Do By Friday
Episode 48 artwork
Episode 48 · October 26, 2017 · 01:16:08

48. Back on Our Bullshit

This week's challengeTry a new gig economy service.
dobyfriday.comApple PodcastsOvercastPatreon

Show notes

You can support the Do By Friday on Patreon!

Show Notes

Transcript

Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakes

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, try a new gig economy service.

Hello.

Speaker BHello. Hello. Hello.

MaxPodcast. Hey, your Skype's working again. Yeah. So I feel like our listeners probably don't know what happened in the last episode.

MerlinDo you want to save it for the after show or do you want to talk about it now?

MaxOh, we can talk about it in the after show. Merlin, how would people listen to the after show if they want to hear about the – it's basically, if you've seen The Prestige, it's basically a plot twist that's as good as The Prestige. And you have no idea. You don't even know the fucking layers of wool that were pulled over your eyes last week, the reality that was fabricated by Engineer Alex.

MerlinIt's true. I'm not going to bury another Batman. What happened, what Alex accomplished in last week's episode was miraculous. It's like watching The Prestige, and then you find out the twist and the other twist, and then you find out it wasn't actually a movie. You were actually there. Oh, shit.

Speaker BShe really did The Prestige. She really killed her clone.

MerlinYep.

Speaker BYou learn there's actually a fourth step.

MerlinThe promise. I mean, you're not really looking.

MaxAnyway, we'll talk about that in the after show, which you can-

MerlinThat's a really excellent question, Max. The best way to get to listen to the after show is you give us your fucking money. You go to patreon.com slash do by Friday and you give us at least $5 a month and then you get to be...

MaxNow, Merlin, that's a minimum. When you say at least, that means that's a minimum that you give us.

MerlinThat's absolutely... You know what it is? It's a serving suggestion. It's like when you get the Stouffers and it's got a flower on it or something. The idea is you come in, you give us as much money as you can tolerate and then you sit with that for a while and you think. You think about all the value you get from this program. A month like this, you get five episodes,

Speaker Byou piece of shit.

MaxNow we're doing, we're creating, let's just say, I mean, if you're a Patreon subscriber, you're getting, what, five hours of audio a week?

MerlinOh, and it's premium content. Sorry, excuse me. Excuse me. Five hours a month? You're getting five hours a month, right? Well, they're around half an hour each, but they're salty and we're tired.

MaxNo, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But including the normal podcast. Oh, shit, dog. Because when you back the Patreon, you're not just paying for the 30 minutes you get on Patreon for the premium feed. You're paying for the whole thing. You're paying for this bullshit that we're doing right now. so to quote my friend John Syracuse

Merlinif I had the option you know what I'd give you nothing you get nothing you get the satisfaction of knowing that you're crossing my fucking palm for making this goddamn program every week that you get to enjoy and you talk about with your friends and you get to be part

Speaker Bof the Powder Nation that's a big deal

Maxbut here's what I'm saying is we're giving people about five hours of audio a month

Merlinad free content

Maxnow that is at least two normal movies or like one and a half Peter Jackson movies

Merlinokay that's true

Maxright we do we do now how much would you pay how much would you pay to see a movie if you could see

Merlinif you could see i mean assuming you paid for i mean assuming you paid for media how much would

Speaker Byou pay for a movie oh that's a good that's a good question normally if i go in the morning

Merlinit's like seven dollars nine dollars you get you get the imax experience like whoa whoa whoa whoa

Alexthe one cheap thing in san francisco or wherever you might live is a movie you have a job so you

Speaker Bdon't go to movies in the morning if you go if you go in the morning i have dignity so i don't

Merlingo see movies alone in the theater that's one of my big phobias it's a dignity issue oh that's one

Maxof my big phobias being the only person in the theater oh that's bad you do not want to be the only person in the theater you you really feel like something's gone a really a very awry in your life if you're the only person you're there you don't masturbate at all well no i don't do I don't do a peewee in the theater. You do a peewee in the theater? That's a myth. Allegedly? I don't know.

MerlinAllegedly?

MaxNo, actually, I think it's not allegedly. I think it's real.

MerlinWell, the truth is that there's a lot of things that count as masturbation, including taking the morning off. And then now your family can see you and find my friends. I'm like, what are you doing at the movie theater? It's for my work.

Later, later.

AlexYou took girls to the movies on dates, I assume?

MerlinWell, that had my mom drop us off, yes.

AlexOh, okay. so it wasn't like a make out situation like you were

Merlinoh it was a make out situation I ruined ET

Alexoh no yeah

Merlinthere's a lot of stains involved

Alexah no

Merlinwell no here's the thing what a lot of people don't understand about teenage boys is they produce secretions with minimal effort uh no I think people understand that I'm not talking about like

Maxis this your fetish now every time you see ET

Speaker Aphone home phone home Be good.

MerlinYou be good. Dirty, dirty girl. Look at your nastiness. Yeah, you know, we would do that, though. I mean, that's the thing is there are, there's such a dearth of opportunities in the suburbs for light teenage work of various types. You don't have that many places you can go because your parents don't want you, like, necking on the grounds. so I've necked in a lot of really exotic places I've necked behind an old lady's house where she couldn't see us I've necked in a church

I was a world class necker

Alexoh good for you

Merlinyou know you can get rid of a hickey by running a comb over it and you tell your family that it's from a curling iron and they don't believe you but at least now you've got ground cover

Alexno no no you do a cold spoon

Merlincold spoon gets rid of a hickey challenge

MaxMerlin, I've been mind hunting Let me tell you

MerlinYou sent me such a good YouTube video I sent it to my wife And she was just as blown away

MaxI mind hunted you you did you really so so to quote uh uh jen uh jen from cards has also been watching it and it is kind of funny that the whole show is like basically the premise is it's like a cop show that takes place in the 70s and there's this dude who's like we should understand how criminals think and study them and then everyone else in the fbi goes no we shouldn't do that they're born that way

Merlinthey're born that way and he goes ooh conflict right i mean but it is it's funny they were talking about this i always end up listening to it's like culture gab fest right before we record and they were talking about mind hunter and they make a good point which is that you do need to kind of buy in with this show like if you the thing is it might it's a little i don't say it's a slog but there is a lot of as you know bob especially in the first episode did you watch it alex have you been watching it i have

Alexwatched the the uh first episode it's kind of like criminal minds except it happened oh that's true

MerlinBut I mean, there is a lot of As You Know, Bob, because of course, now there's this entire and Max, did I hear correctly that you read the book upon which this is based?

MaxYou know, I thought I had. I read the book by the FBI hostage negotiator and that's a great book. I'll look up what it's called in a second. But Mindhunter is a different... The book Mindhunter is based on is called Mindhunter.

MerlinIt's weird, though, to go back to something that is now not simply a genre, but it's like it's almost an industry. The whole idea of the Silence of the Lambs type profiling model of like thinking about, well, to understand how to solve this crime, we have to learn to think like this person thinks and understand the world the way that they understand the world. And it's going to be really gross and at odds with our values and how we think. And I mean, that's why I say there's a lot of, as you know, Bob, because what do you think? Should we call it a sequence killer?

Hmm. I don't know. perhaps we should call it a serial killer it's like Ray Charles walks by the store and sees his piano in the window or whatever Marvin Barry but I thought it was really good I watched the whole freaking thing and my wife is looped back because there is a lot given that it is Fincher there's a lot of good stuff to go back and you'll catch on a second viewing

Maxhe hacks your brain David Fincher he hacks your brain he gets right in there he hacks you he mind hunts you I would say he mind hunts you

Merlinhe might hate you

MaxI've been watching it well I don't really it's amazing how much TV I get through for having no time in my life but I've been watching Mindhunter like right before I go to sleep and Veronica's been really upset because she's like this is way too creepy to watch before we go to sleep and I'm like no they're just talking but then they are talking about specifically the mechanics of how to like dismember a woman you know well it's like you gotta go slow and steady and you gotta peel the skin off in one piece

Speaker BI knew a week before that I was going to kill her Listen, Ed Kemper, come on Dubai Friday Was he executed by the state yet? I saw the happy couple walking down the steps And I thought I wanted to have a life like that

MaxChallenge, Ed Kemper, come on Dubai Friday

MerlinDid you know Fats Domino was alive?

