Do By Friday
Episode 16 artwork
Episode 16 · February 24, 2017 · 01:26:50

16. Touched the Dirty Santa

This week's challengeWatch Les Misérables.
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Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakes

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast by Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, watch the film adaptation of Les Mis.

Merlin's on time!

MerlinOh my god, you guys, I'm so sorry. I got here as quick as I could. I apologize.

Maxguys i'm uh i'm back i am uh uh i got i burnt out very hard on uh politics working on the clinton campaign and i was like i need to take a break and not take on any new projects and get out of politics a little bit and like regain some worldview and like you know attend to my company and do all of the responsible life things you know like um figure out how to program my to-do app to like remind me to like change the air filters in my hvac system which is like one of the long-standing problems in my life and instead of doing that i jumped immediately back into

politics and i'm so tired i've been pulling like i've been pulling like all-nighters like working on on this stuff that i can't talk about and i'm so stressed out and tired i why do i do this i

Alexdon't know i have to because i can't not do it yeah that's why you hire people like me to stay up and and stress about the studio uh all all night and then and then you can stress up stress out about other things that are more important.

MaxYeah, I'm not. The studio redesign, Alex and I are doing a little studio redesign project. I mean, you know, I feel like, listen, you know my big goal is I just want to beat the Daily Showa in terms of being America's number one anti-Semitism podcast. And I think we're clearly America's number two anti-Semitism podcast. I think we're, I've never listened to it, but I assume that we're a better show.

MerlinShowa. I think I assume we're a better show. I think we're definitely, I have to assume that we're more anti-Semitic.

Maxcreative with it anyway that goes without saying i mean that's obvious that's obvious i think we all agree on that but i just want you know it's all about those metrics and i just want to beat them and to me if we just spend fifty thousand dollars on new recording equipment we will get to where we need to go because as everyone knows what drives the podcast audience is how expensive of a microphone you're using that's why people ask me uh everywhere i go they say max how do you make such a successful enjoyable podcast to listen to and i say uh well buddy let's start with your DAC? What kind of DAC are you using?

MerlinYou got power headphones? A lot of people don't even know about the DAC Max. They got the wrong kind of windscreen. They're still using analog cabling. Sometimes they're recording on very small screens. There's all kinds of things. They're not putting the quality. They're not putting the time into it. People care about this. They sweat this. They want people to read essays over a music bed. That's going to take at least $50,000.

MaxObviously, when you're thinking about starting a podcast, the first choice is do you record in Logic or Pro Tools? And that's going to guide a lot of what I like to call the stack. The stack and the deck.

MerlinI think you do it. I think you do it like Alex said. I think you do it because you have to do it. It's for some people, it's a it's a it's a passing anger fancy. But for you, I think you feel something deeply here where it's difficult for you not to do it. And I think that's it's probably problematic in a lot of ways in your life. But like that's who you are. And if you embrace that in a way that doesn't make you crazy, you'll grow.

MaxYou know, the other thing is, you know, working in politics, it's very romantic in the sense that you can, it's something, it's the rare thing in life that you can fully give yourself up to and as much as sort of you're able. and um i i have this like weird you know like like i don't know like sort of i guess like symbiotic relationship with it where like it causes all these problems in my life of like chaos and distressing my relationships and and making me miserable but then also it addresses those problems because it's this thing i can focus all of my anxiety and mental energy into

rather than dealing with the like poor state of my relationships and you know clutter and all this kind of thing so it's like the homer simpson thing and solution to all of life's problems

Merlinanyhow digga digga follow-up kombucha does make you shit yourself okay hang on i want to hear all about this but i just i want to get it out there i have one piece of follow-up i am fucking balls

Maxdeep in kombucha right now okay tell me what are the um what are the performance characteristics that you're experiencing from uh imbibing uh a lot of kombucha well i'll tell you i i enjoy the

Merlinflavor of it um i'm not getting quite the max temkin energy boost i was hoping for and i also haven't shat myself yet so i may not be drinking enough huh or maybe i'm not drinking it fast

Maxenough can i ask you a long time first time are you shaking it to get the detritus into every sip

Merlinbecause that is that is an excellent excellent question well here's what i learned uh my first day of kombucha is you don't want to shake it too hard because uh rejoice rejoice it's a living beverage which means that when you open it it's going to fucking spray all over you now you got Now you've got your cover with jizz. So you've got to be real careful. What I do is I turn it over like this, and I allow it to settle a little bit. In my hand. It's still in my hand. You can see it. I turn it back over, lid side up, and then I gently, gently open it.

I tried shaking it once, and it literally sprayed all over the room. Oh, that's interesting.

MaxNow, so what I like is I like to get a little bit of that yeasty powder, a little bit in every sip. You know what they call that? They call that the mother.

MerlinOh, that's like the original baller sourdough.

MaxYes, exactly.

MerlinThat's the one that's got particles of Napoleon in it.

MaxYes, and dinosaurs drank that mother. But when you go to someone's house and they're brewing kombucha, I assume this is a thing you've encountered. I have friends who brew kombucha at their house. Um, I also just to clarify, I'm not, I'm just buying this from the store. Like I'm not trying to give myself botulism here by like fermenting a bunch of fetid trash in my house. You know, don't make your own ketchup.

MerlinDon't line your own brakes and don't make your own fucking kombucha. What are you doing? That's like making your own penicillin. Like there's a pretty serviceable version of that. You can pick up the Walgreens. I call it the, I call it the Walgreens test. Is there a version of this I could get at Walgreens that won't kill me? Yes or no.

AlexNice brand. Nice.

MaxWait. Oh, see, that's interesting. Do you yell it when you say it? Oh, you have to. Let's get an exclamation point, Max, and it's trademark. I always hear it in my head as nice. Nice, nice, nice. Nice.

MerlinNo, I voted party line. I want to hear about you shitting yourself. Because this calls for man wipes.

MaxBecause your balls are going to be covered with kombucha shit. You're saying when you buy your dude wipes, your ball wipes, at the Walgreens, Now you've got a little bit of Alex Jones In your nice performance And I've got a little bit more borat going on Nice Nice And you're more like nice You gotta shake that powder up You gotta get that powder It diffuses the energy You get it in your whole body It's living organisms Masculine energy in every sip

An effervescent vinegary sip of masculine energy I'm gonna rip my shirt off I'm so excited

Speaker BYou're gonna want to get that mother powder really jamming into every conceivable cavity of your body. I'll be consulting for the president.

MaxNow, when you go to someone's house and they're brewing, they have this vat, this sort of plastic vat of garbage, and there's what looks like a human foot in a trash bag.

MerlinYou talking about the dingus they put in?

MaxThat's the mother.

MerlinOh, my God.

MaxThat's the mother. So it looks like, to me, it looks like a severed, it always looks to me like they're dissolving a body from Breaking Bad, and there's like a severed foot in a trash bag just bobbing up and down in this thing. Or like you did some pathology slides of a very large squid.

MerlinYes. It's a fungal colony. Ew. That's the mother. That's how you know it's working. I voted party line. What I did was while we were on the air last time with our program, I started ordering from the prime. I tried a variety of flavors. And what I've settled on, because I'm kind of new to this. I don't think I'm ready for multigreen yet. I got some multigreen. I haven't sucked it down yet. I've been voting on, I go gingerade and the cranberry one the cran ginger I think it's called let me go get it, I'll get one right now, I'll pop one open

boy that gingerade is good it's really refreshing and I like I like the mother funk

Maxoh give me some funk give me some funk says Max Temkin

MerlinI believe I'm getting one, getting one here

MaxI believe and I have a sort of powder based ontology I think that really in the end the whole world is all powder well that's what's that's really what's so compelling about the powder world thank you that's big of you to bring up merlin i i mean what was the big bang but really just a diffusion of

Merlinpowder throughout the world it took me a few times to get good at taking the little seal off i i seldom remember to honor the scores when it comes to removing a seal and in this case i'm going all in i got take that off and then i do this okay and i turn it over once you gotta honor the scores. Can you turn it over again? Thusly and oh brother. Here comes the powder. This one is cosmic cranberry. Oh God, that's full of motherfuckers. Alex, have you been enjoying

kombucha? No, no, no, no. That's not in your wheelhouse. That's not your powder. No. If

AlexIf someone would like to pay me $200 to drink a full bottle of kombucha, great. No. That would be the weirdest porn site ever. Cam girl, but for drinks. You'd be surprised.

MaxHey, sweetie, come to Dubai. I've got kombucha.

MerlinSweetie, sweetie. Here is the FedEx tracking number. Moi, moi, I've got the simple green. Drink it on the camera, sweetie.

