239. I Would Love to Be a Nothing

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann and Alex Cox. This week's challenge, watch Made for Love.

MerlinGood morning.

AlexRabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit. Ooh, that's a good spin on it.

MerlinHmm. Rabid.

AlexRabid.

MerlinMany, many, merry, merry, merry.

AlexMains, planes, and trains on the other planes.

MerlinMains, trains, automobiles, lions, lioness, lioness and Lucy, Lucy Ricardo, Ricardio.

AlexPop-pop. Oh, you got close to not saying it. Pop-pop-poppers. Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-pop-lars. You can put them in your mouth. You can something, something, something. Pop-plars. Something, something, something, something. It's a Futurama song about the pop-plars.

MerlinWhat would you do for a Kit Kat bar? Hello.

AlexOh, good. Good morning, Merlin Mann. May I share a very quick anecdote with you?

MerlinYou can share all of the anecdotes. Shh. I'm here to be a calm voice in your life

AlexWhy are people always shushing horses? My horse

MerlinIt's like having a horse who watches a dog And also you are a horse

AlexOh, you're Robert Redford You're my whisperer

MerlinOh, I was doing a bit Hey, welcome to Do By Friday where we do bits

AlexNo, no, you're the horse whisperer

MerlinI'm the Mulaney whisperer

AlexMulaney

MerlinPuns aren't funny, man

AlexThey're not funny. I thought that was a metaphor. No, simile. Like or and or as.

MerlinAlexandra, you can tell me anything. This is a theoretically safe space. Safe space.

AlexWell, sorry.

MerlinJust don't discuss gender or mental health or virtual reality.

AlexOh, no. Oh, I was going to ask to pitch something. And I'm OK. I won't. I'm sorry I'm late. It is. I believe we got on the call at 12.08 my time. So it was, I did ask if we could delay recording this program.

MerlinAre you fishing for compliments right now? What are you doing? No. Why are you saying that? You know, you have carte blanche. I'm probably still. Is there ever a time when you can abuse me emotionally and give me emotional labor?

AlexOh, God. This would be the time. Oh, my God. Anyway. Do you want me to have a difficult conversation with someone? I can do that. Well, well, I do have a topic.

MerlinI'll do it in a voice. It's going to be in a funny voice, just so you know.

AlexThis will, this will, uh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.

MerlinI'm Alexandra's uterus lawyer.

AlexI have some things I'd like you to sign Wait Have you Dougie Alton I can't talk and type At the same time No such thing

MerlinI cleaned my keyboard this morning And now it's not working very well

AlexSo I'm using another keyboard

MerlinI don't like it This is not about me

AlexOh this morning I apologize I was indeed fishing for forgiveness which is odd, which is, again, you know, it's a sixth step. But, but I.

MerlinThat's what, is that what Peter or Paul said?

AlexI don't know.

MerlinI'll make you fishers of compliments.

AlexMaybe it was the secret Bible part. I'm learning about that, but not the Da Vinci Code one. All right. You do another program called Back to Work, which I've been a fan of for a very long time. And I was listening to that this morning.

MerlinOh, and that's why you sent me the scary horn face.

AlexYeah.

MerlinThe upsetting tweet bot icon.

AlexYeah. And there have been some very interesting – God, this was going to be a quick anecdote. But yes, you expressed some opinions about Twitter clients and productivity and all the great hot tips and tricks and life hacks. But then you mentioned PayPal.

And you're like, oh, God forbid anybody ever have to talk to PayPal. And do you know who I was on hold with?

MerlinI think it's gotten better.

Alexnope you know what it's real-time follow-up sure hasn't although uh this oh are you talking about

Merlinthe the are you talking about the the patreon on the patreon the the patreon of the patreon uh

Alexhey everybody did you know we have a patreon the short anecdote is related to that uh once a month i or i try to send merlin mann and quinn rose your money which queen queen oh gosh not not the The other Quinn has enough money, I'm told.

MerlinThis is different from T.J. Miller.

AlexNo. T.J. Miller.

MerlinWho's the guy with style sheets? That's a Miller, right?

AlexI actually don't know. No. Is that the pivot table?

MerlinWho's the guy you always talk about and you're always speaking to on the show? When we talked about Zellman last week, you started referring to somebody, I think, whose name is... They're called Miller.

AlexChristopher Lawley? Jay Miller? Christopher Lawley.

MerlinJay Miller.

AlexYeah.

MerlinJay Miller. That sounds right, Jay Miller.

AlexHe's a fancy hook man.

MerlinAm I in trouble?

AlexDon't tell me if I'm in trouble. No, no, no. No, I'm not. No. And the problem was resolved. Part of it was my fault. Turns out the money won't won't go if you put in the wrong email too many times to try to send someone something. So that's on me.

MerlinYou know, I'm all thank you. I'm always I'm mainly I just want to make sure Quinn Nelson gets paid.

Alexbe oh no i well here's here's the thing merlin i was like wait wait wait i know what we can do uh because you know uh our producer quinn um one of the quins is friends with my spouse calling quinn yeah yeah call me by quinn's name Call me by Colin

MerlinI thought I was going to be Colin this week

AlexOh, are you not Colin?

MerlinNo, no, I'm fine I'm not like an asshole I'm making puns What kind of monster am I? What am I, 50? I'm a grown man, I'm 54 why i don't make puns anymore but i do sometimes rhyme if that's what it's for oh boy well thank you for listening to my anecdote so is everything okay we're not in trouble you're not in trouble

Alexis paypal in trouble oh no no no in fact they were quite helpful it just took a very long time on the on the phone um but it was just you know a nice little i felt like we were in sync we were we were in tune with one another time is a flat circle yesterday you and you and me or you and

Merlinpaypal what kind of what kind of unholy triad are we talking about here are we poly now you and i

AlexI know. That's a – no, I don't have a lady friend with headphones.

MerlinDoes anybody ever date a parrot and call it Polly? All right. I'm going to shut up now.

AlexDo you think that you weren't calm before this? I'm here to play into space.

MerlinOkay. Well, you know, I'm doing really well. I'm excited. You know, I'm not going to talk about technology this week unless you want to. But everything's coming at Milhouse mostly with this new setup.

AlexIt's going great. with a fresh, fresh start.

MerlinThe thing we don't talk about has also been installed. The thing we talked about that happened during the break last week, that's up and running. I learned about how you can send Geekbench results to a browser, which I didn't know about, and it compares all your results, which is there's no need for that. What was I going to say? Oh, can I make a remark about our relationship in a way that I know it's working and at least I like it?

AlexPlease do.

MerlinOkay. I think we grow as people, And I think you and I, we're not so different, you and I. And I just want to mention two things from texting because it's always two texts with you. Two things from the last few hours that makes me like both of us. And I'll do mine second. I like that you said, can we push recording back? And then you said a time. Now, I, because I live on a nonstandard coast like you.

AlexThe third one.

MerlinThat's correct. That's correct. and I transliterated your time to my time so that way I'd know what time it was but then you know what you did? You know what you did right after that? You said, it's not a secret you said we pushed until 12pm and you said my time I mean and I really appreciated that

AlexOh thank you I appreciate when other people do that too and I felt bad because I was, wait, I was not sending with siri i know we're not talking about computers but um when you just do voice to text but i wish there was a little like hey by the way sent with text the same way it's sent with siri if like you're um saying hey dingus to your airpod or something but when i'm in the text field and i'm just doing voice to text which you can do when you're on the phone apparently um and you don't

want to keep i was using my other hand to have an espresso i'm lazy anyway the is that a term from the community that's that's what my handkerchief says uh but i know oh i see because i felt bad that i did not like to froth you like to froth a latte oh i mean the frothiness is difficult sometimes with the mouthfeel looks like cottage cheese i mean i felt bad because i didn't change the calendar update right away.

MerlinOh, I tried. I tried to, but it makes all I get is propose because you're the jazz girl and own the calendar. And then I didn't want to send you an email about that. So there's lots of ways in which I'm your friend where you don't even know that I'm

Alexyour friend.

MerlinSo I didn't send you an unnecessary email for an update proposal.

AlexWell, I did get that email just because, but that's because I'm a monster because I have it turned on. No, no, it's not. It's not you. It's not you. It's me. It's not you. It's me. No, no, no. It's me.

MerlinAnd I'll tell you why I like me, because I thought about this morning when I was going to the office this morning and I was thinking about a text that I sent you. And you know me, Alex. I'm not the kind that ruminates over much about whether I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing.

