211. Zoopa Zoopa Zoopa!

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast. This week's challenge, survive the election.

MerlinBun bun. Stop it. I'm doing a bit. You ready?

Speaker AMm hmm. Mm hmm.

MerlinTake this sinking boat and point it home. We've still got time. Oh, boy. Raise your hopeful voice. You have a choice. You'll make it now.

AlexWhat's that from, Merlin?

MerlinI don't know. And then they pan to the brick wall. Oh, that's so good. What do you call that? Dolly in? You dolly in and you see her sitting at the piano that she's always wanted and looking out the window. When he gets to the airport.

AlexI don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about it.

MerlinHis expression, it's the opposite of Smug. He's like, man, I finally did something right.

AlexYeah.

MerlinNow I got to bounce.

AlexNope. Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm not going to think about it. Not going to think about the musical. Not going to. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Why? Why? Why do you do this? There are so many.

MerlinDo you like it at the beginning? There's the cold open and then it's him in the dark and it's the slow dolly in on him singing. He's just. it's a really good movie it's a it's a really good musical too very is it really good yeah yeah is the musical also called um once it's not falling so like once it's just called once it's called once did you ever see um the movie uh come on keyboard did you ever see the movie

the commitments no oh can i blow your mind yes um give me a second uh so this is a movie uh directed by uh oh yeah alan parker the great alan parker he did lots of things like this um oh yeah okay you ready oh yep ready you standing by this is not the show don't worry copy this is in the early 90s sending texts in our super secret private text channel oh hello who's that guy what's going on

Alexi uh hello um wait i don't know that's not him yes that is the titular glenn hansard

Merlinno in the alan parker movie the commitments oh my goodness he weighs 14 pounds and he's a ginger i mean he's always a ginger but he's like a ginger he sings like an irish guy but he's always a ginger to me i'm gonna sing the whole episode is that all right wisconsin

Alexdon't fuck this up oh what hey hey it's do my friday challenge friday dig dug

Merlinwell it's you know you know you know i'm basic there's a lot of ways to know i'm basic yes i'm basic is it's so stupid i was really i'm really bummed that he and that lady broke up

Alexdon't you always want your celebrity yeah couples to be together last night i was watching scream four and i don't like that for what that's stupid no the scream for that's not the that's not the theme but uh spoilers courtney cox and david arquette in real life are not broken up or are broken up see freudian slip oh did you ever see him in the uh on that holocaust movie no no you'd never guess it but

MerlinHe's great in David. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to sing. And David Arquette Holocaust is a thing that's now in my history. It's called the gray zone.

AlexOh.

MerlinI got one more for you. This one's going to be very obscure. The third photo I sent you, well, also the first photo, I'm pretty like 90% positive the sax player, the like rockabilly sax player, he became the sax player on Letterman's CBS show.

AlexAll right. This last photo looks like an Irish Wayne's world. Like, it's very... What year is this?

MerlinGoodness. I want to say 93. Well, checks out. The commitments. Let me look. It is from, let's see, 1991.

Speaker AOh.

Merlin1991.

AlexI don't know why the photos upset me. I don't know why.

MerlinOh, it's a, I mean, at the time, it was a bit of a sensation because it's this Irish, a bunch of people in Dublin want to form like an R&B, like soul band. Go on. And they're incredibly white. Yeah, go on. And it's delightful.

And, you know, they basically, I mean, no spoilers, but, you know, they see themselves as coming from a similar tradition as the African-Americans who did soul and R&B.

AlexI'm sure that ends well for them. Oh, boy.

MerlinIt's really good. Now, here's another thing. Now, I need to check this out. Glenn Hansard is in a movie called Once. And I want to get my facts straight on this. Because I think I said this several times. Yes. Yes. Directed by... What's his name? Directed by John Carney. And John Carney, yes. So he did Once. But you know what else he did? He did Sing Street. Hmm. Now, have we talked about this? Have you seen Sing Street?

AlexI have seen parts of it.

MerlinWe have not talked about this. Oh, jeez. Parts of it? Really?

AlexI don't know. I have a nice tea. As in you have... What's wrong with... Excuse me. Excuse me, Mr. Watching Things Wrong All the Time. Why can't...

MerlinWhat are you talking about? I do that?

AlexYou do that. You do that.

MerlinI do that. You ever see Millennium Actress? It's very ambitious. That actually is a very good movie. I should update my letterbox my one single written letterbox review which I did as a bit

AlexI should uh redo oh the only good social network other than goodreads are we are we just not going

Merlinto talk about it or I've got I've got in my instapaper a friend of the show Todd Vaziri was interviewed by letterboxd and I have not read it yet but it's in my uh it's in my pile let's see what else what else did John Carney do he did something called on edge he did something called Zonad. He's 48 years old. He's from Dublin, Ireland.

Oh, no. Okay. John Carney was in The Frames. And The Frames is... Can I finish, please? I'm sorry. The Frames is Glenn Hansard. Have you ever heard the original version of Falling Slowly?

AlexYes. By The Frames? Yeah. He is from The Frames. He is the lead man of The Frames, correct? Did you know there's a band

Merlincalled The Frames? Were you aware of this? Yes.

AlexYes. Yes.

MerlinDid you watch the whole thing?

Alexthe the whole thing the whole all of once i mean whatever yeah the whole thing

Merlinjust the first 10 minutes just the tip no no how you doing how you doing today it's it's wednesday november 4th um how's it how's it going i guess we should get to the challenge challenge this week this week's challenge was the world's and uh the challenge this week was to survive the election and i i for one wonder if it's too early to tell but you know we're here you know I made it through all of last year and I'm here, even if it kills me. Now that's two different songs. One of those is a song from Follies, I believe wonderfully performed by Elaine Stritch,

who was also in, in the original company. And then, and then the other song is, is by the, the mountain goats. Have you ever heard the mountain goats?

AlexI, you know what? I, I have that, that John guy seems nice.

MerlinOkay. Well, there was a time where you, you, you stipulated that you only listened to the mountain goats.

AlexNo, No, I only listen to podcasts about the mountain goats.

