AOh, God. You can call me Bob. Because we're friends.

MerlinYou can call me Bob. Bob Podcast. I remember very specifically meeting you, Tiff. I remember it super specifically. I met you and Marco for the first time, if memory serves, at an outside Tumblr party. I don't remember what city it was in or what year it was. But I remember meeting you guys and thinking you were really nice.

Speaker AI remember meeting you too. Hold on. I have a note from the very first time that I met you.

MerlinNo, no.

Speaker AWhat? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, I need to find it. Oh. I need to find it. I'm scrolling. I'm all the way back in 2009.

MerlinPlease read it in the voice of Jim Gaffigan.

Speaker AWhere you'd just be like, what now? Why is he like that all the time? Oh, he's a pale fella.

Speaker BWhy is he like this? Is he going to be like this all night?

Speaker ANo, we met you at South By.

MerlinOh, South By. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably, I bet Soul Brother was there. Yeah, probably. Tumblr.

Speaker AYeah, in like kind of the lobby situation. And I remember you looked at me and you said this thing and I wrote it down because I was like, who is this person? But you looked at me and you were like, you've got to look like not from the future, but from like three weeks from now and in a minute we're all gonna find out what's up that's pretty

Merlingood that's what you said to me well you're thinking you're talking about it it must have

Speaker Aworked you're talking about it yeah and then you followed that up with a magna carta joke and uh sorry 12 15 then you were like probably 12 15 kill and then you ran away french exit

Merlinmy daughter has learned the french exit and now when we're somewhere It's like a Brexit. No, it's a Frexit. I've also called it the Irish exit, but I think that's a little bit racist.

And we'll be somewhere and she'll say, should we do the French exit? I'm like, no, we have to stay for another minute.

Speaker AWe just call it lopping.

MerlinI thought that was a bunny. Isn't that a bun bun?

Speaker ANo, no, like Michael Lopp, he just leaves. So we lop.

MerlinOh, I do that. I like to hang out near the door. I love leaving things.

AlexI know. I am so...

MerlinScott Simpson's the champion. Scott Simpson, you forget he was even there. He's just gone.

AlexNo goodbyes, just go.

MerlinIf he's your ride, it doesn't matter. Scott is just gone. You don't know. He might reappear, but you might just not see him for a couple weeks.

Speaker AThat's amazing.

MerlinOh, my God. It's a skill.

Speaker ABecause no one likes long goodbyes. Everyone, ah, the goodbyes.

MerlinI used to be a long goodbyer, and I took a lot of heat for it. I used to be that guy where my lady friend would say, look, we really need to leave this party. I'm like, oh, I'm just going to say goodbye to a couple more people.

Speaker AOh, you monster. Oh.

MerlinI know. I'd want to go and share.

Speaker ANo one needs goodbyes.

Merlinshare a little more of my charm with people for another 45 minutes uh the holidays are coming up

Alexand it's it's the constant like can i leave can i leave can i leave yet and then you know what the answer is yes yes the answer is always yes can i should i is a different what you need to

Speaker Aget is you need to stock up on those like little smoke bombs that like magicians like batman yeah and like throw a couple of those and then you're out like that's it and that could just be your thing that's your goodbye i feel like the break i mean there's that uh i joke about this with

Merlinroderick but there's a song on his and colton's holiday album called the week between about the week between uh christmas and new year's but like i feel like the time between i know it's a like a stand-up comedy bit to talk about you know walgreens having christmas stuff on november 1st but like i feel like the downtime before we get way into like holiday obligation is getting shorter and shorter i feel like i barely got a break from halloween to like we're now booking hotels for for thanksgiving and dealing with tree things and it's like ah just but you love that alex you've already didn't you already put an emoji in your in your in your name

Alexoh yeah i got the coxmas going i got emojis we have lights we can't have a tree coxmas seems

Speaker Alike it's longer than christmas right oh it it starts november 1st wow

Alexa season of cocksmack as Merlin might know I'm not always looking at the chimneys trying really hard but from November 1st to January 2nd I'm trying really hard to be the holly jolly bitch because all of my other friends are very sad because there's no sunlight and I just feed them with feed them food and alcohol

Speaker AI don't know where that was going I need I need to know more about these chimneys no I need to know no is this a posture thing is this like a helping with your posture it's many things I wasn't sure where that came from I heard that last week and I was like I don't know what's going on to me it was like oh keep your head up

Merlingood posture had we talked about initially off yeah we talked about initially probably after

Alexrecording yes it was off you want to tell you want to tell Tiff about it so I was again shocking uh sad and merlin just suggested you're in a pre-travel mode you're a little bit yes day before i mean more like the skating song yeah more like and merlin was like you know what you should do you should try looking at the chimneys and didn't really offer more than that just to you know put your shoulders back and look at the chimneys

and I was like, okay, I get where you're going with this. It puts your focus somewhere. It naturally puts your posture in a better position than the hunched over. You know, you could buy a robot for that.

Speaker ABuy the little back robot.

Speaker BChimney located.

Speaker AChallenge spoilers. Don't look it up, Merlin. Don't look it up.

AlexBut it just is a nice thing that sort of clears your mind, especially because in Chicago, it's kind of hard to find chimneys. So it works specifically like really well.

MerlinLeft to our own devices, we tend to look forward or often down when we're walking around. And there's something, I forget who to credit with this, but it was just this idea that when you're walking around in your area, I mean, the less fun version is try to look up more often. Look up, let sunlight hit your face. And there's just, there's something about the little bit of focus of trying to locate chimneys, this sounds so dumb, as you're walking.

Speaker BIt's not, though.

MerlinAnd trying to carry yourself a little bit more with a little more dignity. And you suddenly feel just like 8% better. Like you're like, huh, I can feel different. This is nice. And it's, I don't know, I think it kind of works.

