Episode 93 · August 23, 2018 · 01:35:45

93. Pig Weed

This week's challengeThis week’s challenge: give some advice.

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Show notes

This week’s challenge: give some advice.

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Show Notes

Transcript

Tap a timestamp or any sentence to play from there · machine transcribed (mlx:mlx-community/whisper-large-v3-turbo), expect mistakes

AlexThis is Do By Friday, a weekly challenge podcast with Merlin Mann, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge. Give some advice.

Can't hear another recording. Merlin couldn't hear it. Hi. Hey Merlin's here

MerlinMerlin's here

MaxHey everybody I can't hear the fan noise I don't hear it If you're cold you should turn it off Listen to this hey producer Chris Don't turn Merlin down in the headphones Listen to that Yeah Turn turn turn Now we're cooking with gas I can hear Merlin So I had so in between last episode in this episode, I had two rounds of allergy tests, and I had probably the craziest

medical mishap that has personally ever happened to me in my life.

AlexOh, no, my allergies. Okay, bring it. Have you had allergy testing?

MaxMany times. What did you get tested for?

AlexEverything. Like the little thing that, I guess we won't put it in show notes, but it seemed like you went to a hospital from the 1800s that had a large lid. It looked medieval.

MerlinThere was a wooden board with syringes on it.

AlexWell, we'll get to all that.

MaxSo what did you do, Alex? Did you do a scratch test or a needle test or something else?

AlexI have had a scratch test, a needle test, and just the baby step is usually they do like, I forget what it's called, a palate test, but that sounds wrong. It's just little pieces of paper. And then it's like your back just becomes totally inflamed. Well, it depends on where you get it.

MaxMy place didn't do the back. They do the arms.

AlexYeah. So you're so gay for doctors.

MaxLook at all my track marks.

AlexGod. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then you graduate to arms and then you do needles and then eventually they just scratch you. They just drop blood. It's fun. But what was your this is the first time you've done this, correct?

MaxYeah. Yeah. I don't even. So honestly, I don't even really have allergies that are that bad. I just want to know what my allergies are. And my doctor was like, well, I'll go get an allergy test. so I went and met with the allergy and like I do get like sinus infections and stuff so like it would be nice if I could get my if I could get an allergy shot and get my allergies more under control then maybe I would get fewer sinus infections that would be good and then I'd spend less time coughing directly into the microphone per the iTunes reviews that our users

Merlinthere's no way to even know how much you don't cough into the microphone just out of respect that was the difference respect you could cough a lot more you're a very sick little boy

MaxWell, if I especially don't get these allergies under control. You do it for the fans. Yeah. Well, I'll solve it for the fans. So I go in, and the first thing is, the first test they do, by the way, so I went in for like a diagnostic, like an intake meeting before any testing or anything, and the first thing they do is pretty crazy. So they have you breathe into this like PVC tube with some sensor in it, and it tells you- Are you sure this is a doctor? Yeah.

AlexAnd it tells you- Does that sound medical? So far this tracks.

MerlinBreathe into this PVC tube.

MaxYeah. It was very much that guy from Trump's a doctor. Oh, yeah, the Lebowski guy. Yeah, the whole office has kind of a lackadaisical vibe. Again, we're going to get to all this. All going to be covered. We're going to get to all of this great material. So here's the first diagnostic. You breathe into this tube, and it tells you how good you're breathing or whatever. And it's crazy. You have to hyperventilate into this thing. You have to breathe all the way empty your lungs.

And there's a nurse yelling at you, like, breathe, breathe. Go, go, go, go, go. And then you have to take a huge breath in and you get all lightheaded. And then they give you an albuterol, like an inhaler. And they're just like, take three huge hits of this albuterol. And I'm lightheaded from hyperventilating. And I'm getting high on this albuterol. And then they have you breathe again. No real change for me. I do not suffer from asthma, luckily. So I finished my intake and then and they schedule me for like two different visits

So the first visit is I go in I went in last Friday and they do a scratch test and a scratch test is is like a like Do you know what that is Merlin?

MerlinYeah, a little bit. They're basically just trying to break your skin to see if you have reaction, right?

MaxI don't even think they break your skin. It's like it's basically a little plastic

MerlinJust rub some grass on you or something Okay, it's somewhere. It's somewhere in between It's like a little plastic stick with like an abrasive and Alex Alex you're you're you're the one who's gay for doctors What's a scratch test?

AlexOh, my God. See, it doesn't, I guess if they said you, well, I was going to say if they said they gave you a scratch test, I'm sure they're not lying. But again, based on the photos I saw, I don't know. So did you bleed at any point? Well, why don't, let me get through the whole, there's multiple, I have to set up.

MerlinThere's a, according to the internet science page, there's a skin prick test, which is where they prick the skin with a needle or pin containing a small amount of the allergen. You can have a skin scratch test, wiki, wiki, wiki. a deep dermic scratch performed with the help of a blunt bottom of a lancet oh god intradermic test where a tiny quantity of allergen is injected under the dermis you get a skin scrape test where a superficial scrape is performed with the help of a the of the bobble the bobble of a needle to

Maxremove superficial layers yeah so i i had the i had the scratch test and then the the interdermal one but did they write on you too they're writing on all these people they make grids this will all be covered in the story sorry sorry sorry that's okay I'm trying to go from the beginning of the story all the way through the end so first I had to find a parking space what's the deal with that you go to the emergency

Merlinroom they should have valet parking

Maxso okay so first they do the scratch test and the reason basically they take like a plastic stick that was a Brian Regan reference

AlexI'm sorry for interrupting go ahead go ahead

MaxI don't want to make you guys listen to my story

AlexI love medical stories

MaxYou don't want to do a Yahoo?

AlexI'm gay for doctors. All right.

MaxLet's go to the money side. So first they do a scratch test. So this is where they take a plastic stick with kind of an abrasive end, and they, like, push it into your arm, and it just sort of irritates your skin, and then it's, like, covered in goo. So, like, whatever they're testing you, if it's a cat, if they're trying to figure out if you're allergic to cat, this little stick is smothered in cat goo and then it just sort of sits on your arm. And it hurts.

It didn't hurt. It was, I think, I thought that it hurt more than a tattoo. But also I was more concerned about it. And they were like, you know, and before they start also, they're like, oh yeah, we're doing this one to find out if you go into anaphylactic shock from any of these and die. And then if you die.

MerlinThat happened to my friend's kid. He had to be rushed to the ER.

MaxYeah. I mean, it's a thing. That happened to John Gruber's kid.

MerlinHe almost died. And luckily he was out of hospital while he was getting the test, and they took him straight to the door.

MaxYeah, I mean, it's totally a thing, and especially you've got to figure if you're an allergist, seeing people with severe allergies, like, you have to be ready for that. It's probably going to come up sometimes. Yeah, so although—

MerlinI guess the test is working.

MaxSo, okay, so that's why they do the scratch test first before they start, you know, injecting you with stuff. And I did not go into anaphylaxis, and I, in fact, I didn't really have much of a reaction to anything, but, well, let's see. So the first thing is when I go in to get the scratch test, there's a this this whole office, like I mentioned, kind of a kind of a I don't want to say that they're there. This is not like a NASA like, you know, flight operation in this office. There's like they like called the wrong person into while I was in the rating room.

They called like Julie and a woman got up and went in and then two minutes later walked out and they were like, no, it's the other Julie. And I hope they didn't like start a medical procedure on her or something like that. But so the other funny thing is when I went in on Friday, so for the second, this was at this point, my second time I sat down with the nurse and she takes my blood pressure and is doing all the intake to prepare me for the scratch test. And she's like, do you do a breathing test when you come in? And I was like, well, I've been in once and I did a breathing test. So 100 percent of the time I've been in, I do a breathing test. But I don't know what that means. And she goes, oh, you don't need to do one then.

And I was like, OK. Okay, and so that nurse then brought me in back, and they do the scratch test, and I don't die.

AlexHours before a live show.

MaxYes. Well, I was pretty confident I wasn't going to go in a phylactic shock and die. Okay, so then they're like, okay, we'll see you back. You've got to come back on Monday, and we're going to do this again, but with the needles. So this is like the real test. So I come back, and this is the one I'm really dreading. I don't know that anyone likes needles, but I especially do not like needles. I get very anxious when I have to get a shot. And I know it's an irrational fear. I have no reason to be scared of it, but it bothers me. So I go in on Friday morning, very, very early. I'm like the first person in there. And they do the intake.

They sit me down and like, do you do a breathing test when you come in? And I'm like, well, I've been in twice. And one time I did the breathing test and one time I didn't. So 50% of the time I come in, I do the breathing test. And they're like, okay, you don't need to do the breathing test. And then the nurse brings me in, and she's joined by a more senior nurse. And they're getting me ready for this thing. And this is when I see the array of needles. So it's a little wooden. I'm going to describe this for our listeners. So it's a little bespoke wooden. It's like something some of the kids would make in shop class. Oh, God. Yes. It's very upsetting.

It's very Victorian. Isn't it kind of Victorian plague doctor?

AlexThere were so many things wrong in that photo.

MaxIt's like some sort of medical nightmare cosplay gear. So it's a little wooden tray.

Speaker AHere comes the steampunk allergist.

Maxit's a little gaze into my hat it's a little bespoke wooden tray and in it it has notches and there's 10 10 little notches and 10 little needles all lined up with their little caps and then and then this is also very important to note underneath there's a label so you can see this one you see do you guys have the picture up yes and how are they labeled max so it's a

Alexwhat do you mean what what instrument is used to label these some sort of label tape the okay no I'm looking at a different thing. Never mind. Never mind. It's not funny.

MaxGo on. So it says like cottonwood, maple, ragweed, you know, like each one has a little sticker. English plantain? Yeah. English plantain, I think. Yeah, I think so. So, okay. So this is the system. So when you sit down, this is the same thing they did during the scratch test. This is the system. So they take a blue Crayola brand. And by the way, Alex is going to post these pictures of this insane medical layout, this little smorgasbord of needles that greeted me in the show notes.

But go look. Go feast your eyes on this. It's very upsetting. So, OK. So here's the procedure. So they take a blue Sharpie Crayola brand marker, like a children's marker, and they start making a grid of dots on your arm, right? So they go across. They go one, two, three, four, and then they write four. And that's how you know where you are when you're counting. Then they do 5, 6, 7, 8, and they write 8 at the end of that row, and that's how you know where you are when you're counting, right? Can you picture that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MerlinJust so if you had to jump down quickly to 22, you could go, you know, 4, 8, 12, jump down.

MaxExactly. You find your column. And, okay, so it's 15 dots on one arm, 15 dots on the other.

MerlinOh, Jesus.