MaxWhat do you mean, at one point? Yes He just died, like, today Fats Domino was alive until today?

Speaker BWasn't he, like, an old-timey guy? Oh, he's old-timey

MerlinHe's a, I found my three-year-old Blueberry Hill. He's a great New Orleans pianist and rock and roll guy. I figured he had to be fucking dead. He was only 89. What is happening? I figured he was 120 if he was alive.

AlexI thought this was a serial killer, and I got excited.

MerlinBut no. Did you watch the video, the Kemper video? So what we're talking about here is a wonderful video Max found. And so without spoiling Mindhunter, which you should probably watch if you like terrible things. It's not terrible.

MaxIt's really good. It's really good. But it's like a play. It's like a play. It's a very, because most of the drama takes place just with them sitting across the table from a guy interviewing him.

MerlinAnd unlike a lot of police procedurals, this is not about solving a crime that's happened and we don't know. We can't have to prove who did it.

MaxBro, and they're not hunting the criminal. They're hunting the mind. It's right in the title.

MerlinThat's so good. You're absolutely right. And so it's about trying to figure out, trying to develop a profile of like what, how can we, you know, figure out how to solve these crimes in the future. by changing the way that we think. But what was my point? Oh, yeah. So anyway, the show, there's several points when the show really lights up. I love it from the beginning because I'm so gay for David Fincher. I love all of his stuff. Well, he hacks your brain. You think he hacks your brain or does he hunt your mind?

MaxOh, boy. Now that's a Nerdwriter video that I would watch.

MerlinIt's really all about behavior, right? This is what Robin Wright learned. It's all about, it's time divided by behavior.

MaxWell, I've learned most of my techniques from watching the Nerdwriter videos about David Fincher.

MerlinThe Nerdwriter video was very good, though, because I said to my wife, I'm going to show this to you. Before we watch the last Mindhunter, I would like you to watch this 13-minute video or 8-minute video. And I was like, this is going to seem so incredibly obvious. Like, when you explain to somebody, here's what David Fincher does. David Fincher does a thing where the camera is often in motion, and any time the character on screen moves or does something, The velocity and direction of the camera changes with it, which sounds so obvious until you think about how difficult that would actually be to do.

It's one reason why he apparently requires so many dozens. What he does is he haunts the mind of the actor.

MaxDo you want my take on this? The Nerdwriter video is good. And David Fitcher, this is a signature move that he does. And I think, I don't know that I buy his whole interpretation of that you're like, oh, it puts you in the mindset of the actor or whatever. I don't look at my refrigerator different. I thought that was a little bit of a stretch. It's a little bit of a stretch. But what it does do, it gives the feeling of the media that it's very smart and deliberate. Because what it leaves you with the impression with is it's whispering to you, lean in and pay attention to this. Because we have thought about every single thing that we're showing you. If the camera's tracking the guy's face when he sits up out of the chair, you know that it was deliberate that he sat up out of the chair at that moment and that you're supposed to follow the action.

It's whispering to you, this was very considerate. It's all important. Pay attention. And David Fincher is a very methodical filmmaker, and he makes everyone do 700 takes of everything, and he does know what he wants you to pay attention to. But what's unfortunate is that this cinematography is used by what I like to call all of the smart, dumb shows that are on TV, the shows that are actually extremely stupid, but they sort of have the veneer of being like a smart, well-plotted TV show. And they're telling you, they're whispering, House of Cards is like the perfect example, which in fact, like the pilot I think was done by David Fincher.

But House of Cards is the dumbest show on TV. It doesn't even loosely hold together in a logical narrative structure. It makes no sense. Characters' motivations are absurd. It's not how politics works. It's wrong on every level.

MerlinI would say it's almost campy.

MaxI mean, it's not good. But what they do is they use that tracking shot all the time where everything is matched to the actors. And it's whispering to you at the cinematography, you're just paying closer attention. You're just not getting how smart and clever this all is. And it drives me insane. Yeah.

AlexIt's almost like it's a fictional show.

MaxBut Breaking Bad was fictional, and that was really smart. When the camera panned in Breaking Bad and it showed you the cactus, and it was like, hey, look at this cactus. Yeah. You know what? You were glad you paid attention to it. Call the prestige.

AlexThe problem with Breaking Bad, though, is there would be an amazing, wonderful director, and then, like, Rian Johnson.

Speaker BIs that how you say it? Ryan? I say Rian.

AlexRian Johnson? Rian. I believe Rhianna of Tart I think it's actually

MerlinJohn Rhiannon

AlexI mean when John Rhiannon did those two episodes like they were Rhianna the Dwayne Johnson

Speaker Aoh god back on our bullshit oh god I asked on Twitter

Maxthe other day we were we were doing a cards call everyone wrongly assumed that I was high I wasn't high. We were doing a cards call and we were doing comedy writing and your mind goes to weird places and we were trying to write a joke about Transformers and I realized I've seen all this. I love that tweet. That was a great tweet. And I've seen all this Transformers media. I used to watch Transformers Beast Wars before school and eat Pop-Tarts every day and I think I've seen fragments of the Transformers films like on airplanes and stuff but you know what I realized is I have no idea why they're fighting. Why are the Transformers fighting?

That's such a good question.

MerlinI don't know. I saw that and I thought about it. I was going to make a ha-ha response. I was going to lull you. But then I was like, shit, I have no idea why the Transformers are fighting.

MaxYou take it as a granted that in the franchise, the Transformers will be fighting each other. But why? Like, to what end?

MerlinIs it like Cars, Max? It's not like a Pacific Rim kaiju-type situation. You're not inside of the Transformer. The Transformer is its own Lightning McQueen.

MaxWell, I believe in the homunculus theory of Cars. So I think within every car, there's a smaller... You have a tinier and tinier car inside the car? It was an enlightenment era. It was like a 1700s thing when they got good at making glass, and they could do microscopes, and they would look at sperm under the microscope. I mean, you think about it. You make a microscope. What's the first thing you're going to put under there? You're going to put some jizz in there, and you're going to zoom in and be like, I wonder what's in there, my little guys. And the microscope was good enough to see sperm, but it wasn't good enough to really see them.

And so what they looked at, and they saw your little wigglers in there, and they're like, that's a little me. and inside each of them is yet a smaller me. And that was, for a long time, that was the scientific consensus on where people came from was the homunculus theory. It's jizz all the way down. It's jizz all the way down. But anyway...

MerlinIt's a lot like sea monkeys. They carry briefcases to work, but they're not really brine shrimp.

MaxYeah, and you can order them in a little packet online. That's right. So I wound up on the Wikipedia page and the TF wiki, which is the Transformers wiki, reading about all of the crazy mythology of Transformers. and one of the things I learned speaking of homunculus theory is that there was a problem in the franchise that Transformers, Hasbro was like the Transformers can't fuck but they had to make new Transformers somehow so they came up with this whole mythology of a replicator technology that they fought each other over something to make new Transformers

Speaker BThat's like the mechanical version of a stork. Can't you just have spontaneous generation? Well you'd think that they can hand

Merlinwave that away. Are they from another planet? Who makes the Transformers?

MaxI have no answers for you about this But in my Wikipedia journeys, I learned that their new Transformer movie that came out this year is like a King Arthur movie. And it has Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Speaker BThe devil, you say. He's in the new Transformers film.

MerlinAlex, don't hold back. If you have information about what a Transformer is, is it something where it just looks like a car B?

AlexYeah, there are aliens and they came to...

MaxIf they're aliens, why do they look like a truck from the 90s?

AlexBecause they don't want people to know that they're aliens. so they disguise themselves as trucks and they're being chased by, oh, people are gonna get mad. That's why they're robots in disguise. Yes, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker BWhat's a Go-Bot?

AlexA Go-Bot is a rip-off. It's more than meets the eye. I get it. Okay. Yeah. All right.

MaxWhen I was in, I think in like kindergarten, that we had like a communal toy shelf in the kindergarten classroom and when it was time, free play time, you could just get toys and play with them.