Speaker AAll right, I like that. I could get to the first level.

MerlinYou probably got chimneys. You got chimneys.

AlexOkay, yeah, we got some. Do you have walking areas? Are you one of those, I don't want to compromise your OPSEC, but are you in one of the neighborhoods where there are like no sidewalks? Or do you have walkable?

Speaker AYou. Me.

AlexYes, sorry. Oh, no, we got sidewalks. You, Tiffany Arment. Oh, yay. I was going to say, how does the- We have tons of sidewalks. Oh, man. What a time. I miss sidewalks.

MerlinWalking is so nice. It's so nice to be able to walk. And you don't get that much time, right? Alex, it's either cold or hot. It's hard to have times when you can just kind of walk around, plus shootings.

AlexHere's the thing, though. Love. Yeah. When I'm not being shot at or followed by a man-

Speaker BNice khakis.

AlexYeah.

Speaker AIt's the khakis.

Speaker BThey look better on my floor.

Speaker Ano they're featuring you naked from the weights down because you are already in khakis oh she

Merlincould rock that look so hard what like with a nice scarf that would look really good god uh well

Alexyou need a sarong around your waist wait what is that uh you said a what i like to refer to as a girl word i assume it means some type of fashion clarify clarify it's a beachy it's a uh it's a

Speaker ATowel skirt, really. Thin towel skirt.

AlexOh. That'd be a good look. Are you aware of the booby towel situation? What now? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I got a girl word.

MerlinThey had it on the tank. It was on the tank.

AlexBooby towel.

Speaker AJust add booby to every word and it becomes a girl word.

Speaker BBooby urethra. Booby prostate. prostate.

AlexGirl word.

Speaker BGirl word.

AlexWait, wait.

Speaker AWomen don't have prostates?

MerlinI don't know how much time you got.

Speaker AI thought we did, but they're just deeper. I don't know about

Merlinbodies. Drop that sarong. That's right. Yeah, when they had booby towel on Shark Tank, I don't steal your thunder here, but when they had them on Shark Tank, they brought out a lot of curvy wives wearing nothing but a big booby towel, and it was kind of upsetting.

Speaker AOh, I didn't watch this whole video to see it? Oh, my God. Look at them. Oh, capacious.

MerlinShe's capacious.

AlexWhat?

MerlinIt's for the capacious gal.

AlexTip, can you please?

Speaker AOh, I can't scroll. Why? It is turning. Oh, my God. It just looks like they're wearing sandbags around their necks. It's like they're wearing the fake ones that they put on men when they want to play Mrs. Doubtfire.

MerlinYeah, right. Sympathy boobs. Sympathy boobies.

Speaker AIt's a girl word. Oh, it's the Doubtfire breasts.

Alexlike no this is oh yes yes yes yes yes yes yes oh boy well and the whole purpose i could see this being sold as ah is it's your man and just like tell your boobs and towels but no they they

Speaker Abill it they have things called boob towels they're bras like there are things that do that

Alexyeah these are meant to like oh if you're getting ready then sweat is picked up by your boob towel and not, you know, your regular shirt. And I just don't understand. Maybe I'm not well endowed enough, but, you know, pretty. Just get ready topless. Like, what is happening? Well, that's the point. Apparently, there's an underboob sweat even. Like, I don't know if people are running marathons before they get ready. Maybe there's children involved. Well, are you wearing this when you're running around chasing children? Like, there's so many questions.

Speaker AIt's not going to last. Also, a robe. Robes work. You know, we had those around for a long time.

MerlinI sent you a screen grab from Shark Tank of the Ta-Ta towel.

Speaker AKeep them high, keep them dry. Oh, look at them all lined up. Oh, my goodness.

MerlinYep, yep, yep, yep. But I think part of it is, like, isn't it that, like, after you get out of a shower, I mean, I don't suffer from this in that area, but it's very humid. It's very hot. You know, and there's accumulation. You probably get accumulation. This is a nice way to keep everybody happy and free.

AlexWell, there isn't a scrote towel, as far as I know. Like, I'm not familiar.

MerlinOh, TM, TM, TM, TM.

AlexOh, I sent you that picture. That's what that looks like. It looks like the banana hammocks. Oh, yeah. Oh, good old banana hammocks.

Speaker AOh, my goodness. I can't stop looking at them. Yep, yep.

AlexThese are more melon hammocks. They're great. They don't do anything.

MerlinWell, Alex, I'm just thinking, you get a pair of sharp-looking khakis, tap-dancing shoes, and a ta-ta towel, and you're ready to hit the town. Deal with it. This is me now. I can't unsee it

Alexyou wonder why we don't have show notes yeah why were you trashing our show notes Merlin has a lovely template that we definitely follow yeah there's a template

MerlinWell, it's not like we're not like one of those like on it and it was all full of question. But it's because we're not one of those dingling shows that has an outline, you know?

Speaker AYeah, but we're letting our banana hammock fly for everyone else who feels comfortable with an outline anyway.

MerlinRight. You you go wherever you want to go. We're here for you.

Speaker AI am. I'm ready. I'm ready to fly. Oh, boy.

AlexOh, that was a noise. Oh, that was my mic stand. Sorry about that. Oh, no, that was me sniffing and doing a strange laugh. Oh, boy. There was another, I don't know this girl word, but you were doing something with your face on Instagram that seemed like you were taking care of. It seemed like some facial care. What the fuck was that?