MaxHey, sweetie, it's a living beverage. Slowly, slowly.

Speaker Adrink it slow sweetie

Maxwhen Zapier the Saudi prince with the falcons summons you to his skyscraper in Dubai he's gonna say moi sweetie it's a living beverage Miss Cox you have received another package

Merlinfrom Lord Zapier

so anyway i want to hear about you shitting yourself max so i was this and i i feel like from seeing this on twitter this might be a known issue for kombucha even if it's not deadly kombucha

Maxin the software world i think that's this is a case where they would say uh it's a feature not a bug um so so so i'll tell you what happened was i started drinking the kombucha and then i had been shitting myself for some time and i on twitter and after the podcast episode posted someone replied to the Dubai Friday or whatever and they're like oh have you begun shitting yourself from drinking the kombucha and I was like it all makes sense now like yes that it makes a lot of sense because I was wondering why I was shitting myself all the time but uh you know I think here's the deal is

like uh so I get prescribed antibiotics on a I'll say like a couple times a year because for me I have um bad Jewish sinuses it's just you know again listen I hate to bring the anti-semitism into everything. But the gene, the quality of these genes, it's extremely poor. My sinuses are a disaster. This should not be, these are not, you know, heritable traits that we want to be passing on, these compromised Jewish sinuses. Sweet Jesus, no. I have many sinus issues. I get a sinus infection at the drop of a hat. Is that a saying? You get the kind where you like blow

your nose and like Oreo dust comes out? Oh, for me, it's more of a, like a Greek yogurt. will come out. Oh, okay. So do you take a probiotic to counteract that? I have done that, and I don't notice any difference. You've got to take it for a while. Here's what you do.

MerlinYou go to Walgreens, as you do, and you get yourself a box of something called Culturel. It's a little bit costly, but not too costly. It's about a buck a day. You take a Culturel every morning, and you're going to shit like a Viking. It's amazing. It's just like a pleasurable morning kielbasa every single day.

MaxI will try to get on the, I've tried it before. I'm willing to try the probiotic drink. But anyway, I take these antibiotics somewhat regularly. I know how bad they are for you. I'm well familiar with your, you know, whatever your micro. The antibiotics. The antibiotics. Yeah, they're bad. I mean, you should take them if you're prescribed.

MerlinYou're taking all these things to the gym, basically. You're giving all your bad sinuses a workout.

MaxYeah. But they wreak havoc on your gut, on your microbiome. That's where you want, you know, you've got to feed that mother down there.

MerlinYou've got to give a mother to the fauna. The fauna, it's all about the fauna. You don't want to get rid of the fauna. Far from it. You want the fauna to be healthy because they live in your gut and they're doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

MaxYeah. So I take the antibiotics and then, you know, I walk around and I feel like fatigued and I'm like getting mad at people. And my relationships are all deteriorating and my life is a mess. And I'm like, rather than think about any of my behaviors and how I might be complicit in any of that, I'm like, ooh, I should eat some fermented foods. Because I think that that could more deeply address the problem. Fuck you. I'm eating kimchi. Because, well, but here's the thing is that you can buy it.

Oh, see, it helps if you can buy it. That's what I want. I need something. I need something that is nice.

MerlinNice. You need some productization of the things that will make you less terrible as a Jew. Right. That's the problem. There's a lot of times they haven't figured out how to productize it.

MaxThat's exactly right. And it's like, oh, well, I should be nicer to everyone around me and be more considerate and spend more time with people where I'm not on my phone or asking them to do things for me. And that's a lot of work. I mean, you can't really buy that. But kombucha, you just have Amazon bring it. So it's very appealing.

MerlinYeah, I'm going to stick with it for a while. I like it. It's a nice – I like it in the morning. In the morning now, I have three beverages. I'm a multi-beverage man. I always have, but never look back. So I'll have me a coffee, I'll have me a fizzy water, and I'll have me a kombucha. And I sit there and I write in my notebook and I look at my iPad and I drink lots of beverages. I'm enjoying it quite a lot.

AlexHow many times do you use the bathroom a day, would you say, Merlin?

MerlinWhich one? Number one, number two?

AlexLet's say both.

MerlinOkay. Number two, I'm a solid one and a half. I'm maybe a 1.6. I got tight grouping and a tiny window in the morning. that's when it's going to happen unless something's gone horribly wrong because of reasons uh that's i'm a 1.6 man uh and then as far as number one you know not as given how much i take in i think my liver is uh is probably uh having some problems i'd like to go more than i do i'm gonna say 4.8 times a day but um but uh yeah it's kind of weird it's you realize that we really are just

kind of like animated meatbags. When you think about like, as a consequence of having certain great-great-grandparents, you're more likely to have a certain kind of health problem, whether that's, you know, breast cancer or, you know. Or a love of gold coins.

Geld, they call it. Jazz break.

MaxI got some follow-up here. What did you have, Alex? Go ahead.

AlexI wanted to ask Merlin about his to-do list, because it's almost like you're turning into Merlin Man again. It's very exciting. Oh, yeah. Oh, and I wore the stupid, the Pavlok thing all week, and I kind of like it.

MaxWhat did you say? Okay, all right. What did you set it to? How have you programmed your Pavlok?

AlexI did it so it shocked me when I tweeted, as well as the hand-raising thing, so that I didn't mess up my hair during the day. I'm not wearing it today, so I'm just a mess. But, yeah, it was – I liked it. However, you know how you get, like, phantom phone buzzes in your pocket sometimes? Now I'm just kind of getting, like, phantom shocks in my right wrist. So we'll see how long before those go away. Yeah, that's all. Oh, my God.

MerlinI'm actually going to try it again. There's a habit I want to stop.

MaxWell, this is a challenge goddamn goldmine. Just save it for the podcast. For Christ's sakes, people.

MerlinYou see how we've got to put every nickel on the screen? If we're going to beat the other Jew-hating podcast, we're going to have to really focus our efforts. We're going to have to really quadruple down, as they like to say in blackjack. We're going to have to really focus our efforts, put it all into the podcast. Maybe start going to twice or three times a week.

MaxWell, I have some big anti-Semitism follow up. So, as you know, as you know, Bob. So, well, there's been I mean, just where to even start with the anti-Semitism news this week. It's been a huge week and our number one topic. But this was from this morning. So Trump yesterday went to the African-American history exhibit or a museum, rather. And there was a report out this morning who had this, Daniel Dale, who is a correspondent for the Toronto Star.

Uh-oh. Here we go. So this is a statement from Alveda King, who went to the slavery exhibit at the African American History Museum with Donald Trump yesterday. as she says um the the first uh his reaction the first came when his gaze fell on a stone auction block from hagerstown maryland on which slaves would stand before being sold king part of a small delegation to tour the new smithsonian with the president overheard trump's overheard trump say boy that is just not good that is not good later they came upon a set of shackles that

were used to restrain children that is really bad king quoted the president as saying that is really bad and you know what it reminds me of is uh have you guys ever been to medieval times dinner and tournament i have not no so they have uh at medieval times dinner and tournament one of the awesome things they have in the lobby is a sort of mini museum of medieval torture devices and you nice you can look at like the the giant it's like the the the cranks that pull people's like limbs

apart and the cage that goes in their head with the rats and uh there's like a huge screw that they'll just screw into a man's anus one turn one turn a day and uh so it's uh these devices are i mean i don't i think they're probably apocryphal if i had to guess like i don't know if they were ever actually used but uh you know you go in there and you're 12 years old and you look at them and you're just fascinated you just are so titillated by these devices they're all sort of you know sadomasochistic and sort of weird dark sort of some sort of weird psychosexual thing happening

in this exhibit and you're going through this exhibit and you're just looking at them and you're going boy that is really bad that's really bad that is just not good not good that is how i imagine trump going through looking at the children slavery exhibit just looking at it and rubbing his hands together and going boy that is really bad

Merlinthat is just so bad what a disaster i hope they don't screw my anus oh do you think they ever turn it twice a day oh that's not good oh god it is there's something kind of um even if you're not overtly titillated by stuff like that, there is still something pornographic, voyeuristic about that. You ever go down the rabbit hole of torture on Wikipedia?

MaxOh boy, have I? Do you know the Chinese water

Merlintorture? I know death by a thousand cuts. I know them all. When you really read it about it, you're like, this is horrible.

MaxIt's just awful.

AlexDo you think if you were a serial killer, you would torture somebody or just get it over with?

MerlinThat's a really good question.