You know, I'm the dentist of this group. I'm the sociopath. But I was thinking, you know, I sent Alex a text, I think, last night. And I was like, I hope I didn't come off. I hope I was being helpful and didn't come off as a dick. And so now I'm going to say that because of the way it worked out, I did the right thing. Do you remember what I did last night? I said, because you'd said to me, you're sending money to Quinn Nelson and me. And I'm like, whatever, no urgency. And then you'd also said something that was a little confusing where you said, if you don't get anything, let me know by five.

But then you said something about Wednesday and I was confused. So then I texted you and I said to you, I said something like, no urgency, but no activity seen on PayPal for, and I wrote the email that I use for PayPal.

AlexYes.

MerlinAnd I thought to myself, will that have come off as passive aggressive or will that have, and understand the needle I'm trying to thread here, and this is communication, it's how we communicate, right? So I'm thinking what I'll do is I'll say, I want to give you the information I think you needed. I want to just say out loud, this is not a big deal, but I think this is the information you wanted. And then I was out on a limb a little bit because I used the email address that's associated with my PayPal account, which is not the same as my usual email.

And I thought, there's an off, off, off, off chance that Alexander, who's very busy and is on distress leave, and maybe it'll be useful.

I think that's what my wife was telling me. They have this where she works, and I think it's called something like stress time or something. They have a name for it.

AlexOh, gosh. We should unpack this in the after show. That's so interesting. Let me ask again.

MerlinBut then I thought if they see this email address and there's an office chance that that's the reason why, I'll be a hero. If it seems like I'm a word I love, a gerund, dunning. If it seems like I'm dunning you, like I'm bugging you for money, I will have failed and I'll harm our relationship. So if you have a compliment you'd like to give me about having included my PayPal associated email address, that would be the time to deliver it. Was it useful?

Alexone thank you so much for delivering that thank you for saying thank you to me and i realized oh gosh we're so broken we are so broken and i saw that and i it normally i want to give a little thumbs up to most answers when i'm you know like uh but you know power i was power buttering and i'm like oh this is something i'm gonna take care of quickly and do like a little so i was going to do a little thumbs up instead of an hey dingus got it uh and then i'm like wait does that

sound like i don't care and i'm not listening and and this isn't the only person uh which which part the what you didn't respond like i would do a thumbs up like oh thank you got it oh you didn't tap me back and now i feel uh left on red yeah and then and then i remembered this is merlin man You know, if this is the thing that makes Merlin angry or it ends your relationship over.

MerlinJesus fucking Christ. This mutated third coast person received my useful assistance and didn't back my tap.

AlexI meant to tap the back. Doesn't like tap back sort of stress you out sometimes?

MerlinOkay, Beck. Tampak is widely adopted at this point, and my daughter is really fast with the heart of the ha-ha.

AlexYes, same here.

MerlinShe's really fast with it. You see this kid using a phone. It's freaky. She does all of her art when she does her—she's been doing a series. There's some kind of a meme. It's like people very colorful wearing candy bracelets. It's some kind of a bit, like maybe a TikTok thing. And so she's been doing this ongoing series of meme art, generating her own meme art about characters from, of course, BoJack, where she dresses them up and she puts clothes on them and she has them wear a candy bracelet.

And there's like a psychedelic background. I'll find out what it's what it's called. And she does it on the phone. And I've learned not to ask. My daughter is very fortunate. She has she has an iPhone and she has an iPad and she has access to computers. Computers. Totally not interested. it like that's for school stuff iPad that's when she plays Minecraft or similar other than that everything is done on the phone including the making of art I'm trying I'm trying and you know I'm being that guy at this point I'm being a pure Syracuse because I'm like well can I can I show

you how to use you could use layers in affinity designer and do knockouts and you could do stuff where you don't have to hand draw every pixel like it's 1989 to like try and remove the noise

Alexaround hair she's like no i like using on the phone yeah some well isn't that a generational

Merlindifference think about you how much you you know wanted to have a mac so you could do mac things i wanted a mac so i could do mac things she's got an iphone she does it all on the iphone

Alexis that wild no uh or i can see i can see how it seems wild but i am often the same way just good eyes and and great motor skills it's fine oh no i've i've got uh the the the opposite like i'm i'm a pretty good type it like i'm very fast on the the words not so much the characters and my type

Merlindo you use the thingy do you use the the three tab thingy to finish tap to to finish with a pop-up that says it looks like you're trying to type this word do you use that or do you just you just type in really fast and hoping that it'll fix it for you oh you know i'm talking about like i I always forget about the three, whatever it's called, the recommend, this is the word, looks like you're.

AlexSuggested words or, I don't know, the technical, but yes, I do. I've adapted to the lifestyle.

MerlinWhen I remember to do it, I get a lot faster.

AlexYes.

MerlinI still miss the force touch for the cursor. I miss it a lot.

AlexI do. I do as well.

MerlinI run out of space really fast.

AlexOh, I see what you're saying. Yeah.

MerlinYou know what I mean? Well, I got to go back. I got to do the asteroids. I got to go wrap around, go back down to the space bar. I don't like that.

AlexYou know, I have some art, actually, that I don't think was made on a phone. Maybe, I think an iPad, though. We'll have to follow up. But I had a while back, we had an idea for an unholy union between a panda and a manatee. And so our artistic director, Kevin Budnick, drew us a panatee. did i not send it to the right what the oh there we go fucking max see that's the thing

Merlinthere we go it just arrived i've started i've started to think of messages on ios as being the app how does one say the app where i accidentally uh record my voice and then occasionally send messages oh yeah oh alex how do i always do that how why is that first of all

Alexwhy is that button there what's that button there does anybody ever use that i use it all the time

MerlinTo send your voice to your matchy?

AlexYes, and to some older folks in my family who just don't, are like, I don't want to read that. I'm like, well, all right, you can listen. And also, sometimes it's just sort of nice for someone to be like, hey, no need to respond. It's like consensual voicemail.

MerlinConsensual voicemail? I love that.

AlexI love that. I've never received one where I've been like, oh, fuck this. Although I have sent many that's like, oh boy. I think it's an unspoken iOS user rule of this is a thing that's going to happen. just like for how like years if you typed sex and you meant sex sec it wasn't you know oh right

right right or like the class the ducking yes yes everybody was ducking for a while this panity

Merlinkevin friend of the show kevin budnick made this okay i'm gonna say right now we were gonna talk about the show on the show i think i think we need to allocate well if kevin has the cycles i think we should consider allocating a weekly budget and we should give Kevin money to draw something every week is my thought. Not for show art, because then that becomes a gating factor for getting the show out. But if Kevin wanted to, I would say if Kevin ever wants to draw, this assumes Kevin listens to the show, which is a lot to ask, but maybe even monthly, but I'm looking at this pan of tea and it's making me so happy right now. It's very wise.

AlexWell, that's the thing. He's made from an unholy union.

MerlinAnd that's a manatee style tale. But it kind of reads like, I don't know, some kind of fantastical sea creature. It's really tremendous. I'm going to call it the muzzle. I really like the muzzle because it looks like it hasn't shaved.

AlexNo, that's the snoot. It's a casual snoot.

MerlinOh, it's a snoot.

AlexIt's a blep. No, no, no. A blep. Because he goes up to find his lettuce.

MerlinBecause he's eating those cabbages until the boats come.

AlexYeah, that's why they don't have great hearing, so they can't hear the boats and bones don't have a smell. And they're not smart enough to be like, ah, that gross taste that is motor oil, that's whatever.

MerlinBut could they ever play together? I mean, sort of like, I'm thinking of like Sandy the Squirrel in your SpongeBob. Or obviously when BoJack goes underwater and, no spoilers, but plays with the seahorse.

AlexAnd had one of the and, you know, made one of the best episodes of television I've ever seen. Yes. Yes.

MerlinOh, my God. It's so good. Don't spoil the ending.

AlexOh, hell no.

MerlinI love the ending when he goes, God damn it. But oh, boy, we've watched the good ones. You know, I'm going to write that down. Write down BoJack. I have a message from my daughter. I said to my daughter. Oh, oh, oh. I said, hey, the thing where you make BoJack characters with candy bracelets and psychedelic backgrounds. What is that? I want to tell Alex about it. Oh, so my daughter's using PixArt.

What is that style?

AlexPixArt? P-I-X or P-I-C-S?

MerlinOh, yeah. This is where she does a lot of her meme making.

AlexPixArt. Well, this is – I've actually looked for a number of good meme-makery apps, but so many have, like, the scam in-app purchase. It's – I know.

MerlinI know. You can tell – I don't want to be racist. but like especially with like no no no no no no no but I'm gonna well okay I'm gonna say but I'm not gonna say I'm gonna say our cryptozoological creature maybe the bear version of that half comes from a certain country you look at these apps like the face swap apps or the like make yourself into a Leonardo DiCaprio toasting thing and like oh man it just doesn't smell right you just know this stuff is no good

AlexYes, I see what you're saying.

