47. Fancy Prince

Speaker AThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Max Timken, Alex Cox, Merlin Mann, me, Jason Snell, and me, Mike Hurley, and Stephen Hackett, and Federico Vittici. This week's challenge, eat some pizza.

MaxThat's, now I'm too quiet. Is there anything in between like a one and a ten? Let's see. That's about right. Yeah. There we go. You sound good. Yeah, that's a normal human volume. That's so weird. It sounds just like Jason Snell is on the microphone. Why, hello. Oh, my God. It's even the mic he uses. It really sounds.

Speaker ASo the weather, it is, it is, the SM7B. So the weather today, the weather today is pretty sunny out there. Nobody cares about the weather, Jason. Thank you. There you go.

AlexFun fact, mic three is Max's specific mic, so it is very finely tuned.

MaxIt's got the max setting.

AlexIt does.

MaxI'm just compressed so when I start yelling it doesn't disrupt the podcast

Alexokay this is due by Friday everyone we never introduced the show

Speaker Ado you feel like you have to step up with an intro now these are new voices

AlexMax, you want to introduce the guests we have today? No. Okay. All right.

Speaker AWe can do it themselves.

AlexAll right. We have a full desk for the first time at Dubai Friday in our studio, but Merlin isn't here. We're not sure why. It's a mystery. Crisis actors.

All right. We have to my left. It's kind of like clockwise. Jason Snell.

MaxHello.

Speaker AI like things that move in clockwise formation.

MaxIt's very weird to hear Jason Snell's voice coming out of that microphone I don't know, it's just weird Do you never meet a podcast person and you're like, it's weird that your body is making that Yeah, I'm doing it right now, like looking at you It's very strange

Speaker AThis happens every time that I talk into a microphone my voice comes out I know

AlexI'm sorry that we're so upsetting Alright, I'm just going to let everybody introduce themselves Jason, what do you do on the internet and in life?

Speaker AI write about Apple stuff mostly at sixcolors.com, and I do lots of podcasts on RelayFM and The Incomparable.

AlexAnd we have Mike Hurley.

Speaker AHi, Alex.

AlexWhat do you do?

Speaker APodcasts.

AlexOkay, cool. And Stephen Hackett next to Mike. What do you do? Oh, what a great shirt.

MerlinThis is complicated. I do the same thing Mike does, but with a different accent.

AlexHey, Max Temkin, what do you do?

MaxI'm a Forbes 30 Under 30 media luminary. He's the middleist brother. My expertise is mostly in thought leadership, I would say, if I had to pick a category.

AlexAnd finally, we have Federico Vitticci. What do you do on the internet?

MaxI have no idea what I'm doing here, honestly.

AlexWrong place at the wrong time.

Speaker BI was just caught up in this. I do iPads on the webs, on Mac Stories, which is a perfect name for the iPad website. I also do podcasts.

AlexAll right. So the reason that all of our fun podcast and Apple friends are here is because you're in town for a, I don't want to give up your obsec, but something about the notes that have been released throughout the city. I'm not sure.

Speaker AYeah, we're chasing them down.

AlexYeah.

Speaker AIt's a scavenger hunt.

AlexBut Max decided that as a challenge.

MaxIt's like law and order, special Apple unit. Are any of you going to be here for the Apple

Alexthe big what is it, Apple Town Hall Apple Town Square

Speaker AThere's an Apple store opening next week It's not an Apple store

MaxIt's a grove, it's a genius grove

Speaker BIt's a tree, a series of trees with computers around them It's a forest with nerds inside Lost I wonder if anyone's still listening

MaxI prefer to think of it more as a marketplace of USB-C cables that sometimes have the functionality you need and sometimes don't but it's a place where you can go and buy the cables and exchange them for the ones that you meant to buy that actually work

Speaker AIt's a richness of our community where we all gather together to enjoy art, music and dongles

AlexTakes a lot of courage

MaxAll right.

AlexCan I set a timer for one minute to talk about my laptop? No, I'm not asking. I'm just going to do it. Siri, set a timer for one minute. Please, please.

Speaker AIt's not going to work. It's not going to do it.

MaxOkay.

AlexSo the 2016 MacBook Pros. Live demos. I went to the Apple store yesterday. Oh, we need to replace your logic board again. And they need to get the dust out of my caps lock key. And it's already been replaced for a logic board twice. And I don't know what to do. Max, how do I ask Cards Against Humanity? Hey, can I sell back my shitty laptop and get a cheaper, better laptop?

MaxI honestly just do it. No one in this organization cares.

AlexJust do it. Oh, God. And Stephen here, his key fell off. And it's just like a disaster. I'm on the dongle train. I am ready to buy all of your bullshit. But just please, I want my logic. Oh, also, only one of my USB slash Thunderbolt 10. What is it? I don't know.

MaxHey, do you guys get a thing where-

AlexWhoa, whoa, whoa. 14 seconds. 14 seconds. Also, I realized that the reason that Apple's cases don't have bottoms is they've been training us for the 10 for the past three years. Okay, I'm done. Thank you, everybody.

MaxDo you guys use the... Are you guys big share sheet users on the iOS? Do you guys get a thing now on... So I get it on my iPad where whenever I use the share sheet and then I select the application, even if it's an Apple application like messages, about 50% of the time it just freezes and I have to restart the device. Super slow. Yep. So you wait it out and it works eventually?

MerlinMessages is the worst. And if you wait long enough, if your children go off to college and we have a real president again, then it will launch.

MaxIt's like right at the critical moment of I found the content, I want to share it with someone, and I'm like just about to release.

MerlinYou're ready to curate

Maxand the cook is staying there saying no.

Speaker ASophisticated machine learning is being applied to what you're sharing there. And the system is advising you perhaps you should think about what you're doing. Yeah, they installed a special version for you, Max. It's like, should you really share it?

MaxWell, if they applied that machine learning to the content that I share with people, it would just be like, please don't. Just think twice.

Speaker AWhat you don't know is your devices don't connect to the outside world anymore.

MaxOh, I'm shadow banned. No. I knew it was going to happen. What? All right. I feel like the challenge is going to happen imminently. So I want to introduce the challenge early this week, and then we can talk about whatever we want. But so the concept for this week's challenge, this was technically Merlin's challenge, but he cucked us. He's not here. So I guess we have to introduce it. The concept for the challenge was you guys are all in Chicago. We're looking forward to having you in the studio. We wanted to do a fun challenge that everyone could participate in.

So we're doing a Chicago pizza challenge. So everyone's got to taste some Chicago pizza and give us their feedback. My goal with the challenge, since Merlin's not here, is I feel like the quality of discourse around Chicago pizza, the whole debate. Do you get any of that? Do you hear about this? Does this filter into outside of the US?

Speaker AYeah, I'm familiar with the big... I've seen pictures. Stupid pizza. Yeah, we have an Italian here. This could get real dangerous. This is why we brought Federico.

MaxI think the... The only reason why I'm here. I think the reason that the discourse is bad is there's been a couple of bits, like John Stewart did a bit about deep dish, and he's like, hey, it's a fucking casserole. And whenever I talk to someone, They go into a tag cloud and they pull up Chicago Pizza and then they have their little note card with three bullet points. I'm really tired of hearing people say, it's not a pizza, it's a casserole. What? People say the same dumb...

Speaker AI don't get the casserole thing. If anything, it's closer to a quiche. Casseroles don't come in like...

MaxIt's a fucking pizza. It's tomato sauce and cheese and bread. It's a pizza. You can just say I don't like it. Can we just have a good... I just want a clean, fair fight, you guys. I just want a clean fight.

MerlinWe'll leave it at the door.

MaxYeah, thank you.

