154. Infractions for Everyone

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Demkin. This week's challenge be directed by our editor Quinn.

MerlinHello.

Speaker AHi, Merlin.

MerlinHi. Hi.

Speaker AI'm the only one here.

MerlinOkay. I'm kind of scared to do this.

Speaker AYou're scared to do this. I'm terrified to do this.

MerlinI'm scared to do this. Why would you be scared to do this? You're a big-time podcaster.

Speaker ASo the premise of this episode is I am supposed to do editing in real time and control you three, and I just don't think that's a premise that's going to work out.

MerlinWell, whatever's in the show is in the show. I don't know what this is, but I'm, as they say, as you youths say, I'm here for this.

Speaker AIs that a youth saying?

MerlinYes, you think.

Speaker AOh, okay.

MerlinI saw it on Reddit. No, I mean, like, it's the one thing I think about, my first semi-big-time podcast was over 10 years ago. I was on this, you know, Macintosh show. This is before You Look Nice Today, I think. But anyhow, the point is that, like, it went out live, and it's streamed, and people listen to it. And the guy who ran the show made it very clear to us from the beginning that there was going to be no, I think the phrase is editing for content. He did the ad reads live on the show.

There was no way. Don't say anything on the show that you don't want to be in the show because that's the show.

Speaker BOh, dear.

MerlinWell, okay. I think that was really, really valuable for me. Okay, let me put it this way. So I used to do this show called You Look Nice Today that was edited, just genius editing, by one of the participants named Annalisa Gort. and um he did magic with editing but i'm so glad that wasn't the first podcast i did because i never i've never relied on the premise that we can fix it later do you know what i mean so i think that was good really good training i think it's good training for anybody is to like

get to where you try to find an arc in the show and you do your own editing in real time and you know there's and i'm sure we'll talk about this how much you do to improve this show which i have i have so much complimentary stuff to say for you but anyhow all i'm trying to say is i listen to shows and i know there are programs that i listen to where they redo parts and they like let me let me do that again so it sounds funnier or it sounds smarter and i know that there are shows that after even after that are then passed around between the participants

and edited within an inch of their lives. And it's like, I get that. But like, I still, I'm glad I, my first experience was pretending that it had to be what it was the first time.

Speaker AI mean, my first podcast, I was 19 in a dumbass and I needed to edit it or else I sounded like just a complete fool. And so that's kind of what I've taken with me this whole time. And I don't, I like, I'm on the incomparable, right? And the incomparable has like a bootleg thing where you can release unedited versions of shows and stuff. No, I do not make any show that goes out unedited. No one is allowed to hear my unedited voice.

MerlinReally? Well, I mean, I have so many nice things to say about Jason and his style, not least that, I mean, there's times where I avoid, avoid, that's too negative, but if I know there's going to be more than four or five people on an episode of The Incorporated, First of all, I have tremendous performance anxiety about The Incomparable in particular. Because the show is the primary Incomparable show, I feel like, has a style that has been mastered by people like Dan Morin and Steve Lutz and Lisa Schmeiser.

And I think they are masterful at the bobbing in and out of that show where I always feel back on my heels the whole time. And I feel like it's some of my worst performances pound for pounder when I'm on that show. So there's that. But then there's also like you do the show and you get on something that's not a draft where people are just jumping in. Right. And so Jason has to take like seven audio tracks and like even setting aside the drift, which, you know, things like Marco's script have helped us with. I don't know how you deal with that. I'd love to hear.

But dealing with drift in a very long show and then dealing with like five, six, seven tracks and having it be sensible. It's like I marvel at that. I don't know how he does it.

Speaker AI'm having brutal flashbacks to the holiday episode last year, which is coming up this year, so that'll be fun.

MerlinIs that the Pick Your Favorite Spots episode?

Speaker ANo, your holiday episode.

MerlinOh, Jesus. Oh, no. Is that where we broke the timeline?

Speaker AEverything was broken. I've blocked it all out. I've removed it all from my brain because otherwise I wouldn't be sane before you today.

MerlinQuinn, this is why I bring this up, is that I have no interest in editing a podcast. So I do another show called Roderick on the Line. That is the, there are three cuts. Actually, I should send you, I will send this to you just to make you cringe. There are like basically three cuts. There is like where it comes in to match up with the music. There's a cut for an ad and sometimes another ad. And then there's a bell ring at the end. And that is it. I have zero interest in editing.

but I'm for that reason perhaps I am incredibly sympathetic to to you and I'm and when Max you know I love Max right but when he does stuff like oh hotel room I'm gonna do a thing and might drop and then and then and then I and we end up with like like nine audio files which I mean I don't know I don't know fuck all about editing that might be easy for you but I'm like oh why Are we making work for this person?

Speaker AThis show might, this episode might turn into Quinn Heirs Her Grievances.

MerlinPlease, that's why you're here to your hair director.

Speaker ASo that, okay, there was this one episode recently where there was a bonus track that was put out of 20 minutes of you all trying to figure out how to call each other from different locations. It was when Alex was in San Francisco with you. and I was also in San Francisco, ostensibly kind of on vacation, still editing the show because I knew the show had to be edited and I was happy to do that and get paid. But then I get this file that's like seven, I don't even know how many tracks there are and I was like, what is all of this? I don't care about any of this

and started editing the real show and then like 45 minutes into the show, Max goes, and if you're a Dubai Friday Patreon supporter, you'll get an extra track this week with all of our extra audio and I was like, you'll get what?

Merlinwhat what now let me put a little sriracha onto that burrito i i forgot to hit call recorder i forgot that call recorder i forgot to check until just now

Speaker Bit's so perfect could it be more perfect i got call recorder though so i got it back okay

Merlinum yeah so i you know this can go any way that you would like it to go but uh yeah i i uh yeah I think airing your grievances is entirely reasonable.

Speaker AWell, I wasn't sure what to do because another thing for the listeners, they may not realize this because if you listen to this show, you may assume that I have some kind of insider knowledge that I'm told things ahead of time. This is not correct. I learn things roughly about the time that you say that in the show that I'm editing.

MerlinOh, my God. And so if you miss that, it's not like. So, OK. Okay, so sometimes, so Alex, should we save this for when everybody's here?

Speaker AWell, probably.

MerlinI don't know. So, okay, so this is Quinn. Hi. Quinn edits the show. And she's going to direct us. And Alex is running late and Max is running late. We've got texts from both of them. We can talk about musicals.

Speaker AOh, my God. We can always talk about musicals.

MerlinYeah, what are you excited about right now?

Speaker AWell, I'm going to New York next month to see Friends and stuff. And I'm going to see Waitress on there because I've never seen it.

MerlinOh, cool.

Speaker ASo I'm excited about that.

MerlinAnd I feel like when I was on your program, you were kind enough to have me on. I feel like you mentioned that you already like that music, right?

Speaker AOh, yeah. Oh, this is a good segue because this is something that does happen in the edit is whenever there's a guest on, you will record two hours of audio. And at the end, someone will go, oh, you should introduce yourself and plug your stuff. And then they go, Quinn, put that somewhere in the episode. Okay. So now the rest of the beginning. Hi, I'm Quinn Rose. I edit the program most weeks.

MerlinPut that at the beginning.

Speaker AYeah, this is happening.

MerlinOkay. This is all pre-show. This is just a pre-show.

Speaker AYeah.

MerlinOh, by the way, Patreon listeners will get in a bonus episode this week of a pre-show, a post-show and a mid-show. We have an intermission. Now let's go ahead and play the overture. Yeah, no, that's the thing. We try to get that right.

Speaker AYes, and I have a program called Corner of the Sky. It's about musicals, and both Merlin and Alex have been on it. So if you like musicals, you should listen to it.

MerlinYeah, even if you're like me and don't have all the musicals you want or taken, so you come up with a TV show from the 70s.

Speaker AYeah, to be fair, Merlin picked a children's program, and then we spent the hour and a half talking about gender.

MerlinI got a lot to learn, Quinn. Go easy on me. It's your job. It's your job as a woman to help me understand all of the things that I refuse to understand. I thought we were clear about this.

Speaker AAs long as the rules are set.

MerlinYou should be more grateful. Girls should smile more.

I want to ask, this is not a classy question. What do you pay for a Broadway ticket? It's Broadway, right? It's on Broadway? Like official Broadway? Waitress?

Speaker AYeah, when I'm going to see it in New York, yeah.

MerlinWhat do you pay for something like that?

Speaker ASo, hmm, actual full-price Broadway tickets, very expensive.

MerlinLike in the hundreds?

Speaker AYes. I usually, if I'm buying like a full-price ticket, I'm usually buying it for the very back, and it's probably around like $80 or $90.

MerlinOh, okay.

Speaker AHowever, I almost never do that. I usually rush tickets or when I'm in Chicago. Well, the Chicago tickets, you can get, if you buy them in advance, $39 if you buy them at the theater for a decent seat. So that's what I do now. And then when I'm in New York, I just kind of rush and hope for the best, which is usually about $40.

MerlinI know our listeners may not know. Of course I know. Tell me what it means to rush tickets.

Speaker AOh, okay. So rushing is a way of life if you don't really care about your health.

