Bonus: Business Casual Immunity

Exclusively coming in soft. Shh, coming in soft. Coming in. Oh, did you did you watch the Bob Mortimer thing? No, I did not. Maybe you watch it with me at first. Oh yes, yes I would. That was a brief voice. What? Yes, I would. Oh, sorry, I'm not a See know what it sounds like? It sounds like Maria Bamford's character You know? Oh, the call people who call in with requests. Oh, you really want to be with him. You love him, don't you? Wait, which one is that from? Um that's in the Christmas special. I made you a Christmas special episode. But she's talking about how she likes to call she likes to call operators and like talk to them and like ask for advice. Okay. I'm too blessed to be stressed.

Getting pretty good. Make-believe tiger. Oh, now I gotta watch it again. I gotta watch it. After show. We have so hang on. We got so much to do. We have Bamford. I'm making an internet joke If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. If you want to go on exclusively about what's wrong with everything, right around on me, I guess. Okay. Fake Will Rogers quote. David Gillettley Uh a guy called David. He uh did some drawings of John Syracuse over the years. Have you ever seen the paper doll? Does she can dress up? Yes. He did one of us a long time ago, I think. One of us. Or one uh yeah. No, I'm no I'm I'm just making a making a freak's joke. Uh par pardon. The Todd the Todd uh what's the guy's name?

Todd Browning. Yes. That's which sounds like an euphemism. It does. I went for Castro and did some Todd Browning. Yeah. Copy link to post, and I'm sending you that. I'm sending you that. Anyway, you have to click through to see it. We have a lot of things to talk about. I've we came in soft. Do you want I added all I did was add, hey everybody, this is a little peek behind the curtain. All I did was in the simple cast, I just added a one link, and I don't think I broke anything. Oh, I also changed your H's to a different size just because it's weird the way it handles it. But if you wanna look at oh and I added this pretty picture of Jenny Agather. God, she's so pretty. Um did you wanna go look at it and approve it?

Oh su I mean I uh you don't like this page. Okay. Um well when you're uh hallucinating things on the sociopathic, you get psychopathic. I watched a video about this the other day. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I uh I uh uh so I That's a different pathology. Uh uh I'm not emotionally tired. Adventures with Alex, adventures with I don't remember how the song goes. I think we're going to be able to do that. Oh yeah, I know that feeling. That was me. When we recorded Roderick on Monday, I'd had 74 minutes of sleep and I was goofy as fuck. But I think it was I hope it was funny. I mean it's funny within normal parameters. Jenny Agator, does she ring a bell with you? You know what else she was in? She's in um Captain America Winner Soldier, but you wouldn't recognize her.

No There's one point where Nick Fury goes and talks to a bunch of people on video screens and they're like kind of darkened like they're you know like almost like their identity's being disguised. He's going and talking to like the whatever the the moral earth board and and one of them's her The moral earth. No, I just think Nick Fury. I don't know whoever the fuck Nick Fury's boss is. Like the shield, but then you know what? I I can't Kenny Iver, she has great boobs, um, green eyes. She's the nurse. She's so when when um when Griffin no spoilers, but when Griffin Dunn Wolfs the shit out of David Naughton. Naughton! David Naughton in um American Werewolf in London, he goes to a hospital. Or as they say over there, he's in hospital Oh.

And there's a pretty nurse. Doing some math. It's just magic. It's just magic. Um the pretty nurse. Oh now I gotta see this outfit. Oh I know what I'm doing this afternoon. Um Jenny Aquaturn nurse. I'm not even like a nurse guy. You know there's nurse guys. I I mean there's all types of guys. But when I was younger, you knew about nurse guys, you might know oh Google Jenny Agather nurse. Okay, no no, but you're me. I uh you don't know me this about me, like but like you know how like I have no libido or sexual identity at this point and I don't like talking about sex Yeah. I mean at least as a bit, right? Mm-hmm. Yes. Um but um I used to be really horny. Like I made it. I heard that about most men, yes.

I'm not most men, I'm me I n okay. I apologize for making a you gonna make me use the phrase lived experience? I it's it m no way. Do you know about listen, some some people in public life have an unconventional public lifestyle You know, some people, you know. For example, the New York financier, um, Jeffrey Epstein, no you know, nobody ever complains about him. No. Have you watched the bit? Did you watch the bit? Everybody's watching the bit. You should watch it with me. Jim Downey's cold open in the Conan thing. Jeffrey, Jeffrey Epstein, Jeff Epstein, the New York financier. Uh listen, if he was in trouble, I think I would have heard about it. We could settle it right now. We'll call Glaine Maxwell.

And God's like, we're not calling Glaine Maxwell and stop implying that I'm a pedophile. Jim Downey. Did you did you Google Jenny Agatar nursed? Uh no, no, okay. J Jenny Agather uh It's just when you type in search terms. I pff On Google? Okay, Jenny Agather and then Ringana, you know. Mm-hmm. Did you ever see American World in London? I was so horny. I'm sure at some point. Right around the time I got I saw this movie, I was probably 14. Oh my god. Another movie. Oh, that's the worst. Oh no. Oh. What? Uh I'm just thinking about 14-year-old boy no no like Jeffrey. No no I did masturbate about her, but this is a different topic. Just this is I would put this in the class of um This is my C B my C BG pills.

I keep them in a a jar that I printed. Um I it was that time when I would really imprint on movies. Like new uh one I mentioned many times, the canonical watch it alone when you're supposed to be asleep for me is Escape from New York by John Carpenter. Uh another one is American World of London. I was like I'd heard this movie was good, but like I was unprepared for what kind of movie it was. Because at the time, you get the combination of the John Landis, you know, kind of style, but with Rick Baker's Oscar-winning makeup. Oh so like when he transforms into a wolf, it's like the scariest thing you've ever seen in your life in 1982 or whatever this was. And Jenny Agridge is nurse, did you see her in that white outfit?

