352. I've Been That Karen

This is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Alex Cox and Merlin Mann. This week's challenge Do something bloggy Hello Ah, hello, Merlin Man. Good after morning. Hello. I need to stop my printer. You're early, so I'm gonna stop this. I thought I might be able to pull out the rest of the print job, but you're early. Oh, y you don't mm. I've heard various things about the pull-out method and I don't have an opinion of the city. Oh, see, there's different times for people. People have different I'm just shutting down. Um People have different ideas of time. You're probably aware of this, right? Just a little bit, yes. Does it does it ever come up that maybe sometimes people have a little disparity about how they perceive time?

I I would say that some people have uh difficulties, if not full-on delusions, yes. As well as like normal people who just I I mean like real talk genuinely have the thing of like oh this is gonna take fifteen minutes and it really takes them a half at least some people have all of those I think. Yes. Mm-hmm yes Yeah, so there's several different times. It's it's shutting down. It's gotta stop. This thing's very sophisticated. Um Yeah, so I mean there's the time, for example. There's the the stupid time, the time that doesn't matter, which is the time you schedule something to happen. Which, you know, for everyone I know is a a serving suggestion at best. And then, you know, sometimes you add a little time to that and somebody says, uh, you know, so let's let's say you're somebody you know, who, you know, has a lot of these problems with time, who gets confused when you say something like half past the hour and they're trying to figure out how you convert that to point five for some reason.

Oh, I think it's a good idea. People with a metric mind like yourself. And plus military. Military? That's not how military time works, Alex. Exactly. I just get oh full nuance. Okay. So so anyway, there's the time you schedule something to happen, which I learned a pretty long time ago, is you know, I think I I look at that pounce line privilege, I look at that a little different than a lot of my friends. You know? And uh anyway, when when you say you want to do it a half hour later, I know that generally means 45 minutes to an hour later. Yes, yes. Which is it's not a problem as long as we prepare for it. So I was printing. I was printing some things and I swear to god I think it's done now.

I'm gonna turn off the printer so it stops making a fan noise. How you doing? Um I'm well, but this time I do not hear the printer unlike last time. It's very loud. Hang on, I'll get it Oh, interesting. Well, didn't you get the thing I sent? Of cour of course. Of course. Well, I didn't know if you if we wanted to talk about the the new family. I think I'm gonna talk about it with Syracuse, but and it's not very interesting to talk about, but how about watching that thing print, huh? Isn't that fast? As as uh you know, uh as uh i inconsistent as this show has been, I still bet that if we talk about the printer, it will come out before Syracuse. So I I would like to start to Hey if that helps you get Yeah, that helps you get it out.

That's great. I you know what I also really enjoy? I never get the opportunity. And I try not to drag you too hard on Mastodon, but boy, you really do deserve it. You say the oddest things that that are complete completely at odds with reality. One of my favorite ongoing bits of yours for six months now is, you know, we should put the show out on Thursdays. And I say, you know what? That's a really good idea. And then some time passes and then you say, you know what, we should go back to putting out the show on Thursdays. And I say, you know what? That's a good idea. And then a little while later, sometimes you'll say something like, the shows always come out on Friday or Saturday or later And I'll say, hmm, I don't know.

Anyways, so you know, there's all cut time is a harsh mistress. Who is that? Ray Bradbury? Uh I watched uh who said that? I watched uh tenant and uh too many times. I've a that's the problem. No, you got time poisoned. You're on the wrong side of the uh of the time escalator. It's it's not the, you know, uh now fifteen years plus of mental what it is, is I am the unwed mother, I I think, and I'm just like s caught in this stream. So really too. Well I think he's lazy. Oh oh interesting. What do we know from the first, I believe the first line. Oh god, I don't know the first line. Uh time was Billy Pilgrim was unstuck in time. I think Billy Pilgrim is unstuck in time. Is oh, that's another mmm.

I don't know. Because you know, he's seen his death many times. No spoilers. That Paul Lazara, I never liked that guy. Now Roland Weary, I could roll I could roll with Roland. No matter how hard he washed, he always smelled a little like bacon. Yeah, I've read that book a lot. I don't know if we could make it a good challenge, but I I don't think a lot of our listeners have read Slaughterhouse 5 and uh I don't think anybody Yeah. It didn't mean Why would you say that? It's one of the most popular novels of the late 20th century. Because uh uh because people don't read anymore. Well no, most of my friends haven't read it and uh I'm in my thirties now. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Most of my friends aren't homeowners.

In okay. Well even in high school, most of my friends had not read it and I was like, guys, no, you don't understand. You don't understand. But please read this, read this. It was uh Did you read it in high school? Yeah, yeah. And it was very much one of those my friends being like, Oh my god, read a different book, and I'm like, No, please, please. Yes. Well Oh, hmm. For people like, mm, I don't know, it's very, very, very readable to a certain kind of person. I mean, I'm not trying to again I I hate that word. Why am I saying it? I'm not trying to like say, oh, you know, Philip Roth or Saul Bell is not interesting. I I'm trying to, I'm just saying that like as it's a it's a work of popular fiction.

It's very easy to read. And it's it it really it's got a momentum, it's got a feel, and boy, his writing style f obviously just really stuck with me. I would say that it is also um accessible in a way that Cat's cradle Mr. Rosewater, as much as I adore those. Well, I I mean those are the classics. Like the ones you mentioned, Breakfast of Champions, I think would probably be the other one, you know. And all kinds of them. You can't say anything anymore without somebody going, you know, they're all good. Great. People don't say those things to me. And maybe it's because P I don't know. That's because I like I enjoy understatement. Uh which cannot be overstated, how much I enjoy understatement.

My favorite one on cable news is when they say this cannot be understated enough, and I tend to agree. How's yeah, but how how's how's it gonna how's it gonna impact the ask? That's my question. I was worried about reading one of these lists of uh mm like your your writing pet peeves and I was like, oh no, oh no. It's just my advantage. I'm constantly I am every other week reminded that even though I cannot pronounce pronounce poof even though I cannot pronounce any words in the English language, that I I'm too hung up on words. Calibre. And on uh that was funny. And and uh by the way, there's an update just since you said that. Oh thank you. Uh and that uh do you know you don't get that? I get an update all the time.

I always got plugins to update And I always got the opt up to calibre. Calibre. Um but uh um yeah, I I get hung up about it and I've been told that ship has sailed. Another phrase that I hate. That that's a very confused. It's fine in a limited use. If you if you're saying okay, so like if you want to say to somebody something like, um, oh my gosh, oh I really wanted to go see the popular singing woman. And so but the tickets were really costly and you had to get them six Oh and then you had to you had to if you wanted tickets you should have gotten those six months ago and been prepared to spend five times as much as you thought. So then you find out that all your friends are gonna pile into their Barbie van and go see the popular singing woman.

And you say, Well, I wanna go. And you say, Well, you do you have a ticket? And they say, No, I don't have a ticket. Can I get one there? And you could say to that person, what would you say to that person? You could say to that person, well, I'm sorry, but that sh that ship has sailed. Uh I g Is there a gun to your own? If you wanted to be on that ship, for example, you should have made plans to be on that ship a long time ago, would be one way to look at it. The way I don't like it being used by people like John Syracusa is that ship has sailed, meaning, well, you know, ships can, with some effort, turn around. Or go someplace else or sink. It doesn't mean the end of the affair because the ship has set.

Exactly. Yes. Ex yes. Stop saying impact is what I'm saying. Don't say impact. You mean you mean effect with an A. Mm-hmm You know like insure versus insure? It still drives me crazy. Oh no, everybody just says insure now, like insurance. Well that's not right. You insure a boat, but you insure with an E someone's health and safety. It's a different thing. The word these mean things, Alex. I know and I know you know and I love that about you. Well, but as I read that list again, I'm like, this I don't know if this is about words. This is much more about people and the kind of people who use these phrases. What's about people with a very weak very weak mind that are very susceptible to influence on a month-to-month basis?

And that's fine. That's a lot of America. Hakuna matata. I hope y'all are having fun and enjoying your Pilates class and your wheatgrass shots or whatever the fuck. when you talk about double clicking into something. Is that really what you wanted to did you really want to say, well let's double click into that? You ever heard that when somebody says that I have never you you forget I have had w one almost real job. I've I have I worked my entire job. You got all your black friends at YouTube, they have jobs. My my black friends at YouTube. Yeah. Yeah. My b uh I don't know. Well you see you talk to them sometimes about things. Do I have new bla a black friends? Sure, they're all famous a little bit.

What? No, I'm just talking about one of another one of your ticks. That ship has sailed. That ship is boated. What does that mean? I don't know. I heard it on MSNBC. Someone says that ship is boated. It's moving into uncharted territories because they forgot to rent another boat. Really America's really America's a melting boat. I don't I I don't come into contact with these people. No, you're not made you're not made up for it. You can't come. I can't mm I mean it takes a lot, but eventually. And it has to be very quiet, no sirens. Are you one of those people where you can't have any noise? Don't move the left part of your upper lip for the next hour. If you want me to arrive. If you want me to arrive, you must sing the battle hymn of the Republic in total silence.

Without moving the left part of your lower lip. You know, you're being scored for points, not for speed. Mmm like a lot of people. You know, putting less pressure on my clitoris does not make you an ally. Okay, new document. You make it sound like I'm having trials. I'm gonna sail that boat. But I need a c I need a character. I need even like a doctor. Do you remember Dr. Ruth? Was she before your time? Oh, you know what? No. The they they She's like a canonical 80s character. She's very delightful. Dr. Ruth, Dr. Ruth Westheimer. I think shh she had a PhD. But anyway, she was this adorable woman with the most German German accent you've ever heard. She was like four and a half feet tall, and she would speak very, very frankly about sexuality in a in a wholesome way, but you could I mean the whole bit was it was coming from this little tiny, let's be honest, not very sexy German lady.