MerlinOkay, see, that's a shirt. That's a shirt. It was fun last night to watch Florida come in and get to do some Brady's bits to my daughter on the various counties I lived in. Second county to come in was the county I went to junior high and high school in, and it went heavily for Trump.

AlexI mean, I can't tell if you sound disappointed or just matter of fact. Like, yep, those went to Trump.

MerlinWell, Florida was always a long shot, but I was able to go, oh yeah, Pinellas, that's where I went to military school. And then Pasco, that's where I went to junior high and high school. Leon County up in Tallahassee, which is also a song by Elaine Stritch. It's an album, an album called The Tallahassee Tree. I don't know if you've ever listened to the whole thing. Elaine Stritch is very gifted. She played Jack Donaghy's mother on 30 Rock. Were you aware of that?

AlexYes, yes.

MerlinDid you watch the whole thing?

AlexNo, no.

MerlinOkay. Really? Faint surprise.

Alexinteresting having a big big we're having a big week a huge week oh i'm coming home to you my own with my own blood in my mouth and i'm coming home to you if it's the last thing that i do um have

Merlinyou listened to that whole thing is that doom boom boom nope you you you aren't a heretic and you don't have pride clearly best ever death metal band out of denton when when they announced denton county i thought to myself i thought now i wonder if that's where the where the uh west texas highway spreads out you know he goes and checks the mail and he gets some postcards you

Alexknow everyone hates it this is this is never coming out it's never coming out they ever

Merlinactually use the phrase no children uh oh no no no i i i got into the mountain goats back when was him and that girl, Rachel. And that's when he did a lot of his going to songs.

AlexYeah. You know, you have to think about Georgia. Pink and blue. What can you do? God, there's seven people who like this.

MerlinPink and blue. Oh, now Pink Turns to Blue. Pink Turns to Blue is a Husker Du song from Zen Arcade written by Grant Hart. Grant Hart.

AlexOh, really?

MerlinGrant Hart is not the wrestler. He's not from the Hart Foundation, but I understand your confusion.

AlexOkay, good.

MerlinWere you ever into wrestling, Alex? Or a wrestling, as some people call it?

AlexDoing it or watching it. It depends.

MerlinWow. Ooh, interesting. I'd like to see the map for that.

AlexWell, you know.

MerlinPornhub maps. Okay, so I'm updating. Bartender, I think my Instacart order is pinging me, and I can tell already this is going to be a thirsty one. You ever get a thirsty Instacart driver?

AlexBartender, yes. But, well, less so now because of COVID. Because I'm just like, leave it by the door. Leave it by the door. And I'm like, well, no, you need to pick it up. And I'm like, I'm not coming out. So just leave it by the door.

MerlinWell, this particular order is going to require my age-proving identification.

AlexOh, I just slip it out. I slip it out under the door. It's a trust bond.

MerlinOh, interesting. Now, slip it in is an owned by Black Flag. that a lot of people consider their best album. I don't disagree. But whereas Henry Rollins may not have been the best singer in the band.

AlexNo, no, no, no. I'm just going to click my pen. Quit it. Cut it all out. Cut it all out.

MerlinAlso, Keith Morris, who used to be in Circle Jerks, was in Black Flag for a while. Descadina was a different guy. Did you ever listen to Black Flag? You say you don't want it, and then you slip it on in.

You probably know the song Six Pack. Six Pack, you might have heard from the movie by Alex Cox, who's not you. Six Pack is featured in the movie Repo Man with Emilio Estevez, who's related to Charlie Sheen.

AlexDon't remind people.

MerlinHe's got tiger energy, and his father's the guy who crushes out the cigarette in the Catholic Church.

AlexDucks fly together.

MerlinNow, did he yell at God in Latin? Am I remembering that right?

AlexNo.

MerlinTwo Cathedrals, they call it.

AlexYeah.

MerlinNow, Two Princes is a song by Spin Doctors that was parodied by my band, Bacon Ray, and it went like this.

Speaker AI've got something in my rectum, and it's coming out now.

MerlinThat's Two Princes. Now, when I think of Two Princes, I also think of Blues Traveler with John Popper. Now, a popper is also known as amyl nitrate. And amyl nitrate is not anal nitrate. That's a different thing. It's a misnomer. It's like when people say, when they use ask as a noun, when they really mean request. And All Request Live was an afternoon show on the MTV network where Britney Spears would come out. She would wear pants with a tiny zipper. And she would come out. And for a while, she was dating the fuzzy-haired man from Facebook who said bye-bye-bye.

Joey Fatone looks like the guy who mows your lawn now Lawndale is the home of SST Records which was the label that mostly put out Black Flag they put out some Husker Du but it was mainly Greg Ginn's bands Greg Ginn is spelled G-I-N-N with two N's

Alexso NBC is

Merlincalling 227 227 227 was a show with the lady who played Florence the maid on the Jeffersons

AlexI, isn't that show canceled? Just like John Mulaney.

MerlinJust like Thomas Jefferson. You know what I'm saying?

AlexYeah. What did I miss? I could not picture the Jefferson monument with like a gun to my head. Oh, nope. I take it back.

MerlinOh, that was actually my favorite of all the, when I went to DC with my family in 1981. I love the Jefferson monument.

AlexI have never been although now that I've said it that is one of the monuments that Lisa talks to in Lisa Simpson goes to

MerlinLisa goes to Washington yes

Alexso I guess

Merlinwhat does the kid say my back is spineless I am the American non-voter

Alexjazz break oh how how um how's your sleep like like how was your sleep tracking last night oh

Merlinyou know what i haven't even looked i should look um i'm gonna pop this up let's see let's look here did you get an oh crap voicemail from whom oh man i bet it's a timeshare but i gotta check

Alexshould we listen to my voicemail a timeshare go right ahead i mean i get a lot of the same

Merlinyou know basically the same call and it always comes in right at the point where they say press one you know for us to not wait what are these calls what is who are all these people what's happening mill valley what the hell is that let's see here something just beeped

AlexI don't know what beeped. Oh, whoa, feedback.

Speaker BYeah, but with three, I can say something because they're good. Oh, I think she can't always believe my fingers.

MerlinThat sounds like a butt dial.

AlexThat's disappointing.

MerlinI think my lady has preternatural butt cheeks.

