62. I Fifteen Love You
2018Show notes
Transcript
Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakesAlexThis is Do Buy Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox, and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, do a magic trick.
Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Hi.
MaxHi. Oh, look at that. It's recording. Max is quiet.
AlexYeah, what's happening? I'm quiet. What's happening now? Max has changed everything.
MaxI'm turning my gain up. I'm turning my gain up. Is that good?
MerlinNo, no, no, no. It's probably the automatic thing.
MaxI'm turning knobs, I'm pushing buttons, I'm going crazy over here. I'm going hog wild on these buttons.
MerlinThere's a thing you want to make sure it doesn't do. In audio video, make sure you have flipped off automatically adjust microphone settings.
MaxBecause it tries to be smart. is not an op that is not an op oh there it is look at that check hello was it was a check before
Merlinoh yeah big time what a piece of shit most people don't realize that and it tries to be smart and
Alexlike i truly hate this i hate this so much i hate i hate how much i depend on i oh why are you still
Maxmaking noise you motherfucker so when we built the office like you know this was a design the office like what four years ago at this point we had these all these decisions to make about what cables to run and what sort of shit to buy and put in the office. And I just made a call when we were doing the, um, the value engineering part of the building process that we wouldn't have phones in the office. And I was like, people will just use their cell phones or we'll figure it out. And like a year into the working in the office, we, a number of us were like, or at least I was like, okay, I need a phone.
Like I just want a phone in conference rooms. Like I just want a big speaker phone. So like a landline, classic landline phone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, but a, I don't even know that we have like phone service that goes to the building. Like I don't actually know if there's cables, but B like we just, the cables weren't going to the conference rooms. Like we didn't run those cables. So it would have been a huge project to add it. But we, we started asking around and there was like, we met through, through our, our it guy, Joshua, we met this dude in, where is he Alex?
And like, he's in Florida, I think all the, all the best phone engineers and, and value engineers are in Florida. We, we met this guy and he's like a wizard. and we were like, we want phones in the office and he's like, okay, buy these things and they're all VoIP phones and we just plugged them into the ethernet and then we called him and he logged into our network and got into the router and connected the phones and made them work within 10 minutes and as far as I can tell, I don't think we pay anything for them. So I had one delivered to my house and I called the internet guy yesterday.
I called the phone wizard yesterday and I said, can you make this thing work? And he tapped some keys out and now it's on my desk and I have a conference and I have a speakerphone. What's great about this is I can just pace all around the room while I'm on calls and nobody knows that I'm not sitting at my desk and it just works.
MerlinYou can just be replenishing your painkillers, laying on your back, reciting Shakespeare, all the kinds of things salaryman does.
MaxThrowing one of those balls that house throws. It's not a tennis ball. It's bigger than that, but I don't know what sport it's from. Oh, yeah.
MerlinYeah, but you need some kind of executive thing.
MaxIs there a sport called big tennis? wait a minute okay question do you know what i'm talking about no he always has he always has a ball that he's throwing and it's fuzzy and bouncy like a tennis ball but it's
Merlinbig it's like a grapefruit okay so my question is is the racket proportionately larger too
Speaker Bbecause that would be so cute and the court and the players I love tennis
MaxNo, okay, the court It's only for huge Andre the Giant sized men
MerlinWait, wait, wait, wait, okay, here's how it works This is how you make it fun It's the standard rules of tennis at this point But the ball is, it's not comically larger The ball is 30% larger than a tennis ball The racket is 30% larger than a tennis racket But the court is 30% smaller
Speaker AI think we did I 15 love you I think we just invented a way better sport We just invented big tennis Big balls, small court Welcome to big tennis Hi Sharks, my name is Max And I'm thinking $100,000 For 5% equity in my startup Big tennis I want to know who's ready to fall in love with big tennis.
Speaker BI'm asking $17 million.
MerlinLori, I got the pink ball for you. Mr. Wonderful, I got your face on the racket. And then Robert tries it. And then he gets dominated by his dominatrix. We just changed the paradigm a little bit.
AlexYeah, I thought when you said big tennis, like it was a sort of corporation. or just tennis for fat people? Because I would be so into that. I would kick his ass.
MerlinIt's got to have a cryptocurrency component to it, but I think big tennis is going to be huge. We're pivoting to blockchain tennis.
MaxWe could fund the whole thing with one good ICO.
That State of the Union, I didn't watch it, but I would love to see a supercut of that just narrated by Adam Curtis.
MerlinOh, wow. Well, dude, okay, here's the thing. I recorded with Syracuse last night while I was waiting to start. I watched the first 20 minutes and I practically got hives from all the clapping and I was very, very upset. And then afterwards, I read some of the coverage and all the hat takes and then I made a terrible category error. I watched the Jimmy Kimmel interview with Stormy Daniels, which was a bad, bad idea. And when the YouTube video was finished, I immediately turned on hyper-normalization and watched it almost all the way through.
AlexYou did some self-care there.
MerlinDid you, well, did you watch her interview? There could be an Adam Curtis special just about this interview and what a fucking, pardon my, I know it's too soon, train wreck this interview was. I didn't. And now on top of it, her fucking lawyer supposedly because who knows what's fucking real anymore. She said, oh, maybe that's not my signature and maybe I didn't sign it. Maybe I don't have an NDA or do. I don't, I couldn't say. I'm dirty. And then the two signatures don't match up. Oh, guess what? Her lawyer comes up, releases a statement, says, oh yeah, she totes signed that in my office today. What the fuck is happening?
MaxDigga, digga, digga, digga. Follow up, January 29th. Republicans may have to recall all State of the Union tickets because they say union, not union, per two Democratic aides. And I have here an image of the ticket. It says House of Representatives admits bearer to the visitors gallery. 115th Congress addressed to the Congress on the state of the union. President Donald J. Trump.
MerlinOn young.
MaxIf anyone didn't see check out Jonathan Mann did a song a day that's a medley of like union folk songs where he just changed the word union to union. It was power in a union.
AlexSo good. Oh, man.
MaxIt was very fun.
MerlinIt was very, very funny and good. I agree with you, though. I would like to see you become the arbiter of who's allowed to make jokes about things. I like it when you occasionally will come out and say, you're all forbidden from making jokes. The joke has been made best. Now everybody stop. I think you did that for Jonathan. And that's a service. That's Max's service that I really appreciate.
