Do By Friday
Episode 235 artwork
Episode 235 · April 8, 2021 · 01:06:08

235. Poképapá

This week's challengeThis week’s challenge: Name a shame.
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Show notes

This week’s challenge: Name a shame.

You can hear the after show and support Do By Friday on Patreon!

Edited by Quinn Rose

Engineered by Cameron Bopp

Show Notes

Transcript

Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakes

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast. This week's challenge, name a shame. Rubber rabbit. Rubber.

MerlinRubber.

AlexRubber. Rubber. Rubber. I've become the South Park mob.

MerlinI'm going to modulate my energy so you get to come in hot this week.

AlexOkay. All right. All right.

MerlinShould we both modulate?

AlexI can modulate. We can meet at the middle. Do you want me to do some ASMR?

MerlinNo, because then it just turns into like 70s FM radio. I'm sending you a photograph.

AlexI don't know what that is.

MerlinBecause you're obviously being very pokey with your progress on the technology front. I want to show you how I'm living the dream.

AlexI'm pokey? Like from Gumby? I miss that show.

MerlinAlso, before that, did you see the photo of my daughter I sent you?

AlexNo. I see a stream deck. Oh, my gosh. This is gorgeous. Oh.

MerlinI have several things I want to talk about. First of all, we're waiting for breakfast to get done so we can take it home. My daughter is standing in front of a head shop.

AlexA head shop.

MerlinAnd she's writing down. She's the stenographer for my ideas today. She helped me brainstorm. She will get partial credit for my mostly unfinished ideas.

AlexOkay.

MerlinZoom in on the shirt.

AlexI did not get this.

MerlinAre you still Alexandra?

AlexI am still Alexandra. I got the stream deck. I'm zooming in on the stream deck. I'm very good at that. I see a foo.

MerlinYou didn't get a thing at 8.19? Oh, AM? Good Lord. Who's awake then? Oh, uh-oh.

AlexUh-oh. I'm beach balling. I'm beach balling. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hold on.

Merlin10.19. 10.19, your time.

AlexUh-oh. Oh.

MerlinMust be nice.

AlexI was already up working at that point.

MerlinOkay. So we're doing this. Okay.

AlexI'm still beach balling. Hold on.

MerlinYou know what my pulse was this morning?

AlexUm, 82.

MerlinMy pulse is usually like when I sleep. is usually like 80. You know what my pulse was this morning?

Alex75.

MerlinNo, funnier.

AlexOh, 101.

Merlin69.

AlexOh, nice!

MerlinI have 420 plays it. So you didn't get the photo? This is terrible radio.

AlexI'll send it again.

MerlinI think you're lying, but I'll send it again.

AlexYou know what? You know what? I want receipts. I want a screenshot of your daughter. The last time we texted, I was talking about getting vaccinated. I was very excited.

MerlinWe talk about you all the time.

AlexYeah, I do.

MerlinWell, we talk about you. We do that.

AlexI have a lot of, I have a lot of topics. I have two things with COVID. Oh, oh, head. This is a.

MerlinIt's a headshot.

AlexShe's definitely standing in front of what I think is a marijuana leaf, but I wouldn't know.

MerlinOkay. So, but here's the things I want to zoom in on the shirt.

AlexI'm zooming. I'm zooming. I'm zooming.

MerlinNo. She's all in on Hawaiian.

AlexNo, I don't want to think about this show.

MerlinHe's wearing a dark, quiet death shirt.

AlexOh, God. No.

MerlinAnd she's wearing, she's very into Billy Butcher. She wears wine shirts all the time.

AlexOh, interesting.

MerlinAnd those are my shoes. She's wearing, she wears my shoes now. She stole my shoes.

AlexTitle. You know what? It is a privilege. A Octothorpe privilege for, Octothorpe size privilege.

MerlinSee, I designed that as a way for us to stop saying that as a transition, as a bridge for us to stop saying that. Because nothing could be more privileged than constantly reminding people that you're privileged.

AlexI know. That's why it's funny. That's why it's funny.

MerlinIs it why it's funny? Or is it why you do it?

AlexI don't know. I probably.

MerlinOkay, I'm going to start capturing my list of things you need a shameful name for.

AlexOh, gosh. I have... Man, I don't want to watch that episode of Mythic Quest again and think about...

MerlinI tried watching the Christine Miloti thing with the creepy tech guy, and I don't know. I watched the first episode. I'm not sure I'm going to be into it. You know about this? She's in a new show.

AlexNo, no. What's this?

MerlinShe's in a show with a creepy... So did you see Game Night?

AlexI love Game Night. Yes, yes.

MerlinYou know the dumb guy that always brings a girl?

AlexYes. Australia, yeah.

MerlinIs he?

AlexFuck that. Maybe not. Maybe not. I don't know.

MerlinYeah, he's probably Lee Pace in me. Point being, she's great, of course, in everything. And she is one of my TV girlfriends. Yeah, you should at least check it out because it's kind of in your wheelhouse. I think it's a little bit baggy pants. It's got a big concept and it's a little bit baggy pants in implementation, but we'll see. We'll see. And then I sent you a photo this morning when we got back from getting breakfast because lots of people refuse to believe my daughter's height.

AlexOh, no.

MerlinOur new neighbors recently asked her what high school she goes to.

AlexOh.

MerlinSo that's a picture of her and me on a flat floor.

AlexWell.

MerlinI learned today she's taller than Scarlett Johansson, I learned.

AlexOh, I mean, everybody is taller than her.

MerlinDo you ask your Amazon lady how tall people are? I do it all the time. No. And it's not even like a sexy thing for me, but I'm just always like, I mean, oh, you know who it was? I was, we were watching, we were watching, we were watching, oh, I was watching, oh, God. I was watching a documentary about showgirls called You Don't Know Me. Oh. I can highly recommend. And I was like, huh, Elizabeth Berkley. I said, I bet she's at least 5'10". Hmm. No, she's shorter than that. She's like 5'6".

Now, Scarger's like a 5'2 or a 5'3".

AlexAll right, I'm about to literally trigger people.

MerlinHey, Siri, how tall is Lee Pace?

AlexLee Grinner Pace is 6'5", according.

MerlinYou know who else is 6'5"? Alexa, how tall is Adam Newman? 6'5".

AlexHow sad is it that to be known for your height... Wait, wait, is this the founder of WeWork that you're talking about? Who are you talking about right now?

MerlinHe wants to elevate consciousness.

AlexOh, okay. But the fact that your company has to have failed so badly that Amazon knows your height and can tell, like, I don't know. I just think it's funny.

MerlinI thought you liked computers.

AlexOh, it's in Office.

MerlinI watched it twice on Sunday.

Alexyou I keep thinking that you've watched it like 14 times because I keep hearing you say that you've watched it twice and people

Merlinyou don't know what you hear I mentioned it what I mentioned on oh I mentioned it on Roderick and I guess I mentioned it on Back to Work and I mentioned it on

Alexthe Rectives last night see I haven't even listened oh god see yeah

MerlinRectives is not out yet it won't be out if you wanted to be on the elderly pets episode

Alexoh god

Merlinpre-PC okay okay alright

Alexare we are we matching each other's energy now yeah let's try to match your energy i i uh oh look at this i've i've switched back to google as my main oh turn turn on dark mode john syracuse

Merlindoubts my height i'm around five nine so what does that make her she's probably at least five

Alexsix right if i would have okay okay let's say our families had met i believe that she has grown

Merlinsince then. I have such cute pictures of you two together. You three together. Three they.