AlexThat's how you get the pink guy.

MaxOh, for sure. And there was a Transformers toy in there, and I'd never seen a Transformers before. And I think it transformed into a fighter jet, and I like it. And so I just stole it. I was just like, I'm just going to take this because I like playing with it, and I should be able to play with it all the time. And then, of course, as soon as I got home and played with it, my parents were like, where did you get this fighter jet from? And I was like, I found it.

Speaker BThat's a tough conversation.

MaxI got in a lot of trouble.

MerlinYeah.

Speaker BI don't think I knew how wrong it was. Well, when you really want it.

MerlinMy daughter had a toy we called Taxi Friend, and it was this little taxi with wheels and a sweet face on it, and whenever she'd go to preschool, she would arrive early and go to the big room where Taxi Friend was, and she would hide Taxi Friend so nobody else could play with them.

Speaker BOh, and it was the school's toy. It was the school's Taxi Friend. But she never took it.

MerlinWell, no, because we're middle-class white people, we eventually got her her own Taxi Friend. There is a fair amount of it, Pierce. What a good way to diffuse that situation.

Speaker BI don't know why my parents never considered to buy me a fighter jet.

MerlinIt's really a late capitalism.

Speaker BI'm reading some of the fan fiction that's available for Transformers, and some of it is pretty sexy.

MerlinNow, they've solved the problem of the Transformers not being able to fuck. Well, of course they fuck. I mean, you know, in fan fiction, doesn't everything fuck?

MaxWhat are you going to transform into a truck, but you can't fuck?

Speaker BAll truck, no fuck.

AlexMax, do you want to read us something sad?

MaxOh, well, I am not really doing the news anymore. It's not my beat anymore, guys. It's not... Well, we're a year in. It's not as funny anymore.

Speaker BI don't know. Maybe it'll become funny again. Were you moved by Jeff Flake's moving speech that was moving?

MaxI already forgot that it happened, as a matter of fact. Yeah, I bet everyone listened to this too. Remember Jeff Flake?

MerlinRemember how that was going to change everything? 100%.

MaxIt was like, oh, this will be remembered by the history books.

Speaker BI bet you don't even fucking – Or you could go and do your fucking job. I bet – You could do your job is another thing you could do.

MaxRight, yes, right. If you're so disgusted by the way things are going, you could not – he voted with the Republicans to – yesterday they undid a big signature piece of the financial – of the post-2008 collapse reform where they had made a law that said that you can do class action lawsuits. against banks and credit cards, and Republicans repealed that. So you can no longer do class action lawsuits against banks and credit cards. Because, of course, why would you, right? It's bad for business. It's bad for business. You wouldn't want that. And Jeff Flake made that very brave, bold speech, but then voted to get rid of the class action lawsuits.

Speaker BOh, deary me, don't throw me in the Maverick patch. Yeah, fuck you, fuck you, guy.

MaxJeff Flake, suck my balls. This is from Leanne Caldwell. Well, she's a reporter for NBC and covers Capitol Hill. And she tweeted this morning. She said, overheard secret service on Donald Trump at lunch. He ate rice and two pieces of cherry pie, took a few sips of his drink. Quote, he loves rice.

Speaker AHe loves rice.

MaxLet me ask you guys a question. why is it that I every morning I have to wake up and I have a piece of like thin like a whole wheat seed bread with like a slice of avocado in it and egg whites and then go about my business and just try to get through the day with some sort of semblance of energy and health at the end of the day and fucking Donald Trump is out there eating rice and two pieces of cherry pie and what I presume is a Coca-Cola and the man's never gonna die he gets to be president

and he's never going to die and everyone lies about his golf score. What kind of a fucking world are we living in that I have to eat my scrambled egg whites and the president gets to eat two pieces of cherry pie and he gets to be president? He's a good boy.

AlexYou need a blood boy. Do you think Trump is a blood boy? Do you think he has a blood boy? Yeah, I don't know.

MerlinLike a Baron Harkonnen? Like you just pop him open and just like kind of suck it up.

AlexWhat if that's Eric? I mean... What if... Because you think like Donald Trump Jr. looks like a child of Donald Trump, whereas Eric kind of looks like a sickly clone. So that's exactly what he is.

Speaker BMy father eats two pieces of cherry pie for lunch every day.

MerlinMy father is changing the way that millennials buy bread. Eric Trump is basically a disabled-to-boodle link. Let's see. I'm sorry to dump this on you. I'm happy to help, Optimus said. He looked at her closely. her tear-stained face and puffy eyes. She looked beautiful. Wait, is this a human woman or a robot? No, she's human.

AlexThe Transformers aren't? Okay, the Autobots are an alien race. And the Decepticons are also an alien race. They are not robots. Well, yeah, I'm not saying that they can't fuck. I'm saying that they're not robots. I would care a lot more about Transformers if they were actually robots, but they are organic beings from another planet.

MaxWait, they're organic?

AlexWhat does that mean? Well, they just look like cars. Exactly. But they're in a feeling. They're robots in disguise.

MaxWhat do you mean a robot? But a robot is not an organic being.

AlexNot on this planet. Exactly.

MaxWhat does that mean they're inorganic?

MerlinThey have blood and... I think I may be able to explain this to you, Max. Maybe it's time for a change, she suggested, after a few silent minutes. Fat chance, she said softly. Believe me, I know what I like. I like muscles and gorgeous shoulders and big, powerful... Most of these guys are assholes.

Speaker BWhat muscles? They just have squares. Am I wrong about what a transformer looks like?

MerlinIt's basically squares. Here comes the reveal, because there's about to be some finger banging. I don't know, he said, lifting a hand to her face. Michaela barely noticed that what touched her skin wasn't a metal finger. A small hatch opened in the tip, emitting a thin, tapered cable, which sought her tears and brushed them away gently. She reached out to touch it, unthinking. Hey, I didn't know you guys had extendable fingers. she took the prehensile cable in her palm is that a real line of dialogue

Speaker BI can't tell if you're making this up quickly on the fly or if that's are you punching it up or are you reading this verbatim no I think I'm punching

Merlindown and I'll own that I'm on fanfiction.net

Maxno but do you know what I'm saying did you make up that line oh I didn't know you had extendable fingers Michaela said that's a real line

Merlinof dialogue someone wrote well I'm reading I'm reading a piece called Faces of Need it's got 220 faves

Speaker Bso but they're not muscular they just have they're just boxy prehensile that's so disturbing

Maxthey're muscular in the same way that Trump is which is they have a lot of mass

Alexand you can't really

Maxit's kind of an indistinct blob and I guess oh boy have you guys seen the conservative political cartoonists who draw Trump as like a muscle man under his suit

Alexyeah

Maxvery funny it's very funny

Alexit's creepy looking it's like Garfield 9 Lives level of uncanniness

Maxoh Jim Davis said follow up Jim Davis said that Garfield didn't drink the jizz

Merlinwhat was his explanation for this can't you just be funny Jim Davis

Maxcan't you just give us one he said that when he was growing up he lived on a farm and before pigs would inseminate other pigs they would feed them like a high calcium beverage and he assumed that vets did the same thing to dogs when they were going to breed a dog. But that was the joke.

MerlinOh, I was just looking at hentai porn with my family. Give me a fucking break.

Speaker BYeah.

MaxWell, I was curious.

Speaker AI was just curious.

MerlinRight. I wanted to explain a joke to my child about tentacle porn.

AlexDid either of you watch the Garfield Nine Lives, the short video I sent you? No. And by short, I mean about 15 minutes of a cartoon.

MaxDid it have Ed Kemper in it? Because if it's not about reading about serial killers on Wikipedia, I honestly don't think I'm...

MerlinVeterinarians like me. Joseph Wambaugh. Oh, I've learned a lot of techniques from Joseph Wambaugh. I've learned not to talk too much about the jizz that I drink.

MaxThat's how they get you. You have to pretend not to be interested in the jizz that you drink.

MerlinThey like me. I've learned a lot about my procedure from Garfield.

Speaker BThis is killing... There's two people listening to this episode who are losing it right now. Everyone else is Googling how to cancel Patreon.

