229. Lifestyle Pokémon

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast. This week's challenge, Curate Weird.

MerlinSorry, I had to turn off election profit makers. Hi, talk.

AlexI know. I didn't get through. I was at the point where they were optimistic, but not so optimistic about Biden. And it was like, man, I don't know. And so, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. uh you keep on doing what you're doing you were kind enough to accommodate audio this week and you said i think we make a better show video i was well actually i i was getting

to that merlin do you want to start the show alex i i we you agreed to do audio for this program for but for this special instance we decided to do video and you were like we make a better show without video and i agree because this is primarily a podcast medium and i am not a performer like the you look nice today boys who i love love dearly i was about to say oh yeah sure no that we let's just do audio but then like like

you i took some time to reflect and i'm like no no i we agreed to do this and i i'm saying yes we're doing video as well and i was then proud of myself but i still don't see your face in the video i mean i see your face but it's a cartoon character oh you should just say that there it is

Merlini i'm i'm pleased that you're holding me uh to my end of the covenant uh-huh i if i'd remembered i would have tried to look better today

Alexi i almost put on makeup and then i didn't i could shave live on the show would you like that Well, I've got to take my, I do a shot every morning, as you say. I'm going to have to adjust my eye line later.

MerlinLike a jello shot?

AlexNo, no. Like this. There we go. Oh, here's my boudoir. Look it. There's a Totoro. Well, here's that. We'll get to that later.

MerlinYeah, that's something I was zooming in on. Here's how I zoom in. I go like this.

AlexMove with your neck. That's what she said. He said. Either way, it works. Sorry. Go ahead.

MerlinSo if we're going to do this in video, I think whenever we do a regular episode in video, we must put it up for free somewhere, maybe on YouTube. So we can put this on my YouTube if you want.

AlexAnywhere. The video will be accessible.

MerlinI have almost 32 followers there.

AlexOh, congratulations. You know, let me see how many I have.

MerlinI'm not very interested. Oh, man.

AlexIs this the show? Is this the show? This could be the show. It might be the show.

MerlinOkay. I'm still waking up a little bit. I've been sleeping great. I've been sleeping great. I unilaterally increased my drugs. I increased my drugs unilaterally. And so far it's going great.

AlexBy unilaterally, does that mean you've increased your or adjusted your drugs like bottom down? Like do you have some hair pills, some nose pills, some mouth pills, and then downstairs? Like what does that mean?

MerlinHow did you get that from unilaterally out of curiosity?

AlexI'm not entirely sure I know what it means now because I thought it meant to cross the board. But, you know.

MerlinDid we take mushrooms? I'm just trying to figure out if we took mushrooms.

AlexYou know, the best thing to – I don't want a slag reply. They've got – the whole staff's got enough. But for me personally –

MerlinI think we should start it. I think we should start over.

AlexYou know, I'm looking at Brooklyn.

MerlinWe're not starting over.

AlexOffices. But one thing that came out of that show for me personally that made me quite excited is knowing that two people could micro dose at work without letting their bosses know and not be noticed. Because I like unilateral. I don't really know what micro dosing means except it's drugs, but a little bit less. And that's pretty much the exact amount of mushrooms I want.

MerlinThe interesting thing about micro dosing is something that I think I would not have had access to at a time when I would have considered doing that. I feel like when I was in college, to which I'm pegging my drug use mostly, micro dosing requires dosing in the sense that you have to know how much you're taking. This is why edibles are good. Edibles are reliable. You know what you're getting from an edible.

AlexOh, oh, oh, oh, oh. No, no. A package.

MerlinSave it for the show.

AlexOkay. All right. It's been my one disaster.

MerlinOh, you had a disaster? Oh, no. Oh, no.

AlexEverybody has the time where they've taken a brownie.

MerlinI like an edible because it's consistently not as much as I would like, which tells me it's a good amount.

AlexI agree. I agree. But didn't you have the brownies in college that your friend made? That's what I'm talking about.

MerlinThat's my point. That's my very point. I'm talking about gum.

AlexWhat's the difference between edible? Exactly. Clarify. unilaterally talk do you need me for this one well that's the oh here's a micro dose of coffee that I take every morning I think if we do visuals let's just I'll have it up I don't know this is either going to be the worst or the best as every episode is

MerlinI'm going to make you really really big oh yeah now you're big

AlexI'm a breakout star it's too hot

Merlinnow you're big you're not breaking out your skin's beautiful

AlexI think I still have the I'm basically shooting flat, which I remember that's a thing you can do when you're not live streaming.

MerlinShooting flat? Oh, God. Oh, no.

AlexIt's too hot. I normally always

Merlinfinish... What's that little jar?

AlexThis, I've...

MerlinSo many more questions than answers to that. Oh, God. Oh, God.

AlexSo, do you... You're familiar with shot glasses, I assume. Are you familiar with... Extremely. Are you familiar with mason jars?

MerlinThat's not a mason jar. What are you talking about?

AlexIt is a mini mason jar as a shot glass.

MerlinOh, that's adorable.

AlexIs Pier 1 still in business? But anyway, I don't have espresso cups, so I use this because I don't drink coffee. I drink a small shot of espresso every morning, but it was too hot and it hurts.

MerlinHang on one second. This is relevant to our topic this week.

AlexInteresting. I think not only did Merlin forget we were doing video I don't know how this would have to do with our challenge

MerlinI can still hear you

AlexI know This is not everything's for you Mr. Air Pod Pro Pro Pro Check out my emoji They're endearing Moms like them Oh

MerlinI'm holding up for Alexandra a tiny little jar And this is the kind of jar that you'll see in a minute I use to put some of my collections in.

AlexOh, there we go. Okay. I, you know what? See, I unilaterally assumed that it was going to be about caffeine or coffee. I apologize.

MerlinOkay. Your turn. This must be what it's like to do a podcast with me.

AlexOh.

MerlinIt's very confusing today.

AlexOn certain days, sometimes you... Merlin, you're like Disney World. you are a very ambitious beautiful person and you're not a place i want to be inside a place such person i want to be aside next to all the time not a person i want to be inside of park i want you inside me if you were a park i would love to i would happily always always

Merlinif i were a park you'd love to ride me i would love to visit my attractions here's the thing

AlexYes, you just need to be aware of which attraction you're getting. Right now, we're getting a Mack Weldon shirt, I assume. I am shocked.

MerlinYep, and underneath, I got a Uniqlo.

AlexOh. I thought I was going to be the weirdo on camera today with dumb clothes.

MerlinBut that was such a good deal.

AlexI just came off a Zoom call with a lot of men, so that's how you know I'm being salty. But sometimes when I'm riding you, it depends on which ride I'm going for. You know, there's the cowgirl ride.

MerlinI see. Sometimes it's Mr. Toad. Sometimes it's the Wegway. People Mover, R.I.P. I get it. I get it. And then there's different parks probably, right?

AlexYes, yes, yes. See, we're at yes, yes, yes. I've got to stop making references to that show.

MerlinI like that show. They put it out almost every two weeks.

AlexOh, yeah.

Merlin80 people. I was trying to address something you brought up, caffeine, your dolls.

AlexAnd bubbly water. Okay. Save it for the show.

MerlinAre you living in the house of the guy who tried to kill Jim Davis?

AlexHi, I'm Pokemon.

MerlinWhere's my treasure chest? Where's my treasure chest? I'm Garfield. Welcome to Dubai Friday, where I make Tim Robinson jokes all day long.

AlexAnd I sit like...

MerlinWe're going to start the show in a minute.

AlexI'm told I sit like a bisexual, but I don't really know... How do you sit?

MerlinI got to start writing things down. Okay. Okay. I'm sitting somewhat erect right now because... Like one of your rides?

AlexSorry.

MerlinYou know what? You know what? I'm going to treat this like a Christopher Nolan movie. I'm just going to let it wash over me and I'm going to enjoy the good sounds.

AlexYou're kind of the Elliot Page in this situation where you're just like, I'm, I'm, uh, who, who did I find hot?

MerlinSpeaking of divorce, speaking of divorce.

AlexAm I in trouble?

MerlinNo, no, no, no. Yeah. So two nights ago, uh, I, I, I don't like telling people, uh, that I know my dreams. I'll tell John Syracuse because I like needling him. But, um, sometimes I can't help but share it. And I said, I said to my wife, oh my God, uh, I had a really bad dream last night that you divorced me. And she said, I had two dreams last night that you divorced me. And I was like, I would never do that. But my favorite part was in the dream, she was really just a cool, regular grown-up person.