AlexThat's very I'm very Oh good lord That's a very great thing. No no no. Basketball

MerlinWhat's happening right now?

AlexShe's so tall. It's literally

Merlinmade me speak. She wasn't very good at basketball.

AlexOh blessing and a curse.

MerlinI remember they won a game and it was very exciting.

AlexI was good at basketball in that I was taller than everybody for a couple years. And then I wasn't as good at basketball.

MerlinI would guess you'd be good at volleyball. You seem more like a softball girl.

AlexLet's say I enjoyed being on the volleyball and softball teams.

MerlinSoftball they. Fuck. God damn it. What? I just deadballed you.

Someday I am going to get in trouble for this, but that's okay. That's table sticks.

AlexI agree. One day we're going to look back at all this and cringe. Well, there's always two genders with me.

MerlinIt's going to be one of those, huh? It kind of feels like we're already in one of those.

AlexYeah, yeah. But have you noticed...

MerlinI hope I hit record. Let me go look.

AlexOh, Lord.

MerlinOh, I didn't hit record. Oh. I'm hitting it right now. We'll be okay for a little bit, right?

Alexyou want to start over no no no i've got your end on uh zoom it captures i believe your local audio in fact because it's a little bit harsher but okay sorry about that i can't believe it i've

Merlinbeen so good you know what's fucking me up okay listen this is not the show except it's the show here's the problem i need a different audio hijack session because i haven't made an uber audio hijack session that captures all the things so i got to switch from the one i use for everything but this godforsaken show, which is my one called SuperSkype. SuperSkype.

AlexSuperSkype.

MerlinSuperSkype captures me locally. It captures you distantly. And it does a version I call Fancy that nobody likes because it has compression, even though it makes me sound more like John Dickerson. Then I have to switch to one called Just Me. And Just Me only records me. And that's why it's screwed up my workflow.

AlexWe're living in the future, though. So none of your other shows are using Zoom?

MerlinThe future is where we'll spend the rest of our lives. That's what Criswell says.

AlexOh, boy. Oh, God. Wait, does he literally... I need to watch this documentary.

MerlinNo, Criswell. Criswell is the, never mind. You don't care. Ed Wood. Oh, there we go.

AlexYes. So. So. Are you all right? Have you had your breakfast? Your daughter's tall and her t-shirt made me sad.

MerlinAre you asking me really or are you doing a bit for the show? Because I'll go either way. I'm fucking great. I got a vaccination.

AlexYeah, you did.

MerlinI watched the WeWork documentary. Again. I've done a lot of cool shit. I got a lot done. I may have a new segue arriving today. But most importantly, this morning, you know, usually we just go to the cafe and get a bagel. But sometimes, once a week or so, we'll go to our favorite local breakfast. Well, we used to eat there like people. But we get pickup at our local breakfast spot. And that also gives us a chance to walk around. And as you see in that photograph, for my daughter to be the stenographer and co-creator of a few of my shames this week.

AlexAll right. I want to hear the list. You're keeping... Is this a bit?

MerlinWell, my problem is... Oh, wait. We're going straight to the challenge? Challenge. What about Matt Gaetz and Nestor?

AlexOh, God.

MerlinDid I get cucked by David Reese? Is that what it is? Now you're excited about this because you heard David and John talking about it?

AlexNo. Oh, no. I haven't listened to EPM.

MerlinHuh?

AlexWelcome to Dubai Friday.

MerlinElectric boffin breakers. Electric boffin breakers.

AlexI have not listened. I listened to the beginning. So I know Starly isn't there.

MerlinI know. Starly's away. She's doing writing.

AlexOh, damn it, TV.

MerlinWelcome to Dubai Friday. So we got Matt Gaetz. I would be happy to talk about the challenge. It's a little bit early, given how vulnerable some of these are going to make me. It's a little early, but I'm happy to go in. Did you peanut butter? You peanut butter, didn't you?

AlexOh, pretty much. I didn't realize that was the list.

MerlinLet's just burn through it. Let's just burn through it and get it out of the way. The challenge this week was my challenge. It's called Name of Shame. And this is the genesis. I was explaining to my kids. so she could be a good helper stenographer. I said, the challenge this week is mine. So the challenge this week is called name a shame. And this is where, and this also shades a little bit into Rich Hall's bit called sniglets. What is a sniglet? A sniglet is a word that you need a word for. So a sniglet is a recursoronym, backward curse.

A sniglet is a sniglet, is what I'm saying to you. So I'm coming up with sniglets for something I'm deeply ashamed about, but is enough of a real thing that I should at least have a name for it. And I think we came up with some examples. I was talking, at least we were talking in the after show last week.

AlexWhat I've been thinking about more, though, is why do you want to have a word for these for yourselves? What for yourselves? Wow.

MerlinWell, these aren't these aren't for me, really. These are for other people. Like, for example, if you were the sort of person who is ashamed of how you still think Bill Cosby is extremely funny.

AlexI see.

MerlinThat would be good to have a name for. Not me, but other people. Yes. If you've wondered your entire life, shamefully, whether you wipe wrong, I think that needs a name.

AlexOh.

MerlinSo not you or me, but other people.

AlexMm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

MerlinIf you're the kind of person who, let's say, bitches about people who own cars but still benefit from the fact that your partner owns a car, I think that needs a name.

AlexAll right. I feel like you've got one.

MerlinYou could have one I call Jealous Seat. And that's when you wish it was socially appropriate to occasionally use a wheelchair. If you find twins very, very creepy, and you're a little bit ashamed of how creepy you find twins, that needs a name.

If you hope the people you disliked in high school either develop an unsightly skin disease or gain a lot of weight, that needs a name.

AlexOh, boy.

MerlinIf you have an impulse to buy an action figure of an actress you're extremely attracted to, like, say, Maggie from The Walking Dead, that needs a name. If you're ashamed of how much you super don't hate certain parts of the pandemic in London.

That really needs a name. But this all started with the thing that, listen, listen, if you've never had this, don't sit at my table. Have you, and this is how we got to shrimp last week. How did we get to shrimp? Remember how we got to shrimp?

AlexYou felt a little guilty because you'd used the Washington.

MerlinI didn't feel a little guilty. I felt deeply ashamed that all I wanted was hand soap and I bought shrimp because I needed to, I don't have a name for this yet. I need to pop my order.

AlexAnd on top of that, the Washington Delivery Company. And so, you know, stacks on stacks on stacks of Octothorps.

MerlinI think that's most of them. Wiping wrong. Creepy twins. We were watching. Do you ever watch Tim and Eric's bedtime stories? Are you familiar with it?

AlexI know it exists. I'm not familiar with it.

