90. Her Partner, Pam
2018Show notes
You can hear the after show and support Do By Friday on Patreon!
Show Notes
- Customer’s email exchange with Cards Against Humanity escalates beyond all expectations
- What Happened to Jill Stein’s Recount Millions?
- Max’s Twitch
- New Jersey high school serial pooper: Superintendent resigns | SI.com
- ‘Bigfoot erotica’? Virginia congressional candidate accuses GOP opponent of being a fan
- The Queer Art of Failing Better | Laurie Penny
- Two fan-favorite Queer Eye couples enjoy a double date | EW.com
- Home Shark Tanks Are In. Just One Problem: Sharks Make Terrible Pets - WSJ
- #125 All My Pets by Reply All from Gimlet Media
- AntsCanada - YouTube
- Vaginal ‘Rejuvenation’ Treatments May Be Unsafe, the F.D.A. Says - The New York Times
- Tweets with replies by Cole 👽 (@trans_tho) | Twitter
- How the Fleece Vest Became the New Corporate Uniform - WSJ
- Vest-Vending Machine a Big Hit in San Francisco | FOX40
Transcript
Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesAlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox, and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, wear a vest.
Hello.
MerlinGood morning.
AlexInterns, could you please get Max... Go forth. Go forth and get max water. Oh, wow. Look at how swift. Look at how spry they are.
MaxThey're both sitting on a couch staring at each other. All right. Ooh, the Dickersons. We got the Dickersons in here.
AlexWell, they're still not. I mean, they're calibrated, so it sounds good.
MaxI think you're not supposed to talk directly into them like you're talking into a hot dog.
AlexCorrect.
MaxYeah.
AlexWell, you are supposed to talk into it like this, but from a poppy dip.
MaxLike I'm doing, Alex.
AlexYes, yes, yes. Well, sideways. The side difference. You call that the sideways difference. You're supposed to come in off axis? Uh-oh.
MaxGuess who needs to be turned way up in the headphones? Way up there. Just all the way up. This is me. Good morning.
AlexCan we turn?
MaxWe should put this in the show notes as a segment. Just segment number one, turn rolling up in the headphones. Oh, dear.
AlexYep, a little bit.
MaxAnd now me and Alex, keep it coming. A little bit more. Keep it coming. Oh, we're good. We're good. Stop. Stop. Stop right there.
AlexAbort, abort.
MaxOkay. We all sound pretty good. This is about, we should put some tape on the mixing board or something.
AlexNo, because that, it's, for us, yes. We shall put Dubai Friday tape on for us. However, by the net.
MaxWait a minute, we didn't have bottled?
AlexNo, we do in the green room. Also, can I have one as well?
MaxI mean, I'll technically drink this tap water, but.
MerlinCould you tell me a little bit about what you learned when you were interning at Cards Against Humanity? I learned that Max likes his water in a bottle. Okay, who is Max? he is the cards guy. I saw the funny jokes at Target. That's going to look good on LinkedIn. They're going to need a new drop down menu for that.
MaxAll right, guys. I have so much. I have huge balls, big balls full of content this week. I've got big content balls.
AlexOh, no.
MaxNice. Too messin'. I'm brimming with content. Oh, thank you. It's cold, too. Look at that.
AlexOh, I got one, too.
MaxIt's like sweating a little bit.
AlexI mean, this is the off-brand Costco version, but that's okay, Jordan. That's fine.
MaxI'll take it.
AlexThat's fine.
MaxOkay. So, all right. First of all, I think we should get all of our plugs and Patreon stuff out of the way right off the top. Is that okay with everyone? We shouldn't reveal the treats yet. I don't think we should. I have so much. Oh, I want to reveal. Oh, God. We're revealing. First of all, as you know, Dubai Friday has no ads on it. You might be thinking to yourself, well, how do they make any money other than their highly successful card game that's available in Target and at CardsAgainstHumanity.com? well the answer is we have a give away all that glitter
yeah shout out to Maria for
Merlinher viral glitter mailing I got a question about that that's an empowered employee was that person empowered to just send a shit ton of glitter to somebody oh my god what a great
Maxplace to work take back my water so here's how we make money people here's the dynamic basically is that you have money and we want money and you can go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and you can give us $5 a month to become a Patreon supporter of Dubai Friday. So what does that do? Number one, it keeps ads off the show. So we just get to have fun, make fun of Donald Trump, and we don't have to sell you ads for, you know, tuft and stitch mattresses or whatever.
MerlinServers submerged in oil.
MaxOr, you know, the underpants with the silver thread in them.
MerlinUnderpants. We don't have to talk about the sink or the bounce of the underpants.
MaxSilver strands.
AlexNot latex.
MaxWe don't have to name the treats that you'll be getting in this month's snack box. You know what's good are those dried pineapple Peanut butter nom noms
AlexYou know normally I don't like to shop But it just comes right to your door
MaxSo what do you get for your $5 So you keep the ads off
MerlinYou get a personal designer That learns the way that you like to dress And they send you shorts
MaxBut more importantly you're asking Well what's in it for me Because I'm already benefiting from all the other cocks who pay for this show I'm giving you my fucking money What am I going to get out of this Yeah, I mean, there's already a bunch of cucks who pay for this show, and they're keeping the ads off. So what's in it for you? Well, every week we record a whole second episode of Dubai Friday. It's our bonus show, and it's available only on a special RSS feed that you get from being a Patreon backer. So that's $5 a month. You go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com. You get the second episode every week, and it's our after show where we pick the next week's challenge and say the things that will— We're usually pretty tired, and I'm losing my voice, and then we gossip about our friends.
But plus side, we say the things that we're worried we'll get in trouble if we say on the main podcast. It's the one point when we all feel comfortable at least asking the question. We're just asking the question.
Speaker AJust asking the question.
MerlinWhoa, whoa, now it's illegal. Now it's illegal to have philosophy.
MaxIn this week's After Show, we'll talk about how funny Nat Ed is. So, okay. But on the Patreon, you're probably asking, $5 a month, is that all I can give you at giveusyourfuckingmoney.com? Well, no, there's another level. you can become an official Cox's Cuck if you give us $10 a month. And now what does that get you? You get the RSS feed with the after show, and we also send you special treats. It's a pretty good deal. I mean, I don't know that you could afford not to do that.
AlexOh, boy.
MaxMerlin, I had some follow-up for you before we really jump into it. Yes, you did. I was listening to your program, Roderick on the Line. You familiar with that show? Yeah, I've heard it a couple times. And you mentioned, now you know I listen to these shows on a delay because I'm behind on my podcasts. So this could have been a month ago or so that you mentioned that you gave an amount of money that was about three digits to the Jill Stein election recount effort. Oh, God, yes.
MerlinIt was in the frantic after days when we were all clinging for some part of a door to float on after the Titanic had gone down. and uh and and she says she says jill stein says she says look you send me your fucking money and i will personally make sure that there's a recount what the fuck piss on a spark plug oh wow so so uh you should drop the other uh uh lady's shoe here uh so yeah a bunch of us cucks we we cucked up and we sent jill stein some money and then what do we know today i got nothing uh i don't think i even got a thank you now wow um what an operation yeah
How did she end up using that money, Max? The $500 that I spent.
Speaker AYou gave her $500? Oh, my God.
MerlinNo, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. No, I probably sent her like $72 probably. Merlin, that's a lot of money.
