101. The Corner of Sandy and Stabby
2018Show notes
You can hear the after show and support Do By Friday on Patreon!
Show Notes
- Shape-shifting Cypher sculpture by Ozel Office is controlled by motion
- bri on Twitter: “you’ve been kidnapped. your kidnappers allow you to keep tweeting to pretend everything is alright. what would you tweet that would allarm your followers without the kidnappers knowing that you’re asking for help.surprise me.”
- Consider the Lobster - Wikipedia
- DonorsChoose.org: Support a classroom. Build a future.
- goop Body | G.Tox Ultimate Dry Brush | Goop - Goop Shop
- goop Body | G.Tox Glacial Marine Clay Body Cleanser | Goop - Goop Shop
- Goop Shop - goopglow - Goop Shop
- One Of The Biggest Con Jobs In Advertising History
- goop Body | G.Tox 5 Salt Detox Body Scrub | Goop - Goop Shop
- NATIONAL BOSS’S DAY - October 16 (unless weekend) - National Day Calendar
- B.J. May on Twitter: “My @nest doorbell automatically locks the front door when it sees a face it doesn’t recognize. Today it didn’t recognize me, so I went into the app to investigate and…… https://t.co/bTdE5Mdd1C”
- Highlights of AP’s interview with President Donald Trump
- Trump ‘Crossing the Swamp’ painting
- This is an actual painting on display in President Trump’s White House - CNNPolitics
- Lady Gaga reveals reason behind oversize suit in powerful speech
- A.I. Gang Series by Bruce Coville
Transcript
Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesAlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, read a book.
Speaker AGarbage, garbage, garbage, garbage.
MaxI know, right? Oh boy, I have a lot of content for this week, guys.
Alexnow i'm hearing like what is that that was me i was watching an erotic video marlin sent me
Merlinwhat yeah they got a lot of um i don't know very european things on this website what's does does zine you sent me the link does the same people that were featuring your uh sensory blockout uh device i like this guy oh he hasn't did you notice he has a mustache He looks like Jack Dorsey.
AlexDo you think it's him?
MerlinIt could be his evil twin. Horse.
AlexJack Dorsey.
MerlinHorse Dorsey. Horse Dorsey.
AlexHorst.
MerlinHis name is Horst.
AlexOh, no.
MerlinUh-huh. Check out my MySpace.
MaxAll right, listen. I have some important topics for everyone. Okay. All right, number one. This is a tweet from at whinymaterial. You've been kidnapped. Your kidnappers allow you to keep tweeting to pretend everything is all right. What would you tweet that would alarm your followers without the kidnappers knowing that you're asking for help? Surprise me. Inbox zero. You would tweet like, just got to inbox zero, exclamation point. Yeah.
MerlinWell, yeah, just inbox zero by itself, all caps and exclamation point. I don't know. Maybe.
MaxWhat about like a winky face like our friend Rahul does?
MerlinWink. I don't know. But yeah, I like this genre of question. So the notion is you're kidnapped. there has to be something that you're going to say that people following you would instantly go oh my god they're under duress it's like when the Vietnam guys all gave the finger in the photo it's some kind of like but you want to know it's a you know bone saw type situation coming down
MaxI would probably tweet something about like oh I've always thought that Brett Easton Ellis was underrated or like oh did you guys see the new john oliver like like good funny as always he really got stuck it to drumpf
Alexalex would yours i'm trying to think because does how much does the kidnapper know about you is he getting a ransom or i think a lot of kidnappings are done by freelancers so i would
Maxnot let's be honest if one of us gets kidnapped it's probably by someone who listens to this show Oh, you're right. It's going to be a super fan. Right. It's going to be one of the fans that's probably going to kill us and wear our skin as a suit.
MerlinI would say I totally did the challenge this week. Oh, Merlin. I would say, I don't know. See, Alex, if you go, oh, boy, I can't get enough of this spicy food that I love.
AlexThat's the thing is like I'd be like, man, I'm so, so happy and fulfilled today. I don't know.
MaxBut I think that would trigger. I mean, so, you know, you're taped up in someone's basement. And I think that if you tweeted something that obvious that they knew as a meme from Dubai Friday, because they're clearly a fan of the show, it would trigger their sort of Dale Gribble style, their home automation traffic. Hey, Siri, release. The hot tub would come rolling towards you. That's right. Hey, Siri, release the spears.
AlexSo why are we talking about this on the show then? If it's clearly going to be a cuck who kidnaps us and tapes us up.
MerlinWell, it's like OPSEC or InfoSec. You should assume you're already hacked. Oh, that's very true. Alex, I would assume that you're going to be kidnapped many, many times. Probably. You're going to need a John Mulaney situation where you punch out the back blinker and you wave, you know, let people know I'm in this trunk.
AlexYou you probably. I mean, Max and I could be kidnapped right now and you wouldn't know.
MerlinOh, holy. Oh, and this is a bit. You guys.
I don't know, Max. Have you thought this through? You're very interested in your infosec and your opsec. You must have thought this through.
MaxBig important, big salaryman like you, you got to worry about stuff like this. I do have friends who worry about this stuff. I have a friend who won't go to Mexico because he's worried about being kidnapped, which I think is one of the funniest things I've ever heard.
It does happen. You know them, Alex. I'm not going to say them on the show.
AlexI don't know if I want to know who it is because it's really stupid. I'll tell you. That's so stupid.
MaxI'll tell you off air.
AlexOh, boy. I don't know, man.
MerlinHave you been to places that are troubled?
AlexBy troubled, do you mean like a developing world situation or Detroit?
MerlinWell, nothing makes you feel quite so privileged and white as going on a vacation somewhere where everyone's poor. Like Greece? It really, it doesn't feel good. I went, um, I went to the Dominican Republic with a group of folks. Um, and man, it was this all in one resort where everything's fancy. Everybody who works there is black and, uh, and probably like not doing so great. And it's like, you know, and they're like, so everything you have is here. You can get your drink and you can, uh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, one of the great things is the nice, nice thing that this company did when we all
went there was they upgraded us so we got upgraded to the like actually all the drinks are free the food is better so there was even a class system inside of the resort um would you want to know the name of the program and what was written on the wrist uh dingus that we had to wear the name
Maxof the program yes please was it some sort of was it some sort of cruise for a nerd musician
Merlinno no no this was um i went with the with the software group that i work with i went to uh yeah so the name of the project where you get an upgrade it's called Privilege no not really though I still have the risk that's very funny when you walk into the place with nice breakfast if you go with the good breakfast you gotta be in Privilege
Maxyou know what I like when people say that when the cabana boy comes up with your pineapple drink people always go man this must be a great job right you must love getting to work in paradise here every day. I always say that to my traffic sex worker.
MerlinThis must be amazing. You must love intercourse. Oh my gosh. Is there any good Chinese food around here? You know, it's nice to do what you love. You gotta do what you... It's your passion project. Yeah, so, and they said, listen, welcome to the nice place. And it was really nice for this company to do this. We took our family along. It was really nice. And, you know, it was nice, But it was weird because they're like, OK, everything you have is here. Now, if you want to go to the area where you shop for things, be sure and get on the bus right here in front and don't go wander around.
Like, don't go past the area of the beach where the where the beds with canopies are. Oh, because it's like it's like the corner of Sandy and Stabby. You just get robbed on the beach. That's the thing that happens because why wouldn't you? I mean, you know, so I don't know. Have you ever done any of that like eco tourism? That sounds like a fun thing
AlexOh, gross
MerlinOr the thing where you like go and you do like the poverty tourism? That sounds like a fun thing
AlexNo, no, no, no That's a thing Isn't that a thing?
MaxI've done some of that I've traveled in places in the world that were very poor But I wasn't going to like look at the poverty, but that is a factor That's just the side benefit Yeah, yeah It's not one of the bullets
MerlinYeah, I don't know I don't like vacations I don't like going places I don't like being around people I don't want the food
MaxAlthough the gravy on the cruise was very good There's that great footnote in the David Foster Wallace lobster essay where he writes about being a tourist. And he's like, it's crazy that you're going somewhere that by sheer ontology, you're spoiling the place just by being there. But also you're going there to relish in the unspoiledness of it.