MerlinIs this like where you hang out by the TKTS booth and wait for something to become available? What is involved? This is like a fangirl, fan person kind of thing, right? Like if you're super into like a musical, you might want to see it lots of times and it becomes like just a thing you do on the rag is like try and find cheap tickets.

Speaker AYeah. And rushing is a great way to do that. So basically like you get to the theater a couple hours before it opens and then you wait in line outside. And sometimes it's January and you're very cold. I've done that. Oh, man. And sometimes it's July and you're very hot. Also done that. and then if there are tickets available, then you can buy them at a reduced price, which is usually around like $35 to $40. But if they sell out, then they sell out and you go home and you're sad.

MerlinI'm amazed how expensive live things are. So we have a best football team here in town called the World Warriors. And they used to be in Oakland and now they're in San Francisco directly across the street from where my wife works, which is super convenient. Kind of joking, not really. It's super annoying. But here's the thing. Okay, so we've been to two Warriors games, one in Oakland, and we went to one for my wife's birthday last week in San Francisco. And it's shocking to me how much it costs.

Okay, so like the first game of the regular season is October 24th. The cheapest seat in the entire joint is $196.

Speaker AOh, my God.

MerlinI'm on the website. Yeah, yeah, exactly. VIP if you want a VIP seat $8,000 if you want a VIP up close that's $11,000 but just the regular nice tickets are $400

Speaker Bfor a basketball game

MaxI'm 12 minutes late you guys are talking about musical theater and basketball

Merlinyes should we move on to Doctor Who

Maxthis is so funny Quinn is sitting in Alex's chair Alex is nowhere to be seen I'm late huh?

Speaker AYeah.

MaxIt's a disaster.

Speaker AI got here and I decided to take the director's chair.

MerlinNo, this is good. Listeners to this episode can get a bonus bonus episode.

MaxHi,

MerlinMax. Welcome.

MaxI had a lot of problems this morning. Oh no. Can you tell us about it? I had to, we're like announcing a big thing next week. And so I have to have my photos taken by the newspaper today. And so I had to go, and I forgot about it. And so I had to go back home and shower and change so I could look nice for pictures.

That's stressful. This is me looking nice. Okay. Yeah. Got to get my picture took. And then there was one of those big metal guys.

Iron Giant? The one with a forklift.

MerlinOh.

MaxLike the big men. Transformers. with the, do you know what I'm talking about? It's like tank treads and it'll lift something. Oh, like a bulldozer type situation?

MerlinYeah, a bulldozer, thank you.

MaxYou're talking about a forklift? No, a bulldozer. There was a bulldozer outside of my house. So then I had a whole dilemma of like I couldn't

Merlinget my car in. It was very stressful. Stressful. So, you guys are young. You go to places. Like, when you go see like a concert, what's it cost to go to a concert now?

MaxWell, I tried to get Taylor Swift tickets last week and that didn't work. I don't know what it cost to go. I mean, I Like, you know what? I get so much.

MerlinOut of interest, how much were the Taylor Swift tickets if you had gotten them?

Speaker AThere were nosebleeds available for like $75. Anything with a decent view would have been definitely over $100. And it was in Boston. So we decided not to go.

MaxDoesn't it make you mad when you go buy tickets and it's like, okay, the tickets are $30, but you're going to be paying $140. Yep. It makes me infuriated when you go on Live Nation or Ticketmaster. It really pushes my buttons.

Speaker ATicketmaster is the worst and as I mentioned earlier buying Broadway and Chicago tickets I will just walk to the theater and buy them there and save $15 by doing that

MaxWait, you can buy them in person?

Speaker AYes

MaxWho knew? The real world That's cool

MerlinI used to save all my ticket stubs I've been to a lot of concerts, I don't go to concerts now but I've been to a lot of concerts and of course I have all my ticket stubs from when I was a kid and my first concert that I went to when I was 15 was I went to see the Go-Go's where the Flock of Seagulls opening. And I think it was $10.50. And then it actually got cheaper. Like at a point in the 90s, I would just go to shows all the time. Seeing a local band, $5, maybe $10. Like seeing like a bandy band, like, you know, like a real band.

It was very rarely anywhere approaching $20. I just sent you a screenshot of some really nice tickets you can get for the Warriors.

MaxThis is a real Abe Simpson story, Marilyn. In my day, it cost a nickel to go see a band.

MerlinWell, I had to go over to Morganville to get a heel from a shoe. It's in the service of sending you this screenshot. Now, this is VIP. This might be in a box. I don't know. It might be like when you sit on the floor with Eddie Q. Come on now. These are two tickets including fees.

MaxCome on now. That's not real.

MerlinYeah, $25,000. just the like like seats where you would go like oh i want a nice seat but not a too nice seat like i want to be able to see uh that's 400 bucks you could buy a car for that much money sure you could yeah if you're out of queue you could you could even you could like yeah you could harm harm people in hong kong for that kind of money um yeah that's pretty wild i go see concerts that are more chill

Speaker Athough that are like just kind of like all general admission and stuff and they're usually between 15 to 25 um and that's the kind of that's the kind of thing that i actually like to go to what's like the metro is probably like a $20 ticket yeah I think I paid like 30 to go there for a bigger show

Maxthough the older you get the bigger the venue is that you and the more like that your band that the bands you like play in oh that's true oh that's a really good point I used to go to you know the back of a bar when I where I were there were 30 people watching a concert and now it's like seated concerts at like Talia Hall are the only bands that I see now that because that now

MerlinNow you go and you pay 90 bucks to see some shortlist guy use a laptop.

MaxYeah, and I go buy the empty bottle, and I'm like, I don't know any of these, but I literally don't. I think half of them are made up.

MerlinThat's the Coachella experience. It's become a cliche, but you look at the poster, and you're like, this is somebody needs to fix the Markov chain. What is happening? I know these letters. I don't even understand the words. What's a Beyoncé? Bey. Bey.

So, yeah.

MaxDid we introduce Quinn? Did we say the conceit of the episode, the gimmick this week? Yes. Okay.

MerlinWhy don't you reintroduce her and she can cut it and put it at the beginning and then she can take the introduction that she did and move that. Okay.

MaxI feel like we're both directing right now.

MerlinOh, no. You're right. I'm being one of my bossy bottom. What am I called? What am I? What am I doing? Am I a twink? No, a spinner. Am I a spinner? I get so confused about the words.

MaxAlex, please hurry up.

Speaker ANo good. As soon as Alex said they were going to be late, I was like, this is a problem?

MerlinIs Quinn going to step on our Steve collection?

MaxThis is the worst episode.

MerlinI have two keys. I have literally two keys. Two keys on my keychain. Literally two keys.

MaxQuinn's going to have her work cut off for it. All right. Well, do you want me to introduce, Quinn, what should we do here? Get to direct us.

Speaker ASure. You can introduce me and then I'll introduce my vision.

MaxOkay. Here we go. Let's welcome to the show this week our special guest, live director and editor, longtime Dubai Friday editor in front of the show, Quinn Rose.

Speaker AHello.

MaxMaking her first planned Dubai Friday appearance.

Speaker AYeah, you do make me come on the show randomly at various times, but I'm here on purpose now.

MaxBecause if we have to like settle an argument or something. But I'm very frightened of Quinn because she's got, you know how, what was The Apprentice? Was that on NBC?

MerlinYeah.

MaxWhat do you know what I'm talking about?

MerlinTalking about TV program?

MaxSome network's got all the footage of Trump saying the N-word.

MerlinOh, right, right, right. Your buddy Mark Burnett, the guy you party with, he has all the footage.

MaxThat's right. Yes, Quinn is my Mark Burnett. Oh, no. That's the problem. Oh, that's right. She's got the problematic vault. Yeah. Quinn's got two and a half hours of me saying the N-words. It's been edited out of the show. That's really most of my job. Yeah.

So, anyway.

MerlinYou go to Gen Con and you want to get a massage.

MaxOkay. It's very frightening. But, anyway, welcome.

MerlinAlso, she's young and cool.

MaxQuinn is so cool. Quinn knows about. She's very cool. Yeah, Quinn knows about all kinds of cool stuff. and seemingly Quinn your job is that you edit podcasts and you travel around the world seeing musical theater

Speaker Athat's basically it it's just one funds the other and then that's the full circle of my life alright and

MaxQuinn do you want to lay out your vision for the episode I feel I can see there's some notes some notes in play

Speaker Aso basically I was asked to come on here and direct the episode in real time, a concept that you don't have faith in, but we're going to do our best. Because basically, I've made a list of rules, and these are the things that I have to edit out.

MaxIs it going to be edited, or is this the edit? You're going to go, like, cut. We're going to do real time. It'll be like an unedited Dubai Friday, but you'll say in real time.

MerlinQuinn loves that. Quinn would love that.

Speaker AAnd then there's no editing. Well, I think let's record the episode, and then we can decide at the end what we think about it.

