83. Slutty Deers

AlexThis is Do By Friday with Tiffany Arment, Alex Cox and Max Temkin. This week's challenge, cook with a rotisserie.

Tiffany Arment? What? You alright? Sorry I'm late. Hello. Geez Louise. I'm just getting my Diet Coke now. Is there a puppy? Is there a puppy there? What was that?

Speaker AOh, it was another set of microphones falling. I'm echoing. Hold on.

AlexYou could have just said it was a puppy.

MaxCall the Geek Squad.

AlexThat's what I should do every time. Chris! Chris, what's happening? Chris!

MaxI should start demanding that when things break at the office that we go to Best Buy and call the Geek Squad. Hey, hon.

Speaker AI'm hearing like an echo in my headphones

Maxdo you hear that? I think the problem here is that Marco hasn't tested enough microphones and headphones

Alexhe has definitely not spent enough money

Speaker Ahey Tiff, it's Tiff I'm talking I'm hearing like maybe I'm too clear

Maxoh maybe it sounds too good there are some people who have that thing It's like if you drink that ultra-purified water, it's bad for you. No, it's an actual real thing. All right, let me see. Oh, you sound great. What are you talking about?

Speaker ADo I sound too good? I heard like a bit of an echo.

MaxTest, test. No, you sound great. Okay. Is it possible that you're getting some sort of bleed from our sound system? Hmm? I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. Hmm? You're saying a lot of things.

AlexI don't know what I'm saying.

MaxI have so much follow-up from last week that Tiff is going to have to suffer through.

AlexOh, no.

Speaker ABy the way, it's in the show. It's in the show. I'm recording, right? Oh, of course.

MaxOh, we're in.

AlexI'm recording.

MaxSo this week I posted about, there was an outstanding article in the New Yorker about the Flat Earth Conference. And the science writer for the New Yorker, hang on, let me find this tweet because I pulled the funny quotes from the tweet and we'll do a Dubai Friday reading. the uh i might burp because i have a scrolling i'm clicking that's where i am but i tweeted i tweeted a lot so it's uh it's alan burdick who's a science writer at the new yorker and

he went to the flat earth convention and just wrote about what they said and wrote about why conspiracy theories are having um such a moment in america um possibly related to that i just saw story this morning check this out this is in um a new study finds that people who overestimate their political knowledge are more likely to believe conspiracy theories yeah my friend was

Speaker Atelling me something about that like the smarter you think you are the more smart you're really not

Maxyeah i think that's i think it works right so i think it works i think being smart can often work against you because you're able to use your brain to like convince yourself of things that are not true so like there's a whole thing uh in um an infinite jest about how um smart addicts are it's the hardest for them to recover because it's the hardest for them to like do the do the program yes maddox yeah a smart salt shaker is going to be way more miserable and believe in more conspiracy theories than a dumb small shaker does that mean i'm more loved

Alexbecause i hate myself so much that like everybody around me secretly loves and adores me it's the

Maxonly possible conclusion i know right anyway so this flat earth article is outstanding alex will put it in the show notes she's already found it on my twitter but um he says uh among many among other things the flat earthers understand many things are being hidden the flirters got well they call that they call the people they call us you and i well i shouldn't make assumptions they call me who believes in a round earth they call us globers or globetards we didn't say it we just i'm just reading from the new yorker i'm simply reading from the new

yorker i'm simply rapping along with the song okay keep going um now many things the flat earthers understand are being hidden god of course but also the antarctic ice wall uh that that uh also excuse me also beyond the ant cut alex edit this in many things the flat earthers understand are being hidden. God, of course. Also, beyond the Antarctic ice wall lies thousands of miles of land. Quote, an America 2.0, one speaker said, that powerful people are keeping to themselves. On stage, Mark Sargent, a speaker about the flat earth theory, had suggested that

the world was run by a, quote, small scary group of smoking men sitting around a table. NASA, meanwhile, is hoarding billions of dollars in taxpayer money for its operations, which includes guarding the ice wall with armed employees and paying frizzy haired actors to pretend to float and zero gravity. The astronauts are Freemasons sworn to secrecy. The other workers, the engineers and functionaries, have either been duped or don't want to speak out for fear of losing their jobs. Anyway, this story was awesome, and I tweeted it, and sure enough, the next morning I wake up

and I get a reply from the verified Twitter account from the Flat Earth Society. They are at FlatEarthOrg. And they appeared, they're pretty big, they have 50,000 followers, and they reply to me and say, it is just unfortunate that it meaning the new york article focuses on such a narrow subset of flat earthers but hey that's just the media climate nowadays now me listen i a lot of things are said about if i respect our audience and how much i respect them but listen i'm looking out for the listeners of dubai friday and specifically the paying listeners of dubai friday who give us

their money on give us your fucking money.com and so i replied back to the flat earth society and i said please come on my podcast Dubai Friday and tell the whole story about the flat earth and then I sent that to our super secret channel and everybody told me that that the flat earth society was not welcome and that we couldn't have the mom and that you were scared of their ideas and that they didn't want to be challenged and I just want our listeners to know why the flat earth society will not be joining Dubai Friday anytime in the future I'm afraid of losing my job they might help

Alexme as a globe target uh hey dig dug we merlin isn't this isn't merlin's voice this is tiffany armentz why do i keep doing that wow tiff armentz i'm all formal oh you know what i know why it's because on make do you announced yourself for the first time as tiffany armentz i came out as a tiffany yeah you outed yourself i did and now it just happens

Maxhi tiff oh hey what's up max is there do we have a special i mean since you are technically listening to do by friday is there a special edition of what is tpu i had a banana and oh

Speaker Acrap marco took away my smoothie cup that had the smoothie ingredients let me go get it it'll be

Maxworth it be right back did you you made a i make gross smoothies sometimes and then as my punishment I have to drink the gross smoothie. I'm not very good at making smoothies. Usually they come out like some sort of like the consistency of a paste.