AlexCool.

MerlinBecause she's got the same problem you do in that she was gendered at birth as a woman, and so she's only allowed to have very, very, very small pockets.

AlexThey're so small They are so small

MerlinYou know what there is? It's like a joke toilet Like they come in, they say they're on the turbo team Don't run, you're not on the turbo team And they put toilet in and it's got this little hole Not even a far could fit it You look, you see a receipt from Home Depot Has this ever happened to you?

AlexNo, but I did drop An entire roll of new toilet paper Into a toilet This morning And that's about how The Democratic Party seems to be going right about now.

MerlinOkay, Jokes has left the room. I'm sorry I'm having a day. Where do we start? Oh, are you?

AlexAre you? I mean,

Merlinare we talking about this? Do you want to talk about this?

AlexI mean, briefly. Dig Dug Challenge. You know, if you'll permit me, I have a very short reading series. Oh, please.

MerlinBy all means. I'm also going to vaudeer you about some positive things, as you see in the notes in our super secret notes file. Please do, Alexander, would you please, for our listeners and me, give us a reading series?

AlexSo your friend, Mr. John Dickerson, has written a new book called The Hardest Job in the World, The American Presidency.

MerlinThis is what his pencil sounds like.

AlexI got his, oh, where's my, I've already used up one.

Speaker ADo you find the lead too hard?

MerlinForgive my saying?

AlexNo, no, no, no, no.

MerlinYou like the hardness? Okay. You like a lighter line?

Alexum yeah yeah it feels very 602 to me um i'm a pencil person god damn it um but no i'm a fan of the the dickerson pencils it came with a nice little bookmark too um but the book is too big i know it's really it's a it's a nice package yeah it is uh i mean i would expect him to have a nice package but he's a nice catholic so i don't think he'd talk about that he's probably cut um the the and you can so you can get this the like intro or the sample whatever the

the kindle sample um and just the introduction the hardest job in the world correct yep the hardest job the hardest the hardest job in the world by john dickerson um and you know given

Merlinhow much we love john dickerson the good catholic man we are making a fair amount of dick jokes

Alexokay my last name is cox his name has a dick joke already in it yeah i can't wait to um write the

Merlinfirst check that uh one time one time groucho uh wrote a letter to to dick cavett and he said did you ever notice uh that that that peter o'toole has two phallic references in his name now i think about that with the robert wood johnson foundation where two-thirds of the robert wood johnson foundation is a dick joke oh too yeah more just and verdant future i mean i had

Alexto recently put cox productions on a legal document which is i don't know how i feel about it but that's where we are um all right all right so in in the introduction of uh let's just call it the american presidency by john nickerson uh all right the american presidency is in trouble it's overburdened overburdened misunderstood an almost impossible job to do president trump is part of that story, but he also obscures it. One of the problems with the presidency is that it has

become such a celebrity office that it is defined by the personality of the occupant. But the problems with the job unfolded before Trump was elected, and the challenges of governing today will confront his successors. To look at the office afresh requires a change of perspective, unhooking from the celebrity headlines in order to understand evolutions and challenges. And folks might say uh hello it's it's me alex again folks might say well duh obviously uh but but let's continue indulge me indulging your time and so on uh addressing the president he says

your time is one of the most precious commodities in the world how you spend that time and how it is spent for you determines the course of your administration administration and perhaps the country's future. This is why even your free time, those little shreds that you get are also labeled and scheduled. As a president obsessed nation, we undermined the very idea of our constitutional democracy by focusing so much on one person. No one person can possibly represent the varied and

competing interests of 327 million citizens. No one person can perform well the ever-expanding duties of the office while managing an executive branch of 2 million employees, not including the armed forces, people charged with everything from regulating air pollution to x-raying passengers before they board an airplane. Presidential leadership today is not so much the work of an individual it is the work of an organization but we nevertheless obsess over

the individual and thank you for letting me go about my reading series good writer he's so he's so good um and earlier this week i was reading the vanity fair piece featuring uh aoc in which she's on the cover and everybody feigned surprise if you will like oh she's wearing a 14 million bajillion dollar suit and you know how you know how photo shoots work which is a little bit like

Merlinsaying that when a maid rides a bus you say like how could you possibly afford a 150 000 vehicle must be nice must be nice to clean white people's houses wow i'm talking about privilege i don't have i don't have a bus

Alexi'm laying on my boat payment excuse my limo being double parked

Merlinspit in my mouth mr trump sir

Alexoh i mean the interview itself is pretty i i don't i don't want to say basic but if you're you know familiar with uh what what are they called now the squad you will sort of know all

Merlinof this talking about aoc plus three and no one knows what that means outside of the extremely online community. It's called AOC plus three.

AlexAOC plus three.

MerlinIt's called Where's Hunter. It's not really a sentence, dude. His first name is Where. Where's Hunter. And then the next day they made a shirt and it's the most popular shirt that was ever made.

AlexHunter Biden.

MerlinExtremely nasty.

AlexHe's a very attractive man now.

MerlinHe's very handsome. So AOC and Vanity Fair.

AlexYeah, she just, you know, goes about how people are already talking about me running for president. And isn't it isn't being in Congress enough? And like, yes, isn't being in Congress enough? Isn't? Yeah. I mean, I we've all again known this for a while, that the president is the most powerful person in the world and will continue to be the most powerful man in the world. But, I mean, why?

I know why it's not enough. But this morning, I woke up to a series of congressional wins that I did not expect, including those in-state legislatures.

And, wow!

MerlinNo, I mean, I think this is why I was saying, Like, I think your Twitter has been a bright spot for me because you've bubbled up stuff I didn't know. And what wonderful news about some cool things. Like, you got your boy in Illinois that you like.

AlexYeah, my boy one, Sean Caston.

MerlinAnd then I found a couple articles here in Notes to talk about the various queer folks that are, like, I don't know, breaking the move ceiling.

AlexYeah, well, that's the thing. There's a lot of state senators and congresspeople in fucking Oklahoma and Florida. What? What? I mean, I'm surprised that my district, sixth district in Illinois, which is not Chicago because I legally live with my parents. It's boring. Don't be creepy. And it just doesn't go blue very often. And I didn't really do much work for Sean Kasten this year.