Speaker AIt's the roller. You got to get yourself a jade roller. jade jade roller everyone's doing it and i read this one quote from this probably not real doctor that said if everyone was rolling their face there would be no need for plastic surgery i don't know oh interesting so i was like i'm getting rolling so here we go because well hang

Merlinon there's a picture of a child holding a comically large roller i'm guessing that's not

Speaker Ait oh no that's a different one yeah that's not it no it was in my stories my stories oh your stories yeah do i need to archive it for you because it was from yesterday oh that's confusing

Alexi didn't know you could archive things oh no i'll just i'll pop it in the chat for you

Speaker Ai don't know if uh chameleon will be playing but it's okay that was the best part you got to

Alexoverlay it with some hip-hop increase collagen stimulation reduce wrinkles oh i wanted i wanted some poor oh clear acne outbreaks there we go that might have been the full video but oh well

Speaker AEnjoy that.

AlexOh, boy. Is this the equivalent of Max taking a live photo of his balls? Yeah, it sure is.

Speaker BYou look pretty without makeup.

MerlinYou should smile more. Oh, you're rolling. You've got a tiny roller. Your son's got a big roller. You've got a little roller.

Speaker AYep, yep. And there's an even smaller roller on the other side. And what's nice is that's cold, and so it feels good on your skin. I don't know. I'm enjoying the rolling lifestyle. It's roll life. 50 roll of dice and I surprise.

AlexThis, oh man, challenge, challenge, challenge. I know. Roll your face.

MerlinYour son's friend looks nice. She looks friendly.

Speaker AWhat? Ellie?

MerlinI don't know her name. I'm just looking at her photo. She looks very friendly.

Speaker ANow, is that a Splatoon related? What's his costume? It is. Yeah, Splatoon. Oh, that's so cute.

MerlinLook at that.

Speaker Ado you you're not you're not on the grams often are you merlin no no i you know when i go on

Merlininstagram to make sure to change my two-factor authentication i went in last night i made sure i shut off the phone version and made sure i turned on the another hardware let's say version that's that's my joyful use of social media locking it down yay that reply all episode i know don't even

Alexmention it it's very triggering for me it's very triggering i'm very sorry i i printed out that

Merlinthing and then immediately thought no i just kept thinking why why are you airing this don't air

Alexthis well no after locking stuff down it takes them eight months to make an episode anyway so

Merlini'm sure it's way way locked down by now yeah unless you go into verizon and get a kid right

Speaker Aquestion mark no you just go you just go in you find you find somebody skeezy and that's not where

Merlinthey come from merlin they'll say oh hang on i should check i should look at instagram more no never mind i don't talk about it i don't talk about it because you're very uncomfortable this is a nice instagram oh boy i started following um ocasio cortez she's got a fun instagram i have no idea who that is yep she's the lady who got elected in new york

Alexoh i'm like i live in new york say that name again merlin oh i hate you

Merlinalexandria ocasio-cortez okay there we are she's ocasio 2018 yes oh what a what a good

Alexshe's got change she's got change in a few months yeah that does not age well oh wow man uh all right i didn't i i was going to try to prepare some really depressing political political articles and didn't really succeed. However, I just, I thought we'd play a game if you would permit me one more thing. What do you think this music is? Let's wait a little bit.

Cameron, can we turn it up a little bit? Oh, the beat's about to drop.

Speaker AFelt it, felt it.

Alexdrop that beat how long we gotta wait for the beat to drop oh any any guesses as to what uh

Merlinnews story you're saying like if you clicked on that as a garage band yes what would it be

Speaker Acalled no i would think it was like the the dungeon level in a video game like you just kind of drop down sub level now you're gonna go through there's some bosses coming up you know So that's what I would feel.

MerlinEDM 35.

AlexNope. It is high school boys photograph giving Nazi salute from Fox News. Oh, no.

Speaker AWait, are they glorifying this or are they condemning it?

AlexExactly. I wasn't sure. Apparently, the photographer asked them to wave goodbye. Doesn't look like that, but it was at the top of Apple News this morning. Oh, Wisconsin. Yeah.

Speaker AThanks.

MerlinYeah.

Speaker AIs that the city that's going to pay you $1,000 to move there and work from home? What was that news article? Whoa. What now? Did you see that? No. Yeah, there's a city that's going around. They're going to pay you $10,000 to move there and work from home.

MerlinHmm.

AlexOh, boy.

MerlinThat sounds like MLM.

AlexWisconsin work from home. That's one of the most depressing things. Is it Wisconsin? Type did. Wow. work from no I don't think ZipRecruiter oh there we go that's a that's a service I'm familiar with

Merlinhearing a little bit about ZipRecruiter these days

Alexwow I would love

MerlinZipRecruiter is a four click Tulsa

Speaker ATulsa Oklahoma wants to pay you $10,000 to move there and work from home Tulsa okay

MerlinTulsa work from home

Alexthat's Isn't Tulsa like the punchline in every sitcom? This could be. Is it? Oh, Chandler. Wait, Chandler moves to Tulsa. Doesn't he? In Friends? The Friend?

MerlinOh.

AlexI've only seen that season once.

Speaker AOh, my God.

AlexDid you watch the sitcom Friends, Merlin? I feel like that was after your time. I was aware of it.

MerlinYeah, I was aware of it.

AlexOkay. Yeah.

MerlinNo, I mean, I watched it some. I understand from podcasts that it's taken on a second life now that it's on Netflix, and the Youngs are watching it.

Speaker ANo, it's all about my show, who we reviewed, Friend Friends, so that's why everyone's watching it now. Yeah, you started the wave.

AlexI did. Mm-hmm, the French wave.

Speaker AThis is different from the office show? Wait, I'm confused. Which is not a Nazi wave.

MerlinI thought you did an office show.

Speaker AWhat?

MerlinDon't you do an office show? Yeah, I do a lot of shows. Mm-hmm. All the great shows.

Speaker AI'm full of shows.

AlexYou both have t-shirts for sale. Plug that. Plug that. Do we? Yeah. Oh, we do?

Speaker AHigh five. Something else in common.