MerlinI love the whole, that's such a good essay. And I had the misfortune to read it approximately two days before I went to the Dominican Republic. I think actually I might have read it before I went on a Joko cruise. But, and of course, now on the Joko cruise, that was a fun one. We stopped in Haiti. We docked in Haiti because, for a variety of different reasons, the cruise company had basically leased an island and put a fence around it. And there were guys with machine guns at the border where the fence is.
Well, I think the deal was that it's Royal Caribbean.
MaxDid you ever go there? Is it Royal Caribbean that does the Joko cruise? I have no idea.
MerlinI think it's Royal Caribbean.
MaxI can't remember.
MerlinWhat was it, Terror of the Seas? Is that what it was called? Yeah.
MaxYeah. So I think what happened was they bought that resort from Baby Doc Duvalier. I think that's the story. I don't know. I mean, I heard this from someone on the cruise, so maybe people shouldn't take this at face value. I can't. I haven't, like, looked it up. But that means it's, like, historically problematic, but then also it is really depressing. Like, Veronica and I got off the boat at, like, one or two of those little cruise line-owned, like, towns, and then we just stayed on the boat because we were like, it's too sad.
Oh, man. But I think the deal was that, like, Papadoc, like, sold off some of those little coastal towns to the cruise lines, and they just, like, own them, and they build fences around them to keep the, you know, the sort of regular citizens of Haiti out. But then they have, you know, a little Disney World, a Haitian beachside.
MerlinLittle enclaves. Well, I understand that this has changed in the time since then. Now, I have to say, in all fairness, that the, I mean, I don't know if they still do this, but it used to be that Paul and Storm did a huge amount of work on those cruises and, like, worked really hard to make it good for everybody and to answer every, every complaint about everything. We're not going to talk about that here. but they work real hard to make it fun for everybody and they always learn from every cruise.
MaxThe showers, I've noticed a pretty substantial problem with the design of the showers on this cruise ship.
Speaker AAfter reception at 3.15 yesterday, Blurred Lines was played. Many of us found it problematic.
MerlinYes, there was a list of songs that people demanded not be played anymore. No. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Other than Blurred Lines,
Alexcan you give me one example? Alex it's an aggrievement vacation
Merlinit's a way to go and you get to be aggrieved about anything anything that you want and they have to say yes that's a very good idea but what I'm trying to say is those folks work super hard vacations are not my kind of thing so I mean I'm not the target audience for that but the people who go love it there's all kinds of great stuff that happens on there but they work real hard I think what they did was I asked at one point I did follow up I was like are you guys still going to Haiti? still going to that Haiti enclave? And they're like, no, we're not doing that anymore. We're trying some different things.
So I don't think it's happening anymore. But it's, you know, have you ever been to Hawaii?
AlexNo.
MerlinLike Hawaii, it's amazing and it's really beautiful. But the folks there are not super happy that you're there. And they make no attempt to cover it up and I don't blame them. Yeah, I can't imagine why they would be. They've got a real raw deal. I mean, we unseated their queen. We kept her. I just learned this on a podcast the other day. I didn't know the whole Hawaii story. It's kind of like watching the Vietnam series. You're like, oh, that's why they're mad. We made their queen live in one room for a couple of years while we took it over.
MaxWell, speaking of sand and stabbings, I received a mystery package addressed to you by Friday. that has some very exciting contents that I'm excited to tell you guys about. Oh, please. So this is a package from a little company that I like to call Goop.
AlexOh, no.
MaxOh, shit, dog. Yes, and Dubai Friday has an inside agent. Much like the Trump administration, we have someone who is actively resisting the Goop regime.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're saying the call's coming from inside the Goop? The call is coming from inside the Goop, and I got an email from a friend of the show who works at Goop, may formally work at Goop, but they're affiliated with Goop. I said I wouldn't say anything about what they do. Don't say no more. But they were like, do you guys want anything from Goop? And I said, the first thing I'm going to say is, I said I've mellowed on making fun of Goop a little bit because Goop, as it turns out, Goop has been an extremely generous supporter of a nonprofit that I'm on the board of.
Yeah, well, we all have to rally behind the Saudis in this very challenging time.
MerlinUh-huh. They haven't proven anything.
MaxNo, they've been very – Goop has been very generous to DonorsChoose.org, which is the organization that I work with that buys school supplies for public school teachers. And Gwyneth Paltrow has done some stuff with Stephen Colbert on The Late Show to raise money for them. So anyway, so Goop is doing some good stuff. But I thought that – I was like, you know, hey, if there's anything funny around the office that you can send our way, we would happily review it and put it to the test and do by Friday. Oh, no. And I have sort of four creams here.
AlexNo.
MaxI have four goops for your enjoyment that I thought we would do something with. We could have a challenge or something.
AlexThey didn't send us a vagina egg? That's upsetting.
MaxWe did not get the jade vagina egg. Although there was, Gwyneth Paltrow did settle a consumer protection lawsuit, I think with like the state of California.
MerlinThank you.
MaxWhat about like a vegan fleshlight?
MerlinIs that a thing we could get? Sure. Is that a thing? Yeah, no latex. It's all renewable resources.
MaxOkay, so this is, I'm going to open this first one up. This is called G-Tox Ultimate Dry Brush. Bruce Exfoliente Ultimate. And it says, you may be wondering, what is dry brushing? I don't know what dry brushing is. Do you know what dry brushing is, Alex?
AlexIt sounds like something you do on a shoe. I don't know. Isn't that how Bob Ross paints?
MerlinWell, you'd think that. Like you work on a non-gest sewed canvas.
MaxDry brushing is a skin care product that detoxes you? Here's what it says. It says dry brushing is an essential and energizing skin detox step made from pure natural sisal. Sisal. Sisal. Sisal. I thought they made rugs out of sisal. It's a sisal brush. This brush exfoliates lightly and sweeps away dead skin cells to reveal glowing and smooth skin. Use it right before you turn on the water.
MerlinOkay. Skin is your largest organ.
MaxSo it's an essential skin detox step, but also an energizing skin detox step.
MerlinIt draws out the impurities.
MaxNow, we all want energy, right? I want energy and energy. I'm not going to say no to some energy. So it says directions. Use on dry skin before a bath or shower. Starting at your feet, gently brush upwards towards your heart. Use firm, small strokes upwards or work in a circular motion. Brush for three to five minutes. Okay. Are you telling me there's people out there who every morning before they get in the shower, they spend three to five minutes brushing themselves with a dry brush?
AlexI'm not going to contest that there are, but I'm not one of them.
MaxAnd it says... So is it G-Tox Ultimate Dry Brush? G-Tox Ultimate Dry Brush. Merlin, what does this run for online? Let's look.
MerlinOh, it says 20 bucks.
MaxIt's pretty affordable. And just to get the toxins out and energized first thing in the morning, and it only takes three to five minutes. That's an insanely long time.
AlexThat is I bet the people who do this do not brush their teeth for that long and said they're brushing their hearts Which one gives you energy?
MerlinOkay, so yeah, they're they got their ladder against the way that I'm brushing away from my heart, which is bad That's gonna mess up your your energy
MaxIt's a horse Start with your feet start with your feet. It's an artisanal horse brush
AlexThis is this is just a bed bath and beyond brush. That is what it's a horse brush Have you ever brushed a horse? No, but I'm just saying. No, this is not a horse. They're noble creatures. Yeah, they are. I found out lots of people are afraid of them. I don't understand why. So you dry brush and it gives. See if you get any energy. No, you're brushing away from your heart. Oh, sorry, sorry.
MaxDon't do that.
AlexBrush towards your heart. It's scratching off my skin. Cool. Cool. All right, we're done with this. So aren't you supposed to use lotion with this
Merlinor are you just supposed to brush your skin? That's like taking one antibiotic.