And it wasn't it wasn't like a hot blogger or, you know, Masters and Johnson clones or something. And she would, you know, she would talk about orgasms on David Letterman and make him very uncomfortable. I think I need something like that, because right now I'm gonna put a lot of people off if I say you gotta bump that clit hard. The well not to do that. That's what they tell you. I mean if you like Ciro. Or Google. Google is Claude. No, I hate it all. Google's always been barred, but it's okay. I hated. Yeah. You were you were real committed to that. Do you remember that? You think I don't listen. Your problem is I do listen. I do listen to you, I remember. Oh no, you do remember. I it's a deep Pain.

Not a deep insecurity. Most of my insecurities are pretty on the surface, quite honestly. You know what? That that's a that's a Distorted form of honesty and I I honor it. And Star Wars can call it Greebels. It's like you got those little boxes on your Millennium Falcon to make you more interesting. Frankly carbuncular. It's called patina. Do you listen to the Flophouse podcast? Not often. No. Okay, never mind. Okay. Yes. I funny a funny thing happened last night that I I'm a big fan of the Flop House podcast and it's I don't know. It's it's it's difficult to recommend because just like the way it was recommended to me by Syracuse and Snell, it's like, you know, it's not it's not for everybody.

It's real stupid. And I think it was Syracuse who described it as being like it being in the writer's room where like ninety percent of the jokes don't land, but you you just so you just start doing more jokes, you just refire your joke gun, joke, joke, joke. Mm-hmm. It's it it I listened to a few episodes and very very much enjoyed it. It's got boy energy. Uh not like toxic boy energy, but like uh moist, gentle boy energy. It it has uh what what was where f uh w once uh uh r s described to me in the the a nice way of uh like Jen ex sketch comedy uh r energy and uh I don't think that is an insight like when Janine Garofalo would come out on stage with her notebook and just read out of her notebook.

She made it work for a while. While I am not a fan of the law house. No, no, no. I am a fan of the people who make it. Oh yeah. Before he got fit, Stu and I looked a lot alike. My kid would point it out. For the last ten years, my kid would point out, why are you in that picture with the guy eating chicken? I say that's not me. That's it's someone I've only met once, but I love him very dearly. His name is Stuart Wellington, and he is a carve of beef. Slice a slab of ham, that guy. You ever seen him lift his weights? He's gorgeous. He's a fun dresser now too. And he's okay talking about self-esteem issues, which I really like a lot Especially when they're Dan's issues. I think I got a bell right here.

Okay. See, I almost I almost got that. And and Oh, because every the joke is everybody makes fun of Dan, which I think sometimes uh understandably does get under his scan. All I was gonna say was that one of my all-time favorite episodes of The Flop House, well, let me just stipulate, first of all, this is not interesting, but it this is what it's for, right? Is it okay that I'm here? Yes, yes. I was going to say, while I I'm not like a fan, uh a diligent fan of the show, I am a fan of the people who create it because I really respect and like what they make. So please tell me uh tell me about what happened on the flop house. Um well what they do is uh they watch Bad Movie and they talk about it.

And uh and they watch a movie, the the titular flop of the flop house. And boy, I am so sorry for the number of you who know this way too deeply and the others of you who don't care. No I'm not sorry. I'm me. Ooh. You're you and that's all you have and you're not going to apologize for it. That's me. That's all I have. Yeah, I wrote it on a fucking post-it. Yeah, if only I could get my alt text straightened out. I got contacted. If only. She knows contacted. I was contacted about the copy bar again. Again? Yeah, just further further follow up on what I'd done. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Um, and so they watch a bit when we talk about now sometimes and the thing is they don't always go for it's not I mean Unless it's like a special event, like a uh like a live show that they're gonna sell tickets to and stuff.

Like in that case, they might do something like Troll Two they did recently, which is famously not a sequel to the movie Troll. And it is really astonishingly very, very bad. Or of course then there's the ones that kind of are somewhere in between where you're like, it almost seems on the nose for them to do Faithful Findings, except their Faithful Findings episode. is so goddamn funny. Um, but most of the time it's a movie I've maybe heard of or I rem you know, this is movies that like people say the movies that don't exist. Movies that kind of barely exist or only existed for a little while. Like remember that one, the strange life of uh Timothy Grasshopper or whatever, where the kid was a leaf of grass or whatever and Uh or or you look at something like a classic would be something like um uh mirrors.

W the k the the the Kiefer uh Kiefer Sutherland movie where he ends up in a mirror. I think you are making your point because I have no I have no memory of any of this. It is a very famous episode from the early days when it was not recorded very well. No shade, no lemonade, Dan. But some of them are a little rough to listen to. But Stu, you know, we make jokes about Stu enjoying his his his drinks on the air. But you know, it sounds like he he either was a little bit intoxicated, which is fine. I'm a little intoxicated a lot. Or he was doing a great bit. But to get to the end of the movie Mirrors, where something has happened and now Keanu Keanu Sutherland. K he for Sutherland is now in a mirror world where everything is backwards.

He's in the mirror world. And so they say to Stu at the end, but then you know you saw what happened at the end. I don't know why I'm just repeating somebody else's bit. But he goes, Yeah, I was like some of them writing's backwards and everything. And like, yeah, but did you these maybe you realize he's like in the mirror? And Stu goes, wait, what? Come on. Wait. What? Come on. And it's the funniest thing you've ever heard in your life. You'll never hear those words the same again. Most of the movies I haven't seen. Now, as it happens, one of my favorite episodes of the Flop House, it's got uh it's a great episode. It's got great bits. It's got the w the greatest mailbags, mailbag, um, flophouse mailbag song of all time.

Um And it's also got one of the most famous tangents. They call it a tangent when they go off and do a bit, like the the tan tan bit. I call it a rat hole. Just so it's just so hot. But uh and it's called bullet to the head. Starry. Alex, so you've heard that episode. No, on Instagram, it was the audio quality. No, I it's uh the yes, yes. Go along I've heard that Maybe six times. Cause I'll go just go through I'll just like pull up an old flop house and just listen to it. There was a summer, two, three summers ago where I that was One summer it was on my bim bam. Another summer I w it was like I listened to every episode of the Flop House. I don't know w why what it is about summer, but um This is not funny, but like there's so I've heard that episode so many times, I know it by heart.

USA, where characters are welcome. There his his daughter Lisa who works at Tatubaba, which is not a Baba Yaga. You've got Kwan is fight fighting with Cal Drogo. And and he was it a bullet to the head? No, it was a car to the body. Danny Houston is hatless. You know, th those kinds of things. And we were flipping around last night and and believe it or not, little lord doesn't like to cop to what he knows. about stuff. But not only does he know that episode, but he likes that episode and he super likes and super knows the the letter song. Letter's time. It's letters time. I'm an unborn letter with so much potential. That one saved me for a while. I would not copy the thing. And guess what? And guess what?

And guess what? What? What? Guess what shows up? A poster. And and and poor Madeline almost had a coronary, I think. As one, Billy and I both go. And we see the poster for bullet to the head, which I have never seen. No desire to see. Billy's like, well fuck it. We're watching that right now. Oh yes. And of course it starts, he's drinking bullet bullet whiskey. And then Dan says, whoa, whoa, whoa. And Sylvester's still here. That's right. Hello, Dan. Hello Stuart. So Sophia Patullo, uh uh go they're all golden girls to me. Truly the the sarcasticist of of the golden girls. I'd appreciate you not dragging her name through the mud! And so we watched like 40 minutes of Bullet to the Head, and it was So bad, but I was able to say, oh no, oh my god, oh my god, this is the scene where they take the bullet out of Kwan.

Like I I I know all of this just from I don't know what who any of these people were. I go, I go, oh, I think that's Lisa. Or like I I uh like oh there's Cal Drogo, you know. Yeah, is he problematic is is he a little bit of a hear something about he's a little bit of a handful? I have n I I don't know. And I don't have an opin opinion on that. Because I I I've never met or even know that much about Kal Drogo other than he was in the Apple original Series C right. It's all all about all about boats that are sailed. And uh you know, he he's happy happy to give Daenerys' brother a crown, huh? Oh yeah that was the first that was like the first time I think people were like, Oh the show's gonna go then what this is yeah.

And he's and the clink. The clink. It's like tunk! I don't think it would have dried and hardened that fast, but it's such a great effect. I okay I was ready to believe I there's fucking dragons. I was ready to be fine with a claim. You know what? God damn it, Alex. Let's print it on the money. You know? There were dragons. Like it's a you're watching a movie. You know? What people will suspend their disbelief for is so strange to me. As evidenced in in a wonderful bit on the flop house, uh when they do a flop house mini, they do one on on goose. Have you ever heard that one where Dan will read you from the goofs page and in the fewest guesses possible you have to guess what movie that's a goof for.

Oh go uh goofs. Oh From IMDV Goofs. Ooh, no. You know, where somebody's like, actually that kind of martini glass wasn't invented until one year later. Right. Or or like my uh my obsession for a while, I've told you about this. I think that's when Max was here and we were all into stealing valor. I my favorite is I just Whether that's on the App Store, I love discovering nuts on Amazon. We did the kind of person, and I this is an old joke of mine, but this is very similar to something I read twice a week. Um, I bought I bought this toy rifle for my grandson and now he won't go to church anymore. Or something just people saying the oddest things about something they bought for somebody, or like, you know, should have been made clearer that this is white, not black.