AlexThere's a top four shirt for sale and a Roderick on the Line series of shirts available for sale.

MerlinYeah.

AlexOkay. They are.

Speaker ANo, it's good.

AlexJust goodbye shirt.

MerlinI don't know about that. You know, I get a lot of beef from Syracuse now because we made remarks about his hypercritical shirt.

Speaker BI thought it was kind of trashy.

MerlinNow, is that a classic Shriveland?

AlexNo, no, no, no, no. That is 100% cotton.

MerlinBecause I look at the premium.

AlexAre we gossiping about Syracuse having a trashy shirt?

MerlinOh, God, please, please, please.

AlexHe has, his hypercritical shirt was 100% cotton, and it was terrible. And I can, I will go on the record saying it's terrible. I can testify that it was terrible.

MerlinAfter one washing, after one washing, it's like a wadded up tablecloth. It was weird.

Speaker AThe one with the black with the white computer on it? Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't wear that anymore. It's too tight. It's suffocating.

MerlinInteresting.

Speaker AYes. Oh, oh.

AlexIt barely fit when it got here.

Speaker AAnd now it's like, yeah, it's basically a corset. Take the arms off and I have a hypercritical case.

MerlinI'm going to hear about this. I'm going to hear about this. But the texture of the premium ones looks weird to me.

Speaker AWaist training with hypercritical.

MerlinOh, dear. Hot.

AlexGod. All right. The Dig Dug. Tiff, another girl thing. Are you aware of the vampire facial? No. I want to know what this is about. Because I love me a good facial. Okay. Okay.

Speaker AIf you want to talk facials or face masks, if we have access to face masks, I'll put one on right now. Nice. Face mask time. My daughter loves them. She loves them.

AlexI don't know why. not like on purpose

Speaker AI made Marco put on a coffee one oh dear he wasn't thrilled how it got in his drink

Merlindid he think it was over roasted

Speaker Ayeah that was a little too sweet because it had too much hair in it forthcoming blog post

Merlinoh my god turns out I tried all the coffee facials

Alexyes a super review of facials I mean oh man why'd you believe that Trigger warning, why did you put that link in there?

MerlinThis is now officially the most upsetting message thread I have.

Speaker AWow.

MerlinYou got Nazis, you got face roll, you got boobs, you got my cat.

Speaker AMy face roll is very calming. It's in my nice sunny room. It's very nice. It's beautiful.

MerlinI love that color.

Speaker AHorrifying.

MerlinIs that Quiet Memories, that color? It looks like the color that we painted in our bedroom. It looks like Quiet Memories.

Speaker ANo, it's a... Quiet Moments, Quiet Moments. It's more like... It's like a... Robin's egg? Hitchcock I don't know what it's called it has a band name did you mean Hitchcock

Merlinsorry go ahead I'll stay out of this one go ahead

Alexoh we were talking about vampire facials recently I guess vampire facials have become popular because Kim Kardashian put it on her Instagram I guess and I'm still not exactly sure how they work it it's like they like blood is just donated or rather you you buy blood that's been donated and it's oh good that's not coming out of the person's face i don't think oh no no no because this story is about

it some patients i'm not laughing i shouldn't laugh some spa clients um got had to go into for hiv testing because they use hiv infected blood just just so we're clear for for the folks

Merlinwho are just listening to this, it's a picture of some medical type person interacting with a woman who's shown in profile. Her face is smeared with blood.

AlexOh, well, trigger warning. I'm right. Mm-hmm. Yes.

MerlinA hypodermic needle is being shot into her high cheek. It looks like the blood is coming out of her pores. It does.

Speaker ALike, it's horrifying. No. No. My facials don't look like that.

MerlinHard pass.

Speaker AHard pass.

MerlinWould you do this? Would you do this, Alex? You want to have a little treat day? Kind of like a little self-care? Would you go get a blood facial?

AlexWell, it's kind of like the cannibalism thing. If you have the option to legally try it, why not?

MerlinThat's like edibles.

Speaker ABecause, jeez, like, no. Like, that's why. Like, there's lots, there's the big reason that this article talks about it. Well, that was an outlier.

MerlinI feel like I say this kind of a lot, but I do feel like one's life can be separated into two parts in some ways. there's the part before and then there's the part after you start realizing that everything you do might have to be written down on an emergency room form and like think about what you do i know you're you're a millennium you don't think about this i do but if you went in and said like i got the chills and you say well just i don't know if this has anything to do with it but i recently went to the mini mall and they smeared blood on my face and injected me is that a chance i might be

Speaker Afeeling weird okay you fill out the form well i mean just stick to the stick to calming wraps wraps never hurt anybody a calming wrap yeah a calming wrap do you get do you get like bespoke

Merlinmasks or do you just like get them at like you know like michael's crafts or like where do you

Speaker Aget where do you get a mask a face mask well you can either get the sheet masks or you can get like the squeezy tube masks where you gotta like apply and touch it with your fingers and it's a whole mess but there and then there's the ones that you have to wash off and then there's the ones that you peel off. Peeling is highly superior to washing, let me tell you. But it rips all the little hairs out of your face, so watch out for that. Oh, no.

AlexSounds fun. It is fun. Real-time follow-up. Correction, it is indeed your own blood. They draw it from you. I guess it was the needles that may have been infected, which is even worse, honestly. That's worse. Yeah, yeah, I agree.

MerlinWhat price, beauty?

Alexuh we'll set you back around one thousand dollars according to like i don't know my

Speaker Aroller's looking not so bad right now not too bad pretty good get yourself a 30 stone roller and push it around your face a little bit and you're done no bleeding

Merlinis it a korean thing isn't korea at the forefront of makeup technologies

Alexoh i don't i don't know that's a that's another i thought korean makeup was a big thing Korean. Am I going to get a bunch of racist pictures if I look this up? Korean makeup.