She goes, you know what? I can't do this anymore. And I was like, you can't. No, no, no. And then, of course, I got very emotional in the dream. But even in the dream, as I was in the dream, observing the dream, I was aware what a whiny asshole I was being. And I sounded exactly like myself for most of my first 35 years. But my favorite line in the dream was – and I'm going to recreate it for you right now since we have visuals.

Oh, insurance? That's a thing I don't have anymore. Alex is laughing.

AlexNo, I'm not. No, I'm not.

MerlinNo, I laughed too. She thought it was funny too.

AlexI'm told it's been easy.

MerlinSo we did what we always do. We agreed to give each other another six months. See how it goes. Oh! Yeah, 20 years.

AlexOh.

MerlinSo, what were we... I was... We... Audio? Are we... Are you recording?

AlexI hope so. On the Zoom call, I've recorded many a video call successfully. Last time, last week, I believe, everything was fine. The audio sounded fine. So, at the very worst, we have... Audio? No, it says recording. We're fine. We're fine. We're fine. We are genuinely fine. Except for the fact that I didn't put Do Not Disturb on. Oops. Oops. There we go. And the worst part about doing video, honestly, personally for me, and it is selfish, I can't

play Pokemon Go because I'll be using my phone. So then, like a monster-

MerlinYou play video games while we're making a podcast?

AlexI mean, no. Not this podcast. But now I'm using a frickin', this is, oh, God. Oh, maybe a three-year-old phone? What a disaster. I mean, no, I'm not.

MerlinOh, look at that camera, Ray. That's just sad.

AlexI know.

MerlinIt's not true. I now have two scratches on my screen, two tiny scratches, and they're in the same place.

AlexOh, mine are brutalized. The past three years or so, my screen has just gone to shit immediately.

MerlinReally?

AlexOh, yeah.

MerlinThat's interesting. I wonder if that's endemic to the new materials. I think it is. I'll tell you, though, I have the – if I'm going to get a defect on my phone, it's the absolute least objectionable kind in the least objectionable place, which is I can only feel it if I'm in portrait mode. If I run my thumbnail over the far left of my screen, I could feel just a little bit of a nick. So what that means is I'm not running into it when I'm using my regular scrolling and stuff like that.

AlexOh, but when you're using your stranger hand, it's like – yeah. Yeah.

MerlinI put lots of rubber bands around it overnight. You know, gangrene is the cost of satisfaction. That's what St. Thomas Aquinas said in his millions of words.

Alexdo you ever use both your hands for out of fear of losing one of them because i am not ambidextrous right and my spouse is and it freaks me the fuck out because i'm like what are what You're using a different...

No, I just don't like it. I like things to be just parallel. I like things to be unilateral. And that's part of why I love pop sockets is because I can use...

MerlinSymmetrical?

AlexI don't know what words mean. Is this an ableist? I think this is an ableist fear. Now, what's this now? Oh, well, again, I'm using...

MerlinI'm using my... Is this the after show? What are we doing right now? What show is this? Is this the show?

AlexWe're talking about our unilateral phones.

MerlinOh, yeah, my unilateral drugs. Okay, I'll circle back to that. I'm going to write it down.

AlexYes, please. No, there was very good... Oh, gosh. Here's the thing. You've been on a roll lately, I've got to say. Doing what?

MerlinWhat do I do?

AlexYour job?

MerlinStop noticing me. Just don't notice me.

AlexSee, I always get really conflicted about that. I'm like, do I stay up to date in the Merlinverse? or do I you know nothing you know nothing I'm trying to make this good for both audio and video I think it's gonna maybe hold up we'll try but you've been on a roll in the Merlin verse of the programs you do and I'm always conflicted do I stay up to date do I

for example do I rewatch Ultratron Do I watch whatever Marbleville movie I need?

MerlinThat's my least favorite X-Men movie.

AlexIt's so bad.

MerlinIt's extremely – is that the one with Segovia? No, the one with the planet they have to move or the city? They pick up the city?

AlexI think so.

MerlinSegovia is the good one. That's Civil War, right?

AlexI think so. Well, that's the thing. All I know about it –

MerlinThe one where they have to pick up the city and that creates Black Mambo and Fast Man.

AlexI have fallen asleep during the third act three times. might have to go through it a fourth time because i'm like do i watch it before wandavision i don't know and every time i try to look it up i get a slight spoiler so that's the same thing i'm like do i want to know what syracusa may or may not say am i going to feel bad if your worst best friend doesn't mention me am i like it's it i it's challenging well we're talking about x-men or rectives in summation you know unilaterally you have been on a roll with all of your programs

and I figure you need I don't want to give you the yips but you gotta have like a mulligan you know so that's why I'm here

MerlinI also don't really know

Alexthat's a golf thing right? is that the right word? I think it's like a MacGuffin yeah I'm the red herring

Merlinoh man I feel real out of it I thought I was having a good day and now I don't know what's going on I got two beverages

Alexhere I am to ruin the day

MerlinI understand what you're saying you're saying okay hang on a minute Okay, let me pick it up. Give me a second here. Okay. So what you're saying to me is –

AlexGot me fast.

MerlinGo, go, go. High energy. You're going to slow me down. You're going to be my governor. You're going to be something where like I have to deal with you. You're like my court jester.

AlexWell, but see, obviously everybody can rescind consent at any time. So we can turn off the video whenever you want. But as you would say, you knew I was like this when you met me.

MerlinI used to say that all the time. I used to say that all the time. That's the worst. Insurance, that's a thing I don't have anymore.

AlexWe talked about this a couple weeks ago. It's a genuine, absolute fear. And it is something I've talked about with my spouse of if we separate, let's stay together long enough for us to have the best insurance. And that was advice I got from a friend who I asked, hey, have you ever talked to your spouse about divorce? And they said, oh, yeah, we have it all planned out. I don't.

MerlinIs that good or bad?

AlexAnd they did indeed get divorced.

MerlinIt's probably great. I would I would know someone from Ohio would never do that of their own volition. That's crazy.

AlexIt was the most Midwest, both Midwest and confusing divorce I've not been a part of, but I don't know. So we have a similar thing of like, all right, one of us is going to get one cat and another of us is going to get the other.

MerlinIs this your chance to get the good cat?

AlexNo, I'm going to be, I get the disaster cat. I deserve, if I fucked up my marriage, I deserve the disaster cat. I'm surprised. Normally he's like right over there sitting where Totoro would be.

MerlinOh, but she's cool enough that in the presence of the moment where we both agree we aren't going to get divorced, she said, which made me feel good. I basically said, am I in trouble? And she said, you're not in trouble. And she didn't even say yet. But then she said it is the policy of the institution for which she works that the spouse does not lose the insurance until the divorce is final.

AlexDo they use it right away?

MerlinNo. Because if you like, I guess, see, I don't know all the steps. I slept through my divorce, my first divorce.

AlexI always forget that it's a thing.

MerlinBut she knows this because in one instance, allegedly, it is believed that the person who was instigating the divorce said, I want him off the insurance right now.

And she said, well, we can't do that.

AlexI have to say part of the, I think I just peaked because Merlin had just, his pro pods.

MerlinSorry, I had to. I accidentally, I have a freak right ear and I have to, this is not a bit. I'm not saying hi to Carol Burnett's grandmother. I have to constantly push it back in. And then when I do that, sometimes it starts playing election profit makers in my ear. And then I can't hear you. So I have to turn that down.

AlexThat's actually a thing that has become really obnoxious.

MerlinI could go to the full cans, but I'm trying to be more, you know, aesthetic.

AlexYeah.

MerlinI'm also going to add some dimension back here. I decided what my first piece of art is going to be to add dimension. But by the great Bridget Frankowitz, back in the day, I'm going to hang this.

AlexI'm all right. I'm zooming with my, you don't have your, let's skip lunch today. I mean.

MerlinShe cross-stitched a line from You Look Nice Today and sent it to me.

AlexThat's actually –

MerlinRemember when the mom's taking her daughter to buy clothes and try on clothes and she goes, let's skip lunch today. And then she cross-stitched. Isn't that nice?

AlexI – that's – well, one, actually. That's so nice and so cute. But I like when I'm out – oh, remember shopping? Now more than ever.

MerlinDoes anybody remember shopping?

AlexYou know, being raised as a young woman with many great women around me, there were many days where, you know, we would be shopping and then it's like, let's have a late brunch. Let's skip. You know what? Let's skip lunch and let's go to brunch.

MerlinIf I get fries where you have some, let's be bad.