Well it's as it's white no whatever. But like it's all those and like I love following the nuts because there was one nut on IMDB I followed for a while who was very, very Knowledgeable, apparently, but very, very upset about the way that people would do military uniforms and movies. The stuff that they got wrong about military uniforms and movies. And we're not talking about like somebody with seven stripes being called a private. We're talking about like, no, that epaulette. uh piping would have been vermilion not purple or whatever. Oh you know and so they go to every movie and they're taking on taking a little mini shit on every movie because they got the chevrons wrong. I I enjoyed it. Do you like discovering nuts?

Well, do you do have do you have a kind of nut, like a mixed nut you like to dig your hand in and really find some good ones? Uh I try not to do well, I try not to do this as much because you know learn learning. Dangerous, horrible people. Like you don't have to go like schedule a phone call with them. But like it is interesting to watch somebody's passions rise to the level of committing something to the internet. I yeah, Amazon is where I find those those treats and it is interesting. Like you you you like click on the profile. I'll s I'll see one that's like, okay, um, that's that's pretty banal. Like uh recently, you know, a lot of people are buying new m mag safe uh little hul holsters to uh prop up the um the like f yeah, the to the flat ones that Apple sa uh sells.

And a lot of them have like two stars because there's the like three people who go to every one of those products and say, this doesn't come with the charger. Couldn't test. How is that legal to sell it without the charger? It should have a charge. It's a charger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kind of people who are like, I invoke my Kickstarter riots like those type of people. I guess I should have read it more carefully It's like yeah, I think that's probably true. Now there's plenty of ways you can get fucked on Amazon. We've seen it. Yeah. Smiling, you know, Asian boy. You you you order a doormat and it's a picture of a doormat, that kind of thing. Like I I know that happens and I've gotten some weird stuff.

I told you that 3D printing maintenance kit I got like half the shit was just not in it. And you know, and I did I went I left a r I left a review and I explained uh I had two stars and I explained why. And you know, but It is w it is weird what a form it's almost like next door for stores. Next store. It is, yeah. There's a lot yeah, like they they think that they're uh you know, like the King Cruise of some kind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, you just sound like a prison snitch who's not gonna last very long. If we hadn't discovered Karen, we would have had to invent Karen. Yes. Because now that is it's such a type. Yes. And and I'm not even I'm not saying it's but it is. But like it it really is the can I talk to your manager person?

And it's real. It's not just like, you know. uh calling the cops on black people, having barbecues. It's just and I've been this. Remember I'm the guy at the ski place who said Google me? Like I've been that Karen. Really? We all have. You've been Martha. Yeah, uh yeah. You got your own brand for this. Correct, but did you intentionally be a Karen? Like was it a out of okay, I've been a Karen a whole bunch of times. Oh. Yeah, yeah, usually because I felt I and the same reason I can I just extrapolate from my own experience. And I again I'm I'm not talking about civil rights violations by and large, but like I've been terrible to people. Like, honestly, like I've just been unnecessarily cruel and terrible to people for mostly reasons of just day-to-day, like a little surge of power.

Either I thought I had power and they made me feel like I didn't, or I wish I had power and now I need to generate that. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I think that if if if you the listener were honest with yourself, you'd admit that's that's big for all of us. And it's a big part of what's wrong with America right now. now is the feeling of needing to generate a feeling of power. Look at every pylon that happens. Look at every, you know what I mean? Look at all the brigading or whatever. There's all these things where you have to become part of something that you have as as you stated here like have a strong opinion about and but I know mostly it's just that I f I would feel sort of um impotent's the wrong word definitely underserved and like I know you can do better than this But of course I even had sometimes have shaded into the whole like I want the whole dinner free guy, which I can't even imagine doing at this point.

Oh wow. When I was younger I was full of piss and vinegar. I was kind of awful sometimes. I mean, if anyone uh thinks that they're Yeah, I was gonna say if anyone doesn't uh think that they're so much nicer than almost anyone you've ever met. And I'm willing to tell you about the times that I wasn't. As I said to you, I think last week, please don't please don't attempt to summarize my life And I said, shut up, bitch. That's not what I'm talking about. And I did. I'm sorry. That ship has sailed. It impacted my ask. It just doesn't make sense. Like why would you be like, oh, that ship has sunk? Like it just makes so much more sense. Like Oh I see. Well no, but like because that's just a fair it's That ship has failed due to poor maintenance.

Well I I I don't know. It's it's It it's like uh for for me it's very much a uh like it I couldn't care less. Like I I don't know. Now that one that's one where I I I just avoid it totally. Because I have I accept and understand that in the parlance, in the way that we speak, I c I first of all, I couldn't care less sounds a lot better and more effective than I could care less. Because if you could care less You know what I mean? You don't really care l little enough. Yeah. Well and uh so I I should say I could I I could care less about Jason Momoa. Like I I think about I'm like sure I want to think about the like. I want you to go off Karen, but you know I own, right? You think you you have the ability you could care less if you chose to.

You just don't even care enough to care less. That should be a good thing. Like I probably should be less invested, you know? Because but sometimes you just get in. Ah no. See I return null is like I I heard your statement and I have nothing I have no response to that. even to like like agree that you framed it in a way that I agree with. Like all I can say is the re I I return no, which I'm sure is wrong. N-A-N, I've hour JavaScript. Like uh uh but like I I just want to say to you, like, okay, I I heard the thing you said, it was English words that I understood, but I have an un unmetedly small amount of opinion about that. Yes. I couldn't care less about what that person thinks. Like already I'm like, no, I couldn't.

I really truly couldn't. No, it's I think it's a just a simple, it's a misunderstanding and that person's feelings are hurt. and they think I'm being unkind, which I understand. But I yeah, no, here's the thing though, just because this is another problem with America, this is the third book. Uh another problem with America is just because I can understand and I do understand doesn't mean I agree with you, let alone have the cycles to become Again, after the f the first time you've contacted me is to yell at me twice about something. And then I'm I'm I'm supposed to feel, or as John Syracuse says, I'm meant to feel bad about that, and I'm supposed to throw myself you know, no lo contendere and say, I really want to become a better person.

And it's like, well, I I do want to become a better person, but I also just want to be a person. And to be a better person, it helps to be a person. But to be a person, I cannot be the information booth for everything you're sad about this afternoon. And and I would say I I'm not gonna hold your dick, but you may not have a dick. And it would be it would be ableist for me to say that Don't say bye. And you might have been born with one, but not have one now and unwillingly got uh oh unwillingly got rid of it like the uh the No, he doesn't do that. Um, I draw the line there, coxes. You have to get your coxes removed from Wales. Hi, I'm Foghorn Lakehorn, podiatrist. Wait a minute. You cut his boobs off?

I certainly did. You got him right here. They're like cataracts. Keep them in a jar. Watch Watch him a whip. I'm colorful. I'm also from Michigan for some reason. It's uh and is it Dr. Michigan? Is that his name? Dr. Michigan. Check out this hot hot hot tip for leaving Michigan five pounds light. More inside. If it was SFK it it would be something like this surprising trick is making people flock to Michigan to lose weight That would oh God see you don't want to such a good YouTube title and oh man that could've got some clips. I will cop to the fact that I've been watching some cable news lately and and sometimes just turning it off. But you know, ever since I quit the Twitter, I haven't had the appetite for that, but there's been a lot going on.

And so I have found myself. like having it on and uh oh boy what a what what a nest of vipers that stuff is and it makes you it makes you real real stupid. Uh what was the thing about Michigan I was gonna say Michigan doctors hot hacks I forgot what I was going to say. Something about the oh foghorn, leghorn, attorney at law. You got a Dr. Dr. Michigan. But you know there's there is uh what's the shit? Is that our twin language? What? No, you know how twins make languages? I have heard that that might happen. I don't think it's a good idea. Super super No, come on, what are you doing with twins, you guys? Oh, okay. But if we had a private language, what would it sound like? I better be more Jawa or be more like that kind of like Oh like a b uh uh a beaker honeydew situ like that kind of What am I doing?

Why am I doing this public thing? Twinsies! Could you guys have your twin talk in the other room? I'm trying to have my boobs over. I agree, I agree, and I'll allow it. Wait a minute, so are you an attorney or are you a podiatrist or a boob doctor? I'm Dr. Michigan. I'm whoever I please to be. I'm gonna give you some latitude here, counselor, but keep an eye on it. Are you operating on a live attorney right now? I'll allow it. Some of these characters get a little complicated. I imagine he's very tall. I imagine he's very tall. My op my optometrist was kind of small. Oh. I I feel like they're they're bred that way because then you know they don't need to necessarily sit down. They they can just look at you at eye level more easily.

in the last year or two? Uh yes. Oh my goodness. I used to be well I should say that as a child I was terrified of injections, you know, hypodermic needle injections. It was my bette noir. It was like the thing I most feared in this world. um and dreaded. And um I don't know, not even in the top ten, but another one was where they give you the big puff of air to your eye. And it's so upsetting. That see down I'll bet you that's one of those things where you say, okay, I'm gonna do it on three. And then when they do it on two, I bet you're mad. Uh uh yes. You told me you hate that when they do that. I I do. I I like watching uh the needle go in. I want to see that 5G get get injected. Like after After this episode is pub uh published, I I'm gonna I'm gonna go try to get my my COVID and and my flu and my shingles and uh you know all the great shots.

Um the vaccines for those, you're not gonna actually just have them Put on you. Like taped on. Welcome to CVS. Do you have an appointment for strap on shingles? My my people are As much as my my people are fans of strap-ons, no no, we take our injections. Oh, that's true. We also do do injections ourselves. I was watching Shinla's List the other night and I was thinking of you because there's just so many strap-ons. What do you think? All right, Dig Doug, I want to talk about the 3D printer. Are you sure I've I've tried there was no in, there was no yes and that could get me back to the three D printer and when there were opportunities it was funny jokes. Yes, it's like that No, no, it hasn't.