MaxYeah. And I'm so on it.

MerlinI don't like those odds, Max.

MaxI know.

MerlinI mean, it seems like there's a pretty good chance your body's not going to agree with something.

MaxWell, so interestingly, so for the control in the scratch test, this is not part of the medical disaster story, but it is kind of interesting. So when they do the scratch test, they also need to know what a positive reaction looks like. What they're looking for is when you get scratched with the cat hair, does it kind of become like a mosquito bite, like a big raised red itchy bump, right? A mosquito bite like is an allergic reaction. So it's almost exactly what they're looking for. It's like a mosquito bite. So what they do is they take a little needle like one of these needles full of histamine and they just shoot you in the arm with it

And your arm gets all puffy and red and itchy like a like a welt almost comes up a very it was not fun And oh that's the other thing with the scratch test also very important for the story So the whole time i'm sitting there and they prick you with these little plastic things and then the goo is on your arms And you have to wait for and then they set a timer a little egg timer for 20 minutes And you and you're itching and you're in pain and I was nervous and I was like, what do I do for 20 minutes? And she's like, well, nothing. You can't move your arms because it has the goo on them. And I was like, but I need to use my phone.

I brought my phone. I want to listen to a podcast. She's like, oh, you can't use your phone. I was like, what am I supposed to not use my phone for 20 minutes? And she goes off on a whole thing of like the millennials today. Oh, no. And she's like, the kids did my, she's like, my kids, they're all on their phones. And I was like, come on, don't hassle me about the phone. I'm itching. I'm sitting here itching. Give me my phone.

MerlinBut she at least lets you watch a DVD of Lion King or something.

MaxThank you. They should have some sort of movie on in there. You're just sitting there itching and burning for 20 minutes staring at this timer. Let me tell you, it was not mindful. I was not looking at the traffic and not getting in those cars, you know?

AlexSorry to interrupt you, Max. My bit was important. I wasn't looking at the Instagram photo. I was looking at the wooden device photo. You know how there's two? There's one that looks like a clean new label. But look at number one. That has yellowed. that thing has not been changed and you can see it i know that you don't like it when i that's not hygienic no no no and there's a picture of the egg timer and it just says big time i'm

Maxjust gonna go ahead and say that i didn't see anyone in this doctor's office wash their hands before i didn't see anyone washing hands before during or after handling the needles and one time before they gave me the shots they almost forgot to do the alcohol wipe i had to ask for it oh my god so okay so labels are taped on with scotch tape please i implore you to let me get i implore

Merlinyou accidentally order something called the haitian quickie

Maxi have not even begun to tell you the nightmare fuel of what happened okay so so the nurse is so the nurse is going on my arm with this blue marker right and i i just i it's important to understand the blue marker for the story right you guys understand there are just rows of dots on the arm and then they write the number and then later if one of them gets big like a mosquito bite they have to refer to that number you count right you're like you start at eight and you're like okay that's number 10 and then you go back to the wooden torture board and you're like which

one was number 10 and you point and you're like ah that was the uh that was the pigweed right that's how they tell that's how they tell what that's how they tell what gave you the allergic

Merlinreaction there's so there's nothing in this that couldn't have been done in the 1400s except for the marker part. They might have used a duck quill or something. But other than that, this sounds like something from Theodoric of York.

MaxThe entire allergy shot, if you do get treated with allergy shots, the whole testing and shot process, it has a very sort of pharmacon feeling to it of like, oh, we'll give you a little bit of the poison and that will prevent you from getting sick.

Speaker BYep, yep.

MaxTake one. So, okay. So the lady is doing the thing on my arm. I am so upset. I am staring at these needles. I you guys see this right it's it's it's a high and I'm and I'm just and I'm like listen I have to be honest with you I am I am really upset by this this display of needles like I don't like it and I'm really anxious and I'm I'm not looking forward to this and the woman goes oh well don't worry I'm nervous too it's my first time doing this no oh shit dog and I was and my first reaction I was like that's very funny do you say that to everyone who like that's your bit do you say that

to everyone who comes in and she's like no it's my first time doing this and there but there was There's like another nurse there who's sort of supervising, who's like keeping an eye on her, but not too close. And now I'm really unhappy. I mean, I'm not having a panic attack, but I'm sweating and I feel hot and my heart is racing. I'm just very, very, very unhappy. Oh, the nurse goes, she goes, don't worry, you're in good hands. I used to give shots to babies, like their vaccinations, and none of them ever complained.

And I was like, well, but they wouldn't have, though, would they? You haven't really taken that one on the road yet, have you? Yeah, they wouldn't have said anything to you, would they? You know, I'm a grown-ass man, and I'm going to complain if it hurts me. So good luck. You can trust me. I've traumatized helpless children. So she starts doing the shots, and we are both wincing in pain whenever she does a shot. Both of us are freaked out by this. Oh, also, helpfully, the other nurse, the supervising nurse, just leaves as soon as we start. So the first nurse is going very slow.

And like one thing that's upsetting, that's also upsetting me. You wouldn't let somebody do fries on the first day by themselves. That's insane. Well, it wasn't her first day at the office. It was her first time doing this test with all the needles. She's going very slow, which is bad because what you want is to do all the shots basically very quickly all at once. And then you set a timer and you evaluate them side by side after 20 minutes. She's going so slow that by the time she's done the first arm, 15 minutes have passed. And now there's not like a comparative result between the two. So I'm already now, even though the test is done, I'm already questioning, like, I don't think it was done correctly.

But whatever. And the other thing is she misses a couple of the shots. Oh, no. So she sort of pricks me but doesn't really get it in the right spot. And then she has to go in the back and, like, fill up a new needle with the stuff and, like, do the shot again. So that happened twice. And I had to tell her each time. I was like, yeah, that one did not go in because I'm, like, checking her work, right? See, this is why I don't like to get sedated because you want to help out.

MerlinYeah. So okay, so they get being sedated just enough to not say the sedation is not working. Can you imagine that?

MaxSo you get every so I get through the first arm and it's a fucking mess It's it's already turning black and blue and I'm like bleeding out of these 15 pinholes And then she gets through the second one and we're and I let me tell you when she finished the palpable relief I had of like the shots are done like my entire body. I I like needed a cigarette I was like my entire body just went slack like it was it was incredible and then she's looking at the results and I'm already ready to fall asleep. I'm so relieved that this is done.

And she's looking at the results and she goes, uh-oh. And I was like, what's uh-oh? And she goes, well, there should be 14 shots on this arm. I'm sorry, there should be 15 shots on this left arm, but there's only 14. She missed one somewhere. So she goes, there's an extra dot. And I go, what do you mean there's an extra dot? And she goes, no, there's an extra dot. And she goes, so then she starts counting the dots. She's like, I must have put one extra on with the marker. And she counts. And there's 15. 15 on the other arm, 15 on the one arm. And I'm like, which one did you miss?

And she goes, well, I don't know. And she gets the other nurse comes in. And they're both staring at me, scratching their heads, looking at this. And the other nurse then, they're both staring at my arms. And I'm starting to freak out because I'm thinking, this could be really bad. This could be really bad.

And now the second nurse comes in. And she looks at my arm and she points at another spot on my arm by one of the blue dots where I think I had gotten the shot there. But it didn't – there was no reaction. So it was hard to see. And she goes, oh, well, I think you missed that one. So that's what happened, right? You missed one over there and that's why there's only 14. And the other one goes, oh, phew, thank God. And I'm thinking to myself, wait a minute. If you missed two, then there would only be 13.

MerlinIt's like the scene in Idiocracy where the guy is like put this one in your ear, put this one in your mouth, put this one in your butt.

Maxyeah take a dollar take a confused yeah take a dollar take a banana it's worse it's actually worse if there's two dots right now we have now the problem is twice as bad it's that's that does not actually solve anything so so they're eventually they're like oh i see and then i had to explain to them i was like no you missed a shot there's a needle somewhere that

Merlinyou didn't give me and it's completely you don't know where the miss was so you can't trust anything after that one where you don't know where it was.

MaxRight. Well, it's all invalid, right? Because it could have been the first one and they're all. And I was like, I was like, are you familiar with an off by one air? And they were not. And I was like, this is a pretty bad context for an off by one air.

MerlinThese millennials and their programming analogies.

MaxMy daughter's like this. This is not what you want is an off by one air after I just got 30 shots. And they're like, well, we're going to have to redo the whole thing. And I was like, wait a minute. And I was like, you could do that. And they were like, well, yeah, we got to redo the whole thing. And so they were like, I'm really sorry. We have to do all 30 again. So after being, I was so anxious about this all weekend. And I finally went in and I got it done and they finished it. And then they're like, we have to do all 30 again. I almost started crying. I was so upset. Oh, no. I was so upset.

And they went in the back and they started filling up the little needles with the vials. And they were like resetting the whole thing. And I'm just, and my head is spinning. I'm sitting in this chair. I'm like, this fucking sucks. This is not good.

MerlinEvery single aspect of this. So now when you just said that about having to go back and refill, every aspect of this sounds unautomated, unscientific, and difficult to fact check. Like every single thing about this sounds totally random. Like they don't have a bunch of vials ready to go. They have to go back into the laboratory and get new needles. I don't know. So fucking weird. I don't know. I assume it's expensive.

MaxSo what do they poke you with? Do they go like the back of your arm? Like what do you do? Well, I guess they were like, well, we'll go all the way up to your like palm basically so my god so So so you got 59 shots. We're getting there. So oh shit So they're in the so they're in the back telling these things and trust me by the way in that in the ample time that I've had to think about this I've thought about a hundred ways that they could do this They could have better controls on this test like what's the hand like for a robot? This is this this begs a robot Oh my god, what about if you just fucking well? I already thought of my best ideas

MerlinThere should be a thing you stick your arm in that does the grid and the shots for you all at once.

MaxListen, if there's an entrepreneurial listener of Dubai Friday who wants to actually make millions of dollars in the medical device industry, here's what you're going to do. You're going to make a temporary tattoo that's like a big sheet that goes over the arm and it has labels and little windows on it. And so it's labeled like cat hair, dog hair, mites, dust, whatever. You can put fucking QR codes on there. This could be so much better than writing on somebody's arm with a marker. And you sell those, you probably could sell that for $150 a tattoo. That's probably seven cents of tattoo you sell for. You get a patent on that sucker. You sell that for $150.