AlexYes. And then it goes, let's be bad. Let's get bacon for the table. how did bisexuals sit ah oh um okay is this a bit no no i i well it's like a bit in that like ah bisexuals sit weird but bisexuals be sitting like this yeah so i don't know i actually can't

because i've been trying to keep myself out of frame without being so right now i'm sitting basically like this wearing pants that you might recognize um but i are you wearing the vuoris oh oh my god they aren't they so comfortable so what do i do i gotta sit like this oh well it depends so this is this is my and i know syracusa would not approve of this and i have like the the chair that all the cool kids need to get and that was part of the challenge and when I am

when I'm trying to do a not meditation but when I'm trying to be mindful I do try to sit like an adult human and you hold yourself erect yeah see well and that's the thing I have it must be hard because you've taken you've taken off the little arms that lovely noise that I'm making

MerlinI did I did I think I'm finally used to it

Alexoh really is it that bad

MerlinIt took a long time because, I mean, I guess I didn't realize how much I just like to have my elbows on something.

AlexYeah. No, this is actually – well, this is the other thing. I will typically tuck a leg underneath. And this is the meeting sit where everybody is around a big conference table. So they could see if I was perched on my chair like a gargoyle, but they can't see me have my heel in my butt basically.

MerlinAnd bisexuals do that.

AlexIt's a thing. It's a meme. I don't know. It's a TikTok thing. Are you on TikTok now? You're on Clubhouse now.

MerlinNo, no. I'm so, so very lost because I won't repeat it, but we continue on this journey of my daughter who is looking at her phone all the time, which is fine, just cackling with laughter and then feeling like she needs to explain what it is she's laughing about. And it requires so many levels of explanation. And it's really bewildering. But now I've got her into wet-hot. So we finally have a week or two where we'll be

into the same thing.

AlexI recently got... Are you saying the wettest of the hot summers?

MerlinYes? We're doing it all. We're doing it all. Paul Rudd was the gateway drug. I knew if I could show her the scene in the cafeteria and I thought she'd like it. It's hard to fully appreciate Unless you've watched Law and Order, it's hard to appreciate how good Christopher Maloney is in that.

AlexYes.

MerlinDid you watch the TV show? Did you watch the first day of camp?

AlexNo, not yet. But I recently started.

MerlinOh, my fucking God.

AlexIs it that good?

MerlinI'm not going to say the heretical thing, but let's just say it's at least as good as the movie. Because the movie takes place in, I think, 1981? Anyway, and it's the last day of camp at Camp Firewood, right? And it's the day of the talent show. We know all these things and Camarena wants to bang Abby and Jolo just wants to take care of the kids. But then he leaves him on the river and oh my God, I love that movie so fucking much. So that's 2001. And apart from Elizabeth Banks and Paul Rudd, everybody else has aged.

So now 2000 – that was 2001. They're supposed to be like 17, 16. 2015 all of the same actors come back and they're supposed to be a year younger so michael show walter coop is it's it's extremely funny and so yeah that show's really good though we have the comic book coming today there's a comic book a graphic novel that's coming today i didn't even know that that's awesome yeah i'm getting the blu-ray i'm all

in i'm all in on what hot right now actually in a very unusual move i think both my twitter bio and my Twitter header. I'm looking, I'm clicking. Yeah. Yeah. They're both wet hot references, which is unusual that I go all in. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's, it's one of those instances.

AlexI'm going to circle back to the Merlin verse where you successfully put a hat on and you almost put a second hat on, but you just, you just got, it's like hovering right above.

MerlinI like to walk, I like to walk right up to that edge, but like not over the edge and I don't always get it right but you know then again there you go look at that look how cute that is i'm

Alexsending you something this is this is a good reference oh oh um oh yeah it's not adorable oh my god how cute are they oh my good this i don't know why this filled me with such a sense of

Merlinwholesomeness but it did everybody in uh wet hot has good eyes and now now lake bell lake bell's in the tv series she has really good eyes oh and david wayne finally shows up in the tv show yes he shows up as the uh the hot israeli guy with the with all the hair who is the challenger uh for uh so coop is in love with lake bell and lake bell you know she's trouble i met her in a bar i met all those people you know that you know rob cordry introduced me to all those people at a bar

Alexhow nice is that i yes i met i met camarino i met camarino oh oh oh i'm very excited we're We're also rewatching Children's Hospital, which I adore.

MerlinI just I couldn't find my DVD. I just downloaded the entire series last night. Oh, my God. I can't wait. Because now because she's she met Uncle Rob. We went to Pixar together and she kind of knows who he is. And so now I'm going to like try and make that a widget back into Children's Hospital, which now that she loves Grey's Anatomy. And now that she's seen, I couldn't get her to watch the whole state reunion, but we watched some of it. let's cut all of this out. This is extremely important. You guys, what an American summer.

It really is so good.

AlexSo when we talk about things we like over audio, it's good. I'm sorry. You're a friend. One of, I think, the funniest people in the world, Scott Simpson on your program, You Look Nice Today,

Merlinoften has something funny in the background.

AlexAnd I'm sorry that I don't. I think some people are going to zoom in and enjoy that. But I'm sorry. I'm not funny. I'm not quick.

MerlinAlexandra has what appears to be she. They. Fuck. They're going to say. Shut up. I know. Put it in the jar. Put it in the jar. No, I got. I got corrected this morning. And I was like, fuck. I just. Your gender now is fuck. Your gender is. That's your pronouns. My pro. I identify as fuck.

AlexHi. Hi. I'm fuck self. I'm fuck.

MerlinI'm also trying to memorize all the great insults from Wet Hot. Hey, do we have a full professional radio broadcasting station?

AlexMy dick is a radio broadcasting.

MerlinAnyway, so Alexandra has a – what they are going to say is a standing desk. But I think it's a hospital thing.

AlexWait, a hospital?

MerlinIt looks like a hospital thing. Like, wait, put your styrofoam pitcher on? Except in their case, it's covered with a stuffy pokey's mint.

AlexYes.

MerlinThose are all stuffies? They're all stuffies? They're plush?

AlexThey're all stuffy.

MerlinIs this part of the challenge? We're going to talk about this?

AlexOh, well, I mean, that's...

MerlinSorry, we don't have challenges. We have topics.

AlexWhoa! Look at this. So I...

MerlinHey, it's Bulbasaur Yoshi. Wait. It's Yoshi.

AlexYou said the correct name of a Pokemon.

MerlinNo. Did I get it right?

AlexYes. This is Bulbasaur.

MerlinAren't there like 60 Pokemons?

AlexThere are up to and including... There are unilaterally...

MerlinIs that the blue and gold? Is that the blue and gold Pokedex or the sword and shield? Which one am I on?

AlexThat would be the – I do actually think you would be a Galar Dexed person because I'm still the Canto Dex. This is such a good show.

MerlinI thought Jigglypuff was cute.

AlexThat's the one that sings and puts people to sleep and then draws on their faces. Jigglypuff's a college frat boy.

MerlinIt's a frat boy. Yeah.

AlexYeah. So when I recently, Pokemon just turned 25 years old, the entire franchise as a whole. So hooray. And I made the egregious, egregious mistake as a youth, like a little, little youth, picking Charmander as the first starter. And it should have been Bulbasaur. And I realized I don't have a stuffy of Bulbasaur. so i went on the internet you might be familiar with it and thought i was getting one of those

little small stuffies see the see the little little boys over there oh no i've done this

Merlinyeah i did this with that richard scary uh best biggest word book ever and i thought it would be big as in this and instead it was big as in like this tall yeah so i've done that this is a rent

Alexfree this lives in my house rent free as they say and um yep that's well and i i love it it's big oh it's so i i don't know where i got we're gonna talk about this as part of our topic or as you say challenge oh this is only this isn't even part this is like 0.5 we haven't this is the alpha slash beta part of the challenge like we there's well this is the alpha we got a beta and there's the prime over there i'm i'm i'm sorry i'm interrupting go on no that's fine um so i did some

Merlinthings around collecting, but I did a lot of thinking about collecting and thinking, you know, my brain's kind of weird and I like to try and figure out the words that like describe a thing. And I've come up with a Venn diagram of what I think a collection might be. And I feel like in some ways it starts, this just starts with, but it starts with some kind of like interest or it's something that makes you happy, but it has to have something that has an interest to you. I'll save it for the show. But no, I've been thinking about that.

And I think I want to applaud this. Your hospital tray full of pokies, man, I think is nice. I think it's really good.