MerlinPlease write that down. Please write down Tim and Eric. So if you've ever seen. Well, it doesn't matter. But like, you know, the bit with the guy. Welcome to the sack. You know, bring over one and have two pounds of Black Forest ham. got some ziti on standby that that that bit there's that and then he wants to bear he buries the guy in his own yard um bathroom boys with zach galifianakis and featuring maggie from the walking dead so sometimes we watch tim and eric in the morning so we were watching it today we also watched a lot of snl commercials that's what led me to ask how tall scar joe is you ever seen that one for the the the uh the olive garden commercial i believe does that involve john

AlexMulaney or no? Nope, I don't. Nope. I'm thinking of Lobster Diner.

MerlinNo. I have a list called SNL commercials. I'm going to write that down. I need to put it in notes. All my favorite SNL commercials have been collected in a playlist, including Liberty Robot Insurance. Oh, the one with Rock the Dwayne Johnson and his Boner Drugs. That's one of my favorites.

AlexWells for Boys. Wells for Boys. Come on. Wells for Boys.

MerlinIt's number two on the list.

AlexOh, thank God. Good, good, good.

MerlinAnd then the day Beyonce turned black.

AlexOh, yeah.

MerlinBut you're my girl. I know that guy's black.

AlexOh, God.

MerlinI'll find that list. Alexander, where would people find show notes for episode 235 of your Dubai Friday program? Name of Shane.

AlexIt's your show. you would go to DubaiFriday.com slash 236 DubaiFriday.com slash 235 and Merlin, what if people wanted more than show notes? What if they were just like man, I want more of Alex's stammering.

MerlinWhat if people like the show so much that they want to give us their fucking money? Well, we have a domain for that. It's giveusyourfuckingmoney.com where you'll land on our Patreon page which can also be found in less graphic ways at patreon.com slash do by Friday and we encourage our listeners to tithe us either $5 or $10 a month but if you can afford anything at all it helps a lot because we need money and I still haven't listened to your podcast but like Alex really needs money.

AlexI don't really need money. Oh I thought

Merlinyou really needed money. I thought you had to go to Sweden

Alexor something. It's a oh god see alright alright here's

Merlinthe thing. I used to be I think Sweden used to be synonymous with ABBA and gender confirmation things. Is that the right term? Am I using the right term? Real talk?

AlexYeah, like gender confirmation surgery.

MerlinDo we say surgery? Is that okay? Would you rather be called something other than Mexican? Remember that when Michael Scott says that?

AlexNo.

MerlinWhy would I want you to call me something? I know he's black.

AlexOh, God.

MerlinHey, Dubai Friday, 17 minutes to cancellation. What do they call it? What's the term? Like in the community, what do you call it?

AlexSo if you're, typically if you're getting your boobs removed, it's called top surgery, but most folks are uncomfortable, most like trans masc or trans men are uncomfortable with calling their top half boobs and say it's top surgery. And then you just refer to it as chest. I get it. And then bottom surgery. There are many types, there are literally like all the great bottom surgeries. There are many things, but...

MerlinOh, they call it bum bagging.

AlexYeah.

MerlinRight? Because you can't say fanny pack.

AlexHow many... Oh!

Fanny packing is the funniest. I'm... Oh, God. Fanny...

MerlinCan it be with a drop G? Can it be fanny bagging?

AlexFanny bagging. A fanny. No, no, no. See what.

MerlinBody bagging?

AlexThat's what. But in Britain, it's fanny bagging because you got to put something in. You got to pack something in the front. So it's.

MerlinOh.

AlexSo we would call it. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. We're thinking of two different things. I like it when we're talking about definitely two different things.

MerlinIs this butt stuff? You're talking about butt stuff?

AlexNo, we're talking about penis stuff. Because some people like pack in the front. Men pack. Ladies tuck. But if you're fanny bagging.

MerlinIs this like what they did to Princess Leia's top? because you know they had we don't say boobs they had to bind her top and then they put her in that little Destiny style nightgown

Alexwait really?

Merlinshe was bound for a lot she was booby bound for a lot of that film the first film a lot of people call it episode 4

Alexno no no there's only one movie just the one

Merlinjust the one Star Wars movie The Phantom Menace so are we talking about the removal or the concealment

Alexof the Johnson. I see. Merlin is, I think Merlin is saying that, uh, I want your fucking money to, to get what queer people call top surgery to get my boobs removed. But, uh, now Merlin,

MerlinI think is. Oh, Alex is here with some context. Everybody has some. I know. I hear, here's some from here. Is it weird that I'm kind of excited about that? No, not at all. I'm weird. Cause I

Alexlike, that's a big decision, right? It is. Yes, it is. It is. It's arguably almost as big as a

Merlintattoo the i argue do you ever consider if you change your mind later like like let's say let's say you're mainly doing this so that you can excel at men's sports uh-huh yes exactly would you ever get what they call a cover-up would you have some shading added or something to what

Alexwhat what remains i see what you're saying or what the lack of remains well no but you could

Merlindo some really like think about what you can do with makeup and you can see those makeup tutorials where people look like a lion or whatever or they look like a bookshelf and i'm just saying with the right maybe todd could help they say that it's ruining movies but i disagree black widow coming to theaters near you

Alexshading she shading uh that sounds problematic think about when you draw a ball and you got one

Merlinpart of the ball that's light another part that's dark oh i see there's no ball there it's just this

Alexshading is made with pencils that's i didn't that's apparently a thing that they do with like not Chris Hemsworth God I forget which actor it is but no they contours it's some nice beef boy who is an Avenger or something but they contour this is like a guy you know maybe hi Todd I don't know if this is the actual thing but like put makeup

Merlinwhat do for a Todd trip

Alexyes a Todd trip is that what kids are calling it these days what's a Todd trip yes

Merlinthat's what they call it on the streets

Alexoh yeah but anyway I guess you can put makeup on your abs to make it look

Merlincontoured well I'm not being obdurate I'm saying that like if you're a lady and you're going out for the night and you're ready for some night time makeup yes guys there are different kinds of makeup and so you're going out for a night on the town and maybe you know you're going to like a dark diner and you want to have a look that pops you get a nice red lip you get a mac lipstick you get like a matte look matte with an e right silent but you think about what you do with your cheekbones you maybe do a little bit of shading underneath to produce what to the human eye looks like a shadow i saw stephanie rule on msnbc last night i think

she was a little drunk she had amazing makeup and she had like one of those one of the she had that eye look that's kind of like two or three different mixing like an ombre of like two or three colors It was a little much for TV, but she's a beautiful woman. But, you know, shading, right? You could do that.

AlexIf I really wanted to, but no.

MerlinYou have CG Nipples? That sounds like a chain restaurant in a mall.

AlexCG Nipples. Come on in. Hi, everybody. I'm CG Nipples. Oh, when you hear your burials. There's some joke there that someone could make.

MerlinTime to perk up.

AlexThere we go. There we go.

First you steal. First, Wreckdiff steals the Dubai Friday valor. Now Dubai Friday stealing the two-headed girl valor. We're just, oh, I challenge.

MerlinWe're done. That's fine. I didn't have any good ones. But thank you. Thank you to my daughter, Emma, for helping with this. She helped with the good ones and had nothing to do with the bad ones. Owning more than one Segway was hers.

AlexThat's a dunk.