MerlinThe guy holding the knife at the table.

MaxWell, Merlin said, yeah, it's not fair. It's not fair. It's my fidget spin. It's good for my, I'm a millennial. It's good for my energy. Anyway, so I asked, so I wanted to get a good representation of Chicago deep dish pizza. I feel like a lot of people, they bring their guests to town. They just go to Pequod's or whatever, and they're like, hey, have a good deep dish. Or Art of Pizza is the other one people like. But I really wanted to represent the whole gamut of Chicago-style pizza. So I asked a friend of the show, Steve Dolinsky. He's ABC7's Hungry Hound.

AlexHe has not listened to this show.

MaxHas he listened to this show? You see his picture in – well, I mean, he knows it exists. Oh, good. You see his picture in all the good restaurants in Chicago. That's his big smiling face. It's like, the Hungry Hound likes this restaurant. That's how you know it's good. So I asked him. He is actually writing a book, the definitive book, on all the different styles of Chicago pizza and the best places. So he sent me over like six different categories of Chicago pizza, and then we ordered all of them. Okay. So there's going to be a cavalcade of pizza arriving in the studio at any moment.

Is it like at random times?

AlexI'm going to.

MaxWell, you know, yeah, basically.

Speaker AIs this like the bit in The Simpsons where Homer's in hell, and they just tie him to the thing and feed him donuts?

MaxYeah, we have a mechanical jaw prepared for everyone. Yeah, exactly.

AlexSo last night A lot of these places We should say it is 11am Central time so you know people have just had Breakfast and a lot of these places you know don't open At 11 so last night I was getting Like deliveries and picking some Pizzas up but the post I got three pizzas that the exact Same postmate They must have been so confused

Speaker AWhat's wrong With you just order three pizzas from the same

AlexPlace oh no no no Okay, so Mike, we'll get into this later, but we have an artisan pizza coming from Pizzeria Bebu, slices from Diamatti. Oh, God, there's an Italian here. I'm sorry.

Speaker BI'm not really looking at you.

AlexDon't worry. It's fine. Some deep from both My Pie and Lou Maddy's. I can't say his last name. Tavern style from Max's favorite, Barnaby's. Oh, yes. And that his assistant is currently driving to the suburbs to get.

And classic from Lou's and thin pizza from Pat's.

MaxWelcome to my eighth grade birthday party. We're getting some fucking Barnabys up in there. This is my childhood pizza. Okay. So I have always felt that because of the diversity of high quality pizza offerings, deep dish being only one small piece of the pie, so to speak, Chicago is the best pizza city in the world and I went to I travel I went through Italy this year and I regret to inform you that it is not the best pizza city in the world Rome is clearly the best

pizza city in the world but Chicago is the best in the US that's for sure. You happy with that Federico? It's not even close it was the first pizza I tried in Rome I was like okay I get it In Rome? In Rome No I didn't make it to Naples Holy shit guys What's this? Is it Merlin? Holy shit.

MerlinIt's Merlin. The internet's Merlin Man. Hey, guys. Yay.

Speaker ANow the entire Do By Friday audience won't turn against us. I'm so worried that everyone's just going to be like, oh. I hate those guys. They killed Merlin. No, Merlin. You know what you did.

AlexOh, fuck. Now the Taylor Swift song's in my head. All right. Now that Merlin's here, can we do our follow-up in Front Matter? I'm very excited about it.

MaxWait a minute. What the fuck have you guys been doing? Merlin, you're 37 minutes late. You have exceeded the Max-Temkin-Grace period.

MerlinOh my god, I'm so sorry, you guys. Oh, I have so much exciting follow-up about how I spent the last 40 minutes. Digga, digga, digga, follow-up. We have, did you guys cover the patrons? Did you tell people to give us their fucking money?

AlexNo, please give us money. Oh, yeah, right.

MerlinOkay, everybody give us your fucking money. Go to patreon.com slash Dubai Friday and give us your money. We have so much. I don't even know what you guys have done here. Have you done any of this follow-up? Have you been doing this important work?

MaxWe're talking about pizza, and I was just giving it up to Federico that Italy has better pizza than Chicago, which is a hard—I don't want to acknowledge that. Can it just be different, Max? Can it just be different? It's not different. The reason it's not different is—to me, it comes down to, like, ingredient quality and just subtlety and the care that goes into it. It's just a different animal. It's a better version of the same food. It's better across the board in every way.

AlexI'm also buying a new laptop.

MaxWe got a Banshee pizzeria in Chicago. We have a Banshee pizzeria in Chicago. Okay. Very good.

Speaker BI don't disagree. You have the knife. Wait a minute. Federico's there too? What's happening? There's a bunch of people, Merlin.

Speaker AThis is not your show anymore.

MaxNo, it's not. It's not my show. Federico is the captain now. Look at me. I'm the captain.

MerlinLast week we had our giant I have a knife Oh no

MaxMerlin we're using your knives as like the talking stick Let me hear your Kershaw

MerlinHere's mine

MaxIt's a little complicated to open I feel like I'm going to hurt myself

Speaker BI have a presentation Oh my god

Speaker AI've never tried this before

MaxBut you know how people throw knives in a movie And it goes spinning and it sticks in the wall I feel like I could do that No. I've seen it in media a lot. It seems like the kind of thing I'd be able to do. Sure, you have those skills. I'm sort of known for my dexterity skills. Just those face-level skills. Just watch a couple of YouTube videos. Just learn from those. Is he a tomahawk?

All right, anyway, welcome to the original Kings of Podcasting. Everyone's here in the studio. The pizza's going to be here any minute. That was all I had, I guess.

MerlinYeah, we had our big Amazon challenge last week where we sent each other presents. If you choose, I don't want to bore our guests with this, but I feel like there's a couple things we should share with our listeners. Did we ever find out, Alexander, did we ever find out decisively who the large Asian boy is? Was that ever identified?

AlexIt was. I was told.

MerlinStop, you're making it worse. What are you talking about the large teen, the Asian teen? Stop saying it, stop.

AlexHe was like, I just went on like sticker monkey and bought the biggest one I could buy, which is not true.

MaxSomeone, okay, the other thing we missed was that the, so because Amazon fucked us and they consolidated packages in a nonsensical way, that we got the avocado, the three-in-one avocado slicer, we got the statue of David, and then we got the stuffed wolf. It's my main man, David Avocado Wolf. you love him I love that guy that's my main man and thank you to whoever sent us the David Avocado Wolf I'm sorry we didn't put it together on the podcast there was a lot happening all at once and I was very sleepy because I ate way too much of the caramel popcorn

Merlinit's nice to have people have to explain their jokes to you over Twitter that's a nice feeling

MaxAlex can you close the Kershaw I'm not strong enough can you close this for me

Speaker Athere's knives being handed around now try the Kershaw it feels so good Oh, Alex, please don't cut your hand off. Alex, don't hurt yourself. Yeah.

AlexOh, I've already cut myself like six times.

Speaker AI think maybe just put the knife down, Alex.

AlexWhat? Put it down. Why is everybody worried that a woman has a knife? No, because it's going to be. Oh, because it's going to fly towards you.

Speaker ANo, I'm really worried that you're just going to slam it over your fingers.

MaxWait, why wasn't anyone worried about me? It's fine. Because you're a big nice boy. Because I'm known for my dexterity skills, is what I would say. Follow-up. So it's a big day for me in the Temkin household. It's new shoe day. I get hold on

Alexhold on hold on we got another gift yesterday I think

Maxoh I don't want to talk I don't want to talk about this because here's the thing is it rewarding them well it's like when you talk about a school shooting it inspires other school shootings so if you say that someone mailed us panties it's going to inspire more people to mail us their panties yeah

Alexso but here's the problem don't name them if you mail someone a thong at least put keep like a tag on so that I'm not immediately terrified of what could be on this piece of fabric.