Huh.

MerlinIt does sound kind of, it's a little bit Urban Dictionary sounding.

Speaker AOh. Oh, wow. Oh, what are you finding? Are you going to put more disturbing links? No, no. No. There's just a lot of.

MerlinWe should start the show.

Speaker ANo, there's that one, too, that you get those eyebrows where they cut your face and they put eyebrow stuff on you. Oh, no.

MerlinOh.

Speaker AOh, no. Did you see that one? No. Oh, God. Oh, God. They make cuts on your eyebrows in the shape of eyebrows. Oh, no. Okay.

MerlinOh, no.

Speaker ACut up eyebrows.

MerlinI think you got a different Instagram than I do.

AlexMm-hmm.

Speaker AOh, no. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. You got to watch the deep dive into beauty. Instagram is a horrifying road. It is just, no, it's a whole hellscape. It's basically the Saw movies, but beauty. Not really.

MerlinBeauty Saw.

Speaker AEyebrows slit trends. Beauty is the Saw spa. Okay, I'm listening.

MerlinPitch me. Pitch me on the Saw spa. You wake up and you're in a chair. You're handcuffed to a chair.

Speaker AAnd you're getting your blood drawn from you and then smear back onto your face while they slowly cut your eyebrows.

Speaker BWould you like some hot tea? would you like some cucumber water

Alextry these hot stones

Speaker Bso far this is so far this is really nice I know I finally found something I love

MerlinI'm helping people

Speaker Bthis music's really nice I don't know it's something from Spotify can I get you more cucumber water

MerlinHe steps up on a little stool because he's so little. Just gently patting your face.

AlexTiff, what is Tiff eating?

Speaker AOh, not much these days.

Merlini heard a rumor i don't want to get personal but i heard a rumor i i i contacted john syracuse after marco posted that video and i said what happened to marco's arms he looks very little he looks very little is he okay he's okay and you're both doing it right yeah we're doing it wow i'm doing it can you say can you say what it is because i've thought about

Speaker Ait but i'm scared yeah we're ketoing but we're not really ketoing we're kind of like millennial ketoing where we're just like kind of doing it we're not peeing on any sticks or anything like that we're just uh ketosis low carb and no sugars and we lost a ton of weight interesting well see

Merlini i mean my understanding is and i i i was on a fad diet i lost 20 some pounds on atkins back in the bush administration basically atkins yeah but but isn't it even tougher i mean because okay so so the thing is atkins was like you know atkins became famous as like eat all the bacon you want And then you hear about Palm Beach and then paleo. And paleo was like, no, no, don't just eat bacon. You've got to eat a variety of fresh and organic things. Part of paleo is mixing it up. But keto, which I guess is even older than all of these, sounds like the most restrictive of all.

In just a little bit of reading about it. So you're just mostly trying to cut out carbs.

Speaker AYeah, I eat a lot of meat and cheese now and green things. It works.

MerlinAnd the energy, man, the energy difference is there. I really want to cut out wheat. Not because I have to, because I choose to.

Speaker AAnd really, like, whenever I do have bread or something, again, it has to be really good in order to like it. Like, otherwise, I'm just like, this is terrible.

AlexPeople think I'm excited about bread. I'm not excited about bread. I'm excited about the best fucking bread. That's right. I have a question, though. So could I basically eat a chicken breast and almonds every day and force some kind of terrible vegetable down my throat and be, like, fine? As long as I didn't eat bread? Oh, yeah. And eggs. Do you eat eggs? I do.

Speaker AA lot of eggs.

Alexvery I think you could do it yeah oh my god yeah this is just plain I mean again I'll I just it's

Speaker Aa lot of plain eating it's really not so but yeah you know it's it worked I got rid of baby weight that I've been holding on for six years I'm like my baby's not a baby anymore get out I mean I have

Alexpsychiatric hospital I need to get rid of and this seems oh man those hospitals are giving wait to everybody wait well for a variety of reasons i basically had to be fat for uh like six years because of medicine i'm on but now it's been like five years and i'm not on that medicine so if i can just eat chicken breast and almonds i i thought this was many almonds because nuts

Merlinalso have carbs it's all about preparation it's about preparation it's really about preparation right you gotta have an infrastructure in place otherwise you're gonna go back to whatever your worst habit is it's just a matter of planning ahead i think yeah we started it because like a

Speaker Afriend that we eat dinner with all the time he started doing it uh he had much more weight to lose and so when we ate dinner over their house we're like oh this is easy we could just cook like this at home and so marco started cooking and we're both doing it and that's what helps too like when the whole family yes and everyone is eating the same way it's like okay we have no other choice and it it works we even when we cheat it doesn't it's not bad oh your youngster

Merlindoesn't mind? He's not like Joneser for Lucky Charms? Oh, no. He gets

Speaker Ahis Lucky Charms. He's not with us. Oh, he doesn't count. He eats on another planet. It's fine.

MerlinIt's just whatever they'll eat.

Speaker AWell, he gets hungry at 4 o'clock. I'm like, we can't eat together.

MerlinI had pegged you as, I pegged Tiff today as having a light lunch. Starting out with a double chamfered terrine of raw winter stork berries marinated in extremely simple syrup and apple blossom simplings served in a Dansko clog on top of the pinch of manchego crumblets, trapezoid of heritage game tempeh, brined and flash-broasted, served as an ad hoc Napoleon on top of the Dansko terrine. And then you leave that in late morning sun for 18 minutes, sliced diagonally.

Speaker AOh, God. Cheat day. Treat day. Treat day.

Speaker BSaturday is treat day. Have a terrine in a clog.

Speaker AWhat I really had was a couple forkfuls of chicken salad and a handful of cashews.