MaxAlex, that point, because I don't want to take us off the topic, but this is a whole week. That's a really good question. Can I ask you guys a question? Do you ever go on like serial killer Wikipedia and just get-

AlexLiterally every day. I do.

MaxOh my God.

AlexThis is the new podcast.

MaxOkay. Constantly. I go on serial killer Twitter and I wind up, after an hour, I wind up rooting for the serial killers. And I wind up like evaluating their plans from a tactical point of view where they like, they start their ramping. How do you not admire Ted Bundy? Oh my God. the master of his craft.

Speaker AHe's amazing.

MaxSometimes I get into the lesser serial killers and this is just a guy who went on a rampage on the campus and it's like, it makes no sense. It's like, dude, you've got to start with the cheerleaders because they're who wronged you. It's like, if you're not taking out eight, nine cheerleaders before the rampage even hits its peak, it's a missed opportunity.

MerlinYeah, yeah. John Wayne Gacy, you just want a little bit of help around the house. Pretty soon he's reading your Bible verses.

AlexI'm a big fan of the murder castle by the hotel constructed by H.H. Holmes here in Chicago. It was a work of art.

MaxBoy, the building code must have been really different back then because I couldn't have done any of that shit in my house. The inspector was up my ass. Talk about turning the screw every day. That's right. Once a day.

MerlinNot good.

MaxYou'd come in and be like, the panels on this deck are too close to the property line. You can't have wood there. Oh, thank you. Hey, Sid.

MerlinHey, Marty. Is it time? Yep. One turn. All right, buddy. See you tomorrow. You want anything special for breakfast? I'm good. Very bad. Very bad.

Oh, the depth of feelings. He's probably just masking how deeply he's feeling that moment. Really, really turning it over in his mind. 400 years of awfulness visited upon an entire race of people. And he's just thinking about, hmm, hmm, I wonder if they'll have meatloaf today.

MaxChris Christie, eat some of this meatloaf. So Trump still, by the way, has not—the reason I brought this whole thing up is this was actually like a fairly big deal for him to go to the African American History Museum. The fucking guy still hasn't gone to the Holocaust Museum. and the White House keeps defending this comment where they won't acknowledge that Jewish people, like specifically mentioned Jewish people in Holocaust Remembrance Day, and their line that they keep saying, which is fucking awesome. It's so cool. It's like, at least they're like fully transparent about it.

Like I kind of admire the balls on them to just come out and say it, and they're like, where they're just like, yeah, well, they're like a lot of people suffered in the Holocaust, so we're trying to be inclusive of all the groups. That's so, like at least I like that They're just brazen about it. Like, it's kind of comforting in a way.

MerlinYeah. It's like, all right, cool. Now we know where we all are. They're kind of all lives mattering.

MaxRight.

MerlinThe, yeah.

MaxYeah.

MerlinVery bad.

MaxI think Trump goes, I think I would put $100 on Trump goes to the Holocaust Museum and he gets to that. Have you been, have you guys ever been to the Holocaust Museum in D.C.?

MerlinNo.

MaxOh, boy, is that an afternoon. So you get to the Dr. Mangala section where they build the walls so children can't see. It's like you have to stand over the wall so children can't see it. I mean, that's some good shit. And I could just see him peering over that and just being hypnotized by it. And he's under his breath. He goes, nice. Nice.

Speaker AJesus Christ.

MaxHm. Because what would happen? What would happen if you put people into ice water and then hot water? What would happen? Who hasn't wondered that?

so anyway merlin you had a to-do app that you were using

Merlinyeah so page two i uh i've been just noodling with to-doist because they talked about it on the podcast uh uh cortex and i was looking at it and i hadn't looked at it in just about 10 years and i think it's very interesting it's uh it's got some things that i i kind of like about it It feels like even when you're using the app on a Mac, I think the Mac app is essentially a web view. Like there's all kinds of things about it, really. It just feels like you're butt deep in Ajax.

So like, I mean, there's all kinds of things I'm used to with OmniFocus that this doesn't do that's a little bit maddening. But I feel like it's somewhere between OmniFocus, Task Paper, and Fantasticale, right? Like I really like the fact that it has the intelligent, you know, natural language stuff. I like that it kind of, because it doesn't have affordances to do too much fiddly stuff, it kind of encourages you to be really lean about what you put in there. And then focuses very heavily on like, okay, so when do you have to do this?

Do you have to do this today? No. So it's mostly an experiment. But I'm also very interested in the idea of these templates you can get. We can go and get like project templates people have made to go in and do stuff. So I'm just playing with it. But I like it. Oh, also it works with Lady in a Tube.

AlexYeah, yeah. I talk to her so much more now. She's God. She's like my best friend who is also a slave in a small machine. It's great.

MaxSad. Are you are you using to do it now? Well, so here's the thing is, as you guys know, I think we've talked about the podcast. I'm all in on the OmniFocus system. I have like an OmniFocus based lifestyle. And it's kind of the only way that I can hold my brain together and not, you know, feel like I'm my life is like spinning out of control every day. But for anyone who's open OmniFocus, you're looking at that interface, and I think a lot of people get into OmniFocus and they're like, well, this is pretty good, but I wish there was a lot more options and stuff to do in here because the one thing that OmniFocus doesn't have is a lot of text fields

and buttons and options for customization. You're like, I really want a lot of options in terms of how I structure my to-do items and then view them. And if you're telling me that there's a—

MerlinWhat if I just want to see completed flagged items from October of 2007?

MaxYeah. Is there any way I could possibly do that? Who doesn't need that all the time? And if you're telling me that there's a program out there where I could actually spend more time customizing it and it gives me even more flexibility in terms of seeing my to-do lists, I mean, I'm on board because I don't so much as I want to do things is customize my to-do list and change the icons and categorize them in different ways in lieu of doing the work. Max, it's got themes. Oh, that's what I'm there for. Because a lot of times I find it's like, ooh, like I've got this thing coming up and I really have to do it and it's urgent and it's hard work and I'm a little insecure about it and I just don't want to do it.

And I'm just staring at my screen and I'm like, you know, if I just changed the metadata on this task, I wouldn't actually see it. I could move it to like a different project or something. So that's a little productivity hack to provide to our listeners. Well, you're good. You are good. And because, you know, if it's not there, you don't have to do it. And I'm interested. If you're telling me there's an app with more ways to do this and it makes it even harder to figure out what I'm supposed to do every day and I can spend more time, you know, dickering around with it.

I mean, I'm on board. Okay. Yeah, that's good. More time to spend on serial killers and torture devices.

Speaker ARight.

MerlinNot good. Yeah. So anyway, I'm playing with that. And that may factor into a challenge this week potentially. But yeah, we'll see. We'll see. I mentioned this on another program yesterday, but I just feel like if I really think about what I have to do, what I want to do with an app like this functionally, it's a place where I want to put stuff and forget it. A lot like reminders, for example. I want just a lightly structured way to put stuff and not think about it until I need to think about it.

And I am trying to avoid all of the other things that would encourage me to fiddle. I mean, I don't really do anything. My job is really simple. I mean, I do the same things, but I do them repetitively. Like, I've got to go do these show notes. I've got to go do that thing. I've got to go edit this thing. It's not difficult. It's not complicated. But in order to, like, block out a week in a way that's sensible and make good decisions and not, you know, be running around like a chicken with my head cut off every day, I just like to, you know, plan that stuff out.

Know what I need to do and make sure we don't run out of milk. Like, all that dumb stuff. And that, I just need enough of an infrastructure to help me remember that stuff as a bulwark against insanity.

AlexThat's why you put your template in task paper and export it as Markdown and goes into Todoist. It's great.

MerlinOh, and now I really, I wish Gray would give out his forgotten towel templates.

AlexCan we, I wonder, I don't know if I'm good enough friends, internet friends with Frank.

MerlinI don't think he'd do it.

AlexHe doesn't like people. Yeah.

MerlinBut don't you kind of want those?

AlexNo, no, no. I would ask Frank. Not CGP. Great. Good Lord.

MerlinOh, I see. You do it on the back channel. I lost my Apple Pencil. I lost both my Apple Pencils, and I can't find them because now I really want to go play with GoodNotes. Do you know about GoodNotes, Max?

MaxI mean, is that like a note that's of high quality?

Speaker ADo you use your iPad at all?

MaxI watched Les Mis on it. I don't want to say that I watched Les Mis so much as I fell asleep to it multiple times over this week until they get to a big musical number because it's a very dynamic volume on that, and then I'm drifting off to slumberland and then all of a sudden everyone starts stomping on the floor and singing about their, you know, stealing the rent from people or some nonsense.