MaxWell, I thought, listen, I'll be honest. I thought, I bought low on Yunyum. I got in early because I thought, I thought this has legs. Like we're all going to, this is kefefe all over again. Are you kidding me? like we're all going to be doing union jokes for like four days before we forget about it and and i and i was and i was chatting with jonathan and i was like listen dude buy you know buy low sell high get your meme in now this is this is the next uh what was it oh antenna gate this is your next antenna gate oh right here union oh yeah and uh it didn't it didn't take
i don't know i think like we're just i think everyone's brains are turning to to like uh
Merlinlike scrambled eggs from the news cycle oh did you notice in the uh the statement that may or may not be from maybe maybe not stormy daniels did you see that the year 20 000 20 011 is referenced she said we covered this and whatever it's something we covered this in 2006 and 2007 in 20 2011 and 2016 and 2017 it's just my entire life is like looking for red underlying text in everything i do i proofread every tweet and message except for this morning when i accidentally said
on instead of then. This is a very bad time in history to be smart. And you know, because they know it'll get us. This is how they get us.
MaxYeah.
MerlinYep.
My world is on fire.
AlexSo, Max, do you need to talk about how your world's on fire this
Maxmorning? Or do we just want to be like, oh, everything's bad? No, I mean, it's nothing like, yeah, no, it's objectively nothing important, but yet I was awake at 8 in the morning getting phone calls. What was it? Is it lots of little fires? It's like little things here and there. And it's like, no, it's like nothing. No one's life is in danger. No company is going to end. It's not a big deal. It's just, I don't know. It's just like people need me to fix stuff or something's going wrong or whatever. It's urgent to the people who need me.
MerlinWell, are you a dog with a bone, though? I mean, is it something where you can say, look, you're smart, you can handle this? Or do you feel the need to engage when you're asked? Is that a dumb question? Do you know what I mean? Sometimes you've got to know when to say, like, okay, you're smart, deal with this.
MaxSo I had a guy who emailed me. Here's an anecdote that will maybe answer your question. So I had a guy who emailed me on January 4th and said, boy, I don't want to out him here. And he was like, hey, he works, he does something in the entertainment industry in L.A. And he's like, hey, like I want to and I sort of know him from an earlier time in my life. And he was like, hey, I want to catch up and connect. And can we like do a call? And he's like, I just want to see. And he said, I want to see what's going on in Temkin world.
And I and I and this was now keep in mind, this is January 4th. And I decided that my New Year's resolution this year was that I was just going to say no to this stuff. And so I wrote back and I said, hey, guy, I'm really glad things are going well for you. I'm trying to, and then I said, I'm trying to reduce the number of calls and meetings I'm committed to. And unfortunately I'm going to have to pass on this, but I would love to hang out the next time I'm in town. Thanks for understanding. And then I thought that was a really good, succinct message. And I don't over, I don't. And, and also like, here's the thing. If I try to
overly justify why I'm not going to do something, if I'm like, Mo, my cat is sick, so I can't do it. Then what they said, then people write back and they go, what about when your cat's better? But this is great. Cause I give no justification other than I don't want to do it.
MerlinNope.
MaxAnd I thought that was so good, I saved it as a text expander snippet. And A, number one, I've never used a text expander snippet since. So I've said yes to everything since that email. So my New Year's resolution lasted until January 4th. And then B... You created a Temkin village.
That's a very lame joke. You're welcome. Save it for the big tennis court, Merlin. Save it for big tennis. so so koda to the story follow-up i got an email yesterday at 2 a.m and it's the guy it's the same guy emails me back and goes hey one one last shot here trying to ask for a call and i'm starting some new project and i really want to get your guidance and ask questions and hear what's going on in your world and so and it's just like what do i do do i not respond or i mean he's hitting on you like i
like this like i genuinely like this guy he's like a good he's like a good dude i don't want to i'm not i don't want to be mean to him i just don't want to do a call and chit chat i don't i i no
Merlinthere's no at this point the thing is you're dealing with a monster and you're not allowed to call that person a monster or point out that they're being a monster this is someone who does this all this you're not the first person this has happened to and i said yes i was like i felt
Maxlike oh he must really want to he i said he to myself i was like well he must really want to talk to me so i guess i have to find out what's going on your neck of the woods he wants to see what's going on in my world. But anyway, to answer your question of like, can I let people solve problems by themselves? No, because this is always what happens. Like, it's always like, well, why don't you propose a solution? And then it just kicks the can down the road.
MerlinI mean, I'm not a good manager. I'm a terrible manager and a bad person. But I feel like, you know, there's something that I feel like everybody could learn outside of, say, an authoritarian regime. I think a helpful way, I've said this before, but I think a helpful way to pose anything when you approach somebody is to identify what it is very clearly that has made them the person that must be contacted about it. Hey, I'm contacting you because I know this is something that you were interested in like a year ago and I want to see if this is still what you want. And then number two,
try to the extent possible to pose the question in a way that could be answered with yes or no. And I'm not saying over-engineer it, but yeah, I mean, propose a solution. Say, okay, yeah, you were interested in this in a year ago. This guy's going to be in town in late February. do you want me to set up a coffee at the office or something? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, the problem is when you just go to somebody, oh, problem ball. And it's like, fuck, you know, I got enough problem balls all day long. Like, give me a solution that you can implement for me.
MaxWell, I mean, I think the other piece of this is like, you know, I do occasionally email people and ask this favor of like, hey, can we get lunch or can I have a few minutes of your time? So it's a thing that people do. Like, I understand why people, like, it's fine. Like, it's not wrong to ask people for that. But part of asking is also accepting no as an answer. Like it is allowed for people to say, I'm sorry, I don't have time for this. And then the graceful thing to do is just to accept that. And if it's like truly critical, you can then you can send them the question over email and say, well, you can you can you can escalate it.
MerlinBut this is this is another one of these classic examples of what that person is doing, what you are doing, the act of reaching out to somebody is is there's no value that has to be associated. Like whether that's a good or a bad thing, whether that's a tricky thing, whether that's a needy thing. That all depends, depends, depends. It's like people talk about with, hmm, oh, the president is allowed to do this and the president is allowed to do that. Everyone serves at the president's pleasure. Well, I think somebody, maybe Tommy, no, maybe it was Lovett said, well, you know, it's not illegal to fax documents or to shred documents.
Anybody's allowed to shred documents, but you're not allowed to shred documents that are evidence. And in that case, like if it's a bad faith attempt to reach out to somebody and they're making you feel like the chode for saying no, that's fucked up.
AlexOkay, I want to circle back here. Because, Max, do you ever find that you say that there's a problem that can be solved, but then you get excited about said problem, and then you want to fix it and kind of dive deep and get, you know, because I disagree.
MaxYou mean like the other day when we met about this camera to buy, and I drew a picture on the whiteboard, And I was like, absolutely do not buy any digital cameras. I only want to, or like, I was like, I only want to look at DSLRs. And then six hours later, I texted you and I was like, I found a non-DSLR camera that we have to buy. Is that an example of what you're talking about?
AlexWell, but, and here's the thing. You texted me around like 9 p.m. And I should not have responded. I have, part of my news resolution is to not do work after 8 p.m. but I got all jazzed about this and I was like, yes, yes, yes. Let's do research. Yes, yes, yes.
MaxRight. Well, because I was home Googling the cameras too.