MerlinPixar, yeah. She's been using that one a lot for a while. I think this is where she makes her clickbait frames, too.

AlexWell, I mean...

MerlinOh, here it is. I got it. Okay, you ready? I'm going to have to Google this. Oh, yeah. Scene core slash glitch core mostly.

AlexOh, scene core.

MerlinScene core glitch core. And can you...

AlexYes! Yes!

MerlinSend me a couple of yours.

AlexOh, gosh.

MerlinI want to make you famous.

AlexThis is... Well, Merlin, I want to slash know how to make you famous on these...

MerlinIs this a challenge?

AlexOh, no, no. You've complete me. Alright, let's listen to a bit. This will make me no friends.

MerlinThere's no friend to be made from this point of view. I'm not radical enough or interesting enough in any direction to make a new friend from this opinion.

AlexBut like that is a TikTok duet waiting to happen. I feel like that was me. Also, it was in reference to you were like after after that big buildup, you're like, I believe in Internet privacy.

It's like, where's this going? Where's this going? I'm like, well, that's not a hot take. That just seems...

MerlinI'm doing too many things here. I lost a step there. So does that mean I'm back to work being full of beans?

AlexNo. Yes, but you weren't full of beans. Your hot take is one that I share.

MerlinWhat was I talking about?

AlexYou were talking about, you know, internet privacy and iOS 14.5 asking to, like, do you want this app to track you? And then it's like, nope.

MerlinWas that it?

AlexI don't know. It was yesterday.

MerlinProbably. But I'm probably not going to make any friends I like making friends

AlexOh, I I'll save it for the after show Merlin, where can people find the after show?

MerlinGive us your fucking money.com

AlexUh-huh, or Joe Rogan Club.com

MerlinOh, here we go, Rogan Okay, I'm going to send these to you And if she approves, I might Put them somewhere Oh, no, you're on text, I can text you I'll probably send you a voice thing as well there's Bobo and let me find Todd

Alexoh yes sorry go on sorry

Merlinanyway this is Todd who's my daughter's favorite character he's pretty great he's a pretty great character we just got to the one where he's oh my god where the two therapists are talking to each other Wanda Sykes and Issa Rae our therapist and and you have princess diana wait princess di wait okay okay so so there's two african-american women at one of the three restaurants in the show yes they're at the like the yeah and and they're talking about their their clients and they can't talk about their

clients so they have to like they come up with like fake names yes it's a bojack becomes the angsty zebra bobo i think and then oh my god mr peanut butter he becomes mr chocolate hazelnut spread and he's so cute and then and then um diane becomes princess diana and she looks just like princess diana in a white dress except she has diane's glasses and it's like oh my god this show is so freaking good i think it's so good oh and then and then

princess carolyn becomes the the like the ghost made out of um knitting supplies i don't remember Do you remember this one?

AlexNo. Here's the thing. Vincent Adultman, as you said, oh, spoilers for Bojack Horseman. There's a character who, you know, again, spoilers. He's not.

MerlinHe's technically it's, I think, two kids. I said three kids. I think technically it's probably two kids.

AlexIt's technically two kids in a trench coat. And it's the funniest thing ever. And it's just the funniest thing ever. The only thing funnier is some type of animal in a trench coat. And even that gets pretty, pretty close.

MerlinI had a fun exchange. I had a fun, a fun friendly of fake arguing thing on Twitter. Don't bother. The tweet's gone already. But I'm talking to somebody. I said something about Vincent Adult Man. How much I love Vincent Adult Man. And a fella, a nice guy said, I'm going to call him Jason. Jason says something like, because you know what it was? I posted a two image toot, no text. And the first image was somebody asking a question on comments on fandom.

And the other one was an image from the TV show. And this person is obviously knitting, the person who posted on the fandom page is knitting their brow on the Vincent Adult Man page. Oh, this is really weird and like pedophilic. And like, how could Princess Carolyn not realize that it's kids in a trench coat? And if you really think about it, it's like-

AlexThis is the dumbest take.

MerlinWell, I mean, I do get it. But then the other, the photo is Vincent and Princess Carolyn at dinner. And she's talking and he's trying to drink a glass of wine held in his mannequin hand and his broom hand, which is still good horsey. So funny to me. And it's like, it's obvious that it's a child. But and, you know, anyway, we're going back and forth. And a fella says, you know, blah, blah, blah. think about this and like a woman jumps in and says well obviously you know he goes to stock

market etc etc and at one point find my saying so i'm saying and i and i i clean this up with niceness but i was like i was like jason it's a talking bipedal cartoon cat and i think the one i'm calling jason said something like oh dear god what have i done with my life and then i said no no you misunderstand you always gotta you always gotta look at the positive side of things and that that's why mr peanut butter is my

Alexher when his ears when his ears perk up isn't that cute i don't i no comment not because it's just i

Merlinoh oh gosh beginning of every episode because this is one of those like probably three or four shows where we never skip the credits sorry todd um but there's the thing where he's going and he's he's going down he's sinking and sinking and then he gets that drunk guy as he's falling backwards into like the pool and diane and peanut butter look over the side and he's smiling and you see his little canine teeth and we both always go oh because mr peanut butter is so cute seriously though like i mean look at what she's made here she did this on a phone like she put clothes on

the horse yes she's very talented and she gave him extra eyeliner and made him goth and he's

Alexoh my god it's it well here's the thing we've talked about this on our incidental computer show I would love to have my iPhone as my main computer, like my main hub that spits to everything else. You know, like I would like a laptop.

MerlinIt becomes like the way drafts is for text, your phone is for your life.

AlexWell, but that's the thing. It is the reality for most people around the world that that is their computer.

MerlinOh, 100%. 100%.

AlexAnd I think it's amazing what people can do. I love to see what they do.

MerlinI can't wait to see. I totally agree.

AlexI can't wait to see what they do with it.

MerlinAnd I've also received a missive from my lady friend. when people take a break from work and it's for psychological reasons, it's called stress leave. That's very

Alexgood. Isn't that pretty good? Yes.

MerlinStress leave. I'm going to write that down. And there's something I was going to write down for a challenge. What's it called? Grindcore? Death Watch? No, there's

Alexsomething. Just make something. Make a meme. Like, do a meme mashup.

MerlinOh, make a meme. I'm going to write that down on the sheet. Okay. Oh, no. No, I'm typing in the text. Oh, Alex, I'm having a lot of problems. I think I might be having some kind of an incident.

AlexYou might need a stress leave, maybe.

MerlinI need stress leave.

AlexI don't know.

MerlinFrom what?

AlexI'm a lot.

MerlinI mean, you know, everybody's different. Wrote that down. You have something here under news and topics.

AlexOh, yeah.

MerlinI had said if they want to talk about it. Alex, I'm still struggling with the they. And it's not because I'm trying to be it's just especially when I'm talking about a particular person in a particular situation. That's where I just get hung up a little bit.

AlexYou are. OK, you are referring to pronouns. I'm just giving this could be someone's first episode, although if it is, they've definitely turned it off by now.

MerlinWe don't even know how much has been cut out.

AlexOh, I know. I know. This is the show, though.

MerlinSo if you get the Neo ones, like you say, identify as a Zsa Zsa, but they is more like a Neolithic noun. It's like very old. It's an old pronoun.

AlexYeah, I use they, them pronouns. And non-binary slash trans, it is a very fluid, like my gender isn't really fluid. I would love to be a nothing. But okay, so you sometimes mess up they slash them pronouns for me, but you also knew me as when I used she.

MerlinThat's the thing.

AlexYeah. And then on top of that layer, I believe I even said to you and Max, like, hey, yeah, these are my pronouns, but I don't want that, like, internet attention right now. So, like, feel free to use it.

MerlinOh, no, no, no. I'm just trying to do. No, I'm doing this for me. And for you, but mostly for me.

AlexOh, I know. No, no, no. But see, you had two layers of referring to.

MerlinThere's always two layers.

AlexYeah, I know. I know. And but there is a great video. I'll try to find it. It was probably a TikTok, actually, that this person was just articulated how I feel in a much better way where, OK, using the correct pronouns is great and necessary. However, if there's somebody in my life who I know perceives me as I want to be perceived and thinks of me in the way I present myself, that's way better than someone using a token pronoun and like putting a sticker on.

