86. It’s Rotten, Mohammed!

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, give a kid a gift.

Don't be funny yet. Don't be funny yet.

MaxHello. Hey, how's it going? Hey. Hey. I want to turn the roll off on on my microphone. I'm going to turn it around backwards now. Hang on. Okay, do it. Is this any better? I think it sounds better now. Do it again. It sounds brighter, maybe.

MerlinWhat do you think?

MaxHello. Hello. Is that the one where it goes down at a 45-degree angle or the one with the little speed bump in it? Do we have the same mic? Well, I'm on the SM7B.

MerlinI hate this stupid.

AlexIt's the big, ugly, stupid one that Jason still has.

MerlinNo, no, no. I have the mic. It has a confusing switch at the bottom. I think you're trying to get your, you want to get rid of the low.

MaxI think, oh God, I don't have it in front of me.

MerlinOh, these things are so inscruidable.

MaxI want that John Dickerson sound.

MerlinI want the Dickerson. Why can't I get the Dickerson?

MaxGive me the full Dickerson.

MerlinI'm watching.

MaxI made the mistake of logging into the website Facebook. I have a lot of. Oh no. I want to talk about Facebook this week. But I made the mistake of logging onto the website Facebook and I'm just looking at the crazy bullshit that people post here. I mean, oh my God.

AlexOh no, it's a disaster.

MerlinYou're looking at like people that you follow on the Facebook? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friends.

MaxAnd I'm looking at this video someone posted and it's called, I wonder if I have an ability to share it with you guys. It's called, oh, maybe it's on YouTube. It's called Basic Skills Challenge, 50 People Try to Cut an Onion. And it's really upsetting. Because they don't know the tricks? well they don't know how to do an onion at all they're just there's they're just closing their eyes and chopping into it with the skin with the with the peel on oh no yeah it's really it's really

Merlinit's really upsetting it's really upsetting oh no no no oh um how do you do an onion does that

Alexmean chopping it does that mean like dice like slicing yeah you you chop you chop it i feel like

MerlinI feel like there's a couple things I think I know, regardless of whether you want a mince or a chop, I cut off the ends and then I take off the skin. And then at that point it gets, you can go a million directions, but I would usually have it at that point. But you're cutting it with the skin on. That's, that's, I don't like that at all. They're just going in, they're going in completely blind.

MaxThey're not, they're not making a little grid

Merlinand then slicing apart their grid. Do you make a grid, Alex, when you slice an onion?

AlexOf course, always.

MerlinYou get nice even cubes and minces.

AlexI love to mince.

MerlinYou're always mincing around. It has to be consistent cubes. They cook evenly. Yes. Yes. When you're doing the mise en place challenge, that's one of the things you're looking at. Are you chopping uniformly?

AlexI hate food.

MaxHere it is. I found it.

MerlinYeah.

MaxI have found it.

MerlinOkay.

MaxOkay. I'm going to put it in our super secret channel. Okay. Now, look at this video. You can turn the sound off. The sound is not helpful. But just skip to like a minute into it because that's really when the hacking starts.

MerlinIt's crazy. I'm surprised no one chopped off a finger. Look at how these people are all gorillas. Look at how they're doing it.

AlexNo.

MaxThis is such gorilla. You don't think they're just doing this to be silly? I think that the premise of this video series is that they find people who don't cook and then they make fun of them by having them do slightly complicated.

MerlinI mean you know I think we take for granted that we know how to do an onion but it is a little complicated like you do not everybody can cut up a grid like Alex can't I know I really love the grid not everybody's gonna get an even grid mince look at how many people like sort of know how to mince it like they've seen it on TV but they don't take the peel off they don't take the skin off there's a whole show that's premised on this that you would make you very upset it's called something something on Netflix I think it's called like the world's worst cook or something like that and it is wall to wall ding-a-lings They bring in all ding-a-lings.

The one I remember before I turned it off was a lady who didn't know which side of the knife to use.

AlexOh, no. Oh, that's unreal.

MerlinYeah. Doot-doot. There's a real doot-doot music playing.

AlexYeah. No way.

MerlinThe tuba. There's a...

MaxThis season of The Bachelor, they've had some all-time doot-doot music playing for Jordan, the male model. Tell me about Jordan. Oh, he's... Jordan, he's a really cool character. I would say he's the protagonist of this season. He's a male model, and he takes himself very seriously. And he says a lot of platitudes, like, I am my brand. Oh.

AlexOkay. Well, it really makes you think.

MaxAll right. He talks about all the different salt sprays. There's like an extended sequence of he gets a facial at the spa.

MerlinDo, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

AlexHong, hong, hong, hong. Oh, man.

Merlinthere's one episode of uh there's a kitchen nightmares that we watched many many many times there's several episodes i can really highly recommend obviously amy's baking company a classic uh the one with the australian guy who stole his kids money and thinks he knows how to make a hamburger uh i think it's called hamburger castle or something that's a really good one did you ever see the one with the twin brothers at the pizza place no there's identical you know i've never i've never seen this show are you not are you not part of the gordonosphere i know that

MaxI know the premise that he goes into some local restaurant and shouts at the businessman. You've lost your passion. Yeah. And then he makes the restaurant super generic by the end of it.

MerlinHe makes it blue.

MaxHow do I start watching this show? Do I just download a season and go for it?

MerlinOh, man. I don't know. I'd be curious. I'm actually kind of curious to hear what you would think of it. I can recommend some episodes that are really in the pocket. I'll find the name of the episode, but there's one where they go to an Indian restaurant, an Indian and British food restaurant. in um in manhattan that is very very special that's that's the source of the line excuse me

Maxit's rotten mohammed um look at that look at that you serve me this tomato earlier

Merlinand there's just and there's just fucking roaches everywhere it's amazing the best part is the tour of the kitchen the tour of the kitchen that's when my wife has to leave the room when they go through the kitchen and they go in the walk-in and nobody nobody knows how long the veal's

Alexsmell that it's so good it's so good we got a shout out on cortex actually because in in regards to um max max specifically got a shout out yes yes now which one is now which one is cortex it's

Maxthe other one yeah and uh is that about the the macintosh family of computing devices it is yes

Merlinit's about what is it about it's about years of things it's about what you're not doing uh what is it about it's it's mike hurley it's our friend friend of show mike hurley and cgp gray who apparently doesn't know anything that i do uh he they do a show together and i've heard this show

Maxi like this show it's a good show yeah it's a good show it's kind of a meta show like like all

Merlincgp gray so it's always a show about the show but he uh cortex cortex i thought you guys were

Maxsaying Gore-Tex. Like the coat. Yeah.

MerlinIt's a show about wicking. It's Gore-Tex. Jerry Gore-Tex. Hello, hello, and welcome to Gore-Tex. Today we'll discuss chapter five of wicking.

MaxCan I ask you a question, though? Is it out of the imagination, the realm of imagination, that Mike Hurley would have a show about coats? You know, a different name. It would be like

Merlinovercoating. You know, honestly, I've wanted to get on the Relay Network for a long time.