AlexAnd I got really excited. And, and I, I don't know, like, do you get excited about, I have to imagine that you get excited about the same thing, like design projects or stuff like that.
MaxWell, well, and also like the, I mean, I know that this is, I know the ups, I'm aware of the upsides and downsides of, of this personality trait, But I definitely do the like strong opinions held loosely thing of like, like, I just like the way I like to work is just like everybody just commits to something and like go full speed at it. And then if it's wrong, you change your mind and you try something else without making a big stink about it. But like, you know, it's like so I don't know.
MerlinYou don't you don't want to you don't want to go into a ton of things half hearted.
MaxRight. Yeah. I'd rather just pick a direction and do it. But then that means that I look like a moron when it's the wrong direct, you know, when it's when I'm like, OK, everyone do exactly this. and then it's the wrong thing to do.
AlexI disagree because like you said, like we had gone full speed just in that day and we were like, okay, this is interesting. But then you too were like, okay, I found something better.
MaxAnd then we just went full speed in another direction. I also could have listened to you when you told me to buy that kind of camera originally. We're all still growing.
Wait, I have more follow-up.
AlexOkay, okay. All right, all right.
MaxI have more follow-up. All right. But I don't know if tech, I have a lot of stuff this week that's going to need technical support, but I don't know if this is going to work. So this is a follow-up from a listener, Stephen, who's a Cox's Cock member of the Powder Nation on our Patreon. Just as a reminder, for those of you who are listening, if you go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com, you can give us $5. we do a second episode every week which is our after show and we talk about the upcoming challenge and you can get your private RSS feed
and stick that into Overcast or Podcasts or Stitcher or whatever you listen to. No, boo. Wherever podcasts are found. And you just go give us five bucks at giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and here's the thing is that we want your fucking money.
MerlinI mean, the thing is a lot of people try to a lot of people try to kind of skate around that and go like oh, you know who people find the show? No, fuck that. No, we want your money. It's super simple. Yeah. You have the money. We want the money.
AlexWe want the money. I want to buy an expensive thing with the money you give us.
MerlinI need a new Scoot Scoot. I'm so mad about my Scoot Scoot right now. I'm obsessed with how mad I am.
AlexGuys, if we get $20,000, I will commit to buying a iMac Pro and you'll get your show earlier. That's all. All right, Max, follow up. You want to get a handjob? Oh, God. I'll get my bits fondle.
MerlinI have as the youth say the receipts on this I believe that you have agreed to get a handjob
AlexI have agreed to let things be played with I have not agreed how would I get
Merlinyou're open to a casual diddle but not a full on finger
AlexI can't that's not a handjob that is penetration wow who's intersectional now
Maxthis is follow up from oh dear god
Merlinplease check your text messages also
Speaker BBig tennis Big tennis Big tennis is going to be huge
Speaker ABut it's not a joke It's going to be a real real thing
MerlinIt's going to have a governing body
MaxDo you think If we have a big tennis Like a finals Can we call it Big Wimbledon Or Whittle Wimbledon We Wimbledon what about all right all right here we go follow up dugga dugga dugga follow up this is from our uh cox's cock uh steven steven is a musician and if you guys this is a callback to an earlier episode where the challenge was to go on fiverr and have um uh art or music commission for each
of our fellow co-hosts and i commissioned um a rap for merlin but instead of receiving a rap he just i just received like a word document with like half-hearted rap lyrics in it and then i sort of read them out loud on the podcast. You got a draft of a rap. I got a rough draft of a rap. You got a rap draft.
Dubai Friday listener Stephen has actually made that into a song and sent it over to me, and I would like to play you the mix now. I don't know if it's going to go on Skype, but we'll, I guess. All right, here we go. Here's the rap from patron Stephen. So I'm going to kind of read this more as a spoken word piece. His name is Merlin Mann, the hunter of the mind. Got a lot of cash, I guess he is the man. Stunting them, gas, all the hoes go wild.
The guy with the vibes makes every N-word want to ride. He always stay fly, never catch him sly. The dude's been cooking, but you never see him in the kitchen. That productivity, never nothing missing. Creativity, every shit he does, litty. Making more money tops him digits. Never horny for them, fuck them bitches. He knows the feeling when you're the realest N-word in the building. Oh my god
Oh fuck Oh my god Oh my god How good is that? I can't even tell you how delighted I was by that I mean that's probably the most effort anyone has ever done for anything in this podcast except for deliver us food far more than we deserve but I like the tune it was a very good it was a genuinely good beat
Merlinit was a genuinely good beat tennis ball is big
Speaker BI want the net to be little
MerlinI don't know why that's the thing Alex the racket and the ball are very very large but the court the net is like a ping pong sorry table tennis like a table tennis net it's like 4 inches it's a game of endurance and skill
Speaker Bis this ping pong? no no no
Merlintitle 9 is going to be all over this Oh, my God.
AlexOh, man. All right.
Speaker BWhy is it so funny?
MerlinOkay, go to show notes and you'll see some prototypes for big tennis. It should be, the racket should be just large enough that it's very difficult to hold. And you're like a baby and you've got to hold it with your hands.
Now, do you wear classic tennis attire or do you maybe wear a diaper?
MaxWell, I got to say, on the figure that you have in this drawing here, I like how short his shorts are. And I think that's part of it. Oh, you should get some Steve Wynn shorts.
MerlinGet some real high riders and maybe make your junk fall out.
MaxMaybe that's part of the game. Like that one picture of the president on the golf course?
Speaker BYes.
MaxOh, you see his diaper? Yeah, a little bit of adult diaper peeking out.
MerlinA little bit of diaper while he climbs the hillock. There's the ball. He's got big boy shorts. Yeah, so your junk falls out and the other team gets a free throw. Oh, because there's also a net. Did I mention that? There's another net. There's also a basketball. Because it's a small basketball, but a large tennis ball, and you get a free throw.
MaxAll right, let me throw this out on the stoop and see if the cat licks it up. How do you feel about some sort of multi-ball option? So you can power up and then you go multi-ball.
Speaker ALike pinball?
MaxLike pinball. Could it be a surprise? Okay. All right. What if there's, okay, hang on. Let me take it and turn it.
Speaker BMulti-ball.
MaxWhat if the audience, what if there's a big tennis app? Okay. Are you following me? Yep. Yep. I'm there. What's the number one problem with sports? That's right. They're boring to watch. Boring to watch. So you're at the stadium watching the big tennis and you've got an app and you can vote on when you want to activate multi-ball at the most exciting moment. And when the audience, there's like an applause-o meter. and when it tips over the multiball option, when enough of the audience wants the multiball, then you hear it on the loudspeaker, it's multiball.
And then the beat drops, and deafening EDM starts playing painfully loud EDM.
Speaker BSkrillex just... Wow. Multiball.