Everyone was an allergy test. It's a way better system. Anyhow, so they're in the back filling these things up. And my head is spinning. And I'm thinking of all the different ways that they could have fixed this. And I'm so upset with them. And I so don't want to get 30 more shots. And then I'm thinking, you know, wait a second. While I'm in the waiting room and I was nervous and they were making fun of me for being a millennial and using my phone, I was sending pictures of these needles to my dear friends the co-hosts of the Dubai Friday podcast and I was like I wonder if because I was thinking to myself you know if they had simply taken a

photo of these of everything before we started we could have had some idea of where where one was wrong and I was like wait a minute I did take photos so I go open it up and I see when I first walked in I took a photo right so that's photo one and then two and then three and I'm looking at each one I'm like okay 10 needles on one 10 needles on the other 10 on the other so it was all set up correctly when I walked in. And then I look at the one more photo that I took. I don't know if I actually sent this one to you. I'll put it back on our thread here. Is that a tattoo on your arm? Yeah, yeah. That's my ruler tattoo. Oh, that's a really good idea. That's a life hack.

Yeah. So, yeah, it's inches. So, wow. So, look at this one. So, here's one I took while they were putting the blue ink on my arm and I was really nervous. And you can tell it's right before they started because in this photo, you can actually see one of the alcohol wipes that It's open. See, it's torn open. And the white. So I was. So I looked at that and I saw the alcohol wipe and I was like, that is literally seconds before they started. And look at that photo and look all the way to the right.

AlexYes.

MaxWhat do you see?

AlexOh, my God. The last one's missing. The last one's missing. And on. Is that is that it on the table? That's it on the table. Oh, my God. With the coffee cup filled with a bunch of different. Oh, God.

MerlinI had that coffee cup. That's a giveaway. Giveaway pharmaceutical coffee cup. I used to have a theater. They still have tissue boxes, too. I had a friend that was a pharmaceutical rep. I got lots of free jazz. Oh, God.

Speaker AAnd so, wait, up on the wall, is that the template they use to draw on your arm?

MerlinTemplate. Oh.

AlexLike below the... Oh, my God.

MerlinWhat the fuck is that?

AlexThat is what I would have assumed they use. No, that was not...

MaxI had... They were in freehand mode. Yeah, there was... I had... Well, this isn't enough squares, first of all, for the number of shots that I received. But you did some serious detective work here.

MerlinYes.

MaxLook at the way they just throw the wipes around. I know. So, I... So I only had to get the one shot because I was a fucking millennial and took pictures of everything. Big time. Holy shit. You solved it.

AlexI solved it.

Speaker BOh my God.

AlexIsn't that crazy?

MerlinThat's insane, Max.

AlexHere's, I have so many. I'm like queasy looking at these pictures. Not because I'm afraid of needles. Not, what? I'm afraid of incompetence. Where?

MaxThere's so much that could go wrong here. This place looks, first of all, does not look very clean. Also the nurse who was doing the shots, who was her first time, she was sitting on this little rolling stool and she did fall off of it once.

Speaker BI forgot about that part.

MaxShe went to dispose of one of the needles. Was she holding a needle at the time? She was holding a needle in her hand and she went to dispose it in the medical waste bin and she leaned over too far and just tumbled off her stool. Oh my God.

Speaker BOh my God. Oh God, this is horrible.

Alexwhat doctor's office uses wood like in any wooden cabinets what is

Merlinthey're like wood veneer cabinets and then they've got like uh the countertop from a rental unit

Alexold linoleum on the floor the doctor is very the doctor is very old and he wears a bow tie oh the light switch has yellowed there's so many things wrong here the a bow tie is more

Merlinhygienic than a necktie, but not a lot.

MaxWe gotta get Dr. Don on the case. Have you gotten any results, Max? Yeah, I'm not. So I'm also not really allergic to any of the stuff that they tested me for. This is like Gilligan's Island all over again. Okay, so it wasn't the pigweed. No, it wasn't the pigweed. I think, yeah, I have a meeting with, I have, so I'll get like a full breakdown of everything on, I don't know, in a couple weeks when I meet with the doctor, but I think they're gonna have to keep testing me if If I want to know the answer, they will have to do more tests.

AlexI think the answer is going to be that you've got polyps and or you need to get something removed from the inside of your nose. They don't sedate you, so that's good.

MerlinSee, this is that hypocognition problem we talked about, Alex. But I read that. When your only tool is a nose polyp, you think everything looks like a nail.

MaxBut did you read that article from the Dubai Friday listener who sent us the thing about empty nose syndrome?

AlexYeah, that's terrifying. Wait a minute. What are you wearing?

Max10 what is on your no what are these headphones are they what is this little ear condom these are

Alexthe new ear condoms on your headphones no no no they're the headphones that uh marco recommended and they're because i have strange shaped ears and they're much more comfortable and also they're the only headphones i've worn well that are like studio quality and that aren't like insanely expensive that i find a huge improvement and they're way more comfortable more importantly i see looks like there's little headphone condoms they look so stupid but they're so comfortable

Merlinanyway those will be in show notes is this is this a place that i mean is this what they do for a fucking living is this an allergy testing clinic or is this something they're just doing

Maxon the side this is their side it is an allergist office it's a very well regarded like doctor and and it's like just came highly recommended and there was a huge wait list i had to wait for three months to get in to do my to even have an appointment with the guy so they do this a lot

Alexoh yeah yeah very busy office is this a teaching hospital or office no it's a it's a it's a it's

Maxlike a retail it's like a retail office it's like it's like in a professional building in Evanston no no no no no yep anyway that's a hell of a day yeah I I couldn't believe when I was like that is for sure that's I hope that's the craziest medical story I ever have in my life yeah yeah I'm gonna

Alexsay it's pretty uh I you know what you spoke your truth and I do not want to invalidate you as a human being uh as far as like disasters go i mean you yeah that it wasn't too bad i was expecting

Merlinwell share your truth alex what is it what is it you want to tell us about sounds like you had you

Alexhave worse disaster you want to share no i don't want to talk about the many times i've almost died but the thing that is like driving me insane is the surgical marker like this is such a common thing and a common practice that you would see in every doctor's office even one like pediatricians have that this in case they need to like circle like a mole or some birthmark or something like why are they using fucking they pop for a professional medical marker rather than a child's crayon marker yeah like max is not like being haha funny crayola marker it's literally

that's oh my god it's well i'm glad that you're okay and i hope that you need to see an ent not

Maxan allergist like i've been to an ent and they didn't find anything i mean they took they sprayed my nose the guy was so i went in for a consultation with an ent this was a couple years ago so maybe i need to go back or something but i went in for a consultation with an ent and it was a really upsetting visit because the guy was like you know we talked for a while and he he looked up there with his little flashlight and he was like well i want to i want to i want to look up there with the with a scope is that okay and i and i was like i guess and so he takes like a can of of like spray like it's like wd-40 basically and just sprays it all in my nose they gotta lube you

way up in there and it was some sort of like lidocaine or novocaine or something and then he takes like a a scope like a like a like you put down the drain and just and he goes way up my nose just way up there just way all the way up there went all the way up in my brain it like it like blew me back into my seat like the commercial where the guy hears the loud speakers

Speaker Ait was crazy

Maxand he didn't even tell me he was doing it I did not understand any of this this was like it was a crazy procedure

Merlindon't go to doctors you guys gotta stop going to doctors they don't know what they're doing they don't know what they're at they're so confident that they know what they're doing but the doctors don't know what they're doing you've got to stop going to them you'll be fine you drink more water drink more water try to get some sleep take a walk

Alexeverything in moderation

Merlinwell You don't want to go crazy. Half a show.

Speaker BYou want to do a Yahoo? Oh, boy.

MaxAre we going to talk about the news? I honestly, I kind of don't. No, no, no, no. There's nothing to talk about. You know what happens is every time there's like one of these crazy Trump news weeks, everyone on Twitter starts going, oh, can't wait to hear what Dubai Friday has to say about it. Go back and listen to the shows

Merlinwhen we still had some soul.

MaxWhat am I supposed to say? The representative Duncan Hunter

Merlinis the only thing that is funny. That's incredible.

MaxIt's incredible. That's fucking incredible. I have no take on Manafort and all this stuff because it's like, we knew that they were guilty when he was running Trump's campaign and we know that he's guilty now and we knew that he was probably going to go down for this stuff and we also know he's probably going to get pardoned by Trump and also none of this will matter

Merlinbecause let's give let's give everybody a break from that this week i think there's been plenty

Maxof coverage of that this week trump is gonna probably he's gonna get reelected that's my guess

Alexokay yeah um i can't even think i can't i can't and also whatever we talk about will be irrelevant

Maxby the time people hear it because yeah you know what let's just go ahead and say manafort's

Merlinalready been pardoned edit that yeah yeah i am outraged that donald trump very bold brave move So this guy and his wife, the first person in Congress to endorse Trump was hauled up for corruption charges last week. The second person to endorse Trump, California Representative Duncan Hunter Jr., the second person to endorse Trump, he got hauled up on corruption charges yesterday. 47-page charging document that is a hell of a read.

so he and his wife was a $250,000 in campaign money that they use for personal stuff there's just so much gold in this have you been following this Max? Yes well the thing

Maxthat was mainly funny to me is remember when we did that some challenge it was Dream Daddy remember we did Dream Daddy and mostly Merlin didn't even have any thoughts about Dream Daddy he mostly just complained about having to install Steam. Oh yeah but he had to use Steam right so that was funny this guy spent like I think he spent what was it $1,600 of campaign funds on Steam and then said that it was like donations to he filed it is like yeah we uh that was like a

Merlinchildren's charity is this this every one of these facts gives me hives it makes me think of college throughout the relevant period the hunters spent substantially more than they earned they overdue their bank account more than 1,100 times in a seven-year period resulting in approximately 37,000 dollars in overdraft and insufficient funds bank fees that makes me so uncomfortable to read the one where's the one with italy oh yeah on or about on or about november 23rd 2015 in an attempt to justify the use of campaign funds to pay for the family's trip to italy duncan hunter attempted

to set up a day tour of a u.s naval facility in italy after navy officials responded that they could only provide a tour on a particular date duncan hunter said he would discuss the proposed date with margaret hunter then subsequently told his chief of staff tell the navy to go fuck

Speaker Athemselves and no tour no tour occurred didn't he what was the thing was his it was his italian he

Merlinwanted his uh or his uh hawaiian his hawaiian shorts they used campaign phones to take their

Maxkids to the dentist and then reported it as giving money to smiles for miles that's pretty good the hunters concealed in disguise the personal nature diddly diddly d by falsely one time buying personal

Merlinclothing items on a golf course so they could purchase the purchase could be falsely reported the treasure as quote balls for the wounded warriors he wanted hawaiian shorts he didn't

Speaker Ahave enough money so he expensed it to the troops fucking epic balls balls for the warriors and i'm proud to be an american where at least my shorts are free I gave these balls to the warriors That got hurt for a country Oh, God

MaxThank you for your service

AlexDig Dug We need to get into our challenge There's so much to our challenge You want to do a Yahoo? All the great Yahoo's

MaxWhat was the challenge this week? How is Babby formed? Did you see that the how is Babby formed? I think it's 20 years old It's old That's one of the OG memes I think I saw this week or last week that it had just turned 20 years old. Is that right? How it can't be formed? Yeah, actually, that could be right.