MerlinPulse reading of Nermal. Oh, God. We should do a new cartoon, Kemper minus Kemper.

Speaker AMake Jim Davis funny again. Pound sign. My God. My God.

AlexWhen was the first time that either of you thought, what if I grow up to become a serial killer?

MaxI still think that every day.

AlexBut when was the first time? I still think that every day.

MaxI think Wikipedia was really big for the evolution of my serial killer fantasy life because I think once you could go in and really read about, we talked about this on the show, like once you could really go in and study like all the different serial killers Wikipedia will like rank them by number of victims too like let me see if I can find this page serial

Speaker Bsequence killers I'm a safari and none of my hockey's work like the titular cat I also do not like Mondays

MerlinI enjoy lasagna

MaxI'm a remove Wikipedia list of serial killers by number of victims here we go

Merlininto a lady's shoe

Maxnow the all time goat of serial killers is La Bestia, the Beast. And he killed a lot of children. It's not Chikatilo? I thought Chikatilo was a baller. He is not.

MerlinGive me the title of that page. I want to find it.

MaxIt's called List of Serial Killers by Number of Victims. And then what's great is that it's all hot-linked, right? So you read about a guy and you're like, ooh, the monster of the Andes who targeted young girls between 8 and 12. I would love to learn more about his specific methodology. You click on him. Now, he's killed 110 people. but what i like is that what i like is that they have both that this is very smart i mean this is what distinguishes this is the scholarship that i look for on wikipedia they have two columns they have marlon they've got proven victims and possible oh that's a good point yeah cicatillo's pretty far

Merlindown cicatillo's uh 53 proven 56 possible you're talking this is the luis luis uh garavito yeah that guy's serious that guy that he is dedicated to his craft holy shit what is it with columbia

Speaker AWhat is wrong with Columbia? Look at that.

MaxWell, Columbia can make them. I mean, this is like, if this was the Olympics, I would be ashamed to be an American. I mean, we do not even clock in. We didn't even medal. We've only got, only Gary Ridgeway makes the top 10, and he only killed 49 people. Oh, the Green River Killer.

AlexI really disagree with you guys. I think it is quality over quantity. Like, I mean, it's easy to mow down, you know, all of your child soldiers. Whereas, like, you know.

MerlinNo, no, you're right. But you go down a little further, you get Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy are in close contention. You got 33 for Gacy, 35 for Bundy. They never... That's so weird. But you know who's bummed? People... I'll tell you who's bummed. The people who are in Section 2, serial killers with 30 victims or fewer. You look at a poor fellow like Dean Carrill. He's only... He's got 29. He's right on the cusp. He could make it to the bigs.

MaxNow, what did he do? I don't know this one. He tortured and murdered young boys in Pasadena.

MerlinThey're responsible for, let's see, Houston mass murders. Had an accomplice. They always have three names. homer wayne henley how are you not a serial killer with the name homer wayne henley

Alexthe freeway phantom i wonder if uh i mean well one they should not let 14 year olds take criminology um and they say immediately now don't just like they do if you take like uh intro to psych like don't project herself on to any of these people but there are very few women's serial killers so when you see aileen i when i see aileen we're nose i'm like that's what they're on yeah yeah i'm like i could

i could see how he could get there yeah it makes sense wait what about um what about carol cole

Merlinum oh no that's a man base on the beach boy songs let's see find carol cole carolina i think you're thinking of uh carol i see no that's a man i think it was around age 10 probably because around 10 is where I first that's when you I feel like I first this is obviously pre-internet this would be the mid 70s where I'm becoming very aware that oh my god there's a really big world out there that I'm only seeing little pinhole glimpses of and plus I had just the tiniest bit of OCD and so like you know I would uh I just I had baby OCD

but like I would uh I would start thinking you know you get what they call like an intrusive thought or an invasive thought and you go like could i do that somebody did that i bet that person used to be a 10 year old who hadn't killed anybody yet and then your mind starts racing a little bit alex did you ever worry about being a serial killer of course i did from the time i still do um maria bamford maria bamford talks about this very eloquently you know that you get this idea in your head that you just won't go away and even though it's not who you are you know what

Alexi mean no and well in all seriousness like you're in you're in bed and you're like how come there's more there's not more people who are just pushing uh people in front of trains like what how is that not a thing and be like oh whoopsie whoopsie and what do you mean that we know of exactly well oh the thing that kills me about well again i've only watched the first episode mind hunter but it's uh this isn't really a spoiler but it's like oh man killing crime is so different than it used to be it was just harder to catch serial killers before like it's a hard time to be a serial

MaxWell, it's amazing that, I mean, you know, I think I haven't, we haven't had a good old fashioned serial killer in the US in a long time, which is like someone who kills a young boy on the highway like once a month. You got to do them all at once. Right. You know what I mean? Because you'd get caught, you wouldn't get through three boys before you got caught nowadays.

MerlinYou'd be like the Atlanta guy where it would happen over like 20 years, where it might happen like a couple times a year. And then as we know from Silence of the Lambs, it starts escalating and you start doing it more often and you get sloppy.

MaxDid you guys remember the guy from Wired, the reporter, who was like, I'm going to go missing and everyone can try and find me? Yeah, I feel like I do. But they found him, right? It was pretty cool, yeah. So it was a story for Wired, and this guy was going to be like, basically he was going to be like, I want to see how possible it is to disappear in America nowadays. This was a few years ago. And let me see if I can look this up. Wired.

Wired. You know what I don't like about Safari? Why is it that when I hit Apple T to make a new tab, my cursor doesn't go into the search bar? Command L. I know, but I don't want to hit Command T and then start typing. Chrome does it. Where else do they think your cursor focus should possibly be, except in the bar? Of course, when you make a new tab, you want to have your cursor.

MerlinI think it should just default to going to my reading list that I obviously use constantly. That's super frustrating.

Speaker BAll right.

MerlinWired is such a mess.

Speaker BWired.

MerlinI just paid $10. I am living in ReaderView, boy. Oh, boy, ReaderView is changing the game for me.

MaxYes, here it is. I think it's called Vanish. I think that was the name of the story. And Evan Ratliff was the guy. So basically, he went on the run across America and tried to disappear. And he planned it for months in advance. So he did what he could to get a new identity, a new credit cards and everything. And he was found almost immediately. People figured it out.

AlexI can't do this for literally one day. It would fail instantly.

MaxBut I'm just saying, if you're trying to disappear off the grid and kill young boys on the side of the highway,

AlexI don't want to kill young boys I want to kill old boys that's the problem Eileen Wuornos she was clearly unwell who is this?

MerlinCharlize Theron

Alexwith Christina Ricci

Merlinnot Monster what was it called?

Alexit was called Monster but there's also two really good documentaries they were kind of the first true crime documentaries that actually had access to their subjects and I'll put it in the show notes. I think they're on Netflix and they're very good. Monster is also very good. But yeah, she was an angry lesbian who worked as a prostitute and occasionally killed the guys who were a dickster because why not? Story checks out. Yep.

And I mean, again, the Catholic thing, like the whole death penalty, like the fact that she was, it's very sad. Oh man, why is Wikipedia shaming serial killers by saying it's not just under 35. It's with less than five victims. It's like, oh.

Speaker BYou're not even a media luminary at that point.

AlexFewer than five.

Speaker BYeah, you're never going to make Forbes if you only kill five people. Three of them were accidents. I suck. You could always walk along the ocean if it's not too deep.

AlexI've shared my, I want to share my theory real quickly because I think I've shared it with Max, but I think that there are more serial killers than ever, but most of them are doctors because, and most of them are surgeons because, so just every, every year or so, you know, you, oh, oh, I'm so sorry. Like we did the wrong blood type. Oh, it's this high risk surgery. So sorry. And then like, as it escalates, you just, you just assume, oh, it's because this doctor is getting older and then he retires and then dies.

MerlinOh, that is good.

AlexThat is so disturbing. I'm not even kidding. I'm so confident in this theory.

MerlinYou know, There's all kinds of ways. You could be in a position where people die sometimes.

AlexYeah, it just happens.