Like, I didn't do much. Wow, this is me giving myself a pat on the back.

MerlinGive me 15 seconds on Sean Kasten.

AlexSean Kasten is a kind of a basic-ass Democrat. But the important word there is Democrat. because the 6th District of Illinois has been held by Republicans for my entire life until 2018. And, oh, excuse me, I think Obama did win, but the whole district didn't go blue.

MerlinHe's a local boy, though.

AlexHe's a local boy and a scientist and is very much on board for the Green New Deal. gotta push him a little bit with medicare for all but i mean it's a privilege to have folks who are on i hate saying sides but hey that's where we are um who are good people who that eventually you can not have infighting with but like actual discussions i know we're not there yet We are still at the precipice of, you know, democracy crumbling.

But I don't know. I've just had a really good morning and a lot of people have had a really good morning. And it was just kind of a little bit of a sparkle on what we knew would be a dark night. We knew that we would not know who the president would be this morning.

MerlinWell, that's what we were told. And many of us, a lot of people knew that was the case. But in many of our hearts, we hoped for a very decisive slam dunk. And just to be clear, not just because I said so many times I said to my family last night, I just wanted to be unhappy. I want Biden to win. I do want Trump to lose. But I just wanted to be unhappy. And people are like, I have a great friend to go in jail and perp walk.

I'm like, whatever. I just wanted to be unhappy. I want him to lose in a way that's so decisive that it makes him sad. But really, in an affirmative way, it really should have butted in. If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass a hop in. But it would have been real nice to have that greatly,

well, I mean, I believe, setting aside The Economist, I believe a friend of the show, Nate Silver, I think he gave it a second.

AlexSorry, what was that?

MerlinOh, sorry. Let me explain. Our model has very clearly indicated that our model is correct or not. And so we'll just have to wait till people vote to know if they vote.

AlexMm hmm. Yeah. Still too early to tell.

MerlinUh-huh. But I think in his last, when they closed, or whatever they call it, locking the model in the polls, I think he said there was a 75% chance. I don't mean to put the guy's feet to the fire, but there's a pretty good chance that it could be a clean sweep of the three big things. And that would have been nice. As I believe Chris Hayes said a minute ago, you know, there's a world in which, what did he say?

uh chris hayes i like his glasses i love his glasses i love his hair he he looks like like a

Alexlike a i don't know like a big doughy boy scout he he i think would be my type if if that were my type he's just i want to give him a big hug yes he's like the dough boy but and not in a derogative term i bet yeah i bet he would do a little every time you hug a narrow narrow trump

Merlinloss while retaining a GOP Senate and a SCOTUS 6-3 hammerlock is basically the best of all possible worlds for a lot of the institutional GOP. And, you know, you hate to see that. It's, but yeah, but you know, that's the problem. But you know, and the joke in 2016, that wasn't a joke or whatever, was, oh, Democrats are always wet in the bed, wet in the bed. Well, yeah, we're wet in the bed because like it was closer than everybody thought. And boy, it's, I don't know, we probably shouldn't do a deep dive on the polling stuff. But do you follow like the what the economist was saying not really that one guy was elliot something something elliot

that guy who like is constantly arguing with uh nate silver online when they have their little

Alexlike pissing con like polling pissing contests i have muted every possible nate silver term

Merlinyou also got nate cone nate cone from the uh new york times you got him out oh no no no no no i mean

AlexI as my spouse reminded me last night there's never nothing good has ever come of someone saying I told you so and that was like really true it is yeah and it's something I really try to remember

Merlinall the time you can't you gain you gain nothing you gain nothing from being that particular person

AlexRight. And the outcome of last night, again, for my thought, it was better for my personal feelings and how I felt the evening was going to go. I went to bed more optimistic than I expected. So, yeah, sure. So, yay for me.

MerlinWell, let's see. It looks like they've. Yeah. So as of this is from the projects that it doesn't matter. But economists, their final updated – our final pre-election forecast is that Joe Biden is very likely to beat Donald Trump in the Electoral College. And so whereas Nate Silver's group had – I think it was finally like – what was it? 90 to 10 or 89 to 11?

They had Biden at 19 and 20.

Alexyou know if you were in an elevator with nate silver and you didn't know who you okay so someone is come play with me in this space come play okay okay uh you're you're gonna make a hair joke no no no no you're you're in an elevator with nate silver and you're like oh so uh what do you do for a living what do you think he would say in that elevator ride that would be cohesive enough for you to leave that elevator.

MerlinHe'd say, I'm a ceramicist.

AlexNo, no, no.

MerlinI think he would say that he's something, I mean, I don't know the terms of art, but I think he would probably say something like, oh, you know, I'm a data analyst that focuses, I used to focus on sports, and now I focus on politics, and I try to find models. I mean, now I'm going on, but probably something like a data analyst, I'm guessing.

AlexAnd, oh.

MerlinWhat do you think he would say?

AlexI think he would say exactly that. But then I would go, oh, so what does that mean? Why do you do that?

MerlinOh, what is this in service of?

AlexLike in the same way that if, like, let's say I actually want to know about a ceramicist, I would say, oh, that's super cool. Where? So do you like make it yourself and then sell it? Or how does that work out to you? Is it a wholesale thing?

MerlinI think I see what you're saying. Like, and this is a little, we're getting a little bit into our topic that we love of wholesomeness. It's like, you know, there's various, I have to say, like, this is an interesting question to me, because I asking people what they do, and I don't mean it as a trick, but I've had various things in time, over time that I really want to understand what people are doing. So like sometimes that for me surfaces as exactly what you're saying here, which is like, and I get this quote wrong, but to paraphrase a character in a Kurt Vonnegut book, you know, if you can't explain what you do for a living to a 10 year old, you're a charlatan, something like that.

But you say to somebody like, you know, what, you know, how would you describe what you do? But I also love the idea of like in the job that you're doing, like what's the most difficult thing you've had to do in the last month? What was the what was the most difficult problem you had to solve this month? I think that's an interesting way of like trying to get to, you know, or like what's your second favorite thing about your job? There's those kinds of ways of like really just really encouraging like a second order thinking of making somebody like kind of grind on a little bit to like get past their obvious elevator answer.