AlexWait, how is one bad at making...

MaxI put like spinach and water and like a banana and like some other stuff in there and then it comes out like glue. I don't know, it's not good.

Speaker AI have one of these daily harvest cups. Not a sponsor. Banana, carrot, dates, walnut, sweet potato, coconut, ginger, chia, chai. I don't know how to pronounce that. Vanilla bean, nutmeg, cinnamon in a smoothie with almond milk and coconut milk.

MaxOkay. Can I ask you about the Daily Harvest? I did though. I got a box of the Daily Harvest's.

Speaker AMm-hmm. Did it come with sweet dry ice that you got to play with?

MaxYes. I immediately burned myself on it. But yes. Me too. So it's a, what is it? It's a subscription of smoothies and they send you a box packed in dry ice of like, you get like six, like basically paper cups with like chopped up frozen smoothie ingredients in it.

Speaker AI go balls to the wall. I get all 12. I mean 24.

MaxYou do 24? Okay, so let me ask you this. So what you do is you empty the cup into your blender, right? Do you live a Vitamix lifestyle?

Speaker AYes, we just joined the Vitamix cult.

MaxWelcome to the future. So you dump your... So you upend your whole paper cup full of chopped up... No, no, no, no, no. First, you add the liquid into the cup. oh well maybe that's what i'm doing we found the problem so you fill the cup with liquid and then you upend the whole thing into the blender but doesn't it make like an upsetting glue no well

Speaker Ai add a little extra milk to like get the blender going what are you doing you're doing some almond milk yeah almond milk and coconut milk keeping it vegan didn't you find that when i want when i get

Maxa smoothie i usually want like a healthy green smoothie i want some sort of i want i want something that's just barely palatable, like some sort of spinach and vegetables. Wow, that's really good of you. I'm bad. Give me the chocolate and the sweet, sweet, sweet love. But I'm not drinking a smoothie because I'm happy with my life.

AlexYeah, no one's ever like, you know what I want right now.

MaxI'm drinking a smoothie because I'm doing penitence for eating an entire fried chicken, you know, the meal before.

AlexSo your smoothie is your punishment meal?

MaxYeah, basically.

Speaker AWow, I like smoothies.

MaxI'll do a green smoothie after the gym.

Speaker ASmoothies are like my sunshine and lollipop time. But that's my problem with the daily harvest

Maxwas I felt like they were verging into milkshake territory.

Speaker AWell, what milk do you put in there?

MaxAlmond milk. Do you sweetened or unsweetened? Unsweetened.

Speaker AYeah, that's what I'm putting in.

MaxYeah.

Speaker ABut it's all full of that good stuff. I just read all that stuff. Bananas, carrots, dates, walnuts, potatoes, coconut, ginger, chia, chia, chia, yeah. Vanilla bean, nutmeg, cinnamon. No BS. No BS.

MaxAnyway, well, I want to finish my... I'm still mad about the flat earth thing. I think that if our listeners want to get the flat earth people on the podcast, that you should please tweet at Alex and Merlin. Merlin is at Hot Dogs Ladies and Alex is at Alex Cox. Please tweet at them.

Speaker ABut Merlin's not here. I can vote, right? I vote for flat earth.

MaxI do. Oh, hell yeah. Alex, what is your concern? Honestly, what is your concern? Is that you don't want to hear their ideas are too powerful and provocative? And that you might hear something that forever changes your worldview?

AlexI'm too scared. I'm too close to the liberal media. I'm too, I don't know. You just have to open your mind. I like the bulbous round earth. I don't want it to be sweet.

Speaker AOh, it doesn't make sense. Don't keep talking to the echo chamber.

MaxWhy is it that when the sun sets behind a mountain, it makes the shape of if the earth was shaped like a Frisbee?

AlexI don't know.

MaxExplain that.

AlexOkay. What if it happened, Max? What if they came on and you, I'm slipping out of my chair. I'm so upset. and then suddenly you're like, oh wait. Oh, and they start quoting Infinite Jest and then suddenly your whole world is turned upside down or rather just smooshed. No, it's not upside down, it's flattened. It's smooshed. Your world gets flat. Yeah.

MaxYeah. Well, it's not flat, it's shaped like a Frisbee.

AlexOh, I apologize.

MaxI'm just saying that the facts don't add up and I know that we're told a whole story about a round earth but have you ever seen it? Because I haven't.

Speaker AWhat's under the Frisbee?

MaxOh, a turtle. Right? Okay. I don't know. I genuinely want to have the flat earth. You were worried that it was going to be punching down, that we were going to be making fun of them.

Speaker AIt's God's meaty meat fingers holding that Frisbee ready to go.

MaxAnd then I said, but why is it punching down? They have a different scientific... I don't get that. Why is it punching down?

AlexI'm trapped. I'm in a corner. You know what?

MaxIf they were in a wheelchair, it might be punching down. so i'll so i'll specify so i'll specify that we only will have a white man an able-bodied white man on the podcast and then it's not punching down sure sure okay yep okay if you really really want this tweet at do by friday no no no no no nobody reads that you're gonna tweet at alex cox and at hot dogs ladies and just tell them that you want us to have the people on we're it's not we're not gonna make fun of them you know to their face we're just i just want to ask some questions of like i want to ask like what's under the frizzy there's a big asterisk to this

don't you want to ask them i want to ask what is it like to believe this like like are you are you worried to tell people this or like do your kids go to public school and learn and learn things that you don't agree with about the shape of the earth yeah like your kid comes home with

Alexhomework and you're like it's like if your kid goes to catholic school go to an ass lick school and you don't want the kid to lick ass. What do you say? But I have a feeling they're just going to try to convert us.