AlexSee, it's like a child. This is perfect. I can, oh my God. Whenever I can just have the, oh, hey, no, I'm sorry. I'm on a diet. Please take everything off. Oh, you should do that.

Speaker AYou should do that. Oh, then you could say really obnoxious things like nothing, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. That's so true.

Alexoh god if anybody said that out loud in real life i think i'd just like kick them not hard people used alex people used to say it a lot but like in real life to each other oh a lot a lot wow my high school yeah you would hear that a lot like uh in the locker is it was that

Merlinactual locker room talk with no the boys had other afflictions i can imagine you know i'm just thinking alex you know what do you really need what is a diet a diet is a decision to eat a certain way with some arbitrary rules and you give it a name you're very creative you could totally come up with something and give maybe a polish name for it that's true i mean really and get come up with some kind of like really and then people are gonna be looking at you going wow you look sharp in those khakis tell me about this diet step one have a diet step one get a boob

Speaker Atowel you need to get on the khaki diet the khaki diet i'm on the khaki diet no no pleats no is never buy khakis no pleats no eats it'll be fine yeah flat front flat front

Merlinthe cuffs too rough well something rhymes with front that could be funny

Speaker Ait has to be khakis it has to be flat front like at least make it flat front

Merlinat least flat front you know when the doggers came out and got popular everybody was pleading

Speaker Aand the pleading is not good no the pleading is bad

Merlinno it looks like you got a pananus down there like you got a

Alexokay hold up hold up The mysterious third gut that people get. Well, it's that thing.

Speaker BSee, also, you look nice today. It's that mysterious third gut that especially men get.

MerlinLike, what is causing that one-eighth of an orange shape in your pants? Like, what is there?

Speaker AWait, I need to. Is paunchy now a racial slur? Yeah, I think that's not what.

MerlinIt's bad. Pounce on no paunch. Yeah. Just be proud.

Speaker AI got, you know. No, are you making fun? Like, I'm serious. I genuinely don't know.

MerlinI genuinely don't know.

Speaker ABecause that just means like, you know, like muffin top, right? That's what I thought.

Speaker BOh, my God.

Speaker ANo. Oh. Teach me. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I mean, it's not your job to teach me. Nothing tastes as good as slurs sound. I'll just go Google it myself. Okay. Ponchi.

AlexOh, no. Oh, no.

Speaker AOh, no. Is that a thing? What? Are you getting graphic images? No, just when you Google Ponchi. I spelled it wrong, so I didn't get the.

MerlinThat'd be a pretty name for a girl.

AlexI'm very curious, though. Would, yeah. There's some nice illustrations. Stop. Stop looking at it. Stop. It's, boy. This one's my favorite. Penanis has some great.

MerlinShe looks so pregnant. Oh, look at that guy.

AlexHello. Oh, this is some deviant art. Oh, hello.

MerlinNo khakis for that boy.

AlexThat has a lot of... Oh, so much stomach hair. How?

MerlinHe's got a lot of maps in the glove box. Do you know what I mean?

AlexOh, God. Well, he would be keto if he were to be eaten. There's a lot of fat and a lot of protein in this man.

MerlinOh, you're saying you get a mouth down on this guy in a cannibal situation?

Speaker AI think humans are totally keto. You could totally keto it out on eating humans.

AlexWould you eat a human, would you eat human flesh if the option was presented to you, Tiff?

Speaker AProbably not. But if I were in a zombie situation and the person agreed to be eaten or kind of like, you know, like Donner Party kind of thing. And the person said, OK, it's OK if you eat me if you're starving. And I died.

MerlinWould you be the person who brings it up? Would you be the person who says we should have the talk?

Speaker ANo, I think I'd rather. I would drink all the urine before eating my, like, other people.

MerlinWould you tell them or would you just kind of do it on the sly?

Speaker AWhat, urine drinking?

MerlinYeah, yeah, yeah. I would just be like, is it cool if I just chow down on your pee?

Speaker AI would like to be in a group urine drinking situation. No, no, no. It needs to be out in the open with, like, a whole group of people. Like, we're all doing it together.

MerlinOkay.

Speaker AI don't think I could. Drinking secret urine, that feels.

MerlinSo you're kind of like a cannibalism. You're a cannibalism, like a bossy bottom.

Speaker AYou're waiting for somebody else to bring it up. no i'm more of like a um you know when you have a cigarette and when it's a party you know it's like oh cannibal when it's a party oh i'm a cannibal i'm a social cannibal

Merlinlike a consensual a consensual cannibal you have to ask three times it's like saudi arabia yeah okay that makes sense that makes

Alexsense i am shocked by how few people want to engage in this conversation there's just are you It's the most, yes, it's the most ethical form of meat consumption. I agree because the person can consent.

MerlinYeah, that's true.

AlexIt's consensual meat consuming. Yeah, yeah. There's no factory farming or really are we all the sheep? Well, not yet. I mean, that's what happens.

MerlinAre you talking about like vor stuff? I mean, are you talking about people who literally want to be eaten or like in a sexy fun way?

AlexI don't literally want to be eaten. I just am fine with somebody. I have given permission if there is.

Speaker ACould this be a service in our sauce bar?

AlexThere can only be one.

Speaker AThere's the menu and then the menu.

Speaker BI need you to sign this form. Do you like the Sarah McLachlan music?

AlexOh, are you happy with your service today? Oh, my gosh.

Speaker BPlease remember to comment on Yelp.

Speaker ANo, fill out the comment card.

Speaker BFill out the comment card.

Speaker AYeah, in the waiting room next to the fireplace.

AlexPretty music. That's very stressful. I don't like comment cards.

MerlinOh, I hate that. What about when you get like a delivery and they expressly ask you for a five-star rating? How do you feel about that?