And, you know, you've heard me say this before, I imagine, but like given the job that you do, how do you know that a given day of your work is going well? or, you know, sort of David Allen-ish terms.

That's his name, right? David Allen. Yeah. David Allen-ish terms. Like, how do you know if your project has gone great? You know what I mean? And I think that one gets to what you're asking, which is like, you know that what you've done over X period of time has been successful based on what? And is it like, well, did you get more followers? Are you getting compliments? Do you get to be on TV? Like, you know what I mean? Or do you feel like you have added something useful to help people make good decisions about how we run the country or how we enjoy baseball or whatever that is?

Right? Kind of?

AlexYeah. And I mean, I don't like to. I shouldn't say I don't like to. I do like to, I suppose. But I think it's a little unfair to sort of bag on pollsters all the time because, you know.

MerlinAlso, he's not a pollster. He analyzes polls.

AlexWell, yeah. He's a data scientist.

MerlinWhat's that voice? I don't recognize that voice at all. Is that something I should recognize?

AlexData scientist? I don't know.

MerlinExcuse me. I'm sciencing data. Yes, I'm on a unicycle. Why don't you take a photograph with your camera? Because you love it so much. Why don't you just set up a little parklet for your tapas right here in where I cross on my unicycle?

AlexThere's too many people being canceled today. Don't do it. Don't put yourself in the line of fire. I still don't.

MerlinOh, my God. You've got to get off the internet. You've got to get off. Your internet is so slow, and yet you use every cubic inch of that bandwidth to make yourself miserable.

AlexSorry.

MerlinYes, Goose. You there, Goose.

AlexYou put some happy things into the super secret show doc.

MerlinI want to talk about that. Can I mention one thing in passing? it's completely completely unrelated to anything we've talked about in this episode but my friend John Gruber and I were in Austin for a popular convention and it'll surprise you to know that one night we were out having

Alexand you did a talk

Merlinand one night we were out having some beverages and we saw somebody who looked really familiar And, you know, because we had some beverages, we had no compunction about walking up to this person who was very well known.

And he was the drunkest man I've ever seen in my life.

AlexOh, hmm. That's a tall order.

MerlinLet's put it this way. You know, like, you know, you know, as you get older, it's nice to have a back on your chair, you know, just so you don't like fall over and break a hip or something. But this man could have could have been in a full mecca suit and needed that much support. and and like he was he was seated in his seat like i remember he serves his arms were flushed against his sides with a face that went and he he was he was um lean tilted not leaning he was tilted at one of those extremely sad angles so like if you're tilted at 45 well you're probably

Alexvincent d'onofrio in that law and order show oh okay so 45 is a sad angle got oh no 45 would be

Merlinfun and cute. He was at probably a six degree angle, which is a very awkward

Alexangle. It was kind of

Merlinangle where you're like, this could go either way, but it's probably going to go that way. And that's unrelated to this. But there was good news, right? I found two articles here. One article was Rainbow Wave of LGBTQ candidates run and win in 2020. Oh, I see your cursor. I'm kissing your cursor. 14 victorious. Oh, God, you won't believe what happens next 14 victorious lgbtq candidates who made history in the 2020 election oh gay we we've

Alexmoved on let's let's forget about the gays um they're they've had their time the i i was excited about the the stress management trick oh can we talk about this yeah i am genuinely fascinated

Merlinby this yeah so i stumbled across this should be able to get a date stamp out of this um oh yeah i stumbled across this a week or two ago and it's from a new york times feature called letters of recommendation uh terrible terrible headline terrible title i learned this stress management trick when i was three very life hacker but i i thought i thought this was really interesting um Where should I jump in here? My earliest memory is as a three-year-old when I graduated from crib to training bed,

my parents tucked those guardrail bumpers beneath both sides of my mattress, a drowsy toddler in a stalled spaceship. That's a pretty good line. I would rock up on my hands and knees and then somehow fall awkwardly asleep onto my back and into a sound sleep. My parents never thought of it as worrisome or something that needed fixing. You were such a cute Martian in there, my mother said to me once. this is a guy who learned a form of self-soothing by rocking. Now, I don't know if this guy's, I know that's a thing that happens in a variety of non-neurotypical folks, including people on the spectrum, is that there's a certain kind of rocking.

But I'm just interested in this idea of, because I don't want to make it weird, but I've found myself in moments of anxiety, not strictly out of compulsion, I don't think, but doing certain kinds of self-soothing, repetitive gestures. And for this guy, that's different forms of rocking side to side, back and forth. He has all these different ways that he self-soothes by rocking. And so to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, this scene might ring a bell.

Summoning a term that sounds like something you may see at a remarkably boring jazz show. Sleep-related rhythmic movements, SRRMs, characterized by repetitive and rhythmic motor behaviors. I don't know. Did you have a look at this?

Alexi immediately thought about the ios app sway that is oh the rubber band zupa zupa zupa i don't know

Merlinwhat that is no it's the sound of you in that's not me in 2008 getting my phone and realizing that i can go zupa and pull down and it goes boing and comes back like boing boing oh oh oh wow that

Alexthat actual noise popped into my head i don't like that that's stored way back there in my hard drive like the bang i can't do it just honking i i i i didn't get to read the uh companion link or story that you put in here that might be a

Merlinlittle bit i don't can do the whole thing but that might be my reading series but it's well and and

Alexby imaginary friend of mine, David Sedaris, who I adore. But I thought about different types of rocking and swaying. I was imagining, especially as soon as I started reading this, your brain goes to rocking back and forth in the fetal position, which when I've done that, I have not been a good place. See, I can't even say it. I've been in really bad places in my brain.

MerlinNo, no, no, no. I said this to Roderick the other day. We were talking about the word wholesome and how I know that on the day that I open TweetDeck, I'm not doing something wholesome. You know what I mean? The idea of that, like, but like, you know, there are certain kinds of like, I remember seeing this video from Mara Wilson about this technique that I want to learn more about. Do you know about like tapping?

AlexYes.

MerlinFor anxiety?

AlexI have. Oh, fuck. Yes, I've done it. What is it? it's not CBT.