Maxokay wow that seems pretty sober and thoughtful but you know my idea was good too it's cool yeah

Speaker Awell so basically yes I have a list of rules and then I'll share the rules and then I've been keeping track of infractions and then at the end I'll tell you who did the best

Speaker Bwait wait wait you got double secret rules well they're not secret anymore

Speaker Anow they're explicit rules

Speaker Bthat's not fair

Merlinthat's not fair play mystery

Speaker Baww

Merlinokay well I'm gonna keep track of infractions too

Speaker Bgood luck yeah so all right

MerlinQuinn first first infraction number one Quinn has secret rules

Speaker Awell the first infraction was Max and Alex are late so that was that was right off the bat

Maxwell that's cost of doing business that's like spillage you know

Speaker Ait happens

Maxthat's built into the stock price yeah

Speaker Ayeah Cameron has a special one if anything happens with him which is that he talks and doesn't record it which means I have to cut the whole bit out because it doesn't make any sense when Max and Alex are talking to no one.

MerlinOh. Okay, I'll give that one an infraction too. Boo, Cameron.

Speaker AYeah, Cameron. Max fidgeting with things, especially shuffling cards, that's an infraction. Merlin... Well, I don't even have a deck with me today.

MaxWell, that's good. Someone get me a deck. Cameron, bring me a deck of cards.

MerlinMax, I don't answer to you today.

MaxWasn't recorded. One infraction.

MerlinIt wasn't recorded. one million years dungeon no trials what about this do you like the sound of a seltzer being

Speaker Aput down quinn do you enjoy that is that what that sound okay listen merlin that's my least favorite sound you make it all the time i can hear you do it in this podcast and when you do when you're talking i can't take it out i can hear you do it in reconcilable differences i know this is an ongoing problem i'm a thirsty boy every time you do that it's an impression okay

Maxwe should send merlin like a like a suede coaster i love that band okay um uh let's uh

Merlinwhat we have to talk about me interrupting people yeah and i want to defend that also but we should

Speaker Atalk about that because you're really good at covering it up so there are two big rules left one of them was kind of already mentioned which is max says something that alex and merlin make me take out um which actually doesn't happen that often and more often you say you're going to cut it out and then we actually don't and we leave it in the show is it because i'm saying less crazy

Maxthings or because we've decided we've stopped caring about our lives i think the second one

Speaker Aokay that's my theory that's a good place to be okay um and then the main thing that genuinely is most of the edit besides doing the jazz breaks which i still don't have faith that i'm doing correctly but they're pretty good thank you they're pretty good i do my best um that's that's something we'll have to just uh figure out as we go but the main thing is interrupting each other which obviously there's a problem here because i would like to address this i would like the

Merlinopportunity to address this because there's a reason for that i'm gonna get merle on the floor okay that's fine whatever i'm here's the thing here's the thing okay it's real easy to talk a Big game. When you're Quinn Rose, sitting in Chicago. Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt. I am fucking thousands of miles away, and there's magic tricks happening, and there's people looking at screens, and we don't have – I know you already don't make eye contact because you're under 30, and I guess that's hard.

But it's so difficult for me because I don't know what the fuck is going on there. I have no way to clue in. And then, of course, no matter what I say, there's going to be a delay. Go ahead. It's theater of the mind.

MaxYou just – you know.

MerlinWell, also, I'm an interrupter, and it's part of the show. But no, I'm going to work on that. Over.

Speaker AAlso, Merlin, if you had not interrupted me earlier in the sentence, that's what I was going to say, is that it's hard for Merlin because he's not in the room.

MaxIt's hard. What about me? I don't like listening to people. That doesn't count. That's harder for me.

Speaker BThat's part of the show. That's part of the show.

MerlinBut then that makes it fun because when you listen back later, you can pick up all the things that you weren't listening to if you choose to or you can skip those parts. That's difficult.

Speaker AWell, that's why I have trouble with my belief in this whole premise, which is I think that if everyone actually quietly and politely waited for the other person to be done talking, one, someone would talk for 15 minutes. Two, it wouldn't be the show. Quinn gets in my chair.

MerlinOh, here we go. There we go. Infraction. Oh, Quinn gets an infraction. Can someone get me a water? Chair theft. Chair theft.

MaxOkay. Oh, my God. No. No, no. Say, I'll go get me a water.

AlexWait, I just sit right next to Max.

MaxCome on, buddy. Let's go.

AlexOh, my God. But the Cynec is here. Oh, God. To be fair.

MaxI don't know if Alex can sit there. That's my backpack's chair.

AlexYeah, I know.

Speaker ATo be fair, originally, these two mics were set up, and then Max just sat right in the middle.

MaxIs that the wrong? This is where I always sit. I'll scoot over. Well, there are more people here now. Put some tape down the middle of the room. Yeah.

AlexAnd what about, you have to deal with Mike Bleed anyway.

Maxthere's going to be no edits this episode fuck it we're doing it live I didn't say that can Seth key open the studio because he could bring me a water

Alexright now there is tape on it so yes just have him push on it because we're getting it repaired by we I mean

Maxyou mean the door is being held shut by tape

Alexno no no no

Maxyou need another

Merlin$50,000

Alexduring the day it is held open by tape like Watergate like Watergate yes yes you know the what's it called when you push in a door and there's a little thing that latches behind do you know what I'm talking about Quinn no okay I'm not even gonna

Maxtry hi Alex send a text to SAG can you bring me a water bottle and a black coffee in the podcast

Alexstudio Alex says the door is taped open I didn't even have time to prepare my piss water Quinn I'm so sorry, but...

MerlinShould we do an intermission?

AlexNo, no, it's okay. No, we're live. This is the show. I've got Red Bull, too. Don't worry, don't worry.

Speaker AQuinn will fix it right now.

AlexYep.

Speaker AYou have a lot of faith in my ability to fix things.

AlexHow are you, Merlin man?

Speaker ANot interrupting. We've already gone through the rules.

AlexOkay, all right.

MerlinThere's rules, Alex.

AlexThere's rules?

Speaker AAnd I'm keeping track of infractions.

AlexOkay. Oh, oh. So I assume that I've already caught, I've already, what would you say? You've infracted. I've infracted at least three times.

Speaker AYou have exactly three right now.

AlexOh, really? Yeah. Can I ask what they are?

Speaker AYou were late. Okay. Yes. You walked in and started talking into the room, but not into a microphone. Okay.

AlexOoh. Ooh. Whoa. Oh, I think that's a first time. I'm a first time. Oh, you popped my cherry on that one. I thought Alice was going to make this episode better. No, no. All of the preparations that I normally have in place, they're not here at all.

MaxGreat. Yeah, there's like little bottles and powders just falling onto your backpack. It's pretty normal. Here comes the energy drink.

AlexThey're just normally hidden underneath.

MaxHere it comes. Listen.

AlexOoh, listen. Yeah.

MaxThere it goes. And Alex has got some sort of little tube of powder that's being poured into it. This is my piss powder.

AlexThe piss powder. Okay. All right, Quinn, what's my third infraction?

Speaker AOh, your third one was immediately slamming that powder on the table.

MerlinOh, man.

Speaker BI put it away.

MerlinYou don't like that stamp collection.

MaxI got some, I have some updates. I have some follow-up and updates. So I've watched now the second episode of Succession. and I enjoyed it. It was better. I liked it a lot. I'm like starting to get it. I'm getting into it. I think I'm going to watch Succession.

AlexHave you seen it yet, Merlin?

MaxSeen it what?

AlexOh, right.

MaxMerlin watches Succession. He told me that it was good but he didn't want to talk about it. No, I'm not going to participate in this. I returned no. I've tried it on your recommendation and I'm enjoying it. I'm also listening to my new favorite podcast which is called You're Wrong About.

Merlinwhich one did you listen to? It's so fucking good.

MaxSo I started with shit. I started with danger danger. No, no satanic panic. And the reason I picked that one is like a little like a, like a, like a calibration because I, that's actually one that I know a lot about. Like I thought I knew all the turns out about the satanic panic. And I was really curious to hear them talk about it. Cause I was like, I will kind of know if this podcast is full of shit and how full of shit it is, because here's one that I know about. And not only did I find it to be like an, an excellent summary of the satanic panic like way better than i could have given but i actually

learned a bunch of new stuff that i that was very correct and credible and i thought their their little asides and analysis was also excellent so i'm fully on board with it and then i listened to stranger danger which was which was no joke that was like driveway radio for me like i i like it was phenomenal and then i listened to wait what is drive oh were you driveway radio it's like driveway moments okay driveway moments yeah don't worry about making noise sag we've already infracted yes please thank you do you want to say hi hi that's not

Alexan infraction on me right is that no refresh okay so then i then i listened to election 2000

Maxwhich was made me so upset and it was but it was so funny but it was insane it was insane and there was like little tidbits that i knew about but i had forgotten about because i used to read all the lefty books in that era and it was in there but i forgot and i'm freshly mad about it and now I think that that's where the whole wheels started to come off the train but we just didn't notice it at that point but that's but Gore V. Bush Supreme Court decision was that was sort of the beginning that was it yeah

Merlinand then there's just so much stuff where like that show would not have the impact on me this is me virtue signaling again Quinn if you want to write an infraction this is a show that could not have landed on me the way it has at another time because my soul and my heart are primed for stories of seemingly minor injustices that are actually part of a huge fucking system. And with this show, you're constantly running into, oh yeah, by the way, that was reported this way and that was wrong and that became the story, right?