Merlinoh wow that's a that's a good that's a good and cool way to look at it yeah like even or or the corollary which is even if you call me everything or you you think of me and refer to me in the way that i would prefer like if you still think i'm some kind of a blighted monster you're not doing

Alexme any favors right like uh i i don't think you've ever really thought of me as a particularly feminine person the same way that this is where you boy you really are you you're so lucky to

Merlinhave me as as one of your favorite friends i have no libido i mean to me having a libido would be like holding your urine for a long time like i i can just get rid of the libido i'll just i'll fix it you know it's like a sneeze for me and then i get right back to everything i don't think about

Alexanybody that way even myself if i'm being honest oh well i thought about you stepping on stamps a lot more than i thought about your wait how did this get into the conversation what wait what i'm

MerlinI'm just saying. I'm like, I'm a regular, what's his name?

AlexI'm having a neurological event. How did, what?

MerlinWhich one? Viserys. Viserys. Is that the brother? Who's the guy? Who's the guy with the little birds?

AlexI'm like that guy. You know what I'm saying? Oh, Varys.

MerlinI walk around with my hands in my sleeves. What's his name?

AlexI think it's, is it Varys? Varys.

MerlinVarys.

AlexYeah.

MerlinSee, there's a Varys and there, isn't there, Viserys? And then she named one of the dragons after her brother. He wants his crown. Remember that?

AlexYeah, there's, yeah.

MerlinWhat we're going to do by Friday. It's a show where we talk about TV shows and other bits from things.

AlexApparently. Oh, I just saw in the notes that I forgot that the sex doll, the synthetic partner. Oh, my God. Oh, we.

MerlinLet's start with Diane.

AlexRight. Diane.

MerlinOh, was it on BoJack where I think it must have been in the show. But does BoJack BoJack refers to Diane as what was it like Asian American Daria or something like that? Yes.

AlexYeah. or Vietnamese Daria or something like that. And I was like, oh, fuck.

MerlinAnd then I was like, Emma, you should check out Daria. I think you would like Daria.

AlexYep, I've been compared to her as well as Darlene from Roseanne. And after checking, I was like, yeah, yep, this checks out. Yep.

MerlinOh, meet my new friend, Alexandra Token. Of the Chicago Tokens. I had something here. if you wanted to, I don't know if it's interesting or not, but I just want to leave the door open. If you ever would like to talk about how things are going, how you're feeling on stress leave, you could do that. But then you actually, so I'm going very quickly to the third one, because if you want to do that, you know, you can do that. But then you have something here on your third bullet, including my foo. You have a third bullet here. Now who's,

Alexwho's what's going on with this? So I think Merlin is, I, hey, listeners. Hey, I think Merlin's referring to the fact that I am on, I'm on a sabbatical slash leave. I don't know the technical term from my jobby job because I'm bipolar and I need to have a like all of my medication reset and everything is fine.

MerlinIf you haven't heard the end of last week's terrible, terrible episode, listen to Alex talking about this in the last, what, probably 20 minutes or so. It was not very long, but you talked about it really well, and people said nice things, and I think you're already seeing that it's good for people, if I could say.

AlexYeah, and thank you so much for folks who sent me messages. That made me really, really happy.

MerlinAnd me having interrupted you three levels deep.

AlexOh, my God. No, that's not enough.

MerlinDo you want to – previously on Alex's stress leave.

AlexYeah, previously on Alex's stress leave, I just wanted people to know that you're not in trouble and everything's fine. And I just wanted to like it was because I told Merlin, like folks are going to, I guess, probably know that there's something different.

MerlinThis could be nothing. This could be nothing, nothing, nothing.

AlexAnd it is nothing. And that's but also the mental illness part of it is part of like the nothingness because it's for me. And in some situations, sometimes it really goes is completely parallel to physical health. So, yeah.

MerlinI mean, God, I hope so at some point. Isn't it eventually? I mean, like, okay, so I've got some pretty hot takes. One of my hot takes is, and this is not really, I'm just having fun, but not really. I almost feel like at certain levels in school, arithmetic and math should be taught almost at a different school.

AlexSort of like PE. Yes. I think I mentioned it here once before.

MerlinBut, I mean, there are people who love math, the maths above all things. But it's amazing how much stress a couple different kinds of classes can have in a way that drags down the entire experience of going to school.

AlexOh, yeah. Yeah.

MerlinBecause of what it is and because of how it's taught in the case of both math and PEC, also maintenance phase where they don't know anything about Johnny Carson.

AlexYeah. But that was weird.

MerlinHe was like a really famous comedian at the time.

AlexYeah. Yeah.

MerlinWas he? I feel like Syracuse. Was that? Was that important?

AlexYeah.

MerlinAcquiring next? Was it important?

AlexMaybe. Maybe. I don't know. Was Apple making Their own chips a big deal Is that a big deal? I don't know

MerlinOne chance for the authorized biography

AlexThey bring in the wrong guy Sometimes I listen to that When I want to feel sad That's like my emo podcast

MerlinI listen to Reconcilable Differences When I want to feel sad

AlexHey Merlin Sorry to interrupt Where could people find your show with With your worst best friend, John Saracusa.

MerlinSaracusa. The one with your English friend comes out today.

AlexRelay.fm slash rectips, I think.

MerlinRD, yeah. RD, RDRR.

AlexRDRR. Oh, a pirate.

MerlinAnd the one with our English friend, I believe, comes out today, according to Mrs. Unicorn.

AlexOh, the, oh, oh, that's what, yes, yes.

MerlinI don't know why we're trying to keep this a secret. If you're a member of Relay, you get to hear our annual interview with a friend. And the one that comes out today is with iMichael Hurley.

AlexAnd I actually talked to him the other day for, well, like interviewed him the other day for a thing. So it was a very pleasant voice.

MerlinI got my Cortex. I got my new Cortex dot notebook.

AlexOh, yeah. Oh, that's funny. I got mine as well. and I was like this cover. It's pretty.

MerlinIt feels good. I just want to lick the cover. It feels good.

AlexOh, I haven't yet. Wait, where's mine? How have I not licked it yet? That was so important.

MerlinIt's kind of velvety.

AlexYes.

MerlinMine's at home, so I can't lick it now.

AlexOkay.

MerlinAlex, are you going to lick your book?

AlexYeah. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead.

MerlinWhat are the notes?

AlexHuh. It's, huh.

MerlinNotebookie?

AlexIt's, no. Well, yes, but like there's very little taste in a, I think, a good way.

MerlinIt's got dyes and stuff

Alexprobably, right? Well, I'm, okay, so I'm doing the cover, and if you lick the little cortex subtle symbol in the corner, like, that's an interesting texture. Oh, so it's got a good mouth feel because of the dents. Yeah. So I'm going to go, hey, Merlin, what's your favorite number?

MerlinOut of what to what?

AlexOh, God, no, just do

Merlinsix. Just like six.

AlexOh, you're going to go to a page.

MerlinIt's because of the number of pages.

AlexYeah. Well, I actually...

MerlinOh, we also talk about Bujo. We talk about Bujo with Mike Curley. I make fun of it a little bit, and then he makes a good case for what's good about it.

AlexOh, this, I taste the dyes, I think.

MerlinWell, I was reading about it. I went to the... I was Googling the kind of paper that they used. Because I really enjoy things like when people describe things. How can I put this? It would be just like talking about silverware patterns, but like discussing, like trying to make... Trying to describe a kind of paper. Like, you're a company. You sell paper. And the paper you sell, you have different kinds of paper. You charge different amounts. So how do you describe that paper where you don't sound like a lunatic?

AlexI think that takes a lot of –

MerlinDo you know what I'm saying? Like to try and describe – What are you going to say? It's acid-free, okay? Or like whatever. But like – You know what I mean? That's the kind of thing where – That's where good writing can really rise.

AlexYeah.

MerlinEven though it's still bullshit.

AlexAnd I know – God, it's like acai berry. Like you can talk about it for hours, but then I still don't know.

MerlinOh, wait. I know this. I know this from BoJack. That's expensive blueberries for douchebags?

AlexI believe so, yes, yes.

MerlinRemember that with the girl from the show? Remember that?

AlexWhat's her name? Wait, now I don't think I...

MerlinThe one who makes me sad, what's her name? The girl from the show.

AlexThe girl...

MerlinJamie Lynn?

AlexOh, the daughter, the...

MerlinRemember, she's trying to get clean. She's about to get her 90-day token, remember?

AlexYeah, Sarah Lynn, yeah, yeah.

MerlinShe's making a sideberry things in her blender, and she's happy because she's been sober for 90 days.

AlexOh, welcome to Dubai Friday, everybody, where we...

MerlinI think about it three times a day. I think about it three times a day.