I'm gonna check her now. Oh man Look at that watch. She's got a watch hanging right off there. She's not gonna fuck around. She's very we need to bring those back. That is oh nurse watch. That's look Uh no no no little like little little chest chess watch. I I have a chess watch, it hangs off your thing. There's put you guys off in this case her badge, or as you say button. and uh button and uh and then you can pulse people or you can just make sure that you're doing everything efficiently. The point is Jeffrey Epstein needed three handjobs a day. And that's a lot of what kept Jelaine very busy Because he had to ex she would explain, because I r I did rewatch the Hulu series. Er what was just the good one?

Filthy Rich or whatever that, Netflix, I guess, or just rewatch that. Fucking A. I don't I don't know if you remember this. Do you remember we used to talk about Jeffrey Epstein a lot here on the show? Do you remember? We talked about Jeffrey Epstein. Did we talk about Jeffrey Epstein? We talked about Jeffrey Epstein and COVID so much more than other people I I yeah, yeah. You brought we brought in a PhD to talk about it. I uh well you wouldn't let me talk about it because it was a headline, but I followed uh the Ghislaine trial and what A roller coaster. It was. And it it but it's a good idea. Uh she announced today. No, it's it's hilarious. It's um It's kind of like what's the movie? It wasn't Dark Day Afternoon.

I forgot, I'm sorry, but there's some classic movie where the person's like, hey, listen, when you got hostages, maybe this is a little bit Hans Gruber. But like make at least one request that's completely nuts and impossible. Like so that that way you can always say, oh, I was crazy. Oh, you know what it was, Steve Martin in the 70s. I want to main okay, I want a million dollars, and I want a plane to Cuba. And I want the letter M stricken from the alphabet. Not Stevie Martin, Steve Martin. Um but he uh uh but uh but that th but that's so her her requests are like it's so funny, like it And Uh she's got like six of these. Well first of all, she wants a pardon or and at least you know further assurance of immunity.

I mean hmm uh up pardon and immunity Right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Immunity from yeah, yeah. But the whole point of the angle that got them in the door with this, from a legal standpoint, at least superficially, in my opinion. uh prima fascia, I think they call it in law. On the face of it, um it's saying, hey look, you may not like this deal Alex Acosta made, but that was a federal binding deal. And like do you remember the deal? How fucked up it was. It was like he this is how he ended up serving in basically like a fancy motel and getting to be out for twelve hours a day. All that stuff. And that was because Alex Acosta who became a cabinet member under the forty fifth president. Um by the way, i in the department that would o look over things like human trafficking, upper poet method.

Um the sweetheart deal, they call it you know, included non-prosecution agreements and like I haven't done my sequel in years, but asterisk. Like who gets who gets Like totally covered for everything ever, ever. Everyone I can think of and have ever known. You can't prosecute them. So she's coming in and saying, hey, look, you know, bad cop. No, sorry, I'm doing I meant the English way, not the good cop, bad cop way. This is a bad cop. You remember that in in uh in uh in ho holy grail when they're weighing the woman to see if she weighs more than a duck? And she says it's a fair cop Sure. Yes. Definitely. I used to think she was saying it's a fair court because I have an intransitive accent problem.

So anyway, Jenny Agather's hot. She's an equus, but that's not the point for this part of it. Um what are we talking about? I I n I need to mm very brief reading series. No, no, no. No, no, no. Maxwell's conditions as laid out by her attorney. Oh If we did sound effects on this show, we would have a sound here. Reading series. What's that mean? What the fuck was that? Would you prefer this? What's the one? Oh shit. I don't I don't even know where mine is. I could play a hard drive or I could play a trio or as you say trio. Oh here we go. Oh I should learn piano man Whoa. Nope, that's completely wrong. Dude, did you hear that? Nope. Holy shit. What? Yeah, there we go. There we go. Yep, yep, yep.

Nope. Fuck you. Fuck you. I don't play harmonica and I just mostly improvised a melody line blown and sucking. I said that was aw I said that was awesome. I was going No, it's my own little thing. Oh harmonicas on the show will be fun. That'll be fun for people. You guys like harmonicas? God, people do, people look. Is yours in sea as as well? No, it's on dry land. Uhmm. Uh Maxwell's conditions as laid out by her attorneys include a grand Ooh point number one This shit just got real. You're in the road zone. We're beefed up on powders and super fucking mad about video that doesn't even exist of the wrong place with a minute missing that wasn't even a minute. I mean CBS apparently released a really long article that I didn't read.

Okay, so so Gilane is totally open to talking to Congress, but she has some conditions. What are her conditions on it? A grant of Formal immunity. The interview can't happen at the casual immunity. Or business casual immunity. Yeah. Ooh, hot. Um the interview can't happen at the Yeah that's that's super. Okay, here's the short version. I pitched Madeline this morning, what if this is gonna be a heist? What if this is gonna be a fast and furious, a fast and furious remember the one on the train? The crazy one on the train with the prison thing. Or it's gonna be like some kind of prison escape thing. And there's gonna be guys on those what are they called, guy lines, those lines. They're gonna come in out of helicopters like Bane's people in reverse.

Yeah, gonna do a reverse bane. First you will sit here and watch television. Then they'll allow you to testify. You visit the island. Groom! Groom! Groom! Groom. See, when she's in the pit in the cave, this is a this is a reference to to the Bane Batman movie. When Bane breaks his back and puts him in the cave. Mm-hmm. If you cared, you would have seen it. There are no spoilers for things you care about because you've already seen it. Moving on, he puts him in there and makes him watch TV. And then he talks to him in that voice, he goes, Max Max always fit the best one of me. But remember each time he tries to rise, rise, rise, like that. What's that? Angela Bassett? Who wrote that poem? I rise I rise and every time you do that, everybody's unique don't bring her into the heist.

Everyone chants. Everyone chants in in whatever the airdo or whatever. Like Um, you go girl, you know, go, go, go. It's just that when Gallane When SEAL team seven, yes. Mmm. You know the best line in in Agents of Shield. One of the best lines is when Daisy says, wait a minute, I thought I thought there was only six levels of security in SHIELD. And then uh uh uh the guy, Clark, Greg Clark Gregson, whatever his name is. Remember the key the guy, the guy, the guy who runs the Avengers program? He comes in and he goes and he goes like welcome to level eight. Excuse me. What what was that? Was that her cake getaway car? What was the noise? If you knew, if you cared, you would know that that's Phil Ramone's motorcycle.