There's so many things where you're like, there's just so many, the Kitty Genovese one is another one. There's just so many of these where you're like.

MaxWe're just, we're just, it's, you know what, it is comforting in a way, like, like whenever anything really heinous happens like we find out some new news about these like internment camps or whatever the concentration camps or whatever there's some part of my brain that goes you know this is all really scary and out of control but like history is going to remember this moment and it's going to remember that people stood up to oppose it and these people are going to be judged and they're going to be cast out and I find that comforting and it's this feeling of like we'll win in the end and now and I listen back to this show and I'm like oh we have the memory of flies like

We don't remember any of this shit. We don't learn anything about history. Americans are the dumbest people in the world.

MerlinWe can't remember what happened five years ago. We hate women and we love cops. It keeps coming up over and over.

MaxThere's this whole theme of like, I'm listening to the Enron one, and one of their recurring themes in their episodes is like about every two years, everyone learns, oh my God, companies can be bad. And then we just fucking forget.

AlexMy first two were Columbine and Terry Schiavo just because I do have what I thought were very specific memories.

MaxI think we have a package for Terry Shiavo. Merlin? Shiavo's tubes.

Speaker BI've been living on Shiavo's tubes. Shiavo's tubes.

Speaker AWhat's the news about Shiavo's tubes? I'm going to count that.

Speaker BAnyway, all right. Dig down. Where's my bell?

MerlinGod damn it.

It's like you're stuck in the backseat of the car with like seven brothers flicking you at the same time. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you.

AlexPeople ask me how like I handle this show. I'm like, there's no handling this. There's only two instead of four other siblings interrupting.

MerlinYou don't drive a rocket. You ride it. But I assume. Yeah. And there was no trench coat mafia. Or if it was, but they weren't in it. They were just lunar guys. And their parents just left guns sitting around all the time. It's like.

AlexBut also didn't know that the girl that said yes never said yes. That was a very big thing for me.

MerlinThe cafeteria.

AlexYeah, the library thing where I think there was one young girl who supposedly, I think it was Eric, one of the shooters, came up to her and said, do you believe in God? She said yes, shot her in the head. And another student in the library.

MerlinAnd then she became like lionized.

AlexShe became a saint, basically. And including in the episode, they focus on the Baptist church or evangelicals, but it was all across the board. and so this book, she said yes, written by her mother, was in every book there. It was wild. And then about a year later, when all of the students are going through the library, like with a trauma therapist, one of the guys says, oh, and that's where Cassie was shot. And another

girl, I forget her name, Victoria was like, oh, no, actually, I, that didn't happen. I was over there another girl was in a different spot and she was asked do you believe in god and she she said yes and then the shooter got distracted and like reloaded his gun and walked away and she survived so she didn't know like what to do like how do you once this woman's on oprah telling her story like you can't be like nope nope nope and it was i don't know it's just heartbreaking that's

a no-win situation. And then, listening to the Terry Shivo case, another story that was co-opted by the right, I didn't know that this was something that had been going on since, like, before I was born. All I knew was there was this woman who was maybe sort of alive, and her monster of a cheating husband wanted to unplug her and take her, like, what, $50,000 of inheritance or, like life insurance money, which when you're 12 sounds like the most money in the world.

And oh no, this poor fucking man. And we all know, you know, how much I love to defend and feel sad for men, but wow. And this show that like, I, this is not a turns out show. These people like research their stuff. They also disagree. Like the hosts are like, I don't believe in sociopaths. And I'm like, Ooh, I don't believe about, I don't know if I agree with you. This is the first show in a very long time where I'm like, I would like to be friends with these hosts. I have not had that feeling in a very long time, which I don't know.

MerlinTheir chemistry is great with each other. And they both, they have such complimentary but different POVs into things. I don't know how does one say. So, shoot, now I'm forgetting her name already. Michael and what's her name? I'm spacing on it.

AlexIs that an infraction? Is that an infraction? It can be. Okay, okay. Sorry, go ahead.

MerlinBut she's very sympathetic. Is that the word? She's somebody who like is not focusing on somebody's worst day. Let's put it that way. Right. Yes. You guys can probably say this better than me. But like Michael's a gay guy who's pretty brainy. And but, you know, has an interest in like I would say social justice in like a very practical sense. And she also in that sense. But like she's very focused. I think they're both focused on like the way women get treated like shit. But she has a special interest in people who, on the one hand, powerful people who got a pass on something.

But on the other hand, people who were powerful who got portrayed a certain way, even if they were Tanya Harding or whoever. And I think it's almost like similar to the reasons I listen to Chapo. I think Chapo is funny. I think it's the same reason that people listen to Rush Limbaugh. They don't all agree with Rush Limbaugh, but he's amusing to them. Chapo is amusing to me. I don't agree with everything they say. I don't agree with everything she says or he says. But I love their point of view and it always gives me something to think about. And then there is stuff where I end up going, oh, my God, the way you describe that has brought clarity to something in a way that is entirely different than the clarity I thought I had about this.

And I think I need more of that.

MaxWhat are the host names? Is it Sarah? Sarah?

MerlinSarah and Michael.

MaxWoman and gay man. Sarah, just her laugh is very funny to me. Like whenever they get to some like really juicy details of a story and she starts laughing like it just gets it just gets me.

MerlinShe's so snarky too.

AlexShe's really salty judge quotes. Oh my goodness. Like each episode they've they've got quotes from the judges who are like this is fucking bullshit.

MaxAnyway, I love that show. I've like it's like all I do now is just listen to I downloaded everything. I went in overcast and downloaded every single episode in the back catalog. And I'm just I'm just I'm fully hooked and I really endorse this show. It's great.

MerlinAnd you really can. You can jump in anywhere. You can jump in anywhere like we've all done. You will discover a kind of continuity to it. Like I said last time, there are themes that really emerge when you listen to this show. Like I said last time, it's like, you know, cops, cops, cops are crooked. Women are not all gold digging sluts. And not all poor people are bad.

MaxWe make fun of, I think, like turns out media a lot because it is kind of an easy, I think, Well, maybe because it all appeals to us and we've all been suckered into turns out things that turns out not to have been such a turns out. And so double, triple turns out. Yep. Triple reverse turns out. But there's something about this one where it's not so much turns out. It's more of like we're just going to tell you the facts of what happened and that will almost speak for itself. And then occasionally they do have a little bit of analysis of like thinking through it.

but like it really is like I like that they're not taking things you there. How do I put it? It's just like I feel like I'm like there's some way of like by just saying the timeline and the facts of what happened in a really lucid way. You can just see it with fresh eyes. You're like this was completely insane.

MerlinYeah. And the thing that I keep walking in so much of their stuff is maybe it's hard to know. I mean, obviously, they focus on the things that they're interested in. But it is it's weird to have been a teen and 20 year old in the 80s and 90s and to now have some distance from that and to realize that, yeah, obviously the interesting part that turns out, if you like, or the not turns out, they're addressing a lot of stuff that was a turns out story at the time that was wrong. But also it's making me realize, yes, there's tons of stuff where I unknowingly bought into an incorrect or deliberately unfactual narrative.

But what I really walk away with is like think about how many of these stories have had a huge impact on how media is made, right? And what kinds of stories we look for. Oh, the Nicole Simpson one. It's just Nicole Brown. It's just a brutal, brutal episode. But there's so much stuff we got wrong. But importantly, beyond that, in the aggregate, all of these things together have an impact on how we think about the world. Whether that's, is your kid allowed to play outside? Or, you know, like, how should I feel about the women in my life?

Are they trying to get my money? Because all this stuff has an impact on what we believe and who we trust.

MaxWell, when we were listening to the Stranger, Veronica and I listened to the Stranger Danger one in the car together. and we were listening to it and they were talking about like that all this stuff sort of broke in the late 80s and before that you know they had there was a statistic of like they were studying like over the course of like four years like kids went from playing outside to not playing outside and you know veronica was born in 86 and i was born in 87 and had we been born like three or four years earlier we would have grown up playing outside but because of when we were born we grew

Merlinup not really playing unsupervised oh that's the other one if there's if there's a fourth one to add to the themes, it's almost always someone in the family that did it. Whether that's being a dick with Terry Shivo, or whether that's the one who's actually diddling the boy, it's so frequently not a guy in a van.

MaxWas that also part of the stranger danger one? There was this thing of statistically you shouldn't tell children not to talk to strangers, you should tell them not to talk to their father? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

MerlinI want to piggyback onto this We've talked about the podcast The Dream And it continues to be It was so good

AlexThey released a special episode This is why you don't delete your feeds folks No I didn't delete my feed

MaxI'm just listening to Thanksgiving of last year

AlexOh, that's right.

MerlinI am here. This is a podcast episode that I have listened to twice, and I did the rare thing of forcing my dear wife to listen to it. Bonus episode four, How to Fire Your Boss. If you've ever wondered how much MLMs are like cults, like cults, please listen to this episode. It features a guy who used to be in the, what was it called, the Unification Church, the Moonies, in the 70s. And then he became a deprogrammer. And now he's a guy who helps people get out of cults, like usually hired by families.