MaxAlex, it came and it was to do by Friday and I was like, oh, someone sent us a delightful treat. And I opened it up and I looked inside and there was just like wadded up underwear and a handwritten ransom note. And I was like, and I stared at it for a few minutes and I was like, you know what? I think, you know, who would like this is Alex. And I just sort of dumped it out on your desk and I was like, Alex, well, Cher was in and Cher watched me dump this out on your desk and she's like, what the fuck is going on? And I was like, no, Alex will love this. Trust me.

AlexWell, and the problem was, it did not say do by Friday on it. It was just addressed to Max Temkin. So I was like 99.9% sure that this was a Dubai Friday thing, but this could also be something for my real job. So I couldn't immediately throw it away.

MaxYou guys get a lot of listeners sending you panties in? I mean, this is normal. That's why I don't give out my address. That's smart. Mostly. You get too many of them is your problem. I get weird.

Speaker ASo I've lived in my house since 1999 and therefore it is relatively easy. The privacy people who are like, oh, don't reveal your real address. It's like, you know what? It's too late. It's like 18 years too late to do that. So I occasionally get like art pieces and things sent to my house. Are they of you? Oh, that would be something. No, it's usually like Zeppelin themed or something like that. But yeah. Yeah, it's just and I have a P.O. box that's my like don't send things to my house address. But the people who send things to your house don't use the P.O. box. They don't want that. Oh, man.

MaxOkay. It's a little weird. I look for white powder. I have some good Jason Snell follow up. Although now that I think about it, I might have read about this on Six colors but so forgive me if i found it out from you but do you guys know about the art of a mac retro mac gaming book on kickstarter right now yeah yeah yeah i just i found that today and i just backed it i'm very excited about that that was like my intro to to games and gaming so i i'm

Speaker Aamazed that there are things that are about mac gaming at all because as anybody who had a mac you were just for games especially you're just so beaten down because it was like the mac has never been a place that the people who are like super cool and into games would go it was more like I have a Mac and would like to play games therefore are there games? It was always like there would always

Merlinbe somebody looking down. I mean I grew up on Oregon Trail and you know number munchers. Oh yes. Super munchers

Speaker Awe got the cape and fly around. Super munchers? Yes. It was amazing. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

AlexWere these even games? We got Treasure Math Storm first so that was like on

MaxOh the whole Treasure Island series.

AlexYeah all of the Treasure Maths.

MaxThe one where you snuck around the school and avoided the robots and tried to solve a mystery?

AlexThat was later on in the series, I believe. That could only run on Mac OS X, whereas the original was Mac OS 9, so I still had to boot into the emulator. Wow, I knew it, or not an emulator. This is the perfect-

Classic?

AlexYeah, so Mac Classic. Was it an emulator that ran on it, or how did you, I remember for years, booting up into 9?

Speaker AYeah, I mean, basically, basically it was.

MaxSee if it'll play. Are you of the age that you would have played number munchers in school on a school computer? Do you remember what a fucking coup it was when your teacher would let you play number munchers? And you're like, have you gone insane? I'm not going to question this, but do you have any idea what you've done? You're just letting me play number munchers in school?

MerlinI remember one called Odell Down Under. And it was about learning about fish and marine life. So you were like a fish and you'd swim around the coral reef and then a shark would eat you. And you were supposed to learn about biology, I guess. In fifth grade, it was awesome. I'm gonna play word munchers look at that mech logo look how good that is yeah they're gone I do not want to use a joystick

Maxoh it's on archive.org

Merlinit is they have a ton of them

Maxoh I thought this was like a YouTube video it's even better

MerlinI'm gonna play it oh shit

Speaker Bif it'll work on an iPad you can't do real you can do real mech gaming there we go that's the crap it's over

Speaker Awe gotta shut it down Federico yeah it's over it's it now you found your Achilles heel alright I'm gonna get a Mac

MaxHell yes.

AlexNow we just need to talk about Stardew Valley and Alienade. Every listener.

Speaker AOh, my God. It's the best game ever.

MaxCan I talk about my shoes?

AlexYes, please talk about your moods.

MaxSo it's a new shoe day. I go about one year before I destroy a pair of shoes, and I'll get my two pairs of new shoes about, about maybe about every year, year and a half. But I recently melted one of my two good pairs of shoes, my daily pairs of shoes. So it accelerated the new shoe day.

And I've got them here. And we were talking about this a little bit beforehand. But do you guys ever have one of your trusty dusties, your good pair of shoes, and you take them to travel, and then all of a sudden you thought that they were your dependable team, your guys on your squad. But then as soon as you get out of town, you get to a new city, you're walking in them all the time. you start getting blisters.

So that's why you've got to have two because one is none and two is one, etc. I don't remember the rest of it.

Speaker AI never bring two pairs of shoes when I travel. That's the problem.

MaxDo you really travel? When you're packing, you're like, one pair, done.

Speaker AOne pair of shoes.

MaxShip it. That's a big risk.

Speaker AWhat it means is you end up walking around Chicago saying my feet really hurt.

MaxI've done that. You know what's crazy? There's been times when I've been in such agony because I've been in another city. We go to Seattle every year for packs. And I'll walk like 10 miles a day around the convention center where there's no carpet or anything. And your feet are just killing you. And it's like, it is legal. I could go to a shoe store and go get a pair of shoes. Shoes are sold in Seattle. It's actually, it's not like the Gobi Desert, right? There is stores. It never occurs to me that that's a possibility.

AlexWell, I used to have a tradition of every year in Seattle, I would just buy, because they have a flagship Nike store. and they sell the size of my monster 12.

MaxIt's more of a Nike Grove.

AlexYeah, it's the Nike Town Hall. But now I'm like, oh, why are these shoes so gross? Why are they run down? Because I haven't been to Seattle in over a year. That's right.

Speaker AAnd that's the only place you can buy Nikes.

AlexWell, the problem is they have moved the Genius Grove to the riverfront, the Apple Genius cluster. It used to be next to the Nike store. My problems are very, really good.

Speaker BBut it feels wrong to buy shoes in a different city. Like, I don't want to show my feet in a new city. I think it's wrong. That's true. There's something wrong about that.

Speaker AI also can't trust a new pair of shoes. They're, like, worse than the old pair of shoes.

MaxIt feels like you're cheating on your shoe store.

Speaker BYeah. Like, I don't want some guy looking at my feet in a different city.

MaxWhat could potentially go wrong there? You don't have some sort of old-world cobbler, like, fashion, like, leather, some sort of...

MerlinIt's a real thing. I had a situation. I recently bought a pair of running shoes, which I've never done before. And I went to like the fancy running shoe place. My wife told me to go. I was wearing jeans and like a button down shirt. And he wanted me to try them on and then run. And like, I'm new at running. So I look like I'm dying.

MaxFuck you, buddy. Why don't you?

MerlinYeah, he's like, he's like, put him on. It's 98 degrees outside. I'm in jeans. He's like, run to the end of the shopping center back so I can watch you.

MaxI recently was in a very, that's a lot of trust. Did they have your driver's license or something?

MerlinYeah, keep running.

Speaker BYou should show up at his house and make him do a podcast. I was in a similar but different situation recently. Like I wanted to buy a leash for my dogs. And so we go into this new store and there's this guy that is like showing off all the items in the store.

MerlinHow complicated is leash buying?

Speaker BWe got to the problem here.

Speaker ADid he make you wear it?

MaxSo imagine there's like a Saturday. I'm sorry. I know you're going to tell the story. But is it possible that you were walking down the street and you see a store and you look in the window and there's all this sort of leather wear. and sort of like neck collars and, you know, straps. You're like, oh, I need a new leash.