You should watch the Billy Joel thing. It's really good. So Jenny Agather looks amazing. as a nurse. And and w and then we were talking about uh oh Jelaine. Okay, so we put a pin in. It's n very specifically, it's like in the top three. The the the the the quest to talking to Congress this she's not gonna be the queen of Zoom. No, no, no, no. It cannot be a good thing. It's not gonna be exactly so But that's two things at least. Let's just I'm sorry I'm so ups fucking obsessed with this. Like the low key, right? But like it's Oh, I am high key obsessed with Last night Kara and I were not. There's so much shit that doesn't make any fucking sense, Alex. And what are they covering up? They're covering up fucking nothing.

It's gonna be It's gonna be that Trump just looks a little silly But why hasn't Steve Bannon released the 15 hours of video? Hey, you know why Steve Bannon hasn't released the hours of video? Because once it's released, it's gonna show shit that he knew years ago and didn't say anything about No matter what that is, he's gonna look stupid and like he's not being transparent. So even if all Donald Trump ever did was just finger an adult, like it's still gonna make him look terrible because of the fucking cover up. Did we near learn nothing in nineteen seventy two? I'm Apart from the fact that Led Zeppelin rules. I'm in a good dude today. Uh I I'm I know and I'm glad. Jenny Agather. The spilt some seed over that gal.

You should see her Annis. God. Spankus begat Spankus. Moments snap together like magnets. Did you know that's where that comes from? You ever heard me say moments snap together like magnets? You ever heard me say that? Where it became a bit? That's from a monologue that Richard Burton does in Equus. Oh What's that noise mean? That's a new noise for me. What was that? I'm gonna start working on a Jimmy Carr laugh, I think. Wait, no. Jimmy Carr, the guy who hosts all the TV shows. You just watched him on l on Last One Laughing? He has a famously distinctive Oh my fucking God. The guy with the dye bite. He laughs like this. That's not his laugh. No, no. Ha ha ha ha. No, it's like a high one at the end if he really liked it.

Okay, we're gonna watch Bob Mortimer. And if Bob Mortimer does not include Jimmy Carr's Laugh, number two, ordered list. is we watch Jimmy Carr laugh. Jimmy Carr laugh and I don't care. My car. Jimmy Carloff is not Boris. Jimmy Carlisle, the Carlisle group. Jimmy Finish writing this down. What's number three? Uh cool. And it'll be like uh everybody's gonna be like, oh wait, what the fuck? You knew about X. Like Like oh oh oh like you knew that Clinton was on this list or you you know what I mean? You knew that there's a lot of things this time. Oh, yeah, but no, but here's what I'm saying. That's why everybody's like I just was watching on break. I was just watching a guy go like, well, why won't Steve Bannon release this?

And a Nicole Wallace in her very weird, credulous mom way, goes, Steve Bannon has footage. It's like, yes, everyone has been talking about this. In your job for a while now. And why is that weird? Well, why don't we think about motivation? Let's let's think a little bit like the great British detectives a little bit here. What motivates people? Well, the cover-up could be for uh way more interesting reasons than than Trump fingered a non-adult. It could be for something just really stupid or it's really further embarrassing. It could you know what? How about this? You ready for this? That's my theory. Is it just more buttons? Mm, not much. Ready for item one? Yes. How'd she get so fixed up with modeling work?

Uh uh no yeah, knew that. Okay. I I guess I am. And that's kind of maybe how she like spent started spending time with Trump. But second Remember the big problem was okay, but listen, remember the big one of the big problems with the Stormy Daniels thing was that I don't think this was just speculation. I think there was at least Molly probably had some reporting m in in my reporting as I refer to it. That Milani was pissed in the same way that any ritzy high society lady is when they're revealed to be getting mistreated and lied to in public. Yeah, it's not a big thing. If this Jeremy Daniels thing comes out that and that she spanked you with a magazine with your face on it and said you look like my daughter, all that shit, like are you do you know how fucking stupid that back when she had dignity, you she's probably think remember her saying like or the reporting the saying that it made her look she was super mad at him.

It wasn't like they were gonna break up, but that it was very It you see this on every prestige TV show. And it's certainly happened a lot to the wives of King Henry VIII. It's a really complicated stuff. That's not ah you had me. You had me for a while. Well, you know who plays you know who plays Anne Boleyn in Wolf Hall? Who? Um the that lady who plays the Queen. Uh, on the crown. What's her name? The one the one who's in the bad uh Dragon Tattoo movie? The five and six You know who I mean. Claire Claire Claire Barton. Claire Claire Claire Claire Malone Claire Claire or a Bell the Clown. Claire Claire I can't I can't use C uh AI bad, so I m uh Claire uh she was on the very funny S N L episode where she was in the Netflix commercial Remember that?

Claire Foy. Maybe? Claire Foy. Yes, Claire Foy. Oh yes, yes. Okay, so I'm gonna drop my favorite my favorite obscure line from that episode. I love Kenny Me Depot. And that's the one where Netflix has a show that only one person has ever watched. And they did all the fake art and everything. Okay, number three. Wait, what's number one? Number two is Jimmy Carr is laughing, I don't care. Number one is Bob Mortimer. And number three, can can you clear your calendar for the rest of the day? Oh, of course. Already, already. You don't need to keep a calendar. Bob Mortimer, Jimmy Cars last. Oh, excuse me. I laugh. And then Claire Foyas, I know. Um it is very embarrassing to be It's embarrassing for everybody, but boy, this is I maybe I just watch too much Prestige TV, but this is a theme in so many things.