Sometimes they talk a little, sometimes they sing a little.

MerlinWe really should get going.

MaxYou must pack your things.

MerlinSo anyway, that's that.

MaxIn terms of a good note, I've got one here that just says, office signs, the P stuff is probably true.

Alexare you still using simple note no i'm on bear oh thank god i'm a big bear boy

Maxgood good big bear boy it's a good thing that doesn't have any other meanings i think i'd be more of an otter no wait is that it yeah i i i think yeah you're you're

Alexnot quite enough to be a bear no no an otter is like the the cute little gay bears um yeah Typically, an otter will take on a bear as their daddy.

MaxNow, I've heard that bears, I've heard that the culture is now that people just expect a bear to be a muscle bear. Would you say that that's accurate?

AlexYou know what? I'm not sure.

MerlinI think of a bear as more like a Hagrid kind of guy. Like, not necessarily super fit. It's going to be kind of, he might be a little thick in the middle. That's kind of a performance characteristic of a bear.

AlexDon't you think? I believe there is a, I mean, there are subsets of bears, obviously. Like a, there's chocolate bears. I wonder what that is.

MaxYou've got your Jewish bears that are primarily motivated by their love of honey.

Speaker BGot to pick a bucket or two.

MaxThat was the one that woke me up. I'm going to have nightmares about that song because I'd be falling asleep during a boring part. And then all of a sudden, Bellatrix Lestrange and fucking Borat come on the screen. And they start stomping around talking about their selling their children or whatever.

Bellatrix Lestrange.

MerlinYeah, and Borat.

Speaker ANice.

MerlinDiggit, diggit, diggit, diggit. Challenge.

AlexThe challenge this week was my week. and I challenged Max and Merlin to watch the 2012 film adaptation of Les Mis which is based on the

Maxmusical which is based on the book by Victor Hugo. Before we get into this Alex so here's what I let me let me just start can I just throw you a couple questions because I want to get some information out of you about this. Okay. So my here's my understanding from like googling and talking to Veronica about this who Veronica assistant stage managed a production of Les Mis when we were in high school, and I saw it, but I did not understand anything that was happening or like it. So here's my question. So the musical is quite popular, but the movie came out and was not liked.

I mean, nobody liked the movie.

AlexA lot of moms and families liked it. It has like 70% on Rotten Tomatoes. It's well known for being not liked by both film critics and theater nerds.

MaxOkay. Now, tell me about your sort of history. What does the musical mean to you? What does the movie mean to you?

AlexI really don't like the movie. I just was mad about the Pavlok, so I wanted to see if you could get through it. And I was considering making you watch Mamma Mia, but that's a much shorter movie, and it would be far less painful.

MaxYeah, but you guys both like the musical.

AlexI love the musical.

MaxWhat do you tell me about your what you like about it? What what like what are the I don't I'm just sort of trying to get my head around this.

AlexI mean, it's by no means my favorite musical. It's very much based on sort of like nostalgia and the high school theater kid in me. And I don't know, when you don't have valid emotions as a teenager and you just are upset about poverty in the world and you want to get the guy because you're very confused. it's just a feel good feel good musical I know that like that's a

it feels like a strange thing to say about Les Mis but if you've read the book this ends have you read the book? yeah wow I have not read it in French that would be no but you did

Merlinwow isn't it a pretty big book?

Alexyeah so is The Hunchback of Notre Dame that's that sure is something yeah I did my high school sophomore thesis on Victor Hugo, who is kind of a, oh man, that man really wanted to fuck a goat.

Have you read any Victor Hugo? Hugo Victor, what's his name? Any of his works, Merlin?

MerlinGod, I can't think of, let me go look. I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

AlexYeah.

MerlinI'm looking on his page here.

AlexHe was a very sad, sad man.

MerlinReally? Okay.

AlexBut I just, it was one of those things that, like, it was a musical that was easy to see at the time. Like, there were a lot of high school and college productions of it. There was, when the 25th anniversary happened, there was this whole big concert that was really cool and fun. The company came to Chicago a few times. So I have no rational reasons for liking it. I have many rational reasons for disliking many, many portions of both the musical and the film.

But I don't know. Merlin put it really well when he said it's like the Doctor Who-iest of musicals.

MerlinYeah. I mentioned this to you guys in text, but my background with this is so strange. And I'm feeling like it's emblematic of how screwed up and pointillist much of my personal fandom has become in the past 15, 20 years. Where like, I think I told you, I got this on a mixtape from a friend of mine when I was in college. I'd heard maybe a couple songs from it randomly. I was like, this is not as good as The Confrontation.

Because, you know, it's weird. It's like opera. And that was, you know, not my jam in the 90s. uh i feel like i saw the movie streaming i might have even bought it on itunes but it did not stick with me here's the crazy part and i know i know how much max loves this the carpool karaoke with lin-manuel miranda and a bunch of other broadway people that james corden did i guess what early

Alexlast year probably is that about right it was it was just to promote the grant uh or i'm sorry the Tony's, yes.

MerlinYeah, exactly. But that's a time when our whole household, especially my daughter and I were really into Hamilton and listening to it a lot, a lot. We're like, oh, my God, Lin-Manuel Miranda's on Carpool Karaoke. We saw that. We watched it many, many, many times because he's such a delight. We watched it over and over and over. And I was like, oh, God. At one point, they sing One Day More in the car. And I was like, wow, this song, I must have heard this. But I really like it. It's really, I'm very intrigued by what they're doing and what they're acting out.

Clearly, these two are a couple, and this is a rejected woman. I'm like, what is that? I ended up going and watching videos on YouTube from the movie, particularly One Day More, and I dreamed a dream.

Watched the movie again, started listening to the soundtrack. My daughter started really getting into it. My daughter can basically throw down the confrontation, like, on demand. It's pretty crazy. And we do it together, and it's totally gay. and then so I just got really into it I started watching the movie again soundtrack movie soundtrack and then I fall down the YouTube rabbit hole of all the different performances like you can go and find you can find like behind the scenes interviews when it was on Broadway that somebody's like shot from VHS you can find obviously the 10th anniversary the 25th anniversary

all these different versions you can go listen to it in French on iTunes the original version So anyway, it's completely fractured. It doesn't make a lick of sense. And I don't know. I don't want to monopolize this. But I think it's very emblematic of the way I approach things today, that I could become so interested in elements of this thing without having any background of any kind with it. Where, again, like Doctor Who, I know so much about certain parts of this and so extremely little about others.

It must be completely vexing to super fans and newbies alike, much like this movie was. So I think there's a pattern here. I think I have—no, I haven't. No, to answer your question, I saw La Boheme when I was in high school, like an actual operatic staging. Well, as much as Tampa does something like that. an operatic that's not nice an operatic staging of la bohème i have not been to very many live

Alexprofessional musicals oh that is interesting hmm yeah i well i actually saw this in the theater and enjoyed it way more because um the guy who directed this tom hooper also did the king speech uh most known for beating social network uh as the best picture at the academy awards and it was just so grandiose and it was completely different from anything I'd ever done.

MaxAlex, it's a story. The King's Speech is a great film. It's a story that everybody can relate to which is when there's a stuttering inbred king and it's hard for him to talk about the war. Not good.

AlexI really enjoy the Netflix series The Crown. It's like White Tears the series. I really, really like it.

MerlinBut this one's got Mr. Darcy in it.

Alexladies love mr darcy okay uh yeah social network should want anyway like okay so you've seen

Merlinthe thing is um as somebody who has not seen it in a theater um i mean are there any widely available sources of what an actual staging of the musical play looks like as opposed to a concert performance in Costner?

AlexNo.

MerlinI mean, okay, let me ask the dumbest question in the world. When you go and see, if you went in 1985 or whatever, you went to see Les Mis on stage, if you saw it in the West End or you saw it in Broadway, are they acting out as a play or are they really just standing at microphones?

AlexOh, no, they're acting out a play. I mean, it is much it's obviously...

MerlinThat's the only thing that made sense, but are there any versions of that available? Like stage, full stagings of it?

Alexmaybe there's not one you can purchase have you guys ever have this happen to you because this

Maxhappens to me all the time is when i'm going about my business and um you know there's like a for whatever reason i have to lift up a car like let's just say there's a guy trapped under it or child in his bicycle and i have to we feel like you have to you have to do it and then because i lifted up the car the police recognized me based on my tremendous strength they recognize you they're pretty sure they recognize you yeah they're like they don't just instantly wow they're like not a lot of people can lift a whole car up that must be max and of course the audience knows the audience knows i'm max because when i when i when i walk

Speaker Aas soon as i walk into the room i go hello my name is max i host the podcast

Merlinokay now what about this i mean you guys i you know we're all doing pretty good right now you pay your bills but have you ever run into a situation where you're a little a little short you're a little short on money now what do you guys sell when you're short on money I mean obviously your hair but like let's say you've run out of hair what are you going to start selling

Maxnow are you taking for granted in this hypothetical that I do not own some sort of boarding home with an orphan that's just available for cash

Merlinall I know I don't know who's buying the teeth but I know there's an interest out there in here.