MaxWhat kind of trousers to wear with your coat? And I think that I should start a show called Gore-Tex.fm where we just every week we review a different coat.

Follow up. Make sure you leave your comments in the Gore-Tex subreddit to really dig in. Yeah.

MerlinHit that bell. But you got a specific call. Poor Mike, who's a great friend and a friend of the show. he had the terrible luck to listen to the Hot Hands episode of our program

Alexon a plane on the way to WWDC locked in a shit tube full of long pigs. Oh, we should have had a trigger warning. Good God.

MerlinYeah, you really want to check on that tray. Anything that goes in the pocket stays in the pocket. It's never. No, the Kindle. The Kindle lives there now. That's not our Kindle anymore. Nope, nope, nope. That's for the next person.

MaxOh, you got to wipe that down. You got to wipe that down with some 70% rubbing alcohol immediately. Boy, what a curse. What a curse. If you put something in that little kangaroo pouch on the airplane, when you get off the plane.

MerlinThat's what I'm talking about. That's where the Kindle lives now. It's just full of boogers.

MaxThe booger pouch. When you get off the plane, there should be a team like in Monsters, Inc. that puts the shower curtain up and shaves you.

Merlin23-19. That's true. He put his iPad in the booger pouch. It's so great to be seated next to somebody who gets their little bag of shitty pretzels and just puts them all over the tray table. Oh, no. This would be a good plate for me. Oh, hang on.

MaxMy postmate Howard is currently at my address.

MerlinI have to go collect my order. I think you're good, Alex. You shouldn't listen to people who don't think you're good.

AlexOh, boy.

MerlinThey're not helping anybody with that.

AlexOh.

MerlinBut then I try to pump you up. I'm not sure it helps. Am I happy-splaining to you when I do that? I want to pump you up.

AlexHave you heard of this show Cooking on High? It's a Netflix family product.

MerlinAnd that's the answer to which question?

AlexOh, boy.

MerlinI think you're good.

AlexYou know what? I think you're good. I proposed the challenge.

MerlinYou used to listen to me when you were a child.

AlexI did.

MerlinI was there all along saying, hey, buddy. Hey, buddy.

AlexI was pumping you up from afar. Well, I think the problem is you did not respond to my email. I've never sent a fan letter in my life except to Merlin Mann.

MerlinI'll search for it. Do you have a different name then?

AlexIt would be under Alcox990 or Alexcox42, the same email.

Merlina different name.

AlexOh, that's an interesting topic. I have tried out other, I've tried out Allie, I've tried out Lexi.

MerlinOh, those are cute names.

AlexThey are. For a straight girl, it doesn't work when you...

MerlinOh, you don't think Lexi, I think Lexi's a movable feast. That lady could be going any direction.

AlexOh, it could be, it could be, but not for somebody in denial and someone who starts college and puts that name on the door and it's clearly like, no, no, no.

Merlinthis okay there's an alex there's an sql problem alex wait wait okay wait no that's 2015 that would be too late oh yeah alex chilton let's see tell it leo it was submitted on the the form on your

Alexwebsite as as you as directed on your program directed my form wait can you finish the story

Maxabout the airplane? Is that the whole story?

AlexWell, he just, Mike did not get sick for the first time after WWDC and he's like, I don't know if it was that because I used hand sanitizer. I'm like, yeah, of course it was.

MerlinJust being aware, you know?

MaxWhat else did Mike say about me?

MerlinHe said he wants to be on the slack so hard. Well, I'll see.

MaxI'll have to talk to Steven about that.

MerlinI don't know.

AlexI don't know if I can swing it.

MerlinThat's so funny. The next episode of Reconcilable Differences, Syracuse and I talked about this. people who want to be on a podcast network because they want to be on the Slack. I wasn't talking about you. Just talking in the generic. In the generic.

MaxWell, I don't want to be on... I don't care. That's the thing, Merlin. No. I can't stress how much I don't... You're just asking the question. I don't care. What are you eating?

MerlinWhat are you eating, Max?

MaxI got a club sandwich from the diner.

AlexHmm.

MaxWait, a diner? I'm in Chicago.

AlexThere aren't diners.

MaxA diner sandwich. Went to the Hollywood Grill.

AlexOh my God. Wait, wait, wait. What? A Hollywood grill. I know of the Hollywood.

MaxYou went to Hollywood grill? Yeah, to get a club sandwich.

MerlinI'm going to eat some pepperoni.

AlexMerlin, I don't know how to explain this, except Max isn't a Hollywood grill person.

MerlinYeah, I am. Can you give me a sense of what a Hollywood grill person is like?

AlexI don't know how to give you a sense of it, except to think the exact opposite of what Max would like. It's dirty, it's greasy, it's delicious.

MaxLike a woman who's a sports fan. You know in Futurama how the mutants all live in the sewers? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's the clientele of the Hollywood grill. You go in there at four in the morning with the other sewer mutants. Exactly. You need a club sandwich. Question. Do they have television sets? I can't remember. I think they must.

AlexYeah, that's the thing. I'm just going through my mind of other places I go at four in the morning, and it kind of just all blurs together, and they're always playing a sport of some type, even if the sport isn't happening. like last night I was at Wrigleyville Dogs and they had some snowboarding on which I'm pretty sure isn't a thing going on right now but snow dogs I mean that I think that explains why Max is recording at home thank you for speaking your truth I'm very excited

to know this

MaxAlex, are you in a merry old England?

AlexNo, not yet. I'm at the office. I will be in merry old England.

MaxWait, what the fuck? Why do we change our whole schedule?

AlexBecause I will be in merry old England tomorrow, but I won't be at the time that either of you can record.

MaxOh, well, in as much as you can say, why would you be going to England?

AlexOh, I mean, everybody's talking about it on shows now. To go to the aforementioned Mike Hurley's wedding. Oh, that's interesting.

MerlinMax, did you get an invitation to that wedding? Damn it. Mike who? I've never heard of him. I think mine must have gotten lost in the post.

AlexYeah.

MerlinMaybe I lost it in me drawers.

MaxI think an owl tried to deliver it to me, but my cruel Uncle Vernon shut the window in the owl's face. Sunday.

MerlinNo post. Vernon Dursley. You wearing a dress again?

AlexYeah. Oh, I am. I got a different dress.

MerlinOh, I saw a photo of you in a dress. It was real confusing.

AlexI know, right? It's very upsetting. But I, a friend of, well, actually, official Dubai Friday correspondent Tiff Arment, I sent her a photograph of this dress and I'm like, of a different dress. I'm like, is this too white?

MerlinIs this dress? This is dress, dress?

AlexAnd she was like, you know, you can wear the same dress multiple times.

MerlinNo, you're operating, no, no, no. You're a celebrity now. You gotta mix it up.

AlexI got to burn that shit once it's done.

MerlinGet some Harry Winston jewelry. You'll be representing. That's exciting that you're going. Is Maddie coming?

AlexYes. First time out of the country. Wow.