MaxThat's fine. I have no problem with people converting me.

Speaker AI wouldn't send a child because children are still learning. Grownups, it's okay.

MaxWhat else? I have more follow-up. I just have links. I do this to myself every week. I just post links in my Bear app, and then I don't know what they are, and I have to click on them.

AlexHow are you this morning? Evening tip? Oh, it is your afternoon. We're only an hour different.

MaxWhere do you think Tiff lives?

Speaker AOkay, noon. It is noon 30. Underneath the frisky earth.

MaxTiff, do the toilets flush backwards where you live?

Speaker AI don't know. Let me go check.

MaxIt's noon 30. What is backwards if it's the right way to me, right? It's the afternoon. Yeah, well, you have to account for the Coriolis effect.

Speaker AWait, do toilets flush backwards in the flat earth theory? Oh.

AlexExplain that.

MaxYou can't.

AlexWell, there we go. It says.

MaxAll right. Well, I had some follow-up. This is from a web page called theage.au, so maybe take this with a grain of salt. It's an Australian website. Maybe some Australian can tell us whether this is reputable or not. But it addressed the – remember the doodler, the guy who was pooping on the school lawn that we talked about a couple weeks ago? And I just wanted to know why, like what was going on there. Well, we got an answer from this publication, The Age.

It was the question that struck many Australians as they read about the bizarre case of Queensland's so-called poo jogger this week. Why? So I guess Queensland had their own lawn pooh-er. They had their own doodler, the doodler down under.

High-flying businessman Andrew McIntosh was publicly shamed after being caught on camera crouching down and doing the deed with his own toilet paper in hand. It is believed that Macintosh, so that's answer number one. He brought his own toilet paper. I bet that could be what the doodler did. It's like a Boy Scout. One is, what is it, three is one, two is none.

Speaker ABut you're supposed to pack in, like, out what you packed in, right? Oh.

MaxWell, we'll get to that. That would not satisfy the psychosexual need that the doodling fulfills. It is believed that Macintosh may have ducked down for a private footpath, excuse me, might have ducked down a private footpath of an apartment block near his Greenslopes home about 30 times over the last year before being found out by angry residents. But, disturbingly, the habit of defecating in public places is not as rare as you would hope, and it's not confined to Australia. Last year, a female jogger dubbed the, quote, Mad Pooper made world headlines for defecating on a Colorado family's lawn

for weeks during her morning jogs. Months later, a copycat pooper in the U.S. city of Little Rock, Arkansas, dubbed the Shit Bandit by irate locals. they have it as just s dash dash dash but i mean i know what they mean they're not hiding anything they're trying to write shit the shit bandit you got him bandit uh began relieving themselves in the driveways of residents homes so what causes people to behave in such a bewildering way leading clinical psychologist grant brecht says the act can have an adrenaline rush similar to

the feeling of quote taking a hit of heroin they are seeking a thrill and they get addicted to the way it makes them feel equating it to taking a hit of heroin he said it can make he's ever had heroin yeah i think he knows a lot about how good it feels to do a shit on someone's lawn

Speaker Ait can make them feel invincible hoping it feels like heroin right it can also tie into the idea

Maxof delusions of grandeur mr brecht says that there are a number of reasons behind public defecation spanning from elimination disorder a diagnosable mental condition marked by the inappropriate passage of feces and i do like how the australians spell feces by the way they spell it like f-a-e-c-e-s faces faces it feels very genteel to me uh two incontinence the thing is nobody really knows why mr breck said so i do like the whole premise of this article is what is behind the phenomenon of poo jogging and then when they interview a clinical psychologist his quote is the

The thing is, nobody really knows why.

Speaker AIt's just the shruggy arms emoji.

MaxYeah. Could be many reasons. There are so many different reasons behind it that there could be a different reason for every person who undertakes that type of behavior. The first thing is to establish whether the behavior is intentional. Some of it appears to be of a vindictive rage, he said. It is the ultimate expression of aggression.

Speaker AAngry pooping.

MaxAimed at something or someone the person feels anger or envy towards. They feel so enraged that they defecate on that person's doorstep. They are motivated by their angst and their anger. And that is what is behind their behavior.

AlexWhat is, I mean, I feel like this is a more traditional, they're kind of expanding the term doodler. Like, I think the way that we talked about the doodler who went down is he definitely has a motivation that is beyond, like, some neighbor putting his shit on front of someone's doorstep, you know? Like, what takes you to the school and the track?

MaxWell, Mr. Brecht, who has been a clinical psychologist for more than 30 years, says his own theory is that in some cases it can be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. Quote, a person might be feeling really anxious and they could be under a lot of pressure at work and one day they defecate in a certain place for whatever reason, he said. Alex.

Speaker AOh, and then it becomes. Oh, Alex.

MaxWe could all relate to this, I think.

AlexAre we all destined to be doodlers? that's the thing I've never been comfortable pooping in my entire life and maybe it's just that I need to

Speaker Aone day one faithful day

Alexyou know what I could do outside this Mariano's you know what

Maxdo a little doodle on the Blue Eyes Matter guys lawn

Speaker Aoh dear

AlexMax do you have any other follow up

Maxoh I'm not done with the doodler article

Alexoh please proceed so much so much

MaxI'm only halfway done Okay, okay. Keep it going. I mean, I feel like we should just, you know. Max reads about pooping now. We should just, you know. We're only 20 minutes in. I'm certainly curious to see where this is going.

AlexWhy not?

MaxThen they feel that this compulsion to return there every day is because if they don't, they fear something could go wrong in their lives. Think about that, Alex. If you don't doodle every day, something could go wrong in your life. Yep. It's like when a person continues to.