But he's also somebody who just helps people get out of abusive relationships. And the way that he talks about how cults work and how precisely that is mirrored in the way that MLMs work is staggering. And like within a period of about 10 minutes, you, I feel like I walked away going like, this has really been thought provoking. The way that you do stuff, like you control the flow or distort information, the way you separate people from their family, the way you control their sleep and diet, all the different things that you do in a cult also are happening.

Like, think about how many of these MLMs are about food. Or like, he's like, there's financial cults, there's personality cults, there's all these different cults. But hearing that put onto MLMs really brought some clarity for me. Like, how did somebody smart end up joining an MLM and getting stuck? Well, they do what cults do. They come in and they compliment you and make you feel like you're part of something. and then they nag you about how you're not doing it right and distort the information they give you. So I'll put this in show notes. Bonus four, how to fire your boss episode of the dream. All right, Quinn, save this.

AlexWhat do we talk about now?

MaxYeah, we just talked about other podcasts

Alexthat are better than this one. Vatican.

MaxVatican.

AlexOh, the Vatican? The Vatican.

MaxYes, yes, yes. Vatican. That's where the Pope lives. I went there. Really?

AlexYou've been to the Vatican?

MaxYeah, we took an art history tour of the Vatican.

AlexThat sounds incredibly boring.

MaxThat sounds very Jewish of us, doesn't it? Yeah.

AlexThat just sounds like the...

MaxIt was cool. They have a lot of stolen art there.

AlexCool.

MaxYeah, there's other stolen stuff.

AlexLet me pull this up.

MaxWe went to the Basilisk.

AlexOh, wait. That was cool.

MerlinThe one that Ron stabs.

AlexWasn't Ron? Good for him. All right. The Vatican is hoping to attract tech-savvy youngsters to the Catholic Church with the launch of Click to Pray eRosary. Did you go, oh, God, because I was going to read something and then have a lot of stumbling, Quinn? Is that what that was?

Speaker AI was just reacting to the article.

AlexOkay, okay. And I'm trying to look Quinn in the eye. It's still not working. Church launches Click to Pray eRosary, a wearable device connected to a mobile app that's activated.

MaxNo fucking way.

AlexBy making the sign of the cross.

MaxNo fucking way

AlexWhat? And it is It's like a little bracelet Alex get challenge Challenge Challenge

MaxIs it available?

AlexCan you get it on Amazon? You get it from the Vatican store Yes you get it So I'm trying It's only in Euros

MaxFederico Federico Who do we know? I don't know We need someone in Rome

AlexQuinn look at You charge it Like an Apple watch It's amazing

MerlinYou know how you make You know how you make The sign of the cross on it? You swipe

MaxYeah I'm going in the I'm going in the discord right now To be like Do we have a listener in Italy Who will get us this?

MerlinNo you can just order it It's online Matt

MaxOh, you can get it online.

MerlinI thought... Let her keep going.

Alex99 cents. I said I have not invested. It looks like it's in euros. Okay, it says buy here.

Merlin$110.

AlexI mean, that sounds about right.

MerlinWell, that's why we do the Patreon.

AlexYep, yep. See, it's in Italian. I guess I'm agreeing to... I hope this VPN works.

MerlinAll right, let me... Quinn, I'm jumping in here. Infract me. Once activated, the wearer can choose to pray the standard rosary, a contemplative rosary, or a thematic rosary, which will be updated throughout the year. The device shows progress throughout each prayer and keeps track of each rosary completed. The Vatican says the device, part of the Pope's worldwide prayer network, is designed for a tech-based teaching tool for learning how to pray the rosary for peace in the world. Corresponding app features personalized religious content as well as health tracking info gleaned from the bracelet.

MaxYou know, I know we made fun of them a lot, but I'm glad that the small team was able to pivot into it. I mean, this seems like a really big partnership for them. Hello, I am smart rosary bracelets. You know about centerpieces?

Speaker ADid they say health tracking info? Health tracking info.

MaxYeah, it does your cycle tracking.

AlexThat's no good boss. Family planning. See, I agreed to something on the website.

MaxGet Federico on the line.

AlexYeah, it doesn't.

MaxI need this for my iPad productivity.

AlexEguergi alcareo. Quantico.

MerlinIs it a cochlear implant?

AlexLet's see what is happening.

MerlinThere's a word for this.

Alexoh they got paypal maybe this will work uh procede al quisto shouldn't because i know most of spanish in theory shouldn't i know how to read this or is that french never mind was this problematic does this get cut out i'm no italian is basically discount spanish yeah

Merlinall right um there's a vatican gift store that i put into show notes and they have an faq how do i request the blessing from the Holy Father for my gifts. Oh no. Part of the FAQ. If you wish your rosary or your gift to receive the Pope's blessing.

MaxCan I ask a dumb question before we get too far into this? What's a rosary?

AlexOh really? Okay. A rosary is... What do you mean oh really?

MaxDo you fucking know what tefillin is?

AlexWell I know what... I do not know what that is. Why am I being shamed for asking? No, no. Just because the rosary appears...

MerlinIs that where you get the sideburns? Is that the curly sideburns? Is that the sideburns or the headboxes?

Speaker BAlex, you shouldn't shame people

Merlinfor being curious. Is that head boxes? It's not my job

Speaker Ato educate you. You're right. This isn't fractions for everyone.

AlexThe only reason I say oh really is because you often see people wearing them which the Catholic Church says you're not supposed to do unless you are a nun or a brother.

MerlinOr Madonna.

AlexWhat is it though? Or Madonna. It is a... What does it do?

Speaker BIt is what appears...

AlexIt's a beaded necklace where you put your finger on a bead each time. You finger a bead. You finger it and you say Hail Mary. Is this what divorced guys wear on their wrist? No. You can. Do you know what I'm talking about?

MerlinThat might be for cancer. No.

MaxThere's a real divorce guy bracelet that they wear. Oh, I know what you're

Merlintalking about. It's like puka shells for your wrist.

MaxIt's like little beads. Is that it?

MerlinI don't think it's a rosary though.

Speaker AIt's like a necklace and has a cross.

MerlinSo you're finger blasting for Jesus and you say a prayer, Domini Domini.

AlexYou do ten rosaries. You rub it? I'm sorry, ten. Yes, the idea is you are contemplating the, you are rubbing each little bead while you're saying Hail Mary. Does a genie come out and give you a wish? No, no, no. Mary does. And she's like, hello.

MerlinI want more wishes. Give me more wishes. Swipe.

AlexOh, man. And then Duck, Duck, Duck really doesn't like rosaries. Okay, then. But then every 10 rosaries, you say our Father. And then when you get through the cycle of 50 Hail Marys and five, fuck, what's it called? Five our Fathers.

Speaker AYou get a free sub. And then you go to heaven.

AlexYou go to heaven. You have to do the Saint's Creed, but then you go to heaven. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

MerlinIt's like circuit training for the Lord.

AlexIt's a big, big deal to have a, like I have a rosary blessed by St. Paul the, or St. John the second, St. Paul the second. Oh boy.

MerlinSorry, grandma. Let's try. I think you're going for Pope John Paul the second.

AlexYep. That's what I'm going for. The Polish guy.

MerlinSt. John and St. Paul were half of the Beatles.

AlexYes.

MerlinJohn Paul, George and Pius.

AlexYeah. It's like locked in our family safe. It's crazy. But yeah, I'm trying to find a Vatican store.

MerlinNo, you go to vaticangift.com.

AlexOh, yep, there it is. Fast shipping to USA.

MerlinIt's possible to send us the name of the person. So please ask it in the checkout page, filling the blessing request field. Blessing request field. We will be glad to fulfill your request. It is possible to send us the name. Ask the Pope to bless our podcast. Oh, yeah, well, also bless my fitness device, my CrossFit. What's it called?

AlexThey missed an opportunity there.

MerlinMore like crucifixion. anyway see that was funny nobody laughed at the joke

AlexI didn't really get that one I didn't really no no

MerlinI did a word pun

Alexyou did I know but it was like a tinier hat on a bigger hat

Merlinno no you mean like one of those pointy ones

Alexit's called

Merlinbishops have cankles okay so um so anyway we're gonna get a blessing on our Fitbit for the Lord

Alexyes uh huh

Merlin100 bucks so have you tried to check out with PayPal Oh, you know. You know that's going to throw a flag on your PayPal.

AlexYeah. No. It won't go through. If you go to the website, it eventually stops you, and it goes to a – nope, that's WebMD. I should never open that.

MerlinIt's got to redirect. Yeah. It's got to redirect.

AlexYeah. It's still like Wayfair or something, so we'll get on this.

MerlinThey'll get just what you need. Okay. Vatican launches. Click to pray. So it's on sale now for 99 euros. I'm clicking erosary.click Did you get to the USA now?

MaxIf people want to find out if Alex was able to get the rosary and what we're going to do with it and any information about the rosary, the electronic rosary, the CrossFit, they can sign up for the Dubai Friday After Show where we'll continue talking about our challenge next week as we do every week at giveusyourfuckingmoney.com.

AlexOr wait, maybe not. Let's see. Hang on.