MerlinYou got all your stuff in order? You got your papers in order?

AlexOh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

MerlinOkay, good.

AlexI have no anxiety about this at all.

MaxWhat are you doing about the cats?

AlexFriend of the show, Margaret. I don't want to talk about how I'm gone. Maybe I'll put this in the after show. But Malra on Twitter. What's your nearest cross street?

MerlinWhen does your mail usually arrive?

AlexOh, you know what? I don't know because we have never gotten mail at this address, which is why I use my office. I'll let you know. Yeah. It just doesn't get there. But we do have to, because it's 4th of July, we've put diffusers throughout the apartment and put calming collars on both of the cats because one of them has terrible separation anxiety and the other one doesn't like loud noises. That's going to suck. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But again, good friend of the show.

MerlinYou know what's nice is to see a repeating reminder in your tic-tic that it's time to refill the cat relaxers. That's a good feeling. Here I go. I've got to go check all the cat relaxers. Screw this.

MaxIt's a new cat relaxer. What the fuck is this bullshit? Calm.

MerlinCalm. What's it called? What the fuck is this? You don't do cat relaxers at all?

MaxDear Moves user, on July 31st, 2018, you will be shutting down Moves.

MerlinShutting it down. What the fuck is this? Get in gyroscope, baby. Get in gyroscope.

AlexMm-hmm. It's a big bummer.

MerlinAnd that's a Facebook company, if memory serves.

AlexWait, really? What the fuck? Really? Already? Fuck.

MerlinI feel like it is because I feel like I had to do a Facebook login as one reason I was like, Gyroscope, please add official location tracking. Let me find out. So Gyroscope now does its own location tracking? It's got a beta that's so baller right now. You can get down. You can say, because of people like me and probably people in Iowa, you can now say, how much movement you do like if you live in an urban area where like for the sake of argument your office is around the street versus you know what i mean like it always thinks i'm at home

and they've gotten way better they have a slider now in the beta lets you select how granular you

Alexwant it to be it's pretty good all right one time i caused drama on twitter because i talked about um exist.io and then the i am on the gyroscope beta and the founder like tweeted at exist and And it was, and then there was a fact.

MerlinOh, I remember this.

AlexYeah, right? I was like, this is weird.

MerlinWell, who was the dick? I don't know. Somebody was dickly, weren't they?

AlexI think gyroscope was the dick. But, you know, when you've been acquired by Facebook, you're at Facebook. So, meh. Meow. Digga, digga, digga.

MerlinDigga. Got Pruitt?

MaxThis is from, how'd you know? This is from the Huffington Post. Got it up in front of me. Got it up in front of me. A former aide to Environmental Protection Agency administrator, Scott Pruitt recently told the congressional investigators that she was asked to help find her boss's wife a job with a six-figure salary, according to multiple media reports on Monday. Davis reportedly said that Pruitt asked her to reach out to the Republican Attorney General's Association, a group that Pruitt chaired for two terms while he served as Oklahoma Attorney General, to inquire about a fundraising job he hoped would pay his wife $200,000 or more a year.

Like he's asking her to go out for donuts.

MerlinWould you do me a kindness and find my wife a six-figure job? Yeah.

MaxDo me a solid. On your way out, would you call this organization and see if they would give my wife a... Remember then he also tried to get his wife a job as the manager of a Chick-fil-A franchise? What?

MerlinThey just love Chick-fil-A.

MaxYeah.

MerlinPruitt's approach during the transition foreshadowed the kind of behavior that has attracted scrutiny in recent months. According to a current and former EPA official, Pruitt routinely asked his assistants, including then executive scheduler Sidney Hupp, to put hotel reservations on their personal credit cards rather than his own. In one instance, according to former deputy chief of staff Kevin Chalewski, Hupp was stuck with a bill of roughly $600 for a booking she made for the administrator's family during the transition. Holy shit. This motherfucker's like, like, this motherfucker's like Anna Delvey, like that girl in New York.

I have so much money that I lost track of it.

MaxCould you put it on your card?

MerlinThe one entrance that's coming through. Oh, boy, that is rough. Come on, really? It's each one of these. It's more... Somebody on Twitter had a funny bit. Alex, I'm going to need you to book my Gen Con hotel rooms on your personal card this year. Don't worry, I'm good for it, probably. You're good for it. They said, somebody said basically he's behaving like someone named Avarice in a medieval play.

MaxYeah, this is back from, this is Alex, the Chick-fil-A story at this point, it's ancient history. It's from June 5th, so we barely remember it now. This is from the New York Times. Emails released to the Sierra Club under the Freedom of Information Act show that Sidney Hupp, a former scheduler for Mr. Pruitt, contacted Chick-fil-A's chief executive, Dan T. Cathy, in May 2017 at Mr. Pruitt's behest to set up a meeting.

After a back and forth in which Mrs. Hupp initially said that the administrator, quote, didn't mention a specific topic of discussion, she told the company's director of regulatory affairs that Mr. Pruitt's request was of a personal nature. Quote, the administrator would like to talk about a potential business opportunity with Mr. Cathy, nothing pressing, just hoping to connect sometime in the next month or so, Mrs. Hupp wrote. Mr. Pruitt ultimately spoke by phone with Chick-fil-A representatives. um and um in an email to the washington post which first reported mr pruitt's effort to seek a business deal with chick-fil-a uh they said the call was the about the possibility of mr

pruitt's wife maryland opening a franchise a franchise of one of the fast food chains did you see the video of him explaining it oh god oh jesus christ no he's really incredible people have forgotten i think possibly all of the crazy shit that he's done He spent $43,000 on a soundproof phone booth that he had installed in his office. We just learned he had a second calendar. Brouwer told lawmakers that the phone booth was required so he could do his job, even though no previous EPA administrator needed one of these booths to do their job.

One time he spent $1,500 of taxpayer money on 12 fountain pens. He bought 12 fountain pens from a place called the Tiny Jewel Box. I think you know if they haven't already done it I really think that that Mike needs to review those pens the $1,500 fence Alex I just think it's out of your wedding gift for Mike you should get him a $1,500 fountain pen from the tiny jewel box Scott Pruitt special another time Scott Pruitt

asked his one of his aides to get him a used mattress for one of the Trump international hotels

AlexWhat?

MaxYeah.

AlexOh, no.

MaxWhat about the lotion, Max? Yeah, according to the Washington Post, Pruitt required members of his 24-7 security team to drive him around to find his preferred moisturizer, which just so happens to come exclusively from Ritz-Carlton Hotels.

AlexI feel like the soundproof booth was, like, enough, and then my brain just turned off, and I had no idea that the other—God, the tiny jewel box.

MerlinAnd he has a 24-hour security staff that is something like triple the personnel of the previous office holder. He's really scared of something. Remember when he had to fly first class because he was being harassed in coach? Because of the riffraff?