MerlinI said, well, what if I just say, okay, so I'm not even telling you what it started as.

AlexOkay.

MerlinWhat it started as, oh, owning four Segways. I said, I don't technically own four Segways.

AlexTechnically. Technically.

MerlinAnd she says, you do. As of today, you have four. And I said, that's not precisely true.

AlexHow?

MerlinI mean, it's like you can only wear one Apple Watch at a time. I mean, do I do? And can you really own anything?

AlexYes. What? God, when I really makes you think NFTs and NFTs.

MerlinNot safe for today's.

AlexNot not for it. Hold on. What is for segues? I know that.

MerlinCan we not?

AlexNo. OK. All right. Listen.

MerlinOh, no, it gets way worse, Alex, because I'm pretty sure I fucked up and I didn't get what I think I'm getting.

AlexDid you pull another MacBook where you ordered like three laptops that were the wrong laptop?

MerlinNo, it's just that I don't think it's going to be as good as I hope, but I'm still hoping. But it's kind of like, you know, here's the thing. I could buy Segways every month and it would still cost less than a car.

AlexOh, God, that's so true.

MerlinLet me go. Let me go look. So I haven't done my update lately, but I do, as you can probably guess, keep track of these kinds of things. So let me go open Solver and S-O-U. Gosh, I love Solver. I use it for so many things.

AlexI feel like whoever made that is very nice. And I would like to give them some of my boob money, actually, because that is something that helps me calculate how much it will cost to get rid of my boobs. And it was also what we used to help get rid of Betty's boobs. So thanks, Solver, the official tip for Up To My Friday.

MerlinSo I bought a Segway a long time ago when that became a challenge, right?

AlexYes.

MerlinAnd you fell off it a lot, which was pretty fun. And then I got one for my kid that she fell off at once and never wanted to get on it again.

AlexOh, no.

MerlinNow, the first one, oh, God, this sounds like such a rich guy flex. You know that thing they say, like, I got a Cadillac and I had to sell it because the ashtrays got full. Like, I had a flat tire on that thing for, like, I had a slow leak for a long— You would not believe how many places I've tried to find that can help me with my Segway issues.

AlexNo. Oh, God. You and Maddie both. It's been a—yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

MerlinIt's really hard. I mean, because there's all kinds of stuff. I mean, like, it sounds stupid, but I don't know how to remove and fix this tire. And I'm not going to go to a lot of fora to find out. Like I'm not going to disappear into Reddit Googling for Segway tire replacement. So I've been just trying to find places and the bike places will not touch it. I've called a bunch of bike places. Nobody wants to touch it. Like what am I going to take it to a gas station, I guess? Maybe. But like it's not like a fucking space shuttle, but it is like an electronic device that I don't want to screw up by taking to somebody.

AlexYou know what I mean? The way that you ask people if they repair these things, it is as if you are asking them to repair some sort of rocket. Like, nope, not touching that.

MerlinCould you put some testicles on my unicycle?

AlexIt's like a, oh.

MerlinOne thing I cannot put on your unicycle is testicles, sir.

AlexCannot.

MerlinFor legal reasons.

AlexHRT and Segway. Not a good combo.

MerlinHRT. That's safer. um so unfortunately this app this app that always has sucked now mega super sucks for example like it doesn't seem odd that like you don't have a choice you know like pretty much every app that i use that i would use like you get to choose like your preferences for regional preferences for you know do you want miles or kilometers do you want fahrenheit or celsius etc it's something like in weather apps you can even say how you want like barometric pressure to be in this one you got nothing but kilometers yeah so shame on america but so last time i checked my old segway

Alexhad 300 miles on it wow wait seriously that's very cool the old segway had 300 miles on it the

Merlincurrent segway exclusive of the one arriving today has 561 miles so you're definitely gonna

Alexhow many years is this over a course of like three years a couple three years oh my god that's that's Wild.

MerlinIt's like it's, you know, and I realize, I think I realize exactly how defensive I sound. But like it's just perfect for what I need. Now, the downside is I just don't walk anymore. Apple Health reminded me that my steps are up over this time last year because I'm at 3,300 steps a day. Yeah.

Yay. Self-improvement.

AlexOh, if our listeners don't know, my spouse walks dogs for a living. And last week they had a, quote, vacation. But, you know, they sat on the couch. This is no shade. Like, they just did nothing. But normally they're walking like literally six to ten miles a day. Like a slow day is four miles.

MerlinThe thing is a Segway feels fairly steady if you – well, I mean, you know, if you ride it right, you know what you're doing. it feels but that that steadiness is so illusory like all it takes is one person walking out of a store onto the sidewalk and like i i just i might as well be going ass over tea kettle because your your brain that's used to this thing driving you around like you suddenly have to rein it in and you get that like you know that thing you know like the thing where like sometimes older people confuse the brake the brake and the accelerator or park versus reverse and things

Alexlike that or or me with my new car i mean it's fine i didn't almost get into an accident you put the wrong electric in it i okay the fact that cars have buttons to turn on now is fucking wild

Merlinand i hate it i hate them but i love them but but in the moment when one goes from it's a little bit of a daniel kahneman thing i imagine but like when you're suddenly jolted into a different mode of thinking which is ah make this thing stop you don't you're no longer thinking about being on a Segway and one acts or you know unintentionally just behaves sort of irrationally you know what I mean it's not good anyway I think I got a fucked up one but we'll see this one actually supposedly follows you I might have gotten the one you got did you get the S

Alexoh no

MerlinI got an S plus but it doesn't look like it goes that much faster than the one I've got and what I want is speed I have the need for speed

AlexI am fine of the Segway slash Ninebot company whatever it's called now also because they make scooters and if you remember a while ago i bought a bird scooter off of like alibaba oh yeah it was like oh god like this i did i i uh hey listeners i did not use your fucking money for this because it was like 150 and that thing definitely it was incredibly unsafe and should not have been ridden however it lasted like four years and so it was like all right cool but now

But now Matt was like, all right, I don't need a car car. So but the scooter is broken and we can't we literally cannot find anybody to. And again, by broken, it has a flat and like dented tire. We have a new tire. Can't replace it. Tried like everything. No, I don't even know.

MerlinI don't even I mean, I have to be honest. I have not spent a ton of time on it. But any time I look at the underside of this thing, I become very intimidated. Yeah.

AlexYeah. Well, but here is the thing. There are, I think now more and more people repairing like actual on brand scooters and hopefully soon Segways because he got like this freaking ball in this. It's not it's a scooter, but it's from Segway and it's like a fucking monster truck and it goes so fast.

MerlinWho are you talking about?

AlexMaddie, Maddie.

MerlinWait, so Maddie got one of the, not one of the consumer ones, but got one of the like stand-up cop ones? Like a Joe Bluth one?

AlexNo, no, no. Not a, you stand here. I was like, Maddie, send me a picture. And for some reason, he's not responding to me while working. Hold on. Scooter, Ninebot, this is so exciting.

MerlinOh, I'm so confused. So you got, wait, you got a Lime scooter and Matt got a Segway brand.