It's no no. The ship sailed but it turned sailed. Oh that I like that one better. The shit sailed. Sorry, bra. The ship is circling circling back to the don't even know the words. That shit has sailed. Richmond on twelve I like the shit sailing. It's a it's a fun image. It's an upsetting and fun image. Oh that's what that's something that Blaine says in uh Pretty and Pink. He says you're not gonna know whether to shit or go sailing, which I always thought was a great line. It's fine. You got a new 3D printer and uh you sent a video to me with I I believe you said This is not sped up. This is one of those things where like people always have to say, uh, no, this is not sped up. This you're you're used to having a 3D printer.

This is you're thinking this has to be sped up. Or like a time lapse, right? R right, but as soon as it it it had audio. So I, you know, was one of those monsters where I briefly had my audio on and it did not sound sped up. I'm like, oh god, this is the regular noise. And then it goes like zzz It's crazy. Yeah, the the your 3D printer looks like w I both like some of the best 3D printers I've ever seen, but also what a lot of people imagine 3D printers look like in the materials. No, honestly, it's finished. It looks like it's not done. It looks like you're not done building it, but keep reading because there's a reason for that and it's very cool. Oh, it's um Oh, so anyway, you know what? This is probably not interesting, but I I ordered Okay, we did ten minutes about the flop house.

You think people who are still here don't want to hear about the 3D printer? Of course they want to hear about the I Fuck them. I want to hear about the 3D printer. Do you want to do a long do do you want to 3D print in the after show? I have so many questions and I'm so disappointed. Did I write anything down otherwise? Uh no. Oh yeah, standby mode. You did you did not because I did check the dock. I'll I I'll shot some of your goodies. Some of your goodies are in here. But uh little black book of shame versus little leather book of confidence. I don't know what that is. Did did I write that? That's probably mine. That sounds like something I'd write. Yeah, that sounds like something I would think of.

Yeah, that's the thing. Well you start by just not getting one first step before you worry about always getting the capitalization right. Because it whether it it could be something like that or of that are heavily contextual and it depends on a lot of stuff that you don't need to figure out on the first day. But the first step is just to not stop sucking at pr at uh capital. You know what I mean? Yeah, but that's that's that well, if we're if we're talking about like actual style guide capitalization uh along with f uh funny bits When we started this program, there was uh a a deep, not even debate, but lots of consideration. Oh, we had so many discussions about style. Yeah. Like, is it okay, lowercase buy?

A big a big buy? Like like I enjoy um it's a bad idea to to name things in confusing ways. And I think but my last name is Cox and I've always thought it was funny to name things in confusing ways. So do by Friday is just the funniest name. It's just so hilarious that we fucked that up so bad. I love it. The Friday is always the same. Yeah. But is it something that must be done by Friday? It is is it something that is due as in Is you know what I mean? Or is it Dubai, the country? Yeah, yeah. And I I guess I didn't realize uh maybe the two of you were so so uh wrapped up in the in the like I was too. Is it capital B or lowercase B for the by? But I'm like putting so names stupid. It's so confusing.

But then what's funny is like I will also throw and this is yet one of the many things I think where John Circus and I differ is like I will just because of clarity or aesthetics break any rule that suits me. If if it makes it clearer And it depends. Like when I'm writing like a like a a a a s a a short length joke for the internet, I have I weigh so many different things, including like like I don't know musicality like what's the how does this scan? I always read it in my voice for better or for worse and then I look at how much cute is it what does it get too cute? Is the cuteness in the right place? Does it have too much throat clearing? Is the joke at the end like it should be? You know, that kind of stuff.

And sometimes I'll just So one instance is if in the interest of clarity or aesthetics, if I think it looks ugly to do Chicago manual style capitalization, I don't. Or I cheat. But then um Th the other one is like sometimes you know how like when you say pin number and that drives people crazy because it's you know kind of ATM machine. ATM machine, that kind of stuff. Well sometimes sometimes Clarity needs to win. And also sometimes people just did it differently. So if that's what the Rolling Stones called the song on the album. cover, you know what I mean? Like, and I can I can off the dome I can do several instances in this that I that I know are typos. Like For example, uh Did you know the Ren song?

There's a Ren song called Everyone Chooses Sides. Yes. Um but I think the name of the song was supposed to be Everyone Choose Sides. I I'm not sure. But I know there are a lot of instances like this. I was I was looking at something today. Oh, and then we should talk about something f But I I was looking at uh I don't know if you heard Roderick, but I was talking about this thing where you go on these, they're called uh Trail it's this thing where you ride on like a like a bike or like a um sorry, I'm trying to do two things at once. Um it's a thing where you go on old railroad tracks on a on like a like a uh an electric little car and you you go around and there's a whole have you ever heard of these?

Uh I think so, but I haven't listened to the second half. Fort Bragg. Fort Bragg. Is it where you like do sort of a historical thing? See my family. Here we go. Oh, Skunk Train. Skunk train. Okay, okay. The world famous skunk train? Yeah, it's it's I mean like like so many things, it like used to be something. You know, it used to be where actual railroads went and now it's like a like a jokey event with like low ropes courses or whatever. But they have uh like a tremendous typo. They have one of the let me see if it's the Squarespace site, hit escape. It is not a squarespace site. Yeah, no. I don't think this looks like one. But there was one under was it could have been trains. No, was it rail bikes?

Railbikes and put in the rail bikes. I've gotten to the this I've never seen this and now I Oh my god. Oh it's that is a costly experience, so it must be super electric two hundred and sixty-five per bike with room oh with room for two bike. Oh this looks sounds more than what we paid. That this is a a fort Bragg excursion on our rail bikes. Well our I don't think ours was any like two hundred sixty But I don't know. I I don't know. You're making this seem no no no. Yeah, I'm not being like, oh, this is expensive I'm like, oh, this this must be cool. And as I'm watching the um Oh my god, this is so cool. You can pedal and it's a pet it's like PAS, right? It's like pedal assisted, you know what I mean?

Yeah. I just like let it go all on my own. Hold up. Let's quit quick quick picture. Everybody, what I am looking at is uh at first glance a very slow go kart. But no no no. If you've ever seen like an old cartoon or an old movie in the West where somebody does the pumpy thing to go down like in blazing saddles or a cartoon. Kind of like that, right? Yes, but the person looks it the seats almost look like recumbent bike seats and uh you're peddling and so it's like an electricity. And then you're on your hands there, yes p yes. So you've got those on your hand your hands there are little controllers that have like a throttle. Oh my g I s oh that's see Z every like each time I learn something new about this I want to do it more.

Let's do the one I just sent. I just sent you a link. It says a rail uh a rail bike built for two. Click on that link, please. Android. No, no, it's taking a while because I did did the Android thing and it's going through beeper. Just so y'all know, uh Alex did the Android thing and went through beeper. No, I'm using Android, but uh just so you know Alex is using Android and went through beeper. I know. How w how how would you expect me to not know what beeper for Android is? Oh my it's not just for Android. Uh okay. No, this is the website I am looking at. Okay. Read it. Yeah, yeah. A romantic out of A romantic outing aboard your re uh r oh wait rake bikes built for two. Is that a typo or is it That's why I brought you here, Alex.

Oh this is what my life is nervous. Okay. I thought that maybe it was like a a TM. So hello. So uh my family visited uh we have some of the The best vacation of my life a few months ago and we wrote on your train. So uh could you make me a user on your site, please, and give me full uh admin privileges. I need to correct a few also you have uh incorrect uh Ugh curly quartz. Okay though. But really uh it i it it is. I was ah see, alright, let me uh we weren't on the same I'll send you a picture of me and one. Uh put her on Mastodon. This is so uh funny that they have like I genuinely was like, oh, what's a rig bike? Yeah, so the yours no I'm in one by myself with the with the food, with the cooler, and you can see my my feet there.

And then uh in front of me, the next skunk bike, that's my family. Oh, this is so cool. See, I saw this photo before and I think I I th like the w the the way you were sitting makes it seem like it is not a uh It's not particularly um uh what's the word I'm looking for? It it's it doesn't take a great deal of effort. Yeah. And would I want it to would I want it to? No. I mean that's like that's like taking a kick scooter on Space Mountain. Like what's the point? By the way, that is a fantastic out of voices EP. Did you hear that kick kick scooter on Space Mountain? Even if we don't laugh. No, no, no. I've heard guided by at least one guided by voice. You've heard you've heard I am a scientist.

Right? And I can send you the best version of that. There's several of them, but there's one that's the best. You've probably heard that. You might have heard, if you know me, you've probably heard smothered in hugs. I'm not gonna try to get you into them. I'm still mad about the silkworm thing. That still sticks in my craw. When was that? Was that probably five years ago? I am not sure. You know what? I'm gonna put Gooby Friday dot com. And I'm looking for perfect Perfect album was probably the name of the challenge. Yes. Or you could just do Silkworm Do by Friday because I take very good show notes. Uh-huh. I know this reference from the title, Line Boy. Was that where Max was gonna hire someone to wait in line for his new phone?

Yeah. I yeah. I I would happily listen. I would be such a good uh hey hey new listeners do by Friday. I would be a lovely line boy. Like if you were a boy and you'd been in the favorite and you were Emma Stone, you you would be a line boy, not a scullery mate. What's all this in? Get your phone in, broth. Sorry. What's all this in? Oh, oh they were linear. No no no no wait hang on, I'm sorry, I'm gonna kill this whole thing. It's Christmas wine, sir. Please, sir, could we have more line? But no, I'm missing the most obvious joke in the whole place. I don't have a better word for boy. But oh you know what it is? I know. Okay, okay. Uh in in in England they call him the Q Lord. The Q Lordling The Q.