MaxWhy though? I don't understand who's buying, who buys you, what's the deal with these teeth? Who's out there buying these teeth? I don't get it. What are people doing with all these teeth out there?

AlexDo you want a serious answer? That was a thing that the royalty, like, you know, even the fanciest of the fancy did not have great toothbrushes so they lose their teeth. And you know, a...

MaxAnd when you get a new one you pop it in there?

AlexYeah, you get a prostitute who's young and you take her to...

MaxWell, you want young teeth. Yeah, exactly. If there's one thing we can learn from Peter Thiel, I mean, we try to learn a lot from Peter Thiel on this podcast about how to run a business and invest in things. You don't want old teeth. Now, you get the youthful teeth. I mean, that keeps you young.

MerlinOh, it's like going to Costco, getting new tires. You just go rip some teeth out of a hooker's head. You put that in, and then maybe what?

MaxYou get the blood of a cosette? I'm sorry, Alex. I did not want to interrupt that story because you sort of trailed off. You sort of yada-yada'd that story, but what happens with the teeth? So the rich people lose their teeth, they buy a hooker's tooth, and then...

AlexThey just put them in their mouth. I don't... Just like, now you got it? With... How did Washington do it? He had ivory.

MerlinSo wrong and so right. This will improve your bite. He had slave teeth. Oh, slave teeth. He had...

MaxOh, Sally Hemings teeth. No, he did. He had... You could see his dentures at the Smithsonian. There were like this contraption made out of slaves teeth. Gina Staley Hemings was 14. Not good. Boy, that's really bad.

Speaker AI'm sorry.

MaxI don't want to Milo Yiannopoulos myself here.

Speaker AYou know what I mean?

MaxIt's very important to me that I keep my position at Breitbart. Is that a euphemism? Well, I just want to say it's like the anti-Semitism podcast. It's going really well, and I don't want to screw it up, you know, because if I say something too controversial, I'll have to resign to protect the integrity of the good work that you guys are doing on this show. You know, just getting our anti-Semitic message out to the work.

MerlinYeah. Max just went a little bit too far, so we had to ask for his resignation.

AlexHe started wearing pearls. We had to be like, no, no more.

MaxI mean, but what is the age of consent?

MerlinIt's just a number. Yeah. I mean, you know, there's a whole classical tradition of this. You've got Socrates and the priests and Skype videos.

MaxThere is a long intellectual tradition of Socratic boy fucking, and it's part of our Western civilization.

MerlinAnd it's a little bit normative to not realize that's just part of their culture. Boo for normative. Boo for normative.

MaxYeah, like who are we to impose our values on ancient Athenian boy fuckers?

MerlinThat's probably how Alex got started. You get some kind of Wonder Woman character that comes in.

Speaker AYeah.

MerlinRight?

MaxYou know, you come in, you get an Indigo Girls record, you do some dancing. It is with a heavy heart that I must announce my resignation from the Dubai Friday podcast. My comments crossed a line, and my continued participation in the podcast will only serve as a distraction to the excellent anti-Semitic work that Merlin and Alex are doing. I want to apologize to all my fans and listeners. Very bold, very brave statement.

MerlinThank you, Max. You took a bullet for us.

MaxI have really complicated feelings about this movie. Oh, sing it, sister. I do not even want to go so far as to say that I think it's good or bad. I just found it really interesting and extremely, I think about it a lot, but I also fell asleep multiple times while I was watching it. And I, at one point. That's a good definition of mixed. And also at one point, like at one point I was, the first time, on my first attempt at viewing this thing, I got to the scene where Anne Hathaway was, she had finished her sort of snot singing.

And she had the teeth pulled. and I hit the little touch button on the Apple TV to be like, oh Christ, we must be almost done with this movie. And we were like 15 minutes into a two and a half hour movie. And I was like, I have been sitting here for eight hours watching this. Like how? How is this possible?

MerlinYeah, like they just pulled a Janet Leigh on you. You figure she's going to be, they did a psycho. They ran a psycho on you because you figure, no, it's Elliot Kalin's girlfriend. Obviously she's going to be the banner star of this that we're going to see through the whole movie. She's done by the first reel.

MaxBut it just also just everything is just move so goddamn slow in this movie. Like it just it's such a weird.

MerlinYeah, it moves. It moves too slow and it moves too fast. Like so much of the whole basis of the second act comes out of this flaming romance between Newt Scamander and the blonde bird lady. And that's supposed to be this like this huge romance that's going to drive all the tension. And Eponine steals the note. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, you go and take a leak and come back and you miss the romance. What was that? They saw each other across the street and that, what? Yeah.

Am I reading that wrong, Alex?

AlexSo in the stage production, it's very, like, it totally makes sense because it's a musical. It's a play. And they're basically, the way the blocking works is they're basically, like, there's this commotion in the street where the guy who plays Borat and his wife are fighting with Jean Valjean. His wife. and they're basically singing to each other, and you're like, okay, I see what's happening. Now let's go to the revolution, and it moves along fairly quickly,

but they felt they needed to stage it in a realistic way, and that's the whole problem with this movie. They're like, ah, yes, this is how we would get a ship in, so this is what the slaves will do, and the whole thing.

MaxYeah, this was one of the central tensions that I think is interesting about it. So, like, I'm interested in this story, and I think it's sort of a successful, like, materialist piece of art, like, dialectical materialist piece of art. Like, I think the entire movie can really correctly be read as, like, kind of a Marxist piece, right? Like, so it's looking at the role of class and identity and how you can never escape your class, and Jean Valjean can, he's constantly fleeing his identity and his past as a low-class person.

And Javert, his entire identity is wrapped up in the class system and he can't let go of it. And when he finally sees the facade of it, he has nothing left to live for and throws himself into the river. And also, I think the whole Anne Hathaway story is also a really nice example of it follows that she has no options. And when the police, when Javert arrives, he immediately believes the guy who attacked her. like there's so many little pieces and parts before you even get to the stupid barricade thing and the the um you know whatever they're like they're like whatever the like 38 they're

like failed like um uh i think it was like was it the 38 revolution i don't i don't know my

Alexfrench history super well all i know is it is not the french revolution and everyone gets mad because no there's like six french revolutions exactly it's not the important one the only

MaxThe only historically interesting thing about this revolution at all is that it was put in Les Mis and a bunch of students died in the streets. And I think they killed more French officers than were killed of them. But I could be wrong about that. That could be I could be thinking of something else. Anyway, sorry.

Neither here nor there. But so I think it's interesting that it's this sort of like, you know, it's a it's a it's a Marxist piece of art. And that's cool. That's interesting. but you know one of the other things is like it functions almost completely without irony like you're everything i mean this is like possibly what i don't like about musicals in general is like everything everything's serious business it's so fucking serious and these are not you know the thing about marxism is irony or or or um earnestness whichever angle you go

you need to access the fundamental humanity of the people that it affects and i feel that this movie pushed everyone and the story pushes everyone to a point of character and when you're when when you have anne hathaway and she's there's snots running out of her nose and she's sobbing and belting out this song and it's just her hair is all cut off and it's like it's so much i mean this is not how real people act it's an inhuman it's an inhuman performance and to me i understand the attempt of earnestness like the story is so earnest the motivations of the

characters i mean they literally sing them out loud to you and then it's shot in a way to dismantle any sort of ironic reading of the film which is why i think people react so viscerally to it you know the audience like it got such a reaction and people fucking hate it it makes you uncomfortable the camera is right up in these fucking people's faces there is nothing there's nothing in the

Merlinframe just real quickly my big thing with this is i feel i feel like this is that kind of movie as I said to y'all in text, like Watchmen, this is the kind of movie that is almost destined to be disappointing because there's no, really no way that you could satisfy very opinionated super fans and make something that's going to make sense to people who don't know anything about it. But, but also what you, and I don't want to criticize it because I actually do love this movie. It's kind of a terrible movie that I really, really love. So just want to get that out of the way, but you're nailing it right there because when you watch this movie, especially with like Marius,

and I think Eddie Redmayne does a really nice job with this. I think his performance is very good.