MaxYou got to stick with it. It says use on dry skin before a bath or shower, starting at your feet, gently brush upwards towards your heart. Start at your feet. Did you start at your feet? No. Start at your feet. That's probably why. It's going to make you sleepy now.
MerlinYou're fucking it up, man. I'm sorry. If you don't read the directions, how do you expect it to work?
MaxAll right, here we go. So the second product, this is also in the GTOX family of products, and it's called GTOX Glacial Marine Clay Body Cleanser. Ooh. I know. Very long ingredients list.
Marine clay.
MerlinAnd it says. Luxuriously creamy body wash made with hand-harvested glacial marine clay that's full of essential minerals.
MaxIsn't all glacial marine clay hand-harvested when you get right down to it?
MerlinThat's a really good point. It's a targeted holistic blend of essential oils.
MaxOkay. Well, that's good because you hate when they throw the holistic blend. They're just throwing darts at the wall, right? You want targeted. You want them to paint your target on the wall of your holistic healing and then hit it with a dart.
Merlinwell when you're talking about energies i think you're going to want to go with somebody who understands the direction you know you want to move toward the heart and and you want somebody who has who has an understanding of how energy moves how energy collects sometimes it pools right like like in a motor like you you want to be able to redistribute it you know it's like a bunch of jelly in a in a in a in a tray you want to keep it even now i think i think what's so
Maxsmart about this is they've got the nourishing organic safflower oil and cold pressed moringa oil? Is that a thing?
AlexIt must be if it's on a goop package.
MaxIt's none of this bullshit ground up moringa oil. It's cold pressed. And then it lathers into a rich foam to deeply cleanse while leaving skin feeling impossibly
Merlinsoft. I could use that right now. Max, please put on some G-Tox glacial marine clay body cleanser. Now, what do you think?
MaxIf you leave your skin feeling impossibly soft and then you hit it with that brush, don't you think you could peel your skin right off? Gotta follow the directions. It's still itchy.
AlexOh, God. Oh, look at this.
MaxDid you start at your feet? No, sorry. See, that's the energy, Alex. That's what it feels like to be energized. That's how you know it's working.
AlexI'm just falling asleep right now.
MaxThat's because you brushed away from your heart. All right. Who's going to try this? Luxuriously creamy body wash with glazed. Try some on your forearm. I want to see if you're impossibly soft. I should put this on my cat, and then she would become impossibly soft.
That's off-label.
MerlinThat sounds like a book from your series, The Impossibly Soft Cat. Oh, it smells nice.
MaxWell, it's got a little herbal. It smells like a... Do you ever go to a... Every once in a while, I feel really gross about myself, and I go to a smoothie place, like a juice place, and I get a disgusting smoothie with herbs and kale in it. My wife loves those. I get an absolutely rancid, disgusting, bitter, grainy smoothie. It tastes like it has sand in it.
Merlinand then yeah and then it's got brussels sprouts and activated charcoal and then i and i hate it
Maxit tastes every sip of it is agony just slithering down my throat into sandy wet mess is it slimy sometimes oh it's just slimy it's like oh it's just absolutely disgusting but i feel like i have to then it's like well now i spent eight dollars on this disgusting smoothie so i have to punish
Alexmyself by drinking the whole thing yeah well that's why they have grass i'm positive that's why they have uh wheatgrass shots because then you can feel terrible about yourself and sick for the rest of the day, but you only need to take one gigantic sip.
MaxSo this smells like a gross smoothie. Like it's got some sort of bitter sage.
MerlinYeah, the herbal stuff can be a mixed bag. I like some herbal stuff. I like, you know, I don't mind, like, I used to have a rosemary shampoo that I liked. Glacial? Sounds like a pole dancer name. Glacial maroon clay. It's a great smell. This can be very, very rejuvenating. I like the Neutrogena family of products.
MaxI like the smell of those a lot. Massage into skin to create a rich, creamy lather for ultimate cleansing. Rinse thoroughly can be used daily. Do you rinse it off afterwards?
AlexI feel like you're asking me this as if I would know. No idea. No. None. And I'm still on the, oh, what's it called? Between the sheets section of goop.com. It's very sticky. Now it's turning sticky. Are you sure that you're not using the unbound natural jelly or the lover's oil?
MaxOh, there's a lover's kit. Is that like the royal jelly? Mm-hmm.
AlexOh, here's the rose quartz egg. They're still selling it? Yes, they are. Well, I guess they're just not claiming that it can do anything. Oh, they're not making spurious medical claims. Eggs are pre-drilled from string add-on. We recommend using unwaxed dental floss. so they don't give directions on how this looks like one of those toys like uh uh have you ever been to like a museum gift shop and
they have a gigantic uh gross tub of rocks the that is what this is oh my god people are just gonna get no oh no what did so oh no so i've got oh no i've got two more items here this one says How much did they send you?
MaxOh, we got a whole care package. This one is Goop Glow Morning Skin Super Powder. That feels very on brand for Dubai Friday. And it says underneath dietary supplement. Super powder. Super powder is so on brand.
AlexSo is this something you put on you or in you? The pause doesn't indicate anything good.
Maxyeah goop glow morning skin super powder is an infusion of goop glow is an infusion of vitamin c and e q co q 10 what is that am i missing that do i need that do i not have that oh co q 10 i feel like i've seen that advertised on msnbc okay so am i getting too much or not enough do i want to put do i want to put this do i want to put the co q 10 in or get the co q 10 out i think it's I think it's an inner. Okay, all right. The cartinoids Lieutenant and Ziaxanathan.
These sound like characters from Star Trek. Yeah. Real female. Grape seed proanthrocydanins. Designed to be mixed with water, drink as part of a healthy morning skin ritual.
AlexWait.
MaxWhat do you guys do as part of your morning skin ritual?
AlexI brush my teeth for two and a half minutes.
MaxThat's my time. I mean, this is something we've never gotten into on Dubai Friday. But what's your, I mean, I think we should all go around and share our morning skin rituals.
MerlinMine's very enthusiastic. I really get in there. Yeah.
MaxThe morning skin ritual sounds like when one of us is inevitably kidnapped by one of the fans of the show. It sounds like it's something, you know. It begins the morning skin ritual. Yeah, they're going to ring a bell and go, it's time for the horn and the skin ritual.
MerlinMax, they're going to make you rub that lotion on yourself while the poodle looks down at you.
MaxIs this the first step?
MerlinYou're going to be stuck in a Chicago well.
MaxIs this the first step of the kidnapping? Can you help me put my couch in a van? Is this like when someone pulls up in a van and they're like, hey, who wants candy bars?
MerlinYeah, I got to find my puppy. Can you help me?
MaxThey're like, who wants goop products to make fun of? But it's really, it was all a ploy to get the address to kidnap us.
MerlinHave you followed over the years the history of various kinds of, there's this whole rich history of cleansing products and even insecticides and all of these ways of being able to control your life with things like cleaning products. The big thing in the South is that the sales of insecticides reflect a need to control your household. Are you familiar in this case with the history of the Lysol family of products? Lysol in my house as a kid was a can of spray that you would spray to make things not smell bad. It basically became Febreze.
But there was a time, I think this ad that I'm looking at right now is from the 50s. And I just sent you an image of it. And it features a frantic looking woman, like, trying to get a door to open, overlaid with images of locks that say doubt, inhibitions, ignorance. And the head at the top says, please, Dave, please don't let me be locked out from you. May I read a little of this? Is this real? The deck. Oh, yeah. The deck. Often a wife fails to realize that doubts due to one intimate neglect shut her out from happy married love.
A man marries a woman because he loves her. So instead of blaming him if married love begins to cool, she should question herself. Is she truly trying to keep her husband and herself eager happy married lovers? One most effective way to safeguard her dainty feminine lure is by practicing complete feminine hygiene.
Speaker ANo.