It's gotta be Q something, right? He cues up for you. Uh-huh. Fuck, I thought that was good. Line Boy. Oh, Line Boy. Pick the perfect album, Line Boy. No he sound like he's a cocaine sherpa. Like the little he's like Greg. Cocaine Sherpa. I need to get up the mountain, the mountain of snow. I don't know how I'm gonna go without my cocaine sherpa. Cocaine Sharpa! Cocaine Sharpa! Cocaine Sharpa! Soon as I said it, I regretted it. As soon as I said it, I regretted it. And if I could fuck it, I'd have betted it. Cocaine Sharpa. Dude, I gotta take my shirt off. It's too hot here. Stand by. Oh fuck. Hey everybody, go to give us your fucking money. com because I am so I really what? I really want it to my shirt off but I can't.

Oh why not? Um the because I still have tits. I would you would have known if that had happened. Oh no no no I appreciate I appreciate you keeping me in the loop. I still get the newsletter Um but it would be kinda great. You're sitting so you're sitting at that little crack shitty little crowded desk with all the cans on it, right? Yes. Okay. So I'm imagining you I mean like no I'm not like you know it's not gross but like what I see though is and then your back is toward the room, right? Um Uh yes. Okay. So you're sitting there just you're you're probably wearing short pants and tennis shoes like you do. So Uh probably all boats. Uh hard pants. Hard hard pants and address. Oh that reminds me of a pitch for a new company.

I was taking a shit today and I had an idea for a new company. It's called uh soft fat pants. I have to write that down. Ooh, I want oh I remember. Well, because I I wanted to create a company called Fat Fat Guy Clothes. And I realize that's probably gonna be a problem, except it's exactly what I want. I want fat guy clothes. I want you to stop I want you to stop pretending no no no I'm not talking about big and tall. No, I'm talking about like no I want you to make clothes. I'm like I'm practically like a woman at this point, Alex. Please make clothes that fit my actual body. Don't just guess. Okay, okay. I know that you are not on Instagram because you don't think Instagram makes anybody happy.

All those birds on wires. But uh as you might This won't be a surprise to people, but for me at least, Instagram doesn't really know like meta doesn't know what to make-that's not what to make of you. It doesn't know what to make of me. I get ads there there are like you know because you know being queer now is like is pr profitable for companies, so sometimes I get like ads. Uh like no no no I like like like like a pretty black girl kind of queer or are you talking about like like full-on keys on the belt? Oh no no i um I am talking about full like not even not even there's a lot of Instagram querying going on which is fine. There's a lot of there are so many like uh like queer-owned company.

Like I'm like, I don't care. But there there's many of those. But now raising it. How well what kind of things do you see when they're trying to figure you out? 'Cause they're they're probably putting some stuff out there. I don't know how any of this works and it's probably, you know, a lot of people. It's it's all creepy and ter terrible. Yeah, but like in like that's as we learned from CGP Grey, like you can't ever just like open the box and see, oh that's why it thinks I should get soft fat pants. Or that's why I think I should get this ring of keys. And you used to be able to do that. And it was really fun because I would go in. Yeah. On Twitter for a while you could do that. It would go in and let's say it is.

And it just reminds me quarterly to go in and have no interests. I go in it would go in quarterly and turn off all of my interests. Honestly, if if you want some like non-binary gender euphoria, it was great going in every month and seeing like man and the next month woman. Man, woman, or unidentified. And I'm like, there you go, buddy. Good object or Z. That's not compute. But but now the queer is detected. The queer is detected. Exterminate. Listen, when people send a people People heard you say fat guy clothes and they were either offended or they were like yes that's I know exactly offended people who aren't fat That's who is offended. Thank you. Thank you for your service. Like I I heard that I'm like, no, exactly, but like there's this shirt.

Oh, my rise and my gut are really at war right now. So yes, yes, there is a company there's there's well there's a number of companies now not making big and tall shirts, but shirts that like easier than the normal way. The normal way seems to be easy because you assume everybody's rise is thirteen inches. or whatever. I'm gonna insta chafe the second I put those on. Yes. Even when I'm just riding a scooter, let's be honest. But no, but this is the big this is the part that makes it so complicated is no, I want them to actually fit and be comfortable. And I know from my proximity to women over the years that especially with jeans, especially with bathing suits, especially with everything, my ex never bought A s this is a true story.

My ex-wife ne I don't think ever bought a s ex except for maybe like a a shirt at a rest stop. She never bought a single article of clothing that she didn't try on, at least three nominally identical. versions of it. Yeah. I mean yeah like if she tried on jeans and and she and she was yeah she was five two but had the measurements of Marilyn Monroe so she was like a curvy like three quarter size person. Oh my which made it kinda hard for her to find clothes that didn't make her well, I mean she's a person. She's awesome. But she didn't I'm just describing her body. She didn't she she looked she could have worn like junior high boys' clothes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But she wasn't. She wore tailored clothes because what do we know?

Ladies, sing it with me. The smaller you are, the more important it is that your clothes be well tailored. Otherwise, you you look like a weird child or Rachel McAdams in Spotlight. But she would try and what I'm trying to say is if she gets she goes and picks up some size two jeans it by this brand, she gets she would get th three of the same pair of jeans. And you say, well that's crazy. They're identical. My ex says no, they are absolutely not identical. Especially if they're HO in Mexico. Absolutely not. Or H O in Sri Lanka. Like you don't know what kind of craftsman. personship is going into those things. You don't know what small child is being enslaved to make my old name. And say, is this is this like Lady in Florida?

That ship has sailed. No. The little fingers can get inside the shells. That's what Oscar Schindler says. Ray Fines is very good in that movie too. Alright. Sho show notes. I don't know about this company, but I just ordered this shirt that's supposed to be for men. Well basically men who have hips. And I'm like, that's basically close enough to to what I have. Exactly. No, no, no. I'm gonna keep most of the chassis intact. Yeah, yeah. Right? Exactly. It's not like a seven situation. It's not like you're slicing off your love handles to get a pound of flesh. Yeah. Yeah. That's all Dr. Michigan's job. Exactly. That shit is sales. And so the soft pants. And then what were we talking about before soft pants?

We're talking about um in Instagram ads. Oh yeah. I get a lot of like curvy boy ads. We were going to talk about it. Yeah, no, the slitter curvy. It is Are you shitting me? What a great name. Yeah, uh I that's why I I want like a c a curvy curvy boy because like people who've seen me uh yeah, people have seen me in person know that like I have a weird ass body type And it is it it well, no, it's a uh Russian it's like a Russian j if you picture like an old timey Russian Jewish or a current day Polish Yeti, that is d the body type. And yes, it is as you probably don't realize it, but you're probably a very a small but very real marketing sector. The oh not small anymore. It's a i i it's very the curvy yeah, well there's a lot the the curvy queers the Oh yeah, we're not going to be able to do that.

Female to males, yes. A lot of them. Some people love your code. Oh my god. Yeah. Yes, the secret secret code. But uh I was assigned I was assigned insensitive at birth. Is this the only thing? A I shit. Sailing. Oh god. That shit that shit has sailed, guys. Oh. I've made that same joke several times now. Uh we were watching some Ted last so Good sh good show. Good show. Little Lord Little Lord likes to go back and do a rewatch sometimes. People really I I still haven't seen the the last season, but it seems like it's it's it's fan service. It's good. It's I I season one is special. It is. It is. I think it is. Partly partly because COVID. I I think for a lot of reasons. But like the karaoke when he has his panic attack.

That's a special episode. Still most realistic depiction of a panic attack I've seen, which is shocking. Uh I I I I've had very panicky things. I don't know if I've ever had an according to Hoyle panic attack, but I have friends that have and like I've I'm close enough for government work, as we used to say. But isn't part of it also just that stuff biz it's you ever get tunnel vision before you pass out? Like I haven't passed out a lot of times, but you know what tunnel vision is where you're like go, oh I need to not be standing right now. Like I know the clock is now ticking. Right. And there's that feeling of it once being like outside your body and yet intensely inside your body at the same time.

It's not a good thing. But since then I have. And it's like, oh and he goes outside and it's like you you get totally disoriented kind of feeling. Oh God. Yeah. Having having a panic attack outdoors, you you'd think Like a uh folks usually are like, okay, let's let's get some air. And sometimes that helps, but sometimes you move into like a different room, and I'm I I imagine there's a some similarity between like Oh. Well uh no no I I uh no, just more of that too. And I think now agoraphobia is probably better understood as a a an unease toward unusual novel open space. Maybe, right? I I think it is I I'm not sure because it there was a kidless Tumblr accounts about liminal spaces probably really freak out agoraphobic.

Or they're the flowers with holes. I uh everyone has it's not the f uh the the Uh I uh spaces are so I'm just a curvy curvy day. There are dozens of There's actually many, many of us. Uh the the um god Coraphobia man uh the one see now I'm I'm s I'm not slightly sad. I'm I'm Thinking about the kid in high uh in my class in high school and like cause it it was small, we we all knew each other. There was this one kid in the middle of the city. And you all probably kinda came up together, right? There's you probably had some people in your same class for ten years. Oh yeah, yeah yeah, like from grade school, yeah. Yeah. And so this kid was uh like excuse from gym class because of uh agoraphobia.

And in like uh in retrospect he was probably on the spectrum. Yeah yeah and even then like the the I'm sorry I'm interrupting. I'm sorry. I I had I had my medicine today. I apologize But once you get it once you get a better measuring stick for this, like a brother of my one of my kids' best friends. I he's at least the second kid I know of who like years ago would have been declared like the R-word or not even the R word, but definitely like in the special reading group. And then later on he would have probably been defined as autistic. And now today they know he has a like a s and I know at least two kids that like have this a sensory thing where like you know like tags in in your clothes or something nobody likes well sometimes this little boy just needs to take off all his clothes.