AlexYes, I still do. I still have not finished the show challenge. Maybe that is something that I will put myself through for the sake of the show. But you interrupted me. Welcome to Dubai Friday, a show where I pitch that people should listen to Merlin and John Syracuse's show, Reconcilable Differences, and people become a Relay FM member, which is, you know, the network they're on. And then you can hear the episode with British boy, Michael Hurley, whose notebook I was just licking.

And it's a very good one.

MerlinI'll be happy to hear that. I just want people to be happy. I want you in particular to be happy. Who's giving ultimatums, Alex? What's going on? Is this really for the show or is this for something else?

AlexOh, no. Diggity, Doug, Doug. Dougie, Doug, Doug. Dougie, diggity.

MerlinDougie, Dougie. what is it doggy what what

Alexwhat's the line what what my landlord Dougie who I've been told by people doesn't seem like necessarily necessarily a good or competent landlord because you know, in the past we weren't allowed to hang things on walls and our dishwasher doesn't

fit into the space it should be.

MerlinIt definitely seems new to the process.

AlexYeah, it has been confirmed.

MerlinLike maybe good hearted, but very new to the process. Still figuring it out.

AlexYes, yes. He's indeed this. We popped his landlord, Cherry, and he now has said. Gross. I know. um where'd you do it on the kitchen table that you keep moving oh yeah oh he he finally uh he hasn't noticed the synology yet but i look forward to that um he hasn't been since then that's a load-bearing synology yep yep can't get rid of it yeah stronger than cardboard yes please all right okay so he has sent oh hey as always uh you and and maddie both of you are

such good tenants. I would love to have you. Here's the lease. We aren't raising the rent. Just please, here's the lease. And really, he's kind of in a jam, as you'd say, because nobody, not nobody, but some people aren't really, no. In Chicago, there's a lot of places where people are buying and fewer people are renting. And I am a renter. I am not a buyer. and I am like wait wait I can use this to my advantage I can I think perhaps give a list

to Dougie of sure I would love to sign this lease but as oh and as you mentioned in your email they are there any outstanding repairs why yes there are and I am just wondering and I want to ask you as well as our listeners, what would be repairs slash, I don't know, amenities that you would expect to have in a apartment that you are renting? I have a suggestion. Okay. I have a

Merlinsuggestion that is mostly a, it's a container for a request. It's more like an MKV around your, around your M4V, right?

AlexSo whatever that means.

MerlinBut I'm going to give you a wrapper for whatever you want that has characteristics. And then into that, you may pour whatever it is you desire. But as part of this process, it will be important for you to consider what it is you want carefully. My suggestions are these, and forgive me if these are obvious, but it is the obvious things we need to hear. You need to ask for one thing. You need to ask for one thing, and it needs to be something that is a zero or a one. When Dougie and you or whatever, however it works out, whenever the project is done, we'll know it's done.

Everybody will know and see that it's done. And in half a sec, I'll tell you why I think this is important. So I think yes, for one thing, super clear. Bonus points if it's something that benefits the long-term value of the place. and so as against what Merlin, Mr. Smartass don't be indecisive or general don't ask for a change in attitude I know you're not

but I'm just I'm trying to be super clear here this is the retired large animal veterinarian and project manager in me saying that you need to ask for one thing that's not too onerous but would be very valuable to you he will not feel negatively about but might actually feel positive about could be something that helps signal that you also value the place. And so I would think, and that also then opens the door for something a little bit bigger. Like if it's something like, so again, the classic Merlin, the lessons I have learned. Yeah, well, you could finally fix the sink.

Well, what do you mean fix the sink and finally? That was kind of an asshole thing to say. Doing the Charlie work, you know what I'm saying? And so I would think about that. And it's just that you, I think you need to have something very clear. as they used to say in England in the 70s, a short, sharp shock. Something nice and easy. And that could be things. Now, what are the things that, first of all, does that make sense?

AlexYes, absolutely. That's actually genuinely wonderful advice that I would not have thought of. Thank you.

MerlinIt's a corollary to the corollary about excuses in life, which is excuses or reasons, as you say. Only ever give one reason for anything. If you ever give more than one reason for anything, it's obvious that it's actually an excuse, and you just don't want to do something. And in this instance, I think one decisive thing. Like you might say, I don't know, we want a new solid core front door. We want, we would love for you.

AlexWait, what the fuck does that mean?

MerlinI'm trying to think of something that's specific.

AlexOh, all right.

MerlinNo, no, like maybe you don't like your door. Or it could be something like we'd like you to consider running 220 to this area so that we could have a dryer or whatever it is. But like a specific thing or improvement. It sounds like he framed that as a repair. So maybe you might want to conduct it that way. And also I would not do it in an email. I would call him and say, hey, or whatever. I would make it more personal.

AlexOr say, hey, this is great. We'd love to talk to you about this.

MerlinWhy don't you bring along at least and we'll talk about it. And that way you're building your relationship rather than seeming like you're threatening him.

AlexThat's very good.

MerlinBecause most landlords are actually incredibly nervous and scared. Nobody wants to talk about that, but most landlords are terrified.

AlexYeah, like most landlords are bad, but they're still humans who are bad and sad sometimes. And real talk, like I, you know, get on my soapbox about owning land and bullshit. But God, I can't even imagine what his – like everyone's got something going on. Maybe he's on stress leave. And I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I think about that all the time.

MerlinHe might be on stress leave. The place my mom and I moved into, this is a little bit of Merlin's lower middle class corner. Papercuts. So when my stepfather, technically his son, threw us out of the house, my mom and me, we'd scramble to find a place. And my mom, as I've said before, one of the proudest times in life. The proudest I've ever been to my mom is how she handled this incredibly stressful period in our lives. So we got thrown out of our house by her husband. And we had to scramble.

And my mom found a place. It had stinky cat pee rugs. But she found us a two-bedroom, one-bath house near where I would eventually go to high school for $250 a month in rent. In 1982 or three.

AlexThat's still really not very cheap, but like even for 1980s.

MerlinThat's pretty damn cheap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, for like a house on a lot to rent.

AlexYeah.

MerlinBut I remember at some point, so we weren't there all that long. We were there a couple years before. My mom did buy a house, but she got a great deal on a house. But anyhow, long story short, this guy, he was this young guy. He was a guy in his 30s, had a wife and a kid, and I think he was a real estate agent. But that doesn't always make you the smartest person about real estate. This was the go-go 80s, and I think he basically bought like three houses as investments before the recession had truly started, the 82-ish recession.

Long story short, that's where I learned the phrase balloon mortgage.

AlexI don't know what that is.

MerlinWell, I don't exactly understand because land ownership is bullshit, even though really real estate is the only true form of wealth, according to the Roderick family.

Alexyep yep you're getting on the cock strain i guess but like my understanding there's a couple of

Merlinthings to this that were that seemed like a great thing at the time for like justin mcelroy getting the credit card so you get the free reds hat like you just think about the reds hat but he's not realizing how easy it's going to be to wreck his credit this dude bought i believe three houses as investments to rent out to people now you know first time landlord uh how great are you going to be at owning and landlording three cheap houses. Like we're probably the best tenants he ever had. Like most of the people who are going to be in a $200 a month house, like just saying.

Anyways, so I think a couple aspects to the mortgage that he got right before the recession hit is that first of all, it had a fairly low down payment. Like, you know, like in San Francisco, most places for a long time, it was like you had to put down like at least 20%, something like that. Very low down payment to get you in the door. And then like fairly low payments for a real long time, the balloon part of a balloon mortgage is that after a certain date, regardless of the kind of mortgage it is, after a certain date, like a big bunch of money is due.

AlexOh, yeah. Okay. Fuck.

MerlinI think what happened was he bought three houses, and at some point he had the balloon come due on three different houses at the same

Alextime. Oh, God. Oh,

Merlinmy God. And like, you know, whatever. Bad on him. Silly guy. Young guy. But like, you know, I'm not, hey, I'm not here to like, you know, defend

Alexthe landlord class but i don't know everybody's got problems alex i mean i the only that's fine for merlin i've ever thought in my head is like you you often said that even bono has a boss which is something i was like yeah but he gets to choose that was technically roderick but yes i do i do agree with that oh really oh uh he said it in my backyard i'll find it for nets oh okay it's all on

Merlinyoutube now i put the whole thing on youtube so people can see it yes i noticed i noticed you've

Alexgot the little sorry i'm not creepy yeah and the cat comes through the yard and the the people

Merlinplaying basketball and john yelling at my cameraman's friend yeah it's all in there wait oh people are always trying to shortchange on copper pipe it's a very good interview

Alexi think i watched uh the the venmo or venmo good lord vimeo anyway oh it's funny i was watching the humanity horse just last night oh god humanity horse i i loved when you were a horse oh i guess you're oh you're a horse guy again oh my gosh

Merlinhorses

Alexvano can choose his boss though and that is the big difference i also think of and landlords just suck i mean i think the i i'm okay to be like rose twitter right now

Merlinyeah i mean it's like sharecropping or something it's like it's like sure i bet there's some good ones out there but there's things about the nature of that relationship that in most instances heavily privileged not privileged heavily uh give them way more power to one side than the other

AlexBut I always think of it as, okay, who gave them that power and that privilege? And I think more often than not, it really is a generational thing. And I'm not saying like, oh, boohoo. Oh, no, you're given a job by your dad to collect rent. But pretty much every, that's pretty much every landlord I've had until Dougie. And also, it's like, oh, how did what they say on you're wrong about like kind of like the British monarchy is basically a human rights violation.