AlexThat's a wedding gift, technically, from the container store. Yes, the hospital tray. Because I'm sure I've talked about how I got married essentially in a strip mall, but by a very big, pretty Christmas tree.

MerlinBecause you felt time was an issue.

AlexThis was a month after Trump was elected.

MerlinOh, Lord, he coming. Yeah, exactly.

AlexSo it felt like COVID times where it's like, we got to get this down. Let's get it out of the way and then hunker down for four years. Only four years. Thank God.

MerlinThere's a gay marriage in Wet Hot. You probably don't remember that.

AlexOh, oh.

MerlinIt's so sweet. She plays her flute.

Alexhmm i i got an of course my parents walked in uh during that gay scene in the original film um when when i watched it on tv yeah i welcome to dubai friday we talk about things we like

Merlinbradley cooper man bradley cooper bradley cooper so there's also there's also a wet hot documentary that they put out in conjunction with the tv show it is good it's called hurricane of fun and it's i think it's the woman who was the on-set photographer had also just kind of like had a bunch of like 25 hours of footage that they turned into this and bradley cooper he's impossibly young like off camera when he's not like doing his role he he seems exactly as as

young as he was in 2001 and i think if i remember correctly he said he had been out it was almost everybody's first film but in his case he'd been out of college for two days when he started

Alexshooting wow i mean that that checks out and now he's rocket raccoon that's right and he's silver lining he's also he's also in that meme with lady gaga oh i'm not familiar with that i didn't know a star was born was not an original film until two days ago when i found about it on georgia Yeah, and that's very much in my wheelhouse, too. It was like, oh.

MerlinI don't know if they're all, you know, but it's funny how it's one of the things that people return to every generation or two. I think there's been, there's at least three I can think of. So there's probably four. When I was a kid, it was Barbra Streisand and Chris Christopherson. And then I think at one point it was, the one that's famous was with James Mason and I forget who. But yeah, it's a meme. It's a meme. Alex and listeners, viewers, I'm sorry I'm off my game today. You know, Alex got there before me in terms of the energy, and I feel like I'm still playing catch-up, and I want to apologize for that.

AlexOh, no. Would it help if I – if you're a listener right now, I'm crushing a can. But did you ever attempt it in college? I feel like you're very reminiscent today. You're talking about the unilateral stuff.

MerlinVery reminiscent. Unilateral.

AlexDrugs in college.

MerlinYes. Dosing.

AlexDid you do the head smashy thing where you'd smash a beer can on your head? I didn't know that was a real thing.

MerlinNo, I wasn't that kind of – I drank a lot, but I wasn't that kind of college person. But when John Belushi pioneered that in Animal House, it's important to remember, well, first of all, it's a movie. And second of all, that can was steel. That was not aluminum. If you're doing that with aluminum, you know, like you're doing karate on balsa wood, la, la, la.

AlexIt's still cool.

MerlinYeah, well, it's nice to have a trick. I think it is important to have tricks, like the kind of things like the thing where you could win a bar bet, you know, those kinds of things. I wish I had more skills. I don't want to become a magician as I've stipulated. um i i i think it's uh it's uh all kinds of magic or effects as you say i think are are uh it's a form of assault and i don't want to be involved but i wish i knew more more tricks to win a bar

Alexbet i mean i they're a lovely way to what is it the art of uh like better call salt like better

Merlincall salt remember better call salt with the guy with the bill remember with the beer bottle that that's a great bar bet.

AlexI watched it many times and I still don't know how. I know it's a magic trick, but I don't know what the trick is.

MerlinWell, he just rips the bill and that's how he gets to keep it.

AlexDon't ruin my fun. Don't, don't.

MerlinAnd that's the guy, and that's the guy who's, I'm another bubbly.

AlexSorry. Go on.

MerlinWow.

AlexGo on.

MerlinWe just lost our clean tag. It's also, he's played by the guy who is Kristen, what's her head's boss in On Becoming a God in Central Florida at the water park. That's him.

AlexOh, okay. I really love Better Call Saul. I'm one season

Merlinbehind. I gotta get back into it. I jammed straight into it and then the whole family was watching it for a while and then I got lost a little bit. I dropped out a little bit into season one and Madeline's been plowing forward almost every night. I think she's in like season three. And I was like, still good to keep with it? She's like, oh yeah, it actually gets better.

I haven't even seen the guy from Mandalorian and the boys yet. And I know he's in it at some point. When did Giancarlo Esposito become a bad guy? He used to be a good guy. Now he's always a bad guy. And he's great at it.

AlexWell, he's not unilaterally that way. So...

MerlinIs this a charity thing? Is this like the old guy in England doing laps with his walker? Are you being paid? Are you being compensated by big unilateral? how far in are we i can't tell anymore 38 minutes we should talk about uh the challenge probably yes oh i also want to post these photos of you uh that i've been these screenshots that i've

Alexbeen taking i feel like i should put those up probably feel feel feel free i'm i'm thank you I'm an open them today.

MerlinAn open thumb.

AlexThis week's challenge came from me, and it was to collect something. I didn't open the dock. I was trying to make eye contact.

MerlinThe way I titled it or the title I came up for, I did a little twist on that, you know, think different. It's called Curate Weird. And I take that to mean either create or be prepared to discuss a strange collection that you have or – what was the twist? It was just – or do it in a different way than you've done it before. And like I say, I mean I've tried to identify things I intentionally or unintentionally collect and I'm trying to think about what it is that makes something a collection, which has been an interesting process for me.

Alexuh does that sound about right yeah and i'm i i want to get i'll get through my stuff quickly like this this is one of those challenges no no no rush please please please i gotta post these photos of you this this was one of those challenges where it was completely self-serving on my end because i i mean we'll talk i i have the swiss army now oh boy alexandra's handling a box it's a sealed large box oh from ebay oh there goes my pop filter they don't make these anymore i can't do it uh but i i i don't typically buy things from ebay and not like a judgment value i just

i i don't know i haven't been on ebay in a while because when i see it still seems so risky maybe

Merlinnot risky like craigslist risky but it does feel risky to me yeah i i literally haven't opened this

Alexbox oh oh we're on box we are we're on boxers now technically right this is this is what youtube does, right? They do the thing with the fancy phones and they unbox them. No? Oh, unboxing. You've been on YouTube.

MerlinI see. I have been on YouTube. I've seen things unboxed. Yeah. Sometimes when I just want to learn how to use something, I first have to watch a video where someone takes it out of a box for people. Yeah. It's interesting, you know? By which I mean, boy, why are people doing that?

AlexThat's really strange. You know, why do people like looking at slime and sand being gut? I don't know. everybody's got a thing maybe i totally agree yeah totally agree i uh well here on i i totally got lost because i'm like uh this is you're handling a box because i'm handling a box it's very it's a lot dirtier than i thought oh dirty box the dirty dirty box oh well trigger warning for todd viziri uh when you need to learn how to do something do you do like a a 1.5x on on

YouTube or do you just watch them slowly pull things around in Pro Tools?

MerlinI don't like to watch anything at the wrong speed and there is a right speed, but I am a scrubber. I'll scrub. I do scrub sometimes. Sometimes what I'll do is I'll jump ahead beyond where I think so you can see, you know, because I do feel like I don't want to be mean, but I do feel like there is this whole thing of like, is this involved with the monetizing thing? You want people to watch a certain amount. It needs to be a certain length, those kinds of things. It's sort of like how Netflix series are always too long. Like whenever Netflix says a limited series, Emma and I were saying like whenever they say limited series,

that means no, actually this is the right number of episodes.

AlexThis is –

MerlinWe don't need 10 episodes of this. But yeah, I'll scrub. Now, what does that have to do with your box, Alex?

AlexNo, I was just curious if there was anything that you listened to at the incorrect speed.

MerlinNo, I think the word I used was wrong.

AlexAll right. So you are unilaterally doing just one X everywhere. Do you use SmartSpeed when you listen to podcasts if the app supports it?

MerlinI listen to SmartSpeed on everything until there's even mostly one instance of something being fucked up. So like – and the test case for that is I'm going to say Slate Political Gab Fest where there is something about – Ah, stop. John Kimball is in my ear. there's something about the music that's slightly ska-ish theme that really fucks with Overcast you never notice there's some kinds of music or some instances of music where it's very

hungry to get smart sounded and then there are shows like if it's something like Strong Songs or something I turn off the smart speed but I like pauses, I like stuff like that

Alexwell

Merlinthe pauses are still there, they're just fast But your time is limited. You're a busy working person. And so you do smart speed or 2x? What's your ax?

AlexDepends on the show. If it is a – we have a lot of friends.