Speaker AA doodle a day will do you?

MaxA doodle a day keeps the doctor away. It's like when a person continues to wash their hands or they put their shoes under their bed every night. It's fueled by anxiety or fear if something bad will happen if they don't. So you might think that something bad would happen if you do doodle on the school lawn, but what if you don't doodle on the school lawn?

Speaker AOh, yeah, your whole family will die if you don't doodle. You didn't think about that.

MaxSydney clinical psychologist Pandelis Tsamas, that's not a real name, could not comment on McIntosh's case, but in general said that such repeated behavior could be associated with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Quote, the only thing I can think of is obsessive-compulsive disorder. I like that this article says the whole quote and then quotes them. where people act out a behavior that makes no sense, but it has a soothing or relieving effect. There could be emotional tension. He said the act of defecating could be associated with relief. Well, nobody thought about that.

Quote, it's that obsessive compulsive drive. If I do not poo there, something bad may happen. Literature about obsessive compulsive disorder shows people think I have to open and close the fridge or my parents will die in the car crash. Or if I don't drink four glasses of water, I may get cancer. There is some sort of drive, obsession, something to reduce anxiety, he said. With OCD-type stuff, it's irrational stuff where instead of A leads to B, A leads to W, and you've missed a whole sequence of events in between. But you would have to interrogate that person and ask them to be honest, and without that you may never know, he said. Doodler, come on Dubai Friday.

AlexHere's the problem, too, is, I mean, this gets into some of the stereotypes of OCD, but my magic number is seven, so I have to do a lot of things in sevens. So I wouldn't... Is this real?

MaxYeah. What are your things?

AlexThe basic seven hugs in the morning or Maddie will die. I need to check the litter seven times a day. I need to check my email at least seven times a day. I need to have seven things on my to-do list. I could go on and on. It's just, it's a life of sevens, but I would not be a, I would have to shit seven times in public. Why?

Speaker AIf you got into that. Yeah.

AlexHow bad is this? You're good at it for at least sevens. I mean, not that bad. That's why medication's great. Oh, I see. Yeah. This is not new information. Yeah. Magic number. I feel like I've blown Max's mind. And we've had running jokes about my sevens. No? Have I cut them out?

MaxOkay. No. Maybe you'll have to do seven doodles.

AlexI know. That's the problem. Yeah. I don't want to be the one who talks about the raccoon.

MaxWell, the raccoon, it went up the building yesterday. You have to explain this to me. I saw everyone posting about it, and I feel like I missed the train.

AlexOkay. There was a raccoon in downtown St. Paul, Minnesota. Not St. Paul, Minneapolis. and it I guess crawled up a what is called a skyscraper in St. Paul and like was on a ledge for two days and everyone is freaking out oh it it hasn't eaten or had any water for 48 hours it's it's gonna die and then uh so people were giving all of their takes on Twitter about how to rescue said raccoon and so much so that the police and fire departments had to issue official statements

about why they could not send up multiple people to rescue a possibly rabid raccoon and why they couldn't, because the building was pressurized, they could not open windows, something like that. But then it turned out the raccoon just, well, at midnight last night, they found out the raccoon could indeed scurry down the building because he was going back and forth. He was playing Pac-Man on the building. And then people came a little disenchanted, like oh he could go down whenever he wants so

eventually he went to the top of the building got food and that was the end but it was a very stressful. What do you mean he lives there now? Okay the end meaning he got food and he's being taken to a little like wildlife rescue

MaxHe'll be euthanized

AlexNo but it's funny they used a TNR trap that they used for a cat trap neuter release The trap neuters them?

MaxNo

Alexno yep yep it's just

Maxlooney tunes Rube Goldberg machine

Alexit's a very reasonably oh it was like heroin it hit a little late but it's a very reasonably sized cage but now so that now this morning everyone's mad about the raccoon being in a little cage for like 12 hours while it goes to its nice raccoon sanctuary where he'll be checked he'll be doted on 24-7 because the internet fucking loves this guy there's there's no more interesting things i just wanted to talk about the raccoon it was so fucking cute and i want basically cats right uh well they're called uh ones they're they're fat

cats that will hurt you well yep so yeah they're fat cats it's exactly in the sewer yeah they're fat cats who are just more efficient at opening your garbage cans yeah they are the stupid little

Speaker Athumbs of theirs our trash house is on lockdown like serious lockdown we keep getting it full of

Alexraccoons you're both uh real life house people do you have like what sort of uh like rodent tree

Maxdo you encounter i assume i well and i actually don't have any we don't really have any pest problems honestly i've had some ants in the basement but that's the about it but i put down a little ant bait thing and they went away we have a lot of deer yeah we're and when i grew up in the suburbs there was deer were like a they were like a pest like they would come in and like

Speaker Aeat your tomatoes and stuff yeah they started um immunize like inoculating the females with like birth control like they go and they dart them and they give them birth control because they were too many deer because no one wants to kill them everyone feels bad so they're like

Maxwhen i was in college i went to a very let's get the shot crunchy

Speaker AI like how exes just patiently wait.

MaxI'm just waiting to tell my story. I went to a very crunchy liberal college. All over the place. And the kids at this college.

Speaker AThe episode is oddly dissolved.

AlexIt doesn't prevent STDs, dears.

Speaker AIt just prevents pregnancy. They don't know that.

AlexAre you in a story of X?

Speaker AThey have your hand in a little pamphlet when they get inoculated. Okay.

Hi.

AlexHi, you know what's funny? And I hear that there's this podcast called ATP, and they like to talk about how the computers, especially sometimes the Macs, will shut down and then come back and say, hey, you're... They'll kernel panic, and then they'll come back and say, you shut your computer down because of a problem. Nope, not me, buddy. Not me. Not do that. And we're back.