AlexIs that costly or expensive? I don't even. I think it's both.
MerlinIt's painful. It's time constraints. It's fucking painful. I don't remember how much, but let's just say it was more than I should have.
MaxHow did she spend that money? Did she buy a yacht or something?
MerlinLegal defense fund? Oh, you're not prepared for this? Okay.
AlexOh, no. There's an answer. There's a...
MerlinOh, no. It's terrible. Okay. Dugga, dugga, dugga. June 5th. Daily Beast. Jill Stein finally reveals how she's been spending the recount money. Oh, dear God. This is Daily Beast, Charles Davis. June 5th. After the possibility of a recount of the 2016 election results ended, Jill Stein's presidential campaign continues to spend heavily on everything from staff salaries to attorney fees. The U.S. Green Party candidate revealed Monday that she had doled out more than $365,000 since the end of September 2017.
As of April 30th, 2018, her campaign had just over $761,000 in cash on hand. Let's see. So she had raised $7.3 million for swing state recounts, hinted that donors would have the ability to vote on how she would spend any leftover money. The recount efforts came to an end. Oh, yeah, she stuck with it all the way through December of 2016.
MaxWell, but that's leftover money that you get to decide on. You know, that's how like that's how like Chewie's never made any money on Star Wars because those movies have never made money on paper.
MerlinOh, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. He also didn't get a medal. So she kept at this. You know, it's the grindstone all the way for a month into December of 2016. No votes have been offered. Instead, since then, the Stein campaign has pursued recount related litigation in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Most of the money spent in several months has been on lawyers and filing fees, but money has also been used to keep Stein's 2016 core campaign staff intact. And I feel like I read more about other ways it got spent, but I can't put my hand to it right now.
So you're welcome, Ms. Stein.
MaxWow, Merlin, you really stepped up and did your duty there. I feel like the amount of money that you give to homeless people, it sort of indemnifies you against a few done political donations. It's better than nothing.
MerlinOkay, thanks, man. So I guess that recount will be coming any day now.
Speaker AYou know, at the time.
MerlinI feel like we can still get him. It's like, oh, you kidding after what he did? Look at that latest thing he did. Yeah, they got him this time. But, you know, it's like your Vigigames, like your PUBGs and your Fortnites. You've got your resource allocations. First, you've got to make a crafting table. And then you need to learn how to make acts.
MaxYeah, but I don't— It's kind of like that. I mean, if it costs $500 to play PUBG at, you know. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's why I'm a AAA player.
MerlinAAA is a kind of costly video game.
MaxAll right. Final thing I wanted to—a final piece of follow-up before we get into all of our news for the week. I've been doing these Twitch streams on Thursday evenings at 7 p.m. Central Time. And we have some really cool ones coming up next. Actually, next week I'm at Gen Con, so there will be no stream. But after that, we've got friend of the show, Renato Mariotti. He's going to come on. He's going to tell us about the Manafort trial and give us all of the updates of whatever happens over the next week. And he will take some questions from the chat.
This is on the Twitch? He's going to come over to my house and we're going to play games on Twitch. And then I don't know if people know this, but Renato is also a pretty highly ranked Hearthstone player. No. He is. He has that super logical, you know, magic-gathering mind. And I have not played Hearthstone in many a moon. And Renato is going to teach me how to build a good deck in Hearthstone and explain the current meta to me. And we're going to make some decks and jump into competitive. So it's going to be a super fun stream. And then it will be benefiting a Democratic candidate for House that we have not locked down yet.
TBD. Cool. He's an official CNN boy now. He is. Yeah, I think he signed with CNN, and I see him on all the time. And after that, we're going to have one of my favorite House candidates in the whole country who will be on the stream to give us an update on his race, which is Randy Bryce from Paul – Is that Iron Stash? That's Iron Stash from Paul Ryan's district. He has an amazing campaign ad. I think he, my personal feeling is he kind of scared Paul Ryan off of running for re-election. And super excited to have him on the stream.
I think he's going to answer some questions about his race. He'll also take some questions from the chat. He'll kind of give us an update on the message he's found that's working really well in Wisconsin. Maybe he'll talk to us a little bit about the very exciting developments in Wisconsin's governor race to get Paul Walker out of there, or Scott Walker, I mean, out of there. and how do people find out about these streams? You can subscribe on Twitch TV slash MaxEstentialist. Alex will put the thing in the show note for that or you can join us on the Dubai Friday Discord which is like a little like, what is that?
It's like Slack for gamers and we have one. Nice. Yeah, come hang on. Alex, thank you for doing the stream by the way last week. It was really fun. We raised $3,000 for...
AlexSean Keston?
MaxOh, you can pay for six recounts. That's a lot of recon money We raised $3,000 for the Democratic candidate in the Illinois 6th Sean Kasten One of the most competitive races in the country Sean called into the stream And answered some questions about the race He called in from a debate he was doing with Peter Roskin
AlexYeah, he had just finished I didn't realize that at the time
MaxYeah, and it was very official That's good time management He had an American flag behind him
MerlinOh, nice
MaxWatch out for those guys on Twitter
MerlinAnyway. Hey, Alex, you got anything you want to promote? I will next week.
MaxOkay, nice. Wait, what's next? Wait, what's happening next week? I don't know. Wait, why?
AlexDig dug. Wait a minute. What am I missing?
MaxWhat's happening next week?
AlexOkay.
MaxPut it in our secret super channel. Yeah, I will. Okay. Okay. All right. Sports Illustrated. Follow up. Sports Illustrated. The New Jersey superintendent accused of pooping on local high school football fields and tracks on a daily basis has resigned according to nj.com i'm resigning thomas the doodler leaves now thomas trump i might have left you a little surprise you'll find it
eventually batman got him and just left him like dangling off over the track like the joker You're with me. Thomas Tramaglini was arrested in May and charged with lewdness, littering, and defecating in public. Wow, they got him on all three. The big three, as they say.
Iron Troika. You know, getting the doodler on lewdness, it's a little bit like Capone going down for tax evasion. I know that that's the charge that they could make, but it feels a little slight, you know? I was born in it. He had taken paid leave from his
AlexNo we've all been born in it Like 90% of people shit You literally you come out
MerlinThey cut the cord and you start dropping dukes
AlexMerlin Merlin Merlin Did your daughter get pooped on? What? Did your daughter get pooped on?
MerlinWhat but by my lady? How do you mean?
AlexBecause I've been led to
MerlinYou mean during the miracle of birth? Oh boy there was just a whole lot going on I don't think there was any you would need some forensic team. You would need somebody from like a CBS show with a headlamp coming in there and really taking some samples. There was a whole lot going on. It was just basically a chalky little dead looking baby. It was very upsetting.
AlexMy mom won't tell me whether or not it happened so she definitely shat on me.
MaxWait, why is that something? Hang on. Now, hang on. Back up. Please explain to me how that comes up in conversation.
Merlinwell you know you have questions in life you know am i adopted why is my hair blonde did you shit on me you know you're sitting around playing some hearthstone with your family and the questions
Speaker Acome up um mommy did you drop a duke on me did i look at your choices in life alexandra you tell me do you have a sick tummy
MerlinI don't want to build a deck anymore so they hit him they hit him hard with the charges the doodler they got him they got him this time
Maxnow they say based on events unrelated to his service for Kenilworth it has become clear to both Dr. Tramaglini and the Kenilworth Board of Education that his continued service as superintendent of schools has become too much of a distraction as the main mission of the district. An email sent to staff read, when Tramaglini resigned, his attorney called the accusations, quote, falsehoods, and that he will continue to fight the charges. The attorney said in a statement, no aspect of this difficult decision should be construed as an acknowledgement of guilt.