MaxThis is very cool. I mean, I think we could really capture the millennial market with these changes. They like those big bicycles. I bet they love big things. Do you guys know about the Spider-Man memo? No. Oh, from the hack? Yes. So this is from the Sony hack, and there was this very funny memo that was written when the executives were working on the Spider-Man movie. I think it was the Spider-Man, the version that nobody saw with Eduardo.
MerlinIt's the skateboarding boy.
MaxIt was a Facebook skateboard man. Eduardo from the social network. See. But the email is titled Spidey Thoughts. And it says, hey, Amy, just a couple of rando thoughts from 35,000 LAX to JFK. Like, it's already very cool. Already very cool. Turning his airplane seat around and sitting on it in a chat with the youth style. Bullet point number one. A rising trend we see with millennials are the really extreme forms of experiential exercise like Tough Mudder,
a sort of filthy triathlon, the color run, and even things like hot power yoga, veganism, etc. Millennials will often post quote NBD on their social media after doing it as in no big deal also known as the quote humble brag wondering if Spidey could get into that in some way he's super athletic bendy strong intense and it's all NBD to him of course bullet point number two EDM electronic dance music is the defining music for Millennials wondering if there's an EDM angle
somewhere with Spidey. His movements are beautiful. Would be awesome with a killer DJ behind it. Bullet point number three. Snapchat just launched a, quote, story functionality, which is sort of a, quote, day in the life of me, told in a series of Snapchats that expire after 24 hours. It has a very VIP quality about it since invitation only. Getting invited into Spidey's Snapchat circle would be huge and very buzzworthy and cool.
Speaker Byou can tell when it's a true fan
MerlinI mean somebody who really really gets inside the story you know understands the bones of the spider story I think Spider-Man was truly on fleek in that film no he's fleek AF AF means as fuck you think Spider-Man will play Big Dennis?
Alexno that's another thing the audience votes on but he's very
Maxhe's very live and muscular and I think that his movements would look really beautiful when the EDM drops and the multi-balls come out
Alexand then there are there are indeed three spider-men's uh spiders men i don't know and and so it's like attorney's general and then suddenly like oh donald glover comes out
Merlinoh you're talking about chadish gambino comes out plays a little bit of big tennis yeah
Alexoh god damn it oh here comes one of those patented rants no no no it's an unsolicited list drop that beat another unsolicited list so uh max you might recall your birthday happening do i yep um and
and i was i was quite excited because you wait are you did you find out that a bat peed on the stage in the theater are you mad at me about it no no in fact i'm very grateful because that didn't that didn't happen uh no no it did not happen i was not watching here's the thing i love bats i want bats to exist i will donate to all the bats i do not want to be by them they're like butterflies they flutter and i was like yes i don't need to go to max's birthday party and i was and i was because initially it was going to be events but then it was your party and i'm like good i don't need to be by the bats because i would be the one like filming the bats or something i was very very
very grateful um so but i went on twitter and blocked max and was like hey hey cucks hey powder nation does anybody have a birthday message for max and we got we got quite a few and i didn't uh i'm not going to be able to read them all um but so so uh from you can't fire me for anything on the podcast it's it's uh the law um that's labor law oh that's good because the uh flip side of
Maxthat is that we can't create a hostile workplace environment for you on the podcast. Well, check
Merlinthe slack. Got some words about the air conditioning. You know, friend of the show, very, very good friend of the show, and Neil Dash once said, nobody's ever been fired for a blog post. And I think it's a good time for Alexander. He knows everything. So, Alexandra, what do people have
Alexto say about our friend Max on his birthday? Dear Max, wishing you the best for your birthday. I hope you had fun with the bats. And that's from our friend Margaret. Max. This is like the black Yep. Torture. Nope, nope, nope, nope. It's a race in all sense of self.
Smiley face emoji. Thumbs up. You all make my favorite. Oh, well, this is a compliment for all of us. You make my Friday even better than a usual Friday.
MaxIs this going to be a Dan McCoy thing? Are you just going to read compliments about you? Yeah, this is like the time that I got Veronica an HDMI switcher for Christmas.
Alexand this one ends with heart heart emoji cassandra uh happy birthday max please accept these virtual dongle parters mystery flavor sleeve geek happy birthday max i'm continuously inspired by the work you do and how you run your business cheers dan uh and that's our friend the co-founder of studio need uh and uh so kyle the and we know kyle as the guy who was in the apple watch um thing. Oh, Kyle's the great. Yeah, I love
Kyle. I'm terrible at birthday messages, but hopefully you have an awesome birthday with intimidating business fidget spinners and tons of delicious Chicago Mitch. Hope 40 treats you well. Happy birthday, Max. Four more years. Four more years. No.
And that's from our friend Mac. I can edit this out. Max is in a different room. Max, Max, this is something you want to hear. Tell Max that his Bane is better than Merlin's Bane.
Happy birthday, Max, to one of my favorite podcasters. I don't know how I could make it through the week without your breaking news stories. That's from Michael. For Max, thanks for the card game and the podcast. Suck my balls. Okay, thanks, Chuck. I think it's really cool that you are becoming a law boy. I enjoy your Star Trek posts and refer to them often. I really enjoy your perspective on politics when you share them on the podcast. This might sound weird, but listening to you the past year has made me read more and dive deeper into political and philosophy shit.
I think you're smart and I admire it. You're also funny. And here we go. P.S. You are great, Alex. You've really gotten comfortable doing this show compared to early episodes.
Speaker Band I really enjoy having you each week. Thank you. Thank you, Austin.
AlexSo, however, however, we also got...
MaxThis is probably the worst episode we've ever done.
AlexYep, yep.
MaxBig tennis. We haven't even gotten to the magic tricks yet.
AlexWe have so many more things to cover about big tennis. Let's give more compliments. More, as Merlin says, I'm going to twist it and turn it. Actually, I don't know. Both of you say that. We got some birthday messages that are audio-based.
Speaker AAll right, here we go. Hey, Max, it's your old internet friend, Todd Vaziri here, wanting to wish you a very happy birthday. Thank you for all the great work you do on your hit podcast, Do It By Friday, for being so brilliant when you were under 30 years old, for your political Twitter list. Very good job making that list. And I also heard you were involved with some kind of card game. I should really check that out. I'm really meaning to. For your birthday, I got something for myself because that's just how I roll.
I got two things, actually. I got two of your Photoshop toolbar enamel pins. They're absolutely beautiful. I'm keeping one for myself because I love it so much. And I gave one to this guy named John Knoll. And I do Wikipedia him. It's kind of cool, his story with Photoshop. It's like he died. This is so good. And he thinks it's really cool. So happy birthday. Take care. Bye. Thanks, Todd.
MerlinJohn Noel, dude.
AlexThanks, Todd.
MerlinYou're playing in the bigs. Let's move on.
AlexOkay, all right. Got any more audio messages? Yep, yep, next up. Next up. What is this?