Speaker ASo do you have a NuvaRing?

Alexi know in fact i i hey mark oh this is this is taking a turn so here's the thing i i was on it i've been on yasmin since i was like 12 because don't email me guys like really bad acne and then i was like you know what maybe i can i can uh stop this because my partner does not have a penis and then i i was like oh that's right i started taking this because of acne so i'm an oily blob forever now i i want to get one of the oh what's it called the little robot dinguses that you get put in your

arm and then you can like push it around and feel it oh i mean see why why oh it's not oh it's oh no i don't want a dingus in my arm yeah what's it called i oh i want the hormone dingus in my no no birth control makes me crazy like a the yeah that happens with so many people and luckily that It has never happened to me, so I was like, it's just...

Speaker AI tried the ring, tried it, and it was like, get it out, get it out, get it out! Give it to a deer, I don't want it! It's not, no, it's terrible!

AlexIt's funny how copper birth control dingus doesn't bring up any results. Max, do you have any child-safe stories? What sort of rings do you have?

MaxDigga, digga, digga, digga. Washington Post. The meeting was supposed to be about hurricane preparedness.

Speaker ABecause I know that there's rings that are for dudes. There's dude rings. There are dude rings and there are dude patches. There are?

AlexYeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker AReally? Well, it's for her pleasure.

MaxWashington Post. Digga, digga, digga. Sex toys. The meeting was supposed to be about hurricane preparedness as disaster officials gathered at the Federal Emergency Management Agency headquarters days after the start of the 2018 season, but President Trump had a lot else on his mind, turning the closed... Challenge. Host a sex toy party. Oh!

AlexWe could get Erica Moen? Oh my God. I'm sorry. Go on, Max. What about the Trump? Go on, Max.

MaxTrump. What? But President Trump had a lot else on his mind, turning the closed-door discussion into soliloquies on his prowess in negotiating airplane deals, his popularity, the effectiveness of his political endorsements, the Republican Party's fortunes and vagaries of Defense Department purchasing guidelines, his dislike of magnetized launch equipment on aircraft carriers, his unending love of coal, and his breezy optimism about his planned Singapore summit with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. Quote, so he's at FEMA meeting about hurricanes to plan this year's hurricane season. He says, quote, we

saved $1.6 billion on Air Force One, he said. Can you believe it? I got involved in the negotiations. The press refuses to report that, but that's okay. People are really surprised. Military officials have not been able to explain where Trump got such a figure. A Defense Department official told Bloomberg News this year that the department had no information to back up that claim. He then complained that the military was too frequently buying new and, in his view, unnecessary equipment, citing aircraft technology as an example. Quote, part of it is they want to have all new. Instead of having the system that throws the aircraft off the ship, which was always steam, he said, they now have magnets.

They're using magnets instead of steam. They spend hundreds of millions of dollars. I'm hearing not great things about it. It's frankly ridiculous. The room did not respond to his assessment.

AlexAre you following the whole Korea thing?

MaxYeah, I actually think it's a pretty good outcome, honestly. I mean, I think not because of any strategy or qualities of the Trump administration.

AlexJust because nothing happened. It was the best possible outcome. No, no, it's actually good.

MaxI mean, I think in general, I think it's good to get Kim Jong-un to the negotiating table. Like, why not? I don't I this whole there's a kind of a whole liberal backlash of people like he's disrespecting the flag by having it next to the North Korean flag. It's like go fuck yourself. That's what Republicans said for eight years. When Obama went to Cuba, they said the same thing. He's disrespecting the flag. It's like now we I have no it's positive to have diplomacy is good. I mean, I wish do I wish I wish it was someone competent. I wish it was someone who didn't have like a soft boiled egg for a brain.

But Trump also stopped war games on the Korean Peninsula, which is also very positive. Like the United States should spend less money on ridiculous like maneuvers preparing for a land war in Asia that we're never going to have. Like we it's just we shouldn't be doing these things. So I don't think Trump do I think Trump thinks that we should have stop war games in the Korean Peninsula for the same reason that I think or the correct reason. No, I think he I think he missed or magoed himself into a pretty good outcome here. But I'm not going to. I mean, it's pretty it's all things considered. It's pretty good, honestly.

AlexI feel like everyone was on a low-level anxiety the whole time, and then afterwards we were kind of like, oh, okay, all right. And it's exactly what she said. It's just he accidentally didn't cause any problems. It was very exciting.

MaxI think it's a good outcome. I mean, we'll see. They agreed. I guess the North Koreans agreed to some kind of denuclearization, which I don't know if this is true, but someone on Twitter said they've previously agreed to denuclearization like 12 times in the past. So who knows if it'll stick or if they're telling the truth or whatever. But I agree. It's not a calamity. I actually think it's good that I think someone needs to break the taboo of like meeting with the North Koreans. Some some someone had to do it. Someone with no shame. Yeah. It might as well be Trump who has no dignity. Right. Obama would have gotten fucking killed if he met with Kim Jong-un.