MerlinAs provided by vaginal douches. No. Like a scientifically correct preparation like Lysol. No. so easy a way to banish the misgivings. In the 1950s, women put Lysol on their vaginas? Well, as you see from the third head, germs destroyed swiftly. Lysol has amazing proved power to kill germ life on cac. Oh, no.
Speaker ATruly cleanses the vaginal canal even in the presence of mucus.
MerlinThus, Lysol acts in a way that makeshifts... Makeshift, what a great verb. Thus, Lysol acts in a way that makeshifts like soap, salt, or soda never can. Really get in there. Clean that pussy. Appealing daintiness is assured because the very source of objectionable odors is eliminated.
Your pussy smells and your man won't sleep with you. Lysol. And you can send in this little coupon for a booklet of feminine hygiene facts they'll send you.
MaxNew booklet of information by a leading gynecological authority. This sounds very Ted Cruz to me. Like, I think that Ted Cruz, I think that man travels with a can of Lysol in his little briefcase. and you know when he when he cheats on his um upsetting christian wife he has them a lysol
Alextheir vagina does that kind of fits right like it seems sounds true it does it's truth that checks
Merlinout but it says right here it will not harm delicate tissue it gives you the simple directions give you the correct douching technique so you put lysol on your vagina do you do this alex do you do this in order to keep now listen you're married i am i am things happy in your downstairs basement region do you get in there with that lysol i i'm more of a well like you said i'm
Alexmore of a Febreze person, I prefer the fresh laundry set.
MerlinMaybe rub a dryer sheet on there. It dries and gently cleanses, leaving the linting scent of fresh towels. Eat me.
MaxEat me. I can see a sort of a fun magic trick where you just pull a string of handkerchiefs. You just pull all the Febreze dryer sheets out of the vagina.
AlexBut where are the dryer sheets coming from?
MaxOh. Okay. Why we made this. All day, skin faces sun, pollution, stress, and other toxins that can create damaging free radicals in the skin. That's not a well-constructed sentence, first of all.
AlexSo you're going to have, like, socialists in your skin? What does that even mean? I'm very confused. Oh, you get a rose.
MaxYeah, you don't want the free radicals in your Menchies. That's no good.
MerlinYou got to get a rose in your name.
MaxIf you get retweeted by Glenn Greenwald, you're going to get some free radicals, you know? Oh, geez. Routine sun exposure is one of the biggest culprits. Semicolon. This is really bad copywriting. It can result in oxidative photo damage, which may lead to signs of premature aging, such as dullness, uneven tone, fine lines, and loss of firmness. I didn't even know those were things. How do I know if I have that? What if I already have that? You're so behind already. Do I have dullness, Alex?
AlexNo comment. I have dullness?
MaxYou're saying I have dullness? You've got to restore to your original factory shine. It could be from pollution, stress, or other toxins.
MerlinDo you know about toxins? Max, you go out there and you throw down one of those wheatgrass shots a couple times a year, but you have a lot of toxins that you should draw.
MaxWell, the thing is, we live in a toxic environment, okay? You're going to get toxins from all around you.
MerlinIs it because of the environment?
MaxYeah, well, you've got toxins in the air, toxins in the water. You've got toxins in the paint on the wall. We live in a toxic environment. That's why you've got to get the toxins out of the body, you know?
AlexSpeaking of things...
MaxSo you eat this.
AlexNo, stop talking about the... Yeah, eat it.
MaxWhy don't you eat it now? Directions, mix one packet in eight fluid ounces of water. Room temperature is optimal or is directed by your health care provider. Well, my healthcare provider hasn't directed me to take poop blow.
AlexAre you really not going to eat it? You need to eat it. I don't have a witch doctor.
MaxYou got to eat it. It says stir well or shake, and then it goes, add ice if needed. Or no, add ice if desired. Isn't that a very Butterfield? That's a Brian Butterfield. Oh, boy.
MerlinAdd ice if desired. When you use Lysol regularly, you're sure of feminine daintiness. You know you can't offend For Lysol brand, disinfectant stops embarrassing odor By killing odor causing germs It's far more reliable than any home style douche Including vinegar It's mild, it won't harm your delicate insides Leaves you sweet and fresh, confident of your daintiness
MaxPop one of those goop glows open
AlexAlright, we got Cameron Fuck me up, goop Oh my god I truly Morning skin powder It says right here, dietary supplement I didn't want to say anything
MerlinI don't even have a morning skin ritual This is why I'm such a monster I'm so fucking behind How many minutes do you spend dry brushing? I don't think I've ever spent more than like 8 minutes dry brushing And I rarely start with my feet I feel so behind in the counter I just go in and take a hot shower like an animal
AlexCan you imagine all the toxins? Oh, that's why you got the toxins
MerlinI want to do that challenge so hard
AlexDidn't we do that? I'm just the only one who did it
MerlinNo, you're the only one who did it No, I did it for 30 seconds But I want to do it hard
AlexSomething's leaking
MaxMy personal wellness coach, he's really into cryotherapy. Yes, I want to do that. You know, there's a place on.
AlexYes, I just discovered it.
MaxKind of not far from the office.
AlexI saw it, and I got scared, and I walked away.
MaxOh, this smells delicious. And then we have one more from Goop. I'll do this one quickly, but I am really enjoying these. So this is called, where's the name? It's called Goop G-Tox 5-Salt Detox Body Scrub. And it says, we're devoted to detox a goop. The daily exposure to grime, pollution, and other toxins of modern life can wreak havoc on skin, creating buildup and clogging pores. G-Tox cleanses, purifies, and moisturizes so you can maintain your healthy glow. Do I have that?
AlexNo comment. I don't have a healthy glow.
MaxHow do you maintain what you don't have?
AlexExactly. I still don't understand what premature aging is.
MaxAnd then it says directions. Oh, here we go. It says smooth, exfoliate, soften, and hydrate your skin with the detoxifying power of five mineral-rich salts, Himalayan pink salt, dead sea salt, Celtic sea salt, New Zealand solar salt, and Epsom salt, and three ultra-moisturizing oils, cold-pressed moringa, pure unfiltered rosehip, and organic extra virgin olive oils. Breathe in the holistic blend of essential oils as you sweep away dead skin cells,
soften and lock in moisture, leaving behind a velvety smooth feel and a subtle, beautiful scent.
AlexSo the morning powder is an innie, but the actual salt is an outie.
MaxWell, I think you're going to take the toxins, you know, maybe it's like the Pharmacon. You're going to take a little bit of the toxin to make you healthy with those powders. Then you're going to get the toxin out with the salt rub.
AlexI'm kind of just, okay, I can't get.
MerlinIt's like, you know, you take a little bit of iocane powder every day. Oh, that way you can poison the, you get poisoned by venzini.
AlexOh, my God, Max, it's delicious. Just try it.
MaxJust have a little thing, Alex. Hold on.
AlexI'm licking my hand.
MaxHere, you can have this whole box. You can make it part of your morning skincare ritual.
AlexIt tastes so good. It's just candy. It's just, it's like fun dip. Oh, it makes me healthy fun and delicious.
MaxYou're eating the jellyfish powder, huh? Yes. The goop jellyfish product. Usually found in jellyfish.
AlexOh, my God. It's just sugar. It's so.
MaxThis one, it says massage under wet, clean skin in circular motions, working towards the heart. Rinse off and notice how soft, smooth, and beautifully moisturized your skin feels. And then it says you may not need body lotion afterwards at all. Use two to three times a week. But I have two lotions here.
AlexThat's how they get you.
MaxSo is this all part of one skin ritual? I think so. So you take the powder, you dry brush yourself for five minutes, then you're going to put this lotion on and wash it off, and then you're going to do the salt rub, or maybe salt rub first and then the lotion.
AlexI'm too distracted by this powder. It's just so good.
MerlinMaybe we should have a challenge to develop a morning skincare ritual.
AlexOh my God. It's so... Max, just try it. It's so good. It's just sugar. Oh, thanks. It's so good. Oh, now it's everywhere. Max, do you know what yesterday was?
MaxUm, Tuesday?