He just couldn't have anything touching his body. And like I I don't I don't know the name of every single one of those and I'll you know what? I bet we're not done figuring it out. But boy, that's sure a damn site better. The you know, the the spectrum of like everyone's weird stuff is off. Of course, and you actually did say the word and you blew up my spot. That's right. That's right. No, and I but I I just No no no no no. I cut on the spot because I uh where no where yeah, I said I I said yeah, I I said a a w w bad uh I made you look s you smart. You made me did the thing, which is you made me look like an asshole. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Re listen. I made you look Uh I I cut out the part where I was an asshole.

Because I yeah, I accident and then I was realistic. Wait, wait, wait, to no, to be fair, I blew up this spot, but it was partially blown up by um like a like d a delay. And I don't think the delay is is that bad this week. Uh or the or the lag or whatever is the internet is calling it. I'm I'm I'm not sure. Um but but the it's it's very weird to see I don't want to say weird. I guess hopeful to see how uh what you know, your your spot from from from last week. Like I think about this kid from high school. And uh he uh unkindly medically uncoordinated My best friend John. The way that what how my friend was, not who he was, but no, I mean you know when somebody's different from you. Don't act like you don't.

And my friend John was different than a lot of kids. And I happened to love him. I adored him. And we were as close as pals could be. And like I said, we soaked at each other's house every weekend and he got me into X-Men and all that stuff. Um and This sounds like a gay young adult at all. And now in retrospect, he was totally on the spectrum. Like incredibly high functioning. Like like re I mean, I know pfft probably has a uh it sounds like a mean thing to say. I don't know what else to say except that he wasn't weird enough. to seem like clinical. His dad made him a little skateboard to try and like help him get when he was a little kid, to try and get better about being able to coordinate with his body.

Like he he couldn't throw and catch a ball very well. You know, he was good at soccer, but he he there's all kinds of all all we didn't have a name for that. We didn't have a way of understanding that apart from, you know, this kid's a little bit of a corner case. Like we don't really it's not even like an edge case. This is like a a pretty weird thing this kid has and since they're not causing any problems we don't really need to pursue it. I uh have I not told you that the s I mean I've I've told you the story about when I my my last y year of high school went went b went bonkers. Ha had uh my first manic episode through really it was my own printer out my door. Uh you absolutely not told me this.

Oh, I'll I'll tell the story real uh when I was eight um when I was eight eight uh seventeen, I don't know, it was my senior year of high school. Um Sorry, I just I just told this story on another thing. But uh this is in my senior year of high school. I um was uh finishing a paper. on uh Graham Green, who is also bipolar. Uh just by coincidence, um, the author Graham Green. Like that was our uh final our the English final was to write this 30 page paper on like the work of some British author because that's what AP English was. I don't know why. But um it wasn't even that I had procrastinated or anything, but my uh I was determined, like I need to print out my paper. Tonight, even though it wasn't due for another week.

Like I wasn't panicking. I was just like I need clarity than in retrospect Yeah, no, it was it was full on uh um a mania thing of like I I gotta do it. I'm I need to do it and out of like and I became ang more angry than I ever uh until that time had ever been in that in my entire life. At a printer, at a printer. Um and i after I I don't wanna have to put a Turt weren't it beginning but like that the af uh I had a manic episode and then did the some stuff and I ended up in a psych hospital for a while. And then I came back to school and they did not know what the fuck to do with me. T And by that I mean like in terms of like placing me back in the Well, because I came back and I was N uh me uh uh again, because if uh h hello if you're new when you're bipolar, like s sometimes you're fine and sometimes you're not.

I mean it's it is a spectrum, l like like anything else. But Uh there because I had been so high functioning and had uh mass memory as well. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Don't anybody act like that's not a big deal. It's because you you only get noticed in a lot of times, especially in public schools, you only get noticed when you start causing a problem. Yep. Yep. And and then it it's I uh had to do this like outpatient program for for my mental health and they're like so You're like, okay, you're an honors A student, but you need to miss half of a school day. Like they weren't unkind, but there was zero protocol for for Like, you know, uh uh and everyone was very, very kind. I got so fucking lucky.

But I I was also lucky because way worse, right? Yeah. Uh but that's the thing. I got lucky because I had never Otherwise that would have just been quote the last straw. Yes. Exactly. I I you know, any sort of other like a angry burst like at all of that I was able to just, you know nice. No signs whatsoever to any people like my friend, sure, but not like quote people in power, aka like deans and teachers. None but yeah it But there were kids like uh on the spectrum or had like other like uh uh I've now um become friends with like high high school people who are also bipolar but weren't as lucky as me. And well, I'll I'll just say they're young men who uh, you know, because you're not taught to to hold back your anger and anger is the default emotion for your young men.

Why would we want to teach men how to process their feelings? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And those young men had, you know, it was like, oh, they were the problem kids because and they never got a the fucking chance. And I it's it If yeah, that like b i whether or if you were depre like there were kids who dropped out who were depressed and just because they like people didn't get that sometimes uh as you say, like you can't Their best is how do you say it? You always do it. Yeah, yeah. And like they're they're fucking and now they're like fucking geniuses and uh and were working. I mean the difference of environment can mean so much. And in your case, like I yeah I think it's cool that you Um look back on that as even as as a difficult time, but you still are able to go like, oh, I guess it could have been way worse.

Like that to me takes some self-reflection and some understanding of like the way the world works. But The I just always come back to this thing of environment and like I I don't know what go on about it, but like there's a lot of things I've said over the years that I continue to believe about. raising my particular kid. Like, I can't tell you how to raise your kid. Like, oh Jesus. I mean, I'm not even I'm not saying I'm even good at this one. But one of those temples has been this kid. who I used to refer to as my daughter, uh, is gonna face endless opportunities in life for people to tell them that they're bad and wrong and ugly and smell and there's so many things this kid's gonna face for the rest of their life where people are gonna like there's so many opportunities for this kid to be knocked down a peg for no reason.

We're not gonna do that here. We're we're when w our the environment this kid is in, it's it's gonna be supportive, but hopefully not too doting. And like we're not right we're not here to run everything. let alone to run everything in a way that comports with our idea of childhood that we had forty years ago. Which is all s really a lot more difficult than it sounds, especially when the pressure's on. But like environment means so much. And like it's so funny how my kid ended up loving Glee when, as you may recall, it was pretty scarring to watch the first episode of Glee. Not Glee, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah. I was like, oh watch. This there's so terrible no it's okay. No, no, I it was a legitimate uh correction.

No, but like there's a scene where a father just beats this kid for being queer and we had to turn it off and there were tears and it was rough. And then the kid comes back and like is like, oh yeah, we're watching queer. I'm like, oh that's a really good show. I should check that out. I can't I'm not gonna say anything. You coward. You made me turn it off when you were still figuring out who you were. Um I The 2019 twist versus the like I mean I saw the Spotify thing too. I'm not sure when that happened. I was like, I'm just It's not my thing and I just like his Spotify list. Oh, can we just say though for the for the record though that hey, what if your kid actually knows who they are and you don't?

Yeah. Like what if what if the the you you keep expecting them to become, they were never gonna be and maybe oughtn't be and maybe nobody should be? And like maybe what if you instead said like how do I get out of the way? of them becoming who they are. Like that's a very different set of protocols. Anyways, all I'm trying to get is the environment part. And you think about, I know they're overdoing a little bit, but I still can't get my kid to watch Paris is Burning, which is mental to me. But in Paris is Burning, you really got this sense. This is a movie came out. It was shot, I think, in the early to mid eighties, came out in the mid to late eighties. And it was about it was like the f my my inter well apart from maybe boys in the band.

Uh it was kind of my introduction to like the what's the chosen phrase a chosen family? Right? That idea of like, hey, I can't get what I need out of the family that I was assigned. A slide of birth signed abuse at birth. Yep, yep, yep. Well yeah, but like think about, I mean, you know, tope sick. I and I'm sorry, I only ever connect with anything that that's fictional. But like think about Caitlin Deaver's character in in Dope Sick, having to like cover up the stuff. Is that the young lesbian Book Smart? Yes, there we go. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, who's with the girl. Yeah, exactly. And the father played by the guy from uh Deadwood. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Environment man. And like when you're in an environment where you're constantly being told, either actively or implicitly, that you just don't fit in here.

You're not doing it right. We and we send those signals all the time. We don't realize that we think we're being helpful. We think we're being good moms and dads to say like, you know, return your tray and do this and say thank you. All like laudable things. But like all you but the thing is you know the thing I say about like don't argue on the internet because nobody remembers who won the argument. They just remember that you're the sort of person that argues on the internet. There's a chance your kid's mostly just gonna remember how much you thought they were wrong in life. It's not that oh my dad hit me and I turned out fine. Well a priori you did not turn out fine if your father hit you, especially if you think it's okay.

I'm what I'm saying is like I don't that's not there's not an answer for everybody But there is a way you can always be less of a cockstain with your kid and other people too. And just stay the fuck out of the stuff that is none of your goddamn business. Stay out of the way. That's like step one. First is hi Hippocrates, right? First do no harm. Like, you know you were maybe maybe you had a weird relationship with your body and food as a kid. And so you like we end up going one way or the other sometimes. You end up like Basically saying to your kid, like you should eat more or go have you did you even something as simple that I finally stopped doing was, did you want more peas? It's like, look, the kid understands food.

Stop explaining food to people. And like if you all you're basically doing is basically telling them, I just noticed something about you that needed correction. That's I think what in my journey with trauma, that's a big part of it. People who really were sometimes really trying to help were terrible to me. And everybody. Because they basically were all the only version of support they ever got was here's here's a different thing you're doing wrong. And it's it's my job to tell you that all the time. You know, and it's it's can be so heartbreaking. And if you were gonna do this in some kind of like a shitty American beauty way, it would be the kind of way where you go, but you know, the way the relationship with that weird dad.