MaxAnd even though he pays for this huge unnecessary security team, last night a woman went up to him and yelled at him at a restaurant and said he should resign. The video was up on Twitter. And I was like, where the fuck is this? Where's this motherfucker's security team that he's paying for? The whole point is just to stop poor people from coming up to him and yelling him at restaurants. That's why we're paying for that. They can't even do that.

MerlinWhat happened to civility, Max? Can't a man just enjoy his lotion in peace?

MaxPruitt made a point to eat at the discounted White House mess hall so often that he was asked to stop eating there.

AlexI love that. Oh, my God.

MaxApparently, he ate there so often last year that, according to Politico, a member of the White House's Cabinet Affairs team told agency staff, chief of staff, in a meeting last year that cabinet members shouldn't treat the mess as the person in Binding Hall.

AlexOh, it's so weird. Like, oh, why can't we just have like one normal evil person? There's no in between.

MaxWe've gotten rid of a lot of the sort of Batman villain Trump administration officials.

MerlinStephen Miller is really one of the last ones standing, I think.

MaxYeah. I mean, Pruitt's certainly up there.

MerlinStephen Miller is the last seriously Batman guy. Oh, yeah.

AlexInteresting question. If either of you could have a security detail for a reasonable price, it would not affect your standard of living financially, just the standard of having a bunch of security guards around you. Would you have a security detail?

MerlinThat's complicated. I don't like having to coordinate events. I don't know if I would. I don't feel that menaced. Merlin, that's ridiculous.

MaxYou're scared of everything. You don't want to even be in an online chat because someone might say something mean to you. And you might have to hear their unsavory opinions.

MerlinI don't know why. I didn't know that. I didn't know that's why I'm like that. Oh, my God. The scales have fallen from my eyes.

AlexI could see you wanting a doppelganger, you know? Just somebody else in the city who looked...

MerlinWho you just hired to walk around town and say, hey, thanks.

AlexYeah, yeah, yeah. I could do that. Yeah, well, and just so then nobody, literally no one will ever know where you are.

MaxAlex, I thought of a good one for you. What about a food taster?

AlexOh, that's good. That's so good.

MerlinThe queen's tongue. You're the tongue of the queen. Yeah, Axios. When is this from? Two hours ago. Okay, so here's Axios. I'll try and kind of do a speed run here. Yes. This is a list.

MaxThis is an any percent speed run of Scott Pruitt's scandals starting.

MerlinYeah, I'm going to skip a whole bunch. Reportedly ordered raises for two aides, despite the White House rejecting his request. Spent $3 million of taxpayer funds on an extensive security detail. Biometric locks were installed on his office doors for $5,700. Came under fire for renting a bedroom near Capitol Hill for $50 a night. Agency installed a $43,000 private phone booth in his office. Spent over $105,000 on first-class flights because of, quote-unquote, threats to his safety. He had a tendency to want to use flashing lights and sirens on his motorcade to cut through traffic. At least one time to go to the popular French restaurant Les Diplomats. A former Comcast lobbyist helped the agency set up a trip to Morocco in December, which cost $100,000.

Despite original claims, it only cost $40,000. Pruitt accepted seats at a University of Kentucky basketball game for him and his son from a billionaire coal executive. His staff spent over $1,500 on fountain pens, more than $1,600 on journals. Why, everybody likes notebooks. His director of scheduling in advance, Millian Hupp, said Pruitt asked her to perform personal tests, which included a request for a Trump hotel mattress, told his allies in the conservative movement that Hupp lied in her testimony and could not be trusted, implying that she should not be hired at her prospective institutions, reports the Daily Beast. He tried to use his position to get his wife a job at a Chick-fil-A franchise. Number 14, Pruitt requested that his 24-7 security detail help him find a favorite moisturizing lotion at Ritz-Hart-Carlton Hotels.

He sent employees during the workday to pick up, quote, his favorite snacks and treats, per the Daily Beast, including particular finger foods, Greek yogurt, and more. 16, he enlisted the help of a top aide to find his wife a job, reaching out to Republican donors to find a job at $200,000. Wow. I guess we covered most of them. It's not as many as I thought.

MaxIt's not like when Dan reads the side effect, or no, what is it, the financial regulations of that investing sponsor that you have.

MerlinWell, I just need to let you know.

MaxWhat's it called? It's called like, it's called like, it's called like, Robert, Robin Hood or something?

MerlinNo, it's not Betterment, it's the other one. It's like, it's like Money Boys or something. It's like, it's cute. And it's like, oh God, you know, you're not allowed to use the service if they advertise.

MaxOh, otherwise you'd be using it. That's so unfortunate, Merlin, because from what I understand from hearing the ads, it's an app where you download the app and you put all your money into it and it turns your money into more money.

MerlinIt says it right on there. You'd be a sucker not to use it. Really? I'm Robert Moneyboys. No, a fellow friend, a co-host of mine caused a bit of a scandal by mentioning in passing during his podcast read. This is why I do all my podcast reads as hostage notices at this point. Because they yell at you. and send you things with red letters on them. But in this one case, the friend of mine who has a popular podcast said, oh, hey, this sounds pretty good. I might give this a try.

The company demanded personal one-on-one calls with every podcast host to go over what was permissible to say.

AlexI don't understand. You can, wait, so you can't.

MerlinIt's like an SEC, like an SEC regulation. Oh, okay. Because it constitutes an advertisement.

MaxI'm not a lawyer. I like that the SEC couldn't prosecute anybody for the 2008 financial collapse, but they're really cracking down on podcasters

Merlinwho mishandle their disclosure on an ad read for an app that nobody's going to download.

MaxAnd I'm sorry, like, I don't mean to bad mouth anyone who may or may not read this ad on their podcast, but if you're a listener of podcasts and you download an investment app and invest a bunch of money in an app because you heard about it on a podcast, you're a fucking idiot and you deserve to lose all your money.

What about powders, Max? Well, those you should do if we're selling them. I mean, that's just, I don't want to, I don't want to, that Gruber's going to the pokey. That's all I know. I don't want to foreclose on any, you know, revenue models for the podcast down the line. Yeah. Remember, use that offer code crooked.

AlexAll right. with Max's permission I came across this article and I just it was trending why did you need Max's permission I don't know because reading series are his things

Maxwell furthermore you're just barreling ahead you said you wanted my permission but now you're just barreling ahead and doing it and I haven't given you permission

Alexit's like I'm a man dig dug Fox News Live which I don't understand UCLA professor dies in mummification ritual at Hollywood executives home

Merlinoh this one goes deep This one goes so deep. Did you really read this? It goes deep.

AlexYou know what? I'm going to read a lot of it and we'll cut out the parts that are too sad. This is really very sad.

MaxWhy are the only sources for this Fox News and Breitbart? Like I'm searching for it now.

AlexExactly. Exactly. A California University professor died during a bondage session at the home of a Hollywood executive that went horribly wrong. uh the guy did i'm dead um and um an executive for hollywood william morris endeavor agency and known in the bdsm they feel in they they feel to in parentheses they must note bondage discipline dominance and submission community as master skip uh i didn't i did read this um

Maxi love how i like how breitbart and fox news have to explain what bdsm is like they don't like they've never heard of it but they spend they spend the other 80 of their website is just fantasizing about about about uh some policeman with a hot dog neck just stomping on their balls with his leather boots and they're like i've never heard of this bdsm apparently it stands for bondage submission and the other ones they they they really god stands for bowling dinner soup

Merlinand missionary work.