Speaker BAnd this is really a store with gear for dogs. It was a dog store. Okay. So there's these guys, a bunch of families and kids. And it's like, I want to buy a leash for my dogs. And it's like, we have this very specific type of leash. It goes on the chest and stuff. It's like, do you want to try it? Like, I don't want to try a dog leash. But we ended up with me on a leash. And the guy just pulling. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. He made you wear it? It made me wear the leash in the store.

Max100%, that's his fetish.

Speaker BDid you see any cameras in this store? And it was pulling. It's like, see, you feel no pain now.

Speaker AIt's like, yeah, I do, a lot inside. I'm dead inside. It's like emotional trauma now.

MaxDo you guys know about the thunder shirt? So when dogs, explain the thunder shirt.

Speaker ADogs get really scared sometimes when there are thunderstorms or fireworks on 4th of July. And they found that dogs really react well, or some dogs anyway, to this thing that's like the thunder shirt. and it's like a jacket you put on your dog. You put their doggy legs through the doggy leg holes and it sort of like fits tight around their chest and it gives them comfort. It's like a big hug that they get to wear and that it makes during, so like people know the thunderstorm's coming and they put their dog in the thunder shirt and then the dog doesn't freak out when the thunder happens.

MerlinMike's the same way actually. It's really strange.

MaxI need this. I need this. So the same way that they had the dog leash that you could wear, I need the thunder shirt that I can wear to like parties. It's a hug you can wear. Yeah. It just relaxes me. It's a party shirt. Yeah. I bought on Kickstarter, I got the Gravity Blanket. It's a weighted blanket. I want to know about this.

MerlinI've been so tempted to get this. I want it so much.

MaxWell, they got cucked. Someone else, they got, so they were so slow manufacturing it that they already got cloned. And there's like, if you go on Amazon, there's like other weighted blankets with more or less the same industrial design.

Speaker AIt's just a sheet filled with fake fidget cubes. I'm not sure how a heavy blanket makes me feel more comfortable. I feel like I would be significantly more. It's science.

MerlinIt's a spectrum thing also.

Speaker AI just had a root canal. And at one point, they have to start taking x-rays. And they put the lead vest on me. And it was like, oh, that's such a relief. And they actually said, would you like us to just leave the lead vest on you for the rest of the room? I'm like, yes, please. And it was great.

MaxIt was awesome. Now, did you do the, did you do, did they put you under for a root canal? No. Oh, God, no. Did you do the gas? Unfortunately not. Did you do the gas? Nope. Not Novocaine, and they get in there and they do their work.

Speaker AInjections and more injections.

MaxI'm all about that. I do not like the, I don't like the gas. I don't like any of that stuff. Didn't you do it with no anesthetic once? No, I did it with the anesthetic, but I had my wisdom teeth out, and I don't want to retell the whole story, but you're supposed to pick between, you can have the Twilight, which is just like they just put you under or you can have the gas and i and i didn't and i was like these are both unacceptable and the guy was like well you could do neither and i was like let's do that so and it was great because like if something went wrong i was like i could be like uh okay let's

make a plan what's what's next let's do this let's get in there they really needed you for that they

Alexcould have that's the thing like as your employee i'm glad because there's a much uh there's way less risk. However, as a person who likes and cares about you, there's so many ways it could go bad. You could have passed out or stabbed somebody. What? There are some people who've just gotten ovocated and then they've reacted. Like in a zombie movie where they're like,

Maxwe have to dissect the zombie.

AlexThey basically freak. The dentist does not stab someone. Burst out of the hospital? Basically, yes. They ran out of the hospital and stabbed their dentist. wow you guys really reacted like oh that's normal

Speaker Ayeah sure I've had teeth out and I feel like I could have done that

Maxwho hasn't been there I really pushed it I didn't go to the dentist for like four years that's fine that's fine what happened was I skipped it once and I my life was fine I was like fine and then I was like boy it was really nice not going to the dentist and then I did it again and then I was fine. I was still fine and I was like, you know, it was even better to not go to the dentist twice and then I was like, I should just do this and then it got scary and then at a certain point it got scary. Then it was like, I don't want to go to the dentist because I don't want to know what could be wrong

and then I, so I finally, Veronica finally shamed me into going and I went to her dentist and the main selling point is that they play Blue Planet on a TV on the ceiling so you can watch the like manta rays while they're drilling into your jaw. That's awesome. But I went to the dentist. I got no problems. No cavities. No cavities. No issues. They didn't even tell me to floss more.

MerlinThat's a better situation. I just had a tooth worked on, and they leaned me back. They have posters. They don't have TVs and stuff. But the poster.

MaxHang in there.

MerlinThe poster. No. It was about Murphy's Law.

MaxOh, my God.

MerlinOh, why? No. I said to the dentist, who's like an old family friend, I was like, this is completely inappropriate. Like, you should have puppies and flowers. If something may go wrong, it definitely will. One reason I stopped going to my dentist is he employs his own bespoke Ludovico technique, where he has large screens that you have to look at that alternate between things he's built out of wood and cartoons about dental work and the dental industry that he regards as funny. Wow. So you get a dentist's sense of humor, plus a main box he made he's pretty proud of.

MaxThey were playing Blue Planet and the VLC Play Bar, so it was a TV screen. But I was trying to figure out, I was like, I wonder what the logic was of how they wired this all up because the whole time I was there I could see the VLC play bar on the bottom so it's clearly running off of a PC and then piping out to all these screens. They just left the mouse hovering over. Move the mouse!

That would be physically

Speaker Amore painful to me than the dental work

Maxis seeing the VLC play bar. So I was there and they went in with the little spinny boy and they excavated all the plaque and stuff off my teeth and And then they blast you. They have the water gun. And they have another. The hygienist is off to the side. And they one-two you. They tag team you. And so the dentist is just scraping. And then the other one comes in with the water. And they blast this icy cold water right onto your sensitive teeth. And it was the worst part of the experience.

I didn't even mind the sanding or whatever. It was the icy cold water. And I said it. Eventually, I was like, you know, this water is really awful. You guys should really think about. So I just built a house. And I put in-line water heaters on some of the sinks so I had the InstaHot. And those things are cheap as hell. They're not expensive equipment for a big professional operation like a dentist. And I was like, someone should put a little water heater here so the water is just room temperature and it's not icy cold. And the dentist was like, oh, yeah, a lot of people say that to me. Everyone comes in and they say that.

We get there. She's like, we get that a lot.

MerlinInteresting. This is why you should just The thing is You don't really need a dentist As long as you keep A dental tool Right now listen While you're enjoying Your programs at night You're sitting around You're watching some Mindhunter And you just really You really want to get in there Until it pops You just pop off the plaque On the under teeth You want to really get in And one side's got a hook And the other side's got A bigger hook Aren't we supposed to be

Speaker AEating something? Oh, shit. Oh, I wonder what that could be. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. We're going straight from dental work into pizza now?

MaxWe've got a... It could be anything. It could be a smiling Asian boy in there.

Speaker ADon't say it. Don't say it. Anybody have a lead vest, I can put on.