MerlinFake news! I wanted to leave.
Speaker AFake news! It was actually my idea. I wanted to leave. Drop a duke any time. I'll keep my job out of care.
MaxHave I been arrested for defecating in public? Yes. Am I resigning my office as a result of that? Yes. Right. Is any of that to be construed as an admission of guilt? No.
MerlinIs there a way that I can continue this job while the staff, faculty, and students continue to imagine what it looks like when I drop a duke on the field? It's a hypothetical. He's just asking the question. Well, it's too much of- I don't think that's going to harm his credibility. It shows he's a confident man.
MaxNo, it's just that- It's simply that it's become too much of a distraction to the main mission of the district.
MerlinIt's too much of a distraction, but the man's in great shape. He runs a lot.
MaxWhat happens next, Max? Well, I don't know. This article, none of the Sports Illustrated or the NJ.com.
MerlinThey should do a 30 for 30. You know that series? They should do a 30 for 30 on this.
MaxOh, like a thin red line recreation kind of a thing?
MerlinOh, with an Errol Morris interview? That would be so good.
MaxNow, none of these articles speculate why he did it. Don't you think you'd ask the guy if he's making public statements? Well, not that it would be an admission of guilt, But if you did doodle, he needs to write an OJ style book. An OJ book. Like if I doodled, how I doodled. If I did doodle. If I doodled, why and how did I do it?
MerlinYeah, it's all about the type sizes. He's out looking for the real doodle.
AlexNone of the articles also go into an examination of what the doodles look like. Because I'm curious if it's a fiber thing of like this is how I can – this is like the healthy bowel movement or if it's like a liquidy situation. Because I have to imagine – like if I were doing this, I have a relatively healthy tummy usually. But with the nerves, it would not be a good situation out there.
MaxI've got some pretty bad food poisoning right now.
AlexOh, my God. Why are you – okay.
MaxWell, I'm not contagious.
AlexI just have food poisoning. Well, I know.
MerlinThere's a lot of that going around right now. There's a lot of recalls.
MaxIs there really? I don't know, man. You know, I thought about tweeting at Dr. Don, but I didn't because I figure he's probably pretty sick of people tweeting at him about their diarrhea. But boy, could I destroy a track and field. He chose the job, not us. I could really ruin a high school track this week.
MerlinI mean, there's several aspects to it. I've thought about this. I've had my bad days with the Basement Times. Sure. I understand how that works. Yeah, I'm a sufferer. but it's the repeat nature of it that I find so interesting. It's one thing to say like, oh my God, I had some strong coffee and now I got a situation. And you deal with that. And you move on in life. That's, you know what I mean? Second arrow. You just get on with it. You understand. Sometimes I'm just going to drop a duke in my doodler and then you just move on, right? It sounds like it was almost part of his workout.
Or the workout was part of the doodles.
MaxYou got to get a clue. See, why? You got arm day, you got leg day. This is a fundamental, I mean, Merlin, you've sort of put forward this theory before that it's like primarily, he's like a high performance athlete and when you need to go, you got to go and he just used the track out of convenience and I thoroughly disagree. I think this is- You feel the fear and do it anyway. I think if you're a superintendent, you know the cost of getting caught for this and it's the transgression and the exhilaration and the- Oh, you're saying he's a dirty boy. Yeah, it's a sexual thing. It's clearly a sexual thing, clearly.
MerlinAnd this is- You think he was cranking his hog while he was doing it?
MaxNo, I think you remember it and you crank your hog later.
AlexCan you do that at once?
MaxYou put it in your doodle bank.
AlexI'm going to stop. Never mind. Could you doodle and crank? Yeah.
MerlinA crank and a doodle. Doodle and crank. That's like that thing where you've got to rub your stomach while you cut your head. It would take some practice. That's the... It's probably technically a form of juggling. It's like devil sticks, but with poop. That's the soldier boy.
Speaker ACrank that doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle. Doodle.
Merlinyou see the Ren Faire is getting overrun by uh by the right wing you see that king of the hill did it oh king of the we're watching king of the hill this morning king of the hill has an episode where
Maxprofessor snape is like an alt-right king of the renaissance fair it's a really funny episode so snape is on it and he's the awful king and hank hill the real snake yeah the real Snape. Hans Gruber? Wow, nice. And Hank wants to sell propane to the giant metal dragon at the Ren Faire, but he makes Peggy... I think I have seen this.
MerlinThat's like a last season episode, right?
MaxIt's a little later in the run, but he wants Peggy to become a wench at the Ren Faire. It's a very funny episode.
MerlinOh, it's such a good show. The last season's a little weird. The last season feels a little bit disconnected. It does a lot of like, oh boy, isn't modern technology crazy? Like, you lose a little bit of the thread. It was a little like trend of the week kind of... Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit. A little bit. You know, that show was on longer than I thought. It was on, like, into the 2000s.
MaxI recently re-watched King of the Hill. I think we talked about it on the show, but damn, was that show consistent. Just perfectly plotted 30-minute little stories every week. Just... Dude, dude.
MerlinKing of the Hill TV series, I think it was off for a while. 1997 to 2010.
AlexOh, my.
MerlinIt was... Is that possible?
AlexDid they pull a Futurama and, like, come back a few times?
MerlinI think they must have done a family guy kind of thing.
AlexOh, family guy.
MaxMedia, I guess we got to do this one, but Chapo already, Chapo beat us to it and they were really funny about it. But Mediaite, the Democratic challenger in Virginia's 5th Congressional District, Leslie Cockburn, called out her opponent, GOP nominee Denver Riggleman.
MerlinOh, come on. For his love of. Those are Felix names.
MaxThose are made up Felix names. For his love of Bigfoot erotica. What? Did you not hear this, Mariah? No, I did not. I have not heard this. I saw the description. Oh, damn.
AlexYou don't think I would talk about the name Coxburn if I had heard it?
MaxNo, the real good one is Denver Riggleman. So, Cockburn posted the claims on Twitter, noting that the Republican opponent Riggleman was a running mate of Corey Stort, who she called a white supremacist. Cockburn tweeted out, quote, My opponent, Denver Riggleman, running mate of Corey Stort, was caught on camera campaigning with a white supremacist. Now, he has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill. Her evidence included a drawing of a naked Bigfoot with a large and long sensor bar over
the presumptive location of Bigfoot's privates that Riggleman had posted on Instagram.
MerlinYeah. Now, what's really sad is that Riggleman... I mean, it'd be weirder if it was clothed. I think the fact that the Bigfoot's naked is just in its element. Well, that's part of it. Unless it was dressed like a fancy duchess or something.
MaxThat's part of it. Yeah. So the sad thing is that Corey Stewart and Demma Riggleman are going to win. almost certainly.
MerlinBigfoot erotica. Anyway, I recommend... I don't understand how some things are erotica and some things are porn. They're calling it... I don't want to be normative, but who sets the bar for what's erotica and what's porn?
AlexPeople who are smart enough to call the stuff they make erotica.