You know, but like uh Chris, whatever, I love that actor. But you know what I'm talking about the thing where you're like you you think you're representing this one thing that's very important in your head and oh your dad would be proud of you because of how terrible you are to your daughter. Like, oh shit, man. There's you don't need to pass all that on. You you are your help is needed so seldom and then really just so vanishingly seldom after that. And and what we what often feels like I'm sorry I'm just ranting now, but I I feel that for you, Alex, because I feel it for me. I feel it for everybody. What did you know what did um Max say about uh you know the Japanese running guy and uh and the side of the w egg in the wall, I'll always take the side of the egg?

Oh yeah, oh yeah. It's yeah. Miragami or whatever his name is, the guy who runs. But I it's just and I I say it here not to get claps, but to say like we this if of all the things we need to keep reminding ourselves. I know I sound like right aid Kurt Vonnegut right now, but like it what does he say? It's so goddamn important to be kind, important to be kind to each other. Like we've got to stop being awful to people because we think it's helping. And like, I don't know. Environment means so much. Environment is like, let's get to the the this goes for trauma, this goes for sleep, this goes for anxiety. Do you feel safe here? Well, yeah, I mean I'm not immediately in danger. It's not like the cause of strip, I guess, but ugh.

But like, okay, but like do you feel how safe do you feel here? As in like, do you feel safe as long as you tow the line? Do you feel safe as long as Daddy hasn't been afternoon drinking? Do you feel safe as long as and these can all be like no big deal things, but like in the aggregate, you don't get to pick what your kid notices in life and just keep that in mind. I would also say you you don't get to pick what your kid notices from other people's parents, uh uh either. Like I That's a c that's a contrast, uh a series of dozens of contrasts that you cannot avoid, and you need to have a state of mind about that. Well, how come they have a pool? Well they have a pool because they're not as good with money.

Whatever. No, no, but you know what I mean. Like why are they allowed to do that and I'm not or like the sad things where the kids go on a trip and every kid's gotten a different amount of money for the trip and there's just something so Yeah. Personally painful to me about it, 'cause that was always tough for me. Yeah. I was always on the less the less money end. Yeah that's so I uh th that was that was another in environment thing for um my school I've talked about a bit like how Um there there wasn't, you know, it was a pretty d diverse school except for class. Um because, you know, every school you gotta pay for, right? There must have been scholarships and stuff, but there were, but you know what you uh some kids had to do to d earn their scholarships was a student.

uh uh or do a student work program. So there were some kids who mowed the uh football field and we all knew who the kids who that it was so and we like all of us knew that to even fucked up. But kids being told no we can't be o you owe too much money for lunches in the past and so you can't eat today. Just in front of everybody like that. Or even not in front of everybody. Whatever it is. That is fucking traumatic. Yeah. You're telling you I'll close with this personally. But like I I'm just this is off the dome. But I think that issue of safety is important. As I said before, it's it's been a dawning realization for me that um something I am pretty sure of with myself and I'm almost as sure of with other people.

It's one reason it's hard to sleep sometimes is you don't feel safe. And you can call that anxiety. You can call it whatever. But there's something that's telling your body it's not time to go to sleep, even though you're theoretically the smart part of your brain knows it's time to go to sleep. And it's because you don't feel safe. Well like I mean from like mosquitoes or noise, what maybe it could be anything. But if you keep telling yourself I'm no good at sleeping, instead of going like I wonder why I don't feel safe. Yeah. But it it's more useful to be able to gently embrace what it is that's making you not feel safe. And Maybe you're not ready for that today, but like sometimes that's a good thing.

Well, let me ask you this. Are you trying to be right or are you trying to help someone? Do you want to be right or do you want to help someone feel safe? Dicket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, dig it. I don't have a lot for this, but I'll take as much as you want. Oh God, we're going long. Uh this uh this week's challenge was to uh d uh do something blogging. I didn't name it that uh but uh the uh It's not a forever name. I peanut peanut I I kind of she No, I vagina butterback for birth, yes. Well I that that should be shat. Good lord. I I s I sort of uh almond uh Wait, good good lord. The the that's a Leela uh uh a Leela ism from Futurama. Um Leela, I like her. She's the one with the eye. Yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah. The Cyclops who ended up being a mutant. Spoilers. The um the the bloggy blog stuff, like I didn't um uh I did the thing again where I was very uh uh uh afraid to put anything on the internet and that was real silly. Uh oh that's I under I I well I didn't put anything new on the internet, but you got me thinking again about blot Uh what I was hoping to hear from you that I would still entertain input on is you sound like you're plugged more plugged into the blot style Well, it's Jekyll Pelican, whatever. Sounds like you're more plugged into the current state of DIY posting than I am. Yeah, but also I kind of got in like if if you saw on Mastodon, I'm like, uh gimme give me the bloggy blog s stuff.

And I was playing around with work like I love uh the all of the omg. lol uh s services. That's what I gotta look at, right. And And I do love uh Blot but and this isn't just something that's so deeply organic about OMG. There's something about it where you're like, okay, oh at first you know, I'm looking at this page right now and it's like a weird rainbow of like way too bright stuff. for my general aesthetic, but like there's so much in here and it's so nerdy. And I think it's remember when I first described it as being almost like a fidget spinner for geeks? Because you just go in and configure things and it's still really fun. It is. Fetaverse. Oh my gosh. All right. The what? Uh huh. Unlock.

I'm signing in with a pass key. Of course they have pass keys. Bless their hearts. I know. Oh my god, pass keys are so cool. I love them. Um but the as well one tries to I I need a real place on the internet and uh w w I am so I I I don't know, I was playing with WordPress and that thing really has stood the test of time. My goodness. Like I I um either even Jason play with WordPress. Play go to WordPress. And I went back back to um Not WordPress as the like um the the back end, but WordPress. com, which are m really related, except WordPress. com has like a f a WYSIWYG and you there's you'd y it it you don't need to host it yourself and like like all that. And I was finding um uh a bunch of websites from high school and college that still worked and like w some of the themes and stuff were a little messed up, but I'm like, oh dang.

A lot of Kubrick. The uh lot of Michael Heinemann's uh Kubrick Uh anytime you can see a WordPress site with the blue the blue round rack at the top, that's that's Michael. Yeah. Who also does Tipdash, the wonderful Star Wars website. Hello, Michael. It's it and I I don't know, m it made me think of just sort of the Uh like uh God, what is it? The the slow internet is what people are calling it. Nah, and I don't know. I don't know. Like I I still think that we are in a very, very exciting t time because uh all the web three bullshit is done m mostly. Right. All of the Uh the people who aren't. Yeah. At least we can see the wheels coming off and it almost feels a little bit like Web 2. 0 times, a little bit, like of like Let's just do some stuff.

People who are just making cool stuff, you know? Yeah. I I always uh sort of assume that mm um I I I don't know, like missing the the web two point oh stuff was just ni nostalgia and me getting older and not it's when flicker came along right now is fun. Flicker and delicious it was really exciting. Yeah, and people are using I I I still continue to be a little bit eh about w walled garden stuff, but even things like um the new photo service uh g glass, it has such a uh like it's very It's it's different. Yeah, yeah. And there's already been some stuff that has come uh come and gone, but a lot of those thing I don't think any of the things have been VC funded that I have in i i enjoyed, which is a lot different than the w Web 2.

0. I'm sure Flickr got a lot of Like I don't want to dam I don't understand any of that uh stuff except I know. They started making a game and then decided to make a photo site. Ye y yeah, yeah. And I um You can still see it on page. Well, I don't know if you still see it, but it I'm imagining Yahoo's cleaned all this up, but sometimes you'll see a reference to something that says G-N-E in Flickr, which is a reference to Game Never Ending, which is where Flickr started. Yeah. Oh oh yeah oh gosh what aw see there's nostalgia for you. Oh that made me happy. I have a picture I took of Stuart and Andy Bayo at an event. I should find. It's a really silly photo, but it's it's really of the time. Like two of to me, like two of the stars of web two point oh you know because Andy started doing waxy around the same time I started doing my website and I I still really read him every day.

Yeah. Yeah. Boy he's done some projects that fella. Oh my God. Oh my god. It's uh he is also one of uh he he and his I don't know if his Yeah, his oh no, his his wife is a public figure. She fucking rules. And their kindness to me uh in a time like they uh both of them just When I was a complete stranger, just the I don't know, that made you feel welcome. It made me feel so welcome around people who were so much Smarter. I'm not gonna you know what? No, fuck I'm not gonna say I am sympathetic though. Like I feel unqualified. It's uh you can call it cool, call whatever you want, but There's just I it's a real feeling. Don't tell people they didn't feel this. It's not don't try to don't try to paper over it.

You feel like you don't deserve to be here. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And like I I wouldn't want me here. My new my autobiography I made myself unwelcome. That would be so nice if you weren't here. I I I will save it for some of it for for the after show, but I would I think this should be one of our t i if you will permit it, be one of the two uh like a two week uh a challenge because I'm I I don't know like the the stuff that has really held up over time l G got like like w w damn, I am finding I'm a lot more fond of WordPress than I thought I was. Like Yeah, because WordPress used to be kind of a I don't know. There's things about I I'm not trying to drag it, but like it there were things that were very frustrating about Warp.

No, no, no. Tell tell me what what is frustrating? I mean the the big the big one was the that it was it didn't come with caching like straight out of the box. And so if you had a blog that would div get any kind of traffic, the the joke became that your site got fireballed. Because if Daring Fireball linked to you, your site would go down. There was no caching. And like, you know, the type pad, like type pad and movable type would like spit out your whole site. as flat files, which unfortunately once 43 folders, you don't know if you know this before it was on Drupal, it started on um TypePad. It's just that every morning. Yeah, like there was some kind of a uh cron job uh, you know, launch launch D, I don't know.