MerlinGuys talking about computers. Guys talking about computers. Upgrade. At what speed do you listen to Upgrade? Say it. I will know if you're lying.

AlexOkay. Sometimes it is real time in the Discord server. otherwise it's around like there's one notch i believe in overcast before 3x so it might be 2.5x

Merlinreally i and you can hear what they're saying yeah i think it's because i've listened to

Alexmany many in audio book lately because i've been doing a lot of purging products from our home and I will listen to podcasts really quickly and audiobooks really quickly.

MerlinThat's so interesting. I cleaned out our garage this weekend and I want to talk about that.

AlexYes, I was like you. I chose to interpret that as maybe Merlin is going to be mindful of this. And look at that. Oh, this is a Swiss Army knife you got me.

MerlinOh, I like that knife. It's heavy.

AlexIt's got good hand feel. This is a strange thing to do on camera. But I wondered if your garage project, I think I saw photos. I don't know how or why, but I'm.

MerlinNo, you did. Probably my guitar. It might have been my guitar. Yes.

AlexWho has a purple strat? Holy shit.

MerlinMy daughter, the stalker, who's supposed to be in school, just, just, just texted me to say, OMG, I love that Bulbasaur.

AlexOh, she got her a tip. Bravo.

MerlinStalked by my own daughter. She has notifications on. Can you believe that?

AlexYeah.

MerlinOh, nice guitar case. Thanks, honey. Yeah, yeah. Our basement looks like a rustic kind of Mia Farrow cabin version of – I always want to say saw, but really maybe more like – what's the one with Pinhead? Hellraiser? It's kind of got a rustic Hellraiser feel to it because it's a really, really, really old house. but guess what for what it's worth when you look through an old garage you end up finding a lot of

Alexdirty metal now now wait do that into the the mic again that was very pleasant

Merlinit sounds even better in the bottle with the brasso

Alexwe're gonna be talking about brasso today i don't know what i'm gonna explain it to you

MerlinThat's why I'm here.

AlexOh, this is great. That's a lovely sound. I couldn't see. Are they just scraps as in like washers, pennies?

MerlinI don't want to get into it too much, but one thing that I realized even the day that I moved in is that over the years, the people who have lived in this house are so gay bones for nails. There's nails in the wall everywhere, and it's super upsetting. The entire garage is chock-a-block with rusty nails sticking out of a wall. which can be kind of weird but then sometimes you just find stuff like i've been trying to clean this off to see what it's oh distant i think my kid looked this up and it's the name of some old like machine company but you find stuff like old little brass things that are kind of cool

of course you find old keys um lots of little like this rivety screw thing that's actually really cool like this yeah so anyway we'll get to it oh and then for some reason lots of like fishing sinkers which are cool too a lot of old lead a lot of old lead and i imagine a ton of asbestos

Alexwe don't say old lead what do we call them now we say seniors uh people of graphite tell alex i

Merlinlove their bulbousar please my daughter is supposed to be in school right uh tell your

Alexdaughter who is definitely getting a quality education at a renamed school that exists in in the bedroom that i appreciate that one she appreciates how big the bulbasaur is we measure it's literally life size as you know as bulbasaur is unilaterally across the pokemon franchise and and also that she knew canonically canonically that size yes yeah yeah so that's a weird thing that I own now.

MerlinOkay, that's the canonical size of the pokey thing. Okay. I don't blame her. It's excruciating. She has to sit there and just like all they do is talk about Zoom all day. It's the worst. It's hard to be smart.

AlexIt's, yeah, and unless she's, she might be doing this without your knowledge, in which case I applaud her. I love everything

Merlinshe can do without my knowledge.

AlexThe anything that can be accomplished without an adult figuring it out is it should be allowed to have. Well, caveats, middle sliders.

MerlinI don't know. Anything. I'm sorry.

AlexMiddle slide. There are many things that I got away with as a youth that genuinely served me well as an adult. Most of them being kids are supposed to be a little sneaky.

MerlinYeah, they should be a little sneaky.

AlexIt's like you should be. I do not have a child, but I assume they're just like pets, right? And if you're not a little bit suspicious about what your pet or bearded dragon is doing.

MerlinAlex is opening their box right now. And it looks like there's cardboard and bubble wrap so far. Oh, my God.

AlexOkay. I can't even look. I'm going to cry. All right. So, okay. You were talking about the little metal and nails that you find. And I've just – from seeing your office in video – like really old videos and whatnot and pictures of your backyard, you have a lot of – I don't want to say tchotchkes because that's a – I don't really – I also don't – I unilaterally don't know what that word means.

MerlinNo, I'm not against that. Brick-a-brack. I like rustic things. And sometimes rustic things are rusty. There's that picture of me sitting in the yard figuring out how to take a picture of myself with my cannon. It's a very high quality photo of a very ugly man sitting in his yard with an Abraham Lincoln behind him. But I used to have like a gate back there. I kind of like that aesthetic of like almost like – I don't know if you know this thing. Howard Finster, the folk artist who did like R.E.M. album covers and stuff. He's a very folky folk artist. I like that look of like just crazy shit you stuck in your yard.

I like that look. Not everybody does. Let's put it that way.

AlexNo. It is a choice. It is Mia Farrow's choice for sure.

MerlinI love her cabin. I want it so much. Okay, sorry. I'm cutting off your story. You were going to cry. You're opening a box. You're bringing out Howard Finster.

AlexI'm not going to cry. I'm not going to. Okay. Well, like I mentioned before, this is a self-serving challenge because one evening I was having a bit of an existential. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I was having a bit of like.

MerlinAlex is looking in the box.

AlexA bit of a why am I here moment. Like, you know, the typical – and this was not drug-induced. I wasn't looking at my hand or anything.

MerlinOkay.

AlexBut I was thinking about all of the things that are important slash were important to me. And the things that I've collected over the years, typically pop culture-induced. They're unilaterally typically pop culture things.

MerlinPop culture-adjacent?

AlexYeah. Yes, yes. they're franchise focused and then I was on eBay just looking at things that brought me that sparked joy as Ms. Kondo would say and like my phone genuinely every time I picked it up or looked at it it made me incredibly happy and one of those things was fat Pikachu I was like whatever happened I used to carry it around in my pocket and also included this is This is Ash Ketchum.

MerlinHe is the original. Is that old?

AlexYeah, this is the original from, I think.

MerlinLike the 90s?

Alex96, probably. Really?

MerlinYeah. He's cool. He doesn't have a lot of articulation, but he's very, is he vinyl?

AlexHe's, he, I think so. I mean, he didn't.

MerlinHe's really cool looking. Alexandra is handling Ash, who's the Pokemon boy with the ball.

AlexYes.

MerlinHe's really cool looking.

AlexBut more importantly, there's what is known as Fat Pikachu.

MerlinAnd now Alexandra's holding up a fat Pikachu. What a cutie.

AlexAnd every time I would see this, I would get happy. Oh, and now Alexandra's reaching for another thing. Also, look at this. Look at how – there's also curious baby Pikachu. Is it in focus? Yeah. Look at how cute that is. Look at how cute it is.

MerlinIt's really cute. Super cute.

AlexAnd I know that you're mostly off Twitter, but I'm sure you've seen that adults are buying many a happy meal from McDonald's.

Merlinnow to get the pokemon cards because oh really are they like throwbacks or like what is this

Alexkind of thing to collect it's well i mean for now 25 years people have been collecting pokemon cards but it's like sure have you you've seen this on youtube right like the probably i spent i spent a million literally a million dollars on like it's fucking wild but you know what everybody has their things at mcdonald's that's not wholesome no we'll put it in show notes yeah it's real bad because

Merlinthey want to like a super like a rare a very rare card and it's like the monopoly game where there's

Alexonly so many that kind of thing i am shocked i'm so sorry that i'm bringing this into your life i will be sending you some of the paul brothers videos like yes literally millions of dollars on pokemon cards and they like that's that's now the new like logan paul brand but just to be clear

Merlinnot on this they're basically buying blind boxes is what you're telling me because you're you're You're not going out and buying a known fancy card like a Griffin McElroy would would crave.

AlexNo.

MerlinLike you're basically playing a McDonald's lottery blind box sort of game.

AlexYeah. And then they the the the the opening of the cards is a very, very big thing, too. And it's like it's like Blackjack where they're like, oh, no, it's an energy card, which is not something. But I admit, when Pokemon the first movie came out, this is so fucking boring, which I maintain is a good movie, and Roger Ebert even thought it was a kind of good movie. Burger King did a promotion with them. And there were like, oh, God, there's so many.