Perhaps not entirely unlike the purported relationship. between another former president who knew the financier, Jeffrey Epstein? Mm-hmm. Yes. I think Bill and Hillary have something worked out, and I'll bet a codicle of it is Whatever you do privately must never affect our dignity publicly. Or s or standing is another way to put it. And y'all can be cute about that and do your dumb fucking 2003 internet jokes about this, but That's the first one. Come on, 2016. Merlin, did you backward looking dun dun dungeons? Backward thinking. I'm not backward browsing. Beep beep beep. Back button. Remember. Button. Clicking on the back button. Page expired. Beep boop. 501. I read uh the book What Happened by Hillary Clinton, where she has a She has a chapter called my book Bill.

Bill. That's my favorite chapter of uh The Power Broker. And she's a big thing. It's about the thing at that restaurant that Robert Moses never paid. God, that's a funny deep joke. I took the name Bill Clinton and then I used a different meaning of the word Bill to mean like the check for a restaurant. Yes, yes. Do you think Robert Moses ever had to confront endless shrimp? Or as you call it Langustina infinite? I gotta look that up. How do you think of shrimp in French? So in what's your next what's your next codicle? Oh crap, where's the But it was other like that, but all like pretty extreme. I was trying to find the Hill Dog Bill Clinton quote. Oh, uh, and she also wants the letter M removed from the alphabet.

Uh h hold on to prepare adequately for any congressional deposition and to ensure accuracy and fairness We would require the committee's questions in advance. You have to give us the questions ahead of time and you can't ask us once we're Well no, it's just I mean, but let's do the pigs and bunnies, the the John Gruber uh snarky way of doing this. No, I think what you mean is you give me all the questions that I can so I can prepare for them and you're not allowed to change or add new ones. I want to give a rehearsal press release, please. You can do the rehearsal. Thank you. No, you bring in you bring in Nathan. He's already saved plane safety. Now he helps you rehearse because you can do the entire um not deposition, I guess testimony.

Anyways, I think there's gonna be they're gonna run a fast and furious honor. I think there's gonna be people chanting. You know, uh groom, that's what they chant, ain't down in the bane. You ever been down the bane hole? Way down the way down in the Madeline and I we like that I thought of it. No, I love you. No, it's just it's so good. I'm just gonna love I don't want to make a big deal about it. It was really good. It's really fucking good. Um We always thought that Tyler Marie, when he, she, they, or we were born, that like they would have heard the theme from the wire by Tom Whites et al. Uh so many times. That like the first time you played it, we expected the kids' head to like perk up.

Boy that show's good. I love Lester Freeman. You know who's good on that show is um Michael B. Jordan. And I say yes he be. Michael B. He's so little And Bodie, little Bodie? Oh man. Because Michael Jordan's in that famous, me I think arguably top five most famous line from The Wired. Michael B. Jordan's in that scene. The the chess scene. When you come at the king you best not miss. Look at him, he said. Second best line. Shit. Oh god, remember the fuck episode? I know second best uh the fuck can I do? Um What the fuck did I be happy now, bitch? I say that sometimes still. I still quote Bump. And I realized that almost no one's gonna get the joke and it sounds like I'm being an asshole. Happy now, bitch?

What the fuck did I do? His accent gets a lot less bad. Well well here's what I really want to say. What I really want to say is I think he's a w I think he's a wonderful actor and I I think he's just unforgettable on that show. But In the first few episodes, especially the cold open of the very first episode, his accent is preposterous. It always sounds like Columbo when I do it, but it's like see you telling me it's not boogie. He he one day he forgets to wear a jacket and he's snub on you for the rest of his life. Why you let him throw craps? You know? Remember? No no, you sound like a soprano's uh like you're a soprano on Whip Hits. What the f I sound like uh little Johnny Testicle or something.

Or what would his name be? Like I don't know. Picanzo Mulligan or something I wish I could make fake names for a living. Picanzo Mulligan is a really funny name. Would you capture that please in our documentary? How do you spell Pecans. Like like the nut peas. Like like pea okay, pecan. Or pecans as we used to say. Okay, pecan well. Oh no, oh cellular. Oh Shag Hannisty. Oh Shag Hannisty You know what I'm talking about? Key and Peel, the teacher, A Roth. Oh poor A Ron It's it's okay, okay number hang on. Number one, number one, Bob Mortimer. Number two Uh Jimmy Car's Laugh and I don't care. Number three, Claire Foy. Bob Bob Mortimer Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Cars Laugh. And number four is uh Key and Peel substitute teacher.

Um uh Kenan Michael Key uh in a in a bald cap, which is funny because he's bald, but like um he's uh a uh substitute teacher in a high school. And he's from the hood, so don't don't don't try and get any nonsense by me. And they're having so much fun. With some cultural differences about things like pronunciation. What a great way to do yeah, yes, the cultural difference. Do you ever see the one with the football players? Altimate as Buckshank. Donkey Teeth. I have stopped on the street. If you're listening to the show, there's a chance that I have stopped on the street. half to fully drunk, all of us. I stop, we step into some kind of like a a covered area, and I hold my iPhone in my two cupped hands, so that I'm creating l a way for the sound to come out that you could hear on the streets of San Francisco.

Not the Michael Douglas TV show. And I will play the East versus West college football bit. I've s I've at l on at least three occasions. N Scott Simpson's been there for just two of them at least. Now do you remember that? They're introducing the East versus West uh football players. Uh no. Number five. We're not gonna have time for this. Key and peel football. No. Altimatez Buckshank. Key and Peel football. You know what I'll do? You know what I'll do? I'm gonna curate this in such a way I'm gonna I'm just I'm gonna okay I'm gonna pick we're not gonna watch all of these and this won't be in the show sorry guys there's no level for that do you think she's do you think it's a heist It's it's either a heist or uh don't you think there's a pretty good chance that There's some fairly aggressive wink wink nudge nudge.

Like what was in that box? What's in the box? Remember when she came back to prison after the meeting with Todd Blaine? She had a box? I don't know. At at this point it's like it could have been a bunch of talking. A bunch of a bunch of shit where I bet they're saying Give us the names of every single I don't even want to say Democrat. Of every single person that we would like to target and that you will confirm that you saw, you know, Bill Clinton getting hand work or whatever. Three times a day. At this point, Subito has a song about masturbating three times a day. Masturbating Jesus freak. I jerk off till I die three times a day. Three times I see just how pathetic my needs can be. We're gonna watch a 7-0 video.