MaxSo the story is this guy did a BDSM thing. Was he choking himself or something? He was doing an autoerotic asphyxiation.

MerlinIt was a mummy thing. It was probably like a breath play thing.

AlexGeorge, who was born Duncan Gilbert and did not use gendered pronouns, just had to point that out, had been wrapped head to toe in plastic wrap and gaffer's tape. I'm very sad that a queer man died, but why is Fox News, and why did this blow up on Fox News and Breitbart?

MaxBecause it's like a gay Hollywood sex thing and he's like of new gender pronouns. Like they love this shit.

AlexBut I didn't.

MaxThey love this shit because this is what they think. They're like, if we let transgender kids choose their bathroom in public schools, they're all going to mummify each other and suffocate. Oh, is that why?

MerlinYeah, yeah. They're like, it's like a slippery slope. It's like if we let, yeah.

MaxI mean, listen, they're so specific about this shit too when they get mad about it. they're like they're like they're like if we let gay people marry remember in 2004 and they're like if we let gay people marry you'll eventually you'll be able to fuck a turtle and it's like who's saying anything about fucking a turtle like that's your own fantasy that you're now telling us

Merlinabout around 2004 i spent visiting my mom and i spent a dear dear woman that i i just remember so fondly from my childhood and into high school we had probably a 15 minute discussion about whether gay marriage would let people be able to marry their dogs. And she said, well, you know, if we have gay marriage, you'll be able to marry your dog. And I said, well, you can't marry an animal because they're not a person. Well, when this law comes along, that's what it's going to mean. And she was totally credulous. She absolutely thought that this was going to let you,

you could marry like an iron or a stick shift. You could marry anything you wanted. She really believed it. Really, really, really believed it.

AlexThe thing that I don't get, though, is so what? She makes me nostalgic.

MaxIt just makes me nostalgic for the golden age of politics where people were really reasonable and argued in good faith. We had norms and values in this country. You know, now it's all fucked up. Hey, whatever happened to civility? Does anybody remember laughter? I just feel like I feel like I say what you will about George W. Bush. But at least he had a good, honest, intellectual debate about the issues, about whether if you we allowed gay marriage, you'd be able to marry a dog.

MerlinYes. Yes. And he did keep us out of Iraq. Yep. Wait a minute. Boy, a lot of people with good intentions. A lot of good intentions out there, Max. You've got to give people credit for the good intentions. You know, a lot of people, before they vote for something that Trump wants, they're sometimes very, very conflicted about it. Do you feel like you give them enough credit for that? All of the brave, brave people out there are first responders and congresspersons who sometimes feel extremely bad before they vote for something that's truly atrocious.

MaxWell, Merlin, you know, I haven't had time. I haven't seen the tweet yet, so I'm not able to comment on that.

MerlinOh, you haven't had a chance to question him about it at all?

MaxI haven't gotten all the facts yet, so I'm not able to comment it this time.

Can I read? I have some good stories this week.

AlexPlease, please. I mean, now that you're asking, yes.

MaxAll right. Let's see. I ate out my pepperoni.

MerlinMm-hmm. All right. Well, that's not pho. Oh, it's at home. Now I buy it on Mondays because I have pho on Mondays, but I buy extra and I have that on Tuesday because they're closed on Tuesday.

MaxA lot going on there. This is a story from the New York Times.

MerlinI have a process.

MaxThis is a story from the New York Times. I'm very excited to share it with you. The title is called Tech Elites Recreate Burning Man Inside Their Living Rooms. Did you guys see this?

MerlinYes. I have not read it. I cannot wait to hear.

Maxto Chad Maretta a Silicon Valley app guru the intimate salons of Jess Magic a new age troubadour are like drugs without taking anything what's his name? Chess McElroy?

Alexthe fourth brother Chess oh Jess Magic

MaxJess Magic branded as soul salons they import the cosmic explorer sensibility of Burning Man's dusty playa into the cozy living rooms of prominent entrepreneurs, where they sing freestyle on topics as diverse as environmental degradation and heartbreak. Think of it as a free jazz equivalent of an esalen retreat.

MerlinI don't know what that is. Does anyone know what that is? It's like, it's like, it's one of the, yeah, it's like asked. It's one of those, you go in and get, yeah, it's, it's a creepy Northern California pseudocult thing.

MaxYou worship an owl and do a blood sacrifice. Pee on a tree with a senator. I love you. The tech A-list is a curious place to land for Miss Magic 37, who speaks in the soothing tones of a massage therapist and divides her time between Cardiff, California and Bali, Indonesia. Despite her wood nymph aura, or maybe because of it, Miss Magic has found herself in some button-down circles. In 2016, she performed at the Woman Economic Forum in New Delhi at a star-studded birthday party for her friend Ken Howery, a founder of PayPal.

I don't know if you'd call this a breakthrough, she said, but I got Peter Thiel to sing along and Elon Musk to smile.

MerlinJesus Christ.

AlexOh, good. Good for you.

MaxEnter the Soul Salon, which Miss Magic calls, quote, a play date for your inner child and performs as a gift, she said. Although guests are invited to contribute in accordance with the values they feel they received. The salons usually start with a theme, say the emptiness of consumer culture. As key phrases arise, Miss Magic will begin strumming and humming, weaving those lines of dialogue into a lilting melody. The effect is vaguely akin to Joni Mitchell performing freestyle rap at Davos.

I mean, I think that's trying to make it sound appealing. Joni Mitchell performing freestyle rap at Davos. Joni Mitchell just ciphering at the Davos World Economic Forum.

MerlinWarren Buffett nodding his head. Life ain't nothing but bitches and money. Cash, lose everything around me. Cream, get the money. Dollar, dollar bill, y'all.

I bomb atomically. Socrates, philosophies, and biographies. Can't deny how I've been rocking these. Shackling the masses with drastic rap tactics.

MaxIs that the hip-hop epotamus?

MerlinBreaking news! Digga digga digga! Breaking news! Embattled Environmental Protection Agency Secretary Scott Pruitt directly appealed to President Trump this spring to fire Attorney General Jeff Sessions and let him run the Department of Justice instead. Holy shit, he was going to make a deal. He was going to do it! Only I can fix this.

I'll be in my booth. In an Oval Office conversation with Trump, Pruitt offered to temporarily replace sessions for 210 days under the Vacancies Reform Act, telling the president he would return to Oklahoma afterward to run for office. This guy's got a lot of balls in the air.

AlexHe's got a lot going on. He's going to need a bigger jewel box. Good Lord.