Are those lights? No, these are Pokeballs that were from.

MerlinAlexander's holding up Pokeballs. It looks like they're held together barrel of monkey style. Oh, are those blind boxes? I don't know if we're supposed to say that anymore. The thing where you buy a thing and you hope you get the good one.

AlexRight, right, right.

MerlinYeah.

AlexAnd I...

MerlinYou get a ball and that ball's got like a Pokemon in it.

AlexAnd so...

MerlinOh, look at this.

AlexOh, four and four.

MerlinThis is nice.

AlexThis is also around the time when one of my siblings were born. It was just a good time.

MerlinYeah, yeah, no, I totally understand.

AlexThe cloned Pokemon Mewtwo. This is his little tube that he gets. I mean, I'm not going to keep this keeping disaster. But, oh, like, you know, my parents weren't monsters. Like, they weren't, I mean, they endorsed my love of pocket monsters, but they weren't going to buy me literally about 30 things of Pokemon. Oh, God, this is so cute.

MerlinAnd these are all, just to be clear, these are all old, right? Is that the idea?

AlexI went on eBay and spent less than $200, but more than $100 on the... This is the one I wanted! It's... Oh, look it. Look it. It's the little... It's a baby, baby stuffy.

MerlinAlexander's holding up a squeezy, plush Pokemon. It's very cute.

AlexYeah, it's like a little... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And there's this... Oh, my God. Okay.

MerlinThis is awesome. Wow. This person did not shaft you. It looks like you got some good stuff from this seller.

AlexI got a Dragonite keychain.

MerlinAlexandra's now holding a Dragon keychain. That's nice. That is really nice.

AlexI was like...

MerlinSo each one of these balls that Alexandra is opening has some Pokemon product. And they seem all very happy. And there's happy memories flooding back.

AlexOh, God. It's a totem.

MerlinIt's a big one.

AlexOkay. So, okay. Okay, see, this is a ditto. And see how-

MerlinAlexandra's holding up a glob.

AlexA glob, yep, a goblob.

MerlinWith a hole in its bottom? It's a light bulb. It's a light bulb?

AlexNo, it's a, I can't put it down.

MerlinIt's a spinner. It's called a spinner. It's a like, I'll do it. Oh boy. You just breached the warranty.

AlexWhen I buy stuff now, I'm like, is this something I will want to own? Mostly, I'm like, is this something that I am willing-

Merlinthat's really a smart thing to ask before you buy something is it what is this something i would

Alexlike to own and uh the the actual thing of like do i want to have something live in my house rent free like genuinely like would i like would i ever pay money to put this in a storage unit um like is

Merlinthis stock versus flow i know i know it's so worth it's so worth occasionally asking yourself yes especially after you spent two and a half days moving every single thing in your garage and And you're like, oh, Alex found another good thing.

AlexNo, it's just, it's okay. I'm sorry. I'm back.

MerlinI think this is, hey, stop. I think this is nice. It's just the people listening won't know what you're doing.

AlexI know. Well, they can hear. Oh, is that Charmander?

MerlinIt's a Charmander.

AlexOh, oh.

MerlinCharmander's really cute.

AlexOh.

MerlinCharmander kind of looks like a biped crocodile.

AlexI've been a, uh.

MerlinWell, like a Yoshi, I guess. Oh, my God.

AlexThis is so nice. Oh, my God.

MerlinYou are forgiven if this is extremely confusing to you.

AlexThis is, okay, okay. What I'm doing now.

MerlinWe should do more video.

AlexI'm putting a – you can see my shame back there. I had a bit of –

MerlinIf you have video, you can see it.

AlexYeah, yeah. See, this is – his name is Tauros. And look, if this was on my desk, it would fly across my desk and it's just –

MerlinYou could shoot it at somebody in the next cube. Yeah, yeah. Or your cat. Or the cat. You've got some good stuff here. Once again, I think you should leave this person a good review. Oh, my God. Please remember to like and subscribe. Oh, my God. There's more.

AlexOkay. No, no, show me balls.

MerlinBall me.

AlexNo, no, I am looking for the Bulbasaur because I had the, you know, I made the original sin.

MerlinYou'll appreciate this. It's Brain Boy. Eye Brain. Brain.

AlexIt's Terry. Do you not know Terry? Oh, wait. From Mythic Quest?

MerlinNo, it's not Terry.

AlexIt's from Brian David Gilbert. his friend took his Tangela when they were trading Pokemon. Have you not seen the complete Poker Rap? It's very good.

MerlinYes, I have.

AlexAnd Terry, we're talking about...

MerlinIt's kind of like asking me if I've read the dictionary, though. I haven't retained all of it. And you got Zabazar and Trippieflap and a boy named GaptiRap and I got this Bulbous. Bulbous, Bulbous.

AlexWelcome to Dubai Friday, the show where we talk about oh the one more thing that i got this was a mistake you're never doing video no no no you you said yeah i'm not going to say not all my suggestions are good i'm not yeah um this is just something i had a leftover amazon gift card but i got a is it called a kigurumi

Merlinoh that's cute it looks like a hooded character it's so it's like a it's one of those bit those

Alexobnoxious bits of like oh it's a it's a um a onesie for adults uh that's a cartoon suit

Merlinit looks like yeah it is a yeah it's why'd you do that voice because you're supposed to be because of the the the dignity of wearing the skin of a pokemon is not the thing one has fun about well it's like it's a very this is part of my this is part of my presentation and i'll thank you not to laugh at it i'm a japanese pocket monster i'm a lifestyle pokemon

Alexlast did you oh did you ever see midsummer uh i didn't finish it but i i saw some of it yeah

Merlinit's a very upsetting movie i like i like creepy english i like stuff like the wicker man i like weird like no the original not the nicholas cage oh but like the i'm learning something new sorry

AlexI need to watch that.

MerlinOh, shit dog. Have you ever seen the movie Hot Fuzz?

AlexYes, many a time. Why? Wait.

MerlinSo you will appreciate that Hot Fuzz is on the one hand, you enjoy it more if you have a knowledge of this kind of stuff that the Nick Frost character would like, like Bad Boys 2 or whatever, right? Cop movies and buddy comedies. The other huge vein in that is like this kind of movie that would get, well, really just the whole like idea of like weird shit happens in the English country and things like Lair of the White Worm, but especially things like The Wicker Man where there's like somebody, and maybe you could even, maybe even sort of a Bill Forsythe fish out of water thing like Local Hero, but something where like somebody who's like a normal city going person has to deal with usually a crime or an occurrence.

equus maybe a little bit has to go deal with these real weirdos so for example like uh you know like uh like uh like filch the character played by filch who mumbles a lot like he would be the kind of character that you would run into but the guy who runs the not the cia what's it called the guy who's like the neighborhood watch guy with the beard and the glasses homeowners associations

Alexthe self-imposed fascism as i like to call it yeah but the guy who's worried about the crusty

Merlinjugglers and the and the human living human statue that guy was the star of the wicker man in the early 70s so right brought him back he looks real good for that she does look real good i think he was see the equalizer i forget oh i don't know i haven't seen um do you i think you did good now these are things you purchased off of ebay i should be clear this is the for people

Alexwho remember this i got the entire set this is the i mean i i was going to check but this is the balls Yeah, this is the entire, not all of the Pokemon, not all 150. At that time, 152. Now there's about 838. But that was the thing. Yeah, it was, you know, got to catch them all.

MerlinThat's what they said, yeah.

AlexI don't know. I was thinking about how my grandparents and parents were not hoarders. It's not a problem. Well, it might be a problem.

MerlinDon't one-wash this. They have a pig barn. And then they have a pig barn. They have a pig museum. It's fine.

AlexI should put, well, I mean, this will be in show notes too. Picture a literal barn, but that has been converted to an, it's like a rec room.

MerlinI imagine it being a little bit like when Lucius, is it Lucius? And Bruce Wayne go down and that's that big area where all the cars and the suits and everything. I mentioned with the overhead lights that like turn on in order, right? Is it kind of like that except full of pigs, pigs in glass, la, la, la?

AlexThat's literally how I don't – yeah, that's literally how the lights go on. Yeah, because it's like those hospital or warehouse lights where it's like – Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MerlinI get it.

AlexOh, boy. Yeah.

MerlinYou grew up in a culture of collecting. Catholics love collecting things, right? Yeah. Isn't that part of it? You got to stitch into the cross. Got to catch them all.