That's number six. 7-0! He used to be a bass player in Dinosaur Jr. Back in back in Boston. Boston, Beantown, they call it. Oh, by the way, sorry, Merlin regrets the error. Ed Sheeran has a uh Heinz ketzap bottle, not a Heinz big beans can. A cat's bottle, not a cat's cat's ketchup. Ketchup. Okay, number seven Simpsons video where Mr. Burns has to do his own shopping. Ketchup. Ketchup. Ketchup. Kitsup. You remember that? He's standing there you stand there in the aisle and one of them says uh tomato ketchup and the other one says tomato ketchup and he goes, Mmm, ketchup. Um but also I bet they're colluding pretty closely on that stuff and Uh I would not be at all surprised if there's some shenanigans with her getting a pardon.

I am very confident that she will get a a pardon mm, yes. That that that would be critical to both sides. Really. Sides as in like the the sides that Trump has going on what his motivations are and what her motivations are. They have a lot in common by going, oh my gosh, as it turns out Keelan Maxwell, uh girlfriend of the New York financier. Oh shit, that's the one's gotta go straight to the top. We gotta watch that. But but that's the thing. She wants both a pardon and immunity. So it's like that's Yeah, but that way they say, Oh, this is a terrible miscarriage of justice. She made him do this. And if you watch Filthy Rich and the other one with um that's focuses mainly on the on the women, um She needed the money.

Big time. Yeah. And like I mean like it was a continual problem. They were you know they were together for like three years. Yeah. I I thought they were together for like 20 years. I mean they were together, but no, no, no, no. No, no, there's no no there's no together about it, but uh D. It's it's the that you you know you sound like you sound like Torgo. In uh in the hands of manos. Yeah, yeah, Mystery Science Theater 3000, same thing. Okay, close. And so and so anyways, everybody's getting hand stuffed but me. Step zero, Jim Downey. Um, and then we should oh my gosh, we don't have oh my gosh, what time is it? Oh okay, I'm alright, are you alright? Yes, I'm well no, I'm trying to find the the the fucking uh PDF of uh the logistics that went into preparing the island every time and it's just Delightful.

Like, you know, what where the fruit baskets are supposed to go. What sort of thing is that it's a few years. Did we talk about it on the show, right? It was like a manual for like how to how to prepare Jeffrey Epstein's house in all these different circumstances, right? I yeah, I don't know if it was on this show, but I I just it was basically documentation. Yes, it was, and it wasn't very good documentation because there wasn't a lot of things. places the tells should be. I remember that. Eight times a day. Maybe true and I'm has it. Alright, I will find it. Too bad we have smoking gun still around? I don't know. All right. What uh what are we doing? I got a lot of uh wisdom drafts. Um I've got uh new some new thought technologies.

I've got one of my favorite hold on. This is this is an important Alex take Alex's take is that the most humiliating thing for Trump in his head is just how fucking awkward he his sexuality in that MSNBC video when when he's with Wet when they're watching the women dance. Um, Chatty G gave me says there's absolutely no credible information on lip reading. Every time I watch that video, I'm like, why has nobody done like serious lip reading? You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, people try it just. Yeah, because Donald Trump has such a such a problem over-enunciating things in a loud room. I mean, how fucking hard could it be? That seems like that could be a pretty good Larry David bit.

Uh-huh. He's done stuff with lip readers, that's pretty funny. Three I mean three times a day maybe. Three times I see just how pathetic my needs can be. Lou Barlow's his name. Oh. He and uh he and Courtney's kids go to the same school. Ooh. Why did I go? Ooh. See, I'm having emotions about things. There's no reason to I think by extension Nate Cordry is Uncle Nate. So Um, ergo, we're watching Mindhunter. And I don't know if you remember, but Uncle Nate is in Mindhunter in the second season. I was at a meeting with Nate once. He was really nice. Oh goof, that's that's go good. I'm glad. I'd like Lucy Barney. Yes, I am just I'm a roller coaster of oh that's not nice. No, I'll I know that. You don't need to tell me.

Conspiracies get got boring. Okay, um blah blah blah blah Bateman. Okay. Uh hold on, okay, no, hey, hey, yeah, listen no listen not not Merlin. Hey everybody I have had this opinion and it seems like I have been right this entire time. The thing that Trump is most embarrassed about is how awkward the sexual encounters are. Right, he wouldn't seem like an operator. He's so and there's a reason he wasn't invited to the island. There must like He never had the privilege. He never had he never had the privilege. He has now Jimmy Fallon material. No, that's not even it He just like he is not a sexual being. He's fucking weird. Think about it. He's never gotten like drunk in the world. You literally have two modes, which is sad about something funny or sad about something not funny The what it's it's extremely funny that Trump is the least uh that he is the fun one of the funniest men He is the most unfable president.

Who do you think is the least fuckable president? Uh the rumors are true. But like logistically there was the tub of situation No no um who fuck, who broke the tub? Uh broke the tub, uh Rob Robert O'Hughes. No, um Taft. Thank you. Yeah. He didn't break it, but there's a famous photo of uh the bathtub that he would take a bath in, and there's a very funny photo of I think three full-size workmen sitting in it. I'll see if I can find it. Google Google Google or Wayme Hour tap top. That's um no not I was gonna say No, I'll be your sin eater. I'll be your sin eater, don't worry. Power tab girls Tub girl. Oh yeah. It's two workmen, four workmen. Or like throw up. Four workmen. Whoa. Oh I'm not I can't find uh did you search for William Howard Taft Top?