MaxCraig Price, known as the Warwick Slasher, teenager who stabbed two women and two children in Rhode Island in the late 1980s. Sorry to dwell on this, but do you really get a cool name if you only slash four people? I mean, you're not really a slasher if you only get four people.

AlexWell, it depends how good the slash was.

MaxI feel like we need a formal convention that you have to kill 10 people before you earn your name. Oh, no, I don't think so. You don't get to be the banshee of Chicago unless you kill 10 people.

MerlinOkay, look at the mini challenge.

Speaker BIf you were a serial killer,

Merlinwhat would you like your name to be?

Speaker BOh.

MerlinOh, shit dog.

Speaker BFuck.

MaxThat's interesting.

MerlinGo any way you want with this. I mean, obviously, you might want to think about like-

MaxAlex would be something like the cock maker or like the cock killer. The cock killer.

AlexNo, because then I'm killing- Oh, no, no, you're right. The cock queen? Is that a thing? I guess it would work, yeah.

MerlinThe cockinator. The cock-inator.

MaxI want to be like the jackal

AlexThere's already a jackal There's definitely already a jackal

MerlinIsn't there a jackal of Carlos? In James Bond there was Oh there was that jackal too I think I just want to be Mr. Business Let them figure out what it means

MaxThere was an Egyptian chemist Known as the jackal of Ciudad Juarez And That's so cool

Speaker AC.R. Duarez.

MaxSo I can't kill.

Speaker BThat's a good head kill, Merlin. He should become a character on our show. The kill impersonation guy.

MerlinDo you want to be discovered? Do you want to be found out? Do you want eventually to get credit for your crimes?

AlexAbsolutely.

MaxYeah, I want to get the credit and then probably blow myself up in the police station. I feel like that's kind of the way to go. That's a cuck move.

Merlinthat's a cut move no that's that no no do you remember the richard speck video do you remember uh so richard oh well no spoilers but so richard speck was was a famous uh killer guy do you remember that video that emerged in the 90s did you ever watch that were you around for that this video this i think it was after his death but this go search for richard speck maybe prison video this video leaked somebody had inside the prison with like a handy cam like shot this video of Richard Speck doing beejes and doing drugs and showing his, he'd been taking,

they'd smuggled in hormones and he had boobies. And it's a thing you probably don't want to miss. Richard?

MaxWhy? It doesn't sound like a thing that I want to miss.

MerlinNo, no, no. Richard Speck. Prison video. Video. Because it's real mellow. Like the nice thing is you think, if you were going to do a beej with your boobies in prison with the drugs and whatnot, you would think it's going to be real rushed. Super relaxed. Super relaxed.

Speaker AHow did you feel after killing those ladies?

MaxRichard Speck. Like I always felt. They're nurses. I had no feeling.

AlexWhat's happening? Why is...

Speaker BThey just do a little interview show. Inside prison. Can you see his boobs?

MaxYeah, yeah, sure, you can see them Why? This is too much Now this feels bad Wow Turns out I did have a line

Speaker AMax got squicked Max got squicked

MerlinWow, I don't think I actually don't think I can continue this video

Speaker Bhe had a line a line i mean to be clear anyone else who has a line we'll put it we'll put it in show notes so you can discover your loan but i actually this is really upsetting and this should not be on youtube

Merlinupdate uh so i i did what i normally do where i prepare for a program and i i go into what the pendulous

Speaker Bit's just so upsetting

Merlinyeah they're like two hasty water balloons

Speaker AI really can't on sea

Speaker Bit's so upsetting

Merlinhe's just sitting there

Speaker Bhe's not going

MerlinI'm a bad guy

Speaker Bhe's just sitting there topless I really don't like it no and he's got kind of like an eastern European math teacher like 80s child star. All right, okay.

Speaker AStop talking about...

Speaker BGod, I'm going to be falling asleep today and I'm going to be sitting there with his legs crossed with his boobies out and starting to start killing people. Tell me about the nurses. Oh, I don't... I don't like this one bit. I think you mind-hunted me. I think I just got mind-hunted.

MerlinYou just got brain-hacked. Follow my eyes, bitch. Oh, God. So when I'm preparing for our program, sometimes I like to go to the website called Nextdoor and look into what's happening on Nextdoor. Are there gunshots? You know, was it beats? I'm looking at all the things that are happening on Nextdoor. And I noticed an uptick in our local reporting from people who say they're coming to Nextdoor with data that they've received from an app called Citizen.

so of course i went and i downloaded citizen citizen is an application that currently operates only in new york city and san francisco and i guess they're keying off of 9-1-1 calls and it presents a live map of what's happening with crime in your area and you can go and explore it my favorite as i think you saw in the screenshot my favorite feature i don't know what you call what would you call that emoji alex you know the names of these like an uh-oh it's not shocked but like it's this emoji where the face goes oh like and so instead of a like a heart you don't have a like

you don't have a heart you have an oh so you go and you see that there are teens with steel rods marauding in the sunset district and you can click on the oh button yeah this seems healthy this

Speaker Bseems like a real healthy app to keep running in the background all the time here's an app i would pay i'd pay a hundred dollars a month for this why are there helicopters over my house right now dot com. You know, like in L.A., that would be huge. You could make so much money. Why is there a helicopter over my house?

MaxSometimes about once a month or so, there's some helicopter over my house and I go online and I go on Twitter because maybe I'm like, oh, someone in the neighborhood has posted or I go in the neighborhood and watch Facebook group and you can never find out why there's a helicopter over your house. I feel like who could fly helicopters? It could be the news. It could be cops. I guess it could be someone filming something.

AlexBut what are you going to do with that information?

MaxMaybe they're filming an episode of The Bachelorette.

AlexI wonder if they're alert. Well, excuse me. Citizens of Naples will be.

MaxHas anybody else seen this? Diggy is taking Rachel out on a date on the helicopter. And you may hear a lot of helicopter noise.

Speaker BThere's a rose ceremony in your vicinity.

AlexI mean. Oh, boy. That's a little callback bit.

Speaker BThank you. you're a patreon.com slash Dubai Friday. He's just sitting there. It looks real relaxed. He looks just don't please, please move on, please.

MaxWhy did you tell me about that? Is there some, was there some, is that, was that going somewhere that where, do you know what I mean? Like why, why, why, why watch it?

MerlinWhy did you watch it? What was that in the service of is your question? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, poser is such a strong word. I get the feeling you like to dabble a little bit in this for titillation. and I just want you to get real deep in the shit. I want you to go beyond reading three funny names in Columbia and really see what's going on when you're in the hole. Right down in the hole.

MaxNo, because here's the thing with me is that I think I'm – listen, I like to think of myself as a pretty tough guy and I watch Mindhunter right before I go to bed and I'll say to Veronica and Veronica is not happy with me because she obviously has to listen to it and I'm like, well, they're just talking about murders. It's not actually scary. They're not doing murders on the show. They're just discussing that they've done them. But then I have really bad nightmares about my dad.

MerlinOh, no. That was me in Vietnam for a while. Now I just watch videos about how to be better at playing bass. And that's a nice... I don't even really play bass. So Adam Neely. Adam Neely, check it out. Very relaxing video.

MaxI had very bad nightmares when I saw Full Metal Jacket. Oh, really? That whole thing really upset me. I think there's an Ira Glass interview. I'm going to call you Private Bad Dream. there's an Ira Glass interview where he talks about that when he was a kid he was always really scared of getting like drafted into the military because when you'd see military movies it always seemed like people were running places it seemed like there was a lot of running and he was really bad at running and really hated running and I have to say that's a major component of it for me like Full Metal Jacket has a lot of running in it

oh that's true and I really don't like running and I got very scared of going to war

Speaker BMax is running a trigger for you do you feel like oh boy do I not like running Do you feel like you should get a trigger warning for running? Trigger warning. Running.

MerlinPTSD.

MaxJen had a birthday party at Laser Tag a couple years ago, and that really should have come with a trigger warning. Running. Trigger warning. Running. I ran for about 30 seconds, and then I was like, I think I'm just going to find a sniper's perch.

AlexYou just got to hide.

MaxYeah, well.

MerlinIsn't that what you do in your video games, Alex? You like to just go and hide? I do.

AlexI hide.