MaxWe're going to have a hug. We're going to have a hug. We're going to have a hug. Cool. All right. So, you know, Merlin, you know, I've always said... I don't know if Renee can hear us. Renee, just bring those pies in here. Yeah. Let's go. you know I've always said that people should pretty much uncritically do anything that we say on the podcast and that we stand by all of our medical advice

Merlinit could be something as simple as a piece of media or it could just be an extreme amount of powders we're really encouraging you to put on your body

Maxjust fucking buy it Merlin if I'm interpreting you correctly you're saying don't go to the dentist you should just go on Amazon because that's expensive but for only like 10 bucks you go on Amazon you get a pair of dental tools you do it yourself and you know it's like you know your own mouth like what is a dentist has never even been in

Merlinthere before with your keys and anytime you're ready to do some dental hygiene you just move your keys you pull out your dentist tool you watch some mindhunter you start picking away and i feel the same way about powders podcasts and movies really all this stuff is fine just

Maxjust pipe it right in don't think about it now i'm in favor of everyone kind of doing all of our challenges with us and any taking any advice we offer uncritically because as i said eventually we will need people to kill for us uh and i don't want you know them to think twice about it uh but I did have a little bit of follow-up based on that. So this is from Gizmodo, and it came out today.

Headline, Drink up high lead levels found in two InfoWars supplements. Oh, no. The most accurate description of the shrieking pageantry we've come to know as InfoWars is that it's a dietary supplement business hiding behind a debased, unreliable, and exhaustingly stupid news network. Unfortunately for its founder, Alex Jones, seen above chugging a glass of, quote, caveman true paleo formula, which as you remember that is the exact powder I'm like I'm getting heartburn just thinking about how bad it was I got mine right here I still haven't reopened it well if you open a big

cloud of lead is going to come out when you open it two of those supplements were recently found to contain high levels of lead besides this Neanderthal pre-human drink powder another supplement called MycoZX advertised as quote potent herbs and enzymes intended for the, quote, detoxification of yeast and undesirable fungal organisms. Well, if you get the Morgellons, that's what you need to take is the MycoZX. It's the only proven cure for the Morgellons.

It was also determined to have high levels of lead, according to an independent testing by Watchdog Group, the Center for Environmental Health, the findings of which InfoWars has itself based articles on prior. According to the CEH, which purchased the samples directly from the InfoWars online shop, quote, people who take the MycoZX product would ingest more than six times the daily limit for lead under California law. And those taking the Caveman True Paleo would ingest twice the California daily lead limit. There you go, you're just lead-based in. Congratulations to all the members of the Dubai Friday Powder Nation who have exceeded the California's

recommended daily dose of lead.

MerlinOh, I'm so sorry. This is just kind of nasty, nasty thing I've been used to at this point. California comes in there and tells you that amount of lead. I'm telling you that amount of lead. You gotta get in there. You really wanna get all that caveman all the way in there. Really just chug it down. lead. Lead. I mean, is lead really that bad? I mean, it's a pretty base element. It's in a lot of places. How bad could it really be? You know, kids, limit the amount. Limit the amount. But if you're a grown man who's a caveman, I don't think that's such a bad thing. Also, caves were full of lead. Yeah. Honestly. We'd sit around the fire and tell stories. It's all part of our Judeo-Christian tradition.

MaxJust licking rocks. There's nothing else to do. Paint like that, you don't need all at once. I saw pizza, but I'm not eating it.

AlexIt's coming.

MaxThat can't be right.

AlexI'm texting Renee, and she's getting us paper plates and paper towels. Oh, my God.

MaxWhat are we, a bunch of fancy princes in here? Are you guys going to dab? Be honest. Are you guys going to dab the oil off your pizza like a dandy? Is that a thing? How much oil is on the pizza? You guys never see people get a piece of pizza? You guys never see people get a slice of pizza and they take a paper napkin and they dab? They sit there like a little prince and they dab the oil off?

MerlinYou call the oilier over. He gives you a special serviette.

MaxOilyier? Are you kidding me? You've never seen this?

Speaker ANo, I've never seen this.

MaxJason's seen it. I've seen it. I've seen it. No, but that's because Italians have good taste. You put a little olive oil on the pizza We'll lick the oil Merwin, you know what I'm talking about

Speaker AI do know what you're talking about If you get an oily slice, you just kind of tip it over something you need To have something squeaky

MaxThat's the flavor, you eat the oil

Speaker APizza candles

AlexOh hooray, plates, we're not going to be animals Oh they're real plates

Speaker AChallenge

MaxLike fancy princes

AlexWow, wow, real fancy

MaxWe have real plates here I should put mine in the microwave. Merlin, no, come on now. While we're setting this up, why is it echoey all of a sudden? While we're setting this up, can you please describe how you approach this challenge? Yes.

MerlinWell, so what I figured was, you know, San Francisco, it's a real cosmopolitan town. It should be no problem at all. I'll just be able to get this all set up. Apparently, there are almost exactly two places in town that serve authentic Chicago-style pizza. and they don't deliver at 7.30 a.m. And so I'm texting this to our super secret private channel, but I think I've got it pretty covered.

MaxOkay, that looks nice. So this is my childhood pizza, Barnaby's of Northbrook, okay? It's an old-timey tavern. You go with all your friends, you order at the counter, and you get a huge pie. And I've only ever seen this in Chicago. It's called a tavern-style pizza. so it's a flaky buttery cornmeal crust with cheese baked right into the crust and then it's got you can see it's got a buttery dough like molded dough on the crust and then it's party cut so you always get the squares I'm a big fan of I'll be honest I love the party cut

because I'm a big crust boy and you can just get the little crusties that's the oh Merlin

Speaker AI've just seen the Merlin's pick

MaxI'm getting the box configured I've got to get the box configured. I'm going to send the Barnabys around. Okay. So this is, to me, this is the true, this is the truest Chicago-style pizza in that this is like the special kind of pizza that you only find in Chicago that people actually eat who live here.

Speaker ASo Merlin, my understanding is the go-to Chicago-style place in the Bay Area is Zachary's, which is over in Berkeley, and so they're not going to deliver to you either. But it's very good.

MaxYou know what? I've often said that I've never really had good pizza west of the Mississippi. be. But there's a place in Berkeley called the Cheese Board. Have you ever been there?

Speaker AYeah, yeah, yeah. I've had that pizza. The Cheese Board

Maxis a goddamn good

Speaker Apizza. It's a good pizza. It's weird. I mean, they serve one kind of pizza. It's their pizza.

MaxAnd you eat that pizza. It's like a crazy co-op so the people working there are like members of the Cheese Board. Holy shit!

Speaker AI'm afraid the podcast police are gonna come in here and say, okay, everybody is eating.

MaxNo, our fam, do you guys know, I guess familiar with Mukbang videos? That's what our fans are into. It's a Korean sexy eating videos. It's ladies who eat a lot of food on Twitch on livestream. Google it. Mukbang videos. Mukbang. Don't look at it Jason.

Speaker AGuys, I know- This is really good. This is really good. I like it a lot.

MaxYeah, it's really good. Is it? See, I'm getting a little nod from Federico. That's a good-ass pizza.

MerlinIt's really good. I'm folding the box. It's got an inside reflective surface that I need to get turned over.

MaxGuys, if you live in the Chicagoland area, get yourself to Barnaby's. That's Max's number one childhood nostalgia pizza pick. It's my pick of the week. Barnaby's of Northbrook. Use the offer code CRISISACTOR for 20% off at checkout.

And thanks to our sponsor, Barnaby's.

AlexThis is seriously the best part. What are you doing?

MerlinSorry, I had to fold my box to get the reflective surface, and now I'm taking the plastic off.

MaxWhat kind of fresh delivery Chicago-style pizza has a reflective surface?

MerlinI got Chicago's Home Run in Premium Pizza. It was almost $3 at Walgreens. You didn't even go to a grocery store? I had to come and fix my Skype.

MaxOh, my God.

MerlinWhat does it say in the corner? It says made from scratch.

MaxWhat does that even mean?

MerlinTechnically, everything is made from scratch.

MaxYeah, I mean, if you get down to it, what would be a product you couldn't?