Yeah. I'm looking at like five of them right here You get a bad internet. You know why it's because all that shit you put in your face all day. Check your check your t- I I can tell. Um Yeah, I think that's a good thing. Whatever the verb in that was, I heard the I heard the growl sound of what I believe was the pronoun I, although I know you're always changing your pronouns. I heard I think I heard the pronoun I. And then I heard I heard a noise. I have changed my pronouns once. Uh but then because you're using grammar deliberately and correctly, it would be hard to know. Like if you needed to indicate Merlin, it's a cultural difference. It's really true. It's a cultural difference. Um Oh there's four of them.

You said there was d three. Oh fuck they're oh wow. They look very cozy. I didn't know there was four of well, they're handsome. Dub dub, four men in a tub. Yeah. No, I just copied that from Mother uh was it Mother Jones? Mother Goose or finger bang as you say. Jenny Agator is a nurse. Geese Geese! Geese! Geese! Pounding on clipboard! Geese! Geese! Geese! Geese! You ever go to the gooth doctor? Crap! Get your geese! Get your geese fixed! I'm sorry. Your your general work is so poor I you can't pronounce teeth. My geese girt. I got a goof that hurts. I'm doing the thing where I keep putting off going to the dentist because it's been a year. Uh I said my action. I'm sorry, let's start wrapping up.

And and the pea tape, Merlin, there was ever a pea tape like he probably said like, oh yeah, I I was with all of these girls and and they were peeing. And that was just another fucking weird embarrassing thing because just has so he's got nothing. He's got nothing going on. He's so fucked. To quote uh oh how about this? Did you ever see the um Amy Schumer bit last fuckable day? Yeah, yeah. That's actually a really good idea terrific in that. But I think especially Julie Louie Dreyfus. Julie Julia Louie Dreyfus. Obviously extraordinary. But also Tina Faye is so low-key. Talking about the very, very old man they have sex with. And she goes just quietly, she goes, just spider webs come out. Oh god.

And then they put her out of the viking boat with a cigar. Yep. Yep. Oh, me shumer. God. Lemon made round the corner. Fudges made. Um I closed that. I did that. Go ahead. Continue. I think the wait, continue what? I I was just making noises because uh Julia Louise Dreyfus is hot in the Yeah, she's really cool. She's very charismatic. She's the with her with that canoe, the that's the one. Oh, I know the whole thing and like the and like the belching and everything. Oh my god. That's a great bit. Well we got we just gotta get hurry because we gotta get to Jim Downey, which is now zero video zero. Then we got Bob Mortimer. Jimmy Carr laughs and I don't care. Claire Foy on Netflix. Cam Peel's substitute teacher.

Number five, Kian Peel's football video. I think I had two more. What's in a first start? Oh my god. Um watching series. I mean we could just it's like the Bob Mortimer one is so visual. You know what? I'll pair this down to look can I pick two? Of course. Okay, well I'll really think of it. You're my you're my you're my Wednesday. Oh shit. Can I can I post the show? Can I post the episode? Yes, absolutely. Okay, thank you. This th your edits are helpful because my next w for a while I had uh like years ago an internal style guide that uh I know you didn't like, but I uh I liked it. Yeah, and the point of a style guide is not that it'd be perfect, but it'd be consistent. Oh no, I'm not criticizing you.

I I'm I'm I'm I'm so bad at agreeing with you. Um you working with Syracuse. Uh the Jenny Agather. That picture of him showing is really pretty. You know the green eyes. It it w uh it was I think it was My lived experience was that the last episode of Reconciled Differences made me sad. Uh latest or final. Don't say last if you mean latest. Penulti episode The p pentultimate episode of Recdiffs. Langustine. I hear you have a liberal arts degree there. You know what? I'll I'll trade you some Vivance for my own. I have a lot of problems. I'm just really polite about not telling people about them. You know, you could. You know, I think that you could help a lot of people by not telling them your problems, but telling other people their problems in a way that uh i is kind of like a mask off situation, like uh uh what's her name?

Renee uh Renee Brown Yeah, yeah, like uh continue. Say words, say things to me. Oh my god, no, no, we are I don't understand what's happening right now This happens toward the end a lot of times is you just start saying things and I'm trying to I wanna help 'cause I realize I talked a lot and I I'm I do start saying things and then you start saying things and then I stop saying You say one thing, he says another thing? Sound like Mr. Kylie and uh he says one thing, you say another thing. He rubs this way, she rubs that way, and Uh we have a challenge. Wait, the minnows what now? Oh that's what fantastic Mr. What's what Foxy says uh to Mr. Kylie. That's when they very first meet before they do the before they do the heists.

Have you seen the most recent first two-thirds? Uh oh, is it streaming? Don't answer, don't answer that Question. I don't know what you're talking about. Don't answer. I stole it. I stole it and it's and it's streaming. Talking about the Wes Anderson film, The Phoenician Scheme. Yes. I've seen a bunch of it. I am I love the nun. She does I don't know if you saw this on the internet, but she does the best shrug in that movie. Oh, I mean it's in the trail oh my god, it's so good. Oh, really? Is it in the it's in the trailer? Yes. She does the most the most like Are we talking about the the elevator shrug? Automobile? Nope, I'll find it though. Oh, I can hear myself again. Oh, that maybe you did turn yourself down.

I did I did not turn my own. Really? No. No. I said that to confuse you. Um I was commiserating. I I had I've been talking to a lot of normal people who talk in normal ways. So I've needed to oh shit oh fuck I'm hold on hold on hold on I'm breaking. It's really good the way we keep hanging on to these way past the funny. Oh no, oh no. Oh was it Matt? Something wrong? Uh no, I'm I'm breaking uh I thought that I was fixing my sound. in a way that I liked and uh now I don't. I can indeed hear you anything. Uh uh. I would love to hear you talk. I would love to hear you talk. I meant to adjust your sound. Um, you are really, really quite a character. Uh uh. It's nine o'clock on a Saturday. The regular crowd shuffles in.