MerlinThey should make you a video game that's just about hiding.

MaxOh, big video game.

Speaker ADo all those Duke boys.

MaxFront matter. So I downloaded, so Destiny 2 came out for PC. It's the first of the Destiny games that's been available for PC, so I can play it. I'm not a console gamer, really. I have like a PlayStation, but I do not enjoy playing games on the TV. I'm a mouse and keyboard man. Played Destiny last night for maybe four or five hours. Very cool. I had a lot of fun with it. I did like the tutorial. I really liked it. And then they kind of open up the game once you're done with the tutorial, and it's like, okay, now you can get in your little spaceship and fly around anywhere and go do whatever you want.

I have no idea what the fuck to do. So what I've done is I've flown my little spaceship to a few places, and then I sort of get out of the ship and look around for like a quest or something and then just get killed by like randomly spawning enemies. So here's what I think. I think there should be a podcast where John Syracuse explains how to play Destiny to me.

Merlinthat's a really oh that's such a good idea and i'll sort of complain the whole time we had a whole episode of reconcilable differences well most of an episode where he tried to explain it to me and i wasn't even fun in i was trying really hard to understand it but it's it sounds like a really good game um here's what i have you know your buddies with the mcelroys why don't you go main hanzo with them can't you go do uh video games with the mcelroy brothers well did you just

AlexDid you say main Hanzo?

MaxIt's close enough. Wow. Here's the situation. Everyone's been playing Destiny for a really long time, and most people play Destiny 1. So A, they have a lot of institutional knowledge of what the good guns are and where you go and who all the important NPCs are. They know all this shit about the world. But also most of the people have been playing for a couple months, and they have really powerful characters. And I just started, and it's like I die immediately. If any time I go do anything, I die.

MerlinIt's kind of like being a low-level character you're in D&D, but it's like a high-level campaign.

MaxYeah, exactly, but I'm joining in and everyone else is level 30 and I have my level 1 spells and they're just not cutting it. So I kind of need someone to... I mean, I have other... I do have video game friends who will play with me and help me explain the game to me and stuff, but I do need someone to really explain that. So I googled what do I need to know about Destiny 1 before I went to sleep last night because I was like, I'm very confused about everything happening in this world and I don't know who any of these people are. and the video, no shit, the top video,

it was like everything you need to know about Destiny 1 to play Destiny 2, the top video, an hour and 40 minutes. And it's just a lecture by a guy with a slideshow behind it, explaining like, well, the first thing, before we can even get to the Age of Cities, first we need to get to humanity's golden age, which all started in, and it's just like, and then he was like, well, we're not going to individually cover each of the Iron Wars.

MerlinYou've got to understand that wizards are actually angels. and there's a series of rings. Right. Well, how about this? Can we find a way to make some fucking money from this? What about this? You can cut this out, Alex, if Max doesn't like it. What if friendly listeners of the Powder Nation send you screenshots of their high-level character and offer to walk you through this?

MaxWell, I don't even want a screenshot, but, you know, I think... Well, you don't want somebody just going, oh, yeah, like I'm a bop. Let me take and turn it. How about this? I've long felt that we need a Dubai Friday Discord channel so all of the Powder Nation who play video games can get together and play like Overwatch and PUBG and Destiny I guess so if anyone is starting Destiny on PC and wants to explain to me I'm literally wearing the clothing items I'm wearing are literally called rags. I have one called I'm literally wearing an item

Speaker BI'm literally wearing an item called a small cloth bag and a tunic

MaxI literally am wearing

Speaker Ban item called it's called like refugee rags it's like literally the name of an item that I'm wearing. And I know that, and I know I shouldn't be. You've got something that was like donated to a box.

MaxAnd I know that I shouldn't be wearing, I know I should not be going into battle wearing an item called refugee wags, but I haven't figured out what the currency is in this world or how I get it to pay people and, or what's good or not. So I really need people to explain this to me. And maybe in the show notes, if I, go check the show notes and see if I set up, surprise, Maybe I set up a Discord, and we'll have a link in the show notes. And you can pop into the Discord and play Destiny with me.

AlexYou can find the Discord link probably at patreon.com slash DubaiFriday. And if you become a $10 member or member, I don't know what things are called. Trust your intuition.

MerlinKeep going. You were doing great.

AlexYeah, I wanted to see where that was going. Give us money, please. God, you almost sounded confident for a second. It was super hot. Oh, yeah, no.

MaxWe'll post a special members-only update.

Speaker BMerlin is going to share a video with you this week that's really something. Oh, are you kidding that video? Yeah, Merlin's going to put it in there. That's going to be members-only content.

MaxNot just anyone gets to see that.

AlexHey, guys.

MaxWhy were they taking that video in the prison?

AlexWhy not? What do you mean, why not?

MaxThere's no AV club in prison.

MerlinOkay, but think about this. Think about this. Wouldn't you love to have something in your life that's a combination of a casual interview and a drug party. Like, wouldn't that be kind of baller if you could just take your top off and just really just let it all hang out and talk about nurses, but also like have a little bit of marijuana cigarette? You would enjoy that. That's a very relaxed environment.

MaxThis guy, okay, check this guy out. Moses Saitol, he killed 38 people in South Africa. And he's known, his name is a serial killer. He's known as South Africa's Ted Bundy. what kind of bullshit is that

Alexyou mean that we like Ted Bundy should be like America's Moses Sittoli yeah yeah well I mean he's a white guy he was sentenced to

Max2,410 years of imprisonment with a non-parole period of 930 years that's a pretty long time that ought to do the trick

Merlinit's okay he's eligible for parole in a millennium

Alexall right dig dug um all right we did have a challenge we did have exciting things items

Maxi just had you guys a text real quick this all right the challenge this week it's uh it was uh Was it Alex's?

AlexI think so. I don't remember. It's a blur. But the challenge this week was to try a new gig economy service.

MaxOh, it had to be a new one?

AlexOne that you have never used before.

MaxOkay. I didn't do it. Merlin, why did you? Stop. What? Oh, I'm sorry.

AlexDid you get that?

Speaker BStop.

MerlinOh, my God.

Speaker BHow many of these?

MerlinIf you watch them in succession, it's almost like a movie. Stop. Why did you do this? What is it? Look, is that Miles Davis he's talking to? What? Oh, my God. It's just real relaxed.

What? You got that haircut on purpose. He put all that effort into his water balloon boobies. Oh, my God.

Speaker BBut then he has that haircut.

MerlinYeah.

Speaker BI really don't like this. I'm sorry. I'll delete them.

AlexDig Dug. The challenge this week was to, well, I tried some new gig economy services that I'd never, Or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, yeah, no, remember that five seconds of confidence? That's out the window. But I tried a couple services that I'd never used before. But ideally, you guys have brought something to the table that has some sort of audio element that we can share with the text.

MerlinI want to hear how yours went, Alex.

AlexWell, do you guys remember Washio?

MaxYes. Is this the laundry startup that would come to your house and do your laundry?

AlexYes. And then they would come back with chocolate, and it would be in a silk bag, and it was very uncomfortable. However, Chicago now has a company called Drivee.

Drivee?

MaxDid they drive the little scoot-scoots?

AlexScoot-scoots. I don't know. But they are coming here between noon and 1 p.m. What do they do? Oh, did you not see my...

Speaker BNo, I don't see anything.

MaxWhat is that?

AlexWhat am I looking at? my giant bag of laundry that oh you're gonna have them sous vide that man yeah maybe um oh it's sous vide as a service uh no no uh but i'm very are you gonna make them come into the studio and

Maxlike get it in this oh my god what is this like this is like some sort of like fetish thing like

Alexno oh my god people walking into my studio real hot keep coming here and watch me show easy r y v yeah uh at first i was concerned that they were going to just like drive me to a laundromat somewhere uh but no apparently they're gonna come pick up my laundry but here's the thing uh do you buy for or uh no no no patreon.com slash you by friday i have no idea how much this is going to cost there was no indication anywhere oh my god have you ever been have you

MaxHave you ever been traveling and the hotel has a little card that's like, hey, we'll do your laundry for you.

AlexFill this bag up. We've talked about this. Oh, really? I've never wanted to do that ever.