Speaker AI just wanted to congratulate you for your birthday and tell you that your work is incredible. Come on now. You're a very funny and intelligent man, and I appreciate and admire all of your work to the point that my girlfriend and I sometimes joke about how we hope to become a little bit more like you someday.
Speaker BAw.
Speaker AThank you so much. Happy birthday.
Alexwe're almost done we're almost done we're almost done
Speaker Ait's that time of the year time of the year oh my god Oh my God!
MaxHigh off-
Speaker Athank you, how's that?
Speaker Bno, that's it! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a
Merlingood day!
Speaker BIt's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a
good day! It's on a good day!
Speaker BIt's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a good day! It's on a
good day! It's on a It's on a
Speaker AA total ball of off. Picking up the check before you even touch your wallet. He knows all the best spots to eat in town. He hears everything in Dolby 5.1's around. The rules. Parts against humanity. Marking in the same thing. Boring everyone on Twitter. Huckabee to Hannity. The best podcaster to ever grace the mic. His jokes are not poor, so don't drop a deterrent spike. Don't do it. Brilliant game designer, Shigeru Miyamoto. And you can catch his cat in a live photo. It's your birthday. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday. Listen to some scots. And have lots of fun. Why not? Just what everyone wants for their birthday. A white person rapping. Happy birthday, Max.
From me to you. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Max. Happy birthday, Max. Happy birthday, Max. You get it.
MaxI'm like crying. I'm laughing so hard at that.
AlexSo good. So good. All right. We have one more very special birthday message.
Speaker AHey, Card Boy. Happy 31st birthday from your adoring, supportive mom and me, your annoying, clueless dad, who provided you with the genetic material and shitty childhood that's helped make you a superstar among poop joke lovers everywhere.
MaxHow is this possible?
Speaker AWe can't take any credit for your well-deserved successes unless it's a direct result of your height, bad digestion, Are you talking to my dad? In which case, we'd like to remind you that contrary to your official biography, you were not produced under a Creative Commons license, and so we'll be watching for those royalty checks. Oh, and Max, for you and all your Dubai Friday listeners, this week's challenge, as it is every week, call your annoying parents. They'll appreciate it, and you'll get hilarious material for all your own podcasts. Happy birthday, Max
MaxAww Do you hang out with my dad? We're internet buddies I have many internet buddies We're on the clock?
MerlinIt's fraternal time theft
AlexNo, no, no And also, apparently when I blocked Max he no longer follows me, so that's another gift to you You don't have to see my terrible, terrible tweets all right Merlin say something funny to get us past the multi-ball
Maxall right can I talk about the challenge yes please do okay so the challenge this week was as a patriot inspired challenge and it was to learn a magic trick and do it for other people which is what the titular Patriot in Patriot, that's what he does to deal with his feelings and his anxiety.
I did this challenge, but I found it to be really hard, and it wound up taking more time than I was able to give to it. And it did not help me with my feelings. I'm actually probably more, because we have to do the magic trick on the podcast, I'm probably more anxious about this challenge than I have been about any challenge that we've ever done before. Like I just want it to be done and I feel like it's not going to work and it's going to be embarrassing.
AlexOkay, great.
MaxIt's like really, it's really like I'm not happy. Like it really like activated something in me, some sort of fear or anxiety that I'm just not very.
MerlinEspecially because if you're anything like me, it doesn't occur to you that you have to do the challenge until right before the show. And then you got to learn a fucking shitty magic trick from your kid.
MaxWell, I called. So for my trick, I called my dad this week and my dad's, my dad's really into magic and he's, and he has a, he knows tons. of tricks and has like very extensive knowledge and is pretty good at performer. And like, I was like, what kind of trick can I do on the podcast? And he did like help me figure something out. But I have only really practiced it by myself. I've never actually done it for another person. So I'm just dreading that it's going to go wrong in a really embarrassing way.
What did you guys do?
AlexGood, good. Mine, I feel like, is either going to be the coolest or the worst.
MerlinHmm.
AlexWell, I will say.
MerlinHe's going to do magic on a podcast, and it's going to fucking below your mind. You're not going to say, how even did he do that?
MaxNow, so I've got a card trick I'm going to do. I'm going to try and do for Merlin, and we'll see what happens with it. I anticipate that it will fail in an embarrassing way. But do you guys have any background of doing magic tricks?
AlexI do, actually. Mostly because my grandpa was very into... to, he was a doctor, and for some reason, his way of winding down from all the dead people was to do magic tricks. And he sort of passed it on to us, not that we would do magic tricks, but he would show them to us. And it was very clear, sort of, how he would, like the mechanics, I guess, of the trick.
That's my favorite kind of magic trick. No, no, no.
MerlinThere's visible like a monofilament line over someone's shoulder.
AlexNo, no, no, no, no. It was great because it wasn't.
MerlinDad, that coin is plastic and hollow. Couldn't hold a nickel though, could it? Wait, let me start over.
AlexNo, no, it was very sweet because like I understood like this is a trick deck or my favorite was there was a coloring book where it's like you turn to one page. and suddenly the whole page is colored. And clearly, you know, it's all little tricks. But he did surgery a lot. And what he could do with his hands fascinated me. And so I've always been, I've always really enjoyed close-up magic. But things like making the Statue of Liberty disappear
or drowning is meh, meh.
MerlinThe problem with a lot of magic is that they're tricks. Right, right. And then when you find out that it's a trick, It makes you fucking angry because you're like, you did not do magic at all. That was a trick. You cheated. You wrote on the bullet with a pen. Somebody did that backstage. You fucking piece of shit.
AlexExactly.
MerlinExactly. I legitimately do. You hire an employee to write with Sharpie on a bullet.
AlexThat's fucked up. And that's the thing.
MerlinThat's how you think it's done? Yeah. No, they slide it down a tube. At one point when they're moving back and they're moving the structure, at one point the one guy, the little guy, I think a big guy, big guy sends it down this tube. which shoots it backstage and then somebody writes on it in the exact same handwriting with the fucking sharpie.
MaxBut why would they create a dummy bullet if they have the actual one? Why wouldn't they just give the actual one to tell her? But hey, come on, no spoilers.
AlexWell, do you, either of you remember the masked magician? That's a good fucking trick.
MaxI can't, I've spent. It's a trick though. It's not real. It's not magic. I've spent 20 hours of my life trying to figure out how they do that trick and I can't do that. I watched it five times and then went straight to the forums to find out how they do it.
AlexExactly.
MaxYeah, but nobody knows.
Alexit's all speculation there was this guy called the masked magician and i would watch his show every week and he would just debunk every magic trick and he was he was kind of like yeah he was he was kind of like joe and in that he was like disowned from all the cool magic clubs um because he was my trick i'm i'm anxious over here okay okay uh let's let's play him another
Maxmessage out come on now can i do my trick please yes please do i want to get this over with okay All right. Trick, trick, trick. Merlin, I'm going to do the trick to you. Okay, I'm ready. You're going to be the tricky. No, I've cleared my mind. I'm all ready. Okay. I should have cleared all of this with you beforehand. That's fine. Do you have some sort of webcam hooked up to your computer? Oh, no.