MaxBack to you, Alex. Oh, I fucking hate these people. Whatever the topic, Ms. Magic speaks with a faraway sense of wonder, her hazel eyes seeming to sparkle. When the singing commenced, Ms. Magic invited the assembled to sit on a floor in a semicircle where a musician named Elijah Ray droned a mystical tune that called to mind images of saffron robes and singing bowls. As the music swirled, Charles Eisenstein, a proponent of what he calls, quote, sacred economics, oh my God, oh my God, talked about the unending human injury to Mother Earth.

Quote, if you knew she could feel, would you stop, he said. When his monologue wound down, Miss Magic rose and began a Nora Jones-style ballad, picking up phrases from Mr. Eisenstein's talk. If we believed, she sang in a soulful jazz scat, that me, that me, that me, that me, and the river were the same, would it change my ways? At first, the audience sat silent, seemingly puzzled, but slowly people began to clap their hands and sway to the beat. A man with a floppy hat and a wizard-like robe

began to gyrate wildly around the dance floor.

Merlin1989, the number, another summer, I don't know the funky drum horn. Music hitting you hard because I know you got so long.

MaxI'm only, I mean, I'm only sad, I guess, that my main man, David Avocado Wolf, isn't getting in on this racket. He should be all over that. He should be the fucking ringmaster in a Jamiroquai hat.

MerlinHe should be out there with fucking rings and a jeweled cane. Talking about how, talking about how the moon is anti-gravity. I know, it keeps stealing my gravity. Oh no, my gravity.

AlexGod. Dig duck, dig duck, challenge, challenge, challenge, challenge.

MaxChallenge, challenge, challenge.

AlexBright and tight. I had one more.

MaxI had one more.

AlexAll right, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Max.

MaxWait, but first I have to search for Jess Magic, David Avocado Wolf. I want to know if they've hung out.

AlexNo.

MaxOh. David Avocado Wolf. Jess Magic. Jess Magic. And David. Jess Magic Stallion.

MerlinNo.

MaxIs it J-E-S-S? Yeah, I'm going to put it in quotes and then do and David Avocado Wolf. Capital A. Oh, I think they're on a podcast together. Yes. Yes, queen. Oh, yes. David Avocado Wolf is the rock star in Indiana Jones of the superfoods and longevity movement. Oh, my God.

MerlinI'm going to listen to this.

MaxWell, it's called the Holistic Human Optimization Show. It's episode number 28, Shah Jen Joy Aziz, Discovering Your Gift. Now, they're both mentioned in the show notes, but I don't know if they're on this or what. I'll give it a listen and report back next week.

MerlinOkay, good, good.

MaxI just had one more to read. Well, yeah, I just had one more to read. this is from the website the verge they uh cover the topic they cover the topic of technology on this website since the release of avengers infinity war fans have flocked to a subreddit dedicated to the film's villain thanos once mostly a place for jokes memes and chatter about the mad titans ideologies the more than 200 000 members of r slash thanos did nothing wrong have turned their attention to fulfilling a one-off joke that will decimate their community randomly banning half

of their members. Today, a moderator announced that they'd finally received permission from the subreddit's administrators. The ban will take place on July 9th.

MerlinI...

MaxOver making jokes? Since the announcement earlier today, our Thanos did nothing wrong has been full of rejoicing members eager to see if they survive. Quote, give ban, they repeat over and over. Others post lines from the film, crowdsourcing Thanos' speeches one line at a time. Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives. It's a role-playing game. They've been playing with each other for months.

AlexI mean, what's the story here? It's a bunch of nerds on Reddit doing a...

MaxBut they're going to ban half the members of their subreddit to be like Thanos.

AlexThey're hard for Thanos. This is what they want.

MerlinBut do you get it? Do you get it? They're talking the talk and walking the walk.

AlexThey're going to ban some people. Get it, half? They're proving. They're proving that he definitely didn't do anything wrong.

MaxWell, I'm sorry, guys. It's my mistake for thinking that these stories could be funny and our audience could enjoy them. I'm sorry. You're right. I've reconsidered it and it's not fun.

MerlinYou know what you should do, Max? You should fire half this show.

AlexUh-oh.

MaxYeah. Well, wait a minute. Rounding up or down? It'll just be me. I don't know. I think... The problem is it'll just be me. I'll spin my little knife around and it'll just be me. And then everyone's going to have to listen to me eat and read news articles.

MerlinAnd be late.

MaxYeah, and be late.

MerlinLate to your own show. Sorry I'm late.

MaxAll right, well, let's talk about the challenge. Whose challenge was it? Digga, digga, digga, challenge. It was kind of Merlin's challenge, I suppose, but it was really from the Dubai Press. I want to get full.

MerlinI want to get full. See, how do you like that latency, Max? Isn't that fun? Oh, it's one. I'm really enjoying it this week. It's so fun. Well, you know, full credit this week. I want to go. So it was my challenge, but we got this direct off the Reddit. There'll be a link in notes where you can go to see where you can submit ideas for challenges. a user called Breeze Like Honey gave us several very good ideas.

MaxEveryone gets yourself to the Dubai Friday subreddit. It's reddit.com slash r slash Dubai Friday. And get in before this Friday when we ban half of the members.

AlexOut of r slash the animals didn't do something wrong. Come join us.

MerlinAnd the more I think about this, it was a really good idea. But I feel so embarrassed. The challenge this week was to... I mean, the heart of the challenge was buy stuff for my daughter. Now, with that said, it's called Three Wise Men. Each host buys a gift for Merlin's daughter. She decides who wins off air. And you talk about buying gifts and dealing with children and millennial families. So I think there's more to it than that. Another part of the challenge that I think will certainly emerge was trying to suss out. We did it blind. They were all addressed the same way. She would not know who any of them was from, whether it was Alex or Max or me.

And so that was the challenge. They all arrived. And yesterday I videotaped the opening ceremony and then shared that with my co-host.

MaxI'm going to go ahead and say I'm going to go ahead and say this might be my all time favorite Dubai Friday challenge. For my own personal enjoyment. I love thinking about it. I love thinking about it. I love planning it out. I love the video. That video.

MerlinThe look on her face when she opened your gift was gold.

MaxYeah. I had such a smile on my face watching that video. And I hope maybe Alex will edit in a little bit of the audio from that video, if that would be okay. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. We'll see. We'll see. Maybe the listeners will get a little taste of the audio, because there's some pretty golden moments from the audio.

MerlinSo, basically, we grabbed all these boxes from Amazon and put them together. She put them in order by size. My wife, who was stroking a white cat, took notes.

AlexIt was so upsetting.

MerlinI did like the cat dance.

MaxNo, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die. Can you describe what you call the cat dance, Merlin?

MerlinOkay. My wife is such a cuck for our cat. She loves our cat so much. She comes in the house. She makes a beeline. She finds the cat and goes, what are you doing? And she comes up and she gives it. Does a little nose rubs. And she loves that cat so much. And the cat loves her. And the cat sits on her at night. And sometimes she picks her up and gives her a squeeze and dangles the cat in the air and has her do a little dance. It's a pretty cute dance. Now, if I tried that, I would be dead. I would be very, very scratched. I would be like a piece of old cardboard or a couch.