But like they would build a bunch of stuff at like eight or nine every morning. So right around the time I really wanted to get posting. the site would just be not moving at all. Anyway, WordPress really suffered from that. And then they got better at it and that didn't get as widely reported. They Matt I know Matt just barely, uh, but I r he seems like he's been a really good steward of the company, him and his team. Like they've made a lot of like grown up decisions about keeping it. Yeah. But but you know, the other one was and I did a whole bit about this when I made the Inbox Zero announcement, like It just like what it took with PH having to edit PHP to change your menu items was crazy And you'd have to do these weird includes and it just felt very insecure and you like should I really need to be in like editing and BB edit or similar to be able to change the order of things in my sites menu?

But but I mean it all came a long way if you didn't keep your plugins. This is this is I'm just I'm saying stuff now from well over a decade ago. that I think led to the reputation amongst people like me and it really to be honest led me to stuff like Squarespace was like I just I do not want to make my own catch up every morning I don't even like ketchup that much. It's fine. Well, okay. Chicago. Um the but and Chicago. Wait, w the Uh Dari Daring Fireball is famously well, I guess not so uh is on moveable type, right? Yep, so as far as I know. Yeah. And and at this point if you want to keep something on movable type, uh you can talk to Greg Noss. You can hire Greg Noss to come in and fix your shit.

He's like the go-to. Like what he's done for like the incomparable over time, like he does some really banana stuff. But yeah. I love movable type. Movable type was like, ugh. It was I it I learned so much about computer stuff from what I needed to learn to use movable type. That's how I learned to use a terminal. I'd never use a terminal for any more than well like I've used I'd used Telnet in nineteen ninety-three to like look at Gopher and like re read my Pine email. But like I didn't know how to d I didn't know what I didn't know what seven seven seven, I didn't know what change mod meant. I didn't know what any of that I I have no experience It's a movable type. Yeah, yeah. No no no, but like but what I guess what I'm getting at is once Ben had set up my site.

Like I I there then if I wanted to go do stuff, I I had to I chose to learn their amazing language for like the meta language for like this many posts in this order. It And it was so fun to make. It was interleaved with your HTML. It was so cool. And then it would render all those. It was Perl at the time, I believe. And it would just render all that stuff as flat files that stand up much better to traffic. than something that's generating dynamically. Because if you think about like I'm not I don't know shit about any of this, but like I've been out the game a long time. But you know, you even think about stuff like the posts that will be included, five recent posts, five top posts, like that has to be rendered.

And like is it rendered at the time the page loads? That's a very expensive page load if you're doing a query every time that happens. And so like you get different levels of caching to that, it was my understanding. But um no, but like and now I don't even I I don't even didn't he buy Tumblr too They yeah Tumblr uh yeah automatic has Tumblr. Oh Tumblr is awesome again. Oh Tumblr Okay, writing it down. It's I don't know if it actually it might kind of be uh uh uh for it it's very different, uh obviously. Like Tumblr changed a little bit. Are they still absolutely zero sex stuff? The um oh I'm not sure. Like it's still it it it's still like the hor horny f fandoms, like it's post Like when, you know, m in the in the Marco and Dave days, uh, that's my you know, I'm most f uh f fond of that because you know there was um after the Chevy celebration I think that's my favorite of the events.

The Come on down to Marco and Dave days. I mean, well, uh uh Fireland, like oh God, looking forward to Fireland and and the Uh but Tumblr still has RSS and Substack sucks, but you know what? It's Less than Patreon 'cause you can get all of your listen, I I tried I put a bunch of stuff into a substat like just a bunch of thu. No, it's just it's fine. It's just like a but it is weird to me how many people are like, I'm going all independent. Ho And this I say this as somebody who is literally making some money right now via Patreon. But it's just so funny to me how people are like, I can't be at NPR anymore. I gotta go to PRX. I can't be a PRX anymore. I need to go to Medium. I can't be a medium anymore.

I gotta be somewhere. I don't like having an editor. So I'm gonna go to what's the other one? The dingling one. Uh substack. It's substack. It's all because the the implicit the elephant in the room for all of those is I need a way to charge for this and I I can't be troubled to deal with any of that. So I'm gonna hitch my wagon to this really, really shitty horse. This this terrible company who has made all of their money from terrible people. You know what I mean? And it's like, ugh, but you need it for your work. But okay, here's um I no I It's so hot in here. It's so hot. Okay, we we will fin finish the this up, but I Like p Patreon wasn't started, uh hello, only source of income. Please love uh I love you Patreon.

Uh let's just say theoretically there was a site like uh Patreon that was started in totally good faith. And uh the Is that yours? Ble ble Blazeon. They're not just stop. Matreon is very good. Now, did you come up with that? Yes. Oh the you know, m um Matreon uh uh You could practice your Matronus charm. Yes, exactly. You you've got You're like, hey, uh everyone, please become some be a Zampolo bloggyum. And uh, but then suddenly VCs come in and you know there was a big VCs. rebrand of Patreon recently that no creators knew about, even like really big ones. I I mean I'm sure some did, but suddenly it's once again completely different. And they did this Stupid fucking video about like, oh hey, we want you to be independent and you don't uh it doesn't Like there's no algorithms here and blah blah blah, which is all true, but suddenly they want you to have your videos hosted on Patreon.

As well as and they've been such great stewards of that up till now. Hey, you can put this on Vimeo in this very contorted way and that's all we'll do. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're seeming too much. Yeah. And of course you can't uh now you can no longer embed uh YouTube videos in the same way because they want you to use your their video service. And uh uh I have to I mean like you're really you're throwing all your I mean, I if I understand what you're saying, you're saying you upload it through via into Patreon. So if something goes wrong with Patreon, your video's just gone, right? It's gonna be MySpace all over again. Well, uh have you ever tried to export our stuff from Patreon? Doesn't go well, you can't really do it.

No. Um no, you can't you I minimize the amount of time I spend on me. Yeah, as as you should because now they want like I and I there are some features that are fun that now we've we've been like grandfathered into the older ver version. And there are some interesting things with the the newer version, but they want everyone wants to like hit hey, here's your community. Like, no, I some people just want to come for their stuff. And and leave. Like not everything needs to be but this to grow your community. All the brand stuff ends up generating so much unnecessary friction and confusion and I'm guessing support costs. Like every time you add more stuff where there's steps, like I don't want there to be an audio preview.

Stop doing that. Like and not that I'm against it, but like why is there somewhere I have to go audit to like turn that off? All I want to do is go in Post the shit and leave. That's all I do. I get all the stuff the 20 or so things I subscribe to from Patreon. I get other places mostly. Um, and the stuff that I put on Patreon on two two sites, two, you know, podcasts, is like I just go in and get out. Like I don't go hang out and look at Yep. Robert's Patreon stats. Yeah. And they want engagement. It really helps it helps people discover the Patreon. I'm never gonna let you live that down. Ever, ever, ever. Wait, what? Oh, your your defense of all these spineless people who just the agree to say hit the bell because because they have to be at YouTube for their work and then you I haven't even clicked the link you sent me.

Oh god, it's so bad. Okay, you send me a link that is called uh There's no way you'll miss YouTube's like and subscribe buttons now. Yep. Oh god It's um oh this will be our last thing. Oh wait, so that it's like it's like when FaceTime sees you do a thumbs up, like they hear somebody say That bullshit and then they oh boy. Yep. I hope they didn't cancel anything important to make that. I uh it's just running rogue and it's like you know that thing that everyone dislikes? Now it does it more. Thank you, Mrs. Tube. Yeah. Don't judge people for using sub there are. My forgiveness is not limitless. I mean, but okay, the the uh the terrible people who who created uh and made their money off Substack, there's All on Patreon too.

Like I don't I I don't know. It it it all feels gross And uh Yes. Yes, but what would happen if I what would happen if I was less worried about being called a hypocrite? How would that be? Would that then give me more freedom to do the things I think are right rather than worrying about what people think I should have done instead, whatever that means? That's but no, that's what I'm saying. I am fine with being called a hypocrite now because I don't want to sell like uh Uber therapy to to people. Like That feels like Is that where they drive a therapist to your house? The uh the the the the I don't know what is hyper therapy. Oh, but better help is Oh. What they have done to people. Yeah, yeah.

I heard an ad for that during the show where the woman's having the breakdown. Yep. Yep. And just the the things that I had like I I I know that some people don't like selling mattresses. Some of those mattresses are good. They were great to me and I like their mattresses. Yeah. Like I I'd much rather do that than than than pimp some VPN that wheezes your juice. Exactly. Yeah, and that's why I'm like, you know what? Everything that were like over over over 25,000 five-star reviews. You're like, wow, that's pretty prestigious. Like all this, like, ugh G boner pills and like that, I'd rather sell bon boner pills than than Th this like fake wellness like more than a lot of people. Oh you're supposed to and then of course my favorite part of those ads.

I know and I and I I you can sometimes hear that it it increasingly is becoming like a hostage statement for me in some. I it sounded like you had a gun to your head at one point. Well don't I mean like seriously like I no no no no no no no but like like I'm not expecting you to have any idea who the fuck I am but The people who listen to the show do know who I am. So if you make me say the word, the noun content five times in this ad read. I'm probably gonna say it in a kind of funny way. And whether or not you care, the people who listen care. And they they just got the code that I think saying that is not a good idea. Yeah. And that goes for a lot of different things, including what this this I don't know why people keep spelling things the British way, but it's like they're really deliberately.

I I hate to agree with Syracuse, but it's like they're trying to kill me. When they do the the the different like plural versus singular for company names. They pop that on you, Lori, and Bob's your uncle. Apple R Square space. Spar Squares. Bullet to the head. raw transcript