AlexWho is Marius? New Harry Potter.

MerlinOh, he's like the autistic wizard.

AlexYes.

MerlinYes, exactly. Okay. Spectrum Witch. He, I think he's great in this, but the thing is there's so many shots that, like you say, there's a tight shot of somebody's face being about half of the screen and then bouquets out in the back, like a very, like a primish lens and everything. So it's super intimate, very in your face. You can see every freckle on his face. And the singing is also very muted. The singing, not all the time, but a lot of the time, as much as it sounds big and operatic compared to the stage show, it's nothing compared to the stage show.

It is absolutely nothing. Things are so big and like unapologetically operatic. Whereas in this, it seems like they almost feel like a little timid or a little bit embarrassed to be in a sung through musical where there are little bits where they talk like this is rhythmic. And then there's some singing.

MaxBut how do you, because it's trying to marry the form of the musical, which is the least human, least realistic, most performative caricature of human behavior that our species has ever invented with the gritty realism of like the Dark Knight. It's like the, you know, it's like a gritty reboot of a musical. It's got some Snyder moments. Tell us about the noise.

Alexthis week Alex's moan corner no I mean

MerlinAlex's screw just got turned uh oh just one that sounds like a new Brady segment Alex noise corner you know who really turns my screw my jailer

Maxhow hard it is to buy teeth nowadays not good

AlexI want a hooker with hair

MerlinAlex Jones should sell teeth

Alexi i the the this movie is shot like 50 of the time trying to uh make the musical more intimate uh and kind of the way like rent is shot like they they really try to like like you said the they hone in like so many of the shots are just a person's face and nobody can pull that off except anne hathaway like uh just god russell crowe's face filling up a screen as he's like chalk singing and

Merlina little sharp. I mean, he's pretty miscast in this. We give Mr. Crow a hard time, but he was probably not the best casting decision for this.

AlexSo many people were miscast. I liked Russell Crowe. I don't know how I'm supposed to

Maxbelieve about this, but having watched it now, I thought Russell Crowe, I ultimately bought into his performance and felt better about him overall more than Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman, I always fucking hated him in this movie and I never liked him and I always thought he was obnoxious and I never felt his plight.

His face is so craggly. And he's wet all the time.

AlexHe's very dirty and poor and he's 24601. one. And I just well in the That's the thing too. You're not supposed to... The sort of shtick of Les Mis is the it's supposed to be grandiose on this intimate level which is which is like works so so well as a mute as a musical and as a stage as a stage music yeah yeah and and like I said 50 percent of the time it's it's shot so intimately like if they had gone full on like

intimacy or full on like Titanic uh like gigantic shots I think it would have worked but um oh god what's the song called uh hearing the people sing song like that that that scene is probably my least favorite my favorite in the stage show but the my least favorite in the film because it's like if there's a riot in the street like two guys are not gonna hop on a stage coach and it totally totally works exactly what happened in the real thing though the

you mean in the actual uh riot that happened yeah yeah yeah but but there were there weren't hundreds of uh parisian soldiers like hanging around no they were there were they diverted

Maxthe motor kit yeah yeah i can go read the wikipedia or whatever about it i had one thing on the filmmaking to bring up um so this is a um i just want to bring up this um this like tweet a little essay by a friend of the show todd viziri um does anyone want to introduce todd to our listeners just so they understand who this guy is.

MerlinTodd's official title, I think he's a visual effects supervisor, but he works at Lucas. He makes Star Wars movies. He's very involved at a, I don't know, I think like a medium-high level at how the, I see there's so much to this, but basically Todd makes Star Wars, and he thinks a lot about how movies' stories get told.

MaxYeah, I mean, I've followed him on Twitter for a very long time, and he's someone I really look up to in terms of how he thinks about movies, and I've just learned a lot from hearing him talk about movies. If you want to follow him on Twitter, he is—

MerlinBecause he doesn't think of it like people— I mean, just to ring Todd's bell for a minute here, people are always going, oh, CGI is ruining movies. It's like, no, CGI is not ruining movies. There's so much quote-unquote CGI in movies

Maxyou just didn't even notice was CGI. Yeah, well, okay. I have literally—I'm about to go into the perfect example of this. This is a couple of tweets I'm just going to read by Todd Vaziri. He's at TVaziri on Twitter. So this is about the Bat Swarm effect in Batman Begins. So he says, Batman begins, I adore how unsexy and unglamorous the bat swarm was executed in VFX. The visual restraint on display is staggering. The bats swarming the asylum is choreographed as if real bats were on set, and each shot was a difficult one-off to get right. Other filmmakers might choose to make quote-unquote sexier shots, the camera riding alongside the bats in a single uninterrupted shot turning corners,

or shots where a bat stops, turns towards the camera, hisses, and then flies off. Nope, none of that here. Like I think about that all the time of like how many times have you seen that in a movie with expensive vfx? We're like literally the you know The bat like looks into the camera and winks at you And it totally takes you out of the story in the narrative I actually thought that there were real bats in that batman movie Um because of how it was shot. So I didn't even know that was a visual Um, you know cgi visual effect But I was really reminded of that in this movie where there was um one of the big introductory scenes of uh, of valjean

where he has stolen the candlesticks and then he has his Who Am I, his very emotional song, and it's all shot with this really tight tracking shot of Hugh Jackman's face, and he's emoting like a motherfucker into the camera, and he's belting this song out even though he has trouble sort of sustaining the notes. And it's just meant to be this very earnest emotional expression, introduction to his character, and then he decides he's not going to be Valjean anymore, and he rips up his papers, and he throws them into the wind, and the camera tracks up, and the little papers,

it literally follows one of the flutters into the city skyline in the most obnoxious shot. So it's such whiplash because you're like, all right, I'm like in the movie right up in this guy's face. Like I felt uncomfortable. Like I'm in his personal space as he has this personal crisis and you're inescapable and you're like, oh, like too close to the camera, like right up in the action. And then the camera flies up into some kind of like a Hogwarts shot.

Speaker AYeah. Where you'll see like, oh, here's the street. Look at that now. It's like, that was kind of abrupt.

MaxYeah, it was literally, It was literally like one of those shots where it was like, put on your 3D glasses now, and it blinks, and then like a watermelon flies on your face or something. So I was just like, what movie is this? Like, what am I watching here?

AlexA movie made by a British guy who really likes musicals who wanted to make a lot of money, and he succeeded. I mean, it's hard, too, because the young – Who's who's I can never remember the French guy's name. The front as opposed to the not French people in this movie.

Marius's buddy. He he was actually fear. Oh, yeah.

MerlinHow do you pronounce that?

AlexI don't know.

MerlinI've never said it out loud.

AlexI paused and rewind so many times trying to to learn the pronunciation.

MerlinAngel Loss.

AlexI think it's Angel Ross. It doesn't say I think it's Angel Loss, but that does not sound French in my brain. And my French-speaking wife is like, I don't know if that's a real name.

MerlinIt's kind of a tongue twister.

AlexYeah. Actually, Eponine or Victor Hugo made up that name. And it means goddess of horses or horse goddess or something, depending on how you translate it. God, that poor lady. She was in the 25th anniversary cast. And I think she's fantastic despite being –

MerlinWho, Eponine?

AlexYeah, yeah.

Merlinshe's uh she's the she's the standout talent in this one i think and she's and it's weird because when you watch not to interrupt you but like when you watch the stage version certain performances really stand out um and and in that one i think the guy who does valjean i think he really does stand out very different from the way calm wilkinson does it but that the eponine woman is like she just pierces the room in the best possible way she's amazing what's her name samantha something.

I'm sorry, I interrupted you, please. Samantha Barks, who is so tightly corseted in this, it made my head a little bit spinny. That poor woman, she's filthy and she's wet and she obviously can't breathe.

MaxWhy was everyone wet?

AlexNow I've seen it and I still don't understand. Because they're poor.

MaxWhy? Does it represent the oppression of the capitalist system that they constantly can't, they can never get dry? You can never draw yourself of your status as a lower class person.

AlexI actually have a theory about this because rain is in a lot of the lyrics and there's lots of references to rain and, you know, like drowning. And you can't do that in a stage show. So they really wanted to be like, yep, yep, we're all wet and dirty and cold.

Oh, God, it's so good.

MerlinWell, here we go. This is, let's see, Les Miserables. Samantha Barks on freezing rain, tight corsets, and weight loss. put it in notes okay so I'm sorry I totally cut you off you were saying I don't remember

Alexoh oh they they just tried to pad the cast in a way that's like all right we we've got Wolverine we've got a gladiator we have a mean girl but also you know we've got wait there was a mean girl yeah Amanda Seyfried the the bird and the bird lady bird lady yeah she's the one whose boobs can tell when it's

Maxreigning. She was in this?