MaxI've done that a few times. And then sometimes it comes back. And on your hotel bill, it's like, oh, and also you spent $800 on laundry.

MerlinThis is a funny running bit with Mike Hurley where for a couple weeks he wouldn't even announce how much he'd spent on hotel laundry because he was so embarrassed.

MaxI didn't understand. I've done that. I didn't understand. I sent a bunch of shirts and they pressed them and then they came back and it was like.

MerlinYou scan the chart and it's like a mini bar thing where you go like, oh, you know, if I have a Toblerone, that's no big deal. And they're like, oh, that's $150 for these two shirts. You're like, what? That's bananas.

MaxYeah. Because everything they do, it's like, oh, you want them washed and dried and ironed.

MerlinYou don't want to dry, cleaned and pressed and all that stuff. Like just wash my T-shirts like a gentleman.

AlexSo I decided to use Fiverr, which is the service that you can pay people $5 to do whatever. And I hired, oh, what's their? Zazbiz. Are you scatting? No, her name is Zazbiz. and what she does is she is a sexy British female DJ and a professional voiceover artist from the UK.

MaxNow, you could probably use Fiverr to get your serial killer villains and then you'd be like, Fiverr killer.

AlexWell, I mean, that's the whole other thing with gig economy stuff. I'm always afraid that I'm going to be killed. All right, so here is her advertisement.

MerlinIt does go through my mind for sure. And also remember, you're sending your underpants to a stranger. That's like there's all kinds of stuff that could go wrong with that.

Speaker APodcast intro or radio ad. Whatever you need, voice, effect, and music. Order your sexy British voice right here. Exclusively on Fiverr.com.

MaxSo you had this made for us?

AlexNo, no, no. I did not have this made for us. What I had made. Oh, you're going to make me log in? Really? um what i had made um so i was like oh i guess i can just you know um play what have them do whatever so i just sent them something to read your iphone home screen is bad

Speaker Ayou have too many pages why are you using that stupid app get rid of those ugly red badges you should be ashamed of yourself and i spent five dollars and that's why

Alexthat's a terrific use of five dollars yeah yeah yeah uh and then i didn't know if that was how that was gonna go so i'm also getting my laundry picked up uh i was actually going to use lift line for the first time but then i got scared and didn't do it what is lift line lift line is uh like a lyft or like an uber but you share the car with other people so it's cheaper but i have no idea what the etiquette for that would be at all because you know on on the cta chicago's public

transportation like there people are kind of like you know you know the code and also there's enough people around that you can very quickly pick up the code like don't you know don't pee on people don't touch legs but like you're in a car do you touch legs do you make conversation i don't know what's going to happen uh but have you ever used a lift line max no i knew the question that i don't

Merlinknow why i asked do you guys have casual carpool there what no what's that it's a really interesting phenomenon trying to find a good comprehensive link for this but there's a thing called casual carpool and the basic idea is that you especially if you're like going over the bridge or something like it makes a lot of sense to uh have like a carpool but casual carpool is basically you go and you park somewhere and there's this this is so serial killer you go to this area where you can park and then like you just get in a car with like three or four strangers and there's all of these and then people will trade off to do it.

I guess maybe you pitch in on gas or something like that. I've never done it. But apparently there's a very rich culture of understanding what you do and do not do in casual carpool. And I wonder if looking into that, here we go, oh, etiquette, here we go. Like, for example, you always listen to NPR. I think you don't talk to each other.

Respect. Treat riders and drivers how you would want to be treated. No food, loud music, cell phone calls. Only get in vehicles if you feel the situation is safe. Drivers, be safe when in line while driving and during pickup. Communication, be friendly with other riders, but know when they're looking for a quiet ride. If you're new to the system, ask others how it works. Wait, so you did this? Shit, no. Oh, okay. I hate cars. Oh, no. Here's the thing with lift line. That's not a bad idea, especially if you want to, it makes it a little more economical. No, no, but not for me. It's already such a crapshoot who your lift driver is going to be.

It could be a vapor, you know? And like, now you got to talk to a vapor. I'm going to tell you about the ride I got from a guy who I looked him up on his profile, and he's a DJ. And the entire time I was in his car, he played one of his own songs on repeat from a CD.

AlexOh, I've had that where at the end the driver will hand you a CD of their work.

MaxOh, maybe it's a splinter cell. Are you guys watching Nathan for you? No. No.

AlexWhat the fuck? You guys are watching Nathan for you? Okay, you're playing six hours of death. Do you have a time turner? I don't know how you can ever go to a movie during the day.

Speaker BI'm a very busy salaryman. Okay, Nathan for you is the funniest thing on TV. Say it with mouth words. Nathan for you? You've never heard of it?

AlexI have not heard of it.

Speaker BYou've got to be kidding me. Yes, I'm kidding you.

AlexI'm doing this to wind up. Oh, I heard you talking about this with Jen. Okay, yeah.

MaxIt's Jen and I's favorite comedy. It's a show on Comedy Central. It's by a comedian named Nathan Fielder. The name of the show is called Nathan for you. I'm sorry, you're familiar with Nathan Fielder, but you don't know who Nathan is.

AlexHe has a Netflix special, right? Right? Maybe?

MaxI don't know. I don't believe so. Maybe. But basically the premise of the show is it's like a reality show where he picks a small business every week and then comes in with a plan of how to fix or promote the small business. And it's the most harebrained schemes and then he goes and really does them and it's the funniest shit in the world. Please go, just go start with this season. Just start watching this season of Nathan for You. Adding it right now. It is so fucking funny.

AlexAfter Rick and Morty, though. Oh, he was on Rick and Morty. Oh, he was Kyle. Was he on the episode with the Szechuan sauce?

Speaker BWas that him? No, no. Is it the one with Marvin Berry?

MaxGive me the cable. We're stalling here. So I also used Fiverr to do everything. I had a bunch of items made. The first thing was, well, I thought I was buying a wrap for Merlin, like someone making a wrap, a promotional wrap for Merlin. and what I bought was I thought I was what I bought and now I paid $5 for this but I also paid like an additional like $15 to expedite it it was actually the most expensive item that I purchased it was a rush wrap and it was the most expensive thing that I got

in the whole thing because I wound up spending like $25 or so on it and I thought I was getting a wrap but actually what I was getting was a word document with lyrics for one verse of a wrap and it was sort of too late to make any changes for it But I'm going to go ahead and read it because it is pretty good. I do feel that I got my $25 of value out of this. Okay, ready? So I'm going to kind of read this more as a spoken word piece. His name is Merlin Mann, the hunter of the mind. Got a lot of cash. I guess he is the man. Stunting them, gas, all the hoes go wild.

The guy with the vibes makes every N-word want to ride. He always stay fly, never catch him sly. The dude's been cooking, but you never see him in the kitchen. That's productivity, never nothing missing. Creativity, every shit he does litty, making more money tops some digits. Never horny for then fuck them bitches. He knows the feeling when you the realest N-word in the building. Dude from San Francisco, bawling like a big boss.

Every hood he goes, he makes it unfroze. Making moves like hoves may just be the next dude on Forbes. Merlin the magician all night up like King Arthur sparkles like sapphire glowing in the water looking brighter than the fucking white horse hell yes my dude shit yes why are sapphires in the water no no don't think about it that's your new shit hang on I'm going to put this in the text channel

MerlinI don't know the vernacular very well I could be the next Jay Z is that what he's implying

Maxyes now I you're making moves you're making moves like Hova now I had let's see I believe I don't remember what this is I think I also had a commercial made for you Merlin let's listen let's hear that now

Speaker AMerlin Mann is a well known productivity expert public speaker, podcaster and all around internet celebrity especially famous for developing the idea of Inbox Zero listen to his podcast Dubai Friday and find more of his work at merlinman.com. That's merlinman.com.

MaxSo that's for you, Merlin. That's a little special treat I made you. Now, Alex, remember we were talking about the other day that we had a meeting and I was complaining about that I want to know everyone's... I was like, you know, I really should have some sort of software that tells me everyone's birthday so I can remember to get people like cards. And as we were having that meeting, it was your birthday and I didn't know that. Yes, yes, I recall. Now, it was all part of my plan because I was actually planning to have a birthday song written for you. So I commissioned a special birthday song for you. It's a birthday rap that I had made for you. And here it is.