MaxI think men watch porn and women do erotica.
AlexThey do it.
MerlinIt's like how all dogs are boys and all cats are girls.
AlexExactly.
MerlinWhich is totally true.
AlexWell, have I shared my cat and dog consent theory with you guys? No, please do. The reason that people think all dogs are boys is because they're idiots and you can just run up and do whatever and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, everything's great and they're just not self-aware. Whereas cats-
MerlinAnd cats do all that emotional work for you.
AlexNo, but cats, they just don't really necessarily want attention. Like if you were to-
MerlinThey've learned not to trust anybody. Exactly.
AlexThey don't enjoy-
MerlinThere's a reason I'm like this, Meow.
AlexThey don't want you to shout their name at them from across the street.
MerlinStop noticing. That's good. That's good. You read that Queer Eye article, right?
AlexOh, I did. I did. I had read that a while ago.
MerlinWe should put that in show notes. That was so good. Julie, you're not a queer eye person, are you, Max? I watched the whole thing. It was a really good article. I mean, it's just a very, it's one of those, it's like the Goop article in the sense that like the subject is amazing, but the way it's addressed and written is so good. This is Laurie Penny.
MaxOh, I do like Laurie Penny. She's a good writer. Was it somehow about how they're like the soothing balm of America's toxic masculinity and they go in and they show tenderness and they touch the men and they're like, it's okay to be a soft boy. Except
Merlinbetter. They put it better than that. On the surface of things, it's a straightforward quest for a quote-unquote acceptance, supposedly of homosexuality, dramatized via the no longer so outlandish vehicle of sending five gay men on an outreach mission to small-town Georgia with a vast interior design budget and a van load of affirmations. What it turns out to be, though, is a forensic study of the rampaging crisis of American masculinity. In each new installment of the reboot, queerness is gently suggested as an antidote to the hot mess of toxic masculinity under late stage capitalism. I'm absolutely here for it as long
as we all get paid.
Speaker ASo good.
MerlinBut, you know, I don't know. It's really interesting. Did you see the double date? The queer eye double date? No, I did not. The Can't Fix Ugly guy and Abby went on a double date with the white tuxedo guy. Aww. And his wife. Aww. It's so cute. He's wearing... And Can't Fix Ugly guy was wearing his little outfit and his little hat. Oh, it was so cute. So cute. Anyway, can we put that in show notes? It's in the I thought that was a really good article.
AlexOh, no. It also, it just validates that Bobby is the best because queer is just a pillar. You don't need fucking flags everywhere.
MerlinOh, boy.
AlexHere we go. Maddie, I think Maddie listens to the show now. We don't need flags everywhere. Oh, no, no. No, no, no. All right. What was that, Max? What's happening now? Yep. What?
MaxWall Street Journal. Wait, do you guys have flags now?
AlexOh, God. There's so many fucking. Well, in college, we had a lot of various pride flags, and we don't need any more. We are 27. They are 28 years old.
MaxLet me throw this out. I don't like collars. Let me throw this out. Do you guys need me for this one? Let me throw this out. I think that a flag, I think a flag can be a cool piece of art, but I think you should like have all your friends like sign it and then frame it or something. Exactly. I think you got to dress it. I think you got to gussy it up a little bit. If you sort of do the like tacky. Could you put patches on it like a scout?
AlexI think that's, I think then you're anti-gay. Then you're desecrating it. Yeah. Yeah.
MaxBut I think you can gussy up a flag enough to display it. But I think you can't just tack it up on the wall. That is a little... I know. I know.
AlexIt shouldn't be hanging.
MaxYou think it's a little on the nose? Well, it's a little dorm roomy. These colors don't run.
MerlinWall Street Journal?
MaxWall Street Journal! I had to fucking buy a subscription to the goddamn Wall Street Journal. I bought a student subscription to the Wall Street Journal and I had so many articles I wanted to get on there Dubai Friday and you could only get there
MerlinI'm the bad guy for giving money to Jill Stein
Maxthey're fully paywalled do you have a way to get
Merlinbreak into the Wall Street Journal
AlexInstagram good lord Instapaper it and it parses it
Maxsometimes so sometimes you can google it and then click on google that didn't work sometimes you can
MerlinWell, the article that is an undergirding of this week's challenge was up and fine a few days ago. But now you get the dot, dot, dot subscribe.
MaxAnyway. All right. Well, Wall Street Journal. This is a long one, but I think it's right in our wheelhouse here. After buying a palatial home outside of Los Angeles, Elise Ingram and her husband decided what to do with a, quote, very 70s built-in circular seating area in the living room. They considered turning it into a wine cellar. It didn't go swimmingly The hound Wait what Hold Stand by Something's gone wrong Something's gone wrong I'm gonna have to
Abort Abort
MerlinI'm gonna call it I'm gonna call him
MaxWait no It logged me out I have to sign back in Oh no Fuck Melissa Mayer She's got her finger Right on the button
MerlinOh no
AlexI'm gonna call him Washi Doodle Boy
MerlinAll the boys are sick this week Did you hear that They're all sick Everybody sounds sick Oh no All three of them
AlexI really think that I could be the Griffin McElroy of face mucus. Like I'm getting up there in terms of how disgusting I am.
MerlinReally? Like every time you arrive at a restaurant, the first thing you do is scope out where the tissues are?
AlexOh, yeah. No, you have to figure out.
MerlinMake sure you got a path, a clear path.
AlexYou need to figure out if the napkin, like if it's going to be acceptable to use a napkin as a tissue.
MerlinOh, you would not believe what I did this morning. It was incredible. Please share. Oh, I had a very productive morning. So now me, I use a paper towel. I use a doubled over paper towel. and I cleared a path. It was incredible. I did a heart and I produced, it was like a baby's fist. Amazing. And then once you've done that, you know the trick we talked about where you start with the easy nostril, you start with the hard nostril and then go to the easy nostril. Life-changing. Turns out. I call that a rule of thumb. Yeah, well, first I made a baby's fist and then I made a baby's thumb and moved it aside.
Now I can breathe freely. Almost.
MaxDo you ever pull, do you ever get one big booger out of your nose that comes out like, that's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.
MerlinIt's like it's like pulling about a miasma. I'm talking I'm talking about like a like an ecosystem of booger that came out
MaxSometimes you get sometimes you get a little piece of booger and you pull it and she keeps unfurling like one of those like magicians who takes a confetti You're pulling scarves out of your Sometimes you get a booger the size of like a like a like a Sacagawea dollar
MerlinOh, you could also, speaking of scouting patches, you could get one that's permeated the entire interior wall of the cave. And one big sheet comes out like a big scab. Oh, yeah. That's when you're playing on another level. How are you feeling, Alex? You're thinking you might have some kind of nasal problem right now?
AlexNo, no, no. Well, I mean, I always do. But that's, I've been, where did my interns go?
MerlinDidn't they roto-rooter you already? They've already, like, cored you out.
AlexJordan, can you please bring my backpack into the studio?
MaxCan I tell you how I think I got the food poisoning? And then Dr. Don, you can write in and tell me what I did wrong here. So Alex, remember we ordered all that pizza for our stream on Thursday? Yes. Last Thursday? Yes. And then it just sat out while we did the stream for about five or six hours? No. Well, then I threw it in the refrigerator and I had some of it on Sunday. No. And it was like a big pepperoni pizza? No.