AlexWho was she? She's ESPN. She was Cosette. Wolverine's adoptive daughter. She was Cosette? Yeah. That is a vessel. Wow. So bad. Wow, wow, wow. It's awful.

But I mean she is also in Mama Mia actually. I don't know why. She seems nice. She seems like a very nice lady and she's very funny and mean girls. But man but they have again another one of Marius's friends both the red jacket guys he doesn't even go here his hair's full of secrets of course that's full of secrets

Merlinis it Mean Girls?

AlexMerlin have you not seen Mean Girls?

Merlinyou wouldn't understand not since it came out is that Rachel Adams?

Alexno no no this is Lindsay Lohan and it was written by Tina Fey Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of, I think.

MerlinMean Girls. And they do the sexy Santa dance.

AlexIs that that movie? Yes, yes.

MerlinThat's a good movie. And Tina Fey. Tina Fey's in there, right?

AlexYeah, yeah, she wrote it. This is when people still liked her. But I feel like this is a, is this a movie your daughter would like? Is she up to Mean Girls level of movies?

MerlinNo, no, we're not there yet. As I mentioned in text last night, she kept creeping in. She's never seen a... She's seen some parts of Les Mis. And there's a lot of parts I just don't want her to see. I mean, I don't want her to see the teeth pulling. I don't really want her to see Master of the House. And I'm trying to figure out... I kind of... To get her to go to bed at 9.30...

MaxMerlin, I watched... I'm a grown-ass man, and I watched Master of the House, and I don't know what the fuck was going on. It's horrifying. What is happening?

AlexLots of...

MaxWhat is that house? I don't even... I literally don't understand what I watched.

MerlinLike, when they're filling out government forms, this is a place that does what it's i think it's an inn it's a kind of inn it it is an inn that is

Alexit's basically a whorehouse masquerading as an inn and that is how he uh rips people off in in

Merlinthe novel at least i believe they get they get drunk and he steals stuff and he makes sausage

Alexout of yeah yeah and then he blackmails people because it's like oh oh you you touched the dirty Santa and yeah. You touched me. What?

Wait, you don't remember? That's a key plot in the movie. They bring the Santa in on the street and he gives lap dances. Oh my goodness.

MerlinI think I'm at a blacked out.

AlexI'm really surprised that Max didn't blatantly hate this. Seriously, did you make it through to the end?

MaxI watched every minute of the movie. I was really interested in it.

AlexI did not expect that.

MaxSo here's what I'm going to say about it. I don't think it was good. I don't recommend that people watch this. But I admire movies. You know, I think Merlin made the comparison to Watchmen, which I think is very, very apt. And I like movies that I like. I really like when people have a vision and they go with it Because the easy, automatic thing to do in Hollywood at that scale with that kind of talent is to make the bland paste of a movie that everyone does that is sort of familiar and you understand its contours and it soothes you every step of the way going, you know where we are in the story.

Here's what comes next. Here's what comes next. Here's what you're looking at. and there's a kind of um I don't know I like the the bravery and the audacity of like doing something different with the form especially in a mainstream you know like uh you know big big budget like triple a film like this and so I like it I it's hard for me to like it's hard for me to say like well this was like shit because I feel like at least they tried something like at least there was some vision and they saw it through to its logical conclusion and I I don't think it was good but I like that it exists and you know I actually think there were some really there were

some moments in this that were genuinely really arresting so the little like there's one shot that I absolutely just like fell out of my chair was the tracking shot of the kid on the back of the cart where he's singing and I was like that is such a fucking moment like god that is just it was just beautifully shot and lays out the whole scene of what's going on like it was just an incredible movie moment. I just, it was worth the whole movie for those, some of those little moments.

AlexI did, what, are we getting like feedback that Max is too mean and now he's being really nice about this really, really bad movie? Like, there's nothing special about how this is shot. Like, Tom Hooper, like,

MaxWhat are you talking about? Have you ever, no movie is shot like, it was fucking crazy, Alex. There was shaky cam, there was shaky cam and it was, it was verite, but then they did crazy cuts when Borat was singing. It was a nuts movie. Nothing made any sense. There's nothing shot like this. It was like, it went from shaky cam to like on a track. It was crazy.

AlexI feel like maybe I've just seen too many movie musical, musical, sorry, movies that have been adapted to musicals because this is, that's my problem. It feels, nothing feels special about this movie in the way it is shot. I've personally never seen

Maxanything shot like this.

AlexReally?

MerlinI thought there were lots of little bits about it that were very distinctive. And knowing as little, as very, very little as I do about how the segmentation of work on a cinema team goes, I mean, you know, you got to definitely give some points to the director. But I just want to say the visual team did a really nice job on this. Like even some of the stuff of like, oh, you know, she's here, but she's, you know, in the background. And like there's all kinds of nice little touches like that. And I imagine it was probably not as difficult to make as the movie The Revenant, but things like going into the sewers and stuff like that, I thought some of those shots were great.

Okay, so I want to just get this out of the way. I really like this movie. It's not a good movie, but I really like this movie. And I do think it is a lot. This whole musical is a lot like Doctor Who, but the whole way that this gets interpreted is very Doctor Who. This is very fanservice-y, maybe not successfully, but they want you to feel the feels. and I think it does a good job of that. If you're open to feeling the feels, I think this movie's got that. It's not a nuanced piece of work about humanity, but by the time they get to the end and Wolverine's sighing in the chair

and then the flags come out and know it's heaven, that gets me. I watched that three times last night.

AlexNo, I agree.

MerlinIt's totally emotional garbage, but I fucking love it.

AlexIt is.

MerlinAnd I think it works on that level.

AlexNo, I completely agree. It's like emotional junk food. I told you guys, I watched it twice in 24 hours and cried like four times.

MaxYou know what got me is when he's moving, when he's on the run, but you see that wherever he goes, he packs those candlesticks with him. Yeah. What a nice little touch. That's a nice touch. Did they invent that for the movie? Yeah. That's really nice.

MerlinI mean, not the bit where he feels that. I won't particularly care, Max, but the priest, the guy who plays the priest, is the guy who I believe originated the role on stage in English. Wouldn't you say Colm Wilkinson's still the most famous Valjean, Alex?

AlexYeah, I think he was the 10th anniversary when it came back to West End.

MerlinNo, he was in the, I think pretty sure. Well, I'm pretty sure he was in the 85 production.

AlexOh, you are correct. Yes.

MerlinSo that is a lot of people's, that is the canonical Valjean to a lot of people who grew up listening to the musicals. Very different style than Wolverine. Very different style. Man, he does the canonical bring him home. Bring him home.

AlexYeah. it's almost like they wanted to like like you said the all of the versions are really operatic and i don't understand like length was clearly not an issue with this they added yeah length it's got yeah why why um i understand with russell crowe they needed to you know sort of handicap his role in in a way that is like it's not as bad as people say but i just just Hugh Jackman could could handle handle it I think and it just feels stilted and I don't know

Merlinwell and here's here's one that the fans bring up that I hadn't thought about very much until I listened to other versions which is this is this is such a dumb small nerd point but when you hear a hear it on stage something that's very distinctive about the singing style and the arrangements are the way notes are really drawn out and carried out and sometimes cross over and it becomes, you know, bring him home. And like just these very, very long, like you can just

feel the temperature in the room change or like something like, um, on my own, right. There's these songs that have these, and in this, a lot of people really hate the fact that those get cut so short to make it more like conversational. And, and again, like I don't want to make match videos all night, but I keep coming back to that 25th anniversary performance of One Day More. It's my favorite one, but also it's got to be the biggest one. You get the feeling of what it would be like to be in a room with 250 people performing something at the same time. And by the time they

get to the end and the camera pulls back, I get shivers every single time I watch it because of the hugeness of that sound. Just the human voice at that scale is so overwhelming. They get near that at a few points, but it never feels like more than an octet of performing happening at a time. It doesn't have that hugeness, like that overwhelmingness. And while that might work for small-scale humanity of headshots of Eddie Redmayne, but it doesn't give you the hugeness of really hearing the people sing.

MaxWell, what are we doing here? Are we doing Tim Burton Batman, where it's sort of this theatrical performative caricature where it's all about the story truth of we're going to have this artifice to tell you emotionally what it was like? Or are we doing Christopher Nolan Batman where it's the gritty reality and it's the happening truth of no, this is how it is?

AlexThis movie is trying to do both.