MerlinNo, absolutely not. Not a chance, no. No, but no, go ahead. Just do the trick over the radio. I'll do it.
MaxNo, but I'm not asking you to do the webcam. I'm just, you have one, right? There's a camera in your monitor? I couldn't say. Okay, fine. That'll work. And then you have a deck of 52 playing cards in front of you. Right in front of me. I got the bicycle prestige cars. They're super sweet. Oh, yeah. Give it a little riffle so we can hear it.
MerlinI just did. I'm bad at tricks, but I'm a pretty good shuffler. I'll let you guys hear this. Are you ready? Yep. Because I'm pretty proud of this. I do a bridge shuffle. Is that a bridge shuffle? Is that what it's called? Ready? Yep. Here we go.
AlexOh, that's satisfying.
MaxLook at that. Those big hands are going to come in handy when you become a pro big tennis player.
MerlinA lot of people are saying man's greatest advantage Is his large man card hands Okay so what What if I use my iPhone Would that be better? Am I going to hold up a card? What am I doing?
MaxYou're going to be holding up a card But don't worry about that First of all shuffle the deck of cards please
MerlinI just shuffled it three times
MaxIt doesn't matter If it's shuffled for you it's shuffled Merlin can you confirm for our listeners That you're alone in your office And I don't have a confederate or any person there who's helping me cheat?
MerlinNo, I have a very, very tiny Ewok on my mic switch that doesn't work.
MaxAnd apart from that, it's just me and these red ladies. All right. Please spread the cards in front of you. Okay. In front of you. And they should be sort of in front of your monitor. They're here in my workspace, and they're all spread out.
MerlinAlso, I might have to just move a couple. Let's get these over here.
MaxOkay, here we go. All right.
MerlinOkay, what should I do with my cards?
MaxI've shuffled the cards seven times. All right. Without opening the deck.
MerlinOh, boy.
MaxJust think of a card in your head And don't pick an obvious one like the Ace of Spades Pick like a normal random card
MerlinOkay, a trivial card Okay, okay, okay
MaxNow I want you to Start dealing cards from the top of the deck And you're gonna You're gonna Flip them down and just read the cards to me As they come up
MerlinI'm writing down my card so I don't forget it So I start butt up I flip over a card and I say what it is
MaxI think so Okay.
MerlinYes. Jack of, what is that, clubs. Eight of spades. Queen of clubs.
MaxWell, hang on, hang on. Okay. Okay, wait. Wait, let me try one more thing. Put those back on top of your deck. Okay, okay. Fan the cards out face up.
MerlinFace up, butt down.
MaxYeah. Pull your card up. Oh, right, okay. Pull your card out and hold it up.
MerlinWrite it down.
MaxHold it up in front of your monitor.
MerlinI don't have a webcam on.
MaxHold it. Okay. Hold it up in front of your phone. Can we do it with my iPhone? Yeah. Just hold it up in front of your iPhone then. Okay. So I can see it.
MerlinShould you be able to see what the card is when I hold it up? Or do you just want to see the back?
MaxYeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. No. I want to see what the card is.
MerlinOkay. Okay. Okay.
MaxOkay. And now.
MerlinI'm photographing the card. Okay. And now. Okay. I've photographed it.
MaxSo take your deck. So it's face up.
MerlinDo I leave out my card?
MaxYeah, and now put your card so it's on top of the deck.
MerlinFace up?
MaxYeah, face up. Okay. And cut the deck. Cut the deck. Okay, I now have two piles. And put it back together.
MerlinDo I put the one on the left on top of the one on the right so it's cut like it's a... A normal cut.
MaxYeah, a normal cut so you're putting your card...
MerlinSo my card should be somewhere near the middle.
MaxYeah, randomly in the middle of the deck.
MerlinThat's going to be harder for you to guess if I don't leave it on top. Exactly. Okay, all right. I'm moving the left side onto the right side.
MaxOkay. And now what we're going to do is, so take your deck face up. Face up. And just start reading me the cards on the deck, and I'll tell you when we get to your card. It might take a long time.
MerlinWell, you got all day. I have the time. I've blocked out the time. Are you okay with that? Okay. You ready? Let's go. I'm going to do some stretches. Eight of diamonds. Ten of clubs. Jack of spades Two of diamonds Four of hearts Six of diamonds So this all sounds really weird to say Nine of spades Queen of hearts Five of spades
Ten of hearts Seven of diamonds Two of spades am i doing this right yeah yeah keep going you're doing a great job so if we were doing this in las vegas this is how it would go yep okay um seven of spades jack of hearts six of clubs three of hearts. Eight of clubs. Three of clubs. Six of hearts. Three of diamonds. Four of diamonds.
Four of spades. Queen of clubs. Eight of spades. Jack of... Wait, it was a jack of clubs, right? Clubs, yeah. Two of hearts.
Nine of hearts. King of diamonds. Ten of diamonds. Seven of clubs.
MaxAre we still recording? Yeah, I'm recording. Jack of diamonds. I'm just waiting. When you get to your card, I'm going to say this is your card. Dramatically. Keep going. Keep going.
MerlinOkay. Queen of spades. Seven of hearts. King of hearts. Six of spades. Ace of clubs. Ace of spades. Queen of diamonds. Five of hearts. Five of clubs. Ten of spades. Nine of diamonds.
Ace of diamonds. King of spades. Nine of clubs. Ace of hearts. three of spades five of diamonds king of clubs two of clubs eight of hearts and finally four of uh uh club clubs yeah they had little clovers that's it what do you mean finally that was it
Maxi think there's a few more in there oh should i look again yeah could you read them one more time Yeah, sure. From the beginning? No, I don't know. All right. What's your trick?
MerlinOkay. See, I feel like I... Can we try it again except I send the photo to Alex? Would that help?
MaxNo. Well, I'm not even with Alex.
MerlinI'm recording from home. Oh, that's good. Well, let me send it to her and then see if you can guess it by me sending it to her. Would that help? No. Let's just move on.
MaxWhat did I do wrong? Nothing. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes it's that that's, you know, magic is a is a fickle beast.
AlexI'm so confused. All right. I want I feel like Merlin fucked this up. So the next time the next time we're recording in the studio, I want Max to do this trick because I think I know where he's going, but I don't know how he's doing it. I'm very curious. Okay.
MerlinMerlin, what's your trick? Okay. Well, can I simulate the trick since you're not here? Yes. Well, I have a deck of cards with me. Oh, yeah, yeah. But for my trick to work, you have to have done something to the cards first, so that wouldn't work.
MaxOh, I see. Well, tell me what. I could set it up and then. Okay. Okay. Do this.