AlexI have to say, one of the best internet products that I use is Know Your Me because I don't know what the kids are doing. Yep, I'm trying to figure out. Okay, origin 2006. Oh. Oh, it seems longer.

MerlinThey need to do way and stain mother who killed their babies because these baby can't fright back. It was on the news that's moraing, a mother and our who had killed her three kids they're taking the three baby back to New York two lady to rest my parry with the father who lost his children I'm truly sorry for your lots

Alexthis week's challenge was my challenge and it was just for us to give some advice to our loyal patrons which Max you want to tell people about the

MaxPatreon yeah oh we're gonna do the money zone all right I bet they don't listen to the show They're busy I certainly hope they don't I would kill myself At this point we're just doing their show What? At this point we've just become a Bim Bam Oh really? We're doing a Bim Bam cover band this week

AlexI'm telling a story about my vasectomy

MaxAnd then we're going to do some yahoos You plan ahead Griffin You plan ahead Crusty bread boy what uh anyhow horses are majestic so do by friday no uh let's see uh no ads we want some money uh you have the money you go to give us your fucking money.com you go on the patreon you become a patron well what do you get extra episode every week second whole episode after show hey everybody it's the after show give us the money ten dollars for ten dollars you get extra stuff we'll send it to you right in the mail right now we have ten dollars five dollars stuff

We have the very cute art prints. Kevin Budnick, very good, $10. Patreon, giveusyourfuckmoney.com. Thank you.

AlexAugust 31st. If you are not Cox's Cook member by August 31st, you will not get the new treats.

MaxThat is pretty much coming up in one week. Yes. So if you're listening to this podcast in real time, you pretty much have a week to go to the Patreon if you want the art prints. And otherwise, you will never be able to get them again unless we sell them later.

MerlinBut if you ask for them, Max will ban you from listening to the show.

MaxYeah.

AlexI also, very few people have asked, like, oh, I missed the poster deadline. And thank you for that. I swear to God, if people email me about this now, I'm done. But another perk that we...

MerlinMax will ban you from Alex.

AlexAnother perk that, you know, sometimes we'll spontaneously do something. For example, this week we solicited questions from our patrons who wanted some advice. and Merlin put them all in a lovely spreadsheet.

MaxSee, I don't like the ones where you guys prepare.

AlexI know.

MerlinYou like to be surprised. You like an element of surprise. Yeah, yeah. In that case, well, Alex did all the heavy lifting here. She went in and found ones that she wanted to answer. We got, I think, like 115, something like that. 118 questions, some of which were really dumb and most of which were amazing. And Alex went and did some heavy lifting by finding ones that she thought each of the three of us might want to answer, which was very helpful. Thank you, Alex. and so maybe you should feed some to max oh interesting interesting yeah i i didn't want

Maxto look at these at all because i wanted to have like a like you want to go in cold yeah i wanted

Alexto have like a real reaction um okay so so max let's surprise you with let's hmm let's see at what point do you decide to have a professional fix something instead of doing it yourself uh

Maxthis is specifically for me or it's for the for the pan for the whole thing i i i had tagged this one too i have an answer for this as well um well i can give you a serious are we doing funny answers or serious answers well just do an answer all right well i would say it's like in business that's a make versus buy decision so you know a lot of this was really helpful to me for me to learn when we started doing stuff with cards someone i mean literally had someone had to explain this concept to me but like for almost everything you do in your company you know you only have so much money and so much time to do what you to accomplish your ends as a company

And for everything that you need to do, you have to decide, do we make this or do we buy it? And that's a lot of the decision making of having a company is you try and juggle your resources correctly so that you— A lot of just deciding what you don't do as a company. Yeah, exactly. And you should know when you make something, you're committing to that for a long time because it's very hard to make something custom and then do a buy, right? Like an example, like take a website, for example. if you make your own custom website if you make your own cms and design or whatever it's going to be very challenging later to just go out to some contractor and be like here take this over right

so you're kind of committing when you do it or or with your house right for the question was about home repair like if you do your own electrical work in your house it's going to be challenging later for like a contractor to come in and fix it because they're not going to know what the fuck you did with your your crazy you know uh construction thing you did or whatever so i don't know so like for me i think it also another factor is like you have to evaluate what's your what's your time worth like you know what what do you what do you one way to one sort of stupid economic way to think about it is like what do you make per hour and what's an hour worth to you like if you're a

freelancer i mean also financially what do you risk if you get it wrong yeah totally right yeah

Merlindoing your electrical outlet not your own mine are all mine are all home related um like if you

Maxdo your if you do your own electrical wiring in your home not only do you are you possibly spending your time on something that's very inefficient for you to be doing but also you

Merlinmight burn your house down so you should consider that mine starts with analysis uh which is first of all figure out what if you know generally what the nature of the problem is i mean if it's a clogged toilet you can probably use a plunger like it works so my first analysis part is if you know that it is a structural problem, whether it's the structure of your house or the basic stuff like pipes and wires, like, you know, get help. And if you suspect that it's a structural problem, get advice on whether it's something you should even attempt yourself. My life hack is if it requires purchasing a tool you've never heard of, think twice about doing it.

And the other one, this is kind of like, you know, when you're deciding if you should read a book, look at the table of contents in the index. And some of it should be intriguing, but not totally confusing to you. Like if you know all of it, you know what I'm saying? So I would say, look, if you look at online tutorials and find them utterly baffling, you should get some advice about whether to proceed. My biggest advice is to get a relationship with a handy person and start keeping a list of stuff that you want fixed around the house. That is a very important relationship. An affordable, independable person will not only fix your shit, but they can also give you advice about what they can't or shouldn't fix. And then you can gang those tasks,

keep a list somewhere of the stuff you want them to do, like install this fixture, fix this pipe, whatever all that stuff is. But it really does. Even if you think you're a Johnny fix it, I think it's helpful to have a go-to person.

AlexI have no answer. Merlin with the last part of that answer was exactly what I was going to say. Like, befriend people who have a skill that you want. You don't need a doctor.

MerlinYou don't need a doctor, but you do need a big burly man that comes to your house.

AlexYeah, like you just like trade skills and also put like very clear boundaries on them in case you, like, I don't want to be friends with a Blue Lives Matter guy, but sometimes he is very helpful with moving boxes. So, you know. Yeah.

MerlinThey call it a transactional relationship.

AlexMerlin, do you have a question you'd like to answer?

MerlinLet's get a Yahoo. I got a bunch. I'll try to do one that's funny. I don't have any that are that funny. Oh, I like this one. I want to do a better job sharing household tasks with my wife. Yes. But it's easy. Alex liked this one, too.

MaxWhat, Max? Alex and I have a handyman who comes to work at the office. He's a very colorful character. You know who I'm talking about, Alex. Yes. And he did some work on my house. And when we were in the basement and he was doing some work down there, he was like, you know, I could build you a grow room down here if you're interested in having a grow room. I built I know how to build grow rooms. And I actually did think about I considered it for a minute because I was like, that actually would be pretty convenient if I had a grow room in my basement. But then I was also thinking, like, that's not really how I want to go down. Like, I think it's actually boring felony. I think it's actually extremely bad, legally bad. I don't I don't actually know how you what what it is in Illinois, but I think it's really bad if you're growing.

They may run a metaphor on you.

MerlinYou know that's the easy one they could get

MaxThat's like not how I want to go down And I do have a fear in the back of my mind that like Someday like the Trump administration will start Going after the Obama people so You've been saying that for a while what about a safe room Have you thought about getting a safe room

AlexI don't have a safe room

MerlinNever mind Go ahead I'm trying to get your fucking safe room Out of the topics I'm trying to save you

AlexMax just has a funny like little Which I didn't know where it was You should never discuss your secret room

Maxwhat's it like no there's a sliding bookcase and then i have a little bar right yeah i have a little bar in there but it's not a safe like i'm not gonna die in the little bar no very proud of it anyway you know what i mean like you know what i mean i'm not gonna go hide from i'm not gonna hermetically seal myself in the little bar nook that the novelty bar nook that i built it's like one of those like pixar offices like it's like a you know what i mean it's like a little yeah we cross through the hole yeah yeah it's a little novelty bar thing oh anyway i didn't have something funny with the grow room though so our our candy guy we have the relationship with was like oh i'll

build you a grow room and i was like well i'm not gonna go to jail behind that so no thank you and then i was thinking but you know what maybe when we do when we legalize marijuana which i think will happen in like a year or two in illinois maybe when we legalize marijuana i would have you come back and build a grow room because that would be pretty cool and then i thought about it more and i was like well you know tomato it's legal to grow tomatoes and i don't grow those so i guess if it was legal i'd just go to walmart and buy it like everyone else

Alexwell here's the thing i here's my theory as the office is getting more and more into plants i think everybody's just prepping for legalization because i mean it's pretty it's pretty hard

Merlinthe concept called the make or buy decision it's a thing you do in business to decide whether something is core to what you do if there's something that's easily available as a commodity on the market this less cheap and legally dangerous for you that might be something you want to buy instead of make

Alexuh merlin you're up for a question mine are all boring i didn't pick funny ones i think they're

Merlini really like the ones you picked i want to do a better job sharing household tasks with my wife but it's easy to fall back into obliviousness and indolence uh what should i do to pull my weight on the domestic front and make the change stick. There are a couple related to these that I like. I like the marriage one. I like this one. This is so boring. But I would say the easiest way to get started with this early in your relationship is have a conversation about the tasks or chores that you find difficult and easy. And sometimes a surprising amount of the time, some portion of household chores are easy to choose based on what somebody does or doesn't

like doing. Like some people like doing the dishes. Some people really don't like scooping out the cat box. So that's one way to start is just coming up with those. Just because I'm Merlin Mann, set alarms and reminders so you can do yours without being asked. Also learn the chores that you are forbidden from doing. If you really actually do suck at it or somebody likes doing it more, don't do their chore. And then finally, look for sources of annoyance or tension and then grab those as new chores for yourself. And then finally, finally, automate everything you can.

Maxyeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the other thing i'll say is um i think if you live with someone a lot of the stuff you're acutely aware of every chore you do because you're doing it right like if you take out the if you're the person who takes the trash out in the house yeah yeah yeah you know

Merlinevery time you take the trash out because it's you who's taking it out you could be someone who's extremely aware of the recycling and knows exactly how much room there is for a box to go in there

MaxYes, and you know every time that the chore happens because you're doing it. But meanwhile, there could be lots of other chores in the house that your partner is doing that you basically don't notice when they happen.