AlexWhat? Who's delivering to your house? Yeah, that's never happened to me.

MerlinCouldn't say. Opsec. But like Instacart, Instacart, you know, E24.

AlexOh, see, we don't do that in the verbs. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. I that has never one never happened to I think I'd be okay with it if they were like hey it would be great I see it as a like a request for an app rating or a or like leave us a review on iTunes

Speaker Awe have to forage our own food like in the wilderness yeah

Merlinyeah you can't tap to dismiss when it's a retiree oh wait wait yeah oh no now i'm sad i got one lady one lady who is my most frequent

Alexinstacart delivery person you have recurring deliveries too oh my goodness i'm sorry no i'm not talking about this i'm not saying i'm sorry i will not be shop shamed i i didn't mean recurring i not recurring deliveries but return re recurring couriers well yeah i've got you've you've never

Merlinyeah it's like when you go to the safe way and you see the same person like that kind of thing

Alexyeah i've never gotten the same person that would be like getting in a lyft or an uber and it's the same car i would just leave i don't know well that's the way delivery systems used to work

Speaker Alike you ordered from a restaurant and the delivery person would come absolutely and drop i mean we almost invited the tie delivery guy to our wedding so you know oh they're so often in the

Merlinend you said no we didn't quite get there yet did you tell him did you tell him we almost invited

Speaker AOh, and then we moved.

MerlinPack your bags and leave town.

Speaker ABut I feel like he knew us better than some of our guests.

MerlinThat's nice. I bet that Betty told his family about that for weeks. That's such a nice compliment. Before they moved, they almost invited me somewhere.

AlexYeah. You have to move after that. I had an awkward interaction with a Grubhub person one time, and now I just don't order from Grubhub with the fear. Oh, that's a second. Then I moved. Fear. Oh.

Merlinmy wife answered the door one time and there was a guy there I've still got his picture on the Nest Cam and he goes

Speaker Aoh

Merlinafter my family's gone to bed I look at it

Speaker Agood

Merlinno he comes up and he goes ring doorbell in a Nest Cam really what is the thing that he said so then you gotta think about that for a while you think about that

Alexdon't comment

MerlinDon't comment on my groceries. Don't comment on my house. Don't comment on my cameras. We're not going to comment to each other. Don't talk to me about my purchases. I don't even like it when we go to Justice or Hot Topic and they want to talk about my daughter's choice in Miyazaki movies. Don't talk to me about anything.

Speaker AIs Hot Topic still a thing? Apparently.

MerlinIt is. Justice is cooler, but Hot Topic has. She got a bunch of good Miyazaki stuff at Hot Topic.

AlexI was shamed for shopping at Hot Topic as a youth.

MerlinHot Topic.

Alexit's for the it was for the emo i mean we all shopped at hot that's that's where you're supposed to go hot topic yeah wait hot topic how i never know the age difference between anybody i mean hot topic was like it's gone through phases like it first it was like topic was like it was a wall

Speaker Aof belly rings like yes yes there was and then goth clothes yeah it used to be like kind of like

Merlinemo christina aguilera right and and now it's now it is like a lot of kids stuff it's just like pop

Speaker Awho stuff yeah okay yeah oh so yeah it used to be very black and dark yeah very emo or yeah lots

Alexof stickers there's a difference between goth and emo excuse me i don't identify as goth but there was there was an emo it was very goth yeah no it evolved it evolved slowly there were less like spiky things and more of the um you know sweat bands or type of thing because that was you know

MerlinSweat bands? Wait. No, hold on. Under what musical genre do you put the collection of sweat?

AlexSweat bands, emo, kids.

MerlinOh, that's an emo thing, sweat.

AlexYeah, because when you're playing your instruments real, real hard and you're real sad, you get sweaty.

MerlinYeah, yeah, yeah. Mark Knopfler used to do that in Dire Straits. He was a big sweat band boy.

Speaker AOh, here we go. Oh, here we go. What if he's emo? So is that wine guy. Gary Vaynerchuk. He liked the sweat bands.

MerlinCrush it. Is he a sweatband guy? You think he's emo?

Speaker AIs he crushing it emo? He used to pass out Wine Library TV sweatbands. Oh, no. It was a whole thing.

MerlinWhat a dream.

Speaker AThe Vayner Train,

Alexhe was on the sweatbands. No. Wait, is that something he coined himself and was a real thing?

Speaker AWhat, Vayner Train?

AlexYeah.

Speaker AI made that up now. Oh, okay. Oh, that's pretty good. Thank you. Generic emo boy. It's a joke.

MerlinThis looks more anime than emo to me, Alex. It looks a little

Speaker Aheroin-y.

AlexTiff, Tiff, what, where can people find you on, where do you want people to find you on the internet or follow you? This is such a hard question. Ooh, I

Speaker Asqueaked a lot there. Let me try that again with my sophisticated voice. That's a hard question, Alex. That's a good question. It's hard. It's so hard. Bahave. Bahave.

Merlintop of it.

Speaker AUh, Tiffany. TiffanyArment.com has a link to all of my shows and things and Instagram. I love Instagram.

AlexOh, and you'll be doing a Playing for Fun episode about Pokemon, right? We are. Yes! Oh, my big time is I'm making him play Half-Life 1 on Twitch. Oh, no. Yeah, he's having quite the time. Oh, no.

Speaker AAnd that's like 20 hours of game. So, yeah, I promised him Pokemon as penance.

AlexOh, good. It's, oh, man, upcoming challenge. It's, I'm sorry, Merlin. Wait, oh, you have a Switch. Good. You can watch on Twitch.

MerlinNo, like I say, my new thing is going to be, that's a great challenge, and I just won't do it. I know. I know. That's going to be my new thing. When you guys do it, here's something to deliberately disrupt your carefully organized life. That's a great idea.