It was I'm sure it was not even on the table politically because it would have been such a disaster for him to do it. and uh yeah i'm glad trump did it like he he that man has no no dignity he's not smart enough to know what the costs and benefits are so i'm glad it was him and maybe the next time we have a president who can actually has two brain cells to rub together they'll they'll actually be able to make a deal with north korea to get what everyone what everyone needs done tiff do you watch the

Alextony awards no okay well i don't but i do know about them okay i'm going to i ask because i just made the maybe unfair assumption that max did not watch them but you know uh dira robert de niro said fuck trump and maybe it was all part of why did he have to use profanity though but that's the thing why was it maybe it was all part of the convoluted scheme of like okay nothing bad happened so let's distract him with something unimportant like what if what if there's a secret underground society like i wish merlin was here he could back me up with q anon

oh wait they're the ones under the ice caps right i think so yeah yeah okay almost certainly they're taking care of the turtle whose name is turt reynolds

Speaker Aturt reynolds is pretty good that's probably our title i'm awake i'm alert i worked out this morning i smoothed i sat around a kind of impromptu pta meeting it was very weird i don't know i got something happened it was like all the ladies what are what are your duties on the on the pta i don't know i avoid the pta i'm like anti-pta

Maxi've asked i have other parents who are very involved in their kids like schools and they always have to do fundraisers in chicago public schools you're constantly fundraising and for this or that and i and i'm like well why don't you just not do it like it seems like a pain in the ass like why don't you just not do it and they're like well we would be like completely ostracized from the community and like the teachers would be mad at us it's totally fine turns out yeah

Speaker Ai'm fine i'm living my best life good good advice podcasting talking about dear nuva rings so much better than worrying about the superintendent

Alexyou know what i really like is that the current male birth control that's in uh it's still in

Maxtrials but it's called go low that's not good when they go when they go high we go

AlexNo, I feel like men don't often go low enough. And, you know, I just I like the name.

Speaker ANo, I think that that's going to imply that, you know, they're losing something like a Downingwood situation.

AlexThey are indeed losing their sperm, but they have to they might since they don't have sperm, they might as well go low on their ladies.

Speaker AThere's a housing development near us called Downingwood. I'm like, why?

AlexSudden Valley.

Speaker Asounds like a salad dressing but i just don't want to eat it

Maxwe saw one in florida one time called journey's end oh and i i always i always thought yeah i always thought i should remember that the next time i'm arguing with my parents i'll be like

Speaker Ado you guys want to wind up at journey's end or downingwood downingwood for all those lonely old men they've gone low oh god but no they should think of a better name if they want to encourage

Maxmen to take the birth control birth control that what would you call it it would be like an energy beverage it would be like a green pill and it would be like monster birth control or oh shit you know what okay hang on now you know sometimes we have really good business ideas on dubai friday and then we don't pursue them i i have one that it's almost too good of an idea that i don't want to say it but what about a what about a gaming male birth control it's for gamers go on no it's

Speaker AWait, are you gamifying birth control?

MaxNo, it's a birth control that's marketed towards male gamers. It's like a tactical gaming birth control. It's like if you really want to commit yourself to getting those six, sick, no-scope 360 headshots, you've got to get rid of everything else in your life and have pure chi to focus on the Call of Duty.

Speaker AWhat is happening?

Maxit's a gamer it's a male birth control for gamers no but what are they birth controlling against it's not that well gamers drink energy beverages gamers drink energy beverages

Alexyou think they're working out fair fair but we they buy they buy tactical i also don't think

Maxthat they're having any sex to worry about their birth control they buy they buy tactical backpacks and knives and they're not they're not surviving in the woods i think they're their own birth

Alexcontrol honestly no here's what needs to happen it needs to be marketed to like pickup artists and and then they're they're gonna go out at the bar and be like hey hey baby i'm on go low and there's got to be a marketing campaign that like suddenly sperm is bad because it you know or or or you need to take this birth control because it it um like having less sperm will eventually make it more powerful when you do want to spread your seed and reproduce i do don't you think that's the issue

with male birth control is lots of guys will lie about being on it yes i mean yeah yeah but yeah

Maxyeah it should make your eyebrows fall off or something like it should have some other side

Speaker Aeffect like maybe they can oh it's like when a kid pees in the pool and it turns like tea like yes green or something all around them or red or whatever it is oh red no what i'm

Alexthinking is like oh no no oh yeah hey timmy you become a woman you know how they can take the

Maxthe phosphorescent like glowing gene out from like one of those fish and they can put it in a monkey yes what if it makes make a glowing monkey yeah yeah what if it like makes you glow when you take it or something just what if it only makes a certain part of you glow that's what i'm going

Alexlike just your balls yeah oh my god that'd be so cool it'd be like a little chandelier for your

Speaker Ayou know between your legs but that's the thing like like the whole day getting hard it's almost

Alexlike a little it is it's it's like a uh like you've you've reached a save point it's like hello

Speaker Ano need for night lights

Alextiffany arment it was your challenge this week it sure was it sure was okay oh no you don't

Speaker Aunhappy i had a great time i had so much fun did you get one uh i sure got one what did you get i got

Alexoh hold on

Speaker Aare you bringing the whole thing in you could just bring the pamphlet

Alexyours got a pamphlet uh yeah i i bought mine used on amazon because i figured used you brought a used you to did you wash it uh i tried but there's a lovely dent on the back

Speaker Ait's like you bought a used rotisserie oven i did these things they only last like four rotisseries

Alexis that their cycle like oh how do you know when it's how do you know when it's broken when it stops rotating okay so i got the NutriChef that's all it says that's what i have but i have the pkrtvg 65bl i i think on amazon it was called uh used rotisserie quality

Speaker Awhy would you buy that why would you read that sentence and say yes put into my cart i would like that to arrive where i am i am i would just be like no get it further away from me that's

Alexhorrible as it's sitting in my lap and my arm is inside of it wait what no okay that's why you had a bad time don't put your arm in it i didn't when it was i did not when it was on put it on your lap i just put my chicken in my lap i'm like okay go go i was able to turn it uh or plug it in and turn it on but nothing moved there was no spinning there was no like it made a creaky sort of noise as well not that loud but like

did it just fall apart into a million pieces no it that happened long ago what is that thing this is what the chicken goes into i think there's no way you could cram a chicken into this

Speaker Ado you know that's for like pieces that's for like bits and pieces here wait i have the manual