AlexOkay, now what had happened was years ago, I thought it would be fun to get, thank you unnamed listener who got me the thing to hack bird scooters, which I definitely didn't do. But, yep, this was like four years ago, right? All right.

MerlinWhat was four years ago?

AlexWhen I got this really crappy scooter.

MerlinAnd that's the one you fell off at the office?

AlexNo, no, no, no. That is a Segway.

MerlinIs it one that's like a chariot?

AlexOh, boy. All right. I'm just going to send you a link to this. And it looks way dumber in real life because it's fucking huge. But this bad boy goes 18 miles an hour.

MerlinOh, my God. I'm so envious.

AlexAnd I saw him writing it, and I'm like, no, no, no.

MerlinMine goes 10.8. Mine goes 10.8, and I could really use a little more.

AlexWell, and that's the thing. Would you ever consider looking like a small teenager? Because that is what he looks like when he's on this thing. But I think that's kind of cool. It's oh, it is incredibly fun, incredibly dangerous. And no one should have it.

MerlinOh, dude, you got a 40 mile range. Oh, my God.

AlexYeah. Yeah.

MerlinSix hour charge. OK.

AlexIt's insane. Like the.

MerlinBut I think you got to hold it.

AlexYes, you do have to hold it.

MerlinYou can't wave your arms. I like to put my hands out like wings when I ride.

AlexYes.

MerlinWhat I am talking about.

AlexHello again, listeners. What I've sent Merlin is a picture of a kick scooter or, you know, like it looks like a line.

MerlinSegway 9 bought Max electric scooter, Max speed, 18.6 miles per hour, long range battery, foldable and portable.

AlexUh-huh. And it's, oh God, it's so fast, it's so big, but it's not one of the standees. And both of us like the standees. That's the one that I fall off of.

MerlinWhat Alex, I think, is saying is that we're talking about a hoverboard as against a typical what they call a kickstart.

AlexThey're not hoverboards. They're not hover. Remember, hoverboards are the-

MerlinStandy thing is not helpful, Alex.

AlexIt is a standing segue, but it doesn't have the handle is how I-

MerlinApart from the go-karts, show me a segue where you don't stand.

AlexOh, other than the go-kart. Well, no, no, no. You stand without a handle. Without a handle.

MerlinIt's called a stand-up. Anyway.

AlexThat's very good.

MerlinAnd this one, is this the one that has a flat?

AlexNo, no, no. That is the new one where people, like, we called a...

MerlinIf anybody could draw this on a timeline, Alex, don't listen.

AlexGosh.

MerlinDraw this on a timeline for me, please, and post it to the internet.

AlexOh, oh, you have given me an idea. You have given me an idea. My scoot-scoot timeline. My scoot-scoot journey because these things, oh.

MerlinYour journey. Speak your truth, Alex. Yas, queen.

AlexYes. and this is the here is another segue that you sit upon oh I so Alex has sent me it well well

Merlinboy this is not helping it's a scooter it's exactly yeah but this is closer to like a moped like a Vespa yeah report oh this is so cute isn't this cute I feel like an idiot on this I look so cool on my segue but on this I'm afraid I would look like Peter Parker you would look like

AlexPeter Parker and you would especially look like a small teen because this also only goes 20 miles an hour. So you're basically... Under the list of features

Merlinplease please give me a full read of the first feature on the features list and say it like you think

Alexyou should say it. Righty go! Intelligence system. Righty go! Righty go! Righty go! Righty go!

MerlinOh, it has smart seat detection, so you can get your bum bag on there. I know what it is.

AlexI know a bum bag.

MerlinI'm hobo sacking.

Hobo sacking Jr. Speaking of heirs to the throne, what got you reignited about Matt Gaetz? So last week on the after show, you had been, I think, pretty dialed out to the whole Matt Gaetz thing. And like David Reese did with John today, I tried to mostly off the dome tell you what was going on with Matt Gaetz and the tax assessor and the CIA, the missing CIA agent or whatever.

AlexOh, I don't remember the missing CIA agent part.

MerlinThat's the extortion part.

AlexWhere do we leave off with Matt Gaetz?

MerlinWell, at this point now, I think it's a pretty good story. I mean, still spent some time with it that I showed Alexandra the wonderful Rachel Maddow video of the recap. So apparently, postposably, under the Bill Barr administration, owing to what – I'm sorry to repeat myself a little bit here. But owing to some stuff that they discovered about the Seminole County tax assessor, the sex assessor.

AlexHand me that alto saxophone. The sexer.

MerlinOkay. So, Matt.

AlexThis is what happens when we try to match each other's energy. You be you, Merlin. Speak your inner truth.

MerlinI've got a segue coming. I'm not exactly sweating it. No, no, but so Matt Gates, we found out eventually had been kind of mobbed up with this guy who who is like it's just comically hilariously corrupt. I mean, like Paul Manafort level of are you really fucking kidding me? You really went to go visit your wife in another county with your ankle monitor on. And as I said, he said, I have a special deal with my parole officer that I can go anywhere but the Panhandle or Key West, which is very specific. But he could go to Gates country. but anyways so and there's all just this has even gotten crazier i i know this is real normie of me

but i don't unlike alexander whom i love there are not these many kinds of stories of the day that light my fuse in quite the way the matt gates thing has um but so so they've been investigating then just to recap very very quickly this is a guy who ran for tax assessor uh in 2016 he He immediately hired many members of his literal bridal party, gave $1.9 million in contracts and salaries to friends of his. And that's just literally the beginning.

He acquired computers to use to mine Bitcoin. That's my favorite part. Oh, by the way, that was paid for by the Seminole County Tax Assessor's Office. When COVID came, he took those computers out of the office so he could keep mining Bitcoin. He installed them in an office incorrectly, and it set the building on fire. he would go and steal fake IDs out of the trash, steal IDs out of the trash, make them into fake IDs, the speculation, speculation, just in the game, the speculation now is that that was so speculation

so they could create IDs that made their companions appear to be older.

AlexOh.

MerlinOh, because I'm sorry, I forgot to mention he's also charged with sex trafficking minors.

AlexOh, you know, that thing.

MerlinWhich Matt Gaetz might be up for. The point of the story is that under the Bill Barr administration, the DOJ began, based on Fruit of This Tree, looking for Seminole Man, they discovered, hey, what's going on with this Matt Gaetz character? And just, you know, based on hearing people who are like law people, what you call lawyers, like, you know, there's a lot of investigations or ideas for investigation that just, I want to say die on the vine as long as I'm talking fruit. but the there's a lot of investigations just go nowhere because you're like okay okay okay we hear

these things there's some evidence do we really want to start investigating a u.s congress member because i think one there's several things to that one is like you know you can met the king you best not you know there's that thing but there's also like yeah like but like then there's special things you have to start doing for high profile people including politicians i believe there's like special kinds of notice that must be given to certain kinds of people. So it isn't like you can just stay in, what do they call that, like stealth mode?

Like, you know what I mean? So like, again, allegedly, but people who have been prosecutors say that you generally don't even begin an investigation, quote unquote, investigation like that, unless you have a pretty good sense that there's going to be enough here to convict. I know that sounds nuts, but they say, like, if you think if there's any doubt that this is anything but a slam dunk, we're not even going to begin an investigation.