AlexMerlin, do you know what yesterday was?
MaxYour birthday? I do. I do.
AlexHappy birthday, Alex. Did you? Nope. Nope. Hey, it's birthday. Nope. Did you celebrate?
MaxAlex, look, I got you all of these powders and creams from Goop for your birthday.
AlexMerlin, do you? Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. Did you celebrate in any way, Merlin?
MerlinNo. I think that would be a little bit self-involved. I learned about it because of the Trump organization. Do you want to tell Max what yesterday was?
AlexI mean, if he doesn't know, it's not really fair. And I'm kind of sad for him. It's very sad.
MerlinWait, wait, wait. So Max, wait a minute.
AlexHe doesn't know.
MerlinMax runs a big organization. Nobody celebrated yesterday to Max?
AlexI don't think so.
MerlinOh, shit.
AlexDon't tell him.
MerlinNever mind. Don't tell him.
AlexI know. I know.
MaxThis is driving me crazy.
MerlinWhat is it?
MaxI want to know.
AlexNothing. It was just a day. Is it going to affect my skin ritual? No.
MaxNo.
MerlinIt's going to affect a lot of stuff. No. Yesterday was National Boss Day, Max.
AlexMm-hmm.
MerlinOh, no. Yesterday was the day of celebrating bosses. Was it Alex's birthday?
AlexNo, it was National Boss Day. Didn't you just have your birthday, though? No, it's in September. It was National Boss Day yesterday.
MaxYes, you did just have your birthday. In September. Yeah, we celebrated it.
AlexNo, it's already October. That's not just your birthday. For me it is. Okay. All right. It was National Boss Day, which is a day that a woman secretary made for her boss in the 1980s to celebrate the relationship between boys and their superiors.
MaxYeah. I celebrate it. We should be observing that holiday.
AlexI know. That sounds like a great holiday. Well, look. I got you. Wait. Where did. Oh, no. Oh, no. Look at this lovely gift. I got you.
MaxWhat is this?
AlexOh. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh, that's nice. That's definitely not something that just came today. Yeah. It's definitely something I custom ordered and did not come just today.
MaxThat's very funny. Well, should we just reveal these now? I guess it's probably time, right? So as you know, we have a, here's how we make money. You're probably listening to Dubai Friday and you're going, these guys are out there. They're reviewing the free Goop products. They're making all this great content for us. They're having the skin ritual. They're probably going to be abducted by the fans. And if the signal on Twitter that they've been abducted. how do they afford to do that? How do these guys afford to do that? Because I don't hear any ads in this program, right? We don't read ads for BetDSI. We don't read ads for the new Toyota Camry Hybrid.
Max, do we read ads for ZipRecruiter? Oh, boy, don't we. It's the best way to hire. Yeah, we don't use the other hiring ones anymore. How do we make money? Well, we've got a Patreon, and we are listener-supported, So you can go to, well, here's how it works, everyone. You have money, and we want your money. So you can go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com. You have $5 a month. You become a member of the Dubai Friday Powder Nation, and you get to learn where all the challenges are in advance. You get an extra little mini episode of the podcast, our pre-show, where we plan the next
week's challenge. And there's also a higher level, you know, where you can ascend to, the skin ritual level, if you will. And that's the $10 Cox's Cox. And that's where we send you a little treat every so often. And we've been teasing a little mystery treat. And I think we're going to reveal it now because I think, are they going out? Did they get sent out?
AlexWell, they just arrived because unfortunately too many people signed up for the Patreon and we didn't order enough. But now all of the treats are in the office and they'll be going out next week. So these treats are going out soon.
MaxSo you're going to get these little prints made by a friend of the show, Kevin Bodnick.
AlexBut only if you are already.
MaxOh, yeah. You can't get this stuff now. Yeah. But I mean, become a $10 member so you don't fuck up this badly next time. Exactly. That's the best way to apologize. The ship has sailed. I mean, you're shit out of luck if you didn't get this stuff already. But yeah, you're going to get these little character portraits that are extremely adorable. And I would say they're—would you say they're suitable for framing, Merlin? Yes. I would say they're definitely suitable for framing.
They're super cute. We also met a Dubai Friday listener who has a leather shop, and he works with scrap leather, and he makes these really cool leather key rings. It's like a little key fob thing. And he sent us some funny Dubai Friday key rings. And we were like, we've got to get these for everyone because we talk about how if we ever do the key ring challenge where we talk about what's on our key rings, you'll know the show is over. So we've had some official. That's our secret signal to you.
MerlinYou're listening to the last episode of the show.
MaxYeah. Yeah.
MerlinWhat have you in your key chain? Keys. Well, this is the key to the office and this is the key to my house. This is a different key.
MaxI don't know what this is for. so we had these official Dubai Friday keychains made out they honestly they look they look so fucking cool I actually really love them and everyone's getting one as part of your mail and Alex has gotten me one for National Bosses Day and it's just a it's a nice stylish black keychain and it says on here it says Forbes 30 under 30. Thank you Alex. You're welcome. Wow. Media I'm going to put my keys on there.
AlexThat's going to last approximately, I'm going to say 48 hours. I think it's going to be 48 hours.
MaxNo, look, it fits right on here.
AlexForbes 30 under 30.
MaxI thought you got rid of your keys. No, I got a better wallet. Oh, did you get cyber locks?
MerlinDid you see the guy who got locked out of his house?
MaxBy a cyber lock?
MerlinYeah, yeah. So a guy is so great. A guy, it's basically, so he's part of, like me, he's heavily invested in the Internet of Things. and he has a Nest Cam that is associated with this cyber lock. And if he goes outside and the camera sees somebody that it doesn't recognize, it locks the door. Unfortunately, he was wearing a shirt with Batman on it.
Oh, that's a nightmare. That's so funny. The camera detected. My Nest Cam thinks that a bucket of balls at the bottom of our stuff, my child's balls, always thinks it's a face. And in this case, it thought it was the Batman. You hate to get your child's balls in camera. It looks like a little panda
MaxYou think you've crafted out of the photo But it turns out that the live photo And your child's balls get in the picture Oh no my balls And then you know now you've got Matt Howie tied up in your basement And you're getting ready for the skin ritual And now you're locked out of your house You can't open his garage door either Jesus Christ, I had some Trump quotes It's basically
I can't even make fun of him anymore I can just read his quotes I said this a while ago but the only thing that's funny to me now is Donald Trump
Speaker AYeah
AlexIt's strange because that is the only funny thing but also nothing else really makes me sad. Well, oh, now I'm sad about cruises. Never mind, take it back.
MaxTrump was going on about hurricanes, and he goes, clean is very, and he's talking about the environment, and he goes, I mean, you know, I am a person that believes very, very strongly in the environment. I am truly an environmentalist. I know some people might not think of me as that, but I'm an environmentalist. Everything I want and everything I have is clean. Clean is very important. Water, air. But I also want jobs for our country. And if we would have, as an example, entered into certain agreements with other countries, I actually think that we're doing it so they can have an economic advantage.
Because we would have had a tremendous – we would have had been at a tremendous economic disadvantage if we entered into certain agreements. Associated Press. But scientists say this is nearing a point where this can't be reversed. Trump. No, no. Some say that and some say differently. I mean you have scientists on both sides of it. My uncle was a great professor at MIT for many years, Dr. John Trump, and I didn't talk to him about this particular subject. But I have a natural instinct for science, and I will say that you have scientists on both sides of the picture.
AlexOh, well, okay. Was this the 60? Hold on. Was this the 60-minute thing? This was the Associated Press interview. Oh, great.
MerlinIt's so amazing. There's like two kinds of things in the world. There's the things that nobody could ever possibly know, guess, or imagine, and there's the stuff that he definitely knows. there's very little middle ground. It's either unknowable or absolutely true.
MaxWhat's with the painting that everyone's all... Oh, you know, there's these crazy, like, conservative artists. He was on All Things Considered, and he sounded like a nice man.