Alexwell this way there's there's three stigmatic you don't get to be a saint unless you've got all of them um unless you're padre pio who did other miracles one two oh and the sword the sword

Merlinis three yeah i gotta have like the devil is six then god is seven seven meets three cheeses sword wound two hands two feet wiki where jesus jesus jesus uh feet net worth okay got it got it got it

Alexsword wound doubting thomas oh poor thomas like but did thomas how did jesus get stabbed in the side was it was it thomas that did it no no no no that was almost it was the roman soldier that

Merlindid it oh thomas wanted to finger the wound is that it he's on the road he's having a nice sunday

Alexmorning walk it was it was the three days later and he says jesus can i prod your wound okay yes and I guess he went in there.

MerlinSort of like with the deep, like with that lady in the deep where she wants to get in there and then Patton Oswalt talks out of the gift. Yes! Yes! No spoilers. You are so beautiful. Doubting Oswalt

Alexis as we call it.

MerlinIt's over here.

AlexOh, Jesus.

MerlinWe're probably running a little long. I could talk about some of mine and my things. What do we have for the after show that we want? Hey, Alex, how would people hear the after show and why?

AlexWell, they can go to giveusyourfuckingmoney.com and what that does is take you to our Patreon page where you can indeed give us your fucking money. Yay! And for either $5 or $10 a month you get a second episode of whatever this is. I feel like we probably shouldn't do video for lag reasons, the second part. I don't know, we'll figure it out. But in your RSS feed slash podcast player of choice, another show will show up and so i don't know it'll be there it'll be there i mean we try

Merlinwe do the best we can we started we started uh end of ad we started taking a break in between which helps daddy a lot um i like my break um and then we come back and we talk some more and like god last week holy shit dog we started recording last week i mean all told including all recordings things that weren't released everything i think we were recording from i think it was 9 30 a.m until like 1 p.m last week we had a lot of content last week yes i i mean

Alexreally though the the origins of the show used to be like here's the little bonus thing and i think it's become a different and not an entirely different show it's it's um the one where you you you take off your shoes and you put on the slippers like ted lasso in his um i forget what college he taught at but you know he still has his fancy sneakers on like he's still ted lasso but he's got the cozy the cozy like sweater on instead re-watching that oh like a shawl collar

Merlinsweater show i'm gonna agree because 50 oh there we go black hair waves i want to i want to hear

Alexabout what you you are a very much a collector and it seems like when you power putter as well you tend to find little things and collect them and they seem to also genuinely bring you joy and i want to know how and why in a not jerky way yeah i i was thinking i was trying to think no no

Merlini was thinking about this i think like you think about what is a what is a collection like kind of canonically you could think of um like so if we start with the really kind of boring ish examples like a comic book collection or a record collection or even like a like a dvd collection. There's all those kinds of things. I was trying to like sort of taxonomize what it is that makes something a collection. And I do feel like part of it is that it's in some way something that's on like display that makes you happy, kind of. But if we dig around a little bit,

that's where I get into the Venn diagram. It doesn't really make any sense. And I think in some ways to differing aspects, if you have interest and organization and curation, that's when you're on your way. Oh, it's hard. It doesn't really make a ton of sense. But like, like if you have interest in something. That's really good. Fuck. That's so good. Oh, I don't know about that. But like, but like, like, for example, but what makes it interesting though, and what makes it a collection, I feel like can't, not always, but can be the curation and presentation part of it.

So like the books that you have on your shelf with their uncracked spines or whatever, your DVDs of all the different things in order in a way that makes you happy or even by color, whatever it is, like that is – that's a form of collecting. But it's closer in some ways to organization. Like I'm interested in these books that I've read. But the collection part of it is really just that I'm – but then sometimes just storing something doesn't make it a collection because I don't think unless you put them on display. usually clothing and like kitchen utensils are not a collection.

So those have organization without particular interest. I know this is boring, but I think this gets – No. Well, it's kind of boring, but it gets into this backdoor way that why a collection happens for us. And part of my thesis is that a collection finds you in some ways, like with me and my little weird metal parts.

So like – so why do I say curation? Well, like if you ever go to a museum or you look at a book, like you can usually buy a book of like, here's almost everything that is in our permanent collection.

AlexFor $85.

MerlinYes, really thick. Yeah. I came across some of those in the garage I got to deal with. But along with my psychology textbook from 1986, which I'm having a difficult time parting with, which is ironic.

It's by Gleitman. It's got Gleitman. It's got David. Michelangelo's David on the cover. No one, no one. Sometimes, you know, a Michelangelo is just a Michelangelo.

But then you think about that, though, and then what do you do? Well, if you're a curator, I could be the great curator. But, like, if you're a curator, part of what you do is you make decisions about – and I think really, like, in the days of blogging, I was always interested in the idea of, like, what I would – probably others have said this, but attention curation, which is I may not have a blog post for you, but the kinds of links that I put on kaki.org or whatever, I'm curating interest and I'm curating attention. Like I'm telling you this is something that I think is valuable and it's in this little collection for a while.

So the permanent collection is not all on display at the museum. They make decisions about like we're going to show this kind of stuff. We may borrow stuff from other people. But that curation part can be important. You don't have to curate for it to be a collection. But if I just grabbed literally every piece of metal that I ever found and put it in a jar, that's different. Like if you try to jam something into a collection too quickly to go like, oh, I can't wait to have all the stamps. Like why do people collect stamps? I don't know. I don't care. But it was fun for people.

They have stamps and they put them in a book. Not necessarily that they were even like fancy. It's just something about the way you use your hands. You do things with the stamps. You put it in the book and that makes you happy. That's a collection. So like it's organized probably. Most people who do have something, they consider a collection. It has aspects of all of this. Like I want this scale of my Griffin Newman style toys to all be in this area or by franchise or by whatever. But then you put them on display in a way that makes you happy because you have interest.

And they also then kind of naturally become sort of organized. Anyway, I realize that that's kind of boring, but it makes me think about notebooks. So I said to my kid this morning, I said, would you consider all of these unused notebooks that I have to be – would that constitute a collection? She's like, oh, absolutely. So like I have a lot of notebooks that I haven't used. But then I'll – so like I got this like kind of go-to cheapy day-to-day.

And then sometimes I want to use, you know, like a Dickerson reporter notebook.

AlexAnd so I keep these around.

MerlinI got field notes. I got – like I didn't break open the space field notes because I wanted them all stay nice and together. National parks. Those all make me happy. Some of these are purely – some of them are things people have sent me from like other countries. Like a Japanese notebook that's very cool. but like that is a practical collection in that when I do want to get a notebook I want to be able to go over and grab it so it's not a permanent collection but like that makes me happy I have this used to be my twitter header I'll put it in notes but like the little area where I put my

notebooks makes me happy and and getting getting it the way that you want it's not every notebook I have ever owned or ever will own and I don't put them all out but like that makes me happy I think that constitutes a collection is this making sense no it it does because well it's not that i

Alexdisagree about the display part but i it's kind of the argument of like why do you collect toys if you're not gonna open them well some people like to look at things people look at frames on a wall like calm down let them look at the dumb funko pops which i was very guilty of loving for a very long time uh but i think about my grandparents collection that is absolutely wild and and my mom's she collects bears especially polar bears my in-laws my in-laws parents um

Merlincollected and they were very in some ways very similar without going into a lot of detail very similar in a lot of ways to your grandparents like they had this pretty nice like pretty big house in Rhode Island and they were turtles. Everything was turtles. Like cases of turtles. Turtle footstools. Turtles in the basement. Turtles in the halls. Just turtles all the way down.

AlexThat's okay. I like that book.

MerlinWait, I just did it. I finally have gone all the way around and I went back to the original turtles all the way down. I just made the original joke. Yes. Yes. Holy shit. Yeah. You did it again. Tortoises? Tortoises.

AlexWhat? As in?

MerlinRemember he was questioning Leon and tortoise, you know, a turtle is, same thing. And to answer your query, the questions are prepared for me. So anyway, it can be any of those things all the way down. But I do think there's an element of it's got like attention and interest. And what's kind of wild is like if you're a nut and you just keep a – like maybe you're the sort of nut that has like a room in your house that's all just Funko Pops you've never even opened. But like putting them on display is not only more like socially acceptable kind of, but it's more fun and more lively.

Have you ever had dolls or like, you know, action figures or whatever figures like me and this lady? Like I think it's fun sometimes to just like set up a little tableau. I'll set up a tableau sometime with the dolls. And I think that's fun. And it's a living thing.