I really like I really like that song. It's fun. It's it's just it's it's fun. I do think that's pretty good for not knowing how that goes. I'm not really sure how it goes. Um click that link that you didn't get a gift for, or you'll see GIF, and you'll see that's the shrug I meant. Three-second, three-second uh animated gif free. Yes, this is in the trailer. Oh my god. Isn't that an amazing shrug? Benizio del Toro is such an unlikely perfect fit for Wes Anderson. I loved him in French Dispatch. I'm sure he's been in others, but he's he's so oh he was he in um Lesteroid City? Yeah, I'm I'm an un unfortunately I'm an unapologetic Wes Anderson fan. Why unfortunately? Fortunately Media's death. Um what did I a draft section.

This draft section? They I didn't even open it yet. Well please have out your draft action. I'm trying there has to be some concision to the conversation. You you can't just um think that buying 30 pairs of dull scissors is better than one sharp pair. That's pretty good. No, I mean I agree. It just does not apply to this at all. Merlin. Absolutely does. And you won't remember why it does. And then later on we'll talk about it and you'll say, well, do you have a transcript of that? And I'll say how did you get this number? I have a thing that I do almost every day, which is that I created a new document called Today Space, Wednesday, Space. Est date, right? 20250703. With dashes, right? And I I just I do that enough that Um it seems sensible to do something smart to to automate that.

And so this is back when I was using a tool that I don't use anymore. I was like, um, I want a way to do this thing where when I when I click the action, um it well, I I I luckily I don't have to think about the logic of this. Um I want it to go to a document titled what I just said, right? Uh today, Wednesday, D. And if that document already exists, I want you to take me to that document. Like no duplicates, right? Oh yes, this is where one thing, one one thing, one key. Cause you know, can you guess what the inspiration for this is? Well, inspiration one is Instapaper, obviously, because I would do this every day in Instapaper, but There's another app that this kind of reminds you of? Wait, you would do this every day in Instant Paper?

Daily Notes in Obsidian. Right. Where you don't have to do anything if you set it up, you get a daily note every day. Well, you know what? For the way that I use not obsidian, but the way that I use drafts, that makes a fuck ton of sense. Because I can do anything I want. I mean it's usually just you know um dash delimited uh markdown lists but if I want to add bracket space bracket, then that becomes a to-do. Like just in my little dumb drafts thing. So I'm I'm getting the best of task paper things. All of those in this in this one dumb thing. And roll back the tape, everybody. Merlin said instapaper. That's why I was confused. I'm sorry, insta task, what's it called? Task task paper and and dress.

Yeah. And so it kind of takes, you know, some some of the best elements because one thing that hung me up for a super long time was that The way the let me put it this way, not the most, no, no, no, get your head out of your ass. I did my most important task. metawork on my Mac at the office in task paper. Well that seems like the easiest thing in the world. So what's the problem? Well, the task paper app on iPhone has never really been to my taste. Then we begin the saga. Oh, and it's sorry, also like drafts. There's some things about drafts that are make it great. Like, but there's also things that are like, I understand why they're there, but it's limiting. Like you can't do folding. Um, you can't do, I mean, not fold, you can't fold like markdown lists that I'm aware of.

I I've looked. You can't, there's like, you know, and it also it has to be iCloud, it doesn't do Dropbox. And so, well, if the only way I can get to this document on a Mac is this way, and there's no other way on iPhone to get to it that I like, well then I begin this years long thing of like finally realizing what I finally got to was and I've I've talked to a bunch of people including Greg about this. I realized I was getting so hung up about so many parts of this setup, this might appeal to you, that I had lost track of the fact that I still really like task paper, but uh it's not it shouldn't be a gating app for how every other part of my life runs. And so that's why increasingly if I can do it in drafts and I can automate it and I can make a key I do that in drafts.

Because things is just four tasks. Thing, you know, drafts is whatever I want it to be, which is part of what made Obsidian frustrating for my just because of how I was using it. Because I was treating Obsidian like drafts, which you oughtn't. I mean in my case, I shouldn't. Obsidian is good for structured stuff. It's way better for structured stuff than drafts. But if all I need is wiki links and double bracket links Dude, every day now I hit that automation. It creates a new file. And then I just start putting stuff into it. Like whatever needs to be in there. It's basically like a new sheet in a notebook every day. And it's almost all Uh ephemeral, but a surprising amount of it is stuff that I will want to come back to.

Like if I'm trying to find one, I posted an image and I can't find the image. I'll use drafts to find when I wrote the accompanying tweet or whatever. Like the same way I would use Gmail to find receipts or use photos to find locations. Like all these weird things that probably nobody else does. But like bringing that into drafts is so useful. So now I go in ding ding ding, I hit that, boom, loads up. Because doing tasks in drafts is not really all that fun. Guess what? That's a feature, not a bug. 'Cause that's not actually where tasks belong. If I just need a quickie list with some bullshit, that's fine. But my sac my sacrosanct things application usage, that's just for stuff that's like real Merlin Man tasks.

You're muted. Is everything all right? I think Alex walked away because I was talking for so long. I no no no I I muted my I completely understand No, wait, no, because I was I I just wanted to make sure my mic, I think my uh I I may have blown out blown out some audio but now uh it's electronically or physically I uh no blown out as a like overdriven. Um yeah yeah. It's it but it's all good now. I uh You're so good with decision and disambiguation and things that aren't pronounced. Your description of that problem domain was very uh It did it it it didn't make sense because mostly I don't know what I was doing and I need to fix my audio after this. But we uh I I used drafts the exact same way, except I had an action that would uh you know, I would have my daily note and then I would send that daily note to obsidian, sort of to have that archive.

That's in the mix. Yeah. And but it ended up being that I could just search dra my archive of drafts so much, you know, because it would go to Obsidian and archiv But it's so fast, it's so replicable. And I don't even honestly I don't get into that stuff like workspaces and and things like that, except when it really is useful for something. Like if I'm doing something that it's creating a lot of drafts automatically I'll have that s you know be in a certain workspace or whatever, but like I'm not even touching on I mean the way I use tags is so boneheaded and unnecessary because I'm still in the habit of elements style having in band, you know, metadata? No. What well like if it doesn't have like not every app has Like so you've got you know what I mean?