MaxAnd not only that, but if you become a $10 member, we will bless your podcast feed. that's such a good idea we should do that you put in when you sign up the blessing you want and for $10 a month will bless your feed

Speaker BMerlin will

Merlindo a

MaxI will lay my hands on your feed if you do $5 a month you'll still get the feed but there might be a little doodler

Merlinyou have to do four laps and then sing the Terry Schiavo song

MaxI don't want to I know we don't get it. We don't want to get people. We want to manage expectations here, but we have been working on, for sure, the most ambitious. We have a $10 tier where people sign up and they get little treats in the mail from us every so often. And it's been a while since we've sent a treat. And that is because we've been working on the most ambitious podcast crossover swag event in history.

Speaker AI got really scared when you started to say you were doing something ambitious because usually it means I have to do something ambitious. No, I don't think

Maxyou have to do any work for this.

AlexIt's no holiday party, but...

MaxIt's a thing that... We're sending people a thing that if I were to use it while we did the podcast, you might have to edit it out.

Speaker BUh-oh. Yeah.

MerlinWe're making... Max, we're making a nice thing. You need to manage expectations. It's a nice thing. Yeah.

AlexIt's a nice thing.

MerlinIt's a lot of work.

MaxIt's going to be cool. Oh, my God. We're working hard on it. I can't wait to see what people do with it. How's everyone's iPhone working? Mine is working bad.

AlexOh, interesting. Oh, that can get into Merlin's theory about me, too. What's wrong with your phone? My shit's not syncing.

MerlinIt's like I have apps crashing. Oh, there's problems. Hope you don't like your notes app working. Woo!

MaxWell, the Bear app is working just fine, thank you. Yes. Oh, no, actually, it's not. Sometimes it randomly loads at a big width. Oh, really? And the notes run off the side of the screen. Big width.

MerlinSend me two of your widest.

Maxthat's the funniest tweet you've ever done

Speaker Boh thank you I'm glad that tickled you

Maxhe's so wise none of the email apps in the entire Apple ecosystem work right now they're all broken Gmail's broken Apple Mail's broken

Merlinthis is how you know it's a big deal is Necktie Twitter's mad about it when Dave Weigel and Seungmin Kim are mad about stuff that's when you know it's crossed over Dickerson too everybody's like what happened to the buttons in mail and why do I have a different count on all of the devices and it's like to me that's always the the canary in the coal mine in some ways is when normal people are like my e-key stopped working you know what i mean

Alexi i actually my entire iCloud keychain just stopped working which is okay that breaks so

Merlinmuch stuff that breaks you guys use that huh looting well normally you have to you have to

Alexto do the things if you want syncing it has to work no you just use one password uh no no no Nope, not true. Not true. HomeKit, I use 1Password for my passwords. But you need to use Keychain to, like, authorize things on your Mac, like to do certain weird things and control your HomePod and all your smart lights.

MerlinIt's syncing and working for you. You just don't know it.

AlexIt's broken real hard. Our house is not happy about what's going on. Oh, well. what's broken on your phone

Speaker AI would like to interject here that y'all have already had a long serious conversation about other podcasts you think are good and that getting into a long serious conversation about your iPhones is probably one too many

Merlinfair enough infraction

Maxnow that's editing

Alexthere we go

Maxgood edit what do you want to talk about

AlexI want to talk about me it's about me

Merlinyou've said a lot of things about cartoon animals and I'm pretty confused about what the fuck is going on.

AlexWait, what?

Speaker BOh. You sent this forge-a-path to greatness.

MerlinThere's a griffin with a sword in its mouth and then there's a Pokemon Flappy Man. What is happening? What am I looking at?

AlexWhat are you talking about?

MaxDid you unplug your headphone or your mic or something? I think you unplugged your mic. Am I wrong?

AlexNo. I'm not hearing Alex anymore. Is everyone hearing Alex? I am infraction. Okay. I don't know.

MerlinYou challenged a word and lost infraction.

AlexOh. Hmm.

MaxWait, Gwen's writing stuff down?

Speaker BWhy is it being written down? We got him this time. What is that? Gwen's got a little book. She just wrote something down. Oh, I've been keeping track. Wait a minute.

MaxI want to contest. I want to contest.

Speaker BNo infraction.

MaxNo infraction. No infraction.

AlexAll right. Merlin, what is your, like, my synesthesia where the interest most people pursue in food has moved to other senses?

MerlinWhy would you say that before you say what the thing is?

AlexWhat is happening? Oh, because I'm a super taster. I'm very. Okay. Alex. Can we talk about Merlin's lizard? Hold on.

MerlinWhy don't you talk about the thing before we talk about my theory on the thing? That doesn't make a lick of sense. What's happening?

AlexOh, I see what you want me to do. I got into a bunch of.

MerlinDigga, digga, digga, digga, Instagram.

AlexLast night on Instagram, I got into a bunch of sand and slime combo videos. So to be clear, these are not slime videos. These are not sand videos. They are videos in which people have combined sand and slime. Let me play some of this for you.

Speaker AIs that okay, Quinn? This is definitely an impression.

AlexHold on. Hold on. It's getting there. Sounds like heavy breathing. Oh, yeah. No. She's rubbing. Oh.

Merlinyeah do you hear it i do that's not going to make any sense to people who aren't watching it i don't

Alexknow it's the sound and there's another there's another account alex alex what's happening on the screen that makes that noise oh my god it doesn't matter it doesn't matter it's all about the sound and this is called this instagram channel is called crunch compilation so people

Speaker Bdon't people don't need to hear it or people don't need to see what's happening listen

Maxoh right oh there it sounds like you're you're you're you're like crushing a small animal sounds

Alexlike a crush video no no it's a crunch not a crush uh yep that's that's my new thing so i

Merlinclicked on the link and it looks it's so what you see on screen is some hands and you see a square of something that's about what probably eight inches on each side or so and you don't know what it is and it looks like a kind of like almost like the form factor of a large die like a dice die yes and then the person uses their hands to kind of break into it and it's and it's like a uh it's like almost like cracking an egg or something it's slime and sand but nobody can see that alex

there's 75 people listening this you don't know what you're talking about it doesn't matter it's

Alexthe sound it's the sound that matters it's the mix of the slime and the sand you didn't you did not and it looks like a rainbow cake inside what you did not put in your theory touch and sound but it's not gonna make any sense okay so my theory is you have a quinn and i are

Maxvery confused right now i'm hearing videos of you crushing a small animal i did not crush a small

Speaker Aanimal i watched people crush small animals i okay and this is somehow related to super tasting and awesome

AlexMerlin's lizard? Yes. We're getting there. We're getting there.

Speaker AConnect the dots for me.

AlexI don't know what's happening. Last night, I was watching Instagram and

Speaker BI was watching videos and stipulating Were you planning

Maxthis over on your lift over? You were like, okay, I'm going to start off with this anesthesia. Then we're going to hear some random crunching noises for 10 minutes. This morning.

MerlinI'll tell the end of the story. and then I won't tell the story and then I won't describe what it is and I'll just keep saying that it's the sound.

AlexWhen did this happen? I don't know. Where were you? I don't know. Maybe in bed? I don't know. Maybe it was. I think it was actually a doctor this morning. I was really painting a picture here. Let me close my eyes and picture it. Okay, all right. So I was just watching Instagram videos where the sound is the key part of the, if you watch slime videos and hear the like, or you watch sand videos and hear the shh, shh, shh. It's just that. You don't need the visuals. but you had the visuals but well i i wasn't going to i was not going to take the sound out

just for the purposes of this podcast you can't see it the audience can't see it i was not going to bring in a different codec and like use handbrake to download an instagram file no no no No, people just focus on the sound. Anyway, I said I enjoyed these. And then the next bullet in the Google Doc is MDM theory, which I assume is Merlin D. Mann, the third theory. Alex has a synesthesia where the interest most people pursue in food has moved to her other senses.

Quinn, that's an infraction. Other senses, especially touch and sound. so I am a super taster which a lot of folks know and so I don't like food in my mouth most of the time but you think that I very much enjoy touching things and hearing things right but that's not synesthesia okay well

Merlinyou don't really need the visuals for this okay so all you really need to know is you can't you don't need to see it just listen

Speaker BYou don't. Everyone knows what this is. You don't mean it.

MerlinI may have to extend this theory even further because now I'm very, very confused. I think, so my first thought when I watched your video, and I would consider that watching a video because video is watching. And I heard the crunch and I thought, huh, that reminds me of the way some people like crunchy food. Because crunchy food, you guys went through this with your potato chip research, right? Didn't you guys go through extensive potato chip, potato slice? No. What are they called? What are your prongles? What are those called?

AlexNo, that was Tiff and Marco on top four.

MerlinSo Tiff and Marco put out prongles.

AlexOh, I apologize. I apologize. Max put out prongles, but in the podcast top four.

MaxI'm reading my iTunes out.

AlexI'm reading my email. I'm so confused. In the podcast, Marco, in the podcast top four, which is not this podcast, they taste tested This has to do with a lizard?

MerlinYeah, this is the Tesla Plus.

AlexIt's to do with Merlin's lizard?

MerlinThey taste tested a bunch of... My liver. It's got my liver. My bearded liver. But Max told us on this show that to create Prongles, they tasted the crunch and mouthfeel of mini Prongles.

AlexNo, Max, how... Okay, all right. I see what Merlin is saying. Max, did you do product testing when you were creating Prongles?