Like you're born into this family that thinks they're God.

MerlinIf you keep exactly if you keep stepping back and back and back and back, you eventually get to we run a country. How many countries are in this country? um as ted lasso says uh we run we run all of this um because god said we should yeah yeah

Alexand and even yeah um me just my my uh great great great great grandfather like yeah god said so i i was really caught up and or rather tried not to get caught up in the oprah slash megan markle interview but i'm like all right fine i'm like oh fuck this is actually this is this is pretty good like who know i mean what whatever celebrities but i'm like huh oh yeah yeah just like us their in-laws also suck um no mine are lovely uh but the gosh i i don't know where i was

Merlingoing with this oh uh you were saying the one time you felt like a thing that's where that's fine for merlin was with bono even bono having a boss yes pivoted from that to landlord okay because uh

Alexlandlords by and large get to choose who their bosses are obviously because that is you know that's how a class caste system works the ultimate the ultimate kind of power in a situation you

Merlincan think of this in terms of power exchange also um you know like in a in like a sexual romantic lifestyle way but like power exchange means we both are willingly participating in this I mean, ideally, and I'm not trying to make this like a, like a weird thing, but like in the situation, like you say, well, you know, we're going to have this kind of, uh, of a thing that we do. And like, if that's a sexy thing, then you can both agree to that and what the rules are and all that kind of stuff. It's not so different for a landlord. It's just that the landlord is the one who gets to set all the rules about power.

And so, you know, there's no right apart from the ones afforded by the law. And everybody's always like, oh yeah, we could sue if we wanted to. It's like, yeah, you ever sue or get sued? It's really not super fun.

AlexI can't. I don't want to imagine. Oh, God.

MerlinIt's really not. And like when you're going up against somebody, it's like fighting a frat boy. But like when you're a landlord or in most cases an employer, like you get there's laws. But apart from those laws, you get to set so many of the rules and you either agree to the rules or you don't. And if you agree to the rules, then this is how the game works. And otherwise, you know, as I used to say to women in high school, you knew what you're getting into. You knew what I was like.

You knew I was a landlord.

AlexWell, but that's also the thing. I think we often, I mean, I'm not saying everybody can or should go out to every rally to protest. But Dougie isn't really, he's part of the problem. But he's not the sole purpose of, like, it's, I just. American individualism is just...

MerlinHe doesn't seem competent enough to be actively evil.

AlexYeah, exactly. That's the thing. I still don't know if human beings can be inherently evil, but I think they can do very evil things. And who knows how many landlords are indeed evil, usually incompetent, and have bullshit jobs. They're the middle managers of real estate. But I don't know. Like, getting pissed and going on an Instagram rant about your landlord specifically just always rings, not even false, because how do you guess someone's intent and motivation?

Like, I don't know. You can't you probably shouldn't guess someone's emotion. But as as the great Marge Simpson says in I believe it's Marge versus Itchy and Scratchy, a single person can change the world, but maybe they should.

MerlinYes, I am not a crank. We should talk about our challenge. but I would like to mention I've added to show notes two Vimeo videos, one Maladroit Maladroit Maladroit Cheval, which is Humanity Horse that is in notes, and John Roderick on String Art Owl's Copper Pipe and Bono's Boss, those are in show notes you know our pod current three two, the current place where we put the podcast changed some stuff recently

Alexyeah

Merlinnot only did they kind of not really ask us if we wanted to change but then they kind of didn't ask whether we wanted to be pushed into the version that's changed that's fine whatever i'm being passive-aggressive well they said like oh it is

Alexwell oh no you're not being passive-aggressive you stated what happened they were like do you

Merlinwant this to change i'm like no they changed the earls now there's now there's an episode slash episodes in there and i don't want it i don't prefer it and it's broken the card on twitter

Alexand it makes me angry i i i thought that okay i thought i was just that's what i was texting you

Merlinabout last week was like now it goes to slash episodes slash foo and like so it doesn't give the card for the episode which is frustrating because i like our images i sweat that i know

Alexwell and they're very very good and that's part of why we actually i think this was part of why we chose this was because of i i don't know because squarespace had a limit um on rss feeds

Merlinbecause you people had friends at this company i thought oh well that yes and we used to get like

Alexwe literally got like support at three in the morning um but then was old as these pivoted as

Merlinthese things are i'd rather be somewhere where i don't need support at three in the morning but

Alexanyway well okay it was it was uh what were we doing i don't know it was a holiday episode and i saw the dude was online anyway uh am i flexing and start fucking whatever uh no but the idea no

Merlinyou're saying you're saying what everyone's saying which is do better do better or or like

Alexhey actually um as the i hope not late the other uh wonderful smart person and marco arment always says there or always says uh said on a podcast recently which i wrote down in my like big list of quotes i've really liked of you'll always find a market for people who really care when he was talking about how podcasts that are listened to at 3x like compress too much with a lot of audio at um like apis and i'm like oh yeah yeah and there's so many podcast services

i've used it's they do what the investors want and everyone has to eat but uh they don't care

Merlinabout their users yes this is what i said to the guy interviewing me about to do apps to stay alive

Alexyou have to be responsive i want to you tease that you're going to be in wired i want i'm excited

Merlinyeah yeah i hope so i love that guy he's the guy who wrote the new york times magazine piece i was

Alexin really in 2015 called meet the life hackers uh yep that wasn't his fault i hope not anyway

Merlinno no no no no he's great he's great oh i had so much fun talking at the end i was like can we be

Alexfriends more i want to be friends i like you okay real real side but real actual sidebar i've like read all of his i'm on his final book and i i really hated the first not cal newport this is

MerlinClive Thompson.

AlexOh, okay. Anyway, I like how Clive Thompson, or sorry, what's his name? I don't know.

MerlinCal Newport. Cal Newport. Cal Newport's the New Yorker article. This is the Wired article. It's not out.

AlexOh, I thought you said it was the same dude.

MerlinNo, no, no, no. The dude, oh boy. Clive Thompson wrote a piece for the New York Times Magazine in 2015. Oh. 2015? No, sorry, 2005.

Alex2005. Okay.

MerlinCalled Meet the Life Hackers.

AlexYes. Oh, I'm totally, okay, okay. Well, Cal Newport, I just think, has changed a lot of his opinions and even in his writings. I don't know. I just remember the first. Oh, all right. All right.

MerlinNo, no. Everybody likes that. No, I like the guy. He's nice. He's nice. But, you know, not him. Not him. But in general, sometimes it turns out writers start with a big idea and backfill it. And what was I going to say about that? And what I was saying to the dude was, like, no shade, no lemonade. First of all, sit at my table anytime. If you want to talk about – every five years, Clive comes back to this talking about like why is it such a persistent problem that people can't land on, in particular, an app that they're happy with for doing to-do stuff.

And I have a feeling it would be good. Oh, he has one coming on NFTs soon that's supposed to be really good.

AlexOh, thank God.

MerlinHe actually explains what it is. I know that's the one thing I'm going to read.

AlexThank God.

MerlinBut I said, you know, I said, I think one understandable side of this is that, like, if you make a $20, $40, $80 app for people who are obsessed with this kind of app, you can't just fold your arms for 10 years. You have to be responsive. If people say, I'm going to stop paying the subscription on this unless you let me pick the shade of red and level of bold for all of my high-priority tags. And like, well, some early man's going to go, oh, dude, there's no app that's ever going to help you.

There's not an app to make you care. Oh, my goodness. Why are you doing this to these people? But you kind of got to do it. If that's what's going to keep people using your app, you have to give them a nice, cool, fresh glass of salt water because that's what they ask for. You don't get to say whether it's a good idea. You say like, yes, sir. Thank you for the request.

AlexThat's such a good salt water thing.