AlexVery funny. Playing a video game is not, okay, how is playing a video game different than watching a show? Yeah.

MerlinYeah. With the time that I have available, I'll play 20 hours of a video.

Speaker ANo, no. You face roll.

MerlinNo.

Speaker AJust get the roller face rolling.

MerlinYes, face roller. Yes, I could do that. Make it part of my daily skincare regimen.

Speaker AYou need to face roll. Alex, just order face rollers for everyone. Send them out and everyone just needs to. Yeah, Alex, order face rollers.

MerlinWhat are you even doing?

Speaker AYou've got to just roll some face. Roll some face?

All right, Alex, I'm on a mission. I saved Marco from the fiery depths of khakis. I'm going to save you.

AlexWhat should I? Okay. So I bought a pair of khaki pants and a pair of black pants and a pair of navy pants. What? And I, I black and navy and burn the khakis for warm. Okay.

It was a family. I was cosplaying as somebody who enjoys taking family photos. Oh God. I need to take my Peter Roskam Christmas card,

Speaker Abut it definitely wasn't a requirement because I see some, black pants, some jeans in this photo. There are other pants varieties.

AlexWell, you'll also notice there's some facial hair. That was also supposed to be banned. And yeah, my mom lost on that one. She banned facial hair from her family photo? Yes.

MerlinWow.

AlexWell, the middle one is the cancer boy. So he got a pass because he's trying to grow all the hair now that he's done with chemo. But everybody else was supposed to shave.

MerlinCouldn't take a second photo where his eyes are open, huh?

AlexThere were many. Okay, there were a ton of photos. I picked the one that was last in my photo cup.

MerlinYou look happy in this. You and Maddie look happy in this.

AlexOh, that's because we're close to a dog.

MerlinWhat's the dark dog? What's his name?

Speaker AI'm going to Photoshop some not khakis onto you.

MerlinThat's a good idea.

Speaker AWith the Apple Pencil. I'm using real Photoshop.

AlexWell, well, well.

Speaker AYou can't do real work on an iPad.

AlexOh, listen to that smart cover, though.

Speaker AI'm just going to take this bucket of paint and dump it on your pants. Oh, my God. That turned out terrible. Back up. Undo.

MerlinOkay, I'll open an acorn. Let me see what I can do to improve these.

AlexAll right. Let's just go with this.

MerlinLet's fix Alex. I might want to go with a plaid.

AlexHold on.

Speaker AUndo paint bucket. All right. Undo paint bucket.

AlexComanzy, Comanzy, Comanzy.

Speaker AOoh, I'm going to put a pattern. You would be better off, I think, with some psychedelic pants. Oh, God.

AlexLet's see. Filter.

Speaker AThis is so bad.

MerlinI'm going to hurly you up a little bit. I'm thinking you might need some orange pants.

AlexOh, my. All right.

Speaker AOh, I know. I can clone stamp the jeans that are over there onto you, and then that should be better.

AlexDoes Linnea let you add photos? Come on. No.

Speaker AYou can't get reworked on an iPad.

AlexNot at all.

Speaker AThis is just insane. These pants might have a small dog foot on them.

Alexthat's milo my dog oh no that's the wrong place for a crotch we're gonna get the we're gonna get oh my goodness i you know what the longer this goes on the more i can look at my perfect dog's face oh it's okay she's so precious jeans are so much better alex i know outfit is just changing before my eyes but i'm wearing a navy sweater which is admittedly very comfortable and I've worn it almost every day.

Okay, I've been told differently, but I defer to your opinion and that makes me very happy.

MerlinI'm going to have to work on this later. I didn't have much time, so I'm going to have to come back to this. Oh, I'm almost

Speaker Adone. Come on. Challenge. Photoshop better pants onto Alex. I did.

MerlinI gave her some fancy pants.

Speaker AAt that point, no. What?

MerlinThat's Murphy.

Speaker Adid you put jeans on the dog no he put i put the dog on the alex dog in a vagina as much

Alexa lot of vagina it's a vulva no well she would have to be it's just her face poking out of there

Merlinso i assume that i have no that's on the pants i haven't i haven't done the fine work of really

Alexincorporating it into the grain of jeans i assumed that you had a dog sticking out of my pants i

Merlinmade you dog pants made you okay i'll make it a dog pattern i'm putting jeans on the dog as well

Speaker Abecause he shouldn't be worth it.

MerlinYou think it real work done on a Mac?

Speaker AHold on. I'm almost done.

AlexIt'll be worth it in just a second.

MerlinOkay.

AlexGod damn it. Oh, you need a shortcut. No, I should be twitching this.

Speaker APeople love this stuff, right? Mm-hmm. Oh, you're on Twitch now, right? We need to talk about that. After I finish these dog pants. How do dogs wear pants? Only on their back leg or front and back? It's going front and back.

MerlinWe got our kitty cat a werewolf costume, but we haven't put it on her yet. We haven't gotten the guts to put it on her yet. Halloween passed.

Speaker AI'm saving it as 10, so it's a real high quality for you.

AlexOh, no.

Speaker AOkay.

AlexAll right.

Speaker AYou look so much better, and your dog looks upset, but here we go. All right. I'm ready. I'm ready for this.

MerlinI'm ready.

Speaker ASee?

MerlinOh, wow. Oh, my God. Dog pants. you made dog pants look at that sweet precious angel it's got like a mermaid tail Murphy's gonna love that

Alexthe first thing I thought is holy shit this is a great work of photoshop for the G's

Merlinyou cloned the pants

Alexoh god and then my dog has been spray painted me

Merlindenim spray paint Murphy's so happy pants for a dog yeah just spray dog pants

Speaker Bdog pants that's funny

Show notes

Transcript

105. The Saw Spa

Show notes

Transcript

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