MaxIt's like the crazy Doctor Who musicality meets that we can see the individual flex of diarrhea on Hugh Jackman's face when he's crawling through the sewer.

AlexI think I just realized what bothers me most about how it's shot is because so many of the lyrics are just kind of cut short, and all of the cuts in the film are what you expect. It's like a music video. Yeah, the only thing, which is why I love Anne Hathaway's rendition so, so much, is because— Wait, you do? Yes, I love it.

MaxDo people regard that as good?

AlexUh, it is different.

MaxI literally, when she was singing, I literally was like, calm down, please.

MerlinI think it's stunning. It's not the way it should be sung. It's usually very stately. And part of what makes the performance, the famous performances of this are famous because there's a huge amount of composure to the singer. Wouldn't you say, Alex? I mean, it's the fact that they're still holding it together amidst this lyric that is obviously about a life that's fallen apart and nothing can be done now. but and I I I don't know I mean I wouldn't want to see every performance done like that but I think

Alexit's fucking amazing well and and I have seen performances uh oh god I don't remember where it was it was somewhere in Chicago where it was a uh slightly uh like it was kind of a truncated version of this and it it it was sung like the full like emotion of it and it wasn't you know a West End version it felt incredibly powerful and sad and upsetting like and and like Max said this this movie tries to have it both ways like you see her being just oh god when she's being

assaulted by that um the sailor guy and that's not how the other half of the film feels like the the like bloodiness like the people get shot and there's no blood but then you see literal blood just like flowing through the streets and it's like what what are you trying to do here what's

Merlinwhat's happening yeah you're right like it that you guys are both really hitting on something that like it's it's having trouble this deciding which uh what's your phrase max the story truth was that the phrase like which story truth are we telling and at what level what scale are we going to tell this story and it's i think you end up getting a little bit of storytelling seasickness with those changes because you're sort of like oh so now it's suddenly very real well just a minute ago his parole papers were flying around like butterflies and like now you know yeah that

it is really it is really disorienting in that way i was i was making fun of the ann hathaway song

Maxand how um great just fucking unhinged and weird and inhuman i felt that performance was in the writer's room and um julia was like and i was like this is not how human beings act like it was a fundamentally like inhuman like she should be this sympathetic character and the performance was so over the top and so schmaltzy that it actually robbed the character of like any sort of empathy you could just like i can't buy this this is not how humans oh it becomes pathetic yeah it's like please please tone it down like there has to be something some humanity here for

me to relate to you know beyond this like caricature and julia said to me she's like oh you've clearly never hung out at a cast party of theater people because people do act like that. And I was like, yeah, but fucking theater people. And they're the worst class of society. They're going to be the first to go under Max's regime. These people should be rounded up. The Doctor Who fans and the theater people. These people should be rounded up and put in camps.

MerlinAnd they can all snot cry about it. Joel Schumacher.

MaxJoel Schumacher is a Jew, I'm pretty sure.

AlexThe worst birthday I've ever had was when... An essay by Alex Collins. I was really, really great. And we were at PAX video game convention and I had kept my birthday relatively secret. But then one of our writers found out and then of course told all of our improv performers. And then I'm handling all these theater kids backstage and they're singing 10 different versions

of happy birthday at once. And they're trying to lift me up and put me in the chair because half of them are Jewish, and they're like, you're half Jewish. And it was, oh, God, it was, oh, what a nightmare. But then Max got me French fries.

MaxWait, can you say what my birthday surprise was, which was excellent?

AlexIt was. It was very good. So we do this thing called Cards Live, which is Cards Against Humanity Live. What a great description, where improv actors perform the cards. And so Max surprised me by getting the entire audience McDonald's French fries.

MaxEveryone in the audience got a small McDonald's french fries for Alex's

AlexIt was delightful

MaxYou're so thoughtful

AlexAnd then I ate them through the show and it was great

MaxThey were pretty soggy and most of the audience did not want them And Alex and I were like good for us more for us I'll have it I will take your salty soggy boys any day These fries have been through a real Les Mis of moisture

AlexMerlin I know that you have a lot of opinions about McDonald's. And I'm wondering, I know we share the opinion that the best time to go is to a corporate McDonald's at lunchtime or dinnertime.

MerlinYeah, when it's busy.

AlexHowever, if you don't have that option, my opinion is to get your French fries and then wait like an hour and put them in the fridge and then eat them cold. Have you ever done this? What?

MerlinI've never tried that. Now I really want to.

AlexIt's really great.

MerlinOh my God. Max, did I see that you tried, did you try the new chicken thing from KFC?

MaxOh, the folding abomination. Yeah. One of my favorite DC characters. Yeah, I ate it. I ate it before the eyes of God and men. I reached into the heavens themselves and slapped God in the face by eating this chicken taco shell. I've made your creature into bread. It was fine.

MerlinI don't know. It was fine. Yeah. I get real sleepy after I eat KFC, so I want to get like half. I want to get one and literally throw away half while I'm still in the store.

MaxIt was fine.

MerlinI really want to try it, though. You know what it was? It was a chicken sandwich folded in on itself with no bun.

MaxLike, it's not that special. All it was was it's a crispy chicken, and then there's like lettuce and cheese and tomato on the inside. That's great. That's a chicken sandwich. That's a great food that we all know and love.

MerlinBut, Alex, I want to try that. I'm going to try that now. I've been trying to eat less horrible things in the afternoon for years now, and it's hard because sometimes that's just the thing that I want. I'm tempted to go back on the Atkins. I know it's not fashionable, but I feel so much better when I just eat shit tons of protein. And I'm not talking about paleo. I'm not talking about eating like, you know, cultured elk. I'm talking about just eating fucking bacon all day, and I feel so much better.

AlexI have this really great diet where I don't eat anything throughout the day except I drink two cans of Diet Coke and then have a shit ton of food at night and then just...

MerlinOh, the sumo diet.

AlexYeah, yeah. It's great. It's great.

MerlinEat a big meal right before you go to bed. Hi. We should probably start wrapping up. I have so much more to say about this, but I don't want to monopolize it. If one of our listeners out there, obviously you could go and watch this movie. It's an excellent, not very good movie that's very good. uh what alex if you were going to point people in the layman's direction where would you point

Alexpeople apart from this movie uh the 25th anniversary concert um done totally agreed yeah

Merlinand that one's really got the feels that's got like i said to you it's got the it's like if they told steven moffat to make the music musicaliest musical theater moment of all time because they bring out all they bring out four valjeans to sing bring him home they bring out like this whole like historical cast to sing one day more and then they bring out kids to sing uh do you hear the people sing it is available on itunes you can also listen to it there is so much fucking les miz on itunes music wise you can go and stream many many

different things from les miz i wouldn't if you if you if you're a uh one day more person like me go back and listen to what's called les miz les mizrabe l'integrale and go listen to the track called Demand or Tomorrow, and that's the original, original 1980 version of One Day More in French, which is pretty interesting to hear. But you can also buy the 25th anniversary concert, which is very well done, and most importantly, has excellent metadata. It's very easy to get straight to a song, unlike the film Les Miserables.

Totally agree, 25th, boom. What about you, Max? If you wanted to get people started

Maxin the moisture-soaked world of Marxism that is known as Les Mis, where would you point people? I recommend filling your pockets with stones and walking into the ocean

Merlinchallenge for next week falls to me yes it does do you want to eat something read something make

Alexsomething or potentially change something uh votes please i want to do the thing that makes uh max do to doist or or make something uh your challenge this week is to um get get the app

Merlinto doist subscribe to the premium service for like 25 bucks a year and i want you to go to a website

Alexsorry continue would you rather eat something no no no that'll teach you to be strong

Merlinyou can go to a website called todotemplates.com. It'll be in show notes. You can go there and download a template. You click it and it pushes it into your app and you now have all kinds of different things you can do. It involves

Maxa lot of manly things. I'm going to fucking make a barricade in the street and wave an OmniFocus flag through. You're going to have to drag me.

AlexListen, I...

MaxI know you're going to come in with cannons and blast it away, but I'm making my stand. That's right. You're going to flag your task. Wave the red flag.

MerlinRed, the color of my task!

skill points quantity quotidien Let's get started.

otypie

当时 colocar 결服 Let's get started.

Thank you.

AlexThis is Dubai Friday with... This is Dubai Friday. I'm having some chips.

MaxCan you hear that? Is that going through on the mic?

AlexYeah, it's great. This is Dubai Friday with Merlin Mann, Alex... No, this is not what we do. This is...

16. Touched the Dirty Santa 0:00 / 01:26:50