But it's fine for my wife. So all the gifts were arrayed. And I said, I'm sorry for the jitter in the video. I think the stupid Osmo DJ, RJ DJ, was trying to overcompensate. So it jittered a little bit.

AlexMatt, he was very upset. Like, what is he doing? Filming in 4K? What's happening?

Merlinwell i had shot at very very high resolution but it was too nobody cares anyways so so here's i i thought part of what made this fun is the challenge was fairly open and the idea was here's my address send these to my daughter to this name at this address so we did not know who sent what unless you thought about it for a second we didn't know which package came from who and she was then asked to say who she thought it was from and how she felt about it she fucking nailed it too she got it she got it all the way down the line now so how do we how do we how do we approach this well

Maxi mean why don't you describe why don't you describe the series of events i think let's do it chronologically in how they were open well the first one that she opened was a small box

Merlinhe opened a small um this is i had to explain to my family why this is so fucking funny she opened a box and inside it was uh was an hdmi switching box because you know she was like i'm a kid why did somebody give me this so that you can control which inputs are

Maxgoing into the tv it's got a remote it's the number one wire cutter recommended hdmi switcher

Merlinit comes with a remote i could be remembering this wrong max but i feel like maybe you bought one of those for veronica for for like a was it a birthday well yeah for it was a christmas gift

Alexwhat what i really liked about this was there is i feel like there was a brief moment where she considered Alex might have sent this and I don't want to hurt her feelings.

MerlinYes, because you're the favorite of the three of us.

AlexI enjoyed that bit quite a lot.

MaxAnd so I'll just say that one of us sent her an HDMI switcher and the other one sent a variety of Steven Univus swag. It was more than that. And she was able to suss out very quickly which of the co-hosts sent the HDMI switcher and which of the co-hosts sent the Stephen Univus swag Stephen Univus

MerlinI can't sweep it's too boring so what did she receive okay so here's what we I just sent you the list this is my wife's notes from the opening so she received an HDMI switch which is really nice and it comes with a remote it's a really good HDMI switch I explained it to her three different times She still did not understand the value of having a really nice wire cutter approved HDMI switch.

She received a cool 3D pen. This is like a pen that spits out plastic and can make stuff with it, like patterns and stuff. And you can build up layers. They're really cool. She guessed that that was from Alex.

AlexYes. If Alex were to send it, it would be when you look at 3D printers, you realize that all of them for kids totally suck. But 3D pens are pretty cool and they use the same plastic to melt stuff out and build stuff.

MaxIs it called the doodler? Isn't it called the 3D doodler? no i think it might be called the doodler you can make a pile of poop with it for sure you know how she you know she reacted to getting the hdmi switcher it's so short-sighted because she'll be she'll want that thing she'll get sick in six months she'll be old enough and all of a sudden she's gonna go why don't we have a high quality hdmi switcher with a remote that automatically detects which active input you're seeking anyhow this is how i felt when i was um a kid and i and like i think it was in the year 2000 i got a a very nice for my bar mitzvah gift

my big bar mitzvah gift for my grandparents was a cd player like a stereo like a like a big cd player with a 50 cd changer inside like a little what a little carousel carousel one yeah and they're like vertically yes yes and it would rotate and you could go in and and you'd program character by character the name of each cd in each slot so i would go like i would you'd put them in alphabetical order and you'd be like number 37 you'd go you dial in s m a s h m o u t h and then i got that i believe in the year 2000 and in 2001 the ipod came out oh my god oh my god

Merlinum i feel like alex i want to go through all the things you gave that she loved so much more than all the other things. I think it was possibly cheating to get six million little gifts. I feel like we should reveal something that I feel bad about revealing. Okay.

MaxWhich is that Alex had the sense to ask me what she wanted.

AlexOh, and also on air, you encouraged all of us to ask. I did.

MaxI didn't need to ask because I knew what she would want, though.

AlexHDMI?

MaxI was very confident.

MerlinSo Alex, Alex, despite, Alex could have done great on her own, but she did have some inside intel on things like favorite colors, types of gifts, media property interest. She did have that.

MaxAnd she utilized it. Now, I really think that it's, I really think it's playing to the judge if you get a child a million little gifts, because kids, their brains aren't fully formed, and they would... All they care about is opening. Oh, and what about the gift wrapping? She got them gift wrapped.

AlexWell, no, no, no.

MerlinKids would rather have like two quarters than one dollar.

AlexI'm so upset.

MerlinThe Amazon gift wrapping is so farcical. It's so fucking funny.

AlexI'm so mad. I, not because I spent money on a gift. I assumed, I guess, like they have.

MerlinYou spent like $4 on like a sub potato sack level bag with a piece of ribbon on it.

AlexLike.

MerlinIt's so lame.

AlexAnd, and, you know, you can compost slash recycle wrapping paper. There's no harm done. but like they looked like mesh bags that like that is going to like kill a baby bird it's like

Merlinyou would take the shower at the y or something yeah my bathing kit yeah um i just want to get that out of the way so uh why don't you talk about well what you what you gave before i get to mine which was really costly um what um i ended up being the control group because i bought the same kind of generic bullshit i would buy her stuff i love i bought her a lego set that was very costly because I love giving her Lego sets. So I ended up being kind of the control, I think.

AlexWell, and you specifically said that your lady friend was like, no more Lego. And I was like, okay, got it. And also I didn't-

MerlinI carried the Amazon box into the room. Ellie was in the bathroom. And I said, I just mouthed to my wife,

Alexyou are going to kill me.

MerlinIt's a fishing store. It's a Lego fishing-

AlexIt's sure. And for a second, I had the exact same reaction she had of, what the fuck is going on right now?

MerlinIt's the old fishing store. It's the old fishing store. It has 2,049 pieces. And you make a fishing store. Every little girl's dream of fishing store. Oh, my God. It comes with gulls.

AlexHa! Ha!

MerlinLook at that. You get a captain's wheel. It's got a flag. It says Anton's Bait Shop on it. And that's a baller set. Oh, it comes with a little lobster.

AlexOh, well, that's the thing. If there are little seagulls and little lobsters, and I feel like I would just take those and trash the rest and add them to my aquarium. I used to love getting Barbie accessories because you'd get all the cool animals and you just throw the dolls in the corner.

MerlinWell, for what it's worth today, that's somewhat controversial to some people. But there's a franchise inside the Lego sets called Friends. And it's very much like four little girls, but they are totally the best sets. They have the best stuff. You can make a bakery. You can make a pet cleaning service. You do all these things. So they come with these generic little girl minifigs. But they also come with little cute animals and tons of really neat, like you can make a little cupcake. Just for what it's worth. I think the Friends set.

The single best set, as I said in that series of texts. My favorites are the creator sets. Because creator set, you can build at least three different things. There's usually three things plus a secret thing you can find out that you can make with the same set. So those are really great. The creator buildings are amazing. But, yeah, so I bought my daughter the old fishing store. Old fishing store. Now, Alex really, I feel like she played the refs a little here. Tell the people what you got, my daughter.