AlexYeah, it was the not normal cheese one. Is that bad? Yes.
MerlinI bet it's not I heard somebody on a podcast saying that in their family when they have leftover pizza they leave it in the oven overnight and eat it the next day and it's fine but I'm gonna say
Speaker AI'm gonna say it depends a lot on what toppings are on
MaxThursday it sat out for about six hours the cheese is already cooked you're fine that's my feeling and it's not like I didn't I don't know
Alexwell it was the fancy pizza that like
Maxit did add like pepperonis and stuff on it
Alexit had like a mystery ingredient
MaxI think that that's what gave me food poisoning because everything else I ate with Veronica That was the only thing that I ate without her.
MerlinSo the couple tried to turn their couch into a wine cellar? Yeah, all right. Here we go. I'm doing this again. Take two, Wall Street Journal.
MaxWall Street Journal. Edit this in so I sound smart, Alex. Mm-hmm. Wall Street Journal. I do it every time. No, you don't. After buying a palatial home outside of Los Angeles, Elise Ingram and her husband debated what to do with a, quote, very 70s built-in circular seating area in the living room. They considered turning it into a wine cellar. Instead, they opted to fill it with sharks. The couple installed a 500-gallon aquarium where they put a leopard shark and a hound shark, both about two feet long, three stingrays, and a few yellow tangs. It did not go swimmingly.
AlexOh, no.
MaxThe hound shark immediately began, quote, frantically trying to get out of the tank, Ms. Ingram said. She called the aquarium company to remove it. He was messing with the vibe of the tank, she said. One of the other fish in the tank fared even worse.
MerlinHe was messing with that chill vibe of this made-up ecosystem.
MaxOne of the other fish in the tank fared even worse. It was chomped during a shark feeding frenzy and left, quote, twitching in the corner. For some reason, sharks have become a new must-have accessory for luxury homes. Real estate developers and high-end buyers, including celebrities like Lil Wayne and Tracy Morgan, are installing elaborate aquariums so they can keep the ocean's most feared predators as pets. They're also finding that keeping predators with multiple rows of knife-sharp teeth is often, well, complicated. Sharks are expensive to maintain and surprisingly finicky about water conditions.
The tank alone can cost from $15,000 up to $1 million, said Brett Raymer, co-founder of Acrylic Tank Manufacturing, based in Las Vegas. The company builds about 20 shark tanks a year in private homes, some of which hold up to 16,000 gallons of water. It is legal to own sharks, which can cost anywhere from a few hundred thousand dollars, according to Mr. Raymer. Some species, like great whites, are protected and cannot be kept in homes. Wait, you did not misspeak. That's actually the starting price for a shark?
MerlinYes. Oh, my God. It says here that a live shark could be $2 million. Yeah, I have more follow-up on that.
MaxIs that right? Is that right? I have more follow-up on that post this article. That's upsetting.
MerlinGoogle, how much is a shark?
MaxQuote, the shark is the most feared animal in the waters. To have one as a pet kind of puts you above it. Does it, though?
AlexLike, literally? Maybe.
MaxMr. Caporetta says he gets frequent requests for large sharks such as blacktips, but tries to steer his customers towards smaller species that are easier to take care of. These big sharks don't do well in captivity, he said, while smaller species are much better suited to life in a glass box.
Ario Fakari, a physician and real estate developer, built a home with a shark tank in the Hollywood Hills and is putting a 15,000-gallon shark pond in the backyard of his Los Angeles home. He calls sharks, quote, one of the sexiest animals out there.
AlexOh, no, no, no.
MaxThat's going to be a good shark tank. He's got 16 shark tanks for 16 Hollywood Hills.
MerlinYou can tell he's wanted to be a shark daddy his whole life. Mr. Far Carey. It's like getting a baby to have it on a necklace. What an odd way to think about having a creature in your life.
MaxMr. Far Carey said he has loved sharks since he was a child when he loved watching the movie Jaws. While that film's murderous Great White doesn't seem like an ideal pet, he said the danger adds to the shark's allure. Quote, now you control them, he said. It's payback. Very normal. Very normal. I think that guy might have some psychology going on. What do you think?
AlexHe's been masturbating to sharks since he was like 12.
MaxOh, you think he's doodling?
AlexOh, yeah. And now it's like-
MerlinI mean, that's how masturbators work. You know, they die if they stop moving.
MaxContinuing with the Wall Street Journal story, after Ms. Ingram sent the hound shark back, she turned the air conditioner off before leaving the house during a heat wave. When she came back, the leopard shark was dead. Quote, apparently sharks don't like hot water, she said. I didn't know they were that sensitive to temperature. Oh, poor shark. How could she have known? She bought two more leopard sharks, which also soon died.
When she replaces them, she said she plans to install a better temperature control system for the tank. Well, third time's the charm.
AlexOh, my God. Nailed it. I really like sharks. This is so... I mean, there are no manatees, but... Oh, God.
MaxWell, no pandas.
AlexFuck them. Wait, Max, what was the money follow-up?
MaxOh, I mean, another story.
AlexOh, God.
MaxI did have one other thing at the end of this that was pretty funny. Mr. Caporetta offered his advice for keeping other fish in the tank safe, though his plan is not exactly foolproof. Quote, as long as you keep the sharks well fed, there's a good chance they won't eat their tank mates, he said. He had simpler instructions for shark owners who, quote, like to hand feed the sharks by holding a piece of meat above the water. Quote, we recommend using tongs, he said. Oh, God.
AlexThose oven mitts just start cutting in.
MaxWhat is this in Wall Street Journal? That's in the Wall Street Journal. And it had a good title that really caught my attention, which was Home Shark Tanks Are In. Just One Problem. Sharks Make Terrible Pets.
AlexOh, God.
MaxAll right. Well, here's my follow up on the price of sharks. This was a pretty incredible story. This is how I got going down this rabbit hole. So this story posted, I saw this this weekend, and it was from the local ABC station in Texas. So from ABC, Leon Valley, Texas. Leon Valley police say a well-trained trio took Shark Week too far, stealing a horn shark from the San Antonio Aquarium Saturday afternoon. According to Leon Valley police chief Joseph Salvaggio, the group stole the shark from an open pool where visitors are allowed to reach in and pet the various species in the tank.
Two men and a woman are wanted in connection with the theft. Salvaggio said that one of the men grabbed the shark by its tail while the others wrapped it in a wet blanket. Then they went into a back room, put the shark into a bucket, and put the bucket into a stroller. According to Jenny Spellman, the general manager of the San Antonio Aquarium, an employee noticed what was going on and immediately notified management. Spellman said the men went into the back room and put the shark in a San Antonio Aquarium bucket that had a bleach solution in it. She said the bleach might have shocked the shark's system.
The men are then seen on surveillance emerging from the room with the bucket, loading the bucket into the bottom of a stroller. When we first got the call, we thought it was a hoax, being that it was Shark Week last week, Salvaggio said. But it turns out someone actually went inside the aquarium there in Leon Valley and stole a horn shark.
MerlinIt's already Shark Week? I haven't sent my cards out.
MaxIt comes after Prime Day every year.
MerlinSee, that's how I got to remember. There should be a rhyme for that. It makes me wonder how much baby fraud is happening. Do you think there's a lot of baby fraud happening with sharks or otherwise? It seems like there may be a lot of stuff we're not noticing because people just assume it's a baby.