MaxNo, Merlin, did you see that Dr. Don said you could get salmonella from that lizard?

MerlinYeah, you got to be careful not to kiss it. It's really hard because you really want to kiss it. I don't trust an electric car because you can't hear it coming. Much like a woman.

MaxThey make it play a...

MerlinI just said that. This is the problem. I'm not in the room with you, pieces of shit. And my feeling is that you have taken the joy that most people get from the taste sensation, and I think that's moved into your ears and your hands.

You're basically eating potato chips when you watch... Excuse me. Listen to...

MaxAlex isn't capable of enjoying this one sort of normal human thing. So all of the feelings, the sort of brain area associated with that gets sublimated into something weird and inappropriate.

AlexDon't be mouth normative.

MaxSo it's like Alex can't make eye contact with people. But she gets really excited about the new Apple Watch band or something like that. And it's like, oh, my friend is here.

AlexLook at this, Quinn. This is what the Wirecutter recommends as the best iPhone cases.

MaxOh, my God.

AlexFeel those.

MaxCome on, Quinn. You're not writing anything in your book. Alex just threw something across the studio at you.

AlexMax throws things at me all the time. That's an infraction. It's an infraction. But this right here is the Apple silicone case. That's at least two infractions.

MaxShe did it while we were talking about it

Speaker Awith being an infraction. Why is it funny when Alex does it? Okay, Alex is getting an infraction for throwing things at me. That's two. That's a double. Max is getting an infraction for yelling at me about what an infraction should be.

MerlinOh, no. They're not equal. They're not equal. This is what they do in cults. This is the same thing that happens in cults. They're nagging him. Don't nag Max. He's just trying to help.

MaxOkay. Alex threw things twice, and I just complained once. I'm not touching you. Wait, but why have these been thrown at me?

AlexFeel them. Feel them. Do you have a preference for the time? I have thrown three L4.

Speaker BI'm not there, you guys. I can't see what you're doing.

MaxThis episode is never coming out.

MerlinShe'll fix it. She'll fix it. Yeah, yeah.

AlexI've thrown four.

MaxIt's literally unfixable. It's unfixable.

AlexI have thrown. Oh, God.

MaxAlex, I'm literally begging you. Can we talk about something else? I'm begging you.

AlexWe're done. We're done. Merlin asked a question.

MaxI would like to talk about the lizard. Let's talk about the lizard. And then I would like to ask Quinn. I have some topics for Quinn as well.

AlexOh, okay.

MaxBut can I get some lizard content, please? Merlin, you purchased a lizard. Your family purchased a lizard.

MerlinWe adopted a lizard. And you own it now. The money's not the importance. It's not the ownership. It's the adoption. It's called Bando.

Speaker BI don't want to talk about it. You talk about it on every other show. Why can't you talk about it here?

MerlinYeah, we're going to get cucked.

MaxWe can't get your lizard content.

MerlinI don't want to get involved in your madness. You guys are scaring me. I don't know what's happening there.

MaxI love Bando. Veronica drew pictures of him.

MerlinMando is such a good boy. So we adopted a bearded dragon into our family. And he's a sweet, precious boy who's an angel. And he's very sociable. And he eats food. And he makes weird pee poop. And he just sits on us and hangs out. And it's really fun.

MaxIs it like a bird? It's all one?

MerlinYeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's got parts. There's like a black and white cookie, but poop.

MaxYeah, it's like a bird. It's the same mechanism as a bird.

MerlinYeah, yeah, yeah. It's a pretty simple creature in a lot of ways. he's not super smart but he's really sweet and he's a very good boy does it does it um how do i

Maxdoes it know that you're there like let's start at the most at the most simple like i know that my cat knows that i'm there like when i come home she comes over to greet me i don't know that she loves me but she responds to me yeah does the does the lizard respond to you um well i mean like so

Merlinfirst of all he's he's been going through something um called uh relocation anxiety which is like when any kind of an animal is new on the scene, you kind of like, you know, it needs to like acclimate and get used to stuff.

But no, but he's a lot of fun. And so but the, so, okay, so here's my pitch on Bearded Dragons. This is my book report on Bearded Dragons. Is that, first of all, they are considered one of the best entry-level reptiles. They're like not difficult to

Speaker Adeal with. Wait, does that suggest that you're like in training to get more advanced reptiles?

MerlinI really hope not, Quinn. I so super hope not. Merlin's going to become my college weed dealer. Sulu! Bong water, Sulu. No.

Oh, Mr. Show. No, he's a good boy. And what they say about these, they are very social. And once they get to know you, like when you walk in the room, they'll look at you and they'll be like, hmm, let me make that face. And they'll check you out. And then he sleeps by hanging on the wall by his little claws. It's really cute.

AlexLike a bat? Or does he just?

MerlinNo, I mean, he's not upside down. He's not a monster.

AlexSo it's like a suction cup to the side of. Have you ever seen a lizard? No, no, no. That's what I'm saying, though, because it's big.

MaxAlex, where would the suction cups go?

AlexNo. Okay.

MaxSuction cups on the wall.

AlexYeah. Like, does he have little suction cups on his hands?

MaxNo, he's got little claw hands. Little suction cups on his hands? Like he's like a sci-fi villain?

Alexrobbing a bank? Like an octopus. No, he's not Tom Cruise. No. Okay, geckos and many frogs, some reptiles, they have the little suckies. Merlin, does he do his own stunts? Yeah.

MerlinThey actually design each movie around what Bando's getting good at right now. That could be motorcycles. That could be bass falling. All the different things that he can do. Basically, he's a kind of free solo. He just eats beans in a van and doesn't pay any attention to his girlfriend.

MaxDo you think he loves you?

MerlinNo, I don't think he loves me yet. I think he will.

MaxWhat kind of interaction are you going to get? What are you hoping for with this lizard?

MerlinOh, that he not be a dog. You don't have to walk it. I really dodged a bullet on this one. Oh, yeah.

AlexIt seemed like you're getting real close there.

MerlinSo there's a picture of me and Bando hanging out last night. Hopefully that will go through. You can see he's kind of a big boy. He chonk.

AlexHe is.

MaxDo you guys ever have that thing where you go to send a picture to someone and you put it in the iMessage and you hit send and then just instead of it going, nothing happens?

MerlinOh yeah, it's happening right now. That's why I just picked up my, you can see here, I'm holding my phone.

Speaker BOh, he's so cute. Isn't he the best? He's much bigger than I thought. I like when he goes to turn.

MaxOh my God. His whole side kind of crinkles.

MerlinI know, he feels so good. He weighs just a little bit over a pound and he's 20 inches long. He's really light.

MaxCan it hurt you? Does it have a mechanism to injure you?

MerlinYes, but he doesn't deploy it. He doesn't deploy it. He could bite you? Oh. He can totally bite you. So we tried to feed him different things and see what he likes. He really likes hornworms. And as you'll see in the next one coming through, he is a friend to crickets. Like, they're supposed to really like crickets, but check that out.

AlexOnce I, so. What a vicious killer.

MerlinShow art. Yeah, there's literally a cricket sitting on his face. And he's like, what? Oh, the poor thing. Isn't he a sweet boy?

AlexI found out that you had a Twitter account. Well, Bando has a Twitter account from Matthew.

MerlinI don't understand the heat I'm getting about this. I don't understand the heat I'm getting about this. I need to tell you when I start a new Twitter?

AlexYep.

MerlinWouldn't that be odd, Alex? Show West Coast Lizard.

AlexYep, yep.

MerlinYeah, Vando Mando. But I didn't know they were omnivores.

Speaker BThat's got to be a franchise. I love them so much.

Speaker AQuinn, do you like lizards? I love lizards. When I was a kid, I had a really big thing about dragons. So that's really influenced my whole life. You like dragons? I don't know.

MaxWhat were your big dragon references when you were a kid?

Speaker AOh, yeah. I had every children's book that featured dragons and the Dragonology series. Oh, yeah. Like the whole thing. And then the whole dealing with dragon series and like the Eragon and like everything that you could possibly think of.

MaxWell, I never had a dragon. Dragons never were my thing as a kid, but I know that that's a – what's at the heart of it, do you think?

Speaker AThey're so cool.

MaxIt's literally just like this is a neato

MerlinThing They're like tiny aliens They really are very alien looking Did you guys see the video of him eating? It's very short Morning Basque

MaxGetting my leash for the first time Morning salad so yum Oh it's got a tongue

MerlinAnd you can get a leash with wings on it

MaxIt's got a tongue

Speaker BWhat else would it have? I don't know

MaxNo, look at it.

MerlinThat's what he does. Before he eats, he sticks his tongue out. He tastes the air a little bit, and then he goes, oh.

AlexSo it's not chameleon-like. It's a sort of a cat thing where it senses things with its tongue?

MerlinI think so. He's got some kind of a special, like, a gland in his head. This is good radio. Look at that ear hole. Isn't that weird? Oh, also, his spikes, they are sharp, but they're soft. So he's nubbly. When you pet him, he's nubbly.

MaxSounds like you pretty much have to go one direction.

MerlinYes, absolutely. You don't want to go against the lizard grain.

MaxHow is the cat and the lizard interaction?