MerlinIt's a very specific kind of tapping that you do on parts of your, you start, I think, at the top of your head. But it's not just, I mean, I think there's a slightly sort of, I don't know, like, you know, reflexology kind of angle. But, supposedly, for people with anxiety disorders, there's a kind of somewhat ritualistic tapping you can do that in a very short period of time will help you not be as anxious. Do you know of this? You've heard of this?

AlexI had this done to me a while. That sounds weird. But a psychiatrist helped me with this a while. It's also really effective with PTSD stuff, or at least it was for me. And it's super strange. And this is anecdotal. but it definitely, forgive me, it taps into something different.

MerlinAnd it seems real bananas. Like if you did this on the bus as described, you might look a little bit like nuts. There's the EFT tapping sequence, 12 major meridians, oh boy, that mirror each side of the body and correspond to an internal organ. You got the karate chop, which is the small intestine meridian, top of the head, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin. collarbone um and um under your arm eyebrows side of the eye under the eye under the nose

Alexetc etc etc is this is this what you were was done upon you yes it's well uh i i will take it and turn it as you say uh it was just the it was just my knees so tapping into the like reflexes that are right there because something something that hits the certain part of the back of your brain i i don't know um but it i guess it is sort of the same technique like it's yeah yeah yeah the

sorry i'm looking at um like psychology today and stuff tapping 101 that's that's funny uh on a very very official looking website called health line yeah yeah i i live strong oh oh wow i i wore that

Merlinbracelet far too long do you remember that website though do you remember that like that seo farm live strong no used to be whenever you searched anything life hacky involving like all kinds of stuff you'd end up on this i don't know if it was a nominally lance armstrong site but yeah sorry sorry sorry sorry go ahead i'll put this in notes uh tapping but you know what here's another weird one though is that like i don't how do you say this without sounding like a nut i'm gonna make everybody mad with this possibly welcome um but like i don't believe in reflexology i mean when

you see if you see a diagram of a foot that involves a lot of outlines that correspond to organs like that's not my tempo with that said have you ever done the trick where you have a headache and you squeeze that little webby part between your index finger and your thumb yeah but

Alexi don't think i've done it successfully i actually got one of those plastic dinguses um to try to

Merlinapply the pressure oh you're temple grandin that's so cool i wish i had a squeezy machine

Alexoh oh that's a new shark tank product that i want to order it's it's a low-tech squeezy machine it's just kind of a bag you put around yourself does it does it come with claire danes i

Merlinthat's uh that is what she said

Alexi'm so excited about oh shark wow watching shark tank is very uncanny right now i don't i don't like it uh oh why's that why why why why uh because sometimes they sort of tiptoe around covid when they clearly don't want to back one of the businesses oh how funny how funny so upsetting

Merlinoh but do you wanna do you wanna do you wanna own part of a watermelon all of a grape or do you want to be in the hospital and for that reason i am out i've got a pink one for you laurie

Alexuh help there was one way they wanted to help expanding their like cereal bar location and it

Merlinwas so like oh no god it's it's so it's so bananas you know i made syracuse a watch shark tank and uh for a recosal differences thing and like there's like so many things well you know we talked about this before here and on our previous podcast with with our pal max we talked about that Like what is death on Top Chef? Like being front of house on Restaurant Wars. Like making pot, not pay, but risotto, making risotto. Like being stuck with dessert. There's like all the things where you're like, oh no. Or like, you know, if you're not Richard Blaze,

like maybe don't do foam, you know? There's all those things where you're like, oh, this is a risky thing. Like really focus on your fundamentals and get a really good dish that goes out on time. Yeah, it might not make you win, but at least you'll be safe, you know? And there are people who come in there, and anything that involves things like clothing or food, which, of course, but sometimes, sure, if you're like the Lobster Brothers or whatever, we're going to be seeing ads for those guys on there forever.

But if you're like, okay, I make a shirt that has a symbol on it when you perspire, supposedly, or we make these really cute baby bandanas. And they're like, what is unique about what you're doing? part two my favorite response i have a huge following on instagram

Alexso you're also buying my influence and who doesn't want that oh boy hug it's called a

Merlinhug machine in parlance hug can you buy a hug machine uh i don't i don't believe you can't

Alexbecause i i'm linking it to you now it's here's the squeeze oh the squeeze machine

Merlinoh you oh alex this website is so bad it the product must be great it's a total temple granite machine sleep pod oh oh and that were oh it's like a baby so you're you sent me to hug sleep sleep pod and that's like um with the way that you bundle up a baby it relaxes a baby to not have their arms flying around you probably know this but like there's like the um it was like the seven s's or something and one of them is swaddling so like you wrap a

baby up good and then it does his arms don't go flying around and hit itself in the face or whatever and actually sleeps better this is what you do this is what that is kind of right yeah and

Alexand this doesn't make you feel claustrophobic i know i i have not ordered this yet but it's

Merlinsupposed to i love that you have to order sizes i well well i can't sleep and i'm heavy

Alexit's well i i mean that's also the thing with weighted blankets like i loved my weighted blanket but then it became too heavy for me i can't do it every night i now keep it here at the office

Merlinif it's cool at the office and i and i am feeling potentially a little anxiety i take a my my naps that i take almost every day are at the office on my couch and i'll sometimes put on the weighted blanket and and it can be really pleasant but it gets to be a bit much if you do

Alexit all the time for me anyway and if you do it all night and i especially when it gets to be winter here and the heat is on it's it's just meh but but this thing right here it's just kind of like a compression bag like like you said a baby swaddle but but uh there's also a little hole where you can poke out your feet because both of us i believe i like my feet out yes yes i While I am a slock, a sock sleeper, I do like to have my feet out.

And I don't know. I find this interesting. Like this, this does not look like it's a thin sleeping bag that I don't see myself using.

MerlinHey, I'm sorry. Can we pause for a second? I think my person's here. Can you pause for just a quick second? I'll be right back.