MerlinGo through your deck of cards. Okay. You got it in front of you?
MaxYep.
MerlinI got it in front of me. Put all the red ones in one pile and all the blacks in another pile.
MaxOkay. Okay. Put all the red ones in one pile. Do I hear your phone ringing?
MerlinMy phone was ringing. How'd you know? I could hear it. It was Matt Howey. Is he part of the trick? I don't think so. What did he do? Why did you hear my phone ringing? Everything's turned off.
MaxHow did you do that? Get Matt on the line. Wait a minute. Is he part of the trick? I don't know. Call him back. Let's see what he wants. Oh, God.
Speaker BOh no, I'm so... Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh my god.
Speaker AOkay, hang on. Hang on.
Speaker BHoly shit. I guess I do like magic tricks.
AlexOur engineer Chris is delighted.
MerlinThis is really upsetting. Let's see. I can text him back.
Speaker BI'm so nervous. Oh my god.
MerlinThis is really bad. Hey, did you call? Just call him. Merlin, just give him a call back. Call Matt Howie back? Call him back.
All right. All right. It seems kind of rude. Hang on. Okay.
AlexMy heart rate is at 110 right now.
MerlinOkay, it's ringing. Hey, buddy. Did you have a... Put it on speakerphone. Should I put you on speakerphone? I'm really this is really fucking me up hard. I don't know what is happening. Okay. Hang on. Oh shit How do I do this audio speaker? Okay. Hey, you're on Dubai Friday Friday. Oh, okay.
Speaker BIs your card the two of hearts? Is that the card? Yes. What what the fuck oh no I hate this so much I hate this so much I hate this so much
MerlinI'm so unhappy
Speaker Bheart rate is 120 oh my god
MerlinI just got an alert I just got an alert on my heart what's happening what the fuck is happening how did you do that
Speaker Bfuck you Max fuck you fuck you so hard
MaxI'm so pleased with myself
Speaker BHow could you pop? How did you do that? I hate this challenge. I hate it so much. This show might be over How'd you do it, Max?
MerlinI'm not gonna say how I did it How did you do it?
Speaker AI'm not gonna say how I did it Am I hacked? You got hacked this is really upsetting
Speaker Bis there somebody here okay what
MerlinI don't understand what's happening
MaxAll right, I sorted my deck into red cards and black cards Max, how did you do that? I sorted my deck into
MerlinI might need to lay down
MaxYou're fine, whatever
MerlinI don't understand what just happened
MaxI did a magic trick I sorted my deck into red cards and black cards What do I do next?
MerlinI took a photo I wrote it down I thought about it How did you do that?
Maxdude come on don't i'm not gonna say how i did it i don't want to know i don't want to know i can't
Merlini do i it's not fun no it's more fun for me if you don't know this eldritch horror that you brought me into what why why did you make my card matt howie know it what all right i got rick i got a
Maxpile of red cards i got a pile of black cards let's go what's the trick okay well mine's pretty
Merlingood too so did you sort all the red cards into one pile and all the black cards in the other pile Yes. Okay, now. Should they each be shuffled? Holy shit!
Speaker ATiff just texted me! God damn it! What in the fuck is happening? What the fuck?
MerlinOh, Jesus Christ. This is not okay, Max. What is happening? This is really upsetting.
Speaker AShould I check my sock or anything? Alright, I got red cards and black cards here. Alright. Okay.
Speaker BI just needed to make some noise because I'm so...
MerlinOkay. Alright, so you got all the red cards in one hand and all the black cards in the other, right? Should I be shuffled? No, no, no, no, shuffle them because the whole trick is that they're in separate piles.
MaxNo, I'm saying, but should the reds be shuffled and the blacks be shuffled? Oh, it doesn't matter. It's a trick. Just make sure all the reds are in one hand and all the blacks are in another. Got it. Is it okay if I do this on my commemorative The Continuing Voyages Star Trek The Next Generation playing card deck? Those should work fine. It's a trick.
MerlinIt's a trick, so don't worry. It'll work fine. Okay. Okay. Now, you've got to butt up, face down, in either hand, right? Yes. Okay. Now, you say to Alex, pick any card, and then you hold up your hand to her.
MaxOkay, well, we're in different buildings.
MerlinI know, I know. She'll get it. She'll understand it. Okay, got it. Pick any card, Alex. Pick any card. Do I say it? Well, first you've got to pick it. Did you pick one? I did. Okay. Okay, don't tell Max, but tell me. What's the card?
AlexHow does that?
MerlinJust don't worry. Go ahead. You can text Merlin. Hold on.
AlexI'm texting Merlin. Oh, we'll see.
MerlinOkay. Well, that's going to make it a lot harder for him.
AlexOkay. Max, take off your headphones.
MerlinNo, no, no. It's okay. It's important that he knows because this is all a trick.
AlexOkay. Okay, okay, okay. Ace of hearts.
MerlinAce of hearts. Okay, did you hear that, Max? It's the ace of hearts. So find the ace of hearts in the red pile. Got it. Okay, and then you put that into the black pile. Okay. Now remember, at this point, Alex doesn't know that one side is all red and one side is all black. And so now you make some kind of a gesture, like something magical, and you say, okay, let's set this half aside.
MaxOkay, I'm going to set this half aside.
MerlinNow I got the pile that's black except for her card? Yep. Okay, now look through the pile and find the red card.
MaxThat's incredible. It's the only one in there.
MerlinRight? Exactly. Because she didn't know that they were separated by color.
MaxOh.
MerlinOkay, now do the big reveal. Here we go.
MaxIs this your card?
Speaker BOh, yeah. I'm holding up the Ace of Hearts.
MaxYay! That's very good. Yeah?
MerlinThat's very good. She fooled me twice with that trick before I figured it out. Oh, man. Who did? My nine-year-old daughter. Really? No. Oh, my God. So it makes it all the more troubling to me that people are texting and calling me about my card, which they hopefully couldn't see. Oh, man.
You're going to tell me about this at some point, right? You're going to tell me what happened? No, it's better. It's better. The mystery is better. It's really not better. I mean, I'm getting acid reflux as I sit here right now.
MaxI'm so happy.
MerlinI'm so pleased with myself. You kind of cucked me a little bit because you made me feel bad. I was trying to help you out. I did the trick wrong. And then I redid the effect. Uh-huh. And I'm not in on this. And that's very upsetting to me.
Speaker BAre you? Is this a bit? I was like, wait, why are you so sad?
MerlinHow did Tiff know? How did Tiff know what my card was, too? Well, that's the magic. Oh, man. I fucking hate magic. This is fucking bullshit. It helps you with your feelings. This is bullshit. This is such bullshit. My trick was so much better because I showed you how it worked.
AlexAll right.
MerlinAll right, Alex. What's your, what are you going to do? Listen, if I tell you how the trick works. Behind my kombucha?