MaxWell, I do have an anecdote about this. It's a secondhand, it's a thirdhand anecdote, but I would be so delighted to share it on Dubai Friday. Please. So this story comes from a family friend of mine, an older woman who lived in Baltimore. And I used to go and have like Shabbat with her family when I was a student in Baltimore. And she was a special ed teacher in the Baltimore school system for many, many, many years. And she had a story. And now listen, I never saw a news story or anything about this. So I'm only relaying this one woman's story, but I have no reason to believe she's lying.
And this woman was like a saint. She's a, you know, like I said, special ed teacher for years and years and years. And she said that one year they took their special education students on a field trip to the Baltimore. I want to say the Baltimore Zoo or the Baltimore or the National Aquarium.
MerlinBaltimore has a really nice aquarium.
MaxYes, it is a baller aquarium. And somehow one of her special ed students in, I believe, in elementary school or middle school, got into an exhibit, a penguin enclosure inside the exhibit.
Merlinwhich usually have like lots of little holes for i don't maybe he went through a door i don't know
Maxbut he somehow got into the penguin exhibit got a penguin put it into his hoodie and brought it home what and they there's a penguin and they discovered it later oh my god a hero and they discovered it later and they had to rest the penguin away from the kid and bring it back to the zoo.
AlexOh my God. What a hero. Good job, kid.
MaxYeah, it's kind of cool.
AlexHe had to charm a penguin. He had to charm a wild animal.
MerlinHow confused that penguin would be.
AlexNo, but that's the thing.
MerlinWhy are you putting me in clothing? Why are you putting me in clothing?
AlexBut that's the thing. They're not nice. No bird is a nice bird unless you charm it. So this kid was probably like, look at how snug.
MaxMaybe it just hatched and it imprinted on him and he thought that he was his mother. I've got a Conrad Lawrence type situation. Well, anyway, I do have some follow-up for the aquarium story from just this morning. They found the shark. They caught the perpetrators, and they recovered the shark. So from the same ABC affiliate, to the surprise of police and aquarium staff, the shark was in good health when it was returned Monday night. Salvaggio said that one of the men had knowledge of aquariums and likely went to the aquarium specifically for that shark. Quote, the individual obviously had some knowledge of how to deal with these types of animals.
We said that from the very beginning. Otherwise, why take it? and when we got into the garage and into the house, it looked like almost a mock-up of the aquarium, Salvaggio said. He had a lot of different marine animals in the home. He very much knew what he was doing. He kept that animal alive and was able to continue to see that animal thrive, which was pretty shocking to all of us.
AlexHe free-willied it?
MaxThat's very touching. He free-willied it.
AlexOh, this is an actual theory. You know that there's a YouTube genre of weird animal people?
MerlinDid you hear that?
AlexThe Reply All. Oh, my God. Is this a new one? It's.
MerlinOh, I'm behind. It's very. It's so upsetting. It's really, really fucking. Well, it starts off being crazy about one thing, and then it becomes crazy about another thing, and then it becomes holy shit bananas town by the end.
Speaker AIt's.
MerlinIt makes. I really hate. Well, there's the ant.
MaxThere's my ant guy. Ant guy. The Canada ant guy.
Speaker AIt's me. Ant guy.
MaxThere's a guy who has like these insane ant colonies in his in his house. and all he does is make dramatic nature films of them. Like he gives them like a tamale and then he's like, let's see how these ants demolish the tamale.
AlexI mean, that seems like an offshoot of what's happening, but it's a lot of like, typically like girls like, okay, so here's my axolotl, here's my parrot and it's very weird.
MerlinHere's the menagerie that I keep in my little room.
AlexOh gosh.
Maxthe YouTube channel name is Ants Canada and I just couldn't recommend this more highly
MerlinAnts Canada
AlexTamale
MerlinOh No My Ants Are Gone is an episode Oh No My Ants the first one that pops up is the cutest pet ants in the world the next one is Oh No My Ants Are Gone Ants vs. Mites
Maxthe war has begun
AlexOh my god
Maxthis is some of the most exciting editing and music scoring of any film I've ever seen. Everything he does, everything he does is unbelievable.
MerlinAnts Canada.
MaxAnts Canada.
MerlinOkay, I'm there. All right. Oh, stop. Oh, no, I don't like the preview videos.
AlexNope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
MerlinLet's see. I don't think we have time for vaginal rejuvenation. Let's put a pin in that, though. Was that on the thing?
MaxIs that a challenge?
MerlinOh, shit dog. The FDA just says, hey, you know, let's be careful out there. Maybe you don't want a laser shot at your vagina to get it tightened up. Like a James Bond scenario? Digga, digga. Washington Post. No, excuse me. Digga, digga, digga. New York Times. The Food and Drug Administration on Monday announced that it had warned several companies to stop marketing laser devices for procedures billed as, quote, vaginal rejuvenation, saying they were dangerous and deceptive treatments. The agency originally permitted the lasers and related energy-based devices onto the market for treatment of serious conditions like cancer genital warts or surgery, including hysterectomies.
But in recent years, manufacturers have been heavily promoting the lasers for symptoms related to vaginal atrophy, menopause, urinary incontinence, and sexual function. Cosmetic spa treatments using laser and other products for vaginal health have also become popular among younger women. If only there was a young woman we could talk to to find out if she would allow herself to be lasered for love.
AlexMax is trying to turn on the fan in the studio and is just like sadly looking around for the control of the fan, which I kept here because you shouldn't turn on the fan because then it'll make noise.
MaxBut it is sweltering hot in here and I'm about to fall asleep.
AlexIs it hot there, you guys?
MaxIt's so hot in this studio. Maybe we should get to the challenge.
MerlinDigga, digga, digga. Well. Because it didn't occur to me. Because this is the time of year where it's 50 here all day. Hang on. Now Alex is up.
MaxNow she's pointing. Oh, look. Nothing works. It's all broken. Crank those fans up. There we go. Get the other one, too. There we go. So we get a little breeze. Oh, my God. John Dickerson wouldn't have a fan. That is the soothing balm of queerness over the toxic masculinity of the heat in the studio.
Speaker AThank you. Oh, where is it?
MaxOh, that breeze is just incredible. It's good pepperoni. Boy, that's really something.
MerlinDig it.
AlexChallenge. Challenge. It's Alex's show. Oh, my God. There's a vest going on. The vest is going on. Oh, yeah. It was too warm in here, so I took my vest off.
MaxI thought that challenge was to wear the vest.
AlexOh, I wore the vest.
MaxI wore the vest. I didn't see you wearing it. I wore the vest for a week. All right. Challenge. This week, it was Alex's challenge. Was it?
AlexI hate myself so much. I think I came up with the challenge. Yes.
MaxOkay.
AlexYes, it's your challenge. It's my challenge. I have to appropriately.
MaxThis week was Alex's challenge. Alex, please describe the challenge to us and possibly read the article that we need to talk about. Challenge.
AlexWear a vest. Oh, look at that.
MaxGood night, everybody. Dress like a venture capitalist.
AlexNo.
MaxSo we found this article. I think it was in the Wall Street Journal because now it's paywalled. and the article said that the new uniform of the sort of venture capitalist class in San Francisco and the Bay Area is a button-down shirt and a Patagonia vest.