AlexYes. quinn it is 12 0 8 p.m central time i haven't started drinking yet but you know who knows where the day is going to take us we're seeing my i'm nbc is now saying that tonight we might know wisconsin's too close to call 49.4 percent biden 48.8 percent trump uh pennsylvania looks like it's going to do it that looks like it's going to trump

oh should we check out what our pal nate silver is up to at 538.com of course it ought to fills final election update biden's favored in our final presidential forecast but it's a fine line between a landslide and a nail biter what does that even mean you couldn't write a funnier headline even the great merlin man cannot parody that that's beautiful

biden's favored in our final presidential forecast but it's a fine line between a landslide and a nail biter that's not a fine line oh was this uh oh are you reading our guy i i was um just to entertain quinn um our producer quinn i was visiting with her and just reading the top 538.com headline which is biden's favored in our final presidential forecast

but it's a fine line between a landslide and a nail biter lord take me now god but he's not a pollster

MerlinI'm a poll watcher so Laleska is on her way and I open the front door so that Laleska can leave my product so there might be some noise for just a few minutes

AlexOh, all right. That's okay.

MerlinLaleska has sent me many, many, many texts.

AlexOh, I don't know how I... So we've talked about thirsty drivers and posters and maters before.

MerlinAnd I'm not... Just to be clear, I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining because that's a difficult job. It sucks. That person's probably doing three jobs for three companies, like doing all the things. And like, I still think it's funny that when you order number four coffee filters and they bring you two number two coffee filters, that still makes me laugh. But I want to be the easiest delivery you have today. I don't want to be a butt about it. But I don't love getting into the constant sending of screenshots and pictures of shelves.

They don't have any of the things that you want. Look at this picture I took of a shelf.

Speaker Aand I go

Merlinbecause it's difficult what did Laleska say? Laleska said while I was talking to my friend Alex hi Merlin good morning how are you? These are all separate texts I'm Laleska your driver today I'll arrive at your house in 10 minutes that's what Laleska says so maybe you can hear me talking to Laleska in a minute

AlexI don't think you're complaining about the person we or at least i i hope that i'm not a enough of a bitch to be like oh god my my grocery delivery person oh i really thought i'd say i want cakes and greens

Speaker Ai want my lightly salted i ask you specifically for carrots with the green top still on them and I might be one with partial greens on them. This is for a dragon. Couldn't it be intuited by you? Oh, God.

AlexOh, I hope those boys are feeling good. But I mean, right now, a lot of my friends right now, their job is the seven gig economy jobs they have, including friends who drive for multiple services in California and now continue to be contractors instead of employees for Uber and Lyft.

Merlini mean that that sucks but it's also that weird codicil of like oh and by the way we've done we've basically asked our genie for more wishes like which is like you're not allowed to ever do anything about that this is the law that can never be changed hope we don't see a lot of that don't

Alexlove that it's a um what is the technical term uh like a building or like a a brick law like Like, okay, this is here so that it'll be much easier to fuck you over in the future type of thing.

MerlinOh, I see. Like laying the groundwork. Uh-huh.

AlexYeah. I mean, a lot of people have been talking about, oh, this is so boring. But Roe v. Wade isn't going anywhere, but the Hays Act exists. So, you know, you give a mouse a cookie.

MerlinIs that where you have to keep one foot on the floor in movies? it means it means every movie has to have a song by Isaac Hayes in it I'm familiar with it

Alexuh but yeah I mean I have been especially now as Chicago shuts down again basically right have been order either ordering food from Instacart or driving to the suburbs to shop because it's just, I mean, try going to a Whole Foods right now. And that's why, and I feel like...

MerlinSome places have gotten smart. My lady went to our local the other day. We had charcuterie night for election night. And she said, the store that we like and get either in person or, you know, Instacart, that they've done a whole, like, serpentine thing. Well, first of all, they're constantly reminding everybody, like, stay apart. But also they're doing the serpentine, like, one-way aisles and stuff like that. Like, they're trying. Trader Joe's is still like a mob scene here, though. I mean, they're doing the social distancing, which just, of course, makes the usual line for Trader Joe's even crazier.

AlexI have not been to a... Oh, wow. Damn it, now I want Trader Joe's.

MerlinWhat is it you specifically want from there?

AlexI want the peanut butter crackers. The organic peanut butter crackers.

MerlinI've heard that the peanut butter cups are better than Reese's peanut butter cups,

Alexis what I heard. I'd say they are very different products and I contest. Who said that?

MerlinNatalie Schur I think said that on the internet. She's a very cute dog.

AlexI don't know. A cute dog doesn't get your dog out of my

Merlinpeanut butter. I should send you oh my god I should send you while we're waiting for a Laleska which hopefully will happen soon. I'm going to send you the coolest oh god what? okay she sent me a smiley emoji thumb emoji stars emoji okay i think she should be here any second um so we got an instacart delivery a few weeks ago i have so much regard for this person i'm

gonna try and send this to you okay did you get that brown bag green ink oh my god could you would you would you mind describing and reading what what we're looking at here so we are looking at

Alexwhat i believe is either a brown envelope or a brown paper bag it's a it's a it's a it's a yeah it's a regular grocery bag yeah so a regular grocery bag that's like two feet by one foot a picture of brown grocery it's a folded up grocery bag yeah and there there's some text on

Merlinhere uh that says thank you exclamation points smiley faces stars it's very heavily illuminated

Alexby suzy well that's that's that's the thing is at first i i looked at this and thought oh how nice they have uh put some information on here like you know just if uh well the same way you might

Merlinlike if you leave a tip in a hotel like sometimes they'll leave like a nice note you know yeah and Please leave a tip, you know, but sometimes leave a little note, you know. But and so, yeah, so it opens with thank you so much. And then Merlin and a smiley face. But could you would you mind reading the rest? Obviously, you know, redacting the personal stuff.

AlexYes. Have a wonderful day. Exclamation point. Take care and be safe. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. Star off to the side on the right for Trader Joe's delivery. Other markets or same shopper. and they list all of their information, including their Instagram and email, and say thank you for your support.

MerlinAn email account that's...

AlexLet's just say it's not Gmail.

MerlinIt's... Do you want to yell here? It's AM. But all of this person's handles refer to the work that they do, which is so cool. Thank you for your support, Susie.

AlexYeah, it sucks.