Speaker AIf the pizza just appears somewhere, that's the option. That's a really troubling idea. Well, their competitors find pizzas by the side of the road. And stick them in boxes.

MerlinYeah.

MaxSo. It's like the Ninja Turtles arcade game. Just like, this will probably give me some health. I should pick up this road pizza. Yeah.

Speaker AThat was really good. That crust is like buttery and also has the cornmeal flavor in it. Crunchy. Yeah.

MaxThat is the best pizza I've ever had. What else do we have?

Speaker AIt's a huge paper bag. This is a crazy package. It's like a craft paper bag. Yeah, a huge paper bag with like a bottle. That's like some present you get on Christmas morning. It looks like it's going to fall off the desk. It's ungainly. It doesn't fit anywhere, so you just stuff it in a bag.

MaxIs that my big Hanukkah present? Is that the Lego Millennium Falcon? It's actually a bicycle. Yeah. Finally.

AlexOkay, so this is the Sicilian, the Dante's Sicilian pizza. And I don't want to touch it, so I'm going to ask the people.

Speaker AWhy? What's wrong with it? What's happened?

AlexThis is really big, and I know that it cannot be passed around. Okay, so we have to go up there? Yeah. I'm very sorry. It's a buffet. It's a whole interactive experience. Yeah, this is.

MaxSo this purports to be Sicilian style. Okay.

AlexApparently, this is the Hungry Hound's choice for the one sliced, but this is confusing because it seems to be sliced party style.

MerlinIs party style when you make it little squares, Alex? Yeah. I like party style. It's just me and you now. They're all good. Oh, hey, how's it going, buddy? How you doing? I'm good. How's your, so did you bring your laptop, your old laptop today? It's, you know, I had to get in the Lyft, and it wasn't an SUV, so there wasn't room. Oh, God.

Speaker AOh, God.

MaxYou know what? We're going to put in the show notes pictures of each of these pizzas. Alex, hold the Barnabys up for me so I can get a picture for the show notes. More tilted towards me, but not so the pizza falls out. Each slice of this is like a pound. A little more tilt. It's so heavy. A little bit more tilt. Keep going. Keep it coming.

AlexA little bit more. This is worse than...

Speaker AThat's good. You gotta get that 45 degree tilt. That's going on Twitch later.

AlexThat was worse than adjusting Max's headphone volume.

Speaker AIs this good podcasting? Have we ruined the show?

MaxNo, this is substantially better than a normal episode. Oh, God.

It's bubbling.

MaxSo I've never had this before. This is a place I've heard people say good things about. And this was one that was from our pizza correspondent, The Hungry Hound, Steve Jolinski.

MerlinOkay. Federico is nodding yes. That's a good sign.

Speaker BThis is very heavy. In Italy, we don't call this pizza. It's more like focaccia. Yeah. Which is like softer and much, much thicker. But it's great. I mean.

MaxIt's pretty good. Yeah. This has a good flavor to the sauce. Sometimes the sauce in American pizza gets really sweet and sugary. I prefer the first one, though.

AlexYeah, that has the very much like the Chicago butter crust type thing.

MaxGuys, am I challenging your preconceptions about what Chicago style pizza is?

Speaker ABecause I've not heard either of what I expected I was going to be eating yet.

MaxAre the barriers coming down? They are. Are we all learning and growing? We're building bridges. Thank you.

Speaker BI feel like we're making a real connection here. It's international now. Yeah.

AlexThis is great. Oh, man. There's so many accents on this park. Jason, are you from the Bay Area? I'm from Northern California. So do you have a Northern Californian accent?

Speaker AI don't know.

MaxWhat is that when you start talking about seed rounds?

Speaker AIt is going to be a hella big seed round. There you go.

AlexJason's a real thought leader in the Apple space. That sounded mean because he really is.

MerlinWow, kind of harsh, Alex. I'm sorry.

AlexActually, the very first episode of this show, we did a big, what was it? I don't know. It was like throw something away. And I threw away about 50 issues of Macworld.

Speaker AOh, no. Throw away all of Jason's work.

AlexI basically threw away.

Speaker AYou threw away my life. What's the first thing I can throw away? Jason's life work.

AlexThat's what I have to throw away. 50 pages of Jason's face. So Renee is going to bring in now my favorite pizza.

MaxHere we go. Why you set that up, Alex, is not good. It's going to be a loaf of Wonder Bread.

Speaker AAlex, what's on your tube show?

MaxIt's a loaf of Wonder Bread and a photo of your mask. Merlin, this is the saddest.

MerlinIt's got about two minutes and 30 seconds left. Why did you microwave it on top of the box? You have to. The reflecting surface helps it crisp up. also your microwave it's so sad what happened to the inside of your microwave

Speaker AMerlin you need to clean your microwave

Merlinit's awful no no no no it's seasoning Merlin I can see the inside of your microwave I can see that you have poppy seeds

Speaker Ayou need to change your thoughts that's the saddest thing I've ever seen

Maxit's so sad we have all these beautiful pies coming in a parade of gorgeous Chicago pizzas coming in the door Maroon's got this Soggy frisbee It looks literally nothing like the box

MerlinDystopian dick in store There's like pieces of sausage and stuff in it

Speaker AThere's just nothing

Speaker BOne side is bubbling And the other side is raw It looks like the last meal of a cereal killer I guess that's up to you

MaxWait, where's Merlin?

AlexTo quote Merlin, fuck. Merlin has officially called it on his end. No!

MaxWhy doesn't he just FaceTime audio in and we'll record it on our end?

AlexYou can fight him on that if you want, but I think he wants to go home to a sick kid, honestly.

MaxIs this a false flag attack? You know how there's crisis actors like the guy in Vegas and it's not a real shooting? You guys all with me? Oh my god

Speaker AThis is what you're into now

MaxIt's not that I'm into it so much as No no not you I'm pointing at him No I mean I'm not into it I wish it was real But you gotta look behind the curtain But I think Merlin's doing a classic False flag operation on us I mean does he even have a daughter?

Speaker AI haven't ever seen any I have met his wife daughter. You sold two people. Or actors hired to portray them.

MaxThat's my thing, though, is that how can you prove that they're not George Soros operatives that are paid to pose as his daughter so he can get out of doing the podcast with us?

Speaker AThe listeners know what I'm talking about. Wait, there are no

Alexlisteners. I mean, this is the show. Everything's in the show. Except

Speaker AMerlin. It took four people to replace Merlin.

AlexAnd six pizzas. Four people, six pizzas. That sounds like a Nope Nope Nope

Speaker ANope It's one of those videos That they make reactions to

MaxEric why do you have My assistant Bringing your pizza in

AlexI You And I quote I bequeef The Is that the right word It sounds like queef It's my butler The And so she helped acquire these pizzas.

MaxShouldn't she be organizing my pens or something?

AlexI don't know. Well, she's currently heating up your three additional pizzas that you ordered.

MaxCan we talk about pizza reheating for a minute?

AlexYeah, you said that you have some opinions about this.

MaxIt's not an opinion. It's the one acceptable, correct way to reheat pizza, which is you take the slice, you put it in a cast iron pan, and you loosely cover it with a tinfoil dome. Anything else destroys the pizza. I'm sure we're microwaving. Federico's mudding again, Max.

Speaker AYep. So I have a pizza stone because I make pizza at home. Oh, man. And so I will just turn on the oven to like 350 and put the pizza, the slices to reheat just on the stone and just let them lay there.

MaxThat's an even harder and better version of what I'm saying.

Speaker AYeah, it takes longer, but it's good. The microwave is, I don't know. I'm trying to come up with a circumstance where you should use a microwave to reheat pizza, and I don't think I can. That's how hungover you are. Or to cook one. No, because you just have a cold. Just have a cold. In almost every circumstance, a cold pizza will be better than a microwave pizza.