AlexOh, I wonder why people don't trust cops.

MerlinWell, like, like, well, how would you feel about hearing some shit about a congressperson that leaks out? And it's like it turns out that there was just a misunderstanding or something. Well, you want to get in front of that. You don't want you don't ever want that to be a thing that even could leak out. The point being, posposably, you don't even start an investigation on somebody in Congress unless you have a pretty good idea that something happened.

AlexThat's so bad.

MerlinDoes that make sense? Does that sound terrible? I'm being un-American. But do you get from a real politics standpoint?

AlexYeah, no, I get it. And it's, yeah. And it's, well, it's disgusting and gross, but it makes total sense, which is why it's so upsetting. but even on Chapo Trap House they talked of course they talked about Matt Gaetz but what I hadn't realized was during that Tucker Carlson interview that Matt Gaetz did he when he slipped in the oh Tucker you know the witch hunt blah blah blah you've seen me you know you were there

Merlinwith your wife you and your wife we went out to

Alexdinner you remember her yeah and I didn't realize like I thought that he was just making his regular squished up Tucker Carlson like me

Merlinface yeah that grimace that he makes when he's trying to seem like he's concentrating yeah but

Alexbut apparently uh he was actually upset because there were allegations that turned out to be unfounded that he had also been boinking children but he was not yes which he quickly reminded the

Merlinaudience according to him was a person who had mental health problems you know sort of like the

Alexwoman who kept breaking into letterman's house probably like it yeah it seems like you know uh Tucker Carlson, guilty of many, many things, but not this one. And Matt Gaetz's like, remember?

MerlinNot that particular one.

AlexRemember this? And so that's why.

MerlinAnd the other thing all the lawyer people say is Matt Gaetz, like Pripa Hara, I get mixed feelings. But he said, the thing I saw last night, he's like, listen, Matt Gaetz, here's my professional advice. Shut up. Because like he keeps, well, like in the case of Tucker Carlson, I'm not a lawyer, I ain't know. But like with Tucker Carlson, like now, guess what? He has opened the door to I could see somebody being very curious about wanting to interview Tucker Carlson about this, not for his culpability necessary, but as a like a fact witness.

AlexRight. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, that's all it takes.

MerlinYou know, it's it's but then. So anyway, they had discovered this stuff with the tax ban. and that's what led DOJ to say well we need to look into the stuff with Mr. Gates because there's some pretty pretty wild stuff that they appear to be involved in together you know did you hear

Alexthe report about the video footage no go on I'll skip to the phone part somebody calls up Matt

MerlinGates and goes um and this is again off the dome some somebody in like in one of in like his administration wait sorry my bad um the tax guy somebody in his administration calls up and says hey like um so were you at the like the abandoned office over the weekend because we've got video footage of you and some guy with a tiny face um going through the burn bin to pull out ids and

those ids are all scattered over the desk and nobody's supposed to be here so there's video footage of him and Gates at a related but unrelated office. It's an office he did not need to be at and certainly did not to be at in the middle of the night on a weekend.

AlexOh, my God.

MerlinAnd they were going through and fishing out IDs.

AlexHow are they so bad at crime? Like, I mean, I don't know.

MerlinWell, if there's one thing I know, if I'm going to be a sugar daddy to a young lady, I want to make sure to use the Cash App. We're not using the other apps anymore. I'm either going to use cash app or apple pay because i'm gonna want an electronic paper wait wait wait so they were paying prostitutes oh yeah oh yeah so yeah yeah they both were allegedly allegedly both using i forget the name of the site but it's a site that's a it's a site that makes connections between sugar babies and sugar daddies so you can go and you basically go in you self-identify it's like you know it's like a farmer dating site am i a farmer am i somebody

who wants to date a farmer in this case you go in and say i'm a sugar baby sugar baby i I would like to receive potentially cash, but, you know, goods, services, pretty dresses. And, you know, I'll provide companionship.

AlexYep, yep. You can – I may or may not stomp on your stamps.

MerlinAnd then a sugar daddy says I would like to provide pretty dresses.

AlexYep, good.

MerlinI'm a pretty dress provider, a PDP as they call it. Apparently they utilize sites like that and then paid – in some cases, I don't know if this is I don't say paid. Allegedly. Money was exchanged. And then, of course, people are saying, well, if it wasn't for companionship, was it for stuff like travel? Because that's how they got Chuck Berry.

AlexIt was maybe it was just pizza.

MerlinWell, there's one called the Mann Act. That's what they found Chuck Berry guilty of, which is transporting a minor across state lines for immoral reasons.

AlexWait, immoral reasons is some of course you can get. Of course, doing immoral things is against the law. Oh, right. it's America

Merlinnamed after Congressman Robert Mann the act made it a felony to engage in interstate or foreign commerce transport of quote any woman or girl for the purpose of prostitution or debauchery or any other immoral purpose what the it's also known as the White Slave Traffic Act of 1910

Alexthink of the children oh

MerlinI do good lord that's the problem then I pay them with cash out love the children I believe they're our future you know I teach them well and let them lead the way is what I say. Lead the way to the next state. Wah, wah.

I got you a Pokemon. Thank you, Daddy. Thank you, Daddy.

AlexNo, that's what I'm saying. Oh, gosh. I wish there was, I mean, well, I'm sure there's, if I like went on tour and went buck wild, I could find a site out there where I could have a, like a Pokepapa who would. A Pokepapa.

Merlindaddy daddy and i'd be like what did you say did you say daddy daddy daddy thank you daddy

Alexand then he would try to provide me you know the the coins to acquire the the pokemon and i could

Merlinthen bring them back to him yeah okay so can i ask though what are you providing if you can say what are you prepared to provide you don't have to work blue but would it be companionship like

Alexwhat would you provide to the sugar to d the poke to d well i i i would say that it would be you know just just uh um he would be providing let's say transportation into the into the video game world to uh because you're riding that d yeah right writing writing the the poke d uh and my and and the poke pop and then when i come back with my poke pop so when i come back to my poke Is it Pokepapa? He is my Pokepapa.

MerlinPokepapa.

AlexAnd then I'm like, here, here are the ones and zeros that show you all the Pokemon that I've caught. And you know what? I think that's the end of that story.

MerlinOh, he's going to get all up in your Pokedex?

AlexI mean, who's to say? My Dex is...

MerlinYou know what? That's none of my business. Bad on me.

AlexYeah, it's a living Dex, as they say. God, this is so funny to, like, one person, and I'm glad that it's happening.

MerlinYou should, yeah, if you want a lunch table to sit at, you can sit with my kid who spends about two hours a day explaining why something is funny to me.

AlexOh, gosh. Well, I did consider the other day bringing all like 335 episodes of this show that we've done into Descript and just trying to train Descript enough so that like.

MerlinIf I had the hours, I don't want to blow my hours, but there are so many things like that.

AlexWell, yeah, and like I –

MerlinI thought last night as I was falling asleep listening to a certain – Oh, oh, oh, big news. I figured out what year the shipping forecast is from that I have.

AlexOh?

MerlinYeah, yeah. I finally did something I should have done a long time ago. I thought about dropping that in because you know how I like to do my super cuts in Descript?