Like in like there's the there's the stuff in the file But like it with YAML, like you never see, you shouldn't need or really you shouldn't be able to see what's in the YAML uh definition part. Right. Or any more than like I mean comments are different I guess, but you want all that stuff to be deliberately not visible. I mean pfft a a lazy thing we used to do back in the day is like when you want to take out a section for the weekend on your website or whatever, you just put it in comments and uncomment it later to like bring it straight back, you know. But um What were we saying? I was just saying how fast giraffes is for search because like you said, it's ephemeral. As long as you use it for what it's good for, it's great at it.

Oh well And everything else you can kinda hack, you know? The that was mm my thing with Obsidian. I had uh Uh uh like I am so grateful for uh uh I I know no one I know uh works on Obsidian who's listening to this. I don't know why I'm h hedging. Um like I I loved it. It was an honor just to get to work with them. You should get some photos with them before they die. So you can post them to Todd Nile. Todd Nile make fun of you. It was such an honor to work with Barney the dinosaur in 1983. Oh, did he die? No, no, I just think it would be funny. Also, that's years before Barney existed. It's just 1983 is also the random year I use for a fake Will Rogers quote. before we started recording. I'm looking up all the you saying that we're gonna go out.

We're gonna go out on um and on this is just in band. Metadata. This is not the actual text of the podcast. People won't be able to hear this because I'll comment it out But I'm looking up how looking up how to say endless shrimp in in some different European languages. Oh good, good. I know how to say it in French. Well what's interesting is it didn't occur to me. Oh my god, I forgot I already know this word from Kraftfurk. They have a song called Endless Europe. I think it's called Europe Endless. Endlos Endros. Up Endless. Endlos Up Endless. Endlos Garnellin. But anyway, we're not to that segment yet. Uncomment. It's self-terminating. That's the thing about an HR and a BR. Those are called self-terminating tags.

You don't they're not in pairs like lesbians. You just find them in isolation. God, I wish we could stop right there. That's really funny. Oh just that's like a lonely U-Haul or um. Yeah, yeah, U-Haul markup language it's called. Yeah. I wanted to see the doctor of Divinity. It's you know what when we talk about tech, it is fun because I I find it uh l your your bits are wonderful and they are so funny to me and uh a bunch of people I'm not being sarcastic, but then I am like I I lose the thread because I'm like, oh, I don't know how to do that. Oh, nope, I don't know how to do that. And th and then all the other tech boys are like laughing along and I'm like, oh I don't know. I don't I didn't use TextMate.

I don't know how And but then I um I A I bad, but then I go back and go bleep bloop bloop blip bloop and I learn more about some weird listening to your own podcast, huh? Uh I d well That's cool. No, no, I listen to my own podcast. It's a good show. If you're not a fan of your own show, then you're doing something wrong. Can I just go out on Endless Shrimp? Yes. Do you want to hear it in Spanish or French? French. I already know it in French, but I want to hear you say it. Uh so because of your flute. I I don't know if I get the pronunciation right. Uh Cavets Sans Fan So it's shrimp without end. Now Espanol I do a little better. Camarones sin fin. Oh, that sounds good. You know what? Let me see if I get the lady to say it's I don't know if I can get the lady to say it.

Camarones hang on. Let me go here, let's see. Camarones CP. Did you hear that Spanish? No. Oh fuck. Okay. Uh try this. Uh Provet sans fan? I am your friend. You can di you can disclose your intimacies with me. I am Claude. I am made by Google. Ha ha. I am not a boss. I am a different class of character. I'm an anthropic. Magic user. There was Bard. Kevin Roos was messing with my head. It was very confusing. Dingaling. Oh, I wasn't calling him a dingaling, that was just a sound effect. Ding a ling a ling. Yeah. I have no opinion about Kevin Roosevelt. I'll always score you on that one. Was it Sleepless in Seattle? Right? No, I'm not sure. Harry met Sally, yes. But horses, horses, horses, didn't you say I got it from the wrong thing?

Yeah, you uh yes, it is from sleepless in Seattle. Not not when Harry met Sally. No. It's not when they go to the karaoke. That's Oklahoma. Give it give it to me, Sheldon. Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry. I used to cover that song. I used to cover that song for people. I thought we were going out on the scurry. Did you ever watch uh Wolverine in Oklahoma? He's pretty good. Wolverine in Oklahoma. Sorry, huge Ackman. That guy's got a huge Ackman. A cat just fell on your desk. Okay. Hey, the challenge for next week will be uh TK. I've really enjoyed this week's episode, Alex. Thank you. Thank you so so so so much for um Citizen Kane. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck. I sent Alex, I sent Alex um Um um the Citizen Kane movie.

Isn't that a did you open it? It's a really pretty package. Oh my god. Isn't it a pretty package? It is. When it opened up I I if I could still come, I would have made white spider webs all over the place. Uh-huh. Oh, I'm not sure. Wait, do you watch it, buddy? It's pretty fucking good. And you gotta watch it with that eBird commentary, my friend. He's gonna want to stand at some point. He's gonna laugh at that. I'm gonna be mad. Um but I the next few days are going to be Kane days and I I I imagine I'll hear from you and that'll probably make me want to turn it on and it'll be just like in um when Harry met Sally. And they're watching Casa Blanket together. Oh my gosh. Um the um yeah I you know you know a line that I like?

I used to use as a Twitter bio. You know a line from that movie I like a lot. It's a it's a fairly obscure line, I think, but it's pretty good. It's when Charles Foster King comes back from, you know, his big thing and you you'll see this in the first it's in the first act. And and they've got all the dancing girls there and everything. And and then the bald guy goes, Yeah, they mean Ms. Kane, they even wrote a song about you. And Keith says, ah, you buy a bag of peanuts in this town, you get a song written about you. That's such a great 1941 thing to say. Of course. You buy a bag of peanuts in this town, you get a song written about you. It'd be really a slight thing to write a s write a song about.

Oh, my friend Alex puts some peanuts. Uh because by pronunciation it sounded like penis, but that's not it, different kind of nuts. Pican's O'Shaughnessy, or as you say, O'Shanghanasi. Bonly on Disin. raw transcript