MerlinOh, that's so true. This is hypocognition. Yes, absolutely. You just think that's a thing that a wizard does, or you don't even know a wizard needs to do it. It just happens. Like somebody who keeps putting toilet paper in the room where the people use all the toilet paper and nobody notices to replace the toilet paper because there's only one person who

Maxever puts fucking toilet paper in the bathroom. but oh the toilet paper wizard did it but also like i think it's easy like if you're not the one who's doing the like if you're not the one who's doing the toilet paper you almost discount that it takes that it's anything at all you're like oh well that's nothing like that you know what i mean but like because you don't see all the steps that's a really good point you have to go up the stairs and go find it and open up the package and throw out the extra stuff you know what i mean it's like yeah yeah everything has steps that you forget about if you're not the one doing it like if it's done for you it seems like oh well that was nothing yeah i mean like i said the

Merlinautomation part I think is important and it could be something awful and terrible and bad for the environment like automatically reordering things or getting an Amazon dash button but if there are kinds of things that are taking more time like ask you I mean like I'm such a fucking pill about this when I get into the car stuff and the quality of life stuff and the travel stuff like you know get really start realizing how much of your time goes to stuff that could be outsourced in some other way or automated in some way and if there's something you don't enjoy doing that's taking up a lot of your time, think about how you would want that to change in the future.

Do you, I mean, maybe you need to commute 90 minutes for work, but like when you start thinking about that shit, you start actually imagining a life where you're allowed to have quality of life. There's all kinds of stuff that you can start to realize.

AlexAll right.

MerlinAlex, yeah. Alex, you like the marriage one? What are you going to do?

AlexNo, no, no, no. This, this one, I, okay, this is very serious. And if you ask this question, listen very carefully i like a girl and i think she likes me we've been good friends for a couple of years how do i stop cucking myself and make it explicit i don't want to i don't want to mess up the friendship that we have already just fucking ask do and if the answer is like nope sorry just want to be friends move on move on that's all there is that your answer or is that part of the question no sorry my answer is just ask be like hey do you want to go out uh okay here's

what you're gonna do do you want to go out for dinner sometime and maybe as more than just friends and we can see we'll we'll just see do this you're gonna be really fucking awkward about it

Maxi'm just curious would you explicitly say that to someone which i mean i mean that like in a very

Merlinliteral sense would you would you actually say that yeah be like hey you would you would literally

Maxsay the words to someone as more than, quote, as more than

Merlinfriends. That is so interestingly off-brand.

AlexI love this. Yes. Yes. You need to be, because I'm referring to this person specifically as well. Yes, I would. I thought that you were

Maxsupposed to go on a date and buy a girl dinner and then just stare at her weirdly. Before you even get to

Merlinthat, I think you go to the lady zoo. You go to the lady zoo and you wait for the waitress that you're attracted to and then you just keep talking to them for a real long time. Right. You gotta have, you gotta

Maxto get your lines you got to get your pickup lines ready that's right then and then is that just felt and then you just sort of stare and then you're supposed to stare at her expectantly

Merlinand pout when she doesn't have sex with you and if she goes and waits on somebody else you get

Alexyour feelings a little hurt and give her a bad tip the final sentence in this question which isn't a question uh he when he says i i'm you know what i'm not going to be gender normative the it could be another lady i don't want to mess up the friendship that we are we have already you're probably going to do that and that's okay if you really like this person and you but that's probably going to happen yeah 99 chance this is going to happen but if you're constantly pining against for this person it's not a friendship this is not an equal dynamic at all and good yes especially

Merlinif you're the kind of person like i used to be who gets infatuated with everybody that's be careful of that don't be infatuated with it's okay to like have a little secret crush on i have secret crushes on lots of people, but I would never act on it. It's like, you know, if you're trying to do that, like if you actually have this great relationship, but I like your point. You're saying like in the words of the Smiths, ask me, ask me, ask me. Because if it's not love, it'll be the bomb that keeps us together. You're saying go out there and get in front of this and be honest about your feelings, but then what? Be gracious about if they say no. And if you

Alexthink the words to yourself, friend zone, poke yourself in the eye and just lock yourself in the closet. Delete your account. Delete your account. Alright, Max is up for a question. Counterpoint, don't get friend zoned. Oh my god. I got some tips on that. Look at my rings. Oh my god. What a lovely feather you have in your hat. Yeah, exactly. What about that though? You wear a bright hat.

MerlinHere's what you do. If you know where she works and can't leave, go there with a very bright yellow hat carrying a violin. She's going to be curious about why you have a violin. And when she asks, you refuse to tell her. Now you're out of the friend zone.

MaxCan I just say that the idea of saying the words to someone, would you go out to dinner with me as more than friends? Okay, fine. Say a date. Oh, date is actually better. Even that, the whole idea is so viscerally terrifying to me of saying that to someone that I would. Yes, I know. You'll die alone. If I ever have to date again, I'll probably just kill myself.

AlexYeah, that's the Dan Harmon take. But that's the thing. It is totally terrifying. And you are putting yourself on the line. But if you just harbor this, you are not a friend to this person. You are going to become weird. Oh, that's good, Alex.

MerlinThat's so good. That's so good. You took it and you turned it.

AlexYeah. Also, friendshipping.fm. Oh, I don't know. Simplecast.friendshipping.com. I steal all of their advice.

MaxBut Alex, can men and women be friends?

AlexOkay. Friendshipping.simplecast.fm are good friends. Both Jen Bain and Trin Garitano have been on this program, and they are very good at giving relationship advice.

MaxThis week, they're going to tackle the topic of can men and women be friends.

AlexYep. Yep. Yep. Yep. All right, Max is up for a question.

MaxYou want to do a Yahoo?

AlexUh-huh.

MaxYeah, let's do a Yahoo. What do we got?

AlexOh, we got to pick one for you, don't we? Oh, I'm not going to look at the list. That's right. Merlin, oh, wow. Merlin, feel free to pick one.

MerlinThis is a real short question. Take it anywhere you want. The listener asked, how much should you sell out for a career?

MaxHow much should you sell out for a career? Well, no, don't over-parse it.

MerlinTake it any direction you want.

MaxInteresting. Well, let me say this. I think what is buried in the heart of this question if we start peeling back that onion nope in the heart of the question is an assumption listen this is the philosophy thing right of like answers are always implicated in the way that you ask the question so you always want to start by like how is this question being asked so I think the way this question is being asked is at the little beating heart of this thing there's this idea that you should be very fulfilled and get like life fulfillment for what you do for a living. And that, and that, does that make sense?

That it's selling out, that if you, in some way that it's, it's, well, yeah, the implication is

Merlinif you're not feeling fulfilled about this, you're in the wrong job and have made bad choices.

MaxRight. It's a sort of normative question of the idea of like, if you do something for money and not for love for your living, then you have quote unquote sold out. And I don't personally believe that's the case. I, for in fact, most of my life worked in jobs that were not fulfilling, but I did them so that I could have money. And then on my own time, I did things that were fulfilling. And also I stole an enormous amount of time from my job that wasn't fulfilling, which I also endorse, right? Go take a shit for an hour. No one's going to notice and play Hearthstone on your phone, but not anyone who works for me, but everyone else. And yeah, so I don't know. I mean,

And I would go, I would even go so far as to say, I know because of my circles that I travel in, I know a lot of people that started something that they're passionate about and made a very successful career on it. Merlin, I'm sure you do too. And Alex, you do too, right? Like when you go to conferences, for example, they're just filled with people who like did the thing that they were, that they were fulfilled by and made a little, they have a cult following or they're famous and they love it. And it's like they get to do it. I would say this is not everyone.

It's like a bell curve, just like everything else in life. But most of those people, those like entrepreneurs or those YouTube celebrities or whatever it is, those people, they're not happy. Again, bell curve. You have some people way off to the left who are very unhappy and some people way off to the right who are really happy. But most people, that big lump in the middle, they're not really happy people. doing the thing that you love as your sole source of income and your your your main thing that you do for a living it is for most people with a normal brain it does not make for a very happy

existence because you're constantly terrified of losing it and of fucking it up and it has a way of consuming your life so that you can never truly enjoy the thing that you like doing um yeah and And, you know, I probably I can't be the first person to say I'm sure this is like a pretty trite observation, right? Of like if you love playing video games and then you become a professional Twitch streamer, do you think you love playing video games all day for your work as much as you did when it was your hobby? Probably it probably takes on a very different context.

You don't love it quite so much. so what I would say is in contrast to that some of the happiest people I know have a job that they do for money during the day and then they get fulfillment and artistic expression and creative fulfillment outside of their work doing something that they really love and I will also say that in 99 out of 100 cases if you're really passionate about something and you want artistic fulfillment you will not get that if there are market forces acting on it if you have to do it to make money

you probably will not do the best, most creative, most interesting version of it. So it's, you know, does that make sense, right? Like it's going to be, it's going to be corrupted.

MerlinI'm going to do exactly the same thing, same thing I asked you not to do that you did. It depends what you mean by selling out.

AlexYep.

MerlinBecause the problem there is I remember when I was very much, there's a reason I know names like Gramsci and Altissier and Frankfurt School and Horkheimer and Adorno, which is that I thought I was basically going to be a great socialist essayist. I thought I was going to write about the struggle when I was in college. And I thought I was going to talk about cultural hegemony and what the media was doing to us. And then I got a job making computer graphics. And I was so happy to have a job where I got to make computer graphics that I didn't mind the selling out so much because now I could have a car and stuff. Ain't that ironic?

And the problem there is, I mean, you're going to you. How do you say this without sounding like an old man? It depends what you mean by selling out. If you mean like you're basically you are you are doing something that you think is harmful and especially if you're doing something harmful for not that much money. That's probably not a good career. If you're going to do something harmful, at least get paid for it, because that's what happens. The shit you have to do. And really also to Max's point, it really is true. Like once you're doing something for money, it's amazing how quickly you find everything wrong with it. It's our own personal version of the narcissism of small differences in some ways, which is once you're acclimated somewhere, you start to realize, oh, I thought this was going to be this great place to work.

and it's really not. And that's not a consolation, but I would be circumspect about worrying too much about the selling out part. When you feel that little twinge, figure out what the part of selling out is. What that really might mean is you're not the same young person you thought you were, when actually that's okay. It's okay that you're not the same young person you used to be. You'll be a different young person who's just slightly less young now, and that's okay, because that's part of growing up and becoming a grown-up. And that really is okay. But if you feel you're doing something that is harmful to you or to others, Look for another job

It's just a fucking job Yeah don't work for ICE Oh man they got those new straight jackets Those are so baller I almost had a panic attack watching that video

MaxI'm glad you saw that

MerlinDid you see Trump's video from this morning? This 14 second video from this morning? No Jesus

MaxI had one more thing

MerlinAlex had something I felt like Alex had something here

AlexJust that I don't believe Just that I don't really believe in selling out Like I think there are moral decisions that can be really hard for a job. Like, for example, civil servants who are still working under the Trump administration, but they're very good at their job and they feel like they need to keep that infrastructure in place. Like, yeah. But also they're not making a ton of money doing it. It's it's like I have friends who are doctors and they're like, oh, I really wanted to be a surgeon. But to pay off my student debt, I need to be a dermatologist.