Alexi'll show you it looks like a coffee roaster that yeah no that's what everyone thought it was that and they're like oh is Alex getting into coffee I'm like no I'm getting instead no I'll

Speaker Ashow you the bits and pieces that are supposed to go into that basket because that's what the manual says but I can't distinguish quite what they are I'm gonna send it into this did yours come with thread yes what is that springy string there's they're kind of like bungee strings it's to tie the legs of the chicken so they don't flop around when they're spinning no mine are

Alexminor oh no they're a little bit they're a little bit springy okay how is this how is this used you

Maxbought you bought used chicken tie don't touch them alex i'm a little bit did i smell dr don please please write in and say whether alex should should handle these used chicken ties

Alexthat she got on ebay not ebay i think you need to go and take a bath throw away throw it away It was an Amazon authorized reseller. Like the Tongs speary things are clean, but they just, okay. Well, I clearly, much like the Dr. Don challenge, did some things terribly wrong.

Like why is there, Max, there's a disc. What is this? Do you have a disc, Tiff?

Speaker ALike the plastic one? That's the stand so you can stand it up while you impale your kill.

AlexMine says do not use inside rotisserie. Yeah, you don't put the...

MaxIt just holds the sword up while you put your... While you put the raccoon on the sword.

AlexOkay, yep. And there are just some loose screws in here. No. Okay. So I tried.

Speaker AYou should have... I think we have the same one based on the picture, but you have the black version. I got the really cool blue version, and also it was new. I could have helped you. I know where all those screws go.

AlexI got a little, well, what I liked about that is that the screws didn't even come in, like, I expected maybe a Ziploc bag or something. I don't expect them to be in, like, a vacuum-sealed type thing, but they were just in it. As well as a little thing that says rotisserie and barbecue that's, like, shaped like a boot if you stand it up straight. Do you have that as well? maybe not a boot but like a i'll send a picture of the super secret text channel uh but yeah i

plugged it in it made noises and then i could not oh see if i had a manual i probably could have it probably could have googled it but i'm not gonna say that um huh oh i see okay well i'm definitely missing that piece like the the big piece that goes on top of the chicken after you've

Speaker Astabbed it that is oh you don't have the other side of the drum i do not nope so there's not like two metal discs did you find it uh yeah but it's do you have meat available to be cooking on the air can we can we talk you through this and get you something i'm so afraid well the thing is

Alexhave i don't have any meat which i tried that was that that was why alex this is why you're failing

Speaker Ano okay a thousand pieces with no manual and you don't have any

Alexthe thing was it was it was very late last night i was in the office trying to start just start somehow and i almost texted texted our friend chef aaron to be like how how how do work uh but i'm like no i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this on my own i'm gonna figure i just wanted the little spear to rotate and i couldn't i am a smart capable woman and i'm capable of conquering this mechanical device and i'm just stuck here with my little boot in my hand and uh yeah so

i gotta i don't think it's a full peanut butter but but maybe like a 75 percent peanut butter because I made a purchase, but...

MaxYou got the machine. You just didn't use it.

AlexI plugged it in. I used it, and then I plugged it in and watched it get warm, and that was about it. How about you, Max?

MaxI just peanut buttered. I didn't do anything for this challenge. I remember it on... Probably on Monday night, I was like, ooh, I really should have bought a rotisserie.

Speaker AYou were sending bitmojis of you eating rotisserie food for like a week. It threw you off the scent.

Maxi'm the only one who wrote i feel like such a chump i'm a chump i i i i my my week was too crazy i couldn't do it uh but uh i've totally been catfished right i've been catfished on the

Speaker Arotisserie situation but here's the other thing here's the other thing is like the kids do to each other get each other to buy rotisseries here's the just laugh jokes on here's the other

Maxproblem with the rotisserie is you had a delicious dinner you'd suck here's the other problem with rotisserie is that you can either get like an extremely cheap one and then just use it once for comedy purposes or you can get like a nice one that will that will actually work and i and like i don't want to buy the cheap one that won't work and i also don't want to buy the expensive

Alexone that will work well exactly i did not want to contribute i'm like i'm definitely gonna throw this throw this away afterwards so i bought a used one because i didn't want to i i thought the same thing about the scoot scoot and now it's a permanent member of the family but yeah this thing I don't know. It just like looks dangerous.

Speaker AOkay, listen. I have been to the mountain and I come back bearing the good word of the rotisserie. What rotisserie did you get? I think I got the exact same one as Alex but blue and new. Okay. So it had all of its pieces. How much was it? It was like $114. I moved

Maxto calling a board meeting of the Dubai Friday board members move to enter new business and bring it to the table. I would like to reimburse Tiff for the full cost of a rotisserie machine. All in favor, please say aye. Aye. All against. All abstaining. Let the record show that Merlin is not here. He probably would have said nay, though. The motion passes 2-0. Tiff, Alex, someone will send you

a check for the rotisserie.

Speaker AAnd I will send you delicious cooked rotisserie meats because it came out awesome dr don can we eat that write us it

Maxuh you you're wait so it was really what did you make what was it was it good well yeah i made a

Speaker Achicken and i dry brined it and the first time that i ever dealt with like an entire chicken i just left it in the kitchen i went into the bathroom and cried because it freaked me out that it had like feather bits on it and stuff and it was horrible it looks a little bit like it's a little bit like hops oh no they're just so fleshy are you never are you never petting your cat and

Maxyou like look at the like leg joint and you're like this is more or less a chicken like i could probably figure out how to break up break apart this cat i i actually i could break down this

Alexyeah i kind of look at myself and i'm like i wonder if the apocalypse comes because you know dogs like hops wouldn't eat you tiff but your cat if you had a cat it would probably consume you protect us the exactly our our cats would hide and then eventually um you know consume our flesh and i'm like i wonder do they want like the meat or do you want the fat no i could no would you

Speaker Aeat hops if he was about to eat me yes if he was going crazy and was ready to eat me it's like if it's me or you i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm a survivor what can i say i mean if he was coming after me

Alexwith like a fork and knife yeah i don't really eat them what about adam i again yeah

Speaker Ato get me i would eat them yes i would eat anything that attacked me

Alexyou heard it here first folks

Speaker Ano because it's not gonna happen but yes i will survive and i will eat whatever all right whatever challenges me but i felt that's how i felt about this chicken i'm like I am medieval chicken torture. Like I just got it on the spike and I pushed the things all in, or maybe a chicken dominatrix. I don't know, but it was like, I had the power. Was it good?