AlexMm-hmm, mm-hmm.

MerlinYou know what I'm talking about where like I just go in and do a –

AlexYes, but you should share them more often.

MerlinDescript is this great app that I use for editing, in this case Roderick on the line, But there's several just amazing features. One is you drop in your audio. It creates a transcript. And then you can basically edit your podcast with text alongside the regular swim lanes and timeline stuff. But I really wanted to throw in that five hours of the shipping forecast and do a supercut of every time they say falling slowly.

AlexThat's, oh, that's, oh, see, that's good.

MerlinBut that would burn five hours of my time.

AlexThis is why we need unpaid interns for the show.

MerlinCould we get unpaid interns?

AlexI mean, I'm sure the upsetting thing is, of course we could, because that is how.

MerlinThe creepier, the better.

AlexYeah.

MerlinBring them in.

AlexPlease, please. Please, my interns. They're very poor.

MerlinWhy are you wearing my clothes?

AlexIt's okay.

MerlinYou should not be wearing my clothes. Oh, man. And so the very first one from the Met Office, shipping forecast for, you know, whatever, 1100 hours on Tuesday, August 1st, he says. Do you follow? And so, you know, I did. I went on the Internet.

AlexAugust 1st.

MerlinAnd I said, so what year was August 1st on a Tuesday? And check my math, but it appears the most reasonable one appears to be 2017. So that is the shipping report from the month of August. That five-hour thing that I listened to is, I believe, from August of 2017. I would have guessed it's older. There are warnings of Gales and Trafalgar.

AlexYeah, I was going to say, like, early aughts. But I'm on—

MerlinOh, really?

AlexWell, I—but I'm not—

MerlinBecause they were talking about, like, Backstreet Boys or something?

AlexNo, just—I don't know. It sounded older. We—it was a simpler time, you know. Did you watch the WeWork documentary? No, I was planning on saving it for a challenge, as they say. I really want to, though. But then I just rewatched more of Halt and Catch Fire because, oh, God.

MerlinOh, I dipped out, and then I accidentally dipped back in because my ladies kept with it.

AlexI can see why people would dip out.

MerlinSo if Syracuse is at S2E70, he said he hasn't seen the incident in the parking garage. So whatever the one with the parking garage is, that's funny.

AlexUh, you laughing at Roger? The, um, wait, maybe I'm thinking of a different one.

MerlinWell, he has a thing, a health thing.

AlexMm-hmm.

MerlinAnd then, wait, how far in? Oh, shit, dog. What do you want? As to?

AlexOh, see, the thing, I know what you were talking about, but I don't think I am, yep, no, no, yeah, because I saw that preview.

MerlinWell, there's a thing and a thing. Okay, that's all. I spoiled the show for you. Yeah. Um, line four, we're up to 480. Something, something changed the world. I've already forgotten what you said. What's the challenge I'm writing down?

AlexUm, WeWork documentary.

MerlinOh, WeWork documentary. Okay, cool.

AlexI don't know what it would be, but like I...

MerlinWatch it and be prepared to discuss it. That's easy.

AlexI mean, I just keep thinking about WeWork because I'm thinking about, you know, uh, I guess this is the Alex show today where our lease is renewing and people may remember that my apartment is an interesting place to live just because of our landlord.

MerlinYou live in a one bedroom asterisk.

Everything about the normal use of your place seems to be partly governed by how Dougie feels on a given day.

AlexOh, oh, you don't go in the super secret Slack channel, but let me show you.

MerlinOh, I do sometimes. I go into a remark about hard drives and stuff.

AlexIf you go into home improvement, did you see the screenshot of the email I received?

MerlinOh, shit, no, I'm going right now. Oh, no, Alex. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, email from Dougie. yes yes yes he did a thirsty sweaty horny old mignola clouds it's a it's in home improvement okay oh god oh i'm so scared okay okay it's short okay i'm reading it oh jesus oh he's a two space after the period he does he does oh okay uh it oh is it okay to read this please do please do Oh, shit.

I saw his real name. Oh, God. I feel dirty. Matt and Alex. Looks like it's lease renewal time.

AlexSpace, space. Space, space. Fucking Syracuse.

MerlinAs always. Oh, this is sweet. As always, you've been. This is nice. As always, you've been great tenants. Need a comma there. And we're happy to renew on the same terms as last time. Awesome. Space, space. I've attached a lease for your review and signature new paragraph. Let me know if there are any questions. Could use a comma there. or if there are any lingering maintenance items you'd like taken care of.

AlexYeah.

MerlinAnd what's your thought on that?

AlexOh, I have decided to start preparing a list because we are probably going to live here another year. And that's what I've been thinking about. WeWork is like...

MerlinThat's the first question then. So you're cool doing another year there?

AlexYeah. Well, cool.

MerlinSecurity's nice, Alex. It's nice to have stability.

AlexIt is. It is nice.

MerlinIt's like Morrissey says, I want the one I can't have. A lot of times we want something different and novel and it ends up being way worse than what we have.

AlexWell, that's the thing is I'm like, you know what? The shitty landlord you have is better than the shittier one you don't know. Wisdom.

MerlinIs that his actual last name, by the way?

AlexNo, that is the company.

MerlinBecause if anybody's going to have a domain name as a last name, I would love it to be

Alexyou.

MerlinI would love you to be Alexandra Cox dot biz.

AlexI have. Oh, man. oh man hold on gotta go to hover gotta go to hover hold on hold on oh you could just be cox

Merlinwell you should see if even just cox.biz i bet cox.biz i'm sure it's taken i've tried i i have

Alexalex cox.me a cox a cox.biz i uh my my cox company you can just say to people a cox just like it's a cox uh well that's that sounds so dirty cox computer cox hosting cox software Cox Boutique Cox Holdings

MerlinOh, I like that

AlexCox Dance Is that one of the suggestions? Yes Why did Matt take my last name?

MerlinYeah, you guys chose poorly How about Cox.Amsterdam?

AlexOh, Cox Glass

MerlinOh my god, Alexandra

AlexOh god, yes

MerlinAlexandra It's $45 That's the bad news. Okay. Ready for the good news?

AlexOkay.

MerlinCox.FRI.

AlexOkay, here we go.

MerlinHere we go. Cox.FRI. No, that's actually not good. Cox.Cloud. Cox. Cox. See, I don't even like saying that. Cox.Cloud.

AlexWait, wait. No, there's not. There's FRI?

MerlinI see top pick. I'm going to buy it for you right now.

AlexNo, that's FRL. Wait. Cox.

MerlinOh, it's FRL. Yeah. Oh, shit. I don't have my glasses on. No. What the fuck does that mean, FRL?

AlexFreedom land for all.

MerlinYourcox.com. Yourcoxgroup.com. Bestcox.com.

AlexOh, God.

MerlinYourcoxclub. How about cox.biz?

AlexOh, interesting.

MerlinOh, no. See, now I'm going to get into German stuff. Cux.amsterdam.