Like I.

MaxOr what about the episode of House where you have to treat like a Nazi, right? And it's like, do you save the guy or not?

Alexthat's that's does he have insurance uh exactly i don't i don't believe in selling out i don't know

Maxi and i agree with everything else the concept the other thing i'll say is before you get to the point of selling out you have to be successful at doing something you like exactly and i think there's a bit of a mythology that's propagated by people in our circles and you know whatever podcasting and games and stuff where they go you know it's the people get successful and then they go give conference talks and they're like jump off a cliff and build your parachute on the way down and it's like actually like most people aren't full-time podcasters like it's actually

Merlinlike you it's basically a lottery yeah watch out for that kind of advice and i it's one reason one of the many reasons i got out of that racket is be careful that you're not buying into some kind of like podcast bro pyramid scheme because there's a lot of people i mean we don't even have to talk about the hollywood hills here at this point but that would certainly be one there is a certain kind of cult around getting people to believe that you are this successful person and then it's it's your adulation for the life that you don't have but that makes it but also like

Maxall these youtube celebrities and podcasters and personalities or whatever who are selling some course or whatever product they're selling of like here's how you can learn how to do this and go full-time or whatever why if they're so successful at their podcast or their youtube channel why do you think they're selling these courses to other people yeah they should be way

Alextoo busy to have time for that oh yahoo oh please please yahoo who's up you are i am no uh maxes maxes yes uh let's see wait i just went he just did one that's merlin merlin yes um uh

Merlini should have prepared more let's see oh oh okay so alex will you uh will you uh gangbang on this one with me i'm about to get married in a month from now it'll be the first time we'll be living together what specific advice do you have for our first six months you did you like that one right

Alexi didn't like the question because i don't think getting married and living together

Merlinfor the first time's a great idea oh i like that you think what's your well then what's your advice

Alexfor what this person should maybe think about doing differently uh spend as much time at each other's homes as possible like i know a lot of folks who get um they haven't you got to get through some holidays with family you need to you need to like be able to smell each other's farts and like like it's like there's a lot of stuff behind this question that we don't know like are they basically spending weeks um at each other's apartments or whatever have they done all the family holidays have they traveled don't you agree though i mean yeah you do not want to be

Merlinfucking married to somebody before you meet their crazy family that you just can't get with and i

Alexdon't and i don't know if that's a part of this question and i i also like i don't want to discount like some folks really care about this for like religious reasons or whatever but like you there are ways to do this where you need you need to do a lot of prep the next six months spend as much time together as possible take a trip together like if you can't travel with someone without killing each other i don't know and i realize that the person who's been married barely two years but I feel like, I don't know, like a seven year relationship is enough that, or especially like live, we've lived together for seven years now. And I don't know, I don't like, take it away, Merlin.

MerlinI think your meta advice is good. My advice here is not so different from the advice, this is off the top of my head, but that I would give for any relationship, including non-marriage romantic relationships and including non-romantic living together relationships. Three things. You should assume goodwill. Don't assume somebody's fucking with you and gaslighting you. If you think that's true, then you should ask about it and find out that you're crazy fast. So assume goodwill. Do more than your part. Do more than 50% of the effort on everything that you can stand.

The most important piece of advice, minimize the number of things that only you are allowed to be right about. Let the other person be right about a surpassing number of things. Pick one or two things that only, if it's loading and unloading the dishwasher, well, that's one off the board. You can't have 10 of those. You can't both have 10 to 35 things that each of you has to be right about unless that's just a fun part of your relationship. You'll drive each other fucking crazy. be ready to bend and do more than you need to.

AlexThat's funny. It's Merlin's turn, right? What?

MaxOkay, that's a fun one. I used to have a guy I worked with on campaigns, and he, you know, I would, it's funny because it reminds me of what you're talking about with relationships in Merlin, where like on campaigns, like there's all these things that in the moment they seem like life or death, and you're like, I have to be hurt on this. Like I need to have this go my way, you know?

MerlinYou're like you're ready to quit all the time.

MaxYeah, yeah. Or ready to quit or just like I want a confrontation about this. Like I wasn't heard. Like the campaign is going to fail if we don't do this my way. And at one point he gave me this advice. He's like whenever you get to one of those things, you need to ask yourself, is this the hill I'm going to die on? Because one of these days it will be the hill you die on. So, you know, and I don't know. I don't know why that clicked for me. But now I ask myself. I probably say that to myself six times. It's like a mantra that I say to myself all the time.

Merlinit's a really good thing to think about because and this kind of relates a little bit alex to talking about we're talking about on that app stories podcast where it's like if you if you have found that you've lost track of what you're actually trying to accomplish everything's going to seem like a problem or a solution to something that's not even a problem or a solution so like if you don't understand why it is you feel the need to monitor your kids on a computer if you don't understand what successful outcomes of that look like you're going to become a very unhappy person so in this case it's like is it you want to fucking accomplish something or do you want to be right for a minute. Like get, get with more stuff where it's okay for you to be wrong or change your mind or

be open to other things or just suck it up, you know? And if that happens terminally, well, like you need to have a conversation about that. There's, there's no pixie dust that fixes that other than having the conversation. But I would just, I do think it's important to like get out of this mindset of like, you know, I'm the king of the castle and I get to be right about everything. And this is the way that everything goes. You're gonna have to let go of a lot of shit in any relationship.

AlexOh, I've got a good life hack. You both know how to properly place toilet paper on the roll, right?

MerlinYes.

AlexOkay. I'm just going to assume that you're... It comes over the top. It comes over the top. Yep. Yes.

MerlinAnd the reason for that...

AlexSo it rolls down in the front.

MaxJust to clarify, the reason for that is that way when you pull on the toilet paper... It doesn't all come out. Yes, exactly. You have control over how much toilet paper dispenses. Where if it goes around the back, you get friction and it's hard to tear. And when you go to tear it, six sheets fall down and then they're unsanitary the next time you go to the bathroom. It's a fucking mess.

MerlinIt's like putting your shoes on backwards.

MaxIt's not even a debatable point. It is not an arbitrary matter of personal preference. People often use this as an example of like, oh, you're going to fight about the dumb. Like that's the dumbest thing in the world. It is not the dumbest thing in the world. Should we not set the house on fire or should we set the house on fire?

AlexYou'll have disagreements. I will say that I feel like I have a fairly rational partner most of the time when it comes to household things. This is not one of them. and for for seven fucking years i've been trying to get them to do the the over-the-top method and then uh it's never been like an actual point of contention but but one day i just replaced our little like toilet paper dingus so it's very easy to like make it come on and off and every time i just switch it back and they have like no like they don't they don't give a fuck they just can't

Maxwould you get one of those little spring-loaded suckers oh no no no no that that was the problem

Alexis you have to flip it every time and then you just don't want to and then like your brain just breaks. But it's kind of like in the office, you know, how you just like slip it on. So every time I just reverse it and like Maddie knows I do that. Like they are physically incapable of doing it the other way. I don't know why. Life hack over. Merlin's question. Wait, is it my question now? I don't know.

MerlinI'm ready for anything. Ooh, let's- I could do one that's pretty fast. Go, go, go, go. Lightning round. Sorry. let me go find the question from a listener and just it's not that we're leaving off people's names we just did not give the people the opportunity merlin could you recommend a specific fantastic four trade paperbacker collection to start with and it depends on what you want to do if you're a completionist you can go all the way back these are all in show notes and go all the way back to the first few issues from 1961 the fantastic four masterworks volume one one of the all-time great uh series is called coming of galactus and that is available

as a trade paperback. If you like kind of slightly brainier, long arc stuff, Jonathan Hickman's run from a few years back is very, very good. One of my personal favorites for like my own squishy reasons is Matt Fraction's. Matt Fraction's Fantastic Four is good, but his FF comic is very good.

AlexI just started reading. Oh my God. Oh yeah.

MerlinOh my God. I love my tongue. Thank you. Yeah, well, that first trade is great because it interleaves, I think the first three issues of both. And so they would run so that it would be an issue of Fantastic Four, an issue of FF, and so forth. I think those are all good points. They're all in show notes. But Fantastic Four is pretty corny, but it's about relationships and problem solving and how we get along with each other and use science to make things better. Yeah, and also they ride around in a flying bathtub. It's kind of fun.

AlexMax, how do you feel about tattoos and the professional workplace? Is that how it's written? Wait, in a professional environment.

MaxI feel like the answer to most of these questions is like it depends. So it depends on what you want to do. It depends on what you want to do. I mean, I think going forward over the next 20 to 30 years, especially in cities, there are probably very few jobs that you could not do with a tattoo. Like, I don't know. Like, what couldn't you do with a tattoo, really? But –

MerlinLike, what would you get tattooed under your eyes if you wanted people to know you're always tired?

MaxWell, okay. I mean, tattoos have context. They're very, they're very, they, they, tattoos are like deeply like, uh, they're, they're like these like archetypical, like human things that go back like a million years. So they have all this meaning for people. It's very emotional. People have very strong feelings about them. I mean, certainly in the culture right now, like I think there's having tattoos does not really limit your career choices and like metropolitan areas of the United States of America almost at all. I'm sure in different parts of the country, it's really different. But, you know, if you're in probably parts of the Midwest, like there's probably places where it would be very, very conspicuous if you had a bunch of tattoos.

And you should also know there are other places in the world where you can't travel. So I did my – I was actually – this was not a coincidence. Like I went to Japan and went to an onsen and like did all that stuff before I got any tattoos. And it's not like I think I'll never get to do it again in my life. But I wanted to make sure that I got the experience once just in case like it turned out to be as much of a thing as I feared that it might be.

MerlinCan I ask a follow up to each of you? Please. Setting aside stuff like swastikas, what kind of tattoo or tattooing decision, Max, would it take for you to look askance at somebody? When would you judge somebody's tattoos in terms of a workplace environment? Is it just Nazi stuff or like what would be like – is there anything that would make you think tattoos are almost always super cool but this doesn't work for this position?