MerlinWell, so far we've kept them from physically being right next to each other in a confrontational way, but neither seems to care at all about the other. And I still have this weird optimism that they'll become friends. Like you can go Google or DuckDuckGo bearded dragon cat friends.

Alexoh yes you can and did you know if your cat has not yet killed this reptile because naturally like that's that's yum yums in the wild it bodes very well for a dog yes oh ah

Merlinno but matchy has very matching i i i i hope uh uh that's okay that matchy and i have been talking and we've been dm'ing a little bit about life but also about about lizard friends yeah oh my god

AlexThere's so much about dragons that I now know.

MaxDo you guys want to hear a really funny Trump quote that just happened? Sure.

AlexOh, no.

MaxHere. Oh, God.

AlexThe United States and Italy are bound together by a shared cultural and political heritage

Speaker Bdating back thousands of years.

MaxHe's clearly bored and reading from a teleprompter. And I'm sure the teleprompter says hundreds. And he made a little on-the-spot punch-up. And he's like, hundred doesn't sound good.

MerlinSo true. So true.

MaxThat is his I am bored I'm reading from a teleprompter He's like looking down And mumbling kind of

MerlinI feel like when he talks from a teleprompter He's mainly focused on how he looks Because he gets this look on his face That he thinks he's very charismatic And he obviously sounds very bored When he's reading from the teleprompter He's so fucking bored

MaxJust low energy

MerlinOh so low energy But what did he say today about Syria He had a real winter today about Syria Oh, shit dog, Sonland.

MaxThe Syrian news continues to be a real fucking bummer.

MerlinOh, it's so horrible.

MaxI don't want to get into it. I don't think that – I mean, are we going to add anything to this?

AlexI have nothing to say except I'm sad and it sucks, really.

MaxIt makes me pretty upset.

MerlinWell, okay, I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you what I know about baseball. Here's what I know about baseball. If there's a chance – you get six, seven innings in, And you know there's a chance of the game being a no-hitter. There's something that you don't say. You never mention the fact that so far it's a no-hitter.

And so I'll just say it's an interesting time. It's an interesting time. Gordon Sondland, the U.S. ambassador to the EU, was a potential national security risk because he was so unprepared for his job. An ex-White House advisor said privately to impeachment investigators. oh my god New York Times shit is getting real oh really nothing's gonna happen

Alexokay alright

Merlinno hitter no hitter Jerry no hitter

Alexdid anyone watch the debates

Merlinno no yeah some of it yeah I did they have any

Maxspooky Halloween decorations because I was told

Merlinno no not at all at one point Mayor Pete said I will become the joker

MaxI know it's I am going to become the Joker he's a little twisted did anyone see the Joker movie

AlexI plan to

MerlinI saw the debate but not the Joker

AlexI've listened to the Chapo episode it's so good which honestly made me want to see it more

MerlinI know

Alexand there was a tweet I liked that I'm just way more afraid of the people I'll put the tweet in

Merlinthe tweet's good yeah read it

AlexI don't remember it

MerlinI'm way less afraid of the Joker than I am of the people who go to film school because of the Joker.

AlexYeah, exactly. Oh, God. Oh, no. Like, are you going to shoot your fellow incels? Like, I feel if you were in a movie theater, the Joker showing is the safest place you could be. And I'm not even kidding. Like, as fucked up as that is, I can see.

MerlinIt takes a good Joker with a gun to stop a bad Joker with a gun.

AlexExactly. like if you're going to what's a uh what's a like feminist film out right now that it's woke to see do you know quinn what's what's the wokest movie you can see right now i don't know anything about

Speaker Amovies that are coming out movies come out and then i learned like three months later

Maxyeah it's been a slow what about are you gonna see the cats movie oh of course i am oh my god

Speaker Aare you gonna go on opening night oh so i had no interest in this movie i was like i'll see it at some point of course and then the trailer came out and it's so horrific that i'm like well now

Merlini have to go see it as soon as i finally have a chance to do my tslia cosplay it looks like april is the cruelest month breeding land after the deadline uh it looks like such a uh wait what

Maxis that what i was on like a like a stars album stars on 45 yeah that's the one uh that was like such an insane acid trip of a trailer like every character was just more when like james corden

Merlincat came out like everyone was more like hallucinatory and revolving right and then and then magneto magneto's in it and and you're like somebody meant to make this this way they they knew they so they made it like this and then make sonic look good and this is how they wanted the trailer to to to be with the weird fades and everything let alone like like taylor

Alexswift licking her paws and whatever it's fucking weird uh and then uh is his name just tiger Quinn. And the one girl from

Maxthe dance movies where she falls on her butt?

AlexYes. Meow. The Australian funny girl. I don't remember her name, but she just falls down.

MerlinAustralian funny girl.

AlexRebel Wilson? She's in Bridesmaid? Yes, thank you.

MerlinYes, yes, yes. Oh wait, Rebel Wilson's really in it? Oh, yeah, of course she is.

MaxWell, she's as a cat. Yes. As a cat.

MerlinShe falls on her cat butt. They're all cats. Cat butt is real.

Speaker Bwhat's upsetting the scale of the cats is very upsetting no it's very inconsistent

Merlinthey're like they're the size of uh of uh fantastic mr fox characters it's very upsetting

Alexyeah but you go from and and in the trailer it's like okay they're normal size cats but then suddenly they're jumping on a bed and they're like large size dogs it's but they need a spoon they need a spoon to eat what is happening exactly it's very upsetting to me those cats

Merlindon't sit in chairs. What are they doing?

AlexWell, my cat's sitting in chairs.

MaxThat'd be so cute. And I was going to see that movie for the plot, too, but now I'm worried that there's going to be too many inconsistencies.

MerlinBut you know, you can become one of those Joker, guys who beat up the Joker. You go and you memorize all the lyrics, and then you go out and go wilding, they call it.

MaxWhat if the Joker... Memory! I don't know what this means, but But the smartest thing I've heard about the Joker thing was just an observation on the Chapo episode that it's so weird that four years ago you had this meme of Obama as the Joker and this sort of Tea Party would hold that up in their protest to go like Obama is bad and he's like tearing apart America and he's doing like chaotic evil sort of – do you remember that meme, Obama as the Joker?

MerlinSome men just want to watch the world get health care.

MaxYou would see it at every Tea Party protest Someone would be holding a sign of Obama as the Joker I'm sure if you Google it you can find it But now when the alt-right does their protest They have Trump as the Joker And they're like he's our guy, he's the Joker And they're like that is so fucking weird That the Joker, whatever Space he occupies in the collective unconscious Was able to like transition You know it's like so weird But I think maybe now that the movie's out The Joker is on its way out And the new thing will be one of the cats What's the cat? The Mr. Tumnus?

What? He plays the young Professor X.

Speaker AThere's Macavity. There's Macavity? I don't know cats. Macavity. I've seen it one time.

AlexThe Rum Tum Tugger.

Speaker AIs that the bad one?

AlexNo, that's the horny one.

MaxNo, but that's what I'm saying. That'll be the new Joker, the Rum Tum Tugger. Okay. We're going to have memes of Trump as the Rum Tum Tugger. Everyone's going to be a lot of guys going.

AlexHe's going to be the Chad, though, because he fucks.

MerlinHe'll get a gold litter box

MaxI'm the Rum Tum Tugger baby Do you know I'm the Joker baby? Do you guys know I'm the Joker baby? Can everyone please just humor me?

MerlinOh yeah yeah It's a gif

MaxNo it's not a gif

MerlinI don't understand your joke I'm the Joker baby I don't understand the joke

MaxJust humor me

MerlinIt looks like Kevin from The Office

MaxGo on Google and type in I'm the Joker baby and it's just a little five second youtube that's very funny to me yeah three out of ten huh what it's so funny what is this every day i don't get it i don't get it are you looking at him yeah yes like some guy in a costume and he can't and he's doing like a weird Joker voice and he goes, I'm the Joker, baby.

It's funny. You guys don't think that's funny?

MerlinNow, Sarah and Michael will probably eventually do an episode about the Joker and they will talk about what everybody is saying. It's like, oh, guess what? It turns out it's actually about, if it is about incels, it's really about people who've had abuse and income inequality in their life, you know? Isn't that one of the more woke takes on it? Yeah, and now they're the Joker, baby.

Speaker BMe.

154. Infractions for Everyone

Show notes

Transcript

154. Infractions for Everyone

Show notes

Transcript

0:00

0:22

0:23

0:24

0:25

0:26

0:29

0:31

0:36

0:46

0:56

0:58

0:59

1:00

1:32

1:38

1:39

2:13

2:48

3:00

3:27

4:00

4:31

4:42

4:47

4:52

4:54

4:59

5:06

5:38

6:05

6:09

6:12

6:42

6:54

7:05

7:13

7:26

7:45

7:54

7:55

8:10

8:12

8:15

8:21

8:22

8:23

8:31

8:52

8:53

8:56

8:58

8:59

9:13

9:21

9:27

9:33

9:43

9:45

10:03

10:12

10:14

10:16

10:21

10:22

10:29

10:30

10:51

10:56

11:01

11:16

11:44

12:15

12:23

12:25

12:42

12:44