MaxHey, two of hearts. If I tell you how the trick works, it's like the final season of Lost. You don't want to know that the entire show was like the devil and God battling over this island.
MerlinWas it a lucky guess?
MaxYeah, it was a lucky guess.
Speaker BOh, boy.
AlexOkay, Alex, what's your trick? This was a trick for both of you, but I don't think it's going to work. Max?
MaxCan I say the part of Merlin's trick that I tried to get to work and it failed spectacularly? Yeah. So what I was going to do is I was going to have a Postmates either deliver the card to you
Speaker Bor tape it to your door. I'm so fucking mad.
MaxDid you know what my card was before we even started? No, you thought of it.
Speaker AOh my God.
MerlinDid you treat my deck? Is my deck treated? How would I have done that? My child handles this deck. Let me ask you, did I treat that deck? I had already treated the deck, and then you cucked me by retreating my deck. Is it a normal deck? It is a normal Walgreens purchase premium card set. It's called Bicycle Prestige. And my daughter taught me that excellent magic trick this morning.
MaxI want to tell you, I hired every TaskRabbit in San Francisco, and they all canceled on this game. No one, no TaskRabbit would deliver a single playing card to your house. wouldn't that have been cool wouldn't that have been cool though yeah it would have been really
Alexcool i know i might have had an actual heart attack i'm not i'm not feel good about this i'm supposedly healthier than the president but that would have not gone
Merlinbut how about this can i can i how about this did you make me pick it did you make me pick it with mind bullets how did you pick the card i i thought it was randomly i i fanned them out like you said and then I touched it and I chose it.
MaxI think the time that we did it correctly you didn't even fan them. You just thought of one. Oh, come on. Why did I think of it? I have a proposal.
AlexWe get to $25,000 on Patreon and Max will tell our backers how to do this trick.
MaxNo, I'll just say if you want to know how the trick works, just listen to the after show and you go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and I'll say it in the after show. Yeah, but I really want to know how the trick works. If you want to know how the trick works, give us five bucks. oh okay oh my god i just got a stand warning holy shit did you do that
Speaker Boh god and it's a two
Merlinwait a minute hang on a minute oh my god my pants are full of playing cards holy shit
Speaker Aall right i just coughed up a two a two-parts.
Speaker BOh my god.
Speaker AOh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I just shot a two-parts. And it's perfectly clean and intact.
Speaker Bit says it's got letters mt on it oh my god oh boy oh boy um all right max um you you sent a
Alexpackage to merlin recently right what oh come on let's get off of me wait did i send a package to um i don't know um i i think that you i i believe that you sent a package to merlin and i don't know if merlin received it yet which is why what are you talking about this is
Merlinproblematic i have not to my knowledge received a package from um i don't think i sent a package to Merlin. Is this a part of the trick?
AlexOh, okay, got it. Never mind.
MaxI did send one. I sent a package to Merlin. I hate this so much.
AlexAnd I'm actually really curious to see if Max knows how this trick was done. But you, I believe, sent a musical device to Merlin. Is that correct? Oh,
MaxI did. Do you want me to explain this? Oh, yeah, because we did talk about this before. Is this part of the trick? No, it's not part of the trick. I just sent you the OP1. We talked about it on the show and I just mailed it to you. If you think that's getting you out of this other bullshit,
Merlinfirst of all, thank you very much. If you think that is getting you off for what you have visited upon me and my family with this two of hearts bullshit, you need to think again. Thank you. That's super cool. So I get to play with it? So do I need to send it back? Is it a review unit?
MaxJust give it back to me sometime in the future. Next time I see you. Okay.
MerlinOh, nice. I haven't used it. Is this going to be part of the trick? Is my card going to be in there? I haven't plugged it in in six months.
AlexIt's filled with a bunch of hearts. Max, why did you send that to Merlin?
MaxBecause we talked about it on the show, and Merlin said he wanted to play with one.
AlexWe talked about it months and months ago. What made you want to send it now?
MaxI don't even know what to believe. Oh, I found it. Yeah, why did you? Oh, are you speculating that the OP one had something to do with the trick?
AlexI believe that it was moved somewhere. This isn't a trick.
MaxBut Merlin hasn't received it yet. I think it's still sitting on Renee's desk.
AlexNo, no, it's not. Merlin's going to receive it in a couple days. But I'm going to reveal the trick.
MerlinNo, no, I'm not going to own out.
AlexI'm not going to sign for it because there's going to be a fucking card in it. Because mine is not a trick. It is a manipulation. Remember that I cannot be fired or anything on this podcast. But Max has a very particular way that his shelf is laid out. And I got a bunch of suggestions for card tricks, tried them all, and spectacularly failed. but I was like what if I just move the OP1 up a couple shelves and I did
and then I was like hey Renee
Maxare you saying I was mentally manipulated to send Merlin the OP to remember to send it this week because you put it on my shelf in a different place
AlexI was like hey Renee did you send Merlin a package recently and she's like oh yeah I sent it yesterday and I was like and you can you can check with Renee that I did not like see it on your desk. I did not, I did not know what it was. Um, and that it was sent. That's all. That's just, that's just, that's all. Um, but yeah, that's all.
MaxThat's a very good trick. Yeah. I was, I was just like, I, I did. I had, we did talk about it. Like I want to say like over a month ago and then I was grabbing some, it was a long time ago. I was grabbing some camera equipment out of the closet and then all of a sudden I was like, Oh, I just see. I thought it was a free choice, but I was manipulated. How many other times have you done this, Alex?
AlexNo comment.
MerlinOh, who's the queen of hearts now, buddy?
Speaker AWow, I got, I got, I'm the cop's cock now. You're where the two of cucks.
MerlinPlaying with the two of cucks, knowing they ain't got much luck. Mine grapes are fucking blown. who got tiff involved god damn it merlin is this a bit or are you really upset about the i think he's very upset well i mean it because because you know how my mind works uh yeah i don't i i i mean obviously in the real world i will go and google this to figure out what you did but it's very upsetting and if you did fucking great thanks no but just so you know i'm i'm very unhinged right now i i find this very troubling i don't know how the trick was done here's the deal
It completely freaks me out.
MaxI talked to my dad about this over the weekend, and I was like, what's a trick that I can do on the podcast? And he helped me figure it out, and it's based on a... I mean, he sort of came up with some modifications, and I sort of came up with some modifications, but it's based on just like a normal magic trick that's out there in the canon. And I learned how to do it this morning.
AlexOh, shit. Oh, my God. Max, I'm so impressed. God damn it.
MerlinIt works so much better with me not in the room. Right. Well, that's because that's what it's designed for. Oh, my God. Well, you win this one, piece of shit. Oh, wow. I hope Big Ten is going to save this relationship.
Speaker ALook how big the racket is. Look how big it is. It's really big.
Speaker BBoth so big gentlemen. Service? oh boy