MaxIn terms of Cards Against Humanity, there is no tattoo that people could have where we wouldn't hire them. And in fact, I have a dear friend who is covered in Nazi tattoos and it's because he used to be – when he was in his 20s, he was in a gang and he became rehabilitated. rehabilitated now he spends his time like he has this network that helps people get out of hate groups and build a life for themselves and there's actually if that's an issue you're interested in there's actually charities. Is that the guy I've seen on TV? Is that the guy I've seen on TV? I don't know this is not a there's many guys in the country I mean these things have

kind of a cult like operation and then people get out of it you age out of it you get out of the cult it's not too uncommon that guys if you don't die or go to prison you kind of age out of it and you realize that it's bullshit. It's not a Nazi thing as much as a gang

Alexthing generally right well in prison too i i have friends who have like um but i don't think they have like um swastika tattoos or anything but they joined nazi gangs because they did not want to die in prison um and yeah i guess that's a again like there's so many asterisks yeah there's there's um

Maxuh charities uh you can give to um oh yeah where they actually help people pay to get their tattoos removed if you're in like a hate group and you leave or something like that. I'm looking it up.

AlexWe'll put in show notes. There's a bunch around the country.

MaxYeah, there's also tattoo shops in most cities that will do cover-ups of hate tattoos for free. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. That's cool. Personally at Cards, I would, in fact, it was hard for me to even think of a tattoo that someone in this building doesn't have. That's interesting. We have employees with like-

AlexKara doesn't have a tattoo. No, no, not.

MaxNo, no, I'm trying to think of a type of tattoo that you could not find in this building.

AlexOh, I see what you're saying.

MaxThere's like, we have like neck tattoos.

AlexI see what you're saying. Pretty much everything.

MaxWe pretty much have the gamut here. I just don't care. I mean, how is that's not a reflection of people's work performance like at all.

AlexBut I do want to clarify, this does not mean in personal situations, I'm going to be like, wow, what an ugly fucking tattoo. Because I'm not made of stone and wow. And mostly people on the internet.

MaxI actually have a big friendshipping podcast advice bit about this, which is if you have friends that you care about and you want to maintain the relationship, if they ask you, if they're like, I am planning to get a tattoo and what do you think? And it's a horrible idea for a tattoo. You should tell them that. You should be like, that idea sucks and you're going to regret it and it's going to be embarrassing. Once they get the tattoo, if you want to maintain the friendship, don't continue to express that opinion.

The best is... Just lie. Just say, I like it.

AlexI agree.

MaxJust say, it came out really cool. Same thing goes, by the way, for relationships up until the point where it's self-destructive or harmful in some way. Oh, God. Stay out. Stay out. Stay out. Yeah. If someone is like, what do you think if I start dating this person and you think they're a psycho, you can say, I think that person's a psycho. But once they start dating, if you want to maintain the friendship, do not say your girlfriend's a psycho. So again, this does not, if there's a, if it's an abusive relationship or someone's self-harm, if it's like that, I'm not talking about that.

MerlinBut also, but also when they have a breakup one weekend, don't immediately jump in and say, I told you so, because they're probably going to get back together. And now you look a dick.

AlexI told you so is never a constructive phrase, I think.

MaxOh, it is what I'm right about.

AlexIt is what I'm right about things at work.

MaxAnd then I write it down. I make a little prediction. I seal it in an envelope and I say in six months, you're going to open this and I'm

Alexgoing to look like a genius. Two of hearts.

Merlincan I have a follow-up question my personal question to you yes what was was the Totoro

Alexthing you got oh okay that was that was a fun thing it was mostly a scary thing uh no yeah didn't it ended up looking like I couldn't tell what it was um that there's this there was this Kickstarter and this is also a common thing to have like kind of like henna DIY henna tattoos um and I Maddie and I both did one just because I don't know it was fun um oh is that where that his tea date came from yeah yeah and it was just like these are not tattoos that we want forever like i merlin you and i both sort of had the same opinion of like i when i get a tattoo i

would want it would be something that i would want to wear on a t-shirt every single day which totoro actually gets pretty close um but uh and i just wanted to like freak out my mom and it was fun um however i did fuck it up real bad so now i have just this giant splotch on my arm that's going to be there for two to three weeks um so oh no you got a splotch oh yeah let me let me send you the splotch it's a little bit better now let's go hey let's go the problem was i cried too much during christopher robin uh wow that that movie will fuck you up if you were a kid in the 90s um

Merlin90 kids 90s kids will be fucked up by this movie

Alexmerlin what do you do if you can't finish the book getting things done by david allen

MerlinWell, you probably don't want it or need it yet. If you're not drawn in, the funny thing about the Getting Things Done book is I feel like it moves out in concentric circles. Where like, you know, I was not in tears, but like I was, by the time I was done with the first like chapter of that book, I was like, holy shit, this guy has got my number. You know what I mean? Where like I couldn't stop myself from moving forward. Then once you get through the first third of the book, it's like if you're like me, you're like, oh, my God, I need to just stop everything and do this thing.

And I think a lot of people kind of trail off after that. And a lot of times they don't make it all the way into the altitudes and stuff like that, which is understandable, but not ideal, because that's part of the system. If you're going to do it, you really need to go all in. No, but it's a funny, funny question. Ha ha. But like, no, you don't need it or want it yet. And you should just keep having your life be a sewer until you figure it out. I kid. No, it's not for everybody. But it is the single most sensible self-help book I have ever read or am aware of. And if you can't take stuff away from the first chapter of getting things done, then it's definitely not for you.

That's for sure. What do you think?

AlexWell, I had a mean response to this question of like, it's like 200 pages.

MerlinI want to do a meaner one. Because obviously that's what they're looking for.

AlexLike, I don't know. Listen to it. I feel like this person wants to be in the club of like the sad, disorganized people. and it wasn't until way after like i saw i you know there's this website 43 folders that i used to like a lot um i remember that site yeah yeah i i don't remember um but it but really i didn't even try to read the book until i'm like i wonder if i could actually get something out of this and then i enjoyed it quite a bit except when and that's the thing though if you're not like a businessy business wow businessy business person i think you still get um something out of the

Oh my God, yes. When you're like, yeah.

MerlinIt's easy to get hung up on the jargon and stuff. But once I was done reading it, they say it's like a cult, but it was very difficult for me to see how you could read that book and then say it was bullshit. The idea of thinking about your life in terms of projects that have a next physical action. I don't know how you could ever go back. You can't put that toothpaste back in the tube. Once you conceptualize that idea, for myself, I could never undo that. Like when now when I go into something and I'm dealing with anybody about anything, it's very difficult for me not to apply concepts from that book because it seems so fucking patently obvious.

Like if you don't know what the next action is, how do you accomplish anything?

MaxSo I should read this.

MerlinNo, no, no, no.

MaxNot for you. Next question. Who's up? No, I'm really I've never read it. No, you're not asking her.

MerlinYou would have already read it.

MaxNo. Yeah. I've heard you talk about it and I've never read it.

MerlinYeah.

MaxWho's next? Are you serious that I shouldn't read it or I should?

MerlinThis is going to be like everything I suggest to John Syracuse. Where like, you're not going to like it. And then you're going to have me listen to you talk about how you don't like it. Merlin, I've listened to you talk. And you're going to half understand it. And then you're going to get mad at me.

MaxI've listened to you talk about GTD for 10 years on podcasts. And I've always meant to read it. And I just never got around to it. And now you know me pretty well. Do you think I would like it?

Speaker BChallenge! Really? Interesting. I don't know.

AlexOkay. How does... All right.

MerlinI'm sorry about your arm, Alex. You guys got a smudgy boy on. Oh, it's so bad. Yeah, it's kind of getting worse by the day, too.

MaxIt is. Well, because I keep trying to wipe it off. Can I ask you a question? Yes. I'm trying. I'm debating whether or not I should bring this up. Oh, God. Go for it. You know what the tattoo reminded me of? I swear I haven't thought about this since you got the tattoo. It's not a tattoo. But I had a great... I had a... Whatever. Since you got your smudge. Since you got your... Since you got your perma stain.

Speaker BSince you got this Rorschach test on your arm.

MaxSince you got a professional stain. I swear I have not thought about it until you got this. But you know what I reminded me of? When you were telling me about it yesterday, do you know what it reminded me of? Is when on your first week of work at Cards Against Humanity, I think you got really excited about the new gig and you dyed your hair. But you did it yourself. And it was like a purple hair dye.

AlexNo, it was already bad. Oh, it was already bad. I hate to break this to you, but it was already bad. Because I remember when you came in for work on the first day, you had hair dye stains

Maxall down your face.

AlexOh, no, no. Oh, yeah. It was it was no, it was already a disaster.

MaxThe story I told myself is that you were like nervous for work and you like dyed your hair. I always thought that was really I always thought that was very endearing.

AlexYou know what? Yes, I was just so, so excited. I did. What did I do? I did a bunch of stuff because I was very excited. But that was I think I well, actually, I think I tried to make it look better. Did you guys ever watch?

MerlinDid you guys ever watch Exit 57?

AlexNo, no.

MerlinThere's one sketch on there. It's got to be on YouTube. I don't want to explain a comedy bit. there's this bit with Amy Sedaris and a couple other people. And there's this one woman who's like, oh gosh, I had such a crazy weekend. I got really drunk and had sex with all these guys. And the girls in the coffee room, they're like, you got to get it together. You got to get it together. And they keep going on and it keeps getting worse and worse.

Speaker AAnd I had to score some heroin.

MerlinThat's what I think when somebody comes in and their hair is a bad purple and they've got stains running down their face. You're like, you gotta get together.

Speaker AI'll find it for you.

AlexIt was worse because my back looked like a strain. It looked like the Panama Canal, but purple. Oh, no. Okay, I'm hijacking this train. How does one come out? The answer is a million bajillion different ways. I cannot give you an answer to this question. Wait, wait, wait. How does one come out? You have a habit, Alex.

MerlinYou have a habit, Alex. You don't know what I'm talking about. Nobody knows what you're saying. over the cajura that would let us know when you're done mentioning the question and giving the answer

Alexhow does one come out reflection to indicate that that is where the question mark is oh

Merlinlike if you're gay how do you come out to your i'm gonna listen to ask how do you come out uh

Alexgot it but it is phrased how does one come out which bothered me and i needed to say i'm on board i understand the question all right answer answer being provided right now there are a million In bajillion different ways and also there's No one like hey I'm here You are going to unfortunately be Coming out for like the rest of your life Because that is where our world Is right now and there's just like It's you have to like tell The people who are at your It depends whether you mean gay Or trans or like whatever You are on the spectrum like you need to tell

The people sometimes at your bank like Ah by the way I'm changing my name you need To like tell like For example guy before if you're panning you're pining after this girl maybe she is not into people like you it's it's a constant constant thing like people don't have like hey this is my sexual and genital preference on their shirts uh but like this is my genital preference today but uh for some like real actual advice it depends on where you live in the country and i highly suggest like i mean reddit is

definitely a cesspool but there are communities like specifically like okay this is the queer community for kentucky or something and they have like really i have found my friends who live in rural areas or like red states that's a good way to just sort of get advice um and if you can ask other people but yeah it's it's really hard and good luck end of statement again beep boop we're

Merlinup an hour and 25. Alright. Let's get to the challenge.