AlexCux.online. $4.99. Cux.online. $4.99. cucks.art okay cucks.me oh i oh oh wait cucks.cloud is it wait wait wait your cucks.com oh damn it oh wait oh no cuck.me is taken unfortunately oh man man that'd be uh

Well, it's a thing you can't have As Merlin says Yep, yep, yep

MerlinIt's driving me mad Alright, I guess we should stop looking at domains This is probably fairly easily Our worst episode

AlexOh, by far, by far

MerlinCux.hosting Cux.website Check me out Cux.llc Cux.holdings, that's really good Cux.ventures that's long cucks.actor

Alexthis has indeed become cuck holdings is cuck holdings cuck holdings oh I don't know if this is

Merlina cuck my ride

Alexoh oh one second sorry my thing is buzzing the door oh no

Merlinthis is how it ends So Alexander's going to the door. I am at Hover.com looking at names. I like Hover.com. They're not a sponsor. But I love having my domains with Hover. It's very easy to deal with. One thing I like about Hover is that it's sort of like a good iPhone app in the sense that there's lots you can do in this, but you don't have to see it all at once. If you just want to do basic stuff, they've got basic stuff. This is too many domains. I just want to say I think this is an irresponsible number of domain names. um cuck my bike ride web cuck my car then see they're just putting words together now

um i'm not being very creative let me go let's go look at domains that merlin still owns just for fun we'll go look um i don't have as many of these so i have ungainly.me dubaifriday.com some of these i bought for one joke there's a joke one time on you look nice today so i bought pyramids. I don't know. It's about pyramids. P E E R M Y D S. It was funny at the time. Okay. The, probably the best domain that I own still needs to be a podcast. I just haven't

found the right host, uh, large adult podcast.com daughter's name inbox zero.com office Hagrid. Um, Oh, stiff Elmo.org. That was a joke. Back to work.limo. Of course. Oh, I own, um, Bokbok.wtf, as in, you know, Thanks Easter Bunny.

Let's see. Economyisland.net. Give Syracusa your money. Is that all of them?

AlexAll right. I was briefly back and heard you have a domain for a podcast, but you haven't found the right host.

MerlinWell, I used to say to Jen, if Jen ever wanted to do a podcast, she would be my first pick for whatever large adult podcast becomes.

AlexOh, that's...

Merlinisn't large adult podcast good i had this idea it never got to anything but the core i wanted to do a podcast with the cordry brothers about uh i gotta buy voices but they're they're too busy and now so i have economy island i have economy island.net and economy is.land i think those kinds of domain names where you split the word is as the english say too clever by a half when you gotta explain to people like bit.ly that's pretty good i i don't think there's that

Alexmany domains that work in that format though no no there there aren't um oh oh oh dear sorry i forgot about am i paying like 300 a year in domain name jokes oh goodness gracious no no oh challenge oh no get rid of all of your challenge challenge challenge challenge okay I do have Alex Cox dot gay, which I spent like I spent all night before dot gay was dropping. And I'm like, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I did not get Donald Trump is.

MerlinHave you done anything with it? Is it just like a woman laughing, eating salad? What do you have there?

AlexI think it might just go. I don't know. Let's see. It's not even in my.

MerlinDo some domain name maintenance. How's that?

AlexOh, that's very good. Oh, it just goes to my Twitter.

MerlinThat's line 482. Well, we kind of shot our load now. We've already done the challenge.

AlexWell, I have a follow up. Yeah, I feel guilty about many of the same things you do. You know, I feel guilty. I only have technically only only one segue. I also feel guilty about.

MerlinWhy are you shaming me? I'm already so ashamed.

AlexNo, no, no, no, no. I think this is part of the the Octothorpe that you want to get rid of because you're right. The only thing more privileged than being privileged is talking about how privileged you are and having the time to do so.

MerlinConstantly reminding people to cover yourself with glory about how, as the youth say, how woke.

AlexUh-huh, uh-huh. I know that people are poor, so that makes me a good one. I'm better than the others. I'm aware of poverty. Good job, mate.

MerlinI treat my tenant farmers so well.

AlexOh, God. when you're whoa who keeps buzzing my door um i'm gonna ignore it this time and if as we know my landlord dougie will come in it just come inside he comes in through the back door if you know what i mean oh he does oh you move that table again hi oh goodness gracious so some people might be thinking is is alex getting time theft and doing this doing work They may or may not be right, but that's not what was the interruption, because I'm very good at doing two things at once.

MerlinWhat interruption are you talking about?

AlexMy doorbell kept ringing, and I kept getting calls.

MerlinI thought we were cutting that out.

AlexNo, well, we'll cut part of this in, because one of the things that I am very much going to miss about the pandemic is, you know, not interacting with delivery people. Because that's, I feel like it's just a better situation for everybody. but this is the first time in over a year people just showing up and knock on your door well yeah yeah and uh or or a delivery person wanting to come into your home and i was like what excuse me okay and uh yeah and no this is the first time over a year uh the someone from the washington

delivery company was like i'm literally out of breath from running downstairs and getting It's a stressful time. And I was like, oh, you can just leave it there. He's like, no, I can't. So I didn't know what to do. What? Why? I don't.

MerlinWhat, is it raining?

AlexWas it going to? Oh, it's overcast. I don't know.

MerlinI mean, I have seen there are some drivers that like, like they'll get in trouble if it gets rained on. I've seen that happen.

AlexI mean, I'm not. I do not want to belittle this man who is probably has to like pee in a bottle as he's doing deliveries.

MerlinI'm just glad you're aware of your privilege

AlexOh, let me What is this? I'm live unboxing everybody So, as I rip open

MerlinOh, oh no

AlexOh, I don't know what this is

MerlinI don't know what this is I'm a little panicked about it

AlexOh! Guess what arrived, Merlin?

MerlinHard drives

AlexYes, all of my hard drives Really? Did you get WD Reds? Yes, yes. I got three of the six.

MerlinDid I do six or eight?

AlexI think I did three of the eight terabytes.

MerlinWait, so you got two bays?

AlexNo, no, no.

MerlinYou got more two bays, right?

AlexYeah, the one that you...

MerlinYou have no idea how terrified I am that I misunderstood and you have two bays. I think that's the third time I've asked you. How many bays you got? Four. You got the 920 plus.

AlexYes, yes.

MerlinHoly shit, Alex. This is so exciting. So you got two drives. You have four bays and now you got three drives.

AlexYes.

MerlinAre you going to put all three in?

AlexI think so. I've been acquiring.

MerlinI would say go ahead and put all three in. And then when money allows, get two more. So you have a fourth one and a backup.

AlexThat's what I.

MerlinNot now.

AlexYeah.

MerlinI'm excited for you. It happened here.

AlexI am too. It's, I know. Oh, this is very exciting. There's also a bunch of car things. And I don't know if, is this my neighbor?

MerlinWhat's a car thing, Alex?

AlexOh, no, my emergency car kit also arrived. so that I get it comes with a safety vest that you wear.

MerlinOh, that's nice.

AlexYeah, if you get stuck on that. I should wear that if I go on my little Segway and need to scoot around.

MerlinI think you should wear it all the time.

AlexYeah, I mean, it's really, if you're not wearing a safety vest, you're just asking for it, really. It's not a good situation.

MerlinAnd that's why Alex was never hired for public service messaging.

Thank you.

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