AlexI am much more, or I aspire to be, much more obnoxious Johnny Ive. Like, I don't want to look at things because I don't want my brain to... It's almost like a mindfulness type thing of, I don't want to be thinking and slash looking at Ash, catch him all day. but i've had this guy for the past uh a week in my fat pikachu for oh god look at how cute like

oh if you're even if you're not gonna watch the whole video which i totally understand i gotta put little oh go into focus go into focus the just the cute little little he's so cute um very cute and whenever i've been oh i just dropped him uh whenever you're more like johnny ive you don't want to look at everything all the time no and it maybe it's because of having a smaller space i the reason in another part of the reasons i wanted another reason that i wanted to do this

was because recently my mom has put all of her bears on collection because fewer of her many many catholic children live at home so now there's an entire room of bears i'll try to find one for notes but it's a very upsetting and creepy fucking room like when you see on tiktok like the absolutely bonkers collections. It's one of those.

MerlinWell, like the ongoing bit, like there's two different bits on Mike Schur adjacent shows that involve going to a B&B and having creepy dolls in it. There's the one where Jake and Eva Longoria go in the room with all the dolls. And of course, there's the great Parks and Rec where they go to the quiet corn. And that is very much my experience of being in a B&B. It's like, oh, I don't want to sleep in this collection.

AlexI don't, yeah.

MerlinLike when you're amidst all of those dolls with eyes that never close, and if the eyes did close, I wouldn't feel great about that either. I just don't want to be surrounded by small, rigid girls. That's not my idea of fun. And your choice of German muffin.

AlexFull spread. Full spread.

MerlinWhat the fuck is a German muffin? Full spread. You've never seen such a spread. I don't know. Well, I just – that helps me think about it because like I said, the funny way that this ends up dovetailing a little bit with my weekend was that we – where there's somebody moving in and we needed to like really clean up our area down there and make it more like commodious for a new person to be around our stuff. And we used the opportunity –

AlexManscaping, yeah.

MerlinKind of, yeah. Well, we used the opportunity first of all to try a new garbage pickup service that was awesome. There's this thing called Yellow Sack where they deliver basically like those blue Fracta Ikea bags that I'm obsessed with. Imagine one of those except it's a 2.9 cubic yard dumpster. You pay like $10 for this bag and then they take it away for $179. A claw crane comes, picks it up, takes it away, bobs your uncle. No questions asked. No contact. And so we filled three of those.

I love this. So we got rid of Yellow Sack. We got rid of a lot of stuff. And that also then, you know, like I've said before, I think to decide how to organize, you know, before we organize, we should probably pare down. If there's things we don't need. There's something so – I've said this a million times, but it's so valuable to me to collect all of a thing in an area before I decide how to organize it. Like if I discover – like I can't believe how many different partially used – this is totally on me. I really love Pentel sign markers, the skinny ones and the thick ones.

And there's these sets of Pentel sign markers where there's one here in a box with the green missing and another one here in a box with the blue missing. And, like, we have so many of these sets of markers. And that's weird. Like, I'm not running a kindergarten. This is really strange. But if I were to put all of those in the one area, my answer to that would or my conclusion from that would not be I need a better way to organize markers. I need to get rid of a lot of fucking markers. And I need to stop buying new markers. and I need to consolidate the ones that I'm actually going to use into a place that's sane,

maybe into one of those cool little bins you've turned me on to.

AlexI love the bins.

MerlinSo it was just really interesting to like get to go through so much stuff. And again, stuff that I've barely removed from a box over probably 20 moves since, you know, high school. Like stuff where I'm just like, oh, I just keep hanging on to this one dumb thing. And of course, discovering the inevitable box full of photos that are totally water damaged. It's all very emotional deciding what kid things to keep and get rid of. Like we don't need every baby shoe. And then like you end up picking the ones that are valuable. But that alongside of finding all this weird shit in the garage, it was just interesting.

And that's what – it turned out to be really good timing because at first I got some good new chotskis. But also it got me thinking about the things that, as we're saying, like that you agree to pay rent to have in your life. There's a lot of shit where I was like I can't believe I've been paying rent to have this.

AlexBut I also found my copy of areas of my expertise, which I thought was lost.

MerlinAnd I found the thing for charging our cordless drill, which was good. I got a 20-volt Black & Decker.

AlexWhen I was solving problems with my large bags, and I'm continuing to get rid of disaster things, I found my original copy of On Writing by Stephen King. And I was like, oh.

MerlinDoes it have like a tree on a cover, and it's kind of in script? it uh maybe i i'll go get it the one i that's the one i've got and like it's out of print in that version it's like 30 bucks for a hard copy now on amazon so weird i'm i'm re-reading it

Alexwithout prejudice and this was the new uh oh my god yeah well and are we thinking of the same one where it kind of looks like it's one of his other books like it's almost like a horror cover it

Merlinmight be i mean i feel like it might have a house on it like i don't i don't anyway um it looks

Alexscary and like this is like ah yes it's a very uh millennial book cover alex i also i also i i did

Merlinsomething it took me two days to steal myself to do this and i'm not going to think about it too much because it is reminiscent of the time i just got rid of all my rock and roll shirts

Alexyeah i got rid of all my pokemon toys and i missed well yeah i know with fewer than a handful

Merlinof exceptions. Every CD, every DVD, every cassette dump straight into the thing sight unseen. And just even out of the corner of my eyes seeing what I was seeing like a teenage fan club, 7 inch that I bought along. It's like I was like no. They've been down here since I moved here in 1999. If they were valuable, look at our friend Peter Lewis not the guy that did the FTP app, but the other Australian guy.

If I thought these were valuable, I would have done something with these. So I don't know what went on with that, but I needed to steel myself to say, I'm done with this part. Even setting aside the practicality, if I have every one of these, well, not through Apple Music, well, you know what? I'm not going to think about it too much. All I know is I wish I had my Archers of Loaf shirt back, but what are you going to do? So we purged and purged. And the more stuff you get rid of, the fewer things you buy, the more what you have becomes valuable.

AlexYeah. Wow. You're very – you woke up in your Merlin man today. That's very good.

MerlinNo, I'm really not. We also got good screws, really good screws down here. Yeah, like I say, this isn't very camera-friendly. But I also want to tell you about Brasso. Ladies and gentlemen, hey, everybody, can I tell you about something I like?

AlexTed Brasso? Go on.

MerlinThat's funny. I do keep saying Ted Leo and I have to stop that Ted Brasso. Ted Brasso. That's good. You know what? This is a terrible way to end the show. But Brasso is the shit that smells so much of ammonia. It's this creamy stuff and usually in a can. Now it comes in a bottle. When I was in military school, it's what they sold us to polish our brass belt buckles. And so I became a real student of Brasso. And I went down to my local hardware store, whom I love, and I picked up some Brasso and I've been soaking stuff in Brasso. So metal that was like – not like Norwegian black metal but like black metal.

It's more like melodic death metal, more like the Gutenberg sound.

AlexThe good porn.

MerlinBut no. And so I soaked some of that overnight. I'm going to polish some of it today and I'm excited about that because as you know, I like small metal and I like large metal. I like a large metal thing as well. And I'm thinking about how to curate these things. And I think these little jars, which you can also use for cleaning, are good for that.

So that's collections. Talk about anticlimactic.

AlexI'm going to – well –

MerlinDo you keep keys when you find them? If you find a key and you don't know what it's for, do you keep it? And if you do, where do you put it?

AlexI used to, but then I thought, why? Why am I doing this the same way I keep battery pack chargers? Why do I have – like I don't – I have a drawer full of iPhone cases and I'm just – I, that was the person I was, and this is not the person I want to be anymore, and that's okay. I'm okay with having a little, I, oh, oh, wait, I didn't even fucking think about this. I, for the almost entire, my entire life, had this box of, from my grandma.

MerlinIt looks laser cut.

AlexYeah, I don't know. It's from, I truly don't know.

MerlinI was just holding a kind of Rococo rustic box.

AlexI think this has an address on it. and it's there are these tangled up you're like oh that's a sure is tangled pieces of shit oh god

Merlinoh no that's very stressful to me yes oh no that's so it is very true tangled yes tangled chains yes

Alexum there's a rosary in here there's a cross with my name and it's one of these things of like yeah i uh um they got tools for that they got tools for that did you know that okay they got tools

Merlinthey got tools first of all you gotta focus on focus on one at a time okay you're not a tool focus on undoing one at a time. There's these little tools and it's almost like a needle pliers kind of thing. You get it through and now she's right. They're there. Fuck. Fuck.

Show notes

Transcript

229. Lifestyle Pokémon

Show notes

Transcript

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