MerlinNobody's ever going to try to talk you out of the thing that keeps you desiring an app like that. And more is the pity. that's so good that's so fucking good uh i just added a new my quotes list which i love let's review it's been a while since we've looked and then let's talk about this tv did you watch

Alexthe tv show i watched i watched every episode and i watched one of them twice of the first season

Merlinyeah there's only one right oh yeah yeah let's see uh oh god so here's some recent ones so i have this i have this thought because there's things i find myself quoting well there's some things that I just, this is my commonplace book, sort of, right? I'll sometimes just come across a quote that I like. So early ones, sometimes it'll just be a quote, but a lot of times it's a quote through like, I'm like, ah, I almost get this quote right, and it's so good, I don't want to keep screwing it up. And so I have quotes to get right, runx.md. And this includes things like a Stacker Pentecost

speech in the Pacific Rim. At the edge of our hope, at the end of our time, we've chosen not only to believe in ourselves, but in each other that one shit get nick fury saying until such time oh oh man oh could we could we do a side corridor on my good quote my very good quotes please do yeah yeah sure do you have time yes yes yes i do okay window appearance text display i broke my nv alt so i'm looking at bb edit it's kind of confusing soft word wrap text okay here we go okay you ever seen pacific rim yes i have not the second so guillermo del toro i now know of two things where he did an amazing

cameo. He's Father Christmas, the one who stabs Nick Angel, Nicholas Angel in the hand in Hot Fuzz. No, wait, that's Peter Jackson. That's Peter Jackson. Guillermo del Toro is Pappy McBoyle. It's Always Sunny.

AlexThe leprechaun-looking guy with the bird under his hat. Remember Charlie and the Bird Law? Yes, yes, yes.

MerlinBecause Charlie was in Pacific Rim. He's very good. Also, his partner in that, or his like the laurel to his hardy or whatever, that creepy looking English guy. He is in a really good Sunny, the one where Charlie takes the pill to become smart. Did you ever see that one?

AlexIt's basically like Charlie for Elton, but I forget what it was.

MerlinYeah, Flowers for Charlie. That's it.

AlexYeah, yeah, yeah.

MerlinThis is a speech, Stacker Pentecost, played by Idris Elba. This is a speech in the Pacific Rim, which I think, you know, everybody out there, shut up. It's an underrated movie. today today at the edge of our hope at the end of our time we have chosen not only to believe in ourselves but in each other today there's not a man nor woman in here that shall stand alone not today today we face the monsters that are at our door and bring the fight to them today we are canceling the apocalypse isn't that good that's so good nick fury uh until such time as the world

ends we will act as though it intends to spin on that's a good line nick fury that's a good

AlexWas that in a comic?

MerlinToward the beginning of Avengers? It's kind of like when they're bugging out of the place, I think.

AlexYeah.

MerlinLet's see. Upton Sinclair. I used to say to our audiences, it is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it. Which I get wrong a lot.

AlexLike a landlord. Kurt Vonnegut.

MerlinRules of the game. Suffering equals pain times resistance. That's Shinzen Young. Matt Chrisman. cocaine is still collecting royalties for all of these songs that's just a good line oh this is actually it's not chinese it's french uh if you chase two rabbits you will lose them

Alexboth oh fuck these are all good oh minister at the first corinthian baptist church in harlem said

Merlinyour words will go to places you will never go oh fuck i have the short and long version of

Alexeverything is copy by nora afron oh millennial oh there's something that nora's mother always told

Merlinher. So it was something she lived her life by. First, it confused me. One day I found something she said that better explained. She said, my mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next. I think that's a wonderful way to look at life. Even if you're going through something horrific, at least you can write about it one day. If there's something you don't want to do, use it as material another day. This is definitely something many people should do and live their lives by, especially if you're a writer. Everything is copy.

David Sedaris, The Sandiland Diaries, all I do is lie, and that is

Alexmade me immune to compliments oh my god these are so i've never heard are these new really i only

Merlingot just a few more a few more quickies um james baldwin you have to impose in fact this may sound very strange you have to decide who you are and force the world to deal with you not with its idea

Alexof you fuck my aunt i have no insight into any of these okay i got a couple more oh uh george

Merlinharrison they used us as an excuse to go mad and then blamed it on us oh yeah that's i've heard And this, my latest one, is from my shrink, who gives me lots of good things. This is a guy named, what's his name, James Clerk Maxwell. I cannot help thinking about, and we're talking about executive function and that sort of stuff like we do. We talk about basically computers and, you know, prefrontal cortex. I cannot help thinking about the immediate circumstances which have brought a thing to pass, rather than about any will setting them in motion.

Ready? what is done by what is called myself is i feel done by something greater than myself in me fuck fuck i'm gonna read that again what is done by what is called myself is i feel done by something greater than myself in me fucking a man he was he was dying he was dying james clerk maxwell 1879 he was terminally ill when he said that fuck uh challenge quotes to get right uh yeah do you have any good quotes you like stacker pentecost no no we uh

Alexi hate illinois nazis is that what you like what i hate illinois nazis that's a good movie it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses oh god oh i miss and then they go to that mall that scene when they drive the car through the mall is pretty amazing it is such a chicago suburban mall too like i i think it's so i don't know how to explain it but there are i've been to many a shopping mall. The Blues Brothers

shopping mall is so Midwest.

MerlinI never even opened Bloomberg pages on the web anymore because it always tells me I'm out of views. I'm hoping eventually I have a little snitch help me with that by just not letting me ever see it. But I did watch a Bloomberg video last night about the decline of malls that was kind of thought-provoking. Talking in particular about there's these grades of mall as graded by these consulting groups and you know basically the a plus malls are doing great like there are malls in like miami um or uh long island that are literally this just like rolex um and you know

just all super high end there's no you know auntie annie's pretzels there um they said the ones that are suffering those are gonna continue to do well and when stores close they tend to keep stores open in the fancy malls it's the b through d malls that are in trouble right now and especially as this African-American woman from Atlanta said in this video, I'll find it for notes, you know, there's a lot, the malls started popping up in the 50s, especially the 60s, but the 70s were the heyday. When I look at a mall like the one that's, I guess, mostly it's a set in Blues Brothers,

it reminds me of those malls that are now in areas that used to be slightly more affluent and were really banging like in the 60s and 70s.

AlexOne might say they went away when the middle class started to go away.

MerlinThe median income in Atlanta has gone down a lot. It's really weird. I'll find this for notes. I thought it was good. And I like this lady. She had great hair.

AlexWelcome to Dubai Friday. We're talking about malls. Oh, Doug, should we briefly? Oh, hang on.

MerlinI got my belt. It's over here. I got rid of the vase. I'm back on the other stand.

AlexChallenge! Challenge! This week's challenge comes from Merlin Mann, And it was to watch, well, just at least the first episode, but I ended up watching the whole season, watching the first episode of Made for Love, which is an HBO Max original series.

MerlinI played that bit of the after show for my daughter because my daughter loves you so much. And just always basically anything I do, anytime you come up, Emma continues to look at her phone and doing whatever. Because I love them. So you're loved. And but I played the bit where I'm describing this show to you. And it was really funny. You were very, very funny in the after show because I said, oh, you should check out the show made for love. Like, OK, whatever. It's like, oh, well, it's this guy. It's a dumb guy from game night. Ding. It's and he plays a still a dumb guy.

A composite sketch of a charismatic billionaire tech douchebag. Obviously too handsome for any of them. But but very much having these sort of, how does one say, ability to issues with the reading people's emotions and motivations. How does one say?

AlexOh, yeah. Oh, he's on the spectrum. No, there's nothing wrong with saying he's on the spectrum.

MerlinAnd he's reshaped reality to be the way he thinks it should be. And he lives with the beautiful dark haired, dark eyed girl from dark, quiet death in a virtual reality house, as we discover.

AlexYes.

MerlinOh, that's not a huge spoiler, right?