MaxOkay. You guys want to go here? Listen, I could revisit this as a bit. I think this is a great bit.

AlexI think it's a great bit too. Yeah. There were some funny ones. What was a funny one I wanted Max to answer? I thought I prepared but my eyes are like broken today. Oh, Max, if you were running for president, who would be your vice president?

MaxProbably Jen.

AlexVery good answer. Very, very good answer. Merlin. Mike Pence. Merlin. Oh, goodness. Mike Pence. My microwave game forever changed when I started using 60% power on most of my food. Do you have other microwave rules of thumbs? Food, time, container specific? Question mark. End of question. Merlin and Max, do you have any hot tips for this?

MaxWhat's the question? How do you use a microwave? basically i mean i've been doing merlin's thing where i i do 50 power for twice as long and i can i can report so especially for like uh if you're putting a meat so like i had like a like a chicken curry that i was like warming up in the uh in the microwave like a week ago and i did it at a low like 30 power for like three times as long and like you know how sometimes when you put

Merlina meat in the microwave it like seizes up and it gets all weird that that doesn't that doesn't happen oh it's that's that was my my well my very first tip is to get the microwave i've got but But that was my main tip was, especially for reheating proteins, try 20% to 40% for longer times because you cannot even believe the difference. Like heating up a steak or a chicken or anything like that. I do recommend getting my microwave, and I would like the Amazon affiliate money. So I put my microwave that I really like a lot in show notes. In particular, the reason I like this one is it has a couple of features. It has a perfect popcorn button, which is really nice.

It also has something called Turbo Defrost that sounds dumb, but it's actually amazing. What is that? I have that on my microwave and I don't know what it is. It's not perfect. You might want to go on the side. But basically, you take the weight of that thing. You enter in what the weight of the thing is and it starts out very, very slow. Let's say it's a pound of meat. It's like four minutes or whatever, like pound of ground beef or something. It starts out very, very, very, very, very, very, very low and slowly ramps it up. And it's not perfect. But if you I would say put in about 80 percent of the weight of what you've got.

And basically, it just starts it off very, very low and gradually increases the percentage. And it makes it you don't get as much brown edges and stuff like that. And the other one that's not perfect, but also pretty cool is this auto reheat, where based on the amount of heat and steam that's being produced, it knows mostly whether it's something, you know, for easy kinds of stuff, like if it's leftover soup or something, that's pretty good. The main tip is just learning to work those lower numbers, lower percentages, and you just cannot believe the results. I have tons more to say about this, but I know we're running short on time.

AlexYou guys are a bunch of bunch of nerds.

MerlinWell, you ruin enough meat and it gets sad. You know, one of the great tips from a listener was I can do my own beef at home for pho, which is so good. I'll freeze up a steak real good and I'll have it already in the bag for sous vide. And I'll say, hmm, actually, I want to repurpose this for pho. I'll do the turbo reheat, but like for a very, very, or the turbo defrost, but for a very small amount of time. And it makes it really easy. You can just slice the near frozen meat on the mandolin really, really well.

AlexI think this is a question that all three of us can give some insight to, and we should end on it.

Speaker BOkay.

AlexThere's this guy. He let a stranger from Grindr sleep on his couch. And now it has been a month, and he doesn't want him there anymore. and this listener asked what can I do to get him to leave he has a cat he has a cat yeah I so I I

Maxhad this one time I had a I had a house guest situation not not not at this level but it no it wasn't through grinder and it did necessitate an intervention and I'm happy to talk about that but also like please be aware um for for this listener that this is actually a thing I have read about of there are people that this is kind of a grift of like they actually oh and

Merlinthen you can like sue them or something yes yeah so is that true I've heard this well well the thing

Maxof suing that was just one that was called there was like a maybe a story about a girl in New York called like the nightmare roommate or something like that but so that I don't think you're gonna get sued but this is like a thing of like people find people and then they like move all their shit into their house and the animal and they're not paying rent and you know what I mean and then they just then they'll just find the next person and then then you kick them out and they're like then they find the next person like oh i just got kicked out and i lost my place and i need somewhere to stay so in my case um when i had someone staying with me um it was a it was a colleague and a friend and and i ran into this person at a convention and he was um uh not not

uh from this country and he's like oh i and i was like when are you going back to your country and he's like oh i'm i'm staying in the u.s and i'm just gonna i don't know where i'm going after this i'm just gonna like hang out in the u.s for you know a couple months and i was like oh you should come to Chicago. Come stay with me and Veronica. And he was like, that would be awesome. I'll get a flight. And so after the convention, we came back, and he stayed in Chicago, and he stayed for a day, and then two days, and then a week. At one point, Veronica came home from work, and he was lying on the couch with no shirt, and he was like, so what's for dinner?

Speaker BNo.

MaxOh, no. And after a week or so, I sat down, and I said, listen, I love spending time with you. Love having you here. I'm so happy that you came. But I kind of need you to make a plan to move on with your travels because we need to have our guest room back. And, you know, we can't have a house guest forever. And I got to know what the plan is here. And that was all it took. And, you know, I don't know. Like I think if you don't – I think this is one of those social interactions where you can do a little bit of Steve Jobs' reality distortion field.

of like if you go in and you're like i'm about to ruin this guy's life and be a huge dick or whatever then that kind of puts that stink on the interaction but if you go in and you're like i'm gonna handle this like a like a gentleman and just state the facts i think it's i think it's

Merlinvery very difficult though and i mean the thing the problem is there's nice people and not nice people in these kinds of situations and the nice person feels very guilty about asking them to leave and the not nice person capitalizes on that and it can be very difficult and confrontational and you end up feeling like a real dick, like you're putting me out on the street. And I think you have to steel yourself that you have to be firm about it. But I do not have an easy solution for that. I've dealt with that, and it's real hard. It's real, real hard. I had a friend who had some serious mental health issues and had basically stolen his mom's credit cards and run away.

MaxAnd it was a whole thing, believe me. I do have a life hack for this, which is also my life hack for dealing with customer service people, which are there are two things that will win you these conversations. Like you can always win these conversations, which is before you go in, know what the facts are and be ready to like you are allowed to just state a fact and then let it sit in the air. And also like you can say how you feel and no one can really argue with that. So, you know, I do this when I'm on the phone with Comcast all the time. I had a situation last week where I got a phone call from a robot from Comcast saying I'm telling you have received a new cable modem and you and we see you haven't installed it.

and there's a critical security vulnerability and you absolutely need to install the new cable modem. And there's a couple of problems with this. Number one, I don't have a Comcast cable modem. I have my own modem. Number two, I never received a new modem. And number three, they're fucking garbage. I refused. I made the guy take it.

MerlinIt's like 16 inches tall. And it shares your Wi-Fi with other people. It's a garbage, garbage modem.

MaxI made the guy leave my, so when the guy showed up to hook my internet up, I made him leave the house with the modem. I was like, you cannot leave this on the premises. I was like, I don't want it in my building. Leave. I will shoot this into the sun. Take it. Take it. So I called Comcast and I was like, and I had to have a battle of the wills with them because I was like, I don't have a modem. And they're like, well, our records show that you have a modem. And I was like, well, your records are wrong. I don't have a modem. And like if I didn't go into that and with the comfort level of just staying a fact and they would be like, and they'd be like, well, there's nothing I can do for you.

And I would say, and then you just have to say, that doesn't work for me. You said that I have a modem and I don't have a modem. And you need to fix that. You just have to keep staying the facts over and over to them. Very similar situation to these kind of tricky social dynamic situations. Like it is a fact. Like you can just go to the person and say, hey, I need you to make a plan to move on with your travels. I've tried to be a really good host and open up my place, but now I need the room back. And I got to ask you to make a plan to get out of here. You know, what do you need to make that happen?

AlexI have a way better solution to this than both of you. Just find a lady friend. Say, oh, sorry, I'm straight now. she's gonna move in i need you to leave oh galaxy brain you know what that reminds me of alex is

Maxone so periodically we have people we have we used to have this problem much worse but sometimes people want to come visit the cards against humanity office in 1917 north elston avenue chicago illinois 60642 and they want to come in for a little visit and they email us and like can i come in for a little visit and then we say no it's just an office there's nothing to see here it's just like people on computers it's not i don't know what people imagine if it's some sort of like Willy Wonka like you know factory with a chocolate river but it's not it's just sad people

Alexon there you know tapping on keyboards there's just cardboard there's cardboard boxes all around my desk and not even in a fun Fort way I promise yeah it's like yeah yeah it's like yeah there's a

Maxcable organization you know it's it's not it's an office it's fucking office so anyway we used to have this problem of people would show up and they would ring the bell maybe we told them not to come or maybe they never asked and they would say and someone would go to the door and they'd say can I help you and they'd say i'm i'm here to see cards against humanity and that person would just let them they'd be like oh okay and they just let them in or even worse sometimes they would say

Alexi'm here to see max and because they do that all the time to meet you now it's and then they just

Maxcome in and they take themselves for a little tour around the office and they go look and they go touch stuff and they go walk around and look at stuff oh god one day we were on slack this was right when the office when we were newer in this office and there was a guy and a girl and i think they were on their way to like driving to PAX or something we later figured out who they were and they were on their way on a road trip driving to PAX and they just came into our office and walked around and they were like going on a little tour and someone on Slack was like hey does anyone know these people who are walking around the office and I was like no I thought you knew them and everyone was like no no no we don't know them and then we were all on Slack together right on our

computers and we're all like looking out of the corner at our eyes these people and we're like someone's gonna have to tell them to leave and then we were all like but we're all too scared to go tell them to leave because like what if they like flip out so um i think she could do it no no we trim was in on this with us she was like i'm not doing it i don't want to go talk to them and you know i don't want them to kill me and wear my skin as a suit and eventually we came up with the plan that what we were going to do was someone was going to pull the fire alarm and then we're all going to run out of the building in a panic like fire fire there's a fire and then they would

come out with us in the in the chaos and then we would quickly go back inside and close the door and then I think Claire got up and talked to them

93. Pig Weed

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