MerlinHe's like a pro-Trump artist, and he does these oil paintings of he did like Trump. But he's not... Okay, just to be clear, though, he's not the famous guy. Just so you know, don't conflate him with the guy that has Trump clutching the torn flag on the football field. Oh, that's not the same guy?
Speaker AIt's not the same guy.
MerlinThis guy... This is the guy that just does portraiture. Okay. Yeah, he also did Democratic... We should also cover, there is a whole... There is a murder of artists that likes to make pro-Republican art. One guy whose name escapes me does completely banana shit. Like, remember where Donald Trump is going to teach the liberal how to fish and they sit on a bench together? Yeah. That guy.
MaxThere's that guy. Google Trump crossing the Delaware.
MerlinTrump crossing the... Google Trump crossing the Delaware.
MaxJohn McNaughton. Oh, no. He's.
AlexOh. Oh, this is just lovely. Wait, who's. Is there a woman on the boat? Who's. Oh, is that Kellyanne Conway on the back there? Oh, I. Oh, there's Mitch. There's.
Oh, there's Paul.
MerlinThere's a whole lot of good ones here.
AlexThere. Is that John Spicer? Man, it's amazing how quickly these go out of date. Ah, there's good old Steve.
MaxLet me send you the Twitter profile.
AlexOh, Ivanka. Oh, Mike Pence is going to fall off that boat.
MerlinI'm sending you in our super secret text channel. I'm sending you some of my favorites that he's done.
MaxI mean, it's truly like shit bourgeois art. Like it's all like bad, like Norman Rockwell without the cleverness, like American pastiche. Look at the one of Obama that I sent, the second one.
MerlinWhich one? How racist is it? Oh, it's just all the things that Obama has created for us.
AlexFrom a scale of one to really racist.
MaxI'm going to commend him for this just being racist in content and not sort of aesthetically. Like I was expecting it to be more... Oh, is that a monkey or something? Yeah, I was expecting some sort of outright minstrel.
MerlinOr the rooster. What's the rooster? What is that?
AlexI'm not finding...
MerlinHe's got a rooster on his lectern. La la la. Oh, I don't know.
AlexOh, because he's a...
MerlinSo he's got so so so so this is like it's kind of like a Sergeant Peppers of right. There's a let's see. There's a drunk cop. There's a picture of us. Very funny that he painted Obama with his golf clubs.
AlexVery funny. There's a gay wedding cake. Why is there a toilet with the seat up? I think that.
MaxWhy did he paint Obama with a chicken? Why did he paint Obama with a dog?
AlexI. Yeah. I'm like, is there because like he's a cock, but not a cock. I don't. I have no idea.
MerlinHe's always playing golf and not respecting the troops and first responders. The one above that is even more baffling to me. So it's in front of the White House. I do like the Muslim guy burning a Bible. That's so cool. The one above that shows all of his supporters and the first responders in the background. There's an injured veteran. Thank you for your service. There's a Marine saluting. And there's a young family planting a tree in what appears to be a desert in front of the White House. And Donald Trump is standing on a snake. with large, large hands.
But it's not this guy. It's not John McNaughton. It's another guy who just likes to paint. He's done different kinds of presidential portraiture. He did one that's a bunch of Democratic presidents sitting around and laughing. And then he did one that's a bunch of Republican presidents sitting around and laughing. Now, you're saying to yourself, what do you mean Republican presidents? Is it the living presidents? It is not.
AlexNo, no, no.
MaxMax, would you like to describe what's in the portrait that's now hanging in the White House? So who do we got here? Eisenhower, Reagan, George W. Bush. We've got Bush Sr. standing in the back. Then there's Lincoln. Yep. Lincoln's, it looks like Lincoln's just told a funny joke. Yeah, everyone's kind of laughing at Lincoln. You got William Howard Taft way in the background. You've got Lincoln sitting right next to Nixon. The two of them just chumming it up. Yep, yep. What do you think Lincoln and Nixon would have talked about?
AlexI don't know. There's nothing. Chasing tail.
MerlinHaving a depressed wife. Teddy Roosevelt. Who's in the back? Is that... Got Silent Cal Coolidge back there. Warren G. Harding, one of the great Republicans.
AlexI just really like the beverages. Do you notice what Donald Trump is drinking?
MaxYeah, he's got... Donald Trump's got a big tall glass of Diet Coke with some like refrigerator ice cubes in it. Not even restaurant ice cubes. He's got like home refrigerator, like oblong ice cubes. Don't ice shame him And they're just melting into that Diet Coke Taking all the fizz out of the Diet Coke That is a completely flat Diet Coke That he's just drinking
MerlinTeddy Roosevelt is laughing so hard he appears to be sharting He's got an expression That says he's really passing something important And Reagan So anyway it's a notional Speculative fiction piece about what would happen If a bunch of our great presidents
MaxReagan looks confused to me Which is accurate Is the joke done yet?
Merlinso he painted this on his own and then I believe it was when our president was being interviewed by Leslie Stahl on 60 Minutes this week in the background you see that now they said it's a painting I don't know if it's a painting I think it could be a large printout from Kinko's but he's got this hanging in the White House
Maxhe used to have the inauguration pictures and he would allegedly when he was walking around the White House he would stop people and point at the pictures and make them look at the
Alexit's the biggest ever
Merlindid you read Olivia, just a little side thing Did you read Olivia Nuzzi's amazing interview with him last week?
AlexOh, no. It's in the Instapaper.
MerlinOh, Jesus Christ. She gets pulled in like, hey, you want to go meet with the president? She's like, sure. Yeah, I'm with the Atlantic and stuff. And it's just a total Potemkin Oval Office meeting. It's like, oh, hello. Everything here is going great. He hands her a four-page printout of all the things that he's done with bullets, which apparently he has ready to go anytime to deploy. And then it's like, oh, it's like something. It's like something from Extras. He goes, oh, who could believe it? It's Vice President. It's Vice President Pence. Please come in, Vice President Pence.
And then and then Kelly comes in. It's like, oh, Kelly comes in. And then the guy who's going to replace Kelly comes in like, oh, yes, we are very good friends. Definitely.
I'm not going to do my new segment.
MaxOh.
MerlinOh, yeah, right.
MaxYour bit. What's your bit? That's okay.
MerlinNo, no.
MaxPitch your bit. We're all excited for it. Oh, man.
MerlinNo, this is my new segment. It's a new segment where I'm going to keep you. It's called I'm Wrecked. And it's about the kind of emotional week you have when you read about incredibly important news on Twitter moments and you're not sure what it's about. So this is a new segment called I'm Wrecked. And then there's an emoji of something with squinty eyes.
MaxSometimes you accidentally click on that moments tab, right? You, like, misclick.
Merlinand then you there's just some things that are going on this week that I learned about Jacksepticeye and we shoe split up a lot of things they were working together it's Lana and Azalea they got beef they're feuding junk junkook had to perform while seated because of an injury Kalani announced that she's pregnant it looks like JaVal McGee learned a thing from the Splash Brothers Drake opens up to LeBron James about push a T diss and Kanye beef and And that's the source of the tweet that I sent you, which I thought could probably become a yes, yes, no.
This is Twitter user still cis lord problematic. Drake really thought he was going to just drop Duppy. Pusha would just respond with some shit that nobody would care about, and he was just going to end up with another notch on his belt. Had no idea Pusha was sitting on all six stones. Emoji.
AlexI, I, no idea.
MerlinDo you yes, yes, no that to me, Alex? What does that mean? What are the stones? No, no, no. What about, what about drop Duppy?
AlexNo, no, no. No, no.
MerlinYou think Pusha would just respond with some shit that nobody would care about?
AlexThis would be a good bit if I had any idea.
MerlinWhat about Jacksepticeye?
AlexNo, like a septic tank is...
MerlinJacksepticeye? That's not funny. Jacksepticeye and Weissu. They split up. I'm sorry.
MaxOne of the most prominent YouTube couples. Oh. This one... You know what? This is a funny Twitter moment that I found. Let me send it to you.