Now, Alex, you're kind of wearing your short-sleeve pattern lesbian button-down shirt.
AlexYes, yes.
MaxAnd I don't think that, I think you need a long-sleeve shirt.
AlexBut perhaps I ran out of that Does she look rugged? I'm going to send you some photos
MaxI will say much in the same way Much in the same way that the Patagonia vest Is the uniform of the Silicon Valley finance class I do feel like the sleeveless button down shirt The short sleeve button down shirt With a dot pattern on it Is definitely
AlexOh there's a whole Twitter thread It's an official uniform.
MaxIt's definitely gay culture. What? What?
AlexThe dots? A navy Oxford button down with some dots or subtle pattern is definitely like, it's like queer coding. We don't have handkerchiefs anymore.
MerlinThat's super interesting. It's funny because in the dot com days, there was definitely a uniform, which was usually like khakis, like chinos. and a button-up shirt in a... I think it was Matt Howie I first heard refer to it as New Media Blue, which is this very saturated electric blue color. But everybody wore it. I wore it. We all wore it. That's what you wore if you worked at a dot-com. But now it's dots because of the gay.
AlexYep. That's nice.
MerlinI'm going to be looking for that. That's coded, huh? That's for them, not for us, right? Not for me. No, no, no.
AlexWhere's your button down? All right, I'm sending over some of my...
MerlinAlex, read the article. You don't have to do that. You don't need to send photos.
AlexI want to send photos.
MerlinSo the article is, How the Fleece Vest Became the New Corporate Uniform. This comes also on the heels. I just have to mention in passing that, well, I don't want to spoil it, but there's also now a very successful vending machine at the San Francisco airport that sells Uniqlo fleece vests that's doing extremely well.
MaxYou just immediately get off the airplane and you're like, man, my core is very cold.
MerlinI need a vest. Well, people really are not prepared for how cold it is here. But it is funnier than that. I just imagine this long line of automatons like bleep, bloop, bleep, bloop.
Speaker AApple pay for a vest. Map, me, boop.
MerlinIt's making $10,000 in sales per month. That doesn't seem that high.
AlexWell, but it doesn't seem high until you consider that this Patagonia vest was about $100 motherfucking dollars for this. Yeah. And the Uniqlo vests are $50. So that's, wait, how many people? Someone do math.
MerlinThe vest costs about $50, meaning that the machine from third-party vendor in Nicholas is spending 200 of them per month.
AlexThat's pretty good. That's a good margin on the vending machine. 200 people in an airport every month are like, you know what?
MaxSo, Merlin, you had one of these vests.
MerlinWell, first of all, I hopped on, as I do, to see, like, oh, maybe this would be a fun thing for me. I've never worn a vest like this. This is not how I roll. And I was like, yikes! like to get the Jared from Silicon Valley, the green vest, it would have taken a while to arrive. And I think it would have been over $200. Oh my God. I could be wrong. You could almost get a scoot-scoot for that.
Speaker AWell, it was weird how some of them were $70
Merlinand some of them were $250 for a fleece vest. It's the pockets. And I wanted to do it right and get the green Jared one. But as it turns out, because my wife is a good person, see, I'm giving my money to Jill Stein. She's giving her money to trees. She's a member in good standing of the Golden Gate GGRNA. She's an alum of my high school. Who's that? Jill Stein. Oh, nice.
Speaker AI thought you meant my wife.
MerlinNo, no. Sorry, Jill Stein. Nah, my wife. So I was like, Ak, what am I going to do? I don't want to spend $200 on this. And she's like, you know, I think, because, you know, she wears a fleece vest. You know? That's a thing a lot of people here wear. It's a, I'm not going to say anything, but it's a thing a lot of people wear here. It is for sure a thing a lot of people wear here. And she's like, you know, I got that GGNRA one, Golden Gate National Recreation Area one. Like, you ever see those cool posters of, like, Muir Woods at the Golden Gate?
And that kind of, like, kind of Bay Area house. There's, like, WPA style. Kind of, yeah, yeah. They have really good signage and design. Well, you know, it's, I think, you know how, like, you know what, nobody cares. Anyway, she says, it's somewhere downstairs. I think I've got it somewhere downstairs. She's had it for years. and I put it on. I instantly looked like someone, a woman in Marin would introduce as her partner.
MaxWell, no, we don't say that.
MerlinWe either do or don't say partner anymore. You can't say partner anymore. Or you have to say partner.
AlexI'm so fucking, why do people give a fucking, all right, I'm done. I'm good. Everything's fine.
MaxAlex, it's because people are so politically disempowered and their cause is so hopeless right now. You know how?
MerlinI'm sorry. I really lost this thought.
MaxWhy don't we say partner anymore? I thought we were helping. So there's a big Twitter fight about whether or not it was problematic to say partner. And Alex, I'm telling you, the reason is it is so sad and hopeless and angry out there right now that all people can do to feel like some progress is being made is like you look for the car keys under the light because that's where you can see. It's like if all you can do is... Still super confused here. So we're not saying partner anymore?
AlexNo, we are. Max, that's an explanation. not in like it's because it's because if all you can do is mine it's because if all you can if i'm
Maxsorry i'm so desperately i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i'll go back and explain
Merlinit and give me one second okay sorry go ahead no i'll have to thank you it's because it's because
Maxif all you can do is be on twitter and and and yell into the void and talk to your other bubble of sort of progressive queer people all left is to tone police each other and say how bad it is
Alexto say things like my partner i know it's well i know but it's fucking insane and just get a plant to feel like you're a little bit in control of your life. It's okay. So Max, please tell Merlin what, no,
Maxyou say it. I'm not going to say it.
AlexOkay. Merlin,
Maxyou're wearing the short sleeve.
AlexWhoever's sleeves are shorter on the button down shirt should explain whether it's problematic to say partner or not. So I, there, every few years, there's a argument on like Twitter and Tumblr between queer people, whether or not, if you are in a, um, a, not a same sex relationship, if you should, can use the word partner and i don't fucking know why and and the the argument is like oh we we have
that term like we can't say boyfriend or girlfriend because we'll be shamed for it no no um yeah yeah
Merlinit's one of those words it's a word it becomes a word like problematic where if i explain what it
Alexmeans it loses all of its value yeah and instead of right i mean no no i mean that that sounds like
Merlinwhat you're describing here so if i say that somebody 10 years ago i said that somebody is my wife or my girlfriend that probably pegs me as a as a cis person especially like a business environment where it's like i first remember partner becoming a thing in the late 90s and it was widely adopted as a way to avoid it was the they of its time where it got you out of a lot of situations because you didn't have to say whether even in a cis situation like you'd have to say whether you were married exactly that was controversial it's it's been a thing for so long
Alexaside from queer people, just like straight people who aren't married.
MerlinIt's just a way of saying like, this is my special friend. Like that's, it works for almost everything.
AlexYeah, and now there's a bunch of people who are mad and it's...
MerlinBecause it feels co-opted?
AlexYeah, yeah. It's so stupid and I just...
MerlinThat's very problematic.
AlexIt's so stupid.
MerlinI can't tell you why it's problematic, but just know for sure that's really problematic.