Well, once it was all cooked, yeah, I did like a dry rub situation. I did. It was good. Now, it was great. It took like an hour and a half. Do you like, do you get a rotisserie chicken at the grocery store? Yes, but it doesn't taste as good as the one at home. It's way cheaper.

MaxAs the one at home.

Speaker AYeah. It didn't taste as good as the one at home. Interesting. Because that one was cooked like hours and hours and hours ago. This one was like ready for dinner. Had it cooking for an hour and a half. It was delicious. It was moist.

MaxHave you read about the culture of people who go to Costco and they wait for the bell to ring? That means that they're putting out rotisserie chickens and then they rush over to the meat department to get a fresh rotisserie chicken. Yeah, they do that with donuts too, don't they?

AlexYeah, they do it with the bread. People just running around looking for bells and fresh food.

MaxThat's pretty sad. What kind of a life is that? That you're at Costco waiting for a bell to ring so you can get a freshly cooked chicken? Right, go home and cook your fresh chicken yourself. Now, tell me about rotisserie versus oven roasted. I mean, is the rotisserie really doing anything here?

Speaker AYeah, because you're getting all sides of the chicken.

AlexBut isn't that what a convection oven is?

Speaker ANo, because it's sitting. It's sitting in something. So, like, you have all the, it's going around. Oh, it's just very good.

AlexWhy don't we do this with, like, all things then?

Speaker AWell, they. I have a pork loin plan for tonight. So, we'll see how that goes.

MaxSo the rotisserie, it's actually going to become part of the kitchen arsenal?

Speaker AI think after the pork loin, it's done because I've only bought two meats for it. But I think it might just break, honestly. Because it was struggling with that chicken. It was pretty heavy.

AlexI mean, mine sure did.

Speaker AI maxed out the capacity of this oven with this one chicken. I had to tie down its little wings so it wouldn't brush the sides. I wouldn't want...

MaxI'm staring at Alex's here, and I would not want to clean this. I would not want to wash the raw chicken off of all the little folds and facets of this thing.

Speaker ANo, there was a drip plate that you put underneath, and it caught all the stuff. I did get the drip plate. It's like a George Foreman situation. And then you just take that out, and that was it. And I did a little wipe down, and it was fine. This is making me want to eat chicken.

MaxMm-hmm.

AlexOh, this is not clean.

Speaker AHere, I'll send you pictures of my finished chicken.

MaxPlease do. Yeah, I'll send you all the pictures.

AlexI'm actually surprised at how clean this used little tray is, including the grate is completely cleaned. What's this for? You know, the like metal thing, the little metal shelf type thing that isn't, I think it's a shelf.

Speaker AOh, you can turn it into a toaster oven too.

AlexOh, this has changed the game.

Speaker ASend it to Syracuse.

MaxI know.

Speaker AIt's not a unitasker. It's a multitasker.

AlexI think we have a friend who might be interested in a used rotisserie slash toaster oven.

MaxOnly ovens. Only ovens. You can gift it. We gift it. Never slot toasters. Always ovens.

AlexAlways oven. Always be ovening. I have to say, I'm very impressed.

MaxHere comes a lot of chicken pictures. Oh, oh, I'm so excited. Here comes chicken. It does look good and crisp. Yeah, it was good.

AlexDo you have any pictures of when it still looked like a puppy?

Speaker AUm, yeah, I think so.

AlexI want to see the dead puppy yesterday.

MaxWhat's this business at the end here? The little nail coming out of its foot.

Speaker AHere, I'm really sorry for this next one. Alex asked for it. This is after it's been dry brined.

AlexOh, no! Yeah, that looks awesome. Oh, that looks like Trump's brain. It's just, oh, God.

MaxSo you do a dry brine and then you rinse it off. I didn't rinse it. All the brine in the... Was too salty?

Speaker Awhy were you supposed to have rinsed it then i think i maybe i just i was perfectly amount of

Maxsalted i don't know you did the so it's inside the skin um on top on top yeah oh my god i didn't want to break the skin off the oh you gotta get your hand you gotta get your hand all up in there no i when we do the turkey i do a dry brine on the turkey every year and then i smoke it and the i will get i am up to my elbow in turkey i am all up in the turkey's guts I am all the way in there

Speaker AThere was one little tiny hole on the side That like I poked some in with my finger

MaxI didn't go any further Than what the hole was like

Speaker AWas it the cavity? No no no Like literally like on the side of its leg There was like a tiny opening in the skin And you can get to like some of the little fleshy bits So I'd like just poke my finger You have to peel the skin back very gently

MaxAll in one piece You go careful, careful, careful, peel, peel, peel And then you get your fingers in there and you work it in with a little bit of the salt and you get the salt and you go and then you bring the skin back over and you pat it down. Gentle, easy, don't break the skin.

Speaker ASee, I'm on the vegetarian fence right now. Oh, God. All right, that's probably the after show.

Show notes

Transcript

83. Slutty Deers

Show notes

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