MerlinYeah, yeah, send it to me. I'll put it in. I'm wrecked.
MaxI do get this one. I just think it's funny. Look at this. So the headline is, Lady Gaga's oversized suit is giving basketball connoisseurs NBA draft vibes. But I do like this suit. She kind of wears a suit like Donald Trump does.
Doesn't she kind of wear a suit like Donald Trump?
AlexThe pants are cut a lot like his pants. Yeah, yeah. This looks like a very comfortable suit situation.
MerlinShe looks like the president. Now, hang on a minute. Before we get problematic, aren't people here for this? I think people are here for this.
AlexYes.
MerlinI mean, Yas Queen, aren't people? Yes. Isn't everybody wrecked about how excited they are for Lady Gaga's large suit?
MaxIt's an empowerment thing, right? You know, I think that what you're going to do is you're going to wake up in the morning. You're going to begin your skin ritual, right? You've got about 40, 50 minutes of skin ritual. And then afterwards, you're going to find out what the celebs are wearing. Oh, I see. What's the uniform of the day? Right. What is the uniform of the day? Yeah. Large suit. What are the celebs up to now? That's what I always want to know. And then I log on to Twitter Moments and I go, here's all the topics I care about. I want to know about all the great sports moments that I might have missed from TV. I want to know what the celebs are. Are they at it again or not?
MerlinWho's a good basketball boy?
MaxI regret to inform you the celebs are at it again. Thank you, Twitter Moments.
Diggit, diggit, diggit, challenge. This one's challenge comes from Max. So this challenge was admittedly pretty self-indulgent, But I recently had gone back and I discovered this childhood book series that I loved, sort of young adult science fiction series called The AI Gang by Bruce Colville. And I had a flight and I got it on my Kindle and I reread the whole series on the flight back. And I just was really enchanted by it. And it made me think about what, you know, looking back, I haven't read these books in, you know, whatever, probably 20 years.
They're definitely of a ton. Oh, yeah.
AlexOh, yeah.
MaxI was able I was I mean I have a lot of questions to ask you guys about it but including like you know that does the like the way the technology clearly didn't age does that sort of ruin the story for you guys but I it mostly just made me think like these were like incredibly formative books for me like they got me interested in philosophy and computer science and there's like there's like things in there that I still think are funny like I think they just got also just got me interested in like science fiction and reading Like, these were big books, big important books for me to have read when I did.
And I don't know, I just thought it would be interesting to ask you guys about it. Like, are they totally insane now? Like, is it really kitschy? Like, did it hold up at all?
AlexI thought it was fine. So the plot of the book, do you just, it's, there are four very smart kids who happen to have very smart parents. and there's a top secret agency or program. They make it clear it's not the government. They have to go to this island and they're going to build a sentient AI. And then the kids decide, oh, you know, it'd be fun if we beat our parents to this game and make our own mystery solving AI
and they call it Sherlock. And that's pretty much it. And there's a bomb. It sure was a book. I don't know.
MaxIt's a mystery series like Harry Potter. Like every book, there's a different mystery that they saw.
AlexThey didn't solve the mystery, though.
MaxYes, they did.
AlexAll right, spoiler horn. They found a crazy... Please make that noise almost all the time.
MerlinI think that's your new catchphrase.
AlexHello. Merlin, did you read the book at all? Nope, I read some of it.
MerlinI read just a little bit, and I started too late and ran out of time. I've been told by my wife I need to fix this. From now on, I have to at least have started the challenge by Friday morning.
AlexOh.
MerlinSo this is my – she's demanded to me that I'm not allowed to peanut butter anymore. So starting this week, I'm going to be at least partway into the challenge. Because my problem is I wait until too late, and I started it yesterday.
MaxAll right. Well, Merlin, you're going to love this week. You're going to love the new challenge if everyone get a piercing.
AlexHey.
MerlinAnd so I got up to just the very beginning.
MaxWelcome to neck tattoo week on Dubai.
AlexOh, no. Oh, no. Did you get to the part where we meet Black Glove?
MerlinNo. Tell me about Black Glove.
AlexBlack Glove is the spy on the island who I, it's not clear what his goal is. I guess he's trying, it's like an.
MerlinIs he like the Willy Wonka guy? Like a mysterious, like, you know, he's a bad guy, but you're not sure how?
AlexWell, no, because. You know the one guy, the guy with the glasses? No. Sorry, I'm derailing you. Go ahead. I don't, all I remember from Willy Wonka is that terrifying tunnel scene. But this guy is, or girl, I don't know. They, they make, they try not to gender them because it becomes clear. It's Halloween. Just have some fun. Oh God. It becomes clear that it's one of the scientists on the island and it's, is it like corporate espionage that's happening?
It's very unclear what's going on. But on top of that, there is a character called the fanatic who is, it really doesn't like the concept of AI. She's like a crazy Elon Musk. I like how I, I was just a crazy lady, Elon Musk. And she wants to blow up the entire. Yeah. Oh no. Yeah. I, I like to build tunnels. She, she wants to build, she wants to like, she has like a jihad against the AI and wants to blow up the entire island.
and the kids catcher at the last minute. But we still have no idea who Black Glove is. And then there are two more books.
MaxYeah, they're a great trilogy, too. You should keep going.
AlexHonestly, I'm in the middle of the second one. I need to know. But here's what killed me.
MaxThe ending of these books is going to blow your mind. It's so good.
AlexThey didn't even build Sherlock. The title of the book. But that's the first. It's not like the Sorcerer's Stone shows up in the first Harry Potter book. Like, it's not, I don't know. It was fine.
MerlinWe should mention to our listeners that at least the first one, I assume the other ones are available on Kindle Unlimited.
AlexYes, they are all free. There are some, I decided to highlight some problematic elements. Oh, bring it. Ray glanced up and felt his mind go blank at the sight of the dark haired woman in front of him. She was, to use his father's term, a knockout. slightly out of breath she was jockeying in place and looking more beautiful than any scientist said right to
Merlinis that bad women can't be pretty now he's saying women can't be scientists pretty girls can't be smart am i not supposed to notice that she's a scientist oh and they don't
Alexwrite out say it say it but there's uh this character wendy who's like the goofy one who's kind of supposed to be uh who's she's like the goofy fat friend who like gets into hijinks
Merlini just marked that part problematic wow alex she's always eating burgers fat friend oh
Alexshe just wants a portion she's like dark vader she just wants a burger
Merlinshe just takes a portion stop trolling to floor wait so her whole character is problematic so so in short alex doesn't like
Alexthe book because there's a fat girl that likes no no she's my favorite she built these like psychotic well she's she kind of seems a little bit like a not quite a sociopath but she has built these little robots that i are like dolls like one's a doll there are two dolls and a bear and they just like follow her her around and they're am i wrong that this would make like
Maxan incredible movie like isn't it like can't you see it adapted to like a 2018 like movie yeah i just looking at the terrible cgi and oh boy either so you could either well there isn't much cgi in
Alexthese books is what is what's cool there's a talking bronze head i mean that's a practical
Maxyou could do i guess so i guess but you could do uh but anyway no there isn't much cgi actually in these books like you could do it all you could film it all uh you know like on location basically and it would be it would be it would be cheap and easy but uh i really think this could this could have huge potential as a film someone should like go get the rights to this and make this as a movie and you could either set it in a period piece in the early 90s or just update all the technology so it's you know relevant to 2018 it wasn't that bad the tech stuff no because like part of the conceit is that they don't have cell phones on the island yeah so it works yeah so it kind of works i do like
Alexhow uh at one point they are asking the ai uh i forget who it is one of the kids asks sherlock a question and uh also sherlock cannot answer one question throughout the entire book but uh it's noted you have to start a question with sherlock so that you know they were ahead of their time yeah yeah sherlock uh and they steal they steal uh i was unclear about how they did this but like they got the track of um the guy who played sherlock holmes and all of the super
old movies and they made yes yes and uh they make their robot that voice i would i i'm waiting for
Maxthe day when we can when we can do that i think we're actually pretty close we're very close but um i know i happen to know that majol barrett who is gene roddenberry's wife who recorded who was the voice of the computer on star trek before she died she recorded like a phonetic library of her saying tons of words and reading every different sound and syllable in different combinations with the idea that in the future they could use that to reconstruct her voice for a computer. I bet that's plenty enough information
Merlinto massage that into what they would need.