MerlinShe's already, she'd already kind of bounced. She's like, wait. And I sought her out. I like yelled out and I was like, thank you so much. Great delivery. But also like, oh my God, this is, you're so, you're so smart and cool. This is really cool. So what I'm saying to you is maybe you need to find, you know, somebody who's in the room where it happens. You find you as Susie. You find, you find a, they call it the loop. You find yourself a Susie who will do you a Trader Joe's. That's what I'm saying. I bet they're out there.

AlexI mean, it's called the person I live with. um that where's hunter like like he's still just going out not not going out to places you say matt delivers matt i'm 12 years old uh but all right stop pause jazz break what is happening

Merlinwhere are you let's go let me go look at the map i'm so sorry here's the here's the way okay you know what we can keep talking for a second here's the thing it's like sometimes with the with the instacart i don't know if it's a pseudo strike thing i don't know if it's a covet thing i don't know what the thing is but like almost every instacart order i've done in the last few weeks has like there's a scheduled time and then it's they're almost all like an hour late which is not when i say late not a problem but they'll you get the email unfortunately you know your order's late you know i think something is is uh is up is what i was thinking oh like something

Alexon the back end of the app or the store?

MerlinI don't pretend to understand. You know what else is a bummer? You know, we used to talk about, you know, you've got Prime now, right? The like two hour. Man, I think that will turn out to have been either a interesting, bold experiment or merely a project for generating some kind of data. Because I don't know if you look, at least on my Prime now, they've stopped carrying almost anything except like whole food stuff used to be you get almost

anything like from there and have you looked in lately there's so much stuff like even like electronics even amazon devices that you can't get from prime now anymore it's really weird

Alexit i i mean weird in that they direct you to amazon fresh or amazon pantry like it

Merlini think clearly was a use test right which are definitely very different things i imagine i it's not amazon wardrobe yeah oh amazon wardrobe or amazon look well amazon look is that the one

Alexthey canceled these to tell you what to wear remember that here i was i was down for for that a little bit because i'm a bad person who still uses amazon i'm sorry don't email me um but the anyone who's ever yelled at somebody else for using amazon you have you have ptsd basically

Merlinthe what why because you are anticipating blows that are not in evidence it's like my dad came back from korea he he couldn't he couldn't eat chicken or rice and he couldn't be around fireworks because he'd eaten so much chicken and rice and he'd been in several frontline battles where you know there's exploding stuff he couldn't be around fireworks i think that's you anticipating and i do the same thing we all do it i do that anticipating the people who are are potentially going to yell at you in this case for using a company yeah well and i don't think

what i'm saying is i don't think it's protecting you too preemptively no it definitely not it's

Alexmuch more of a venting type thing okay sorry in the way that well remember how it was like the woke thing to do to shame people for um doing like going shopping on black friday you guys please get this from bookshop.org.uk oh yeah and and i'm like my god i'm not you know i'm gonna buy it's

Merlingonna be yet another book i bought and didn't read can i at least acquire it conveniently

Alexlike there are so many can we just like late stage capitalism doesn't mean capitalism is ending as much as i would enjoy it but we don't really have a system in place right now like okay so we

Merlinto feudalism you can go to give us your fucking money if you hate capitalism as much as we do oh yeah give us your fucking money um dot com and give us your fucking money yes yes uh if you if

Alexyou go to give us your fucking money.com that actually takes you to patreon.com slash dubai friday which is where you can find a completely separate second episode of dubai friday each week and please give me the capitalist money. I don't know.

Or go support election profit makers.

MerlinYeah, it's like Stuart Lee says, how am I going to raise my children in London? How will I raise them to be woke, progressive activists of the future if I can't find a way to get into the good school? yeah like you know it's uh boy look at us we've been talking for a while uh what what else to say

Alexuh now before we uh go to whatever the after show is oh oh i i don't know i i i am much more optimistic today than i expected and i am just really quite happy about that um i i don't know I feel less like a ding-a-ling than in 2016, and I think everybody does.

MerlinYeah, so my own, like, nobody fucking cares, but my personal feelings on this are just, are so, I mean, from just a totally selfish personal standpoint, it's that the thing that I really craved, because I'm such, I'm so basic, is like, God, it would have been so nice to have a clean break, you know? And that's why my kid and I, who's much more upset about this, because she stands to lose more than me right now, and she's let me know that several times, is that if Florida had gone the way we hoped, we would be in a slightly different world today.

Because if you believe the models, the path of Trump having lost Florida would greatly reduce his path. Florida reports early, right? There's all these things that are special about Florida, but you know, it's the hope that kills you with Florida. Like it's, there's a reason it's Florida's Wang. Um, and it's America's Wang rather. Sorry, I'm going to do a second take on that. There's a reason it's, there's a reason Florida is America's Wang. but but you know that's the thing though we don't get the clean break and so the thing i was saying

to my lady this morning the part that's so frustrating for me and from a selfish standpoint is like um it's like you know it's a cliche to say it feels like a nightmare you can't wake up from but in some ways it's very much like at least a very tedious dream that you can't wake up from and you're like can we just not have to see more of the shit that we hate for a process that's mostly worked in a successful way and like i'm reminded us like of the just dumb the dumb shit like you know you're about to get in you're on vacation or whatever or like you you're about to

get in bed and you like you get all the gun or you're a sock person but you get the gunk off your feet and then you get in bed or like you can't get the gunk off you still got sand all over you and you're like now your bed's got sand in it and it's like can i just please put my feet in the bed for once without any sand you know what i'm saying yeah i want i mean like i'm trying so hard to like understand the process and difficult and on top of being feeling so betrayed by so much of the country and I wasn't about to get into this particular discourse last night but something that

was said over and over in our house from early three or four why is this even close it's so frustrating this is even close not because I want to quote-unquote win but because I just it's it's so difficult for me to rationally grok why we are where we are still now really i i i mean you you even said it i'm not trying i'm not i'm not trying to rain on your parade i'm just saying like that's the part where you're like god damn it can't can i just have this hi laleska how are

Speaker Ayou thank you so much you can just how are you today okay thank you so much

MerlinI really appreciate it. Thanks. You're the best.

AlexYou know what? I bet you were the easiest delivery today. Good job.

Show notes

Transcript

211. Zoopa Zoopa Zoopa!

Show notes

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