Speaker AHey Alex That time of the year That time of the year

MaxIt's that time of the year.

Speaker AHappy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

This song's for you. Such a great friend Alex I can't explain The type they give you an umbrella when you're in the rain I really appreciate your lots of energy And you're so smart cause you watch documentaries Such a good friend to me Birthday make it heavenly Can't lie, that's a good vibe You're always sending me Every time I see you, you make my time grateful You're so organized like when you have HDMI cables I will never hate you, it wouldn't serve a purpose That's why the song's for you Because you deserve it It's your birthday.

Happy birthday. I want you to enjoy it. If I was hurt, if I was hurt, you would be my ointment. I would buy a purse at my computers if I could. We could listen to podcasts all day like you would. Like you won't be right. So I have to leave it left here. Happy birthday, Addicts. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

MaxHappy birthday. This is a breakdown.

AlexMm-hmm. This is wonderful. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Speaker AHappy birthday.

Alexoh they really put a lot into this it really does keep going it actually gets more sincere at the end

Speaker Awow it's just not gonna end is it yeah no no anyway uh and then i had one more

Maxrap made for you as well.

Speaker AThank you, Max. This is lovely. What up, Alex? Oh, no. This one's for you. Shout out to Alex Cox. She the coolest. No one better. Hosted to podcast shows and audio editor. Dubai Friday and Roboism. Yeah, I love it. Oh, yeah. I'm a fan of it. Technology, that's my subject. And I gotta say it. Oh, yeah. Almost forgot. She's a major Applehead. macbooks and apple watch she loves documentaries non-fiction

no fables so past time organizing hdmi cables ayy what up alex ayy yeah i gotta say it alex cox you the flyest in the song i dedicated ayy what up alex oh yeah i gotta say it you got two cats i guess you're the crazy cat lady and y'all just playing salute to Alex Cox yeah the number one host of the dopest podcast shows make sure to tune in

yeah oh okay

Speaker Bthat was worth all five of the dollars

Speaker Athat I paid for it happy birthday

Maxthat one's kind of it kind of gets stuck in your head actually the happy birthday one

Speaker AIt's got a Gilbert Grape kind of quality. Happy birthday. Well, those are very, very touching. Thank you.

MaxYou're very welcome, Alex. I specifically asked him to mention that you love organizing HDMI cables. I would have never guessed. Now, as you know, in the premium show that you can give us your fucking money for at patreon.com slash do by Friday, we pre-announced the challenge, right? You guys with me? Yes. Basically, we talk about what the next week's challenge is going to be. So the people who pay the $5, they already know what's coming. And one of our premium listeners from the Patreon, listener Kevin, actually participated in the challenge.

He also, I think, used Fiverr, a similar service, and had some songs written for the podcast. Now, I have not heard these yet. I've been saving them. But I think, do you want to go through them now and hear some of these songs that were commissioned for Dubai Friday and the Powder Nation?

AlexYes, please. There is something.

MaxAll right, this one is called AmazingEmotionalSong.mp3.

Speaker AIf you want to love, call us. Doesn't matter when, it's all right. We get crazy, we are crazy. Don't you worry about it, about it. Dig-dog, dig-gy-dog, dig-gy-dog. Yes. Don't you worry about it. Dig-dog, dig-gy-dog, dig-gy-dog, dig-gy-dog, dig-dog, dig-dog. Oh my god.

MerlinHoly shit. I have to hear that again. Hang on. Yeah, do it again. Drop that beat.

Speaker AHappy birthday. Oh my god.

MaxDon't worry about it.

Speaker AOh my god.

MaxOh my god. Okay, this one is called Powdered at MP3. I'm already excited. Holy shit, there's more? Oh, there's quite a few. There's several. It's two minutes and 13 seconds long.

Speaker AWhat?

Speaker BThis is good, actually. That's Regina Spector.

Speaker AThat's Regina Spector. You complete your challenge Cause we are the powder nation What the f- I know! So watch movies We are the powder nation We eat pizza, we even shake Oh my god

Merlin and Max And Alex and her laughs Every week they come Every week they come up With something nice With something new We are the bow door

MaxI feel like I want to give some money to stray dogs or something.

Speaker AI know. Oh my God.

Wow.

Speaker BI'm spent.

AlexIsn't that good? That was $5. I mean, maybe like...

Merlin$5 for that.

AlexI think you can't spend more than $50 on the website. and I've listened to that song about 10 times. I love it so much. Thank you.

MaxThis one is called, let's see, we've got a few more. This one's called Jingle1.Wave.

Speaker ADo it by Friday, the weekly challenge podcast. We challenge each other, challenge yourself.

MaxHell yes. And Jingle2.Wave.

Speaker AHey, Powder Nation, it's time for our weekly challenge.

MaxThis is better than the music that we have, honestly. Oh, and this one is called Jingle Two Lines.mp3. Okay.

Speaker ADo it by Friday, the weekly challenge podcast. We challenge each other. Challenge yourself. Yes. Do it by Friday, the weekly challenge podcast. We challenge each other. Challenge yourself. Do it by Friday, the weekly challenge podcast. Stop saying it. We challenge each other. Challenge yourself.

Speaker BYou're making it worse. Smiling Asian voice.

Speaker ASmiling Asian voice. weekly challenge. Hey, Powder Nation, it's time for our weekly challenge. I don't like the way she's saying it. It's time for our weekly challenge.

AlexShe's stomping on some stamps right now. I mean, we could use those.

MerlinShe's totally ruining some stamps. She's so condescending.

MaxIt's so hot. We could really use that as one of, as a, will you sort of maybe edit that into the bumper when we get to the challenge this week, Alex? Let me play it one more time.

Speaker AHey, Powder Nation, it's time for our weekly challenge. Hey, Powder Nation, it's time for our weekly challenge.

Speaker Bdo it by Friday do it by Friday do it by Friday do it by Friday

Alexyou know David Fincher could have been there like alright take it again take it again from the top from the top

MaxI think she was hacking our mind

Alexif I kiss you

Speaker Awear it so oh man I feel

MerlinI feel bad didn't she have a kind of Regina Spector quality the singing lady oh yes

Alexyes no one reads my texts anymore god which one are you

MaxI thought you had me muted

Alexthe no I texted let me tell you I'm never gonna

MaxI'm never scrolling up in this text thread again. This text thread has like bedrock. It's got a couple specs in it. I'm never. That's it. That's like I'm never going up so far that I see the screen grabs from this goddamn video.

MerlinWell, actually, I have a few questions for you too, Miles Davis.

Speaker BMiles Davis, Miles Davis, how are you so cool? All right. Are there more gigs to share? Miles Davis, do you have boobies? Stop. Stop talking. You're making it worse. I'm Richard Speck.

Speaker Ahi my name is richard speck

Merlinhi are you a member of the nursing community hi i'm richard speck are you hiding under the bed

Speaker Bi don't like that i don't like that he's becoming a recurring character already what do you think are there more gig economies hey it's a do it by friday everyone welcome back are there more gig economies?

AlexI think we've nailed it. No, no, no. Do you think there's more? Marlene, are you familiar with an app called TaskRabbit?

MerlinYes. We have employed TaskRabbit, and it's really creepy.

AlexYeah. Well, you might know there's a phone coming out very early tomorrow morning.

MerlinYou did not. No, no. We're talking about it. We're talking about it.

MaxCan we talk about this in the after show, or is this part of the challenge?

AlexI think this could be this. Did you get a boy?

MerlinI bet you got a boy.

MaxAlex and I talked about, we had a brief conversation yesterday about if we should get a boy and if we do, how do we get a boy and is it ethical to get a boy and what exactly does the boy do and do we need two boys or only one boy?

AlexWell, but here's the crazy thing. I thought... One boy? Here there are two. One is none.

MerlinOh, God. You're a guest grab at FAQs. Well, I require two boys. I require a line boy.

48. Back on Our Bullshit 0:00 / 01:16:08