MaxThat's what I hope. I certainly hope because that's what I want someday is my home to sound like Mrs. Roddenberry from Star Trek.
AlexRoddenberry.
MaxComputer.
MerlinIt's up to you, Mrs. Roddenberry.
MaxComputer, turn the lights off.
MerlinComputer. Have you revisited much of your childhood favorites as adults? I think it's a real interesting project because on the one hand I have, so on the one hand there's the things that I went back to because I loved it as a kid to read to my daughter. But it's funny even to go back to stuff that I liked when she was little. And I do find sometimes my enjoyment of it is greatly amplified. and other times I'm just like wow I can't believe I like this that much but in this case this is one where you went back and you dug it. I couldn't
Maxbelieve how good it was like I went back and I was like oh this one's going to be like a corny like disaster because like it's about technology and it's all got old but like oh my god there's so much in there there's Descartes there's philosophy there's like computer science and HCI and stuff like it's great like a lot of it's very Star Trek-y like a lot of it is the characters like sitting around like talking about ethics and things like that. Oh yeah. And I'm such a fucking sucker for that. And then it's like really cool world building. There's like great like ensemble, like, you know, like funny, like ancillary characters. There's like a killer mystery that I kind of remembered the outlines of, but I forgot just enough of it that I was still shocked and delighted by how it all played out.
Like, I fucking love these books. And I think they would be great books for a kid to read now. And I also was left with the impression. Like, that was the main thing was I read this and I was like, damn, like so much of my current interests and who I am. I feel like it connects back to reading these books when I was really young.
AlexYeah, when I was reading this, I was definitely like, I sure see why Max likes this. Also, they're definitely going to get, I predict they're going to get into a bit of like, ah, truly AIs can't be real, which is your whole thing. And they do. They get into like, they have the Latin thing. They say philosophers are never certain. Or they got the Descartes in there. Cognito ergo sum is a name of a chapter.
It's very cute. It kind of reminded me of Artemis Fowl, except he's truly a sociopath. I don't know. It was fine. It's also interesting.
MerlinThere's a time. Obviously, I was probably in my 30s when this came out. I was not into computers for their own sake, but the internet made me get into computers more between, you know, using a Mac and being on the internet. But it is funny to go back to a time when, I mean, setting aside all the kind of Merle Mann stuff of like, you used to have to go and interact with a computer. You went and interacted with a computer for a time, a computer that you had to keep updated, a computer where you had to do everything, almost everything manually. You'd shut it off at night. You'd turn it on when you wanted to use it.
You didn't just leave it on. If you wanted to use the internet, you would like have to make sure nobody was on the phone. and like it seems like that this is probably from a time where uh you would like being into computers was a thing rather than today where it's like of course you're into computers i mean it's like not being into air like at that time it would be sort of a distinguishing characteristic to be thinking
Maxabout stuff like you know uh computers and ai yeah that wasn't i guess that's another thing that stuck with me from reading that or from i definitely got that feeling but like also like I am interested in computers. You're interested in computing. Yeah, it's interesting. But it's a different thing. It's not merely a tool that I use to do everything in my life. I'm actually interested in the computer.
MerlinYeah, yeah, yeah.
MaxI think Alex is too, wouldn't you say?
AlexI enjoy the computers, yes.
MaxThey're good. But this was one of the early things for me that I connected with. What are you guys, do you have books or childhood things like that? they're like pretty big touchstones of like boy a lot of my like self conception and identity like
Alexcame from this thing uh there's a book called the house of the scorpion which is about uh kind of like a peter teal starring uh dwayne the johnson yeah yeah uh i think that's what it's called but um it's there's like a peter teal type character who basically breeds children uh so that he can live forever and yeah uh that was good i did a book report about it and got it banned from my library uh because they would just buy you know like the best-selling books uh i liked
feed by mt anderson which was a like sort of the dangers of hooking yourself into the internet it actually ages pretty it aged pretty well uh probably because they made up like slang for everything and so it's nonsense words for most technology i've talked about the westing game before yeah right um i don't know harry potter that little little franchise most of my um broken
Merlinsexual cosmology came from televisual stuff like uh like tv shows and movies but i feel like a lot of my interest and style stuff came from whether it's cartoon books or like just any kind of books and a lot of it, some of it has aged better than others. I genuinely loved, this wasn't part of my identity, but I loved reading Encyclopedia Brown when I was a kid. I was never into like mysteries, but Encyclopedia Brown was right in my wheelhouse.
MaxThere were some real stinkers in the Encyclopedia Brown universe.
MerlinThat's exactly what I was going to say. I pulled it out from my daughter and there's a few that are like pretty good. It's like, oh, he couldn't have put his baby on the car because it would have been hot for him driving for three hours. But there's times where they're just fucking non sequiturs. It's like, ah, but Bologna is not available in July. in that portion. I was like, what?
Speaker AAre you sure about that? You could never have fit it through
Merlinthe door.
Speaker AYou get to the end
Merlinand you go read the solution in the back and you're like, aha, but telephones don't have any way of having a cord that long. You're like,
Maxall right, I guess. It just seems like a lot of them have to do with tobacco pipes and things like that.
MerlinHis jacket would have been smoking. yeah there's a ton where i can't think of any specifics but i remember reading them with her and there were some where you'd be like oh that's right and you can usually tell they telegraph the clue pretty heavily but there'd be some where you're like that doesn't even make sense that's not it's not a mystery and that's not a solution why did you pay that kid a nickel like that's terrible but yeah i mean there is there's a lot of there is a lot you know what really has has stood the test of time well to me honestly is uh i don't say comics but cartoon books
peanuts is still can be very very good peanuts from the 60s and 70s can still be very good obviously you know far sides a little bit corny sometimes but you know calvin and hobbs still a lot of fun that was more slightly more adult thing for me but honestly i remember first getting into my friend's dad uh had all these books of like new yorker cartoons and i remember thinking they were so bizarre and funny he had a that's where i first learned about edward gory and the guy Ashley Crumb, Tiny's learning about George Booth, like those those cartoonists for The New Yorker back in the day or the Addams family.
And that kind of stuff. I don't know that that stuff has really stood the test of time because it didn't pander. You know, I think I think some children's literature, I don't want to sound critical, but like sometimes it does really feel like you're just getting in on a trend. whether that's sexy vampires or wizards in england and like if you're just trying to cash in on the you know uh flavor of the month kind of stuff it is just a little bit exploitative and may not stand up but i don't know it's funny to me like how the visual stuff in particular even like old children's books like uh children's like picture books um uh can really stand the test
of time but your kids grew up in the 90s that must have been so weird i can't imagine growing up in the 90s.
MaxI grew up, but I was talking to someone about this the other day that the specific years that I grew up were the last acceptable years to grow up because we grew up where we had computers. Is that news to you, Alex?
AlexGo on. No, go ahead.
MaxNo, your life was an unendurable hellscape growing up. We grew up where we had computers available to us for almost our whole life. So like I learned how to type. I never had to write a school paper on a typewriter. You know what I mean? Like computers were always there. Word processing was always there. But we did not – the internet was not a fixture of my life like socially until high school.
AlexAh. So is that why I'm broken? Because I had the first iPhone.
MaxIt's why every child younger than me is – Is that why I'm broken?
MerlinWe don't have time to get into that.
MaxIt's why if you're even one year younger than me, you're completely fucked up. I would start with the people in the robes and the tall hats, Alex.
MerlinBut like this body. I'm going to put it in your mouth. Open your mouth. Begin the skin ritual. Every Sunday morning I'm late for masks. It's my skin ritual.