MaxI completely agree. Cold pizza is a good food. Oh, yeah. Perfectly fine food. You're going to have a lot of it, so. No, we're going to finish all these. Oh, okay. Sure. Now, I kind of, I will confess, I kind of like the frozen pizzas that you do in your oven, like home run. Those real shitty pizzas, like, I like them in the same way that I like McDonald's chicken nuggets of just like there's like a kind of processed disgusting cardboard

Speaker Aas long as you know it's what you want

Maxit's fine it's like it's the same thing of like do you ever have something like you go to Chipotle and someone's like oh that's that's not real Mexican food like I fucking know it's not real or Taco Bell right it's like I know it's not Mexican food it's it's own thing I want it it's it's own it's it's own genre of garbage I'm not in Mexico right now exactly so my

Alexpizza has arrived and my favorite pizza is Pat's pizzas on Clark and

MaxPat's Pizza's on Clark.

AlexPat's Pizza's on Clark.

MaxIs that by the greenhouse where we do our thing? Oh, no, no, no.

AlexIt is in the South Loop next to my old dorm. Don't be creepy. And this is a pizza I ordered last night and had people eat half of it because it is the best the next morning.

Speaker AI was going to say there was a suspicious hole in the middle of this pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the aforementioned cold pizza that we're having.

AlexYeah, it has been refrigerated.

MaxNow, what genre is this?

AlexIt is thin-crossed plain cheese, of course, light on the sauce. But party cut Yes of course

MaxI love these kind of pizzas

AlexOf course

MaxYeah this is a great pizza

AlexBut and another thing is This is probably one of the greasiest pizzas in Chicago So it's great in the morning Because then you pretend that Oh no this is There's no grease here

MaxOh man this is real good It's kind of sweet Yeah Yeah this is that real This is a good drunk food

AlexWell it's a perfect hungover food too

MaxSo what is the place by the greenhouse And they do those big ass slices like this With the thin crackery crust

AlexDemos Not demos Do you know what I'm talking about though?

MaxYeah Bocchies I don't know I've like wandered in there After our shows With sometimes Me and the performers Will go in there And like You know Mingle with the drunken bros And order big slices of pizza This is a very good Like desperation food Federico's making some faces About this

Speaker BThis is a huge thumbs down No Oh no

AlexI mean It's The word pizza Is very Very Generous Interpretation. Yeah. But yeah, this is the Alex Cox pizza, and it was like a staple in college. It also comes with a free large fry and 20-ounce soda, which I consumed last night and then thought I was going to throw up, so I'm not sharing any of those fries with you.

MerlinFries and pizzas seem like a weird mix. Is that a thing people do?

AlexApparently, it is at a college pizza place.

MaxYou can do a white pizza with potatoes on it.

Speaker BYeah. Yeah. that's a thing oh yeah yeah totally it's like we have like mozzarella potatoes and black truffle

Maxyeah that's the food in italy it's it's not it's like it must be depressing to travel anywhere else and try and eat and try and eat like produce like it's it's like a different everything was was everything was of a higher quality every every every piece of produce um all the seafood

Speaker Blike everything was yeah i don't eat seafood outside of it really i don't i don't mean to sound like a jerk it's just like you know yeah you know there's water in other places right there's water water like sure oceans yeah i just um but yeah it's true like um but i love american food like it's it's great i want to eat like an american when i'm here get that 10 piece nuggets

Maxwith the Rick and Morty sauce.

Speaker BYeah. Like that, for example. I want to go back and feel shame when I go back to my girlfriend. That's what I want to do. That's what I want to do when I travel.

MerlinYeah. I think the box for this pizza is trying a little too hard. It had a big cutout of Italy on the front. Did it have the flag too?

AlexIt has the Italian flag. The map was kind of...

Speaker BI was looking at the map with the game of the box. It's like, this geography here is not totally accurate.

MerlinI can leave it with that. I feel like the pizza that came in basically a giant paper bag, it knows what it is. There's no pretense. But this box that Alex brought in is really, oh, it's a high horse.

MaxSo, Alex, when you're in college and you, like, find 20 bucks in the laundry or something, this was your go-to.

AlexOh, of course.

MaxOkay. I had a scam when I was in college. We had, like, the college, like, script money that they would, like, how they used to pay minors in script. um so they could only shop in the company store we had that where like our parents could like load up your like card dining card the dining card with money and it could only be spent in like the college bookstore and then the dining halls and stuff and it was a way to control it was basically a way for for me to like not buy weed with the money my parents gave me but what we discovered was like so there were participating vendors in the town in my college town and one of them was

like a CVS and you could take your, your car, your voucher card and like spend it at the CVS like a credit card. And they would, they had a reciprocal agreement with the college where you could, you know, they, they pay them out or whatever. And we discovered that while you could not, uh, uh, you were really limited in what you could spend the, the, the dining dollars on. You could go to the CVS and buy gift cards. Oh. And then you could sell the gift cards for cash.

Speaker AThe lessons to print money.

MaxYeah. So you could buy like a $100 like Target or Apple iTunes gift card and then sell it for like $90, $75 in cash. And then you could buy weed with the cash. But I would either do bagels. I'd either do like Towson Hot Bagel. Or that was one of my big go-to. Like I've got some cash places. Or Chipotle was a big one. Did you guys have any like your like go-to meals in college of like I get a little walking around money?

We don't have real educations. Wow.

AlexOkay, well, all right.

MaxI didn't realize I was setting such an elitist standard here.

Speaker AAll I can think of is pizza because we went to, there was, at the college newspaper, we would order Domino's pizza, which was cheap and awful, but it was hot, and so we would eat it. A man would bring it in a cardboard box, and we would eat it. And we had off campus, we had a BJ's, which is Chicago-style pizza, deep-ditch pizza. And yeah, so there was a lot of pizza in college. That was the on and off. But we couldn't go off. We couldn't go off campus and use our dining card.

So I would have to go to the deli, which was the a la carte place on campus, and use the balance of my, before it went away, use the balance of my money for the week on usually Coke. So it was like cigarettes in prison, basically. I could trade six packs of Coke for other items.

MaxOh my god. I used to have a whole cohort of weird, homeless, townie type people who were just drifters who hung out at the college town too long. And then as soon as you get towards the end of the semester, and you're like- So grad students, basically. Yeah, grad students. Just like weirdos. And you just start having like, hey, everyone, let's have a feast at the dining hall. And everyone can swipe in on my card. And everyone can have cold cuts from the salad bar or whatever.

Speaker AYeah. A giant, giant vat of Froot Loops.

MaxWell, the big one that I remember from our dining hall was there was, you go for breakfast, and there were stations, and you'd go down the buffet, and there was like the hot stations, and there was an egg lady, and she would take, they would sort of the powdered eggs, and what would happen is they'd make them, and then they would like, they would like seize up, the powdered eggs, you'd like mix them with water, and like scrambled eggs to make like bad scrambled eggs. Pouted eggs? It's like egg substance, but made from a powder.

Speaker AAmericans have powdered everything.

MaxI've never heard of that.

Speaker AThat's a defomination. Powdered eggs, powdered milk. Absolutely. You've been powdered nation for a long time.

MaxYou name it, we'll powder it. So what would happen is they would cook these eggs, and they'd be way too hot for way too long, and they'd seize up, and they'd sort of mold to the size of the hotel pan. And so sometimes you'd get like a corner piece, and it would have like corners on the eggs. Like a pie, exactly.

Speaker ALike one of those Taco Bell tacos that's made with an egg?