AlexI feel like the challenge was sort of not just get a gift, but go about how you as a person give gifts to children. And when I was younger, we always got like a ton of little gifts and like one big gift. And I didn't really know.

MaxThat's like Hanukkah. That's like Hanukkah, yeah.

MerlinYeah, right.

MaxYou get a bunch of candy and socks and educational puzzles. and then at the last night you open up the big z-bot oh or your little or your little assistant

Alexput tapes in me i'm very nervous um but i uh the problem is i always got like it is like hanukkah in that every year even to this day i i'm 27 years old and my mom still gets me a ton of shit that i will never use and then spends money on something big that I still don't need because I'm a 27 year old adult and but like uh for some reason my family thinks I love sheep I'm not really sure

why so I have like various plastic sheep everywhere but that's why I really wanted to ask I I wanted to ask the father like okay you're gonna be surrounded by little shits but I want to know what little shits will

Merlinyou put in the words to it but like I think the little shits are where it is at I mean like my wife goes crazy with the stocking stuffers I mean to the point

Maxwhere like they're just it's because kids brains are not fully formed they would rather have like two quarters than one dollar have I been a half time minimalist

Alexsince like I was three

Maxdo you guys know about the kid who's famous on YouTube for reviewing toys he's called like Rory's toys or something

Merlinlike that

MaxOh

MerlinYou too, I think I feel like I heard about this. Yes, um YouTube toy

MaxReviewer the show is increasingly just becoming me googling things. It's called Ryan toys review This might just be my challenge. He put them in his mouth. No, no, he's he's I don't know what is he's like he's like I don't really can't ever tell old children are he's like eight or 15 and and they can't tell you are and he became and he became famous on youtube for um a video that is where his parents gave him 100 toys all at once and he reviewed them and now he has oh yes he has

14 million subscribers and his views his videos off usually get 10 million views on them that's

Merlinnuts is there anything weird about it uh yeah it's all very surreal but i mean okay so it's not weird or anything right just people like toy reviews that seems like a really a large large

Maxlarge number of people watching you know what it's not that it's it's not that i i don't think it's weird it's that it's it's it's conceptually weird it's weird for the parents to give this kid 100 toys and he reviews them i mean now i think he probably gets them for free but i don't know

Merlinmake it yeah it's a little weird it's very joyful yeah but you know i mean honestly i i i say this about her because i know it's true about me the fun part is opening it opening it is the is really is the fun and whether however you feel about it a year from now or even a month from now it's the it is the opening it that's a lot of fun and opening lots of little things and a pack with jesus christ stickers she loves the notebook she loves the socks wouldn't it be funny if that was

Maxtrue as an adult too that opening it was the fun part like you get some sort of you get some sort of like kitchenware and that like in that like sealed plastic bubble rat and you're like oh now

Alexthe good part oh clam shell these are very hard to open uh all right my uh my gifts um there was uh good good good tama the melting egg right that's what that is no he's not melting he's

Merlinsleepy you know much about good tama have you have you really looked into the videos and stuff uh and the middle age the middle-aged man who seems to want to become good tama it's

Alexvery we i didn't i i i thought you were really upsetting yeah i didn't like i i i'll find a link for you oh but yeah there was a fun pack which had like a ton of little shits within like as one of the little shit gifts there was like a ton of little shits in this with the melty egg man um and then of course i got a funko pop pop of the uh melting egg man because you just gotta litter someone's house with that um uh steven universe stuffies which i thought was adorable because I didn't know anybody else used that word for things.

The fusion book, which, or the Steven Universe book, all about fusion, which, and she said she wanted, had wanted that. And it made me so happy because I'm like, yeah, I wanted that book too.

MerlinSo it's about how two gems, like how two gems come together to make a different thing.

AlexYeah. It's kind of like lesbian sex. I was like, I don't know. I'm like, oh, okay. Literally, it's like a cardboard book. Okay. It's fine. It's safe. and then there was stickers and an egg notebook and then what I thought was I was like okay not like the big gift but I'd say like a middle gift that was like this one might have some staying power possibly was the 3D pen because if it she likes you know gluing things and stuff so yeah

I can say or just making a big pile of crap that seemed really fun I want to get one and just like, I don't know. I like melting hot things.

MerlinOh, totally.

AlexThat's something I just realized about myself. Good.

MerlinI think a video, one of the videos of the Gudetama man.

AlexNope, nope.

MerlinBecause the video, there's a series of shorts. Gudetama is a Sanrio character. There's a series of shorts that's just like,

AlexGudetama being very good like this.

MerlinAnd then a man asking questions in a somewhat stern voice.

AlexIt's a Sanrio character?

MerlinYeah, totes.

AlexOh, no.

Merlinand it talks like this and then at the end the man is good at tomorrow and it's really upsetting

Alexlook at that guy i see i i grew up in the days where karopi was like the shit and batsmaru

Merlinyipeko bad batsmaru when i when i was a bad man when i was in japan gututama was fucking huge

Maxbut he was like on his way i could see that he was on his way out he was about to be dethroned by Rilakkuma. Now I think Rilakkuma is the king shit of Fuck Mountain.

MerlinRilakkuma. Oh, look at that. That is cute. Is a little bear dressed like a mouse? That's like in Best in Show. No, it's a bear dressed like a bee. That's not a bee.

AlexWhy is...

MerlinSo cute. Have you seen a little guy with a little bear with a strawberry on his head or a panda with a strawberry? Panda strawberry.

MaxI don't think any of these Sanrio creatures are shit compared to Rilakkuma. I think Rilakkuma is the the king of the jungle now.

MerlinHuh. Rilakkuma is a fictional character. Collaborate with Senex. I'm trying to get more on his backstory. Okay, his name is a combination of... Origin story is that he mysteriously appears in the office lady Kaoru's apartment one day. No! He is a soft toy bear who has apparently decided to take up residence there. On his back, there is a zipper, which when opened reveals a light blue polka dot pattern material. The reason for the zipper on his back is unknown.

AlexNo, I don't like it. This is like when Sanrio announced that Hello Kitty wasn't a kitty.

MaxIt is implied that even in his usual appearance, his entire lower body is a costume, which he will often replace when it gets old or dirty. Rilakama is frequently seen sitting around waiting for suits that look exactly like him to dry on the clothesline.

That's deep.

AlexOh, it's like he's like a ship of Theseus, but with other bear parts.

MerlinOnce you've replaced all the bears, is he the same bear?

Alexyou know what sound off in the comments if you're as repulsed and freaked out about this as me i don't know i i just like the little frog and the there's uh there's a there's a the frog isn't

Maxshit anymore it's all i'm telling you it's ralakama kruppi's out we talked about the frog it was uh he was my first cropping is kruppi is ralakama's bitch now

AlexHa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

86. It’s Rotten, Mohammed!

Show notes

Transcript

86. It’s Rotten, Mohammed!

Show notes

Transcript

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