AlexNo. Oh, no. it comes up like literally in the first episode yeah uh yeah and and then i said there's a dolphin

Merlinand you were like i think the phrase you use is are you dangling porn in front of my face

Alexand you cannot believe you hadn't heard of this show no i couldn't and in retrospect it makes sense because uh like it wasn't a huge it was received very well but you know how of course you know hbo is like here's the other thing you watch on hbo and i'm like skip skip skip skip skip so I probably I mean I feel like it's

Merlinnot to go too far ahead of ourselves I really like this show but it's almost a little bit like a Halt and Catch Fire where you're like you know I was saying this Syracuse like Halt and Catch Fire is it's really good but it's not like you know what I mean it's one of those shows that's merely very good like I think it's not as smart it's not as smart as I thought it was and I think maybe it's not as smart as it thinks it is but I love the characters in the world and like with this I just I love that actress i love ray romano alexandra um you've watched a lot of this show in the last week um

we'll try and keep it spoiler free i guess whatever what do you want to say about this show and what it's about give the give the log line the pitch give me a paragraph on this show

Alexwhat's it what even is made for love i don't want to call it satire because they're who the fuck knows what satire and irony is uh but again in the fifth first like 15 minutes they do show that uh this woman who's been married to this kind of this parody of steve jobs slash uh mark zuckerberg uh they've been oh they've been married for 10 years 10 10 fucking years and they haven't left what is essentially the google campus that he's made called google which kind of annoyed

Merlinme made a different size boxes that are like rooms yeah that are would you call virtual reality yes

Alexthey and they uh like he says it too of like this is uh we created this world so i could have it exactly as i want so like you know i don't have to be around a dirty bit he's trying to impress

Merlinthis reporter he i think was a reporter he like basically creates this beach that he knows the

Alexreporter likes yep yep yep and i mean it's i don't want to spoil some things but she does escape this world because she realizes it's a it's a i mean great start great start to the show

Merlinright like what is happening on this show there's a soaking wet woman with her mascara running like climbing out of a hatch in the middle of a desert so like already big vibes of somewhere between Raising Arizona and Lost. What am I watching?

AlexAnd sort of a Black Mirror, but only because Kristen Miladi. This isn't a spoiler.

MerlinShe's in the one with Landry. She's in the Star Trek one with Landry.

AlexYes, but she also keeps being put in crazy men's lives, or minds. Literal minds. Like, what the fuck?

MerlinThat also has my beloved Jimmy Simpson in it, in that episode. who plays McPoyle and who plays Lyle the intern and he's also the guy in Westworld. I love Jimmy Simpson.

AlexHe's many things. Oh yeah, you said McPoyle. Yeah, love him. He's a co-raider. Oh my god, the McPoyles.

MerlinThe McPoyles and when the brother, oh my god. Oh my god. And then it looks like he's blowing him. Oh my god. I love the McPoyles so much.

AlexIt's so... I love the sister.

MerlinYou ever seen the sister in real life? She's a snack.

AlexIt's so... Did you know that?

MerlinDid you know she's a snack? Yeah.

AlexIt's not that I would say that I always Google an actor who is being portrayed as like jokey, like, oh, look at how ugly they are. And I'm like, I bet they're really hot in real life, aren't they?

MerlinThey always are.

AlexAnd then you're like, ah, hello. Oh, and there's a dolphin.

MerlinHello. Oh, hello.

Alexoh there's a there's a sex doll slash a synthetic partner in this show like it's uh if you enjoy what see if you have uh i guess you've come to understand my aesthetic based on listening to this show then you will probably like this show like halt and catch fire is not for everybody that show is like very much for for me and but like i can see like maddie and i are just obsessed

with it but like it's for most people it's like ah this is a good show this is a good novel and that's how i would sort of describe this of like this is a lovely thing that you can enjoy in like a day and especially because i the characters are so lovable oh my gosh even creepy guy but the um

MerlinBut like, for example, like I was trying to make my kid like it's one of those ones where I'm always just being that guy. He's like, come on, really watch this. Really watch. This is good. Like when she like in the first episode, when she's in the lounge chair, there's like some clues that something's going on. Yeah, let's not spoil. Well, let's not spoil it. But there's obviously there's some shenanigans and there's flashbacks and they make it wonderfully unclear when something is happening, which I tend to really like in a TV show. like obviously Westworld there being a great example of like where does this figure in the

sequence I was like oh that was actually like a flashback but um but there's the scene where she's sitting in the chair with the big hat and she looks down reaches over and picks something up and like you're not going to know what that is if till the next episode and but they really lean

Alexinto the wackadoo of that in a way I like I I it's like absurdist science fictiony type thing sure but I I again with the characters but I don't know there's there's something about in this very very fake world I was like yes if I can see myself doing that exact same thing and reacting that way and like uh it's the way she plays it is also I think the way she plays it

Merlinis so interesting because, I mean, I feel like, I need a name for this. Would you help me please, maybe the challenge this week, help me name my bevy of dark-haired, big-eyed beauties. I need a name for this group. But amongst all, Lizzie Kaplan, similar deal. Was her name Christina Malati?

AlexHer? Ditto.

MerlinBut very good at, her and Lizzie Kaplan in particular, very expressive, expressions that are pregnant with something. You're not sure exactly what's going on. And there's so many times in this, like in the interviews, where obviously you see her. I don't know. I think this is way harder to do than it looks. But there are several scenes, including ones where she's in an interview with her husband, where you can see her pausing. And as soon as she's pausing, she puts on exactly the right supportive wife face.

Then you see her processing, what am I going to say to this, but not looking. You know what I mean? I think that's a very subtle performance.

AlexBut not looking like, oh, I am definitely doing this.

MerlinLike get me out of here, blink twice kind of thing. But then she finds something to say like, oh, but you know, with a husband like mine, I don't even really, I don't need the made for love chip because we already share so many thoughts, which is exactly the answer that he wanted to hear.

AlexYep, yep. And exactly, honestly.

MerlinBut something's going on. Like maybe she's up to some business. Is this a con? What's going on? You know what I mean? though don't you get that in the first few episodes of like you're not sure like what

Alexwhat her deal is yes but the other thing why would you agree to just stay there for 10 years after one day yep and i know again that is something where i'm like oh yeah no this this would absolutely happen and i think they also they they being uh the the writers who adapted this from the book which i now have the kindle sample of because apparently it's very different and i'm

MerlinIs it called Made for Love?

AlexYes.

MerlinIs it more sci-fi?

AlexNo, I would say this is straight up absurdist, like adult version. The way you read the description, it's like a bit more of a hitchhiker's guide, but for adults with some of the situations. And let's just say this man has orgasms in a very different way. And in the book, it involves a machine. Okay. Oh, I love his helper guy.

MerlinI love the red-haired helper guy.

AlexOh, Bennett. Oh, gosh.

MerlinOh, my God.

AlexThere's something about little bitch boys in Prestige TV, too. I don't know. I like the trope.

MerlinShe just wants to play her airplane game. I know. She wants to play her airplane game, but he keeps wanting... But it's like me and Instacart. You keep getting the pop-up. You're like, that's not what I'm doing right now. Rate your orgasm. I would still recommend it.

AlexWouldn't you recommend it? Oh, 100%. It's the exact length a season of this type of show needs to be. There's very little filler. And the biggest problem I have with a lot of flashbacks is one, another prestige, whatever we think of that word and like golden age TV. It's a trope for that, but it's often then overused as a way for exposition. and there's very little eye-rolly exposition for me at least in this show there was literally one

line that this isn't a spoiler like um wait uh insert name here your ex-husband and it's like if if you've known somebody a long time you know that it's an ex-husband and but but the it was literally the one line where i'm like oh my god terrible as you know bob as an as you

Merlinas you know bob we have to charge up the photon cannons to why would you be telling me that we

Alexall know that i don't know uh look at that i just sent you the mcpoil sister check her out the the uh yeah oh my gosh with the mustache that's well she's she's uh not not as we've discovered on the show i definitely have a have a type and the other mcpoil the uh brunette one with short hair is, you know, if I...

MerlinWhich one? The brother?

AlexWith his little emo swish.

MerlinWait, wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, so wait. I'm getting the names mixed up here. You got Jimmy Simpson, and he's the one who lost his eye at the wedding.

AlexYep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, my God.

MerlinYep. At the Ponderosa, the problematic Ponderosa wedding.

AlexYes. Oh, my God.

MerlinAnd then you got his brother, who just got out of the shower. do you recognize the brother from something a long time ago he looks a little bit like what

Alexsteve beshame what's his name yeah no he's got a very beshamey vibe i think he had a small role

Merlinin that thing you do he's very funny in that thing you do he's one of the fans who becomes like a no um an oneaders fan but the first thing i think almost anybody ever saw him in was the very first

Alexgot milk commercial what oh hello the guy ever seen what guys sit a guy sitting around listening

Merlinto the radio and eating cookies and they say okay we're gonna do our you know lucky caller and if they know the answer to the question they're gonna win ten thousand dollars do you remember this and he's he's just jamming cookies in his mouth and they go and the question is going to be who shot alexander hamilton and he they call him and he picks up the phone with a mouthful of cookies he goes and he goes he grabs milk and he's all out of milk oh well he wasn't ready to wait for it so you know oh i see that's quite uptown oh here's her in a bikini oh welcome

Alexto dubai friday welcome to dubai friday it's because hey it's okay for me to do it because i'm a i'm a gay i don't know it's okay for me because i have no libido

Merlinhello i'm committing the sin of onan

239. I Would Love to Be a Nothing

Show notes

Transcript

239. I Would Love to Be a Nothing

Show notes

Transcript

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