MaxYeah, exactly. So the egg lady, her signature move was she'd go in, you'd get your sort of square of eggs, and then she'd go sort of back in with a spoon for some of the egg juice and ladle it on top like it was like a gravy. We have more food to go. Yeah.

And I always, there was sort of the egg water that was left over, and she'd sort of spoon it on. No. And I'd always forget.

Speaker AIt's like, you want the good stuff.

MaxAnd it was so surprising. It was so surprising and upsetting. It was such a lateral attack every time it happened. I always forgot. And so I couldn't have, what I want, what I should have done is I should have stepped up and be like, I'll have some scrambled eggs, please hold the egg water. But I didn't, but you never anticipate, it's too crazy. You never anticipate the move. You just grab the plate and just pull it out of the way at the last second. You just dab the top of the paper towel. You got to dab it like a little prince and get the oil off.

Speaker AThey're trying to rehydrate the last of the powder with the egg water. That's what they're trying to do.

MaxThey're like the Navajo. Use every part of the powder.

AlexAll right, all right. On that note, we're going to move to the classic Chicago deep dish.

Speaker AOh, that's what I needed after hearing about egg water. Perfect.

MaxWe all still hungry for pizza?

AlexIs everyone hungry for pizza? Yummy, yum, yum, yum. This box is reinforced. I feel like I'm in the minority. I hate deep dish pizza. I hate it. I think it's gross.

MaxIt is not, it is not, I don't hate it, but it's not my favorite. Like, when I order, when I, like, go about my life and decide to order pizza, it is never deep dish. It has, like, a plastic film on the top. Like, Alex, we order pizza three times a week at this office. Do we ever order deep? Does anyone ever, like, I want deep dish?

AlexWell, when people are out of town, it's like, oh, we want deep dish. And we're like, oh, okay. I know.

Speaker BSo, do you actually, like, people from Chicago, do they actually eat deep dish normally? It's like when a friend comes to Chicago Like hey I want to eat deep dish It's like fish and chips

Speaker AIn London I never eat fish and chips People do but I never do I never eat the deep dish without a I do the knife and fork thing for the deep dish Because it's like eating a pie It's hard to hold it I'm losing structural cohesion

AlexDivert emergency power to the deflector dish It's just cheese and tomato It happens she's coming apart How can you hold this?

Speaker ASo the thing I love about deep dish

Speaker BOh my god

AlexIt is This is not great

MaxWhere is this from?

AlexThis is from Lou Malnati's Lou Malnati's

MaxThis is not Lou Malnati's deep dish

AlexThis is like eating a grilled cheese sandwich

MaxWith tomato sauce on top

AlexIt's wrong? It's literally from this box Did they just make Did we get like a shitty batch?

MaxOh maybe we didn't do the butter crust I don't like this

AlexWell, we also have a crustless deep dish. Oh, God. What the fuck is this?

Speaker AThis is taking a turn.

AlexNo, no. I know what this is. Max, do you want to describe what this is? Who is this for?

MaxWasn't there someone who was gluten-free?

AlexSteven, I don't know if you're going to want to eat this. Oh, we got a special pie for Steven.

Speaker AOh, he's just red. Oh, no. It is.

MaxSo this is the Lou Malnati's Paleo Warrior Gluten-Free Pizza. and what it is is it's a pizza fashioned out of sausage and then they put the cheese and sauce on top of the sausage.

You eat a couple slices of that that'll put you down.

Speaker AI'll try some of it. Come on, I'll try it. Oh no, this is just a big flat sausage.

Speaker BThis deep dish stuff, it's like if someone from Naples at a birthday and they forgot about the cake and just like, fuck it, let's make a pizza cake.

This is exactly, it's a birthday cake made out of pizza.

MaxGuys, I didn't represent the, I didn't represent the Lumonatis very well. I'm sorry. We should have gotten like the butter crust and I didn't micromanage this. I left it up to my, I delegated, you know how it goes. It's like, you let people make any decisions.

AlexWe've made a grave mistake. This is actually the the one with butter crust right now. You're eating eating gluten-free gluten-free

MaxAnymore My my I'm gonna fucking deliver on the deep dish promise the loom. I hope no one had more than a couple bites that disgusting monstrosity I apologize on behalf of the people in Chicago. This is an awesome plot twist though. I love this

Speaker AWhere's the sausage? Give me some of that sausage. This is so bad. The sausage is there.

MaxAlex, please circulate the good lumonadis. This is a sausage. This is some good ass. It's a sausage with ketchup on it. oh okay we got a couple more pizzas why is it getting taller the pizza with the gluten in it this is much better it's much better yeah it's more cheesy yeah have i redeemed myself the whole

The whole project is better. The whole thing.

AlexI apologize for trying to be boring for a sip with our food.

MaxThis is the best one. The Luma Nadi's deep dish.

MerlinIt's not well known that the ingredient they use to replace gluten is sadness. So you guys just experienced that, and now it's better.

MaxMmm. They said it couldn't be done. Oh, I'm really filling up with cheese here. It's so much. I'm going to get to the pizza. We have four or five more to get through. I'm not going to finish this slice.

Speaker BI have a presentation in like three hours on a stage.

MaxAre you the keynote editor? They'll understand.

MerlinIt's like I had some pizza, guys. What do you want me to do? You can give the talk. You're just going to be laying down on the stage.

MaxCan I have a chair? Guys, I'm so happy to be here. Would you mind if I unbutton a button? I got to unbutton a button.

AlexJust be like, hey, look it. This is the best way to use the iPad lying on the ground. All right. In honor of TIFF, we have the number one recommended artisanal pizza in Chicago by The Hungry Hound. Max, have you heard of this, the Pizzeria Bebu Margherita?

MaxOnly from Steve telling me that it's excellent.

AlexAll right.

MaxGod, that Lou Malnati's butter crust, man. I'm struggling. I'm struggling big time. That box was heavy. Yep. That's the oil. Yeah.

Speaker BIt's latent with oil. I feel like it was going super well and at one point something happened with the crust and the cheese. It was that gluten-free one. And it was not going back at that point.

MaxI regret eating a whole piece of an earlier one now that I know how much there is to get through.

Speaker AYou shouldn't have eaten the big focaccia one. That was the problem.

MaxThat was the problem.

Speaker AIt was like a pound of pizza.

MaxIt was a big bread boy. Oh, shit. Look at this. This is beautiful. Oh, my God.

AlexThere's a leaf on it, I guess. But this has been reheated. I texted Renee to do it the we did not have a cast iron skillet however it's been reheated with foil over it

MaxI could imagine that this was good when it was delivered yesterday the crust is like rubber now I'm not going to beat it it did not keep here's what is oh we really destroyed that lovely pie I imagine that was a beautiful pie

Speaker Bthat was an interesting detail about the last one they had a basil leaf and just a touch of parmigiano in the mozzarella, which was really nice. But the rest of the pizza kind of sucks.

Speaker AThank you for the official review.

AlexCan you say those pizza ingredients again?

Speaker BReal Italian accent? Yes, yes. Like if I were an Italy. Yes. I need to switch modes. Mozzarella, pomodoro, basilico, parmigiano, farina, and water.

MaxPlease make me a soundboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please make me a soundboard. I'm bored. I'm bored. I'm bored.

Speaker ASwipe? Yeah. That's one of your good ones. A swipe. Swipe. It's so many things.

MaxMy swipe.

Speaker AShe is very sick.

MaxPlease, my swipe. We're just making fun of the way Federico talks.

AlexWe're just bullying our lovely guest.

MaxWe brought Federico to America. We're making him eat our awful bread-y pizzas and mocking the way that he does. Oh, God.

Show notes

Transcript

47. Fancy Prince

Show notes

Transcript

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