MaxWell, what was the original? So it all got kicked off by one tweet and it was someone on Twitter who said something to the effect of like don't if you're like in a cis relationship don't say partner because it's like you're what you're trying to do is like pass yourself off as like a false ally but that's a
Alexthat's a no no no no it's not it's not just cis relationships it's any relationship that's that is there's no like same-sex couples involved it's it's just so it's so fucking it was very
Maxit was a very weird it was a weird take and then and then everyone else fought back and they're like no if if straight people say partner it normalizes it for gay people so they have they can like operate under cover of darkness and it doesn't out them if they say my partner so there's actually like it's actually good and woke to say double turns out double triple turns out but the most turns out of all is my take which is it doesn't really it doesn't really matter that much you make a personal choice and don't tone police everyone else for what they want to call their
Alexrelationship well good news uh that's super probably clearly someone has shamed this person and a submission, the tweet has been deleted.
MerlinEvery single side of this is problematic, but I will not say why.
AlexIt's so stupid.
MerlinIt would not be woke to say why it's problematic, but it's problematic. Do you remember from, it was Brunching Shuttlecocks, one of the original good blogs, the geek hierarchy. Do you remember this? I do not know.
So at the very top of the geek hierarchy, let me see if I can zoom in on this. At the very top of the geek hierarchy, you have published science fiction and fantasy authors and artists. below that you have science fiction and fantasy literature fans and then it breaks down so like what's one path you can do so under that you've got Heinlein fans below that you got Piers Anthony fans below that people who read books based on science fiction tv shows all the way down and of course furries at the bottom because we weren't woke at the time but that's what I think of when
this comes along it's like you know you're you know tone policing policing is a problematic term I don't use it. But but there is this sense of like of definitely like who's allowed to be at which lunch table where I don't know. I don't get into a thing, but like it's part of this bigger thing of like, you know, it's OK when we do this. It's OK when we decide to like herd people in this direction. But I don't know, man. I don't know. You're just you're just saying that Trekkies are better than Trekkies speak.
I'm upset because you're not allowed to call yourself a partner.
MaxWhat about all the cowboys out there? Where have all the cowboys gone? They're not allowed to say partner now? Oh! It's like how people say daddy, how they're appropriating daddy culture. What about the cowboys? They can't quit them.
MerlinThey can't quit them is how you should say it now. What's a cowboy supposed to say when they can't remember someone's name? Yeah, now they can't finish. Howdy.
MaxAll right, so Merlin, you're wearing Jill Stein's vest.
AlexHi.
MaxYes.
AlexAnd Alex. I'm wearing.
MaxYou went to a store and purchased a vest.
AlexI did.
MerlinThis one is very old and a little pilly. And now because I have a cat, it's got cat hair on it. So I am the final pair. Are you wearing it now? And then.
AlexFuck yeah, I've worn it for a fucking week.
MerlinPixar didn't happen. Will you send us a picture?
AlexPixar didn't happen.
MerlinI did. I sent it to you last week. It's all the pictures you need. Do you have the photo booth application on your Apple Macintosh?
MaxOh, yeah.
MerlinNo. But anyway, I'll resend you the one I sent you last week when I wore it on day one. Everybody. You guys, you guys, last night, you're scurrying last night.
AlexWe need to find Vess or Will Peanut Butter. I'm not denying that I scurried last night. I don't want to police your tone here.
MaxBut let's be honest. I killed this one. Many years ago, I went to a conference. And in the swag bag for the conference was a gift card to Trunk Club, which is one of those things where they mail you clothes. And it was a $100 card to get started at Trunk Club. And I got that and I was like, this is an incredible, like, that's insane. They're giving away $100 of clothes.
AlexThat's half a shirt.
MaxSo, well, double, triple turns out. So I was like, I would be a fool not to sign up for Trunk Club since I have $100 coupon.
MerlinYou're just leaving money on the, just leaving money on the next day.
MaxI'm holding it right there and it was like a hard, like a credit card too. It was like a hard plastic, like $100 of credit at Trunk Club. So I went and made an account, and I signed up at Trunk Club. And at this stage of my life, I was wearing pretty much a uniform every day, which was like Levi's jeans and a black American Apparel T-shirt and Chuck Taylor's. And I went and I – actually, so Trunk Club is based in Chicago. So I actually went to the Trunk Club office, and I met with a stylist, and they measured me and stuff like that.
And then they sent me boxes of clothes every month at my house. and that lasted for we were you already max tempkin at this point uh was i yes you were i very distinctly remember that it was in the old office because i remember getting the trunks
Alexcoming to the old office i and i remember the day that you stopped you didn't wear a gray t-shirt
Maxand then everybody in the office freaked out yeah so so i had a i had kind of a preppy high energy stylist woman and she um i would say like the first trunk she sent me she listened to the kind of stuff that I wanted and sent me stuff. So like I got some like dress shoes and stuff like that. And like, I don't know, like she kept trying to send me like fancy, like colored pants, like pink salmon shorts. And I kept sending them back because I was like, I'm not going to wear like, I'm not going to wear like colored pants.
Like that's a non-starter. We say African-American. And then, you know, and every so often I'd open the trunk and I'd pick a few items. It really, it feels bad to send back every item. Like you do wind up like pulling one or two things out because you're like. Some of these you get a discount.
MerlinI learned from a podcast I listened to, you get a 25% discount if you keep the whole box. If you send back part of the Bastic, you lose your discount. That's a real prisoner's dilemma.
MaxI don't think I ever took a whole – I never kept a whole Bastic, but I kept a few items. And eventually I canceled Trunk Club because I received a trunk of like all green items to get me ready for partying on St. Patrick's Day. And I was like, I'm out. I was like, you broke my spirit. Too much. Congratulations. I do not need a green belt for my St. Patrick's Day ensemble.
Chicago goes pretty hard for St. Patrick's Day, if you're not familiar. We dye the river green, and you drink green beer and do power crawls and vomit in the streets. So anyway, one of the items that they sent was this very vest that I'm wearing.
AlexYou peanut buttered hard.
MaxNo, I did not. I owned a vest. You peanut buttered so hard. And I went and found it in a trash bag.
MerlinAlex, would you vet his vest?
MaxDoes it meet the qualifications?
MerlinIt's a vest.
MaxIt doesn't look stupid.
MerlinWhat are you talking about? Is it a waistcoat rather than a vest?
AlexNo, it's a vest. It's very much a vest. It's not a vinyl. Can you turn on the microphone?
MerlinOh, yeah, by all means ask your employees to give a rule.
AlexNo, you can't turn. It's a vest. It is like a puffy winter's vest. It's a good-ass vest. It is a good-ass vest. You know what? Doesn't sound like police.
MaxI've had this vest. I found this vest. You got a mom vest, not a Jared vest. This vest was in a trash bag in the basement for like a year. And I went in and found the clothes that I should have donated a year ago. And I pulled this vest out and I put it on this morning. And I was like, this looks okay.
AlexExactly.
MaxExactly.
AlexBecause it's not a police pattern.
MaxThat's not a peanut butter. No peanut butter. I found my vest and I'm wearing it.
Speaker ACan I get some from the booth?
MaxAlex's interns, pay attention.
AlexYes? Yes? Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Wait. Ask the employees. Oh, come on now. Hold on. Oh, shit dog. What vest looks like a VC venture capitalist vest? More. Yeah. They're all pointing at Alex. Yeah. Because I look like a fucking tool.
MaxEveryone's fired. Everyone's fired. Go get your shit.
MerlinAfter show.